Tuesdays with Stories! - #458 Why So Syria?

Episode Date: June 28, 2022

It's a monster ep as Mark has a nightmare travel weekend bouncing from NY to Minneapolis to Chicago to Cleveland to Austin and MOST of his flights are canceled! Joe heads to Magooby's where a woman in... the audience shames him vocally and he gears up for his big movie premiere this upcoming week! The boys are getting are spanked in this one!! Sponsors: - Support the show and get up to 34% off some sweet new metal art with the code TUESDAYS at https://displate.com/tuesdayswithstories?art=624740987334c - Visit www.manscaped.com and use code Tuesdays for 20% off and free shipping - Visit www.betterhelp.com/ Tuesdays for 10% off your first month. Subscribe to our Patreon for the ad-free version of the show, weekly bonus episodes, and more! patreon.com/tuesdays Subscribe to our YouTube channel here for full video of every episode: https://youtube.com/c/TuesdayswithStories SUBSCRIBE: https://bit.ly/2ABEe1w

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy we're doing it we're queer we're back in the studio so much has happened at 68 degrees in New York I'm hard how are you fatty I'm pretty good it fits it's human it's a tricky deceptive 64 Chuck is sweating
Starting point is 00:00:55 like a like you like he like his old weight yes I mean he's lost the weight he looks fit but he I mean it's hot out there it's sticky it's muggy it's squeefy you're just walking through a turned-on vagina it was wet there's black guys what if there's what if they're just you know like what if they just got together and decided to fuck the Jews or whoever does the weather app was just like let's just tell him it's 64 but it's 81 because it feels off well they do that half the time to go it's 68 but it feels like 99 or whatever that's true what does that feels like every Tom Dick and anal had a bit about that well
Starting point is 00:01:33 I tried to do a bit for a long time about the opposite because everyone when I was a youngster coming up everyone was like the weatherman they can't predict shit their assholes like a joking back to the future yes and I had a bit defending the weatherman I'm like they're predicting the future and they're right like 98% of the time I like everyone shits on the weatherman but if the weatherman is like tomorrow it's raining yeah grabbing the umbrella why is that if they were that wrong all the time wouldn't you go fuck them well it's all you got I mean that the year you're relying on these queefs with the suits
Starting point is 00:02:06 and the and the doppler they're pretty close like it's never like tomorrow's gonna be hot and then the next day it's 51 and snowing true that's true I try to do a bit that never worked about how you know used to go hey the weatherman they're not always right and now you do that with the news you know what the news you're like I don't know if that's true we'll see the news is bad well and everyone gets their own news now that's the problem I mean this is obviously been touched on a few different places but what fake news yeah well you get you know you get you got your liberal news and you got your right wing news I got a bit
Starting point is 00:02:37 about it it's cookie I try to I click back and forth I told you what I'm on a flight I'm just clicking back and forth because I don't want it to be judged yes one of these all I watch all the news I'm not one of these assholes I know I'm listening to Nazi podcast and I'm like you know hiding the face it is funny though you're on MSNBC and they're like the trials heating up Trump's going to jail you click up to Fox News and like the blacks are murdering everybody I'm like oh geez I'm quoting I'm quoting quoting I know that was quoting Fox News I'm quoting Fox News the loudest part yeah you got to watch both and
Starting point is 00:03:12 decipher you got to go I'll take a little this I'll take a little that it's like salt and pepper now you can't just go all salt you got to have a little mix it's a medley decipher sounds yes a news medley but I'm hurting I'm wiped I'm on fumes we got a long day today so buckle up buddy boy I know it's a it's a crazy day I got two pods plus the bonus then I gotta go do bonfire then I have the three-hour baseball show you know what the baseball show and you got it's like it's nine hours of talking that's a lot of Mike and this is the thing I'm a moron I'm stupid nobody cares you went full
Starting point is 00:03:48 Seinfeld I'm a moron what's the deal with stupidity it's bad it's bad and it only hurts I was talking to what's his face who's the guy with the tall guy with the bad back and the jokes Ted smiley Sam Murrell Murrell Murrell I think that Sam tall guy bad back great jokes that's a blurb on Amazon maybe you throw the Knicks in there but Nick's please but I was talking to him and it's it's no good only hurts because I only lose fans here they're like you hate the Sopranos I'm not buying a ticket you piece of shit I'd be better off if they just had the stand-up and they're like this guy's pretty funny sure but a
Starting point is 00:04:31 couple times I mentioned Trump and one time I mentioned you know the homeless people so both sides of the political spectrum hate me and the Soprano people want to whack me right really cheesily and you see it coming you know well these comments are real come guzzlers because I made a mistake and did one of these and looked at one of them and it was like these two guys complain about having to do a podcast oh I wish I made millions of dollars talking and you're like well first of all we don't make millions dollars talking only one of us does secondly he's cleaning up secondly you could do it too then go you start one
Starting point is 00:05:09 if we if we make millions of dollars talking go talk well that's the other mean I don't want to sound like an old asshole but first of all the grass is always great obviously this is much easier and funner than doing HVAC roofing and roofing which which I did for a moment but this is what happens is people get mad they're like they're like oh my god Joe bought a huge centra he's loaded right but I'm like well I also had my electricity turned off multiple times and I had three roommates when I was 34 years old and I lived in a room that was 14 feet by 7 feet and when everyone's going off for their weekend
Starting point is 00:05:43 getaways we're at the fucking Atlanta punchline holiday in or whatever right wanting to kill ourselves and we have no job security whatsoever zero yes not to mention we gave up 11 years of our lives of eating ass and ramen just to try to get by and get a get a weekend at my goobies and the open mic and it was a huge gamble we did a massive gamble we pushed all our chips in and gambled everything and for the moment it's paying off yes but it could all go to hell look at dane cook he's dead I was just talking about him really sure 2005 was like well all right so I make 7 million a year that'll be good yes and now you
Starting point is 00:06:19 know I clean my change my oil the other day hilariously by the way yes he's a funny guy he spilled the oil it was a whole thing but yeah I mean this this business could come and go baby you never know by the way also I don't know I don't know what's going on here I don't know if it's my face the teeth the forehead the herpes could be a combination the politics the length of my legs but I mentioned I buy a first ticket a first-class ticket is people being like you're an asshole we're in inflation you talk about your first-class every week he gives us an update on his townhouse in Brooklyn are
Starting point is 00:06:54 you kidding me is this a joke am I being pranked they're like you bought a use center in a first-class ticket he's like well there wasn't enough bedrooms in our townhouse well first of all it's in shambles we're trying to fix it up shambles also we haven't bought it yet so Gary shambles he's good I'm like what are you crazy I'll show send us both our 1099s you sons of bitches I don't know why people are mad we're working like crazy I know I'm like I bought a Honda Civic in 1996 they're like you scumbag kill yourself you got it you're born with a spoon in your mouth I'm like what are you talking about yeah people get
Starting point is 00:07:39 mad about money I don't know why go go make some money yeah it's tough I know you're not supposed to say that but figure it out inflation whatever by the way speaking of inflation every once in a while ago you know I get my tea and by the way I never cared about money when I had no money I was always an idiot I spent all my money like an asshole I remember that so I just biased I'm like let me get a hot tea and a cookie and they're like it's a 4180 is that a bit I know plus we have we have cars now so these gas prices it's insane it's like I know I hadn't driven my car in like three weeks this is the first weekend I
Starting point is 00:08:14 had my car and it was I was gonna get one of those Biden I did that stickers and put it on man that's bad which is pretty clever by the way what you ever see the sticker at the gas tank you go to pump gas they put a sticker of Biden pointing and it says I did that I think there's more to it sure people people can make a buck off anything I mean I've been selling Juneteenth ice cream for a week and I'm cleaning up baby so if you want like it's it's black and white chocolate vanilla like a cookie by the way am I crazier is it 350 degrees I'm sweating like Chuck at a pool party whoo it's a hot one whoo there's no vents in
Starting point is 00:08:53 here we got no vent we got no window we got no outside view I got a weather system in my elbow crease what does that mean like it's like a swamp it's hot it's cold it's very I don't trust the weather there you go hot how you doing Chuck yeah I'm from Louisiana it's all swamp you know you get swamp ass sure that's what that's what New Orleans is all the time you just walking around in someone's taint it is a nightmare and don't you hate this one people go oh you hate the heat but you're from Louisiana it's like so what I hate my grandpa Simon said pulled off the best version of that joke a great joke lay it on me
Starting point is 00:09:31 because I get it all the time and I've heard other people do a similar bit but Simon said has such a great one but I get it all the time I'm like it's freezing in here like aren't you from New England I don't get it yeah I'm not immune to the cold I hate the cold yes I grew up in New England it was always cold I hated it so I still hate it yeah I'm covered in piss but didn't you grow up with our Kelly what are you talking about it still sucks doesn't make any sense I hate it somebody punching their face me like but didn't your dad hit you exactly yeah I don't it sucks I don't want to be hit Joe Jackson so what's Simon's it's bit
Starting point is 00:10:03 it's something like that it's like don't you know it's cold but you're from Norway and he's like yeah oh it's about Syria he goes into he talks about don't you're used to the cold and it's like saying to a Syrian refugee like you don't you mind you don't like the bombs didn't you grow up with the bombs right whatever why so Syria but he says you know don't I just see only a bombs or whatever I can't do the impression sure he's a funny guy check him out Simon's in big fan so I got a I got a saw yeah I got a saga Genesis over here oh I love saying that was my last video game that's where I peaked say that was
Starting point is 00:10:42 the last one that was it I had turbo graphic 16 before that what's that you familiar huh it's like a super super like pre-Nintendo system yeah that's like calico vision or Atari it was pretty advanced so the chip the cartridges were this big it was like a credit card and you slide them in but they had bonks adventure hot game but well we'll move on Sega was big when we had Sonic you had a streets of rage I don't know that one right so I was a big Sonic guy and then I had the college football EA sports oh yeah yeah I was a big college that's fun football and then like I was 94 so Nebraska you'd had like Tommy Frasier
Starting point is 00:11:22 and he would just run and Lawrence Phillips they were unbeatable they were like the Bo Jackson of technical there you go Larry Phillips don't forget Mortal Kombat was I think Sega yeah I got into the fighting cuz I was never good then the other guy would just beat me up and like throw fire at me and I just I didn't throw in the remote I liked sports and Sonic and they knew how to do the moves they'd go and you go how'd you know how to do that the guys hitting 18 buttons and you're you're like what I wish I had no dad how about the guy that played like this with his fingers as burger those fucking guys you
Starting point is 00:11:54 know girls are watching that going whoo baby this guy's gonna twiddle my taint all right so I'm excited about this now I got the weekend of my life coming up I got let me let me break down the itin this weekend or this is last this last last this has already happened so it's Pantages theater on Thursday at Minneapolis sold out baby it's a comedy festival Ari's there a couple other Jews so I'm pretty excited about it then you jump on a plane Friday morning to Chicago for two at the Vic sold out so I'm like oh my god I'm cooking baby then you jump on a plane on Saturday morning to Cleveland for the Agora theater whoa
Starting point is 00:12:38 then you jump on a plane to go to Austin whoa oh that is a weekend that's a weekend that is a weekend that is happening my friend that is happening not to mention the next weekend I'm at the fully loaded so this is like comedy Bukaki yes living yes LIV IN apostrophe so I'm like here we go baby break it on just right my eye I'm wearing the glasses and I'm ready and so you go to the airport you know get your Minneapolis flight it's I think it's a nooner I get to the airport right well first I wake up and I'm all excited I jump out of bed I'm whistling I do a cartwheel flight canceled that's weird all right well
Starting point is 00:13:25 fuck that I'm not missing Minneapolis a book another one ASAP yes that was a Gameboy and so I go all right I was supposed to go to Newark now I'm going to LaGuardia I got my new flight yeah no big deal no biggie so I figure I'll get the the money back from that when you can't just cancel a flight on me a cum guzzler so we're we're gonna be we're gonna even out you want to get that soup don't you yes I put it on last night and I slept in it so I go to LaGuardia delayed that's not good all right well I got the lounge access so I'll just pig out in the lounge I'll jerk off in the soup I'll spike the punch
Starting point is 00:14:07 I'll fuck oh stewardess here we go I'm wolfing down food in the lounge delayed again oh boy yeah yeah yeah yeah this is not looking good so I'm like I'll keep drinking I'm hitting some whiskies in there I got the the save by the bell is on my feet are up I canceled how about that so now we have two flights canceled so I go Jesus Christ so I go I book another one cancel culture yes and I book another flight and I'm like well this one's got to go I mean you can't cancel three flights in a day so now I'm out of the lounge I gotta get out of the lounge I'm drinking too much so I'm walking around the airport just
Starting point is 00:14:44 trying to get some steps in love the steps bumpin Ari whoa yeah he's got an old hat those floppy bucket hat he's got a walking stick and a weird backpack it looks like a hobo Jew yeah he's he looks like the cover of a Zeppelin album just got like the sticks and he's bent over really unpleasant to be around yes he looks like Gollum from Lord of the Rings so I'm like all right Ari's here so now we're hanging out I get him in the lounge now we're dancing now I'm driving the bus yeah I'm Batman so Ari you know he's a whiz he's like hold on here's what you got to do we got a fly to this city and then get a rental car
Starting point is 00:15:22 will drive because he's he's going to Minneapolis a day early because he's responsible what's he doing in Minneapolis he's doing a gig the night the night after me oh wow so he was just there he's like I figured this would happen so I'm going early and I said I didn't know this would happen so now Minneapolis is out we missed it and I'm doing the whole thing with the theater going can we move to the show from seven to eight maybe I can get there by seven and drive there I'm doing that whole thing and it's Lucy from Zany so she's like all right we'll try to make it work the people are she's at the theater
Starting point is 00:15:52 purely chanting Tuesdays all pipes they're queefing they're quaffing they're going nuts I'm like I don't know what to do it's like Blues Brothers third flight canceled so I'm like well this is fuck we just missed it it's the weirdest most impotent feeling sitting and Terminal 9 going well that's not happening it's brutal it's like the it's like the Seinfeld bit there's no alternative if you miss your bus you can take a train the train you can rent a car but a flight there's no alternative and then the bid is about the cannon remember the cannon all the can it's like there's no cannon they shoot you they go that's
Starting point is 00:16:28 st. Louis that's about Minneapolis and when you land get out of the way because the luggage is coming right behind Jerry Mike cannon so that's just gone so now my agent's freaking out he's like shit there's a big deal is a theater gig we're missing it he's like fuck that just get on a flight and go to Chicago now you're supposed to be Chicago tomorrow just go to Chicago now because this could happen tomorrow so this is like legit over you missed it it's done Jerry I met my second airport of the day here you know I had to Newark flight cancel down at the LaGuardia oh my god this is tragic tragic I mean it just
Starting point is 00:17:04 you're just so helpless I thought there's gonna be a punchline this is it you missed it well it ain't over yet there's lobby to lobby god so now Ari scrambling to I gotta get there to blah blah blah so we got there at like 11 and now it's 9 at night and we're just sitting around just we wasted the whole day we could have potted we could have frisbee we could have fucked who knows what's what so now I'm like all right well what do you got on Chicago I got my guy working on it the manager he's like there's an overnight you're gonna have to red eye you get on a flight in an hour you'll read I you'll land in
Starting point is 00:17:37 Chicago at 6 a.m. like fuck me I was like all right all right and he goes wait I found a Madison Wisconsin flight you can land in Madison get a car drive to Chicago I said all right let's do that wow so that flights at 11 or something so I go let's do it now I'm waiting for the Madison flight but I go just booked that that overnight one just in case so now we're booking multiple flights spending a million dollars we book both Madison gets canceled oh so that I'm like what is this a weather day or just they're just lazy I'm sitting at the gate and they're going folks we're waiting to board we just need a crew we
Starting point is 00:18:18 just need a crew and I'm like you just need a crew what does that mean is there a crew at in their bed with Cheeto dust and hung over going ah I'm not going in today well I think everyone's under privileged or whatever understaffed the whole country is no there's no like flight attendants and lifeguards I don't know that one we have too many podcast producers and camera guys I can tell you that that's true well that's a that's a big gig offense yeah you do it great but yeah I guess so but I don't know it's it's bad news bears I mean it's one thing when they're like hey McDonald's is out of the ice cream machine is down but
Starting point is 00:18:54 like flights this is commerce Jerry this is business now this is brutal I am not I hate this hate it and you start you go the country's in shambles what am I Sarajevo what's going on here where is that I don't know Eastern Europe might be an actress Sarajevo like Eastern Europe I think yeah yeah next door Eastern block block B.L.O.C. is that right I think so is it like thick with two seas oh what do you got on Sarajevo Bosnia I think that's all the same yeah capital and largest city of Bosnia yeah there you go yeah quite a poll all right the boss over here boss Lerman so so now we're defeated it's 1130 at night and I
Starting point is 00:19:42 looked at look at Ari we've at this point I'm sitting on his lap we're like bonding I got one of the police put a blanket on me and he goes what should we do I go we got to go home we just go all the way home we we we we we we we we all the way home with our hairy curls or whatever the short curls whatever it is God went all the way home and just tail between the legs ruined a whole day brutal train wreck and so the and the people in Minneapolis just can't come to the show I got these messages I got fatty holy you piece of shit I drove three hours I had a babysitter I divorced my wife I drowned my babies in the tub just
Starting point is 00:20:19 to come here and you're not here oh this is painful and you want to go I want to be there but right they don't compute that oh geez but I have to say I was talking to Sam last night he said he keeps flying out a day early all these gigs cuz all the flights are messed up I've been very lucky knock on wood I haven't had a single flight issue wow the last three mom flying every single week I don't know I got good luck so far well you got to take stock or what are you gratitude because we whenever flight goes on time we just go we act normal I know we should be going that worked this is crazy the one delay I
Starting point is 00:20:52 had was when I went to London and actually benefited me because I got in later and you have less time to kill you know when you're all jet lag and you get like 10 a.m. you have to stay up for 14 hours good points that delay actually was like helpful well there you go you got good flight luck so far I mean I've had some bad in my time sure the last few months I've been I've been good there's nothing worse than losing a day you're like I could have worked I could have been home I could hit the gym I could have sat on the couch I know I know brutal but either way had the lounge that helps so next day I get up at like six cuz I'm
Starting point is 00:21:25 like I'm not I'm not this isn't happening to me again I go straight to the airport I'm on the phone now my guy lives in LA so he's he's doing all this shit at like four in the morning how the manager yes the manager sweet kid and he's like Chicago this is can't you know I had a couple flights they all got canceled canceled canceled canceled so that I'm like what are we gonna do here and he goes you got to make the Chicago gig I love when the agents like you got to make it I'm like yeah I know what I do but we found one 1 p.m. to Burlington land at Chicago at 6 0 5 Burlington what's that for a month that's all they
Starting point is 00:22:04 had you're flying New York to Burlington to Chicago four-hour layover in Burlington there's a direct flight from Burlington Chicago but there's not one from New York what the fuck airline are you flying Bernie Sanders air tickless air I don't know but and this is this these are the options this is brutal this is brutal it's like making me uncomfortable I'm not even enjoying this I'm sorry I'm sad it was sad it was it was a hell hellish day oh so we get the Burlington kill four hours in Burlington I'm walking around beautiful views by the way even from a great town great tax of that one crazy that's right that one
Starting point is 00:22:40 guy so I eat a you know a vegan tofu you know four-skinned salad at the you know it's all hippy-diffy shit craft beers and then fresh goat milk in the house you know one of the goats was a pilot it was wild Ben and Jerry were there and it was a long day get to Chicago thank God jump right in a car hall ass to the theater root Matt Ruby's on stage I throw my bags down I high five a guy he brings me right up I go right on wow the worst part is yet to hang out with Ruby Ruby now Ruby killed it he'd lived in Chicago for 10 years so I you know I wanted to have him there and great venue great theater Chicago these
Starting point is 00:23:27 gays came out because we haven't been there since 1991 because of the pandemic right so it all accumulated and all we all sold out and professor pizza came out you know about this kid professor pizza he's this guy in Chicago is like this pizza savant and he's obsessed with comedy he's done Sebastian shows Sam show Gaffigan show he comes to your green room with an oven and makes pizzas oh my god you know my green room I need this guy we could use it for Ari that oven Chicago is our best market don't you feel like easily the nicest gays the most gays they come they bring gifts they're sweet I love Chicago speaking
Starting point is 00:24:08 which July 2nd still not sold out Vic theater so Larry's I'm like that's our best market I'm like we're half full wait a minute you're doing the Vic or the movie the movies doing the movie's doing the Vic the Vic theater July 2nd get your tickets but yeah Chicago fucking rules rules I love I wish I was there longer you know it's it's a great venue you're gonna love it you're gonna shit blood the pizza was great the crowds were amazing I took photos after these gays they wait they love you best gay Chicago gays are the best gays by the way I love Ruby I feel like we moved on quickly it was a joke he's the best he's
Starting point is 00:24:41 great back to the party I don't know I gotta figure that out he's a little old but yeah he had a great set just great time the pizza was great and these crowds he's Chicago crowds and you know deep dish Italian beef the Cubs the Bulls Kanye great stuff so now you want to like party sorry you want to go party you're in Chicago you made it I made it oh my god I got out of the airport I'm wiped I have one cocktail I go I go to the hotel and I crash these guys are up at 5 a.m. by 2 p.m. they're wiped how we get back on you so next morning get up fly to Cleveland Cleveland now I've got PTSD I'm like the
Starting point is 00:25:28 airport I can't what if it doesn't go what if I miss another theater all went great clean was great fat Chris Al open Bill Squire hosted we had a great time now let me throw this one in your in your pee hole and even burns wide open okay get Chicago theater was great the Agora great time after this guy goes hey there's a bar show at this whatever place if you want to go so we go all right fucking what else are we doing we leave the theater we go straight to hilarities to eat oh the pick we can frolic yeah they throw you a free meal love that place love that whole cast and crew I'll be there in January I think
Starting point is 00:26:09 Sam Nick the other guy the Butler Nick is hot he's old oh barrel chest he's a 105 years old he's an Italian DIL he looks like he boxes like this yes yes you know he's a pugilist oh yeah he told us a couple of stories about you know the family I don't know if I can divulge but we had a ton of food ton of drinks and then we go to this bar show and I ate my dick oh no well you know what it is you go ahead just did the theater I just had a free meal I blew Nick and now I'm here and then you're like I'll try some new yeah that's tough the new is tough and also it's hard because you've all you're all cushioned you're swinging with a
Starting point is 00:26:55 donut or whatever the fuck I don't know it didn't make sense but the thing when you're doing the shows for your people yes you can be like well that's crazy well a little up and they're like that's that guy we love then you go to a bar show and they're like why is this asshole what's he doing exactly and the comics are in the back on here we go okay this guy he did the agor let's see and then I'm like so you think pedophiles have their own kids cuz then they can get high on their own supply and people are like right right so good times but glad I did it glad I hung out we all had a blast and then I flew
Starting point is 00:27:31 straight to Austin and well I'm hogging so we'll go I can't wait to hear about Austin I mean that's all fascinating stuff I'm so glad the flights and again it was just Matt lack of crew these people that's what they kept saying weather because if they say whether they don't have to pay or refund it's like an act of God yes fucking Allah but hey folks this week's episode of Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by man scape man scape is here to give your minute man the respect he deserves man scape products are beautifully designed to have your body looking good from head to toe for the beach pool and any
Starting point is 00:28:11 late-night fireworks you can use code Tuesdays to get 20% off and free shipping at man scape man scape is what you need to really boost your confidence boys it all starts with a lawnmower 4.0 the fourth generation trimmer features a cutting-edge ceramic blade to reduce grooming accidents with their advanced skin safe technology lawnmower 4.0 is waterproof and has a 400k that's 400 thousand that you will make LED spotlight declare your independence with the perfect package it includes the lawnmower trimmer the weed whacker ear and nose hair trimmer the crop preserver ball deodorant I love that stuff I use it I
Starting point is 00:28:54 put it right on my balls crop reviver toner performance boxer briefs love those briefs and a travel bag to keep you feeling good all over this great nation god bless america it's time to shine up your liberty balls bells by going to manscape.com get 20% off and free shipping with the code Tuesdays don't forget to put that code in there Tuesdays that is 20% off with free shipping at manscape.com and use your discount code Tuesdays unlock your confidence this 4th of July with manscape ball so beautiful you'll have the Statue of Liberty blushing oh no yeah you will Tuesdays the story is also
Starting point is 00:29:36 brought to you by oh I got an itch sorry displayed displayed that's right displayed looking for something different to cover up that hole in your wall displayed is the cool new metal poster you'll want in every room they sent me when I got it right on my wall in my living beautiful I loved it I wasn't sure what it was going to be I was totally surprised to get it was very exciting I thought it was from a fan it was from a fan display new fan of the show new sponsor the show go support them display features officially licensed design from Star Wars Netflix and many more they have
Starting point is 00:30:16 millions of cool designs available featuring gaming movies comics and anime you know how much I love anime it only takes 20 seconds to hang them up that's right 20 seconds no power tools no damages no frustrations once you mount one you can switch it up for a new plate and a flash it really is easy I'm stupid and I can do it with everyone that you buy this plate will plant tree that's right plant a tree click the link in our description to see some of our favorite displays and to get our special discount 27% off up to two displays or 34% off three or more displayed discounts will automatically be applied to your cart
Starting point is 00:30:55 when you click the link or use code Tuesdays when you visit display.com it's an amazing deal only available for a limited time do it I checked the paper flight headline news worst flight day in history since 9 11 since the holocaust since Katrina the flights are held the the lindenburg the whole thing ability airheart worst flight day ever lindenburg lindenburg lindenburg and hindenburg hindenburg because the hindenburg was the lead zeppelin it blew up thing it wasn't really a lead I don't think but whatever and then lindenburg
Starting point is 00:31:39 lindenburg baby it's a baby there's a baby is there a baby no I thought that was flight of st louis spirit of st louis there is a baby though he might have been a boy and a baby he flew across the atlantic with a baby steward I think you know the baby out with the bathwater yes no I don't know baby is there I think there's a lindenburg baby there's a baby is that the same thing though I don't know I think she was pregnant and the cockpit something was going on they had the kid in the air he flew by himself airheart Amelia airheart she was the first woman to do something but she crashed no two different lindenburg pretty sure they're gonna hair it's two different lindenburg that's what I'm saying
Starting point is 00:32:14 yeah no I think Amelia airheart was like I'm gonna do that I'll be the first woman to do that I think she went into the twin towers or something she disappeared yeah she's dead lindenburg's dead too but what are you having a woman fly exactly I think it was like 27 or something like that she was 27 no that was 27 club uh oh really yeah I don't know about that I'm saying 1927 was when the lindenburg flight was that sounds like something yeah it could be well who's the baby the baby is different I don't know about this baby I was a kidnapped baby it's a different baby lindenburg baby yeah okay Charles lindenburg Jew lindenburg I don't know maybe a German I could Germany I don't think they let Jews do stuff back then no maybe you know make a bagel yeah
Starting point is 00:32:59 weather whatever I thought the flight thing I mean there's so many flights getting canceled everyone I know that flies is dealing with this shit I thought it was because of like the gas prices that helps I was gonna say if they don't fill up a flight a hundred percent or whatever they just go uh we're not gonna go because it's too expensive it doesn't make any sense yeah that's what I thought I feel so bad for these uh these these people at the desk because they see old ladies going sir I've been here three days I don't know where I am but what do you think it'll leave you know because it says boarding soon and then it'll be like is it though talk to me give me some and they can't give you any information so you just start yelling at them but they didn't do it but
Starting point is 00:33:42 who else do you yell at it's hard because they're representing the company that's what's hard it's like I didn't do anything but I'm like but you're the representative so I gotta throw shit in your eye but yeah I've been so lucky but it happened to be the weekend that was the worst weekend in history and I was driving I went down to Magoobies Timonium Maryland which sounds like medicine doesn't it I said the same thing it's a couple a couple shots of Timonium it says like an element we've discovered Timonium I wish they didn't that town stinks it stinks a roo uh but the club is great and whatever but yeah I was doing uh Magoobies which was nice I've been driven in the in a fortnight I've been all over the place my car it's so weird it just lives in a garage
Starting point is 00:34:20 this is the weird thing about New York yeah it's like you have this prize possession that you're proud of you love it it shines it's red well it's a million dollars for that cent I know it wasn't easy it was $350,000 I paid it all all in cash it was a drop in the hat because uh must be nice I'm worth about 48 mil for this baseball contract in Montana I didn't want to tell you how much I'm making to play for this independently baseball team for one day it's 11 bucks um but anyway so I went to get the car and it was like covered in dust because it's like in the the basement garage and you feel bad it's like it's like your son you neglected it's very neglected and I think they're all these punks they're like pulling a ferris bueller and driving it around and you don't
Starting point is 00:35:02 know what country do you think this is what country do you think this is it can get scratched nicked breed dawn wrong a pigeon could shit on it yeah so I pick it up and uh it's just covered in filth and I just feel sad for it and I got Matt Wayne opening old m-dubs great love the wainer one of the best hangs funny guy funny guy great comic great guy so we get down there we scoot john down there and it always takes seven and a half hours the northeast is just a train wreck straight with this sandy hook we get it the kids are dead moving on already get it off the road it's just wait what is the same every time I go by sandy hook I'm sitting there in traffic I want to mow somebody down oh you're going north I'm going south but we probably drove by seven school
Starting point is 00:35:50 shootings also you got that right country's got a problem obviously but time it doesn't in this town is everything's falling oh there we go that was close oh Jesus all right any tips so we drive down there and you always think like we'll just drive they'll take a week off from flying the airport the business yes yes drive the car and by the end of your I'm old my ankle hurts it's like throbbing my knee is stiff my dick is hard my ass is bleeding sure but it's fine you drive down you listen to the tunes you bullshit couple podcasts whatever but there is that moment you're like a little much longer I stuck with this motherfucker we've talked about everything we listened to every album we did all springsteen's catalog we touched knees I know she touched my
Starting point is 00:36:33 leg and we're but we're cracking news by the way he had never heard even the losers by Tom Petty he's like a music guy it's like my favorite tune number one tune all time and he's like that's a good one I'm like what are you insane how do you miss that he had the sunglasses he's like doing this I made a t-shirt in high school it said even the losers and on the back it said get lucky sometimes it was like my anthem that's fun so you know anyways we drove down he's into that now we went to the cheesecake factory I love the cheese oh that's the biggest menu in the in the planet he had never been to the cheese this guy what is this guy bored on a bunker I don't know what's going on with this son of a bitch but I'm like Frank over here I felt like a dad I was like you gotta hear Tom Petty
Starting point is 00:37:10 you're gonna really love this and I'm like waiting to the cheesecake for the menu's huge the the women are like wine or whatever ah Capistrano yeah that menu it's like the Koran that thing is huge it's huge we got the bread the thing sweet little gay waiter we had a great time down there and I love the cheese guy I went there three days in a row like the Cal Ripken of cheesecake well the thing is you can go there for nine years and never eat the same thing twice I ate the same thing every day but I know what you mean all right you're a man of routine I had some gift cards I want to thank the gays for the gift cards I still got piles of Chipotle gift cards in the 80s give me some I'm out well you know what happened is I'll trade you Starbucks for a Chipotle I'll do that straight
Starting point is 00:37:50 up any day let's do it well how much is yours and how much is mine I don't trust you and who gave you the Starbucks I feel like that was from me anyways well they gave me four I took two you I gave you two it's just a little suspect I want to see the I want to see the price tag on this thing because if I get a four dollar bucks and you get a fifty dollar Chipotle wow I think ain't fifty clams come on well you know what happened I had the reflux it's it's it in of the 80s say it is here if you need it remember I had the silent re you might remember I've heard you mention it for a couple years there so I was all freaked out about the re did you kick it I kicked it well I think a lot of it was mental I just learned to live with it all right I have a gargly voice
Starting point is 00:38:34 I did that with gonorrhea what are you gonna do so now I'm smoking cigars I'm shoving hot sauce in my ass and I'm having sex with my dad again finally nice glad you guys reconcile wreck so I had a pile at Chipotle gift cards that I didn't use I didn't go there for like two years so I'm backed up and so is my ass from all the cheese can we go there for lunch because I haven't eaten a week today no I didn't we got to go there no no question about it all right we'll do a patreon at Chipotle we'll do a patreon the patreon's really cooking chuck's doing something with it sending us long emails we don't open but thank you for the emails Chuck looks mad I'm kidding we're gonna get to him I'm kidding I'll tell you what I'll read
Starting point is 00:39:13 it when I get the ps109 bonus footage there you go I got Shelby emails I've read so we're all behind anyways what the fuck am I talking about the gift guys the cheesecake factory great time shows were good let me throw this up your ass and see if you come to my face get out of there oh that was a slow bullet sorry I couldn't see it's behind me so I'm doing the show everything's cruising along by the thursday show nightmare this is what this is where I'm at in my career I'm like I go to San Fran you forget different markets or different things and club sizes so San Fran never worked there ever big market it's the club seats like 110 people yeah I show up to like every show sold out you can't get a ticket five shows I hit the bonus the thing that you know whatever
Starting point is 00:40:03 hell yeah great weekend then I do Vancouver there's about 400 people there and I'm like I'm cruising baby I got my feet up my head back I'm trading in the center for a for a cord nice according to Jim then I get to Baltimore night one Thursday didn't help that my old pal Marcus was there about three days earlier I get there Thursday let me just say this I had my choice of parking spots if you know what I mean you took the retard spot pulled in and there was three cars there and it's the thing we ever pull in the parking lot and you gotta check the email be like maybe the show starts at nine I might have misread it yeah I'm like something's up and you just go in there and you can hear like that weird silence oh I peek in it look like it looked like April of 2020 there's
Starting point is 00:40:51 like couples and then there's like seven feet then another couple and then 20 feet another couple it was rough well I gotta say if it's any consolation prize my Thursday was rough too it's just not a Thursday town I think it's not a Thursday time whatever that means Saturday filled in nice by Phil I mean the bottom section but yeah Phil Hanley it wasn't bad well it was better than that but we go there I think that's Friday early Saturday early and it's this one's full and nice and I'm really cooking I'm really just having a nice time and you know how when you're in that good place where you're fun and loose and improvising and all the stuff yes and really hot crowd everybody's dying just a good crowd and there's a beautiful young lady over here she's laughing at
Starting point is 00:41:36 everything knee slapping and pointing and I think she was with the two's gay too hey good for you lady so let me let me see what you make of this because it was a little strange uh-oh and I told this um I was talking about top gun a lot I just keep talking about top gun on stage I got a couple bits okay no one ever laughs at them but it's fun and I was doing that I love the theme yeah that's pretty good I can do horn too well this is quite an actor crafting yeah it's pretty good so I'm doing that by the way I'm doing an hour this is 30 seconds out of an hour the rest is you know farts I didn't know we were Michael Winslow-ing it but so it's going pretty if you saw it in context you'd really be like whoa this is something oh well send me the tape I will but
Starting point is 00:42:22 I forgot to tape I don't tape my career is I should really tape I gotta get the thing where I'm like this what'd you say fuck you and then that day gets the views yeah duct tape I mean it's tough it's a lot of work you gotta find a guy you gotta hit up the guy you gotta pay the guy you gotta edit the guy you gotta you gotta pretend to hang out with the guy I know that sometimes you get a guy he never sends you the stuff oh brutal but enough about Chuck but PS 109 oh we're having a good time what was that that was uh I think uh Ralphie May was in that one I believe Louie was on it you know but we don't want to give them the uh the louis bonus that's not gonna help our guys at all they don't want to see louie deadberg's in it too no video this chair is too squeaky
Starting point is 00:43:09 I hear a rickety in a rackety worse than the watch so let me just get right to the story all right there you go so I'm on I think that's backwards there you go um so I'm doing the show good crowd I'm talking top gun and I tell this amusing anecdote that happened my knee I was telling my friend Derek that Billy Eidl's guitar player wrote the top gun theme and if you go to see Billy Eidl he plays it they play and then my niece who's 10 said it's Billy Eilish oh which it's fun she's cute it's a fun thing she doesn't know Billy Eidl he's 73 takes his shirt off just never heard of him that's that's a bit could be a bit could be a bit so I tell the uh anecdote it's funny and then I talked about Billy Eilish and I'm unfamiliar with Billy Eilish she's good is Billy Eilish a man or a woman
Starting point is 00:43:59 and then this one he goes nope no no no no no no stop is the cute lady cute lady who's laughing okay she goes no no no no no take that out you can't do that take that out she said take that out what is it trash I mean I think she's talking about my cock or something oh that's not so bad she says take that out nope stop nope does a big thing she's waving both arms she's like no no waves me off what and I'm like this what what does that mean and she's like you can't ask that you can't ask can't ask and I was like well I mean by the way everyone else is like woman it's a woman yeah and I was like I don't know Billy Eilish I'm not trying to whatever I just don't know her she's like you gotta take that out you can't ask she's like
Starting point is 00:44:46 who are we to say oh no and I was like all right well I mean but some people are a gender right you're you're all welcome to say that I'm a man toxic male and I'm not trying to be involved in a in a debate about gender or whatever you can't win I said well what about like Morgan Freeman if I'm like is Morgan Freeman a man everyone's gonna be like this yeah right of course there are people in between or they're they's or whatever and I you know I respected good god bless you have a nice time but I was like well I didn't mean to a family I'm not exactly Lenny Bruce up here I'm talking about the top gun anthem yeah yeah and I'm like well I'm sorry and then I just kept every joke I would do that I'd be like I'd look over there be like and then that was that was getting a laugh
Starting point is 00:45:34 but then I realized a few minutes later I had to I stopped the show and go I think I know what happened okay I think I think I have a theory too but let's let's lay it on me fatty so I think I just am unfamiliar with Billie Eilish don't know I'm 40 years old I like Pearl Jam and the Rolling Stones I don't know nothing about Billie Eilish I don't give a shit about Billie Eilish I hope they die I don't give a fuck okay but a little harsh I realize yeah I don't they die whatever I said oh I think I think I realized what happened like I don't know this artist I'm asking if it's a man or woman I think she thought I was like what the fuck is this that a man or what you got a dick over there you're wearing makeup you got tits but you're wearing shoes I think she thought I
Starting point is 00:46:15 was like some kind of like what is this like a gender like Caitlyn Jenner what is that right what is this fucking thing over here but I was like I'm just unfamiliar with the person of course there was a genuine question yes yeah I mean it's got a man or a woman's name it's unisex and then she said it's okay she's like I appreciate that and I can tell you're a good guy for rectifying that and then I'm like well I am a good guy I don't need like I don't really need this thing but I mean she seemed nice and it was fine but I was like well what I didn't I wasn't like you know fuck these transgenders or something I'm just saying I'm like I don't know Billie Eilish also a couple things here to it to unpack please please let's unpack all right all right fudge
Starting point is 00:46:58 back so first of all whether you agree with you or not or you were being a dick you can't go no stop that's mean you're mean you're a bad person you know I know you she's she's trying to be the hero and shut you down but what you're doing is wrong and cunty and mean and inappropriate and uncalled for you know you don't like a movie you're gonna go to top gun and go no no that's an f15 not an f14 cut the tape well turn the lights on I do do that okay but that's just insane behavior you don't get to just say your your piece at a comedy show I agree it was strange it was strange and the show was really rolling I mean I was cooking talk to you after email you blog you can stop going to the show leave walk out that's all that's all gravy but secondly and this is the part that is going to
Starting point is 00:47:50 get me in trouble oh boy it's real and true Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by better help that is one of my favorite sponsors it really means a lot to me it's near and dear to my heart and my fart you have to take care of your mind it's all you have literally that's all you have really everything is perceived through the mind that it's not healthy you're in big trouble believe me I've been there I've been to some really low places and I got out of it by using therapy that's right my therapist who I found on better health we spend so much time taking care of our skin our hair our teeth and so not teeth so much for me but so little care of the most important body part the brain how well you take care of your brain affects how you experience life investing time
Starting point is 00:48:32 and energy and mental health is crucial to be happy it really is eating right working out and getting plenty of sleep are a good start but there is no substitute for talk therapy I'll vouch better help makes online therapy accessible convenient and affordable my therapist changed my whole life I love him he's coming to the premiere of the film this Thursday Alan he'll be in attendance and I wouldn't have it any other way he's one of my favorite people in the world and you can get your own darn therapist through better help it's an online therapy that offers video phone and chat therapy sessions you can choose to not see anyone on camera that's a nice choice a lot of therapists are hideous it's much more affordable than in-person therapy you can be matched with a therapist in
Starting point is 00:49:12 under 48 hours Tuesday's listeners get 10% off their first month at better help dot com slash Tuesdays that's B E T T E R H E L P dot com slash Tuesdays and now back to the show Billie Eilish is a young androgynous singer so it could you could see her and go is that a man or a woman right and that's what it comes down to I think that's what happened the Morgan Freeman thing obviously an old black man with the gray hair and shit so you go that's a man but this person is a little wiggly bigly you know it's kind of like if you go uh hey she's she's ugly and she is that's bad but if you if she if you she's ugly and you go she's hot we all know she's not but
Starting point is 00:50:09 that's cool right see what I'm saying yes does that make sense yes you know somebody told me the this is gonna be bad but somebody said the worst thing you can say about a black guy is they're articulate the second worst thing you can say is that they're not you see what I'm saying all right all right this is my quote we're in the weeds somebody else said that oh geez you you you were too on the nose by asking if she was which gender yeah I think that's the problem if I said it about you know uh uh Cindy Loper yeah also ugly no she's cute no she's cute and fun very talented talented I'll give you talented she's talented she was she was super cute in the 80s oh really Cindy Loper rules yeah I like her oh yeah Kim Kardashian's a good
Starting point is 00:50:56 example of what you're gonna say Kim Kardashian that's a good because you're gonna say if I'd said this about someone who was obviously this right right yeah that's so I guess that's what happened but so that I mean that's what I realized only minutes later because I was like I I don't like I said I'm unfamiliar with Billie Eilish so she took it as like is that a man is that a woman what is this shit right right but I was just like I don't she could walk in here and blow me I wouldn't know her sure but also don't yell stop no waving arms what do you an air traffic controller that's insanity it was wild but it gets you're like it takes you out of the shop is that you're doing your act and you're like the whole time you're like what the hell was that that was crazy am I a bad
Starting point is 00:51:36 person what's going on here why is she saying that and you're on edge going is this next joke gonna bother her is this where now you got to filter up because you're like I don't want to piss off this lady again and have her interrupt the show so now you're fact-checking and reviewing everything before you say it which is not good comedy it ended up being fun because there's a running things I have a joke where I say cunts and then I did that and I went if I can I kind of have that fun to keep doing every time I said something I'd look back and be like okay right so it was fun and she was nice after whatever so it was all good but it was like it was just very strange yeah that I'm like we're in a time where you just go no no no no
Starting point is 00:52:16 and also I think I maybe I'm wrong about this I'm trying to be part of the solution progress whatever I think you can still ask somebody's gender isn't that actually polite isn't that why they have name tags that say he him right I think it's actually nice to ask I you think because everybody it's hard to tell sometimes so you're doing the right thing by getting their pronouns right like if if if people at Starbucks employees are wearing name tags that say they're gender then surely it's considerate to ask right yeah yeah well this is what I'm trying to be an asshole I'm like you're like doesn't that make sense what what should I call you this is one of these things though where it's a buzzy uh radioactive third rail topic so she thinks she's
Starting point is 00:53:00 doing the right thing by just shutting it down instead of actually getting somewhere right which would be more progressive yes yeah anyways it was strange but the shows were all all great very fun and a lot of great Tuesdays came out so kind so sweet and uh it was just really really fun but um yeah that one was that one was weird and it's a bummer that club could use a little scrub it's got that cement on it's very it's depressing it's next to the highway the club is great they're very nice they treat you well but you just have that feel it's dark in there it's dank it's got that like tinted floor to ceiling window thing sure sure could use a little uh I don't know spruce some spruce spruce spring steam yeah um but anyway chuck you look upset I feel
Starting point is 00:53:46 upset yeah I was I was just kidding you're doing great I love you I don't even I don't even know why I'd be upset about well I think I called you a fan I think you haven't released the things we shot three years ago come on I will release a bonus every week yeah for the record Billie Eilish is a is a killer she's a great artist yes you got a huge which one is her I only I know like green hair the tiger that's Katy Perry yeah I know that one you're gonna hear me roar oh oh oh oh Billie Eilish does a bad guy I asked us on stage to give me a couple notes give me a couple bars songs are so wiggly like yeah I can't do them I probably shouldn't say on this they're auto tuning and uh electric I mean she's her voice is incredible but I can't even replicate it yeah
Starting point is 00:54:30 it's weird because I'm just not um in the pop culture scene no I don't I don't know I don't I don't know what Billie Eilish does and maybe I should check her out well it's funny because we all do the uh these kids today and then you go you know Socrates said that and yeah whatever the hell so you're like this ain't new but we do have the internet now we didn't have that before so there is a shift that's different than just these kids today right or does that factor in I'm not sure you know they got the tiktok they got porn coming right out there right up their eyeballs they got uh you can buy everything you don't have to talk you don't have to interact you know it's all on screen it's suicide is up anxiety is up they're sending you products that you might want
Starting point is 00:55:14 to buy you know it's all about attention seeking they get your data so it is a little different with the internet it's scary crazy times I'm Matt and I were talking about that like he had a memory of when he was a kid his parents being like okay leave now yes and then he heard the door shut and then lock like they just wanted to fuck so they were just like leave the house and then you like literally like like Fred Flintstone they just kicked him out yeah he's like 10 years old he's like all right I guess I gotta find something to do outside I think we talked about it recently you know I hate to sound like old boomers but your parents would just be like come home when the sun comes down sure they would just scream your name yeah uh they're in the streets and you
Starting point is 00:55:52 do shit where you're like let's throw pine cones at each other you just had to kill time oh yeah build shit or burn shit or fight shit we had rock fights before school middle school every every single day for three years I mean it's like the most white trash thing we'd like separate into groups and literally throw rocks at each other it's a little Middle Eastern rock rock fights I don't know how yeah but no of course we did the rock fighting too we did dirt clods dirt clogs clods you throw a big clot of dirt somebody oh clod yes I don't know clod I don't know van damme clod bonnet I thought you meant wooden shoes on your hands no no what are we swiss or is it dutch somebody will still wear those by the way I saw a lady that they were wearing
Starting point is 00:56:33 like wooden clogs no like walking around I'm telling you it was a clip clock clip clog uh I'm like those comfy and she was like oh yeah my drain is clogged I'll help you out yeah yeah yeah you just found should do my grandparents I would stay at their house because my parents I guess wanted to fuck for a week and a half but they'd be like go go you've watched too much TV I'm like I watch half hour like you gotta get out yeah the TV was yeah I don't know it's all above my pay grade sometimes you walk around the mall we're in the mall and like everyone weighs 800 pounds no offense Chuck I it's just he's actually lost a couple of I know he's fit I know it's a joke that's what's funny I'm sorry I'm joking you look very upset no no I'm upset oh geez all
Starting point is 00:57:18 right I'll buy you a burrito thanks that'll help the way yeah borrow 10 bucks Starbucks card I can trade you walk around have you ever just get down you're walking around the mall and I mean people are like yelling at each other they're just fat like people they have like walkers they're like 28 years old and you just see people just piling cheesecake into their mouth everyone seems depressed and the suicide numbers like you said and I'm just you're on social media and everyone's just screaming at each other I'm like we're I'm fucked I want to kill myself dude tell me I was in the airport for 19 hours it's just Tubby McJohnson walking down the hall you know all day and then eight people have service animals because they can't walk and he's got a
Starting point is 00:57:59 rascal and he's got a walker it's bad Texas Ranger I know they they can't even edit a PS1 fine video these people it's brutal and I really think we need to teach meditation starting like third grade get some get these minds clear it should be required for everybody you know get people a little cleared and healthy mentally completely agree and I hate to be a a braggy never mind but I hate to be that guy but my brother has two kids he won't allow phone he won't allow iPad they have no TV in the house which is a little bit much but these kids are brilliant they're creative they read books they've written plays they paint they build things I mean it's incredible wow yeah I gotta maybe I'll do that with my wife I'll just break her phone over and
Starting point is 00:58:53 they have this again if you get an A on a blowjob test she's gonna invent uh you know an electric helicopter or something with all the free time because your brain has to go to something right yes yes we gotta we gotta save the kids I well what I feel like we're over time here where are we at are we okay 54 54 well we gotta start our plugs because I gotta plug a bunch of shit in my ass butt plug yes yes yes it's a big coat I'll save Rogan for the next day yeah because I feel like well I'm like I'm out I had a fun nice pleasant weekend I feel bad I went too hard on the uh Billie Eilish lady I think we're okay all right yeah yeah she's fine she was sweet she was nice whatever well you can see people's true colors when when certain you know you know if you go hey
Starting point is 00:59:40 she's hot ah we won't get back into it but I see your true colors send you lopper oh boy oh god I don't know what that was that was like someone excited screaming woo like you yeah I think rick flair is in the office but yeah is he mocking us no not bad no he must be able to hear this no mock I heard I heard someone go to them oh really I think so yeah it was like someone's kids here someone's he likes the podcast maybe he likes it maybe we'll we'll swivel him or what do you call that swing them swindle hold on let me just say this now I hear the phone it's crazy you can hear like a phone ring yeah I know so we're clear as day in here oh screaming about trans genders bad office Billie Eilish doesn't matter you gotta get out of here you can feel it when you walk in
Starting point is 01:00:27 the receptionist they're like this morning like that yeah oh they gave me quite a smile today well luckily they're far enough away that they can't yeah they can't hear us but this is good that other people are loud because now it takes the heat off us a little yeah a little bit and then I was here the other day and the guy was playing music the day we got here and the other guy the divorced angry guy yeah yeah music playing so I was like oh maybe we could pull that that guy's a menace yeah good good thing or the back pocket when they come uh try to pull us out of here the man's a menace yeah that's the menace all right menace society what do you got coming up there sloppy jalopy well it's a big this is next week's right
Starting point is 01:01:05 it's a big weekend this is tuesdays this is upcoming tuesday tuesday yes up coming up and coming this is the big week this is it i mean this is the big weekend we're headed in thursday two days from now if you're listening on tuesday the premiere at the beacon theater is sold out by the way chuck will be there filming it so we'll have some footage in a couple of years i bought front row balcony tickets too before you did yeah oh you should give them to somebody or sell them to somebody yeah sell them on the market i'll figure maybe we'll give them to a lucky gay yeah yeah we'll see all right i know what's going on oh boy some he's gonna get double time cash are you scalping we're paying i mean he's gonna scalp uh this guy's gonna make 48 grand i bought
Starting point is 01:01:44 him to come come see your movie i appreciate it i appreciate it i want to have the proceeds you know you bought it with patreon money you fucked us um now chuck will be there filming along with uh jason cats and uh we're gonna have a whole production team it's quite a thing too i gotta watch this send me the link when you're done because i want to see it i'm the only guy in new york not going to this thing all right now we got it's gonna be a star studded event sam rill dan soter um the lady that lives upstairs arie's coming and um louis cats i love cats of course uh you know all the all the comments sarah vekyone katie anagin sarah louis me kramer the butler depolo chris walsh my lady's going uh she is yeah she's pumped oh wow bill chef tony v i mean it's
Starting point is 01:02:28 gonna be something ron bennington is hosting the thing who's better than ben uh liz from the seller is gonna come it's gonna be quite a situation there how many go in the green room though what's that how many got in the green room i don't know because that's a lot of bodies yeah that's a small yeah we're trying to get an after party listen go back to me uh but anyways how big is his q and a i'm here in uh quite a quite a stage full of people we're trying to figure that out still because louis like you got to have everybody and right away i was like i think a nice small group is good yeah yeah you know also vids up there yeah but and some of those people are a little um loose lipped you know i'm like this one in particular that i'm a little bit like i know that is so it's
Starting point is 01:03:13 gotta be fun that one's sold out but i think uh the vic theater on saturday chicago is still some tickets available small amount of tickets and boston shuber theater still some tickets available for that so come out to that same deal we're going to the q and a with bennington it's gonna be fun and then july 29 toronto paradise theater uh i think those are going fast lot of gay so get on those join the patreon chuck is is ripping it for us he's doing all the stuff and uh killing it it's been it's been really fun so get on those did you ever think not to get mushy and gushy did you ever think you'd be at the shuber in your hometown basically playing a goddamn full feature film well it's hard to get in there and feel it because my parents are coming
Starting point is 01:03:58 and this film is really right up there so it's one of those things when you're writing the move but you're just in an office being like oh and then the mother should say this and all of a sudden you're like wait what's going on uh dad is gonna make it i just threw it out there uh deb and steve i feel like a stance i'm like i didn't think you're gonna listen if i'm like hitting it on the forehead and shit oh boy i told you put the bananas on the side it's uh no it's gonna be good it's very exciting and hopefully people come people will come ray now i'm just like i don't want it to bomb so also oh i gotta mention that too july 1st of the 6th uh angelica villagy cinemas get those tickets if you can't afford the beacon if you're out of town you should go 15 bucks i'm going to the
Starting point is 01:04:39 village one get some popcorn some candy and go support small movies hell yeah i can't wait there's gonna be a liner on the block fatty i hope so name on the marquis normand all right i'm at the urvine improv come on out how about that that's crazy we're just talking about her the urvine improv what i'm scared okay vogal in new jersey wise guys salt lake city love that club houston improv that's a big room comedy off broadway in lexington san antonio lol west palm beach doing the berkreicher tour come out to that richmond funny bone brea improv back in l.a. or oh no neptune theater some theater in portland the danbury music hall in connecticut vancouver toronto uh all kinds of fun stuff cooking say hello come on out queef it up the wilbur
Starting point is 01:05:32 in boston wilbur gonna be uh gonna be a hell of a year folks so praise a la keep it real queef it up and we'll see in hell leave that in

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.