Tuesdays with Stories! - #466 Mark's Bachelor Party

Episode Date: August 23, 2022

We love ya folks. We don't have our studio, our producer, or our equipment - but we're making it happen! The boys are island-bound for Mark's bachelor party and we're talking shenanigans! With appearances by Chris Alan, Ari Shaffir, Doug Key, Bert Kreischer and more - it's a train wreck in paradise!! Sponsors: - Visit https://www.betterhelp.com/Tuesdays for 10% off your first - Support the show and get 20% off with the code TUESGAYS at https://www.SheathUnderwear.com - Visit https://www.manscaped.com/Tuesdays - Visit http://www.liquidIV.com and use code TUESDAYS. Our Stuff:  - Subscribe to our Patreon for the ad-free version of the show, weekly bonus episodes, and more! patreon.com/tuesdays  - Subscribe to our YouTube channel here for full video of every episode: https://youtube.com/c/TuesdayswithSto...  SUBSCRIBE: https://bit.ly/2ABEe1w

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy holy shit hey folks let me paint a picture here I'm having the bag where it's about 6 p.m. on Tuesday right I should be smoking why aren't I smoking you should be smoking I'll get a smoke when we get our first

guest on we'll get you a stokey there where we're in Tampa Florida St. Pete no beddington Reddington Reddington falls or some shit yeah see we're all a little Xanaxed out here it's just been a lazy well not that lazy with the strippers and the the blow and the people going to the hospital but Georgia saying got it all right tippy toe but yeah here we are we just sat on the beach all day I got my drink here and we're going to steakhouse tonight I mean so much has happened I mean do we just tell the story or do we fuck around what it is gonna be a very special episode yes it's like when you know like special

needs Hillary would you overdose on Fresh Prince special one there's like a pinkish hue around the screen right this is a big episode we're gonna bring in some guests which I know you hate and you'll you'll hate these are low low power guests well I mean let's be honest no offense the fence of the gays but this was a little hard to put together we haven't lifted a finger in five days I'm impotent I'm drunk we're doing it though we're doing it for the for the grid of the group and everybody's mad at us right now yes they're all sitting in the pool below us right now one guy's cooking I think Bert's dead I'm looking

at Doug Key Andrew Youngblood Doug looks amazing you guys see him shirtless he'll be on here oh yeah look at this is big tech for us we never go this this mobile that's John man's on the camera that's Jason Ganner down there yeah yeah yeah get a load of big exposure oh yeah yeah that's a credit the audio people gonna be bummed about this though we gotta we gotta stay focused alright we gotta hand it to I think you or Ari or whoever the house is unreal it's lunch this house is beautiful I've never been this close to the water in my life and yeah there's 18 rooms 900 bathrooms and about 40 grams of I think fentanyl

oh yeah there's a whole balloon full of heroin in the other room my ass still hurts from carrying it across state lines we sent Mark down to Peru to get it and it's just been fun where we're losing with some guests I mean we're in the ocean for like two straight hours I think today I'm sunblown I mean it's so much sun and global warming and whatever you want to call it but that water is like a hot piss on a Thursday it is quite toasty in there in the reflection of it I legitimately think Bert might have passed away yeah Ari's in a speedo Ari pissed out of his speedo yeah of us and it was the funniest thing

because it looked like a Capri Sun that you didn't put the straw in and came out backwards just shot out of a palm tree yeah yeah and Bert got divorced Ari's gay and we brought a kid and he died I'm eating a hot dog I'm sorry I got it tricky because there's 17 people so we're trying to figure out who wants to eat what when we're on no sleep you relapsed it's been a wild ride I'm all coked up we found the one-tran strip club and we really did it up we got to talk about the table we went to yesterday called mermaids oh what a mess mermaids merman I mean it should be called serpents it is serpents or the

word serpents since I read the Bible in in catechism in eighth grade and we went down there yeah and we knew it was told to us that this is the shitty strip club yeah we were trying to be fun and kitschy and see some fatties and a C section scar and maybe a little dingleberry and we walk in and the Washington Redskins offensive line it's just sitting there in bikinis black eyes now the commanders were there Chris Allen got hit with a spear and caught it he's familiar with them but yeah it was rough I just heard a groan from somewhere I don't know if it was to us or just a hangover but we went in there

I mean it's I'm not Joe I'm this sounds like we're always joking hyperbole we're comedians yeah I would say the lightest woman in there way 275 yeah yeah it was wild it was a precious convention and Andrew younger made the great point of you know the silhouettes on the bathroom for men and women and the silhouette of the woman was obese yes I mean well one lady was just a bar fly there's a lady at the bar with no lie a cigarette in her ear and just like a black t-shirt on yeah and some like it looked like rain boots like like slicker boots I think they were like Nazi boots and she was literally I'm not joking

coughing like coughing back when we walked in she was like yes right that's no not a joke at all no no a couple cigarette butts came right out of her throat and she was massaging people yes because no one would look at her or give her the time of day and you know it's crazy to think about these strip club that plays mermaids shout out good luck check them out on Yelp but that just exists that just is there that'll be there tomorrow it'll be there five years and never a good sign when the bouncer of a strip club comes out and sees us leaving and goes here the good ones yes he gave us wrecks he told us of another

place to go but literally the lady one of the fat lady I think she was the nose guard wait wait you have to narrow it down I need more well the shoulder pads so there was a lot of dreadlocks he won she kept saying she was a dominatrix I'll whip yell joke yeah and I said that's my biggest fantasy but it's not from you know yeah Smith Bruce Bruce but yeah so of course in a bachelor party fashion the gang got all the ladies together and said hey here's $14 can you you know beat the shit out of this guy and humiliate him and fuck him you know his tiny dick and hit him and that was pretty rough I gotta say you know

you see they bring a lawn chair up on stage and you go let's be fun I'll get lap dances from you know these gals and it just escalated where they took all their childhood out and all the creepy guys and they beat the shit out of me with a belt well I think because they're making you know a buck and a half an hour over there because nobody's in there so they and I talked to the guy after the the manager guy the black door guy who sent us to a better place yes yes I said I said it sounded seemed like they resented mark like they knew like I'm like you know they've heard the jokes or whatever right and he said well they

resent all men yeah kind of patted me on the back and said have a good game they hit you with some power I mean we can't show the ass I guess but probably not but under whatever call it and I'll show you privately if you send me $11 I'll show you that I mean I got I look like the guy from Singapore spit gum on the on the floor I mean they caned my ass Patreon Cain and anal photo of Mark's yes I mean right across the the I'm like what's that I beer guard beers man who's Korean guy no no garden yeah beer garden was he Korean North Korea no he's American guy but he got trapped in North Korea and they beat him and then sent

him back dead that was my ass a story of beer garden there you go great spot for a soccer game but yeah they beat the shit out of my ass and it just wasn't fun I was like who's this for it's like when your grandmother gives you a sweater and your mom's he got to wear it around her and you're like this is like this is the gift that's the thing is Chris Chris Allen is around somewhere he's gonna stop in he was like this is your fantasy he's like I bet you're jealous you switch and I'm like I want a bunch of women to squirt on me yes and and call me a queer or whatever but I want them to hit me I would not

trade places for a million dollars and they're all lavish like where are you going when I was like all right all right that's enough and they're like no no this is fun I'm like this sucks I've been pain and I get it's for the fun of the group so you take a couple lashes but I mean that lady looked like Mike Dicka yeah it was bad it was a lot of football play but again it's like I don't want to make you think this is hyperbole these were real real just well yeah yeah big whales manatees if you will one of them's name was Brenda that's right which is like even the name by the way it felt like she was like

that's a hot name right no one had the heart to tell her like we don't really do Brenda's a sexy crystal you got to go sapphire you got to go something you did not Susan I mean hot dog would be better here I got you I feel bad at munching it well I got it for you all right I'll eat it yeah I went down there wasn't easy full-on wiener oh no bun I'm all here comes bands all right there no problem but anyway I forgot to get a smoke who's who can pop on grab me Chris Allen or room are already young maybe someone with a credit sure make sure I'm on it's okay if I'm not on they don't

care all right how's this sound all right fuck yeah so should we tell about what happened at the club or is that private well I don't know how much we want to get into but it but now it sounds like I did something crazy no I was you should we tell them what happened no no no well oh side split yeah I don't know if that's out there well be out there I don't know if we want it out there but we can get into it a little bit but not okay look into the logistics so just in case you guys aren't hip to the scene we flew in all of us I came straight from a gig other people coming from all

over creation we went we go right to the comedy club in Tampa side splitter shout out great club the best sold out months ago months ago three shows hell yeah three six and nine three p.m. shows sold out months ago we had a hot line up and yeah sold out with the shows are great the crowds are great and we did a final show Christ your shows up Tampa local boy makes good and the crowd went ape shit he ripped the shirt off it was just a hell of a time wild India I flew in from Nashville Nashville great shows ton of gaze showed up two shows sold them both out packed Jerry great club great slice of that place sold merch for

the first time welcome to the club big merch I mean piles of my fistfuls of money tons of gaze lined up around the corner what are we talking clan hood swastika but coasters what are we they would it's a mergers swastikers I like that's pretty good that's pretty good that's a sticker selling that they probably did I don't know if stickers were big back then but yeah that's good there's Nazis around now there's one down stairs gonna pop on in a minute good good to have them you know we got to do is get umar and canter both on so we can do Ari's joke that joke that really got me it's lingering it's a visual gag but

man you got to get on the YouTube for that one good visual gag we'll make it happen but anyways I landed at one how about this I land at 127 Ari Shafir lands 134 wow pretty good I rented a car I land you're already there I don't know how your story yeah I land Ari comes out we go get the car it's a char Dodge Charger oh that's got some muscle on it big hemi or semi whatever and let's just send me in a hemi a hemorrhage or type of engine the semi there's a semi trailer yeah good movie movie trailer and send me more oh my god man trial holy shit so windy it's gonna be tough to light Chris but anyways I

pick up Ari I show up at the club you guys are already there we got PDQ great chicken sandwiches shout out big sponsor PDQ yeah what's that oh good call Chris out just handy the mic and leave for a couple minutes it'd be nice they'll be upset but we're trying to stick with it we're helping out here we're trying to stay consistent but anyways what a fun time to show up we're all in the tiny green room that's like 12 of us and one by one everybody comes in the shows were killer if you were there you get it you know it you saw it if you weren't out of luck I mean this lineup Umar Khan Jason Cantor not great so far Andrew young

blood a who's who of who's that yes but then it gets pretty good my Ari comes out they like him yeah he doesn't whatever yeah you killed it over to you you eat checks three times in a row boy that's checks that was tough checks mix yeah wasn't pretty and I was like why is this oh wow how did I get the worst spot on the show but hey you gotta you know do one for the team a lot of people bomb their batch the party show yeah long history of that did they bomb it three times in a row and one night no that's you that's all right well I set a new record for for bombing at my own party three times but shows were great Bert

shows up the place goes apeshit crazy then we all go on stage and roast each other good times and then I don't remember what happened ever that I was pretty tuned up we jump in a van of some kind yeah I go here was that right oh yeah that was the best one went to a nice trip club on a Sunday night there was about 27 women there I couldn't believe it it is the strip club capital I believe it really is better Portland Oregon it's why we're here well we thought it was yeah we came down here and that was not just a point and then we came to the house the house is insane bananas see it we're right on

the beach there's a hot tub down there two pools next to each other yep walk to the beach yes and how about this this morning were you there I think you slept in you slept in we go for a morning swim well I was coming on ladies gentlemen you know you love them and you can you smoke a fatty on YouTube is that we won't get defunded they love weed weed is legal now all right YouTube works I can't tell with weed but you like tits sometimes they're legal sometimes they're not you tube everyone always dives goes don't say that right I don't know how it works you just can't mention

COVID here's Chris Allen so this morning Chris Allen tell him what what happened this morning something with Epstein's plane would it come on lay it on me you know what I've always heard you say the ocean is healing I'm trying to be a better dad I've always been afraid of water I've been afraid of ocean and I can't be a great dad if I'm not doing what I asked my son to do and I was like fuck it I'm a face my fear and wow into the ocean I asked Joe this morning I go hey man I'm scared I know you love the ocean would you mind coming with me he was like absolutely so it was him on a jug key umar Khan a re came out it was

dude it was it was dope man is it actually birth came out to is it the drowning is it the sea monsters it's at the civil rights hoses what what got it to make you scared of the water he has a sea monster bigger dick I locked nest serpents it's just all just all of it man and just just uh like you can't see the bottom yeah drown just just just fear man right I hear you irrational fear here I get it by the way I hate when people are like not that not you just now but like it is a rational fear the ocean is scary it's wild there's sharks there's fish there's a there's a you know what I call it

stingrays yeah yeah yeah you gotta just Steve Irwin yeah he was he was a pro I know he's a animal guy you got to do the stingray shuffle which I was trying to tell the Rosie thought I was fucking with them what's that it's when you don't pick your feet up and step down you shuffle your feet so if you bump into something right you just bump into it and it swims away if you step on it and then you and kill you I didn't know was on the top like that and then the urination you get you when you get stung you supposed to piss on it with which is the myth really yeah that's that was debunked I don't want to get pissed on but

anyways way to get that going I guess so Chris is in the ocean for the first time in his life can I it is natural body of water I've never been no lake no puddle no nothing no I was not even a puddle man he's there we're all in the swimming and Chris goes what the fuck is that yeah uh-oh what was it two manatees see cow yes we saw them last night at a strip club two manatees on driving by about six feet away from us that's not even an exaggeration really I just saw two big like just shadows I go what the fuck is I thought it was like seaweed or whatever and I just thought they were moving I go do there's something they

go no it's not wow oh shit those are manatees manatees and then Ari swims right over to it I know it's the gentle giant whatever but it's still a wild animal of course of course and it could be anti-semitic yeah yeah so how do you feel do you feel different at all is it like a birthday we don't really feel that different do you feel healed honestly man I got out my joints felt so much better heels yeah man I mean we came out of that fucking thing you know there's something about the ocean it's not to get schmaltzy and cheesy but it's a good place to kill you it's like it's like the it's like the world's vagina

it's warm salty big fish smell yeah yeah yeah that's true yeah man a lot of people in it yeah it's where we came from you're right man and I think I got spoiled because the water is really really warm so I think yeah it's just the only place that happens or on the west coast well now it's like it's warm and man because of you know the climate change whatever not no man really no but it's what they just had their first shark attack in history hey going to see how they got the most coastline in America so California and that's where all the toothpicks come from more coastline from California but what

was I gonna say so I had a good heels the ocean what body of water what about the swimming is that real no all right I cannot not as prevalent as I see it's just such a fascinating things it's all you got to do is this but it's but it's access to pools how can you learn to swim whenever we got at them yeah I would drain them you can't go to the beach it's like yeah I can't swim yeah I wouldn't let us swim right you ever have a oh Ari just walked by we could upgrade you should Ari like a retired running back where you're gonna be at the helium oh yes August 26 and 27th st. Louis helium come see me let's sell it out hell yeah

st. Louis go see him probably not sell it out but let's get so he can sell out 50 we'll see get better by then he prefers a 40 but yeah people up hang for if I maybe I'll grab somebody yeah yeah tonight I think we're getting stakes well can I say I'm glad to be here man as the congratulations I'll get married this is fucking dope the house is amazing thank you a great time man thank you glad you came I'm so glad you're here I mean Mark was like no absolutely not I don't want them and I was like no it'll be okay you know you know I won we need you for the photos you know you post it looks better looks better yeah yeah now

I heard the black people sunburn which I didn't know until recently of course yeah we do it just doesn't look as a horrific dramatic like how like we can't you can't tell when you ask you you can't tell when we're somewhere oh that's good that's a good comparison but I think you're less risk of sun cancer or what if sun cancer fucking cancer we're worried about police beating down on us not the Sun we talked about the way we went out for a little journey together I saw the looks I experienced it oh yeah a lot of like well it is Florida after all yeah yeah but you don't look at have you been lotioning oh yeah all

right that's I already talked about going out fishing no we're on different boats yeah yeah are you serious I'm desirous I have never I haven't been adventurous in my life not the ancestors right that's what killed it for us man we don't like boat rides yeah you never see black people on cruises yeah it's just the history yeah you know they're welcome back right I asked you are his grandparents yeah but yeah a lot of stuff going on that was fun man awesome we're different boats you had a good captain yeah we had a great time man we was a he touched me a little too much I was oh yeah buddy what's going on here I

know I know what this is it's cuz people want to show that they're not racist I know I was just like I wanted to be like come on man stop it they never touch you that's I think it's 1962 where we talked about this the other day like in the 58 just being like hello they'd be like whoa right did you see it that's true he touched it it'd be so easy to be a hero then oh god but now these people they wanted they want to do that so that's why I think they want to touch your hair it's which ironic because touching hair is offensive yeah that's not good but I think they're actually trying to show like it right that's

Ryan they're not it's not good yeah they're like look at I'm petting it right problem but they're touching that's called Sunblock that's us whites wear it yes yes oh this is your cocoa butter hey exactly great we had a nice adventure together we went out we got some McDonald's yeah I got Joe hyped up about these smoothies this place called Earthfare we were parking behind the building we walk all the way around and walk in and they're not even done setting it up I said I was like you sure they're open this is good he's like yes they have it and then as we approach he says I hope this one has smoothies oh

boy so I'm like uh-huh a little bit of doubt we saw a hot woman like a hot yoga woman walking in she immediately walks out oh and we were like huh that's suspicious but I was like well maybe they called her a twat or whatever we come in empty shut not one item there damn themselves wouldn't that be funny if strip clubs were had funnier names like twats or cunts why not why not make it funny yeah why not make it a game yeah exactly we're already defiling yeah you know let's go all in you know this Sam Ash music Sam Gash I don't know what part of your junk I'm looking at here I got a ball on the

left I've seen it I've seen it and it is insane it's a very impressive piece folks and the the speedo ain't hiding the thing thanks for having me guys everybody too windy right here Ari pop I go see Chris St. Louis small room to spot can't sell it out he'll kill himself all right Ari can pop prop up on that little lip there on the chair just so we can get the arm you got it okay just check it out make sure it's still on oh shit you're good you're good God you scared doesn't he look like Richard Petty come on folks you're blurring your fucking thing Chuck pull up a picture Richard Petty for me wait can I get a

picture yeah there we go I get a photo for the gram that'll get flagged happy party to mark Norman hey thank you thank you congratulations marky mark well we'll be here for the second wedding I did not I slept in like a bitch some manatees yeah the first time ever in the water we covered it yeah yeah the manatees they should be in there man it was awesome man hey there you go I wanted to hold him right back to float but he's like no I'm not doing that my dress some white lady some white lady was like no go back it's fine he goes it's not fine it's black people's hair and she's like right yeah I thought she was gonna

steal a dog's phone when she was like I'll take the picture she should run if her hips weren't a broken she should have run a old lady huh damn here's a question for the gang here yeah could you live on a beach would that be that could you live on a beach I would get bored I am wanting to move to the beach but like the Jersey Beach you're an hour from the city right civilization no but as Seinfeld talks about there's nobody funny from the beach you're not funny on the beach yeah nothing to go for the Maui comedy the Maui basketball tournament always upset because everyone's content right they don't work hard interesting

yeah I just feel like the beach is a treat I wouldn't want to get tired of it I can see why like Australia I can see why people do it for the season that's the season to not have to experience the winter that's pretty good that will be though but other than that it would just lose it's a lure after a while yeah anybody who uses summer as a verb do you think your life expect not an expectancy do you think your life would increase by years if you move to the beach probably probably yeah it feels healing I think you get so content after a while you just with her yeah plus the Sun I'll really fuck your skin up yeah

oh also everything gets all this sand on damn these look like Ari's flaccid dick well actually more like Joe's with an outbreak but either way we really ragged on the fat strippers we did the ocean I'm listening the fast strippers were friendly the ones if you were up by the if you were up by the you know the table yeah they were like well they were we are you know we are yeah one of them was not particularly friendly I do feel bad because the black chick was the best oh she was awesome she was Russian

also I think it was a fat stripper I think that's the thing no I think it's the best thing again but then it wouldn't be called mermaids it'd be called manatees I've used the manatee joke four times I feel bad though should we not harp we shouldn't harp we should harp on them yeah yeah we feel bad harping on them but it was it was fun it was fun and you know Brenda was cool oh yeah like Brenda Brenda was fun they just have mom names oh that's gonna go right on out kids I thought something funny happened to me I was I got a private dance and the chick was like you know dancing on me and then uh you know I got a roused it's a woman yeah you know

that's the first yeah and then she kept dancing on me low and behold shot a fucking white lotus even wow at 59 wow you're still coming you're right in my pants are you kidding holy shit I can't tell this is a ruse were you wearing a bathing suit or were you wearing I was wearing a matching I was wearing the shirt you were wearing oh wow so they're crusty they're crusty clown oh yeah that was a silky man yeah they were silky that was part of it like that was the large one yeah it was no that was yeah it was an elf wow good for her that's the ultimate that's like a stripper I think really large size like outfit no no stripper oh or was it a regular no no she was up there

that's huge I mean I'm like I don't know if it's my anxiety my nerve I talk about this a lot my pipe from my brain to my dick it's not connected well I have a hard time pissing it takes me three days to get on my yeah yeah no we talk about a lot but so you came from a stripper yeah yeah but here's the thing though I forgot what I was gonna do I've been drinking for a while yeah we've all been putting them back now let me notice wait a minute what I just I guess you're just a new lady that's all really a large lady too yeah it's not your gal well I'm surprised myself it's so fat that it becomes hot maybe I don't know maybe she just it's just going the right way I don't know I wasn't happy at the end I was like here's your I just felt like I feel like you got a tip good

I mean she she completed the deal wow well that's the thing was coming in your pants is now you have come in your pants yeah I come in my pants I can smell it the whole rest of the night oh everyone was like we going yes like we're out of time like damn it well the good news is you got in the pool after and I could see it dissipating from your body was like an oil spill have you come under water that's a thrill many times oh yeah watch it that's a good time the patreon yeah yeah sure we have come shots swimmy comes by the way umar khan at the beginning of the week he just looked whatever just like this the guy is an island queen now he's hot yeah dude you look like a like a like a a sultan now come come back here you're showing your chest he's bronze hey look at that first I told

you golden brownie now a word from our sponsor better help you have to take care of your mind especially on weekends like this we spend so much time taking care of our skin our hair our teeth and so little care of the most important body part the brain the health of your brain affects how you experience life investing time in your mental health is crucial to being happy there is just no substitute for talk therapy better help makes online therapy accessible convenient and affordable I love better help you gotta have a therapist I mean if I didn't have a therapist I'd be face down in the ocean out there I love my therapist you can get a great therapist by using better help online therapy that offers video phone and chat therapy sessions or you can choose to not

be on video if you look like one of these ghouls that was on the show this week it's much more affordable than in-person therapy you can be matched with the therapist in under 48 hours Tuesday's listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash Tuesday's that's better H-E-L-P dot com slash Tuesday's hell yeah Marcus hey folks here we are Tuesday's stories brought by sheath you know we love sheath I'm not wearing pants right now so I'm not wearing them but we love sheath that's all I wear my favorite underwear they feel great they look great they smell great depending on the situation and it's all I wear I throw out all my other underwear and keep the heat off your balls with sheath US Army soldier and Tuesday Robert Patton knew

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push-ups yeah umar shoulders looking sane oh yeah umar and umar hey it looks like somebody doing push-ups to get ready for revenge after prison look at this umar are you having a nice time do you feel good i feel great yeah i feel bad about all the times i called you a pussy oh legitimately it's because he's so he's been zinging me all weekend uh no this is before no no no you were you zing me and then i get nervous and i'm not as clever so i just like how you bitch put him as heels oh that's your move yeah you bitch and i had we had to have a sit-down i pulled him aside and i was like yeah i was like hey you can't call me bitch anymore what are you saying you're uh so you're fine with a zing but not an insult it's gotta have a twist

this is a specific thing sure something bitch he's doing like that fit like that faltermore bitch yeah and uh goes to the mean streets means she's based on his life i could end his career was one phone call he only works one place he doesn't have a career oh i see i see that the other career i thought he went comedy but uh no we're having a great time umar is sexy that's attracted to you oh wow thank you yeah you look chocolate you look great yeah well no i love it hey get that on tape you look like i love it i'm loving it like a rich like a oil guy back in stade you're the sun but it's like driving ferrari's and shit it feels like chocolatey would be offensive to people but is that bad i mean you look like how delicious

it's weird too it's vanilla is a is a term of like mediocrity and bore he's very vanilla but yeah but people seem like vanilla what about vanilla huh lada lado is bad it is wait a minute lada i think that's okay oof a lot is all right yeah we need your uh mixed i think does it not work is it not working i don't know we're half if an octaroon uh-oh are we out you're good oh thank god are you good here he's good there i always microphone's dead oh battery's empty hello we don't know when it died no oh i haven't gone for a while all right well you missed the n word thank god so you knew it was on what at one point you look at it it was on we're trying here folks where this is all the scotch tape

putting together there's another battery right there you think that those are all bad so i have some in my bag that was the one that was in there wasn't it oh come on the remote that's a double a if it was on when you got here right yeah you can confirm that it was oh yeah that means it was on for most of the time for you part of the time you're here all the time i was there that's right all right i'm having a bra it was because you plugged it in he doesn't have a mic and you're eating a bra now it's all oh yeah good point all right i'll have it brought i'll they're still warm to my thank my back some of my bag too top of the stairs didn't do a button hook open the dildo the vibrator pull them out of there orange bag osprey it's a detachable day pack comes in handy

and day pack day pack joe i was about to say that hey we're in sink periods dug dug uh key just don't put that shirt on you sick fuck don't put it on what are you crazy that'd be a sin itchy come say hello if you don't mind why does it say well because we gotta show that body off oh i see look at that thing holy hell this is what happens when you just three days with all dudes what gay you just turned gay yeah it's like prison it's a lot of pent up sexual frustration i think oh yeah i said it earlier you say it every half hour you were putting sunblock on down there i came out to the balcony some was coming up and i said i think i could masturbate to completion yes okay i'm down to get a percentage of patreon and i'll do that oh you got it i'll just do it what the fuck are those

bags i'll put on some uh that's a bit of war that was an outschwitz that thing it was exactly plug plug the movie the festival oh yeah row down the comedy fest october uh six the ninth joe's doing a uh well if you're not going to be there but no fourth of july is going to be exclusive road island screening you can live in road island in new england hell yeah come to that october 8th you got that right and the whole festival who's who do you got you got some bangers we got ommett barucha hey i love ommett you got uh gavin matz gavin gavin matz he's oh yeah he's yeah paris she's she's she's seeing fun zoltan castle oh i love zoltan funny zoltan that's right herrington we got a lot of real days people so coming to festival

and a magician here's jota rose everybody who's surprised let's talk about the surprise i mean you got my boss body it's a good look that was big is the mic back on it's back on my boss there you go get that chest hair in here and i see women like the dead bod they say no oh that's horrific got it lost a lot of viewers oh you got a clap into that microphone i have the clap there we go come on sit down all right here's jota rosa and joe was not here to begin with you got to tell the story uh tell the whole story i should be involved in the story i'll be in the back where you're going in the background oh all right yeah i told arie best visual and podcasting by the way i was gonna come i i couldn't i was originally gonna come on sunday when it all started yes and i couldn't

come on sunday i knew i was gonna have to come monday so come monday it'll be all right i call the producer that i just worked with on a tv show and i said i want you to start texting me uh a bunch of stuff about how you need me to do pickup shots on monday and there's no other day we can do it he's a basketball player yeah yeah so i said i scream capped all of it the guy was a pro his name's tim he's the best tympanore by the way to him uh and he was laughing at the and he he was so good because he wrote like we were going back and forth yep and then he said hold on calling you and i was like what a perfect he's good oh that's nice i was like wow this is like that he sold it now what made you want to do this so bad because i think arie didn't care for it cunts cunts want to

do cunts shit great strip have you ever dealt with arie yeah many times just just the man does horrible pranks to people yeah currently right now what are you doing what are you doing he's not up kobe he's got something up his i thought he did it already it's coming to me i don't want to say nothing oh you got a mean one coming big time for arie i sent already the screenshots i sent uh you i called you and or texted you and said i can't make it i know it it hurts i didn't realize how much i liked you i was crushed i had never seen you express that much emotion ever i was pretty you bring them all together joe he has somebody you're the best drinker in comedy he hired someone to text for him too well i need an uglier guy with who looks come on

same hair give give your let your emotions be your emotion ah i'm a comedian you wrote when you wrote uh i don't worry about it i'll get married again i was like oh he sounds like actually like a little sad that's trying to be humorous i was so fucking mad at you to cover it up i was like we're doing a fun thing and you can't so fucking forward it oh you guys can only do between four and five days from right now all he talked about i can't believe you fell for it how would we not believe no not you him he can't be like why is it only taking place on monday well that's just kept going because it is i was like we're gonna sit down they'd be like oh we'll find out the way for the fun thing for the record joe i wasn't mad at all i was like this is a blessing

not even in disguise this is just a straight-up blessing so wait so then kraischer's starting texting me yeah i sick i sicked him on you yeah let's obliterate him yes right you're sure kraischer do you know this kraischer started offering me cold hard cash to come down to you give me five thousand dollars he doesn't like any of us he needed you i'm not even allowed in his house yeah burt dosed him he's been down for nine hours so yeah yeah it's crazy i think burt's dead he's not looking good no so anyway so i kept it going and then i was like all right i gotta call i gotta let somebody in on this because i gotta i gotta set this up now there's only one trustworthy person here yeah so i called list i was gonna call kraischer i was like he's gonna blow it

oh yeah secret time secret time couldn't call you because it was your thing couldn't call arie it was the you know that was that was the whole thing that's part of it yeah so i called list list said he was honored he was like thank you for trusting me with the surprise good try and sober the only one that yeah can be trusted yes thank you i appreciate that by the way i couldn't keep it in for too long i was bunk mates with salicus so that night like 1 a.m we're the salicus and i go into bed we have a little nighty caps on we're in bed together okay and i said i gotta tell you something i got a big whopper jota rose is coming tomorrow and he went and did like a little gay face and you know we spooned until we've gotten the REM sleep and i fucked him did you come in

your pants like arie i did and his i come i came in his pants oh yeah but so then this is where it gets crazy so we go fishing yeah we go fishing this is the yeah so so wait so real quick so i land yeah i i got the earliest flight out on monday i land at 10 30 a.m i'm like this is going to be perfect i'll show up everybody will be just getting up i call i call this sunday to set it all up list goes list goes well here's the it's sizzling listen to that how good that sound on the mic that's the um eat it eat it what no don't put that right in your tongue it's like a battery is it good charred well it's up the cooked hot dog but dude he didn't actually just cook it you know no i know i know uh the uh but the uh so list was like dude we're going to be on a boat

until like 1 p.m oh yeah by the way the gag is still working everyone's dying laughing the bits there's nothing new to the bit but it's still working it's working great so anyway so then so then it was all on you after i landed like because you're out with the group you now know that i'm gonna drop in but nobody else knows you had to keep the hole yes so a thing going hold on mark's working his visual gag oh boy that's gonna be bad oh i thought it was gonna squirt you could do this you could do a whole hour on this that was mine i got a new stick ruin my closer hot dog cigar netflix coming for you so uh we go out we go out deep sea fishing which was unbelievable a blast so fun we're reeling in fish at one point we had two fishes

fish on each line while umar was barfing off the side we literally had yellow curry yellow brown he he i think you might puke the color of your skin is that possible oh i've never puked white don't hold the mic up for arie what are you doing oh sorry umar's puking mark and arie are both reeling in fish it was insane just madness the bonita then i don't look at my phone for four hours we're pulling back into the bay and joe's texting me i'm at the house he's with canter cuz canter almost died the night before yes so they're having a hard so we're texting each other i say we gotta stop at a sandbar we're like a half hour away and derose is like get them to not stop at the sandbar so now i'm trying to convince burt mark and arie i was on that side too i was

like we have a beach house let's just go back to the beach what's the bar let's just go swimming in our place well burt here's bar and he's gotta go so i was like guys guys why don't we go back to the house that'll be fun but i had no reason to go back to the house immediately burt's like well that's suspicious why because we're working we're gonna fry up we there's a couple restaurants that'll fry up the food you just right and he likes to have the idea yeah so he's like let's do that oh great idea and you go no let's just stop by the house first and we're all like no i'll take like an hour and yeah let's just do it and burt's like this is suspicious dude the way you're acting so the whole time i'm texting joe going we're stopping at a sandbar we'll be there in a half hour

then we stop at the sandbar it's lame so we go let's just keep going so i go okay we're coming back to the house then they're like no we're going to a restaurant so because you got 14 guys so i had to send literally 45 unresponded to text being like sandbar restaurant then you went to that first restaurant you're like come here we had the uber it pulled up as we were about to get in you're like don't go to that bar we gotta get another bar and i was like dude you're you're killing us man like i'm killing you they're killing me i know i know i know everybody's killing everybody but then there was a whole thing of where are you going to be sitting because i had orchestrated the whole where you guys were going to sit right at the first restaurant they wouldn't see us they

wouldn't see us they said hey it's gotta be this everybody's gotta be here we're like that whole bullshit and it was like how about i offer them autostallic use was like how about i just say we're gonna order 16 appetizers right now can we do that no couldn't be done then we get a table and we have to put two together and they go you can't put that small table at the big table because of policy and we just fucking walked it's gotta make it good yeah it felt good bernard at some point was like this place sucks let's just leave and we're like yeah felt good to walk well you're lost you know 500 bucks you and we went for a place called friendlies that was not friendly friendly fisherman yeah friendly to crabby's fuck friendly fisherman very friendly

yes yeah i said cannery first he said coast is clear they're outside yeah the waitress helped me greatly yeah she goes what can i do to help you pull the surprise off i said i need 10 shots that was great yeah she put him on a tray she goes let me take you upstairs then you can sneak around the back's way yeah great came down the steps try a shot in the bachelor outfit which we hadn't seen yet the bachelor party outfit that you guys were waiting to put on and can i say morale was kind of low because we a lot of we got up at five in the board whatever the fuck it was we're on no sleep we're all hung over nobody really wanted to fish it turned out great but then the friendly fisherman then the crabby's the table the policy so yeah we're cranky crabby

and crabby and you came in it really that dirty egyptian mug really lifted spirits unreal i thought you were a fan i thought you were a bird fan we fucking shit blood no one's ever been that happy to see dorosa and now i hate sean patin even more and then i just breathed a sigh of relief it was so stressful that you're finally there i know the first at right after sooner we did the surprise i i believe the first thing i did was come over to you and say like thank you and i'm sorry it was very nice yeah your your list was list was the real champion hero there was a moment where we kept prying because i thought you had a like a hooker at the house well i was alluding to a surprise and i was like maybe just need to take a shit and mark was right

there go no he'd say i have to take a shit yeah he would say that for sure i know him well i was like well you never know what could happen it's crazy it's exciting let's go home let's just go to the place we're eating i want to eat let's just go it seemed very fishy it seemed very fishy fishy and we were fishing grab what about when i caught a fish i'm reeling it in i go uh it must have wriggled off there's nothing here i pull it up just a head a fish head we got a great photo of it i'll post it yeah it was like ices what are you doing there slow man is making an adjustment we got john man's on the the ones in twos today god you're here here's a wonder all or else we've got a much better than chuck

oh chuck just kidding chuck we love you we wish you were here who's camera is that man's i mean save the day this brown cunt where the cameras uh the race stuff's getting a little itchy well jason do you want to come on here and uh what's your cat could you mention maybe you could mention your uh blood pressure story because it really saves the day or your cousin is i think i'll see you guys all right joe joe rabbit thank you gay old gillie joe roses in new york city hell yeah great sandwiches and bar come on out and tuesday's with stories also brought to you by manscaped if you haven't heard already it's smooth sack summer the leader in below the belt grooming is making sure we all have a ball this summer by giving our pants partners everything they need to

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15 off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code tuesday's at liquid iv dot com back to the show big special guests coming your way oh yeah joey roses are you rolling what time are we at there well 46 46 is that right yes yours never turned off okay all right here's jason canter the one and only hey can't be here this is one of the most fun things i've ever done hey are you sugar coating no this is the everything you're kidding blast it's been pretty great uh well you're from cleveland so it's easy it's all about bill uh hey smart man listen to full life this guy yeah you got that right uh so i don't know what to start with the cousin or the ivs canter fuck this

cousin put him on iv to resuscitate him yeah yeah you got two good health scare stories here yeah well i don't know one is not great we almost killed my cousin that was yes yeah yeah he was uh do you guys need to talk about this at all no not at all i mentioned the blow harry almost killed him too but it was a separate issue oh really oh boy i didn't know about that no i'm joking uh uh he uh yeah we everyone has bad heartburn in my family and he is like a collapsing esophagus or something your cousin yeah my cousin yeah collapsing esophagus collapsing career collapseable collapse over uh he uh resuscitation what's word resurrection anyway resuscitation oh boy oh jeez keep going both work all right cousin so uh yeah he so he

got a piece of this Thai food caught in his esophagus and uh he was like he was throwing up and he just felt like shit and uh eventually he went home and then went to the hospital and he thought it was going to be like a quick in and out and they're like we're going to rush you into surgery right now oh my god breathing tube in and oh it's not a real bachelor unless somebody goes to the hospital or dies i mean in the end word he tippy toe reddit um but yeah so we had an emergency hospital visit last night but i think he had at the time of his life all things yeah he was he contributed some things oh yeah yeah he and his you know his his friends like hey uh you know Bert Kreischer was at the strip club last night and then he sends him a picture of like uh him uh

Bert passed out next to uh branded in the in the van oh that's great he wrote to his local friends here and shit all words are for the photo yeah killer and i gotta say he did a good job some people from outside of our world come in they see a fat bird who's drunk and they go oh can you make a video for my aunt she's a fat whore or whatever and then you gotta go oh jeez who gotta get rid of this guy but he he slid in nicely yeah he didn't he didn't talk to me he knows that uh yeah i can write it good slide plus his body made everybody look a little better yeah really i mean this guy's never picked up anything i don't think i don't think i'm an envelope from the mailbox he picked up a hospital bill but yeah you know he's like a candy apple that guy he's gonna be back in the hospital

with a suicide attempt at this podcast i mean he'd made darosa look like doug key this guy wow that's like crazy i mean darosa's like a melted candle but a lot of neck on that guy doug could you walk back into the shot again i don't know if people i just want you to i don't want to see him who oh please oh is it open that you ran a strip club is this a different yeah or is it bad what did i do i don't think i did anything wrong i don't know that is what's the one problem oh great it's just how entertaining it was for me to watch you oh yeah a strip of at the stage putting dollar bills on the stage like you were buying a nerd's rope from a candy store yeah it was hilarious i tip the strippers like she's a bartender i just slide a dollar on that area you look away you look away as you're

sliding the dollar on the stage like a secret well it's just funny it was it was i was laughing i got it i got like you know you i give you credit you were like that was very bold well i'm a very uh i feel for people i feel a lot of empathy and people i didn't know that you take it and fucking slap it on her ass yeah no you wipe it on her ass or okay i'm not saying none of us did that but there was a guy yeah who was wiping her ass with it he was wiping his ass with it he took his hand and and got in the pussy he grabbed him by the pussy he did yeah he's uh he's he's a locker room talking close to mara lago it was like toilet paper style with the dollar bill yes and he was doing that like a fingery move yeah a jackhammer then apparently she walked off she took it like a

champ but then walked off and was a little little peeved she had the dollars in this g string and then after her thing she took him out and like threw him on the ground like this yeah mad and she had one of the best bodies i've ever seen holy moses now what's the etiquette on uh when you you know the guy's throwing the bills and making it rain and then i'm sitting there and i pick them up and then i put them in her g string i think that's okay well harry kept doing that to me uh well that's expected i kind of the sweep into the into the stage area but if you pick it up i i don't think they're all right i was reusing like a police that well you're like you're like i was making paper airplanes and throwing them you were like miles davis in there i mean you had every move

you were strumming the old band you're in the string between those strangers they come up through and you know they give you a little a little twerk dance you gotta just kind of you know you know you gotta entertain it a little bit they would have 100 thrown you out of the club if they saw you doing that like recycling tips yeah that's why i asked no harry kept doing that because i kept putting two dollars up every time because i'm not i just took her take money out of my hand and put a ray in her purse she'd oh yeah you got robbed but then i took it back from her as we're leaving the girl that was just like trying to get me to go for a dance she was just like what she goes you want to come for a dance and i i just pulled my money out just to be like oh i was like how much

does it dance and i like just she basically grabbed the cash out of my and then it was right in front of the bouncer and i was like i was like no no no she goes oh that's a tip that's my tip damn it mermaids and i go i know that's not a tip and she pulled it back out and i just grabbed her out of her purse and i put it in my pocket it's all on camera so street justice where are the cameras oh the ukrainians oh well there was girls on the beach yesterday and uh they were tough not to crack they were tough but they didn't speak in english and i saw them doing hand stands so i just went over there and i had cartwheels and i said you guys gymnasts and they said we're a ukrainian circus team yes now i don't know anything about acrobatics but they uh i don't know

ukrainian i that's a war-torn country yeah they they need their their entertainment maybe their husband's boyfriends are they've they've been killed yeah well look good for them for still living their lives even though their husbands are shot in the face but it was like a cartoon it was like a bud light commercial we go out to a beach we have our little slot on the beach and then the next piece of land over there was like 12 perfect bodied circus dancers from the ukrain yeah doing literally cartwheels and handstands in well i tried to get a handstand contest going and nobody wanted to come up so it was just me versus one girl and then it ended and there was a great photo you took of them yes and then i jogged behind and did this well selik use uh he gave me the idea he's

like ask them to take a picture and then you say all right i'll take a picture you guys and that's a good move well it was it was a smart move but uh they they weren't feeling it ah then they cartwheeled away from us yeah yeah and do we want to get young blood we got to wrap up a young one you want to get in here buddy plug the club get in here yes yes jason canner that canner young blood dug key best yeah we forgot the high blood pressure that was a good one and you're high now wait well you still got that show at the 13th step all right forget i brought it up ps 109 it's coming we'll have a date soon there you go that's the best show in the city and i'm not kidding hot show hot room great lineups yeah hidden gem all right andrew young blood is here what's up you got a mic

proprietor do you own that club there's like four comics i'm one of them but you got the best room in houston killer room and uh and killers for the improv by the way all these guys well dug wasn't on the show we didn't wouldn't let them on but no too hot all these guys murdered at sidesplitters 600 people got to see it the rest of you missed it you got that right and i really enjoyed watching your shit i think the crowds trust us we booked it well and uh they just bought tickets on our name alone and uh they knew we'd bring a hot one yeah it was me ari and mark were booked and we said special big surprise guests and they were jason canner umakhan and andrew youngblood yes very disappointing you know the the owner showed me an email uh from like the

first show where you know burt didn't do oh no and it was like who are these special guests i want my money back oh is that right really that's a wake up this idea is don't tell anybody but oh that's hilarious we gotta post that i thought that was the funniest fucking thing ever that's your new profile photo we gotta get that email that is amazing that's hilarious i mean i wrote that i'm sure people watch this right now are like where the fuck is burt what is this well he's dead hey if you're dead you're dead but i think we did people already did i think he's got a harpoon in his gut but one one show they got burt christier and uh the rest uh they didn't but that's okay but it was still a raucous rowdy great crowd and hot comics and uh we love tampa god damn it and we all

went up there together at the end of that show that got spicy that got a little wacky yeah well the thing is is everyone had done their sets and then everyone got a little tuned up in the time before they got brought back a little started at three we've been drinking yeah we were on two hours of sleep you got that right yeah we came from san antonio and had some hot shows at lol all sold out thank you san antonio we had a great time i love that club hell of a club are you going on this next gig too oh that's dog that's dog i'm going home and killing myself yeah well you could do it here is the last hurrah but i talked to salicus and uh he's bummed he's like i'm in new york looking at a hobo shit in my palm and i'm miserable i bet look at this come on yeah that's beautiful

i know the sun is setting i hope you like does it still look okay there umar umar every uh you haven't fun you had a nice time you're happy you came yeah of course i do a vodka so hammered thanks no sleep with a stripper uh i'm in love with the stripper and uh who knew did you get one work out did you get her did you know what he uh doug said he loved watching you at the strip club uh i also very much enjoyed watching you because i never realized when you have glasses at a strip club you have to take them off before they put tits in your face that's right yeah that's so funny to me is that you're like oh i love these boobs that's hilarious now i can't see anything yeah they really they really smear those giant cans in there it's weird when you're glad you look

like millhouse you know you got the little eyes like well i had years ago i remember this i went in montreal we used to go all the time and a girl with smushener tits on my glasses they got all fog greased up because i think they have greasy nipples or something that's a great strip club name got some rubber at least some uh body lotion that's it or some shit yeah so you got some airy glasses oh my god well andrew just lost his hello how about a hello uh jeez burts hurting hurt burt all right all right i'm gonna get andrew you're gonna have to i gotta go i'm sorry all right all right we got getting fatter we only got a we only got a few minutes left bird i know you're probably low on energy i am fucking i need a cocktail or something well we got that we got

booze i think we got cocked we got two sausages yeah you want a weenie oh you guys grilled hell yeah we're not going out to dinner tonight i think we are i think these are appetizers appetizer i think i think i'm gonna go to steaks i shoved a hot dog up my ass mark smoked a sausage hell yeah like with the lighter i mean that big burn it was a good gag probably the highlight of the show i'll take a visual gag did you know that um somebody emailed bt that they were mad about the special guests on the three and six o'clock show no special guests andrew youngblood umar carne and jason canner let's go they were like what the fuck is this i guess specials special needs baby sure sure yeah yeah that that that would i would be uh i would feel like a tad bit that i'd

been sold something i didn't purchase supposed to be sam maril as john pat or someone that you knew like just a name yeah that would entitle special they would take like uh you know heidi clume or something it doesn't even have to be a comic just somebody you've heard of that was a fun show well you gotta figure some of them don't like me or ari even like some of them just straight oh i bet there's a couple straight woman oh jeez i thought i was getting hit with something classic i'm just saying you got to assume many many many people don't find you funny oh i nailed it wow i look like i nailed it dick with a dick how could you mess his balls are enormous i got his wiener with a wiener all right don't you think most people find you unfunny like i would disagree

that assumption i get why you'd say that but i disagree that's right it's good that's a little offensive how many debt threats have you gotten do you think thousands really thousands yeah dude i've been getting them since before you sort of stand up but not just because you're jewish what i confronted you on amazing racist i remember you confronted me on lots of stuff you're like if sasha baracoa never got boring yeah yeah i just kept going i try to stir the pot you gotta stir the ball oh yeah all right i gotta get a shower for this take a photo of it i want to prove it you gotta do it there's no blood in it it's just i'm just keep shitting i don't know what the fuck i ate last night do we eat do we eat when we came in i think you ate some i was asleep when you came in

i was on the pizza we pizza last night thank you yeah you might be shitting straight pizza that's a red pd like get some of that in oh yeah we bought a little pd like it's the packets like i'm drinking it with cocktails all they had was the powder all right christ you're everybody knows i've had a blast i've had a blast we gotta wrap it up i think we're we're at the we've reached our time the sun is setting on the trip and on the earth one of the best weeks ever i mean it we had highs and lows but it all adds together it's just a great time i can't thank you queefs enough for coming out and fucking let's do it this every once in a while every couple weeks there's nothing stopping us from doing this you know yeah yeah it's not bad yeah you gotta live dammit we're all

gonna die i mean canter's cousins on the uh okay canters in about 10 minutes left can you tell the blood pressure real quick or is that what's about his blood pressure now it's funny all right we got ivy's gonna end with an earlier show uh go to the reddit i have terrible don't go to the reddit they got ivy's right a resurrection we didn't talk about the ivy yeah we all got i'm rolling i'm rolling all right uh to end the show on a uh not funny no brightening out we we got it we all got ivy's today we had like hangover ivy's the nurse came out and uh injected us all we were sat around for 45 minutes i've never done that before i always wanted to do it but we were taking our blood

pressure and she was she or was she not uh allowing you to take it she she made you take it twice your blood pressure why why because it was too high the first time and and then whoa and what was your high one do you remember all right you don't have to look up umars high score so anyway mine i i tested mine it was 198 over uh 138 uh which which is is that very easy ideal is 120 all right well he was 192 or 127 she made him retake it i just i saw my i saw mine yeah ideal is 120 over 80 he's he's like the two waitresses from mermaids he was like 310 and went to 85 oh man wouldn't be fun to go in the strictly with one of those things oh just scare the shit out of all of them jesus but i just keep it a secret so yeah canter will be dead before his cousin probably

oh yeah i'm on blood pressure meds so oh you are yeah oh i didn't know you were aware that um well not enough apparently what's up oh anyways that's jason canner ducky andrew youngblood oh let's get john man's over once just for hooking it up we gotta give him a shout out john man's a handsome guy film yourself yeah you're weird over here come around the back turn the camera on yourself whoa that's pointing right at my asshole come on pop it down who mark it up right he's a he's a fellow twos gay and that can't be true really oh yeah he's on the patreon everything what the real deal i thought you hated me this whole week really he's i totally love you yeah i'm scared of you oh great i'm scared of uh chris alan but that's a whole

other bag of hammers so are the neighbors yeah i'm sure they are i'm definitely better behind the camera than in front of a microphone great yeah so we're half our guests but i really ruin this cutter with the uh sausage jizz on there but all right where are you gonna be oh i'll go first typically uh where where am i i don't know hey you're some funny bone no that passed so did cousin um i think uh september i'm off a bunch i'm gonna be going all over i'm going la oh la i don't have the big book yet we're looking at the store trying to do the store hell yeah i'm doing birds podcast which i'm very excited about william burr get the movie fourth of july louis ck.com many of you have not bought it yet october 8th it'll be playing at uh nice second plug for key um

key bump and uh we're also going to be in the sugarloaf film festival well in september first year sugarloaf whoa how'd you get in first year ever uh i just asked nicely and gave him 300 bucks and uh sugarloaf is what birds put in the toilet right now the hell of a band they're playing my wedding and uh i don't know what the fuck i'll be i got a bunch of shit in october yeah what about you get on the patreon i mean for more fun gags and goofy shit we'll put a picture of your ass on there we'll put a picture of my ass that's been caned and beaten by these fucking chubs but uh yeah i'm doing mermaids next week and uh no um i'm all over the place too i'm in brea i'm in portland main i'm in portland organ seattle new orleans uh

boston philly good times go to the mark normand comedy dot com get on the patreon chuck we love you we miss you uh we'll do the ads and uh yeah thanks again george is saying cut it we love you guys