Tuesdays with Stories! - #484 Five Minute Joke Telling Time Giver

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

It's the first ep of 2023, and we've still got that holiday spirit  folks! Mark heads to Toronto with a ton of drugs at the border. He's  incorrigible!! Joe has an amazing weekend in Madison with Matt Wayne,  the king of kings! Mark goes to see The Bills in freezing temperatures,  barely makes it out alive, and purposely gets Matt Wayne a present! We  got Wayne on the brain here everybody!!   Our Stuff:      - patreon.com/tuesdays      - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories        Sponsors:   - This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/TUESDAYS and get on your way to being your best self.  - Visit http://www.liquidIV.com and use code TUESDAYS.  - Support the show by going to www.buyraycon.com/tuesdays

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy my radio is spitting at me one two three four thank you New York we're Tuesdays quit it up we'll see you next year oh yeah we're working on a concert we're trying to do a big thing

are we yeah remember we're gonna do the we'll work on the ground wheels are in motion now we're talking wheels are in motion yeah we saw these other Tom Dixon queefs out there going hey we're selling out this theater we said we've been doing this show for nine years it's funnier than your come to I mean it's funny than your show so how about we do one yeah we're getting it going nine years in the making we're doing I'm just gonna announce it we're doing the Gramercy it's happening you got a vision you gotta you know what I mean you're gonna what's that bullshit vision board retrograde secret you got a vision board

I don't know what that is I'm bored it's a board it's like these girls every every girl I fuck on the road whoops cut that all these the ladies they get the cork board and then you put up a picture of you know lean out of the caprio or like a nice haircut you want I see or the dick size you want you want I got I got a dick size on my board too so yeah that's what people do and I think you look at it you're like that's my vision interesting you know you could go out and make it happen I don't know if staring at Timothy Shalagay is gonna get him to pop into your labia I think that guy sucks what he's a good actor but I

think he's just seems like a douche and I actually I'm not sure if he's great he feels like he's pretty samey after a while we'll say me yeah yeah Sam Raimi say he kills dude but I see him in my neighborhood so I can't yeah he lives in the village I love him are you kidding you gotta tell me when you see him he goes to my grocery store I see him jumping apples you're kidding I swear to God and my lady's always like no she can't be attracted to oh they all are him no Harry stylish or whatever his name Billy Eilish to all the men you can't be attracted to Adam Driver and Timothy shit I can't believe your wife has to be

into like she's in everything but me men right no she likes a twinkie otter douche you're not a twinkie Timothy Shalagay I could pick up and snap over my leg you see him shirtless he's a he's a feeble man but he's taller than I am well tall is he tall he's six one give it a go I'm saying six one I don't I picture him five six eighty pounds no that's Danny DeVito he can't be six one is he how big is army hammer what's he's got a seven nine three I bet army hammers big I know but in the movie he's so much bigger than shallow well they got a fix they got angles Jerry yeah that's true I know they had to remember I saw that

behind the scenes of the Irishman and DeNiro's wearing like kiss boots oh that was bad it's uncomfortable when he beat up that guy that was more fake than Jesse Smollett it says he's previously stated his height to be 510 but other sources have said it's five nine oh yeah maybe I'm Rogan because I'm I was looking up at him well you're not back-to-back you're probably he was wearing heels yeah but anyways he's nice but the vision board I think it keeps you do you have this I think I have severe ADHD nobody shoved it up my ass I'm always fidgeting I'm grinding my teeth I'm clicking my ass sure I'm all

whacked out and some of the signs are like a temper and stress anxiety alcoholism these all come with this thing oh interesting and I can't focus Chuck starts talking I just I'm out yeah yeah you got it you're pretty good though I know a couple of guys who are what's that shiny thing who's that is that a woman you're a little you could talk to a guy I can listen and talk but I'm all I'm all fidgets I'm flexing my arm country some of this is OCD I don't know which is which but I got a lot of D's yeah yes these notes double D's herpes D's but I'm all I'm a fidgety mess so I think a vision board because I have this

this is what happens you gotta have goals I get all excited about something and then my brain just and then I'm like this oh yeah remember I was into mandolin for a minute that was a rough time I had I had mandolin for 10 minutes I had I was fasting for a second I'm trying to get my blood pressure I already forgot about the blood pressure yeah this is why marriage is a bad idea I just want to go well that's still doing that but I got this wheelchair lady over here I know you come home you're like you're still here yes we've done it I know every hole every orifice every conversation well four weeks is a long time yeah you

got a point there in that tough spot the four-week itch yes we've got it all in yeah call it quits calling Quinn I can do another party Jesus great yeah the next one's gonna be great by the way some people are not enamored with our background yeah it's about the jokes folks you want wallpaper you go watch this old house what I there's a great old Mike donovan joke I gotta fix this old house I call this old landlord this old house this old landlord changed one word I know but that's the job I know it's funny because they teach you how to fix this old house and he's first of all it's like it's a secretly self-deprecating

yes yes never home he's gonna live in a building right my landlord yeah that's can't afford a house I like it I like gold joke funny we're all laughing it's up there with Brian Kylie out he's got some pearls but my daughter a bouncy castle I paid for with a bouncy check that's great and also deprecating Kylie Kylie's a king he's got the great one my wife gets I call my wife pumpkin because you get smashed around the holidays yeah there's a lot of good ones I'm six foot four she's five eight she has no idea I'm bald so Irish my blood type is oh apostrophe what about my favorite favorite joke ever of his is when he

had the kid and he says I had he had his son and then he's looking at the the babies through the window and then the guy next to me says that's my daughter she was born yesterday because that's my son he was born today and then she says the guy says maybe they'll end up getting married he goes my son's not marrying a woman twice his age that's great tell about the Irish well you got Brian Kylie it's an Irish name it's not that Irish my uncle's got a really Irish name potato mix mall penis it doesn't get much better than that brilliant guy and no one other one of the podcast is talking about Brian Kylie's greatness

and he's ripped by the way and his son plays baseball in the league I work for yes the whitefish hens or whatever whoa the name of the league I can't even remember salmon I don't shoot me pioneer there's a baseball league all right yeah he is jack six four he's ripped he's got a shiny whitehead yeah he's a skinhead they would kill for that guy OPP how can I explain it I'll take it frame by frame thank you so it's the holiday see are you feeling the spirit drinking the jizz I bet I've had a gallon eggnog put right up my ass in a bukkake I got the airport I'm running down Kevin you know I got the dingle

dongs and the jingle bells and the dingle berries I can smell the cinnamon in the air the lady put a little cinnamon in her coffee this morning I went whoa I can smell it down the hall even though my house is 11 inches wide cinnamon Christmas we know we did today we went up about the tree by a tree we got a tree we got a tree last week now so you have an idea the price of these trees I haggled I mean it's like the guy slid four fingers in this way and for this way and just opened it up yeah shoved a couple cocks in there yeah the old vise anal now you're in Manhattan so I don't even want to hear the numbers

we don't have trees on the island so they got a ship of in from Bosnia or whatever because I'm paying up paying international prices my came from according to this fella came from Quebec 14-hour car ride that's ridiculous now I'm a migrant from Santa's I showed up with 40 bucks and 8 bucks to tip just in case and I had to go back to my house I'll tell you that 120 bones Christmas tree I'm not cleaning that Christmas tree what what you pay natural it's from the earth I know but the drive 14-hour drive Quebec I go to Staten Island and chop down a pine for free what you pay I paid 60 for a mini the 60 mini I got

the Brad Williams over here and it it's a tiny little tree I try to put the the lights on and it went I don't want branches hung it's not easy I mean first of all the funnest part is they pull it through that little love the dick dick glove there they pull it through there and then I felt like the guy recognized me because he really was looking but he didn't say anything yeah yeah yeah so you feel like you got to really be gregarious sure a guy I know come and do a stopping chat and I'm like I'm buying a tree he's like hey what's up man nothing just buying a tree feels like when Harry met Sally and he's like

that's a good film but I feel like it's a little bit of a woody I'm like my wife's buying the tree I can't leave her alone what are we breaking down nor if Ron here come on if Ron you and Ron so I shove him off we get the tree he said the price I mean I'm not kidding that's crazy it's it's a natural thing it's like imagine tell that to a Native American buck 20 and I said whoa man when I was a kid a tree was 40 bucks and he goes but how much was gas then the old what's good for the goose is good for the candle what does that mean oh guess well what it means is everything's gone up so everything's more expensive and then

he gave me the Quebec story again hey what a what a canuck fuck 20 call in with your tree amount yeah that seems a little hot I mean triple digits Canadian I true don't believe it but let me just say this mine was 60 and the guy goes give me 65 and I go how about 60 it's a nice even number he goes all right you got it and I think he was looking me I think it was a $50 tree he went 65 I went 60 and I think he got me on the high end who haggles for five bucks well what is this 84 I wanted around now I got a break another 20 on my mall 20s here by the way speaking of fins and haggling how about this let me get your

two cents on this and I think I know where you stand we're pretty close Isabel haggling oh I love that haggling what do you make of this yesterday Shelby now I want to be you got to be sensitive because I'm gonna talk about the troops a little here just be cool put into Iraq wait yes I support the fellas we've both bombed we go there we are at the airport me and Matt Wayne Madison Wisconsin great weekend we'll talk more about it later what a town I go up I go let me get some peanut butter crackers for the flight mm-hmm two bucks 25 cents good for the cholesterol bought a little water get some saltines for my

heart I go I go hey I'll take a I'll take a peanut butter crackers yes bottle of water PVC and then Matt Wayne he's behind me he's got a bottle of orange juice whatever and the lady goes okay it'll be $2.28 for the crackers and 250 for the water that's 518 and do you want to donate $5 for a snack we're going up to five five bucks for a snack a snack for the soldiers get the man a powdered doughnut 38 cents now first and foremost the military budget I think can we get a Google on that it's something like 38 trillion dollars yeah I mean like it's in the trillions easily budget I've been to Baghdad a war zone there was a

plenty oh yeah burgers pastas turkeys all kinds of food oh man an MRE is better than anything I've eaten on a plane and $5 that's double my snack right peanut butter cracker take one of my peanut butter cracker shift that off over the fucking old jarhead now we're talking I'm like what are you talking about they don't have sandwiches yeah the M&M was invented in World War two just to feed the the troops no kidding if you flip around WW right WW dot snack go okay good good to go military budge says the request for 2023 is 70 773 billion dollars 773 billion now how much of that is snacks it does say in the fiscal

year 2022 the Department of Defense had 1.64 trillion distributed among its six subcomponents I think they can afford a fucking bag of popcorn yeah what are they gonna do my five bucks it's I think it's a scam I really do completely I think it's a scam I'm like what are they gonna do send a milky way to a guy and say this is from Joe and I all seven and Madison Wisconsin also we sent eight billion to Ukraine are way more than that you know like what kind of snacks are they getting are they getting full-on Toblerone's over there yes and I happily and proudly paid for the snacks when I paid my taxes my taxes were like

48 grand or whatever the fuck I'm writing a check and I'm not one of these anti-tax guy I'm happy to pay it I'm a Bernie bro here's my money go buy some guns and keep me safe for God's sakes tax machine but also these queeps get the way bored the other not queeps the military they're bored in the plane first exactly in eight and five bucks let me on that yes you're your military funder yes and by the way I'm serving I'm flying all around cheering people up sure service paratrooper of comedy so it's name the hombre but I'm not blaming the troops I'm blaming Hudson news or yeah bad news I guarantee at least half

that goes right into the owner's bucket I think so five is egregious and I know it's airport prices but just cuz the airport price are hired I mean the donations are higher I'm sorry there Colonel and snacks are still under five bucks a bag of chips yes Milky Way and Eminem come on it's cookie there's plenty of snacks out there I can go to I can go to a 7-eleven and for $5 I can go full week shopping yep so any jizz ramen noodles there you go that's all you need ramen Hershberg that sucks ah hey folks the show is sponsored by better help when life gets you feeling overwhelmed working with a therapist can

make you more prepared to take on everything life throws you I can wait for my therapy appointment I just got back from hanging out with my family and it was a lot before that I had Sarah's family in law I went straight from in-laws to laws and I'm feeling kooky I was just walking around with my old pal Rana I'm talking about how I feel you know a little dizzy a little fuzzy a little wacky and what I need is some good therapy time my therapist keeps me on an even keel he is the best and better help is the therapy option that is convenient flexible affordable and entirely online fill out a brief

questionnaire get matched the licensed therapist and switch therapists any time for no additional charge easy if you want to live a more empowered life therapy can get you there visit better help dot com slash Tuesdays today to get 10% off your first month that's better help HELP dot com slash Tuesdays this episode is also brought to you are by our friends over at liquid IV feel like your best self in 2023 with liquid IV in just one stick you get five essential vitamins in two times faster hydration than water alone my favorite flavor I can't even pick a favorite they got so many they've sent me a pile of these I

don't even check the flavors that's how good all of them are I just grab a bag pour it in and start drinking it I gave it to my all of Sarah's family on Christmas we all loved it we literally sat around table drinking liquid IVs use use it first thing in the morning before a workout when you feel run down after a long night out and on long flights I love using it I love I use it in the morning I use it after a run I use it at night free from gluten dairy and soy liquid IV contains three times the electrolytes of traditional sports drinks grab your liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to

liquid IV dot com and use code Tuesdays at checkout that's 20% off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code Tuesdays at liquid IV dot com all right well well you're being take me on the tail talk about I haven't seen this although I shop live so I haven't seen any register action but Matt is this is the problem I've seen it in Madison mmm but that's just see also like oh what about toys for Todd's Christmas kids homeless whatever ding ding Salvation Army guys out there too and vetch if it was veterans that makes more sense get a veteran a snack because the veteran

sometimes it's hard it's hard to come back into society have a hard time finding a gig baby killer or whatever right right but the troops I think they're pretty well taken care of as far as snacks yeah well my ex's had nickname in college was baby killer a lot of abortions but let me just say this I was all I was international this weekend international oh yeah oh Canada thank you I went and bought a tree now I went up to Toronto for a gig Danforth Theater one of the great venues in North America check it out love that Danforth so you know you you fly up to Toronto easy-peasy one-hour flight get there check

into the hotel don't you hate this the flight was long with the traffic to the hotel was longer than the flight isn't that a cunt and a half I hate it yeah Toronto's a tough city if you land it's a whole thing and then getting back as a whole thing it's not easy tiny it's almost like DC where you know you're in that that with that White House area it's a maze you ain't getting out of there easy and it's the same with Toronto downtown it's hard to get in that downtown it's a million lights a million turns a million one ways so in Toronto I love Toronto I love that city is a nip in the air the show sold out we go in some

lady Simone very nice lady saw me in Ottawa and then she saw me in Toronto two weeks later and she's like I'm a big fan I'm a comic and I go thank you thank you so she hit me up and she was like hey I'm coming to your next Toronto show and I go you know what how about you do five oh come on so she's a comedian yes she's a comedian she's a man I missed that I think I said she's a comic she's a fan oh I see I thought she was just a some lady so no I mean she is some lady but she's a lady comic and she's nice so she is she goes I got to five big theater you know 1400 people whatever it is so this is a big fun

moment I get to be I get to be a $5 snack giver you know I'm a five minute joke-telling time giver and so I get to the theater she's there she's all excited she's all dressed up it's great and then I got Rob Mayhew opening so she does ten they give her ten and I was like you go with turn she was like I got it I got it she was double yeah went out cold did great Rob did great just one of the one of the best shows I've had in a while hot crowd and you get to make fun of Canada you get to the group the brown face the trucker the all the weed the hockey the Mounties good times then I get back to the green room and the

guy comes in with the sheet the promoter guy you know these the the suit the suit the suit comes in he goes and here your number and he goes what he got tomorrow I'm going to Buffalo he goes oh that's easy and I'm like is it look up the Delta app it's got me flying at 9 a.m. from Toronto to DC two hour layover then up to Buffalo and I'm like what the hell this Buffalo's a jizz throw away what are we doing here yeah and I call my agent real quick I'm like what do you got me with DC what's going like this the only flight they had and I go okay can we get a rental car it's a two-hour drive he goes they're all booked they're

booked solid so I go what am I doing what is with this DC why am I hurting myself are you trying to hurt me when do you book to travel two days before that's a problem yeah I gotta get better at that okay I can only find an assistant nobody's willing to volunteer yeah nobody's writing to us asking if they can assist it would be helpful what do you got a little some spare jizz in my belly but I haven't came in a couple days so that's trouble that was mine but alright so so Rob goes I got you old Jakey poo he'll drive you I love Jake and I go big son of a bitch yeah yeah Jake is alright he's a cute kid dead dad nice

guy and he's like yeah I'll drive you and I'm like what he's against two hours he loves driving so listen to what I would have had to do this guy saved my ass because it was 10 a.m. on a international flight means you got to get there at 8 with the passport the anal cavity the spitting in your mouth all that and now it's none of that we wake up at noon we drive there I get there by 2 30 oh my god that's fantastic unbelievable life-saving so I go hey you can do a guess that in Buffalo if you want a couple hundred bucks so here's the clinker we're driving to the border you know always a little nerve-wracking

border machine guns police authority he goes you got any drugs in your car on the way there the flight to Toronto I'm sitting next to a guy this is never good he goes he's doing that one and I go hey what's up when he goes comedian and I go yet next to them I'm stuck with this guy this is on the fly this is on the flight we haven't even closed the door yet and he's like it's nothing worse than being next to somebody that recognizes you exactly and you're just seatbelt in you there's no way out you got a battle for the elbow with a guy who knows you and he was kind of hogging it by the way

ah so it's like the tree guy but there's no exit the middle gets the elbows well it was a two-man two man what do you do there that should be split you got to figure out who's front who's back I like back how you go back I go back I'm a bottom I go either I let them set the score and I'll go I'll work with it look they're gonna be moving around yeah but see this is no good who wants to like that you want to be up and Adam with the elbow in there you got a long here yeah are you back here well we're rubbing elbows but I'm just like oh what am I gonna do this is an hour and change with this guy's a nice guy whatever

what are you doing down the Danforth I love the Danforth so I'm meeting I give him tickets because I panic so he haven't his lady are coming and he go go what are you doing goes I sell shrooms blah blah blah I'm like I love shrooms he goes you get me in the show I'll bring a bunch of shrooms I go great so I look up top you know the whole time he's talking to me about Zelinsky and I'm like yeah yeah about that and I see a seat open up and I just be lighted up there and I just sit up there I got up I'm up a little too too too rose up on a plane I got away from oh wow nice kid but I had to get out of there either way cut to we're

driving the border and Jake goes so what he got you got any drugs in the car in your bag and I go I got some I got a ton of weed gummies and some shrooms he goes who are you nuts you better get rid of that they're gonna rape you at the order oh my god so I go huh it's a lot of weed gummies I mean it's hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of drugs and new shrooms and I want to try from a guy from a shroom place a shroom company why do you have hundreds of dollars with the weed gummies well the weed gummies is that well they're not cheap how much is the weed but gummy cost like a hundred bucks a bag oh my god what they

drugs how much I mean I buy them all the time hundred bucks a bag where you figure there's a hundred in there that's like what buck a gummy oh okay I don't know I get cans they're $20 and there's 20 yeah there you go wow but they're giving to me and whatnot from fans and I really need them I take one a night or I don't sleep well I know but you're not going to Toronto for a hundred days I just throw them in the bag I don't take them out jeez so big mistake big mistake so he's like you got to drop that and I'm like I don't want to lose it that's a lot of it I got new shrooms what are we doing the new shrooms

yes so I got a new shroom so so we get about a block away from the border we pull into the some residential neighborhood from the border it's like it's in Manhattan yeah we're in a guy's driveway and I'm going to my bag and throw it gummies out left to right there's so much drugs in there this is horrible and I look back Jake's got it all his hand I go what are you doing he goes I'm going to bury this when I go back over the border I'm picking it up so he writes that's not bad it's like Fargo exactly that's what I said so he's writing the address down a little post-it note puts that right on the dash and

it gets you can ship them back to you well I don't think he's gonna I think he's already taken them yeah on the ride back he's an eater so oh yeah and either so we get to the border and I go well I feel pretty good like they they got nothing on me and it's this scary lady and she's got the bulletproof vest on the bazooka and she goes passport there you go what are you here for a comedy show she goes what about him when I go he's just driving me and she goes where are you from I go New York she goes where are you from and he goes Toronto and she goes huh all right get out of here whoo that was it so we dropped them for

nothing we could have gotten through yeah I mean like there's it's unlikely gonna search your bag he made it sound like we'd be bent over mag light up the pooper well with that amount though isn't it I don't know I haven't watched TV in a while isn't that intent to distribute something if you have a hundred pounds or a hundred dollars yeah it feels like a lot if you had a couple gummies in your asshole they're not gonna bother you yeah but it just we did the right thing better safe than gay yeah I think I feel like you can get more gummies yeah it just hurts to drop it all off like that yeah especially

yeah he's got a pirate's booty and somebody's a front lawn there what if he did it just to get the dog about that dude I don't want these you want you better bury these on this side of the border exactly exactly also isn't it decriminalized and shit but these are all things I asked and he was like just saying this is the move maybe I got rooked Jake you suspect he's eating them right now that's sort of a onion he's high as a kite just listening to him his feet up got me well I was buff buff was great six sold out shows at Jordan Fisher Kyle Turner Sean's a mensch over there at the club and now I got a hold

another thing on buff but we better move on all right I don't want to hog well I'll come back to buff please I don't have much I have one of these weekends that's just fantastic well it's one of the great clubs in a great town in America let's give it to me I want I want joy I would be actually worse if you had a bad story comedy on-state Madison all the comedians circle it and I really think these comedy fans out there you should start taking pilgrimages pilgrimages and comedy club owners could do the same by the way good point because you've heard all about it you know about it Madison Wisconsin great

city better than Minneapolis was that one episode I was way off but still great town and it's this weird thing is I'm always there in the winter which is nice because you sell the tickets in the winter because I don't want to be there summer it's only warm for six days so the six-day war so everybody's out on the lake lake so winter's nice but it's cold and frosty but that's a fun December town yes not too blizzardy it's Christmasy so I got Matt Wayne old MW my dear buddy just a great great hang one of the all-time hangs great guy funny funny mother of effort oh he's as funny as it gets he's very funny on stage

off stage he's as funny as any because plenty of people are incredible comics just a real stinker off stage we won't name names wet blanket out there yeah wet firecracker or a flat soda as Matt would say that's the kind of that's the kind of guy he's very good he's got a million of these yes yeah if you're if you're annoying you're a hornet in the car he does a fart no go dot com I mean this guy's fun this guy's a bag of laughs and you know we talk Seinfeld he's I realize anyone that's a Seinfeldian like Rain Man yes I love Donnelly Chavone you me the butler Griffin

Gullman yep and Matt Wayne if I could drop a deep cut God bless you you want to win it in my heart get studying on the Seinfelds yes and you should watch it for your own good you queefs it's a hell of a show but you got a long way to go to catch up with the boys oh yeah a lot of multiple viewings but years even though I was going downtown mm the very pants I was returning he is he's a great guy anyway so we get out there and I put him right on the same flights because you want to fly with your buddy sure so it plus I'm upgraded to first class he's in the back it's nice to feel better than somebody yeah get back there you

peasant take a hike I'll see when we land mm-hmm so we go out there and you're just happy to have a buddy we get the first flight out with their early and you're all except cuz he's never been there he's only heard of the legend of comedy on state direct direct what that's new right downtown the problem is by the way are you running into this issue I don't know if it's COVID or the economy whatever but none of the early flights exist anymore Madison Omaha Cleveland all three I'm taking noon flights that get back at 330 on Sunday oh and Sunday Sunday I like a 7 a.m. me home get me out of there I want to get

to banging the old wife a room but sure and this Sunday fucking killing me the World Cup of dedicated I hate these tournaments you put a whole month hours and hours and hours and the finals at 2 p.m. on Sunday I'm flying home from Omaha there's no early flight who's the final well we haven't decided well by the time they hear this the whole thing will be over we got Croatia is playing Argentina and then France is playing Morocco Barack Obama yeah so it's a it's a whole thing any jizz we go out there and Thursday is great you get to the club and so it's hard to explain I mean like there's a huge great they

refurbished have you been there since they redid the whole thing I have it's beautiful that that bar area is a very detached now where you should be a little out in there and then the green room is just lunch big back bar you go to the green room pool table we played a little pool little stick there's a massage chair that was bad he was pissed that was a hey I'm letting you know I'm here coffee the door slam the door slam but he's gone now that was bad well he's in there no he came this way I thought he left no oh I thought he returned I think he was walking out I thought he was walking out but who knows oh I thought the coughs

went right to left across your radio dial I think he coughed over his right shoulder but then there were steps that's what I heard I heard a left to right like an American not a Jew rating and a squinch yes all right well anyways so there was a pool table you go in there pool table record player then they got the big martial amp that connects to your Bluetooth so I had like Zeppelin in there rocking we're telling stories and they go you got a menu they go get your food for you which is nice I love this is this the best feeling in the world when you're with some buds and you're like what are you thinking tonight

Italian wow we had Italian why we got Mexican well all settle on Mexican we'll get some I love it the thing so you order the food and they get it for you between shows I got to give a shout out to Alec was all over the play he was just on it I think he's a Tuesday hell and maybe maybe not I don't know he might not be but they have Charlie was the emcee I always forget his last name I'm such a piece of shit and these great jokes and then our old pal Craig Smith did get sincere life sincere who's very funny they both had some great great jokes and really enjoyed them just a great show and then Friday morning wake

up and of course I got the blood pressure I'm working on it good for you so I'm hitting the cardio I'm changing the diet which is tough on the road it is brutally hard you go in the road you're walking by potbelly they get the sugar cookie in there that's a big old cook and everybody one lady you write so it's like want me to bring you a pizza then this Ian's pizza down to and then we're watching the soccer match and the only food downstairs is pizza it's like the one you can run and grab and then I got by the way Uber eats one day Chipotle I have a burrito brought to me because I think you can get the brown rice no case

so it's pretty healthy relatively veggies in there yeah and it's one of these ones Uber eats Madison your food is ready no one picks it up 40 minutes hey so finally I cancel I have to eat the money what cuz they're like they already made the food you can't cancel we're waiting for trying to find a car well at least you ate something so I eat the 12 bucks anyways that Friday morning I'm like Friday morning go for a big long run along around that was whoop yep around the lake thank you and hit the rewind there wake up I pulled the shade back it was like Ferris Bueller and home alone mixed I pulled the shade

back snow globe it is the big flakes those big lake effect juicy flakes coming down love it and I got the view of the capital right there it's just a big white dome did you call blowjobs dome I'm getting done heard I never I didn't think I was that cool I got some dome I never had it to use it but I heard it and it was pretty cool if you really go hard some guys ago I got some good brain you never heard brain I don't care for brain I don't give her brain either that means she's a thinker with the thoughts I'd be thinking I could be another Lincoln if I only had a brain anyways so just a big snow globe so it

wipes out the run but you're like looking it out there so I bundle up I go get my tea and I just went for a nice stroll with the snow with the crunch crunch and the fresh white love a fresh white I love anything white it was beautiful wait for these shows I'll tell you what five shows all sold out killer beat that killer show hot show late show Saturday was the toughest it was definitely the least amount of fans show but still rocket is one of these ones where I do the late show Saturday is the toughest show but still any better than any show at the fill-in-the-blank funny bone or whatever you got there right no

disrespect to the funny bones but this place is the tops and there was Tuesday's galore all over Chipotle gift cards there was one I mean I won't get two into details I don't want to get me in trouble or this person in trouble but front I don't know what night front row Tuesday hot oh come on lady Tuesday's with the shirt the Tuesday shirt and look at all and you're like what the hell front and center I'm like I'm like distracted he sure wasn't a different I mean we don't have any hot lady fans they all look like grimace for McDonald's I'm telling you Tuesdays was I mean don't get me wrong there was some real

ghoulish men around there we go that's what I'm talking about it was some guy they look like oh lineman from the 78 bucks or something but but just a real hot number so thank you to the lovely Tuesdays and a bunch of gifts somebody gave me a book and a Chipotle gift card and a whole bunch of stuff just a fan tabulous weekend love it and one for the but how can we give it to me put it right my ass how was the even Anna oh they were great but they were a little busy you know I didn't get to see him too much but I talked to the the staff and just nice but I'm not I've never been a big staff hang out he got really well I

mean I love the staff but I'm not I don't drink yeah that's what it is and then by the end you do two shows you do the meet and greet your wife is 1215 and they're still counting their money so the staff you got to wait around for quite a while sure they're up there when by the time I leave they're still in there like counting the thing they're like we're going to the rusty clam or whatever oh yeah it's been there many nights and I'm like all right well I got it I just don't you go to the hotel I go to the hotel you just sit there at two in the morning watching a real time yeah well Matt comes over we watch a NHL

Network we bullshit all right that sounds nice I'm like what am I gonna do I got one of my closest buddies with me I'm not hooking up sure and it's gonna be until what one o'clock before we go out yeah wake up at 830 yeah and on now by the way we're old the staff is like 22 years old I look at them I'm like you're old enough to work here shouldn't you be in bed I know they're so hot they look like children yes children by the way we watch from campus too these are these are girls they're a little girl they look weird they don't even boob sometimes they're very thin and acne still it's strange yeah it's a little a little

wacky but another fun thing that happened was a couple good those magical crowd work moments the cameras running so I guess they'll make it into whatever okay I got that but there was one hot couple up front right like just a sexy looking couple and the guy was at Tuesday and every once in a while I'll talk about how I've seen my wife's but hole and she hasn't seen mine and so I sell I'll ask a couple I'm like have you ever seen his but hole hmm and I get this one that's my dad oh yes that's a classic and I had no idea because the guy is so in shape and hot and fit and just a nice well coiffed dill we call

that yes and the lady was like made up in a sweater so I just thought he had a nice young day sure but the funny thing is you're like so it's still the same he has seen your but hole and you haven't seen his husband wife father daughter yeah he's wiping that thing all year he got a good look at your asshole and you've never seen his asshole I assume I've seen my dad's but he was bending over while shaving oh yeah what did it look like the devil's doorway it was horrifying there was a gummy bear in there I mean it was hairier than Chuck's face I always feel like if I bent over you would see an amount of poo somewhere

either in the pubes or on the rim or sticking out well we're the last two cats out there without a bidet that's a good point yeah you got a bidet all right thanks three of us but I'm telling you we're we're the minor well I can tell right now Chuck's got one of the hairiest assholes on the oh yeah I trim I'm very considerate man scape there you go dot com lawnmower Tuesdays is also brought to you by Ray Khan the new year is here and the fact is a good pair of wireless earbuds is indispensable in 2023 I just got a pair for my niece and nephew they're thrilled they use them they love it they just texted me to tell me how

great it was switching from the silence of noise isolation mode to awareness mode to hear your surroundings is a breeze with Ray Khan's earbud tap functions Ray cons give you eight hours of playtime and a 32 hour battery life best of all Ray Khan gives you the same audio quality as other premium audio brands at half the price right now you go to buy Ray Khan dot com slash Tuesdays and you get 20% off site wide that's 20% off any Ray Khan product which almost never happens that's a big deal that's one fifth or save even bigger and get 30% off Ray Khan's exclusive holiday bundles that's buy Ray Khan dot com slash Tuesdays for

20% off your Ray Khan purchase buy Ray Khan dot com slash Tuesdays now back to the show but anyways that was fun and then it was just one of those ones I don't have much story it was just fan there is again I think it was coming back but yeah great time great club done two albums there I mean the place is magic well I had a guy there's this guy Jesse who works there who shot the shows with three cameras and I think he's gonna splice it together could be a special or after I release the special I'm gonna release this and call it you know working on it at Madison or what oh really somebody slams he's like

Kramer I know I feel like my aunt's my aunt's like in or out pick a one that's cool that's cool idea but anyways but doesn't that worry when you finish the material and it's all polished now that you've given it away a little bit don't you think what's I'm saying I'll after I release the special and some time I'll release that too I go here's a different version got a bootleg like Pearl Jam I love it I thought you may release before that was no no after and it's got some good crowd so I think we're gonna have it spliced up but they're just the best they bring you the food yeah they treat you right and they got the cameras

where every comedy club should have a camera rolling it's crazy especially now all we do I'm paying out my asshole for these film kooks exactly so get ready for some exciting content from Madison and yeah we flew home yesterday same deal first class flight and just awesome just very grateful hell yeah wouldn't you know it's like you said wouldn't you like to take Bob Nelson or whatever his name is from shitbox club one and just parachute him right into Madison and let him take a peek he'd be blown away I mean it's it's hard that's why I want to take Matt cuz I've taken all these gigs that are they're so so

again no disrespect to these other places but you're like this one is fire it's dogs and I love walking up and down states we walked all around the I mean 15 thousand steps a day we were all over the place and then I hit that gym trying to really get fit and I cut out the brownies good for you man did have one cookie at Potbelly a little weak what a fatty you have it but no pizza no fries there you really kept it all except that one pizza that was one day yeah it's a lot better he should be pizza every day brownie every day exactly brown multiple sometimes I go popularly by six cookies I'm like this before the show this is after the show Jesus

cut back cut back on the tea the cookie monster I'm a cookie monster uh cookie what's funny is say that about these tough weekends because uh I've been doing these theaters I've been getting spoiled I know I did the Danforth in Toronto then you go right to buff and it's a it's a check spot it's chicken wings it's heckle it's drunks it's guys getting thrown out it's guys yelling out I get a million jolas jolas and I'm like yes yes bit doing a bit the big coat well Buffalo helium is not an easy club no they riff on you it's night and the green room is tough it's just tiny side there it's a tiny little thing right back to the side and uh it's tough sledding up in Buffalo there's some hard bark on those folks

yes hard nose hard boiled hard dick they come at you and they're right on you too and you know you get the lady pulling the cell phone out two minutes in you get the guy sleeping you get the drunk guy who's just talking to his friend every I mean it's it's work again well this is part of it that happens it's like you think like you graduate to theaters or the selling tickets but now you're also an event right when there's an event people want a pregame yes you got that going on like when people go to see the stones they're like let's crowd we have the stones coming down you're the stones we got Norman coming to town I got some gummies yes he likes mushrooms we'll eat mushroom and then you get there and they're all excited and they're like

and then they see and like the same as a concert you go to see a spring steam you're like everyone's broo oh thunder road and it's the same with you they want to go queef I know and you want to break down the difference between a sofa and a couch and they're like what talk about the hog talk about the herpes or the anal or whatever they don't want to hear me breaking down therapy or anxiety or whatever and I should say this is a small percentage sure most of the people are like oh my god they're great they're great and that's what's nice about having a podcast is so many people get to know what we're like so people come in they're like this I'll take a quick photo here's your toilet gift card I'll get the hell out of here I'm sorry and it's very

sweet yes agreed yeah but sometimes and I think it's just the booze kicks in you're inhibitions are low I had the lady doing this one every three minutes and eventually I go can someone taze her and I go what are you doing man what do you think this is helping and she's like and I'm like you're still going and the whole crowd hater was funny you want to be funny with a heckle but every now and then I'm perturbed I'm like I want to get to the bottom of this what do you think this is but I don't ever work I do the jerry you're in the way I'm always like it's a little distracting if you could stop that that would be ideal yes yes they was some reason with comedy you don't have that at a at a lay miss but with comedy they're like we have to hoot

and holler yeah they want to hoot and holly want to let you know conscience it's nothing but hooting true true but that kind of can roll into the music this is like I need a pause for tension and and then you deliver the punch but they woo during the paw that's all ruined I can fuck you I remember I think I probably told this through I was at Wrigley field to see Pearl Jam back in 2016 I think it was and they play any better play I hadn't wrote a song about the cubs years ago and was playing it because he's at Wrigley's he's like I want to play my cub song which is whatever and there was a guy a fat drunk guy literally chanting let's go cubs let's go cubs through the song to this day it's the most infuriating at a performance of anything ever yes I'd rather someone get up and

throw a raw fucking steak at an actor sure then let's go cubs yeah song that's crazy you're a piece of shit you're a piece of human shit and you should fucking go to prison that's a bad guy bad person yes I hope he's dead I wonder if Eddie heard him ah it was pretty far back okay well I hope he didn't hear him but what an idiot yeah just a fucking it doesn't make any sense the cubs aren't here and like he's in his mind he's like you're a cub fan I'm a cub fan we're at the field I'm a drunk piece of shit I'll chant let's go cubs oh you're performing yeah yeah I put this before too with like heckling and yelling you're like I'm talking to you I know I'm telling a story exactly it's gotta be the the hooch but by the way I mean going back to Madison just not a peep as it should be

they train them there those girls Greek gals they get in there with a hammer and a punch in the gut if you try to speak up they're the best Anna and Eve shout out you're running a hell of a business and you have for years years so all right so let me let me dial right into the six shows at the buff so you have your moments with the the drug but overall great weekend work out some new I got the young comics in there we're all bouncing I need to get I already I'm shooting a special in March and I already have that March what am I gonna do when I have when I put the hour out I don't have enough you know I'm already having that panic even though it's months away yes where's the special I think I'm gonna shoot in Chicago we got a lot of gays out there it's a comedy town I'll sell

some tickets yeah yeah big town great time I love that idea yes thank you so we'll see what happens but my point is this guy texts me he gets Shane Gillis and a random number and he goes hey this is Mark's number and the other guy goes whoop hey Mark big fan I work for the bills hmm how'd you like to come to the game Sunday who and I go well I was gonna leave Sunday but it's a one hour flight I can just leave later and go to the game during the day why not why the hell not I say so I go let's do it fatty or whatever and he goes and some of the bills want to come see and I go I'll get you all the tickets you need Matt Wayne he's obsessed with the bills oh yeah did you get him something I got him a hoodie hey okay okay so you got you a hoodie but I don't want it I say

there you go that was interesting five dollar snacks to the I was thinking about Matt Wayne the whole time I'm sorry well he's a buffalo son well I thought about Sean Murphy and I got him a ticket he flew in for the game oh wow but I should have thought away and I'm sorry I'd appreciate it next time if you thought about way yes you got a hoodie coming your way but smells like me known him a lot longer than you know in Murph that's true so quick to say I got a sure I got it for we're on camera here where are the cameras so uh so this guy comes around he's the personal trainer for whoever the hell Josh Allen Allen Ethan Allen I don't know sure so by the way you even mentioned Bill Burr and people like what'd you say about bills like it's a I mean these guys are diehards diehard

well they had the four Super Bowls and then they sucked for like 15 years and now they're the king of town so it's this is this is big stuff for these maniacs and one point I mentioned the bills and they did they all did the chant I lost them I just walked off stage I didn't even say bye because I couldn't get them back well they're lunatics too they jump through tables totally they fucking shove things in their ass so he goes hey I got the the tickets and they all I met I met a bunch of bills I met Gabe no Gabe you know Gabe Gabe Malika Deloam or something uh no Gabe I don't know Gabe black guy games games I don't know games tight end he's young he's he's a hunk half white all right Gabe whatever he's one of the players okay by the way Gabe yeah okay so uh

you know we have a good time and he goes hey Sunday coming to my house I got a big mansion out in Buffalo the personal trainer oh the trainer and we'll go to the game so I get all the comics to go I get Sean the manager of the club I get Kyle the host and I get Sean Murphy the comic to come with and they're all excited and they go what are the what's the game plan I go I don't know the guy's being a little vague nice guy but I didn't get a lot out of him and I don't want to be going where the seats huh what are we talking here because I don't want to look in the horse's ass or whatever the term is sure so he goes you gotta meet at my house at 1030 and we'll go together and I'm like okay great so Kyle the host is like I have box seats but

this guy's the personal trainer he's gonna have better seats so I go yeah maybe he's but he's vague and he goes it's gotta be box and I'm like maybe and he goes look at it it's snowing it's like snow globe and in Buffalo and I go well there's a roof on the stadium and they go no there's no roof no roof the roof is on fire so I go all right well well I can be out the snow and he goes well you got a coat I had no I had like a bomber jacket oh boy and I go well we're gonna have a you know killer seat but they give you the bomber jacket after your shows thank you let's wait for it so we go to this guy's house at 1030 the game starts at one he goes whoa what do you what he got here and I go that's a nice coat and he goes you're gonna be dying out there so really the

box is out so my friend Kyle's like oh I had box seats god damn it so then Sean's like whoa we're in for a long day here you go and he hands me some mushrooms and I'm like well I got a flight tonight I don't know and he goes well you're gonna need them because we're gonna be out in hell right and I go all right so I pop a big chocolate of mushrooms mushrooms at a bill's game is the worst thing I could imagine it was pretty great I gotta I think it saved it okay so well I like sports yeah yeah well we get there and Sean Murphy shows up he goes from right from the airport with the suitcase and he's like here we go he's got all the gear on and everything he's so pumped make a wish kid and we get out that 13th row and we are just out there in the tundra and the game

was fun I think they won I left early but the mushrooms are kicking in it's that roar and these fans they're we drove through the tailgate area they're out there at seven in the morning full gear on hooting and hollering chugging the bat blue and picking up bratwurst you know bumping heads like a couple of rams they're all out there they're crazy out there crazy and they don't have even affected by the winter they thrive off it like the camera comes around they're like they got horns on and shit it's wild it's a wild scene and mushrooms and that crew is terrifying it was heavy you know I was doing this the whole time and fireworks would go off they had helicopters go by I did one of these and you get it because you always see tv shows you know you're at a bar

you watch eight games going on there's a snow pounding down and you're like wow who goes to that that was me it wasn't a great game either it was like seven nothing at halftime completely I mean the jets are the most boring team the bills are exciting but nothing was happening in that game no and I'm free my fingers are freezing my toes are free I got the hand warmers in the shoe I got the hand warmers in the glove I got a beanie on I got a slicker on top of a coat because he's just wet and the whole time I'm just thinking it was an hour flight I could have been home by 11 a.m yeah that's tough and Sean Murphy's like how big of a mistake was this I'm like yeah yeah shut up but you met some players I did I met some players but you know you could show me four

black guys at an easy serve I wouldn't know what the difference was right I don't even know what an easy serve is but I think it's like a 7-11 so and that's the height of these players but at one point I go all right I gotta call it my flight's at seven it's three o'clock now I want to just get to the airport get to that lounge I'm freezing I'm miserable I don't even know what the bills are is it a buffalo is it a bill what is it isn't that a guy from silence of the lambs buffalo bill yes put the lotion in the anal I'd fuck me would you fuck me so clip that so uh I go all right I'm getting out of here and so the guy goes all right well just put the coat back in my car here's a boop boop and you just leave the boop boop on the floor of the car I can get it with

my phone okay I didn't know you could do that you can get your car with a phone now so I go okay we should go try it I got a phone yeah we'll steal something so uh I leave the stadium the shrooms are still whacked out I've had a couple of white claws and it's just pounding snow pounding snow and I'm the only guy leaving everybody else like are you crazy where you going now I was like leave me alone and I get out to the car boop boop grab my suitcase take this jacket off take the hat off take everything off so now I'm just in the bomber you're like a CIA agent I'm pounding I'm getting pounded by the my god and his hail hail Hitler and I'm walking down and I'm like just I can't see anything I'm freezing my hands breaking off holding the suitcase I'm just chugging

along it's soaking wet and I'm going up to be okay where's the uber and they go uber I don't know get out of here kid you know you know a buffalo people then they got no time for you yeah if wasn't the game is going on it's snowing they're cold yes and the ubers probably aren't even around they're waiting for the end of the game exactly so I'm just walking they go you see that campus over there there's a tiny dot of a community called they go it's on the other side of that campus so I'm like fuck so I'm walking through snow and sludge and grass with the suitcase with no coat finally get to the uber area and there's like 800 people there and everybody's waiting for an uber right and I go boop boop boop and it's like it'll be 48 minutes and it's gonna be a

hundred dollars so I'm like god damn I felt like Steve Martin and trains play that's what it sounds like that's what I'm picturing so I was like fucking Dotson a fucking Monday so I look over and there's a couple of what the nationality is I don't know look they look Mongolian you know a little weird tough that out and Laos maybe Laos Laos oh yeah I know Laos that's different laid it yeah this is next to Vietnam because they have the bombs that didn't explode or something well these guys look a little rough around the edges I've never seen this nationality in my life and uh I was like hey man how much of the airport they go airport airport give me 300 dollars 300 I was like 300 what are you crazy I got an uber here for 40s like you're gonna be

waiting all day so this black guy comes up and he's like hey I'm trying to get to a hotel near the airport maybe we'll go together and I go okay okay so I go up to one guy I go 100 bucks to the airport he goes all right you got it and then I get the black guy he's he's come with he's got his little daughter and I'm like let's go together so he doesn't like that and he's like no no no no now it's 150 and then this other guy goes well I'll give you 50 if you drive me towards the airport so I was like okay so the guy now this guy's got 150 bucks he's got me the black guy and his daughter and some other weirdo so you're like Costanza watching fucking breakfast at Tiffany's yes so I had the arm so now we get out whoop whoop whoop right into traffic two hours in traffic

what I'm freezing come on and it just stopped sitting there snow falling and every bills fan is pouring out of the game ah they're shaking the car doing this shit on the car you know and I'm like this is a nightmare and I'm texting the guys and they're like we're at the game it's fucking awesome we're having a great time and I'm like I should have gone home I should have fucking gone up what am I doing here so I'm just thinking about that lounge oh the loud oh that hot chocolate that couch the food the soup the open bar what could be better than a lounge at the Buffalo airport oh I'm dreaming of that lounge so finally we drop off the weirdo that takes an hour and a half then we go to this other guy's hotel that takes another hour and then we finally get

to the airport my flight's at seven I was I was like I'm leaving at three I'll be there at four maybe we get to the airport at about six fifteen so now I'm hustling there's no one in there thank god I get out to the security and I go where's the lounge and they go we don't have one so I go ah fucking I got 20 minutes anyway go to the gate cancel flight come on the snow is it the snow I assume it's the snow nobody told me fucking mother's death so I'm like fuck how did this get worse so I go run to another gate I'm like you gotta get me on this JFK flight they go I can get you the backseat in the shitter on the wing whatever and I go I'll take it it's an hour flight they go it's not for three hours so I go so I go and I see there's a priority lounge you heard of this it's

not no no airport affiliation no airline affiliates priority that's because somebody it's because you haven't we have a professional sports team somebody of importance is going to come at some point like we have to have something yes something when fucking dick enberg shows up we have to have them a free hot dog or something to give somebody right yes yes so I'm in the airport and I go up to the priority lounge which I know I have no shot in but I have three hours to kill okay so I go look you're gonna kill me I'm pulling out Conan videos I'm okay I've done some stuff I you gotta check out I got 11 million views here we got Tuesdays of stories we have a home alone uh Patreon if you get on now it's cheaper all this shit and she's like you know it's just like fat black lady

like hmm honey you gotta have this kind of card and all that and I go how about 20 bucks since you guys and I went in wow I'm not proud increased her night how was that lounge it was shit it was shit on wheels I mean it's stunk but I was happy to be in there yeah Jesus so you got on the next flight I got on the next flight and last night I got in last night like midnight oh JFK landed in a freezing cold you get the Uber and the whole time the lady's like where where the hell are you well I haven't seen you in two weeks I'm like I'm coming I'm coming well that's the thing about an NFL football college football these big events 60 70,000 people you have to have that's your day and the next day yes you can't be doing other shit no no and it really brought me I had two

realizations one these Buffalo locals they live for that shit I mean it was in you could see it in their eyes they would have hope and they love it and they it's not just like let's go to a game it's like we gotta win we need this right and that I don't have it all and when you're sitting in that traffic and you're like what am I doing here this is such a waste of a day and a night and so many hours are going by and you realize hey this is what it's like like this is the the common folk like you're back baby this is the life and I needed it I need a little that a little real squish in the post a little reality check you know you get these lounges and these upgrades and these sold out shows it's like oh yeah hey welcome to traffic welcome to cancel flights

welcome to hell yeah you need some VIP tickets to a big sporting event to really level you off in the snow mind you I don't think a lot of people would have taken that that spot but some nice $900 tickets for free to really and I want to thank Dan Burt thank you Burt for opening it up great guy great tickets just I'm not built for that snow I'm a Louisiana and yeah no it's tough but yeah a big big event like that if you're not really into it a December game go in September that's like 60 degrees you have a nice ball game and take it in but exactly so uh yeah got home and just uh treat to be home we watch white lotus and really soaked it in and what the fuck is white lotus I never heard of it and all of a sudden it's just like a white lotus bomb went off in my life

it's a great show and it's it's rare that the country comes together on liking one thing and what seems like everybody's digging it is it sex is there nudity a lot of tits oh really oh yeah and dick by the way there's some dick in there yeah some good dicks Steve's on Steve Zahn's balls are in it Steve Zahn's in it oh yeah I love Zahn the beauty of the show is it's uh it's a little soap opera-y but it has great debates where people of different classes fight and you kind of agree with both sides it's fun you got to watch it it's a social commentary it's timely it's relevant and it's well done it's a who done it tits dick and zahn you got me there you go tdz so uh I think that's a region in Laos the tdz on tic tic zahn all right but yeah so uh yeah good to be home good

to see you guys you know when you're in that snow just trudging along through wet grass you're like ah I don't I got it good like I would just kill for like an airport it's a bad sign when you're dying to get to an airport hearth and home hearth I don't know what hearth is hearth Bruce hearth hearth and home what the fuck is hearth hearth vader I don't know I'm gonna look it up Brett hearth I think it's like uh warmth and love yeah like a Tom Petty and the hearth breakers oh it has to do with the fireplace I think oh that's right that's nice that makes sense all right a hearth attack but don't talk about that oh sorry BP well but yeah good to be home good to be back and uh happy hall well I want to I want to pitch you a quick thing Merry Christmas on air Tuesday's merch idea for

next Christmas jizz the season t-shirt hey I like that next Christmas love it I like that we should sell them in February who gives a shit yeah hell yeah sell them all you're here jizz uh jizz show jizz you know anything with is show jizzness yes there you go where we're doing the uh what's it called again Gramercy we're doing the Gramercy is that confirmed or are we just no it's not confirmed but we're breaking it happen we have the ages on it yeah what's working on it is that gonna be the live Tuesdays after dark that we promised on the patreon I don't even know what that is but sure the 6000 goal remember you oh yeah yeah it's gonna be at the Gramercy yeah whatever it is we'll be at the Gramercy yeah it's gonna be at the Gramercy it's gonna be a hot one I won't get some guests in

there we'll have some some tricks and some shit up our sleeves with talking yes but anyways the uh oh I couldn't I was hyper extended my name easy hyper but uh the tickets are on sale for the Wilbur Theatre April 15th Patriots Day weekend I'm coming home and I'm not wearing pants so come to that if you don't sell tickets I have to kill myself you got that right so uh buy the tickets there's a pre-sale but it's already passed so fuck off March 2nd don't shoot your special on March 2nd in Chicago I'm at Park West that night do it the third there you go for the fourth of the fifth fourth of the fifth uh oh like that how about that now that's old now um January big crazy January big nutty pistons yes January 6th you in town the sixth and the seventh of January

I'm not all right no big deal why I'm doing the ps 109 show again Friday night January 6th uh ps 109 Cantor night that's gonna be a great show Cleveland Hilarity's January 13th through the 14th Austin Cap City the 19th through the 21st Mohegan Sun the 26th through the 28th Key West boy this is six weeks in a row on the road whoa join the club Mohegan Sun Key West February 3rd and 4th Denver Comedy Works February 9th through the 11th Lafayette the 17th Houston the 18th Park West March 2nd Columbus funny bone March 3rd and 4th that is I'm gonna be burnt out so please come on out the Chipotle gift cards appreciated the Starbucks gift cards are really appreciated very join the patreon it's a fun time to be a gay so spread the word and tell the fans about the uh the specials

the youtube it's it's only spreads if you guys tell people hear the podcast tell them about the youtube specials it's a fun age yeah that that home alone is gonna really rock your tits all right i'm gonna be in Nashville we got a lot of shows books have come on out blue note in Hawaii those tickets are selling horribly Miami improv i'm back to the clubs folks because i gotta work on a new hour spoke can comedy club skyline comedy club uh all kinds of wacky ones oxnard that's outside of LA and then Chicago coming to the taping it'll be in a early early march the second not the second maybe like the 11th oh okay dating funny bone i mean i'm back baby i'm i'm going back to basics back to the basics and uh yeah get uh get on it get a bottle of bodega cat check

out our specials subscribe on youtube and uh tell a friend and praise Allah