Tuesdays with Stories! - #454 Spend a Penny

Episode Date: May 31, 2022

Joe and Mark are overwhelmed in London as they quake and quiver about the workload related to their TV tapings. This show is gonna kill 'em! Mark misses a flight and throws his frequent-flyer weight around to angle for a refund, as Joe is on the verge of getting rooked into buying an insanely expensive suit in the UK! The boys are across the pond and they can't handle it! Sponsors: - Support the show and get 10% off your first month of online therapy at: https://BetterHelp.com/Tuesdays - Support the show and receive your first month FREE at BlueChew.com, with promo code: TUESDAYS - Support the show and get up to 34% off some sweet new metal art with the code TUESDAYS at https://displate.com/tuesdayswithstories?art=624740987334c Subscribe to our Patreon for the ad-free version of the show, weekly bonus episodes, and more! patreon.com/tuesdays Subscribe to our YouTube channel here for full video of every episode: https://youtube.com/c/TuesdayswithStories SUBSCRIBE: https://bit.ly/2ABEe1w

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy my radio is spitting at me I can't we are folks we're in foggy London town this is it Tuesdays in a basement of a comedy club I think it's a club it's a coffee house club thing 21

Soho I got a story about it I did a show here Thursday packs sold out tons of Tuesdays here it was fantastic we made it work we got a couple guys on the ones and twos here last minute it was an emergency situation oh yeah rehearsals up the ass we had to find a place we're in a basement it feels like a bomb shelter down here yeah it's a bomb shelter after that act of yours oh hey I gotta say we're doing this TV show out here the whole thing was a huge mistake we thought it was a free trip to London it's a fucking gulag they got us running on treadmills and writing jokes and they're taking our whole time you don't

even know the half I've been here first of all for nine days right now on day 10 in London I live here now I got an accent I got a I got a broke bloke what is that called a brogue a brogue a guy right a bloke yeah yeah I'm a bloke couple blokes look bad is that derogatory I don't think so is it what I think bloke is just like dude okay okay a bloke what about cunt that's okay that's on the fence that's everyone said but I said cunt on stage and people were still like a little weird but maybe they know I'm American that's why but I think cunt you can do like Luke Mona's who I'm hanging out with a great guy funny guy he's doing

a bit he's like I'm saying cunt and cheers left and right he's like I think you can call babies cunts in this country try it today cunt next time I see a kid breastfeeding go look at that cunt with the cunt yes but anyway we're here and the show I mean I'm trying to warn you I haven't seen you pick up a pen yet I haven't opened the file I haven't have an attachment on my phone with all the materials on it I haven't even opened I'm gonna tell you right now you're fucked everyone tune in to the great American joke off on the CW mark is gonna you're totally fucked you're gonna be like stone cold stunned I'm gonna

eat my asshole on stage it's gonna be ugly it's all on TV tune in for but here's where's how I look at it I'm terrified I'm dreading it but it has to end has to end meaning I'm done on Sunday Sunday will come and it'll be done yes I will come and so will my mother if my father fucks are right but that's also the day that everyone's watching the CW making a turkey of yourself I blow this is what's on the CW it's trash I've never seen it I don't know it is trash heap Chris walls Charlie Wilson yes clown wig cut wiggle yeah all right how much you guys hate us you can't hate us more than we hate

ourselves loathing over here by the way beautiful camera this thing looks like it looks like a music not Mussolini who's the Mussolini Fellini front is them yes yes both the both whops director dictator similar the guy cases is a sexy camera as well yeah beautiful you guys are all beautiful people thanks for having us but so this TV show I'm here in London you got here a couple days ago yeah a sight for sore asshole I mean I was dying out here I look I'm hanging out with Luke a lot but Luke's good Luke is good the force be with you but I mean I am lonely and I just wanted to blow you I wanted to hug

you and give your wife a noogie I'm just dying out here let's have a threesome yeah it's great it's great to see you and the hotel they got us in I feel like Kevin McAllister I'm jumping on the bed I ordered a pizza I'm drinking coke at night the Langham boys the Langham you know what the Langham believe it go to the Langham it's crazy beautiful I mean the Queen stays there top hats you know was there right Jesus Lenin Christian we got Christian Bell was there yeah Bell's there they changed your sheets you brought your jacket in was that you I was my jacket too many layers I went in I got pardon me pardon me I had too many

layers on do about my jacket they said we'll fold it we'll press it we'll put it in your room press press the press says that was a lie all right that's off the presses press lies but I did my laundry by the way 200 pounds hey that's like my ex-wife six bucks a sock that's a lot of weight they press my sweat I'm wearing liquid death sweatpants they pressed them they're on a hanger they gave me sweatpants hanger and the day no they wasn't mine I know where'd you get them oh this is a birthday gift for my sister-in-law well radical sister perfect things like surge can holy hell what do you skateboarding now oh yeah let me get

back to the beginning okay I got some stuff to in in America to talk about you want to go first besides the shooting yeah now you go all right well anyway so I arrived here I don't even know three moons ago I mean this was like I've been here forever a month yeah I dance I got here to the Langham Hotel fly first class Delta one this TV show is really hooking us up yeah it's the best I slept the whole flight get here Langham Hotel they're wearing top hats with the tails welcome sir sure that was a I don't know if that was British well whatever yeah like a monster II but beautiful hotel you can't believe in

it's not real steam room pool the gym is amazing the breakfast the breakfast of the hotel is free and it's the best thing I've had forget about it oh I had food last night at some Turkish deli I shit out a turkey bone it was brutal well speaking of Turkey let me get into my gobble gobble so I come here I'll talk about some other stuff but you said Turkey so I want to look nice for the party the other way to meet big TV show we're doing the show and my hair is a little scraggly and right across you know much I love Ted Baker yes Baker's doesn't London I went to Ted Baker bought a jacket I can't tell that story to

a lot of stories it's crazy so I go to get a haircut Ted Baker has their own grooming place it's Ted's grooming wow like with kids were they they grow them up and fuck them oh no different I see slightly different okay so but similar so I go there I'll spend I'll spend a penny which means go to the bathroom here go again to penny spend a penny you do that it never it's old school my mother-in-law is from England and they said spend a penny because I think back in the 40s cost a pen hey I was a penny so she still says I'm gonna go spend a penny well we say drop a deuce with that I think I think spend a penny is

urine that's old-school British I think I think the youngsters don't know spend a penny I guess all right right so anyways so I'm going to get my haircut nice place I guess it's a Turkish barber or Turkish plays Turkish Delight so the guy washes my hair he starts by washing my hair you lean I haven't had in my hair wash since I was 11 sure I've seen it I mean I wash my own hair from time to time I lean in you gotta like sit like this yeah he washes my hair scoops it up sprays it washes me then he cuts my hair very nice haircut sharp very sharp thank I got a little bedhead right now the same truth

be told yeah so he is my hair and then he gives me a shave the neck with the razor of a neck raise does around the corner then he says would you like me to take care of your ears your ear hair oh and I go yeah I mean first of all I didn't know I had your hair you got hair you've hit me with your hair not any more I don't all right so I go I guess so and are you familiar with the Turkish style of taking out the ear hair I'm not aware this guy takes out a long stick about the size of my dad's car this long like a Turkish man with a stick already unless it's a kebab takes out a stick they takes out a bic lighter not

even a fancy like a blue body that's 7-eleven lighter a stick and a bic lights the end of the stick oh my god what is this in the railing brothers and then he Harry Potter he goes like this what have you guys had this he whips my head with the fire like this to be arrested like a heat in my ear Jerry he's singed he's like I go what the fuck what are you doing oh my god the heat I'm singing the hair off your ear oh my god and I go you got to change this term because in what fucking planet does take care of mean burn with a fire oh that's cuckoo if I said hey go you have a baby go to work I'll take care of the

baby you don't assume fire is involved no no no nobody wants a kid in a fire fire he fired me he's burned it off like and you can feel the heat wow and he went to both side goes whoa whoa and I think that's customary in there in their culture thanks could you hear the no I don't think I'm looking my hairs are long enough to tis oh my pubes maybe sure sure yeah I could use them to fire on the pubes firecrunch but I'm from the pubes great novel but I get I get the ear hair out to here the lady always goes hold on and you want to go you want a slapper in the teeth well you gotta sing sing that shit maybe I'll sing turkey

okay that was a real turkey up there but he's singed they wash my hair again double wash double wall that's overkill and then he gave me some pay he's like you need paste and he put paste over his hands and he pasted me I'm all pasty oh that's even I'll tell you that right now wow Turkish she should go back there and write a Yelp review I think it was quite an experience then he gave me the hot towel he leaned me back hot towel hot towel double wash hot towel ear hair singe and then nice haircut so go to turkey for a haircut hell yeah I think we should start describing good and bad things with hot hot towel is amazing you

put a hot towel on hot laundry a cold towel you ever a cold wet towel that's that's the new good and bad but it's all perspective what about summer time summer time nice wet cold towels nice you play a game of hoop someone hands you a cold towel that's not bad I got cold towels at the gym to have what's that thing not a regular elliptus eucalyptus they give you the eucalyptus cold wet and that's something so that's all right all right all right that's not bad it's all situational yes I told someone the other day about dry sock after a wet sock I gotta bring that back cuz I was like that's brilliant oh

really brilliant yeah well it was in England everything brilliant I find brilliant brilliant yeah it's fun brilliant is nice I like that cheers it's fun the whole thing is a good time great show yes all right tell me what you have been up to because I haven't seen you since 85 I've been here in London town sure why I've got a saga for you remember the old days with the the flights and the sagas and the bleeps and the bloops course old days that was a couple weeks all right well we got an old saga here now buckle up fatty cuz this one is this one is a honker okay I'll try to paint a pick please do go

into Oklahoma City not bragging big gig at the Bricktown comedy club Thursday just come back Sunday Oklahoma's a cum-guzzler to get to you gotta connect there's no chance of not conducting it's hell on earth it's a weird town it's a small airport shit kicking boot licking cow riding cow boys boot lick and I like by the way I'd love to lick a boot a leather with a point and a heel oof please somebody make me lick a boot maybe come on it and lick it off could you suck the the heel you got a line I get it yeah across that line okay got standards this guy so go on Oklahoma City 830

flight we're bombing in the room the room is bad bad vibe bad cinch we stick so 830 flight to go that's a bitch I'll get there for it's one of those things we like oh it's like a nine-hour travel day and I'm going to Oklahoma City what am I doing with my life 830 flight I wake up it's seven ish you know get your shit together brush your teeth jerk off just on the wife while she's sleeping then get your bag together and I go okay now I get my customary uber to the Newark Airport $150 come on that seems a little high yeah let me let me check lift that's my big move I go to the competitor right I think they're

in cahoots these two I believe so yeah I don't know if cahoots but I think they're I and the other one they're in sync it's not cahoots like hoots oh I see they're in cinch just cahoots and kaputz kaputz and there's kaputz right and this is Kabul Kabul I know it's Kabul for years and then became Kabul well I live in Kabul Hill but so cobblestone so I'll stone throat haha so I get to I get the I go alright you know what fuck lift fuck uber I'm going yellow cab I'm beating the system good luck well that's the clinker so I look outside pouring rain that's why it's so expensive the surge the demand goes up the price goes

up that's economics so I go outside I'm like a wet cat I'm in the rain I got a tiny umbrella like Wiley Coyote I got my bag here I got bedhead it's morning and I'm just waiting out there yeah cab cab nobody's going by then you see a cab but it's got a lady in it she goes ah bitch fuck you I got it right now what about curb you got curb I don't have curb but I I was so desperate I started downloading curve yeah I know that move good show so I go alright alright what am I gonna do here now I gotta make a decision I'm gonna be late I'm gonna miss my flight at this point like I still got to get to the airport so I get

back on lift and I go I'm just gonna do it boop hundred and sixty dollars now went up so I'm like God damn it what am I doing with my life right then yellow cab now how about this I'm not playing any games with this cab so I go you good he goes get in here and I leave my bag on the sidewalk and I get in the cab I sit down and I go Newark Airport he goes I'm not going to like I'm already in I'm already in he's trying to pull that shit old school yes which is illegal so this is part of the reason you feel bad for the look I wish the yellow cabs were there yeah make the city safer first of all you think absolutely of course

can get away well there used to be yellow cabs constantly all hours of the night there's that you could always grab a cab now you're very isolated late at night in the village there's nobody around yeah you're sitting duck waiting for that three minutes there used to be 30 cabs go you go the cab excuse me good point great point he has a point so a guy goes I knew I don't know man I go I gotta go I'm gonna miss my flight he goes alright fine so I jump out grab my bag and jump back in and slam the door so now we're off to Newark and I'm pushing it you know this this rain thing this lift uber thing really fucked me I

get there on time this guy's it's in the van too and he's like the A team so we get to Newark and he goes what terminal I go oh shit hold on let me check the boarding pass LaGuardia Oh come on what's on the wrong airport I never looked I went off muscle memory the rain it threw me up at the assistant he shot the lady in the face his assistant is good he keeps emailing he's a good guy he's sweet I love you Bill Steve Bob Ricky whatever you help your name is he wants to be your assistant I know I need him I didn't just pick me up and drive me and fuck the assistant fuck the paperwork I need on

demand I need a car no your assistant sets this up you don't even have to know about it you just go get in the car your assistant says I'll pick you up I don't have an assistant by the way it makes it sound like I have an assistant I've just worked with the guy who has an assistant you just go hey oh my god 5 p.m. pick up you go down there you get in the car assistant you got the assistant you have the money you got an ass you got assist and you got an amp that's true haha put it all together but I say but ah some people say auntie yeah that's like people that say mommy oh my mommy you know what's not bad is my that's an

old attack yeah I say my mom's not bad hey folks Tuesdays with stores is brought to you by better help online therapy many people are burned out without even knowing it symptoms can include lack of motivation feeling helpless or trapped attachment fatigue and more look you know me in the the list my stare we love the you know what I'm talking about you know what I'm talking about you know what I'm talking about it's the therapy we got we got L you got to do it it's imperative it's important it's a it's a game changer you know everybody's deal with something and everybody's going through it

including you even when I say you're going through some get the therapy try it out it's Fred from home come on how bad could it be easy peasy we associate burnout with work but that's not the only cause most things in life can lead us to feel burned out and better help online therapy wants to remind you to prioritize yourself talk with someone can help you figure out what's causing stress in your life you know what I'm talking about right now I'm talking about the therapy is help me because you you you're not perfect everybody's flawed look your parents are cooks maybe your parents walked whatever it is figure out what your thing is who you are and how to deal with it

I think it's important it'll be a better life better help is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you better help you know you know you're not more horrible than in person therapy and you could be matched up with a therapist in under 48 hours to the stories listeners get 10% off their first month and better help dot com slash Tuesdays that's BETT ER HELP dot com slash Tuesdays had a a folks Tuesday's a story is brought to you by blue two is nothing sexier than confidence in blue two can give you the confidence where it counts

that is true I mean we've all had a little all you know deflation downtown so anything like that so if you could benefit from extra confidence when it's time to perform bluetooth could help and we've got a special deal for our listeners folks bluetooth free try bluetooth free when you use promo code Tuesdays at checkout just pay five dollars for shipping that's bluetooth.com promo code Tuesdays to receive your first month free visit bluetooth.com for more details and important safety information and thank you bluetooth for sponsoring the show

yo yo ma so uh okay now i'm at the wrong airport and i was already barely gonna make it so you missed the flight you had no chance no chance and there's only so many flights going okay see so i go and and now the calling i gotta say the driver was very empathetic he was like oh i'm sorry man i'm sorry it was more like i'm sorry i'm sorry but he was like i'm sorry man that's tough and i was like i don't know what to do he goes well you get a flight from there to somewhere that's the thing so i pulled that old uh what's that guy's name that italian comic houdini no the comic uh meniscalco the other one hit pete corielli oh i love corielli he's got that bit you know one flight to whatever oh yeah that's great i'll be on the next flight out

after seven business days right right so i just go up to the desk defeated i'm already wet i'm already calmed out i go up to the thing and i go uh one flight to oklahoma city the lady goes you know she's tick tick tick tick she goes uh 900 dollars and i go all right give it to me delta flight not bad delta flight go in the lounge i got an hour and a half to kill i'm just like uh it's a 900 dollar mistake just by not reading the ticket not an hour mistake but i eat it i eat it call the you should be able to call the other one and say i'm not going to make it and get a credit at that i mean it's boarding as long as it hasn't taken off you're okay really yeah i should have done that you're okay see uh-huh so i go and i just i'm eating the eggs in there i'm drinking

the car i'm just trying to mooch as much of that 900 back yeah i remember doing that yeah the eggs so i get on the fucking delta flight i'm in the back because i booked it so late i'm i'm in the toilet at this point you know i'm sitting on the shitter reading the the daily bugle and i'm like portland daily bugle god damn it whatever get to ok see i'm defeated i hate myself i just that 900 is looming oh we do the shows the shows are great i got alex parent there i got neil rubenstein i got datan besant i got all these fun guys we're hanging out we're work dating besant he's a cute he's like 11 he's sweet he's got like a milk mustache and uh yeah he's gay the slingshot a hat with a propeller on it a big lollipop i bet he weighs 107 pounds oh yeah he's a twink

i like a guy i could just beat up i could just really beat the shit out of him but i had to yeah he was only like six people out there he could take that kid's lunch money in a second so uh we just have a great time and shows shows shows now here's where it gets harry oh it hasn't been harry harry and the henderson's you need a fireball i know i could have used a cinch so uh now i'm going back to new york the weekend's over whatever the 900 i sold merch i got it back whatever sure and the flight is at six a.m because you just want to get back it's a nightmare but you just want to get back get back to where you once belonged get back lorita yeah british beetles not from london i got that right all right so working class yeah that's right yeah yeah so uh

all right so now i'm back at the airport four four thirty pickup you know get to the airport at five the whole rig of my roll and uh i get there and you know i'm trying to check in sure doing the check in unavailable don't tell me you're the wrong airport again unavailable error error i go ah it's probably one of the things you get to the gate you know c agent oh my god yeah she was a c all right so i get up there and i go hey it says uh c agent she goes okay and it's jumping in there i don't know why but it's fucking five a.m four forty a.m whatever it is and it's packed people want to get out they want to get out okay see so i go uh hey c agent she goes yeah hold on she goes oh yeah you're not on this flight and i go whoa whoa whoa dickless bitch i've been uh booked i've

been paid i got receipts i show the receipt hey look at that receipt and she goes let me get my manager never good yeah goes get the manager she's got a she's eating a fucking jelly donut she's got a face covered in white powder she's like mmm yeah you know she's doing this shit hold on there hold on she goes uh you got they got a contract out and i go contract what am i a hit man what do you talk about she goes if you miss the first flight it's in the contract that you lose the second one back oh this is the same flight have you heard it yeah it's the same yes no that's the deal is that the deal that's the deal well here's okay if that's the deal let me know like call me and go hey just check and just let you know you're not getting the next flight it's like a package

it's a package yes decent package so i go well i have a contract this is where i you see some movies and you just turned on them i go well i have a contract when i pay for a flight you give me the flight and she was like that's a contract i got a contract now we're contracting she's a contract i think they're like you fucked us because we had a seat that we reserved for you that we could have sold you a piece of shit i know but i think they assume well if you miss the flight you're not even here right why would we assume you buy another one which i get but i'm like you could have told me i don't have the flight that's all i wanted that's what i was conveying right and she goes i understand so she was she was nice enough but she's like you got to call this number and i'm like

but i'm talking to you i already got a number i'm with a little human this is why you had to call originally and call them and say i'm gonna miss this flight because then they that's that's when they say you blew off the flight you expect them to call and say hey you fucked us you bought a ticket and didn't use it so we couldn't sell that ticket but we want to let you know if you had called i thought they'd call me or text me or email me that's what they thought about you well you're now i'm the assumption is the mother of all fuck up yes whatever the hell the bridge over the river quiet something in the bible yeah so now i'm pissed so i'm on hold and i go all right i can't i can't not leave this airport i'm not going back i'm not going back to okay see now you can't it's a fine

place i just don't want to live there thunder so i go uh okay let me check delta again now here's another 900 bucks delta $1800 flight out to new york city and i go i will not pay that that's that's egregious mm-hmm so then i go beep boop boop american one seat left boards in an hour and a half $500 i'll take it okay i'll take it so now just just for the just let me put my green visor on you know you do the whole thing that's a $900 flight from delta plus the original 800 for the round trip that i missed so now what are we at 17 17 plus the five that's 23 22 200 bones were down not to mention the the drive to the airport and all that so we're we're cooking about 23 hundo here yeah that's that's a pretty penny or as you guys would say a toilet yes a urine yeah so i go get

me the 500 the lady it's so nice when it the lady's nice i go to the american thing and she just goes oh yeah okay you want that one five years credit card you got it you're like oh wow that was so easy it's like shocking love a nice lady hidey was a name i'll never forget hey hidey oh yeah probably listening let's hope she was cute too so which is rare at five in the morning really see hot people at five a.m now they don't have to get up they don't and rarely working as well if you do it maybe they're doing a walk of shame or something by the way i got a top secret comedy club every night i'll get into that later every single man and woman just beautiful beautiful just gorgeous sexy people here good looking people in london yeah you don't hear that a lot but i

think it's i think it's on the dl ah they got hot beautiful people here yeah something london she there you go damn what i thought i had something funding london it's on the dl i thought i could have like something london dirty london delightful london all right uh do do down the fuck doucheery london so get the american flight uh and i i've been on hold the whole time literally an hour and a half on hold i go through security i put my phone in my pocket i put in the bin it's all it's just going well your call is important to us right don't leave well we're gonna talk to you i swear to god don't they have the option though they'll call you back i don't trust the call back i left your audio mind well i knew i had to do anyway this is all insane i had

shit to do anyway but hang tight fatty because it works out oh i'm giving it away so now i'm waiting to board the american and i got like a half hour and i'm just i got the earbud i'm in psycho mode i got the earbuds in do do do because i'm like they're gonna call and i'm gonna be ready and i'm shopping i'm stealing from hudson news you know i'm doing my pickpocket thing and uh do do do hello oh my god they answered my flight is boarding now and i go okay i got about 12 minutes from what i have to get on that plane to me yelling at this guy so i got some time and i go they go group group one and i'm like i'm just gonna wait and i'm gonna board last and i'm gonna yell at this guy so i'm on the phone with this guy and i just tell him the whole thing and i go i

want to reef up blah blah blah and he goes sir contract contract fly every weekend i'm platinum i'm gay all this shit and he goes i don't know sir and i go i'm going to london next week on united how do you like maybe i'll cancel that one how do you like that maybe i'll cancel that puppy and he goes oh really and i go yeah yeah and he goes uh all right we'll refund you so it worked interesting so now we're 2200 take 800 off of that okay 22 minus 800 i think that's 14 okay so i'm at 14 still high yes but better not bad not bad yeah so i got the money back and i got to go back to new york all right there you go sorry everybody no that's good that is quite a tail and the flights by the way these days are just it's insane it's wild i don't want to tell you

about my san francisco please june 9th through the 11th i'll be there you got to come if you're anywhere within 100 miles of san francisco come to what's it called punchline yes because these flights as you've heard it's on the news whatever it is baby formula you buy it in monkey box whatever the fuck's going on the flights cost eight million dollars i don't know what's going on recession this business that thing yeah yeah million dollars for a flight i look up san francisco flights oh for main cabin delta main oh main is no no comfort plus left all taken main cabin 790 dollars wow that's one way wow i'm booking one way because i'm going to vancouver it's a whole thing that's 790 for main cabin that's a wet sock so you know what i did i had all these

unused tickets from covid still and i had to change some flights around i austin got canceled i had a bunch of unused i went to the first class delta one whoa 2300 dollars i had 700 dollars in unused tickets now we're down to what 16 23 minus 1600 okay still i went for it i spent 1600 dollars on a one-way ticket and i'm gambling that i'm like hopefully i'll cross into a percentage deal and make some of this money i think i think i think we're okay in sf the gaze we're taking care of here in london so i'm kind of like i just i don't want to sit in main cabin yeah and it's only i mean i think it's almost a full thousand dollars more but across country flight eight in the morning i just went for it i respect it i'm like that guy now and i'm like i'm gambling because i'm like

i'm hoping i'll make the money back plus they give you like 500 for the flight then my manager was like true she's like i'll send the receipt and try to get the money back i was like don't ask the club for 2000 dollars that's insane who you diana ross exactly so i'm gambling on san franc i need you to come buy a ticket please sell that love of tits christ on christmas shows the difference between me and you i go through it uh a gauntlet and a phone call and a chew out and a whatever and a manager with a jelly donut and you're going with i'll just buy that i'll buy it the same price oh yeah well we'll see i mean while you missed the fly you bought the contracts i didn't want the contract you buy a ticket you hope to get the ticket the ticket is a contract oh money's a contract i gave

him money what's that word it's a construct what does that mean gender it's a construct i don't know what that means people say money is a construct a social con is that the right word it is but it's fake it's made up it's like right we just go here paper yeah it's so weird it's meaningless like diamonds why are diamonds worth it they're just pretty at least in england that's money is a difference not like the 20s slightly bigger than the five that's clever i like that it's weird that makes more sense very strange that you're like this is worth a hundred dollars well you think about it it's like that old chris rock joke steve you wonder doesn't know if you've got 20s or ones if you're blind it's just paper yeah it's very strange it should be different sizes and then

you just have an app now that says like i got $12,000 right here that's even crazy it's just a number on an app yeah how about the first time you heard liquid that's liquid i'm like liquid how'd we get the liquid i remember the first time i tasted it was out of my mother's twat well if that's it hey we broke them hallelujah a smile little silence did it okay hallelujah praise Allah i mean i got so much to get to here sorry i hogged with the saga hog that was great i'd like a hog right in my asshole that was fantastic hi on the hog oh yeah hog heaven hog pit remember the hog pit oh the hog pit yeah yeah that was a barbecue joint slash open mic that was my show we tried to make it like a show but it was so bad we had to just make it an open mic

yeah that was tough it was also at four in the morning it started i think it would go long and i'm just a guy i'm still like anyone that shows up i'm like you want to go on you go on that's kind of how top secret is yeah top secret rules i love this comedy club we'll get into that in a second here here i don't even know where to step but i gotta tell my uh kuchinelli kuchinelli lay it on me okay so i get here to london we're doing this tv show it's very exciting i got a lot of time here i've been walking everywhere 25 000 steps a day 10 miles 11 miles 12 miles plus i've been running i've been running three and then walking nine very fun exciting still running love oh i love a good run how do you like that what are you running from love this city i'm running

from everything most of my mother's dits but i love this city and it's been amazing weather before you got here it was like 72 and sunny which is here when it's london you got to be like you got to put on your shorts and just stay outside you got to go sitting outside yes had a cigar talk to a nice dutchman this is god we gotta go have a cigar i love a dutchman let's do it let's get a stick time though i know this show is ruling our lives but they didn't fly us out here and put us in the nice hotel on the planet it really is i was telling the producer by the way i'm having the time of my life i'm walking it's beautiful and he's like you are writing right oh and i was like sure i am yeah i haven't looked at you're fucked what are you gonna say uh oh uh something about

a dutchman a cigar i lost it weather time shit sorry oh i got it back wouldn't you rather now this is where i might lose you i would rather take a coach flight here and stay in a holiday and express and have no work than stay in the Langham and fly first class and have tons of work on your shoulders no you're out of your mind i'm telling you because you're outside anyway you're talking to a dutchman that's crazy no first of all the flying first class here i had no jet leg whatsoever i went to bed at the time i go to bed slept came here i had nothing i know me too it's wild that we pulled that off i've come to europe and been suicidal same from a jet leg but no that was great the hotel is so nice the free breakfast is so nice so nice it's just a man the steam room's

amazing the location's amazing we're staying in mayfair it's like it's just gorgeous and wonderful pretty spectacular i feel like a wealth i feel like i'm a wealthy man they treat you with such respect in class it's very strong used to getting spit on it's it's crazy so anyway so i get here we got the tv show thing uh but i decide i'm gonna go shopping because they want you gotta dress nice for the tv show oh really i want to look nice for the party so i'm like i'll go to ted and this we're in the shopping capital of the world this is mayfair in london it's just every uh hugo boss ted baker uh you know all the other chanel uh blueberry all the stuff every store just lines of straight and it's been that way for 200 years i love where you come to get a suit all over the

world this is the suit place suit supply so i go over to ted baker i shop around i grab a little jacket you know spend a couple hundred bucks yeah that nice amount of money then i'm like i still need another jacket and sure i need some options so i'm walking on the street i go into a nice men's shop i walk in there's nobody in there shop with a knee couple of uh and two peas thank you so there's like two guys in suits sexy men just like a italian like uh italian looking british whatever accent and i start looking around they go can you help me and i go this jacket's really nice i grab a tag says 350 pounds i'm like i'd like to try this on the guy puts it on me you know oh i love that perfect you wish this is diet coke fellas guy puts it on me fits nice i try to large

try to medium there's a mirror he's like standing behind me touching the jacket i love attention like that oh touch me baby he's pulling on the elbow and the thing i love the elbow explaining why it fits and then they offer me whiskey easy do you want to whiskey there's like several whiskey i'm not talking jack daniels i'm talking like beautiful glass the whole thing oh glass they give you glass that's pretty good it's like a nice glass not like you know jeez i keep hitting the mic i'm sorry are you a medium or because you're svelte but you're tall the arms i gotta lift the arm the arms just you know what i mean yeah yeah i'm the i'm the option i get the the foreskin coming off right well whatever i think it was a medium circumcise my sleeve i put it on i feel

great i so i'm gonna need a t-shirt because every t-shirt i have has a broston bruins logo on it i'm like a piece of shit white trash i have no shirts that don't have a fucking bruins meth bear on it yeah yeah so i go i gotta need a t-shirt and the guy goes i'll be right back he leaves he goes i don't know where the hell he goes i think he went back to sicily or whatever yeah sure he deported comes back 25 minutes later and this guy's driving he looks like the vest it's a man looks like patrice bergeron his hair is all cut and tight he's gorgeous cinch he comes Turkish he comes back and he's got a t-shirt he's got two t-shirts one's white with like some kind of cursive i can't read it i'm an idiot uh-huh and he's got that and a black t-shirt

which is what i want i put on the t-shirt it's it's nice it feels good you know i put it on i put on the i got a photo of it i'll send i'll put it on the patreon patreon i look i look like the money like the bomb oh yeah so i said you got me sold print it take it fold it press it i'm pumped i'm like i'm gonna send a few hundred bucks what do i give a shit i'm staying at the fucking Langham you got that right doing tv so i say great and he folds it up he puts a little piece of tissue in there for some reason i love tissue wipe my ass he folds it folds up the other shirt he's there's an app i gotta fill it out i'm putting my social security in there my height my dick size my asshole weight i mean he's i gotta put everything in there how much is your asshole weight that's what i

want to know a couple pounds spend a penny okay so what's this he's got all my all my info i'm just like i'm not kidding i'm there for 40 minutes and i'm pumped i'm like i can't wait i'm sending photos to uh you know my sister-in-law sarah's not awake yet he goes bye bye bye boop boop boop skibbidy bing all right that will be 2,800 2,800 pounds like a flight to Oklahoma City 2,800 pounds so what's that 35 hundo americano and something like that 3,000 i am i fainted i was like whoo i was like i was at a michael jackson concert in 87 look at the vapors i fell and they pulled me over the railing they gave me smelling salt 2,800 pounds i could buy a home for that you got that right in oklahoma i mean i literally it was like a movie i was i was like uh excuse me

what is it 2,800 and he's like yep and they must have known the whole time of course i'm wearing a gap hoodie and liquid death sweatshirts and new balance state the whole time they must have been like this guy is fucking stupid he has no idea he's a rook we got him we gotta jump here when i checked the tag it was the sweatshirt underneath the jack or the t-shirt underneath the jacket that was 350 wait so how do you get that high up where's the tally well i asked okay i said daryl tally i said what what's the Taliban i said i would rather work with the Taliban sure they're cheap i go what's the breakdown the t-shirt are you ready for this hit me with black t-shirt all right easy 280 pounds wow that's a high price t t-shirt t-shirt some Malaysian

kid made that 280 this shirt costs 30 bucks and it's like a Bruins uh you know fucking whatever same shit same shit same thing minus the bear i like the bear love the bear gotta love a bear yeah bear necessities revenant so it's 280 black t-shirt unreal i said can i check my emails on this thing folks hey this should come with a compass 280 bucks come with a civic this is bananas so then i said so the jacket is how much and he goes uh yeah 2500 $2,500 oh that's what it was 2500 for a jacket it's like a ted baker like a bomber jacket yes i'll show you the photo right now please i can't wait to see this this magical jay is it made out of gold bouillon it was bananas it was quite a jacket i got a file i sent it to vicky my sister law uh i mean here it is here's the

jacket and the t whoa it's white nice now it's gray it's the lighting i don't know can we see that i'll put it on this thing i think i think you can't see it don't worry about it i think you did your favor it's a little too light that doesn't work with you yeah it's a little light she said my sister law said there's more options with a darker jacket i agree she said go to paul smith and then i got this nice jacket same shirt i'm wearing the same shirt that's not bad it's like more like a rain jacket type of thing whatever yeah a little more standard issue 2800 and they almost had me and i had to do the thing of like i started shaking i'm like uh let me uh okay well i think uh let me think about it uh i almost bought it out of embarrassment sure sure i would have done it sure just run it

but i was like i could fly home first class and then back yeah right you're right you did the right thing that ain't easy that that whole wind up i had a similar thing with a with a chinese tailor once yeah not a lot of tailors from china but i think there are well i made the name what tailor oh tailor i said that was a stretch but so was he t a y l o r thank you hey tuesday's stories is brought to you by displate looking for something different to cover up that hole in your wall well displate is the cool new metal poster you'll want in every room they have millions of cool designs available featuring gaming movies comics anime with officially licensed designed from star wars netflix and many more we got a couple over here at my place i thought the

lady would hate them but they look so good it's that metallic tin kind of material it looks sexy it's slick it's sleek and uh you know i got a couple of i got a rodney danger field i got a norm mcdonald i'm going all in you're talking to the biggest comedy dirt on the planet get yourself a good fellas a scarface whatever the hell you're into anime i don't know anything about that stuff i'm not a virgin it only takes 20 seconds to hang them up with no power tools no damages and no frustrations and once you mount one you can switch out a new plate in a flash and with every one that you buy displate will plant a tree who how do you like that so click the link in our description to see our favorite displays and get our special discount 27% off up to two displays or 34% off

three or more displays interesting choices of the number there discounts will automatically be applied to your car when you click the link or use code Tuesdays when you visit display dot com it's an amazing deal and only available for a limited time get on it folks isn't it weird the name should come from jobs is that right wow a tailor hold on last names arm that was like a big guy that was a big guy yeah hold on i want i bet he named himself i'll be armstrong like come on asshole right yeah but there's other one taylor uh i know there's other ones god smith everything's like a black smith black smith uh what does smiths out there steel smith steel steely dan steels the name steel sure steely dan stormy daniels that steel would

be your name oh that's not bad with an a it's just you at the airport the crest is you with like a you know a bag of talent or whatever you're right cliff bar um okay so yeah wow three i was like i gotta think about it i really did think about it like out of embatt and i like the jacket i like the fit and i was like ah let me i went outside texted vicki my sister-in-law and she's like you can't do that that's insane it's good for her and she said go to paul smith she knows fashion she's a fashion person and so i typed in paul smith under google maps three minute walk right around the corner you're in the shopping district so i went over there nice lady over there i tried on a jacket it was like 280 pounds bought a t-shirt still expensive by the way the t-shirt was like

50 and still crazy still under a hundo at least you're in a two-digit and it had some stripes or something you could feel you feel that you do feel the difference you feel the dip you buy a nice shirt you can feel it same with a prostitute so uh ended up going to paul smith bought a shirt bought a jacket felt good but kuchinello brunello kuchinelli and i guess i found out he's like a super designer he's like a catwalk oh on the catwalk but this is for the people that make millions of dollars sure sure they don't give a fuck they just go yeah give me a t-shirt pennies pennies spend a penny but here's the question now with the uh the guinea with the uh with the uh with the suit angry at you when you flip the script on him was he like jeez i spent 60 minutes pulling

your elbow i think he felt bad i think he felt for me i think he was like uh yes as a popper yes yeah that's the way it is and i was like i'm sorry i didn't really i thought i was spending like 100 and i it's hard because you also want to like be like i'm not like totally poor i could forward i thought i was like 500 which to me is insane of course but then you think like it's all perspective in my mind i thought ted baker was like high end i'm buying ted baker yeah look out and then i that's a joke that's a that's a crime compared to puccinelli well it's like i i think about the wealth all the time i hang out with louis and i are close and i just think wow you're rich you're a rich person that's crazy but he's rich at this at one level but like

meryl streep tom hanks are like he's a joke he has no money and then there's like bezos who's like tom hanks are you kidding yeah he's worried about muska nipping his heels he's not worried about tom hanks exactly so even like well there's so you know people that buy $2,500 jackets i can't even imagine what they're making it's still silly though i mean like if bezos buys one i get it that's a drop in the anal but uh come on $2,500 $2,800 for a t-shirt you can go to china t-shirt get get covid or something it's crazy any any jizz that's what so let me talk about the chinese taylor tell me about the chinese taylor well it's on waverly you walk by this guy a million times he's an old chinese guy he's got wisdom he's you know it's one of those places where you walk in and

it's like oh you know that that music is playing and he's got the cat doing this i love eastern whatever that is i don't care for the cat but i like i like eastern philosophy the good vibes about east there's a there's a pot with smoke coming out of it it's a whole thing and everything's oh he's the chinese guy he's he's wise he's got powers sure so yeah so i go there and uh and i go i'm doing tonight's show i need a suit and he goes came to the right place he like floats you know he's he's he's he's a he's a being this guy he's an entity so okay he's 800 years old and he's wearing a robe he floats over to me and he goes okay and he like takes some chalk and he puts this thing on me and he goes and he's got all these places where you make the cuts oh yeah it's like surgery

yes it's surgery he's surgical it's a clinic whatever that means yeah who's here that a clinic he put on a clinic he put on a clinic like on his basketball guy you know runs the room he's got to put on a clinic a clinic they teach you how to do thing is that what i thought a clinic was ready to go with herpes is a health clinic yeah went to the clinic i never got the clinic thing then this clinic ah maybe it's maybelline i think clinic means a couple things you know yeah okay that all it sounds cool i put on a clinic you're like we did yeah but i i think a clinic i think chlamydia chlamydia all right so the guy with the with the the chalk and i go oh my god and he goes okay what color i go and he goes it was like two grand and i i go oh my god i didn't know that and he

goes oh this is how it works you know this this is high end shit here we're doing he didn't say shit but he twirled his big long mustache and he went like this and then he goes uh yeah it'll be two grand or whatever and i go i i i didn't know it was that much and he goes oh what are you doing in my store you come in my store you waste my time you know much time this is i don't know why i'm giving him a italian accent but uh yeah he he was like he was basically like get me gone poof oh jeez yeah it's hard they don't have they don't have the empathy because i'm like you put a sign outside that says like hey this is wicked expensive you know what i mean yeah exactly hey it's crazy be careful i know i should have known what the when he floated over i should have known this is over

but it's funny because i've also been insulted by that i remember one time when i was in high school if there was a bruce springsteen book and it was just like everything he had ever written it was like this big and this thick yeah and i went i carried up to the register but i was like 11 and the lady was like you know that's $50 i never be like yeah i got money i got christmas money you bitch you're judging me yeah like you oh and this guy i wish he had been like you know everything in here is $4,000 right but then i had a spite i would have it's weird you want someone to say something if they do you're yeah i guess you got a point that you damned if you do what did you buy the book well i got the book you still got it oh of course yeah there you go it was all gift

when you're a kid you just like take this over here at chipotle yeah i'm the same way yeah there you go there's that there's that and then you give them four bucks and you leave with your giant book i had to drag it wow that's cute he's very prolific yeah i picture you putting in a book bag and the book bag hits the ground and you're just pulling the cement is coming up legs just fly up all right what else you got there fatty because we're in london town well i gotta tell you about how i had a nice cigar so the first night i didn't have any spots booked and nobody was here in london and so i went for a walk at night a nice night london walk and right behind the hotel there's this big like festival going it's called the underbelly festival i saw that park and then there's like

almost like a tent it's like a little performance space and i went over there i had a dinner it was like a pizza folded up in a thing the guy barked me in wow you got barked he said hey why don't you oh it's a free sample this is the first time it's ever happened in my life oh i love a free sample i've never taken a free sample what and then bought the thing oh he got you he got me with the sample that's rare and i've shoved samples up my ass at the at the clinic and cd clinic sample sale i mean i'll take a sample but i never took a sample sample make me one of those yeah we got you what is that calzone cal it's basically calzone it's like when people pretend they invented something because it's just a cheeseburger with you know shit on it whatever it's got bacon on it

whoa easy big fella and i'm ready for that shit what are you from the future so i eat the calzone thing i shove that in my ass i've come all over my father's face sure nothing new there i'm sitting there it's a beautiful evening and then i walk over it because everyone's piling into the the tent before the tent and so i walk over and i say it's a beautiful lady and i say what's going on inside because when you see people inside somewhere you want to see what's inside it's like my mom's ass it's like the not hill gang you want to not hold not hold that's a not hole that's the kids that couldn't afford tickets to the baseball they'd watch through the not hole in the wood the little kids they would watch bay bruce you know and then they take a turn

oh we call that the glory hole where i'm from well whatever yeah splitting hairs pubes so singeing so i walk up and i say what's going on in there is there's a show what kind of show it she says it's lasir it's kind of uh there's some comedy and some acrobats and burlesque oh and i said what's it all sold out and she said no you go get a ticket over there so i walk over and you know me i can't make decisions so i go should i go should i try to kill myself should i steam sure and i my body just took me to the box office i said i'll take one ticket because i love a ticket yeah i'm going concert sports i just want a ticket well ticket is good and bad you got parking ticket and then you got concert ticket right i'm going i'm going Seinfeld concert ticket i like a ticket yeah

parking ticket stinks you see the carlin doc i haven't seen it yet but i'm sure later so i get the ticket and i go right back over there and i said i did it i bought the ticket and i get i sit down and this is the show the lights come down and it's one of these swirly like a circus yes yes circus and it's just great it's like there is a guy that climbs the pole and spins it like almost like Cirque du Soleil he's hanging on by one arm acrobat then there was a unicycle guy who was he looked like malaney skinny little white guy with glasses and he did a crazy acrobat like he put he came out in his underwear and put pants on while still riding the unicycle and he was like i had a cracker he was throwing cracker then there was like a sexy burlesque

woman in a bathtub she was like kicking the the soap suds was she was she large no i mean she had large breasts but she was i would say she was like thick she was petite yeah petite she was sexy okay then there was a those burlesque and they could run a little heavy well she was a medium i guess they don't run then there was another burlesque lady i think it was burlesque she had a thing where she had like a a long coat rack coat with a hat and a jacket on it but it made it look like a guy like she had one arm in the jacket so it looked like she was dancing with this guy it was really clever and fun a lonely lady and then there was uh all kinds of acrobat and i watched the whole show and i turned to a child i mean i was whistling and clapping

and blowing away and it just felt so fun and innocent and sweet i love and you're across the pond you're in another land you're alone it can really swoop you into that it was beautiful that's frenzy i was swooped great show lecerc i recommend they do comedy there friday nights but outdoor comedy is tough so no no it's in a thing oh it's tinted it's built it's like a wooden it's almost like a wooden tent if that makes sense wooden tent like a gazebo i suppose so but it's indoor it's enclosed oh it's enclosed it's like a little circus whatever it's a venue sure leave there and i'm feeling high because i went to the show and it was great i love a show there was jokes and juggling and then they were on roller skates spinning beautiful show great show highly recommend were

you the oldest guy there was it for children oh i guess burlitz no no no it was adults no it's like a nudity it was it was all adults i was very gay i was like i think it was more i think i was one of the few straight people there got it but it was hot and fun and great or maybe just my row but anyways it was beautiful fun highly recommend go check it out then i leave and there's a cigar lounge place right across the street who this is like your night and you can get cubans whoa say we're in europe so i got a cuban i'm sitting outside gastro and then there's this dutchman there and he and i think here it's much more standard to just be like how you do it we're sitting next to each other sure which you know i'm opposed to until i'm in there and then this is nice

it is nice there's a hump to get over but once you're in it you're in it's like a hot tub we humped so we we just sat there had a cuban and we talked about the neighborhood and he's from uh he's from the netherlands he married a canadian woman but he lives in london now and he used to live in uh atlanta he used to go visit her blah blah blah wonderful dialogue nice cigar great night i love it i love a dutchman too the flying dutchman and uh did you tell him about you you go hey i'm here for a tv show you fat bitch hey you're not the only one with a story well it's not because he asked and he said what do you do which is always painful because you don't want to say comedian but he was pretty good about it i said i'm a comedian and i brush past

the comments that we're doing this tv show it's produced here in london by the guy that made whose lines in any way and then we started talking about improv and oh smart he didn't ask me to do bits or anything like hallelujah which was nice nice dialogue nice convo beautiful night and then he said okay i'm taking off and i said great and it was just delightful i love the fact too that he met the right american because you know you talked to you know big joe from cleveland and it's a different guy yeah you know and he's like are you watching the indians and the guy's like i don't know the indians what are you talking like from india what are you talking about but he got the right he got a sophisticated chap it was nice and uh i told him about the suit and we talked about

all the suits he told me about vego street that's all these tailors and he said that all the doctors live over there and he gave me a little bit of london history which was nice history but whatever you know what i mean wow well here we are we're we're in we're in the heart of it and uh we got a show to do it i'm terrified well that's the other thing i'll tell you about real quick here we got to wrap up because we got to go get ready for rehearsal they take all your time these people so we're doing this tv show you guys will see it'll be out in a few months you got to write all these jokes it's all about jokes and it's a panel show and in in england that's what comedians do it's panel shows ah that's the ticket and that's the thing you get famous from being on panel shows

sure equipment we don't really have them now we got tonight show it's it's four minutes on a couch and you don't even prepare yeah it's not a panel it's not like three people going what do you think okay i think this yeah do you stand up and then you go sit over there i guess we don't i get we had that midnight that was a game show i think real time is kind of real time like that but it's more serious it's not comedy yeah so they do this show called mock the week here it's the same producers as that so we're doing the show and they're like have the week like the week i'm choking that just seems a little too close mock the week it's like hey look at this week bitch pussy over here he can't even walk i think it's like best week ever but like in front of a crowd mock the week and so uh

mock the steeple what was that called again mop the hoople mop the hoople yeah you know all the young dudes hey dudes that's a bad band oh that was lost on me um so they go uh they we do the show and we're i'm talking to luke monus and josh johnson american comedians yeah funny guys check him out we write three or four comedians three or four jokes for each thing there's a guy named reese james killer uh oh he sounds like a ringer glenn more these guys are ringers i we felt embarrassed the brits killed us they had 20 jokes for everything oh i'm screwed they were murdering i didn't do nearly enough prep i feel like a deer in headlights or worse i feel like a deer with headlights i was just i just i was dying dick not on yeah take a masala i mean i was dying up there i had to

literally on tv in front of a live audience say i don't have any more jokes oh but don't think they wait for you to buzz right no buzz no buzz no you just walk up i didn't stand up that went well but i mean these guys they kept coming i'm telling you the machines these brits ah and to them this is their big opportunity this is american tv oh god i should be studying i should be writing humiliated humiliate i felt i felt like i signed up for an honors class in high school in my accident and i was like i i i i i i i i can't do this oh my lord so do they do they go you go you go they just point to you and you have to say something no well some some are like that and some are you just pipe in i was just sitting there silently and i i think i got a learning disability between you

and i i was trying to read the i missed like three categories i was like i didn't even know we were doing this they're like it's in the paper and i'm like i my brain is mush i can't focus oh well it's 17 years of heavy whiskey i ruined i'm a fucking idiot your brain's pickled i have real insecurities about my intelligence i'm i can't read a thing you're a smart son of an onion but it's the uh the instructions instructions i can't handle the take home covid test i threw a fit i screamed at my wife i was like you gotta read this i can't read it it takes a weird focus and that focus is a real come stain i can't do it but the show we'll talk more about the show on another episode because we're shooting together tomorrow yeah next time you hear from us i'll

probably have my slip my wrist from the show go with the vein down is that right yeah i've been going cross yeah that's why you're still here okay good to know i'm happy to help yeah you're a good friend so all right we gotta wrap it up we gotta thank uh 21 so i didn't even talk about 21 so ho and top secret i did a show mic we had so much more to talk about stay tuned next episode i did a show here at 21 so ho we gotta say heads up high five thank you to 21 so did a show thursday luke monas came it opened 200 people packed packed with twos gaze it was amazing wouldn't you say london crowds are good great crowd great crowd i mean a line out the door i felt it was surreal the gaze it was amazing thank you everybody was saying it's all pipes we love the show so thank you

all people couldn't make it i've never had that happen wow you're like i couldn't get a ticket so that's nice very exciting wanting more great show and then they they blend more what's that word they moderated us uh let us be here what's that word uh such as the sea sea shirt to see i think it's accommodated accommodated i know there's a c in there two of them accommodate us last minute so shout out to 21 so ho great venue support this place martin jents tonight you'll hear this a week later i think i'll hear tonight yeah you'll hear it a week later but anyways that was amazing we're here now recorded last minute we got to go to rehearse we have to go shower and go to rehearsal it never ends big gig san francisco june 9th to the 11th at the punch line

please i spent all my money on the flight come to the show it's a great show new hour vancouver june 12th uh toronto july 29th june's a big month i got atlanta june 24th 25th the punch line hot lana uh may 30th to coma that's i think tonight or maybe it was last night i think it was last night i don't know what's what i can't i don't even know what month is anymore it's all up in the air baltimore magoobies in june i'll be there and san francisco magoobies atlanta june boom boom boom boom boom the movie's coming out oh soon so am i all right we got uh i'm in baltimore as well i mean i'm doing a big run theater theaters with portland seattle vancouver toronto and uh some other stuff mark norman comedy dot com on the fully loaded tour with burt we're doing red rocks again it's

going to be insane shane gillis nicky glazer fortune femester david tell joey d i mean it's just this wow banger of a tour or whatever you call a festival and uh yeah i'm all over the west palm beach cleveland chicago you name it minneapolis pantages theater let's sell these puppies out say hello buy a shirt give me a hug and a noogie and uh it's all pipes that'll do it thank you guys appreciate you having us mazel quave giz semen put it in my ass