Tuesdays with Stories! - #470 No Clink, All Stink

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

The boys are back in the saddle! Mark has a gig with sweet, sweet Chris Al this week and is riding pretty! Joe gets hooked on Nathan for You and gets a killer Pearl Jam ticket hook-up from Dan Soder. However, what happens when he gets tapped to announce for the US Open and it conflicts with the big night? What does Jojo do!?? Find out on a brand new bouncing baby Tuesdays! Our Stuff: patreon.com/tuesdays                      youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories     Sponsors:   - Visit https://www.betterhelp.com/Tuesdays for 10% off your first month. - Support the show and get 20% off with the code TUESGAYS at https://www.SheathUnderwear.com - Support the show and get up to 29% off some sweet new metal art with the code TUESDAYS at https://displate.com/tuesdayswithstories?art=624740987334c

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy folks here we are we're back we got to make up for last week's episode holy hell whoo I was stinker I was in the shower going oh you blew it you suck you're gonna get replaced by Shelby no clink all stink you

got that right I say it hasn't come out yet that's what's crazy because we're recording ahead of time sitting here it hasn't come out I know we're just gonna get lambast it yes boiled boiled and soiled ah call the boil but yeah it's it's a ritzy doozy but you'll you'll hurt it by this point but by Doyle ah Doyle rules fun character great movie oh fantastic just fun there's a film they don't make the French connection anymore well it's a film I'll tell you who didn't like it old fat Ron on Hirschberg shit he like doesn't he's like I don't get it I don't get it I don't get it what movie big remember the toy yeah John heard is

that his name good I don't get it oh this guy's this guy's good Bob's office is big like my office he John Lovett's is a fun little cameo in that big as he's 14 or 13 12 and railing that lady I know it's hot stuff it's very exciting and Sarah my wife did a great sketch on a good spoof oh really well the woman's calling her friend the next day she's like I've been fucking a 12 year old it's terrible that's great I mean because it's really why that lady has to live with that I mean she has raped a human being essentially I mean he was into it I think but he was clueless but it's

pedophilia she's on a bunk bed David they touched her leg he's falling in love and probably sucked him off oh no doubt about it I probably had the the amusement part how good is that redheaded kid from overboard he's a prize that good he's he's aces give him a goog that I think we already did all right all right well hey a little shout out never hurt anybody I'm your best friend what's more important than that all that line it hits shimmy shimmy cocoa but shimmy shimmy right I think we're in a full rerun all right well every now that it's nice to hear an old song on the radio what a film hell of a tale I was called George

Washington OGW great film anyways French connection rules Ron has a special he's he doesn't know what he's talking about he hates John Hughes he hates John Candy he hates the French connection but he's very funny go watch his special and maybe watch it subscribe blow it up so I don't have to do that goddamn podcast anymore really make a huge so he quits and yeah I can stop talking to him also I was there I was at the show he ripped it so check it out it's lunch I bought him a I bought him a domain name jokes from the underground dot com you want a domain purchased Chuck's your man master of your domain you

want anything else done Chuck's not your man but he can really buy a domain you know but it is so waiting on stuff all right it's what it's good to see you look like a hundred bucks thank you I'll take a hundred in this inflation that's not great green and wrinkly as an old Milton Burrell I feel like a hundred bucks green and wrinkly steals that's a joke he stole whoever wrote that as a killer that's a funny joke he never was good he stuck he had a huge piece and a weird face but nothing comes to mind big cock and like taking jokes I guess so yeah it's weird though when you're just a thief you're kind of like so what's

your skill I don't understand you say it out loud I guess he's good at saying it he's one of the old I mean he was at vaudeville he was all the way back in there and no talent no stinks by the way the first sip of tea always a gamble always I just dump boiling water on my tongue folks you're okay but yeah I hate the hot sip I want to cool it cool creamer and the latte well I tweeted you know when like you have all these tweets from when you had 300 followers oh those were the days I tweeted in 1985 the I love tea except for the first and last sip are horrible because the first one boils your tongue the last I didn't

tweet this part the last one it's just like lukewarm it's shit and it was like water it was like a big tweet at the time and like three retweets and 14 favorites and I was like whoa I'm like I broke through baby yeah those were the days I mean it just shows that things have changed like I would go back I was like let me put in a slur for gay people in the search bar but it was like forget about it was just my dad calling me that and then secondly was me with jokes saying that you're like wow it was a different time different time different strokes for different folks and you know what it is the world got

too connected we were you know if I tweeted you saw it you know my my aunt and that was about it but now it's like oh now Barack Obama's going hey who's this big it well by the way speaking of Obama's I was in the room with Michelle I mean this wild Michelle Obama and I same venue what sure she's 350 miles away I'm in section 941 and she's in section first lady but still sure sure ex first lady Anna big Jair was there a big Jair was there oh yeah we saw I bumped into I got crazy stories I got stories I got stories take a look at my ass there's a lot of tails in there so many hey stop saying oh hey stop saying oh write it

down Chuck can you handle that Chuck I'm teasing I'm teasing you fucked me he can get you goods I'll tell you that yeah it looks a little little dry but did your girl make these I fell back I met your lady second batches unbelievable you got another batch now the one with the Royors for batch the first batch remember that dog shit there's a pile of bricks oh I lost three teeth fortunately yeah you should see her batch Benedict Cumberbatch batch is a good name for a seaman I throw a nice hot batch that is gold yeah I'm the first time I heard baby batter I said who signed this guy put

him on the team baby better you gotta get the baby batter out of the noggin goo giz I mean go go goblers classic never gets old goo giz seaman come what else is that load spunk splooge is nice was it splooge of soda for a while spur splurge splurge splurge splurge splurge is that right there's also surge surge that's a guy it's my super splurge is what you do when you know you buy some clothes I splurged and then the squirt oh yeah don't forget about squirt soda oh soda I made it for a term for giz I don't think so giz squirting is the lady stuff aim my giz point my goo that was a great Henry Phillips story there's

a place in north of LA called Point Magoo and then he was at I've got to fuck up the story but he was doing a gig and he said I always remember the name of this town cuz whenever I fucked my wife I always point Magoo and then that's great some other guy I guess I think I'm doing the story right there's another comic being like that's good can I use that and then he was like I guess I mean you can use it if you need to and then the guy was doing the show but it's Milton Burrell he screwed up the name and he goes folks it's good to be up here I always remember the name of this town cuz whenever I pull out I always aim

my jizz and the crowd was like what cuz point Magoo is the name of the town this guy just said aim my jizz and they were like I guess you aim your jizz I don't even know what that means that's classic it's so funny when you try to make a word cuz we're just looking for bits constantly like I was in Kansas City and you're like what's the fun about Kansas I need some Kansas City riffs and some guys like well the Mahomes is being here I'm home Mahomes which you know some quarterback or whatever the hell he is some mixed weirdo and I was like all right Mahomes what the hell gonna do with Mahomes and this Mexican guy was

like what's going on with the football and I said easy my Holmes and it killed but it's such a reach all right Magoo my Holmes it worked but my Holmes on fire I got you yeah I threw it out there well it just shows up do a short one this week folks I'll be at the funny bone coming up and take care see you next week you get a bump on a local thing I guess people like a local zing locals big let me see if I have any good locals cuz sometimes you have a local and you're proud of it you're like oh that was big well I was just in Richmond Virginia they call it short pump oh yeah short pump of course you say that's what I call my dick

and they're like they know they're they know they're shit oh goodness gracious what are you turning into out there I got the rainbow suspenders I got a crazy props I remember the first time I did Baltimore it was the first gig I did with the Apollo outside of the initial the first road and I remember being like well you guys are dumb you guys are Baltimore on thinking that was really something but I'm sure somebody had Baltimore on oh yeah and then I remember coming up with Missouri loves company and being like I think I've told this story I was like this is printed get some bumper stickers this is huge yeah

and then a quick Google and there's about 4,800 results and they're like that's our slogan your piece of shit right I thought I had something I told them to say I said Virginia's for lovers and they said but speaking of the Apollo Goo Gobbler there was an O&A episode where Patrice is going man you've gotten soft you lost your edge used to be so cool and tough and ballsy and the falls like I don't know what you're talking about whatever and then like an hour later Patrice brings up a guy who goes that guy's a fucking goo goblah and Patrice is like anything I ever said about you going so I take it back it's a

great clip it was great he has another great one that I love he says your big girl he's like that guy's a big girl and funny guy he was in New York this weekend I heard but I didn't hear from I thought I felt the darkness yeah well any jizz let's I mean where have you been I mean what do you want to do because I had just had the I'm coming off the craziest weekend of my entire life well let me drop a batch right in your belly button hair and I'll get out of your hair and then you go I don't you hate when the load gets all the way in there you're gonna really scoop it out it's bad it's like a hot tub of mannys that would be

fun a jizz hot tub where's that seen in honey I shrunk the kids have a couple kids just hanging out in the the naval there that's not bad the naval base naval oranges yeah so had one of those just back to front flawless weekends you know I don't want to say flawless but I mean first off you fly out on Thursday flights on time hour and a half flight take a little nap a runy you're good to go get to the gig sold out Chris Al Alex Castain Castain I love that guy good guys good eggs good weekend and shows were good no heckle new stuff working out hanging out in the green room watching good fellas bullshitting eating ice

cream having drinks next day went to a Jewish diner called pearlies pearly got I recommended to get the matzo ball soup the size of my dad's ass all huge then did the two shows that night great got drunk had a fun night went to a dispensary bought some weed Saturday great shows fly out on Sunday on 9 11 wow not a hitch piece never forget no hitch Christopher Hitch Hitchens hmm yeah so easy peas I got nothing Chris Chris we hung out his wife showed up at the end we bounce bits we had a good time we went got far far far Mattala huh yeah you know the soup I know but I hear this and I don't know what it is and I'm not

interested it's a Vietnamese soup is very brothy it's got steak in it they put the steak in raw it's so thin that it cooks in the broth oh very nice I go far over ramen interesting the show all right so are you done is that all you got because we got about 58 minutes to go here well tomorrow I'm going to Red Rocks oh that'll be something next week's episode yeah back by Thursday yeah okay yeah yeah wait are we shooting on Thursday yeah oh late yes great for 30 great I got I got a confession confession time you know me I'm a stubborn asshole people say you got to see it oh god you got to see it I go

shut up fuck you I'm not seeing it and every time someone says you got to see it I double down yeah how about this I'll never see it I see so I got the wife out of town and I got free reigns on entertainment so I'm watching sports all day I'm watching you know gay porn all day like I'm shooting gay porn with my parents yes yes and all the dreams I'm having a nice time but then sometimes you get stuck you want to mix it up yeah you gotta mix and so Chuck's blabbing on and on about this the rehearsal Nathan fielder people love the fielder so I go I'll check out the rehearsal because it pops up it's on my main page I watch it

very interesting show yes he's outside the box this guy he's a little kooky so I'm watching I go that's really interesting I don't really laugh I'm going huh it's interesting that's something that's clever boy they let him do that yeah so then I go okay well no one really talks about this show let's talk about this Nathan for you and I pitched a show for a you know how it is to try to come up develop a show tell me about I had two girls one cup way before them it was a two-year process my my my best bud out in LA Chris Walsh you know he's in the movie plays Uncle Maki fantastic by the movie for God's

Sakes 15 bucks he's fantastic so we he was like my partner in this thing and this guy if you ever get a show or something cooking you hire Chris Walsh okay Walsh this guy is all over every he does 100% of the work I felt like a fraud he just did everything yeah so smart so funny this guy should be a millionaire this business isn't fair but that's the whole other topic yeah so that when we were pitching the show they kept all these network the suits they kept being like Nathan for you Nathan for you it should be like Nathan for you have you ever watched it and I just resented these people I'm like fuck this

show I'm making my own show but give a fuck about Nathan for you isn't there a weird party that hopes you make a show and have a million people recommend it of course but now I'm just one guy he's huge a huge show but you when you're trying to pitch a show don't worry about what about this guy that's all they're talking about the whole time what are we doing we can't just make his show not Nathan Joe so I resented this guy I hated the show I hated him this weekend I go let's see what this Nathan for you horse shits all about blown it's amazing the best it's a great show this guy is a genius incredible

he's the best show I've ever seen in my whole life yeah and Seinfeld of course he flipped the whole comedy thing up on his head it's totally original totally different it's wacky I'm on the floor I'm crying I stay up till three in the morning I can't stop watching this guy I'm such a piece of shit yes I'm watching well when 30 we're back yeah had a couple testicle difficulties yes as cancer 45 minutes have passed so I lost my energy and my passion but boners gone that show is unbelievable great show the guy's like he's a genius and thank God for Comedy Central when they had some some Cajones and they would give a guy

like that a shot was that Comedy Central oh you better believe it fatty no kidding it's on HBO it's on HBO Max now yeah which is the way to watch a show because there's no commercials you cruise right through it it's right there you got that right I can't believe that was 10 years ago oh I'm fucked up with time I'm like I came out three four years ago now how does a guy like that get a show what did he do before he's a writer he's sent in videos and he was such a genius because going viral was the thing then and he was like I bet I can go viral and then I think that was the original video and he's pitched it to

Comedy Central and showed him the video and they were like hire this man well he made the pig and the goat yes yeah exactly dumb Starbucks was huge right right it was also like a phenomenon they also hired the workaholics off of YouTube they were like on a thing there Nathan Fielder also came up with Seth Rogan they were like together in high school doing drama and improv isn't he same age wow he's younger than me he's in one of the Seth Rogan movies no kidding he's a limo driver in the night before oh I don't even know that movie but I mean this show was blowing my tits off I'm sure you've all watched

already but maybe you haven't get on there HBO Max I can't wait to get home I'm like binging this thing I'm on the floor when he's doing he's doing the impractical Joker's thing but with a seven-year-old on a job interview I'm dying the caricature I mean why did you jump in for you if you thought race rehearsal was okay because everyone talks about Nathan for you the rehearsals the new one and the rehearsal is not funny everyone talks about how Nathan for you is funny so I was like well Nathan for you is gonna be better than this show yes I don't hate that show but it's like a drama yeah yeah it is but if

you watch the whole thing it's an experiment I haven't watched the whole thing it's pretty it gets pretty like I don't want to say dark but it gets pretty serious I fucked up on that show because I accidentally started watching in the third episode first yeah I was lost I was like what the hell are we doing with these people what's going on well the crazy thing the first episode is all an alligator lounge which is insane I know I know they recreate it I hear and I saw Trey Galleons in there I think he's like was just actually at the alligator lounge but the one in Brooklyn yeah yeah that's what the pizza we did

shows there for years years I spent I spent a lot of dates there you get the free pizza in the booze dinner in a drink it was weird seeing it on TV because you're like this looks the same and I haven't been there I mean I drank my face off in there tell me about it was a good show Robert Dean had a show that's right I was not she had a show there that was a that was a hot little room and then there was the crocodile lounge on 14th Street and that was a hop and joint boy sometimes I think maybe I should go back to these bar shows you know you think about all this time going by like 9-11 just passed want to give out a

shout out to our fallen terrorists and it's 21 years ago 21 it can legally drink and 11 and drive and vote and all that and and you know we did so much comedy and we just put our head down and got drunk and eat out girls and do sets and do the road and it just whizzes by and here we are it's strange well so I'm gonna get into my whole crazy weekend but I was at Pearl Jam last night and I'll give a teaser then I'll come back to the beginning please tease me but you're there and I was getting like emotional because we're all leaving everyone's filing out and everyone's in their 40s and 50s now and you have this thought of

like through the passage of time we've all grown up together like you're like my first project so was 96 which is 26 years ago now is that right it wouldn't date Leo Leo wouldn't date it I kept asked about Leo because I was at the open all weekend and I haven't in there that the guy that's part of the USTA I was like is Leo here and he's like Jamie Foxx is here and I'm like this that's not the same Foxx is no Leo well he's a talented son of an onion Foxx of course but Leo you want to just look at that fucking mug well you know what it is Foxx feels more accessible he's a comedian we're comedians we saw him on

in Living Color Jamie Foxx show yeah he's not hot like de Caprio is like mysterious yeah you got Django they're both in Django of course but yeah to Capra's got mystique he's got mystique face and we've jerked off to him and Jamie Foxx maybe I'm not putting right he's not a he's a huge movie star but he doesn't he's not like that there's like de Caprio Brad Pitt yeah and like Denzel Tom Cruise Denzel there's like a few the legend status there's the real pointy tip of the of this fear now that doesn't make sense the spear is round by my definition I think the tip of it tip of the spear oh

spear yes I think it's fear no no horror close yeah yeah you're not opposite our spheres complete right one's pointy and one's rounded yeah how about that interesting spear that was an old Chris Rock joke is like can you believe we voted for Obama in America Obama that guy that name sounds like he's beholden a spear which I remember loving that joke when it came out that's gonna be awkward because he did the whole thing they will never be a black president you're like just thinking about that the other day that didn't hold up great not my lifetime you want to go hey you want to answer for this half black but but he

we voted for him twice so that counts as a full half black half black that's not hey folks Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by better help a word from our sponsor better help sometimes you can fixate on a problem for so long that you don't take the time to find a solution it can be tough to train your brain to stay in problem-solving mode when faced with a challenge in life but when you learn how to find your own solutions there's no better feeling a therapist can help you become a better person and a better problem-solver making it easier to accomplish your goals no matter how big or how small I'm a big

believer in therapy August all these therapists go out of town and I wish I was using the better help this past month because I was just waiting for my therapist to come back and I've been I've been struggling I've been all over the place I started doing cocaine again and you know my my my uncle and I got in a huge fistfight I'm so glad my therapist is coming back this week you got to get some therapy I know there's a lot of you some of you have tweeted at me commented written things and as soon as I hear from you I think this person needs therapy you know what you need you need better help it's online therapy

that offers video phone and chat therapy sessions you can choose not to see anyone on camera if you want if you're as ugly as I am it's much more affordable than in-person therapy I'm telling you you got to get on it my life is as good as it is because I started going to therapy I went to therapy when I was a child that's what a mess I was I was a child therapist you can do that here too when you want to be a better problem-solver therapy can get you there visit betterhelp.com slash Tuesdays today to get 10% off your first month that's better H-E-L-P.com slash Tuesdays hey folks what's

shagging Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by sheath underwear just like your parents some things just better when they're separate you know it you love it the Jews in Palestine what else rollerbladers and skateboarders segregation you name it now the folks over cheat they're finally separating your dick from your balls I'm wearing them right now I'm looking at them my junk looks good the lady likes them they feel good they look good they smell bad but that's on me you got to get sheet I'm wearing them what more do you need to know US Army soldier and Tuesday Robert Patton knew there had to be a

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but then Pearl Jam so yeah 26 years ago and you're leaving everyone's 40s 50s gray hair sweaty and I'm like wow these are all the same people I know from 1996 unbelievable what it's like a little community you're in a cult it's quite a community I don't know about cult but blue oyster cult cult 45 yeah cult fiction hey he was there no yes he was there Harlem he was Harlem no that was invite all because this weekend is the weekend all and all weekends oh my god Chuck's moving again we already had technical difficulties I don't know what's going on what are you doing see dog all right well see this is gonna be

tough to top because I mean we've you've met Springsteen you met McCartney you met the the other guy and Louis C. K. yes Jonas Twins Joe you met the Jonas Twins that I made up but they were there yesterday celebrities it's cute cute boys I'm at an age now and an age and living a life where they're showing the celebrities at the open and I have to be like this who's that yes cuz I don't watch anything I don't know I gotta get you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna make an effort to really get more involved in the pop culture scene so I can go oh there's Reda do you know Reda Greta Thunberg no Reda oh Reda hmm I

know woman named Reda Reba I know Reba back down yeah she's fun yeah I don't know what she sings but I know what she looks like she's ugly wait a minute sitcom British I think she's a big black woman who's on Parks and Wreck I think yes I've been on Reddit but I don't know Reda I know you're talking about I don't go near reddit with a 10-foot pole I don't either I mean and North should chuck her any of us oh please don't go I wrote a few things yeah red I'm aware of yeah well she was one of the slabs and I had to be like do a quick Google cuz everyone around us like oh my god red I'm like who's this and

this is comedian I'm like this is unbelievable I'm a comedian I don't know her is she at the Pearl Jam no okay I was gonna say she didn't really fit the dem no no damn bad damn but the Williams sisters were there let me speak it we got a lot to the key fun I mean so this is the weekend not the artist then this vampire weekend and the weekend that's confusing I'm working to the weekend everybody's working for the weekend is that lover boy that's lover boy that's a Patrick Dempsey movie is that right oh yeah lover boy remember he would he was a pizza delivery guy and the woman would say extra anchovies and

that meant she wanted to get fucked oh I'm not familiar I'm not gonna watch this as I'm done with Nathan for you I'm going into lover boy I'll send you a link please do oh yeah stink how bad does a does a pussy have to stink before you're losing your boner it's never happened and I've had some real dumpsters I mean I've got I've had a lot of swamps in my day you know I was just out there in a canoe going whoo Jesus somebody light a match I feel back as testicles can really smell I mean I'll a lot of times my hand around my balls most times and there's a camera not on me and of course I'll scratch my face or paint a Hitler

mustache on I get a whiff of those testicles it's like smelling saw you go to bed I'm up it's bad but it's contained it hits a ceiling it's like a ceiling as stinky as balls can get that's how stinky they've gotten right but a vagina it's the the sky's the limb exponential stink on a bus yes yes I mean whoo there's a bit a few bogs I mean bogs Wade bogs that's what I was thinking no bog is like a like a swampy river bog down yes so yeah I've had a bad but look I the my ballsack if I get between the sack and the thigh and that gooey Satan's alley whoo yeah I could really stop traffic you can get a

film there's a film not the best picture oh no I think I want a Razzie but yeah it's a brutal film bad news but any let me just get right I think I got long COVID or long balls so we're coming up to the week and you know me I'm a big tennis head tennis nut and I went to day two of the US Open which is fun to go to the early rounds because everybody's still in it and it's just an all-day affair and there's top players playing on these little courts so it's very exciting yes so I was there but then I had to go visit Sarah down in Houston so I missed a chunk but I was at home watching on TV she's on you know

tiktok she lets me watch tennis which is nice are you doing the the classic sitcom husband where you're like at the event going oh shit you know you got the transistor radio touchdown what's that oh I touched down to my foot here well we've touched on this before I think we talked about this the home improvement yes I'm just like break up that's not like Chewbacca but these people are like you're not watching the game tonight honey boy yeah why don't you just be like this alright let's call it let's call it splits like I'd like to watch it yeah you're on tiktok I'm watching tennis who gives it fart I never got those

relationships happy wife happy life I can't be happy this why would she want me to not be happy that's a horrible woman yeah marriage is a disaster but bad idea who would do it gonna be fun so I come back for the tournament so then I go I got to go to another round addicted I'm watching every minute of this goddamn tournament so I'm going to the men's semifinal got it but I start buying my ticket early and you know when you you a lot of times you think you think you're thinking you think you're thinking is stinking like you think something out and then you do it and then you're like I did it all wrong

because I'm a fucking moron yes yes this happens with like train math sometimes they call train math here in the city we're like we'll take the four switch to the L right and every once in a while it works out that's true you know sometimes overthinking will fuck up your thinking like I used to box and you know I'm a stiff honky and they'd be going one two one two and he would go you're thinking too much you gotta just let it flow and I think that's why black guys are so good at boxing and dancing and fucking my ass because they can just let go they let it they let it go they let it go they're cooler yes we're I was

just trying to analyze and you know figure it all out snake remember that Richard prior he's talking about hiking he's like black guys we hike into the woods like snake oh like I like go go go it's good for colonizing in taxes and stuff like that sure not boxing but any just so I'm doing the math and there's about you know there's 16 there were in the the the round of 16 so I'm doing the math of who's gonna be in the semifinal yep steens so I buy my semifinal night session early because that's when they put the prime guys and I'm pretty sure this is gonna be my boy Carlos Alcarez is gonna be in there but it's gonna go up

in price if I wait because then they'll see the stars so I'm buying early gambling that who I want to see is gonna be in it okay now can I ask please prices I am clueless on the open this is about 300 bones for the top section by the way inflation tennis is very expensive 300 bucks for this ticket now I'd like to go to the other semifinal of course there's two semifinals that's the nature of a semifinal so that's a day session like 3 p.m. and I go I'm gonna wait on this because I don't think the big stars are gonna make it all the way I buy one early and I put off the other one big stars meaning the athlete or the

big yeah got it so then it all works out the big guy Nick Curio so I can't stand but everyone loves he gets bounced but he's the big ticket so as soon as he gets to eliminated the ticket prices plummet so then I jump on it so both gambles worked out because the tickets went up on the other one wow it's like stocks yes so I bought early on one and the ticket prices went up and then I bought late on the other and the ticket prices went down I felt like a genius wow now I wonder if this guy's out there watch this shit and go buy early it'll go up and then we'll sell it oh of course that's gotta be a whole another ball

game over there well that's fun so you know me I'm always looking to upgrade so when I'm walking into the event I'm just checking ticket master stuff up just to see yeah and I went to the big match Francis Tiafo he's the big hot American looks like Daniel Kaluuya and then there's you know Carlitos Alcaraz who's like my number one honk teen this guy's unbelievable oh my god I watched a couple games this guy's dong is poking out the whole time I had a semi-final he's got a pokey dong he's got the best thighs I've ever seen me perfect hair line to where is he Spain Spanish yes he had a quite a Morocco poking out and

he kept doing this shit all night like moving his pants I was like I want to fuck this kid I mean too I'd love to fuck any kid really but sure and a perfect world so I get the I get the tickets I'm all except but I'm checking the stub hub as I'm walking in cuz I'm like maybe I could upgrade cuz tickets might plummet right before the event one guy put his ticket up 98 thousand dollars which I laughed at cuz you could tell he's going to the event but he goes you know what for a hundred grand I'll skip it I was up there cuz you never know maybe Seinfeld goes I really want to see this match yeah good point

although the irony is the richer you are the more free shit you get Jerry Seinfeld just calls the opening goes I want to go and they set up a box rich get richer I mean he shows up you get a couple photos and us weekly that sells some tickets right there so it's good for the goose is good for the gander yeah Michelle Obama's not like I need to for the right for the big semi exactly anyone scalping so that do you get the binoculars cuz I'd be out there looking for the celebs just as much as watching the the rackets no but I did bring my camera which has the zoom I got a nice little camera so I was getting right down

on there and then of course Michelle episode I go to the semi-final Friday night huge event Tia foe Alcoraz the stars are out Michelle Obama's there sitting next to Eddie Vedder's wife oh what she like I didn't get to meet her tall model okay she's a bit annoyingly woke on the social media that's a tough one I don't care for the social media personality but what can you do date in a row you may do a rock star loose it up you cuz I know but what can you do but she's got the best seats in the house they're sitting right behind the the baseline there they got all they got a whole table set up it's Michelle it's

the whole thing and this place was electric Marcus I mean it was bananas wild I've been to two deciding games the world series paled in comparison pale held beyond the pale yes pale rider I mean it was just something else and people were going nuts and we're chanting and screaming and by myself there was a nice Asian fella next to me we started chat we made friends yes then there was an older guy this daughter and it's the classic thing with the daughter does not care and she has no idea there's gonna be a four and a half hour match you can hear her being like is it almost over what's going on here he's

like it's about three more hours honey oh man you want to just hit her with a racket the whole things are racket it is a big racket folks get a racket magazine racket but yeah wow I'd love to go one year but you go let's go but the problem is you want to it's like the Super Bowl you just go you see the game this is so many intramurals and finals and semi-finals you want to go to the big one it's the big ones excited well they're both excited because if you go early on we'll do this next year we'll go early because it's like a festival atmosphere yes because there's you know 130 players playing it's all day and you

can stay there for like seven eight hours wow but then what's so exciting when you go in the early rounds it's the festival it's it's matches on every court all over the place but then you go the second week for the semi-finals it's down to two guys haha so last year you may remember I went with Louie to the final mm-hmm $8,000 tickets gay yeah yeah yeah yeah he paid yeah I thought he was canceled ready have eight thousand it does okay you know yeah yeah he's got money so I go to the semi-final I'm very excited this is Friday afternoon I'm about to head out there hmm very excited for the the big tournament was it

about 10 minutes from your house that's about a half hour car or train about equal I guess it is Forest Hills which is on the tip of Queens yeah it's out there so for this beer this is where it gets crazy so I'm sitting at home I got my tickets to the semi-final now also Pearl Jim's in town for the weekend you know what a Pearl Jim not I am man what a weekend crazy so it gets crazy so they're playing a Sunday at Madison Square Garden make-up date from COVID yes years ago I got my fan club in the fan club since 1996 I got my fan club tickets very excited about that then they're playing the Apollo Theatre

legendary bigger and blacker Ella Fitzgerald the other guy yes yes black people I used to live there two blocks from there I performed there you did I open for Schumer's HBO special directed by Chris Rock and he gave me shit that's right that's insane I have a don't tell anybody I have a piece of the wall I stole the piece of the wall off the Apollo and framed it what yeah it's at my home oh my god the Apollo I know Creed went to the Apollo should have seen him go go go she said hey babe take a walk on the wild side you got that right so they play the Apollo it's a serious radio event invite only no tickets no

selling no reselling it's only for serious radio contest winners and employees so of course I hit up old big head Dan Soder months ago months ago I say hey listen obviously you know me still the same old G but I've been low key I gotta get these PJ tickets you work there he works at NBC I work at NBC crackle crackle so I say hey keep an ear out keep a giant head out and he goes you got it and he's going you know no one can get tickets you're not even so and so can get tickets the whole thing the tickets yes tickets then I got a Tuesday Brian Callan got a no Brian who's the comedian Callan Cullen this is

Brian Cullen I don't know Cullen this is a Tuesday I don't really know Callan either but okay we got a gay on the line so he's messaging me going how I'm working the event I work for whatever whatever I might be able to get you a ticket so I got him oh that was like a little air horn that went to the air horns out of juice oh that's those cookies there Chuck I don't know what you gave me I don't know why you need any kind of cookie that Chuck brought goat milk yikes so I got him messaging me going maybe I can get your ticket and just give up on it I go all right well whatever I'm not gonna go crazy it's

exclusive it's Saturday night I got other stuff going on you've seen the band I've seen the band but then old Danny boy Soder my oldest friend in New York first guy I made buds with you got that right get through with the text hey you still want to see Pearl Jim at the Apollo and I just take my pants off take a photo of my dick I you know I photograph his mouth on it yeah send it over I said this could be you if you get me this ticket wait a minute he gets to blow you yeah that's not right hold on now well whatever a great prize but either way it's a decent Photoshop what about the Nathan for you with the posters with a

guy draws the dicks on it it's gold this guy it's kids good so he's very good we should get him on I love that he's not a talker now he seems like it'd be quiet yes yes stiff stiff cunt but that they open for Pearl Jim stiff cunt they stink the shitty beetles so Tuesdays is also brought to you by Displate looking for something different to cover up that hole in your wall Displate is the cool new metal poster that you'll want in every room they have

millions of cool designs available featuring gaming movies comics and anime Displate also features officially licensed designs including Star Wars Netflix and many more I love this plate I got a big old poster of Kramer yelling the n-word on my wall it's great you get all the stuff you want all the characters they got everybody it only takes 20 seconds to hang a display too and I'm not good at hanging I'm not well hung no power tools needed no damages and no frustrations once you mount one you can switch out a new plate in a flash with everyone that you buy display paint plants a tree wow how about that go plant

some trees folks you need them click the link in our description to see some of our favorite display to save up to 29 percent get 25 percent off if you buy one or two and up to 29 percent off when you buy three or more wow that's a deal a deal discounts will automatically be applied to your cart when you click the link or use code Tuesdays when you visit display dot com that's display dot com code Tuesdays or click the link in our show notes display back to the show he messaged me long story long he messaged me because I got a ticket it's just one I go oh my god I'm shitting my pants I'm just writing to him I'm going

to blow y'all suck you off and then this guy Brian's like I think I can get you I said don't worry about it but if you get a ticket for canter that would be great so then Brian Tuesday goes I've heard you mentioned him I'll try my best he ended up not be able to get one because this event was insane but either way we appreciate you Brian good to see you good to meet you so I can't you're out you can't go yeah you can't go but it it's streamed live so you listen at home now what are you thinking what is the Apollo's gotta be what 800 people 1500 people I was way off and they let they let everybody in so it was it was

tight and it was an event because this program has these nuts everyone just shows up trying to get in but there's no scalpers it's a list only the whole thing wow I had to go there this is like I feel like a youth I need to go there Thursday afternoon to go pick up your ticket it's like a lady with shoe boxes wow it's like ticketmaster in the 80s it was so exciting I get my ticket and you're like holding on to I feel like a boy whoo no tiki no laundry so now I'm going to the men's semi-final day and night session on Friday Saturday I'm going to Pearl Jam at the Apollo Sunday there's the men's final gonna watch it

at home and then go into Pearl Jam at the Garden Wow what a schedule but you're kind of breaking even because you spent what $16,000 on the US Open you probably bought nine coax three cookies and 14 t-shirts that's about right then you go see Pearl Jam that ticket would be what I don't know couple hundo you $800 600 but you got that free Apollo's free the garden's two tickets that's about 300 bucks Nick Apollo so yeah I'm taking a loss but I'm having a great weekend then I get this oh you ever get this you're gonna love this I don't know this sitting around Thursday there Thursday afternoon I got a couple spots that night I'm

just sitting on the couch watching Nathan for you jerking off wishing I was this talented as him sure I get the text from the agent now how often's your agent text not that often not that often only when something bad is happening it's this text check your email oh that could go either way that gives you a little it gives you a little shiver yeah a little jolt I go check my email oh I had a miss call to miss call plus text check your email so I go I miss call check my email check the email it's forwarded from the US Open whoa wait a minute and it says I am prepared to pay Joe list to come and co-host a watch-along YouTube show on

Sunday for the men's final now I'm beeping the amount of money because if I said it you'd take your pants off and chew them like bubblegum and ship me a dick right in my house is that something I thought Nathan for you was pranking me I'm looking around for Nathan fielder wait a minute you're on the fielder you're out there you're a fielder reporter I'm out there Jerry and I'm loving it wait wait this money this is no joke the US Open tickets cost eight grand a piece so they got a little money to show out I was doing the bit so I missed everything you said say it again will you there sweatpants they say we

are prepared to pay Joe list to come they called you a slur yeah it was pretty rough all right they thought I was Jewish I explain the whole thing I see I see so hey I bunch of money so I call me agent I go the what yeah and I go well I'm going I'm like I want to go but so I'm in the little quandary here because it's the men's final they see what a tennis fan I am I'm posted about it I'm tweeting about it I'm talking about it I'm a comedian I'm fun it's what this woman Allie love you know this Allie love I don't know but she's perfect tennis is she 40 love Allie love I think she's under with the same birthday so she's a

Peloton instructor she's huge I can only imagine she's an attractive lady very attractive lady all right very attractive she's got a look her up do a quick search got 866,000 followers cutting close to a mill L and I go I text a couple people because I know some Peloton people and I go you know this woman like Peloton people well my people that use it oh okay I thought you were in the mix in the Peloton Club I'm out of the mix and they go what Allie love I why every morning I use her every morning oh my god I go well that's that's it I'm sitting there with the velvet fog I go I go yeah it's gonna be

me and her like oh my god when we want people are flipping out over this one yes yes so what is the gig so the gig is it's this idea that many people have had that my friend Derek's been telling us we should do for the Super Bowl someday we'll do it it's like a watch along you put on our show while you watch the men's final and so it's just us sitting around eating food making jokes talking tennis talking life but if you don't want to watch John McEnroe go well he's got quite a backstroke there it's just a backstroke you put this on like a so I think people do it with the Super Bowl ah you know what I'm talking

about you play the video but you get to listen to a pod you watch the game you press mute and on your computer here you have you and me going hey it's the Super Bowl shove a football up my ass I do this all the time I'll put on a pod I like and watch UFC muted yes so that's the deal but we're talking tennis got it and she's been doing it the whole time but they're you know they're running out of co-hosts or guests are trying to keep it spicy wow so they said let's get a comedian uh-huh and they got me just from the posting well so it turns out he just called a comedy club what I think New York comedy club and I believe it was

Amy I'm not sure Hawthorne I believe because he gave me a name and he was like on yeah and everyone's like there's no on you there no on yeah non yeah so she was like well I got I mean Joe List I know is obsessed with tennis wow he was like okay I'll check this guy out he watched my special yeah I soon saw me posting every 10 minutes about tennis look at that give me the call I love it you got the call fatty this is unreal and they paid you a decent coin I assume big old coin well I take back everything I thought you maybe frayed a little money for the wheelchair with the pearl jam tickets but now you're getting paid

by the open so but then money right back but then I'm nervous because I'm like this so I'm talking to my agent I'm like okay but the tournament the match starts at 4 p.m. okay and this Alcoraz he's been playing these five setters four and a half hours five hours he had matched then to 250 in the morning on whatever last Tuesday that's a lot of people so I'm like it's gonna start at four they're gonna do ceremony coin flip all that shit if this thing goes four hours we're in the 8 p.m.s. here so you got to talk for that long we got to talk for that long but also I'm like I got this pearl jam show oh the PJs pearl

jams at the garden yes it's 730 show but they come out of these like 920 but traffic getting out you got to get there so I it's not an immediate yes I'm like oh my stars are aligning horribly and by the way they say and we'll throw in tickets to the women's final on Saturday so I got pearls with the Apollo now I got two beauties two sweeties Primo you got to to the women's fine other women's women's to the women's yes yes and to the Bush women so now but that Apollo shows at 9 p.m. the women only play three sets so it's a much shorter match so now my my weekend is men's semi-final day sesh men's semi-final

night sesh Saturday women's final great seats yes then Apollo pearl jam and then Sunday I got to go to the men's finals so I'm like I got to do it for only one day yes for four hours for four hours I work and you don't have to leave yeah it's at home no no I got to go there okay okay that's why I'm so worried put a bleep in okay beautiful so no is 200 grand so anyways yeah I'm like I feel weird I get it whatever so so I go all right I'll do it but tell them I need a car they gotta get me out of there to the garden and I'm doing the math and I'm like okay it's like a 30 minute car ride if the match goes five

sets though I'm fucked so I'm excited Steve Rogers is coming to Pearl Jam with me I go why don't you come with me to the whoa whoa whoa you bring in that guy well he loves rock and roll he's a big rock and roll canner can is already there oh this is not the Apollo no the Apollo's single I'm thinking Apollo so I'm a single ticket for Apollo I got two for MSG I'm bringing I need a spreadsheet here there's a lot of plates jizzing lot going on I got a great laugh to the project comes out to play the first song everyone goes crazy and then right as they finish the song I lean into Steve I go it's 400 bucks for the ticket by the

way huge laugh felt good that was fun so I commit but I go I gotta run right out of there yeah and so all day I'm like I'm doing this thing but I don't want to miss the show oh my god but I'm going all right well I've seen them 44 times if I miss a little bit I'll miss a little bit I'm getting paid money yes yes money so we go out to the US Open so now we're VIPs wow you know cuz you gotta get the you get scan you come in the back way we come in we come in the back Matthew Perry's over here Jerry Seinfeld is over here anymore impressed you could try but you would not succeed so what's the deal with the net we got well all net is good

and tennis it's bad we got Perry we got Seinfeld we got Rogers ah big drop-off biggest dick around sure penis I mean ah so very sweet boy so we go out there it's all exciting but I'm checking the clock I get in I meet Ali love couldn't be sweeter all right love have a great time the crowd is piling in a few Tuesdays are there hey the gays have stepped it up with the finances I'm staying up there guys putting makeup a lady's putting makeup on me and I just hear it's all pipes hey the eyelash thing goes right in my eye I'm like hey pipes that's lunch so that's exciting and it's crazy because I've been going to the tournament all

weekend so now it's a switcheroo I'm at the I'm on set instead of you know out in the crowd with the losing wow so did you get your money back for the old tickets I felt that way I was like what about the hookup cuz I'm here now with the lanyard well it's funny because I got the gig on Friday afternoon Thursday afternoon then you go all of a sudden you feel like the guy that came up the USDA guy came up to my section 335 to meet me and say hey we're excited about tomorrow whatever but you're kind of like well can I get an upgrade because now I work for you yes yeah what am I doing in the nose bleed you quiff how about here in the nose bleeds how about how about a hookup but he's like ah you'll be hooked up the other

day on Sunday okay so then yesterday we go to the final and he gives us the tour the women's doubles final happens before the men's final got it so he gives me a tour we're in the bowels of the stadium I'm like I got goosebumps I'm gay he took us down to the camera have you seen the camera pit on the baseline there's this long black rectangle behind the players for cameras but for the women's doubles nobody gives a shit so it's empty I sit down there I'm watching you're at court level you gotta see the photo I'll post it please post it's crazy plus they're beautiful women I was gonna get that right great legs so you're just sitting there and the the serve comes right at you it like hits the fucking wall you're like this is nuts I'm like punching Steve

I'm like this is crazy oh and I love those ball boys and gals because they're so they're like British soldiers that's just yeah they're so attentive and and they're terrified they they grab that ball and get the hell out of the way I love that they're militant they're so exciting we walk by the men's locker room we're in the hallway when you watch they stop and do a pre interview I'm there I'm standing in the spot he's like that's the men's locker I'm like this is where Nadal comes out Federer Serena they all walk out of that locker room it's so crazy Novak used to so it's that's a whole other bag of tits don't touch it so silly but anyways we go there we jump on set we're watching the tennis we're having a great time free food they're giving us chips and fries

free food because that would have been $800 this concessions it's so fun but in my head I'm like doing the math being like if this is a long match first two sets fly by it's like 35 minutes each so I'm like oh my god we're two sets it's only an hour and 10 we're gonna cruise yeah Tom then the third set goes to a tiebreaker it's like an hour and 20 minutes set and so now I'm like the sun is down I'm starting to be like fuck shows at nine shows at 7 30 but it's an opener they usually come out 9 15 also you got to get in that fucker exactly and they sent an email while I'm there Pearl Jam sends an email being like hey Pearl Jam's coming out at 8 45 tonight I'm like oh my nice they sent an email I know but you're like 8 45 is that real or is it like rock and roll top right

right yeah well they're white so then it's fourth set and I'm like he's got to Alcars has to win it in the fourth set because this goes five I'm missing Pearl Jam yes I wonder who the opener was is it is it like the bg's or is it just some is it the stiff cunts who is it they're called plural alone well all right I think you did the right thing yeah it's plural but alone one at the end uh plural one plural one or plural alone it sounds like a medicine oh my aunt she's on plural alone she's got arthritis so the thing goes it's a really fun it's exciting I'm looking at the clock for about a half an hour during this broadcast by the way I'm just you can just see me like this I just lose it because I'm thinking about you know Barbara O'Reilly but it's so funny

it's so funny that you're making good good cash you're in the US open you're working there all your dreams are coming true and somehow it's turned into we got to end this fucking thing this is stressing me out it's ruining my life well because you're like it's it's all if it works out you're like amazing but you know I always talk about this money with value and stuff you're like it's not worth boop to miss the concert I know I would trade the concert for the money but on paper you've seen them 900 times you're going the next day even you know I still get it well some of its ego too because you're like you don't want to show up late and be like excuse me the 10 songs in them like excuse me pardon me pardon me and everyone's like this who's this fucking idiot

getting here I play it and you want to like this I was at the Apollo and I had a I had a thing in my mind too I was like if anyone if we're late and someone questions me I'll be they'll say where I was backstage but then they're gonna be like you were backstage but you're sitting in section 206 right why wouldn't you hilarious you've had this argument with nobody we all do it because you have that thing where people are like this why are you late you don't care about the band I care I was at the US open I was making money this is funny because that's what you would do to somebody else exactly you you you twisted on yourself projecting I'd be like what are you doing you just got here you fucking loser yeah yeah yeah but anyway so then we're in the fourth set

and now we're supposed to be like kind of uh impartial we're like the the media you're neutral yes but then I want this match to end so bad and I'm an Alcaraz fan so the whole towards the end I'm like come on yeah and then he wins it I go crazy and I just slam the mic down I kick over the table I slap my co-host in the face and just ran I grabbed my big check and just sprint I didn't say goodbye I sprinted out I grabbed Steve I threw him on my shoulder like a fireman 9-11 and just ran out and I'm like get the car where's the car and then all the celebrities start piling out and I'm like hey back of the line Perry I gotta get to Pearl Jam we're not friends and we saw it we saw Jerry over there we heard him being like what's the deal with my car and I'm

like there's Jerry and then Steve you know he's a nerd so he's like Jerry's here and I'm like I got him by the collar I'm like let's go you piece of shit jazzy Jeffed him right in the car he's like we jump in the car we just hanging out the door he closed the door by dick so we jump in the car it's raining now and it feels so classic New York we leave the US open to get in the car to get to Madison Square Garden for Pearl Jam we get there we run upstairs get to our seats beautiful front row in the upper deck there so you can see the whole crowd what do you think you made it 838 we got there about exactly 830 they ended up coming out at 920 as always or 910 excuse me yeah so we had about which was good we had a solid 40 minutes to sit and just be like this

whoo wow here we go relax catch your breath band comes out great show killer show great energy it's not worth trying to even get into or explain but it was just beautiful and spiritual and wonderful so my weekend to wrap up Friday men's semi men's semi number two five set match four and a half hours alcaraz tiafo electric saturday women's final then straight to the apollo for Pearl Jam by the way best seats ever i was in fourth row on the aisle mezzanine so just right there at one point the electricity had to reboot because it's an old theater so any better just played by himself no amplification on the coop we all had to shush each other everyone was like and he just plays like with no microphone wow that was special the show is amazing i run out of there get a car

take it home sunday us open tour of the building youtube men's final jump in the car pearl jam last night i'm on top of the world i want to kill myself oh my lord this i mean soak it in fatty because it's so it doesn't get better than that doesn't get any better than this and i hope uh old Raji is uh blowing you because that's a quite a make-a-wish quite a dream weekend you gave him there dream night big blow i mean and then we were in the car just reflecting and pushing each other into the bushes i was like this is insane and uh it was as you get older you can be more in the moment i'm in the show in the old days you're like this oh my god i hope they play this my father's gay i have no money but i was able to really get in there and soak and be in this meditative

place and we were jumping up and down and sweating and making friends and this beautiful and i throw this because here's the thing about new york city new york city is a concrete cum guzzling jungle it beats you down you miss your train you get rained on you get mugged you get you get ripped off you get hit by a cab whatever it is but every now and then you get a night like that because it you have to have a city of this stature to be able to have a night with that many amazing or a weekend with that many amazing things in it and you got all the way to the top where you got the fucking lanyard you got the the make-a-wish you got the pearl jam tickets because you know soter all these years of connections and things came together and it just was perfect stars aligning

it was aligning and that's the thing that's great about a city like this is the bands always come to your city if you live in tulsa you're like every once in a while every four years you're like skinner's coming yes but in new york they're every on every tour you get the movie when they first come out the open of course yes it's very exciting place to live and uh yeah i mean i was loving the city this week and then you left purled it was raining and you have that vibrations post concert it's drizzling but you don't even care because it was so hot in the room that you're like oh yeah it's just all your connections came into to the social media soter all the shit just amazing what a what a weekend and i gotta give a shout out to i think amy hotthorne at

new york comedy club i think whoever it was and i gotta give a shout out to the usta which i never thought i'd say but they for having me and paying me and being such great host alley love was so kind to have me all right love i just felt uh special it was it was an amazing weekend and dan soter of course serious radio that crowd was a little late because it was all serious radio employees little jaded they've seen it all yeah well they're just like they just went because it was like a work event the lady next to me was like i hope they play even flow and i'm like i hate you so bad i want to throw you off this balcony she's got a heavy flow but you know i i can't wait for the email about how uh they gentrified the apollo and somebody's upset about it but while we're in

it let's soak in the joy good times how are we doing on time because i got some good news all right it's not great you can't compete with this but uh so as you know the old dick sucking watch is a beeper yeah it stinks yeah and i've been getting trashed and queefed on and kicked in the dick all over town about it i was on stage at the richard and funny boy and i went i was in a pause and i went beep beep and somebody went ah yeah because it comes i'm holding the mic like this so it's pretty uh it's pretty close it's terrible so one guy was like that's the fucking watch you know so i can hear people there's a murmur so i'm like man this this is becoming a menace to society it's actually becoming a problem really bad at first i thought it was a goof hey we're beeping so it

beeps on rogan rogan gives me shit he's like why are you wearing that you got that out of a gumball machine i said you're on roids whatever we got into it but timex messages me really yes johnny timex hits me up on the gram dm baby blue check and he goes hey dick cheese you're killing us like this watch is making us look bad of course he's like tell me what kind of watch you have and i will give you the instructions to stop it from beeping and i was like wow like he took the time he's gonna give me instructions so i go jeez louise johnny timex so i write back i go hey i appreciate you you're reaching out i gotta be honest i thought you were gonna say how about a nice new watch just to throw him a little curveball a little heat little chin music and he goes uh he takes a

few days and then he writes back all right pick out a watch from this list wow we got a new watch on the way a beatless watch do you say give me a beatless i said no beep i hate the beep uh beep beep the beeps the sweeps and the creeps and it's coming it's in the mail it's not not great looking but it's coming so is he still not messaging about this one though because it went off earlier in this episode that's what i don't understand i didn't think you noticed well i noticed he said i could help you but if you got a new watch coming what's the diff well the diff is we had to go off during this and then the next pod i won't be wearing it next pod well the bonus we got to do a bonus and in 22 minutes we'll still be recording it's gonna give me the startles i think we can handle

one more beep in this before we retire it if it's the last beep i'll take it all right beep beep the beeps the beeps and the sweeps yeah well that's exciting i hope it's a better looking watch and better sounding yeah it's not great i had a few options but i didn't want to go analog i like the digital what's analog you know the hands oh that's analog yes anal log oh that's a poo i had one of those today that's that's almost all logs is anal yeah well you got the forest you had logs and uh what is it lincoln lincoln logs i wonder if he did that every time he took a shit i wonder if he went lincoln log i think it probably wasn't called lincoln log till after he died yeah you're probably right that's fun but maybe he did anyway maybe it worked anyways

yeah lincoln log that alliteration freed the slaves lincoln logs were fun i liked the little ones because they were the size of my dick it was like a perfect i don't know the little ones and they had the little bitty one it was like one inch oh i never caught that well you needed something to make like a garage or something i see we just whipped them each other no one built anything with the race car tracks those were just swords a while big time one time my friend i was laying there watching tv and he just wow hit me right in the sack and it hit one nut ruined me for like two days i was like ah i was out i kind of i'm sure i've told it a million times but there was a comedian named hog wild i know hog wild big fans hog wild and he was always

i've told us a million times we also work the hostel depolo came down one time to hang out and he goes um he says to the host my name is nick and then the guy goes i'm hog wild he goes what are you gonna say and nick goes bring me up i can't wait he goes bring me up is one nutty fuck don't you love that because you meet a guy named hog wild and we all just have to go with it like it's not weird our whole job as comedians is to tear down silly bullshit that stands out and nick can just you get an outsider coming in because we've all normalized it and an outsider comes in and just pops that bubble with a pin and it's a beautiful thing and also though like one

nutty fuck only depolo no one else would come up with that series of words and in that instance one nutty fuck off the top of his head because he could have said you know wacky guy or you know kooky steve but he went with one nutty fuck it's so funny that every comedian named one nutty fuck and then it's depolo and he's like shut up you can't yeah right oh god that killed me i'd say burned in my memory it was probably 2006 did hog wild get it did he go oh he's making fun of me i think i think he was kind of like uh yeah i got you right right right one nutty fuck yeah because you know mad dog i don't want to get into it but mad dog you know you the first time you meet mad dog you're like mad dog all right because everyone else goes with it so you're like i guess

i gotta go with it too yeah but cowhead i mean culta finally went back to mike exactly but he was cowhead for a long time you had to be like hey cow yeah you don't see a lot of whitey going with the uh the earthquakes and the bruce bruce and the talents and the imagines and the smokies the lils and the bigs yeah yeah a lot of lils and bigs yeah we just go and some guys all change their name up to sound cooler yeah but not really a an object or a thing i almost fainted that made me dizzy what oh we had 40 minutes or oh okay i have no idea you get some okay you got some dates or prunes or figs so this week i think tomorrow yeah tomorrow i'm at the la improv the hollywood improv the first show is sold out thanks to everybody that sold it out hell

yeah second show there's gotta be some tickets available i would think and then end of the month royal oak comedy castle september 29 30 october 1st and then i got i don't know the exact dates but hartford funny bone syracuse funny bone comedy on state and madison i'm doing the vermont comedy festival i think it's called december that's a good club i love that club and um they're all on comedian joe list dot com go subscribe to my youtube i got a bunch of shit on there i made a little short with katie hannigan and mike veckeo and they're hilarious oh yeah and um more stuff coming soon so do all those things hell yeah this comes out tomorrow no oh okay never mind uh so this weekend i'm at brea comedy club in la then a wednesday i'm at the uh bakersfield timbler bluing timbler

brewing co so that's uh sold out we added a show that'll be interesting uh brea come on out san jose improv that's a big room we'd love to have some gays there the danforth theater in toronto royal oak music theater with jeff asmus that'll be interesting oh boy orlando improv baby yeah back to florida uh rococo theater pantages theater and the anglert theater in iowa we are going all over god's green earth revolution hall in portland neptune theater funny bone albany wilbur philmore and philly new orleans at the joy let's get kooky let's go gay come out get on the patreon we're about to do one right now it is rocking and rolling folks it's just the hottest patreon in town three bucks you can't lose or more if you want whatever you're feeling and i think

that'll do it get a shirt get a mug go kill your dad