Tuesdays with Stories! - #442 Volley Vent

Episode Date: March 8, 2022

Weeeeee Hooooo, we're back baby and we're giving our Mt. Rushmore of stand ups and hearing Joe's night with Chris Rock at the Comedy Cellar and Mark's hot mic moment in Columbus. Check it out! Check out our NEW MERCH STORE here! New designs and items! https://tuesdayswithstories.bigcartel.com/ Sponsored by: Lucy (Support the show and get 20% Off with the code TUESDAYS at https://Lucy.co), BetterHelp (Support the show and get 10% off your first month of online therapy at BetterHelp.com/Tuesdays), Express VPN (Support the show and get 3 months free by visiting ExpressVPN.com/Tuesdays), Sheath (Support the show and get 20% off with the code TUESGAYS at HTTPS://SheathUnderwear.com) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show A WEEK EARLY, WEEKLY bonus stuff, and more! www.patreon.com/tuesdays Subscribe to our YouTube channel here: https://youtube.com/c/TuesdayswithStories

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hey folks welcome to Tuesdays with stories I'm Alan Arkin and that is Marty McFly and we're both yeah yeah I'm hungover pushing through in a wild week carefully got a pair of panties coming out of your doctor's coat

there was my aunts boy a lab coat really goes a long way you put a lab coat on a guy and you'll believe anything they say is that a lab coat no he said doctor's coat maybe think of it oh I see yeah I suppose so oh my god they're there they just look like they run the joint it's a weird thing about a lab coat though it's like so there's no real doctor uniform other than the coat what is the coat rub and scrub no that's a nurse or a surgeon but like a doctor comes in he's wearing slacks and a tie that's just a dumb like oh he's got the same coat as the the photograph guy at Walmart yeah and the butcher and the butcher what's

going on and the butler what's the candlestick maker working over there this there in the back scaring kids they got welding to do and metal I picture it like ghost oh the potpourri pottery yes the the the wheel never cared about that I didn't get it I didn't think it was sexy and I think it was fun I was a child that's girl porn yeah and it was Swayze and who was whoopie Goldberg oh no it's to me we're not hating the Jews here to me yeah it's not about race appropriation yes the name Goldberg I know which is already a wrestler and then there we think we might we talk about this it's a little old news they're

literally like they're like hey are you Jewish and she's like would you ask me that if I was white but you're like but you're not Jewish yeah I know it's a it's like when Kevin Spacey like purple-nurple to 14-year-old he's like I'm gay yeah we know but you touched a kid it's like what shows you how many things of gays by the way I other touches like that's the explanation of my criminal hood right right okay you know these gays are the criminals I tried that as a comic where I'd say an offensive joke I'm like I'm autistic that was my move right that autism went way up me and Shelby were talking about

Down syndrome has gone downs and autism went up well autism I don't buy it I mean there's people that are like spectrum it's all spectrum someone has a joke about it I forget whose joke it is but like well everyone's on the ruby Matt Ruby's spectrum yes that's Ruby yeah because I know a couple people in my life I don't want to name names or point fingers but they're like yeah I'm autistic and I'm like how so what do you mean right and the evidence and I got a friend he's got a brother-in-law who is like I did like autistic classic oh really where when he meets you he asked you when you were born and he says the

day of the week oh you were born 1983 he knows all the days he's a rain man yes exactly and you know he'll be like you know masturbating at McDonald's or something because he doesn't know social whatever yeah and then I'm with a person hanging out for six hours and they're like oh by the way I'm autistic like what no you can't spot it you don't got it right that's what I say I like it yeah autism I want to drop some matchsticks and get a count yeah exactly 82 82 82 246 total oh yeah you're awkward oh we're all awkward yeah the club we're dealing with comedians why Shelby you autistic you're saying he's saying no that one I

don't buy I think you've definitely jerked it at a McDonald's in the ball pit come on I think you're incorrect about that oh yeah but anyways maybe just I think that's a lot of things people are like that guy I think that guy's autistic right maybe doesn't like you yeah exactly everyone likes each other trying to get away from you wait I had a thing ass burgers what's that one is that different ass burgers is different but I think it's all pipes now I don't know it's all if you blink a couple times right Simonson has that great joke with his joke his joke is about the woman he

meets the woman being like I think you're autistic and he's like she knew me five minutes just took a stab no doctor I can't do the joke so well you know got the delivery yeah yeah but well I you know what's good about obesity that's apparently a disease which is a weird thing to say it's a disease like when they say alcoholism is a disease you know it's like that norm joke is like well it's a great disease I get drunk and meet a girl and fucker I don't do they say obesity is a disease I think it's a disease I don't know about that well everything's a disease now but he's in Zari I like what I like about obesity

it's the only disease that I can spot if somebody's got cancer you get me unless they got the shaved head but the first day of cancer they look normal I don't know AIDS I'm spotting AIDS all over you got the yellow skin the skinny Shelby's got it magic Johnson clean as a whistle I blow him that's HIV what's the difference HIV is hard to spot AIDS is coke and Pepsi if you cut yourself bleeding you bleed out you know ribs coke and Pepsi no it's like it's coke and orange juice grapefruit juice whatever sucks apples and oranges AIDS is bad okay AIDS is bad I've heard that but I'm just saying Johnson Charlie Sheen you

got AIDS now you're cruising yes HIV they're different it's like saying cancer and COVID no that's a different ballpark this is to it they both these are the ladies HIV and AIDS well they're married but so are you know Camille and Bill aren't living the same kind of lifestyles that's true you know true I don't know if any of this makes sense is that the Cosby wife Cosby my wife Camille Camille you put the pudding in the pop I loved Cosby I watched the video the movie the W. Camille Bell made the video there the movie and this is some of the interesting stuff I don't know I just had autism for a second I couldn't say

interesting mmm but there's some good stuff in there but it just made you like that Cosby's the greatest this the part of the movie I'm watching it being like oh wow he's a terrible rapist but quite a entertainer well he was America's daddy the number one sitcom all time he was the best comedian for like two three decades yeah everybody loved him Seinfeld and all the black comics looked up to him changed the game I'm sure we talked about this let's just dabble in it we did it once before in a bonus give me a rush more four faces only comedy I hate the rush hit me a rush more I like a five I'm like what about a rush more the

fifth cuz I got five guys five good burger yeah all right let's see well everybody's different cuz it hits you I'm saying yours give me give me you know Stephen Hawking's rush more give me yours well we do he can't get up there but we do all the goats oh he's the goat he's the goat there's too much goat cuz you can't be calling everybody the goat goats a new buzzword hey go learn it they all use it and it's just ridiculous it's a subjective art form I get if you're like Jordan's the goat sure that I'll allow but I'll tell you Andrew Schultz is the goat you're like well all right we got 800 comics here well it's like

everything words just lose meaning people throw words around like autism and then all of a sudden it doesn't mean anything yes exactly racism you're like what racism I thought that was like spit on a guy's face skin color don't come around here now it's like you know you shook hands for too short a period of time or whatever your fist bumped a guy and you're like well they didn't whatever yeah the 90s when you're like that guy's racist you're like holy shit is that right now you're like he's racist you know let me read the article yeah it's a little yeah that's that's one and I'm like because now we have this I mean

now we're off to a different topic but like we have the same word for people that'll like get out of here and words you're not allowed that's the same word right for a guy who's like best man is white yeah why are we conflating these I know I'm in family photos now with all my white relatives I'm like we're gonna get in trouble piece of shit I know it's true it's true we throw the word we go all the way to the top it's like hey this guy's a Nazi and you're like well he's a Jew and they go right well we have to have some meaning here yes and then what's weird like nobody called whoopee a Nazi did they like that's more

Nazi-ish than Ari hmm ours been called a Nazi but he's clearly looks like Jewish propaganda yeah he's not a Nazi no he's not a lot of things no but he stinks but yeah all right so give me the rush all right well everybody's different on mine is a it's not prefacing okay give your opinion your opinion matters oh thank you you'll have groucho marks George Carlin we're talking stand up here okay stand up because I got Bill Murray on there too oh I'm gonna go here good comedy no stand up comedy what happens there stand up I rush more stand up comedy okay we'll go stand up yeah stand up what are we assholes what are you

putting the fucking Tina Fey in there like to rush more all right George Carlin 90s Chris Rock Seinfeld just for the influence Norm MacDonald that's for you're out oh I'm out you hit the wall there's my rush all right I'm going Johnny Carson Bob Hope hey whoa whoa what are we doing here it's a bit all right it's a bit will Ferrell Dylan all right I got mine's tricky cuz I want the fifth can't we just add a five to you take a five give me a fifth whiskey I'll probably say Bill Burr Bill Burr over Louie yeah Louie over yeah I mean this is gonna be the whole episode yeah yeah now Louie's Louie's the goat let's

see it's tough it's very tough yeah Louie and Burr yeah it's great stuff Louie's more thoughtful but Burr will really attack a subject he's got it I mean Louie has so much too but here's what's great about Burr I feel like pound-for-pound Louie's probably a better writer and comedian this is all I feel horrible saying all this but Bill Burr you put him on a podcast he kills it I don't know about Louie killing on a podcast but we're talking stand up okay we're gonna never got to do a podcast that's true it he did the couch a few times and it wasn't pretty no no he's not a pretty guy now comedy isn't pretty

Steve Martin ah not on the rush all right I'll go Louie what's I said I'll go Lou my I got I got the three blacks Cosby prior rock now wait Bell Cosby prior Kevin Hart cat Williams shit maybe there's only one of sites only two blacks my caps oh wait when I thought three I thought like those big three from Bruce Bruce earthquake will kill my rush more will fall apart that's true good point he's underrated by the way earthquake killer the wrestler killer comic no no the the black comedian I gotta check him out I don't know any no earthquake great stuff good writing good takes he a Chappelle just got him

especially is producing it I'll check it out I'll be sure to see it well overdue oh you know as great as Bernie Mack is hilarious Bernie Mack sure but I mean we're talking rush not a rush just throwing it out there what a honorable bench but the big the big three to me are those all those three origin e guys to me which Cosby never gets put on the list to me Cosby prior Carlin even before nobody respected I've got what I mean you were there we've gotten like fist fights with people about Cosby being like number one no one ever says number one they say prior or Carlin everyone right prior Carlin prior early prior he

was doing Cosby that's true yeah and Cosby remain I mean like himself is amazing 49s amazing those old albums are amazing yeah special we never get to see which sucks oh yeah me central thing yeah sure it's a sleeper but anyways I got those three and woody no love for woody woody so influential his he's the only guy from the 60s who stand up really holds up still evergreen and if I'm adding a fifth it's gonna be Louie I guess sure but if you're only four I'm like maybe I get rid of Cosby maybe it's Carlin prior woody Louie but I only got one black and it does feel misrepresented because of how good these

guys are and then by the way Patrice is right up in another no ladies by the way we should throw in a gal here now I mean I'm sorry and it's not it's because of society that women they just didn't get to flourish until much later I mean this same with Asians same with gay yeah I guess it just wasn't I don't know what happened there but there is no feel I feel bad saying it because I love women and women are great whatever but there's just no woman that's worthy of those top five spots I mean who do you even say right a lot of people say Ellen but you're like what does she have she had one great special two great specials and

then they got Joan who's revolutionary and she had balls and she went she pushed it and she was doing stand-up till the day she fucking died in Vegas yeah so I like that so Joan's gonna be up there but still she's not cracking Cosby prior Carlin Woody or Louie to me sure well Joan hilarious funny jokes edgy fun stuff but she was like you never go oh my god a bit blew my mind with Joan yeah I really would think of one norm you're like oh my god I never thought about it like that and then you know Stan Hope is great too there's so many Geraldo is great sure so many fun Stephen Wright is amazing Quinn Quinn I love gotta get the

Quinn yeah kill him softly is something special so yeah cat Williams is funny yeah you could you could do this all we got we got a good batch here Americans are very funny yeah we're very good the Brits yikes I'll tell you I saw this guy Russell Howard the other day I didn't see him but I saw him in the lineup funny guy killer stuff wow alright cute as a button put him on your Rushmore um no thank you who's the best gay comic of all time let's see hmm Sam Merrill I don't know that's tough maybe it's Ellen oh yeah I have to be Ellen Ellen's funny Kathleen Madigan is she a les now I think so oh boy I want to edit that one

she's a killer home I feel like this is too comedy centric I know but every time we say that they all email go I got we loved it I was fascinating all my fathers tits are swollen sure well hey one of my Mount Rushmore guys had a little running with you let's hear about that well last night this is very excited but this feels so inside and now this is a deep oh this is lunch and it feels like whatever but so I go to the view last I had one of these why I had four spots last night and which is tricky because they're all right on top of each other sure I got 845 at the village underground which is no that's a

primo it's a nice spot but they're they tell you 845 it's actually 850 usually behind then I have a 930 at the stand okay which is a little tricky because if it's running on time 905 then you get to the stand which is a little tricky it's about 14 blocks or so or I guess it's 12 blocks but then three over it's a tight squeeze I usually do the lift which gets you down to like nine minutes which is pretty good yeah yeah so I got those so that's on my mind you know me I'm just stressed I'm like shit I hate having a spot on top of a spot then at the stand I got 930 down closing the downstairs show and then opening the second downstairs

show got it 930 1015 then I'm on a produced show upstairs Pierce Mortensen nice guy handsome fella great guy good egg sexy accent so he's got me and I go well I got it's a little tricky because I get off stage at 945 seemingly if it's not behind which was downstairs and I gotta be back on stage at 1015 so I have a little window yeah so I kind of have to get off stage there and come up and go on your show whatever's happening sure so it's all a lot of stress and I shot a short film yesterday yeah with Katie Hannigan and Mike Vecchione wonderful good actors they really memorized this thing yeah it's very exciting keep an eye

out for that is your your short is out the NYU one is that on YouTube I don't think it's out yet we're gonna get old that the gays are clamoring yeah I'll get it to you Mariano don't go is that fun to say don't go down on me I wish if I could be anything any other ethnicity besides white I go Latino really South American Latino you get a little flavor and you're not super dark and women are just into women are like oh they have this you say South American guy to a woman she goes she perks Brazilian whoa they ooze sexuality and Brazilian people have the best complexion it's almost as mocha, caramel-y skin tone it's just perfect yes well they have the skin tone we're trying to get when we go to the beach right

yes exactly you got the pale Irish Mick who's horrific and see the veins going through his cheek and he's all blotchy and then you go all the way to Nigeria and you got my my soul is black as night and then the Brazilian right in the middle yeah nice very very nice thing and just the flavor that sounded more like Caribbean whatever Caribbean but anyways Mariano don't go fun to say brilliant young filmmaker we talked movies sometimes it's very exciting it's coming out somewhere I don't know what the hell goes on there but shot a little thing it's gonna be out at some point I don't know it probably sucks I suck there but so I did that all day and you know when you do something all day then you don't want to do anything else sure what am I an asshole

my farmer working two jobs here I know the farmers have two jobs I don't know I made that up well they got a lot of little jobs on the farm you know they got a till they got a soil they got a mo plow who's a tiller the hunt what's going on there I don't know what that is she killed someone she's a lady a tiller the hunt maybe it's a guy I assume guy just bad you know till the hunt it's like that guy's more evil than a till the hunt like I don't even know who that is I think hunn sounds like great hunn can you come over here and rape me it's like a diner waitress hey hunn plus a till a sounds lady like to me doesn't it till uh it's got the a with the feminine but I don't I picture like a scary guy and then I picture job of the hut I guess the hunt and the

hut for some reason ah what do you got on what do you got on hun he's a man and he's stuck right bad guy mean pillaged we gotta get a microphone on Shelby you know he talks a little less than the other guy no camera we like a chirp I love a chirp or a tweet every now and then sure uh till the hunt was bad I think uh the other guy was bad uh mongol mongolia mongol number five no don't know what's that guy's name the uh mariana don't go he was a big great guy genghis con oh god well isn't that the stat that like 40 percent of americans are related to con because he raped everybody yeah yeah he was good he was on tinder he was cleaning up I think it's like 58 percent of new yorkers or his son or something I don't know what the stat is I read it

on a popsicle stick once but yeah he's a con artist then this alexander the great who was he was gay and vicious he would like kill you and then fuck your ass I guess why don't the gays prop him up more well he's a famous gay in history I think it was a hunt I mean he wasn't a good guy he was great that's true I have a point there's a couple Stalin Mussolini I hear they're all bad uh Mao everybody hates Mao I did uh oh yeah Mao stinks oh yeah it's Mao or never Maui Kamau Kamau Bill there it is Cosby he's on the list now you got Hitler Cosby who do people talk about before Hitler they always prepare people to hitler oh that list I wasn't sure which list they mentioned this no no no no Cosby wouldn't make that list

that right now yikes have him fucking burning in the fire with his pudding pops you got that right uh moment any juice uh what were we talking about oh the Chris Rock so I get to the VU and uh I'm nervous because the time and then if you're off you're especially when you're going last on a show that you're just like sorry that show you have to end the show I'm not gonna be there if you're late you know what I mean so you didn't miss it well I'm sorry sorry I'm jumping so I get to the village underground and I see my old pal Greg Stone there he's great great to see the Stone Zone one of the funniest guys ever so I see him we chat we both shit we laugh Emmy Blotnick is on stage I love the Blot love the Blot and we talked about this you're gonna I think you're gonna

appreciate this that there's that spiritual thing when you hear somebody say something I said a comedian say a thing that you've thought about but never thought about making it a bit it's just the thing you've seen yes and she did a thing about these rich bros they always have a big watch that has like multiple times on it yes she's like one of those other times you know what I mean and I'm like oh yeah what is that what is that you see the why it's not time it's like other it's like three little ones depth and whatever yeah moon IP address so the ph balance who knows I have no idea I think that's what a hun does uh I'm hungry she said that and she said it funnier than I did but I was like that that feeling you can't describe it of like oh yeah what are those

totally I get that I feel that way Larry David when you watch the show and you're like oh I thought that and I never put it to paper or thought to make it funny but that's why it you know it's like he said you watch Goldman when you were younger you're like this is for me yes exactly I'm like how did he know that was gonna be hilarious to me I know it's pretty great and everybody else in the room obviously but you know what I mean you it's so personal you're like yes maybe that's why the lady's ladies out there like comedians because they're like I felt that that was big we're connecting well the best example of is a joke we talk about all the time one of my favorite bits ever is the Seinfeld bit about it seems like in the future we all just decide on an outfit from now on it's

given the silver suit with the V in the boots yep which is hysterical I told Derek that joke the day he was like dying for like 10 minutes that's from like 82 or whatever and what's amazing is no one can really point to what he's talking about what the show I guess maybe lost in space but you have all seen it but you still get it yes yes it's like I used to have a joke about uh putting the knife in the coke bag when the cops in the 80s in those movies they go it's pure yes and I don't know what movie I saw that in I don't know where that trope came from but everybody got it everybody does it happens in good fellas oh was that right the guy yeah puts it on his tongue it's pure old guy with the white he goes oh that's right you and Attica dread yeah yeah by the way

what's that Attica talk yikes good great oh I'll watch that yeah it's fantastic Attica the hunt yeah it was something else yeah Frank she was in the Attica give me so bad you can't you can taste it uh that was a fun one hey hey folks Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by Lucy look I'm no Desi Arnais but I don't mind I don't mind saying I love Lucy Lucy oh yeah Lucy is a modern oral nicotine company that makes nicotine gum, locenges and pouches for adults who are looking for the best most responsible way to consume their nicotine we're all adults here and some of us choose to use nicotine to relax focus or just unwind after a long day so when you feel a craving call up Lucy I got the gum the gum tastes great gives you a nice little kick I'm not an addict

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work a lot of us will drop anything to go help someone we care about we'll go out of our way to treat other people well but how often do we give ourselves the same treatment we've got to invest in ourselves too for me working out and buying some new sneakers is an investment in myself this month better help online therapy by the way people do not care for these sneakers this month better help online therapy wants to remind you to take care of your most important relationship the one you have with yourself wherever you go there you are that's what I always say I love therapy as you know we reference Alan we talk about Alan in this very episode I couldn't stop laughing he has changed my life for the better you got to get yourself a

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why over 2 million people have used better help online therapy Tuesdays with stories is sponsored by better help and listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com slash Tuesdays that's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash Tuesdays and now back to the show um so any tips i show up i see greg stone sypha sounds is hosting he's still on stage and it's that thing you know we got i hope this isn't too inside but you know you got to get out on time yeah and then you get down there at like 825 you're like the host is still on i know i know then you want to just throw the light on like a story of my life so he goes on to the lineup it's uh it's emmy who's hilarious great comic sure that's stone hilarious great lineup which are few and far

between these days i know and great hang by the so far yes great hang great lineup he goes on stone got a spit take out of emmy which is like you just get so jealous wow she was like like a save by the bell like went all over my face a spit take is uh is appropriate squirting you know it's like public squirting well you get a girl to do a spit take you're like that's a squirt in public and it's more real than an actual squirt they're pissing i don't know about that they piss i've gotten a real rooster tail going before well it's like a fountain in italy the fountain head i get i get moisture but spraying i think it's piss i don't know because i know piss you're talking about bed wetter i've been soaked in my own urine like r kelly and i uh i tell you i've eaten out a girl

and she and i you're telling me you know piss more than me i know nobody piss is no more than me i'm all you may do in the bed but i think you'll you'll give it to me piss and vinegar i'm 10 to one piss is to your piss i've drank piss all right you in the piss all right but she hit me in the face i did a little it's pure with the urine or with the squirt uh the squirt the squirt hit me and drag it tastes like urine no no you're everybody says it tastes nasty because i remember as you know my biggest fantasy is a reverse bukkak sure we all know that but it ain't a fresco i'm not saying it's refreshing i'm just saying it wasn't whiz but nobody pisses more than me i got a problem by the way squirt is a drink i just realized that um squirt box remember squirt

the can kind of i think you think of surge not give it a go to elbow i think there's a squirt out there i might be discontinued because of the uh sexual move but that was the thing when i was banging i kind of remember squirt squirt with lime yes ah isn't it a squirt of lime no i thought it was like seven up with a squirt of lime squirt of lime oh no you're thinking of a squeeze a squeeze i confused squeeze and squirt you got the sqw or you sq u squeeze and squirt that's a good doll yeah you got a little baby you squeeze it and squirts everywhere you know what i mean for reverse bukkakis i could get a bunch of babies baby bukkak i love it i could just be tapping them and having them spray everywhere yes there's betsy wetsy why not susie squirty

what's up with it what's up with betty white well you see that great why are we all obsessed with betty white what was the betty white thing who gives you you grew up with her she's 89 thousand years old you saw her on all she had brunette hair and then she had white hair she was she was the old lady on s l going put it in my ass everybody goes she's old this is hilarious i get it but it's like who gives a shit wow betty white everybody she died everyone's like oh betty she was on golden girls 48 years ago i had done for me lately i know i think it's just a way like let me say something i love betty white she died now i can talk i don't know you're making about you this is what i get upset about people like ages and the ageism is crazy like rbg has socks and ties

and a podcast betty white there's like posters of her they're dropping confetti into time square with betty white's face when she died i'm like i think ageism is out we like age age is good yeah i don't i don't get any of that shit i know this is 30 years old but the bernie sanders with the mittens i'm like all right i don't know is this the funniest thing you've ever seen i got it it's not that it's not hilarious yeah it's just betty okay betty white sure whatever fine okay i'm gonna still get him and myself stop for my mum will shoot yes remember that one was she a golden girl as well oh yeah yeah she was the old one she was the old one but i think she was the young one she was the played the old one but i believe she was the youngest one is that right that's one of

those snapple facts you hear yeah yeah i think they're all like 41 i know you look back life's like twice as old as the golden girls squirt so let me just get right through the story please please i'll just breeze right through this one so i get there it's stone blown emmy goes up then stone and then quinn is next it's quinn oh after stone after stone is quinn then me boy you're getting buried here so that's that's the lineup i'm all except but i'm like if everyone does their exact time then you're like maybe call will go along he's a legend you can't be upset about that but he's a studious courteous man and really you want to switch to give yourself the freedom to take a train but i'm like you can't ask calling quinn to switch that's not how it works oh no no no

even though we're quite close so he comes in you know he's i love calling we hug we catch up i blow him sure we're sitting there watching stone chatting and then who shows up oh rushmore himself he's bigger he's blacker he's bringing the pain never scared maybe you heard of him chris rock oh one of my heroes one of my faves big fan so he shows up you know when i started doing comedy every wednesday i did the chops lounge open mic i would watch bring the pain before heading into the city yes i could do it heart by heart heart by heart no that's not right by heart word for word ah there we are well done wordle so he comes in and you're excited to see chris rock that's exciting but not when you have another spot you're getting bump fatty

and so the managers they swarm over there because the cell they don't have to treat a account oh they love it like they came like like repelling in yeah yeah like when do you want to go on chris can we move your car can we blow you can we get you some wings battle stations so he says he goes i'll go after my old friend cq and they go ah and i go well and fuck that's it i guess i gotta leave so now i have this thing in my head where i'm like i gotta tell the managers of the seller who can be quite ball busting chair i gotta go listen you got rock i got a bell on my set because i got three other sets yep so i'm like i'm nervous i'm like i gotta go do that so i get up out of my chair and i hear oh shit joe list is here wow game drop this sounds this sounds like

i'm making this up it was like highlight of my career this is like a make-a-wish he goes joe list is here wow i watched this movie this guy's got a good movie calling you gotta see the movie oh he loved the movie he goes i don't want to bump joe list i'll go after joe list of my name three times i almost squirted wow he didn't want to bump me it was like the chappelle story oh yes you know the chappelle i love that story it was like uh you know chappelle didn't want to bump a telly goes i'll go up to a telly can't bump david tell oh i'm not saying i'm david tell it's pure respect but he goes i don't want to bump joe list i'll go after joe list wow well you got a zippy name too it's a fun name fun syllable double time fun to say i don't think we could say zip anymore nope

sorry slope manager comes over liz our friend and she goes so you where you're going after calling he goes now i'll go after joe list which was fun because you know liz is a ball bus oh she's a tough gun i go hey how about how do you like that and i said it'll be the big three yeah that's a classic good good classic by the way phil handley i've talked about it before the best going after a celebrity line ever because you always need something you gotta have a line he went off to ray romano then kevin heart and then phil handley went up and goes wow three in a row killed brilliant great comic i think he's still as covid by the way i think he's dead nah we chatted he's all right you saw yeah yeah yeah i finally got a cardigan on again but i will

say this please enough with the the big time in legend we get it enough with the uh get ready to have your expectations lowered i'm so sick of that line everybody uses it i get it you know you're gonna work on stuff so you want them down here and you're you're a famous guy but come on get a new one at least you're you're a writer you're a creative person can we get a new one you're right oh you'll think of something there you go cypher reference he's back that guy i know i love him he's on instagram as well tuesdays with facts or whatever so what's his face oh that was fun the tuesday i love the fun facts do our fans die or leave us what happens i think they get jobs and married who knows they move on they move out of the house they're men with jobs jerry so uh they

bring us water it's pretty good it's pretty good so so anyways he goes i'll go after joe list so i'm like he saved my ass yeah because i'm like oh my god this is amazing right so then quinn goes up so i'm sitting with rock watching uh it's me stone and rock we're watching quinn we're dying we keep doubling over that feeling because quinn is just the greatest and they're old friends we're old friends i mean if you call him old it's like the language thing are you in front of the hallway are you in the bench we're in there we're in the the comic seating area oh wow oh the v u yes got it got i was pitching the olive so we're in the corner there and we're doing this oh they're elbowing each other wow god this guy's the greatest what a moment and then because rocks going on they're

shooting a that mint comedy series sure sure they have like a time limit because that's a stream show so they have everyone go short and calling quinn ever the professional they give him the light he's right out what a pro which helped me so then i go on i do my side eight minutes because they're keeping it tight which is fun because you get chris rock watch and you go great i'll just do you know kill it the bangers yes i do eight he goes up then i'm in the backs talking to stone saying all these same things you're like isn't it exciting we know these guys oh my god this is amazing chatting with him chatting chatting chatting then i hear from the stage yeah joe list that joe list bit and i go oh shit hold on what he's saying my name wow come on i turn to

syphon i go what did he say and he goes out he's talking about your bit he's been riffing on your bit for like four minutes which is good in bed and then chris rock goes wow i just i just riff like four minutes off joe list bit oh so now i'm like what's that yeah yeah you're doing my stuff i'm kind of like wait what well it's not that he's doing my stuff but he took he's riffing on my premise i'm like if it's great he's gonna want to keep that i know i know now i'm gonna have the same premise as chris rock and you can't win against the rock he's the legend no you're the dweeb i can't even add what am i gonna do hey listen up there right exactly i'm apollo creed you know you're he's the victor you're the loser to the victor go the spoils to the victor goes the spoils

all right we're getting too deep with the refs so anyways so it made me like that's so exciting chris rocks mentioning my name he didn't want to bump me he knows who i am this is so exciting but i'm also like yeah shit yeah plus mine is just like a couple lines it ain't no three minute no first rock bit he's got a chunk now i'm gonna have to drop it or by the way there's no end to the story i don't know what's going on well we'll call in if you know rock or if you are rock but here's my thing if he takes the bit you got to get some compensation whether it's financial or he puts you in his next dumb movie or he puts you in the next whatever you're hoping for the on the road maybe yeah i mean sounds like he likes you i wouldn't be surprised if you're out there on the

theaters yeah maybe i'll get some leather pants oh women can't go down in lifestyle the big piece of chicken robert tussin that'll be fun shake it up more tussin but anyways that was a thrill then i shot over the stand made my set in time you were there you got that right boy what a great you like a mirage to see you over there what does that mean you know like when you see on your the desert you're really thirsty well i guess you're not a mirage but the excitement of the mirage but you're not a mirage sure sure all right you go oh my god water and you run to dive in it but then you're uh you know i'm an oasis is that the same thing i'm an oasis is the real thing yeah exactly you're an oasis yes good band great band oh you like them oh my god love the oasis

yeah hashtag you're a wild card i can never tell what you love and hate sometimes you're like oh they're the best and you're like uh pu and i'm like yeah i never know where you're gonna go oh a big oasis guy oh yeah well but now by the way uh null is like making music with like sound machines so i hope he does that shit i can't i can't abide by that that's stinky you put it on it's like oh what are you gonna cast the old brother you're like oh pick up a guitar null yeah you stink yeah yeah all right anyways null by the way grassy null oh yeah but now let me run this one null yeah nulla gay all right so was the a she hun oh a nulla is that a man or a woman no that's the name of the plane that went down i know that but they must have named it after somebody

i know it didn't go down it dropped the uh bomb didn't it oh maybe you're right wait that's Memphis bell all right this bell delivered i thought it was linberg's plane maybe that was linberg's i thought that was the spirit of st louis uh yeah a nulla gay wasn't the nulla gay dropped a man i think you're right i think it was a bomb yeah much like my act but yeah i was gonna say something sorry um so let me run this one by you there please yeah shove it up my ass see like um the chris rock thing is awesome he knows your name that's badass i think he knows my name but i bombed in front of a once that he never looked at me the same but i digress oh boy doing a shoot or doing a gig in columbus last week

well i hired a big film crew you gotta have a film crew now you gotta have 30 guys with a jib and a boom mic and all this crap service i know it's a it's a lot of money it's so much money i know it kills your whole profit margin and then they're in the green room by the way the whole weekend and all that but whatever tell me about it it's i hired them so this guy these guys are pros they come in with the you know those big plastic cases oh yeah click click you like snap those things open that's got the vel the styrofoam in there with the with the cutouts yeah it's like an assassin yes exactly they got tripod they got gear like all these gels these guys are pros now they mic me up oh boy now this is when it gets uh turns into the the jinx yeah you're

dirt i'm dirt friend however so i'm like you know hanging out whatever and uh this guy one of the film guys he's like a cool dude you know he's a vegan he's sexy his girlfriend shows up he's like do you mind if my girlfriend comes to show yeah go nuts i'll put her on the list she shows up she's gorgeous oh very attractive lady and he's a cool guy so i wasn't surprised but you're still like jeez she's a she's a stunner like you were taking a back uh-huh and uh so you know i'm taking a whiz i walk out of the bathroom i'm chit chatting and there's a couple comics in there they're the film guys are setting up and i go man that guy's lady is uh quite the peace and they're like oh yeah yeah and i'm like whoo what a caboose on her holy hell and the mic is on hot mic hot mic

it's brutal those mics are brutal brutal so now they're editing my shit i'm just waiting for the uh for the text like oh you're gonna talk about my lady like that i was like oh it's just a bunch of dudes in there i didn't say anything mean but uh walker talk yeah i guess so i didn't grab any pussy but either way i'm just dreading that because he's gonna watch the footage and just go through it all it's gonna hit him it's a horrible feeling i've had the exact same thing not about the what but like just whatever you say i'm like paul paul cistero in good fellas you don't want people hearing what you're saying of course of course it's in the it's in the room for a reason even though we record almost everything we say ever but it's true yeah no it's terrible at least she said she's

a traitor you didn't say like i'd like to eat her asshole why why is he with her or whatever vice versa maybe a little of that a little squirting yeah it's not this no it's tough well i talked about this i thought maybe but maybe not on air what i learned from making this uh feature film that'll be people keep being like you don't even say the name of the movie you got to plug the movie i can't find it i'm like it's not out yet it's not out your queves when it's out i'll for sure say the name i'm not completely autistic right right it's like spectrum yeah it's like no i'll tell it by the way the name of the movie is fourth of july it'll be out in july but people are like you don't even plug it properly i can't find the thing i'm like what am i right idiot yeah people get

angry how about going oh well what's up with the name of the movie they never do that you go you fucking idiot you don't say the name like why are we going right to eleven yes these go to eleven yes that's a hell of a picture but eleven so uh that was a bad picture awesome great photos nine eleven oh yeah that was bad some beauties first responder no jews in the building that can't be true that's a that's an old theory conspiracy no kidding yeah you never heard that one no never i think we have different youtube algorithms and i mean to talk to you about it yeah what the hell was i saying uh chris rock blew you what was it again no it wasn't rock oh the sound when i made this this film yes the film by the way people keep doing that to the like he's

so pretentious he calls it a film i'm like it's a bit it's a bit it's all bits all pipes i'm like i'll like be like yeah well you know i'm making a film we'll probably win an oscar people like you think you're gonna win an oscar you piece of shit i know i know i was on stage and i was like yeah i'm sorry i was late i was rubbing one out to the joe rogan n word tape and people were like oh i'm like i'm joking i think i'm actually oh look at this tape what a compilation it's like it's a joke oh i'm joking yes but anyways comedian what i learned when i made my masterpiece over there in the film business here for the july um the sound guys they know everything that's going on because everybody is mic'd and you forget especially because you're shooting these long hours yeah of

course you forget and they know every they know all the gossip they know who's fingering who who and so you're just getting all this info and you have to be mindful of it i want to like put you want to put a little like sticker on your hand or something that says you're mic'd good call especially if you're like boy the sound guys a real piece of shit i know they must have the best news best inside info they get the best shit like that christian bail flip out the tom cruz flip out that's all the sound guy yeah exactly and the other the other interesting thing about sound people i learned they're prickly bunch because nobody thinks about the sound when you make a movie you just assume it's gonna sound right and it's half the movie is the sound no sound you have no

movie and nobody's like uh wow my god my favorite sound mixer is bill you know the dp you know the editor yes but you don't know the sound guy that's a good point that's very important yeah yeah good good call yeah they do have an oscar for sound mixing but that's when you hit the tivo or you go take a boom boom yeah you don't know what cares about that oh you already know what movie's gonna get it it's the explosion movie but they should give it to the the fucking quiet relationship talk movie exactly a quiet place not really a relationship it was married i guess in it yeah i guess so uh but yeah how about this one so we'll see what happens with the editing guy i'm the sound guy he's probably gonna kick my door in he might be turned on he might be like yeah

fuck yeah my wife's hot i would be if somebody was talking about my lady like man she's so hot i'd be like hey all right that's nice yeah exactly and here's the thing if you're mad you're just pretending people don't talk like that you're aware that men talk about women great point and they could be saying she's a dog shit ugly fucking fat whore yeah so you know yeah people talk like that all the time that's why i like these viral videos are so annoying this guy said this you're like well so of i i just wasn't recorded right yeah reality has to set in for these people but i think people just love getting someone in trouble ah we got this guy you're like all right well you've done worse i know but i didn't get caught all right well you still did it well what i always say is these people

get so upset about comedians on podcasts and stand up like can you imagine if they heard what we're talking about when we're not miked up holy shit yeah a lot of bad things you know we're i don't want to say our rods and cones are fried but our our our sensors are a little worn out so we have to up it i think a little bit in darkness we're autistic spectrum noble spectrum silver hey folks Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by draft king sports book join the action on the court during the biggest college basketball tournament of the year with draft king sports book turn your team's victory into your win new customers can bet five dollars on any team to win and get two hundred dollars in free bets if they do if they win you win if sports book isn't available

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you've got to smuggle yourself up to canada watching netflix with that express vpn is like playing for a gym membership paying for a gym membership but only being able to use the treadmill ooh good analogy there vp express vpn lets you change your online locations so you can control where you want netflix to think you are located i like that with almost 100 different server locations you can gain access to thousands of new shows and movies i use express vpn to make netflix think i was in belgium to watch good fellas and then switch my country to the uk and watch cape fear wow guys got good taste all i had to do was open the app select location tap one button to connect and refresh the page it's the fastest vpn i've used and it works on phones

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sea to stinky sea sheath underwear will keep you and your junk cozy and comfy so no matter where the road takes you you got some underwear i wear sheath underwear every day mark wears it every day yeah we read an ad for it every day yep we love robert patten usa veteran he's been in two wars i believe or he's been in the war twice i can't remember all the details he's a hell of a guy spent some time with him down in skankfest i assume i'll see him in vegas by the way hadn't done laundry in skankfest was wearing the same pair of dirty underwear i forgot my underwear they hooked me right up i was on my way into a show hand me a pair i went in the back and just put them on i meet two to couple women while i was doing it hell yeah magical dick pouch aside

this underwear is comfy cool and comes in so many different patterns robert pattern you can have a pair of sheath ready for any occasion i wore it to my wedding i wore it to my mother's funeral i wore it to uh finger my father for a couple minutes sure they don't even they didn't leave out the ladies either my wife has a sports bra she's got the booty short underwear she loves them get yourself some sheath for god's sake support this son of an onion yeah here here go to sheath underwear dot com in order with promo code twos gaze to get 20 off your first order and sheaths 100 percent money back guarantee that's sheath underwear dot com promo code twos gaze get sheath underwear and let them support your balls you're here back to the show all right so how about this

one this is just i'm an event to you please vent it up i need your input here just tell me i'm gay and fuck my ass and blow my dead right those are two different things though there's vent and then there's invent vent the vent is no input oh well you didn't put on vent i don't think so i think vent is just vent right now i think we're gonna ruling on this i vent to you and you input okay that's like i don't know is there a word uh vent i thought was just like don't say anything i'm just gonna vent i think that's what vent means i prefer you say something shall be siding with me which is interesting because he doesn't care for my vibe but uh vent all right all right well i i'm welcoming i want a response okay so no vent this is like a let's come up with a word for this all right a

back and forth a volley a volley ball that's very good all right so i do a gig at gotham fundraiser great show sold out nothing like a sold out got them it's a great club great club i had a hot set and the the guy running it goes here you go dickless and he does a handshake and he hands me a big big wad i'm talking a cum guzzlin big old cash is king here you go like a drug deal wad was i on this show i think so i did a sold out wad of cash i think you were there yeah we missed each other like a mirage i went first mitzvah bishi i think they make a mirage oh is that right or maybe it's hunday you don't hear much about mitzvah bishi no they're all they make pianos too which they don't get any love for really give it a go i think you think of yamaha oh yamaha does piano motorcycle

it's a different asian i think i've seen a mitzvah bishi piano maybe you're right though i definitely see the mitzvah bishi air conditioning no kidding yeah i think the japanese folk i almost said jabs i corrected good say japanese folks they can make anything oh yeah they're killers yeah but they take our ideas and then make them better so i'm like well how about you guys come up with some i guess they got sushi the one i did they got the uh shove them on the train thing if you've seen that in tokyo no they got a big long popsicle stick and they use it to jam all i had to see that that's fun it's quite a sight they don't they don't they don't have feelings over there just like okay they're like lemmings they just push them in it's hilarious over here to be like i felt threatened

i gotta go write a yelp review and trip advisor over there they're just like sardines and i can and they they accept it you know what i thought about japan only flag that if you flip it upside down it looks the same you can't tell it's a big big period stain that's right all right let's get to the vent so i'm venting here or volleying and venting volley vent and uh i do the show you do the guy hands me the big water cash and i run out and this is where the running out fucks you you know trying to make all these sets i run out i put the big water my left pocket i should have put it in my wallet but i put it in my left pocket oh boy at some point i'm hauling ass down 23rd street trying to get to the f-train i take the phone out and i must have pulled all the shit out of

my wallet or my pocket and i heard somebody go hey but i got the earbuds in and the earbuds they suck away the sound you got you know what i mean sound suck away sound suck what is it canceling noise canceling canceling in the walls here oh god we need to cancel tell shelby about the incident no the other day the guy over here was oh yeah this kid yeah well that's yeah quite a side it was like a w w f promo over there i think we're talking to a hit man yeah it was wild heart heart to heart so um i guess i lost the water you know you hear a guy you know hey in new york you just keep going no one turns around what do i give a shit figured some hobo was throwing a turd at somebody but i ran down and then i go oh let me put that uh cash in my pocket i'm on the subway

doing this shit and it was wacky how when you lose something you check that pocket 800 times maybe it's still in my pocket maybe i didn't feel it yes the pockets four inches long yep so was my cock yes i could prove so um witness so yeah just a bummer aloof just a couple hundred bucks just gone but look some guy on the sidewalk found it and gave me a hey i didn't respond and he got i guess i gave back to the to the city you gave back to the city you know uh it just sucks i don't know there's nothing this is an event because i got nothing to add except you got other money maybe someone else like you said that needed it whatever somebody bought harrowing put in their dick hole with it but yeah it's a horrible feeling i did that the other day

with the air pods lost the air pods what and uh yeah at the gym i thought at the gym but i was doing the pocket thing but i was wearing sweats because i was going to this is the problem with the gym is now in Manhattan so i gotta take a train so you're wearing these loosey goose sweats and i think it just fell out in the subway so somewhere there's like a hobo with a nice set of air pods and 200 and folding cash what's folding cash folding yeah i've never heard that folding cash folding cash that what he says i've heard a walking around money i've heard a loose change i've heard of uh dollar bills benjamins i think folding cash in uh kill bill volume two he says you bring down one million dollars in folding cash folding cash is it folding or is it something

else folded maybe but why are you folding that's the wrong tense yeah maybe he says holding cash or folding cash i don't know you're on your own there but shall be are you on this i think you're venting he's looking at it up money in the form of bills and it is folding right oh i've heard in other places maybe that's uh saying folding cash i'm sure there's an epitomology of the term or something well maybe because a coin you can't fold so that means it's bills that's good buffalo cash and money you can fold by the way cash is king is out i go to eight different stores like we don't take cash anymore we're hip we're cool it's all card you're like i thought cash was king yeah but i think cash is in reference to the whole grand thing because cash can mean several

things no i do i think it's they go you take cash go what are you kidding of course cash is king cash is clay cash is clay he's good but i know cash is you gotta have cash you know what i mean paper money people still set bills bills paper money yeah people still say like he's a cash cow uh-huh in reference to even if you've never had bills because all these wealthy people they don't have any bills they got no liquid they call it yes liquid wording liquid iv but then there's a he's got cash a right cash with a little gay exclamation exalt a goo we're gonna lose all that cash a right so i lost my cash a and uh just a bummer because you go if i hadn't done this i'd still have a you gotta just accept it move on but i hate losing things when you didn't need to lose it

it's the worst and um that's when tom dustin and i went to key west years ago we i had a thousand dollars stolen from me by prostitutes he had five hundred dollars stolen from prostitutes which is a hundred percent of our money and for like twelve years a slave i kept adding a thousand dollars to my money like i'd have three hundred dollars in the bank and i'd go god it should be thirteen right and it was it was literally like ten or fifteen years that i finally stopped doing that yes exact it sticks with you it's a sad feeling then you imagine what if i lost a kid you know these people with a kid gets kidnapped like i'm i'm bitching about a couple hundo cash and they're like well i lost roger but ironically the kid saves you a ton of cash

that's true that's a good point you gotta look on the bright side if you lose a child to crib death or or you know yes sins or vicious or whatever coyotes you save a you save a bundle on car insurance that's true yeah you really do fifteen percent that's so true you're saving a lot of money with that dead kid no one ever looks at that we should go around to kid funerals this could be a service yeah hey silver lining yeah you see playbook that movie stinks too playbook silver lining playbook did i thought it was cute it was i saw it the first time i just got sober i was going through a breakup my father's gay and i was like hey this is all right yeah and you're watching a second time and you're like what the hell is this man it was a lot of dancing i remember

who they got a black guy in there he taught him how to have some rhythm and it was Bradley Cooper and well you got to see uh what's her face and some leggings Jennifer Lawrence that's the one jay law same initials um how about though the thing that lost me is the indian psychiatrist has his face painted at the eagles game he's like go birds and i'm like come on no right there's this it just doesn't exist stop trying to sell to me that there's like an indian doctor psychiatrist in his 60s who on sunday afternoon paints his face green and goes like oh birds baby right right no accent can you picture alan at a fucking meds game with a foam finger and uh you know a propeller on his hat get out of here yeah he's 79 years old that would never happen he would die out there but

you're right it's true they they try to pipe it you know what annoys me too is these comedy movies are quote unquote comedy movies why would he die he would die he's old he'd get hit with a with a beer can he would pass out and and rot away but these movies they have the indian guy with the face paint and you're laughing because he goes go birds it's a joke it's like it's he's a punch line it's a funny accent but if you do an accent you're a piece of shit like i'm just trying to be funny like that guy is funny right that's how it will yeah it's yeah no ill will but i don't know that's just ridiculous there's movies that just takes me out of it i'm like all right and then someone's always like well he could how do you know i'm like okay yes there could be a 63 year old indian

psychologist who's like super crazy into the philadelphia eagles to the point that he paints his face right at the game but i feel like a professional would be like i can't pay for his face what if i bump into a sure a client whatever then there's a confidentiality with client to a confidentiality the client oh yeah shit confidentiality so they can't you go hey i fucked my dad on tuesday they go all right well that's just up here forever yeah it's weird too especially with alan because we all know each other it's all pipes you got that right so it's a little weird i gotta be like well you know my wife who you saw earlier right she doesn't blow me or whatever that's gotta be so fun for him because he's basically like putting together a sitcom or a movie because

he's got all the characters and every character is telling you secrets about the other characters and then he gets to see that character and go i know about the anal bleeding you know well you know what i think about i think this is a good analogy actually when you watch planet earth these documentarians they can't they're not allowed to interfere with nature i hope not and there's one like famous well i don't know what famous i guess it just stuck in my head but it's like these elephants and there's a baby elephant that gets lost from the herd and they just film that go in the wrong way interesting and they're like hey we don't know we can't which is annoying to me because i'm like no save the elephant turn them and be like it's east you

fucking idiot yes but they can't so it's like this sad music and the indian the the elephant is leaving right he's gonna die they're like he surely will die because he's stupid but it's like it's like therapy because i'm like my wife doesn't love me oh my god she's gonna leave me and then he has her earlier and she's like i just love him so much and i'm like you could help me you could help me like you could be like by the way i saw her earlier you're all wrong that's a great point now i wonder if you could go hey i big al go ahead and save me if you give him the permission maybe that's okay now no but i think it's it's breaching her breaching reality or whatever yeah yeah anal breaching like i'm over here going i think mark thinks i'm gay and he's like he does and i'm like

shit yeah i did yeah shit i try to prove that i'm not but well shouldn't have blown me but you got a point there he could save yeah these these planet earth good but it's like a time machine movie you you step on one twig and now all of a sudden the dinosaurs are fucking jews right good point now they all died yeah that's it they got sued um but any tips i love that planet earth though that's fun but i i think i would have to save the elephant i would step in yeah i guess it's like against the code or whatever but the poor elephants dead but nature a bunch of lines probably ate the elephant well they do that with the food chain as well you know like hey if i'm eating a bacon sandwich they go jeez you're killing a pig your piece of shit there they're a living

thing but then if the wolf kills the pig they go well it's the law of the land what do you call it the uh it's it's a thing the circle of life or whatever right that's yeah yeah well either way they get to do it if they do it right you know it's like the n-word oh boy well i'm just saying you can't say it but uh they could say it sure you know and the same with the animals animals can say the n-word keep it moving you get what i'm saying uh yeah i get hey that's their n-word that's the horse n-word right right um i know about mr red and the peanut butter i think you i could feel it coming it's a fun fact i think mr red's out people don't know that need that reference anymore oh yeah good point which is funny because it was on like 75 years

before we were born too i know but there was so little content back then you had to replay old shit now kids can't keep up with the old shit because they got 18 tick tocks coming in their yeah you couldn't you couldn't find mr red if you had to no oh the tick tock i hate the tick tock that's it sounds like a made-up thing if you were telling some 18 year old i swear to god there was a tv show black and white where a guy talked to a horse and they go well what's the show like that's it that's the show that's it they gave him peanut butter his mouth moved it was the high high class entertainment then there was a dolphin that saves kids there was a dog that saved everyone was saving kids back then that's true they're all in a well they lost a lot of money

when those kids get saved you got that right um good on the pocketbook i think i told you about this before when dan bulger and i were smoking weed one night and i brought up three men in the baby three men and a baby a baby and a baby yes and he had never heard of it because he was a young whippersnapper which is funny because bulger was always so young to me but he's like five years younger than i am yeah now he's like 37 years old well you were out of high school and he got in right but anyways i was telling my three he's like i never heard of this movie and i was like oh my god it's crazy it's about three wealthy guys they all share an apartment for some reason and then someone leaves a baby they thought it was coke but they keep the baby oh yeah

Colin Quinn is in it and he's like what and oh there's a ghost and i'm like and there's a ghost he's like there's a ghost and Colin Quinn right what the hell is this he's like i gotta see this movie and you're like well it's a big piece of shit and by the way it's directed by Dr. Spock Leonard Neem Leonard Neemoy directed three men and a baby isn't that a crazy description that is hilarious there's so many off the wall things there and yet it's all true Ted Danson and Steve Gutenberg and the other guy and they all they all live together yeah why like if you mean Sam just got a place together yeah and they're all loaded one's an architect one's a gay guy and i think one's a superhero i don't know one does the chest checks mix or something remember checks mix cereal

what do you mean he does advertising oh tiger cereal or whatever right and then Ted Danson actor okay and uh Bert Reynolds is like an architect to get Bert Reynolds and sell it mixed up that's funny yeah i think this sexy mustache guys that's what it is my dad too oh i'd like to ride that stash another win where you gonna be this weekend what do you got cooking this week i don't even know what day it is uh i'm in a rubah right now and uh what's smart what's her name Amy smart what's the girl's name oh Natalie hollow it that's the one yes way different yep uh kill tourism what uh was i gonna say okay so big gigs coming up uh boston april 1415 16 laugh boston my life is on the line i'm on the record i'm committing suicide if i don't sell

out half of these shows there we go i want to half let's make one keep lowering it yeah we're gonna sell them all out fatty come on beat bean town come out and see the hometown hero whitman mass come on out baby chocolate chip cookie was invented there you can look it up um that'll be that the weekend after that buffalo helium nice whatever that is april something something something may 5th through the 7th austin i'm back at cap city which is alive and well again i can't wait to hear about it and then rolly the weekend after that the good nights uh what else is coming i got nashville coming up san francisco coming up great over coming up oh side splitters is in march 24 number one favorite i love it and i'm back in to coma again may 30th uh

what else a bunch of crazy good run crazy shit coming up so i i'm pumped full calendars come on out and subscribe to the youtube we're just weeks away from the new special it's coming out it's in the can the movies in the can the specials in the can you got a short film in the can i'll get mariana dungo to release his dungo a lot of i got all kinds of shit in the can yeah you're working fatty and you got content coming out cans cans all right i'm at la joya patreon i just want to mention the page oh you gotta go on the patreon never mention the patreon and we have a live tuesdays yes on march 22nd is it sold out you can't come wow you can't get in you missed it you blew it fatty tampa as well i'm nipping at your heels i'm at the cincinati

funny bone louisville comedy club dania beach improv whatever that is in florida helium indian apless carolina theater and rolly stand up live in phoenix calusa casino resort in california mcguby's in baltimore adison improv in tejas uh moon tower san jose improv moon power moon tower and uh what is that austin and then uh huntsville alabama i'm going back down to my old southern roots let me just give you a word of advice please don't mention arbor nor alabama it turns into a god damn zoo all right good call i didn't even say who do you like i was like hey boy bammer arbor that's a crow crimson tide war eagle fucking mother and it was just a mess yeah that that huntsville's kooky because they got uh a bunch of rednecks but then they got nasa

yeah some nasa there it's a budding heads of dumb and smart so we'll see what happens maybe we'll get a indian guy with face paint go eagles this is fun boy i think i i think we learned a lot great app great app loved it love the pod we love the gays get on the patreon the live app's gonna go up there we got all kinds of fun and games and all kinds of bonus shit and uh get a merch thing show we got some greg shirts and whatnot we got killer merch the link is in we'll be on the youtube too the link is on the podcast thing it's on the youtube subscribe to the youtube those numbers are through the roof we thank you for that and the patreon we i mean we're doing one in studio a week it's hilarious at least amazing so get on that yeah and thank you

for the wallpaper shelbo looking good thanks a lot folks we'll see you in hell queep it up you