Tuesdays with Stories! - #487 Big Truffle in Little China - The Honeymoon Part 1

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

The boys are BACK from their holiday vacay, folks! Mark Normand, much to everyone's surprise, had a series of mishaps  throughout his African honeymoon! We're talking: international flight  problems, rainstorms, Malaria pill sickness, a live sex show with the  B-squad, bad mushrooms, getting shot at by fireworks, a narcoleptic  Capetown tour guide and more! Joe is shocked and dismayed as Mark weaves a tangled, tangled web. It's  an all-time Tuesdays!  Our Stuff:  - patreon.com/tuesdays  - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories  Sponsors: - Get the best deal on a phone at https://mintmobile.com/TUESDAYS - To get 20% off your first order of Manscaped visit https://manscaped.com and use code TUESDAYS - Support the show by downloading the DraftKings Sportsbook App and using the code TUESDAYS. Gambling Problem? Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), If you or  someone  you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral   services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537)   (IL/IN/LA/MD/MI/NJ/PA/TN/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700   (CO/KS/NH), 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), visit   OPGR.org (OR), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically   present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MD/MI   /NJ/NY/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. VOID IN OH/ONT. Eligibility restrictions   apply. Free bets: Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 bet.   $200 issued as free bets that expire 7 days (168 hours) after being   awarded. See terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/footballterms. No Sweat:   Valid 1 offer per customer per day of NFL 2023 Wild Card Round. Opt in   req each day. First bet must lose after opting in. NFL bets only. Paid   as one (1) free bet based on amount of initial losing bet. Max $10  free  bet awarded. Free bets expire 7 days (168 hours) after being  awarded.  See terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/footballterms.

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy we are back by it's been I don't even know since when I'm nervous you know when you leave New York you come back you kind of turn into a house cat out there you're ferocious you're a lion when you live here you're

lying all right line like a rug but you know what I mean you leave New York and then you come back and you're like there's a homeless guy jizzing in my face there's a bus going by with people looking at me there's cold there's wind there's rats there's gays do you feel this when you come back what am I what was I doing here why am I here the imposter sin because I think about you know my blood pressure my blood pressure is higher than you know my father's asshole after whatever yeah and what's that for who started somebody got that down in the books and didn't write his name down yeah because that's a kid there's

a million of those out there that no one knows who thought of it's pretty good so I heard somebody say that on stage recently I don't know if it was an old video speaking old videos I try watching New Jack City pookie pookie because I Chris I saw rock that's a whole other tail we got so much to catch up on I saw rock he referenced he did a great bit about Will Smith but he referenced New Jack City and I was like man I've watched that 25 years I popped it in and I popped it out that movie stinks on ice tea I believe ice tea and then the cameras all sideways and it's like Wesley say it looks like a

sketch really doesn't hold up I don't know if it was ever up to hold it was that up it was just there wasn't movies like that for a while I guess by the way I'm so gassy fell out man that was a weird they got a tuba I wasn't born so much as I fell out nobody seemed to notice me but what will we talk oh the blood pressure through the roof I think if I if I think if I live left New York City it would be down in 10 minutes the city is brutal it the stress is silent killer it gets right in your asshole and twists it's just walking up the steps to get here I get off at Grand Central and there's a 350-year-old guy just

walking up the steps so you go around him and there's a four-year-old so you go back behind him oh yeah and then a homeless guy grabs your ass it's horrible out there it's wild and I was just in the jungle I had my feet up drinking I drank my face off from noon to sundown and then I would drink again at sundown and I'm in a pool all day I'm looking at fucking zbras and shit I don't know what this is out here I feel like a crocodile dundee I'm like what's that a Puerto Rican what's going on it sucks and it's no place to be but I feel for you because I know the feeling what it's it's hard because the longer you're out

and off the grid or whatever and out in the woods and barefoot and fucking there fucking your ass in Africa as a gay guy well whatever but then you come back and you feel like you got all the emails because if I look at my phone if I go to the movie theater I come out and there's 17 emails and four texts and three quaves and I want to kill myself yes well that's just that that was a squeaker that was like a Vespa horn but the other thing is you're off off kilter so I got jet lag mmm I got 17 flights up my ass they lost our bags I haven't been home yet lost the bag the classic classic and I'll tell you all

about it I gotta I gotta shindler's list I'm all ears and herpes over here oh yes yes the patreon we've kicked it up a peg a notch peg me chuck just fucking put that thing in a four-wheel drive and went up a mountain with it and we helped yes yes it's our content but he organized it and we're a good team we're a good team is it's all of us but the patreon it went up by 90% so thanks to everyone that signed up you dove into the water I was picturing MacGyver when he dives under the thing that the great program Howard Dean stand no Howard Dean is the duck Howard Dean was who's that he was the senator the governor who's a

Democratic candidate and he went we're gonna go in and he got canceled for going ah yeah he was out they dropped him right out of the race and then you know and then Trump was like I shoved my foot in a woman's pussy and she likes it and they were like no sweat here locker room talk which is fine I like whoever you like but poor Howard Dean is the point he was like I like then they were like get out of here you piece of shit retard well I want to meet this guy he sounds like a ball of laughs I think he hung himself or he's not heroin he's probably under in the basement fucking you've seen the clip

he's seen the clip it's great it's good fun I mean a Jimmy Dean Jimmy Dean was the hot dog yeah sausages he used to have a boat in Booth Bay Harbor main everyone would go that's Jimmy Dean's boat and I was a kid that thought it was James Dean like he had a boat and somebody carried it on I was James you had to switch it to Jimmy just to differentiate possibly but who was sounds like a sausage party either way wait who there was someone else we were trying to get to Howard Dean before that's the MacGyver guy he had a name Richard Dean Anderson RDA it reminds me of the great Dean Robert Dean yes that's

story with Alan Alan our therapist he left Alan he doesn't on stage he left down because he was sitting there this is Robert Dean great comic very funny guy very handsome beautiful man yes and he was in therapy and Alan said you got to ask you got to please one person in one person and only and that's Richard Dean Robert and so he was like I gotta get out of this relationship funny guy didn't know he was hot to which I like I love it goes hot and I know it he doesn't know he's hot he didn't know oh no kidding yeah he had low self-esteem and you go your boy your handsome you go I don't know like he could have cleaned

up I got the same problem yeah let's be tough that's why I like you you're hot you don't know it you got that right no one else knows it either but back to Africa is that a movie out of Africa out of that well that's me I'm out that's Boca yeah I came out and I mean where to begin this is a saga it's international it's intrigue it's heartbreak it's laughter it's vomiting it's got it all and you guys getting along you like each other didn't great okay boy we started with a bang at least it ended yes I never liked her from the get go up she's gonna hear that and clip it and cut it oh boy all

right well kidding she's a nice lady yeah okay run so I don't know if you knew this but okay let me set the table that we all knew but so I set up this trip I get my agent to do it but I set up this whole excursion Africa South Africa want to go to safari but there's a window Jerry you can only they have these packages so we wanted to go for Christmas New Year's but since I'm an idiot and I don't know how to plan anything I booked it for the second to the tenth okay but not so bad but you're doing New Year's in Africa it's like two days ahead of our New Year's is that right I don't know like Chinese New Year's in March oh I

know but I spent like time zones I think maybe well either way I want to do something for New Year's okay so now we're off on the second that's no good so I said let's go to Amsterdam before we go to Africa do some drugs get fucked you know watch some sex go nuts fantastic way better than Africa well we get there hold on we got a lot to cover here so we over to the airport sure the flight was I believe it was an overnight flight it's a seven hour flight so we're gonna leave it like nine no we're gonna leave it seven get there like five in the morning okay so it's seven o'clock flight I look at the the watch there it's

four o'clock we got we better Uber we barely make it the Uber gets stuck in traffic it's rush hour I didn't plan any of this you know they tell you got to be an international flight I'm looking at it says preferably three hours ahead yeah they just want you to think that they want like two and a half hours so the flight was at six so I go okay what are we doing here we're in traffic it's like five it's five we have bags to check she's got the big bags she's Tina Turner with the fucking wigs and the tachikis morning mist yeah exactly so we were we're like we're gonna miss our flight to the honeymoon this is horrible this is

a horrible start I can't plan anything I didn't think about it rush hour to JFK in an Uber we're already starting off we're fighting she's like why would you leave so late I'm like I didn't know there's gonna be traffic you know it's gonna be traffic like well you didn't help either we leave that she can be responsible but somehow this I think Jesus God that's horrific Wow what is this Auschwitz my Lord that's a guess all right it's a gas gas gas chamber but so we get to JFK okay so you made it listen to this we get to JFK at 538 so we're going leaves at six flight leaves at six so we're going well this is

crazy we'll never make it and we got to check bags okay so we get there at the airport's bananas it's jammed yes there's the guys outside on the on the strip there you know on the sidewalk yes and we script yes and I go let me give them the bags okay because otherwise you got to go inside and check I go we might be able to save a minute we give the bags out here sure the outdoor bag guy yes which I've never used no either ODB so I always have my big joke where someone's helpful I go I should have a tip jar you know the guy at the bank I say that or whatever yeah never gets a laugh but not funny all right so the

guys I put the bags in I go sir my flight's at six what are we crazy it's international never make it and he goes you're gonna make it and I go oh shit you got to have a tip jar he goes I do oh that's funny you should do that line John use movie I mean that was like a plain strange I cannot believe how bad your ass all smells I would eat it's African it's still in it's wild I would eat an elephant meat for a month a fat so oh oh that is horrific God I'm a tusk in there would you fucking terrible I haven't slept in three days I'm on a seven-hour flight okay so we get in the bags to check with how about this we get

into JFK yes okay there's a line around the block for peck checking bags of course it's the holidays it's New York City the holidays have you ever seen a film I've never seen a film but I'm like hey why wouldn't they go outside check it out there oh I don't know they don't know about so I was passing by everybody going check it outside check it outside they didn't know what I was talking about but I was trying to be nice I sound like a weird rapper or something so we get in there we make it the plane boards at 605 we whiz through I got clear I get her in the clear shouldn't have clear but I'm like she's with me I'm doing that

whole thing sure the guy recognized Tuesday at clear okay JFK goes we get right through when you have no bags it's easy peasy it's sure a Japanese easy get right through now how about this we get on the plane coach seven-hour flight she's furious we get on the plane and they goes we're gonna have to sit on the runway for a while we got a bit of a problem and you're like oh geez we fucking raced here we made it we're sweaty we're gay what could it be maintenance weather is the whole thing canceled the guy goes someone in the front first-class area wants off the plane and by law we have to let him off

the plane and we have to get all the bags off find his bag give it to him and put all the bags back oh what the fuck oh so the lady comes by the the flight lady what do you call the waitress stewardess that attended yes so she comes by and I go so what's going on what's this about she goes the guy in the front of the plane had a premonition just sitting there oh I can't go to him he had like a I hate these I hate these people the vision I hate this nation I fucking hate these people get the fuck out of here I don't get off the plane you killed your wife you feel bad about it you can't go back to Amsterdam whatever it is your

fugitive but we got to get the bag off so you see the fucking guys out there going oh I'm looking for his bag he's going no no no I'm like get his bag no bag well you had a premonition you get your bag in two weeks or whatever I premonition bags going to Amsterdam that's what I thought but then I realized I'd be a great terrorist move you throw a bag on a plane you know the plane you have a premonition now you got a bomb on the plane that's not bad the mini mark that's not bad aha but so they don't let him off until the bags off they let it all off well the bag took an hour and a half to find so he was off he

was at the lounge with a highball but that's what I mean even still the bomb could go off then ah this is true either way I hate these people that are like I just had a bad thought whatever yeah that's my friend Donnie Cedar I feel bad I should apologize it didn't like middle school I thought it was funny I was like man I had a dream last night that you're gonna die on Friday and it was real I was like I'd be careful and he said later he was like that was the worst day of my life wow yeah well that's the other thing about the premonitions you start going maybe there is something going on you know you're

just sitting there with your ass up your ass or your thumb up your ass you look like what the fuck maybe there is a problem and you know you start ruminating sure this fart oh yes hey folks here we are Tuesday the story is brought to you by DraftKings we're one step closer to the Super Bowl baby and the NFL divisional round check out DraftKings Sportsbook an official sports betting partner of the NFL new customers can bet $5 and get 200 in free bets instantly you gotta love DraftKings because you can bet on all these things without going to the sportsbook casino with a bunch of fat cigar

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Sportsbook with promo code Tuesdays minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply so you show that for detail hey folks Tuesday the story is brought to you by Manscaped you know we love these guys you just sent me a new box I've been trimming pubes beehole hairs bush taint nips ears nose throat wait a minute if you're still using your ball trimmer on your face listen up Manscaped just announced their brand new beard hedger pro kit the beard is the cordless trimmer the beard hedger is the cordless trimmer of your dreams and gives you 20 haircut links from Mr. Clean to Grizzly Adams and everywhere in between and it's

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goes wrong because we're not on the flight we're supposed to be on yes then they start to take off right when they take off 10 minutes in to take off fire on the engine yeah fire in the mountain run boy run devil's in the house of the rising Sun they had to fly back and with the engine on fire and like they were like everything's fine fire trucks gave oh yeah she got the video the whole thing and they came and sprayed it down but yeah engine caught fire miss Christmas couldn't go to Ireland but they're alive they're alive yeah well you know the Seth MacFarlane story yeah everybody knows that way yeah he was on the plane he

got off and then the planes crashed right into the Pentagon World Trade Center he was hung over so it's kind of a nice little that maybe should drink yeah maybe yeah that's not bad relapse I never had anything work out like that for me but all right well hey you're young life is long okay so finally we get going red eye which never works out ready well not coach it doesn't no no red eye to a Amsterdam seven hours you know you get an hour here or 20 minutes there you want to kill yourself you finally land it's 8 in the morning in Amsterdam and they always say with the jet lag stay up stay up get in the sun yes some sun don't

nap it's like a like a concussion you know in the movies I go I'm so cold they go don't go out don't fall asleep and I slap the guy put water on me I just want to go to I want to go out they won't let them right that's how you feel in Amsterdam so I'm kind of hitting the lady and she's a sleeper she's like a Cosby victim narcoleptic just a snooze bag mm-hmm so I'm just going hey fatty come on you big whore come on you dick slurping come guzzler stay up and she's like I want to go to bed so bad so I go come on we check in we get out the house and I would now now I'm dead mode I'm trying to keep her up sure I'm like

what do we do I didn't make any plans we're just in Amsterdam mm-hmm walking around so go we walk around she's like we got to do so we got to go into where it's raining the whole trip through it rained every single day but it can be romantic like hard rain cuz sometimes Paris it rains it's romantic it's got the shine on the street yes yes there was a drizzle some days but mostly hard rains gonna fall yeah so that kind of ruined the fuck out of it so I go you just want to go in somewhere but you go into where you got to buy something you know sure so we go into the Heineken Museum sounds nice hey that's where

they bring a Heineken is Amsterdam so huge racket fucking shit show don't ever go to the Heineken Museum steaks it's a gift shop on acid yeah I mean it's one thing if Heineken you know what do you call it brewery the plant it was the original brewery but they turned into a fucking nightclub okay yeah it stinks you walk in they go oh this is one of the first bottles and you go that's something and then you get in a rat maze and then they go this is an old vat from the 80s like oh great a vat and then they go here's a Heineken and they kick you out right to this bullshit museum I saw in New Orleans the food and beverage museum

another another one to cross never heard of it another one to cross off the list well that's boy you really tear my whole family down they're gonna see this and cut you out of the willow she won't see it right I'm kidding I had a great time there terrified you hate her oh my mom and my mom oh all the women I know I love your wife all right yes that makes one of us so Molly baby hey Susan so really looks like a lily I'm kidding the museum food and beverage is great get out there so you know time goes on we get out of there and then we go I go let's just get a drink we get a drink it's like you know

two in the afternoon one of the afternoon the Heineken Museum was a bust okay we go let's get a drink we go into this bar and I go yeah I gotta be a vodka martini I need something stiff and they go we don't know how to make that I go you don't make a martini they go no and I go all right we're getting out of here we get out of there we go to a sex show okay because I was gonna ask what a sex show what about a weed thing you pop into the weed place we did that as well okay okay so we get the weed cake we cake we get the way it's like a butt like a pound cake oh weed we get it nothing the guy goes hey just eat a sliver eat a sliver and I go all right all right I don't

want to be too high I'm not a big high guy but when in Rome you get gay so I take a sliver nothing you feel anything no another sliver you get no no we eat the whole fucking thing bunk we got rocked you're like a lane with the the intimates or whatever you call it yes yes the intimates but I ate the whole goddamn thing nothing no I was wiping it on my face nothing just fake now this is bumming me out because you love Amsterdam one thing I know about you is you love Amsterdam but partly it's probably uh what's the word I'm like compounded by how tired you yes yes so we go we do the weed nothing happens I go all right well we should go to a sex show and she's game she's like I want to go to sex show we see the red light district the whores

out there they look great they stand in the windows you've been okay yeah yeah but I you know they look good yeah I gotta hand it to them I mean you gotta look good if you're window dressing sure what is window dressing well I think it's like you put it on the window shades but I think what usually means like it doesn't mean anything but it looks nice like a little window dressing I think it's a negative it's a negative yeah if you said about like a comedian or a thing it's a lot of it's a lot of window dressing no substance yeah it's shitty but you put a sheet on it or something I'll sizzle no steak yeah you go is that it that's something okay you got it so we go back to the hotel and we go I will we'll get a we'll get an umbrella or something we go up to the room

the umbrella passed out ah couldn't do it you or her both both just said I will sit down for single watch TV we're out so you got no sleep on the plane I mean you got an hour this is why again people will email me and be like you don't know what it's like your piece of shit yeah but if you can get in those lie down seats I never bought myself I only ever had it when we did the tv show there that London shit yeah which is that ever coming out by the way I hope not joke off yeah it was bad yeah I bombed the whole that was a rough experience but so fun other than the thing the breakfast was great the hang the London was amazing the spots the hang yeah the hotel was incredible but who that show I was traumatizing a little bit yeah it wasn't good but what can you do

yeah we had a good time otherwise but anyways hopefully it comes out but you know they gave us the lay down seats and if you can sleep on those game I had no jet lag in London zero zero so I wake us up in like an hour and I'm like we gotta get up we gotta and she was like no I'm staying here now you're fucked yeah you're fucked but I got her up we got out we went right to the red light district we bought some shrooms okay right in Rome then go we didn't we didn't need them yet we go we're gonna save these for tomorrow and go to a museum we're gonna go to see van go museum on shrooms all right that away so the weed cookie did nothing we got totally screwed we go to the sex show 40 bucks each not bad not bad you go in it's a full bar with a bunch of seating

stripper on stage hot Denmark blonde Danish Danish yeah she's eating a few and she's a bigger gal but she's pretty okay now she starts Denmark Normand she starts twerking and twacking and a guy comes out and starts banging her sounds about right it was fun but the guy was short and fat and couldn't get it up it was brutal I think we got the bad show Jesus Chuck how long you've been working in Amsterdam so this guy's going hold on and he's doing this shit he's flipping it up and down oh my god you know and we're all watching going is this really happening like what's going on here we got the b squad or something we got the the back door shit show because this was I could have done this better the guy had a hog the size of mine was already let down yeah and he couldn't get it

up and the lady looked like Chuck's dad the whole thing was the whole thing was shit we went to the like the you know the the the what do you call it the off brand or whatever you went to like the minor league the bag cereal you know what I mean yeah the miners well I could have used the miner it would have been hotter this lady had seen a few winters but yeah this was rough the guy couldn't get it up eventually he gets a bit of a marshmallow in a keyhole situation so what goes on what's the mind because all my only knowledge of sex show is the godfather too and it's tied up and the thing and the whole secrets revealed what what happened so the lady was her idea to see is she's like I went in college we went to Amsterdam on a big trip we saw a sex show it

changed my life it was the hottest thing ever I'm like oh wow okay and she's into it okay so it was a revolving bed with a lady on it and the girl had braces she said which I was like alright braces on her legs or teeth teeth and then uh the guy comes in and he was like I had a huge hog and he was ripped and he banged her shit out of her and it looked like it hurt and all this the whole thing was exciting so I was like all right let's find that I want to see these braces passion for orthodontry and uh we got something else you know we got the uh well what's the word I'm looking for it's the minors you know not the good brand we got the off brand off brand generic generic generic um generic take a room it's worse than generic because generic's middle yeah this was

bottom shelf Damoulas brand that was that was a grocery store in Massachusetts so I just sound like a disease when I was a kid it was like my early bit yeah that sounds like a disease and all the family was like he's brilliant yeah yeah Damoulas that's how I felt when I went to Magoobies and it's in Timonium yes I was like oh Timonium sounds like an element they're like yeah everybody says that yeah I did that one too yeah there you go say medicine yeah yeah gotta take your Timonium we gotta discover Timonium so this guy can't get it up so then he finishes you know he's like oh it's so fake and then they leave then this other gal comes on and she goes who wants to come up here and be my slave or whatever and one guy and this guy he must be 18 he's like right

out of college short hair wide eyed just hunky little young college kid wow clearly a virgin so she puts him down sits on him facing him straddling him and she goes take my bra off oh my god she had a bra on well she's she's got the bra on panties at first oh this is the beginning the beginning yeah this is like Tarantino's story yes so no no no that that guy's gone oh that guy got fired he's out on the streets he's riding the rails I'm sure he couldn't get it up at a sex show that's gotta be public enemy number one yeah so this guy is a young guy not in the show but he's getting straddled and she goes take my bra off she's got the little thingy the head piece oh yeah and uh he can't get the bra off so we're all dying laughing this kid's 18 he's he's

probably he's a virgin he's freaking out this is fun I wonder if they put a trick bra just to get the laughs ah maybe maybe this is getting me a little uh tingly oh really yeah okay I'm booking a flight to Amsterdam well if you saw the women you might uh not tingle yeah I'm married a long time okay good point so he can't get the bra off and uh eventually she goes take your shirt off when he goes I don't want to and she was like come on take your shirt off and he's like I don't want to so she takes her panties off and she starts sitting on his face what yes book me a flight get a flight coach so uh premonition so that was pretty cool and he's like he's doing the kid with the medicine oh my god so that was fun uh we get out of there we go hey that was all right

you know that was a little bad a little good it was like a comedy show where somebody bombed so bad it was it was actually entertaining that's what it felt like and she was like ah that's not the sex show I saw fuck it that that sucked I'm disappointed now we go back we have to take our malaria pills ah ammonium yes because you know you need to go to Africa you got to take them a couple days before during and after Jesus or else you get malaria and die so we take the malaria pills I don't know what happened an hour later read a bar stomach pain like you wouldn't believe oh my god last episode yes two episodes whatever but it was just like ah felt like somebody was stabbing with a dagger and I you know she's usually got some stomach shit I I rarely have

stomach shit like what I had with here I just took a shit and I was fine this I took eight shits I was trying to drink it away I think it was the medicine Jerry that makes sense I mean you take medicine then your stomach hurts but it was like ah and I was like I have to go home I felt it's so bad I was ruining the trip but I was like I got to go home we go back to the hotel I slept from that moment through the next day and woke up the next night oh I ruined the whole trip it's a whole day gone oh I was wrecked I remember I tried to get up and I couldn't get up and I had to like crawl to the bathroom to take a whiz and I crawl back and I had no energy I don't know what call in if you know what this is maybe uh did you did you google side effects malaria medicine

I didn't do that because maybe it gives you a piece of malaria some medicines do that because that was like the thing with the vaccine they give you a little bit of the thing that's how vaccines used to work yes yes maybe it's a malaria they give you a little malaria maybe I got a little malaria they give you like Malaya yes okay maybe I don't know I'm just uh spit ball in here but yeah all right so Amsterdam is a bust and she's like bummed she's like you're sick we lost a day she sat in the lobby in red I slept the whole day I should have got a look for the braces that's what I said go find bread she likes to go with me should I want to go alone I don't know that's fair so stomach flu ruined everything so now I'm waking up and I'm like I'm gonna be

good husband fun guy party animal good travel buddy so it's new year's eve now we gotta have plans you can't just I'm so bad at this because I want to just leave the hotel I like to just walk and see what happens yes same here she's like where do we where are we going I'm like I'm just walking she's like ah so we take the shrooms it's like 11 in the morning we're so out of shit to do we take the shrooms let's go let's go to the van go museum we pop these shrooms like right on the sidewalk like idiots we chug a coca-cola get them down they taste horrible I've never tasted a shroom like this they look weird but I figure out it's Europe this is post stomach issue next day oh my god because don't mushrooms make you throw up sometimes yeah yeah but I gotta push through I gotta be a

good travel guy I don't want to be the the downer okay and I feel so guilty about losing the day so I go all right this is it it's new year's eve I'm still a little wonky from the flight and the stomach and the malaria and the aides so I go travel guy good buddy pop the shrooms we're pushing through we go to the van go museum line around the block sold out a month in advance oh never thought about that okay oh my god there's another museum down the road the modern art museum can I just say I fucking hate modern art yeah that's fair I love all I love the uh the uh the ancient paintings the classic what do you call those uh renaissance yes yes the abstract uh the blue period with the the dots yeah impressionist impressionist money man a tippy tippy day day we go to the contemporary

art museum 40 bucks lying around the block we get in shrooms are kicking in a little bit okay but they're not fun you're like what is this I feel weird I feel bummed out and then I feel sad and I feel uncomfortable I think you're describing marriage ah well I guess it kicked in just then yeah okay but I was like oh this sucks and we pay the track the ticket we get in and it's a modern art exhibit there's two big exhibits one is about slavery and how the black man got and how evil white people are sounds like a golden globes monologue so I'm like okay this is a bummer huh I'm already bummed with the shrooms but now I'm trying to enjoy this and and take it all in okay so I go let's see the other exhibit

it's by this lady they show a photo of her she's like black hair white skin angry black outfit cutter pissed off gothy okay I go this will be great we go in and it's a room the door opens and it's just a room full of black tires I guess all tires are black but just stacked up tires and metal beams and music going yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and I'm like what the fuck is this and I look on the wall it says youth and I'm like oh what the fuck is this so the ladies having a meltdown she's like I'm freaking out I'm so sad I'm so scared what is this where's the art where's the oil painting where's the bone a where's the water lilies just give me a painting of the mountains in a lake and a big fat pair of tits yes with the the squeezy tits the little

button squeezy as a naked baby or a statue of a guy with a tiny dick and no arms and no arms that's right yes yes David so I'm like ah she's freaking out I'm on shrooms I'm bummed out white guilt the tires I like I'm in a I'm in a haunted auto zone here that's what it feels like she's like let's get the fuck out of here I'm like yeah fine we go back out it's raining now we're out in the rain we're bummed out we're on shrooms we walk through the park we're just got the jackets over the head where do we go now we're wandering through neighborhoods nightmare this is brutal these shrooms are hell I don't know what I eat and I finally just corner a guy I just see a guy on the side when I grab my lapels and I kick his dog and I go what's up with the shrooms here he goes

oh they're they're different here there's a name for them they're not shrooms they're might have to give that a go Dutch ovens yeah they're called something else well what's another word for shrooms uh psilocybin no no that's the that's the fun stuff uh not mushroom but you know it's like not a frog a toad there's a a guide to Amsterdam's magic truffle smart truffle they're called truffles there okay some guy I get I'm just cornering a guy on the side I got him up against the wall like what's going with the shrooms and he goes they're truffles they're actually truffles here a guy jumped off a building in America and he took shrooms that they sold the shop he jumped off a building and died so they stopped selling them oh god big truffle little china yes yes

yes truffles I'm a pig I sniffed him out and it ruined the whole fucking day so what's the difference so truffles they they just get you weird because it feels like some of it the tires just sounds shitty that was shitty but it was just scary and you're just like we didn't get we wanted we were so we're talking about van Gogh oh the scream and all this shit did you do the scream I don't know the cutting the ear off van Gogh he's fun I saw the screen that's an Oslo ah oh that's fun yeah it's all right one time okay well it's weird to say I'm like I've actually compiled many of the most famous paintings Mona Lisa saw the Mona Lisa I saw the uh I saw the uh the scream and Oslo and then uh what was the other one I saw the star of David

there the armless guy the temple um all the ones at the Louvre that you see yes and then all the ones in the Chicago Museum the Picasso and the big by the lake the river oh you saw the other in the park what do you call that the 16 I didn't see the 16 all right that one's pretty good I love a 16 year old but yeah all right so we the whole day is a bust and we get out of there we got the truffles so she goes I'm a member of this house this how desperate we are she goes I'm a member of the Soho house right let's see if there's a Soho house in Amsterdam there is I was like let's just go there it's shelter it's warm there's couches there's a bar we go there and we as the British would say we rock up at the bar and I go give me an old-fashioned and I'm just damn wet it's just

like an old cat I'm shrooms the tires and they go give me an old-fashioned they give her a wine and we start to kind of come out of it you know we're like that was hell what was that I mean this is four hours of bullshit we just did and we're starting to like come out the truffles and we go we got a regroup here it's New Year's Eve it's four in the afternoon we have nothing to do tonight the whole trip sucks I suck I got stomach cancer I'm bumming her out the shrooms are gay so we kind of regroup and we get on our phone we go what do you do on New Year's we just caved what do you do on New Year's ah this is just the beginning of the story it's all expectations I know too much expectations and responsibility where you got too much responsibility on you

well your picture I'm gonna you'll be whisked away by a Dutchman in clogs he puts a joint in your mouth and he puts a thumb up your ass and goes here's the hookers and that's it right it actually takes some research and planning and some some responsibility I suppose so all right so we get the New Year's thing and she goes I just she's just sacked up and took control it's like I booked us a restaurant we're getting dinner and then there's fireworks here and I go great nice so she nailed it but fireworks in the rain well it kind of tapered a little bit okay okay we go to the cool restaurant restaurants packed everybody there is hot beautiful people I know and they have the underwear triangle on the bike I love a triangle did you see any underwear bike triangles many many

triangles but it's rainy and cold so there was there was wet triangle I know but if you're not familiar folks everyone rides bikes out there they wear skirts they wear dresses and they got a little triangle right in the bike area and you just kind of lean in and say sorry I'm a tourist and boy it's really something it's not bad ding ding on the bike bell but yeah so we go to this restaurant we have a great time they do the the the servings you know you get the one the two the three the four the cocktails we go outside we're in a town or a part of it called DeBip not DeBip you know DeBip I don't know DeBip that's where everybody says that's where the locals go they go to DeBip so we go to DeBip and it's just young people we go outside the restaurant

everybody's out in the street and they're going guagging goo whatever their language is we have to count down and go over here and pop singer we get to one night moves we get to one and they're fucking all just pull a big zippo out and they go and they light this thing the whole city goes that way I got a black head going by me I got a roman candle going over here it's fireworks fireworks I didn't know what the fuck you're talking about sorry I thought you lit a tree or a bonfire I don't know what the hell we're talking about a black head a black head something you squeeze on your wife's back well they squeezed the life out of this night I've never seen you like this I'm dying here man I'm freaking out so sorry so fireworks happen fireworks all

down the street people on the roof throwing them at us it was fucking awesome oh wow it was great fireworks at you it was while they're throwing on each other's hot girls and dresses and heels throwing them at me and I'm like yeah high five and people they're all have champagne bottles it was very European oh I love Europe it was great and we're on the canals the rain had stopped fireworks all over the sky they're they're legal there right so they just go nuts with them and it's just zipping by you and I'm sure people died but it's just boxes of fireworks exploding in the street and the canals are lit up from all the fireworks and the reflection that sounds nice now we're talking yes the the booze had kicked in the shrooms had gone away or the truffles

and uh man it was uh it's say she saved us thank christ I know dinner was nice dinner was nice it was great and uh the fireworks saved it and then we go we're leaving the next day to fly to Cape Town oh to Cape Town oh yeah now what's that flight Amsterdam to Cape Town nine hours 10 hours 12 hours big 12 12 for 12 incher now where do you have decent seats this time around coach again big mistake yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so we got to 12 hour to Cape Town coach lady was annoyed again and now we land we're cracked out she had middle seat by the way don't ask me who picked that seat for well middle seat if you'd a loved one is next he's not horrible not horrible as long as you can say hey scooch and get up I don't know if I was loved so it was middle

all the way but we get there by the way what do we take air link air link shit box don't ever do it trash heap of a airline never even heard of it no air link it sounds like a way to transfer files yes yes yes not good pedophiles so we get there finally another red eye actually no we got there we took off and we landed we took off at like 10 we landed at 10 and then we get there and she goes what are we doing this this is weird the airport's weird it's South Africa so it's a little janky uh-huh you think South Africa is nice and Cape Town and Charlize Theron and uh I don't think that at all you don't think that no I mean well I got South African in-laws I know what I got all I know all the ins and outs I see I see ins and out burger I

think there's like 12 people that are extremely wealthy that's it yeah you got it yeah okay so by the way everybody shits on us they're way fucked up more of course okay yeah I'm fucked up more I'm talking out of my uh dick hole here way fucked up more needs to be the title of this episode but yeah that's every country I guess so they're still throwing bananas at black soccer players in Europe I was once I did that like well we're fantastic over here yeah yeah hey you won't throw a banana at me I'll eat it by the way yeah but all right so we get a history you know so I don't think it's like underhand like hey oh yeah I figured thank you I need a snack so we get there now it's just another thing of like we're in a foreign land I don't have a cell phone service

we're in this fucked up airport 12 hour flight you're wonky you just don't want to figure shit out of course you know you just want it to be done and just have somebody pick you up and she goes well what are we gonna do which hotel are we at I'm like I don't know I I'm so bad with this shit spoiled by comedy I know comedy land and you're like oh there's Scott from Hilarity's picking me up and taking me to the the hotel with the the dings exactly and I booked the thing I paid for the thing so I just figure like all right my work's done I'll just go on it so but that ain't it daffy wasn't that your bit that's a no no to daffy what was that from that was from the fire safety with the looney tunes oh wow what a reference yeah it was always

weird because people were like that's a really funny to use the name daffy and I'm like well I'm referencing a commercial yeah I never met anyone named daffy yeah you got it or didn't get it I didn't get it now I get it yeah but I didn't get it before it was a commercial for you get probably find it somewhere but it's a commercial for what to do in the case of a fire I hide under the bed that's a no no to daffy daffy tries to hide under the bed right daffy's gonna burn to death did you see that okay you'll find it all right so I guess I thought it was a huge reference but nobody understood yeah damn I've been thinking about that for 10 years yeah I blew it that's fine so the people who got it got it yeah so we get to we get to the airport and we got our bags finally

checking a bag nightmare by the way sure she had to check it back she's got big dildos and lipstick so we go out to the exit and we see a sign mark and may hey I didn't realize I booked a guide it's Scott from hilarious yes he's there she opened good crowd uh Jack's bot was tough but we get this old lady cute little old ladies about four foot nothing she goes hey I'm gonna bring you to your hotel okay oh my god so she's driving us her husband her husband's in the car he's driving they pick us up right outside she goes here's your itinerary tomorrow you guys do whatever you want the next day I will pick you up at 8 a.m. we will I'll give you a full tour of Cape Town like you paid for and all I'm like oh the lady's like good for you this is great thank god you figured

something out I have no idea any of this was happening we get to the hotel hotel's amazing five-star then they go by Rand have you heard of this yes I know about Rand Rand McNally yes so everything is like like a hamburger would be nine million Rand so you feel like a king because you got a 50 a 50 is like 800 Rand okay so you're like oh my god Amsterdam was a little pricey here I'm I'm assaulting a Brunei sure which where is Brunei I never heard that to you said it you never heard assault Brunei Brunei the science guy I don't know I don't I voted for Brunei Sanders but Indonesia okay okay Brunei I don't know I heard that in a movie when I was 10 and I never forgot it there you go all right so we get to uh we get to the hotel it

was amazing she's she's on my dick again we got uh we got champagne in the room they know it's the honeymoon by the way you can just book hotels and stay at your honeymoon I remember going to the Guna beach on my honeymoon they were like honey but you didn't tell us that and they went and got us a basket of giz yeah geez I'm just gonna start saying it's my honeymoon you know what else you can do you go to a restaurant go I'm gonna propose and they fucking pull out the stops that's not bad I've done it a few times didn't the girlfriends didn't like it but uh so hotels great now they don't tell you this Cape Town power goes out randomly in the whole city for about an hour or two every day what huh I'm like I go down to the lobby I'm an idiot I'm like a hayseed I'm like

hey they had the powers out they're like yeah yeah it's Cape Town my five star hotel and they go it's the whole city they go oh they go that's just the thing here I was like okay you go back up we're just sitting in the dark wow powers out so we go oh let's go hit the town beautiful marina Cape Town there's uh seals swimming around the boats and all this shit great time we got the dinner food sucks but it's cheap we get drunk whatever go back to bed we wake up 730 we're getting picked up by sandy oh sandy never say to the old lady oh same sandy yeah yeah now this is where it gets wacky boy what sucks if the power goes out when the alarm's supposed to go off let's get the phone yeah okay so sandy picks up by the way the breakfast of this hotel was unbelievable

that these these europeans or I guess that's Africa but remember the Langham the Langham of course I love the Langham same breakfast no kidding just laid out everything salmon avocado mimosas fruit vegetables meats Europe is about Europe and the southern tip of Africa both fantastic very similar and uh okay so we get out with sandy and I'm just gonna break it down I hope she never hears this they don't have podcasts in Africa they don't have power for the first two hours it was first of all she's 75 years old okay she's driving a like a land cruiser big big jeep Toyota thing with a stick shift they drive on the other side the the wheels on the other side so the whole thing's wonky it's early in the morning she's like uh yeah I'm gonna show you the whole Cape Town

after 20 minutes I wanted to kill myself she's stopping every 10 minutes going see this bush this is a for mica leaf it only grows in this area and you're like okay and then we go another 10 feet see and I'm like where are we going and how long's it and now this is where I thought of you oh I'd love to be thought of your wife is South African yes you once told me years ago and I never got it I don't know if I should say this but she won't answer two questions in a text yes that's true you know you'll go where are we eating and what time she'll say McDonald's yes and you're like isn't that weird she doesn't answer too well yeah that's weird whatever I can't get an answer out of this woman interesting and she's South African I go uh you're from here

born and raised and uh what party are you from she goes born and raised and I'm like what the fuck and I'm looking back at the lady I'm in the front seat I'm like I'm getting no answer here so the lady's born out of her mind and she goes I just want to hear about apartheid tell us about apartheid she goes oh you don't want to hear about that that is dark stuff it's half dark yeah so we're back to driving and I'm like this woman's not answer any questions she's telling us about bushes this is brutal so I'm like well where are we going she's like we're going to the tip it's going to be like a three hour drive it's beautiful and I go how long or not how long is it going to take but how long are we going to be there like okay

whatever it's like my dad yeah we get there it's beautiful we see uh all the projects she talks like that is the uh the developmental housing it's all there's no plumbing these people hate each other this is where all the rich people live rich feels beautiful but it's like 12 rich people and the rest of this it's like 80 20 right rich whitey and then just fucked sure so we see ostrich we see baboon we see uh penguins pretty cool wow very cool but penguins in South Africa I never would have thought that I know they're weird they somebody dropped them off there they reproduced no kidding so they have a beach that's just penguins we saw them fucking I got some video of it wow so then like catholics in America yes so then she goes uh all right so we're going to

drive back we'll get lunch then we'll go to the botanical gardens and I love a botanical garden well this lady is so grating that I'm like talking to the lady I'm like I can't I can't do another few hours because she won't tell us when it ends now why's the lady behind you what is this a three-way motorcycle what's going on here it's a land cruiser she wanted me in the front oh you're in the front I'm in the front she's in the back I see and I would kill to be in the back but she wanted me in the front like what am I an uber driver and I'm like okay I'll sit in the front interesting so long story short I go all right let's get something to eat and then we'll go to the botanical gardens and then we'll go home she's like okay we'll see what happens she won't

let us go home like I was kind of like hinting like I'm kind of done with this this is kind of brutal I've had this yeah and she won't she's like oh he's so crazy shut up but I'm like all right and she's kind of being cunty to me and I'm like I'm the client here I'm the customer yes but whatever we had this in Ecuador with the bird lady oh really bird lady and it was me and Ari and his boyfriend and Sarah and we saw all the birds and we were like all right yeah we got it yeah and she was like no no many more birds we're like this we don't need any more birds yes but they don't like that we saw six birds we're out of here and then there's the same exact thing we'd have a fight we're like we want to go home she's like but you paid for four hours and I'm like I know I paid

we're done with one hour it's like going to a diner go all right it comes with this this and this I don't want the toast oh you're getting the toast I don't want the toast but and more than that it's like put that dose yes yes you enjoy it you fucking so like all right so she's giving me lip and all this shit and I'm looking back at ladies like I know this is crazy so finally we go to lunch and I buy her lunch she talks about lady lunch I didn't know what to do she's sitting across from us and we couldn't get any alone time at one point I asked the lady something I'm like so what's up with this like something only we would know about and she goes whoa who's this oh really like what the fuck is this now the lady's like on to us she won't allow us to have a minute

so I'm like this is it I'm getting rid of this lady that's it I'm cutting out the botanical gardens fuck a garden we're going home I want to this is my honeymoon I want to live it up I don't want to fuck sandy so sandy hook that's what I call her give her the hook yes so give her the sandy hook we go to lunch and it's been like six hours now we're with her so she's kind of swerving and I go hey sandy okay she goes oh I fell asleep what what the fuck she's like well you know it's been a long day it's a lot of sun we just ate I'm tired I'm like she's like I gotta pull over I gotta rest come on I swear to God and I go rest what are you talking about we gotta get home and she goes we gotta get to the botanical gardens so I'm like well rest at the botanical garden

that's what I said I said all right well sleeping a flower bed just sleepy cunt I'm calling an audible so I go hey sleeping cunts the worst Disney movie ever but so I go all right we'll go to the gardens we'll go in you sleep in the car we'll walk the grounds a little bit and we'll come back and get the fuck out of here not bad so she goes okay I have vouchers to the garden I'm a tour guide I own this town so we get to the fucking window and she's like oh geez she's like fiddling through her fanny pack like I have my head there's a big line behind it I have it I have it you know and the lady's like ma'am could you pull over and let the other bill go she's like I have the vouchers I'm so tired I'm tired what the fuck is going on what is this lady she goes I need a coffee so I go I'll get you

I go to the gift shop of the gardens I get her a coffee I come back she's still fighting with lady there's people in behind her going like what is going on one lady's like ma'am she's fighting with a lady on the side it was crazy so I go sandy we'd want to go home we don't care about the gardens we want to go home and she's like well I still need to rest she never got the rest and I was like I will drive this car she's like Kramer I know I was like I'll drive this car back she's like it's two hours I'm like I'm fine I'll drive it back she's like it's the other side of the road I'm like I will drive it back because that's how desperate I am yes so she slurps down the coffee she chews out the lady behind the window one more time I apologize to her she sits down on a bench

and she goes well I don't need a rest now I'm up because she was fighting there you go and I go okay this has been pretty rough we'd like to go home and she goes you should divorce him he is so controlling now she's trashing me to the lady wow she makes a good point but I know it's not her place and the lady was like oh you know you got something there but we'd like to go home so she was like fine so now she's mad at us so she's driving us home we get two hours you know it's a long ride back awkward ride back she's still pointing out bushes I'm like just go just go and I we finally get to where we're going to where like the the town is and there's a big building she goes you know what that building is she's driving like this

you know what that building is right there you see that and we're in traffic going fast and I'm like yeah yeah it's a building she goes that's the the tobacco distributor I go okay and she's done it and then she almost hits a homeless guy oh my god I would have loved her that would have turned everything around for me yes she almost killed a kook and I and she's like oh Jesus I got to get into gear and I go Sadie you're talking with your hands you got to keep your hands on the wheel and she goes oh you are a real piece of work buddy and I'm like you could kill us you already fell asleep on the road you fight with the botanical gardens coups what are you doing so we get back and she goes all right I'll see you day damn tomorrow and I go what's tomorrow she goes well

we got to do the the wineries and I'm like were you having for the week we had it for three days oh so I get back in and I we know we closed the door it's that classic marriage shit where you're just like what the fuck was that that was crazy she's a psycho she's brutal uh I can't go tomorrow and she's like well we got to go tomorrow I'm like I can't go tomorrow I'm not going tomorrow I'm asserting I'm putting my foot down love it and she's like well what are we gonna do I'm like we're gonna text her today at some point and not go tomorrow this is our honeymoon we don't have to we don't have prisoners no fuck Sandy so we go out and have a great time at dinner we get get a few drinks in us and we fuck and we have some champagne and we compile an email

and it took about three days or three hours to compile it because we're so we feel so bad yes sandy but we had to do it and you know it's one of those things like now delete that ah you're being a little too nice there okay and then we finally just push send and we sent it uh oh and that was it we went to bed you heard back from sandy didn't hear back but was she in the lobby the next day well that's the thing oh boy it was an eight o'clock pickup okay we wake up at about 10 30 we wake up at 10 30 sandy I hope you guys have a great marriage that's it that's not bad well that's more than I got from my dad on my wedding not bad but I you know there's some stank on that yeah it's not great

it's not like you sure really it's just like I wish you well yeah off okay which I'll take I'll take yeah and if she heard this nothing terrible here what I've been trashing her yeah you just told us that what happened if it's true I mean it's true yeah it's not like you said she's an old cunt who should die yeah maybe I should can we change her name in post sandy's not gonna hear this yeah well he did to where do you make a mandy brandy let me get a clean mandy and mandy brandy he's gonna have to save brandy 25 times just say it once I'll just change it all right what about Kathy me and Kathy you got it yeah we're gonna lose Sandy Hook uh Sandy who cares Sandy she's 75 something over there sweet little old lady but you just can't

drive if you told her if you told the truth that's all the truth anything bad yeah you just said she was looking and boring and stupid you couldn't stand to be with it yeah yeah that's not so horrible okay okay she needs to hear it I should mail her the fucking podcast you didn't say she's a piece of shit you said she's not asleep it's all true stuff true I think she means well she means well yeah there bad at her job she means well she hated you tried to get you divorced tried to get me to more she hated me what is this all right all right sandy yeah she gave you malaria and a rash I know right so I think she's gonna hear it I'm she probably won't hear it but she does have a couple kids they're not also I did live she said what do you do I said I'm in medical

supplies that's not bad so then she probably won't think I have a podcast yes yeah this is quite a chain of leading her to listen to this it's never gonna happen all right all right all right yeah I just don't want to hurt her feelings but who was she a horrible tour guide so I'll tell you we woke up the next day at 10 30 went to breakfast had the best day of our lives nice no sand no sandy and it was just a dream I got problems oh whoa that was adorable that was like a baby alien communicating with his mother I think I think there's one of my pants so sandy's out we have a great day but there's so much more we haven't even gotten the safari oh my god so that's a whole other saga saga hat and we'll we'll pick it up next episode yes to be continued how much time

do we have left oh we're over an hour I got the time we're going oh you want to you got anything to wow don't worry we'll do it next time yeah I got a whole buildup all right all right to be continued but we got a bunch of dates coming up including the Gramercy Theater March 14th and if you're hearing this those tickets are on sale right now hopefully it's not sold out but they're on sale now live stories live two stories episode biggest sandy's gonna come on big special guest yeah it's gonna be a hot one big special guest stavros is out of town he just said but we got other big special guest bigger than him I'll tell you oh yeah not fatter but bigger famous wise yeah I think so so anyways March 14th Gramercy Theater and then I got a bunch of hot

dates coming up Denver Comedy Works that's February 9th February 9th through 11 I'm in Key West February 2nd through the 4th I got Salt Lake City that's in May April 15th of course is the Wilbur Theater we're more than halfway sold with a four months out well you got these up on the dome I know I'm obsessed now Chicago's March 2nd that's only half full so get those tickets get on those tickets for God's sakes Chicago March 2nd I know we got a lot of Tuesdays there that is Park West Theater hey another wrong with that so and I got a ton of shit coming up people have been asking about Tacoma that's going to be out in in like October or something like that what else is coming up February March fuck me in the ass I got some

other stuff coming I'm going to shoot a special in spring I think so comedian jealous.com has all the dates go get those fucking tickets but fill up Denver Comedy Works and Austin this weekend no that was last weekend I can't keep track but he can sun this weekend and go subscribe to my YouTube for God's sakes gotta build that up for the next special and my mental jacket will be back soon I promise hell yeah all right Mark Norman comedy.com I'm in Spokane Miami let's see Nashville already be over Hawaii those tickets are not moving so come on out I mean it's a reason to go to Hawaii but say hello Salt Lake City Oxnard in LA that's not to laboral Chicago at the Vic Theater in March hold on Jesus and all kinds of fun stuff Toledo see did I say Spokane Appleton some rough dates

coming up say hello gotta gotta taping in March so uh gotta just tighten the shit out of this hour so come see the finished product before it gets put on wax get a shirt get a mug say hello get on the patreon it's cooking it's growing every day and we'll see you at the Grammys