Tuesdays with Stories! - #478 Griddle Me This

Episode Date: November 15, 2022

It's Tuesday folks - which means the boys are having issues in the sky.  Mark is on a plane with a dead cell phone and Joe is stuck in a middle  seat - plus, they demand to know: WHY do people lie about how far the airport is from their houses. Tell the truth, ya maniacs! AND - Mark's wedding (as of this recording) is right around the corner and  he's chomping those fingernails! Normand goes to a strip club with Ari Mannis, and then leaves a rental car running overnight which runs out of gas. Joe heads to LA, hangs with Bobby Kelly + Ari Shaffir, and does a show with  David Spade and Sebastian Maniscalco! The gays are coast-to-coast! Our Stuff: - patreon.com/tuesdays - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories Sponsors: - Visit https://www.betterhelp.com/Tuesdays for 10% off your first month. - Support the show and get 20% off with the code TUESGAYS at https://www.SheathUnderwear.com - Support the show by going to www.buyraycon.com/tuesdays and use code EARLYBF

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be chasing hey folks here we are nicely done happy trail remember when you got your first happy trail yeah a little bit yeah I was kind of excited like yes I'm in my first pubic peach fuzz I fist pumped like I was

fingering a guy's ass well when you're late when you have puberty a little bit late there's always one guy even if it's three months those three months are an eternity when you're just waiting to get you you see a guy lift his hand or arm you know to Hyal and you see that hair you're like oh my god I know it was always the black kids had a they had you know a full beard and afro picking their pubes and I was like what the hell I got nothing down here but eventually you catch up yeah catch up and I don't care for mustard no I love mustard oh the better what much like an Indian how about love mustard how about this by the way

this is suspect what do you do in this situation chime in if you're at home call in mm-hmm yesterday I get home long travel day just a long one of these like West East is a nightmare yes you know 740 a.m. flight and then my friend these pimples I hate these people that lie about how long it takes to get to the airport from their house that's big there's a lot of that out door to door 18 minutes like what the GPS is 49 it's serving no purpose no what is this lie they're like there's no traffic at five I'm like I've taken this flight there's a bunch of traffic it's it's it's the Pacific Northwest is always traffic I'll

tell you what it is these queefs who live out in the burbs they don't want to feel far away so they lie and round down and and down syndrome and the whole thing's a sham but I'm like we're close friends you're just fucking me so then of course I'm like can we just leave at 515 I know it'll only take 30 minutes even though I know you're wrong and you do like being early I'm early that's what I said I put it on me because after a while you're like you're just lying yes put it right on my tits you know you put the load right on me and so I fanny ah dad take a load off fanny and fanny she does her ads I love you fanny so we

leave at 515 court dead stop traffic takes 48 minutes to get there there it is as always now did you get a little oh boy was I wrong or man you were right or thank God we left early something well I write I write I love you great mom great friend but please stop it with this 30 minutes and she writes back well that's really sweet but she's and then she writes I swear to God there's never ever traffic and I'm like I come here every six weeks yeah yeah this is my sixth trip here there's always traffic you do that trip more than they do exactly that's what people I got on a big fight with a lady about some boyfriend girlfriend

stuff and I'm like I've dated more women than you I fucked more women than you I know about this she's like but I'm a woman I'm like but you never dated one exactly yeah we know more men are smarter better bigger dicks bigger brains and that's the truth definitely bigger dicks well I don't know a couple okay Elliot Bage Bailey J yeah boy she's hot any very very attractive trans I don't even know what the fuck story I'm telling transportation oh I'm traveling boy that was a long way to go to get to where I'm going I get back yesterday you know how you're just exhausted 48 minutes you wake up at 5 a.m. you get home at

5 p.m. 12 hours yeah and you lose three exactly well it's nine hours travel but yeah 12 with the loss sure so I immediately order PD's burgers give me a double cheeseburger fry I'm starving Uber Eats Uber Eats there you go there's no ketchup in our house so I go to the bodega next door run in there now what do you make of this I took a photo maybe we can plug it in I love a photo plug I look up I pick up the ketchup there's the big ketchup one is red and the other one is dark realm was brick interesting both Heinz ketchup I'll play I'll show you the photo interesting Heinz ketchup so then are they labeled

differently is this sriracha ketchup or ketchup whoa you can see the temperature difference there big tent this this is like a complexion white and black so believe it or not this one's bigger it looks smaller because of this so I get this guy I get the red guy hmm because I'm like I'll just get the red bright red and it's a better size yeah yeah pay for it at this is a bodega mom and pop bodega I run over back to the house I go to open the can to pull the seal off sure this thing is glued the seal or the top no the top I see then I just go let me try to squirt I squirt ketchup shoots out yeah wait so there's no seal so

they took this bodega took a Heinz ketchup bottle aha then put whatever Steve's ketchup in there period blood then they glue on the cover whoa you can't get the cover I was like like that it won't come off and there's no seal on it so there that's totally they married it you know they marry the juice of the drinks of the liquor wow so that's a little sketchy but so then I'm like I shouldn't eat this this is you know tainted tainted turned tainted getcha well what's the name of that fat Hispanic guy who does the gotcha stuff where they go in and he goes they'll send in like a lady with one arm and nobody will help her then he

goes in he goes no one help this lady with one arm you've seen that no I don't it's like a show it was it was like a dateline thing it was a line yeah yeah I got the guy's name yeah looks like a big fat Eric Estrada but that would be perfect for this because you go in and you shame them I caught you fatty well and it's against the law she called a better business bureau but I was so hungry and my food was there that I was like well I'll just risk it yeah so I had it and so far you know my dick still there all right well there you go that's one good thing about condiments you can leave that shit in a fridge

freezer back room basement dry good and it'll hang oh yeah especially ketchup yeah ketchup I think is not good for you no they say it's the only thing it hits all flavors in your tongue and it's the sweet sour salty it hits them all savory whatever it is no kidding yeah that's why it's so good coca-cola I believe as well you can give that a goog if you want that Chuckster well those two of my real addictions ah yeah I like the whole tongue coke I gave up three years I've had a coca-cola pretty proud of that wow man you're like Robin Williams you gave up coke hello it was a drive-by fruiting run by boy well I got

to apologize I missed the Seattle show yeah I did a Q&A after where's Joe and that time it met made sense people were up a hurt hurt no we're hurt no no hurt hey one guy said I didn't I don't even like you I came for Joe what the hell what the hell you teased me he let me down he bailed wow there was two show so we could just lie and say I was at one of the other one I did one of them we'll go with that yeah I did one and it was boy I really blew the roof off the place you picked the wrong show dickless yeah you really missed it well you know what it is you just you get the sweatpants on which I still have on by the way I have

a ketchup stain ironically is that the ketchup that's the ketchup yeah wow what's going on with ketchup now I guess cuz it it was exposed to the elements hmm that's why it was a different color I think it's just a different ketchup I don't know oh yeah wouldn't the label be different exposed yeah it's not blood I know but I think well when it it's still food it's still got you know you leave an avocado out that's not blood either it turns brown right I think this change is over time no ketchup doesn't change I think they're just filling in and the bottles different because they they put in their own ketchup I'm telling you

they're making fucking also Harry's ketchup in the back right that's what it is okay some catches were just darker than other catch ups sure I think Heinz but it's not like light skin black dark skin you know it's it's usually all the same color is it not no there's darker ones yeah there's like a there's like a ketchup that's pretty perfect thank you okay there's a pretty mainstream ketchup that's like very brown I forget what it's called it's like professor some things right you know what I mean I hate those highfalutin ketchup Lord Kensington's miscarriage the worst same as soda sodas and ketchup's I don't want

yours I want my yeah this is boil soda it's made in Virginia by some fat lady with one arm all right so we missed in Seattle but it was a hell of a show and they did ask you know people did ask about you yeah well that's sweet yeah they like you well you know what it is it's like you go to the kids soccer game that's at 2 p.m. it ends at 3 30 you got to go get lunch afterwards then it's a beautiful day out there beautiful day in the Pacific norwee it was something else so you sit in the back yeah and I was truly undecided I was like I think I'm gonna go there you know I reached out I said I'm gonna go to this show I just

came off a hot LA trip I feel hot and heavy I want to hear about this LA oh it was something but you know sit back there you go let me have a cigar yeah and then Derek goes what I want to start the fire and I go good idea I'll get the fire started you kick that up you put the little tent in the DP and then you're sitting there and I know you have this maybe you have this maybe not you as much but I got a cigar I got a campfire I'm in sweatpants I haven't showered in six weeks the showers are real deterrent that's the thing it's that moment and this is why it's tough to live in the suburbs why people move to the suburbs

and turn into mushy fat shitty comics yes yes anyone in particular you know you are we all know but you're sitting there and now it's 4 30 5 and the I'm in gig harbor the sky and the kids are playing I got a music I'm playing music the kids are dancing how am I far out are we talking and don't give me some bullshit 30-minute airport line no wow that's the thing too there's always traffic it's probably about I'm gonna say 4850 minutes that's a Neptune theater that's a chunk and then you got a park you got a park and I also have to figure out from you or whoever hey what's the stage door yeah I'm not gonna stand and

lie you have that image of like oh hey I'm trying to do a spot while you're on the list and I had an all-access beauty just waiting for you but it's the park and then it's Seattle so there's like homeless encampments do you want to see them and get bummed about that and find the park find the parking yeah but the mode the the number one thing is that click you have to switch to like okay yes kids enough out of you I have to walk to the shower shop put on jeans put on fresh clothes a lot of steps people think oh you're just getting the car and go no there's steps Jerry you gotta get up you gotta get in

the shower you gotta take your clothes off dry off put clothes back on get in the car get the GPS going drive the 48 minutes find parking text me it's a lot of things and switch from as as comfortable as I get as the most comfortable no job everyone loves me yeah into uh hi hi I'm Joe I'm gonna come eat oh you're a comic yeah I am hello nice to meet you oh hi there's you gotta tap to nine people before I get to you sure and then you know you gotta come out and then it's like yeah you gotta switch into comedy mode and zinger and zoop in and then there's the thing of like now what am I doing am I just hanging out in the back for an hour right right you come off and then you gotta go do meet and greet so am I just waiting like a girlfriend I think you would be

it's a lot of like and then you come back and now it's late so I'm like well I don't really want to I gotta go yeah I get it I'll see you later it was a lot of things well you sent me a text at about 2 p.m about what's the deal I said the show's at 7 and 9 30 come on by you're on the list and you sent me a kid soccer game photo yeah I jerked off and then I go he's not coming once I saw that soccer game I was like he ain't coming he is in the la la land out there and the burbs baby well the kids they pull you in yes listen they're really like uh-huh and what else and you're like and then this and then unlike every adult who's like this not wrong stupid bullshit you don't know what you're talking the kid is like really oh my god I'm the king over there yeah

no I get it I get it I had a pool going with the openers they're like you know he's coming he's coming I said yeah that's tough it's that switch if they still lived in west Seattle and it was an uber ride that helps the pickup drop off maybe now let me throw this nugget at you let's say and I don't think I don't know if it's a good idea but it is a good idea if teleportation existed it would change the whole world obviously you can just boop I'm in Israel boop I'm in Wuhan boop I'm in flit michigan all the best places I don't know if it'd be a good thing because you need that you need that uh drive and that push to get somewhere it should be a thing to get somewhere yeah well but it's a give and take it's it's like fire it can burn your house down but it could cook your

burger or the internet so the internet so many bets gonna ruin our whole society but you know something's good yeah we can get on porn easily in gps and uh uber eats yeah exactly yeah I don't know teleport it's dangerous in that case though I'd still have to shower and stuff it's still the mental switch it's not just to travel because what's in the car that's fun it's the click from shower I'm an adult talking to comics oh so that yeah either way unless I could have just been like I'm not big enough to show up like this they wouldn't care yeah I guess not I'd think they'd be like whoa he's here in his pajamas he fucking made it this guy's uh he's a schlub you want that sandler status sand doesn't tonight show like this oh man he looks like hell doesn't he yeah he put on

a few lb's he's got basketball shorts an orange polo uh weird sneakers I mean he looks like a hobo yeah so maybe I'll I gotta get a couple movies that make 50 60 million dollars yeah you know my lady's like obsessed with sandler she thinks he's like the hottest guy and when you're that rich yeah well I know well she likes me too so there's something off but sandler oh yeah well that'd be Billy Madison days he was cute he was like in shape and handsome and funny obviously likable cute you know all that shit they like I think sandler started the cool attractive guy on SNL doing a silly totally started I think it went sandler and there was sandberg Pete David Fallon yeah it's all the same role I think yeah yeah sandberg was another one yeah but the fact that

he's a zillionaire and a legend and a household name and all that and he dresses like that that's what's interesting about the ladies they factor in all the extra shit if if uh uh well stavros is a bad example too because he looks like ass as well but if if a comic showed up looking like sandler they'd be like this guy like donnelly if donnelly showed up with sandlers outfit on they'd be like yikes but if you're that guy and you show up like that you're hot well I gotta say we just had a fire drill here and I got I'm wearing this I got ketchup you got ketchup on it and I went out there and the fire marshal was talking he's like you must find the most immediate like he did a pause double takes face squinch yeah yeah that was bad it was not

good it was a bit of a scold it was like the principal was there and you uh you know you were in a dress I showed up my ldps liquid death pants by the way liquid death send us some more pants I got pant I got ldps on every every show so does the pants and the fucking water whatever you got well I want a can all right with that weird guy doing the fire drill announcement thing at the end he goes does anyone have any questions I pointed to you like like you might have a question like this guy is going to look at you for a second I had nothing by the way our neighbor did you see he didn't show up never came out this guy's bold he's never seen his face do you guys know what he looks like he doesn't know I started the google i know his name

oh google i'm not gonna reveal it but yeah he does he he beats to his own baby whatever he goes rogue yeah he beats his wife I mean clearly he's terrifying yeah but I don't want to see his face because I picture him as his devilish ghoul with like fire coming out of a suit no I'm still picturing Chris Cuomo yeah but with the fire all right I'll take it fiery Cuomo fire alarm chili hey folks two sets of stories is brought to you by better help oh yeah if life came with a user manual things would be easier for everyone but it doesn't so when it's not working for you it's normal to feel stuck navigating a career change a new relationship and becoming a parent can make you feel uncertain you got that right therapist a train to help you learn productive coping skills

which makes therapy the closest thing you'll get to a user manual you got to do therapy we're all in it using the same guy which is very weird but you know it's like using the same prostitute he knows all the spots and you know you can complain about your friends while you're there so get on it the bags are piling up help yourself it's an online therapy that offers video phone chat sessions as the world's largest therapy service better help us match three million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100 online plus it's affordable just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with the therapist if things aren't clicking you can always switch to a new therapist anytime it couldn't be simpler no waiting rooms no traffic no endless

searching for the right therapist learn more and save 10 off your first month at betterhelp.com slash tuesdays that's better h-e-l-p dot com slash tuesdays get on it hey folks tuesdays with stores is brought to you by sheath you know sheath the official underwear of comedy i'm wearing him he's wearing him you're wearing him everybody's wearing him the funniest balls on the planet are being cradled by sheath the best undies out there we love him i'm wearing him right now i swear to god i wore him when i got married i wore him when i lost uh my labia and kyman you gotta love him u.s army soldier and tuesday robert patin knew there was had to be a quicker way to get his dick from sticking to his leg it comes in many patterns and you can have a pair

ready for any occasion i just throw about 13 in my suitcase and i wear them all year round i barely wash them and turn them inside out but they're the best go to sheathunderwear.com in order with promo code tuesdays to get 20 off your first order and sheath 100 money back guarantee that sheathunderwear.com promo code tuesdays get sheath underwear and let them support your cajones but i did the cross country flight to the pacific northwest landed in seattle my phone dies immediately when i get on the plane oh isn't that the worst it's a six hour flight and i go well we got the cord or the outlet right here no outlet working and you go to the guy like hey the outlet's not working he's like yeah sorry and i had the whole plan i'm like oh charge when i got on the plane

right zilch and i'll tell you when your phone goes out for six hours the addiction hits you you're like wow i am a mess without this thing i did the crossword puzzle in the fat in the magazine i'm like an old lady i'm reading fucking uh but what's that shit with the the the the the inventions and the sky balls sky ball i've been gone since the 80s i've got sky ball going i'm doing highlights i'm circling the the paper clip and the tree i did the crossword i did the jumble it was insane i read the whole i read an interview with billy eichter i'm learning about budapest i wanted to kill myself yeah no it's rough it's rough i mean i get the wi-fi now i tell you what they could charge $755 for the wi-fi you gotta do whatever you got me i'm looking at everybody else's

phone they're all lit up having fun iPads with tv shows i wanted to kill myself jerry and i was like maybe i'll write i wrote i wrote the plane oh wow i love writing on the plane it wasn't pretty i got writing on the plane is good but man that clock and there was no tv's so i was just staring at the back of that united seat with a fork about to go right into the jugular is there anything more like self-conscious thing than writing on a plane because there's people next to you're so scared they're gonna see premise yeah my asshole falls out on wednesday and swastikas it's a horrible thing by the way i had a middle seat all the way back yesterday what yes who are you i know well i i forgot to pick my seat and i was come for plus and then i called like the night

before it was like i was like crying talking to the guy i'm like there's a first-class seat on the 1155 how much is it to upgrade and he's like it's 850 bucks and i thought about it for a second even the guy was like you can't do it man yeah come on i was like really and he's like no like it's so funny when someone that has no concept of what you're like for all he knows i got more three million dollars right right and he's like you can't do it and i was like really and he's like nah what are you comfort plus i was comfort plus middle seat on the 740 flight the 1155 had one first-class delta one oh but that was 830 bucks and i was like what about miles he's like there's no option for miles yeah and i was like fuck yeah it humbles you it makes a man that builds

character that middle seat i did it last week and you want to kill yourself and you go up to the desk and you feel like a Karen you're like anyway you could uh help me out here you know is there another seat he's like uh best i can give you his back row no recline on the bathroom middle seat you're like thanks dick right but yeah it was tough but you know you get through it the worst part for me is the bath i have to have my tea in the morning which makes me have to pee if i have an aisle seat i'll get up and piss seven times what i like getting up stretching moving around jerking off uh but i have to do so i gotta just i gotta just uh not funny just go out and give a big hug to the moor theater holy shit dick quiff nazi anal throw jim place is beautiful legendary so i landed

Seattle you gotta get the rental car there's just so many steps you know and i get to the get to the moor hotel which is next to the moor theater which is a shit box well the theater's got some stank oh it's grimy yes frank grimes and it was ugly the neighborhood's ugly it's a bad day it's drizzly and you pull up to that moor hotel now this is where this is where the travel kick kicks you in the balls fly with no phone you finally land i made it then you get the rental car that's a whole line with the rat maze you finally get the rental car then you drive in rush hour to the moor hotel you park the car you check in they give you a key like a metal key it's one of those places somebody's died in there harrowing overdose janice joplin got aids whatever it is then they go where'd you park

and i go i'm right out here they go oh that's uh you can't park there and i go where's your lot and you know we don't have a lot so you gotta go park the car in a parking lot down the down the way and then we'll validate it tomorrow i was like uh well where's the lot and then you gotta go and the whole thing and then you finally get upstairs and you're like all right the show's in an hour so now i got a shower shit shave jerk off and then i was annoyed you get to that moor it looks like hell on the outside it's like a haunted house yes hobos everywhere graffiti broken bottles you get backstage and they go you want to see this the stage i'm like yeah sure whatever they pull that curtain back it's three tears three tears folks tears for fears i mean it's insane

it's beautiful it's old it's ornate and outside it's like you said looks like my dad's asshole then you get inside it looks like my mom's clit oh your mom's clit is nice very nice big clit can't wait till next week oh yeah meter so carry meter so uh yeah just a beautiful place Taylor Clark opened hey tc we just had a ball it was just one of those then you have that great night everything goes well we got drunk in the green room i leave there's a dad and his son sitting in a Prius they wait for me they get out and they go this is my son he's a huge comedy fan i took him here for his birthday thank you for a great show whatever and then the son's like yeah that was awesome by the way uh you did that one joke about the holocaust a bunch of people left

in the balcony i'm like ah jeez don't tell me that shit they love telling you i know and they think you like it they're not telling you to bum you out they like telling you because they're like hey i know how you love to walk people i don't want to bum everyone out i know you like hurting people's feelings and making them upset yeah thanks but sweet kid good times then you you fall asleep you wake up you drive to portland did two shows there blah blah blah with arie manis did two shows at the revolution hall which is an old school house oh love still got the lockers up and everything oh that sounds great it's super cool and you just picture all the kids in that school you know back in the day it ended in 1980 looks like a school lot of like uh breakfast club oh wow really cool

they made it into an art space blah blah blah it's all these offices but we did the show we leave and we go you know what it's port let's go to a strip club sure let's go to titty bar so arie's like hell yeah we're like well where what's the best one this there's more strip clubs in portland than any city in america right so we're like well how do we know which one to go to we don't want to go to the vegan one or the armpit hair one no so we did i did a whole thing at the end of the show i was like give me some strip club what's the best one and unanimously they picked one so i said all right i'm going there then can you say which one i can't remember the name fuck you know they all it's like uh what is it thigh highs or or purple rhino with always the same name yeah clits uh

you know lady parts i can't remember we'll figure that we'll put it in post there you go but center folds that sounds like one maybe that's it boot liquor i don't know but we get there so first of all we're like well i guess we'll get an uber and we're walking out of the theater and most people have left and this guy's walking to his car and he goes good show i'm a tuesday and i go hey you want to drive us to a strip club and he's like sure so we get in this guy's beaver and the arie the opener goes oh i gotta drop a bunch of shit off at the show he filmed everything he's got camera gear or at the hotel and he's like i'll drive he drove us to the hotel i already ran upstairs put the shit in i hung out with him he's a football coach at the high

school oh wow we can have the shorts now he got out of uniform but he had the whistle i love those shorts grape whistle and uh yeah the short is that bike i think they're bike i don't know they're just coach shorts they got those tight booty shorts and like a polo yeah and they shoved that polo in there and then they got the elastic cooking sure the whistle and then they have the uh the white socks with the little like spot built sneakers aha remember those spot built that was an old brand pull up spot oh that's a brand it's my uncle always wore back in the 80s i don't know spot built pretty sure b i l t the house that spot built and then a big spot on it they were like white with the big flap and had like a oh i got them oh yeah these are these are you'd recognize them i don't

know this i remember wanting them when i was a kid and then uh they were like they don't make them in kids side and i was like well i grow up i'm gonna have nothing but spot built okay very retro yeah can you spin it around show marcus or just a quick should i pull up give me a glance like i want to see a spot oh the second that's a conny sock any oh maybe spot built is the model of shoe and maybe it's spot built the same same wiggle on the side there similar hold on these are different though okay well somebody's stealing from somebody because that i do think i do think it's a different company but yeah it's similar spot built sneakers you know a coach is going to be scared if he had wilson shoes nothing's scarier than a guy wearing wilson's because that guy will kick in the teeth

here they are these are more than let me see what we got yeah that looks here they are this is the one i was thinking with the tongue and the thing that's the one i described yeah that's a lot of me getting a shot of that we're getting a great shot all right spots and the dots yeah what is you know what it's another weird shoe is lotto i don't know lotto i've played the lotto up in massachusetts lotto there were soccer shoes lotto they look like a deed is no lotto i don't remember those yeah is anything coming up or did i make that up out of jizz air bad air all right lotto shoes all right so anyway so he's a coach he's a coach and i go give it to me straight what are the kids like today he's like oh my god i've been coaching 18 years they keep getting queefier and queefier

he's like you have no idea blah blah blah so that was fun he's uh we talked about that and he drove us to the strip club dropped us off we walked in smoking hot ladies by the way we went to the right one oh god ten dollar cover not bad wow and a lady that's the lotto you ever see those i remember lotto yes yes all right sure yeah right when we walk in this tall cup of jizz b-lines right to ari she's three feet taller than him she's got the boots on like this she walks up and she goes how are you doing goes in the back with her immediately drops a couple hundo i lost his whole paycheck i hate tall it's too much leg i don't like a tall bitch he likes a tree he wants a he wants a big old 9 11 tower one wow i want tower seven short and stocky

and goes down easy was that is that one shorter no it's quite a bit shorter is that right it's 70 stories shorter those the tallest buildings in the world i didn't know that yeah of course tower seven i think you think of a pentagon that's short no pentagon short tower seven is 50 stories or something like that and what's tower eight there is it six there's one and two or 110 towers that's how i think yeah wait tower those tower one tower two tower seven is the one that they were like that was the government whatever the fuck is that that's not a twin it's not a twin no twin i'm talking about twin here it's solo well that's just one look down seven is higher than two so it's tower seven it's not tower one or tower two it's tower seven right but wouldn't but he's

saying seven is short yes they're not going in an order of height oh the twin towers or tower one tower two yeah i'm saying yes tower seven is not tower seven is a different building it's part of the same was that it it wasn't hit this is the big conspiracy theory i thought we were talking about hit buildings what happened was i'm not it's just so we don't get it i'm gonna hear from 50 people being like that was the fbi the cia the whatever no june the building tower seven is when tower two or one fell all the debris fell on tower seven so then it burned out of control it burned out of control for like hours and hours and hours and hours well what would it keep burning and then eventually it crumbled and so you know this i'm sure somebody listening to our podcast right now is

like list is a piece of shanty believes anything call in if you read q anon or fort jan let us know what happened to the tower yeah let me know and go ahead and block yourself there you go speaking of which i did want to say in this episode we got the tuesdays with stories at gmail.com email address back you got that right so there was there was kind of no way to write into the show before because our old email address is like so long and annoying it's like was like stand up new york labs tuesdays at gmail but we have tuesdays with stories at gmail.com back again there you go you guys used to push it early in the show and now we have it so if anyone needs to write in for any reason yes call in tuesdays with stories at gmail.com i think what happened was i had access to it

and then somebody would inevitably write like this sucks fire them blow me you fucking piece of shit tower seven inside job yeah but anyways okay so you get in there tall tower tall tower she goes off with arie apparently he likes a big old palm tree and he went back with it she looked like sideshow bob she had the wacky hair like that and he's a little jew he's like five one okay and he had a had a ball climbing that mountain so that was fun and then i had the thing you know he had the the pretty lady come up to me she's like hi i'm maya what are you what are you in here for what are you like i know you're like i know you just want money i'm just standing here looking at the broads i don't know it's very awkward oh maya yeah not mea maya i don't care for a maya i think you

gotta go to the stage if you're at the stage they won't bother you as much because they know you're giving money to them to their buddies i was hanging back the hangbacks no good when you hang back they think you want to chat and hang out i don't want to chat hang back equals hang out up front equals don't front i see all right okay well all right good to know because i thought i was going to be a fly on the on the tits but no dice there's no flies on the tits apparently that's the problem you no fly zone some titty bars you can go they got flies on the one in Tampa i believe serpents yeah that was wild that was a couple flies on the tits it was like a send five cents a day for a cup of coffee tits that they're all dancing to in the arms of the angels exactly yeah they all have distended

bellies and malnutrition good time so we got out of there and right when he got out left as i was like all right we gotta go because we're just hemorrhaging money here and you know i got a rider with all these booze bottles in it and then i feel like i take a sip of booze out of the rider and then i go to a place and spend $900 on booze right so i feel like an idiot but what you should put in your rider is a stripper in the bat in the green room you're thinking that's good well hopefully no fly on it but uh he zipped up his fly we got the hell out of there and drove to portland no drove to seattle mighty mcfly so back to seattle so you went seattle portland seattle horrible routing thank you uta but yeah seattle flew in drive to portland drive back

to seattle do the neptune no list then uh drove a flu to vancouver oh cool now let me ask you real quick how is that portland crowd because typically they have extremely hot crowds killer always i always say they know they're crunchy and annoying so they overcompensate and i'm talking they want the blood baby they're gonna they're thirsty for it they want to fist up the pooper and an n word and we delivered all right so then you're off to coup could look great american cities huh not american but hell of a town but now now this is where it gets hairy there fatty and this is where i need your your your thoughts your input your chime my expertise so oh that's pretty good pretty good my fair lady good balance so new balance spot built

lotto all right so i uh you know we do the shows but we go back to the neptune great little theater old movie house they used to play deep throat oh no kidding i love that little theater i love deep throat and so we finish in seattle we have a great night arie flies back to la the opener then i am getting my rental car driving it to the airport dropping it off and flying to vang i wanted to drive vancouver but the rental car wasn't available for that many days whatever so i always buy the gas at the rental place so i can return it empty big mistake you think so yeah how do you fig well the only way that works out for you is if you push it in on empty otherwise you're paying for some amount of gas that you're not using true well i pushed it in

okay well if you pushed it in then it worked out i am a big creeper i'm like push it with my back all the way up the hill to the rental car place i mean for the most part though people bring it back that's how they get you you pay for an entire tank of gas nobody's bringing unless you have a toad there right whatever quarter of a tank eighth of a tank some people bring it back with half a tank no i wouldn't do that and then you've paid for all that gas for somebody sure sure well i drove to portland and back to seattle and out of the airport so i really put some miles on this honky that's not bad and you don't have to go to the gas station in the morning that's the plan now this is one of these new cars with the push button sure with a lot what is a fob key fob key fob

fob yo yes exactly so we got the key fob whatever i parked the car over and i would do the shows i wake up let me go get the car it's on e i'll squeak it right into the avis get in the car i'm like oh maybe i'm doing something wrong because i'm a i'm an old uh ignition guy yeah i like a combustion engine uh you know me i love a good combust and nothing i'm hitting the button just going weird noises it's like what the fuck is going on here so i'm like let me apply the brake let me try again nothing i'm out of gas i ran out of fucking gas oh my god well you'd made the right choice with the gas i guess i left the car running overnight oh the button jerry the button i've done it we did it together in royers for maybe it wasn't you

but it was somebody when we did the whole show and i came back and the car was running yes and i'm like what the hell that's what i did these cars they're so quiet now back in our day i drove an 87 buick century for the first 10 years of my life where old's mobile and it was the same day it was like kramer's car like blues yes i mean this thing idle you can hear it in run island maybe you had to pump the gas he would catch you know that was a lot of that shit back then so you knew when that thing was on and you knew what that thing was off absolutely so you must have left the fob in the car i did not it kept running it kept running without the fabio interesting yeah so very strange and it's you know you got crust in your eye you got jizz in your ass you're like ah you just want

to get to the airport you don't want to have to figure shit out i feel like a cub scout like all right here's my mission i gotta find two sticks and rub together and all this shit so now i'm like all right i have no gas in the car i gotta get to the airport i gotta make my flight what the fuck do i do so i gps nearest gas station half a mile and i'm like maybe i'll call triple a but i don't have time the clock's ticking they're gonna take an hour and a half to get there so i'm like thank jerry thank so i run to the gas station buy a two liter of coke walk outside with it whoo i'm really thirsty pour it out in the grass well this is against the law it's very against law i see a hobo going oh it's this guy doing i thought i was the weird one here i'm just sitting

there going glug glug glug glug glug you know coke's all over the place but isn't gas gonna mix with the coke now well i'm just trying to get to the airport okay i'm not trying to fix a car or go help a car whatever i'm just trying to get by all right so you know glug glug glug maybe i'll take a hit off of it every now and then glug glug and then i you know put the credit card in that the old shell station isn't the hose bigger than the bottle no it fit right in it was a it was a wide mouth baby no kidding yeah i remember the wide mouth yeah and that nozzle fit right in there and they try to they try to rook you because the nozzle won't go if it knows it's not in a car the technology is so good so there's a foreskin on the the nozzle so you have to pull that back with

your hand because other when you shove it into a car it pulls it back on its own right it's that little you know lip on there a gadget yeah so i got just the the metal in the nose in there and i'm not sure they're trying to screw you i'm trying to think they might be trying to make sure no one's spraying people in the face with gas probably even better yeah because you can't do that that's a myth right maybe in the 80s yeah zoolander so i have to figure that out so i'm really doing some some thinking here so i finally get the the foreskin back i'm and that shit shoots like the bottle went flying at first you know because it's like it's like when you put a sweet tartar a certain air what is that thing that makes this coke blow up you know okay so how

much money would you pay for the gas station security camera footage of you doing this well here's the clinker you know they pump the gas into the floor and the cement and there's a guy with a big truck and a hose and they're filling up the tanks sure that guy's just sitting there on a bucket watching me and he's like what the fuck is this guy doing he's eating a sandwich filling up big fat guy so i'm doing that and then i fill up the the two liter i'm covering gas i smell like shit i'm i'm hung over and i run back a half a mile and i just pop that cap open and just start glugging that two-liter bottle right in there is this full shanta and sprite and coca-cola dr p and get back in the car starts right up i got about i got about this much gas just a

cunt hair and needle moved and i drive that nazi of the airport dropping off high five the guy goes you smell like shit i go blow me and i got on the plane and i went to canada wow some heroin addict probably found that coke bottle i'm like oh sweet and drank up a couple of fucking liters of unleaded and is dead somewhere which is helps us yeah yeah you ever siphoned never siphoned no siphon sounds but uh no no siphoning i've done that that ain't pretty because you get a you get a mouthful yeah i don't think that's good for you no did you fly like covered in gasoline oh yeah oh can uh trudeau's not the only one with brown shit on him god so yeah flew to canada jumped in the shower and they did a show at the vogue theater and had a great time wow vekuva rules to another

great audience great great gays they're great fans yes yeah they got the heroin out there but uh it is a jewel isn't defensive house similar all of the pacific north west is very sim i guess new york boston and philly are pretty similar in ways oh yeah it's regional baby yeah but they all have the similar like junky corner homeless people crazy yeah but great crowds also very naturey very patagonia very crunchy all that shit is similar to they tend to be nicer out there yeah i think so i love the pacific northwest yeah so i long for it finally six hour flight from vancouver air canada sucks i'm sorry trudeau and uh gretzky or whoever the fuck is he from canada oh yeah okay yeah mounties whatever you got air canada stinks and uh again no tv whatever did the

crossword no wi-fi had to suck it up so i'm like no wi-fi like not available not like 899 not available but oh crazy so fly back there's none deltas i don't even know what we're you gotta stick with delta united air get there all shit posers yeah so i landed oh teeny weancy you gotta turn it up real loud you'll hear it yeah i was like a gay mouse queefed but let me just say this and i'll hand it over because i've been hogging it no hog hey folks tuesdays with stories is brought to you by have you started shopping for the holidays yet well you better get on it patty right now you can shop early skip the stress and snag some of the best deals of the season that everyone will love the premium audio products from ray con everyone needs a pair of ray cons in their ears whether it's

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and buy ray con dot com slash tuesdays for 20 off not too shabby buy ray con dot com slash tuesdays enjoy those holidays folks the island i finally landed new york you're like all right i made it i'm in new work you're getting an uber i go how's the traffic no traffic very good very good yes here we go and i land on monday so you never know what traffic we get into the city we're in the village or tribeca area and he's like can't go can't go i'm like what are you talking about he's like parade i look up there's a fucking halloween parade going down the street right on six avenue i live on six avenue so i have to talk to the police and i'm like hey can you let me over i got the suitcase i smell like gas i look like a unabomber still with the gas well you know same

and uh they walk me to the apartment i get in see the lady she's like what are we doing tonight it's the halloween parade i go i just want to sit down and watch this fucking unlet it off me and uh went up taking shrooms and hitting the parade oh that's fun yeah good times halloween in new york hard pass folks oh i was gonna say nothing better now they got what are you crazy they got the masks on and the people everyone's crazy i mean it's terrifying i did the parade one year when i was in my 20s and i was like this sucks a young man's anal yeah i did it a few times soda and i went out one year and you just you forget that you have your costume on yeah you got dip shit and it's just like everyone's in fucking crazy mask you don't know who's crazy and who's not

i know you got that right well there was a couple shootings the stampede i don't have you heard about that no i don't know about the stampede oh yeah tramp stampede and uh it was uh it was a fun night we ended up getting getting real toasty and had a couple beers while there's shrooms you're you're like the king but salic use text when he goes me and simonson and ronnie chang are at a diner and i go i'll be there what a weird group i have a cookie group but i sat down with him and this lady in a full clown suit white face big hair but you know the big boop boop boop polka dot and she goes you're gonna use that ketchup and i went ah i ran out of there because the shrooms what color was the ketchup that's what i want to uh-huh it was it was uh light red boy simonson

chang and salic use i mean these must have been good mushrooms if you ran to that hang well i was uh i was doing the heavy lifting as they say but uh once that clown came out i was i was b-line in it to the to the house that's my worst nightmare oh god i'm booger central i know i've been watching you pick no pick couple couple scratches that's a pickin i saw a thumbnail get inside all right what do you got i'm hogging let me shoot oh man these spot builds just pop back up and they're really quite quite handsome you're gonna get to talking to the heads with that one there fatty you're gonna be coaching little league before you know it i miss these things oh look at the blacks look at these ones okay let's cut that clip those are the ones i'm talking

about with the booty shorts next year i'm going as a football coach i like it yeah i'm gonna get some spot builds and some baby shorts all right don't go as paterno uh we were just talking about zalinsky was he that guy's name zalinsky no no sandus gerry sandus was a dusky or an insky or a pollock we had a long talk about him when i was out in seattle but oh yeah i said it on here that shoot me i'd love to hear it well i just think sandusky's misunderstood that's all oh that's a hot take right there uh by the way he's probably a hell of a coach i gotta tease i got a big my my agent told me to tease chicago big chicago news coming i love chicago big chicago big boston i got a bunch of crazy dates in the books that i don't think i i think these clubs

are gonna take a well a lot of gays in shy town they come out in the in the shy yeah so uh you know big news coming gay new special what are we talking well i got a big voice there okay well i got a lot here i don't know what to get to oh i didn't know you had a lot sorry well we both got a lot we're living the high life but nothing crazy we gotta do a bonus too so whatever you got oh yeah we're we're we're taking off on patreon yeah we'll save that sandusky hot take yeah really blowing up on the patreon but yes i got all these la stories but i want to talk about the microwave thing let me just give you the microwave thing real quick because the microwave is interesting and give me the improv too when you're done yeah i'll go to the improv after this but we got uh

we we have a shared area what do you call that kitchen to break room a break room snack room whatever we're in this stupid fucking office we have to get out of yes yes get out we talked to him today so i had a cinnamon roll you could see the remnants here can i have that nugget there have that little piece of shit there's nothing there's no jizz on there there's no jizz i don't eat it yeah a little bit of jizz whatever i eat has to come on he's a real raccoon man you know what i mean all your language so i got a cinnamon roll and i'm standing call in email comment for the algorithm why that is tasty i'm standing in front of the microwave i have the microwave area you have the window i'm undressing a cinnamon roll the plastic very daintily i just naturally do it

daintily and a guy comes in the break room whatever and he goes how you doing i said i'm fine and i'm still daintily uncovering he takes a dish fish vegetables chicken a whole thing reaches across my face opens the microwave puts it in so right away i'm like okay he's cutting me yeah a little annoying but whatever it'll probably a 30 second heat pops it in three minutes 55 seconds that's an eternity he cuts me and puts in a four minute item and leaves what's he broiling a ham what what goes in for four minutes i don't know but i'm like i got a 20 second cinnamon roll here step on it i've cooked a Thanksgiving turkey in less time than that i mean this is an outrage am i am i wrong am i right no no no no i here's my thoughts you're you're undaunted you're daintily

undressing you're taking the panties off the labia whatever he didn't take your heat in it he must not have thought i was heating but still at four minutes four minute what could he have had you know a mutton and it was vegetable i had that broccoli nasty smell and by the way who doesn't heat a cinnamon roll it's a big fat cinnamon roll covered in jizz of course i'm heating i wouldn't heat it but i i now that you say that i'll start heating every roll oh you heat it's goo you saw you came in you saw oh it was i was jealous it was a big goo gobbler i wanted to lick your lips so uh let me get to la i'd last couple weeks ago i went to l i went to gig harbor and then went to la this week i flipped it this time okay go to la backup do the business i see

and then you shoot up that's the way to do it wait a minute wait wait wait wait i'm going to gig harbor for vacay with the family out there so my thought is like i'm already all the way out wet this is what i'm gonna start doing more of i go there six times a year to see these kids so i'm like i'm already 3000 miles west i might as well pop down and do some la business you got that right that way i can balance career with seeing these children that i care about yes children so this time i go la first then gig harbor which is better i agree because you get all the hollywood stuff in and i gotta tell you it took me about 22 years but i really feel like i have some connection in LA some belonging you got some juice the improv is really taking care of i gotta give a shout

out to the hollywood improv and erin over there yeah so nice killer great club so nice great core they gave me a bunch of spots uh which was fun wednesday thursday and uh you fly out there and it's tough because you gotta balance it you don't believe it or not we're very popular guys i got chris walsh i got tommy john again i got my friend lindsay adams i got uh yeah yeah we're not popular with the audience sure but um and then you got uh bobby kelly is there he's promoting his special ari shuffer is there promoting his special wow and so bobby says stay at the hotel ziggie that's where i'm at ziggie that's right across the street from the store right on sunset strip wow it's like a rock and roll cool people hotel so i say you got it i'll stay there okay

ziggie for the piggy i don't even realize till i get there ari shuffer is in town he's staying at the hotel next to the store across the street so it's me bobby ari all on sunset strip wow how about that how about that love it so we go out and uh you know we're messed you try to see your la friends but then your best new york buds are there so let's all get together i go over and don't you love when someone's in your hotel bobby's like i'm in 209 so it's like i'll be right down so i go down there i go in his room it's a mess we start talking bullshitting your neighbors yeah we meet up with ari we go to the v cut the cigar joint i love the v shout out to kyle who's uh twos gay he works there he opens it late after hours oh you got the lane open so we got me john again ari and bobby we did

two comics two cigars our new podcast you can check it out oh nice great hang just the four of us smoking cigars and kyle shout out then dave rath walks back because it's right next to the improv he goes what the hell look at that he's like ari john uh bobby joe and then he comes in he sits doesn't recognize john again and a couple times he goes hey mark oh and then i order i'm a piece of shit i'm garbage i'm like white trash garbage i'm starving so i order mcdonald's uber eats which is so embarrassing because to the v cut to the v cut oh boy so i come i'm wearing i'm wearing this i come out and uh i go up to the skies in a Mustang he gives me a paper bag like a shopping bag for donald's and then everyone at the improv is hanging out they're literally right next to each

other yeah so i see like jf harris a few other comics some twos gays everyone's like hey listen i'm like hey and i just reached in this car and pulled out mcdonald's i'm like well the curtain's down yeah this is the real me i'm a piece of shit and then i'm like i'll be right over i'm just hanging out in here right but i guess while i was in the arath was like mark i love what you and joe are doing and john again is just devastated just looking going i'm kidding he's so not me he's like a handsome guy he's put together not a hair out of blades got the glasses on he's always gonna button up he's so not me i love that you're pretending you're not handsome or put together i mean he would i mean yeah this is an outfit you're wearing you look you look very handsome really very attractive

all right you've done pretty well but he's got like a flat top he's got the glasses he's got a button down on i feel like he's tucked in he seems more mature yeah yeah he's better looking for sure there you go you know yeah you know you're both cool guys about the same height we're hanging out together i got an inch on him i don't know you know i can see it all right i you know brunette white thin white men comedians yeah we were laughing too afterwards because you're like he could just say anything and then dav rath is like mark norman just saying the n word of the hang yeah that's terrifying but i felt bad it was dark and i think it was just a moment by the way rath great guy great guy great guy one of the nicest guys he's so cool from massachusetts right

i didn't realize loves comedy and what is he six nine yeah he's a big guy and he came in and so he smoked with us and it was one of those ones where you're like you're nervous that someone's going to walk by who sucks yeah like oh look at this but he came in he added and we chatted and uh that was it's just a great hanging you just feel cool it's after hours you're sitting around a circle smoking cigars do this spot at the improv it was fun and then my friend dav yates was there who i love lindsay adams who i love tim dylan was there who i love love dylan this is at the improv this is all the improv and uh it was a light crowd like 35 people but it was fun to fuck around yeah and everyone was so nice then the next night i'm on both shows there and the lineup some of you might have saw

i posted it was sebastian manoscalco then david spade and then me that's lunch wait you're closing i'm closing it out baby what is that big time jizz you got that right yeah so you just feel cool and i went and did chat and jt podcast i love those guys those guys are great they're their fans of ours it seems like and uh great pot keep an eye out for that i did jonagans pot which is great the local news with alex stone who's hilarious check that out and then we did two comics two cigars so i was podcasting all day i gotta tell you about this real quick i so then the second day wednesday i gotta meet up with first aries across the street sure hold on nice all right arie count it so bobby's now left arie's across the street i go let's get

breakfast so he goes we go to the i go let's go to norms and he goes no let's go to the griddle he goes you're visiting so whatever you want and i go i've never been to the griddle it's a classic place on sunsets you gotta walk east for like a mile beautiful day we get there the music is just pump i hate the pump music 10 am you like so loud you can't even believe it brutal and he's like i know this is like two jewish it's embarrassing but i gotta leave i know i'm with it that ain't jewish it's like let's get out of here maybe saw an oven and wanted to leave so we leave we go to starboard we get a tea we got an uber this is always great because you know me i like to make the decisions i'm a bit particular sure and so i'm like let's go to

norms he's like let's do griddle and i'm trying to improve myself so i'm like griddle it is we'll go with your idea which you know makes me just burn inside griddle be this i appreciate it good for you and then we get there it's too loud and i'm like i'm like ah should we leave i guess we'll leave and i'm like this yes norms is better norms is better it's classic carl reiner jerry seinfeld it's got the thing whatever kind of architecture in the thing it's orange it's beautiful so norm we take an uber so i get the best of both worlds i get my way while also being like let's do what you want to do good for you also clearly i was i was right he picked the shitty place what is griddle is that just a different diner it's just a diner-y thing and uh sometimes

these diners get too hip i don't want hip i want fucking hash browns and coffee exactly so we go to norms it's perfect then we just walk around west hollywood for a while having one of those great talks 70 degrees sunny and you know that feeling when you go to a party you go to a town you go to a place you're like should i be over there where am i why aren't the cool people what's where am i supposed to be you're cool you got spade open for you this felt like i'm right where i want to be great hang he goes he's got to go work on his special juice right then chris walsh goes hey let's go meet up so then my other buddy chris comes and we go walk around we have lunch we stroll around larchmont village oh that's very sexy oh my god it's gorgeous but good for you to get an LA guy

in there because it's funny to go to LA and hang out with the new yorkers i know exactly so we hang out for a couple hours he drops me off at the podcast i do chat and jt's podcast keep an ear out for that great pod we and we went deep we got we talked some good stuff listen to that it was a great pod and uh then i leave so now i've had 10 hours of hanging out great hanging but 10 hours and i got about two hours to kill so i walk across the street to the grove you know the grove over there oh yeah love the grove gotta eat dinner and i i like this feeling i go i'm going to cheesecake factory wow sometimes you're in a town everyone goes you gotta have the taco you gotta have billy's tacos you gotta have donnie's hotdogs sure and i go i got two hours this is a day of socializing

all day socializing i got two hours alone i'm going to get my four cheese pasta at cheesecake and i'm not going to listen to one person go in LA you go to cheesecake well yeah you gotta get a lot of that so i sit there eat my big bowl of pasta go over to the improv and uh johnny comes over henry phillips comes over chris walsh comes over and uh i sit up in the little there's a little staircase there you can watch the show yes yes i watch man of scalco beautiful woman sits next to me i think it might have been spades dame oh he's a coxman he does very well yeah he's a cute little blonde twink so i'm sitting up there i've never seen sebastian live oh it's a treat this guy's i'm dying yeah i'm up there howling he gets a standing o to start and to finish wow on a 15

minute set of the improv 20 minute set wow i saw him at the garden and it was it was pretty magical he was he was great and then spade comes out and you know there's a little boy inside of you that's like i was in middle school watching this son of an onion tommy boy um and he's standing over me i'm like do you want to sit and he's like no no no and i'm like he's like great to see you which i would never met nice guy knows who i am i bet he knows very nice guy and so uh sebastian goes up he kills spade goes up he kills i go up i kill hell yeah and you just feel great and there's some tuesdays there over here and they're like gay whatever it's all pipes you get a little pop on the yeah well i don't know about but um mom and pop but uh cherry no big story i got some other

things we'll share next week but it was very fun you come off and it's it's me henry tommy chris just in the circle and then the people are coming by going hey tuesday i mean probably 10 people afterwards came you're like i drew fans here which is exciting and uh one guy gave me a big old script he wants us to star in a movie that he wrote it's thicker than my cock really who might have to burn that i haven't uh started reading it yet but i'll give it a read by the way you get funding i'll be in a porn i don't give a shit hey now we're talking so straight by the lake two yeah exactly but uh just a great great trip great to see all those guys and you just leave feeling like i love these guys great guys and you see him so rarely that it's special again

it feels special and so i'm gonna start coming to la a lot more and uh trying to trying to work some other pods out i kept missing people but uh what a town here here i love it i love going other places and having your crew there too great crew great crew great club shout out the improv yes all right well we're all we're over where you gonna be there ready you got some dates i got well chicago big announcement coming soon i don't even know what day we're on anymore where the fuck are we in our lives i don't either we're at a wedding or we're like honeymoon we're like two weeks from now oh jesus christ well everyone uh i'm sure you've already watched our e special but make sure you check that out check out the phil handley special yes yeah who else has

specials jesus christ ron has won ron handley uh yeah us a lot of whites check out our uh youtube specials of course uh where am i gonna be december i'm in uh woodstock vermont december fourth that's the vermont comedy festival madison wisconsin uh december eighth ninth and tenth omaha funny bone december 16th and 17th then cleveland january 12th through the 14th that's uh hilarities please come out to that they just built more seats in that place and wow yeah they're taking care of me so make sure you get your seats get your tickets early hilarities january 12th through the 14th columbus funny bone that's in march march 3rd and 4th so a little out in front but uh check out those dutch bunch of dates at comedian joel list dot com and there's something else i was supposed

to plug i thought i'd put it down here maybe not check out jad and jt check out uh the local news tommy johnnigan's podcast i'm on both of those check out two comics two cigars on youtube subscribe to my youtube here here all right all right i'm at uh cobs in san francisco one more show at the wilbur in boston philmore and philly uh nashville zany's honolulu i'm going to come on out to that that's uh selling horribly yeah it should be interesting uh buffalo uh toronto again new haven and uh then we're going into some good old good old fashioned fun at the miami improv that'll be a rough one so uh come on out mark norman comedy dot com uh we might be drunk out to lunch i hate myself this year's material yes yes thank you uh howie mandel bill burr you name it uh a lot of fun

stuff cook and get on the patreon it's hot it's piping hot it's better than ever it's bubbling over we're about to do another bonus right now you're missing out best patreon in the country brazala so