Tuesdays with Stories! - #500 Tiny Bush

Episode Date: April 25, 2023

500 episodes of queefs, jizz and anal. Wow! Mark is back from CT, Joe is fresh off a new birthday, and the sun is shining in New York City ladies and gentlemen. Joe takes a trip to celebrate another rotation around the sun, and becomes one with nature. UNTIL - a hike-ruiner attacks! Mark oversleeps for his rental car - and he gets stuck with an eight passenger van to tour the East Coast like the chooch that he is! 500 eps and nothing's changed, baby!!!! Our Stuff:- patreon.com/tuesdays- youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories Sponsors:- This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy atry at https://www.betterhelp.com/TUESDAYS & get on your way tobeing your best self.- Support the show & try Blue Chew for free athttps://www.bluechew.com promo code TUESDAYS

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy my radio is spitting at me hey we're live in Aurora Illinois what's his Wayne's world that's peoria peoria oh Illinois I think it was Aurora no Aurora's Colorado

shooting ah I love that one that's a different film but I think they're in Wayne's world yeah Aurora Aurora oh okay I'm just thinking of I just think of the shooting the shooting really fucked Wayne's world yeah well the shooting is in Colorado but it was 20 years 30 years later so it is in Aurora Illinois I believe also a peoria Illinois yes that's interesting yeah Aurora a real town I think it is I'm gonna look at it okay Native American names Iroquois, Iroquois, Aurora, Ohio everywhere you go where weren't there Native Americans just everywhere right because the Southwest that's all Native

American right they're still there you can see it in their faces they're all cracked and brown yikes yeah but you know it's crazy when you go stay in you stand outside in Boston for 11 minutes on in January 3rd and it's freezing and you go how did a fucking Choctaw survive this yeah I don't know I think the bowl I'm not a bowl what's the big bison I think you fucked up a buffalo bison yes and you tore that coat off it and wore it on your head added the the strength the toughness those fucking Cherokee had no kidding and it's tough to beat them I was playing blackjack the other day and boy I lost my pants they

went hard on the gambling the natives and the booze yeah they're having a tough time out there except for the people the big you know the ones with the things what's that the headdress the headdress they own the casino they're making trillions it's like it's like a microcosm of America there's like seven fellas right trillions and the rest are all you know preventing forest fires or whatever I got a few reservations about that but it's also crazy that they got the casinos and the guy's name is still like little toe or whatever how exactly it's like you know hey this is Brian tree dick

or whatever yes it's black feet motherfucker and what I did the Connecticut gig whatever that club is comics yes they go no Indian jokes yikes and you're like oh I can't make any jokes about the people on the place I know I think they got yeah but it's just because the Jews control the weather we all know sure I've been there killed it right now yeah they're nailing it but the Indian Native Americans excuse me they make it rain so did the Jews call the Native Americans that's a man I love that that's big this could be something maybe they got all the other stuff and the the native much like casinos they gave them

rain you're right it's like hey tiny bush it's me hymen yeah we could use a little moisture out there you know right right and the Jews it's if we gave the native america Cino I feel like the Jews should have gotten a water park in Germany something oh yeah Germany good point well they probably maybe got some bagel shops over there they got that already they already could do in their own bagels that's true yeah maybe maybe we should give them weed but the blacks are getting the weed I heard the weed I that's what I heard is a lot of people present this as a thing is that we should legalize marijuana which I guess

we did already some places it's weird state-to-state right it's like a portion because there was a talk of that at one point I don't know who maybe it was Elon Musk or Bill Maher or somebody Bill Hader I get them all I get all my bills confused 20s fives they said you know we should legalize there's one we should legalize weed but let blacks african-americans have the weed money the way we did with Native Americans with the casino as repercussions or rep rep rep rep remand refer reparations reparations but that's a lot of money black people are gonna be the kings of the castle well you know I guess

they had a tough time or whatever in the 60s or I don't know sure well they went from picking cotton to picking weed all right that's all the time we have for today folks that's a good step you know that's a that's quite a leap in the business aspect because I'm not getting paid to get paid no way we well they weren't getting the money for the cotton that's what I'm saying cotton is better than weed overall whoa whoa you mean financially I just in general I mean we I use cotton I don't use weed true cotton I Joe yeah he's good yeah all right don't you think if you have to choose one yeah cotton gotta go cotton fabric of

our lives Chris cotton rest in peace ah yes cotton picking good point I don't think you go you say cotton picking anymore that's a good point in good time or whatever yeah that's a good point that must be out that's gotta be out but cotton's everything it's in the pill bottle yeah I don't even know if they do that anymore I think that's out whoa is it too triggering I guess I don't know we're call in if you know but yeah cotton better than weed but I mean obviously picking cotton forced with no money sure that's worse than just getting weed money but I don't think the weed black people thing worked out like I

guess it's like somebody but did you overhear that I never heard that it's a little offensive I did okay I'm not against it I like it but it's a little offensive like oh give the drugs to them right a little connotation going on there well I think in the in the aspect it once you legalize doesn't feel like drug drugs true Tylenol true actually how different cultures go with different drugs you know like the Native Americans went booze feel like whitey up in the Pacific Northwest they go heroin right love that grungy heroin Vancouver vibe New England to and then the the south goes meth right you know the dentaling

ding-ding-ding-ding-ding you know it's it's different in different areas yeah yeah and then the Uighurs that's a whole another thing what now the Uighurs out in China oh I don't know they're the slaves oh they the ones getting all fucked up I believe they're getting fucked up because there's a there's a big not apartheid but what was the Holocaust genocide genocide there's all genocide are they the genociders they're doing slave labor I think they're slaves in China no one seems to care so people like hey can you believe this guy made a gay joke you're like well this place has slaves yeah that's very

far though yeah no one cares about the distance well it's hard to tweet at them and I would say the same with the Middle East and the ladies aren't getting a lot of nice treatment yeah it can be tough out there I heard a lot of building throw off a building oh wow building throw that's what I've heard I don't know I just hear things I heard things I hear things all right we're gonna say something Chuck I was gonna say I think the reparations thing comes from a belief that the like you know making a marijuana illegal has to do with like racial and racist like you know there's existing prejudice I think that that's

part of it you're right cuz reefer manners are always like these colored folk and your girlfriend I think I think there's like a thing where it's like oh white people can have alcohol but right community and somebody who went to jail for life or whatever it is cookie not to get too serious but it is cookie that we got the the poor black guy in jail for having a roach in his ashtray and when he got pulled over but then a guy over here is starting to weed shop and he's making millions yeah they're dealing with that right now okay trying to figure out who should stay in jail and who should not stay in

jail all right different states are probably handling it differently I got a few people I wouldn't mind jailed and in your neck of the way oh yeah a couple of cooks everywhere I go it's toss this guy right in the patty wagon is there still a patty wagon no well that's an offensive term for the mix Irish oh is that right yeah my buddy Cassie's got a great bit about how MLK was like they're putting these blacks in the patty wagon he's like whoa whoa well what about the Irish now now using a slur against us in your fucking dream speech what's patty the st. Patrick's day that's a patty oh you're fucking dirty Irish blue-eyed

devil oh wow ginger no kidding yeah I'm triggered I'm sorry I just used a slur against my own folk yeah you got that right patty mayonnaise erin go bras huh erin go bra I don't know it's one of those things that's on the wall at the bar oh really go bra yeah go bra less I say sure slantcha mm-hmm that's one of them I put that on my chips yeah it's a burrito amazing how much time you spent at a bar you know like you would just live in a bar back in the day because that was like the watering hole that was the public pub oh I think man me well now everybody me too by the way I found out pub was short for public house like

a half hour ago that was a fun realization wasn't it my whole life I had no idea oh yeah I still love a pub though you sit there with the brass and the thing in the wood and uneven floor of the feet up on the thing it's beautiful and you leave its daytime and you feel like a vampire yes one of my greatest memories opening for Burke Chrysler we landed in Manchester we're all tuned up we're hungover we're gay we get out of the airplane we get into a car you know one of those cute little red buses you know the double deck and he's like what do you want to do I was like let's get a beer and have a little

hair of the dog we walk in it's like 11 a.m. we walk into this old pub there's a soccer game on the whole pub is going back we just kind of they kind of like scooped us in and now we're in the middle like oh I don't know what was going on I had fish and chips and bad teeth it was great wow I have the same but I love scooping by the way oh big scoop I love a scoop I give you a scoop anything I'm happy a scoop of ice cream a scoop of raisins well Sarah and I will just call each other scoop hey scoop good good good fart scoopie well a double scoop is great back in the day if you were a journalist it was a scoop yeah it's a

Woody Allen film not great but fun scoop Scarlett Johansson great name maybe I'll name my kid scoop scoop well it is a scoop scoop Jackson I think he's somebody baseball or jazz I think he's a basketball analyst I believe ain't a list that sounds right all right scoop what a name scoop Norman scooping it don't take it out there scoopie scoop scoop scoop yeah scoop doggie dog capital S C double OP DL double G you see yeah you know me alright so where you been what's shaking who you tweeting about who you fucking who you jizzing well I got this is one I got some tails I got some stuff a lot of fun

stuff I gotta like try to breathe through a nostril and out my asshole and keep it cool yes because I might flip a table and shit fucking hit chuck with a mug and and and you know piss on the side I'm here for all of it I'm worked up oh worked up so I gotta keep it slow boy take a easy alternate nostril breathing you ever try that no I get one not sure if I'm lucky what I got bad nozz I don't know what's going on I sleep on this side I'm getting some air I sleep on the other side I get a little better air if you got two nostrils working be grateful folks because when they're not working it's hell really I don't

think of you as a nostril problem guy bad sniff no good sniff no kidding well I've had a bad sniff for about a week and a half because I had a little cold now Sarah's got it you always feel bad when you're like ah sorry about that I gave it that was on me what can you do that's curable now they got that what's that trim what's the AIDS pill prep prep prep before you get age you pop a prep and then you get less age before you get it that's the man that's the rule you see a guy with age you got probably still fucking pop a prep you're in no kidding take some prep go fuck some fellas I take it every morning just in case it's

on the nightstand that was the ways I love that we still have can't oh we use the cans for the Patriot that's a bit well by the way we got to throw a couple announcements here please a little housekeeping as they say put it right in my ass one June 27th live from the Gramercy theater Gramercy New York City tickets are gonna go fast yeah they're on sale now half sold already half sold a time you hear this it might be over but we got dance soda is gonna be on there that's a get and we're working on some working on some other used to be good special guests but either way it's gonna be a hot one you got that right

and more guests coming and it's gonna sell out we're gonna do a baby a fun poster oh yeah yeah poster where we look like fucking garbage yeah we don't look great yeah they really nailed my teeth to me if you take one I'll send an invoice yeah yeah Chuck's not getting one for free I'm having an artist that's awesome draw up a poster all right well we saw a mock-up but it was pretty mock it was yeah I was mocked all right but anyways June 27th and second I gotta say a big shout out congratulations to you my friend what I do I'll tell you what you did 499 episodes of Tuesday's stories this is sweet number five double

zero congrats to Chuck on 35 episodes however long you've been here there you go she'll boat Jackie come lately she'll be we miss you baby 500 that's nothing to sneeze at that's half a foul and we can't forget who is the guy Aaron Friedman Benji so sweet this is all Jew run for a while you got that right we got out of the temple we had Benji and Becky and John fad a game we gotta give a hot shadow and please don't listen to any of the episodes that those guys produced it was pretty ugly yeah those are different times they changed the rules yeah they moved the goalposts on us mid-game but although

this one's pretty dicey too we're helping the Native Americans where it would that called a repercussions raising awareness yes yes but anyways 510 years we've been going here that's why now how many did Seinfeld do 99 102 they did over it well over a hundred okay I'm gonna say 160 episodes 170 episodes maybe well how many Seinfeld episodes there are but that in the dust yeah we smoked we're doing one a week for an hour plus not to mention all the live episodes we've done all the patreon so it's probably more like a thousand episodes that's a good point yeah we've got a ton of content out there you can't

bitch it's all good stuff the patreon's got live apps queefs must see anal education special you name it the satellite queefs those still on there we did a lot of those course that's how it all started yeah I think we did one we did one like Belarus and Belgium we were all over doing those all over there's a ton of those and that was a radical idea too like what if we do a queef where we're out in the middle of nowhere and that was like whoa how we're gonna do that when we have a gonna patch it in with the NBC that was wild and I think we've outlasted most podcasts you got that right a lot have

come and gone and yeah it's a 500 come down wild hyenas bonfires different now I mean it's broken went to Spotify we're still cruising five honey you got that who send in a package and Chuck kudos on a job done that's a cycle reference how many siphoned episodes 170 172 180 I was close so what are you guys doing is celebrate 500 oh we're gonna have snacks Chuck brought snacks probably go to Chipotle but on patreon we're gonna do a commentary of comedian I love that documentary and it's it's one of the most referenced things on the show so you finally get to see some of the

origins oh yeah it's yeah somebody was wondering what we reference something I think maybe I talked about this already but it was from comedian we lot a lot of comedian references oh yeah the movie comedian pow pow I mean it is the countless 63 embracing it but talk about things changing in times happening the whole plot of the film has been all fucked up not the plot the climax the car the whole plot is basically Seinfeld did the TV show he was the biggest stand-up or whatever did the TV show trying to get back in a stand-up yes so he's running around New York trying to be a comic again getting his legs under

him and then the end is what Letterman the climax he goes to visit Cosby like that's like the big thing sitting back in his chair hello Gladys say hello to Gladys and the whole thing and he's like I and Jerry's like I just want to go where he's been right oh you don't want to say that so Jerry must feel tell Ben he must feel a little uncomfortable yeah yeah geez well I would be so bummed if I made a film the climax the guy the main guy that helped make it was like a sexual predator that would make me feel horrible I did a video about Jared the subway guy that didn't age well so yeah it happens but it just shows how much

things obviously Cosby's a psycho and should be jailed but it just shows how things can flip flop and 180 that quick cuz I think we all I think the world progresses as time goes on but in the last ten years it's been progressing on steroids mmm and I think it just flipped it up flip the script quick right that makes sense quick flip but kick flip and what's the what's some other tricks I know kick flip and all I was trying to think of another trick on my video I made a little skateboarding terms pop shove it pop shove 180 360 kick flip 360 flip backside flip front side flip then there's the grinds which is nose

grind 5 0 50 50 then this tail slide board slide nose slide crooked grind I mean the list goes on but Ali and kickflip those are the big ones the big to this heel flip as well how the heel flip kickflip is like that he'll flip is like that I did a heel flip right in my ass one time I really loved it oh really by the way it was very sweet I had a birthday which we'll get into so many people message and say I hope you get hot come on your back and that's nice someone wrote me the heels be long and the come be hot Irish poet I think that's Confucius but anyways happy 500 it's been an honor too fatty what a what

a what a time yes very exciting if you just stick with it you can get there what time what a thousand no time what year did you start opening for Schumer did that happen on the pack because Sarah and I were debating this while hiking really 2011 maybe 1112 what we doing the show already seems like it some of it it was some overlap for sure it's definitely towards the beginning I'd say you're definitely talking about it by like episode 20 interest early which is okay it was a huge break for me and I mean she started at the funny farm but it let we did some rough get Hartford funny bone and then it just I watched

her tick up right he did the roast and she got her own show she did a jet Apatow movie okay so when was what was that movie train wreck okay so you talked about that in episode 41 you know so that's that's pretty far into it you mean right I was cut out but I got to be on the set and have some lines and I bombed but I remember her going hey come up come up to my room I'm working on a script and I was like okay and then she's like here this is it's jet Apatow might produce it I was like oh good luck with that nice you fucking pipe dream you delusional get out of here and I left and then here we are wow but I

remember when she was on curb we were doing the podcast then I think and she was small at that point oh yeah she felt like we did but I don't know have a line on there now she'd be there she had lived something oh she did made it on yeah you told that story wow it's all a blur she says nice job asshole or something like that oh remember you tell me she just ad libbed it wow yeah she was like I'm getting a line on that's how she was she was adamant wow Adam Egett adamant hmm was it was that a guy adamant adamant was something singer DJ 80s pop icon guy yeah there you go adamant there you go but any who the bowl any who

so this past weekend I don't why we got I don't know what time how long we've been going here but this past weekend I had a nice juicy birthday on Thursday everybody reached out it was very sweet a lot of texts your birthday by the way it's very touching and people gonna say I'm an asshole here but it becomes a work it's a chore because of Facebook everybody knows your birthday true so what happened I'm a very fortunate person I have a lot of loved ones so you get all those texts from the loved ones but then on Instagram it's all pipes and then whatever your wife posts so then it's like you feel like you got to get

back to people yes and I've talked about this before I got an OCD thing when I have an unread the same way to email it's like burning yeah and you get the anxiety until you answer it you're just you're Jay Foxen I could feel it especially when I know it's something nice yeah I'm writing hey dude just want to say your number one right blow you and you're like ah but then you're trying to hang out and be present I know I mean I would say it even happens on a flight or a podcast when you finish you're like oh 26 texts and then somebody's trying to talk to you like I have to just cut the world off until I

answer all these texts for my aunt it's tough yeah because it doesn't all this thing you want to get away from your phone but it has an adverse effect because I'm like I gotta write back my wife setting me a dick pic of her lover well Chris D was telling me he's like I got rid of all social media I lost 30 pounds I sleep better I feel better I'm happier and I'm like but what do you do and he's like I just got rid of it and I think it's like cold turkey is the way to do it because we all go I'll slow down right now I need GPS now I got to check my email oh oh somebody's mad because I haven't responded right so if

you just cut it all out I think that's the move but he hires some that you got to hire somebody that's the thing I mean you got to get six people to run your shit but that's fine that's better than being on it probably I suppose but you know it gets a little what I was just in the Easter with the with the ladies family you know Easter egg hunt kids it was it was nice you know small doses come on and that's garbage I made a joke like oh well Bud Light what am I trans you know and they were like what do you mean I'm like well you know trans the Bud Light lady and they were like no and I was like you haven't heard any

this controversy I know this you don't know this either no no I got crazy taking over the country I'm not in the thing yes it's good oh what's what happened give me the quick version Galen Jenner is the pod the spokesperson for Bud Light really no this is a true I'm right now I know but it's crazy okay my point is I went to Easter they didn't know what the fuck I was talking about I was like how about that school shooting with the trans kid they're like school shooting I was like wow you guys are in the burbs baby that I know about okay she's the Bud Light lady yes exactly yikes I know it was a weird choice we're through the

looking glass oh yeah Elliot Page is doing heavenly ham but either way I made a joke they didn't know what I was talking about basically a cookie lady who was used to be a guy is the trans is the spokesperson for Bud Light and everybody's like why her this is a weird choice and yada yada they changed their cans to be like trans positive and so like certain you know MAGA right-wing guys the cans they changed the can so they're all like they're all trans but they say like inclusivity or whatever and like Kid Rock was like here's what I think about Bud Light and he put like a case on a chair and shot it with a Shane

Gillis doing okay and that is he's like oh why not me I'm the I'm the archetype for this fucking shitty beer wow that smells that was really bad I don't feel okay Bud Light but yeah so it just been it's divided the country I just don't get why do you give a shit about and you're if you really hate it you're giving it publicity by by shooting up cans with Kid Rock exactly so I don't know how a fish can eat laughs she has no cans ironically but it's that's a whole thing and she has tampax this lady is representing tampax in Bud Light so everybody's like what are we doing here we're kooky it seems

kooky but you know I digress but wait what happened at Easter oh well I got it I got a tail if you want to get into it oh okay well I started this tale but we go to that tail well umar had a great joke umar Khan had a great joke where he said uh what are you Miyagi I saw a little duster oh sorry I farted some dust but umar said because Kid Rock shot the cans up and he goes I should somebody should tell Kid Rock shooting something up doesn't stop things we've seen that something I butchered it school shooting trance ah well umar is very funny funny guy hell of a Pakistani tough to doesn't translate always no

I didn't speak English that fart is linger that is a honker whoo doggy that ain't lunch all right let me just rip right through this I'm dying to hear this Easter business but I thought the Easter Bud Light did they turn into something did they kick you they threw you you're just saying they don't know that was the point I see they didn't know like they're either that checked out I think it's healthy because I'm sitting there going what's next with BL what's gonna happen to the lady die or the plummet stocking whatever I see stock plummeting see I don't follow that I'm just looking at the likes and the views

and the reels and the comments and the rights and I go okay I gotta write back to this and that and that thing right but yeah that stuff I can't I can't I can't do it don't do it it's pointless there's nothing out nothing out there for you yeah I don't care for it but anyways hit me with the tail big big birth big birth which by the way about 300 people messaged me I said big birth instead of large Marge I haven't stopped her like they spray painted my house large Marge you fucking shit Mandela yeah people kicked the windows in and threw bricks in there saying get it right you fucking loser piece of shit

Yikes birth canal what movies this you lose a you freak oh I know that I know that I don't know it's not animal house it's a woman saying it a woman yeah prostitute to a man in a wheelchair for scum for a scum you gave me a lot of hints a lot of wheelchair horror movies out there yeah hey better help here where you're looking I'm going here I'll go with you hey folks better help what's shaking every so often you learn something new about yourself I got a mole on my ass I just saw maybe you found a new food you didn't know you loved or a hobby you suddenly have an interest in pickleball yes the more you learn about

yourself the more easily you can navigate through the challenges of life mm-hmm better helps online therapy is here to help you work through struggles and share your successes with a licensed therapist we go to therapy we got big Al on the hook love that old heave he gives some great advice love therapy life changer game changer yes sex changer it's convenient flexible and suited to your schedule you can do therapy from the comfort of your home or even your bed I won't judge the therapist might fill out a quick brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist today and get on to

the life you want to live a better life if you need a different therapist any point it's an easy switch at no charge discover your potential with better help visit better help dot com slash Tuesday as you get 10% off your first month that's better help HELP dot com slash Tuesdays get some help folks do it hey folks Tuesdays with stories also of course blot blot to you mmm by brooch who ah make sure at all whoops let's talk about sex when baby when we're younger it seems like we're always ready to go oh yeah the older we get though the more difficult it is to get hard and stay hard especially when you're married to

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it's okay I think it's great I went but a blimp I mean you know what it is it's just everything it's every cliche in them they were the first to do it so I think it's ruined because it's become this cliche but they nailed it I don't hate it I just think it's not as funny as blue brothers caddy shack vacation Christmas vacation naked gun dumb and dumber right right I think it's a lower the nose sure and it the back half gets way too wacky with the cars and the parade yeah but there's some great jokes in it certainly certainly from great jokes might if we dance with your dates oh what are you studying primitive

cultures I mean they go hard on that one this is the seat of the end with it the float of the togetherness right right hand they fall apart man there's some good stuff not as good as those ones I named in my opinion okay but any just let's just get right to it so hot me daddy hot birthday my wife books alive podcast because she doesn't know what my birthday is so I go all right well what are you gonna do yes I said the weekend off I said she her birthday is coming up I said let's go down to Shenandoah National Park are you familiar with this place Shenandoah already it's Matt wait made the same joke hey all right Wayne

E M dubs we're synced up funny guy and sink next street boys thank you I love boys me too you just want to get right in there any just cute and hairless so we book a trip down to Shenandoah I'm trying to cross off some national parks you know good for you get rid of them cross them out I hate them because it's very very exciting the park system Teddy Roosevelt my father's gay and that's what Teddy do he started the park system I didn't know that oh yeah with the glasses on the cliff with the cane is he the wheelchair no that's his son Franklin Delano FDR yeah good highway or the cousins cousins brothers I want to

say cousins I think they're cousins kissing cousins yeah I think they're cousins and then there's a famous woman in there too Kirk cousins oh uh Susan Mary Beth Barone something like that somebody what is that guy lady it was I think it might have been Susan Eleanor Eleanor Roosevelt there we go Eleanor Kerrigan not to be confused it's Eleanor Coppola huh Francis Ford's wife ah okay we got a quite a family tree cooking here let's cut it down and get to the story let me just get right through this story real quick nice and easy so I booked Shenandoah National Park closest National Park to us and I'm

a good travel guy I really like to get in there and do some research yes if around we get in there I book us a bed and breakfast B&B in Sperryville Virginia oh I was there twice last year population 375 wow that's less than the Gramercy on June 27th June 27th that's how many tickets we're gonna sell more than that so we go to the bed and breakfast which these bed and breakfast are so are you forget you show up and there's just a lady yes who's like adjusting her waist going hey we've been waiting for you guys how you do it you can't fuck no because we use a vibrator the size of Chuck's leg this

thing is it's a lawnmower better than Shelby's leg it's that's a deep cut no one's gonna get that but you can't the floors are creaking the beds cracking the lady's got a glass up to the door it's those things it's a haunted house in there it's insane it was built in 1780 Seattle cracking it's built in 1735 and there's neighbors you can hear so Sarah just right off the bat is like I can't fuck you and then she's got a nasal congestion like I'd blow you but I'd pass away right you're gonna get her a strip she's got your nostrils used to strip so Gaza strip so now I'm out in Sperryville for three days and I can't

ejaculate on my birthday for Christ's sake that's not fair so it's all I'm all backed up my balls the size of Ari's but we check in it's a B&B and it's just lovely it's nice and sure and it's a town it's like the old West there's three storefronts the park is eight minutes away which is beautiful and Sarah's just figuratively blowing me she's like you're such a great husband it's about time you get a little respect around town well it's very exciting and she's like and you know happy birthday because I set up the birthday I see but sometimes you gotta just take matters right into your own asshole you know what I mean

just throw your own birthday genius that's what I say which by the way on my actual birthday so many people were out of town but Chavone swung over he lives a block away he comes by and says hey why don't we have a cigar so we smoked a cigar and then Matt Wayne says hey I got nothing to do I'll come out to Queens so the three of us sat and had a little power we shot a little podcast it's up on the thing there you go birthday podcast we had a nice little dialogue we discussed Charlie Sheen versus Emilio Estevez did some Seinfeld lines well one has AIDS no HIV HIV but I think he took the what's it

prep I think he took prep oh really prep school preparation H preparation HIV so let me I see a lot of notes of that I gotta rip no I got nothing I got a lot of stuff I'll just zip right through anyways check out the podcast it was it was a fun time we had a lot of laughs we may do it again but so great hang went to Bartolino's in Queens and had a nice remember Vita had a show there that's right good nice dish and we had this weird one this woman walks in kind of attractive older lady we're the only ones in the rest of the three of us she sits at a table next to us and then just adjust the chair to face Chavone your

Chavone oh she just goes like this huh that's a new one just stared him down and he's like doing the the Cameron fry you know yes yes and I'm peeking around she's just stared at him and then the guy Bartolino's guy in a suit it feels very mob over there oh it's connected he comes over and he goes all right sister let's go and then the other guy comes in like by the other arm and like they kind of like shoo her off into the other room and the guy comes back over he's like hey you gotta you know what I mean it's it takes a village if you know what I mean we're like we don't know what you mean no no no village and he's like she's

a little he's making like Kramer like and we're like what the fuck is this and it's a mystery I think she's dead she's in a trunk somewhere they whacked her in the basement throwing a trunk it was very odd sleeping with the fishies and we were just kind of like what the hell is this he kept coming over he's like sorry again about the lady she's a little she's just kept using like innuendo whoa so I guess a kooky broad comes in there once a week and they bothers they the customers that's what I think it is a dress to fuck or she's got some kind of scam but she was attractive she was okay I would have had sex with her if my wife

had passed away I'm such a tarred that I think if anyone's attractive they're on the up and up they have money they're a good citizen they have no aides yeah maybe but that's just a dumb human nature thing yeah so what about ugly people oh I get them right out of town yeah they feel a little shady round them all up put them in an incinerator but anyway so that was wacky and then we go down to Shenandoah National Parks Berryville great time great hikes and I'll just rip right through this and get right to what everyone's dying to hear oh I can't wait give me the meat so we go and hiking every day and we do two for

hikes we we go up there you hike all through the park and they got a big highway that runs right through the middle of it these drives you can't believe it you're just whistling and winding oh wow cliffs and clavins and norms clip bar it's just unbelievable beautiful hikes so then we're there Friday we get an evening hike in Saturday two hikes we're having some great meals just a beautiful time relaxed really relaxing sure sure we're not making love the way I want to do but what can you do it's noisy you're backed up so Sunday I go let's wake up bright and early get a big long juicy hike in

yes then we'll drive back take our time leisurely drive back but a five hour ride but you know traffic stopping it's like seven hours that's a humdinger right there so we wake up at 7 30 a.m. we go down have the breakfast bed as well as breakfast how was it very nice oh homemade I assume yeah it's a little because you know you know me I want my yes I want 14 scrambled eggs soft scrambled some oatmeal and maybe a pile of cum sure and warmed up but in a bed and breakfast you gotta just eat what they have yes you can't be like I'm actually can I have a right and the lady from what my experience the lady just

stares at you while he eat it and it's a little off-putting I'm like hey I don't put it I'd kill for some putting yes they do they keep coming back Osby it's also this thing that bothers me and this is my own ego I'm a cunt but they go like this what what hikes are you doing oh get out of here with the hike take a hike and it just feels like they want to go you got that it's the vaccine all over again what would you get Moderna who enjoy your dick falling off you're like wait what what'd you get yes and I guess I'm an ass and whatever but I'm like I like to research and find a hike yes I'm learning here let me learn yes

and my wife she doesn't like to look stuff but she likes to go with the flow she's a flow go heavy flow so we got a system yes we're married we have a system yes I do research I find a couple things and then we go and she goes hey nice job or we go yeah we got the wrong one and even that's fun oh yeah exactly then you come back you go we picked a hike it sucked it was horrible experience it so this lady stand there what hike you doing and I go well we're thinking about doing you know devil's asshole good hike good hike okay that she starts giving it away like I'm like a film oh no she's like there's a waterfall there's red

mud there's one spot like watch what I'm trying to say I want to go in fresh I'm like fuck off with that prognosis negative then she does this move this makes you want to just unscrew her head and punt it into her husband's asshole I assume he's dead he's doing the cooking oh jeez the tables have turned and he's got that cook outfit that looks very similar to concentration camp outfit a little pyjama yes yes yes maybe he was in the house I don't think so he was like 38 all right well you don't crack but all right oh my god looks horrible but anyway so then I do I get this one which drives me crazy she goes

what'd you do yesterday what hike I go we did Kaiser's run she goes no no no white oak oh and I go no Kaiser's run she's like it doesn't sound right oh boy you know what it was I bet it was Sun Sun devil when I'm going it was Kaiser's run yeah yeah photos yes doesn't that drive you crazy just because you don't know it doesn't mean I'm wrong yes I hate that why are you correcting me because you live here doesn't make any sense no sir I got the internet I got the information I got photos you whore she's like no no you didn't do that and I just want to put her head through a wall I get it and these crazy coos they

don't get it because they they're bored so you they're like oh I get to talk to this out of town or he's a he's a foreign man he's an idiot yes but they they're bored yes very annoying so then the next day she goes what hike you do and today I just went I circumvent I went yeah well we're gonna do a hike and then we're gonna get out try to beat the traffic and then you kind of just throw her off the scent yes yes I'm like I don't want to tell you what I'm doing I agree because they judge I don't want judgment yeah yeah you can't tell them anything and they got nothing to do all day you're the you're the you're their

podcast well by the end of the weekend you're like sneaking in the house you don't want to see like she's like you need something I know I know it's like a Nazi and you ran Frank just leave me alone oh I'm Frank baby so Sunday we go we're gonna go hike to Mary's Rock I think it was Kaiser well this is a big rock and it comes out onto the big it's like a big rock and it looks over both it's right on the ridge of the mountain so it looks over west and east just beautiful you see the whole park and this is a long hike and Sarah's got my cold at this point so she can barely breathe she's a fucking trooper yeah she

just plows through you know later they can rally but also maybe that'll open air is good for the the honker that's what I think so I go alright let's go hike and we do a long hike down into the valley and then up and over and this is like a three and a half hour hike we bring snacks we're stopping we're drinking some water some cookies all first thing in the morning we hike and hi it's just beautiful the whole time peaceful and it gets the juices but it's good for your stomach flora or font what's that called fauna micro bio gut health yes what are you eating berries and twigs how are you getting the gut

involved somehow I think just the oxygen and the moss gets into your belly interesting Shane moss ah so we just feel healthy and I don't know how much hiking you do but you just feel like talking you're like you just feel flowy you're like life is great grateful and it's just a big pile of gratitude and peace yes and I'm like I should live out here I want to move I think my blood pressure would lower I like who I am when I'm in the world interesting that's also why people do shrooms out there because it gets you a flowy it gets you one with the earth exactly flow days ah progressive so so anyways we get out

there we get to the no I meant progressive what's considered progressive now is awful regressive if you ask I agree but that's a whole bag of jizz yeah so anyways we get out there we're summoning Mary's rock and we're like how close are we we get there now you're gonna shit I want me to buckle up oh god I got to get some toilet paper get ready we summit the mountain Mary's rock big hike and by the way you have to walk all the way back down so we're halfway through the hike we get there we take the corner and it's Sunday Easter Sunday so it's crowded okay and I hear this oh my bitch you gotta fuck a dick and suck your

ass whole fuck on the mountain on the mountain one of those little blue speaker that blue tooth ironically a little to speak or pill we take the car this is a pill I'd like to give this guy cyanide his mom should have taken the pill I wish yeah we take the corner and there's like a group of nine fellas oh boy sitting and one this fucking piece of human shit is sitting and this is what bothers me it's purposefully antagonistic he's got his back to the view he's sitting like this photos and video he's sitting like this facing where the trail comes up he's not even looking he's on his phone like he's

like scrolling his phone it looks up like I contact as you enter well I like say something he's getting enjoyment out of watching everybody summit the mountain and see and hear him listening to fucking scuba do boop I should boop I bang with the music I love a hip-hop you know me same old G but I've been low-key yeah yes scoop dog but full volume oh my lord what a way to ruin nature we've got this whole peaceful thing you're in the zone you're flowing heavy flow and then here we are with heavy D appalling appalling abhorrent behavior yes yes and they're all going yeah yeah what we do next you

want to go hi these are just yelling oh no you know teens late teens early 20s oh wow yeah and just full volume music at the top of a mountain and then you look and there's just a sea of people all just stare like this and this is what bothers me it's almost like a lady that wears like a tiara and sits in the front row at the comedy show yes yes they want confrontation they want the attention that's what they want they're not oblivious they are fully aware that this is an obnoxious thing to do totally totally and they want an incident they want someone to go excuse me could you fucking turn that down yeah and the

little speaker just sitting there I wanted to pick Sarah said it to I just wanted to pick up the speaker and just whip it way off the ridge and just go yeah whoops yeah well you need a sign out there that says no music I mean what do we do I guess no one thought that some douche would bring that exactly it's just assumed yes with Tupperware but it was I couldn't handle it I was all juiced up and you want to say something now I have a story from years ago at Camelback in Phoenix with was a guy playing music and I said you got to turn that off and he's like hey it's not your mountain I said it's not your mountain

either I think about that line all the time but this on that one I had Howard Hughes with me who's a Marine where Howard Hughes Howard Hughes not the Caprio the club owner I see oh that that was in Phoenix yes okay but now you got nobody and this is just one guy and his buddy it's a couple you know white fellas two on two will fist fight this is nine Latino gentlemen I see and you're like they want the confrontation and it's then everyone's gonna be video tape this will be a racial incident hundred percent and so you just have to kind of eat I just go let's there was some beautiful rocks back about a quarter

mile yeah let's just go to those rock I can't be up here yeah because you start replaying or not replaying but you started a fantasizing all right maybe I'll go up and say this now what would happen okay then they would be at piss and I'll say that but it's never gonna work in your favor and you don't want to escalate you don't want to be in a fist fight fuck it where I mean we're literally 4,000 feet in the air yeah 300 whatever someone's will look this up if you say literally dying to see these photos no I'll show him yeah and there you know they're just probably 20 21 years old eight or nine of them just

went up there to play their jams it's appalling and it's like I'm like you're not rapping along you're not dancing you're not trying to meet girl there's no purpose for this fucking music no I go listen to this at home listen to it at a club listen to it in the car listen to it anywhere put on fucking headphones yes you have your music you know it'd be the best this is the ideal scenario and I'm already fantasizing but would it be great if that that boombox or whatever just went and then it died and then we all clapped yes would be fun well and you can like I said you want to like get together a union but then what happens

is this also by the way this is the new thing that happens which happened in my story about the line when the when the guy started cutting everyone that was a few months ago yeah and then this woman goes don't even pay attention to them just what happens is if you try to confront these folks here comes old fucking you know vegan douche that goes I'm so sorry on behalf of this man you should you can play any music you want young man exactly and so I know I sound like Rush Limbaugh over here but it was infuriating I wanted to punt their fucking speaker I'm with you these guys should be should be arrested for a

night you know I don't want them to go down a lifetime of whatever a couple lashings we need a park ranger douche where where's a yogi to come in there and you know with the hat and really give them the business I think that you just assume you like nobody's gonna go to the top of the mountain and fucking blast music I know wow man I'm I'm I'm perturbed it was oh it was perturbing baby oh god do not perturb but it just it just I have the opposite of my blood through the roof now I know now I feel bad for Sarah because I know she spotted that went well this will be all night I know and then we're walking down and

then I kept like I'm this guy people walking up as they're passing I'm like enjoy the music like what I'm like you'll see we ran into another couple and they're like Sarah was talking she's like it was like a party up there and they're like excuse me I heard it was like a party is it too busy I'm like no no it's just some jackasses blasting music like what you just want to talk you want to wait around the corner yes leave me like wasn't that crazy I know I know and you'll be in agreeance and I'll tell you one time I was on a train and I'll keep this short but a lady was playing rap music really loud like

speaker right here and everybody hated it it was like 10 in the morning and we're all trying to go to work or whatever it was and one guy it was like the guy in Seinfeld who was like the girls crying he's like I'm just not gonna go I'm just not going yeah that guy he was my hero and he goes what are you doing and she was like huh and he's like what are you doing this is a public train nobody wants to hear this shit and she was like I do what I want I do what I want and he just went and hit the button on there and she flipped out over obviously but then he got off of the next stop but I was like this guy is my fucking new

religion yeah it's you want it and you get all keyed up for but again you're just doing the math you're like there's nine of these guys I'm up here no one's gonna back up or help and then you're on a cliff yeah and you go you know what it makes a good podcast story which by the way to celebrate 500 the glory of this podcast there's so many situations that I'm furious I want to kill somebody or myself most days and you go wow this will be interesting for the podcast right right that's all we have that's our only saving grace is we can talk about it with the gaze but anyway so we left there we found another

rock to sit on it gives us something to talk about you leave and what can you do there's people that are gonna do that shit but yeah and it just sucks that we've crafted a society that's like you're the bad guy in the video if the video you're the asshole and you will get attacked and maybe doxed and not this quiff with the fucking pill yeah it's a stinkeroo but whatever I hope they had a good time enjoy the music like I said that guy he's just staring at people like yeah yeah you you know you're being a dick I know and to not even look at the view no show yeah whoopee but anyways that was my story I'm sticking to it I

know I know you got a boat full of notes I want to hear this Easter Easter well give it to me let me I pulled a pulled a classic Norman let me let me start right from the beginning boy I'm gonna get triggered yeah so the lady's out of town she's like I'm going up to Boston early Easter's on Sunday I'll go there on Friday and really milk it see the net the nieces the nephews the aunts the moms and dads the kin so I go all right have fun I get the whole place to myself and she goes it would mean a lot if you came up Sunday and I was like well I got show Saturday night that I got to be back here on Monday to pod she's like

well you know Sunday it's my sister's birthday Easter I was like oh man I said the only way I can do it is if I rent a car drive there drive back Sunday night be ready for Monday morning she was like sounds good the invoiced her I tried she didn't pay it but so I go all right I'll do it and so I get get on the the old you know what I find a rental car got to pick it up got a reservation 1230 Saturday I'm doing Poughkeepsie all weekend so I'll drive it up to Poughkeepsie that's on the way to bean town certainly that's not bad two shows merch photos the whole thing then high tail it up to Boston okay so far so good yeah

so far so I wake up on we we kind of we do Poughkeepsie on Friday we get a little I got Doug Key out there I got Raj we have a couple of drinks it's free booze you need a Poughkeepsie you need a few drinks you got to get Poughkeepsie hey I love it and I gotta just say laugh it up Poughkeepsie great club they've dying to have you fatty you got to get your sweet tits up there oh yeah I think I had something in the books at one point oh they pay well they they watch the crowd they they've got you a rider the food's good it's you know it's an hour and a half from the city especially Queens I'll do it it's a hot one nice nice way to

make a buck good crowds nice good good staff the whole thing so I go all right had a couple drinks on Friday night go to bed gotta get the rental car tomorrow wake up 12 33 I just overslept too much booze so I go well reservation says 12 30 they probably hold it all day oh yeah a rental car it's not like a flight right yeah so I go alright let me shower let me shit let me shave and I pop up there at about 3 30 because I'm gonna drive up the shows at 7 3 30 well to get the car it's three hours yeah yeah pop up there and I I see there's a big commotion in the the budget rental oh boy midtown and I go huh what's going on

here and I finally get up to the desk it's a it's an angry lady and she's like okay what times your reservation I was like I was 12 30 but you know it's a rental car it's not a flight and she goes yeah yeah we gave that away and I was like well I have a reservation she's like for 12 30 we hold the car for 30 minutes and I was like I didn't know that she's like well it's in the boopity boop and I go nobody reads the boopity boop and she goes well that's why everyone here is furious that's why there's a whole commotion because everybody's car was given away wow so everybody was late and she's like it's

Easter Sunday or Saturday you crazy everybody wants a car and I was like well I gotta get up to bean town it's the birthday it's the Easter it's the nieces it's the nephews so she goes I don't care go talk to them so I go come on is there anything you do I'm pleading and she goes well I can give you that behemoth it's a gigantic eight person SUV cedar wow things huge and I go is that it cuz what's the upcharge gonna be on that how much gas is that thing take I'm going for one night she was like that's literally all we have I said all right well back that beast right up and put some gas in it cuz I'm

taking that fucking Mack truck wow it's like a bachelor party vehicle oh it was huge it was basically a sprinter it was insane this thing was gigantic they had to move like 28 cars to get it out of there wow so I go man did I fuck up you know so now I'm driving the school bus up to Poughkeepsie you know I'm knocking garbage cans and hitting signs I'm driving this thing up it takes forever this thing's slow it's got no pickup people looking in there like what is he carrying old folks like where's he going it is just me hilarious we can give the nieces and nephews a ride I guess I guess so I got to Poughkeepsie I

go hey you got a parking spot the guy was sure let me come outside he sees this thing goes well there's an airplane hangar and beacon New York so I have to park it over there this thing was huge I'm it beeps when you back it up that's what I'm dealing with so finally I parked the fucking Amistad on the street I go up I do the shows shows are great we sell merch I do a blind joke I have a blind joke on my act and a guy goes wait a minute and I just see from the crowd the stick wow shoot straight up and he goes I'm blind and I go back and forth with this guy and it was fun this guy was great he's a huge comedy fan he's

like I've been been listening to you guys he's a gay he was blind he was fun I shit on him for half an hour we got some great clips coming so then we took a photo after blind Asian no kidding yeah yeah some fun jokes about his dog yeah and I don't see yeah exactly so that was pretty good impression thank you just like him well I hang out with Peter Walker a lot yes fun guy a rot I get back in the the great wall and I head up to Boston Boston in this fucking behemoth and now it's like you know 1 a.m. so I got three hour drive ahead of me so I text the lady I like I'm coming but I'm in a school bus you better clear some

runway and you better guide me with those neon sticks cuz I'm coming in and she goes well we're all asleep there's kids here two and four whatever so everybody went to bed at seven she's like I left the door unlocked for you I was like oh yeah yeah this is the burr this is need them oh need them need them yeah I need them badly so I get up there it's a smooth drive I'm all over the road with this thing you know and I got I got a truck in front of me that says wide load he's keeping me going and I finally get to need them and you know it says like you've arrived on the GPS so I parked the car it's late there's not a

peep not a mouse not a queef nothing in this town it's so suburban it's just quiet and cute and I parked the car and it says you've arrived so I get out I grabbed my backpack with my toothbrush in it and I go and she goes go to the back door we left it unlocked they go all right all right so I'm sneaking in this John this driveway I get to the back door it's locked I go god damn it there's crazy cool she she didn't leave the door unlocked so I'm kicking it I'm jerking it I'm slamming it the light comes on I go oh finally somebody's gonna help me here it's the wrong lady oh no you know in a nightie in a candle

in a big hat and she's like what are you doing and I was like ha she goes she freaks out I I figure it out I'm at the wrong house I look at I'm like oh this this is not the right house I'm high tail it out of there I hear Ricky oh my god whatever I'm great I'm running down the driveway I get back in the the Mack truck and I just high tail it down the road I was like two houses down she you look at your Massachusetts not New Hampshire you could have been a splatter mark live free or die yeah so I parked the car down the street for like 20 minutes and just cool out you know cuz I look at it let it that chill yeah you can't sneak

around in that van no they're gonna be like yeah he's there's a rapist in the one tall van you got that right now parked at a playground just waiting I'm drinking coffee I'm reading the post finally I give it enough time I pull back around parking the right house cuz I didn't look at the number just as you've arrived so I just go all right this is it oh my god check the number Bert back around yeah so raindrops that keep fall on my head I finally get to the right house I sneak in I definitely do a once-over all right there's some kids here there's a toy there that's the house sneak in go to bed I wake the lady up

and I go hey you're not gonna believe what happened to me she goes fuck off we go to bed we have a great Easter wow that's why well but first of all first and foremost I've been telling you for three years we could put that our compilation get a Honda fit I was Chevy Sonic or whatever I want I see bye you're doing well get a nice Camry you throw it it's like it's like the librarian guy you get some coffee you put it in the cabinet you forget about it a Chevy spark yeah nothing and every once why you gotta go it's there for you yeah well I got a key a labia or whatever it is and it you know it got

given away in 1230 huh oh the rental I'm saying you buy you gotta buy one you buy one you put it right put it on the roof or whatever the fuck you have it and then your lady can have it that's true take it whatever take it or leave it well in the comments leave a good shit box car that's cheap and reliable yeah well I you know I think the center seems nice centers great I wouldn't call it a shit box that hurts my feelings it's not one it's a nice car this is a beauty you should see this thing car the century and we're gonna put some what do you call that mods some tune up some some trick it out mods I like that yeah modifications

mods the layman state county municipal data offender systems wow smodcastle oh yeah that's a thing that we don't understand now that's mods and even Tom Dave Bob what's it called again I don't remember Bob it Bob and Tom Bob and Tom but that is a tail oh tall tail I woke up we had a nice I got like four hours of sleep woke up we hit we hid the eggs Jerry and I'll tell you the these kids are beaming when they find these eggs it was a beautiful thing to watch and it brought me back to when I was a kid we'd have a cross crawfish boil and find the eggs it was a great time it's exciting I did everyone see the bitch you have to deal with all

the men going oh what's with the van where you got under that hood a couple horses the cliche male conversation it's so embarrassing it's like oh you drove up last night how would you take route nine I don't know whatever the GPI you gotta go route eight because that's you avoid Sandy Hook that I make a sandy hook joke they're like whoa okay who brought dice clay over here and you're like all right I'm just trying to enjoy my champagne coulee the idea of having to avoid Sandy Hook is so funny like it's a big metropolis right right you don't want to hit that sandy hook traffic well that Connecticut traffic is no joke oh

forget about it but my whole life I'm going up Friday it's just horrible you anytime a day anytime a night anytime a year it's horrible the northeast court is a nightmare I want to move to Arizona and get a motorcycle and a ponytail and just call it a life how we're talking that would be a look no it doesn't work I got curve my hair curls oh really if I grow my hair I start to look like you it all comes around oh that's cooking you don't want that no I don't want anything to do with your hair now you know for that matter just kidding you like that hair let's not get crazy but either way we I had to leave it like

eight because I didn't get the car back oh geez yeah the van or the truck or whatever you want to call it the Titanic so I get that thing back on the road of course I hit eight million hours of traffic everybody's trying to get back or whatever and there's eight wrecks on the road just people drunks going out with the eggs and dying so it was a haul to get back but it's been nice it's coming back to New York leaving New York I've been saying it and it's it's coming I am packing up and moving New Jersey baby I don't want to say which town cuz I'll fuck up the economy like last time but I gotta get out you drive

and I've talked about this for years we left shit stick Virginia beautiful ride rolling hills cows and horses and Brooks and meadows and you just loving it then you start to get to Eastern PA and it starts getting congested people passing you with three inches to spare you got that right and you get to Jersey and it's worse and then the tunnel 945 p.m. on a Sunday hauling tunnel it's just wedged horns honking you come into Tribeca now I'm in Tribeca I was just out riding fences half an hour ago now you're in Hobo town you're in scaffolding you're in traffic you're in litter it's a toilet literally seven

hours into a ride I'm in an intersection in Tribeca and there's a city bus backing up no good times because the road is gridlocked yeah of course and I'm like are you fucking me are you fucking kidding me and then I got a park in a garage and by the way I'm well doing well enough to afford a garage which is if I said it the people at home would stop listening forever how much this thing costs it's a raping but so that that's best case scenario I'm doing better than most I can afford a garage but what happens is you park in the garage now I got a walk with my hiking boots my suitcase a quilt that my wife wanted for

her birthday the quilt and I got a fucking a balancing water bottles in my head I gotta walk a quarter mile to get to my home no way to live no way to live it's too many steps and then these people pull right into their driveway walking to their home even if it's the wrong one they got it made and they make two trips they go they'll bring the suitcase in come back for the backpack the six pack and they sit in the backyard they're feeder in grass the stars they're smoking cigars they're getting blown by the neighbor I just want to cheat on my wife for the neighbor just once it can happen I'll move in next

door please but either how we do it are we over I know Chuck went to bed I don't even know it's episode it's episode 500 I want you guys to go long how long we've been going yeah an hour three whoa right go over no no it's a big episode people would be happy to hear some more stuff I know but we got places to be and people to fuck below let me see this is a premise I thought I had my notes up but I don't know where I big 500 folks thanks for thanks for listening yeah I think oh I just want plugs I just want to say Hollywood improv I'm back June 7th it's a small ish room that'll sell out we'll add a show hopefully get

your tickets Hollywood improv Wednesday June 7th LA Big Market everyone's always asking yeah they're right market Norman market basket is that a grocery store I think it is market basket yeah so June 7th I'll be there then then the week before that June 1st of the 3rd Spokane yeah I know there's a lot of folks out there June 1st of the 3rd Spokane and then May 4th through the 6th side splitters my favorite Tampa May 11th through 13th I'll be at the improv in Tempe Luke Mona's is coming along for that one I love that way it'll be in Tampa and Columbus June 16th and 17th and subscribe to my YouTube do it now

there's a ton of shit on there just shot a sketch with a salak used it to that one-off podcast with Siobhan and Matt Wayne and mindful metal jacket is coming back it's in the works hey all right Fanny Cohen shout out to Fanny who's been working for us for 10 years thanks for all your work not 10 years but whatever yeah I don't know love the fan man she's awesome she's grinding out these mindful metal jackets that I recorded some of them are from five years ago on zoom wow not five but you know which I feel like people gonna hate it because it's from COVID times hey you get what you get it's a fun pod blow me

so that's coming back so get excited for those things the special be out sometime in the summer hell yeah very exciting a lot of things cooking a lot of irons a lot of anemia I got us Australia dates they're up they were adding shows we're going Auckland Brisbane Melbourne Sydney Perth you name it I think I'm gonna go down to Rogan's in the end of May to just pop down with that's like I'm dying to see this club is a lot of buzz yeah so keep a look out for that do some pods and yeah praise Allah Mark Norman comedy.com check out the specials we got shit on YouTube subscribe get on the patreon and we'll

see on the 27th yes at the gram don't forget Chuck E yeah I got a podcast with my buddy my comic Ray Harrington and I think this week we might have our Matt Wayne episode of Matt Wayne came down to the Tuesday studio we did a great episode with him and talked a lot about haircuts oh it's always got a good haircut he does he's a very stylish guy yeah we had a great time we had an awesome time with him yeah great and that way one of the great hangs good egg absolutely and and shout out to Chuck we appreciate you we love you the Lord's Word the best it's a great haircut yes tell them like Steve good it's that

you the editing is great and the part of patreon best in the country best in the country all thanks to Chuck Roo so be nice to Chuck for a day we're a team we're just one early one day that's it and then just go to town yeah get some some blood all right thank you everybody appreciate you 500