Tuesdays with Stories! - #502 Rub-a-Dub-Nub

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

Joe is back from MOONTOWER in Austin, and he's cluckin' about the kooks!As the feathers float to the ground, Mark has his OWN tale of an armless kook in fisticuffs, and Joe rocks it at the Goddamn Comedy Jam! It's Tuesdays! Our Stuff:- patreon.com/tuesdays- youtube.com/tuesdayswithstoriesSponsors:- This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy atry at https://www.betterhelp.com/TUESDAYS & get on your way tobeing your best self.- Support the show and get 20% off & free shipping athttps://www.SheathUnderwear.com with the code TUESGAYS

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah it's Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy we're here I would have been louder but I was worried about the lawyer yeah lawyer lawyers guns and money has hit the fan oh yeah song oh son lawyers guns and money the shit has hit the fan how I like Zeev

oh he's the greatest son sorry does he believe he's got a son who's in the game no that's his wane right ah wane right sorry wait guys yeah well Zevon he's the best and he died and then he went on Letterman that Letterman gave him the full hour and hit one of the great lines he goes I think I made a strategic error by not seeing a doctor for 35 years cancer was eating him he plays three songs and it's really magical I remember watching it live I got the VHS yeah that's him I'm all fucked up because we got three cameras going here we're back to three cameras and it feels like a

real I know situation JLo at the TMZ and they weren't cheap every 10 minutes Chuck's like hey you owe me six grand I think it was 650 each those are cheap money people my money alarm I broke the lawyers guns and cameras but anyways good to see all fogged up I'm fucked Jerry it's the worst spring of my life I'm sick or gay for the third time in six weeks spring time for Hitler I've worried about your immune system you turn into a Jew I think I have AIDS I you know what it is I think I have to be one of these guys that carries around a bottle and squirts it on his ass a bottle the drink it again you know those

people yeah you don't want to be the purel because then it's gonna weaken you more you got a stand strong push through it's just allergies it's pollen well that's what I thought and Kevin Paulin I've never had allergy we talked about this I think last year two years ago I had the first allergy attack of my life I've never been an allergy guy I've never been a sick guy perfect attendance eighth grade ninth grade just one day sophomore year perfect attendance junior senior perfect attendance yeah bad student perfect attendance same here same here bed wetter as well I was always there and I'm just not a sick guy

but this is three and maybe because I'm run down I'm stressed I did the festival I was crowd surfing in Austin I slept for two hours 90 minutes that'll do it my father's gay and then people keep telling me the allergies but then I have yellow snot which means infection I thought that's that right that's what I thought yellow snot what about red giz red giz that's my favorite pirate all red giz but so I'm all I got the fog but I think it's allergy and cold but I'm taking what do you call it what's the D dick Clareden D oh you went with D at the end I'm taking Clareden D which is dipping zips you up and then I take

Tylenol P at night which makes you sleepy they sound like DJs you know Clareden D PD then my PD God bless them we could use a few more of you defund them speaking of police can we get a couple police down in Austin for God's sake National Guard we gotta keep it weird no blue hair and nose rings I think we should make it a little less weird down there that city socks really well I love the city but the downtown the downtown is a trash heap and I thought they were cleaning up for 10 minutes they had a guy with a big broom came in there and pushed out all the hobos but they came right back well it's cleaner it's better

than it was when I got my shit but you walk around I'm not joking like I want to run for office there and be like guys they got a serial killer on the loose no hate a loose kill the the rainy street serial killer mmm it rains and pours the kooks and this is what bothers me I talked about this all over the festival I'm just jumping into it we'll leave we'll come back we'll come around I could take it around I can bring it back pull it back yeah you got to get on the Patreon and watch that Cosby baby how good was that how fun was that that was great it killed it the audience loved it you're missing out if you're not on the

patreon folks that lingered that hanging out watching that movie together bullshit and rewatching it really it lingered I'm still like in bed buzzing buzzing and people never saw it a lot of people so I'm getting DMs like whoa this is amazing I rewatched it without you idiots talking good stuff yeah that was fun get on the patreon and thanks to everyone who's on the patreon we're so grateful but praise Allah Austin I kept saying this I've never been in a place where people are so in denial interesting about a dance I mean sixth street is just why there's websites dedicated to the fistfights and the

brawls we saw a lady smash a bottle really yeah it's just nuts wow and brazos forget about it clear there my favorite porn site but I was talking to some of the volunteers there and I go this is crazy out here she goes how do you mean hmm and I was like well you know the all the crazy folks and she's like crazy folks wow and I'm like I'm like what do you out of your mind and then she goes where are you from like I'm from like I like it's condescending I'm like New York City she's like it's not like that I'm like no it's not wow when you're saying it's not like New York I mean it's really cuz we got

Cookeville Central PA down here but going to us is like swinging with two bats I'm back in New York I'm walking around in Bermuda shorts and flip-flops stroll I'm high-fiving the hobos here right because it is danger I had no idea I figured this you couldn't get worse that people hitting with hammers McDonald's the Cooke's on the subway the guy throwing shit it's bananas out of here that was like monkeys throwing shit yeah line from comedian check it out patreon but yeah it's it's it's Cookeville down there and you got to walk around that area because we were living in that area you know it's all

the clubs the mothership the the Antons the the Vulcan the Creek it's all in that perimeter yeah the festival is all in the pram and it was a real situation down there and I my my brother-in-law lives there he said there's a shortage of cops at like 350 understaffed wonder why people don't want to be police yeah it's an interesting thing there that happened but yeah anyways great time great to see up so I'm all fogged up but I'm happy to be here well we like old foggy list it's good to have you back fatty it's been a while you've been there I've been here we've been everywhere

all over the place and by the way I was at an incident this morning or witnessed one I saw one too tell me about yours okay well today this morning you know Steve Rogers and I would go out for a walk get a coffee I got all the neighbors over there cute kid which is you know it's ups and downs strikes and gutters he's clared in D oh he's got a huge day oh yeah Tylenol penis member yeah yeah he's opening for Nate be this weekend is that right kid can open he's opening for me Nate Reagan Reagan the other guy Tomlinson oh wow Papa Papa come to Papa he is the opener Papa's got a brand new fag I wish I had a bouquet

to throw yeah I make that the title probably not no that's not gonna be good for the algo but we'll bleep it we'll cut it out it's not worth it but anyways yeah he's all over the place but we went out for a nice morning stroll morning stroll underrated big fan of the stroll that's what's so brutal about the spring because it's it's fucking me up but I need it oh yeah in there it's a crisp 58 and it's sunny you can't do better sunny come home scoop it a boop so we're walking and you know I'm you know me I'm a fucking city wizard I'm clocking everything and everyone I'm like Terminator yeah you're the Grand Wizard

so it's got I got little stats in my eyeball oh yeah you're scanning and we're walking I do that I'm like I think it's a fight up here and he's like I don't know I'm like I'm telling you we get closer old man like this sometimes this old New Yorkers that feel like they're from like back country Kentucky yeah yeah he's got the trucker hat and like the white hair sprayed everywhere big beard and he's like this is my home you get out of my home I guess it was a young boy like sitting and in his what do you call it awning the steps stoop the stoop he's on his stoop and we got there in the middle of it but I don't know if

he was smoking or reading porn or what he was doing but the old man was like get the fuck out of here never again go over there go down there and the kid was like what and then the kid goes why are you yelling at a child whoa seven T which is funny cuz you categorize yourself as a child in this situation interesting but you he fucks yeah he's finger-fucking his mother I don't think he thinks he's a child but the guy was like next time I come down here it's with a baseball bat wow old school yeah which I assumed he was gonna say the police yeah but he went straight to baseball well police are out they would take too long

they wouldn't help get the bag at the Louisville yeah but this is like 9 15 a.m. and the kid was like in like a school wow he wasn't like leading the thug life here right right well what about the truancy or maybe are we in summer when a kid's in school good I feel like they're never in school I see kids walk around my neighborhood I hide I go behind a bush cuz I'm scared of them oh yeah any group and three or more of any gender race anything totally group is terrified here I see three trans people I signed them up for swimming all right well it was it was something it was hot now my incident you're not gonna believe

because it's too kooky okay I'm interested the tunnel between the seven and the F right over here on Bryant Park sure yeah I know the total you know the corridor yes so every day I have to walk that corridor because I take the F and there's a there's a tall older black guy just strumming the old band Joe he's playing a hey let it be or hey Jude or whatever the hell and I see him every time I walk by and this time there was a little person no arms two nubs oh I think I've seen that guy two nubs fighting the guitar guy what he's just swinging the nubs and he's hitting the guitar it's going around he's hitting

the guitar and the black guy is trying to be nice he's like dude and he's just shoving the kid or the guy those guys were in military shit he's got a vest on and he's like come on I'll kill you and he's just swinging his nubs oh my god how long are the nubs I'd say eight inches nine inches okay that's a decent no it's like a it's like a Rogers dick yeah for an arm so he's just swinging the nubs and the guys like pushing him back like dude just leave me alone leave me alone because he could just murder this guy he could kick him right in the face we're gonna hit him with the other guitar like this that's about it that's

about it because he's a little guy yeah that's not bad that's enough it's it's almost like a pinball flipper oh we're just doing this and no no damage is being done so the guys just push him away and eventually the the midget comes up and he really gives a good nub whack and he hits the guitar hard so the guy goes like that and he blows goes all the way on the other side of the corridor hits the wall his hat his headphones fly everywhere now I'm walking by right then he goes right in front of me and I go this guy is the agitator the nubby yes so should I help him with the hat and the the sunglasses or the the

headphones because he can't pick them up oh he's got no he's got a tong it you know he's got to do like a squeeze together so how does he get him in the first place I wonder I think there's a lot of finagling you know there's a lot of wiggle is he kick him to the side and then maybe maybe I think it's a whole day long process but I didn't know what to do and I felt for the guitar guy because I think he was the the victim yes so I didn't grab him yeah I think that's okay yeah all right I don't want anything to do with this guy okay for this nub nub block so I got Chuck nub block nub nuts so I got passed him and comfortably nub

and I got passed when I look back and they're just fighting I'm walking backwards watching them just go at it and I had to come to the pond wow that's wild that's that's New York baby right in the subway nub nub midget fighting with Bill Withers that's the end of the last song in return of the Jedi goes down the down the down oh yeah boy that we walk yes yes movies really ludicrous silly I thought it was like the greatest yeah it was late let's sell more merchandise get a bunch of fucking midget furries yeah wow yeah well rubbing up nub one midget a tub but yeah that got ugly yeah that's fun well I love a

good fun incident I really do by the way in your I mean Austin really made me feel quite flowy here oh great that's nice because you've been you've been hating the city yeah I mean I still hate it but you know it's got its benefits it's nice we have our charms spring is nice when the weather gets good in New York you go oh yeah this is a decent city because in the winter you're like what are we doing here we can't go outside then if you do go outside you get shot in the leg and stabbed in the throat and then you go back inside your apartment's the size of my ass well Austin I tell you it's got a lot of

appeal you know I got some family down there there's some clubs down there some podcasts it's a bats the river I love Austin I love caps I love a lot of it but you know they're missing 300 cops there's a serial killer there's kook kook mania down there yeah traffic sucks flying in and out of there's a god they're gonna expand that airport it's the size of my dick hole and as a million people coming in and out every day yes exactly and all the flights everyone's getting picked up like 3 30 a.m. for moon tower like literally 3 30 a.m. at 5 and then the LA you ever have this we're like I hung out with Luke

Monez all weekend he's great I'm going into my flight I'm heading to the Delta lounge and I hear like Los Angeles will be boarding and I'm like oh I forgot Monez is over here so I go over to see Monez and then I see like seven comics that I'm not interested in talking to at 5 15 sure sure so I mean it you're like ah you dive behind the the lounge yeah barrel roll and I was like I tried to say hi but yeah you're surrounded that's why the lounge is just you gotta love that loud the worst is when you see a kook that you don't want to talk to in the lounge because now you're like ah this is my safe space yeah as I was

leaving the lounge I saw Jordan Jensen and Brendan Sagalore alright well that that's fine who I love but I'm also in lounge morning you just zone I got my podcast going my cup of tea I got one eye open two assholes open and then all of a sudden I see these queues I'm like oh yeah it was kind of nice as I got them in oh trying to get in they were like I have a car 40 bucks yada yada and I go I'm diamond put them on my tab whoa you can do a double I've been Ellie I'm king Delta diamond back over here yeah I'm going to the diamond backs game in a couple weeks with bonus hey it's all coming together fucks all comes back

around Dustin diamond oh yeah he was a piece of shit from what I've heard barely on a hell of a porn story to decent hog on him is that right Clared and D Wow um double D yeah it's great too bad dicks don't have ratings like bras ABC double D's I'm glad they don't but yeah dicks are so weird because there it's an organ mm-hmm or true yeah organ donor but you can't they can't get bigger you know what I mean like I beg to differ well you can work out your bicep get it bigger oh I see but and you can get fat and your arms get bigger because you're fat but your dick never moves but I think organs don't get big

a muscle gets bigger a muscle a muscle true right I guess you're right it pulses so it feels kind of muscly you know because you can flex it yeah good point but I think it's definitely not a muscle because if it was we just go with the Royds yeah I'd have a big fucking dumbbell attached to it I mean there's a dumbbell attached to it and I've been doing curls and whatnot exactly also my dick looks like it's on Royds already it's angry it's purple it's as vany you know it's got tiny balls yeah yeah metal your dick at least it gets big and hard it doesn't grow I guess it gets hard but my dick is teeny right now same

if you know you took your shirt off it would be a little bigger that's true I'll take it I'm gonna still get some blood flowing that's true Marty all right you want to get going because I got some wacky stuff okay hit me some wax hi folks it's me Joe list from the podcast Tuesdays with stories this week's episode is brought to you by better help today's episode is sponsored by better help when we all spend our time helping others it can be hard to remember to take care of ourselves that is the truth ain't it better helps online therapy gives you the tools to lead a balanced life at an affordable price I love better

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keep supporting the ones you love without leaving yourself behind find more balance with better help visit better help comm slash Tuesdays today to get 10% off your first month that's better help HELP comm slash Tuesdays better help comm slash Tuesdays as always for so long now Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by sheath underwear summer is coming which means hot weather and sticky balls be prepared and keep it breezy in your pants by stocking up on sheath underwear I got a whole bunch I might hit up old Robert Patton for a few new pairs soon this guy's got the best underwear ever he's a Tuesday he's

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because I was sexually harassing the female fans use order Tuesdays to get 20% off your first order plus sheath underwear is 100% money back guarantee that's sheath underwear.com promo code Tuesdays with a G get sheath underwear support the show support your balls all right well first off I've been gone a lot a lot of road a lot of bullshit a lot of pods so I said let me take the big fat missus out for a night on the town all right so we get a dinner reservation going we got a we got a couple of cocktails women like to go to locations of course cocktails here dinner there dessert there anal here you

know so we get a couple cocktails and we start just vibing and you go oh this is why I like her yeah you know because you forget because your ship's in the queef because ships in the night because you know she works I work you're going in and out you avoid people you avoid her so when you actually sit down you go hey this is all right yeah the best when I'm on vacation with my wife it's the happiest I ever am oh really on the road like the physical you're driving around you got nothing to do you're at the ocean the lake the pool whatever you're just like this is the best yeah it's nice it's nice it's nice

to get out because when you're in that same dingy drab shit box of an apartment you kind of go I just shut down in here yes and you're like what do you want to watch well we already watched that well I want to watch this well I don't care about that exactly is there food in the fridge no should I make you something should we order in now what am I doing I'm not even that hungry all right your feet stink you know that whole thing yep and so we're having a great night out and we skip dinner and go right home to bang like one of those wild kind of half in the bag flipper around put objects in her bang yeah I love that I

love objects in bang yes oh I be boy objects may appear larger whatever so we're going at it and then I we stay up all night rolling the hay jizzing red jizz came out my dick looks like a hook and so I wake up I got like two hours sleep I'm hungover I gotta fly to bozeman Montana wow bozo the clown now it's one of these queefs flights that only leaves at 7 a.m. or 9 at night yes no middle ground we called the neutral ground in New Orleans you guys called a median you know the median on the car on the street yeah we called the neutral ground oh interesting yeah I never knew that was different till I moved away well

we say rotary in New England everyone says roundabout rotary my whole life rotary I don't know rotary phone yeah I think so circular phone dial yeah huh rotary club the rotary club what is a rotary I think it's a boat thing I thought it was like Freemasons it's just one of these places it's a couple of white guys who are angry the rotary club that's all I know and they drink yeah I don't know wasn't catch me if you can wasn't he in the rotary club yeah then there's the Elks yeah there's Elks what are they do FW this KFC right of C KF nights of Columbus oh nights of

Columbus is that Italian Columbus circle which is a rotary I think it's a little Italian then there's some veteran stuff in there with the more guys a lot of groups a lot of groups I think men like groups yeah women well we need groups we need to get together and hey we'll be together social creatures the clan you name it yeah so uh gotta gotta get out to the airport 7 a.m. yada yada you fly to Denver which is deceivingly long yes you know you're like ah Denver yeah and boy that's a good four and a half right there yeah it's a chunk especially going against the jet stream when you go west everything's longer hate a jet

stream so uh get the Denver you connect get to bozeman you know one thing about Denver they have an open-air balcony and you go to the end of the airport it's just a giant balcony we can leave the airport which feels weird and you're outdoors on a giant balcony is the Rockies are there interesting where was I just oh Austin has a similar thing for smoking oh really yeah at the Delta lounge is like an outdoor portion make you want to smoke portion yeah yeah yeah I think so portion control so can you go out there if you're not ripping a butt I think so yeah it's America yeah why not so the people are out there we get into

the bozeman flight now you're on a fucking single-engine Cessna yes you land in bozeman and bozeman does not disappoint it's a log cabin the airport's the size of Brad Williams dick it is tiny and it's wooden and it's cute and is the fucking scenery my god outside the airport it's bananas what then the lady come to bozeman no she hates nature she hates Montana she hates me so get to bozeman and meet up with young blood right away like we just landed together hey what's up young bloods there great feeling great feeling we go with the rental car and it's one of those things where it you got to love a small place

because the the rental car is right there and it's parked right outside there's no shuttle there's no go down to Hertz 10 miles away it's all right there I just have the same experience in Indianapolis I land like I want to move to Indiana yes I think I'll be the wealthiest person in the whole state same exact thing the car was 40 bucks right 40 bucks exactly I got a haircut 10 minutes ago was 40 bucks yeah yeah yes yes look good look good I last same exact thing I'm on the highway and there's zero traffic I can't imagine there being traffic now I was like a lane I was just fucking it's luxurious two lanes yeah a lot of that but anyways

yeah same same deal in Indiana yeah now here's the kids where I fuck up I got the air by pods in and I'm talking to the lady at the the desk so I go so you know blah blah leave the air pod oh forget the air pod it's just right there on the counter does that kill you it's just got kills her too well there's a lot of wax oh my god waxing poetic so we get in the rental car which is right outside it's snowing in Montana by the way what still snowing oh I was picturing pink and reds and purple I wish I wish no pink red beard and it was white gray and ugly hmm so we're driving to our shit box motel we're doing the Elm theater

realize I don't have the air pod so I call Hertz and I go hey I think I left an air pod and the guy goes oh I just talked to you it's all the same people there's people in the whole town so he goes I'm looking around he's on the phone would be looking and Cheryl if you see an air pod no here hold on let me patch it through loss of found at the airport now I got Roberta she's at the airport going I'll look for it they're just looking around for the airport that's they have nothing to do wow it's like home alone it's adorable this is insane yeah so we never got that which is just a bummer because I live for those

headphones you need a podcast you to music you need a calm app every time I lose a air pod I just order one immediately on Amazon I'm like give me a new one direct direct flight just give it to me I can't live without it I can't either no I want to die so wait a minute that's good yeah you've got one to your hotel or whatever really how much is that because I went to Apple Store a hundred bucks for one oh you can buy one you can buy one but they they put you through the ringer I didn't know you could buy one they're like give me the serial number okay open up your phone go to settings and I'm like can you just

sell it to me what's all this buy one get one free but yeah I've lost the case I had to buy a case I've spent $900 on air pods on the same case and everything now I've lost I lost a few too murder was the case that they gave me they know what to get a case closed so we get hammered in Bozeman whatever we do the shows first show great and it was a lot of like thank you for coming out we love you here in Bozeman Tuesday it's all pipes second show ten o'clock on Thursday maybe the drunkest show I've ever done in my life oh wow like they got hammered during the opener set they're yelling mark mark mark mark or they

they bury him out or whatever they bleed out the sound what do you call that lured out you know they they muffled him they muffled you know they blacked out they bled the sound they was still booing I was on stage yeah it's a T trot trance trance right yeah yeah so they drown him out with with chance of me he walks off and he you know when you have that that great moment between opener and headliner where he's like yikes and I he's sweating his eyes are bulging and I'm like oh the alcoholism possibly but you're just going right into in the hell like this is it feet planted just deal with us for at least

50 minutes yeah planted fitness so I'm up there and you know when you're like this is gonna be bad yes any sentence of a setup is too long of attention span so I'm just talking about Montana I'm making fun of that guy and now I try to get into the act and it's kind of getting half laughs and you realize do people like stand up does anyone like it you know like sorry I flack like does anyone because if they can't when I'm drunk I can still enjoy something yes but they couldn't even enjoy it because it was just too much listening and sitting still and they just couldn't do it yeah I think you

get so keyed up and drunk and they're excited I think maybe they're excited to see you they just want to yell something or they're talking about it I don't know people get so fucked up sometimes I have this with concerts too you spent $385 on a concert and the guys like I remember this song this song I was in fifth grade I'm like but you're missing the song right right yeah like I have a joke about smoking and I'm like yeah you know this my mom used to smoke and people like my mom spoke to oh man I fucked your mom yeah yeah that was awesome she watched me do it to your dad or whatever and now I'm like back to

the show but they just get too lost yes so drunk is showing at one point there's one guy in the middle who just won't stop and I go dude enough and he goes oh weird now I feel bad cuz it was like a little kid where he didn't know he was being bad right and then he just said I'm sorry it was kind of this weird moment now I'm like alright keep yelling I'm sorry I love you and it just got bad I go at one point I go this is a hell gig and one guy goes what no we love you and I'm like well shut the fuck up it's a weird moment yeah I think I love people they don't know how to behave they don't know how to show it maybe in

bozeman they don't get a lot of shows I think that's it minimal shows shows men maybe the the theater normally has you know Oklahoma or yeah and he get your guns whatever they're not used to people being like yeah fuck you you fat cunt yeah and there's no semblance of like shushing or security that's all fucked that guy's climbing the mountain or whatever so at the end young blood brought all this merch and I go I can't face him I'm so mad at him I'm so hurt I feel like an idiot I'm humiliated I'm sweating and he's like come on we got to sell this merch cuz I'm the one flying with it so I was like all right you got

to face him Jerry you got to just stand there at a table go hey thank you all right but there it's weird cuz when it's face-to-face like the internet the internet everybody's so mean the comments their cunts they hate you then you see him face-to-face like hey how you doing buddy yes that's how it is with the merch it's hard to know who the problem was is everyone seems pretty normal afterwards exactly exactly and then you get a couple of crazy headlocks where the guy's spitting on you and yelling in your ear right here cuz he's so shit house but we told a ton of merch we got through it and went to bed woke up drove

to the hot springs ooh you got to love a hot spring natural spring water in this chilly environment and it's piping hot oh I love that love it so we go there it's weird didn't see any black people in Montana hot springs for interesting how about that well maybe they like the heat I think they like the heat yeah yeah well when they make a heated hockey rink we're gonna take that shit too right so Chris Rock they like the heat and some hot ladies in the hot springs too I love a hot lady spring time for Hitler and we did that and we drove to Great Falls Montana great falls I've been to you've been a great yeah I did a show

with DePaul there years ago we did a big empty theater and they picked us up in a limo and Nick refused to get he's like I can't take a limo to this gig it's I'm too embarrassed that's hilarious comic they returned limo and they picked us up and like pickup trucks but it's right there so he's got to get a new car yeah the guy was like all right he was saying you could tell he was a huge fan of Nick he loved Nick he idolized Nick and it was just he's Nick kept doing his joke he's like they're gonna think it's Ralph Machio getting out of the limo and and then they took us out to eat afterwards and famously famously Nick

and I always laugh about it is what I mean but they kept being like you're gonna we had the best chicken parm I know you're Italian way do you have this chicken parm and we just thought it was so funny for these Montana guys to tell two guys who grew up in Boston and live in New York right they's like this is the best chicken parm you've ever had in Great Falls Montana and it was good but it was the size of the table I mean you ask about it it's like a 15 pound it was this it was this big well there's a crackers out there they're big behemoth of men everybody there was six four Patagonia camo had I couldn't tell who

was a tough dude who was a lesbian they shake your hand just crush it into dust yes dust but yeah Great Falls is beautiful beautiful then you do like a Biden joke and they all boo it's a whole it's a scene out there yeah so we get to Great Falls Great Falls hates bozeman all these town rivalries so we're like we're just in bozeman boo bozeman you know that whole thing oh wow by the way the Los Angelino they call it bozangeles because all the LA queeps moved out there to live out the Yellowstone interesting cuz whitefish Montana where I was last year they had a similar thing where all these hip cool wealthy elites

are going there and driving up the rent California it's like the herpes of America because they did swarm over to this place they go I don't come in here and every every bumper stickers like keep our Texas out of California whatever the fuck right they hate the Cali folk and Austin's become LA Montana's all fucked up LA itself is dog it's ruined yeah San Fran don't get me started yeah cash app so a gas shop good app for horse all right I like that put it down so get the Great Falls they boo Montana but they put us in the O'Hare hotel oh now this is a it's a vast wasteland of

economy lodges Exxon and Ruby Tuesdays it's kind of a flat area for how mountainy it is this place is flat and dry like my ex-girlfriend who's O'Hare by the way you got the airport and you got the hotel yeah I think it was a different O'Hare because it had an eye in it oh the Chicago has no eye no eye in team or people so O'Hare hotel I googled this place it was such a fascinating place because everything else is just very drab and brick and this is like neon green and orange with a big neon light O'Hare well that sounds fun something a good horror movie setting yes super kitschy a lot of crazy colors

like a yellows rotary phone and just you know the beehive hairdo lady and she's like how you all do it you know it's got a big ashtray on the counter and she goes you ever go to the sipping dip I go I've never been here she goes oh we got a bar upstairs Tiki lounge called the sipping dip world famous mermaids what there's a big aquarium swimming pool thing and mermaids swim through the walls as you drink I know this place did the baseball show last year I did the minor league baseball yes yes one of the teams is in great falls and our guy Henry Hunter the main guy who runs the thing he went and swam with the people

there you go bells all of a sudden we have a whole video of it there's a couple of hot dames with a flipper on no vagina access swishin and swashin while you're drinking a my time yes legendary it's like a legendary bar they've got a bunch of celebrities have gone in there and there and so and so give it a goog it's a whole thing that's in every magazine and top places you got to see in America whatever the fuck I remember now it's all coming back to me I'm like Celine Dion over here yes yes anorexic so oh yeah what are you getting she's a Holocaust survivor no kidding yeah so what was that other one

the Titanic that was that a whole new world my heart will go on that's the one there think you want to Grammy on that puppy oh she won everything oh yeah Celine Dion's fat husband for the Adam and joke no oh Dan Adam one of the great jokes ever he says because you're talking to anybody like you don't know the prime minister he goes I'll do you one better I didn't know you had a prime minister because even if you gave me multiple choice a Justin Trudeau B Ontario at C Celine Dion's fat husband I wouldn't know that's fun fat husband funny comic it's thing that she's

anorexic in the hubby's fat something's going on there it's like being in the black panther but dating a clan lady well I think women like fat men really yeah they don't mind I keep hearing more women be like guys think we want abs they think we want six packs but they like I think I think fat makes them feel secure and small yes they want to feel petite well that's what's each about women is they've they base everything on how it comes back to them we go tits I like tits and that's the end of it right they go I like fat cuz I feel small right kind of has a bounce back effect but I'm not I like tits cuz I feel hard

that's all I have a bit about this okay all right well I mean also what was I gonna say oh yeah I think a fat guy feels like they can really like mount yes my wife's on top of me there's nothing there it's like a surfboard it's bone-on-bone yeah but like someone like Chuck they really would enjoy to ride the jig grabbing on yes yes exactly that's interesting they feel little yes all right also how many girls have you heard be like I want you to gain weight so you don't cheat on me or whatever it's all these fat guys hmm you never heard that like I want you to gain weight so no other girls will like you and

I'm like but you won't like him she's like I already do like him but it's weird that being fat won't sway your attractiveness to him well whatever I think about being gay which is a couple times a day be like think about it I think you're there I'm picturing a fit man I don't want to blow a fat guy well I don't either dick is there and then the belly just goes up and I always picture the belly sitting on my head yeah you know that's not a fun feeling that's a good point while you're on your knees blowing I'm laying in the bed oh I go knee okay I want a capper and capper cock it's a good point the fat

on the head upper dick should have said yeah yeah all right fat on the head yeah it's got to be because I've seen in porn where the fat's hitting the hit in the the the tramp stamp but I don't who wants to get blown standing up by the way I'm not a big stand up because my knees are buckling I like it standing no I want to lie down with my hand over my head and a picture of my high school yearbook in front of me really I go standing I want to hold a microphone I'm doing bits I got an act I mean my feet hurt I got plantar fasciitis I feel bad for her knees and I'm like buckling and grabbing stuff really yeah I want to lay

down I want to lead on a chill out close my eyes picture my dad you know I like standing standing desk you got the power of like yeah it's right yeah she doesn't look up I like that other look up I feel bad because this is hard I think this is easier that's the same motion no this gravity is going against you you got to go up and down up and down yeah you're on your elbows well the gravity helps this is no gravity look at that exactly no friction yeah it's hard it's a muscle I could feel my neck already but down here you can you fall into it same thing that's what I said to you

I like a lie or a sit let's compromise a sit love this why stay when you can get about it yes you're still on the knees you're sitting that's nice all right I like the sit well cop pro I always want to eat a woman out while she's sitting like she's got her feet in the stirrups you know and the doc behind me waiting for me to finish stirrups are made for eating out that's good but she gets stirrups in the house yeah stirrup yeah okay so what was I talking about yeah okay sipping on some stizzard what were we talking about bozeman right now great falls great falls the mermaid the sipping dip tried to eat her

out just love like fish did they let you dip they let you dip but I didn't know that till later by the time I heard that they're like Josh blue came in he got hammered and swam at the mermaids I'm like well is that a special needs thing or can we all do that I feel like he'd be knocking all the water out of this tank yeah he's a little flappy but so the mermaids are very nice I got a photo with them check my Instagram I put it up there but both shows were like bangers you know it was one of those things where you end on a high note young blood killed I went up I had some new stuff that bombed but the rest was great we

sold a ton of merch and the beauty is you have that beer after and your feeder up and you're just feeling good and then the guy goes we went on a show like that in a while and he starts listing off the comics who sucked oh I love that and a lot of miles like really that guy's a killer and they're like oh he bombed here wow how about that so it takes me some names I will and a couple of rude to the staff names I love that my favorite thing to ask people is who's the biggest piece yes a lot of that and a lot of you won't be surprised hmm but they're like we'll never have this guy back he was a cunt whatever so sold a

ton of merch but then they hit you with this all right well you know 30% to the to the house for merch and you go I didn't know about that they go yeah yeah so I lost you lose your shirt because you the shipping and the percentage but what are you gonna do posters but I'll send you an invoice but we had a great night and then you go back to the Tiki lounge you get hammered with an Easter Island head with a fucking umbrella coming out of that bitch having a peanut colada and then you walk right up to your room that's a great feeling I love a show in the hotel I love Montana I love the wide open spaces yes song yes

and I love a beer after the show too sounds nice maybe a stick sure you know a bat a stick that's it yeah so great time thank you Montana I will be back I shall return you got to get out there again because they are craving the gaze I know I never really worked there I just went and did baseball shit well I did the DiPolo game but that was 25 years ago sure I'll see about getting to Montana woo I know what do you got there fatty because I've been hogging this dick what's the other town Billings and then there's Missoula Missoula that's the town I was in last year they have comedy and everyone kept saying hey you got to come

that's the one everybody you got to go to Missoula it's like a college as kids there there's women there there's booze there I went there I played for the team well I got all kinds of shit over here let me see the old man threatened the team well moon tower I was all over that moon Austin baby yeah just a great time we missed you out there I was missing you like the desert misses the rain sure because back in the day we did it in 2016 and it was there was more of us it was Chris D and Bennington and you and me Soder Soder was there this is the first year Soder hasn't been there in like 10 years on fire that's right so

Bobby was in his place but we had a good crew big J who's so fucking funny so funny and then check out his special by the way I forget the dog belly Bobby had Soder and Justin Silver and Josh Adam Myers and Sarah and Ian Lara who's just a great love the Lara Ian five ants Jordan Jensen Brendan Sagalow Luke Moniz so we had some good get Judy gold hot crew I love the gold gold is funny she's gold she's gold so that was fun and then woman dykes just a great time there's there's just so many comic comics everywhere I love a good festival and Sarah flew out a day early I flew out

it's like so early you gotta leave I work at fucking 5 a.m. whatever another deceptive flight that's a good four hour and change it's a long flight but I had first class which is exciting that's a meal on that puppy very exciting yeah they gave me some bullshit it was okay yeah locks and bagels highfalutin I guess that's notfalutin but there's a bunch of Gentiles go to Texas what do you give me a bagel give me some scrambled eggs with some cheese on there and I'll be on my way but great time by the way I had this on the flight I'm jumping ahead real quick jump and this is my ego I got an ego we all have egos

but Lego my ego I'm getting on the plane I'm flying from Atlanta to Indianapolis I'll get to the Y in a second interesting path there yeah well you know Delta Atlanta's the hub when I die I don't know if I'm gonna have it a hell but I'll have a layover in Atlanta that's good that kills if in Atlanta tell that to a Delta person they fall on the ground laughing well people love a hub well so that midget had a couple of hubs I got the flight oh no it wasn't that flight by the way it was the flight from Indianapolis home to LaGuardia and we fly a lot yeah you got that right so I look on the thing CRJ 900 I know the plane

you know the plane that's one seat over here and two seats over here all right I didn't know that yeah that's the CRJ nine which is the smallest in their fleet CRJ cock retarded you so I go up there I'm gonna be first in line because it's Indiana there's nobody there right and I walk up with my nice to me suitcase to me and I go hey I'm getting on the plane she goes well you need a pink tag for that that's not gonna fit I hate the pink tag and I go well it usually fits she goes not on this flight honey here we go and I go okay well I'll give it a try and she goes don't try it it's not fitting here's your pink tag and I go

well it's a CR now I'm having like a passive-aggressive I go it's CRJ 900 right wow she goes yeah it doesn't fit and I go I gotta tell you it's fit on every flight I've ever taken and I'm the first one on so that's like I've actually they run out of room that's why I tell you yes so I go well I think I'll give it a try she goes sir I need you to leave it at the top of the at the end of the elevator there's like a what do you call it it's like a luggage elevator at the top of the finish you gotta leave it at the top it's two two little stacks yeah shelf and I go okay can I can I try it and she goes you want to try it go

ahead and try it now she's mad go ahead and try it it's not gonna fit I'm telling you but go ahead and try this is all they have these people and I go okay and I really killed her with kindness I go okay thanks a lot yeah and I walk straight down there for C and just went whoop click one click I shut it to make sure it shuts click it always does I've been on 75 flights of this fucking bag I open it back up so someone else can put their bag in there and I sit down and this part this is where I got some character defects I want so badly to storm out there push everybody that's what I was thinking hey there fat tits

just a heads up you can take this pink tag and shove it up your pink twat because my bag is nice and secure on the front of the plane CRJ 900 blow me chair and you like that you'll beg I like them apples and you just sitting there I can't just let go I can't just go well it's her job and whatever I'm with the idea you want to buzz up can you buzz up to Cheryl up there and stick this right in her cooter well then so then 20 minutes past when they board the rest of the flight and then she comes on you know the gate agent pops in he popped in do the count and I'm sitting there I'm like kind of leaning on like I do a

thing should I point at it what should I do and you know you got over strain and you just sitting there but you just want to be like this it's in there you fucking twat and by the way the guy directly in front of me or behind me when we were boarding he was sitting in front of me but behind me he had the exact same suitcase and he jammed his right in there I wonder if she gave him the spiel I don't know I think I could I kind of I could hear them tie his husband and wife talking be like yeah because the woman is always like you got to listen to her right right you're like the Rosa Parks you went first and

you got it in it fit right in CRJ so don't let if you're at home and you're on a small regional jet CRJ 900 your suitcase will fit you got that right well unless it's some kind of trunk yeah yeah like but your regular you know roller back yes but you got to be one of the first one on the plate because it fills up quick yeah I had a lady do this to me once she said I have a tiny vagina that's not gonna fit and I said it'll fit and boy did it fit in there easily to meet tiny dick yeah I'm a tiny two inches me but let me just give you a little bit of this so I go out there and moon tower was just great lot of

Tuesdays all over the place yeah it's all thanks a vacuum was there to the back back you know it's a great hang you get there you get to the lobby and like there's Ian Lara you bump into segal I go let's all go to Magnolia you know I love Magnolia these guys they don't know it so they go there we just have a nice beautiful lunch you're eating the queso and Lara is such a great hang good egg and funny guy oh hilarious click winners gay too I might hey one black yeah we got a few that's enough so we got the Mona's comes in sagal oh but the big event Josh out of my which has really pulled something off here with the

goddamn comedy jam because you got that right it really is the culmination of every night at every festival now true that and get a TV show with it for a hot minute I know he's in and it's very exciting and Saturday night's Billy Joel night he loves Billy Joel so everyone's doing a Billy Joel song so he says hit me with a Billy and I still let me do only the good day there it is and I locked that up that's exciting Friday night I'm doing dancing in the dark again and it's really fun because everybody goes out if you've never been to a comedy festival I recommend it try to go to Skankfest which is the best that's the one and you go

out you do all your shows you're getting added to the show this show that show I did what's your fucking deal big J show it was a crowd work kind of thing yeah yeah that was killer I did live you know what dude everyone should go check that out that was me J and Bobby oh boy great squad yeah well it was a little bit of a weight differential there hope they even that out well as a we went and descending order and that was a flight that would be teetering put you in the middle great I was a classic we had some great lines I was very happy with the fight just a great show you wouldn't that show really take off that's where I'm

really at my best you shine thank you you crazy diamond so we do all the shows and then at night everyone goes back to Antones we had one of the best live Tuesdays ever and that comedy jam is an event I mean they pack it oh yeah it's very exciting and I go down early side stage I love the band elemento P is the name of the band and Ian Lara is like obsessed with the comedy jam well he's the one he loves it he goes down there he never misses it so we're side stage we're rocking out we're singing along have the time of our lives the sclar brothers a couple of gems they are gems I watched their set hilarious on the

floor laugh talk about quick they're singing Zangin brotherly love they're great and they kicked ass singing to and a sagalow brought down the house he played he sang all the small things which it's not about his dick I'm never I'm like oh yeah I love that too but then when you're there we all know it it's a it's a shit song but it's in there so the first night they got chairs set up so people can sit during the show which to me is a mistake it's a rock show ah standing because skankfest no job there's no chairs and that it's a mosh pit and stage diving the whole thing so we're there and with chairs it's

hard to mosh or stage that's impossible yeah chairs behind everybody so Josh goes to a stage dive and he just sort of jumps and like no one really kept they kind of like push him back oh wow because there's not enough space and also skankfest it's like Montana everybody's six foot seven three hundred and eighty pounds fucking maniac yeah a bunch of capital riders so moon tower you know he does a kind of a crowd surf thing but it was tough so I told him I was like you got to ditch these seats get these seats so he moves the seats for Saturday but it's Billy Joel night there's not a lot of moshing no no but whatever you make

it fun and you know me I like to get out there I want to dive and mosh and the whole thing because they do more of a crowd lean where they just you lean in and they push you back out yeah but you can I mean skankfest you could surf around that's a surf and that's also they take your wallet yeah and your virginity so Saturday they get rid of the chairs and everybody crams in so it's fun but we're doing Billy Joel songs and then we're only the good die young I throw the mic down I'm ready to go dance and Josh is like pointing get out there yeah jump but I'm looking and I don't want to sound misogynistic here

but it's a bunch of four foot seven girls oh no trans they're like just looking at me like oh and I'm like there's no beef cakes right you need a little muscle I need beef I need Montana offensive line yes yes but at the same time I don't want to be the bitch who's like get out there and you're like yeah you don't want to squash a couple of Shirley's so I just walk over there and I kind of did a fall in a trustful trust fall and I let go and immediately now I can't see I don't know if there's footage of this a video or camera but I immediately just fall back and I'm head over heels overhead yes yes yeah I look

like you know my mother in a back of a nova like the stirrups and and I'm going over and and Sarah told me actually like I couldn't look she's like I cover my eyes and Luke Mona's like bellowed out Jordan Jensen was telling me she wasn't look she had licked away and Luke was like Joe like it was like a real situation and I don't know who or what or how but at the last second somebody came and saved me Thomas I was going straight back and over and my only hope was I was so high in the air that I was like I think I can do a full wow back onto my feet because it was a mess thank God for that weird retarded kid in the

audience but it was one of those things where you're like in the moment I actually wasn't too terrified I was like all right I got to try to flip it but I was this isn't good yeah and the whole thing was probably two three seconds they finally got me up and immediately I was like just send me back whoa and then you're still in the moment you're dancing around but only afterwards I was like she was like that was insane I was genuinely scared and just thought I was gonna be like who's the asshole that fell off the horse for yes I was gonna be Christopher Reeves I was gonna be feeding you I don't like all my asshole I'm sure

he's a great guy listed for Reeves but yeah that was scary but got the crowd surfing went crazy go ape shit dancing around dancing the dark was fun we stretched it all out and Josh got everyone to get low and quiet then we all went crazy big big mosh pit thing it was fun punky Johnson she sang let's get it scoop what's that song a salt and pepper no I think it's Missy Elliott Missy right it was like a big song late 90s I think it's Missy Elliott maybe but everyone were crazy for that one sclar brothers they did they did they did a late 90s rock I assume yeah one of those songs I kind of missed and all the

small things was fun and John Marco did a piano man and then sclar brothers did you may know John resisted you maybe right he's great he's a cute kid that guy's a lot of fun oh yeah he had lost his voice but he just gutted through it so it's just fun everyone's going fucking nuts and we're mashing and dancing and singing really brings everybody together well can I say as an outsider I'm off in Dicktown cheese face and you I'm watching the internet and it's just videos of you this guy's living life and you're rocking out kicking up knees bent jumping sweating hair flapping and everybody's like this guy's rocking and

all that and it gave me wedding vibes oh it was a lot of fun well you get that musical I'm a slave to the groove you know what I mean even rehearsals I love it I'm just going crazy I watched everyone else's rehearsal just have a great time audio slave Kara clink and Lisa Treger did he was a skater boy he said see you later boy good tune and catch these songs are a lot of these they're cheesy songs but like the band is like a fucking punk yeah and you're right in it yeah it really kicks that so Skankfest I can't wait I might bust out some social distortion or some Ramones really get it after cuz they are

essentially a punk maybe the dead boys something fun when you go up let me do a boss tones where I just stand next to you and dance I won't say please okay cuz I can't sing I have no rhythm but I'll pop and jive and lock well I don't hurt your feelings but old Josh Adam Myers jam I asked him who's the worst one to ever do it who do you think he hit me with it number one with a bullet I was so bad I walked half the group I lost faith in myself I had some fans they are never like we gotta get out of here the cars got the meter running well you picked a tough song well he made me do it I kept saying I don't want to do it I

don't want to do it I don't consent and he was like come on come on I was like all right and I picked a song I love but I don't know the words what's the song this is how we do it that's a tough song I love that song but I have to wait like I'm down from East PA Harlem to do I don't know any of that shit so I flubbed I lost it and I tanked yeah with no no tune you're gonna do a song that you can talk through like cake she's gonna like cake do that yeah yeah you gotta just embrace and plow through even if you don't know it but yeah he said you're the worst ever but I believe it it was bad I hated it every second of it

it's not for me yeah well come on come on with me my shoulders Dennis Robin any better thing I'll go through your legs I'll blow you on my knees or sitting yeah it'll be great well the stage dive the crowd surf but I can't wait for it got me all cranked up for Skankfest but you know a lot of these aren't even stories but we went we were hung by the pool everyone went down the pool the whole festivals at the pool it was exciting you stand on the side you kind of make fun everybody a lot of very attractive people and unattractive plenty of that yeah I joined that group we went out to oh this was hilarious we went to we went

to Cisco's a big breakfast it was like 12 of us there that was fun a lot of laughs that one of the highlights though is Ian fine ants who's just a nut he's a character oh yeah he's a card hard not to love that guy he comes down he goes I'm jumping in the pool I'm gonna jump in but everyone's settled in everyone's sitting on their chairs yeah so he does like this is gonna be funny takes the shirt off got the tattoos does a big what's the popular way cannonball oh cannonball water goes up all over all these comics that are reading and writing have sunglasses on and they're just furious wow that's classic John

Hughes shit it was fear he was he comes up and he's laughing he's like moon tower baby and behind him you just it was like a it was like a bullet surprising photo just three black women like you piece and that was great and mermaid now it was a great great fun we really we really missed you down there I miss it too I love the fest I had so much fun but I start to you know just think I get too drunk I blackout doing six-minute sets the flight the whole thing yeah we're almost kind of laughing because a lot of the sets they were like six minutes we'll let you at five and all of us were like what does

that even what am I doing here yeah but it was fun it's fun to run up and be like where are you I'll meet you there show and take over the whole city you're like cockroaches it's fun just yeah it was a great fun sclar brothers were I tried to watch some comedy I saw Lachlan Patterson oh he's fine very funny lunch sclar brothers were great and then you want to watch stand up because you don't get to see that many of these comics but then the hang is so good the hang is big go down there but you go to the after parties because those are pretty legendary now well the it's like what do you call it comedy jam is like

the after it goes so you have like a lot of people are at the after party and everyone else is that comedy jam and comedy goes to like 130 right the time that ends I'm like I'm poot plus I was singing and dancing sure and it was great fun and then Sunday this was brutal this was lingering in my head you know you hate to linger I have to let it linger I was doing Purdue University on Sunday the chicken now getting from Austin to Purdue is a motherfucker yes especially yeah with the way Austin is so you gotta I don't fly to Atlanta I have a 7 a.m. flight to Atlanta so 5 a.m. pickup hmm but Saturday night's Billy

Joel night goes till 2 a.m. yeah and you got to sing and crazy and you're sweating and then you're buzzing because I just got off stage and crowdsurfed the whole thing my ears are ringing so I fall asleep at like 3 30 you're gonna have a heart attack a kick alarm goes off at 5 or 4 55 get in the car you fly to Atlanta a me a nothing layover just had to run to the you want to know by now fly from there to Indianapolis then at the car until I got a drive to West Lafayette which is an hour oh my god what a day hour 15 really and then I get that they're these they're sweet boys up and girls and Purdue they're all young

comics they have a comedy club not a club like a group I love a group group group they're called Purdue suck stand up club wait Purdue suck because it's Purdue stand up I see I see they came up with the title I do stand up club yeah okay okay that's it first Purdue suck Purdue suck got it so I go up there they wanted to a Q&A after the show that's what I thought so I go yeah Q&A okay and it's hard to explain because a lot of time I was like an ass but it's like the people have a big thing going on so to them it's a big thing we're gonna have Joe list and I do I gotta do Q&A and it's exciting but while they're

messaging I'm at moon tower I got five show and they're adding you to show all right we need you to do this show run you're gonna go first on this show and run to this show yeah you're blowing up and then I get like a boom so we can do the Q&A and I go yeah yeah Q&A all right great and then I gotta sing the song and I gotta memorize this then we have a podcast over here right so around four yeah okay great sure what the fuck and then then it comes time for the day and I think you're like me it's it's hard for me to plan out to really put myself in a place yes yes in this moment hundred percent and you got to get

there that's all that's all stuff too with the car and the flights and the layover so then Sunday morning finally I get on the plane I'm secure on the plane I'm like this what am I doing so I fly from Austin to Atlanta Atlanta to Indy get in the car drive 75 minutes check into the hotel I gotta eat I haven't eaten since the 70s sure my burrito shove that my ass yeah now I go I got 35 minutes till the Q&A oh wow and then the Bruins game is started I watched them drop the puck haven't showered I'm like fuck these kids I hope they all die I don't want anyone doing comedy I know it too well

then I go over the fucking kids the the the classroom is the old desk with the wooden desk is attached to the chair classic and you walk in and the moment you see these kids bright-eyed and bushy-dicked and they like mr. Liz we want to ask you some questions it all falls away your heart and you go you know what I'm here for you yes yes once you see the faces I'm telling you a face-to-face changes everything faces everything and there's some of her in suits and they're just they're all excited to be doing comedy and it was quite delightful yeah to hang I go ah fuck the Bruins game sure they'll be

more playoff games how often you get to talk to an 18-year-old kid about comedy yeah but it was it was really nice they were all very sweet and they were all very excited and it was fun to talk to them then I go back I grab a half hour nap come back for the show wait a minute oh wow this is before the show so this is that for Pia that's how I felt like why wouldn't we just do this in the dressing room of the show I know now I gotta go back and forth is too much planning sorry kids you seem like nice people very nice people so we do the Q&A I go back take my shower take a nap I'm like I'm all fucked I think it's

why I'm sick now I'm on like 80 minutes sleep I'm all whacked out time changes yep go over and I thought there's gonna be like some of these college gigs are like in a cafe or whatever yeah big glorious how about that like a thousand kids come what this is huge yeah and and and colleges you know it's like they're gents all year about Gen Z and they they hate everything and they're afraid of everything yeah and I go so is their language they go we don't get we're a freedom of speech talk about whatever say anything hell yeah bunch of the young comics go up it's like five of them they're there for all very funny

and I love the future of comedy I think is in a good place hallelujah we start yelling the older folk will you yeah chill the fuck out but so I did a full hour I was having so much fun I did 60 minutes no one was on their phone at any point even stopped I was like I can't believe none of you are on your phone wow and they're laughing at everything there's no ooze there's no like whoa they just die and laughing the comics were great great hang great night and they really filled me with hope I love to hear it the youth is our future the youth Hitler youth yeah they were they were great so thank you guys

for having me and it was it was fantastic and I loved every second and you get up to Purdue University I'm down now let me do I know we got to wrap up but these Q&As they're all way I always feel like I'm letting them down I know how do I do this and I go I don't know just go out and start doing it and then they want some shortcut they want some magical answer but most of it life is just like I want to be buff I'll go to the gym I know but what else lift weights yeah you know and they don't want to hear that it's hard to because I was Sarah and I always laugh like these young comics ask like what do you do to them like I

started in a different century it's a whole different world literally now with you know with zoom in the tiktok and the YouTube I'm like I don't even I don't even have any idea I know and there's a comedy scene in West Lafayette there's like 30 comedians at Purdue University these be 30 comedians in New York yes it's crazy now it's popular so it's tough but I think I give them some good nugget and they're just like writing stuff down they were very adorable very sweet and you feel like a hundred years old they all start they're all born after I started doing comedy that is wacky cuckoo it was great great weekend I

feel like shit now but it was awesome and you'll be rested up by Friday you'll be right as gain all right well and anyways folks so this weekend you can come see me in Tempe I'm so excited to be doing this love the temperature Tempe improv May 11th to 13th Luke bonus will be with me he's hilarious it's all week and Thursday Friday Saturday we're going to the ballgame on Sunday excited about that and oh god I got a look at my book June 7th Hollywood improv hey nothing wrong with that buy those tickets so we can add that second show it might already be added I don't know I love LA I'm Spokane June 1st through the third cans

Hollywood improv the June 7th June 16 17 Columbus funny bone live Tuesdays with stories at the Gramercy June 27 yeah you got that right Nicholas don't miss that and then Irvine California July 13 through 15 San Jose improv July 20 through 22 yeah August is crazy Providence August 3rd through 5th Portland Oregon everyone keeps asking me about Portland oh August 10th through the 12th I'll be shivering under my bed at that fucking good look Ari I just took off out of there oh yeah yeah so I don't know what they're gonna get into new tents well Montez was there he's from there and he's like it's the worst place I've ever

been in my life it's bad news Walmart left McDonald's left and then Dallas improv August 24th to 26th oh and Tuesdays with stories live in Philadelphia yes 22nd forgot about that that's gonna be fun so get those tickets we're branching out folks we're coming to your town yes and make sure you subscribe to my YouTube the special be out at some point I don't know when all right I'll be a long island at a long beach some club there give it a goog I'll be in Dayton I think that's past Australia going down to the mothership for a couple days I want to check that out and there's one more of a Toronto Toronto with the

comedy bar so come on out then I'll see you folks down under and the big Aussie Aussie oi oi oi well fuck a koala what do you got Chuckster I got a podcast my buddy Ray Harrington he's a great comic and I don't know what episode just went up but this Wednesday May 10th Matt Wayne a lot of fun we always have a big sit-down with all Joe's friends we have a big talk about him using his whole roll of Dexter Rogers reached out to me he's like oh yeah and join the patreon we did a commentary for comedian it was yeah it was one of the funnest things we've done in a long time killer full commentary over an hour and a half

yeah it's pretty great that's patreon going no doubt about it thank you folks we'll see you all in hell queep it up brazalud