Tuesdays with Stories! - #467 Bobcat Goal Weight

Episode Date: September 1, 2022

We're late but we're here! The bachelor party is over. Joe is home from doing Rogan. The boys are back! Joe goes to the US Open! Mark has a feud with an airline attendant! We're back in the New York groove!!! Sponsors: - Try Blue Chew for free at http://www.bluechew.com/TUESDAYS - Support the show and get up to 29% off some sweet new metal art with the code TUESDAYS at https://displate.com/tuesdayswithstories?art=624740987334c - Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook App and using the code TUESDAYS.  If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800- GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms. Our Stuff: - Subscribe to our Patreon for the ad-free version of the show, weekly bonus episodes, and more! patreon.com/tuesdays - Subscribe to our YouTube channel here for full video of every episode: https://youtube.com/c/TuesdayswithSto... SUBSCRIBE: https://bit.ly/2ABEe1w

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hey hey here we are folks you know they said a lot of cowboys were black but they don't portray it in movies hmm I did a little cowboy thing there that's how I got it oh I see black cowboys well you had blazing

saddles had some black that's a little spicy and dicey I'm forgiven which I always thought I mean this happened so often in film I thought it was weird that everyone wasn't just calling me and we're throwing horseshit at them I say that all the time why are there's not this should be more inward yeah it's interesting great great film right away it's a simple movie I just shoved it up my ass the first time in a few years I was on the flight and tossed on there yes Delta it's good and it's sent me off on an eastwood kick I'm on a real he's got you got some problems with the wood I got some problems with the

later directing what American spy whatever the fuck that movie is now soldier oh soldier sniper sniper sniper sniper with the baby the fucked up stiff dick the fake baby bag of farts that's kind of fun that was a bag of farts the fun term like that back of farts is good you know it's hard to get a fart in a bag so if you get one in it's it's impressive so maybe bag of farts should be good that's kind of fun you open it in front of your friend that's true you can go hey smell this potpourri and they go but oh yeah American Splendor sucks or whatever it's a sniper back in Splendor was good American Splendor is

great that guy's buried in Cleveland I've been to his grave people shove pens in there pens yeah because he was a writer car push car he's Indian I think it no he's one of those guys that when you don't know him people like you don't know this guy and I'm like I don't know this guy but Chuck knows he's a big nerd guy the guy the subject of American Splendor his names like Chuck push car push car I got nothing scooper talking about yeah he's good a lot of big tits a lot of hairy women a lot of fat women people like you don't know him how can you not know him I'm like well I don't know him I don't know what you want me

to say no right I guess so people are like how could you how could you not know this guy and I'm like I just don't I can't tell you I don't know what to tell you and then they don't they don't let up you don't know Johnson I don't know John you don't know how many times we're gonna go to the this lap of douche if you tell me about Johnson I want to have this fucking conversation again they like it they like that you don't know because then they can really shove it up the pooper but that being said I just talked to Isabel Hagan today born and raised in New York City and I was like I was at the US Open and she's like oh

where are you I was like I'm in Queens and she's like well where's the US Open I'm like what oh that's weird you live here and she's like I don't know sports but I'm like but you grew up in Manhattan you never heard of the US Open I find Manhattanites and we know a couple they are the most out of the of the loop cuz they'd say Hicks yeah they're sitting here they live in this bubble you know with skyscrapers all around and you think oh I'm in the epicenter of culture but no no they can they keep a closed window because you can't let all the masturbating subway dicks come in I guess if you don't know sports you don't

know sports but like I feel like yeah you're not like a big sports nut but you have a knowledge of the game you've heard of the US Open yeah superdome I've seen a Saints game I've seen a Pelicans game you know it's right there like I feel like if you say to most people I went to Wimbledon they have an idea that you're in England right oh yeah I mean I think French open they're not like is that in Belgium right that one's a little more yeah but one of those is on grass Wimbledon's grass Wimbledon's grass French is clay and my father's gay yeah never never heard a quarter right she's like US Open I never heard it did

it just invent it and I'm like it's down the street it's like a New York state that's like it's Queens that's beyond sport though it's the city it's the vibe it's like a big festival everyone's talking about it I'm wearing the shirt right now I did think it was a little cuckoo that the giant stadium is in Jersey when I first heard that I was like well that's a little nutty yeah I don't care for it they should be the New Jersey Giants or the I can't have both there it's too much you're claiming too much now listen to this this is something you're gonna like I think you're gonna enjoy this late on me fatty this is the

kind of thing I think you enjoy one time I was out there was a trivia question and it said name the football teams in the NFL who don't play in the state they're named after and the answer is New York Jets New York Giants but I said the Washington Redskins and they're like that's not correct but I'm like but they play in Washington DC they are named after a state and don't play in that state should be amended I mean I should get credit Trebek big credit big or that should be one of those a beep beep beep they challenge it you got the fat nerd guy with the mustache on the side he's like his name is Chuck you got

Chuck on the side you get that big thumbs up and Trebek goes all right I have cancer or whatever it is that's the end of it but I mean it's a good point right Washington Redskins don't play or whatever the fuck they're called the commander commander cheese that would be a fun twist just make it back to Native American the fucking bloody savages yeah the smallpox but yeah you're right I mean it's not in Washington state it's in DMV they call it Delaware Maryland Virginia oh nice motor vehicles rocket from the Delta the DMV that's also the demilitarized oh that's the DMZ the demilitarized zone that was a good a

celebrity news show what's the last time you watch the deer hunter you ever throw that one on movie it's been a minute it's not really a plane film no but I like it it's wild I just watched it about 95 minutes before they get to Vietnam it's a real trek in that wedding it's a slog baby with the with the oil thing they were gonna oil field or something big yeah big oil field rig thing or I think it's steel steel mill that's the one I know it was a mill of some kind real Americana yeah real steel it's just like about a 75 minute wedding my actual wedding was about half the length of this sequence in the movie

but true did you hear the big Matt Damon movie bomb no well they they he he's on the show hot ones which is like you know that wing I know about hot ones I didn't know before and some guy claims that I did know and I was pretending to not know that's what happened this guy wrote why are you a fake ass asshole who pretends to not know this YouTube show that I know I'm like it's not cheers it's hot it's on YouTube fuck anyways I know about it now this Damon thing is great so he goes well what's going on with movies you know it's all Marvel it's all queves it's all anal it's nothing good and he goes the

reasons movies suck and I go oh it's he's gonna say woke or whatever and it's because of DVD sales they don't make DVDs anymore obviously and you used to be able to put out a movie and take a chance because it would probably recoup on the DVD later and now there's no chance of that so you just lose the money and it's you you you you don't make any you don't break even even no coop yeah this is what I wonder about all the time I mean that's one reason I think there's plenty of other reasons he kind of outlines the fact that if you want to make a 25 million dollar movie and he goes through like it's gonna be

the same amount for marketing yes and yet basically you have to invest a hundred million dollars in a 25 million dollar movies basically what he says and that's that's a part of it too but don't you feel like word of mouth is still pretty good I don't think you need that much in advertising you know if you put up a billboard how many people are really gonna see that go hold on I gotta go see anal cavity or whatever for sure now we're such slaves to the algorithm now the algorithm supersedes the word of mouth I think but we have special you have a seven point seven million views but there's no commercial out there for

that it's algorithm that's what I'm saying the movie getting the algo maybe but there's no out because it's at the theater money yeah if you put it on YouTube we could get algo but that's not gonna get you the money yeah okay I don't know how any movie now you go to like Wikipedia I read all these movie Wikipedia's and like it always says box office and budget yeah and for every movie now it's like budget 38 million box office 11 bucks I don't understand I mean I have a movie that's that's lost money right now right currently at this moment I got a movie that's in the hole yeah yeah well you can't really put

Louis Big Mug on a billboard these days I don't know if that would help no they put my shit mug on there and people like yeah I'll wait for the next one that doesn't help either it's just all forehead but it's climbing by the movie it's it's it's rocketing since we did Saguara he did Saguara and listen it was a killer rep the Saguara yeah yeah both were great but the Saguara when he really they they they get a little more they start needling into the you know what in the dough yeah yes yes well I when I do a podcast with him it's like Twitter I have 160 characters to say

what I need and if I go over they kick me off I gave you a favorite it's a real like I think so too right sorry right even the questions are asked to me I don't get to answer but anyways I digress yeah I watched the Schultz when you guys started talking about Larry David and he goes you know I open for him and you just went all right it's gonna open a Bible and sit back well I don't know anything about Larry David anyway so it's probably better probably better off not really an influence I never got it not a big college town but so yeah these movies they lose all the money and then I think people go to the movie

less you know this weekend three dollar movie day you know about that what are you doing so Saturday I guess I just heard about this from somebody told me movies across the nation three bucks just today or all week Saturday oh just Saturday Saturday's it's the big movie because now to get people to do things you have to have a day yeah it's beach day it's record store day the day it's fuck your cousin day enough with the day and they do with months to its national cat month no it isn't it's a fucking it's not it's June it's not national cat month hey it's pride okay all right we'll have to pride can we go back to not

caring stop saying I'm ticking I'm not ticking no take your ticking yes ticking time bomb Ricky Tiki-Tavi oh something just flew out that was bad did they camera pick that up long COVID oh that was gross monkey box went flying by the way I on the only guy on the planet getting COVID tested I was all sick this weekend and I really wanted COVID to go into the winter so I could be that guy who's better than everyone you know that guy was like just had it fuck off strong as an ox can't get it you know I had a little like I was a little stuffed stuffed and I had the snot my throat hurt and I was all excited because I was like nice

I'm gonna have August COVID and then I went to the thing to get tested the guy I mean like the place was like covered in dust yeah the guy like his hat wasn't on he's like oh excuse me excuse me yes we're open COVID he's like oh there's a vote for Biden poster up he was like taking a he was taking a nap his feet fell off the desk he's like what so then I got the test I mean literally nobody's there I get the test they shoved and they barely went in remember the beginning it was like do I yeah I broke my hymen it was wild back then I mean this guy did the outer rim he just kind of like did that and so I was like alright this guy

is full of shit then I went back like a few days later because the first time I had it it took days to test positive yeah so I went back and the guy was like weren't you here the other day and I was like yeah I was here the other day I just thought I'd try again he was like he basically just called me a fucking pussy yeah without saying anything well you're bothering is his Facebook perusing you know this guy what he doesn't want to do work I mean he recognized me I mean think about the idea of like when the Omicron exploded in December lines around the corner it was like a ticket master yes and the idea that someone being like

weren't you here the other day I was like yeah I was here the other day he's like alright why don't you go to the get the old CVS little take home oh the at home well I yeah COVID oh boy we got alive what I don't know I didn't go cuz a first of all we live in New York City which is a fucking toilet you go to like right aid oh yeah it looks like Woodstock 99 at the end of day three it's yeah I saw Fred Durst out there he fist-bumped me you know it's crazy six Avenue is bananas I was in Martha's Vineyard two weeks ago and I will talk about that but I I was walking with my lady and she's like isn't it crazy looking at these

little streets how cute with the white picket fences and the white houses how pretty and the bushes and the trees and she's like now think about six Avenue and I was like oh my god you're right the guys with just piles and piles of boxes and shanties and the guys dancing there's a lady like wiping her ass out there and I walked past this group last night I did the cellar and I walked past and there's guys full-on steel drum you know full-on like Jamaican funk band and I'm like what the fuck is going on with the street and they go mark Norman hey oh I was like rock on brothers or whatever and I got out of there but it's wild down

there look to the cookie lane black and white no we we got to get out this is horrible it's like I had my it's so funny because I had my niece and my sister came down they're looking at schools my niece is going to college well on on Long Island Delphi which is a garden city I don't know Delphi a Delphi a Delphi band or the singer I don't know whatever whatever it was nice and fun but so they come down and you know she's like a senior in high school so she's like New York like we were yes yes and I feel bad because I'm like the city's a toilet I gotta get out I want to kill myself let's just jog from here to there

and they're like you sound like a real New Yorker though this is what people were saying when I moved here it's just horrendous it's the worst place on earth but you're like how are we living like this well maybe here's a theory let me float this right in the air sphincter maybe when we moved here when I moved I was 22 I was wide-eyed button-tailed and circumcised and you know it was like I got mugged in New York whoa I mean I'm in the Warriors or whatever you know I'm watching Seinfeld I'm watching Woody Allen and maybe it was horrible then we just were too green well it's different strokes for different folks you get

older because I said this on Rogan but I assume people fast forwarded through it like when I was a kid I was like in high school in Whitman and a small town and I listened to Springsteen I'd be like I gotta get out I'm born to run baby we gotta leave these badlands will start treating us good we gotta get out and now I'm listening to the same music with the same inspiration but it's to get out of the city and back to the suburbs because I'm that age at 17 I'm like this town stinks man and if you watch his show the one-man show he says that he's like I'm Mr. Born to Runby's like I live 10 minutes from my house for his child at

home oh we're what a fraud eventually I mean I'm not going back to Whitman but no do a little better than that but sure unless you need to use car but he listens you know people don't give you enough credit you really listen I'm a listener you really list you late you lie you're just a genuinely bad person but you listen you can really listen I'm a listener you're a good listen I say this to everybody they're like Mark he's crazy what's up with this guy go he'll really let you bend the ear you got a problem I'd rather listen than talk yeah you're a good listener yeah you go really appreciate it like Joe listener

good friend first four letters a listener list say it all the time nobody ever likes it Schindler but anyways I'm listening to Born to Run now and I'm like I got a born to run away from these fucking kooks and get a home with a yard it's funny when you move here you're like Brooklyn no sleep till then you're like Rocky Mountain hi the mountains and smoke a piece pipe and get some some blue sky and open air but Bob Kelly's got a tiny home up in the uh I don't know if you want to throw something in there that stuck in it see wall-to-wall tiny home he's up in New Hampshire I taught we face time all the

time we're very close Bob and I yeah every time I see everybody I just want to I'm like I want to kill myself because he's got a bat and it's like you just hear like it's like it's like he's playing my Rogan the background but crickets it's just man I'm like it raises the question you know like I'll sell t-shirts after a show and some guys like you got a 2x I'm like I'm out all I got is XL he's like I'll lose weight I'll grow into it maybe a tiny home is like a gold weight you know but a put a house you know you got to lose the weight just to not hit the counter with your tits like the goldfish in the tank gold

fish of the tank they only grow as big as the tank goldfish Bobcat go with yes Bobcat go away there it is hey folks Tuesday's tour is brought to you by blue chew you know I love the blue chew I was in the pool I was in the pool never worry about shrinkage again with blue chew blue chew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis but in chewable tablets and at a fraction of the cost you can take them anytime be ready whenever an opportunity arises the process is simple sign up a blue chew calm consult with one of their licensed medical providers and once approved you receive

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discounts will automatically be applied to your cart when you click the link or use code Tuesdays when you visit display dot com that's display dot com code Tuesdays or click the link in our show notes display you a big fit what movie is this you a big fish in a small pond this here's the ocean and you're drowning yeah the first two words are the movie yeah I was gonna show it big fish underrated film close yeah big fish is great Danny DeVito rules anybody doesn't like DeVito is there a person who's like I don't care for DeVito never heard of you know why he's a he's ugly too which makes it more endearing and he's about four foot

nothing and he's from Neptune New Jersey yes I thought it was from Asbury Park or he was lived he did some time in Asbury you gotta do time in Asbury I think it's all that whole area is just a township it's all one thing it's all pipes well Jersey is all county I'm in Bergen I'm in Brick I'm in Jersey City it's all stupid Red Hook I'm coming Red Bank big big diff but yeah DeVito if you meet a guy who's like ah Danny Vito sucks you gotta be like what's going on with you no always sunny Batman twins taxi mm-hmm quite a quite a resume big fish twins you I said twins I did say it's always on my mind and I

wanted to say it and then I realized subconsciously you'd already said it with twins I didn't listen yeah it slipped in I still wanted to say it you know when you're like I'm gonna say this and then somebody else says it in the time but you're like I'm still saying it I really want to say that's you're like that's all I had yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well we're talking about before DeVito just sliced his tiny ass in here Bobby Kelly Bobby Kelly yeah I've heard he's actually lost a lot of weight and his wife is cooking for him no fast food and he's happier oh he's walking a ton the weight is falling off good for him

he's spiritually fit we have we have a really good talks great guy great guy old Bobo one of the greats but so where you been you've been sick you've been on a planet you've been getting tested I've been I was home I wanted the COVID I just wanted to you know feel that thing of like it's so funny cuz I keep saying like you want to have it so you're like I don't worry about it for a while but then I'm not worrying about it anyways so it's like what would change I know and it I'll tell you it's autumn in New York it's about to hit September and it's cooling off and you want to just ride into that that fall clean right I think

by the way Co you don't have to say anything anymore I texted Liz I was on Friday Liz the seller I had three spots which was like a dream night it was like you know when you take the moments to really be grateful I put into the seller I always say I'm available for 10 because I don't want to be out with the coupe sure and I'm old I'm sober and I'm married and I'm gay so I texted her I'm available for 10 she gives me three spots back to back to back village underground fat black pussycat seller Friday night wow like 730 758 10 what that's primo and so you know I like during the day when you have something

at night you're always like this I don't feel like you just have that thing in you like I don't want to do it yeah burden I said none of that today this is my dream yes three seller spots on a Friday done by night cuz for years we did 215 tell me about it tell me about me you got the Colin Quinn treatment yes so I was pumped and I felt great but I had this lingering cold and my throat I sound a little bit like that like a little Tom Waits thing going on and so I texted Liz and I'm like listen I don't know what the thing is I'm well enough to do shows but like I got tested I haven't got the results can I come do

the shows and she's like what are you pussy what are you talking about give a cold you little bitch and I was like all right well I'm just trying to be I don't want to kill sd she's 150 right right but but also you don't want to jeopardize this this real estate you got here with the lineup yes exactly and some people are still queefs about this shit that's true you don't want to be the guy that's whatever so they said I don't give a shit anyways no no story but I went and did that I mean VU rocked fat black was okay seller ripped and then I was home at like 915 it was the best night of my life but you know it's great about those

VU those weekend because people are out they're like we're going out we got earrings on we got heels on and if you really feel like you're part of the entertainment of the of the city you know it's this Broadway there's comedy shows there's the blue note this jazz you're the fucking Broadway yeah it's pretty exciting and the seller you know Sunday through Thursday you try new you gotta work on your stuff guys I guess at our level anyways some people are in there doing their headlining shit cuz they gotta stay in when I don't I get it I gotta say but now Friday you're like none of that I'm gonna give them the

goods here Friday night three spots and it was really fun oh that's exciting good for you good for Liz we're hooking up an old old vet here an old sailor oh yeah so let me tell you a little bit about this Rogan experience no we haven't covered this yeah it's been weeks I mean it was a month ago and so we did the bachelor party we did the live episode from the bachelor party or whatever it's gonna hit a hundred K by the way I mean is our highest viewed YouTube ever yeah thanks folks and if you haven't watched it you really got to watch that one yeah oh yeah that the fucking ocean in the background Burt's fat entrance he looks

like a comatose you know overeater and Chris Al Jodorosa Ari's in the speedo I mean it's all gold it was amazing by the way Ari gold couple things about Ari first of all he was on fire for the whole killing it whole bachelor party I mean he was hot hot and he came in very subtly you know like a lot of guys like well let me throw this one he would just slide in with his huge dick and go ping and then leave and he nailed it and here's what's great about our he's a great yesander yeah improv when you're being funny as you are obviously as evident of the show for many years but comedy you know you do a thing and the

person goes yes and that you know improv lesson sure he had had a line I've been crying for days at one point Chris Allen was on the phone with his wife and I went guys Chris is talking to his wife fucking nerd yeah and then Ari just immediately goes oh dork fuck you and I can't stop laughing I mean it's so funny first of all dork is like 20 times funnier than nerd dork is the best one I mean we was up there but dork is phenomenal I mean I'm gonna toot my own jizz I mean it's just funny in general to have someone talk to a loved one you call him a nerd Ari just immediately on top of that he doesn't go

like that's funny yeah or whatever he's like I see what we're doing yes he goes with dork and then goes fuck you which is so Ari to double down like that you could have gone dork and walked he had to keep going dork fuck you hilarious and by the way it's like 4 p.m. it's not like he's talking about this drip club right totally acceptable thing and he's not loud or anything he's just like hey babe we're having fun and Ari says dork fuck you classic and the beauty of Ari is if he was on the phone cut to 48 years when he's on his deathbed and he's on the phone with his wife and you go hey dork fuck you he's gonna go I know

right yeah and probably hang up yeah but anyways he had that one he had a bunch he was on fire also I don't know how he had the patience to hold on to this he had a big like fisherman hat on for like seven hours and it wasn't till the end of the third show yeah hurt brought everyone up that he took it off and revealed he had shaved a horseshoe with the stash it was wild he was holding on to that hilarious secret for like nine hours I know and he packed a speedo that was rainbow colored and he shaved his hair to be funny and had a mustache for the trip like that's how committed he is what a fun guy great guy

and that was fun and I just want to say the day we recorded Tuesday the final day of the bachelor party that might be I got to say top five because I have a wife top five best days of my whole life my wedding whatever man come on that was fuck you dork we hung out we were in the ocean for like hours we sat and what's his toes set up umbrellas on the beach yeah the beach no strip clubs no bars we never left the house yeah sat there with it not that I hate a strip club I love a strip club but sure sat there in the shade swam Ari was on fire we had a big family dinner like 11 p.m. the big dinner you had some kind of

allergic reaction to something which was classic I was trying to help like a like a five-year-old special needs kids so I started chopping onions for the salad and I think I did one of these because my eye would not open I looked like I got jizzed on by Peter North I could not open that retina it was like this I looked like you know what's his face who has one eye Sammy Davis works pirates general irrelevant one-eyed guy these one-eyed guys are getting screwed Crenshaw oh that's good I look like Crenshaw his office right down the street my wife's mother's house anyways but now you are all puffed up which was

just hilarious because you're at the head of the table with sunglasses and you're all like your cheeks oh yeah that was amazing I was dying Ari was on fire DeRosa is just being DeRosa I just had the real giggles DeRosa shirt was open and you know chest hair it's horrific he's spilling out onto the he's on the the linoleum he's on the table his gut is on the table and you had a lie and he goes he said something like I just I'm not meeting I don't have any confidence anymore I can't approach women and I don't he said so you go have you seen your body and we all lost it no he said I'm very confident I'm very good with

women and you go have they seen your body something but he you know he dropped an onion ring on his tits the whole thing was wacky just a great and a great vibe in the air and I had a good buzz the whole day just riding that buzz and kudos to you for being sober and just you never seemed like the narc oh thanks well and I mean I was having a great I mean first of all I smoke about six cigars a day at that fucking thing I'm probably that's probably why I'm dying that could be it we had a nice campfire too there was some great jokes at the campfire then we had all this mcdonald's that we were just throwing in the fire

which was great good time so we're trying to light farts on fire it was classic there wasn't a worry in the air no derosa trying to light a fire on fire but someone said his pants were like flammable because he had pajamas on yeah so he just got fully stark naked to light a fire which was hilarious and very hairy guy yeah decent dick but then even in the hang I got the big campfire but the next day I'm doing rogan but I'm in Tampa at the moment we were in reddington beach or whatever yeah which is out there an hour from the Tampa airport I gotta fly from Tampa at 5 30 a.m. leaving at 5 30 a.m. 7 30 a.m. flight to Atlanta Atlanta to Austin and

then from Austin I'm going straight to the rogan experience is that what it's called jre yeah so I gotta wrap up it's like 1245 I do the thing when I'm like all right I'm going to bed at one had it laughed had a great time 1 a.m. I'm going that's it gotta be responsible go into bed set the alarm for 5 30 a brutal what a kick in the dick four and a half hours sleep and then you got the stress of doing rogan it's a huge show I always bomb nobody cares two flights no sleep I got I'm sharing a room with Doug Key who I just want to fuck the whole time he's the best body ever amazing body and great guy good egg I gotta tell you though he's snored which made me feel maybe like a more he's human he's flawed yeah thank you it was really

like like he snored like a fat guy interesting well he's got a beak on him too that's portugese well he probably had 1100 drinks but also that anyways great much pussy clamped in his nose too great partner great body great guy the movie fourth of july is playing at rogue island check it out go see it it's like a 400 seat theater we're gonna take a bath on that probably but anyways I will say we'll see so I wake up at 5 30 a.m. I got canter chris allen and umar all in my car they all have early flights yes pack them into the car it's the sun is not even up yet I drive all of them you got to drop the car off take the little air tran say goodbye to everybody I mean like canner's still hammered umar's whatever that's Danny the whole thing

and so they all take off hop on the flight fly to Atlanta my head starts to hurt because it's like you know when your sleep is all fucked up oh yeah big stressful day get to Atlanta flight is delayed about 20 minutes and I already have I haven't eaten I'm starving and the Atlanta is just a madhouse busiest airport so I haven't really I've eaten like almonds and the flight was so really I haven't had my tea yet so I got the caffeine I got the caffeine headache the withdrawals caffeine withdrawals haven't eaten any food get on the Atlanta flight land in Austin now my head is like pounding oh boy where you all you got to do the biggest show in America biggest show with with louis it's like extra big yeah a lot of a lot of plates spinning so I want a barf then I

go I get to the Austin airport I go to Starbucks I go I got a toe here buddy step on it I get the green tea yeah you're Batman but you can't pound a green tea because it's boiling hot hot then they got a juice land in there you know I love I love a juice land so I go give me a ginger shot and a spinach smoothie like an alcoholic I suck those down then I got my tea I'm like double fisting trying to get the caffeine the nutrients the vitamins yes yes then I run over to a pizza slice place this is all in about 10 minutes wow you're gonna shit blood I go give me a slice of cheese I got a headache I gotta do Rogan they like I never heard of you have you done it before I'm like 11 times nobody cares don't ask one got deleted so I'm literally eating a pizza drinking

a hot tea a smoothie and a ginger shot and some of my father's come that I travel with you gotta do it it's good for the teeth I shove it all in there and louis like I'll meet you there I'm like great so I get a cat I get an uber uh-huh take the uber to Rogan now it's in an undisclosed location oh yeah it's like the back cave it's out there it's very strange and then we always talk about this when you go to the middle of the country you just have like white guy uber drivers yes right and they want to talk yeah oh do they want to chat hey what do you do where you from how about this Ted Cruz huh so I get in the car my head's bounding I'm starving the caffeine the whatever but stress in a weird way you're like I'll talk to this guy because it'll loop me up a little for

a podcast do you have that thought I sometimes I'll think hey I'm doing Tuesdays and then I'm doing taste buds I'm glad I'm doing Tuesdays first because I'll get loose well I didn't have it just because I was like I felt hungover it's the most hungover I also had a cigar at one in the morning and then you toss and turn the sleeve yes never gets it so I'm all fucked up and the guy's like what are you doing now we're doing in Tampa well it's a batch of the party huh never heard of a batch of the party in Tampa well there's a lot of strip clubs well what are you doing in Austin well I'm can't say stopping in he's like I'm only here for a day where do you go tomorrow well Cincinnati you're going to Cincinnati tomorrow you're in Tampa last finally after like he just

kept asking questions I was like I'm a comedian ah you broke because you're always scared that he knows who you are but he doesn't want to say it so then you're just an asshole so he's like oh you're a comic and he's like what are you doing in here and it's like this weird office building oh god so I'm like well my friend lives in an office I don't I don't know just let it out of here I get out of here I get I get to live to the cubicle it's Bobby Kelly so then I get to Rogan and I'm like I got my suitcase I'm in liquid death sweatpants oh yeah I remember those I those might come I got the uh I got my suitcase my backpack I got bed head and I'm just like hey yeah yeah I'm superman where the pant legs anyways Louie gets there and I think he was annoyed

because I was like like sitting like this yeah what are you doing this is the biggest show get your act together we're trying to plug the movie Jesus crowd I want two hours of sleep come on I just drink come I'm like I'm doing my best and I have a flight the next day to Cincinnati so we do Rogan it's three hours oh that's how they get you three hour show I mean my head is splitting at one point I was like I gotta take a piss I just went I was like splashing water in my face oh I remember that now now any nuggets before because you know you never walk right into the the microphone you got to do a little pool game or a headlock or a butt tickle an ass grab something well Louie had never been there before so Joe gave him the tour there we go and I think Joe's

excited to have Louie Louie's excited to do Joe and I'm just it's my third time it's never moved the needle like my head hurts so I'm just kind of like walking around I'm talking to the lady that gives you the drugs I love that lady she's hot she's very hot and has drugs which is kind of fun and she's in scrubs which is sexy yeah scrubs and the rubber gloves oh it's pretty good that's a good nursery rhyme so we get the tour we do the three hour show three hour show but the show is so long so I do this baseball show Wednesday nights pbl roundup check it out tonight Nate Barghansi's on oh yeah that's a get big get he likes baseball oh yeah a little bit of baseball but we got some good stories he's got that right he's got the old bit check it out I'll put it on my youtube

but anyway so I do the baseball show so this show is going for so long it's three hours all of a sudden it's like 5 30 the show comes on six central time oh your show my baseball show so as soon as rogan ends I gotta be like all right good night I gotta go to my hotel check into the hotel and go right on the air oh nightmare never ends we have bonfire cigar till 1am so then you fall asleep at 1 30am alarm goes off at 5 30 but you're waking up every half hour so you get up you drive to the airport drop off the car get on the plane fly layover fly again then go straight to rogan three hour show and then go straight to baseball for two hours and you want all you want is a little sympathy you just want the baseball guy the other host to go like Joe's on two hours

sleep just did a huge podcast let's go easy on him but no you got to bring it you gotta do your job so I'm starving you want a buffalo wing I'm just like shoving them up my ass in the middle of the show then it adds I'm supposed to feature for Louie and at uh creek creek and Rebecca's like are you on your way and I'm like I gotta tell you I can't make it I can't do it tapping out I had a neat and I have I'm like I'm I wanted to barf and it was like you know what I mean like car train plane plane car rogan baseball I'm like I just I don't have it in me I'm sorry you gotta get somebody and I think Louie was annoyed by that too you're human I mean this is what you start to understand drugs like boy a bump a cocaine an Adderall would really get me into the sunset

it was the best cancellation ever and I feel bad because some Tuesdays are like you said you're at the creek where are you what is this people like I'm coming there's some comics that like I'm coming to say hello I don't know if it was the best cancellation his was pretty good this was pretty epic so anyways then that baseball show ended and then right then you get the food delivered you shove some Tylenol in your asshole and then you're just like I'm done and I just laid in bed didn't turn the TV on didn't look at my phone I was just like staring like coma toast so it was like the best day of my life followed by the most stressful insane day of my life now did you did Joe put you up no is he supposed to oh well sometimes I put you up and

if he does you get a free uh shit I should have brought it up but you get a free credit so you could have gotten free room service well I spent about 400 bucks I wanted to be close to Louie and I want to look good for the party I got nothing no car service no hotel and by the way the next one I had to get up and go to Cincinnati but I'll tell that another time I've talked too much my throat hurts holy hell what a what a saga but at least I did fine on the podcast so who open for the Lou I said I think a gay Asian woman I don't know her name because he had told me about her and said she was hilarious oh really wherever you were lady I don't I don't know who you are but I Louie said you're hilarious and he told me all about you okay and this and that we got to get

her a nice little plug uh how we doing on time because I got some some jizz we gotta have 25 minutes left yeah you have about 22 left all right there you go take over because my throat hurts and all right I got a lot to talk about as well so I think that that that bachelor party was the some of the funnest times I've ever had but it took about eight years off my life and we do pods around the clock we do Tuesdays other pods so I feel like we're always fresh we're always zinging and zanging this bachelor party was just a boozy druggy beach sun you know jumping in the pool grabbing a football so I was out of the funny game like when did you feel when you went back to Rogan you're like oh I gotta flip that comedy switch on that's been off right not that we weren't

not that we were boring at the bachelor party but like when you're on a mic it's different yeah it's different different game but I was on such a different kind of when you do it you're doing it with comics being funny I know I know I'm lucky I mean not that Louis not a hilarious comic but it's very those guys like to talk serious oh big time but you you did great I listen to it I felt like you held the the comedy part of it you got a lot of that Rogan I think you got like nine out of ten you were batting well all right I'll take it that ain't easy on that show because he is a curtain with a ball going to it but all right so I was wonky that's a lot of high noons I drank a lot of tequila a lot of sun and I go straight to Providence eight shows sold out you know the comedy

connection one of the fun rooms New England good times Rhode Island is that New England oh yeah yeah yeah so we got Doug Key opening we got uh Eric Scott hosting and uh I was off I don't know if you could tell Chuck but I was a little loopy uh you weren't that loopy you were all good well it was all in my head so you know it's one of those things where they're like you're coming to Providence you're texting with the owner of the club he's like there's a guy who owns a sandwich shop they're so excited you're coming they named a sandwich after you and you're like I can't I can't handle this right now I can't I can't do a sandwich shop meeting right like you got to go by say hi to the guy take some photos you got to eat the sandwich and I'm like this is like the highlight of my

life I never thought I have a sandwich named after me and all I want to do is not do it not not participate but you got to do it ah sandwich the sandwich that's tough so you know my friends like I'll pick you up at noon we'll go down there and I'm like ah but I went down there the sandwich shop was great I should have known the name of it it's called like you know Providence sandwiches it's like ocean state sandwiches I think that's it I think it's ocean state sandwiches or ocean city that was like the only thing I missed that weekend was it was good it was great it was a roast beef po boy po boy was great it had an olive mix on it which is not the normal way but it all worked olive mix olive mix is a thing we put on mufalada since like cut up olives that they put on like a

tapenade who I don't know any of these terms oh all right tapenade sorry back all right back up okay I don't work for down syndrome I'm more of a bottom a nod but uh so we eat the sandwich the guy super nice and he's like I'm coming to the show tomorrow like oh great we take some photos and I got a sandwich up on the board I felt like Larry David it was great that's very exciting who are some of the other names uh one was Cosby and one was uh Mencia but either way the guys got good taste and uh I think it's just you and Bert right oh Bert Kreischer Bert Kreischer yeah basically anyone who will go meet him he'll give a sandwich yeah well there'll be no sandwich named after me you never know you might get a cheese and bread or whatever you like

peanut butter and jelly extra peanut butter hey that sounds pretty good great jelly no crust so got a sandwich named after me very fun now the lady's texted me and she's like hey hey I'm just letting you know no pressure I'm in Martha's vineyard there's a couch for you if you want to come by or we got a hotel but she's like we got out we got space I'm out here with my sister they have a huge house a pool a hot tub a bar whatever and you go well all right we did a bachelor party up so we got one in the can I could go to Martha's vineyard so you clear your schedule and you go fuck it and there's a ferry from Rhode Island yes to the vineyard it's like an hour and a half ferry I took it at 8 30 the morning it was amazing yes I love that ferry I've taken that ferry really hell of a

time yeah yeah it's fun to ride a ferry and you know the wind's in your face and it wakes you up and you got that ocean air and you just land on Martha's video you're like wow that was weirdly too easy yeah I'm just on the vineyard with Obama and Larry David by the way remember that time we tried to drive from the firehouse to my parents house yes told us to take the ferry but it was like one o'clock in the morning oh yeah google maps and it was like yeah and then you get on the ferry right here and I'm like very it was like 1 30 a.m we had to double track back that took us like eight hours that was bad were you drinking I don't think so all right now because we were doing the podcast oh that's right okay so ferry to the vineyard now this is what I didn't know I get to the vineyard

I'm at this house with all these relatives of hers and they have seven children seven kids I'm talking toddler baby breastfeed the whole thing what are they the Kennedys it was insane it was like a group of people that get together they all kind of work together and they have all they're all friends they all have kids at the same time they all got married at the same time apparently it's a very common thing with with normals yeah my my best friend's sister who happens to be my ex-girlfriend also yeah her and like her three friends from high school all have kids they still get together it's been like 25 years and the kids are all like growing up together every time I see it I'm like I get touched I get misty it's a beautiful thing it's just not for us you know

these are it's like the Seinfeld thing of like how do people live like that you know and they're changing diapers I made it the whole week without seeing any child genitalia which is not easy for me that's a new record yeah I can't say the same yeah but I hate the kid changing but what are you gonna do so they're all very nice people they have children it looks like hell and they're changing diapers they're breastfeeding they're they're doing things where they like hold them while they swim you know you know they jump in they go it's fun it's a beautiful thing and I wish they were my parents but do you think these kids will have any recollection of like hey when you were three you were on like one of the most coveted islands is having a blast and not even realize they're on the

beach they're in the pool they're getting ice cream it's insane but they don't have recollection but it's built into their system because those are the formative years so have a sense of spirit they'll have a sense that life is good I think I think you're right they'll have that going because I was just listening to a thing about that like if your parents if you grew up with with wealth you grew up thinking like I'm doing well and my life will be good money won't be a problem but if you grew up the opposite you're like oh my god I'm never gonna have enough money I'm a piece of shit I can't do it right so I think I think they'll have a sense of like I love the ocean the beach is good life is good and family is fun and all that stuff I think you're right I guess Nate

had that great joke where he takes his daughter who's like two to Disneyland and Gomez goes she's not even gonna remember it what's the point he goes yeah you're right I'll lock her in a closet for six years that's funny that's a great bit but uh yeah all right so the Mars is just so pretty and so goddamn cute the carousel the white houses the picket fence the gingerbread houses it's just so majestic there's no homeless there's no litter there's no graffiti it's just a well oiled machine we went fishing we did the beach we did it all and uh it's just so fun I hate to say but not having kids and watching these poor people you know blood sweat and tears are cutting up little pieces of strawberry to feed the kid it's it's a full-time anal yeah it's pretty good it's a pretty

good life and you can do it you could buy a house there if you want it no I think it's millions and millions wow you can get one for a decent price did you see Larry did you look for Larry I looked I kept my head on a swivel no dice but we went to a restaurant like this is Obama's table like that was fun so then the last day but you got mind you this is three days after the bachelor party which was like five full days of boozing hard now going on a ferry going to this island and just all you do is drink that's the whole thing on Martha's video you drink all day in the sun you know you're sipping high noon sipping gin and tonics then the night comes around you all have dinner and you kick it up a notch shots cigars weed and I'm just destroying my body you know this is two weeks of

just straight alcohol poisoning but you know fuck it and then the last day I go wow shit I'm flying out of here to go to Florida and to do West Palm Beach improv let's do shrooms so me and the lady do shrooms we had the best time we did we got all dressed up and we went to this hotel and had drinks on the porch and walked to the lighthouses and made out and just a great time he talked about pretty already on the shrooms it was picturesque fatty god those islands are so gorgeous new England fucking rules the ocean heels have you been to Nantucket I never have you got to get over to Nantucket better I like it better it's a little more it's a little more exclusive oh boy but uh it's smaller it's all preserved it's all preservation there's less houses I prefer jelly and

everywhere you go there's these bike trails everywhere you can bike out to the beach and it's just rolling preservation it's like it's like being like Africa it's like unbelievable real then you have I don't know if it's like Africa well you know what I mean different uh different shades but I mean it looks like that what's the big not the Sahara it's Kenya it's called with the tree serengeti oh get it looks like the serengeti out there but then you also have the town which has the cobblestones and the beautiful houses and things got it got it but it's like the kind of they say like there's not like celebrities in Nantucket it's like the real wealth uh-huh they look at like you know uh John Cusack or whoever lives on the vineyard being like look at this

fucking loser yeah yeah yeah yeah it's like uh the chris rock joke it this is the guy who invented the number seven or whatever or the letter q or whatever his joke is but uh so now before we go I gotta give you the craziest flight we've all been through the ringer every flight cancel flight delay 9 11 whatever you want to call it this is the ultimate mind fuck anal rape whatever you want to reach around about I've ever gotten I just gotta say this is worse than 9 11 according to mark yes here we go yes on the record you got that right the pentagon uh crash and nothing on this pentagon was bullshit yeah real what like 11 people die I know get out of here it's a pentagon that's your fault for making it that shape so we're just kidding joking comedians comedy podcast so uh

inside job but okay so I have to get to Florida it's Thursday I have a show in West Palm at 7 p.m. on Thursday I'm in Martha's video I wake up at 7 a.m. hung over out of my mind after shrooming the whole thing foggy queefy gay and I go all right let me get an uber my flight is at 9 38 9 38 out of the vineyard to where flying to Logan okay connecting straight to West Palm beach okay so quick first flight that's like a 10 minute flight 10 minute flight easy peasy just gotta get to Logan and I'm home free because sometimes that vineyard can be a little quickie oh wow it's in the middle of the ocean small island yeah and so all right I get to the vineyard on time I mean the airport on time and I go up to the desk and I go hey just checking in there's no one in there that's one

guy with a Hawaiian shirt on and a straw hat going hey baby where you going there ahoy and I'm like hey hey going to Logan today at 9 38 he goes you know there's a 9 30 you know if you want to save eight minutes you can get on the 9 30 they they have one slot open I go ah sure I'll take I'll save eight minutes what the hell why not so he goes all right peep peep peep peep peep very nice guy name was Colin and he goes all right you're on the 9 30 I go great eight minutes less weight and then they do that bullshit where you gotta go through security and it's like a mouse maze but you're the only guy you know doing this shit okay we get there and they act like it's real you know he's like all right let me see your ID like come on we know we're all doing fine here I'm not a terrorist

do the security and then you just wait in a parking lot you ever been to the airport there yes no maybe not I think I've only taken the ferry I don't think I happened to the Martha's Vineyard Airport take the ferry it's better I've only ferried the whole the whole airport's about the size of a like a K like a 7-eleven right and you get outside you get through security and you just wait outside under a tent and there's a chain link fence and across the fence is just planes yes Nantucket's exactly like that it's so silly but you're like all right whatever it's bare bones I get it so I'm out there waiting with a couple of you know debutants and rich people and carons and old old ladies and whatever so all right shit it's a 930 flight it's 850 I don't know it's 910

it seems like we were bored but it's a small plane it'll take 10 minutes all right now it's 921 no word no nothing so all the uh old people are getting a little uh murmury well what's going on and then guy opens the gate with the vest and he goes the 930 plane has a problem oh something with maintenance but we'll take the 938 plane people and I go shit I was originally on that and brutal me so I go up and I go hey hey fatty uh I was originally on the 938 he goes let me see your ticket he goes says 930 I go but I was on the 938 they moved me I told him not to you know I'm lying out of my teeth and the guy's like sorry you know no dice so someone got the 38 ticket yeah they got my ticket 38 special yeah so he moved me so I go fuck my ass and he goes don't

worry the other one will be here in like 10 minutes and I'm like hey well I got a Logan connection he's like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Logan and I go all right and so there I'm just watching them board up on this cute little plane and he goes let me take your luggage just just to you know get you situate I go great he takes my luggage I watch him walk my luggage over and open like a hatch you know these planes are so small opens a hatch right by the uh the propeller just throws my away bag right in there closes it up and then he comes back and he goes okay you know 20 minutes goes by we're loading up the 930 plane I go great and then this lady taps me on the shoulder as I'm walking through the gate she goes are you mr. Norman I go yeah and I'm like I should probably

get upgrade me something something's going down she goes you cannot get on that plane and I go uh oh what did she listen on the podcast like oh what's going on here so she goes you can't get on that plane we oversold it and I go wait and I got angry I'm like are you fucking with me like I was supposed to be on the 938 I was moved to the 930 now the 930 is here late and you're kicking me off she goes we overbooked it you can't get on that plane she's like you're the only single everyone else's couples so we we got to pull you out I'm like I'm getting on that plane she's like there's not a seat that's prejudice and it's backwards the couple should just get off because they have someone to wait with interesting I'm alone I didn't think about you gotta get me out of

here so I can get to my loved ones they're with their loved ones oh the single should get to go the single should win to the victor goes to the spoils yes so yeah the the the couple can go hit the beach yes exactly they can fuck she's like no no we'll get you on a plane the next flight out is tomorrow I'm like tomorrow what does that mean I got a gig tonight she's like I understand she's doing all that shit so I'm watching everybody load up all these old kooks and I'm like what the fuck on the plane it's right there it's 20 feet away I can see it I can smell it I can taste it and your bag is taped to the propeller well that's the other thing so I go once you accept that I'm not getting on this plane she just would not have it and I go well my bag is on

that plane she goes we'll we'll we'll figure that out I'm like what does that mean I was like go get my bag and she had a moment of like oh yeah I guess I do have to go get that she didn't want to get it but she's like all right I'll go get the bag but I had to push just to get her the bag so she goes and gets my bag out pulls out herself and she comes back she goes we'll fix it and I go I have a gig tonight so I go back in and I go right up to Colin I go Colin you fucked me and he goes I know I know I'm sorry and he goes I'll give you a delta credit for a round-and-round trip anywhere you want delta credit I go all right well that's something he's ticking and tacking and he goes I can get you in by 10 p.m. I go I have a gig at 7 and he goes ah so now he's ticking he's

tacking we find something gets me into LaGuardia and then West Palm at 6 30 oh my word gigs at 7 so I go guy you fucked me vineyard you fucked me Martha and he goes I know delta credit I'm like all right all right all right and I'm really you can really be country once you have them yes they're dead to rights or I'm dead to rights who's dead to rights I think you have him dead to right yeah what is dead to rights I don't know what that means dead you've heard it to rights dead to left you're dead alive to left dead to right to the right it must be rights like read them their rights yeah like know your rights the rights were right so you're dead I don't know give that a go you're catching someone in the act of doing something wrong right why would you

do that to rights you're red-handed but we didn't know what that means right it's oh it's having overwhelming evidence of someone's guilt so it must be yeah we know that I know but I'm saying all right look at the etymology all right all right I'm ready to stay on what it means yes yes people say that to me all the time I have this all the time not just you we are like this what's uh you know fucking the hangman well that's the guy that hung the person I know but that's a bad example but you know what I mean sure I think that's slavery I don't know what that is well everybody got hung back in the day by the way I was very inclusive Steve Rogers is hung that's true chavone apparently there's suspect chavone too I'm telling you there's something going on down there

all right so now I'm off the plane I get a new flight something going on and uh I'm off the plane I'm in the airport he goes here's your ticket it gets me into 6 30 the whole thing's fucked I'm fuming I'm poking I'm prodding at Colin he's like I know I know he goes here's your ticket we're so sorry blah blah blah and I go all right whatever so now it's my flight's at like one and it's 10 20 10 30 I could have slept the whole time I could have gone to lunch I could have dipped in the ocean one whatever but you know you you suck it up so then I get on the plane connecting LaGuardia now I'm in New York which is weird and then you get on a plane to West Palm Beach it all worked out but I got on the plane to West Palm Beach so I thought what's up with that Delta credit does that

just show up on my app so I look at my app no credit so I tell my manager I go hey go call this airport and yell at this guy to tell me to give him the credit he said give me a credit to go okay so they call the the Martin's video airport Colin answers you know it's one phone there and he goes hey how you doing he goes hey I'm Mark's manager the guy you fucked over he's like yeah yeah yeah I know him and he goes uh well what's up with that Delta credit he goes I can't I don't have the authority to do that and that was it so he lied to me about the credit so I made it to West Palm Beach I'm I have sand on me literally I've sand on me from the ocean and the beach and I just you know I got wacky hair I'm like you with Rogan I got one eye open my

asshole's bleeding and I go right on stage in a bikini top and I do do an hour and then do a meet and greet and sell t-shirts it's the longest day of my life how was the show good good show great show it's a good club that West Palm Beach improv they get a little rowdy in there yeah because it's Florida but a lot of gays a lot of it's all pipes a lot of praise Allah's and that's lunch so great time I'll tell you more about I got a I got a West Palm Beach story next time but uh well we'll save wow what a tale yeah we got a lot next week we're doing back to back episodes here so we've got a big week next week we haven't recorded in three weeks we got a bunch stockpile oh I got I got a humdinger for next week so tune in folks tell a friend phone a friend

and uh be a friend yeah let's do some I gotta do some plugs here have you had that where they pull you off a plane before I don't know about the pole that's a new one no no pole hate a pole don't care for a pole um so uh September 21st I'm finally in LA that's the number one city everyone's like when are you coming back to LA I haven't been there since 2019 holy cunt I was about to go there in March I was doing the store and a couple other things that was my next trip the flight was leaving in a day yeah and there was the world shut down haven't been back Wednesday the 21st Hollywood improv 7 30 p.m oh man I'm melrose baby yes and next to the v cut so uh get those tickets early it's gonna sell out I think I mean a bunch of people have messaged

me saying hey we're coming so September 21st city of angels the improv there'll be some fun special guests I'm sure and not that special I don't want you to go crazy but I am doing a big podcast that day so maybe I'll get him to come oh I'm I'm curious and intrigued and gay try to get him to come but um what else am I doing oh the big one royal oak michigan I'm doing September 29th through October 1st um what's that called comedy castle mark really one of the best get some tickets there was a ton of Tuesdays last time oh yeah I got a new hour to do so come on out get those tickets early and then um what month is this November 4th and 5th Hartford funny bone I'll be there November 10th I'll be at Mark's wedding or the 11th what day is that 10 10th

and uh Syracuse funny bone that's in October oh I'm sorry 7th and 8th I know my arch nemesis I know Hart Hartford too that's a tough one as well oh back to back banger then December is big Madison I'm coming back to madison December 8th 9th and 10th my favorite club in the world it's been a while comedy on state that'll cleanse and uh Vermont comedy oh sorry that was a that was a dump and then uh Vermont I'm doing a big comedy festival there I think it's December 4th one night only and then Omaha funny bone is uh December 16th and 17th so big December and I go by the movie 4th of July 4th of July movie.com louisck.com go purchase the movie it's 15 bucks comes with extras it's a good movie and you got rogue fun yeah I'll play it rogue live yeah all

right this weekend or next weekend I don't know who knows give it a go it's all on my site Richmond funny bone never been there never been to Richmond uh so that'll be interesting and then the Brea improv I'll be also in LA what what day is you in LA I'm there late September I'm there September 21st oh man I'm there the 22nd that's crazy in Brea yeah maybe are you in the LA before that I'm in Bakersfield I'm doing Timbler Brewing Co on the 21st oh so maybe I'll drive up I fly back the 22nd ah shoot film festival oh that's you're in a film festival yeah sugar low film first year ever so come to that too I don't stand up and the movie's playing there wow film fest that's exciting can all right San Jose improv after that back in the uh the sunshine no the golden state what's

California that's the the golden state home of the warriors these aren't these aren't healthy yes no something's up warrior San Jose improv then I'm in the Danforth theater in Toronto I think we added a show and then we're at the Royal Oak music theater after that so I'll be right in Royal Oak huh when are you Royal Oak that's on the 8th of October oh okay week after we're right away man I'm nipping nipping the heels then the rocks in theater in Pittsburgh that should be interesting Orlando improv that'll be a kick in the dick then I'm in Minneapolis for uh at the Pantages Neptune Theater in Seattle funny bone Albany Portland Oregon some Revolution Hall uh Zanies in Nashville the Joy Theater the Wilba and uh the Buffalo Comedy Club and Philly at the Fillmore

so come on out say hello watch out to lunch my numbers are dwindling I'm on Netflix for the half hour so is he we're gay and uh praise Allah we love you