Tuesdays with Stories! - #456 Buttox

Episode Date: June 14, 2022

Ladies and gentlemen, the boys are back in the saddle! Joe reminisces about missed opportunities as Mark gets bullied on a plane to Huntsville. Joe experiences an emergency mid-flight and hears a sentence he'd never thought he'd experience in real life. Finally, Joe has possibly the best set of his life at the Cellar and reunites with Nate Bargatze at the Beacon! It's a wild week!! Sponsors: - Support the show and get 20% off with the code TUESGAYS at: https://SheathUnderwear.com - Support the show, quit smoking naturally with Füm, AND save 10% by using code: TUESDAYS at https://www.breathefum.com/TUESDAYS - Support the show and get 25% off anything you order at https://LiquidIV.com with promo code: TUESDAYS - Support the show and get 10% off your first month of online therapy at https://BetterHelp.com/Tuesdays Subscribe to our Patreon for the ad-free version of the show, weekly bonus episodes, and more! patreon.com/tuesdays Subscribe to our YouTube channel here for full video of every episode: https://youtube.com/c/TuesdayswithStories SUBSCRIBE: https://bit.ly/2ABEe1w

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be chasing here we are we're queer we're here and I could use a beer I feel like I came in physically hotter than you came in audibly well that'd be like a juxtaposition

ah juxtaposition yes juggalo my shirt's too small I had I bought these mediums if like under but it feels a little it looks good on the arm yeah they look good that's the new way to do it they got the tight chest arm area and then the bottom is flowy so it covers the gut okay flowy it feels a little snug here where the pecs are looking great you look great I love it what is that John Cena holy shit I'm in between shirt like a medium is too small but the long you're swimming I know what I need is fit it I gotta go to a place where they measure you and do a thing you know what I mean fit it is big that's how I get my condoms I should

have bought the $280 shirt out in London I'd be I'd be looking like I like the money like the bomb you don't need it's too much that's a love for a tee remember the baby tee girls were those little tiny tees and got coming out tits pop and I love a baby yeah baby do you say lowercase or small lowercase lowercase some people say a small L small M I do big M the big M the big M yeah man sir one of the reindeer I think on man sir on Prancer Donner not Donna yeah yeah the small L is weird yeah like you'll hear people say like you know you know a democracy small D lowercase yeah you know what about little D that's

what they called me in high school hey rappers really ran with a little little I talked about before I used to work at FYE for your entertainment formerly record town and you'd alphabetize and when you go to the hip-hop section it's all bigs and lils oh big too yeah a lot of bit everyone's big or they're little big big Chuck little mark yeah I'd be lowercase mark that'd be my rap name that's not bad yeah lowercase mark don't you find if you're good enough artist any name you give yourself works Sebastian Maniscalco is not I pop a name but you put his career behind it now you got a thing Pearl Jam there like a

great bow I'm gonna see Pearl but if you hear it you can you say it to somebody who's not a music fan they're like Pearl Jam what the fuck totally even the Beatles people like Beatles daddy that one sucks yeah it'll sucks the shitty Beatles yeah so it's not just a clever name what is Pearl Jam you're you're a connoisseur an expert an aficionado a big queen there's a lot of rumors out there somebody thought it was his grandmother used to make fucking Jizz and it would be her name was Pearl they really they were Mookie Blalock and they were getting sued there was someone was suing for the name it was um fuck oh

Mookie Blalock I was doing a little bit who's a little bit there baseball player he's a basketball player and so Mookie Blalock was like hey I'm Mookie Blalock so they were upset and they name it after him that's what they originally were named why was the name of the band why would they name it after a bad baseball I think they needed they got together and then they were gonna play a show so they just said we love Mookie Blalock and they were like that's a good band name and they went out as Mookie Blalock the first album 10 is named after his jersey number how do you like that I didn't know that okay good fun pop-up

video so then they just needed another name and they were already hot and heavy you know on tour with Allison Shane's and and Susan and Panties sure grunt candle box so they needed a name and then they came up with Pearl they just felt like that was like a pearl it's just whatever someone's threw a pearl then they saw Neil Young live and he did a 14 minute version of whatever down by the river or whatever the Chris Farley song and then they just added jam to it and that was it like jam band yeah like he jammed and so they were like Pearl jam I think you know at the time you don't know that you're about to explode to be

the biggest band in the world so then you just kind of like shit I guess we're Pearl Jam I guess that's it and you make the name you very it's like Nirvana was a huge band but that was the name of the one Indian restaurant in my town so I was always a kid like wait is there a connection my dad's like no that's a word yes but I associate it with with the guy who shut himself in the face well then you have bands like Hootie and the Blowfish and so people think he's Hootie right but it's just the name it's very strange and there's nothing else to do I only want to be with you very yeah yeah it reminded me I was talking about

hooting the blowfish the other day cuz somebody commented on the trailer the trailer from the movie came out 4th of July get your tickets probably sold out but it's coming to theaters near you beacon and so somebody commented it's crazy how quickly Joe List is blown up huh and I'm like I've been in showbiz for 22 years yeah right 22 years funny how they do that the overnight thing it's not true and hooting the blowfish so that they want all these Grammys best new artists and they were like we've been a band for 10 full years wow they were playing the clubs and the things and the boobly boops unless you're on tiktok or

go viral for farting in a jar or whatever it is you had to put the time in and it's usually a decade yeah minimum they're like these young guns these yeah rich boss is always like you young whip a snap I'm like I'm 40 years old I know right I'm 22 years into coming like I'm like when you were 22 years into comedy in like 2007 yeah you know I mean not that crazy not that crazy yeah we're not young but I guess I do it too because I see anybody who's like open mic and I'm like yeah look at the glory days and the guys like I've been here for 40 years yeah sorry there you should kill yourself well we're here at the

studio it's a it's a wacky day what we're doing two episodes and a bonus so well I'm like my brain is just fried it's a big pile of guacamole up here and that's two dollars extra I know I've been looking at Chuck for a half hour he's dressed like the money like the bomb he's got the shorts I mean you really it's all fits that this is a look I think it's it's what is it daddy's picnic that's what I'm calling this look it's cool I think it's pretty normal that's very standard but it's preppy you got the plaid and the short the prep I keep throwing it to you but I shouldn't cuz your gun shy now cuz some asshole called

you yeah whatever I don't even know I can't imagine what he wrote cuz I'm seeing a little peak he said that when I talk on the podcast it's like the fat ugly girl at the party trying to hang with the pretty girls you're the pretty girl I've never been a pretty girl I've never been cool or pretty yeah well if you're the fat ugly roll the party I'll end up getting drunk and trying to fuck up that day but this time when Derek got married his wife was now one of my closest friends also we were friends then but she had a while I was like do you have any single friends I was single ready to mingle and a wedding it's a

good place to meet chicks and and I was close with her so I was like I got the ultimate word if you have a single friend huge she could be like this is one of my good he's a good guy especially my lady yes so I was like do you have any single friends and she said I do have one and she kind it was one of these weddings where you're there for the week you know yeah and so I said well let's let's ta ta to tell or whatever something yeah yeah say by the bell yeah we're a little fucked up here but so I said great and then when I matter she flew into town you're sober and she didn't she wasn't exactly my type cup of

juice yeah it wasn't it didn't hit me like a like a bolt of lightning are we talking I'll go we're talking wheelchair we're talking plus size we're talking moustache we're talking ethnic thing I mean everything you just said that combined is my dream we're talking lesbo I mean first of all this is 11 years ago and who know this might get back to this lady so I don't want to get too crazy but wasn't my typo you know it was like it wasn't my thing I wasn't feeling it and you gotta remember I'm a naturally shy guy I know I'm not good with like hey you're not great with the newbies I don't like a newbie yeah and

it's a lot and you're sober and back then I had less confidence sure and and herpes the whole I just wasn't comfy I wasn't doing well in my life so well let's say she came off the plane and she was a bombshell a hot number Betty would you have had the same reaction or would you have tried harder I would try it hard I just wasn't in I wasn't physically attracted to the gal enough said wasn't my type patch nose hair I love all those nails it just wasn't I can't remember I couldn't pick her out of a lineup if she was here I wouldn't be able to know who she was but I wasn't feeling it so let me just get right

through the story sure so we hang out she's around I'm around I don't really pay much mind plus I'm with my buddy and his buddy like our buddy sure it's buddy time and there's that weird tension of like are we supposed to be mingling I'm supposed to get together it's forced it's awkward so I'm having buddy time I'm drinking we went on a rollercoaster it's a bachelor party kind of thing also we golf so every time I see I just kind of go hey so we're there for like four days barely barely speak to this woman every night rehearsal dinner this that the other thing haha then the last night the night

of the wedding we have the wedding then the reception then the after party no drinking though I'm drinking oh I thought you were sober no no this is what I was drinking I am changer fucking lit up blackout out of my mind lights come up this is the last day we're all flying home the next day lights come up it's literally three o'clock in the morning I go over to Erica my friend I go too late to make a move haha she goes yeah alright that's fair that's fair but you know you have to feel when you get drunk to a moment you're like well now I need to fuck somebody but I didn't want to have sober attempts no no no

so that you're just like it's just way too late in the ballgame and that I don't know how old were you then 25 30 no probably third through it was a let's see June of 2011 so that's 11 years it's almost been 29 alright alright so yeah it's still in your 20s but that's something I learned the later in life about the ladies because I would do a lot of like single friend who's here who's minglin who's down to T DTF and a lot of ladies get mad when you do the old just check it in because we're all about to wrap up here they like that they want you to put the time in all day all night they don't want you to go oh it's

fucking the clock strikes 4 a.m. and now you're making a move and you're like well I just want to have sex with you and they're like oh that's horrible and you're like well if I hit on you earlier that's what I want to right it's all you know you got to lie it to everybody it's all pipes but you know sometimes that's the way it is with sex it's like when you have no drinks you're not interested you have three drinks you're like I guess I could then you have 50 drinks and you're like I need to have sex with them I'm in love with this person of course yeah that's the only reason I've tried fucking dudes yeah it's the booze but I've had

many of those those nights where you feel like oh should I make a move but I always was perturbed and you're the flip side of it where people go I don't go hey you got any single friends and the girl goes yeah sure here's Veronica and you're like great and you're hitting on Veronica and she's not reciprocating and you're like what the hell you're single I'm single but I didn't realize like oh she's not attracted to me yeah she's not into it what you got to just swallow yeah she didn't do that either oh but yeah it was bad I felt bad and the other story from that wedding was you know you just you having a good time this is why I'm

always afraid of couples you were in London with May yeah in May you were in May in May I was in May yeah and we were staying in May Fair you were in May in May in May Fair May day is this is this blowing your mind we got a lot of me you were in three May's mother may I in a maze ah I'm amazed baby I'm amazed you were in May in May in May Fair that's something that's not nothing and she wears Maybelline maybe it's Maybelline maybe she's born with it Chuck hates us I can feel it Chuck's slowly morphing into Shelby I can feel it looks great by the way you got a cut between Saturday and now no I got a new hairspray now the

fans gonna kill me because I keep bringing you back in they're gonna be like bring bring everybody's getting dolled up like I've recently found out many men I know I've done Botox is that yeah that's what I said come on yeah I thank God for my lady she's like if you ever did that I would divorce you I'd kick you in the balls and tell everybody okay I'm like great that's what I want no woman I like the Botox but that's short for the Boston Red Sox I like Bo Jackson the old Botox yeah this this the thing is crazy they're jamming shit in their face it's crazy I mean I like to come on my own face I have my wife hold my

ankles up and that'll tighten you too that jizzle hold baby if you don't swipe it it's like Braveheart hold that's what your face is doing I mean jizzle that face it is stiff great film yeah I mean you could take both cassettes of Braveheart and shove them right in my ass I love that film I'll push your dick for the play button well you know we were my family was insufferable because we're Campbell's you know so it's a Campbell in the movie and so we were like are you eating the soup as well you know it we just it was all that movie we were like blowing each other we were play I was like 13 my uncle's 18 we're like playing

Braveheart oh yeah blue face black face swords shields blue balls I mean that movie really blew hard tits off I mean we were just jerking off to it that move was a cultural phenomenon everybody the soundtrack my friends like you got to hear this it's a DJ remixing Braveheart I'm like put on as a moldy's you weirdo I can't handle this shit well we would go to like the Highland Games every year we really identify that side it's oh it's the best it's like the Olympics for fat Scotsman oh yeah they they hit a woman they have like jousting bag pipe bag pipes everywhere it was great fun what's going on with the the no undies under

that kilt they didn't fuck around I saw a lot of ball bag yeah it's good fun ball bag pipes the bagging pipes yeah I guess that's where they got the idea but I love Braveheart but let me get right through this story the wedding through it I thought you did it I added a second there's more there's another tier yes I said this is the other story joker so this is I said this why I'm afraid of couples we get off in the May May May yes yes yes gay gay gay so I get nervous around these couples cuz Derek and his wife Eric and they got married it was fun I was there we're all besties the whole thing and after the wedding before

the reception they had to carry whatever some shit back to their their room mmm and I'm just I was like I'll carry something so I'm walking back with them but chatting going oh my god my mother my father whatever and then I opened the door to their hotels like give me the key I'll crack it open there's just rose petals everywhere and like 300 can't someone cracked in there to set up the honeymoon and then you're the third queef I was the first one in it was like I was like Tommy D and good fellas I walked in I was like oh no I was like I'm not supposed to be yeah flowers there's a strap on dildo there's ointment

there's oils and I'm just standing there with them like I'm so sorry I mean at that point you gotta just blow one of them yeah is it the row you're already standing on rose petals and you put the strap on I imagine yeah it was tough I just felt so bad I hung my head and so now anytime there's a couple I'm like I'll just shoot myself if you ask me to I'm sorry I'm here yeah well luckily I got all the plow and out of the way and then we visited you oh nice yeah so you saw us post plow nothing like a hotel plow I told you I do the thing where I stood above her and just showered her with semen couldn't help myself do you

like a baby shower do you like when there's a mirror when I get to the hotel I'm always hoping there's a mirror I love fucking in a mirror I don't want the mirror I glance up because well you don't want to see yourself it's fun to see your wife getting plowed you pretend you're you know Steve Urkel or whatever can I lose my stuff on yeah no I choose who you want but she loves a mirror because she's got big jugs and nice hair and all that but I do not I just see a ball bag flailing I see a butt hair I see you know love handles see sections car well I got a bad ass I have a real oh I got a bad it's really

what's that called the dots like a cellulite yeah it's like cheese I got a cheese I don't have the cell holy shit you got to do a squat there fatty I do squats I'm telling you I'm squatting like crazy I but it's the skin I got like rosacea or something mmm let me rub a cream on it maybe I can help you out here I got pimples and hairs it's just a rough looking ass my ass too it doesn't you know you got a back and then goes in the butt and you get a little hump with the butt and then it should cup and then leg my just goes and like just cascades into the leg it doesn't actually it becomes the leg it doesn't

there's no difference well you need where the rubber hits the road there you know what I mean yes like there should be a crease no crease yeah my crease is too much like fold it over I like a fold I can like lift my butt I might go get work done yeah that's not a bad idea but talks you will have a little Kardashian lift but talks that's something all right well let me let me throw a Huntsville Alabama at your ass oh my god that place scares me nah you been I've been maybe nervous I told you in the patreon I made it I was like this yeah is it Huntsville is weird is it more Auburn or Bama fans and the show ended I had to

leave I had to like I jumped out of the window like the cowardly lion that's I that's worse than the Braveheart feud that shit I didn't storm the stage but Huntsville, Alabama you got to take two flights that's how you tell how big a town is it if you need a connection right you know Sacramento I get it you're the capital but nobody's going direct to sack you gotta stop over in LA or Denver or whatever so you go to Huntsville, Alabama and I'm a Southern chap at the end of the day yeah I suppose you know born and raised in old Louise and so I go let's go down to Huntsville and you look at the lineup it's like a you know

David tells going and all these people you've heard of so you're like all right this is an a room and you get there first of all it's the cleanest town in America got voted like number six best city in America wow because it only this is the thing it only has 600,000 people in it and it's easier huge is that huge no that's can't be right those numbers can't be right Boston has 600,000 people no I'm telling you Boston prop Boston prop you got a lot there but 600,000 is a big there's no way Huntsville 600,000 well they got the nasol's they got the university and they got their the locals Huntsville, Alabama yeah it says about

200,000 that's still bigger than I would have guessed really that's a big town oh I think Seattle's like 300,000 people maybe because I live in New York maybe because it's so big like you were saying yeah because it's like it's like per person per you know footage or whatever I'm 98 it's a chunk that's a chunk of people well the people there it should equal two because they're quite huge but I'll say that the town is cute and quaint and there's a little trickly fountains and waterfalls and cobblestone and all this history and it just it felt less tense there's no homeless there's no graffiti there's no syringes there's no fistfights at the

okay corral no shootings but just a cute town I look at my hotel rolling hills in the distance you know you got the blue sky the trees and the crowds were great but you know when Chris Rock says like I know you got your hour but you gotta run it in Cleveland you know he does that yeah that's how you feel about Huntsville you're like I got my hour I'm cooking I got no fat on this thing and you get into that set and you can feel a couple people going oh it's bad Dairy Queen's still open what are we doing here is you know is the the cupcake shop cooking like I'm dying here I'm bored and you you start chopping words out of that set quick yeah yeah I know the feeling yeah it's not a hot city I don't know you couldn't get a it was joke to joke you couldn't get a good

roll going well I think I don't know I mean I was there a few years ago I didn't sell many I sold maybe nine tickets there and the rest are just a lot of people that are like why are we going down to the show tonight yeah that was definitely that so it's tough to get those people on your side especially I always feel like once you say I'm from New York they're like hmm yeah like that a little of that they're gonna tell us we're stupid yeah trust me I came out the gate I had a Saints jersey on I had a you know from Louisiana hat on but uh you go all in with that but here let me let me throw this flight action at you oh boy hey folks Tuesday stories brought to you by liquid IV whether you're at the beach gym or sweat lodge anywhere you need to hydrate make sure you

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off when you go to liquid IV dot com and use code Tuesdays at checkout that's 25 off anything you order when you use promo code Tuesdays at liquid IV dot com experience better hydration today at liquid IV dot com promo code Tuesdays Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by better help online therapy many people are burned out without even knowing it symptoms can include lack of motivation feeling helpless trap detachment fatigue and more well you know us we work hard we're on the road we're on flights we're at a new club a new city we're writing new material we got a podcast I'm hungover I'm gay it's all burnout from work and that's not the only cause most things in life can lead us to feel burnt out and better help online therapy wants to remind you to

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you know when you book a flight they'll upgrade you because we were pretty high up on the stratosphere of uh whatever you call it status sure so I go in and I got my earbuds in because you know it's a flight you go zombie mode and it says 13 B and it's one of these two row two row small flight 13 B okay that's not that far back you know first class is one to five and then third I'm uh I'm still in the front half of the plane I'll take it so I go and I scan my ticket and the lady goes hey but I got the ear pods and I'm like yeah yeah you said it sister whatever and I get on the plane and I'm in 13 A I'm at the window and then I get I get this douchey guy with the Hawaiian shirt like the big older white guy with the white hair who's like way too jovial and he goes where

are you and I do like the high I and he goes well what's C to you I go 13 A the window and he goes I'm 13 A and I go up that's what my phone says and he goes huh well do you want the window and I go no I'd rather the aisle and he goes well I want the aisle and I'm like all right take the aisle so then this lady comes by I'm already like I gotta sit next to these guys man spreading the whole thing big knees and this lady comes by she goes I'm 13 A and I go that's what I have and the guy's like I have 13 A too and I'm like huh so now I hate this guy and then we get the the flight attendant the gay guy with the vest to come by and he goes let me see your ticket the lady goes huh the guy goes huh and he goes let me see yours I show my phone and he goes your phone is loading and I was

like huh and he goes you might want to refresh so I kill it and then I open it back up 10 A oh 10 A anybody 10 A tonight is I'm up on the the the first one after first class where you get a little leg room and the curtain hits your tits comfort plus thank you but it's that first one so you got some some wiggle room up there okay so I go whoa well 10 A excuse me there Jimmy Buffett oh sorry 10 A excuse me there Fanny but I gotta I gotta hightail it up to CP and he goes he goes now the lady's standing there and he goes how about this how about this you know big brash guy big hairy forearms how about this you just sit tight we don't have to scramble and let the lady go up there what and I go what I go well I'm you know a seat to seat what and he

goes now I gotta get up and then she's gotta move her bag and all that what I was like oh yeah I'm going up there and he was like oh my god he's like ah you're here I'm here what are we doing and I go well I'm connecting you know thinking like I gotta get off the plane earlier that was my out and he goes I'm connecting to you don't see me moving and I go oh my god this guy sucks I hate this guy and I'm like I'd like to go up to 10 A and he goes she's already on her way up it's fine don't worry about he's doing like it's fine it's fine which I hate the it's fine it's not fine to 10 a junior to 10 a junior so I'm sitting in there and he's like ah don't worry about it you're here we're all going to the same place I'm like so I just sat there and I pouted for an hour and a half

oh my god that guy fucked you he fucked me up the ass and that old bag was at 10 a I wanted to kill her oh that sucks I hate this lady shit that's the problem with these southern people they're all like let's get the lady go down there yeah get out of here with that Boston New York we're not giving the ladies anything no we're hitting them but the worst part is he didn't even care about the lady he just didn't want to get up so he's like let the let the missus have it uh how about how do you feel about that uh you gentlemen I'm like ah so I just sat there and poo pooed oh that's terrible but you gotta pay attention to the front lady that front that was on me that's what I was saying to myself this is what you get for not listening you should have taken

the ear butt out I try to always put it back on me but uh man that really spiced my dick hole yeah anyone's spicing their dick hole no you don't want that don't jerk off a shampoo with birds but uh yeah so we got there and I had a fun moment with Corbin my opener you know Aaron Webber no I've heard this name 15 times in the last 10 minutes really yeah well we talked about it oh he does Nate's pot he does Nate's pot and then somebody else said is Aaron Webber opening because I went and saw Nate yeah Aaron Webber's like he's kicking ass this guy funny guy cool guy but uh he lives in Nashville it's an hour and a half drive and he's like you want you want me to host I was like well you're kind of above hosting but if you don't mind he's like I gotta get out of

the house oh right so he came by and hosted we had a great green room chat great hang and then Corbin Corby was middling the whole time he got a sell he got him he got himself a hotel and then we had the moment on Friday night where the uh manager came in was like how do you like that hotel and he's like oh I got my own hotel and he's like we have a hotel for you oh and he was like what and he moved into the nice one so he had uh he had two nights in the nice one which is a huge feeling hold on thank you cute yeah double double whammy a little aftershock it's like a rebound yeah good weekend all together got back home safe and sound and rode around on a city bike last night in New York it's this magical month this early June late May

queefed my ass golden hour seven o'clock the sun is still out it's setting it's there's like a nip in the air but it's still warm t-shirt and jeans good life good life good live and happy wife happy life there you go good stuff I love the city I mean I hate the city you know how I feel about this but I do love the when it's nice it's nice yeah now when I go to the cellar I like if it's nice I pop out onto mcdougal for like four minutes and I'm like woo love New York and then if I see a cook in either direction I dive back in yeah you gotta enjoy it like three minutes at a time I know it's pretty sad but uh when it's good it's good and we're lucky because we get to go to a new city every weekend and kind of absorb that like I was absorbing London I was taking that in I was

taking in Huntsville because living in New York's hard it wears on you it's a good liver it's a good good life living in the city it's do or die sly sly slippery sly or whatever do or die but then you get to go all these fun places which is a bitch you ever talk to somebody who never goes traveling and they're like you did what you've been where yeah you went to London and three other cities in America last month no it's crazy well it's crazy because they're like some people yeah they're like I flew oh my god you gotta get there early you go through security and you're like I know that's what I do for a living I know it's not easy no and then when you take a break you're like well we gotta go on vacation and you fly again that's true that's why it's nice to get in a car and

pop up to the uh the Hudson Valley or something sure well how about this I've teased this on the patreon as you might remember thank you patreon join the patreon we're doing crazy stuff Chuck's got a big camera here he's saying stuff he never talked to the patreon no we won't let him yeah but uh a lot of fun videos good stuff the patreon we did a cue and anal back to back cue and anals we did a zoom chat when you were in huntsville that's right and the og tuesday's episodes are going oh yes you can't miss those everybody's been asking for it Chuck finally put it together he cut out all the obscenities and our words so they're in there and we got a lot of yeah I mean there's guests that aren't even with us anymore we should do a patreon patreon

where you get the shit you cut out oh it's just it's about 18 minutes of horrific sentences yeah it's like a thousand bucks a day yeah I mean the New York Times could buy that one month and just screw our whole lives up but uh anyways so I tease this and I'll I'll start it at the whatever no big tea so it was a big tease I'm on the flight you've heard about their lower case all right small t small tips so we've all heard about this in the film and the television and radio radio I'm on yeah I'm sure orson wells did something like this sure war in the world sometimes you can use George Orwell and orson wells uh yes like similar how are they well they're they're entertainers they're they're um you're a pioneer pioneers well so is orson uh I mean who's in front of the camera

but they're dead and behind it sure sure I mean they both made crucial pieces of art that are offed reference they were dead before we were around really you know what I mean 1984 citizen cane animal farm right or the worlds they have like those two monumental pieces of work sure and they had orson or yeah that's an or that's an or and there's Orville Redenbacher throw him in yeah I confuse him with Orson wells all the time oh yeah popcorn pop oh you know what it is because it's Orwellian aha so I think Orwellian orson wells Orwellian that's where the confusion comes someone says Orwellian I think Orson wells in yes they're they're compatible yeah something there's something something it's something crossover wouldn't hope for a crash it's something

all right I gotta focus I'm sorry I'm all whacked out no no focus all right Orson well hey would you mind pouring me a little bit of that uh saving the picture there there we go a lot did you see that oh you want to give it another one uh there you go that sounded like a train it did well look at that come on let's go low hold on let me get some sips and then we'll go we'll see how distance we can go all right sounds good this is just dead air I hope you're watching on the video all right let's go you get it you go as high as you can go and I'll go as low as I can go oh we need more you gotta get more of space than that very high well start I start and start low go high oh shit that's full all right

this is low enough all right pour it slow slow pour ah Jesus everywhere that's my fault all over the carpet all right there's the carpet it's on the cord too according to Jim you gotta you gotta catch up on it you gotta catch up on it all right I gotta focus I feel so fat in this shirt you look fine don't just don't lift it up you can see the cut oh just gross oh Bobby's calling uh you don't want to answer that no he's in Sweden with a Louis Greg Han Bobby Kelly and Louis are touring Europe I'm so sad I'm not there that's a barrel of laughs right there group a lot of a lot of personality though yeah a lot of weight yeah well I can't wait um all right so I'm on the plane flying from Seattle back to New York with Sarah okay cross-cutting got upgraded on the way

but didn't get upgraded the way home so we're just dying back there but we had this the classic movie George Orwell uh hello this is your flight attendant speaking if there's a doctor on the plane please come to the back of the plane immediately a doctor we are in need of a doctor and I'm like I didn't know that happened what is this a 50s movie it was crazy and I for a moment I was like should I go back there yeah what are you flying trope air you have that thought with like we need a doctor and you're like I watch a lot of movies I've read books yeah I feel like I'm a a leader let me get back there see what happens you could tweak a nip and pop a knuckle because I feel like I've just watched a lot of film I could be like raise the ankles and get blood to the head you know

yes yes keep his mouth open it's CPR and take his pants off if it's a woman you know squeeze her tits as hard as you can sure sure smelling salt I've seen you know your partner face so that'll wake her up smelling cocks but uh it was quite a thrill and we had more only like an hour into the flight so I turned to Sarah because I watched a lot of these movies and I'm like we might have to land in like Nebraska because if someone's dying they gotta just land which I don't get if he's dead he's dead like landing in Nebraska is not gonna help anybody well we had someone die on the Joker's crew we want that cruise now we're not now but somebody died we had to go back to Miami because a guy kicked off in the in the basement or whatever whoa like Sue no I don't think so I saw the show or

no like a heart attack I see well the food on there is nothing nice yeah no and then but anyways he died so we went back to Miami and dropped off the old dead asshole but so they came which I have when I sit too long we can't do two in a day this is no good oh that's good what are you doing don't poo poo the poo poo don't poo poo the asshole it wasn't bad oh my god these texts don't even look throw the phone away Bobby's calling I got Bobby calling airplane mode you got Bobby Collins well no Bobby Collins that's not bad thank you I think we're rolling we're rolling I'm always on airplane mode if you got to go airplane mode we're in airplane mode with a dead body so tell me what happened they come on and say I gotta tell you

I gave away the best part of the whole story so far but they go is there a doctor in the house and so I'm like they might land this thing I'm like that guy in the plane I'm like just a heads up we might be landing I read a movie one time or watched it whatever you do with a movie sure but um so they come on and then a lady passed out back there it was like it was like a different incident no this is the same same okay so what happened was this old bag of shit like went to the bathroom that's her first mistake and just fainted and I guess she was like like like a fucking Elvis concert yeah and she passed out across is a big plane so there's two three bathrooms in the back two on one side one on the other side okay and then the galley ah the galley

so she passes out laying across the three bathrooms so she's literally blocking all three bathroom doors hopefully there's no one in there they open that accordion door and an old bag's head falls in well that's the thing so I mean that's the end of the story but I'll just since you're looted sorry I looted we're there on the plane the plane we fly there's four hours of this lady you know sleeping whatever the fuck's wrong with her let her now let her rest I mean get a nap in if you can she's back there she might have faked it just to get a more comfortable seat that's true the leg room so she's laying there but so I'll skip to the end and then come back around but four hours later a guy I've never seen before because you know you get to know the plane a little bit sure he comes up and he's

like I was in the bathroom the whole time there was literally a guy in the bathroom she passed out and they're doing CPR and and AIDS whatever they're doing back there HIV he's in the back he couldn't get out he was stuck in the bathroom was he doing the hey hey hey before I think but I think her dead head was sitting there whoa she was a grateful dead fan uh yeah she's conked out and so they had to have like a guy go back there and the whole thing wow the main problem was there's only four bathrooms on the plane there's the first class bathroom then those three but she's blocking all three so it's a six-hour flight whatever five-hour flight so at one point there was like 25 people in line for the bathroom so the whole flight you're sitting there and there's just somebody standing over

the whole time yes it also happened to be the day the movie trailer came out so I'm going through and reading every article about Louis CK and Louis CK and some piece of shit cuck bitch made a movie and I'm like trying to like hide it because I don't want them to know you know whatever right it's a whole thing plus I'm watching porn and you probably got a whiz too you got the bladder of a gerbil I had to piss so bad and I just kept waiting but I'm like I don't want to stand in line like this it was a whole thing and everyone was livid and so everyone just turned on this woman they're all like looking back and like your piece of shit get it together it was quite a flight should have peed on her fuck you're gonna sit there I'm gonna whiz right on your face oh I'm

like can't we just drag her and throw her in the overhead compartment or out the side whatever something put her in overhead they announced they're like okay when we land you can't get off the plane we have to have the paramedics they're like waiting to come in it's then like no one can see her because she's laying down like so when the plane lands you're just like everyone wants to get a look at her yeah you kind of just want to be like you fucking cut you want to like spit like brave heart when they bring them to get wracked right we're like all throwing our napkins shit at her walk of shame and she was one of these old ladies with short bright red hair like she dies her hair and it's like spiky oh no that's probably what it was that hair

dyes seeped in and knocked her ass out might have been a dye seep but she's getting pulled off princess die she's in the wheelchair just like like half embarrassed and half like wow so she they take them off and then this is like so douche chill cringy I burst it out laughing sarah and I this guy up front he's got like a bow tie and he's ball he looks like uh like Mickey Rooney he stands up and he goes ladies and gentlemen how about a round of applause for the crew of this flight for taking care of this emergency so damn well and then everyone's like just like a half a clap it was so douchey and then I'm like you're what trying to be your own hero and I thought about it I almost said ladies and gentlemen how about a round of applause for

the guy who started the round of applause it was just so like also I'm like I'm not trying I care about flight attendant whatever but I'm like what do they really do and of course they called ahead to get a paramedic they didn't give her mouth to mouth they didn't really do anything they just said is there a doctor on board and then they let her sleep in the bathroom that's some guy's dad and some guy's husband or some lady's husband which is so crazy to think about that she's like oh George shut the fuck up he probably does that at every restaurant every bar every flight it was so cringy we all had to go oh yeah I didn't cry I refused I was just like all right whatever everyone's like this oh god a great job yeah I'm like shut up you're just trying to make it about you

he's making about him and I would I would I would throw the same shade at these pilots who go like well how do you guys we are lucky to be alive or another day another dollar here when you like shut up get off the blower I'm trying to watch this movie I know I can't stand it I do a joke about when they try to make jokes I can't stand it I hate it they shouldn't say anything they shouldn't even be allowed to live they also I'm sorry no that's it well they have these these announcements and they're long for uh no reason like unnecessarily long they'll be like with the smoke detector don't finagle don't tamper don't fondle don't molest don't finger don't fuck with don't fart on you're like you could just say don't touch it or whatever that's it it's like uh it has to be longer for

some reason it infuriates me especially when you're watching live tv like it'll be like a sporting event and I'm like it's the fucking seventh inning I know and they come on and then the covid shit is nine minutes long yeah and I really feel like most people have had covid we have uh boosters and the shit yes yes it's enough already with covid we got it it's done and then how about the uh they have to the drink cart we have a free drink we have complimentary drinks we have coca-cola products we have sprite we have juice we have beer for prayer you're like all right you got drinks we eat every drink I know it's like it's like if you went to a restaurant and they were like we have chicken parm sandwiches we have french fry yes give me the menu give me the

menu have the menu in the thing yeah there is it's in there you can look at it and what does it say about plane travel that I've we fly every weekend twice a week whatever it is for years and I still don't know what to do in a crash I've never listened I see the lady dangling the oxygen mask all I remember is if you get into a crash put it on you then you're kid yeah I'm like well I don't have a kid so I'm already tuning out they show you how to do the seat belt they tell you about the seat fluff thing that saves you in the pool or the ocean I got nothing it would have played crash just having to shoot myself in the face and and blow like rip my hair out like everybody else now I'm sexually assaulting the person next to me there you go we're going to child and that's it

that's it everybody knows that I can do I'm going out happy that's what they should say they should say if we an event of a crash just grab the genitals of whatever's next to you you can use the genitals on a floatation device just really shove some holes and some fingers and some holes yeah sorry grandma but you're passed out but I'm still getting a feel yeah get it done so anyways that's gonna suck when that that nose turns back up right you know like you're like hey you got a fistful of kid come yeah kid come that was the new nikes I don't know what I'm saying well kids are making them is it true that in Europe they say nick instead of Nike that's what I heard from a friend I don't know much about that one yeah I don't need I mean we were just in Europe I didn't

hear any neaks uh I've heard nikes these are nice nikes oh maybe it's nice maybe it's nice yeah so they're nice nice okay nice and shining armor yeah they also say aluminium so what the fuck do they know yeah who knows well they didn't invent the language I guess oh my god sweating I'm sweating I'm tired I'm give us your bold you're weak here I'm still trying to figure out how ugly this Seattle lady was was it uh was it a glass eye was it a nose job I think it might have been like a fake tan situation maybe one of those type of it on the watch oh that was a spitter that's Chipotle for you you can hear before it was nice and quiet and now it's like that was a castle it was dusty gravy in there yeah um well should I tell you about red state Nate oh I'm dying here about the

Nate where I'm legitimately confused we've done two and a half episodes I don't know what time it is are we at the end the beginning it's five o'clock and we're 45 minutes in oh okay you could have told me we're seven minutes in I have no idea yeah we're all loopy that smells oh I feel like you're a guy whose farts don't usually smell Chipotle and I had that fucking apple turnover in the street apple turnover yeah sports term no the uh the croissant lady oh that's right there was a lady trying to feed the homeless and the homeless person was so fucked up she was like I don't want to know that and said mark was like I'll take it yeah that was pretty good apple croissant hey he's literally taking food from homeless people on the watch it's going off

this is like that's adorable the sad thing is I was doing push-ups the other day once you're doing a push-up you gotta just keep going and this went off oh this is terrible people are gonna be mad about this this is this is worse than a chuck monologue I mean people are gonna be livid they're gonna be punching things done that watch is the problem I'm telling you it's the news it's broken I don't know what to do oh geez somebody's gonna some russian writer is gonna throw it out of a limo eventually that's what I was thinking carol kane that's right why was he attracted to her by the way that that was a weird plot where jerry's like into her yeah she was so weird and annoying and like three times his age I think yeah she looked like the woman from the wedding ah all right well

I would have done it that bad carol kane very funny though very funny a lot of great stuff she's good hey folks Tuesdays with stories as you know is always brought to you by sheath underwear it is getting hot and sticky out there it's a heat wave here in san francisco he helped keep the heat off your balls with sheath we love them it's all we wear I wore them all day the other day it's good for a run it really uh you know keeps the balls pristine and I need my balls pristine because I need to get them sniffed by my father us army soldier and tuesday robert patent old bobby p he knew there had to be a better way to keep his dick from sticking to his leg and sheath was born comfy and cool sheath comes in so many patterns you can have a pair ready for any occasion they

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at b r e a t h e f u m dot com slash tuesdays and use code tuesdays that's it back to the show oh any jizz so nate beacon uh red state so i fly back from uh seattle friday night and then friday night or maybe i was in the plane i get the text from from barghett's scene he says hey you want to do lunch tomorrow i'm in town and i go well we were we were podcasting i was doing joan ronan then we were doing the benefit the bonus yes and so i said i got some shit going on i could move it around maybe i'd love to see it and he goes well you could just come to the show i'm doing two shows of the beacon seven thirty nine forty five i'm at the comedy cellar at eight fifteen eight forty

okay so i said this is perfect and then he says you want to come backstage and you want you want seats and i said i want give me both oh i want to take both double access double up because i'm going to bring my wife it'll be a little date night we'll come say hello then go sit like a real people i love it i love seeing your friends murder in a theater that oh it's really something so i got two sets of the cellar sarah has a set at the fat black around the corner what a great comedy night yes so i go down there we do the podcast couple podcasts good times now the trailers out so we're getting a little movie buzz going it's all very exciting big buzz big buzz go down to the village go to the commie cellar now i've been at the cellar in

about a month because i've been on the road i'm working the stand a lot and the week i hate the city on the weekends london too crazy i was in london for two weeks so i go down there esti's there the bookers say hello to her it's always a little bit nervous no matter how long you've been there it's a little nervous always always still there you feel like a stand you like the more i'm around the less it's good exactly wait is that what he said yeah he said the more i'm around there the more whatever the fuck yeah the bigger my chances of saying something stupid yeah well you know what i mean you know the show good show so i go there and i got like the 745 spot or whatever at the cellar on a saturday night mo i'm never that i was always there two in the morning

my whole career so somebody's auditioning so she goes downstairs to watch the audition then she just stays down there and if you're watching at home listening you never want the booker in the room no god no unsettling you've been at the club a decade but she could take that away from me at any moment baby well all the tech is when you're getting spots you're like i don't want anyone to see because what if i stink and whatever sure so she's in there so now i'm like nervous esti's terrifying and i gotta play the hits and by the way we don't have that a lot now we're doing the road we're headliners we're doing bigger shows it's our world and now now you're back in her world yes so it's scary but you forget and i'm going after zharnak garg who just murdered i mean just

killed oh yeah and esti's like bent over being like ah this is unbelievable yeah you gotta get behind that bend over so she's like oh my god and she's like she's doing so much and then she starts to leave and i'm like few and then she's like i haven't seen you in so long so she sits back down so i'm like oh my god then i go up i haven't done saturday night 745 at the cellar this crowd was hotter than the core of the earth i murdered destroyed killed destroyed bomb now bomb is bad yeah very similar results murdered that's true died the kill whatever the fuck crushed slower slayed it was insane maybe the best set i've ever had ever in my life i got it recorded i'll put it on the patreon put on the patreon well i can't have it leak i don't want to leak leak soup but my

god it was killer and i'm like yes yes are you watching this you son of an onion look at this i mean it was like a plaza and crazy and cuckoo and mike publicly i watched too which was exciting ah it's always nice for the people to see yes killed and then i'm like oh i gotta get around the corner i go over the village underground kill crazy saturday night eight thirty whatever the fuck hot crowd wild you have two killers and i go upstairs sarah's walking on stage fat black i wait outside talking to james madden and dc benny who i love i love dc so we're chatting sarah comes off stage we grab a lift we shoot uptown to the beacon it's a little late veky owns on stage we go backstage it's big j josh adameyer's dan shacky gary veeter sarah me christine

we're all hugging oh my god it's like the other nates about to walk on but he's like we haven't seen each other in pre-covid wow we're hugging and kissing how are you how's this the movie the show the theater the whole thing any awkwardness sometimes you haven't seen a guy in a minute it's it can be a hump to get over no it was big huggy wuggy buggy was a bear yes bear so literally we're like oh my god i remember that time this is crazy then veky oh walks off stage and i'm like oh you have to go on right yeah uh so he goes out the whole crowd roars and we're backstage for this we're on the stage the side stage love a roar he goes on i'm like i want to go sit in the theater to watch so sarah and i scooch to the back watch the show killer killer he's so good full

hour at the beacon two shows the second show 2800 people you're in the back you're like this is incredible the show is just unbelievable you got to go see it yes he's going to shoot it for a special at some point check it out watch nate he's the best wow then so we're at the back of the house but we want to go back backstage again well have you been to the beacon like i have i've been a backstage never backstage okay it's fun it's it's historical did you go in the elevator i went the elevator eddie vetter's signature's there hulk hogan's up here i'm up there somewhere somebody's in there someone else is in there it's just very exciting and they they ride you up and down in the elevator oh yeah um i'll be at the beacon june 30th with louis for the movie a couple

weeks you got that right um so now we got to go backstage but that's way up there like we're in the back of the house so then the crowd is all leaving and we're stuck because we want to go the opposite direction and then it was like we were doing a meet and greet everyone's like hey joe hey guys like i just got my tickets today we're coming we're going to be sitting right over here wow thanks and you're kind of stuck there and all the people that don't know you're like who the fuck's this guy i mean it was like five people that recognize hey you know this is a crossover company crossover you got that right so that's exciting then they all leave we go back backstage and then ari shows up he comes in you guys ari it's it's j it's it's nate and just a great

night you're like wow we all did it we're doing the thing like we're excited for the movie i'm like i'll be here in a few weeks you're here now everybody hangs out big hugs big kissing special night and nate is such a great comic and i i posted about this but it's weird it's one thing to have like one of your favorite comics you meet them become friends but this is like a friend guy that i just knew who i watch and i'm like this is like my favorite comedian i know he loves nate he've always loved him just this guy i'm like playing hoops with yeah now he's like he's killing on stage of the beacon it's quite a thrill well that's what's good about you is uh and i have this problem too is a lot of people if you start with him you always kind of see him at that level right you

can go past you don't have that you just you see things for what they are what do you say when you see things on the all-time lines what do you say when you see things but yeah you know you a lot of people get um cut up in the murk in the mire and you're all you're all straight as an arrow well i mean he's he's just a special talent that fell in he really is well guy he's by the way he's he's like traveling with his own groomer they're like giving hair back there he's got the jacket i told you one time i was hanging out with him in Nashville and this is three years ago and he pulled up at his like brand new mercedes suv or land rover range rover whatever that is and then he goes oh i gotta go meet my personal trainer and i was like range rover personal

trainer what then he goes don't get weird and he just shut it down right there he wasn't like he wasn't like i know he's just like we're not doing that and i was like okay well i get it these people you know like i told you uh what was that shit i just lost my train of thought range rover oh the lady in london who's like you're the famous one here comes the famous one yeah i feel so uncomfortable i'm not famous this is just weird yeah he shut it down on me too sweet but uh no i get it because sometimes you're like i'll buy everyone's like this whoa look at this guy you're like i do hate i was trying to do a nice thing i'm not yeah well i felt like a white range rover and a personal trainer was a little different than picking up a diner check but well certainly

i'm just saying i'm trying to identify with the feeling but no i get it sane and uh but i i get yeah different different strokes now when i pull up at the center are you like whoa look at here yeah i could have bought a better car oh i like by the way i evidently use cars are like insane right now oh yeah kovat fucked it all up hmm or putin biden one of them putin biden kovat trump bit blame it like the whole gang of them fucked us i can't keep up i don't care anymore my friend i saw a bunch of people tweeting about ricky gervais like fuck him he's a piece of shit whatever and i screenshot a couple i sent him my friend i was like what do you think about this he's like i just i don't care i don't have the energies like i got two kids i can't do this shit anymore

because he used to be like a big woke guy that's how i feel that's how i feel do i was like that's a great point he's like i just i got i got to drop these kids off to school and then you know go pay my bills i think i feel like we have like the amber herd giant i'm like i didn't watch one second i don't know what anyone's talking about i don't give a fuck i'm like all right i'm sure that's something well look if you're enjoying the the trial like whoa johnny depp won that when our amber herd's crazy whatever i get it but if you're just like i'm angry i'm mad about this trial and i'm mad about the verdict you're like all right yeah who cares go get a get a life get a hobby hug your parents get bent try to bring that back remember get bent i love get bent i don't

know what it means but i think maybe uh the fuck in the ass right yeah i think it means like bent over and plowed i think so that's where my mind goes but my mind goes there if you say you want to catch the flick that's true i'm like flick me over and fuck me in the ass flick my bean um boy two in a day this is how we used to do it old school remember we did that for a while and then somebody just took one email to be like you can't do two in a day the second one sucks and we're like this they're on to us yeah my flick in the bean is a whole thing that that clit is a wacky device isn't it but you're not flicking the bean should be rubbing the bean well even rubbing is a little tough sometimes i'll i'll be like i found it she's like easy easy big fella i'm getting smoke

going going off this thing but uh then she'll she'll because what i like to do is she she directs me yes that's hot give me direction i'm getting chubbed up right now yeah and uh so i'll be rubbing it and she's like slower and i'm like my hand is creaking because i'm like how slow can i go here and then she's like softer softer i'm like softer i'm not i barely touching it we have opposite league because i've had that and i don't want to devil i'll talk about this is an x ah smart smart i have i think in my mind a tease is hot so i'm doing like a tea and she's like let me try and then she's like oh i'm like oh jeez i can't even move like that well i know you're right she's a she's a sassy lady somewhat the bean just hardcore like someone at heart when you think

about a vibrator a vibrator is not slow a vibrator is a boom you know what i mean that's true it's starting when we're doing slow that's like get out of here i think it's it's similar to jerking off because when you jerk off you're never like doing like of course of course i'm like violent so but the the bean is different it's so much more sensitive it's the same it's so much uh been there done that but it's uh in there if i push too hard she's out interesting yeah i am i by the time when she's done it looks redder than the the russian flag the old russian the soviet union flag yes it's red in the new one put a tail down i knew i mean 30 years old also i think it's um control thing like if you're being tickled you're like but if you're doing this yourself is nothing

it's kind of the opposite with a clit with a clit it's like it's not me it's it's it's me not her touching it so she doesn't know what i'm gonna do and where i'm gonna go right uh i'm reaching you know it's fun right after the orgasm then you get on there because it's so sensitive that's the best i get mad they're kicking in the face yeah they wiggle and jiggle like a fish flopping out of water oh jeez i checked my phone again i don't look call me when you can i hate to call me when you can well that's what a texting oh bobby he called you too yeah no i'm joking oh Jesus i should have seen i saw your wheels turning oh my god i was like is he dying did he hear that you know whatever i hate call me when you can yeah that's tough my dad gave me one of those the other day

give me the reason call me when you can not an emergency my mother's good like that my mother's like not an emergency had a few minutes thought would catch up no big deal that's good call me when you can i'm like what the fuck so my parents are coming to town but my lady is like well you know she's never met my parent they've never met my parents so they're gonna meet here in new york because my parents gonna drive down gonna drive from bean town wow so this is a big week i want to just get a bomb shelter lock the door turn my phone off put a obituary out say i died but apparently i gotta show up for this but uh i'm terrified just because everything you hate about your parents is gonna come out and everything that she hates by them is gonna come out and then they're gonna

collide and it's too much yeah i had it once the day before my wedding we went out to dinner and i had to bring Derek is like a peace opera little buffer yeah big buffer lower case Bruce buffer so we brought him in but it's nerve wracking it's nerve wracking as hell because you're like you're like i hope my dad doesn't say the n word again i hope her dad doesn't you know hit him or whatever it's just terrifying it's terrifying they're both insane it's like George and Jerry's parents are meeting they're both crazy but in different ways yeah it was scary but it went well and uh you know her dad's dad so it's like one less of them you know that helps it's we're getting there you've all day what happened well my parents my parents are coming to the premiere of the movie

in Boston it's a it's like a movie about family well put them in the rafters put them in the back in the movie i'm like you're all scumbag oh that's right yeah so it's a little nerve wracking so i'm briefing them i'm telling them it's not about them which is true i mean the mother in the movie is a horrible person but okay too much but still scary your brain goes there it's only natural to be like is this about us what the fuck yeah it's a little nerve wracking but the movie's coming right to your uh alderman or your mayor or whoever and what the hell's an alderman by the way i think it's part of the clergy i think it's just chicago right huh goog i think only chicago has an alderman i think it's a religious thing no that's alter man ah alderman is like a mayor i think it says uh

an alderman is a member of a municipal assembly or council in many jurisdictions founded upon english law oh you'll get it old school british thing but i know like in chicago they have an alderman but i don't think boston has an alderman seems like they will have an alderman i don't believe we do we have parishes but you keep going back to a religion well that's just what we call our county county is a parish right but it's related to the church probably yeah boss is the same what about it's in boston very similar what about comptroller what the fuck is a comptroller you've heard of that you've heard it i don't think so yeah i thought it was like comptroller was weird says comptroller is a management level position responsible for supervising the quality of accounting

and financial reporting of an organization oh how about that it sounds serious comptroller all right well where are you gonna be there fat man oh man i got a lot of stuff coming up next weekend or this weekend i'm at mcgooby's in uh timonium i don't know if there's any tickets sold at all but i haven't been to that area in quite some time so come out to mcgooby's get your tickets buy tickets come on my face atlanta i've never headlined atlanta haven't been there at all in eight years or something good college on june 24 25 and of course it might be sold out by now june 30th at the beak in july 1st at the shuber theater in boston july 2nd vic theater in chicago 4th of july premieres and it's going to be in a bunch of theaters select theaters but uh you

can reach out to your theater and say hey there's a movie coming out i want to see in the theaters it'll be uh i'll get a full list up soon and then august i'm in uh nashville and fucking somewhere else a bunch of dates coming up they're on my website comedian joe list dot com and uh check out joe and ron on talk movies that will end soon so check it out now and uh that's it i don't i just i'm scared because i'm reviewing movies and i have a movie and i gotta call bobby kelly all right i'm all over the road as well i'm coming to i'm doing the first of all i'm doing the fully loaded tour with burt so check out those dates i'm doing a couple with uh georgia tennessee who knows comedy store lehoya one night only i had to bail on a night at the lehoya store it was already

sold out but i forgot i uh told ari and gillis i'd go skiing with him so i had to bail out on it i felt like a dick so i'm remaking up the date or just making up the date on the 30th of june then i'm in irvine improv so come on out la folk then i'm in red bank new jersey we added a show houston improv Broadway uh comedy off Broadway and lexington comedy club lol and san anton west beat west palm beach improv in florida richmond funny bone and uh brea improv back to the west coast orlando improv and uh all kinds of new dates popping up nazanis in november and albany so uh say hello go gay get on the patreon tell a friend grab a mug grab a shirt grab a partner and dosy dough by the yes locker room talk praise i'll uh comedy