Tuesdays with Stories! - #461 Kahki Cooze

Episode Date: July 19, 2022

After the weeks of anticipation, the premiere for FOURTH OF JULY has finally happened - and Joe is here to tell the story of every moment. From a beautiful night at the Beacon in NYC, to Boston (in a celebratory private bus), to Chicago with the White Sox - Joe breaks down the opening weekend of his movie! Mark forgets his keys in Red Bank and asks what mustard gas is. Sponsors: - Support the show: http://www.go.factor75.com/TUESDAYS120 ! Use code TUESDAYS120 for $120 off - Visit http:// www.liquidIV.com and use code TUESDAYS. - Visit http:// www.bluechew.com/TUESDAYS to help support the show. - Head to https://policygenius.com/TUESDAYS to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. - Subscribe to our Patreon for the ad-free version of the show, weekly bonus episodes, and more! patreon.com/tuesdays - Subscribe to our YouTube channel here for full video of every episode: https://youtube.com/c/TuesdayswithStoriesSUBSCRIBE: https://bit.ly/2ABEe1w

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy here we are get in there there you go the bad shot the gash you think anyone could jerk off to what I'm doing right now we must have a gay gay maybe if you do send in the video we'll play them side-by-side

although I'm doing a woman yeah I don't know what you're yeah so would that be turn on a man no or a gay maybe a bye gonna be a man a bike and I'm hitting both you're hitting both I'm doing lady but I'm a man is that how you do with a lady yeah they do a circular oh geez flicking oh I'll send you some YouTube tutorials please I heard it was flicking the bean so I was really getting in there Chuck's flashlight is on what are you 80 the flashlight that's like the new big embarrassing thing now for a boomer you're a boomer if your flashlight's yeah yeah the flashlight is bad my dad does the the huge font I can read that

from from Albuquerque wow huge font huge cock big dong on that and both black maybe this maybe this correlation now the big of the dong the bigger the font well my mom is a huge font and big clit so maybe there's something a font is French too isn't it font font a l'horoi font oh yeah I don't know what that means yeah you don't know anything French means you fucking son of a bitch you fucked me I'm out let me do you like it means what you said what you say celebration means Pearl or Jew or cheese I think it's a gem the gem you fucked me I gotta get to the gym I took it I just went straight out with it I was

like a celebration my friend's French jubilee ah celebration jubilee is that French that's a good name for a bar mitzvah jubilee oh Jew believe believe that oh yeah or a bully a Jewish bully yes that is a little bullying your dick is snipped right you got a big head on that thing I'm all sirked out yeah you sirked yeah good for us I didn't know about so when you golf you're not a golfer I don't mind it but I'm not good obviously you're not a golfer but movie JFK Lebowski with the bowling ball obviously you're not a golfer great film anyways speaking of films the thing about film making mark is it's

really a arduous yes wait what the fuck was I saying about being circumcised I didn't know about the circumcised so when you golf there's a there's an unwritten men's rule if you hit from the men's teas if you ball your drive doesn't go past the ladies tea you got to hit your next shot with your dick out is that right well I think it might be a family I don't know I think it's an old adage geez okay well this changes Tiger Woods this whole game well so if you go up there every once in a while you your flub or nub is it a wood it's not iron no no you putter that's a good dick word a putter yeah okay but if

you top it or you miss it or you swing it you hook it it doesn't make the ladies teas everyone goes hey dick out and so you got to hit the next shot with your pants down to let everyone know you're a man I like it wow well we did Derek's bachelor party this is 38 years ago we were it's gonna pale in comparison to yours I can't wait for your party everybody's welcome that what no no it's at Martha's Vineyard in October oh god men only yes dicks out I tell you iron one of the days of your bachelor party my wedding anniversary I heard I heard Sarah called me it's bad he's pissed it's bad I'm so bad what are weddings

geez nobody believes in that tradition well you're doing a live pod the day of your wedding so I'm not to worry about you we're flying down rogue and it's a whole thing and he just so one of the members was un uncircumcised and he didn't hit it past the ladies he took his dick out I fucking fell over I feel like Kramer well yeah it's a good way to win because you can't you can't hit right if you see a that old putter popping out at you you know that's quite a groundhog because I had always heard circumcised and so I didn't know anyone was talking about I

just pretended and then I saw that slug and I haven't stopped crying since I still remember my first and eater it was 1989 I remember where I was I remember who he was we were doing a little sword fighting at the toilet bowl as you do at a sleepover and this kid was a you know the kid that no one ever invited out and the mom made you invite him yeah same with my kid yes the kid from my story oh yeah just kidding very good guy I thought you had a kid no wait a minute how's this movie going so this kid Colin you know the mom was like you're bringing Colin everybody's like Colin's a weirdo he's got a long dick it's crazy

and these you're bringing Collins we had to bring Colin out and we all our assumptions were correct this guy was a kook he slept like this oh I swear to God we washed him sleep oh yeah was he a vamp yeah and I put his I put his finger in the cup of water you know that old game now we go finger oh weird I don't know how big her clam is but we only go finger we couldn't fist and he wet the bed it was very exciting no kidding it worked but I got two thoughts one 89 that's pretty good because I was 2011 I saw my first wrap oh I've been seeing don since the early 80s well I'd seen dogs but never seen a circum don segregation

yes exactly and the other question I had fucking a bunch of well Colin maybe he's European was he Irish or English he was definitely Irish because I think you're a freckled ago that's not part of the European culture I believe I think you're right now what about the the D grow leagues where are they at on the sir I love to know I've only seen in porn I've only seen Cirque I know but this is porn these are chosen dick yeah yeah yeah chosen dicks yes good name for mean Jews you ever the thing growing up where you find out about circumcision and you're like am I circumcised like I have a little bit of foreskin sometimes my

dick is small you ever have that no no I'm snipped all day all the way up to the no I just kept going yeah I'm all head I let you borrow some like my whole dick is purple now speaking of dreams in hand in the water last night have you ever had this before this just happened last night I'm not just like a making it up like the other day sure I've been last night which this morning laying on me fatty well I'm in bed dreaming I'm in the REM sleep and I have a dream that I've shit so I I just did Bob Dylan singing the Everly Brothers dream dream dream I thought you're having a seizure so Julius seizure a seizure salad we're

rusty yeah I'm sick as a dog all kinds of thera flu or kung-fu whatever it is Mark claims he's been tested for COVID twice which I've never believed you less on anything ever the lady I was in England when we were required to get COVID test and you weren't doing them I have the test but I mean what's the difference I could show you a photo from 1941 Robert Kelly his doctor supposedly said stop testing for COVID don't even test for it why he's like it's a cold fuck off don't even test my mother's 110 and drinks like Jim Morrison sure she had it she didn't even break anything she

didn't even stop doing anything she went on vacation really oh yeah she blew the Dallas Cowboys and drank a couple cocktails sounds like our bachelor part but she my lady had it about two weeks ago and she was wrecked hmm first time time the first time see she's a she had the hymen once you get rid of that hymen with the COVID you're you're smooth sailing I think maybe I don't know people are gonna shoot us but that's what Bobby's doctor said I don't know but I don't believe you but I'm not worried either way but I'll show you the tab but again my whole kitchen table is just 18 tests cuz she's been testing I've been

testing all right I'll send you a photo of the table all right Mark's gonna be texting under his shirt get a couple go get a couple tests they're 999 I bought one from CVS yesterday but 999 I was 40 and I was in Montana what yes or it was a double it was a two-pack well I don't think the ones I'm the ones I bought I don't think are working but either way they're gonna open you get the gag ones I got the gag yeah yeah you did like Carnac the magician at CVS just held it like now I'm good yeah right anyways I don't care we can blow each other and be fun COVID schmovid but I've had it nine times yeah who gives a shit I think

I might have had it cuz I was exposed at the party by the way everyone at that party had it the party the party the after party did you get it did you get anything I don't think I got it there's like 17 people there that had it I've had sniffles in it but I tested and it was negative so I was probably false I don't know I was all over the place on the third and the fourth and like I was like people have to have it have to be having it walking around me right now whatever's gonna happen well I was at the cellar party and like 28 people got it and I could it was so gross it was a basement everybody's dancing to hip-hop

sweaty booze you can see COVID in the air that's over there it is right there it's floating around but I didn't get it there so who knows okay I'm up coffin oh boy so I had this dream this morning yes shit my pants I was at some kind the dream hasn't fully come back you know you get waves mmm but it was a pants shit situation but I had to be somewhere I don't know if it was a meeting or a podcast or what but it was a thing and I had to go downstairs and it was a dirty stall and I had to take my underwear off and throw them away and I was wiping my act cuz it was just everywhere what would you eat I had a

big smoothie green smoothie and some other stuff but then I woke up from the nightmare that's the dream this is the dream I see so I wake up from the nightmare and I had to shit so bad it was like my body was like hey get up you got a shit I never wake up in the middle of the night to shit but I woke up at like 5 a.m. was a half an eye open and half an ass open and shit but I dreamt the shit that I've had the same thing where you're like well you have that pressure but I didn't have the dream I never I'm not MLK but I had the I had to shit the shit I just woke up like if I don't shit now this bed is going full

train spotting so I had to run into the pooper but yeah the dream is good because it tells you Jerry it tells you what's up I've had the whiz dream before well we had we had dreams you know dream dream weaver dream weaver day dream believer there you go yeah dream catcher hmm maybe the the Native Americans they were catching shit in there oh no wait how do they do it that was the ISIS oh yeah I think they do a thing oh they did this though yeah yeah mark does it all the time yeah yeah that's Native American yeah yeah those natives they they attacked each other quite a bit by the way yeah yeah they also enslaved each other it's

not just us Indian Indian crime and it happened quite a while before we got here I might you got that right yeah thank God for smallpox we were just in Montana and it's it's Native American all the real they got the big fuzzy hat with the horns yeah yeah like the guy who did the Capitol raid yeah yeah I think he was a Native American yeah it's fun wow I didn't know that have you been to Montana this is a hell of a place Montana I've never been to oh wow it's really it's really something out there it's pretty undeveloped I look it looks a little what's the word not there you preserve or jam jelly whatever it is

preservation yeah it was pretty cool but we had this thing don't you hate this thing so we're in whitefish very Jewish very Jewish yeah so we're in whitefish which is at the the the banks the mouth of the Glacier National Park and I love a national park you watch any Ken Burns National Parks I like burns but I don't know that one it's pretty good it's on Delta next time you fly toss it on there could it get more boring than a documentary about parks because that guy can stretch out a World War 9 to 17 hours I can't imagine what he's doing with a blade of grass and a patch of dirt in a tree I'm sorry but I'm gonna

have to get it angry you don't you don't disrespect Burnsey look I like Mr. Burns I'm just saying I like Kenny I'm just saying it's top shelf how do you stretch I mean a park what are we filming all right we got the lake I mean he did 58 hours on baseball for God's sake it's gripping he gets in there Jonathan John Muir MUIR look this guy is quite a guy all right it's a horse Muir he's quite a guy he went in there he lived in there and it's all pipes in the park and then another guy wasn't a park yet it was just all something we came up with it that's very American they don't have Europe that's us baby it

was our best idea that's what's called National Parks our best idea and Tom Hanks is in there he's reading things it's really something all right all right boy I was gripped I like the idea of the starting the parks protect our parks but how do you get how do you keep it going I didn't make it that far I was bored you gotta watch in like 10 minute increments cuz you gotta check your YouTube comments or whatever but yeah it's it's something but anyways we're at the mouth but I suspect you remember the um what to remember the weatherman episode of curb yeah of course I think something like that was going on tell me

what you think let me shove this in your ass and see if you come in my face for the people at home the weatherman was saying it was gonna rain so he could have the golf course to himself and then Larry called him on it that's right so we get there to whitefish and it's a lot of stories a hell of a time I'll get all into it but blackfish is a whole another thing by the way what's black oh that's that that's better than the National Parks oh okay well now the truth is coming out about this park stock well blackfish is top quality all right love blackfish all right it's black feet motherfucker that's one of the

great bits Chappelle is that the Indian yeah yeah yeah calm down blackface it's black feet motherfucker God he was good I am an alcoholic he was he was he was one of the best for a while the spirits got me chief he's still great you might hear this god I hope not but I like everything I like everything that everyone's ever done it's very hard to make a film yes the net did you see you see the school thing that he did shooting no he didn't do one of those oh we'd hear about that now well we'll talk no what he did a school he went to his old alma mater and gave a speech because they they tried to name the theater after

him and the kids protested I missed all this I was in Montana oh well sounds like a healthy way to live it's been good on for a long time but it kind of finally came to a head and he went into the speech at the school and Netflix released it as like a Dave Chappelle special event oh wow very strange we'll talk we'll well whatever keep it going so Montana blackfish Ken Burns go there Glacier National Park is there we think we stay a couple extra days we go we gotta check out the National Park I love a National Park I just watched the dock I'm all hot and heavy with National Park yes American and then we start hearing this

don't even bother you're not there by 5 30 a.m. you're not getting in whoa and so we hear that we go oh geez maybe should we get up at five and someone else different party goes no you ain't getting into Glacier not in the summertime I'll tell you that what is this a Bieber concert it's a fucking park and I go oh that's weird and then someone else says yeah there's only one entrance and everybody's going the whole time every hotel you see here everyone's going they already got their passes so don't even think about it whoa and so we went I guess we won't go and my mind I'm like how different is right here than over

there it's all pipes plenty of parks it's dirt so I'm like we'll go to this park I mean there's no fence no offense haha none taken we'll just go here but then Sarah and I was sitting up late at night it's a little bit like North Dakota Tuscany Tuscany you're not getting in yes all of everyone's I think they might just be spreading rumors to old tourists New Yorkers with glasses going they they voted for Obama don't tell them to keep tell them not to come right interesting so I hope you went we didn't go we were talked out of it you listen to the groundskeeper Willie piece

of shit fuck this guy I can't get my wife up at 10 a.m. let alone 5 a.m. yeah forget it but no I'm saying if I've been have you gone at 1 p.m. you would have been all right as rain well that's what I kept saying like I don't understand so there's just like I go to Joshua Tree all the time once a year you just cruise in there but I think there's three entrances there and this one there's only one entrance and everyone stays in the one town I see but I mean what is all it is it like a bottleneck where you all try to get in the gate everybody like what the hell it's a fucking park I don't exactly what I said that's what I

said I said since that the who I was like is it like the who Cincinnati when they had that thing where everyone bottlenecked and died yeah exactly I'm like I don't get it if I drive my car over the park at 3 p.m. what's going on right is it was a woodstock with his 9 million cars lined up with a bunch of hippies like fuckable walk with beers and drugs and then you got a lady dancing naked on the hill I might go back I don't know I could never figure it out if we just we ended up going to the park we went to big mountain which is funny they named a big mountain you see a sign it was making me laugh out loud because we're

driving this is like a green you know state side says big mountain I'm like I know it's a big mountain what's the name I got some insight woman oh really I go to North Conway New Hampshire there's a place called yeah yeah I've been to North Conway it's not a national park no no but they have a thing called like Martha's Bath or something like that someone's bath and it's like shower guy it's like a huge like section of waterfalls right and everyone goes to visit and hang out and swim and hang out in the waterfalls similar to a park okay and if you like go during the day there's like an entrance and the line of

cars is like 60 cars long oh interesting okay it is the bottleneck it is walk in I think you probably could walk but you'd have I mean I don't know I don't know how it works see here's the clinker because I was in Portland Mount Hood not Portland Oregon I love Mount Hood that's great hood we've all lost our hoods but either way you go to Mount Hood and I'm in the car and they're like you got to see the waterfall you got to see the waterfall I went to the water yeah so we go all right let's go to the waterfall so you put it in and it's all smooth sailing till you hit close and then you're in a line because you have a

car we had the car and then you got to wait for someone to leave to park you can't leave your car on the fucking mountain cliff the big mountain so you had to wait to park and then you park finally after like a half hour 45 minutes of waiting then you walk up you see it you take a gay photo you have your your kiss you push her in and then you go back to your car but that was the way it was the car factor not the not the gate that you can't get into yeah well it's I'm starting to think maybe I'm not that international parks because the other park big mountain we just drove up park and hiked up and it was spectacular great

view of the valley view of the park view all the way to Canada yeah the whole thing but we went to the Vegas trip you ended up not coming to Utah but me and Becky owned and Sarah and Ari went to what's the Utah one Zion and that was similar it was just packed like we were walking like single file with a bunch of assholes yeah that's no good packed park no good well that's it defeats the whole park purpose which is I want some serenity now and a little space and a little little me time with the elements exactly so we ended up going to big mountain spectacular it's called okay for the name Danny on Danny on like hey

you can't turn it off right he's a little on I don't know I never looked it up I don't know what he got on Danny on there fake typing over there he's like Kramer at Murphy Brown's office shucks off Danny on Danny on trail that's it get the get the ectomology or whatever yeah so we did Danny on and it was beautiful it's a it's a challenging hike hour and a half straight up the mountain I mean it's challenging and then you take a gondola down Josh gondola love a gondola so that was not there was a bear sighted gondola we didn't see it but there was kind of a hot park ranger at the top she told us about bears love a park ranger

lesbian want some bear trivia please so bears which which this was their question they posed I got it wrong which that hurts what is the best way to deter keep a bear away what's that word they're deflected we got bear repel repel is it a bear spray be human voice or see bear bells whoa I don't know what a bear bell is you don't know bear bells bear bells when you hike with bells so they can hear you coming what but in that doesn't that go hey hey the guys over there I hear a bell no they don't they barely legal they don't they don't want to hear the bells and they go what the fuck is this yeah cuz they're

only attack you to protect I think I see well I guess the bear bells that's what I said it's the human voice and then we joked we'll just played Tim Dylan's podcast full volume on the park I rockly he's a bear I was a big fat gay well that's a funny thing too we went into another trail Smith Lake which was spectacular and there was two guys leaving I said you see any bears and he said just the two of us and it was hilarious I was like this guy is gold that's great cuz you can't you can't always tell gay is a gay until they say where bears yeah right and I hate to smell their bills

oh that was juicy that was a flim flimmy one there it's a little semen but I want to get tested so our bear did she make up bear bells no bear bells are real well what's the fucking point if they don't repel well she said that the human voice is good because they recognize human but bear bells is a foreign sound to them I had to thought doesn't everybody doesn't a lot of people use bear bells wouldn't they start to be like oh that's a human right I've lifted some bear bells but she was hot and she said it was bear bells but they also it was one of those things this happens all the time where we hiked

all over hours of hiking in the Montana wilderness and then after we went to a bookstore in town I was reading about bear attack astonishing bear attacks by the sea and it was just like it was all about bears you gotta have bear spray and I'm like I think we're retarded we should have got bear spray right but we lived so I guess we're not now you're fine now was she doing the khaki shorts khaki shorts for the the lesbian lady the lady up in the thing yeah they what he called the ranger well it's chilly up there so she had full pants and she was but she had like eyeliner and lashes and she had kind of a deep boy it was kind

of like a doesn't sound like a bear but when you hike all the way to the top and you see she had like dark curly hair uniform and a silly hat yeah silly hat deep voice big pants yeah but here's the thing is you go up bear mountain or big bear or or or Danny Jollis whatever the guy's name is the trail Danny boy you go up there it's it's slim picking so you go hey look at this this coos in the khakis we got some here khaki coos right it you know when you stare at a grizzly and then you stare at a Tina yes you know those pleated pants are starting to look pretty good well anybody yeah you just normally a ranger's

like an 88 year old guy looks like I did up there this was like this was something she had the shadows Jerry you didn't see the shadows good right but you give me Pelosi it in a collared shirt and a whistle I'm in but yeah she had she had info and she was hot and you just want to be like hey let me fuck you behind the bear bells you know you might hit you with the spray and I was wondering like can we take bear spray what does it do to humans if I spray you with bear spray do you died is it cure the COVID you got obviously interesting yeah there was a there was like a viral video recently about a guy who sprayed

someone else with bear spray and it just fucks you up wicked bad like mace like yeah way worse than mace I think I think it's way more powerful wow yeah mace have you ever been maced no no mace window I did I did it just as a goof you know you get drunk with eight guys and we had a taser we had mace and of course this is pre-internet so we had our Saturday Wow and I got tased and and that was fun tased or maced we did both did it all around Robin you know you pass it on oh gee you make me I mace you and it it lasts that's problem with mace is you're like alright I'm good now and but you ain't good yeah yeah that's bad

base is bad I got what do you call it when the Red Sox won the tear gas and that is really yeah oh yeah well not me personally but they tear gas the crowd jeez that's a hell of a way to celebrate but I was such a fun occasion I'm running and I was like coffee because I was hitting us we like we started laughing and it was really quite fun all right what about mustard I don't care for mustard yes yeah no mustard yeah I think that's hard to come by I think mustard gas is out there isn't it like oh is that a war thing it was Nazis yeah mustard gas is like some Nazi they just they just continued that there's no

Frenchman I don't know we're not running into it in every day life yeah plutonium exists but you can't pick it up at every corner drug store 88 gigawatts but wait a minute is that is that out of use is it like Firestone where they discontinued it I think so fucking bomb isn't it like a gas I think it's bad I think it's the Nazis I think they must have gas London or something whoa I think that's why the teeth are all wacky maybe that's it yeah it's a chemical warfare agent yeah I think it's bad I think it's like Saddam Hussein this is it causes blistering of the skin and mucus membranes on contact yeah hi yeah hi

yeah yeah I think it's no good all right well mustard gas is bad good to know but ketchup gas I have that all the time I go to a ballgame hi folks this is brought to you by Heinz all right well I'm learning a lot so let me let me throw this in your cavity and taint it Hello Leo, Tuesday's Story is brought to you by Blu-Chu The temperatures aren't the only thing that's rising this summer that's right the episode is sponsored by Blu-Chu confidence can take you far in life and can also help you in the bedroom that's where Blu-Chu comes in Blu-Chu is

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that hard so that's Tuesdays 120 to get 125 bucks off Jesus use code Tuesdays 120 at go dot factor 75.com slash Tuesdays 120 for 125 clams of the purchase so I had a gig this weekend always a treat Jersey love Jersey love their red bank I'm coming whether you like it or not well there go the prices that's where the gig was oh that's right yes I'm voguing I could have walked there what's right by Delmar Belmar whatever I know if I lived there when I live there I'll walk right over there you go I believe Belmar means beautiful sea I'll la bouche that means that too la bouche's mouth a BELLE means beautiful

but this is probably BEL right BEL space Mar yeah I don't know what that means I think Mar is C because Marisco is seafood right haha all right we're learning hooked on phonics work for me it says just show me stuff about the city it says celebration bear spray it's I don't it's not give me the edamame I'll keep folding we'll get back to that later falling apart all right oh lovely sea oh there you go close what'd you say it's a beautiful see that's the same all right I'll take it I think Trebek would ask the judges and they'd go out we're giving you credit for that all right I agree whatever happened to that guy oh he died

yeah what is death ah so the daily double all right so I went up to Jersey and I go hey red bank about an hour and a half hour and 20 I'm taking the beamer it's the perfect length I can come back that night it's a beautiful drive of course it's all green and ocean air and Jersey baby like don't say too much you gotta ruin my housing market you're right they gotta fuck me so the first night I go well let me take the I'm gonna take the New Jersey transit which is underrated by the way it's not bad not bad better than the path and LIRR's got some issues you get on that at the wrong time you're on there with Joe six pack

and he's really giving you the business you got that right so I take the New Jersey transit cuz I go a Friday traffic into the tunnel and that stick shift that old tin can that's gonna be ugly so I take the New Jersey transit we do two shows Dina Hashem opens we sold it out they were hot crowds it's a cute town out there I know stop saying that they're gonna move there you know what it does to the housing market when we talk about red bank you're right repelling don't go it's all blacks so we go out there and Dina kills it great time come back and then you go well shit now I got to ride the train back an

hour to Penn Station on a Friday night and I get to the train station outdoor station very lonely you know you're just like this is show business huh yep you know you're sitting on that track just waiting you know you're looking down it's all black and then in comes a bunch of people who are also catching the train and they were at the show so they're on the other side of tracks and I'm on this side they're going hey comedy huh yeah yeah and then you realize this is show biz yeah this is what it is like everybody thinks hey did a meet and greet sign some shit photos oh that was nice that wasn't bad I was a winner and chicken

dinner and now I'm going yeah what's going on they're like hey you know let's do some selfie on the other side of the track selfie and then eventually we cool off like they sit down they start talking and I sit over here I think we're done there this other couple walks up sweet as pie cute Queens couple look very Italian very woppy and they go we saw you standing over here how about a ride and I go well let's see now and they go hey we're not weirdos we're fans we got some weed in the car we won't bother you but we see you sitting on the train station here we're going to Queens we can drop you off interesting now I'm in a

dilemma cuz I'm like nothing coming so and it's you know 1215 at night so I'd be getting home at you know 130 then you got to get from Penn Station to home but then you go well then I got a chat with these weirdos right and I got to sit in the car with them and they got to know what I live we can have them drop the cellar that's true that is true now what would you do well I'm you know first of all the weeds not selling it to be like this we're not weirdos we're just going to get fucked up and drive you on the highway we're gonna do some we're gonna do some drugs and then take you home I would say personally would say

no I would I would I don't want to ride in a car with boys I just I'm not a big get a ride from strangers guy yeah it's a lot to be on the thing and you end up losing fans that way because I'm going well I like baseball it's fun to watch hockey's fun they're like this Jesus you gotta be on I don't want to be on I want to be off gonna be Danny on you're like hey you ever seen Ken Burns's parks doc and they're like geez this guy exactly exactly I feel like Costanza at the office anytime in there it's only gonna hurt my chances of getting promoted good point like we saw him once and then he told us a long story

about you know acid reflux and the Boston College football or something and they're gonna hate me okay well this is another factor so the night before was the lady's birthday so I took her out we did a whole wine and dine I bought gifts I did drinks we did food and I was hurting like it was one of those hung over days what would you do I would definitely take the ride it's gonna cut your time well it's it's here's the thing it's after midnight yo yeah and it's gonna cut your time by like half like it's gonna take like an hour to get home pressure on you nobody expects anything good from you yes they're

just like okay we got a loser in the back taking up the whole seat somebody to film something maybe they could they could hire yes if they got to get something by a deadline six months from now sure they want to hear about your fourth threesome this week who knows by the way just decided everyone's like what's Joe gonna make fun of Chuck for now that this is out there's still the Grove 34 video that's four months old there's plenty there's plenty to complain about about this son of an onion forgot about that one that was all that's older than yeah I think that was on VHS that puppy we should plug the hot-gay sets

yeah it's unbelievable it's amazing great reviews TJ Miller Louise on it so there's a whole time I watched I watched eight minutes I watched I had to go back to the parks department I watched the trailer it's very good you did great work yes yeah it's what it might be your best work the trailer yes it was awesome you're awesome take the ride we love you you're very fit you did a great job at the beacon so I could kill myself with the train company tie myself to the tracks twist my own mustache well you like weed I mean I take edibles to go to sleep okay get high you know well all right so I didn't take the ride a year

two years ago I would have taken it but the hangover I was like not only do I not want to be on but now I really don't want to be on with this hangover because I was just like I got through those two shows that are meet and greet I'm going home they leave they're very nice sweet sweet couple train delay one hour the whole time I'm going oh those fucking dirty whops I should have blown them both and smoke the weed and put that pipe right of my ass oh so now the trains delay then you get on it not to mention these pirates and characters and misfits on this fucking ghost train I'm on holy shit I'm talking bag lady weird

Chinese guy making origami the yelling the old black guy with weird gray like the clumpy hair squiggles the squiggles squiggles he's shouting about Allah and the government and anal and all this and I'm just like gonna get along with him that's true it basically doing our podcast but I'm just sitting there like oh god there's like the one cute girl like please no one look at me you know don't touch me and it was pretty rough ended up getting home at 3 in the morning oh my tits then you get to Penn Station now that's a whole another bag of hammers then you get down to your house forgot my keys what forgot my fucking keys and

the hangover stupor I jumped on the train I got out of the house I forgot my F in keys keys Jerry keys so this happened before where I forget my keys but usually somebody just comes in and out to the apartment building and then I get up to my apartment door and my neighbor we're cool with great neighbors I got really good neighbors I got of a sitcom they have keys to the door now all I got to do is get in that front door but it's three in the morning who the fuck I live with a bunch of old folks who the fuck's coming in and out of my house at two in the morning three in the morning hmm finally I wait there I'm texting the

lady she's passed out she's out cold you can't buzz the door I've been buzzin I'm but but she could sleep through your condition the Holocaust yes see she's all she's all Z's and I'm just and now I'm going I'm getting desperate so I'm just going I'm doing like a kid in an elevator just hitting the whole wall of buzzers so I'm sure the whole building hates me I end up pissing out there in the front I don't know what to do probably about four in the morning a guy walks out for a jog like an old oh he's like jogs at four in the morning Rocky I know he drank the eggs and the whole thing and he beat up a black guy and

then I got in got to the apartment four o'clock longest day of my life hugged the lady went to bed oh it's exhausting as brutal just thinking about we're not the first one to piss out there that's nice that's true by the way you were like cook bait oh I saw you my god right I mean that's my worst nightmare I told you about the guy got stabbed in the lungs right I know crazy I've seen more crack use in my area in the last week I saw a guy just on a porch and I walked by and I went and he goes okay he's cool I want to show the crack heads I'm cool with it but this guy was full hunter Biden out there just lighten up right on

the stairs God that's scary definitely crack wasn't weed or you see the pipe with the that skinny pipe and has a scent I know the crack skinny pipe right here yeah the crack scent I'll blow it epidemic but yeah it's back baby crack is back it's like the 80s again and but the next day I got some sleep and I took the car out and had a great ride but it's nice and no no problems of the tunnel that car rides so good turns out I have no insurance that's been I haven't paid that in months and then my my registrations expired as well which I didn't know and I was running toll booths like a mother there's no easy pass on my car so what

do you do you gotta get easy pass is that the whole thing it just comes with the car I know but I thought I'll just pay cash but a lot of these are no cash no cash yeah now they they snap the license plate and send you a bill so I'm double fucked cuz I don't have insurance or and I'm running tolls or a registration so when that bill comes tallying up it's gonna be a doozy I'll bet you can afford car insurance it's like 30 bucks a month I have it I just haven't renewed it I just renewed yesterday my life you feel like such an adult I went on that they sent me the thing and I went on and click click

feels good it's such a scam though you want to keep your same license plate and I go yeah that was cute at the end had like a little clown nose at the end and I said yeah I'd like to keep my license plate they go all right that's a hundred and seventy bucks and I'm like shouldn't it not cost money to keep it I already have it yeah exactly what a crazy thing to be like you want to keep your sneakers yeah 80 bucks that's the Chris Rock joke you pay for in case shit but if shit don't happen shouldn't I get my money back yes it's like a shakedown it's a shakedown Michael J. Fox so yeah but that car runs like a goddamn champ I

went to the the washing place I washed it it was a car that's what it's called and with my buddy Andrew and then Vita opened on Saturday we had we just hung out and it's a whole different ballgame when you got a pal with you nothing better than a Vita hang love and drove that car back and I gotta tell you that car it's seven 1973 it's 50 years old 49 and you're just you cannot text you can't think you you're in it because it says it's rattling and it's about this big you've seen it it's you feel like mr. Bean in that motherfucker yeah the stick shift the the clutch the pedal the whole the gauges don't work at all now

is it is it if you get hit is it certain death or is it one of these it was 50 years old they built with steel back then because sometimes you have that shit now this is a little go-kart it's built for speed and zipping around if I get hit by a pigeon I'm rolling over into a ditch and bleeding out oh boy no airbag and definitely no crumple can you imagine this show it's just Chuck and I yeah yeah yeah yes that's guys hoping I get hit by a hobo I don't have to bring Shelby into that chair just to kind of give some you know add some charisma yikes when I think Shelby I think oh we gotta do the thing by the way we got

to talk to the desk oh yeah we'll get on that urgent message yeah I know I have that written down on my notes too I got a keycard to give you my keycard I know keycard Tuesday the stores run through that liquid IV workout yoga meditation help you jumpstart your day clear your headspace and give you energy summer is here and you need to be proactive and staying fueled and hydrated making hydration a priority can help you feel healthier in your everyday life one stick of liquid IV and 16 ounces of water hydrates you two times faster than water alone liquid IV products taste great with 10 refreshing refreshing

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entire process to help you understand your options so you can make decisions with confidence since 2014 policy geniuses helped over 30 billion people shop for insurance and placed over 150 billion in coverage and apology genius comm slash Tuesday to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save I had a good moment I do pull-ups on scaffolding like a psycho and this guy drove by and he goes make that money which I don't know what that means but I liked it I think it means like you know you gotta make you gotta make the money yeah he was rooting for me yeah it has nothing to do with pull-ups but I

got what he was saying right I just had a thing where the guy that dances in the train I just gave him a finsky what well I know I'm not a big fan of the dance but so I was I was standing in the eye I don't sit anymore because I'm afraid of the cook so I was standing there strap hanger yes which is no straps by the way so great that used to be straps yeah should be a bar hanger yeah I think that's like you know my parents sure sure and alcoholic so I'm holding on to the bar and then the guy comes in shirtless with the Bluetooth speaker which is always scary when you jeez that's go but you see the guy come in

with a you know a Bluetooth and he's shirtless I'm like here we go I can't stand it but then he started clearing people out by the pole and he walked up towards me and I go you need this space he's like no brother and he gave me and he gave me the pound so I felt like we connected that's great we had a nice connection because you know he's trying to make a living I'm like you need the space here I'll go wherever you need me to go you make your living I'll make mine also I don't want to get kicked to the face with that Air Force one right so we pounded and then he danced and nobody gave him money so I was like wow

we had the connection and so I went in the pocket all I had was a 20 and a five so I guess I'm like I guess I'm giving this guy five bucks that's kind of a metaphor for entertainment like if you even if you're not that good and no one gives you about your act if you connect with people they'll pay you that's a good point is that something or a leap and a half well evidently we're not connected on the Patriot because it's going south yeah the coffin help me out I'm dying here folks hold it in for the Christ's sake sorry I got you got to get the cough get the cough drops I brought you the cough I don't want to do them on

air because it's all clinkety-clankety but alright peep peep I think you're fine killing me yeah cheese I had another thing that salt water hot hot water salt water that really helps instant relief yeah okay yeah gargle it's got a horrible taste you don't drink it ah you gargle it got it I guess you'd still taste it yeah yeah swallow to taste I like I like salt it's like jizz well alright no wonder you like the beach I love jizz you're just bathing in semen semen on the boat alright hold on I had you had something else didn't you oh I wanted to ask you so we've all seen the movie you do a number on a old Steven

Deb yeah they saw it in bean town well the verdict well it's not even dad it's mom and dad it's you know it's it's mr. and mrs. Jeff we didn't do all with names I don't think they have any names I see Shirley Shirley and Chris Chris was the dad's I can't think of the old names I wrote but what your parents think of the film they loved it they're going back tonight I want to see the Kingston Mall which is where I used to see movies as a kid so yeah they're they're going and they were good we had the big premiere in New York first of all we're at the beacon and what's your name again Chuck shot it yep and that was quite an event

wouldn't you say it was an incredible night I same thing I wanted I didn't want to bother you I was like man I was in awe I was I was tearing up watching the movie I was I was standing backstage before you were being called up by Ron Bennington I went over to you I held your shoulder I had a little tear I was very invested. You touched Sarah? Jesus Christ. That's nice I didn't love it but but I just wanted to think your parents are they in denial, do they drink the whole time, how do they get through it. I think they enjoyed it so we did the beacon. The beacon was special because that was the big what you got a question. I was just going to say you should talk about the beacon because it was like it was like a blanket of love over the whole crowd. Big love blanket, a quilt if you will. I've been a quilt in a long time. Love a quilt. So it's just the beacon you know everyone's been there it's huge it's massive you know everybody performs there every couple weeks now but it's huge packed and it's so fun because some people are some of the people were nervous but everyone's like you're nervous and I'm like I'm not nervous I'm not doing anything. We already did the thing. There's nothing to do. If you're doing a show you're like oh my god I'm nervous I hope I don't flub a line or fuck up but this is like we made the thing a year. Jesus. We made the thing a year ago so I'm like we're just going to hang out and watch it and it was very exciting we're all hanging it's like a reunion you see DePaulos there and his wife and Tony V and Chris Walsh I hadn't seen and we got a hotel I got a hotel in the city. I was like well let's go be near there let's live it up so we got the same hotel as Chris Walsh and his girl Sabino I forgot the name of it. Fuck it was a cool hotel too right across the street. Oh nice. And it was a beauty we got upgraded I charmed the guy.

I can really charm a guy. Love a charm. I said well we're visiting all the way from Queens and the guy said oh he's like oh you're local yada yada I'm going to give you the hook up so he hooked us up and I saw Chris he's like he hooked us up too and I was like I think he's just doing that. Well once again connected. Well we connected so it's a good connect and then we walked around I went trying to find new sneakers but the store was like a haircut a fresh movie haircut which was fun. And that was exciting so then we walk over there it's time and you go in and the movies on the big huge screen Bennington's there Louis there we test the sound and it's like that huge sound and him and I remember from the podcast years ago we went and saw Apocalypse Now there. So it was like a full circle anal sex thing and we really filled it out and then you I walked out to go find the seats and say hello to some people and Alan is there. He's there with Beverly and I mean Tony Dayo Moody McCarthy Sam Merrill is there Gary Vita is there who Ari Ari was there and Rosebud and Andy Haynes and Karen Fian and Ian Lara they were like up in the top. Palufo. No Palufo Steve Rogers are there Chavone was there. Who else.

Bunch of comics. I don't know who else was there a bunch of people. I was busy I was I was running around with with Jason Katz. Yeah you were shooting I was happy for you I was like oh look at Chuck doing the thing you're shooting and then the whole thing and so then we did the big intro which was fun I gave a big speech and that was exciting. Did you prepare a speech or just wing it. No prepare a little bit of a wing. So then the funniest part of the whole night was we had to go get into our seats so we did this big thing in front of the 2000 people they go yeah we all enjoy the film and then we were the guys that were like excuse me pardon me. And they didn't dim the lights you just see like I like assholes walking through the whole thing it was so embarrassing.

The open was killer like Louis came out and he called Joe out and then you guys talk together and you guys were awesome. It was great open to the movie and you could tell that everyone was like fuck it felt more like a sports crowd chanting for their team did you feel that. Yeah it was very exciting because you could feel this is such a huge event and Louis never did anything like this even before right he never played a movie at a big theater. So it was very exciting and we sat there and you know Sarah and her sister and I could see Alan's over there and the movie there was these huge laughs and you forget how fun it is to watch a movie in a crowd. I brought this up on Joe and Ron on top movies but remember like I went and saw Rushmore and it was sold out just because that was what was going like to watch a 90 minute you know low budget comedy in a packed house. I saw Juno in a theater and it killed. Now you go to the movies and there's nobody there ever or it's fucking whatever you know Marvel assholes whatever to avenge your quiff. So it was exciting Vita gets a huge laugh he does the Olympic thing and that was like a massive and the last was so big you couldn't even hear lies it was crazy.

It was incredible and what was cool too is like you know I was a fan of yours for so many years before we start working together. There was so much stuff in the movie that was like a call back to stuff you know about Joe personally. You should have said this before I didn't know you liked me. I love you. In the beginning like I'm not going to give anything away but that first quote I'm like he's been saying this for years. Huge laugh amazing big laugh. Wow that was exciting. Big laugh right off the bat first laugh of the night and we would know Louie and I were punching each other.

It was very exciting and then the mood gets very emotional and the thing and so that was very exciting and then you go backstage and you do the Q&A thing the panel. Then your world falls apart because now you're just podcasting. You know it is a podcast everything you say you're like was that bad. I made a joke about his mother because Louie is like yeah my mother passed away and I was like but I read recently she deserved it. Which is a joke I've been doing for 20 years and then he's like and then you're like god damn I'm in front of 2000 people. I'm like I just made a joke about his mother dying and is he mad. Does that get a laugh. I don't think so.

That's not good. I made fun. No the Q&A he's completely misrepresenting it. He were killer on the Q&A. You got mic drop laugh moments in the Q&A. Well it's going to be on YouTube or something it is on YouTube. It is on YouTube and like the biggest laugh is in there and it's awesome. The trailer is on there.

Not the whole thing. It's like a one minute cut of the Q&A. I saw that. Yeah that was fun. Yeah Louie liked it after I convinced him that you're good. It was like who do we hire. These guys are horrible. They're nice guys.

That part's a joke. Killer at the Q&A. But you know what I mean. It just sends you into the thing of like should I not have said that. Was it that bomb. Was that stupid. Because I'm like podcast. I'm trying to be funny.

Let's be silly. And then you go to the after party. Which was exciting. But like we talked about it before. The extras were there. And so you're trying to it's like a wedding. You're trying to like. Yeah.

Oh my God. It was wild. And it was just pumping music. So that was stressful. The after party was tough and stressful. But cool. And then the next day we got to go to Boston to play it in Boston. And everybody was kind of flying there or taking the train or whatever.

So I got a wild fucking dick up my ass. And so I reached out to DiPallo and Louie and Bill Sheft. And said what if I get a van. I'll get us a Sprinter van. I love a Sprinter. So I got a big 15 foot high Sprinter van which is not cheap. One way ride. New York to Boston.

It was me, Louie, DiPallo, his wife, Bill Sheft and Sarah. And it was the time of our lives. What a gang. The premiere was so good and so exciting. Then we go to Boston. It's sold out. We're all in the van. We stopped at McDonald's and we sat in a round table.

It was an upstate New York. I picked you, Nick, with the crown on. Oh, we were dying. Well, whatever. I mean, I was doing the fry trick when you go and shoot the fry across the road. Oh, classic. And we were just howling, laughing and telling these old stories. And it felt like a road gig.

It was really fun. But we're going to our movie. Oh, my God. See, this is the special stuff. Everybody thinks it's the beacon. It's the blow job. This is the Sprinter. And it was so back.

I was the guy was like, I'm buying. I owe you guys everything. I'm getting the van. And then they were like, denied. The guy's like, my friend, your car does not work. And I'm like, oh, don't worry about it. And the driver was like howling, laughing the whole time, too. He was just like doing it because we're just telling stories.

A driver. Yeah, hire a driver. Oh, I thought you just rented a van and drove it. Oh, hire a driver in the bus. No, a guy. You hire a guy. You hire a driver. Yeah, probably do that in Tampa.

Please. Yeah, well, charter, baby. I'm not driving you assholes around. I'm going home early. You're the DD. I don't want to be a DD. I've got double D's. Yeah, they're nice.

But so we go to Boston and that gets stressful because you're like, well, now my family's coming and you know, it's pretty intense. Sure. The fun is gone. It's really different. So we get up there and now it's like, I got a hotel there, of course.

And now we're like this. Oh my God, this is going to be crazy. So it was stressful, but exciting packed house again. And then you get all the boss people. Tom Dustin's there, Mike Whitman, Jimmy Whitman, Dan Bulger, Alvin David. Hey, big out. The whole gang is there.

Different love fest. And of course my family, Derek's family's there. I got an itchy nose. But Boston was really, really fun and cool. And then that after party was next because we had the place to ourselves and it was quiet. My family was there and it's good laughs there. Good time.

Great to see everybody. But again, just overwhelmed with socializing emotion stress. And then we went to Chicago the next day. Got to be a little relieving to go to a place where you don't know 400 people. Well, Chicago is nice because the rest of the cast didn't come. It was just me and Sarah flew together

and on stage was just me, Ron and Louis. And that was really fun. And by the third night, you're like, you can't watch the same movie three nights in a row. So we just kind of sat in the, you know, Wilkes Booth box. Sure. And we all had a threesome. But that was fun.

And then the professor pizza came. He's a good kid. He made some pizza. Jeff Garland came and hung out. So we chatted with him. He saw the movie and that was fun. Al Franken went and saw the movie. What?

Yeah. Stony Baloney. Get out of here. JFK. The other one. The door was platoon. Wow. Born on the 4th of July.

Born on the 4th of July. He probably was upset about the title. But that was exciting. Then Chicago. Then we went to their socks cubs game. Wrigley. They walked all the way back along the lake. And that was special.

We fucked. We went and had a nice Italian mood at Rose Buds right across the street. Oh, this is the best part. This is the best part. I gotta tell you this. I cried. I'm gay. I fucking came and shit and cried.

So, so Saturday night we watched the movie. And then Sunday we're sticking around to go to the Red Sox game. And I go for a long walk in the morning. I call my mother and whatever. And I get a tea. And I go to Joe and the Jews. I have a ginger shot because I've been exposed to COVID. And I'm drinking my tea.

I'm walking. Beautiful weather. Beautiful weather. It's so nice. I'm walking back. And while I'm talking to my mother, there's a bunch of autograph people outside the hotel. I go, oh, there's a bunch of autograph seekers here.

Must be a celebrity stand here. We're staying at one of the nice hotels, the peninsula, which is one of the best hotels in the country. And I go, oh, there's a lot of celebrities, whatever. I'm on the phone. I go, okay, I'll call you later. I come up the elevator. I get off and I go, I recognize this guy.

It's the Boston Red Sox. Trevor's story. Alex Fredugo. I saw Alex Cora, the manager. The Red Sox are there. I turned into a child. I started crying. Crying, Jerry.

I just started sobbing. This couldn't get more make-a-wishy. And now you're squirting. And now you're hanging out with the Sox. I thought that one was empty. I had an empty one and a full one. I knocked over the full one. There we go.

It's all over the stuff. But I got problems, I think, because of all the emotion from the premiere and then the other premiere and then the third premiere. I'm just on edge. I'm boiling and bubbling and there's all this emotion and I turn into a boy

because I saw the Sox and I felt like a kid. And then we did a head nod, me and Trevor's story because I like, I take pride in my celebrity sightings. You don't go the wrong way. And then Fredugo, I said, go get him and he goes, thanks brother.

That was fun. And then that was exciting. So I went upstairs and Sarah's asleep. I'm like, the Red Sox are here. And she's like, what? Who cares? And I texted my mother and I was like, I found out who the celebrity was

but don't you hate when somebody guesses a bigger thing and then you're like, no. Different thing, way to ruin it. But yeah, I saw the manager and a couple of the players and that was exciting. And then went to the game and they weren't in full gear.

No, just dressed street clothes or whatever. Got the bags and big guys. Not huge. Those guys aren't huge. There's some big guys, but those weren't the big guys. They were staying at a pretty decent hotel

and I get in an elevator and these six, four guys are all in there, these fucking Scandinavian Viking motherfuckers. And I'm in between of them, you know, in the middle all of them. And you become a woman. You're like, I want to fuck all of you. Like I feel like I feel like a lady.

I feel little, I feel pretty, I feel safe. And then they got out and somebody goes, oh shit, that was the whole hockey team or whatever. I was there, the Dallas Stars. That was the festival. Yeah. But you get in an elevator with real men who are like chiseled and muscular

and successful and you want to blow them. They're men with jobs, Jerry. Jobs. But yeah, it was a thrill. And yeah, great weekend. And then now the movies, it's playing. Well, this is, we got extended in another week, so it's probably still playing at Cinema Village,

Lemley Theater in Santa Monica. They've upped us a third week, three weeks in a row and we've beat a bunch of movies in the box. Really? Oh, okay. I'm not making anything. Did you ever think, I mean, four years ago, shooting a movie, Louis C.K., Nick DiPallo?

I mean, it's pretty bananas. You're at the Schubert gym. Well, DiPallo, I saw coming, but I don't know about you. I shot low there. We've been together for a while, but. Ron Bennington on stage at the Beacon. Chuck's a mass shooter. I mean, pretty good.

Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. If you told me four years ago I'd be working with Chuck. I would have been pretty sad, but now it's not bad. No, he seems nice. He's cute. Yeah, he's got cool outfits. I like the outfits for sure. He's got a big mop of red hair.

Yeah, but the outfit screams picnic, but the hair looks great. It's like a picnic comment about my outfits, but that's all right. But no, it's very exciting. The movie's kicking ass. Go see it in the theaters. It'll stream soon, which is going to be,

that's going to be big. That'll be exciting. It's been very exciting, very fun, and Montana was the coolest, but I feel like we're running out of time, so maybe I'll tease the Montana baseball. Yeah, lay it on me. Over an hour right now.

Where are you going to go? Do you want to open the present? I think that's pretty fun. We can save for the Patreon. The Patreon's huge. How do we explain the Patreon? You tell them about the Patreon. Sure, we got a hot gay sets on there.

We got all kinds of stuff. I mean, people go, the fucking list is always hocking this stuff. Tell them how good it is. Oh, yeah, the Patreon's amazing. I mean, every live app, all the hot gay sets, all the must-queef TVs, all the questions you guys send in questions,

we answer them. We got all kinds of goodies. You're crazy if you're not on it. We're the most, I think, diverse and fun Patreon. A lot of people just do an extra app. Come on. We go hard. We got games.

We do an ad-free version of the main episode every week. We're dropping all the original Tuesdays episodes that aren't available online every week. We drop a new one. And we're up to, like, episode nine or whatever. High def. We do have high def video. That's right, full color.

Not to mention the gallery. Burt Kreischer. We have Livin' Color. We have Nicky Glazer. We have Michelle Wolfe. Shane Gillis. And so much backlog shit. Plus the old apps.

Yeah, we have a very special thing we're going to do soon, where we're going to release a very beloved video from the Patreon in public, so that people that aren't on the Patreon get a little taste. We talked about this a while ago, but pretty soon. Now that we've finished Season One of Hot Gay Sets, our documentary series,

we're going to plug the Patreon because all of Season One is out now. It's, like, literally four hours of just documentaries of following you guys around the country from New York to LA to fucking wherever the hell we went. All over creation. So, yeah, get on it. I got to buy a Sentra.

We need some cash. The world is ending. Who knows where we'll be in 2024, so help out. Where are you going to be there, Fetty? I got Nashville Zanies, August 12th and 13th. We got before that Des Moines Funny Bone. That's August 5th and 6th, I think.

Another one. After Nashville Liberty Funny Bone. Whatever that is, 19 and 20, I think. So, big August. I got Nashville, Des Moines and Liberty. And then July 29th, Toronto, one night only. And, of course, the movie is playing, hopefully still in something, by the time you hear this,

it'll still be at Cinema Village in New York and the Lemley in Santa Monica. And I think Canada, too, I'm sure we'll get extended more. We're kicking ass, thanks to everyone that gave it a nice rating on Rotten Tomatoes. We're at, like, 94% audience, yeah. Holy hell, that's huge.

So, thank you, Farts, Jizz, Cum. I'm scared to ask about the tomato meter. That's, like, 23. But it's 23 and 98. And every bad review just talks about, well, Louie's a bad person. Right, right, what a horrible system they've got there. What can you do?

Cool. Wise guys, this weekend. Salt Lake Sittay. Houston Improv, baby. Coming back to Tejas. Comedy Off-Broadway in Lexington. LOL Comedy Club in San Anton. West Palm Beach Improv.

Richmond Funny Bone. Brea Improv out in LA. And then Neptune Theater in Seattle. Portland, Oregon. Portland, Maine. Toronto, Vancouver. And New Orleans. And Philly.

So we got a lot of stuff cooking. Cleave it up. Go gay. Brazella. Thank you.