Tuesdays with Stories! - #508 Soup and Suds

Episode Date: June 20, 2023

It's a kooky week here in the Tuesdays studio everybody. We're talking baseball, we're talking Youtube's insane dominance and we get into the shows that they boys have conceptualized and pitched over the years. We're pulling back the curtain baby! Our Stuff: - patreon.com/tuesdays - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories Sponsors: - Support the show and get your own Hog by visitinghttps://LectricEbikes.com - This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.betterhelp.com/TUESDAYS & get 10% offyour first month. - Support the show and get 20% off & free shipping athttps://www.SheathUnderwear.com with the code TUESGAYS

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great, good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard! And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha! Surf's up!

And she didn't even flush. Knock knock! Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe Liss! Yeah! This Tuesdays with stories, everybody. Yeah, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

My radio is spitting at me. I can't choose why. Hi, Liss. Liss. Yeah. Oh, boy. I went somewhere else there. That was wacky. And I got to speak it in tongues. Yeah, it's weird to think that still a lot of just audio listeners

Yeah, you're missing out mostly audio Like 60 65 percent. Oh, I got to stop with the visual gags. We got our legs up I'm blowing you or put the the mic up our ass you're missing out with the audio, but I mean keep listening but But they're like me. I don't watch a podcast I mean it's mind blowing to me to put a podcast on the television and sit and watch it. I can't do it Yeah, I do both but I'm with you because I'm a mover. I'm on the subway. I'm on the stairs. I'm on the street So I like an audio well sometimes I have they have like, you know, I'm a sober guy They have like AA speaker tapes on YouTube.

And so, yeah, it's a guy going, eh, I was gay and now I'm not, whatever. Speaker tape parade. But, so I wanna listen, so I watch this YouTube, but YouTube on the video, the app, you can't close your phone and keep listening to the video. Yes, then you hate that. So this week I was on the flight

and I was just listening to these tapes. It really is helpful and nice. My phone time was like 11 hours. Oh, the screen time. Did you have to have it leave it on? Right. So I'm like half asleep on the plane like this with just a video play.

Yeah. Yeah, I've fallen down on in the yelling. Yes, that's the thing about a, what do you call it? Screen time is they don't give you a breakdown. They don't go, hey, you had 11 hours, but hey, nine of that was AA, good for you. I know they just go, you're a piece of shit. They kind of do.

Well, you can go in the analytics and really get your bars and graphs and meters, but it's not like they go, hey, 11 hours, good job, you were reading a book. I feel this way, I've said this before too, I Google Maps. Yes, that's huge. I'll drive from here to Nova Scotia.

It's like, hey, your screen time is up 300%. I'm like, why was Google Maps? I wasn't scanning the comments. Yeah, Uber drivers must have nine million hours of screen time. Good point. That's a good point. Because they don't make any money.

No, no, they're, you know, molesting people in the back of the cars. But yeah, there's some Uber stories out there. Go to that on the YouTube. I mean, people get you in a headlock from the back, women's showing their clams, it's wild, those Oopers. Yeah, it's a cookie situation. I feel like you're a YouTube guy.

I love the YT. Yeah, it's so interesting. I'm starting to come around. This is my problem. I'm talking about screen time. The, it's so interesting. I'm starting to come around. This is my problem. Talk about screen time. The algorithm that finally got me. They scooped me. Oh, they scooped the nibbles.

They scooped the nibbles. Because I've always been good with screen. I've never gotten wrapped up in watching Reels or Twitches. I don't deal with too much. Because I've always just looked at my numbers and gone, oh, I gotta kill myself. I'm gonna have a son my numbers and gone. I got to kill myself. I'm going to have a son who will never have any money because my videos stink. And now they figured me out.

It's all Jordan and Scorsese. They hooked me, Jerry. They hooked me, Jerry. Yes, yes. I turned it on. They go in this date in 1988, Michael Jordan dumped 38 on the hawks. And I'm like, well, let me sit and watch this for a few minutes. Yeah, I didn't know the hocks were a team. And then you go, they got uniforms and everything. And then you go, all right, I got to get out of here. I scan up and it's like Marty Scorsese, like suck it on his glasses. Oh, we made taxi driver, you know,

and I go, oh, I got to hear this. When I see those eyebrows are moving, I'm tuned into Marty. So I tune and then I go, all right, I got to get out of here. I'm not even, wow, I found this case gay so I scan over and they go don't forget George Costanza was my father's And then I got to send that to every Tom Dick and Harry you Veter Cramer the butler They got you Jerry and I go okay, I'm out of here and then just the top I just see the top old MJ's

What's you doing here? It's best reverse layups from Michael Jordan. And they hooked me. We got a live one here. They're just real and yearn, baby. Woo! Hold on, let's do the photo. Okay. Okay.

I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm Gonzo. And they fucked me. And YouTube too, because I got John Boy. You know what John Boy? John Boy, I don't know John Boy. I know John Boy. John, John Boy. John. John. John, John with an M. John.

John. No, John. John boy. This guy, he's like a sports guy, even if you don't like sports. It's baseball, he's a lip reader. Why? It's unbelievable.

You gotta get on John boy. You'll love it. I mean, I don't know if you'll love it. But some people out there will love it. Lip readers, what I call eating out a lady. I'm reading Gwen's lips. Oh, whatever. He's a BL.

Beautiful lines woman. But he's great. He has all the baseball arguments. You know, you've seen the baseball argument, you think, what are they saying? You're talking about where they kick the dirt, the umpso young, they're just bumpin'. Yeah, I love that.

That's from the 60s. You get suspended and shot for that. It's a Leslie Nielsen. Yes, exactly, but. You got the plate. You know, you got the padding there. The pad. Yes. That's the pad. I never understood that. It's a Leslie Neilson. Yes, exactly, but... You got the plate, you know, you got the padding there. The pad. Yes.

That's the pad. I never understood that. Pad tie. Oh, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you can't really get in trouble for that because you made a noise. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, and I've done it on every podcast ever,

so I feel like it's okay. That gets me every time. That's really a lot of fun. Well, noise is a funny. That's a funny noise. You know what's so funny is, by the way, I, you know, not to go off on speaking to social media. Everyone smiles so well, right to me and be like,

you're a liberal, cuck, fucking, leases shit, trying to pander. People have been pandering to the left. I'm like, I've done Asian voice and everything. I'll talk with how much I love the cops. I want homeless people to die. I talk about New Yorkering to the left. I'm like, I've done Asian voice and everything. I'll talk with how much I love the cops. I want homeless people to die. I talk about New York cities of toilet. They pick and choose Dave Smith.

I was hanging out with him the other night. He got an ad or a comment said, oh, you're really just a classic conservative. And he's like, yeah, classic conservative. Yesterday I mean my friend, so whose assholes was bigger. You know, on camera. Classic conservative,

we are going to church, you know, raising a kid, the whole thing. It's just to learn, you're pandering to the left. I'm like, I'm making a film with Louis CK and sending the F word and anything. I'm like, it's 30 seconds of this podcast, every single member of the left would shoot us. Oh, it has. Yeah, they'd execute.

Yeah, it's like, I'm like, I don't know what planet you're living in. People picking shoes, but PNC. What were we talking about, music factory. John Boy. Oh, the baseball, yeah. The baseball, yeah. Yeah, before that. But he reads the lips.

Oh, lip, yes, yes, that's John Boy. That's a great gig. He's unbelievable, you gotta see. Really? It's unbelievable, he's so good and you can watch the guy and then he has all these other funny clips. So when it's a home run, he points to the first one to stand up and look at this fat lady who wasn't paying attention. It's classic. Wow. Again, it reels you right in. I'm watching John Boy for nine hours. He's huge, by the way. What kind of name is John? Is he a tell? I don't know what his deal is. He might Italian. So either way, that's the beauty of YouTube.

You get a John Boy, you get an animal attack, you get a twerking video, you get a standup from Norfolk Dollar, you get a car race, you get a buffir, it's everything. Yeah, it's got it all and- It's all pipes. I watched these all, I used to, I haven't done it in a while. You can watch like a full game, five, 86 world series.

There you go. And you got Vince Scully and Bob Costas on the sideline. And you're like, I'm just sitting here watching a full game. It's all, you can watch a Letterman clip, you can watch a fist fight in an alley. It's got it all. Backyard, wrestling, midget toss. What's crazy is the amount of content.

Chuck, pull up Wikipedia. Go to the Wikipedia page, just type in YouTube. And it's in the first or second paragraph. It describes the amount of content. Chuck, pull up Wikipedia. Go to the Wikipedia page, just type in YouTube. And it's in the first or second paragraph. It describes the amount of content. It's like 500 hours a minute. What does that mean? It's uploaded. Oh, it's uploaded.

You think about how we're trying to compete. And you're like, I only got 7,000 views. You're competing with 700 hours that came out that minute. Here it is. Oh my God. This is a May 2019. That's the stat. Videos are being uploaded at a rate of more than 500 hours of content that minute. Here it is. Oh my god. This is as of May 2019. That's the stat. Videos are being uploaded at a rate of more than 500 hours

of content per minute, but it's gotta be way more by now. That's four years for you. It's four years ago. Half of that is, little Asian kids opening boxes. It's crazy. That's funny. That was like, looking up and I was like, I guess I memorized it, and nailed it.

But that's wild. So that's the sum now. It's 700 hours per minute, even though it's probably more. Oh, yeah It's way more and with podcasting because each one of those is an hour and a half or whatever I think your Rogan's and all that shit. It's so much content and then it's probably 700 hours specials per minute And then you kind of be like, okay, I did my special here it comes everybody watch this It was like but full house is right next to it. Yeah full house the heat F1 racing monster truck tits you get compete brutal non-compete and even when you're watching

compete. Some people put it on to the TV or whatever which is great But when you're watching it the whole time I'm doing this I'm looking to the side because on the side it says what did Jerry Seinfeld think when he met Kramer Yeah, yeah, wait, wait, let me pause this and go to this Yes, and then you look over and it's like was Duke Snyder gay and you're like, why is he I made that one Yeah, it's true They they really in and they get you with the caption the title is very intriguing and you're like well I have to know this and then you check the time That's always the movie go interesting title you got me by the balls and then you go

Three minutes and three seconds I can spare that yeah, and now you're in the old rabbit hole wormhole but hole Yeah, it's it's tough But it part of its great because you're like well, I'm getting things that I've always wanted to see That's true and I try to do a little one for them, one for me. I'll do a, let me watch this skateboard clip, and then for them, I'll watch this, how do you do a, how do you cook, Ministrone, how do you yoga ties,

and how do you clean your house? How do you have Malina? That's a baseball player, but that was a pretty good pull. I don't know how to do it. John Boy would have liked but that was a pretty good pull. I'm not here. John Boyd would have liked it. Yeah, yeah, lips. I remember lip synchips. Here in this a long time ago, if you see something in the suggested,

and this is, I stopped doing this, so that's why they got my algorithm. That's why they really be in. If you see something you want to watch, don't click it, search it. Because that sucks them up. Because if you click it, they like, okay, we know them now. Yeah. I suppose they could see the search. If you click it, they're like, okay, we know them now. Yeah. I suppose they can see the search. Yeah, the search is actually to me more direct

because you just gotta see it. Good point. Yeah, that's tough, but they got, they say attention is the new oil. Mm-hmm. Jerry, because you know, back in the day, oil, hey, we gotta get that oil. That's where all the money is,

and now the money is in the medicine. All of attention. Yes. Instead of in the medicine. All of attention. Yes. Instead of all of oil. Attention to detail. But yeah, it's tough. They have the clicks, it's all clicks. Yep.

Then you get the, well I got demonetized. I got shadow banned. I got removed from the platform. There's all that shit too going on. Well today I posted a clip of my old Comedy Central Special and it came up with red letters, denied copyright claim and I like dove across the subway to get it off and I'm afraid they're gonna take away my YouTube.

Yo, you get those strikes. You get three and you're out. I already got one. Stacked. Yeah. Can you get rid of them? What happens? You probably didn't get a strike.

I didn't get a strike. They emailed me, said no strike. Okay, no strike. There you go. That was a ball. But yeah, no strike. Okay. No strike. There you go. That was a ball. But yeah, I got one strike. So I'm nervous every time. What was your strike from?

I can't remember. I think I blatantly ripped something off where I said the N word something. But I think I wrote, I said the N word, and I pushed for kids. And it like got a little fucked up. So you got to watch the kids there. Don't say the N word to kids. The first time I put, I a lot fucked up. So you gotta watch the kids there. Don't say the Edward the kids.

The first time I put, I'm just learning. D-goos! That was a big slam. Sorry. Grand slam breakfast over here. Oh, so sorry. I took the ladies in front yesterday when I came back. Oh.

And I was like, hey, sorry that we're noisy. And they're like, we don't care. We think it's hilarious. Oh good. Well, we got the front desk. And they're like, we don't care. We think it's hilarious. Oh, good. We got the front desk ladies on our side, but everyone else hates us. You know what I'd be interested in doing? And I don't think it would be good.

It's to go to the break room while we're recording. I bet it's clear as day. Quiet, you mean? No, you can hear us. Oh, I'm saying. I think he's the only one that doesn't like us. Everyone else has been really nice. We're next door to him and also, is he incapable of not slamming? I feel like every time he has to slam. He's the wind. He's doing a purpose

But maybe maybe the windows open because sometimes when I'm my apartment if the windows open you shut the door He goes And it sounds like I just divorced my wife. Yeah, I just farted But I'll tell you this this weather out there and this time of year, I got every window open in my house is a perfect 60 and then the sun's outside. There's nothing better than that little breeze coming and I got the cat up on the windowsill with a little whisker wiggle, you know,

the wind hits it. Oh, that's beautiful. I missed the cat. Plop! No, I'm just kidding, I'm pissed. That's what I thought. Boy, that cat stinks. just getting a bus. That's what I thought boy that cat stinks. Yeah, he's a big fat It's better than Steve's Caitlin's cats. Yeah, that is smooth and

Buzz oh, it's terrifying. I want a little dander on that that pussy. I like a bush by the way I like to come in the bush I like to pull out and shoot it in the bush because then when you, they try to clean it, it's all goo and stick and it's hard to get out. I like that. The bush man. Yeah, I like a nice, I don't know how they feel about it because their hair turns into a,

it's like when you put a bril cream and a kid. You can't worry about them. All right. It looks like you're, you're top of your head looks like my wife's, you know, clean them. You know what, it's pubes. Let me come in your head and see if you like it.

All right, I'm sure it might help the scalp. I bet it's good for it. Join the Patreon folks, I'm gonna come in Mark's errands, see how long it takes to get it out. You come in and I'm gonna comb with it. Just before it dries, see if I can get some, some, some detail.

What do you call it? Product. Do you look like Vinnie paparazzi, whatever. No, I'll be out of health. I'll be right up there. I'll be something about Mary. Oh Boy, we're having a great time here. I got a slouching down. This is our fourth episode of the week This is where on cruise control is June is this June 20th now? Yeah, oh Summers half over. Wow. It's a hot boy summer.

We'll tell us about where you've been, and what do you travels? Where have I been? I don't even know where I've been. We're six months ahead. This is a story. I have some stories. All right.

Look at this. It's all written over here. It's all pipes. Oh, how about this? Oh, please. I go to steam room yesterday. You know, equinox test. You live in that steam room. You're gonna dehydrate. You're gonna turn it over a raisin I love the steam. I wish I had time to steam after this, but well blow off some steam. I love steam

steam Susu steam, oh Willie First cartoon. Yes, that's right. Is there something called a fart tune? That's gotta be around. A fart tune. Where it's like, it's animated, but it's like, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. It's like a double pun. Oh, a tune and a tune. It's a cartoon.

It's a fart tune. So it's a tune, it's a fart, and it's animated. I'd tune in. I just made a show, I think. I think he got something there. I mean, put it on YouTube. 500 hours and one. You ever think we should pitch a show?

I mean, it might be something. I think we have. We have, but like now. That show wasn't bad, by the way. Super sus. No, that was bad. The one we pitched with that lady, remember we went down to True TV,

or whatever the hell we went to in Tribeca, and me and you in that kind of cute little number. Wow. I can't see it. And we went into that, we pitched the holding about Sioux Falls, then we go to Sioux Falls. Oh my God. We had a printout of it.

I'm a one sheet and a treatment and all that. What is that? What is that? We did it. We had a travel show idea where we take the podcast because the holding stories, we take the podcast to a town and walk around, meet the people and then go on stage and tell the stories. I can't remember what the hook was, the premise, the format. But I'm stinkered. I remember that. Who was the lady? She was that nice lady. She was like an exec. It was before it was back when like white guys were still on TV and stuff and they were not still on TV but they wanted them.

You know, and then we'd go into these rooms and they were like, ah, it's a little silly and then they'd listen to four seconds of this and it was like then I quived on a kid's lunch and he ate it and I just did it. And they were like, ah, that's a wrap. Who'd we pitch to? True? We'd pitch the true. It was a lot of production companies. We'd pitch to.

I forget their names. Wow. We went about four of them and it just... Superstars was fun. We tried it. We tried to rip it I tried to get together and type neither one of us got a type you need to get a partner who's willing to type type to Stayed in each other going. Yeah, type two mouth, but yeah, and then then I would go what about this? You go, ah, that's no good. Then you go what about this? I'm like that's not bad right it down and then we go all right Let's go to lunch. I think part of it was I just wanted to drink and I kept saying let's go to the bar. Yeah, it's place in a bar

That's right soup and suds. Oh, well the whole show was about a bar that served soup and boo Well, I love beer. I love you love soup, but there was more to it. You, I was married or whatever. I had a girlfriend, a live-in girlfriend, and your husband died or somebody died. I was a bad couple. You died and then you came and lived with us. Yes. And so I had my girlfriend who hated you.

Yes. She's grown on her. She's a documentary. So, and I was, we were boozing together, so she hated us. And then we came up with an idea. We're like, we know how to make money. We took our nest egg and we opened a place called Super Suds.

It's kind of like, always sunny, maybe. Yeah. You and I ran a business because you love soup. I ran, I love bars. Right. You couldn't decide. Right. So we combined them.

And it's a fun name, Super Suds. Super Suds. You gotta run to it. So you go there, go they say give me a bowl of chicken noodle in a Miller highlight life I life yeah, yeah, that's that's good living if you ask me so that was the show and we never I don't think page Why does it been written? No, we got about a paragraph and we tried it again because I had a show idea for when I worked at Sears last prevention That's right. We work gonna work at Sears. That one kind of came to fruition a little more. A little more.

I wrote a script for that years ago. And I remember my manager was like, everyone's name starts with a J, that's no good. And just took that one note to be like, I'm not changing. Yeah, fuck it. I mean, I'm pitching a show now. I pitched it, everyone turned it down.

So I just said, you know what, I'm just gonna make it, fuck these cleafs. And I'm working on it, and I'm pitching a show now, I pitched it, everyone turned it down, so I just said, you know what, I'm just gonna make it, fuck these gweeps, and I'm working on it, and I'm excited because I'm just gonna put it on YouTube with the others, it doesn't have a lot on there. That's the nice thing is you can just make these things. I had a pitched thing with Chris Walsh, we made a thing, and then everyone,

all the production companies get a hold of it, and they keep changing and changing. Yeah, and then the reason I got a text, maybe you got the same text from a, a, a, who, a real, someone high up friend who said, Hey, I got a production company. I didn't get that. And so I texted Chris Walsh and I said, Hey,

let's get the band back together, leave out all the quefers and just pitch the original idea. So we're doing that. Oh, great. Who knows? That's one of the cool things about having some friends in high places. We both just rate I think 30 of us probably got a text like hey man. I work at this

Production place or what I don't know what it is Yeah, I'm not gonna say too much, but they're like if you have ideas send them in we're looking for ideas We have a ton of money left over or time or Show space or whatever it is and so I said I'm a thing too. Yeah, so you send some thing you go And this is the thing and you go, and this is the thing, when you start making money on the road and doing well, you go, I don't need a show.

True. So I'm just gonna pitch exactly what I want. If someone goes, what if it's like this, you go, eh, nope, get out of here. Yeah. Is that okay? You feel like you're like, I'm taking my ball and going home or whatever.

Right. And it's a much better position to be in. It's way better, but it does worry me because I don't want to shoot a show. I don't want to write a show. I don't want to pitch a show. But you start seeing guys like a Dana Gould, who when I started was like, I worshiped the guy. I thought it was so funny. He was in theaters doing this and that. TV shows, Simpsons, whatever. And then you see Dana Gould's back at the sack punchline. And you're like, oh, this guy's got seven kids. He's divorced.

He's got a new wife. You want to have a show by then? This is my fear. I'm having a son. And I got, you know, I can't be just going, hey, I'm off to San Francisco Skidmark. So I'll be back in three days. He's bringing home 800 bucks.

Right, right. And that's kind of the ebb and flow of this biz. So if you can get a nice show out there and just live off that residuals, keep striking writers, get those residuals cooking because that mailbox money will keep you afloat. Yeah, so maybe we'll pitch a show, but you know, we got something.

I'm just gonna get a good growing stretch going. But anyways, I started a steam room story about this month ago. Yeah, well we digress or alive, Chris. Uh, we went to, I went to the steam room down there and the way you get the steam going, you get a little water and you splash it on the sensor. Oh. Oh. This is good. The steam's up. Otherwise it's just sitting there. The gaze do that with giz.

Exactly. Right on the sensor well There's a lot of gays in the equinox steam room exactly So we go in there and they have these little dixie cups that are for a little dix What do you call it mouthwash? Ah, but what some of the people do they put some coal water in there. They take it in the steam room They throw it on the sensor so then they just take the dixie cup and throw it on the fucking Seat on the fucking seat on the Steam Room, which I saw once before. I go in yesterday and there's just a bunch

of empty trash cup Dixie cups. Oh, no, the Dixie Chicks. And I look and I go, well, the fuck does that? That's weird, but I'm like, I'm not gonna pick up someone else's trash. So I sit in the Steam Room, I use my water bottle and I just go, oh, there you go. And you go, friendly. So that, I sit in the steam room I use my water bottle and I just go oh there you go and uh he go friendly so that I'm in the steam room and this other guy comes in who's like a jacked you know I don't know what he is he's like probably 50 looks like he's

coked up he's all ripped yeah probably some like power broker or something yeah power bottom he comes in he goes what the fuck is that are kidding? This is like a place of relaxation. He goes, Are you fucking kidding me? And I'm in there like this, and you just want to make it clear, you're not that, I'm like, I know, right? Yes, smart.

Because I'm like, this is crazy, and I'm like, this is a new trend I've been noticing, and he's like, well, it's fucking horrible. And he grabs it all up. He like literally kicks the door open. I'm not kidding.

Throws it, and like the door goes, and shuts, and he's like, what is that? I can hear him open. I'm not kidding throws it and like the door goes And shuts and he's like what is that I can hear him and I'm like he's like Vince Lambert here something's terrible Wow, this doesn't my dad when he used to come home He comes back in and again I wanted to really separate myself and I go yeah I'm like I've just noticed this is a new trend I saw it the other day too and he goes well whoever's doing it doesn't fucking belong in this club. They don't belong.

And it felt like it was a weird life. It felt like a weird racial, I don't know who's doing it, but it felt like a 1950s diner. Right. Where you're like, you know what I'm saying? Oh geez, read the sign, no Irish. And I agree, but I was like, oh God, then he sat down, and then he's just like, the steam comes.

Yeah, he's got some steam coming off his head. It sounds like. It was terrifying. Coming out of his ears. But I literally was like in the corner, like, oh, I'm so scared to move. I didn't want to leave. Because like, sometimes, you know, if I leave,

he's like, what are you hoping to do or for? That's hilarious. You can't move in there. It's such a tranquil place too. It's so funny. It's somebody's guy's like, ah, then you're just here like, woo, woo, woo, like the pan flute. And it was wild.

And I had seen him working out because I was working out next to him. And you know what, I don't have any workout regimens. So I go, I just go over and I'm like, now do some curls. That seemed like something. I think the real workout guys, they know.

Yeah. They see the like that this guy's got nothing. I'm on the row machine for three. It's like YouTube. I'm like, well, look at that, I can do some of these things. If you have those, then the bouncy ball, sit on the bouncy ball. That's fun. I'll just pull some ropes. Why not hang on stuff?

I have no idea what I'm doing in there. I do want a stretching just to kill two. Oh yeah, big time. I'm always doing this with your grab. Yes Yes, I do the same and I'll hang off the bar hang off the bar I'm just hanging I do this one. You know, just hold on to that thing all day I'm doing that because I got the tit injury from last month whenever we told that story But dinosaur that was bad. Well, don't bring it up

We're trying to forget it But anyways, I had seen him so I think he knew me He's like that's the good that doesn't how to work out He probably left these cups and and then I sat there for a while and then you get like I did a bit about this But you get competitive in the steam room like I'm not leaving We were in there for 45 minutes. It was like a face off. It's a test match. I should have thrown a Dixie cup on the ground He would have left it would be funny if I walked out and fell out of my pocket. Oh, man. This guy might have a roid thing going on.

That's what I was thinking. Roid braids. Polaroid. But that was something and I got a few other things here. Please, please. I'm telling you. I've been talking about the baseball game from and from Arizona. Oh, I was on a diamondback. We were on TV. Did you see?

I heard I saw the clip. I didn't see the TV channel. Well, this was six months ago. I mean, literally the game was May 14th. We were there. Yikes. That's over two months. It was five weeks ago. Well, like, content's content. Yeah, it was five weeks ago, but, I mean, it's so weird too,

like the whole world can be over right now. Like, we could be, they could be a nuclear holocaust. Geez, you can only hope. It's enough already. What in the second world ended while you were in Australia? Ah, your wife dies, I die. Boy, fingers crossed. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Bro-Ball it looked pretty packed out in there too now All I hear is baseball's dead baseball day, but I see it on TV this people in the seats. That's some people Yeah, it's not bad. Okay, it's a beautiful game. It's a wonderful game

And it's like it takes like 80 minutes to play a game now they changed all the rules like coked up. It's crazy Oh, is that good or bad? I think it's good. Okay. Yeah But any jizz so I'm going to Tempe and I've been to 24 ballpark. There's only like six ballpark I haven't been to it's very small list pretty good. Yeah, and so the diamondback stadium is one of chase field You used to all be called like Bill Sullivan's ballpark. Yeah, yeah, Johnny Be Good's auto park Now it's yeah Bank of America Dome or whatever right no key. Ah so They're playing Sunday afternoon before that's all night games they play Sunday afternoon the shows Thursday Friday Saturday

So I said I'm gonna stay an extra day. Okay hit the ballpark get all these ball parks crossed out I love it. I love a ballpark. So I book a red eye flight from Phoenix to New York Sunday night Hey, hey, hey, hey, in the Monday morning, which is always rough always and I got Luke Monis opening for me. Good hang great hang great comic great guy. So I said hey if you're interested I'm sticking around Sunday for the ballgame. If you want to go I'll get your ticket. Well go hang out and he lives in the Los Angeles. He's in LA which is about a 12 minute flight. Exactly. So he goes that sounds great. He books a 6 p.m. flight. So he's home at seven o'clock. Oh, I live in the dream, they're moaning.

That's a nice, nice day. So he goes great. So Sunday comes, you finish the show. There's nothing better than finishing a weekend of shows, especially when they sell well, you sell your shirts, you make a nice penny. Agreed, but the problem is when is when I had this in Toronto, the last show was bad. Yeah.

And then I'll put a real stink in your stink. But to me, even a bad show, you still feel like, I did something. Yes, yes. Done, and you have the next day off, and you're like, woo, that is nice. You come back, and you got the cash, and you feel good, and then not just the cat, but the,

you feel like you've met a lot of people You do a meet great. They would come and this is what's great about comedy event as annoying as it is So often when people come up and they go I thought your dick was a little small. I think your movie stinks mother didn't raise you right Yeah, mostly It's people saying that was great. We like sure. Sure. There's very few jobs that when you finish, a line of people line up around the corner to tell you you're fantastic. It's a great point.

Roofing doesn't have that. You don't get off the roof and they go, here's a cup of iced tea, you've killed it. No, they go, what? You charge me nine grand, you come, customer. All right, so grateful for that. Grateful for all the fans that come by and say nice things.

And very grateful for the Patreon folks. Yeah. So we finished the show, you finished the weekend, great weekend, and you have the extra day with nothing to do, so we have breakfast. I love a comedy breakfast. Especially when you got no time constraint, you can just really sit in it.

So nice, so we get breakfast, we walk around, we have coffee, we're laughing our asses off, we're gossiping, what about when that guy said that, what about when that happened? How about that audience remember how hot was she? Oh, yeah great time Head over to the ballpark and I've got us nice seats up to left field line front row That's a pretty penny you can lead well it's Arizona I see 50 bucks, which is not crazy. Okay. Good. That's two t-shirts. So yeah exactly So you go over there and we got, it's like that Costanza, you're walking down the aisle,

you're like we'll just keep going. Oh nice. Which feels nice but between every inning, 75 kids show up and line up to try to get a ball. Ah, he's fucking make-a-wish kids with their cancer. And you feel awkward, you're just sitting there and it's just a bunch of kids' asses in front of you. Well that's not so bad. You gotta look around, You don't wanna, you know, you gotta look. Yeah

Make eye contact with a butthole. No Hole. Yes Great seats exciting game moves fast. We get snacks We have hot dogs, we're laughing. I did a little play-by-play. You check it out on YouTube. That was fun I filmed with my phone. It's just exciting. Yes, I seem to enjoy it. We're having. I did a little play-by-play. You check it out on YouTube. That was fun. I filmed with my phone It's just exciting. Yes. I'm doing joy it. We're having a million laughs. It goes into the ninth inning by the way a 50-50 50-50 Raffle other app okay 20 bucks you get 80 numbers and you watch it tick up and it gets up to like 65,000 dollars you're like oh no it was even higher. It was like 70,000

So you're like someone's gonna win 35 grand Wow and I got 80 numbers. I'm like magic. I win 35,000. Oh, see you're like, I know it was even higher. It was like 70,000. See you're like someone's gonna win 35 grand. Wow And I got 80 numbers. I'm like, imagine if I win 35,000. Oh my lord. I tell look. I'm like, I will give you $10,000. Whoa, don't I win 35. I'm giving you 10,000 bucks. How do you like that? Don't bring in a suitcase. So I go, ah, he goes, okay, that's great. You know, he's a Jew. He lights up. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it changes everything. It's all handsome Jew. I think he's half. All right, he's a Jew, he lights up. Oh, yeah. Is he a Jew? Oh yeah. What? Yeah, it changes everything. It's all handsome, Jew. I think he's half.

All right, all right, all right, all right. Just a good half. So, we're down the line, one one game. It's exciting. And I go to him, I started him, I gotta tell you, I hope they win the last inning here, because I don't want extra ratings. It's enough already with this.

You want to see the ballpark, it's a long day. Right, right, it's a long day. Right, right. It's a long slog. Living in recita. So we're down the line here. And a guy gets on base. He steals second. We're right down the left field line.

Ninth inning. Two outs. Guy hits a line. Drive. Fairball. Right down. Past. It's like three inches in front of us.

Oh my god. I left out this part. I'm like, gonna hit a walkoff right here next I swear to God of this guy I'll do this guy I go next pitch this game's over I go pack you stuff up grab your water Yeah, this bitch is ending it swear to God asmones that pitch Line drive down the left-field line fair ball Now where it's right here like a dream come true Whoa, you have the front row see I can lean I'm leaning right out on the field the ball goes so I can hear it going Oh my lord and then the left field or he grabs the ball and I was trying to distract him. I did the all Oh, that's lunch and then Luke is waving his face in this way waving the runner

Oh, I love the wave and he turns he, he goes, we gotta be on TV. This is crazy, it's right in front of us. So I look it up on the app afterwards. There we are, two tall drinks of eight. That's a credit. He's waving, I'm doing this. I don't think it's spasoid, it's on sports center, the whole thing. Oh my god, top 10 after a lesbian throws a ball.

It's wild, we walk it off, Arizona wins, I'm going nice throw, you fuck pussy, you piece of shit. I'm going nice throw your fuck pussy Yeah, give it to a fuck these quips. That's fun the kids go crazy. I go let's get out of here Then we walk up the aisle Everyone's leaving and I see 50 50 I forgot oh the ref I got 80 numbers. Oh, what's the number $1? It's 20 bucks gets you 80. I don't know. That's one of those like 10 gets you 40, but 10 gets you 30. But 20 is 80. It's a deal. If you get 100, you get whatever. Five down. You get your win or something. I don't know. So I

go, let's go check it out. So there's a little 50, 50 station and I go, let's see if we won. So I'm looking at the numbers and it's one of these that, fuck, isn't this the worst? You get like 12 numbers and the first two numbers are three, nine and then their number, the winning number is three, five. Oh, the teas. So you don't even get to go like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just literally the first number is like, oh.

Yeah, let's get the hell out of here. So then I go, ah, I didn't win. And then we look over and you just hear like, oh mama, sitos, of blue. Uh oh. Oh, that's bad. Should we cause that's Spanish? That was Spanish. Oh, okay.

That was pretty good. That would be bad. Yeah, that you're fine. She's like no so throws, uh, come on stars. Yeah, she has me. And the guy goes, the guy goes, see, see, and he takes this big giant check and hands it to this woman. It's like a little Mexican woman with her son.

It was like, whala. He's just like staring. Yeah, she might have been a grandma or a mother or whatever. Oh my lord. Hey, it's the big fat chick and I gotta tell you, I've never been, look goes, she won. It's her. Mama Sita. She turns around 35,800 pesos. Firecondeos. And look goes, she, that's her. Oh, wow. Now we're still buzzing from the walkoff and that being being on TV and I'm like you want and she's like oh See she's all nervous with the fat check Oh my god, we start going she won. Oh these immigrants are taking our raffles She's got a little boy tied to her back and she's a big basket on her head

And I've never been so happy to lose something. Because I felt bad if I, you know, I'm not, I'm not, yeah. I'm not Richie Rich over here, but I'm doing okay. She got the whole enchilada. So she just doubled her income and she's just going, oh my God, thank you. Classiest.

I'm good for her. Wow, that'll help out the Adobe. We stood in cheer, like I got photos somewhere. I'm clapping it or high five Maybe alright. I gave a fist bump to the kid. I blew it up. You didn't know what was going on But she won 35,000 big ones. Wow, well, that'll be interesting with the the taxes later when they they find out they're illegals But either way for the moment. That's great. Oh, she probably walked away with 7400 bucks, but still yeah, it was fun to see I've never I've never bumped into the winner I've never been so close to someone that like won a jackpot. That is wild

Yeah, you're never gonna see that and you get to see the light on their face and good times out Does she have to give the check to a little boy? I think let me see I think I got photos of this Oh Now we're talking. I'm sure she's all over the news as well winning a purse in a purse like that. Oh, here she is, right here. Oh, wow, look at this. Maybe we'll plug it in. Plug it in, send it to the chug. Look at the boy.

Whoa. Huh? That is beautiful. 35,784 bucks. I mean, look at this kid. Good for Consuela. No more cleaning the Lequinto. And she's out there, Jerry.

Look at this guy. Look how happy he is. Everyone was so happy for her. Oh, that's great. Can we get a shot of this, Chuck? Come on. I want you to text it to him. I'll text it.

I'm gonna work on there, but hey, that is a beauty. Good for her. Congratulations there, mama. I'll text it over. Or any more. Maadrey. Jenner, jeanner. Georgia St. Cuddett, I don't know.

That's a long name, but either way good for her. Congratulations there. Georgia saying cut it and We're rooting for you. I don't know if we can put her face on there though. That's probably no good. Maybe pull a blur out the face ball over the faces, but the kids face is adorable. He's a cute kid and give me a call there kid. Maybe we shouldn't put the faces in. She should get on the Patreon now that you got a couple of cash laying around there Why not and here's us you can see us there? That's fun. How fun is that wow that is right in the action here's the TV broadcast?

We'll put this on here. It is right down the left There we go. There we are hold on oh, I missed it. I got a glare here. Oh, yeah, oh Geez, I got the glare Oh, geez I got the black hair up there And I'm doing the traveling violation There we go You see me for a second, there's my arm Here I come see it

Oh, I see it, I see the roll That's fun! The windmill Oh, that's good Boy, I'm making it Good fun, what a thrill, really? Yeah, second little kids, you couldn't do it. No gene no money No taking no laundry the photo so great, but I feel weird wait. Can you put a photo?

I think it's a big deal. She ain't been a where where was she like where was she standing in public and Phoenix in public? She's on the TV out there because she won you announced the way today. You're fine. All right It's a public you're good. You cover the face though, it doesn't hurt the photo. The boy's so sweet though, his face like this. Yeah, he's no idea. And he got what you're at, boy. He's got the jersey on.

I can't have no real concept of money, I think. You're like, we just went $35,000, he's like, okay, whatever. Yeah, he's like, I gotta carry this thing. It's bigger than me, that sucks. The big check is awkward. I like the big check, I feel like it's a throwback and we all know it's silly, but it's cartoonish. It's fun. It's fun, but I've also just been like, can you just

slip that in my account and I'll just keep it moving? Yeah, yeah. You're out there with the phone, trying to do the deposit, you know, trying to hover over it and it's like a darker background. The best check thing we talk about all the time is DiPolo, means to work bananas, and their sign was like, whatever logo was literally a big giant banana with sunglasses on it, say, yeah, people always go, why are you so angry? He goes, I don't know, because Monday morning,

I got to walk into a bank and cash a check that has a banana wearing sunglasses on it. They go, you want this in cash? And you want it in rubles? Yeah, very funny. Yeah, that bananas club, it's a classic club about a Hasbroker Heights New Jersey. Everybody went through there, Bill Mar, Se It's a classic club out of Hasbrook, Heist, New Jersey. Everybody went through there.

Bill Mar, Seinfeld, Bill Hicks, you name it. But they got all the polaroids up on the wall and every single one of them is holding up a banana going, what are we doing? Yeah. You know, it's like these brilliant minds and they gotta stand next to a blow up ape. We have no bananas.

I think it's still out there. Oh, it's there. I think helium bought it. Oh yeah, Grossman's got that thing. Yeah, it's there. I think healy him bought it. Oh yeah, Grossman's got that thing. Yeah, I don't know if that's helping him. But either way, it's a staple. Hey folks, Tuesday's the stores is brought to you by Electric. My favorite D-bike, dammit.

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We go all the time. Allen. He's a God send. I do hate going down there though. Sometimes you got to get up, get on the subway, get to the office, wait in the waiting room. You see another comedian. It's awkward. Boy, it'd be nice if I could do this from the comfort of my own living room. And well, better help is here for that. Better help is flexible and entirely online so you can easily fit therapy in your schedule, set your appointments around what's best for you since it's all online, you can do it anywhere. Whether that's office, couch, or even your bed, sometimes you cry and you can't get up. To get started, fill out a quick survey and get matched with your license therapist and switch therapist at any time for free.

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Oh, this was pretty fun. Now we're talking. This something we got something we walked out You know me I love a stadium. So Sun Devil Stadium is over there and we probably walked to two when we were there I'm sure we did the old SD state. I think we walked by there But it was wide open we walked right onto the field. Oh come on swearing out 50 yard line middle of the field And then I looked it up after, they shot scenes of raising Arizona there. At the end, the football scene.

Right, right. They shot, oh, what the fuck, raising Arizona. And face off. Something else, now. Now here. Adaptation. Written down here. Oh, Leaving Las Vegas

Big suit got married. I don't know raising eyes, but also there's a Super Bowl there 96 Oh, so we're on the field in a place where the Super Bowl took place dealers cowboy so that was something that's great I when I was in Tejas we did the the cowboys stadium Oh, wow and you can take a little tour with the tour as a bummer because you got to wait and listen to some story about Craft and Emmett Smith or whatever the hell and it's all boring and Then you finally got that field and you're like whoa. It's almost cathedral like you know It's this big Coliseum like event and then we got to go in the locker room

Wow do a locker room talk, but we got to go in the cheerleaders locker room And that was the saddest part because you're like, at first I say, hey cheerleaders are tits, pussy, you know, pom-poms, but they told us what they make. It is worse than Chuck. That's like spot pay. Oh, everyone makes less than Chuck. He's kidding, Drew, that's true. I came in a limo today.

I can't believe how much this man makes. a blaze makes it less than Chuck Chuck makes more than I do off this podcast That's true. Yeah, so get on the patreon folks. Yeah, help out Chuck, but um Yeah, that's like that. He's like jean. He's leaving with a big giant. Yeah, Jack a little much Joe must be nice. It's jico got a little gay guy in the corner of glasses That's a little bit too much to show. Must be nice. It's Chico. It's got a little gay guy in the corner of the glasses. But yeah, yeah, the cheerleader's really make pennies scraps.

They hope they get knocked up by Deon Sanders is the best case in air. No, they make all their money from events. They have to go and sell. Yes, the events. They show up and they go, hey, I'm a cowgirl. Right, right. Yeah.

America's team, they call it AT&T stadium, right? I'm sure yeah, I think I didn't listen to my Yeah, but stadiums are fun. It's fun because we're what that jacket that's me. Oh, I keep throwing shit all of us Oh, thanks. That's what that is It's got all these splats and splains on it. Stains, thanks a lot. I gotta wear that. But yeah, the state, I was fun because it's, you know, these athletes, you forget their performers. You know, they're there for entertainment.

And as are we. Yeah. You know, like when I did the, what's that club in Apple's at Skyline? Skyline. We're named for a club because I don't have much of a skyline. But I did Skyline, I got to show my niece the comedy club and I let her walk on stage, which is just a two foot riser

with shitty carpet and jizz on it. And she's like, whoa, I'm up here. You know, they hold the microphone and they go, oh, and we've all seen at the end of the comedy seller as always at asshole, I have to go up there and do a selfie. you know up on the stage the actual stage like that's just a little riser. Yeah, Paul riser But us it's it's the mecca. It's you know, yeah to them. I mean or whatever. I don't know life's a stage stage nine All the stage. Yeah, you know that joke. I've told you a million times. Please. Can read. I'm Boston.

I don't know read. He has a joke, a great comic. He's been around forever. He's wonderful. He says, Elvis song. He said, are you alone tonight? I think he says, you know, someone once said all the worlds of stage.

He goes, yeah, was Shakespeare. You fucking fat hick. Oh, wow. That's funny joke. Fat hick. Take it down the king. Ouchy, wow, chews this guy. It's got a meany. It's funny to say, you know, somebody wants to say this.

Yeah, well, we know who. Right, right. It's very popular. Right. Funny joke. Yeah, it's funny to call, it was a fat hick also. That's true, he's from Tennessee. Is that right?

I believe. Oh yeah, that's where this house, but wasn't he's from Tennessee. Was that right? I believe. Oh yeah, that's where this house, but wasn't he originally from like, Mississippi, Alabama? I think it was a Sipi actually. I think it was a Sipi. I think you're right. And then he went to Graceland.

Yeah, you're right. Who ends in Memphis? That's a weird place to plant your stakes. Well, I guess it's like central. I mean, I think about that all the time. It's like you can just drive around and. Yeah, I guess. And there's a lot of the BB King and Beale Street and sun studios, I guess, but I don't know.

It's an interesting spot. Like Nate lives in Nashville, but I think he grew up there. He sure did. Yeah, but nobody wants to live in Mississippi. And I'll be there in August. MISI SSI PPI. There you go. Good river, too. What is four eyes and can't see?

The Mississippi. There you go, folks. Well, we are really scraping the bottom here. Oh, we gotta do another. Oh, 15 minutes here. If you got anything, any topics, you want to throw stuff out there? Have you been to Australia?

No, I was going and then COVID, they fucked me. Remember I was gonna go, I was gonna miss my whole birthday, I was gonna be in the air the whole time. Oh yeah. The entire birthday, Australia, and then they never called me back. I'm bittersweet on it. Yeah. Because it's three to half weeks, whatever the hell it is,

and you lose yourself out there, because we went to London the UK The yeah, the Brits great Britain, but thank you for the jacket again, but Yeah, we went to London. What was that two weeks? Two we yeah, well, I think you were there a slightly left. I was there for 11 days You were there for 10 or something like that But that that was a nice cushy you get in, you find your bearings, you see the sights,

then you get out. This is like, yeah, you live there. I'm living there and I'm jumping around, Jerry. It's like, you're starting Sydney, you do two shows, then you fly to Brisbane, and you forget these are two, three hour flights, then you land there, then you go to Auckland, then you land there, and then you go here,

and you're here, here, so it's gonna be a whirlwind. What is your lady coming down? She's gonna come for the first leg. Oh nice, the first leg, that's good. First leg, yeah, yeah, nest egg, first leg. Now what's that? The first leg of the second leg, because sometimes you're like, you're so lonely.

Then you have someone come in, you're like, you get a a boost and you can show them around Yeah, I'm kind of glad she's coming the first leg because I think I'm gonna be road hard and put away with by the end I'm gonna be a shell of a man. So I think I'll just I just want to be alone right bless you can get laid your last day now Ah good point. There you go young blood. How him? Is he coming? He's coming. Wow. He asked. He was like, can I open? I was like, sure. I got a friend out there now. This helps. Wow. AYB. So he's there the whole time.

Whole time. Wow. Are you gonna hate each other by the end? Oh, no question. But he said he's breaking a friend. I was like, yeah, bring a friend. So when I get sick, you can blow him. I hope they have casino's in Australia. Casinos are whiskey. I miss young play. He's a good hang good hang good egg cool guy boy that wedding and batch the price That was a fun one too man did we live it up if it all goes away tomorrow

We had that yeah, well with a nice sun come I can never go again. Oh you're done. It's all over done so well some people there had kids I think. Young blood. My parents. Oh, bird, yeah, he was at the bachelor. Who else said kids? Peter, no, he didn't come. He didn't choke as a kid.

Why didn't your wife go? Huh. Yeah. All right. Oh, get a sitter. He didn't want a guy. He doesn't like to do things though. Keep in mind, Peter's not a do thing. He's not a do. He likes to gym, he right. Oh, get a sitter. He didn't want to get he doesn't like to do things though I don't mind. Peter's not a do thing. He's not a do he likes the gym

He likes his weed and he likes stand-up. Yeah, yeah, so you're not his wife, but yeah good times I like say I was like there cut and print all right folks Just know that over there when you're dumb. Oh, yeah, apparently that's the Receptical for garbage, but yeah, I'm excited about it, but I'm nervous of being gone. And you have that whole, I have that, you know, people have FOMO, I have HOMO, or I'm nervous, everybody will think I'm gay when I'm gone.

Right. You know, I just think, I don't think I'm missing everything, but I do think they're forgetting about me. Right, right, of course. Which is silly, because you could leave for a year and then you go back to the cell and they're like, am I for you first? You know, that's pretty much out

It is no one goes where the hell you been well, what's gonna be weird is that well next time we record it will be rusty and dusty Oh That's pretty good. It's a radio show rusty and dusty in the morning Rusty so yeah will be rusty, but we'll have stories, galorees. Uh, I mean, I'm gonna have down understaff, I'm gonna fight with an aboriginal, I'm gonna meet Paul Hogan, I'm gonna eat a crocodile hunter,

I'm gonna shit on his grave, I'll be all over. I can't wait, Sarah's got some family down there, maybe we'll send him over there. Set him up, I'll get a particular to. Okay. Boy, she's a global coos. I mean, she's African-American, she's Okay. Boy, she's a global coos. I mean, she's an African-American.

She's living in Texas. She's living in New York. She's having a kid, and then she's got family in the Great Australia. And when was she, and her mother's from the UK, England? What? There you go.

So I think they had, they were all in South Africa and some went to Australia and some went to, you went to Texas. So you get out. Did to get out when the getting was good. I guess well the Cape town Was that where she was what he called accumulated? So Hannah's bird or the other ones a few this those are the big ones cape and Johannesburg Yeah, that's fun. What is that? What do you call that? It consummated? Consummated. Well, yeah, you're born there. That's where you were conceived.

Conceived. There you go. Consummate is the relationship, the marriage. You consummate, right? I think that's fucking. Yes. Yes. And conceive is just fucking, too. Well, not in our case. I was just labbed, Brad. We just had two. Oh, I thought you did it. Well, I jerked off in a thing and then they threw it in her ass.

Oh, I thought you got one by the goalie on accident. That was Rosebud. I did that. No, I did that a few times and then the thing died in the vines. This one was all test tubes and needles and beans and they just batch them up. Technology folks, can we keep the cup? Good question.

Good question, Gua. I'll get you a cup. I can jerk off in other cups cups. Please jerk off in a cup But I want to smell it taste it needed loving cup. What's happening? It's beautiful. Oh, I thought you were But to play us something standing cup nervous You wear a cup. You just a cup. Stand the cup That's probably over by now

I think the world's over at this point. Who knows what's going on? Why do we got here? We got to fill this hour. We got a 10-strong minute slip. Oh, wow. That was only five with all that Jesus, eight-channel. We got to do 10 minutes minimum.

Well, I did a 10 minutes maybe. I did gillus's pod and they go, how much time left? I think I was 10 minutes. He goes, you got a story and I was like, okay, I'm start talking. And he goes, how much time? Four. All right minutes he goes you got a story and I was like okay I'm start talking and he goes how much time for all right, and then they literally go you're done and he goes Cut it and they play video games. I was like Jesus great. I we have a little more professional alley to that Wow, all right well, so that'll feel so bad, but

That pot it's so funny how everyone you get complaints about your pot, your wall paper is coming down, the noise is too big, and then I see a clip from their podcast, and the camera's 300 feet away, Shane's not even there. It's fun like this. So, you know, they're in a bathroom, but they're eating a half a turkey sandwich. No one gives a ship, and they get crazy views.

I know, it's all me, I stick, everyone hates me, I'm good. No, maybe we're trying too hard, maybe you know cuz you you watch these come towns there. They're in a basement. There's a rat running by There's a truck going by it's it's it's very Those are the outliers but LA LA Other chairs that move it looks like remote control. They have I mean this is the horseshit dog shit Yeah, they got shit down here Got some stuff. We got garbage, but We got

Well, it is one thumbtack will get that cooking This thing is the most beautiful thing whoever made this apology. I mean I asked I'm so sorry Macalister Why is this really grabbed your ass? What is this? It's What is this really grabbed your ass? What is this? What is it about this wooden circle that really tickles your teeth? Are you kidding? I mean, I like it, but it's got a special place in your asshole. Something about this thing.

You can't find Christmastift like this around the corner. Who made that, Jesus? That's pretty nice. Look at that. Typography. That is pretty nice Look at that type of typography That is very nice And it's wood, it doesn't work at all but it doesn't No it's not bad It's probably dead, it's been sitting there for nine years

What movie is this? Chuck K. I guess This damn thing doesn't work at all Oh yeah Come on, is that Jaws? It means this Damn thing doesn't work. Oh, yeah, he takes the suction things off his head. Yeah, Lloyd. Oh, geez, back to the few.

That's it, but this is awesome. Asman is great. Oh, this is this thing, this got sent to you. You didn't give a shit. I like it, I like it, but now I got to frame it frame it they got a post it this wallpaper makes it really tough for me to know where to hear it Hand-thin-thing hang anything. No, no We can't it's all we have you know what it is. It's the lasting love and impression of the great producer of all time Number one number one with a bullet man who made the show what it is oh

Shelby we love you the producer the heart of the show the soul of the ship Chuck is living remember those good old days the patreon was rockin and rolling Yeah, we were killing it Everything came out on time he was always laughing and smiling and bringing us snacks. Yeah One thing I'll say about Shelby was He would man would he you know you go hey, I'm getting a million tweets It's Tuesday morning the episode's not up. He's like oh right right. Let me let me push send Like Jesus Christ man. Tuesday morning, but as sweet guy. he's in a great disposition, smile, ear to ear.

Oh, he's a good man and I love him. We love him, we appreciate him. But yeah, it was tough. And what's my two, you go to his Twitter feed. He was just tweeting, and he had Nick DePaul going, you piece of shit, Louis CK, you piece of shit. And then I'd be like, are you okay? You like us?

I hope I'm for both of them. You know? For us. But he was always fine with us, which I respect, she'll be for. Because I think he really hated the people we were rubbing elbows with. So yeah, yeah.

So well, you know, we panned her to the left. So I have to follow up my house and giving speeches at my wedding because she's on the left like me. Yeah. Yeah. And so he hated them, but he put it all aside to really serve the show.

Yeah, Kung Fu Panda and it was nice. So Shelby, if you ever want to come back, we got to check. He's the one that shoved you out and got a curb. We got a spot open for you. Anytime. It's an open door, Paul. Come on, bye. But yeah, Shelby, boy, he was, he was something. I don't think I ever made him laugh one single time. You got him a couple times. Maybe, I got a smirk. To a tee, not even a high.

You couldn't get an audible. If you got a laugh from Shelby, I mean, you, you clip it and send it to the tonight show. Oh, man, send it to get his book. You get a new record, because that was not easy send that shit to national geographic Oh my god, I really hurt my pack. I mean, it's bad You know we should do maybe a patreon get a couple of maybe a couple massage Me and you will hold hands will will will be on a two separate benches and we'll get two Korean horrors in there and they'll

Really work it out get the elbow grease in there. Spit on our back, the bamboo music, the trinkle fountain, the whole thing. Let's do you mean Shelby Chuck Films. There we go. We got to. Chuck is furious. Oh, come on. Shelby's daddy passed away easily. He fell down the flight I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy.

I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy.

I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm not gonna be a bad guy. I'm had this guy, Shelby, because I know Shelby, he does this show in that show.

Yeah, he's thriving. Oh, all right, good, all right, good to hear, Shelby. Yeah, I texted with him not that long ago. He told me he's like, he's like, I had an opportunity, I couldn't say no to, that's why I left. Because we talked about it afterwards. Oh, good.

All right, I thought he hated this, it probably still does, but. No, I think he likes us. All right, Shell Town, Shell Bow. That might have done a loyal. Uh-oh, well, that's a jerk. Don't look at the text. Well, this is a crazy run of shows.

We just did six episodes in two weeks. Wow, it's a record. And I gotta say, I'm in Australia right now, and I miss you. Yeah, I miss you, buddy. Well, you might be back by now. I don't know, why are you back? I have 21st.

21st. I know, it you might be back by now. I don't know what are you back? I have 21st I know it's gonna be a long haul you guys are gonna forget about me You're gonna get a new guy in here. There's gonna be some guy bitching about the prices of things being late lying You know the whole nine yeah, yeah, I'm gonna get replaced. Yeah Jews will not replace us. I'm gonna record like right when you get back. All right, good. Well, I'll have a fucking war chest. For five weeks though. Yeah, we'll live so much time off.

I'll have a war chest full of stories. I'll be like, can a bearer, a sap. Yeah, that'll be good. Oh my god, we still have to do a bonus. Ah, we're a real good time actually. Yeah, we're looking okay. You guys did great today. You guys did great.

Well, you're gonna be there, fat man. You got any stuff coming up I think all the clubs burned down by the time this comes out Here's happened all right July we're into July which is crazy July Gotta get some new material. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot of fun. Well the grammar see is Next Tuesday Tuesday. Yeah. Holy shit. Yes. It's all pipes a week from today. Next Tuesday, grammar see. That's going to be fun. Irvine, California, July 13, 14, 15 San Jose, Improv, July 20 to the 22nd August. August is crazy. August 3rd to the 5th Providence, Comedy Connectionion, Portland Helium, August 10th to the 12th.

I'll have Mona's with me on that one. You're all with it, let's post. August 24th, 26th. I'm gonna be diamond status again. No question about it. Hell yeah. Philadelphia live Tuesday's with stories on August 22nd, then September,

it's coming up right around the corner. I'm doing a one off at Zainey's on September 6th. That's in between Pearl Jam shows. Where is Zanes? Chicago. Oh, got it. So I'm going to Pearl Jam Tuesday, headlining Zanes Wednesday, then Pearl Jam Thursday. What a life! Then I head out to San Francisco from Chicago to do Cubs. That's the eighth and ninth, and then Nashville, September 21st, 22nd, 23rd. We're doing a live Tuesday's September 19th at the Grammar

See and then the 20th I'm in Huntsville, Alabama. Oh, and then off Strong after that I'm at Skankfest. Wow. You're gonna be bippin and boppin and booing my wife's gonna be eight months pregnant I'm gonna be living the high life. Yeah, well, somebody's gonna make the scratch. Boy, that's oh, a bad husband. I'm gone the whole month. Well, you're working, you're providing. Right. Holy shit. I just want to see you anyway.

She's gonna have a bun in the oven. She's gonna want that whole apartment, put her feet up. She doesn't want you yapping about silent re or a teeth. Ah, that's horrible. That's your last hurrah, too, because the baby's gonna come right after that. And then, yeah. October, Philadelphia Helium, that's my last, and then Royal Oak,, because the baby's gonna come right after that. And then, yeah. October, Philadelphia, Helium, that's my last,

and then Royal Oak, right before the baby's born. These are great rooms. And then it's all over after that. It's all pipes. Well, I'll be in Australia as you know, I've brought it up 98 times. And the theater tour is coming. Get on it, the tickets are moving, folks.

We're gonna add some shows. I'm coming at your town, San Diego, LA, Denver. You name it, Atlanta, Alabama, Mississippi, New Orleans, the list goes on. It's all on the website, Mark Dorman comedy dot com. Get on the Patreon. We're cooking. We're booking. We're snooking. Praise I'll chuck my podcast My podcast, Fun Bearable. Recently, we had Matt Wayne on an Andrew Chivone, and I think around this time we're gonna have Alan Fitzgerald on. He's a great comic in New York.

I just directed his special. It's gonna come out like next week. I don't know Alan Fitzgerald. Oh, he's great. I was telling you his jokes when we were at the wedding. Oh, yeah, that was very funny. He's really good, yeah, yeah. But we'd, yeah, that's coming out soon.

So he'll be on around this time. Funbearablepod.com. All right, folks. Well, you, but we'd yeah, if that's coming out soon, so he'll be on around this time funbearablepod.com All right folks, well you heard it here last. Thanks a lot. We're Tuesdays. How long is running pod in the city? We'll see you all in Elfrey. This is the world you're the music giant