Tuesdays with Stories! - #472 She's a Peek-ch

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

Tuesday is HERE, ladies and gentlemen! Joe heads to Gig Harbor to hang with the fam (not his fam, but A fam) and then to LA for his very own fish-out-of-water story. Mark deals with a nightmare Q+A on the road, and then heads to Howie Mandel's pod, where Mandel calls Mark's mom and puts her on the spot! Joe does Bill Burr's podcast on the West Coast, and has an all-time hang in LA. It's a banger of an ep, baby! Our Stuff: - patreon.com/tuesdays - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories Sponsors: - Visit https://www.betterhelp.com/Tuesdays for 10% off your first month. - Support the show by going to www.buyraycon.com/tuesdays - Visit https://www.expressvpn.com/tuesdays

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be chasing my radio is spitting at me I can't choose so it's Tuesday we already got yelled at by the neighbor across the hall so we're a little nervous oh shit that was too loud also fuck we gotta leave this is the last

episode ever of the history of the podcast I'm quitting comedy I'm moving to Wyoming oh yeah I've never been but I watched their football game this weekend it seems nice we gotta get a cabin on the mountains next to a waterfall cuz where we got a flu the coop on this place my wallpaper we were in the the kitchen what's it called the kitchenette kitchenette kidding break room tiny kitchen we're in the kitchenette which is about a mile and a half from here like seven office blocks away way down the hall we got back here Chuck has been here since 9 a.m. because he's got mental problems and evidently the

neighbor said oh Christ these fucking guys are here he said he said he's like these guys are here fuck or maybe shit these guys are here shit and he slammed the door we're here an hour a week you can't guzzler come on we have been here in two weeks we have recorded a while it's great to see you it's nice to see you very nice I'm like it's kind of a downgrade but this we go back away it's the whole vibe it's a bummer I feel like my dad's home he's gonna hit me I didn't know if I should be honest or not you did the right thing no you did the wrong thing I didn't want to know no but he's a divorce lawyer I might need a one

day geez one day he didn't need him in December exactly is that still on are we doing that I gotta book a ticket I still haven't gotten the venue but I haven't booked my tickets I keep forgetting because you know you get all the gigs you book and that every day canter by the way can't is already there I think he's like camped out like it's World Series tickets he's working at the patinas he's like Rob Williams he's gonna hunting well it's funny because for some reason in comics feel like they have to let me know I got a text with Soder just booked my hotel all right good for you hey Stavros just booked my flight all right

hey Sam just put my every be all right I'm like just come Sam's not gonna be there I'll tell you that right there's no way he's gonna make it I told him he could do time he's gonna be he's gonna be that like alter when one of those back braces where you upside down like Michael Keaton it's all back with him it's all back and neck the neck in the back my neck hit a piece of spine removed I think oh geez yeah he's the best and he's 31 with someone else oh Ronan's got back problems now too I guess we're just at that age and Chuck has back problems really that's right remember I was out for a while oh that's right I'm

doing good right away okay yeah you're fine and you never talk about it you're not Jewish whoa easy tippy-toe tippy-toe by the way Ronan Hirschberg my dear friends the Jewish did a show in Madison Madison Wisconsin comedy on state I'll be there December 8th through the 10th one of the best whatever day December something get tickets Ronan does his show and then did Chuck just do blow I'm just doing a quick nose thing oh alright geez so we go he goes to Madison does his show does a meet-and-greet afterwards a guy walks up to him and we might have to bleep this oh boy guy walks up and says you're

pretty funny for a whoa the K-word wow the K-man did it that I mean that's hardcore that's a hate crime well he gave him money donated to the the fund I guess but if you go you can't just walk up to a black guy and say hey you're an n-word and hand them 20 bucks that's maybe like a hundred K or something we should try it yeah that might be a good patreon we feel yeah but yeah K K bomb right to his face hands and 10 bucks and keeps moving and by the way not only is it horrible yeah doesn't make sense like invented that's the funny that's their thing but did he do it like hey you're

pretty funny for a cut and as a mean thing or like I'm shocked you you deterred me I think he was trying to be fun I think he's probably one of these podcast guys that like comes up to you and was like hey Norman you're fucking an autistic fag and you're like oh okay thanks and he's like I heard you on the roast or whatever and that was my agent they think they think that it's they're roasting I think right because that's like like that's just below n-word yeah right and oh completely below n-word right there but the problem also is Jews get no love for their oppression they get no oppression points I know they've

been horrible they've been exterminated and you know I used to throw their yamakas around and they don't get any the points for that I know I think cuz they're white that's what it is white but yeah I mean not that long ago six million that's a myth fried yeah old shot and like and retarded and gay yeah a couple other sprinkled in but you know very inclusive yeah but yeah wow that is hard poor guy I hope he's dealing with it okay oh he's fine of course I call him that every time I see him sure well just goes to show you it is just I mean it's horrible but it is a word it's a it's a fucked up word just like the n-word I

know we do this thing now and this will get me in trouble where we go I said the n-word so this guy needed therapy and you have to put him in jail and cut his arm off and you're like it's still a word like right you know let's not act like it's got a wizardry grand wizard or a Harry Potter thing I think if someone's gonna call you a racial slur to your face that's the best case scenario they hand you money they say it quick and they leave and it's only one of them right it's like a thousand of them and they got like you know broomsticks or lighters or whatever and you're in Charlottesville yeah exactly then you're

in trouble but god bless you run out check out the special by the killer it's called jokes from the underground it's on YouTube and boy it's it's hot to trot directed by the great Matt Sallack is one of the best directors out there he's so good big fan of his work so check it out check it out folks I saw Ari get called the K word the about a month ago really so maybe it's an epitome boy well coming back everything's cyclical yeah exactly so be careful out there our Jewish lovers yeah because the guy filmed Ari on he was filming him so Ari said put the camera away and he said fuck you and then they had it out

afterwards and then oh that's right I was I saw him that night it's a good it's just the go-to because you want to hurt the guy right you want to say hey what can I do it's like when your girl goes you got a small dick and you're like well that's just true well I think I also think people aren't aware of that word as much because I was hanging out yesterday we had a little backyard hang quite a hang and there was a woman there who was like I never even heard that word I don't even know what that word is oh which I was like what yeah I got a tattooed on my mother's back a couple weeks ago for her birthday that's where

I did right on it but she was like I don't even know that word so I think if people aren't as familiar or maybe they don't realize the the stank well I also think it's kind of like canceling if you cancel somebody actually give them more attention Jews get called the K word and they're not like doing a press conference about it so it's not out there as much right so the the n-word it's feeling all you hear he said the n-word the Papa John's the Netflix guy this guy said it that guy said it so now it's out there baby now you in the back your head you kind of go maybe I'll say it well this is one of the issues with this is very

on Tuesdays we're in a weird depth here but this is the lawyer the lawyer is freaking us out kill the phone one of the things that the Jews have to deal with that I think I've talked about this before it's a frequent talking point is they have all these people that hate them and are like fuck you yes we hate Jews but they are also perceived as doing so well successful is like yeah oh big deal someone called you a slur you run the banks you run money your privilege you have this money so it's a weird thing because people are like you're less than us your shit your insects fucking exterminate these pieces

of shit and they also have the you control the weather and the banks and the money and showbiz yeah yeah exactly but it's fucked up because they had to overcome and then do that you know so it sucks as a they got they got shit on they got spit on they got thrown out of neighborhoods but then they got it together they started making fucking clothing and you know being lawyers and shit and then they made it and comedy and now they're getting penalized for doing well that's very strange it's a bummer I don't understand the life but anyways Ronan's great and just glad to be white and we're scared to death of this

guy oh he's ruined the whole fun it feels like dad's home we can't jerk off you gotta watch the porn real low he'll walk in well it's the worst case scenario because you know we want to be liked we're people pleasers we want love we want approval and to know that just a few inches away there's somebody that hates us and that's and then there's a guy behind Chuck too who also doesn't like this yes exactly this guy's brutal and and he's a lawyer he's a man with a job and we we work next to him we can see him he can hear us right now he might be like Tuesday the guy across the hallway by the way it's gotta be 350

years old oh yeah he doesn't mind us cuz he can't hear shit I think that's Biden's dad oh my god he's old yeah let's try to get the volume low I was in California you were in California Sam was in California the big three Southern California we're having the time of our lives Sam seems not great but he's not having fun but we took over the whole goddamn state jokes are amazing he's the best check out the Netflix god damn it we were all there it would have been fun if we could have all got together and fucked yeah you think about that but then you go well I'm an Irvine he's in Brea you're in Hollywood you got to drive

Sam can't drive it was a whole thing plus it's sorry I flipped that but you get that hotel I was by the pool Sam's like should we hang out I'm like well we wouldn't hang out in New York right and I'm by the pool and you're ugly so we we bailed oh that's good yeah I was in LA but I don't know if we were there at the same time I left Thursday oh I got there Thursday but there's some people several people that went and saw the big trifecta you got that right yeah that's pretty cool so a couple queues out there must have spent at least a cool five hundo on on seeing all a bunch of yucks well we we appreciate we thank you and I

gotta tell you about Los Angeles I don't know where to start cuz I got all the stuff I got a film festival LA I'm gay and Seattle yeah oh you did Seattle too well I didn't do see I went to gig harbor which by the way some guy wrote to me he's like get better at promoting your piece of shit I heard the door slam oh my god he said some guy was like some guy was like get better at promoting I live in Seattle your piece of shit I would have seen you yeah I hate when they do that don't you hate that I always do that I had to write to him be like hey take it easy I just went to a football game and fuck my nephew yeah

right yeah you want to be like hey you you check the the website it's all up there it's giving a good you funny it's all pipes look at my insta stories I'm putting dates on it's I don't know how to reach these people I think I need an email list yeah doesn't work that was working was it quieter okay great maybe he left he probably went to lunch ah lunch that's one let's hope so I think I think we should call ahead and be like slip a note that says hey we're podcasting go get a couple we'll put like 20 bucks in there that's kind of considerate to give my heads up bad yeah and then he'll know we're trying and

maybe he'll eat up it's like we could slip out today under the door we could say something nice today and be like hey yeah we're assholes maybe we'll get a free tickets to like the stand or the live app yeah he'll be like so we're at this office his neighbors a cunt but yeah for the folks at home God I'm terrified I'll hear this but he is the angriest guy we hear him yelling on the phone to his wife or his lawyer or his bookie or who's Saddam Hussein whoever he's talking to but he's angry and he's yelling and it's terrifying it's the way that lawyers have lawyers yeah just has a dentist therapists have therapists

true that's so weird oh yeah cool thing but any jizz so I went for the West Coast swaying I'll get to Seattle in a second but I went down to LA I hadn't been to LA in like three years and you know me I'm an LA lover I love LA I love that song I love Randy Newman one of the great satirists of all time oh yeah and word many and words but yeah a lot of people don't know he's a satirist it's just hilarious plays a good songwriter to like he'd be cleaned up on Pixar I got a friend in me which is a great song for us fucking great song he's great I love Newman but anyways I went down to LA and I hadn't been there in years cuz it

COVID and all the bullshit I was about to go there and since they get go I've always been one of these guys like I'm not a New York comic who's like fuck LA I hate LA blow me LA and I always say I'm giving the speech I'm like what is it you don't care for the 72 degrees the blue skies the mountains the ocean I guess it's the homeless the traffic the bad comedy the no pizza after 11 oh yeah yeah so there's that and the fake people earthquakes the gangs yeah the mudslides the fires yeah the phone is yeah yeah LA sucks the smog yeah the airport stinks the sports fans are horrible yeah can't get in out of the

stadium they leave early they come late exactly the night woke yeah the rogue and night stalker yeah it blows some problems with LA it's not great yeah I like it I did too I like whatever you like big fan but no we went down there and it was fantastic I'm so excited and then as soon as you land though the memories flood in cuz I used to be there every two three months for years that's right you go I mean I did it cordon I did to Conan's I did the Netflix half hour there we did the roast battle there we did a live Tuesdays at the impromptu that was great we did last coming down done last coming standing

twice there that's right that hotel that Hilton up in Burbank I love that night's in my life there hell of a Hilton and boy I just I love it great great memories there yes and so I fly in I'm all excited and I'm only there for like a day and a half cuz I'm a fucking idiot I'm so bad at show biz me too I'm in I'm at gig harbor for five days cuz I'm like I gotta see my niece my nephew my best bud his wife who was another close bud fives a long time hi if I'm an idiot and I was like I'll do a day and a half for LA this is why I can't get ahead this is why we go to my show and there's eight people in there I'm out here

riding fences with the kids I'm pushing them on the swing right you know I'm eating them out I just I love these little these little buddies I'm nookie yeah they're hot kids and then I go down to LA and like Santino's like what are you doing you want to do the pod and then like you know burrs like why don't we go fuck in the ass and then someone else is like come do my show you want Friday you should have flipped it and flopped it the two days and the five should have flipped well I'm going back at the end of October I'm gonna do a whole thing I'm gonna do two full days there in five days in gig harbor there

we go a little better you got a half a day well it's Halloween we had a shoot a little horror movie with the kids and all the stuff that'll take an hour whatever it is so I get to LA and the first I had a little Norman Sam in my head because the first day I'm there I got nothing nothing booked Jerry I haven't seen John again Tommy John the J man one of the great comedians of all time if you ask Larry then I go TJ he's the best but he's writing on TV shows I'm sure he's amazing at that too I don't really watch much TV but I can tell he's great yeah he's a beast he actually got me my first manager I owe him a lot wow

good good egg that Tom hell of an egg hell of a comic so please come back for God's sakes there's only seven good comics yes we need you there fatty so he's like I cleared the schedule I haven't seen you this is my day and I go okay great let's meet up but the night before I'm sitting in a child's bed going what am I doing I'm a fucking idiot I'm masturbating in a nine-year-old's bed yeah she wasn't there thank God until I finished ah so I'm like I should have booked something and then the woman at Laugh Factory had reached out two weeks earlier oh there you go so like literally like last second shot at the

buzzer I email and I'm like any chance you still got a spot available oh that she goes as a matter of fact I do okay now I'm in the game good man I'm going to Laugh Factory make it move I'm doing burrs pot I got two shows at the improv it's a hot hot little LA nugget we got here very exciting first show sold out second show almost sold out very fun very exciting yeah thrill a lot of gays so I go down I meet up with Johnny we go to the V cut a little cigar place right on sunset or Melrose Melrose yeah so we go there and he's a regular and Kyle shout out to Kyle big Tuesday hey guy working the guy offered to open it up

late night after my shows but I'm old and gave me a couple free cigars big gay hey what's up Kyle raise I love great to see you great to meet you I'll be back in a few weeks see you then so we sit there we have a cigar then he orders Chipotle what on seamless oh Kyle so not Kyle oh oh sorry Kyle sucks Kyle you blew it I think that's what they called run on a Kyle he orders he orders Chipotle we're sitting I got my feet up I'm smoking up bat yeah I got a second one on deck easy there silent re I know and then I eat like the hottest burrito I ever had I shoved that my ass yeah can't even talk I still sound like fucking

you know Tom waits sure burrito couple cigars back to back but then you have the thing that always happens now it's like 755 we got a third cigar lined up and I go how do you feel about taking me to the laugh factory yeah why don't you blow it off what are we doing always do the blowing off I know we're in like we're in sweatpants our shoes are up that we're talking we're talking comedy it's the toughest moment in history because you're like I should do the set but nothing beats this we're on cloud eight I know it's a good cloud not bad underrated cloud yes yeah I got some pictures in the cloud so here's the

other thing do you worry about all those I do naked all over the cloud all over the clouds he's squirting all over that by biscus no what is the cloud serious a serious radio CUMULUS hey I cumed on her kind of like us yeah so um so oh so I was booked on the late show at the laugh factory the 10 p.m. they email that day and they go the 10 p.m. is canceled which part of me is like hey all right mmm but they go we want you to do a set in the early show we got Joe Coy coming he's a lot of time and he's huge gotta go on before him Russell Peters is also see another fatty so it's a star studded

event yes let a brown and so I'm like all right so now on the early show which is kind of nice cuz I go to bed early mm-hmm so I beg Tommy I'm like I'll give you a thousand dollars if you take me over there cuz you know you want a buddy yes yes you know that feeling when you're out of town and you're like course someone come with me yeah and you've been hanging already so you built a good bond yes and it's hard for you to understand when you're on you're in a different city especially LA yeah LA comics coming to New York and New York LA it's almost like high school yes I wish there was like a Delta status but

for comedy you could have a little thing that's like hey I'm dying yeah people like oh that's great come on in that's great I mean you should have that with the TV credits the years doing it the specials the accolades the anal but that's apparently that doesn't matter because you can't see it that's what I mean you can't walk in and be like I've been on Conan twice special my hour has 8 million I do pretty well you have to be like hi I'm a comic like who's this douche you wish there was like a hat yeah like a Joe Friday where you just flap that leather flap open and they go oh geez he's diamond comedy yes

something so we go to LA so now on the early show we go there and I'm just a nervous Nellie I don't know any of the laugh factory Tommy's there he hasn't done stand-up in 48 years sure so we walk in like two were two white guys with glasses right I'm on the show well excuse me and they're like yeah go to the green room so then you go to the green room and it's like there's like 25 of the coolest LA black guys who all know each other of course and they're like this yeah do you want it yes scratch who the honkies and nobody even goes like hey welcome aboard so we just sit in the back of the booth like that like we're

just like oh hey fellas what shaking hmm how are you there my brother and I got liquid death sweatpants and new balance and they're all got like the super sneakers and the jackets and the fingerless gloves and a dangly cross earring their hip secret handshakes and they just look good and they all know each other's like 30 and they get more people keep coming they're so hip they grab a drink but they pop and lock you pick it up you know it's too cool they do a break dance and Tommy's like let's just get out of here he's like kistanzi he's like a back and treat and I mean well I'm like desperately to Ali

McCofsky was supposed to be on the show and I'm texting her and I'm like are you coming and she's like no I got canceled or whatever oh well because the second show ah then she's like are you on rich boss's phone and I'm like what she's like why are you texting me from boss's phone I'm like I think you put the numbers in lines across whoa that was Vaughn which is weird because I've been sending her dick pics yeah she's like what is boss of herpes what the hell so I got no friends anyways eventually the host whose fucking name I forget I should know it ah he comes off say he comes up could not have been nicer

and then it just takes one he comes over he's like dude they ask me you'll be on the show I'm a fan and he knew Tommy and he's like I'm gonna put you next couldn't have been nicer introduce me to everybody Joe Koy who had done before and all the all the comics full house or what do you mean like the show yeah no is it an audience show is passed oh great I guess with Koy and Peters you can't go wrong it was packed and so then he introduced me so immediately you feel better and then I went on had a great set that was awesome Russell Peters was there he's like hey I watched your special I'm a fan great guy he's like

this is my friend Royce and I was like oh nice to meet your Royce then Royce was like oh man you're you're great I thought that was funny and then Russell goes you baseball fan and I was like I'm like a huge baseball fan he's like that's Royce Clayton who played for like the Cardinal the Red Sox all these people and I was like what oh my god and then I chatted with Royce Clayton how do you like that all right Royce yeah Royce rolls Royce so yes that show was great but I feel like I'm talking too much no this is good stuff I love the fish out of anal I love the New York guy now like cuz that's a good room that when that laugh

factory's popping that's not much better yes it's very good hot room hot room balcony it's like tight square box in there I mean that's where the Michael Richards went down that's all I think about the whole time I'm like it happened here yes the moment when he came off stage must have been like oh yeah that was great that got me in the comedy so great great stuff yeah LA is that there's that a nip in the night air don't you love that LA weather when you see those palm trees and the mountain in the back and that Sun is setting whoo I love it yeah it's the best and then afterwards we went back to Tommy's house beautiful

oh you gotta see this thing I believe it went to the backyard smoked another cigar I'd like forced to go Jesus Christ it was bad so no wonder you had a booze problem because just the cigars you're overdoing so with the alcohol you get it I know it's hard to concentrate with that watch but it'll be another hour they sent me another one we'll see that's on its way but then the next day so I stayed in Hollywood I got a little hotel over in Hollywood which was nice that is fun West Hollywood yeah you don't want to stay in Hollywood yeah even better Hollywood it's so funny because if you never go there you have this idea of

Hollywood and then you go to Hollywood you're like this is the worst place I've ever been in my life gross it's grimy there's a there's a film on it no pun intended yeah but hey folks Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by better help you know it you love it and that's our sponsor sometimes you can fixate on a problem for so long that you never take time to find a solution it could be tough to train your brain so stay in problem-solving mode when faced with a challenge in life and how do you do that well you learn how to find your own solutions and there's no better feeling a therapist can help you become a better

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slash Tuesdays get on it Tuesdays with stories is also brought to you by Ray Khan folks you know I love my rape on Ray Khan ear buds whoo that's hard to say I've been listening to a lot of we might be drunk lately and it's been great killer podcast you got to get involved in that thing and the best way to hear it is to hear it on my Ray Khan wireless earbuds Ray Khan's everyday earbuds look feel and sound better than ever with optimized gel tips for the perfect in ear fit these earbuds are comfortable and they will not fall out Ray Khan's offer three sound profiles to match what you're listening to let you be

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brands at half of the price go to buy Ray Khan dot com slash Tuesdays today and use promo code Tuesdays to get 15% off your Ray Khan order that's buy Ray Khan dot com slash Tuesdays with code Tuesdays to score 15% off buy Ray Khan dot com slash Tuesdays code Tuesdays here here I gotta tell you so I had a very different la intro hmm so I me being the psycho bad showbiz guy I go hey I'm doing the your brain bra which about an hour and 15 out of LA it's a nice suburb and my agent goes beep beep beep beep you want to fly in a day early and do Bakersfield and I don't like the sound of that driven through there not

pretty yeah it's an old oil town it's flat it's dry it's full of meth it's like my ex so I was like ah this is tough alright fuck it I'm in so you leave New York you land in LA you get on a bus you go get a rental car you wait in line at the budget that line at budget it's crazy that's that little rat maze you know and everybody's got their luggage and we all hate each other and it's hot then you want to kill somebody and you finally get up and they go you want the gas you want the insurance no no no give me the keys you jump in the Kia and you just drive two and a half hours to bake

LAX is a nightmare any comic works the road from LA is beyond me yeah I will say you grow a little as a comic you start finding that Burbank Airport the the Ontario Airport Van Nuys these are nice little hidden gems because because that LAX is a trash heap yeah PU so you drive to Bakersfield drive to Bakersfield and once you get to Bakersfield I got my Delta pin on I mean or my diamond pin they're like oh mr. Norman hello because you're the mayor now yes that city there's no stars no rogan and Johnny Knoxville and the other guy no no you got that right everybody looks like Seth Rogen but there's no celebrities so

they're like I got put up in the Padre which like the nice hotel like this is where Seinfeld stays or Kevin Hart I'm like great you know you're in a bad neighborhood when the nice hotel is called the father yeah yeah I stayed at El Nino last time I was there and great well so I'm inside my father and you know we go to this show it's a brewery which is always a gamble but don't you have that weird little tickling your taint that a that an adventuring you go well this could be horrible but let's let's see what happens I got it's like a bar fight like let's see what I might get my ass kicked but let's go for it yeah I

just did the one in Raleigh that you told me was good and then once I booked it you said oh yeah that's bad how was it we talked about it I'm saying I relate to the brewery yeah it's like a fat chick you're like this could be stinky but we're gonna go for it yeah I did a lot of breweries in my day oh yeah and there was some stinks one of them right in front of you that's right that's right old brewery don't think about that brewers yeast so walkie-brewers you get to the brewery you don't know how it's gonna go it's this giant warehouse with the big vats and everything and you're like oh boy here we go but I look on the wall

there's a headshot of like Theo Vaughn and Joey Diaz and Whitney Cummings you're like oh this is a thing people have done this but of course they live in LA not New York that's the that's the rub they didn't go 2800 miles no no exactly but the guy knows comedy he also books the theater the Fox and he's telling all these stories like Kevin Hart flew in did eight shows on a pride and flew out on a private jet back to LA every single night and I go wow and he's got ten guys they're all working on the material so you get all the fun inside stuff he I have a rider do you have a rider I think but I never looked at it yeah somewhere

because they just make a generic one it says Diet Coke's everywhere I go there's Diet Coke I've never drank a Diet Coke ever once in my whole life yeah yeah that's what I did I was just like ah jerky tequila granola you know I just set a bunch of shit I like maybe I should work on it I should get a writer in there Michael Ryder get your tea or your cookie yeah yeah good idea yes yes then you don't have to stop for it I like the stop yeah you'll have to do free shop yes yes your habit of anal yes so you get back there there's two other comics these guys are both great and nice as hell and just in the back of a brewery

chatting comedy with these two guys and then there's 400 people out there you go on and they were hot as a pistol rowdy and it's one of those thank you for coming to Bakersfield a lot of that shit going on which is always so yeah exactly and it's one of those those gigs where you're just amongst them like he go out to the bathroom you're just using the bathroom so then you see eight Tuesdays you all cross the streams and piss on each other and high five in the bathroom it's a little awkward they always want the picture and you're like alright we're next to the urinal I did a bathroom picture there you go there's no

shame with the photo people and I felt good this one girl comes up to me they're bringing me up and she goes hey can I just get a photo and I go all right sure sure and he's like you've seen this guy on Netflix so I'm like all right there we go and she goes it's a little dark can we go in there and I just go I can't do it and I walk on it felt good yes show me your tits you get a photo there you go tits fucking bitch so we we do the we do the Q&A at the end where I after about 10 minutes I go all right you guys have any questions and that when the whole thing went off the rails boy because they were being good eggs with

the brewery and the booze and the beer and the baker's field but once I open that canages it was just yeah kill yourself you fucking hobo hey this guy this is Chuck's gay what's up with list Sam's you know all this shit I just got crazy and bleep that yes yeah okay so yeah it's just a wild time and then you they all think you're gonna drink with them after which is a thing we got to just stop doing is assuming comics are hanging we do our job our job is the stand-up I know but enough comics do right self-included a couple times these folks and and then I got people being like hey you want to go to the movies

tomorrow like what are you insane that's a lot of that hey you want to go I'm getting socks you want to get socks with me like wait how do I get here I'm like stand-up like if you knew how little I hang out with my closest friends exactly yeah it's a great point then then this is the other epidemic the guy in the front going I had this on two shows over the weekend happy birthday front row and I'm like was it your birthday it was my birthday a week ago I don't care I feel terrible but it's one of those things we're like it's a week old first of all so this is moot but you just want to let me know that you know of course

you don't actually give a shit that it's my birthday and you're ruining the show you're yelling out so it's a shitty yell because you're like I hate you but you're trying to be nice so I can't trash you right it's a bummer but well happy birthday hey thank you what you know that I know yes I could have used you oh geez what day is it I got to write this down it's the 18th whatever that was wow yeah what's today did you know 26 oh he really did but what from Facebook or what um you don't just know his birthday I remember yeah I know both of your birthdays when's my birthday December that's not even close not

even close July not even close no we're doing pretty good I think it's May no your wife is May March no not even close guys suck how many months are they two forty maybe the big four zero January no we're running out of money it's embarrassing that you pretended to know and you and you weren't kidding you said it earnestly you're like I know both your birthday you just say that you meant it yeah that's this is you said it totally I don't know anybody's birthday and no one cares April and April April 6th Aries Spears which I think yeah I think you make that joke every year all right well

see I remember you're like what does this doze and you know a fucking Broadway Danny Rose no no best in show because the guy because yeah I remember you making that joke last year it's when the guy he lifts up the tail because he's gonna take him on a date first he goes yeah I remember you making that joke oh that's the one of that was off the cuff to like from both of them I think both of them probably that's amazing those guys are so good but anyways happy birthday I'm gonna put it in the mental calendar got it September 18 1983 I guess you hit the snooze yeah 983 there you go folks write

that down and what's your social security I always forget that one oh yeah I think I got a new one so so that was fine we do the show that I hightailed it out of there and then I get this and then we'll turn it back turn the ball back to you I'm doing my Brea shows but I wake up in in in Bakersfield and you just want to get up and get out of that town you know like Bruce Springsteen and I go I have Howie Mandel's podcast at 10 30 a.m. no kidding that's how he likes to do it well now the gloves on the other face yes so I drive all the way to LA get to his podcast huge warehouse I mean you know this guy's a zillionaire we had

a great pod no kidding and then he's a funny guy and a cool guy and you get why he's so successful he does it with his daughter she's cool and the son is in the booth he's the Chuck so it's like a whole family affair they're all K's and they go he goes what's your website at the end like give it give a plug and I go that's Mark Norman comedy goes why don't you have Mark Norman I got some real estate queef took it and he wouldn't sell it to me and he goes let's call him it's one of these kind of shows and you go I can try to call him whatever so he starts googling and he gets a bunch of numbers of Mark

Normans he calls another one the phone rings hello hello is this Mark Norman no but this is his mother now my mom's talking to Howie Mandel worlds are colliding I couldn't handle it it was like a fever dream come on so I was like oh hey mom she goes what's going on he goes Mrs. Norman this is Howie Mandel she goes ah what you thought was great because she doesn't give you know she's you can't you don't you can't do well with my mom it's a it's a ball against the curtain I can't wait to meet this lady she coming to the wedding maybe I'm gonna really bring the heat I'm gonna be like Jerry with the Estelle Costanza

packy-derm I'm coming in with bits all right good luck cuz she's a I'm gonna win her over I could feel I might I might cut in and dance with her dipper fuck her yeah yeah she isn't RSVP'd yet so don't get your hopes up but she is I'm when I got to it's fun introducing girlfriends to her cuz they're like who that was tough I'm like yeah welcome to 18 years of childhood you whore yeah but yeah so pack a packy-derm my mom calls or whatever Howie Mandel calls and she's like yeah how you doing there howie and he's like hey Howie Mandel and she's like yeah I think I saw Bobby's world in 88 who cares and he's like so we have

your son here she goes and I mean it's classic classic stuff I'm like this cuz it's just so uncomfortable and he goes what do you think your son she goes what do you mean he goes are you proud of him she goes yeah yeah proud of him and then he goes what do you do you like his career choice and she goes yeah he's funny it was just comedy gold and awkward and uncomfortable and cringy and then she hung up and that was it wow I gotta check this out it's on now is it up now it's not up yet I don't think so but it comes out I'll be sure to but we have my mom saying she's proud of me on recorded tape so that's the big win

that's something so then he goes can you sing us a song so she starts singing Mary had a little lamb and then he gives his dates as he was on the spot not a comedian yikes but wacky wacky day and then then we we talked comedy for like an hour after which is always weird when you do a pod and then have a better conversation off the mic yeah but a lot of it couldn't have been repeated and then then I drove to Brea and had just a killer weekend with five sold-out shows with Caleb signing who featured who is so underrated this guy's such a killer I don't know why he's not bigger and Laura peak hosted and she's blowing up she's

hilarious and we just met her the day before she must have done those great egg I don't know I just said hey hi nice to meet you oh yeah she's a she's a peach and we just had this the best time in the green room chatting and drinking and it's one of those things where we're like tonight we're going out and we end up sitting in the green room till like five in the morning those are the best hanks she's a she's a peach ah yes okay peach I'll take it but you know it's something now that's that's an ideal hang to me we're staying here we're staying put no need to go anywhere then you're all walking and yeah bar and you're

bumping into people exactly it's loud kooks just green room I'll sit here all day I can't today but you know what I mean oh yeah I love it and I felt good me and Sam started talking about how we're too busy we have no time blah blah blah and then Rick Glassman hits us up and goes why don't you come in LA we'll have lunch we'll both do the pod and then you guys can leave and I just said I'm not doing that's nice I can't because that's a whole day it's easy for you you're at home you make a little lunch you record then we leave we got a drive from Irvine we need to switch because that guy's hit me up nine times do his

pod I'm like yeah I don't think so yeah I'm like flying back to LA I'm gonna do Rick Glassman and Bob and Santino and Santino yeah I gotta get it out there get it out so Jerry and I'm loving every minute of it LA was a blast but how about this Tuesday's stories is brought to you by Express VPN in 2022 it's shocking how every parent hasn't installed Express VPN for their kids devices any weirdo could be tracking your kid virtually eesh it's simple for a stranger online to find your IP address if you've ever clicked on a sketchy link and I know I have your IP address could be exposed

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of new shows by visiting Express VPN dot com slash Tuesdays use our link and get three extra months free that's EXP are ESS VPN dot com slash Tuesdays Express VPN dot com slash Tuesdays to learn more back to the show folks oh we wanted to plug the patreon also yeah before we go back to the show my god before we get back to the show which is a great the second half of this show forget about it but all zimers patreon yes well we got hot new beauties every week we got content we got queefs we got anal we got a googs a new show oh yeah new show is up new show up now it's called giving a goog it was painful mark and I were

upset with Chuck more than usual even exactly and he made us watch these old videos from 2005 2006 we look different it was brutal yeah you'll like it it's up there right now join the patreon you can join for three bucks a month oh what a mistake that was but yeah it's old found footage it's wacky it's weird you get to see the roots and where we all came from it ain't pretty yeah yeah you guys are looking back at your career everything that's recorded I'm hoping to go through if you guys want to stick with give it a goog we'll do it for you guys if you like if you like you want to do it we're doing it for the people out

there so check it out folks tell us what you think comment like subscribe yep tons of stuff on there five hours of recent documentary footage past the year it's all I should take my sweatshirt back off that's all right you're still no you're still in the ad you're still in the ad I know but they're gonna fast forward through they might not know no I think they see it I mean if you like found footage and weird shit you're missing out you're not on it I'm such a cunt so Sunday my flight is at 6 a.m. out of Ontario California connecting in San Fran and then to Newark it was an eight and a half hour

travel day I got no sleep literally I pulled it all nighter I was just laying in bed going and I never went to bed then you're like I'll sleep on the plane the whole thing was a nightmare but fluke coach back made it got back I wanted to kill myself and here we are well that's the thing about this West Coast yes I'll tell you I go to gig harbor I'm hanging with the kids and my buddy and I'm like I think I could move here I want to live here there's like 75 foot trees and crystal clear water and oh yeah and you're just hanging out and everybody's nice how do you do well nice to meet you I know and you got the yard and the

driveway we're in the back at the stars I'm smoking cigars we got a campfire a laughter but the row you you fly my flight is like literally scheduled like your flights 12 50 p.m. out of LAX and you land at 9 30 p.m. exactly full day full day you lose the day and that's why I do the 6 a.m. people what are you crazy I'm like well at least I'll land at 6 I have some life left in New York or you need a red eye and if you're on the road you got to fly out the night before yeah you really do and I think about that with like Seattle to your like there's nowhere even close like it's like Syracuse Cincinnati Columbus

Cleveland Detroit these are all 90 minute flights yeah some of them are two hour drives Seattle it's like you got Portland Vancouver and that's it even LA is a three hour flight yeah you got San Fran yeah that's yeah that's yeah that's short at two hour but yeah you're right it's not a lot of cluster up there no cluster and a cluster cluster fest cluster fuck so any jizz so day two in LA I go out to do burrs podcast yeah I listened which was great thanks for listening and not that many people it's sweet baby I think it only got like 75,000 views on YouTube everything I do I'm like this is gonna really I think

it'll grow it'll it'll get over 200 eventually maybe his audience might be audio a lot of it I think he usually does audio that's true because then went to video I think it's just a picture of his red ginger Irish face I looked at a lot of comments and they're like video when did you get video why do you have video what's with the video most comments are like why isn't Louie here and you're like he's not here I shouldn't have written we're different people but yeah I don't get it I get that all the time because we're talking to the movie they're like this is bullshit burn Louie hate each other they don't by the way

yeah and they're like no Louie everywhere I go they're like where's that other guy yeah yeah I want to kill myself but anyways and then the other half are like how do you come you hang out with that guy yeah exactly but went out the LA I went out to Burr Burr Bank Bill Burr there you go yeah that was fun I wanted to open with that but then I was like yeah he might not be that kind of guy he's gonna go you plan that you've been sitting on that for three days and you're like okay I'm sorry I'll blow you yeah it was weird so we go there and then I get the Uber there and I'm always like I'm always compulsively early so I get

like an Uber to like a Starbucks down the street sitting at Starbucks until like an appropriate time to arrive it's like we're doing the pod at 2 I'm there like 10 a.m. like down the street just like oh my god so I take the second Uber I get there and I get out and Jim Florentine standing there at his house which is this is that the box of the studio oh the studio it's a studio he's not his home no smart so I get out and I'm like Jim and he's like hey this is crazy huh and I was like this is great it's so nice to see a New York person yes it is hi Joe how are you so so we go in now I feel better I'm like okay then

Burr's there and we all hang and bullshit do the pod it was so nice he said such nice things about no one listens he really licked your balls really gave me a nice check it out for God's sake he gargled him so I do that then go back to the hotel to get ready cuz I got a big night improv sold out shout out to Aaron the Booker the tall blonde we bumped into at V cut the night before oh I love that lady she is a sweet sweet woman so nice tough broad in my first TV spot always grateful go to the show and I got for him and war opening we talked about him before many times I this guy might be my favorite comedian he

should be headlining I am on the floor by way headlines all all over the country of course all over the world but I'm like dying laughing he's pure joy he's gold he's wacky silly's a hilarious Indian he had a great I don't think he's Indian I think he's Afghani back I think he's Afghani he's definitely not Indian really yeah I could have sworn I think you might be right with the Gann I think Afghanistan is where his parents are from give it a go there we're looking at a dog sure what's the name again Faheem F-A-H-I-M and war A-N-W-A-R he's from Seattle what is it good for trying to write the description as we go

now all right pretty sure I think you might be right let's see I look for him as Indian I think that's who knows something there is an Uber driver he's part of a Muslim family okay that's pretty good for afki let's see Lafgan okay I think like this is dead air we should probably die but when you see a country of origin yes yes again he's like the most American kid he's like a Seattle he's adorable guy but anyways parents were born in Afghanistan hey I take it all back I hate the Indians yes but but anyways he's one of these guys just pure joy I'm watching and you're kind of like I'm

about to go on so I'm looking over my notes but I was like let me just scope this out a little bit and I'm gaffying yes I'm just giggling and just brings me joy and hilarious I'm gonna go on them all over the podcast for many years but he's great and then oh my friend Lindsay Adams who's also great hilarious and we just had a good hang she came and picked me up which I appreciate it because all those things we like I guess I'll walk but I'm gonna take a lift and yes love a pickup so she's scooped and it's always nice to see that friendly face scoop because you're just in the hotel for like hours oh my god I'm

anxious yes never like done a big show in LA no there's other people coming around I feel like you've done an LA like the belly row we did our part of the improv yeah but those are like this is like I'm headlining that's true loud it's the improv the whole thing and so they got it all new setup upstairs like this little hidden green I've seen this in the office it's like an Anne Frankie yeah that's what I kept saying so we had a beautiful hang then Henry Phillips comes over John again comes up so it's like me monez for him Lindsay Henry John again and it would exchange in the stories all up in that little tree house

all in the tree house tight space first show was great sold out ton of Tuesdays packed they're like oh yeah pop when you come out hell yeah then the second show you're like okay I wish we didn't even have a second show because the first show was so great second show not sold out but full okay killer show of my life they were on fire there was Tuesdays and then regular get there's like a whole row of regular gay like yeah LA gaze they're like shaved chest with the shirt open oh yeah makeup and just look like beautiful and I'm like chatting with them they were like just howling laughing this crowd was on fire I feel

bad because somebody gaze came to the first show but the second show was the interesting I wonder why I wonder why that how that plays out because you think the the the rabid gaze would get the tickets early so they would be the hotter but maybe not but this is my old theory a lot of times the biggest podcast fans aren't the best stand-up fans because they're like they're like this hmm oh I remember when he talked about that huh I know he's talking about that I bet he's talking about Sodor on that one yeah I think it's a little more digest and the lesser not lesser but people that aren't as obsessed yeah are like oh I know that

guy he's funny let me check him out and maybe there's a whole thing of uh oh it's sold out and then they're like wait a minute they put on a second show yeah I'm going to the second show they're pumped that could be it they got it later in the night yeah who knows but um just a great hang I went oh I forgot about after I did burrs podcast this is another fun thing so Chris Walsh one of my close friends played Uncle Markey in the movie go see the movie or buy it whatever he's my my closest la friend he lives in Glendale so as soon as I get off the podcast burrs pod you know when you

finish something like I just gotta get out of here yes yes I don't want to be lingering and then like we said goodbye why are you still here it's like a one night stand you just want to go yes so I just immediately get a car to Glendale and I'm like I'll text Chris on the way I text Chris I'm like I'm on my way to Glendale and he's like he's got a head like an eye infection somebody's all fucked up he had some problem and he's like I can't really hang until I see a doctor I'm like shit I'm already in a lift to Glendale yeah and it's like out of the way because Hollywood's the opposite direction so

I'm like all right I guess I'll just eat Shake Shack in Glendale yep and then I remember Henry Phillips moved to Glendale Glen Gary Glen Ross so I text Henry and I go I'm about to be in Glendale I need a chance you're around he's like I'll walk right over that's 10 minutes from my house he meets up we just roamed around a million laughs this story that's I told him about the bachelor party stories for those and he was like wow that's insane and we just had a million laughs so it was a great trip yes I'm coming back in a few weeks whoo I love it by the way that bachelor party really imprinted on

a bunch of people's anuses because everywhere I go bachelor party tells what the bad how was Bert who died who said the n-word it's just crazy fun stuff that really resonated what a time to be alive we got to do it more often I mean that family dinner that last night was Primo something special one of the books yeah we gotta get more hangs I was thinking about this the other day where we at was time by the way beautiful I was thinking about this the other day when I was in high school and I'm sure I've mentioned this I'm sure we're talking about this I was the freest spirit yeah I was first of all I was like the most

popular kid in school I was like I was doing well as an athlete not well as a student but I was just having a great time I loved everybody yep most of them loved me I had the time I had literally zero anxiety or stress come on I'm telling you I felt like a million bucks I had the time of my life I felt great but are you looking back with rose colored queefs no I'm telling you I was I had no problems all right because you know you always see that one guy was like I miss Cheryl I loved it so much I'm like all you did was bitch about it when you were together now you're broken up and all you can see is her perfect clam no

I'm good at this I look back at like the Everett House of Comedy days in Boston and I'm like boy that was great and then I like stop and I'm like but I was horribly depressed and having panic attacks and just blackout drunk right and it was horrible yeah I had no success and I wanted to kill myself and it was fun sure but high school I was cruising and here's a couple things one I was running seven to nine miles every day oh interesting huge part of it because I was on the track team and across country team and school I was with friends yes all day long every day yes I was in it and then I had a girlfriend who I loved

and you're just like and don't forget zero phone zero internet zero social media so you're not worried about any of that shit and you're just living yes I was no compare and despair and just hanging out yeah got to hang out more yes you're right we really do and hanging out here here yeah you need that exercise you need to sweat it out you need an outlet and you need camaraderie friendship companionship yes anal yes cuz I got a couple weeks since I was out of town and I was really down in the dumpy do's yeah having a hard time we talked a little bit that week and then I had a Thursday night right before I went

to Seattle I went out to the cellar and I bumped into Colin Quinn and a mutual friend of ours and went oh my god you're just the guys I wanted to see I sit and bullshit with them and then like Nick Griffin comes in someone else I watch Colin said he watches mine we walk over the VU together and then Chavone my pal Chavone he scoops me up because he's driving home and he's like man I've been down I was I've been down and we start talking about how we've been down we bullshit and you leave going I'm back yeah I just needed some good old-fashioned friendship and go oh that is like that's crazy I know being around somebody is

really healthy and we have that thing where it's I don't know this is a comedy thing but I just eat Tom Hardy put out something where he was like being alone is addictive because it's easy you get to watch what you want to watch you get to do what you want to do you jerk off you don't have to wear pants you know you don't have to shower you just do nothing all day that you have to sometimes get your fat ass over the hump and then right when you hang out with people it's always better always you never go I wish I hadn't hung out with Chavone that time right sure there's a couple of weirdos out there you got a

lot of that actually but yeah but you know what I mean you need where we're social beings yes you gotta you got to get it out and that's based with therapy it's just talking to a guy face-to-face yes and yes and all that he fucks you on the couch but the Chavone moment is nice because you're in a car together you're bonding you're covetching that's what life's about and you feel so ice because you're like you've been depressed you think it's just you yeah but yeah we had a nice backyard hang last night yesterday not last night yesterday and it was great call again last night I love the CQ man

now well he's the greatest there's no one better than the Q he is the best yeah probably the most important person in the history of my life really well I just love him ouch yeah but September 18th hey you got that right May 9th still mad if what bullshit you sorry you saw it in this thing yeah it was so genuine it was so genuine I believe they knew you're like I know both your birthdays obviously yeah and you were trying to exert a little superiority over us that's what was going on yeah you were like I know because you know that we don't know your birthday and so you were saying it you wanted us to go shit I don't know

his birthday mark text me on my birthday I did yeah you know that dirty rat I have it up on my wall wow you're a good friend that I want to forget it oh my god what was your birthday August 2nd August 2nd I knew that 8 to come on it's disgusting I'm eating over here it's gross August birthday get real there you go 8 to that's LeBron's height fun fact 8 to oh yeah you're thinking of William Wallace all right I tried to go with it don't bang your head off the wall you got a big Armenian noggin or Portuguese sorry we need to get fake mustaches and mask and eyepatches to leave here I don't want this guy I need a

wrestling shoes to sneak out of here I don't squeak but yeah where you gonna be there sloppy oh I took photos of my calendar so I could well my birthday is not on that one I'm a retard well 9 18 I know all about it now all right Hartford funny bone shit I don't have a month November 4th and 5th does that sound right yeah yeah November 4th and 5th Hartford funny bone and then Omaha funny bone December 16th and 17th Madison my favorite you know that December 8th 9th and 10th and then go watch the special this year's material I'm trying to get it back in the algorithm cook it up a little bit hell yeah and go by the

movie go for the 4th of July movie dot com which Chuck bought on my birthday probably and I got t-shirts now you can go check out my t-shirts at this htb kick hide the bodies calm oh there you go yeah yeah yeah hide the bodies dot com there you go I got a shirt out there and join the patreon we're doing a ton of shit on the patreon literally weekly shit check you want to pipe in on the I got a very kooky idea that for a bonus we're gonna do today you gotta trust me you gotta go all right but we have a ton of stuff and I have to trust you hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of hours of stuff that's on the on the patreon okay

very exciting I'll bet mark Norman comedy dot com get a bottle of bodega cat on bodega cat spirits I think it's called and I'm coming to San Jose this week this comes out tomorrow right oh shit don't yeah San Jose's over baby don't leave your luggage in the car yes I've heard I've heard of it so I'll be at a Toronto the Danforth theater and the Royal Oak music theater in Michigan with Jeff Asmus the Roxanne theater in Pittsburgh that'll be interesting all kinds of fun dates then Orlando the Rococo theater wherever the hell that is Pantages in Minneapolis the Neptune the Moor in Seattle Portland Vogue theater

in Vancouver and it's Halloween all kinds of stuff Zanies in Nashville Boston at the Wilbur Philly at the Fillmore doing a show on Ottawa New Haven New Orleans anal-queef Jews semen thanks for everything get on the patreon get a mug get a shirt go gay fuck your dad and write a nice thing in the neighbor why miss you