Tuesdays with Stories! - #445 Hum Coming

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

Heyooo Tuesgays. it's an all timer this week as Joe takes a ride on a weird boat in Aruba before a wild night of poker while Mark see's some of his jokes bomb before a huge update on the missing hog. Check it out! Check out our NEW MERCH STORE here! New designs and items! https://tuesdayswithstories.bigcartel.com/ Sponsored by: Lucy (Support the show and get 20% Off with the code TUESDAYS at https://Lucy.co), Sheath (Support the show and get 20% off with the code TUESGAYS at https://SheathUnderwear.com), & Fanimal (Support the show and get $20 off your first purchase with the code TUESDAYS at Fanimal.com) Subscribe to our Patreon for full video of the show A WEEK EARLY, WEEKLY bonus stuff, and more! www.patreon.com/tuesdays Subscribe to our YouTube channel here: https://youtube.com/c/TuesdayswithStories

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe less Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hey folks I had a conniption there a conniption fit yes yes or a hissy fit hissy fit hissy and conniption always insulting when your dad said you had a

hissy fit you're like I'm no hissy yeah cuz hissy was his way of saying pussy which is another way of saying the f-word exactly which is now f-word has just become cuck right funny how we just we just we just do a little three-card Monty on all the offensive words yes is cuck f-a-g yeah hissy pussy wussie yeah sissy wussie right Nancy boy that was a tough one too oh yeah with being a Nancy boy yeah boy it was hard times hard times as a youth in the 90s you really got your ass kicked yeah it was horrible every day all day and by the way it's not any better now with online we came adults so there's less of it to

your face but now every day it's online we couldn't avoid it now we got we got it as a kid face-to-face and now we get it online face-to-screen every day someone's like hey is this Joe list or what and it's like the ugliest human being on the planet I just want to take take my life I posted one or two I had to stop every day it's like it gets uglier and uglier it's horrible there's never one guy that I'm like hey all right look at this that's why it's so annoying when you get the black guy was like oh we all look alike I'm like no no you look like that guy I'm not saying you all look alike but when I get you look like him

eight times a day it's just some fat guy with curly hair I figured out a way to say to black people look alike without it being a fence lay it on me fatty I don't know what to do so I'm you know I'm a big tennis gay I love the tennis is this guy Francis Tiafo American player black guy he's ripped and I say you know Daniel Kaluuya could play him oh that's not bad that's good hey that guy looks like him that's bad right somehow somehow but I can say hey that guy could play him because then you could go what do you think they all look like I'm like no I'm saying he's a great actor he can shape shift aha he would play you in the movie it's not bad

that's not bad I don't know it's something and now you're in a movie now you got a star Todd Glass used to have that funny joke about uh people always say you look like but it was always insulting like you kind of look like John Goodman I mean a handsome John Goodman I mean a good looking pig whatever it was but uh it's so true it's never like hey you're like Timothy Shalamu over there right yeah it's like it's John Cusack with AIDS right yes exactly you look like uh so-and-so if their teeth were shit and they had a small dick in her piece I'm like all right mom take it easy yeah you look like Kirk Cameron with a Down syndrome and uh you know I think Kirk that's down oh well hey good for him because

she should model for Victoria's secret he's got some problems yeah I think he's a religious kook that's what I mean yeah which was the original back in the day if you were like a religious nut you were like oh boy this guy's off the deeper but now if you got blue blue hair and a side shave you're like uh oh it's a she him her hey haha whoo did you say deeper huh did I I think he said off the deep he's off the deeper I think it's deep end I'm not mistaken I'm mixing it up oh I see oh yeah remember Deepu remember him Deepu like a train train oh I thought he meant when the toilet overflows that's a deep poo no remember he worked for Bobby he was one of Bobby's guys Deepu oh yeah he had some he had some problems yeah I think so but I think he's still around but he did one of the

funniest things ever let's hear it because he you know whatever I think I think he might still be around I think he's a comic but we have the Yankee swap every year on Christmas sure which you bring in a gift and you're familiar with the Yankee swap you gift it you pick a number then you get to take the gift it's a little hurtful yeah it's a little weird but so his gift get fucked every year on that his contribution to the Yankee swap was a one-way bus ticket to Baltimore that's great that's a great gift very funny everyone had a dildo or you know and Bobby and Lewis always bring in like something Lewis Gomez brings in something that podcasts and I mean sponsors his podcast so be like speakers or something oh right right and then somebody got a one-way ticket to

Baltimore on a bus that's gold pretty funny whether you use it or not it's still funny because it's like hey get out of here right I had the Yankee swap at the ladies house for Christmas and you know you're the outcast already you're the you're the outsider I'm the Norman they're a bunch of lady people you know relatives they all know each other brother sister mom dad cousin I'm the weirdo so already you feel out of place so I really bring a good gift because I gotta bring the heat it's it's not my family so I'm a loser already yeah and no matter what you bring they can go what the fuck if you bring too nice a gift they're like it's better than us exactly especially up in mass you really gotta yeah you really gotta walk that tightrope so I can't remember what I got but it

was it it was a real humdinger of a gift and it really wasn't too big it wasn't too small it's right down the Goldilocks porridge in the middle and I ended up walking out of there with an oversized paper clip paper clip that was my gift oh I got I got like a like a headphone or something cool and then they go up I'll be taking that so you take this so I already felt like the outcast I spent too much money on the gift and I walked out of there with the oversized paper clip it was like it was like a modern art oh it's this big it was metal I had to check it I hate modern art I hate old art I hate all art fuck art art fartsy fartsy farts is better than art that's true maybe a painting sure like I like a landscape oh a mountain the waterfall that kind of stuff but a painting

of like a lady oh yeah who needs that come on now I got a lady in my house peering at me in the in the parlor I tried to do this on stage but they they only paint big titted women you never see an a-cuped woman from like the 13th century well they got those flowery dresses with the big old turtleneck I don't know I feel like I've seen some flats maybe but I always think just a triple d lady with no eyebrows just yeah flat earth there you know what they did back in the day they did that the the prop up that's what somebody said after I did the bit you know when you have a bit you do you try I feel bad and then somebody's like somebody's like nah it's just the way they wore they wore the thing that squished the bit tits up and you're like all right well that's the end of

that yeah people really like to rain on your anal there well I mean it wasn't you know it wasn't like my piece that I was like there's a real here comes a thing sure more of just a you ever noticed that is my crazy and it's someone's like no no it's the push-up right right and you're like all right well whatever but if you don't have tits the push can only go so far but also I think back in the day those paintings were like the original photo shop because you let me throw a little extra hair on Abe Lincoln let me throw a little extra tit on Betty Ross there that's a good point yeah maybe they had small tits but they painted them with huge cans so a couple extra hundred bucks or whatever an extra chicken whatever they paid back then there was a Simpsons episode

where Marge became this great painter and she she was hired to paint Mr. Burns and she painted him nude and they put it in the big gallery and he goes I want to be I want to thank you for being generous my with my genitalia and she goes I thought I was being insulting that's fun fun gag I'm just reminded of Gary Gullman one of my favorite comics of all time used to have an old bit way back in the day early 2000s about how his parents were old they had them which is true they had him when he was like 50 or something and he was it was embarrassing because I was at school in third grade they said go home ask your parents we want to come in ask them what the price of milk was and who was president and everybody had answers like

I was president Kenny Kennedy when they were born did I say that part when your parents were born what was the price of milk when they were born when they were born got it and who was president he said everyone was like John F Kennedy and a nickel and then he had to go and he goes uh when my parents were born the president was Julius Caesar and the price of milk was a chicken chicken is funny chicken you got it out you got it out Julius Caesar was president almost let you there but yeah you got it all that's good stuff well it's funny stuff chicken his payment is never not good that's always classic nice the milk was a chicken you know somebody gave me some great advice once about uh men this guy older guy older cat I was probably I just

probably turned 30 I was a young whippersnapper boozebag poo and hound whatever you want to call it and he goes just remember you think 40 is old but when you're 58 you got a lot of time left and I think there's something there because look at you're married sure you're married 10 years well I've been together 11 years married five years oh shit sorry okay that makes sense you've been together 11 years and then you think I mean I don't want to step on your asshole here but you think hey uh I like that we made it we made it through now what I could you could you got a hold of the life ahead of you I know I mean by the way every day I hope one of us dies just to kind of see what's out there but exactly but no it's it's a weird thing because you're the youngest

you're ever gonna be you may feel old right now right now I mean this is it and then this is it people complain about age I'm getting old this I feel old but I'm like but you're gonna be old right but you're not old exactly you're not old like Seinfeld got married at 50 and I think he had a kid at 52 and you're kind of like Jesus Christ what the fuck is that but he did a lot of living and uh he just he did all the the marriage on the back half yeah and if you're rich as he is you can really live a long life you got the top you got one thing you got a sore your cough you go to the doctor they got 14 lights and lasers on you totally plus you have the diet tradition you got the trainer you got the less stress there's a lot of you can really go

the distance if you got some money yeah I heard that another guy or a gal said that once she was like uh man this guy looks good this movie star uh he must have great genes or whatever heretic and somebody else goes now he's rich right when you're rich you got the creams and the oils there they're rubbing stones on you and crystals and blowing you it's a whole different world of your rich and you can have a doctor come right to your house you can get the uh the IV they just put shit right in you yeah essential oils uh boat talks you name it all the stuff the amount of people on boat talks is frightening it's it's now you have to do it you have to it's it's uh part of it we talked about this last week none of us asked for it it wasn't us going hey what the hell was

that we get some boat talk get some long eyelashes get the pubes whatever it's weird because I hate that I don't want to you know talk shit out of uh preschool but you see these uh these Courtney Cox's and she was a pretty lady friends fun time lady Bruce Springsteen video and now she said so much work done and I hate the name drop there but you're like you look hey you look like a different human being and B how the hell are you gonna act all acting is just uh it's expressions you know it's facial facial movements and what the boat talks you're going yes not a terrific actor to begin with I might add I mean I'm not saying she's you know I'm not saying I'm better than her I got a movie coming out called Fourth of July it's really something in theaters soon and the

I stink the movie stinks the script stinks my asshole stinks sure you got that right but Courtney Cox wasn't exactly a shape shifter you know she wasn't uh Marlon Brando or Meryl Streep I never I can't tell what you this sitcom it's it's like wine people go this is great wine I'm like it's all wine I don't know it's all pipes but I think a sitcom they're having the more fun I think a sitcom because it's a group and you just kind of memorize the lines before you're like what is it again okay just say it because it's all you gotta go week to week it's fun you like the characters I think it's like a podcast the audience loves it but we're having more fun than they are you got that right this is a good time I come in here I'm like this is gonna be great we're gonna

go fuck around for an hour yeah that's why it was so crazy back then if you got on a sitcom it was like winning the lottery right you know when we look at like oh they're the best actor for the job no no no no no they just made it they just got lucky Hollywood used to be a lot more of like you're tapped you're in you made it you're in the club now and now I feel like you can kind of backdoor it with a little anal little podcast a little internet little YouTube I was watching a family guy love the family a lot of great jokes when he's talking to Stewie's just naming youtube stars and Brian the dog goes who's that he goes nobody knows who he is but he's rich just like any names another youtube star and Brian goes who's that he goes nobody knows but

he's rich oh that's fun and then stewie taps on the fox logo in the corner he goes this this is done oh that's amazing wow they break that wall where he's tapping on the logo he goes this is done and I was like this is so brilliant brilliant so good cutting it so on point he names seven people you never heard of they all have 40 million people by the way a fan wrote to me and accused me of lying about not knowing what what was the show you mentioned hot stuff hot stuff the youtube thing oh uh um hot bites what is that hot thank you showbo some guy he's a fan he's a Tuesday he's mentioned to me before how you're great he goes hey I gotta ask why do you pretend to not know about things you're not the only one that's done this is this an ego thing

you accused me of lying I'm like what do you want me to do he's like it's all over youtube and I gotta tell him like I don't listen to many podcasts and I don't watch youtube I'm a tv guy I'm from the 80s also it's weird I get lying that you know oh yeah I've never heard of that yeah sure Bridges in Madison County that's a classic I caught that that's a norm joke but uh why would you lie about not knowing I don't know but I'm like I don't know what to tell you and I was with Ray Allen Tony V and Sarah Talamush at the time three comedians of varying ages yeah I said you guys ever heard of this they go no no no well you guys are all they're all over 90 those people named I looked up the views this one with Bill Burr who's pretty famous relatively famous from

three weeks ago it's got four million views there you go there's 350 million people in the country sure that's 346 million people that haven't watched it I'm like that checks out hot ones is not that big it's big it's bigger than us but we're unknown retards hopefully I don't want to get a hot one known that's a horrible life but yeah no you're right you think I'm lying about hot ones why would I make that up it's very strange and then why yeah why would you lie I could see if you fuck the guy from hot ones you're like I never caught that one I don't know anything about hot ones you know but if you didn't why would you lie that you don't know yeah and I'm like I know other stuff I can tell you who's ranked 68 in the WTA rankings I'm like I just don't watch hot ones yeah what is it by the

way someone needs a buffalo wing what do I give a shit you know what I think it is it's these irony points you know when you go Super Bowl well get a get a home run everybody everybody's like oh he's cool he doesn't care right I think they think you're trying to pull that shit yeah I'm like I'm a pretty honest guy I don't know what hot ones is I'm sorry now I know you eat a hot shit and he's like also I'm like we talked about in the podcast I still don't know what it is I don't even remember talking about I think it's basically eat a hot wing and then you interview he interviews you and then you shit blood I don't know I never catch the end because they get so I get a little bored yeah I don't get it either and I'm like also you've never heard of you know

uh bring the pain or uh Geraldo he's probably heard of that but yeah it's some of the other ones that are new that like maybe even a Stephen Wright or uh sure I don't know Sam Merrill I'm sure I've heard of something you've never heard of you got that right but uh yeah not everyone knows who hot ones is also I don't watch YouTube I put my YouTubes up and I go oh this guy called me a fan this guy called me an idiot this guy says I suck yeah that's it well you gotta stop reading Shelby's thread but uh now I hear you it's a lot to this eight zillion shows out there there's 14 zillion podcasts and there's 19 zillion porn categories so who could keep up with all of it and then people get mad that you don't know about the thing I know about right I'm not in your

world you got a whole different bubble you quave yeah YouTube stinks I watch sports I watch movies that's it I don't know about YouTube stinking YouTube's got some gold I'm sure it's got gold and uh I'm trying to put some stuff on there you go content content king in the house it never ends it never it all up and I'm like shit I gotta get something else it's a it's an IV drip and that drip stops boop your career be flat line baby oh it's over I just I can't I can't handle it I can't either you gotta just get someone to do it constantly is that right yeah someone has to come up with the shit and it's uh I heard tim dill in a podcast he made a great point they were like what's up with the celebrities and the posts about Ukraine and the imagine videos and the black

and white he's like it's just part of Hollywood now that's just part of it now right the way it used to be part of it to have to go work out or I don't know do ayahuasca in the uh what's that place called where the people go the park Amazon now the park there out the jungle oh Joshua Joshua tree thank you I know it was a guy's name but yeah you gotta go do all that now part of it is going I love uh Zelinsky and Ukraine is gay and all this stuff yeah you gotta say it or you're not why aren't you say it silence is violence yeah which is you know not what that means but whatever that's how it goes but that's why envy these millenie types who just or jeselnack or whoever they just rock chris rock they got in early right so they go oh yeah I'm already famous I don't have to do

that shit right that's not bad must be nice what are you looking at over there I got some notes I got some stories I got some stuff put it right in my ass see if I tinkle well I got well let me ask you if you've ever had this happen please this is a this is I do this I did this on stage last night it's okay all right I can't tell though it might be sexual harassment please sure let me just tell you you give me a little info all right I used to work in HR has this ever happened to you hit me I'm in Aruba at the hotel the Holiday Inn used to be at the Marriott now it's at the Holiday Inn that's a downgrade huh it's a downgrade but Holiday Inn is also the first hotel built in Aruba so it's better location okay it's a nicer part of the

beach okay and it's closer to town okay for me I could walk right across the street I'm at Starbucks so it's a better location okay Starbucks central and it's a better room the venue is better wow not the hotel room ah the show room okay okay hotel room is shit not shit but not as good got it so anyways we're there I'm having sex with my wife in a course missionary that's that's fine that's a loud fun then the phone rings oh that's bad now I don't like a flight attendant in my not what's it called the fucking people it is no no hotel lady the cleaning chambermaid chambermaid sorry I'm from 1901 one of the cleaning woman the housekeeping housekeeping there it is I don't like the housekeeper in Esmeralda in my house sure in my room yes I had to do not disturb up there

there you go then they call you I got to do not disturb so they call they go hey you had to do not disturb so we thought would call this is literally disturbing I mean you're disturbing me yes but that's what I asked you not to do I'm having intercourse so I got a rock hard dildo on sure on inside my wife hey another one with that then the phone rings and I don't want it to keep ringing because it's distracting so I answer I go hello and she goes hello it's an egg leading lady at the doctor's nerve sign on there and I go this is kind of hot I've never talked to a woman while being inside another one it's almost like a threesome I love it have you had this no I mean most people go fucking phone they slap it off the wall because you're all you're in the

moment the throws of passion sure so you go ah the phone and she goes don't get it don't get it you go ah it might be my dad it'll help me stay hard but yeah that's interesting so I talked to her and she's like do you need a cleaning and I wanted to say well it's it's getting awfully dirty up here I can tell you that you got that right and she said you need towels and I'm like if you stand the line I'll need a towel and bring some lotion too and a sandwich but I tried to really keep her on the line but that might be sexually harassment I don't know possibly but I think you're all right I think Esmeralda's probably walked in on a few uh 69s in her day so I think you're all right exactly but it felt like a threesome it was kind of hot and I hung up and Sarah was like that was

kind of hot whoa because I'm talking to a woman you know on the while I'm inside and I was giving a couple thrusts too I was like now we're good it was all the whole thing was like 12 seconds I love it well that's all I like anyway yeah I think what you gotta do next time to for it to be an official threesome you gotta go speaker uh because this is now you're uh you're having a one-sided and Sarah's missing out right she's gotta get in on it the only way you can't be passing the phone you know so I think you gotta go and Esmeralda goes hello hello hi see senior or whatever well that's not bad but I did think we were close enough because it was missionary that she could probably hear a little bit she could hear like a little Charlie Brown's mom

exactly I always liked her calves oh yeah some thick socks she was almost kind of lesbian-y I know I say this a lot but I think we might have talked about this before I don't know about that I think years ago Charlie Brown's mom's calves is pretty specific I know but I think we touched on it all right touched I'm telling you I'm touched but anyways I had a little threesome there in the hotel I love it was very exciting and that's a great bit I love that it's a killer bit idea I know but everyone that's gonna come see me has now heard it now like this yeah we remember they like that they go I heard you heard it there first I was in on the ground floor I know that bit yeah that's not bad I guess that's not bad hey folks Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by Lucy

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more can I say we're both wearing them every time we record great get them today promotion I go black so you can't see the skids back to the show yeah I got a bunch of a rule I don't know you want to no because I only got one honker okay well I got a bunch of stuff here so in Aruba with Tony V I think I talked about it last week Tony Woods was supposed to be there yeah which I love Tony Woods but I don't know him that much and he's more of a drinks he parties I don't think he ever remembers me yeah he's a hard guy to get to know he doesn't open up he's not a he's not a hang right and now Tony V old Boston legend I've known for 22 years and you just he's someone I just have so much reverence for yeah he's a killer and he was in the movie I made 4th of July writer star executive

producer out in theater soon coming to theaters so he's in the movie and we got to hang all summer not all summer for a couple weeks and it was great and he smokes cigars I smoke cigars he's like a dad this guy yes yes brother fig so that was great and it's me Tony and Aruba Ray and every day we meet at the palapa which is like the big palapa palapa that's the uh it's like it's like a um you know with the hay of the hay it's like a hut a hut yeah it's a pizza hut something glass hut well it's called a palapa mud hut got it mud honey so I'd go down there every day we were palapa 37 at the holiday in and Tony goes down there early and we had a great uh what's that called rhythm uh banter no no no the routine a great routine so would wake up I'd go to Starbucks

get Sarah coffee I get my tea then I'd get some cigars go upstairs do my meditation wake her up would go down down there to the palapa Tony's already there he's reading and so would sit down there go swim we have one of these balls that bounces on the surface of the water have you seen no I've never heard of a ball bounce it's amazing you gotta get one you floating the ball Fanny if you're listening get us a ball bounce sponsorship please a bbs it's a ball like this big a little smaller than a baseball but somehow it floats and bounces you just throw it I'm gonna get one for this Tampa escapade yeah please lay it on me you got you you can skim it so it shoots across the water or you can throw it like halfway and it'll do a one hop what it's unbelievable

when it comes back no I throw it to you oh I see I see but you can go 50 feet down and I can go and it goes what and then it'll hit the wave and it's really fun I gotta see this palpable it's really something at one point there was this old asshole with like a backwards fluorescent hat you know the uh neon oh yeah hate neon anything neon is not for me neon neon some of the side is good I like a neon side or a beer side a bar side but a neon outfit well this guy is 150 and it's these people they don't care about the sun and I know we're not big sunblock guys whatever nah but these are the guys that they don't care about sunblock but they spend 17 hours a day in the sun oh yeah they're just brown they're like an old catcher's mitt they look like a baked

cobbler yes top of their head is a cobbler and then they're like 150 so this skin is just like dripping off brown yikes and so Tony and I are throwing the ball having a good time and the guy goes uh pardon me excuse me he's like 40 feet away pardon me be real careful with the ball my wife has already been hit once with a ball oh it's one at every party and and his wife is floating he's like pulling his like decrepit shitty dead way it's like weakened at Bernie's oh jeez Bernie she's all like oh health insurance yeah and it's so hard because the the moments in life when you know you could beat the person up you want to really be a bully yes its power is corrupting yes I want to be like why don't you blow me your old asshole you got six weeks left we're not even

anywhere near you I hope your wife dies from a beach ball in the face yeah take your neon shove it up your pee hole and we would nowhere near him anyways was she hit she was hit by somebody else we weren't even involved how do these pilapa balls you got out there this was not us okay someone else with a beach ball a beach ball I think what is it a rock show so anyways fuck that guy yes so we're throwing the ball every morning we go in we swim we throw the ball we come out we smoke a cigar on the beach it was beautiful I love it love a routine great Canadian dish maybe we'll get some Cubans for the big bachelor party I love a cube we'll get some Cubans and some hookers it'll be a great time hell yeah male preferably but yeah good stuff good times how about this well should I lay

my hunker down actually I got a little one I'll throw it throw me a little because I got some I got a whole bunch of shit all right I don't know if I'm supposed to say this but that's always good stuff well ah basically somebody I know is doing a big award show so I've been writing a couple of zingers for that person I think they're gonna crack this one you know you throw out zingers that's how you do okay I used to throw Jervais a couple zingers back in the day back when he was banging baby and yeah now I throw in this cat a couple of yuckum ups and that person they showed up to the seller unbeknownst to myself I was on one of those things where I'm on stage and I'm like all right that's about eight minutes I've done 16 okay now I'm at 18 oh boy now I'm at 19 20 21

you're kind of like I'm doing old shit here I'm doing OJ jokes and Reaganomics and you know Hillary Clinton stuff and finally I get the light and then the guy the host walks up and he goes sorry big drop in I had to keep you on I was like oh okay so they show up place goes apeshit you know running the oscar jokes and killing by the way killing and I go I wonder if I want to mine I'll get in there they tell my joke big bomb it wasn't just a bomb I got like a oh geez and you're like oh yeah that's right I'm not a TV writer right and I stand by the joke I think it's a solid joke but it's so much darker than the rest sticks out it sticks out and uh that they were like all right that went great except for that one that uh mark wrote now we got a big laugh

and I was standing in the wings but very exciting that's very exciting it's fun and and you kind of have that Lenny Bruce thing of like but let me tell it yes and maybe I will but I might say a big groan not necessarily a bomb it's a reaction that's what my friend said the same thing a bomb is is nothing yeah and when you think about it the groan the groany the groan is the one you'll probably remember in the set right because it it a tell always said if you get a groan it means you're on to something right you know and then jeslyn I get the famous line of a groan is a laugh but for pussies oh that's a great line great line he's got a couple hot ones fun guy nice guy like that guy yeah so that was it but it was a fun little moment and the weight of it hit me like

oh my god I could get a joke on the Oscars like you know you think oh here's some jokes I'm writing jokes whatever well when you sit back and really go I've been watching these since I was uh two you know and now I could get a joke on it's like that sign for like who knew life could be so long right that you could get this to happen know this rapist it's talking about meeting Cosby right now will you get a basket because depolo wrote for rock and he got a big basket had a trip in it DVD you got a DVD of everything there was like two tickets to you know paradise I love a basket and uh it's a whole thing they give you if you work on the Austin they give you a big apple pie basket well I'm not in a basket it's good show but I'm not in the uh the writer's room I think

I'm just uh what are you contributing ah I'm a sideways uh guy here you go sister maybe you get a little basket I'll take a little basket mr egg whatever you got I'll take any kind of bread basket whatever it is could you guys do Easter with the basket and the hiding the shit as a kid we did and it was some of the best memories of my life oh wow we do a big crawfish boil and slide L Louisiana my grandfather would have that whole big old pot churning with crawdads and uh my mom would hide the uh the eggs and me and my cousins would run around and look forward it was just a good wholesome fun you find the eggs you're wrestling the grass the sun is shining eat crawfish they're drinking high life and listening to music was a great time yeah that

was fun I remember my aunt would like put a dvd in the basket and you'd get like a movie or something like that it was pretty fun remember that weird green fuzzy grass yes I love that stuff I would throw it yes kneel to grass Tyson chicken great fighter oh yeah um pigeons okay so one of the days we're sitting at the pilapa me and Tony the pilapa me Tony a ruby ray and Sarah and they got this if I'm sure you've seen it it's like a big red mattress they attach to a speedboat oh yeah I love that thing you see limbs going like this everywhere I love the red it's like a big piece of baloney in the ocean and I go we got to get the mattress let's get the couch thing get the couch and everyone goes well and you know me I'm a I'm a starter I like to get it started oh yeah maybe too much

starting well everyone's like this well I don't know we're all you know Tony 68 ruby rays 58 Sarah's 48 I'm 38 so I go come on let's just do it whatever and they go well maybe tomorrow it's late whatever tomorrow and it's they go it only goes till five anyway it's like 530 sun starting to set all right well watch out for the neon guy too neon oh the guy I hate the guy I'm so mad about the neon I was thinking dodge neon my old car ah yes not a great vehicle that was fun 2002 all right shut the bed you've been in it yeah yeah shit the bed you might have driven it probably I think I have a couple of drunk nights after a few you who's took that thing out for the town it's a fine product but uh so I go let me just look right into it so they're in the the ocean

playing with the ball and I run over to Frank's fun shack or whatever and it's a bunch of like hot spicy Latinos you have moments where you're like nah I think I am gay oh yeah I've had that today twice it's just three brown guys tiny booty shorts perfect abs under a giant palapa yeah and I gotta my palapa is straight up in the air for these guys sure sure yeah they always got good hair and a weird necklace sitting on their pecs whoo I want to blow them and they're so cool I know they're hip and every once in a while the shorts come down you see like the tan line it's like white and brown come on I'm eating here that white and brown it reminds me of my underwear as a kid my little Haynes sure sure Andy Haynes and they know and they do special that's right

check it out they call the coward of LA County yeah something something it's funny he's a funny cat very funny rosebud's husband yeah that's how he's known now you got that right but so I walk on they know how to just play right into my hand they're like hey what's up homie or a poppy oh you're speaking my language not literally seriously I'm blushing you got that right and I go hey I'm just wondering I got some old assholes out in the water we want to take the couch out can you take us in the inflatable couch and then they point they're like it's $20 a man and they're ready for you right over there I turn and the boat you know it's so sandy there you don't have to anchor up or anything they just drive right up onto the beach they beach that thing love it and there's two hotter

guys on the boat uh where does it end you can't bring your wife around she'll get wet I pay them to fuck her I mean it's two Benicio del Toro's over there and they're like sitting all like they got the foot up on the thing oh my god I'm I'm wet and they just go like this and I'm like I gotta do it so I had 80 on me I go here's 80 put us down for four I'll be right back oh so now I'm like a kid I jog back over it's hard to jog in the sand you got there right I've seen Baywatch I'm jogging past everybody Yasmin Bleece I go guys we got the couch come on and you can tell they were like all right I guess we're doing the couch it is a it is a thing I mean you're gonna get really sprayed out there you're gonna get a mouthful of jizz it's a whole rig of marole well all that

stuff happens but I just feel like in life I'm like it's just the thing if you just do it you gotta get over the hump and once you're over the hump that's what life's about and they all kind of go all right so then we dredge through the waste and I'm jogging I'm like they're coming I swear to God because I still that thing is a kid I'm like don't leave without us I swear to God I got three people coming yeah I already paid so we shed down our gear we give them our phone our glasses the whole thing we get on and it's me I'm on the outside then Sarah then Ray then Tony and we go out we go just zip us around I go give us the heat really bring it and we go out I'll tell you it was the most fun I've ever had in my life oh that's love they're zipping and zapping and he's and he's

doing these things so we fall come out of the wake we go here we go and and I like to yell crazy shit during it I'm going my sister likes me whatever my sister's got pretty nipples and then Tony's dying raised giggling like a girl and then Sarah goes Joe's gay and then I got some big laugh and I go oh that's a good way every time we hit a wave I'm like I've never made Sarah come and everyone's dying I love it I find agents off putting everyone's dying putting pop it was so fun and just the best and our ankles are going flying then the boat runs out of gas come on runs out of gas so we stop we're just floating and they had gas on board ah these gas prices are no joke but he got the guy goes we got to fill up on gas which was actually nice because we got a break we just

sat out there floating the water is beautiful there you go fills it up and I go okay see if you can dump but they're going no don't say that I'm like it's fine I'm doing this thing in the back I love this thing Tony's cranking it up we're hitting waves wakes everything bouncing and at this moment we get scary because you're like if we crash we're all going to hit each other yeah clunk heads like mo exactly so we go in just a beautiful time and everyone was like that was awesome we're high fiving I love it great fun there's nothing like that the sun is setting you're in the water you're you it's a bitch to get the phone in the bag I hate I hate all the steps but once you're out there it is clean living exactly that's what we got to do some of that

action in uh down down Tampa you got that right best party big 2022 baby should we start plugging the date well we'll get it you know what's great about the couch gig to that fluffy whatever when they pull you around they're having fun the drivers also like wow look at these fucking you know and it's great and other ones you know parasailing the guys doing his nails he's bored out of your mind while you're up there jerking off but right the couch one he's into it too because he's like I'm gonna get these guys off of here love the couch good couch recommend the couch 20 bucks a person not bad not bad you got a tip though now we gave a nice tip we gave an extra 20 so that it's you know 25 per person all right man that's a hell of a hell of a purse for a great night

and a nice tip 25 tip to ride your boat along you got that right good for them and way to keep the gas on the boat there ombre that was a smart move gotta do it yeah so then I got more if you want more put it in my ass time all right here having sex cleaning lady we heard that one talked about zander bogarts all right let me get to the uh so then night time tony and a ruby ray they're big gamblers night gamble a fair amount here but yeah losing money just kills me it hurts especially that way you could have bought a snickers bar exactly and I'll throw money around like an idiot I get uber eats twice a day I spend 70 bucks a day on food I'm taking ubers everywhere because I'm afraid of the subway but at least you're getting something you're getting a ride

you're getting a meal the gambling is just gone I hate losing money it pains me you know what it is too I hate losing I'm a competitive guy so it's also like it's not just you're losing money you're getting beat yeah beating yeah in front of your face by some Asian lady from Taiwan it's just brutal yes so they're going I they're going we're gonna go play poker tonight and I've never played poker in a casino you ever played poker in a casino too too stressful I do a little blackjack I'll do a little roulette maybe be in the back with the craps going I don't know what that means but here you go here's another 20 right the poker I mean that's like a skill right I don't have it I've been playing poker my whole life never played at a casino so we go over there there's the one table the

serious table it's a bunch of guys and sweatpants sunglasses and bad haircuts exactly thousands of dollars being exchanged and it's no limit and you buy in for whatever you want so it's it's two dollar five dollar blinds but no limit so someone can go I bet a hundred bucks okay so we all buy it we start our own table me Ray Tony and other people join in well now you're taking money from your chums exactly so it's a little it's a little trick but there's like nine guys at the table all right and that's what you play if you're playing at your house true true you have the friends over to play poker that's what goes on now what do you do you give the house a kickback how does that work what are they getting out of this drinks how do they make given drinks away maybe there's

an initiation fee or whatever like here's you got to pay to play no we didn't do that I guess they're just happy that you're there but I don't know what their cut is yeah because they're giving away drinks now they're giving away drinks but they got you in the casino too true true you might buy a meal you get any you want to get that meal yeah swordfish but yeah no you win all the pot back unless he's taking a percentage that must be a percentage no I don't think so that we'll figure that out some other time they got a light bill over here you know but I think it's also just one aspect of the casino because blackjack they're taking you down roulette they're really taking you crap slots is where they're really making money they don't slot shame so anyways

I go in there a little nervous but you know I've been playing my whole life so we got a whole big table and I got to tell you I cleaned up get down it's the coolest I've ever felt my life I want 350 bucks never lost a hand get the hell out I mean I muck everything I'm a mucker I just muck muck throw it out I get out I don't play anything I play I get rid every hand and I had a full house at one point it was me and this big fat guy down the end and I had two pair he had better two pair I got the full house on the river it was classic come on I go I got 10s full of jacks you fat son of a bitch oh my god I'm taking it down nothing better than the scoop big stack stack of money and you can tell everybody wanted a piece of me but I wouldn't let them have it I kept I kept mucking

it I'm like I don't want that I'm out I'm out I'm out never lost a hand it's so thrilling unreal did they get mad at you because sometimes you win a lot and they start getting a little chippy well you could feel it the vibe started to change and that's when I got out all of a sudden a new guy came in and it was like raise a hundred all it was like that kind of stuff where people start bullying and I go I don't like the vibe anymore bad vibe I like five bucks I bet 15 I bet 20 okay great and so I had started to get awkward and then there's this guy who's a fucking asshole everybody hates that I had heard about he showed up and everyone was like let's get out of here but felt like a million bucks leaving up 350 yeah you gotta pull and then they

get mad at you for pulling out they go you go I'm cash now they're come on because they want your money well what happened was a chair opened up at the big table and by rule whoever signed up first the second table has to go to that table and it was a ruby ray so he left and he got replaced by an asshole so Tony goes oh you know what I'm out and I went I am just here to hang with my buddy so I'm right and this guy was mad he's like now this table is ruined and it was like oh you see and then they get mad at you for mucking but good for you for hanging in there because you got a muck you're a mucker fucker I'm out yeah but they always want you to play every hand like no no no I'm mucking I fold I muck I suck my father's dick so then last story that I'm out nobody cares about

a gambling story but that's a great story I was on the edge of my tits so the very last night now I've won 350 playing poker that'll cover the uh the couch so I don't want to leave I want to leave up so I don't gamble for like two days but then the last night Ray's like come on let's let's go gamble so I go all right but I'm not gambling more than I'm gamble 300 bucks that way worst case scenario I leave up 50 bucks you got that right so I go to the blackjack table Ray's late he's in traffic play a little blackjack Sarah plays she gets wiped out right away I'm up 300 and blackjack who are you lady liberty three hundo baby holy hell big apple pie stack of chips lady look sorry new dealer comes in and she's a snarky lady I lose about 20 hands in a row hey just watch you go

at all good towers down exactly so finally I go hey I'm out I lose about 200 so now I'm up 150 on the trip okay okay still still up so Ray scoops us up we go down to the Marriott we got to go down there to pick up something doesn't matter what now here's what's tough is you've already lost a nice chunk of change he just got there so he's ready to roll but you're like I'm already out and when he picks me up now he does real gambling when he picks me up he goes I gotta tell you something I just won 7000 I go 7000 I go come on he pulls it out like a stack he looks like fucking uh Jimmy Conway he's gonna stack this big of bills and I go well I'm not gambling anymore he goes I'll float you 100 you can gamble with my hundred all right anything you win you get if you win you give me back

the hundred I go all right all right okay okay so I love let it ride he's never playing there's no let it ride let it ride let it ride you get three cards and you have three bets out there but you know it's about one so then there's two community cards that are part of your hand so you can keep or it's it's hard to explain without it there that's a fun game okay sounds fun five card poker game but you're not playing against the other players got so we sit down and let it ride first hand full house I win 110 bucks all right so now you're already up 10 so no I win 100 I win 110 so immediately I have a hundred in front of me that he gave me I win 110 oh I slide him back his hundred oh that's money baby I'm back up 110 who are you uh horseshoe boy it's crazy so

he gets wiped out at let it ride I end up giving a little back I think I'm up 75 and I'll go okay I'm leaving it's one in the morning we got to fly out tomorrow good for you now raise a maniac he's an addict he goes let's put some on the roulette wheel come on he goes I'm gonna put one spin this is the classic story every time so I go all right one spin Sarah's fed up she just throws some cheese at me she sits down she looks at her phone I put down I put 10 bucks on the table ah I got 34 by lucky number Paul Pierce David Ortiz my sister's asshole my waist size I put 34 it comes up 34 I hit 150 bucks oh and I go okay I'm out of here and he goes no you got to leave a couple of chips on 34 for the next spin just in case comes up again the addict so I go I leave a

couple on 34 I go well I'm betting four bucks I might as well put in another six bucks the minimum ah you're killing me here I'm watching it dwindle so I put it on a couple numbers including 17 Sarah's birthday it hits 17 get the fuck out it's got 50 bucks on 17 so I win like 70 bucks he wins like 700 bucks all right pull out pull out and we go oh my god I go let's get out of here this is crazy he goes no if you win you got to leave it on the number no these rules I hate the rules so he leaves it on the number I leave it on the number I go okay this is the last man I go Sarah last spin 17 again three spins in a row I won two 17s I'm uh and he's winning he's betting like so much more than me so he's up like four grand I'm up a few hundred then he goes you can't look you

can't leave on a win you have to leave it on there so I go back to 34 I never don't bet on 34 it comes all right what are we doing in a row I don't believe it I don't believe it the mugs are over the cup is over the bottle shaky now get out of there 34 I win four spins in a row I have a stack of chips he's up I swear to God he's up like $12,000 it's wow we both won four spins in a row we're screaming holy hell this is insane now can you leave so finally he goes well you got to leave it on there you leave it on there so I leave all these are either a $10 bets so what are you up now I'm up a few hundred okay he's up thousands of dollars so I go all right one more spin if I lose I'm out no matter what yeah one more spin I lose 10 bucks I go okay I'm out he goes okay fine good

so we leave I got a big old stack of chips this is the last night I'm leaving at like 10 a.m at 1 30 a.m I won like 500 bucks oh my god you left on a high it was crazy I left up 750 holy shit this is incredible good for you it never goes that way wow you beat the system beat the system did you have the cum guzzler in the suit go hey sir we like the way you play out there why don't you come stay in the main suite and we'll get you a couple of who is well the hard thing was I was gambling next to Ray who's literally betting like 20 times more than me yeah so he gets all the treatment they're all like I'm yelling like a girl and they're like what you win I'm like 200 bucks right so it was like not as exciting as uh you know oh this little trick

yeah still holds up right that's good stuff put that on reels make a reel you gotta have reels content oh man reels deals but yeah good for you hey hey Tuesday stories is thrilled to welcome our new sponsor Fanimal Fanimal I love live events but I hate buying tickets the hidden fees they suck in coordinating with friends is a nightmare I always end up frontin a bunch of money then chasing down the friends to get reimbursed and if they flake I'm stuck with the whole gosh darn bill but then I discovered Fanimal Fanimal has tickets to everything and there's no fees the price you see is the price you pay I love that not only our price it's transparent but they're almost always lower than anywhere close I look and for any hot ticket like Coachella Laker game

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more support the show and get $20 off your first purchase Tuesdays is the code Fanimal.com thank you folks right now here's an ad for our own stuff which I feel like we don't do enough the merch store is rocking and rolling you got the link in the description of the episode it's Tuesdays with stories.bigcartel.com look at these mugs queef to teach his owner sticking up my ass farts that lunch hit them up to pull there's so many things in here yeah it's all pipes a sizable mug and it's what's known as a four finger mug oh I like that you can get all four fingers in there so you can really drink some heavy shit put in take a dump in there drink tea drink your beer it's a good looking mug my ex was a four finger mug and uh the link is in the description on the screen right now

mug castanza yes go down there join the patreon and get some merch come out show up to the shows wearing the merch bring the mug throw it at me if I uh you know suck yeah yeah this is your mug shot folks there it is uh beautiful you hear that made in china yeah so do that and patreon.com slash whatever the fuck you can find us sign up today and by the way a few people have been bringing chipotle cards again bring them back we love chipotle god bless you chipotle card starbucks card I got some cheesecake factories it's insane so thank you for those you're welcome to do that if you want and uh I don't know that's it yeah keep waving we love you tits all right let me uh yeah bring us home we had two hours and 48 minutes show boo

47 all right plenty of room here all right I'm gonna I'm gonna really milk this uh this puppy it's gonna be hard to follow the five hundo winning streak but here we go big papa and the bush women uh-huh okay so doing this run lahoya skiing tampa I've been gone eight years I don't know who I am I don't know where I am I'm gay I'm sick I'm queefing I get a text that about one in the morning when I'm in uh tampa okay and I go who the hell is this you know I've got a few cocktails the show's over I got my feet up and I'm like what's this it's a guy I haven't talked to in years Sean Strauss throwing that out there SS this guy talked me how he taught me how to drive stick I put it out there years ago I bought the I was buying the beamer and I go I don't even know how to

drive a stick it's a 1973 you know manual and this Tuesday hits me up and goes I don't know if you remember me we did some shows together but I can teach how to drive stick come out to jersey I'll drive you around in my car it's a stick I'm a mechanic or whatever the hell and I go great go out there nice guy he picks me up we learn stick we I took him out to dinner after the diner he drives me home we shake hands we make out that's it okay he texts me this guy that's a little backstory he texts me one in the morning goes hey man I'm half in the bag I went out to a bachelor party or some kind of thing he's in a suit he goes I'm in Chinatown I'm looking at your I'm looking at a big bike with a cover over it and just a cut hair of the bike is sticking

out he's like it looks like your bike what and I go the hog the hog got stolen he goes yeah yeah is this it he whips the cover off he takes a photo and I go that's it and I go what are there two scratches on the handlebars I have a black handlebar with two of these scratches because I fucked it up one time he goes there are and I go that's the bike he goes give me the god give me the VIN number just to be sure so I gotta go in my Geico thing I'm looking through VIN I don't know how to do any of this I take a photo of the VIN I said he goes we got a match oh my god this is crazy Vin Diesel you're in Tampa I'm in Tampa he's in Chinatown Chinatown I know Jake oh my god so I go what the hell is this go he goes it's got seven chains on it it's wrapped up to shit

it's a little beat up and I just want to hug it and go oh my god big fat baby we're gonna take you home you know he's in danger though I know I know I said keep your head on this movie he's like I'm with six guys or a bunch of Jersey MOOCs we don't give a shit break it on and I go well what are you gonna do he goes this is great I love this kind of shit my bike got stolen a year ago I'm still sour about it I got a chip on my shoulder fuck these queefs we're taking this bike back he's sour he's sour and he's not gonna sweeten so I go well hey man look I'll come get it but I just feel bad he's like in a suit he's all dolled up and he's he's gotta have a couple champagnes in him but he's like no no this is this is how we're ending the night he goes and gets a

buzz saw I don't know where a buzz saw yes and he just shows me video he's cutting these chains spark flying everywhere right in the middle of Mach Street oh my god it's like a metaphor I know for what I don't know cutting the chains to free oh yes freeing slavery yeah give him the boot I'm a stud yeah yeah so I'm like oh my god I'm in a hotel I'm in a holiday in Tampa like whoa cut those chains motherfucker let's do this holy shit so and he's a pro just guys like a tool guy he's a real man you know he's got a he's got a buzz saw in Chinatown I think he had his trunk or something Jesus so I see there's like eight guys around he goes okay the bike is free it looks like there's a couple fuel lines cut I think you got a flat tire back here I'm like it's fine it's fine just

keep it safe put a blanket over it rub it's back oh my god and he's like I know a guy at the six precinct I'm gonna call him turns out he calls this guy the six precinct guy officer Vinny I love a cop friend I know you gotta have a cop friend it's huge so he goes Vinny is pissed too because there's been a lot of bicycle stolen or moped's or hogs or whatever and he's got stolen too he's got an axe to grind oh my god one sour the other an axe to grind a lot of saw to cut with yes yes so Vinny goes I work at the precinct in Chinatown walk it over I'll keep an eye on it leave it here as long as you want fuck these queefs and I call he goes here's Vinny's number I call him the next day I go hey Vin this is Mark Vin number I'm the guy with the hog he's like yes

it's here so I'm going to pick it up today oh my god I know it's insane you don't get anything legendary legendary every every show I do on the road I do a little Q&A where's the hog whatever it got stolen did you get it back it's stolen what do you want from me it's gone we got it back we're getting back today I hope it's still there I'm sure it's beat up but it's the principal what what did they come back for revenge though they're like here's my bite now or whatever yeah it's a little scary you can be working with the china mob here I know I might get squid game but here's the clinker they stole it from New York comedy club on 4th street I don't live over there I live on the other side of town right I'm just gonna put it back at my house and hopefully

we get this Brooklyn apartment then it'll be safe I got a backyard there right so I just gotta get it and hold on to that cum stain as long as I can then keep it safe in Brooklyn I can't believe it I mean this is like the sobs of golf clubs yes exactly exactly that I mean you should have seen these sparks Jerry go at nuts I was like man these friends Sean Strauss give him a goog check it out he put the whole thing on my stories where did he get the buzz saw he's a tool guy he's a he's a man's man he's a he's a mechanic he's a carpenter he's one of these cats yeah he's a he's a Tim Allen the tool man yeah and boy he went full L Borlund on that thing and I just got to be I was in my hotel and he's FaceTiming yeah he's FaceTiming he's taking pics it's great this guy's a hero I gotta

ride the subway with him because I run into trouble he can buzz saw these assholes he's the guy you want you get why women like these manly men it's because they can get shit done he had a blast doing he's like fuck it we're we're saving the world I'm not saving the world but we're we're taking injustice god stopping injustice we're helping people fuck the bad guys here you go bicycle I'd kill to be that guy I'm like we're all getting on the couch guy that's not a bad guy that's a good guy you're a party starter but if the boat guy was like just kidding I'm taking you to you know Haiti to rape you I'd be like oh no you know I'd like to be that guy yeah it'd be nice I could like it be both the rape buzz saw the party starter guy but also the buzz saw the dirt

bike free I see because if I saw it I'd call a cop and be like hello can you help me you know I'll get you on a inflatable couch on the ocean if we ever see each other yeah this guy's hands on he gets you done I think it's a little jersey in him you know you need right you don't want some Manhattan coups out there oh this is bad we need to file a paperwork or whatever he's like a jersey mook he's like let's fucking go wow so good good news getting the hog back very exciting fuck you guys stealing and now I feel bad stealing from Hudson News because I'm like ah things were stolen from me now I'm stealing but that's Hudson wow they're a corporation exactly whatever but so it's just sitting at the precinct sitting at the precinct and it's a little banged up so I'm gonna go I got a

thing to do today at three after that heading right down to Chinatown thank you I almost lost my nose and I like my nose I enjoy breathing out of it Nicholson yes directed by a guy who fucked a kid in the ass yeah but uh you know and holocaust survivor you know is he oh yeah his parents died oh but he's all right well he wasn't in it he was there he was in it he was there whoa that's the dan mince joke he won an academy award accused of raping a child and a holocaust survivor I'll be happy with just one of those oh it's a great joke man that dan mince has some pearls one of the great one of the great joke writers so that's where we're at folks call in let me know what you think uh we got a couch guy we got a new bike owner and uh sometimes the world will

throw you a nice little oyster yes love an oyster I love pussy it smells like oysters yes lick a clam isn't that your name Shelby Shelby Royster something like that yeah there you go all right what is that French all right God knows he's Ellis Island he was put there as a child he was left at a basket God only knows what I'd be without Jews all right well this has been a classic I mean hell yeah a humdinger and if you think it was easy to find a dinger that could hum you got another uh hum coming another baby jizzing so I got the big show this no not this weekend I don't know when this episode comes out lay it on me I'm in Jersey April 2nd I think that's this Saturday if I'm not mistaken what are you doing in Jersey little one nighter Danny Braf gig

the Braf Meister I don't even know where it is honestly good luck with that puppy I gotta figure out where the fuck it is uh shit hold on I got it right here all right he's got it folks dojo of comedy at Tiff's Morris Plains sounds like a hell gig frankly yeah it could be Morris Plains this Saturday night uh tickets are 25 bucks Steve Big Dick Rogers is coming dirty rascals comedy it's calling call that sounds fun and then uh April 14th through the 16th of course laugh Boston get your tickets that's gonna be fun yes big holiday weekend hometown cliff Buffalo April 21st through the 23rd I got uh oh shit I got so many dates yeah Boston May 5th through the 7th Raleigh Good Nights May I think 14th through the 20 whatever the fuck 7th through the whatever the next week after that

go check them out Raleigh's Good Night I got Nashville Zainis in August I got San Francisco Punchline in June oh my god I got a Vancouver Makeup Date Rickshaw Theater June 11th I think Toronto's getting made up July 29th wow fun cities a lot of fun stuff uh yeah a lot of fun shit love it and then I'm going back to Tacoma again and a special and a movie April 30th April 29th is the special go subscribe to my youtube this special is gonna be huge big special and a big movie a lot of stuff in the can right now big can cans condoms um at the dania improv in Florida dania beach helium indianapolis carolina theater and Raleigh stand up live in phoenix calusa casino resort in california magubis in baltimore addison improv in Dallas uh stand up live in huntsville

uh doing some gigs with krisher we're doing red rocks again Irvine improv uh denver Minneapolis chicago cleveland and Durham so DC as well check those out mark normal comedy dot com watch our specials out to lunch I hate myself the new special patreon is big the mugs are big a lot of good stuff cooking shelby's uh rocking and rolling out there new stuff every week on the patreon tell a friend get on board we're trying to blow this puppy up Georgia st cut it where the cameras thank you brazella