Tuesdays with Stories! - #511 Live at the Gramercy Theatre 2 with Dan Soder, Yannis Pappas + Kerryn Feehan !

Episode Date: July 11, 2023

Tuesdays with Stories returns for another LIVE show at the Gramercy show in NYC! Mark Normand + Joe List are joined by Dan Soder, Yannis Pappas, and Kerryn Feehan to shuck and jive onstage about prostate health, roasts of the past, and fancy methods of self-pleasure! Check out the full, uncut one-hour-and-fifty-minute version of this episode exclusively at patreon.com/tuesdays Our Stuff: - patreon.com/tuesdays - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories Sponsors: - Take 20% off your 1 st Sheath order at https://www.sheathunderwear.com, promo code TUESGAYS - Support the show & get 20% off and free shipping with code TUESDAYS at manscaped.com

hey there folks welcome to twos days with stories i'm joe list mark died he passed away he was uh... skydiving with pirates and smacked his head on the uh... pambrella i don't know what i'm talking about anyways uh... no but seriously mark is dead he passed away uh... it's sad we're gonna keep the show going i'm replacing him replacing him with Sam Marill and we're gonna have a great time It's gonna be Tuesdays with stories with Joe list and Sam Marill. I'm moving my name first and It's gonna be good stuff. I'm joking. Of course Mark is dead

But we're not gonna keep doing the podcast. He's totally dead 100% passed away killed himself when he lost a pair of, I don't know. Anyway, so welcome to the show, folks. Doing a little intro for this one. This is the live episode at the Grammar C. This was maybe our best episode. I know we say that every time, best live episode. I know we say that every time,

but we feel it every time. It was insane. We had Dan Soder who was on fucking fire. It's a sight to behold. And Janis Popus, two of the greats and Karen Fien. But yeah, Soder came out. He was murder. I'm joking. I was just wanted to shit on Karen because you'll hear at the end. I don't know if you'll hear it on this or on the Patreon. Karen really came at me hard Really hurt my feelings. We're not friends anymore But yeah, it's fian it's yannis. It's soda of course mark and I and we're gonna put I

Think the first hour or so right here on the free feed on YouTube on the podcast feed and then you can catch the rest feed on YouTube, on the podcast feed, and then you can catch the rest, including the Q&A and Karen's just abusive me, which I really found hurtful. And we get a little down and dirty if you know what I mean. That's on the Patreon. Make sure you join the Tuesdays with Stories Patreon, Best Patreon Gone. We also just went out and filmed Mark and I in his apartment, running around, and then I went and did some stand-up comedy I bounced a bit then I tried it out it did not go well and

Mark was quite hurtful about that. I've got my feelings hurt quite a bit folks and go check that out That's why I murdered him. That's how he died and Karen's dead also. I assume Go join the Patreon check out behind the scenes of us goofing around, check out the rest of this episode because it really is one of the best episodes. Me, Mark Norman, Dan Soder, Janis Popus, Karen Fien, live from the Grammar Sea. This time the audience is Mike, thank you Chuck. Last time we fucking murdered and everyone was like, this episode sucks, no one's laughing. They were fucking dying, we just didn't like the audience,

because we're stupid and gay. But here you go. Here's the first hour or so of the live episode from New York City, Grammar Seat Theater, one of the best, I think you're gonna laugh your asses off. I got your dead inside. I mean, like I said, Sodor with one of the all-time performances,

maybe the most underrated comedian ever. Janus was murdering. It gets a little bit, we had to underrated comedian ever. Janice was murdering. It gets a little bit, we had to cut a few things. So make sure you get tickets to the next live one, which I think is September or something. I gotta look it up. Some timber, something. And then we're in Philadelphia live in August.

Check those out. Google those, figure it out. I don't know how you do things. I'm an idiot. Join the Patreon. Enjoy this episode of Tuesday's with Stories. Big ups to Chuck and Jason Katz for shooting this thing, miking it up. And by the way, shout out to my friend Alex Adams who's watching me do this right now, filming me for editing that Mark and I running around. People are loving it. And yeah, thanks for being here thanks for being a twos gay

get on the patreon having a child i don't know how to afford it and uh... it's great stuff on there i seriously a few people have reached out and said they got the best patreon anyways this is gone on too long my father's gay we just get back from vacation my assholes bleeding enjoy two days with stories lie From the grammar see theater in New York jizz

Hey, Mark fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do great good to be here. Welcome to Tuesday's with stories Hit her in the face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag Surfs up and she didn't even flush. Knock knock! Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe Liss! Yeah! This Tuesday's with stories, everybody.

No, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy. My baby, you're always fitting at me I can't just find what you want to know But I'm looking out to the other We're looking out to the sun, about the world You were born in our world We're born in our world We're born in our world We're born in our world Oh, I'm going to be a real man. What's the hell?

We're so far back. I got the gate chair. Oh, moving her. This is weird. That's what the game is. That's a, that's a, that's a Janus chair. Oh, don't give it away. Oh, no, we, we promoted them.

Oh, we did. Yeah. Okay. You guys know the guests? Oh, okay. All right. Well, they know we promoted them. Oh, we did. Yeah, okay. Do you guys know the guests? Okay, all right. Well, they know their names anyways. Yeah, you want the middle, I don't like the middle. No, you're a good middle. No.

Haschumer. Better host. All right, hey, it was a really good. We were really doing it. It feels like we're far from the stage, right? Well, in order to go, I you don't get Will Smiths. Well, that he came on stage. Well, he could use him, he's a better guest than we got tonight.

Yeah. Joking. What? I'm just more famous. Proud is already very like, woo. Hey, what's up? I'm still at a level where I recognize my fans. It's not a great feeling. I'm like, hey, Pete, what's up, man? It's really embarrassing. You ever made a Godfather? Hey.

All right. Everybody wore cool t-shirts. So did I. I didn't see it. Dad. Yeah, butt on the oven, baby! No one thought it could happen! Sarah, she's 61 years old and embracing it!

Thank you. By the way, did we, uh, did I tell you the story about this shirt? Oh, no. This is, for those who don't know, this is Bruce Springsteen. The boss. He's a singer. I got on a flight and I was wearing this shirt

and then the flight attendant went like this She goes that she was like a greeting me and she went And no context I just went what and she went oh Did you think she had subrieble palsy? I don't I? Didn't know what to think and I I went, ah, and that she went, the king, Elvis. And I felt so awkward, because first of all, Elvis did not play a fender, straticaster, electric guitar. Also a horrible impression.

And then, even if you were going to do it, even if it was Elvis, give me a hello. First, she just opened with, ooh, ooh, ooh. Give me a hello. First, she just opened with, oh, you should have gone. He, he, he, just throw a back at her, king of pop. Yes. But then I felt back, because I had to, I like a hoodie, I had to zip it up

because I was so afraid of her realizing it's not Elvis. And then don't you feel, you ever have somebody like be so embarrassed that it makes you do embarrassed for some reason sure I hang out with you That was very hurtful joking jokes what what's with the band what are these called band-aids? Oh, yeah I don't want to get into it, but I've I Fisted the lady and I went I did a little I'm back back in boxing and I put on a glove without

wrapping and the glove was cut me up inside of the glove. How about that? No good. If anyone knows how to bandage, she'll wound. I've got three band aids that are really falling off here. Yeah, you look like a recovering Wolverine. Like it, oh yeah. They went back in and you're like, I better patch those up. Right. Well, he had a quick healing, fun fact.

Huh? Yes. That's one of his powers was quick healing. Oh, how about that? Like a shark with the tooth. Huh? I think a shark, if he loses his tooth, it just grows right back, right?

Is that right? Might not be. I think a shark, if he loses his tooth, it just grows right back, right? Is that right? That might not be. I think most people have that. You lose a tooth, it comes back. That's every animal, is it not? Not humans. Not the animals currently. Where'd these come from?

They grew in. Yeah, but if you lost another one, it wouldn't grow back. Well, that's not good. No, that's stuporos. Oh, yeah. You got a new one put in. Yeah, finally. And you know, Jim Carey, he's got that chip missing in a dumb and dumbmer.

Chip Douglas. That's a real chip. Yes. And he had it capped and he took it off for the film. That's a comedian. then he killed his girlfriend. Or she killed herself. She killed herself, but it was his fault? I don't know.

Well, you know why she did it? Herpes. Yes, so you better watch out, buddy. Believe me, I think about it all day, every day. Yeah. If I was a kid coming, you'll stop fucking. Well, that's what someone said to you. Don't you have herpes?

Is it possible the kid will be born with herpes? I'm like, only if I fuck them. Yeah. So still possible. Well, see what he looks like. I mean, it's true. That's true. It might be a good looking kid.

We're only half-related. Wait, what? I'm not related to what I say, yeah. By the way, that kid gonna grow some teeth? Yeah, I'm praying that they come in the right direction. Who would you rather the kid have? Herpes are your teeth. I think herpes, because no one, I mean mean I'm very open about my herpes. I like to tell people, you know, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, but the herpes is uncurable. The teeth are curable. You can do the a visoline. Yeah, but herpes you take a medicine. Ah. And it's pretty curish. Now do you do? Because, you know, they say it's one and four. And it's pretty curious. Now do you do because you know they say it's one in four

have it? Batis? Herpes. So do you ever just go around like in the crowd and go ah, it's 400 people here that's 100 herbs. Who's got herpes? Clap if you have genital herpes. You're a bunch of pussy. Wait, someone move! Is that a woman? One lady? Is that Sarah? She still doesn't have it. I've been tried. God bless her. Every time she falls asleep, I smear it on her forehead, nothing.

Smear is funny. You say smear, I'm laughing. Yes. Jews, they love a smear. Or a smear. What is a pap smear? That's like a cute tip to the pussy, I think. Is that right?

I believe so. Wow, ladies chime in, where's the herb lady? Is that right? Is that right? Is that right? Basically, so I've given a pap smear. Wow. There's got to be a few people.

So clap if you have herpes, but you didn't clap because you're embarrassed to admit it. There we go. Good to have you, sir. I was talking to Lewis Jay Gomez earlier. He's got it. No. He's got no STD. I heard herpes and warts.

He's got nothing. Everyone's like, hey list loud nerd. Yeah, I got all the classic STDs There you go. You got her warts aides killing it. Yeah We don't really joke about aides anymore mark. Oh, sorry. It is pride month All right, we're cleaning it up. Woo, 2023 here, folks. How about this? This just happened to me. I was at Equinox as this is my Brad Williams. Okay, sorry.

I was over there at the Equinox, you know, the steam. I love the steam. And then afterward, by the way, this chair makes me feel real like I was over there at the Equinox, you know, the steam. I love the steam. And then afterward, by the way, this chair makes me feel real like professorial. Yeah, it's like we're doing a bad one-man show or two-man. Yeah. That was the day he fingered my ass.

Yes. That's like what one-man show is dramatic. Well, whatever. I got it. Thank you. What was I saying? Equinox. Equinox, the steam. I go to Equinox.

I've talked about this before. The tipping culture is getting a little out of control. Not at bars. They actually tip the bartenders. That still makes sense. There you go. But like certain places they have the little pad where they flip it and show you after you like you bring a can of soda up and they go it's $2 and then

they flip the thing around like do you want to tip 25% on this Coke can? I hate the flip because you got to do something. Yes. But you can push no. Of course. And then you flip it back at them. Yeah! Flip them off! Well today, this is jumping the shark off the grid. Their teeth grow in. Fast. Good to know. Um, I went there, the equinox, they have a self-served juice bar. Nobody's there.

Ooh, I like that. There's just a little pad and you find whatever you're buying. I can't imagine you would use it. No. You'd steal it? I'm not gonna go to Equinox to buy a juice. Well, if you were there. Okay.

My point is, Mark likes to steal. That was the point of the joke. Oh, yeah. I'll steal a juice. So I went in there. The juice is loose. I press the thing, there's steal a juice. So I went in there. Juicies loose. I press the thing, there's a tip option.

It's just me. Whoa, you're tipping the robot. I swear to God. Is it like a vending machine? No, it's the white, what do you call it? A fucking iPad, like an iPad thing. But what is the contraption the juice is in? A refrigerator.

Oh, it's a refrigerator, okay. I don't know if it was a vending, if it was like a... No, I see, I see. Okay. No, it's a refrigerator, like, like, 7-11 or whatever. You open the fridge, you get your juice, you walk over the iPad, honor system,

and you press fucking beat juice, it says, whatever, 48, 95. Yeah, economics. We live in a trash city, so you press it and it literally says, whatever, 48, 95. Yeah, economics. We live in a trash city. So you press it, and it literally says, tip, wow. And I'm like, who would I tip? I'm tipping you for me.

You're tipping Big Beat. Who now? Big Beat. Who's Pete? Big Beat. Like Big Farmer. I think it's a big beat. No, I feel like I'd remember big beats.

No, big beats in the front row. We saw him earlier. But, yeah, beats by drape. But no, that's no good. You're tipping equinox, I guess. I guess. I didn't tip. Good.

Yeah. Enough, enough. I was in Australia, no tipping. I was running the place. I was like a king. Is that elbow comfortable? Not at all. Yeah, looks.

It's so high. Very high. Yeah. Well, this elbow pads down here, but. Yeah, it's too low. I need a middle ground elbow. Yeah. I've had that, I think if you buy a car.

I'm listening. Now you're gonna be in like a racked, like the old witch day. Like, uh, Jesus. Oh, yeah. All right. Oh, fuck, I was gonna say something. Oh, sorry.

I got distracted by Jesus. Oh, sorry. The tips, the Jesus. The Jesus was good. You know, uh, fun fact. If we're combining things, this is a fact, much like the shark teeth. Vending machines kill more people in America than sharks.

How about that? Fun fact, because they shake and they fall on you. But that's really high. I mean, you got a really pole. You know, people shake them though, and they really, yeah, it's like, they shake and fall, like Biden. Well, sharks don't kill many people, I don't think.

No, no. I think they bite and they spit, because they're like, it's like me when I lick pussy, I'm like, oh, they want to, they want to, they want to hope it for something else. Right, and you smell the blood. Right. Oh, thanks.

Chum. That's what I'm going to start calling period blood, chum. But yeah, they don't do it. So I think they don't kill people often, right? Not at all. Two a year tops. Alright, well that's different than not at all. Oh, well you gotta get some in there.

But if any machine, you know, we're all fat Americans, we're violent, it's gonna happen. Yeah, I suppose so. Call in if you've been bitten by a shark. Does that ever tell you the story? What's that? I lived in a, I still live in a story, but I used to have an apartment in a front porch situation, and I was sitting out there reading, let's pretend,

and I saw a guy coming out like a neighbor who I knew that I didn't want to talk to you. He was walking on the street, so I did like a a slouch so he wouldn't see me. Oh, yeah But then he saw me anyways and he walked up and he was like that posture man. That's bad You got to sit up that's funny. Yeah, that's a good point You told that on the latest app So you hear that again? You got a sneak peek. Yeah, well, that, you know, it's not out yet.

Yeah, yeah. So it's still fresh, but I'm saying, some cum-guzzler on red, it's going to write you up. By the way, this is quite comfy. Is this offensive if I sit like this? If you're an Uber driver, it is. Sometimes those Uber drivers go way back on the seat. I'm like, what are we doing?

I gotta get on the other side. Hmm. They're doing that shit. You know, the Asians. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh Low, right, good. Get a little lower. War. War. What's it good for? Yeah, that song.

Absolutely nothing. Yep. Yeah. Are we still with the Ukraine fighting? Is that still happening? I think so. I tweeted the first day of the Ukraine war. I tweeted, I hope World War III is better than the Godfather III. Okay, that's a good tweet.

And then I got like 75 people being like, fuck you, you fucking man, it's war, bro. And I just wanna, I can't go back that fire into my feet. I mean, I can't, but I don't wanna spend my time doing this. But don't you wanna just go back and be like, are you still, can we joke yet? Right, right, he's still in twat. What are you angry about?

How about those people that are like, dude, I know, like, why are you talking like, tweetin' at you? Dude, I got LIPO. So he's not famous enough to people to get it. But yeah, fuck those tweet people. I think we say this every time.

You do a live, what's tricky about the live pod is, when we're in the studio, you just assume they're rolling in the aisles, but you're really here, you're just like, all right. The problem is, we want a laugh here, and we've gotten a couple, but in the studio, you don't have to get a laugh, so you can kind of just go. Yeah. So this is much harder.

Yeah. It's not great, because in my mind, everyone's in their car like, woohoo. You hope. Yeah. How's it, Andrew? If you see in this? Yeah, you're a big Andrew guy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I always like that sucks. Yeah. I'd rather people see my valtracts than see someone's new tritina G-Gill. I'll stick with the Gina. Did you guys use the word scrub? Like, hey, I got a scrub.

No. Like if you were like a dirty, I've heard the song. I don't want no. I was scrubbed, can't get no love for me. But we didn't call people scrubbed. That was big in Boston. Was that business scrubbed?

He's like a mom. He looks like he doesn't shower, he's hamming down clothes. Which is ironic, because if you're showered, you're scrubbed. Yeah, that's a good point. I have a point. I have a point. Yeah, because a tool is very valuable. But if you call someone a tool, it's like a very insulting.

That guy's a tool. Well, you can say the same for pussy. That's true. Or a twat or, you know, a cunt. There was a comic in Boston named Danny Kelly, and he had a joke where he said, a snapple made from the best stuff on Earth. Pussy?

That was one of those, I'd always tickled me. It's a funny bit, it's a funny joke. Should we talk, if someone's looking at something going pussy? Yeah, that's a funny angle. Well, also holding something further out to get a little, always funny. I mean, this is funny. Why do we do that?

You ever do that, you go, oh my God. You have to look at it. Well, because when you're older, your near-sight goes bad. You're whatever the fuck. This, this shit. Yeah, yeah.

I went to the eye doctor this year, and I did the line down here. It was like, whatever font six here. And I was like, you know, FBL, RFK, Jr. Yes. He said, hey, enjoy it, because this is going to go away soon. You're reading, being able to read. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yes. He said, hey, enjoy it, because this is going to go away soon. You're reading Being All the Reads. Oh, wow.

Yeah, I won't be able to read soon. Oh, jeez. Well, forget about those porch days where you're slouching. Those are over. Yeah. RFK Jr., ex-heroin addict. How about that? I probably quite a philanthropic.

So he's got my vote. And he's ripped. Have you seen him shirtless? I don't think so. Oh, I'll send you a couple of screen savers. He is a hunk and a half. He's 69 and jacked. And he's fucking Cheryl Hines, which I love.

That means he's in with LD. Yeah, he referenced, I just listened to him on Bill Mars Park. He references, he says Larry. Whoa! Yeah, he's like, yeah, Larry did an episode about that. I mean come on I'm in yeah, well, he's got all the qualifications nice pecs knows Larry David. He should run the country That's good good my book. Yeah Maybe we should bring out the old I was gonna say that well, I can hear them better than I can hear laughs, so I think we should bring them out. Yeah, yeah You want to you alternate all right. I'll bring out one and then you bring out one that I'll bring out one

Then I'll watch All right first. Yeah, well, we'll go in order. If there's sitting over here, I want the chick mix. No, you sit in the middle. You dummy. I don't want the middle. I hate the middle. You're in the show.

This is your show. Mark in the middle. All right, here we go. Look at that. Middle East. I'm in the middle seat. Don't aflight. That was the whole joke when I was a teenager.

I used to say, I hate Michigan. I'd rather be in the Middle East than the Midwest. Wow. I love when people I'll do old jokes and people like, I'm like, wow, it's a teenager. I was a boy. Yeah. That's not bad. Thanks. Yeah. I like it. I didn't love it. I told you my other one, my friend got me the worst department warming gift ever, an air conditioner. That's a bit, that's a bit of an rac come from. That's better than anything else you got. All right, we got the first comedian coming out.

So happy to have her. This way you can kind of let them know who's, you know what I mean? Yes. So happy to have her. This way you can kind of let them know who's, you know what I mean? Yes, good. So happy to have her. I hope she sits next to me. She's hilarious. From the same town almost essentially.

We're like family. Me and this, this gun. Karen Fein, everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You're on the end. There you go, folks. All right, all right. I got the next guy. This guy is hilarious. New Yorker known him for years. When I started, this guy was the hottest comic in town and things have changed.

But he's one of the best. I'm a big fan. He's got a great podcast. Put your hands together for Yada's Popus, everybody. Hey, here we go. Where do you want? There you go. Say hello. News shoes. Looking good. Called up to the show. Yeah. Yeah, you got the gate cheer. Yeah. And you want to talk about comics with Heat That Faded. This next guy, I'm the bull Durham of comedy. Well, this next guy, my first friend in New York City, first guy I became friends with alcohol. No.

And to me, we were bonded by alcoholism, but we're still friends. Goddamn it, and I love them. I love them, and I think he's maybe the best comic in New York. I mean, I can make an argument. You guys are not on board, but very talented. I could make the case. You sound like a fucking pesky. He's very talented. Let's leave it at that. All right. I don't want it because of that can go. He's one of the great Stance Sons of Everybody! So... That intro is going to make all them hate me. Everybody went down the line.

It's like an all-star game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. There you go. Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that. I wanted that. Let's go with that. COVID going again.

Yeah. I wanted to trip up to the monitor so bad when you were doing this. I'm suing your ass to take money. Woo! That intro was good. What? You said the intro was bad? Oh no, I was saying you're gonna make them all hate me. You're like, best comic in New York, fuck you guys.

I just say, comic-show, most caddy people in the world. Yeah. I got my intro was, he's from New York. So, it's surreal. I know how you feel about me and how you feel about Soda. It's a hilarious guy. I didn't introduce you. I didn't introduce you.

I don't even think I got comic. I think you just said a woman. Yeah. I said, come on. I said come on. I was joking. You do comedy. God.

You fuckers. Get the heavier. Yep. By the way, the show has no format. And we're pretty much just kind of like a- I was just saying that back then. I was like, this is a weird job.

People used to do this with makeup, lines, scenes. We just stand back there going like, what are we doing? We'll figure it out. You know what I'm... Yeah, it's like a break room at work. Yeah. Yeah. 807, we were like, by the way,

if you guys have stories, that would be a good idea. Yeah. Any ideas? Before we went on, we're like any story you have. Did so there's no plan. No. You guys got any stories? And frankly, we preferred a snipe, so if you guys could kind of leave.

Yeah. It'd be nice. I got my prostate checked today. Yeah! Middle age, baby. You know what? I just got mine for the first time done a month ago. All right! Yeah!

They really dig around in there. They do, yeah, they do. The guy did the looking for change in a soda machine. Yeah. Oh, wow. It's exactly what it is, look, look, look. That's what it is. When you're wiping, you move out of your ass,

there's a very defeated feeling. I've been there. Anyway, my doctor just went, it's all right. And I was like, what do you mean it's all right? It's not the tightest ass you've ever felt. Oh, you guys are so young. Why, well, not? I just turned 40.

Yeah. A 40 is the age. Yeah. You've got to check your prostate Joe Patreon members you get to watch Joe get his ass hole finger I volunteer I thought what's colon Oscar? That's different. That's the machine, that's letting the machine win. Bert does it? Yes, Bert does it.

Bert, Bert, Bert, Craig, sure does that. Bert, it's a squeal and then fingers in your asshole. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Should I have been, should I get a prostate? I wish the doctor had a chance to do it. You got to do it. Everyone should do it. Everyone should do it.

Just do it. Yeah. All the cool kids are doing it. Yeah, do it. With all that McDonald's, I want to Yeah. All the cool kids are doing it. Yeah, do it. With all that McDonald's, I want to hear the results. There's something in there. There's a play toy in there. No.

Did you know going in, it was going to happen? He's probably going to grimace. Yeah. Yeah. Count it. Yeah. Are you leaving? I know I would.

That's your man. I went because I have a swollen porous date. Oh, I think uh, no I would. I don't see a man. I went because I have a swollen prostate. Oh, I think I do too. Yeah, my pee was coming out a little like, you know. Yeah, me too. Has it swollen cable? It was like a sprinkler that didn't work, you know?

Oh, yeah. Before I went like the... Yeah. Just a little bit. Wait, but I've heard that, uh, that kind of piss is not associated. Swollen prostate has nothing to do with prostate cancer. It's not necessarily but it could. So I'm getting it checked out.

What do you do? This is the most 40 year old podcast shit possible. This could be the last show I do before I find out I have cancer. Because when I come it just dribbles on the guy's ass. It doesn't shoot. Yeah. You gotta get your prostate checked, yeah. That's good, Jack.

That's a funny, okay? Sacks is funny. It's very funny. Brian. Hey folks, this episode of Tuesday's with Stories is brought to you by you guessed it, Sheath Underwear. Buckle up kids because it's time to talk about underwear.

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So the sonogram is the camera. Can't you see the baby? No, yeah. It's a girl. And they leave it in there for two minutes. The finger? No, yeah. Yeah, it's a girl. Yeah. And they leave it in there for two minutes. The finger? No, the camera. Oh, yeah.

What? Yeah, they leave it on it. Content. Content. Wait. Check by TikTok. You can put it in your tag here and you can put it in your stories.

Yeah. No, no. Y'all know, you got to put it behind a pay-wall. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, so they put the camera in there for two minutes. Well, yeah.

So, you know, when the doctor goes in, it's jarring, but then when you get used to it, you feel close. It's nice. It starts to turn nice. Nice. Yeah. It starts to, yeah, so.

What a face. It starts to turn nice. Nice. Yeah, it starts to... Yeah, so... What happened? At no point did I go like, this is nice. No, because you only got the two fingers, it's quick and jarring. I was going to guess, hey, so where's your cute and medical school? It's gonna be the North South, he used to go up.

You turned into William Shatter? Yeah, I was like, oh, yeah, it was taking my breath away. It's gonna be the north-south he's still left. You're turning the William Shatter? I was like, oh, yeah, dude, it was taking my breath away. No, it's like going for a run. You gotta get past the first eight minutes, and then you get... Oh, yeah, you're having prostate high. I had a prostate high, yeah.

You gotta get past the initial. It starts to feel good, so my point is, ask for the camera when you go. You're feeling it, you're feeling it, the clip for you, though. Will it be filming this too? Yeah. So when do you get the result?

To it. Bring them up. To it. To it. This is a true story. I'm not just saying this. I'm not bragging. The nurse recognized me.

Buy your asshole. She put what I came in. Here's the deal. She's like this. If the worst day of the world. She's not these buy the door and the stops. I've seen that asshole, Lauren. I know that whole. No, she before we started, she was like,

I love your podcast, I listen to your podcast. Whoa! I used to listen to Hyenas and I was like, that should have been totally after you put that camera in my asshole. It's just was uncomfortable knowing. I was conscious of what my face looked like during the whole thing. It was.

She's watching it. She's like, sorry, just a fan. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, uh, uh, but you knew it going in. I knew that you were going to get a prostate exam. I, no, I didn't. I thought, I knew, I figured out, get the fingers.

But I didn't know that we're going to do the full, you know. Mine was completely improvved. Oh, really? Yours was like this. I was like, no, I was like, no, I took the bra, was that? Give me a place I should be. All right, I'm a cop, you're a duck. And, say.

And give me a body part. That's all. So, do your story. I kind of lost it, exam. No, but I get these like hydro-colonics a lot. When did they do that? Does it fire out? Yeah, mine does.

I'm a powerful woman. They let you look at it. I made like a jacuzzi next to me. I was pretty gaseous. They said it's a meat dairy diet, whatever. Gaseous digital. Or something. Sorry. But there's's digital. Sorry.

But there's a toilet right there. So you can see the toilet, and all I wanted to do is run and shit everywhere. But they make you wait it out. But I tapped eventually. My farts hurt. Wait, so you got to hold it in your butt. Can I have a laugh?

Yeah. I had to change your questions. I'm sorry. I was here for the science, not the universe. I know. A lady laugh is worth three man lives. Thank you. I didn't know we were doing laugh curfew.

It looked like me so soup next to me, like in the sea. Me so horny. Yeah. It was good. It was good. It was good. I felt great after. I don't think that's good for you though.

Yeah, I don't know. I think so because there's stuff up there that you don't even know is up there. Yeah, you get it out with fiber. Sorry. Do you do the butt stuff? No, I have a tiny, tiny asshole. No anal. Shout out, me too. Yes.

Right? That doctor found out that day. I know. Well, if you got a big one, that's an issue. It's supposed to be small, though. Dude, if you have a large asshole, it's got to suck. The doctor sees and he goes, Jesus. Yeah.

That's what Ari has. Because Ari is a large asshole. You hear Ari fart, you can tell his diameter. Because it sounds like this. Yeah. It's like a western movie. Hey, hey, C's goes, but... I'm worried I have a huge asshole.

Because I really wipe. What do you mean you really wipe? I'm gonna go hard with the wiping. I do papshmiar, I twist, I get a Tp in there and well, wiping doesn't make your asshole bigger. Well, I hang out a while. I think you just admitted you put stuff in your asshole and get in. You wipe your mouth, you don't put the napkin in your mouth.

Yeah. Because the first half of that was, I'm worried I got a big ass hole, and then we were like, why? And he's like, I can't tell them that reason. So, it's because I wipe. Because I like to shove stuff in it. I'm on the road a lot alone.

Yeah. When I was little, I used to put a GI Joe figure, his arm in there and run with it in my ass. You ever do that game? Damn, dude, that's a hell of a pig. Yeah, you see if he hangs on, it's called GI Joe rodeo. I would. That's the sequel to Toy Story I want to see.

That's the sequel. Plus, like you're're in a kids' ass. He's in it. The other kid out of whaty. What did your parents say? Did they bet on it? See if you can get distro to the living room. I did do it in front of them.

Oh, yeah, that was weird. Don't even have mom, dad, look, not. I didn't, yeah. I did it to a brass checks. Did you guys do the dick tuck and to look like you have a pussy? Yeah, a frugal. You do that?

I'd fuck me. Yeah. I feel like every group of friends had a name for that that was different. ours was called La Puzz. We would call it La Puzz. God, it's so freaking New York. It's so sophisticated.

Do you guys ready to play La Puzz? Yeah, La Puzz. He's time for La Puzz. I was fucking with a bunch of mountain hicks. And we're like, shove your marries back, kangaroo trees. What did you call when you touched your dick? Yay!

I don't know, Tick. My brother didn't do stuff like that. He wasn't gay. Yeah. Well, I'm not either. Did you use the word scrub? You're from the same area. And you're like, that guy's a fucking scrub. Like a filthy kid. Yeah, the TLC did a massive show. TLC did a song about it. Yeah. Don't want no scrubs. Yeah, but I don't think we use it the same way. No, I was just like, cooler. It was like, no scrubs. Yeah, but I don't think we use it the same way. No, I used to say cooler, who's like, you know, scrubs.

See, see the difference? Then PLC was black, they're from Boston. It's different. They stopped that music at the wall. Yeah, they don't. Ha, ha, ha, Boston's racist. Ha, ha. I hate, I hate, I hate, I resent the Boston racist.

What's the region of the country that doesn't have a history of racism? The South? Yeah. The South is good. People, I was like, I have Boston's racist, Seattle is three black people. Down South is still segregated. Detroit had fucking riots.

California has riots. Pennsylvania Quakers didn't believe in slavery. Pennsylvania? Good people. Oh. Yeah, man, you're very little city bull. Philadelphia? Yeah.

Were they bombed the city block? No, but I'm talking about the Quaker part. Yeah, they have an amazing craftsmanship that Amish is inbred. You're telling me, you're telling me you go to Quaker Town and a family of 25 black people move in, they're going to be like, woohoo, come on in. Absolutely, absolutely. The only thing is they'll get mad if they play their radio. That's the only problem.

You know, not allowed, yeah. One step forward, two steps back. One step forward, yeah. No electricity, but I mean all are welcome. Okay. I, I, I, I defend Boston. We had, yes, yes, there was some racial insensivity in the 70s and 80s. The busing and everyone from Boston thinks Larry birds better than Michael Jordan. But aside from that, he's a hell of a player.

I feel like nobody laughs. You guys are like, that's right. You and Dan look like you shop for jeans together. You're right, and we both do a good job. You guys go to the Levi's section, you go for 501s. I don't know, I have one pair of pants that I wear. And you know what? I have two, one's light, one's dark. Yeah, I think I have them too, but I stop wearing the lights. Or the darks. Are yours white at the bottom too? No, mine are alright. I'm sorry.

You look like you shop alone. Me and Margaret the same size. Yeah what's your fashion aggression? Yeah that was aggressive was it. It was very aggressive La Pous. I just saw he had a lot there was a lot of air. That's coming back in. Yeah that's back. The back. I'll lift the back. Yeah. All right. But when I stand, it looks good. Good break.

Look at it. Bang. That's not bad. You got good legs. And then when I saw you, you know. Tell me you're a doctor and you don't want to stick your fingers up there. What?

Your pants are like a half an inch long. And you got big fat sticks. Miner's good. Miner's good. Miner's tighter as you get down. Yeah, that's gay. Is it gay? Yeah.

That's fucking a little bit rumbled in. Conversation's pretty gay. I got too much skin at the end. I thought it was getting a camera in my ass and liking it, but apparently it's my cuffs. No. No. No.

Dude, you busted out the video camera with your wife, and she's like, not tonight, you honest. Just leave it in until it's pleasant. You gotta get over that threshold. Did you guys buy posters? This poster's downstairs. It was downstairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look at that. That'll add a little bit. The animation of you two, that's a great, that's the bet most I've ever seen of a personality in an animation with the one with you, Joe, where you're doing like the fucking push. Oh, yeah. Okay, well that would know it.

Try to compliment the artist. I guess I'll just shit on it. Stupid fucking poster. Go back to shitting. Shitting is funnier. Baggy pants are back too. So is retard. Are these baggy?

Yeah, really baggy. It's retard, never last. No. And if we give a little more elbow grease, we might be able to start calling stuff gay a lot more. Yeah. We have not stopped doing that. No.

Literally the Tuesdays. That's what you call them. Yeah. We're very open minded. My brother is right. Special needs. What's that? I have a special needs brother. No, he's not gay though, is he?

No, he's got two brothers. He has two brothers. No, he's normal. Okay, got it. Okay. Okay, I said he would be part of it, not a sinner. No, yeah, I got a game brother. Nothing doesn't matter, don't make me repeat it.

All right. How, how, how needs he are where the- No, the ring doesn't matterPus. String a string of his string. A string of his son. A kill for a monitor. I can't hear anything. I can't hear anyone. Can you guys hear me? I forgot Karen was here.

Thank you. He's got a great life, man. They got great lives. It's a great life. It's a great life. Give him the dream. Everywhere you go, Van shows up. All your friends are in it.

Every single time. How a fucking rule. You go to Applebee's, you think it's Reo's, you don't fucking know it, it's a different thing. Oh, dude, how jack you get when dessert comes out? No matter what. It is. Can you lie blind?

Still the biggest pop for a chocolate chip cookie. Yeah. Remember, isn't this crazy to think about? We roasted you at the creek, and then we roasted Nate, not one person filmed it. Not a photo. Oh, it is. And that was way before,

like that was the roast battle craze was after that. Oh, way before, it was, was it? This was like 2008. Yeah. That was still one of the funnest nights of my entire life. We laughed so hard, we got so hammered. Well, no one. No one word is very funny.

Yeah. There were a few of those that got me. That's my favorite Joe Liss roast joke of y'allness. He said, people call Yannis Papas a comedic genius because he wears a dress and says the N word. If that's the case, my mother is a comedic genius. No, no, no, that wasn't it. That was it.

My mother's rich and prized. No, my mother's a comedic genius. That was it. My mother's rich and priceless. No, my mother's a comedian. Oh, yeah. That was the best joke of the roast. My favorite joke was he said, Chris Laker is a show at the creek where he invites three comics out and then he cancels it when there's no audience. There's less people at a Chris Laker show

than a Soda family reunion. Oh. Because you have to spend that day. Yeah, you have to do that. Damn, my family died prematurely. Good dance. family reunion. Oh, no. Because you spent that debt. Yeah, you spent that debt. Yeah, I spent that debt. Damn, I finally died of fever shortly. Good, thanks. That's what roasts were.

Like, friends saying the mean is shit, and then it got monetized to be like a gatekeeper. It's so weird when you're like roasting someone you don't know. You got to Google on the internet. I know. That's weird, yes. Mike Racine had a great joke about me. He said, Karen looks like she has the body of a boy who died in the Irish potato famine and the face of a woman who survived

it. It's really, really amazing. I think we're seeing on the honest Rose said, Mike D'Stefano died. Oh, the wrong D'Stefano, just like the Belushi's, the wrong D'Stefano. Right, the wrong, these Stefano die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right after Mike, these Stefano die.

Yeah, there's another Stefano. Yeah. So. Yeah. I didn't like that. That was nice and awkward. You gotta keep it to people who are here. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, love a rose joke. Yeah. That night, every one of us blacked out. Oh yeah. Yeah, those were the days. Those were the pyramid pictures in the basement. Oh, dude, I did, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, those were the days. We were doing like pyramid pictures in the basement. Oh, dude, I did.

Yeah. Do we have those? Because those were on like film films. Yeah. Somewhere, I think I might have a lot of Creek photos on Facebook and what kind. Item. Joe and Dan were fun drunk, man.

Yeah. We've almost, I almost wish they continued. There was a dark side as well. Yeah, but I, you know, we don't get that. Do you know what I threw up in the creek and slept at the bathroom upstairs? I threw up and slept in the office. Right where I tried to get Nate on my shoulders at bar four.

Oh yeah. And it didn't go great. No. I think you were inside. What was it? I was outside smoking a cigarette and I just saw Nate get taller Stop Get taller again, and then you saw Joe and then you saw

I was fucked up for like a month because I tried and Nate this is before you had a personal trainer and a dietitian Shupster, Yeah, and I- The best night of that night that Joe probably, as you're gonna say, is Joe won an award, and went up there and in front of a packed room goes, I have herpes! Yes. And everyone went, what?

Yeah, it bombed. That's actually funny. You're awesome. This is the 90s, it wasn't out there yet, that people had herpes. And that was a big part of our relationship with Sarah, because I went to the back, and literally nobody greeted me, everyone parted,

and it was sad. And then Sarah said, I think it's great that you're open about it. And in my mind, I was like, this bitch has got herpes. I was like, I'm gonna fuck this herpes shit. And then I only found out months later, she was like, no, I'm just like a nice person. But yeah, she's got herpes in the most rock and roll way though.

Yeah. Some people get herpes and they don't know, they're going into that kind of danger. Yeah, she told you before you fucked. She said, I have herpes and you went, let's do this. Yeah, yeah, I said, I'm done. You said if you have it for two, let's say. Yeah.

It's gonna be our piece. I love that you got herpes because you didn't want to be rude. That's fun. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no still friendly. But she was, I, the woman, I think I got it from. It might have been this other, I had- Whoa. Did it, we're all over the minute. Whoa. Let's get to the bottom of this, because didn't the woman say I have herpes and then you fucked her?

Yeah, so she's a prime suspect. But... That is the answer. She's not top of the pile. But I didn't have an outbreak right away, which is rare. And then I was making love to a different woman when I did finally have an outbreak right away, which is rare. And then I was making love to a different woman when I did finally have an outbreak. There's a lot of holes in this story.

Yeah, literally. Let's do. Thank you. But so she said, yeah, we were about, we were making out and getting nude, and she had her bosom switch. Getting nude? That's right. And...

I've never... By saying it like that, I've never pictured someone taking their shoes off in a sex story. We were on a playground, too. You were on a playground. She's an adult. Oh, it's about to say, Jesus. This doesn't sound good. We were on a playground, and we got naked.

And she said, timeout, she did like a Zach Morris timeout. Oh. Yeah. She popped a herpie. Wait, you don't have to playground. She says timeout. And you really think she, where it's possibly she's an adult.

Yeah. Did she put her teddy bear down next? She'd say timeout. She said, T.O her teddy bear down next? She'd say timeout, she said, T-O. Terrell Owens? But anyway, she called timeout, and she said, I have to let you know that I have herpes,

but at that point, I did not... You were in. I wasn't in. Oh, that would be rude. Yes. But I said, that's okay. I didn't care, because I was all right. What, you know, what you've flipped the lever into like,

we're having sex. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It doesn't matter what, she could say, I have a Venus fly trap in one place. Yeah, that's, no, that's, no. Yeah, no, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's true.

Yeah, that's the stop running down here. Yeah, that's the stop running down here. Stop running down here. Yeah, that's, what, you could do it. You could do it. It can be done, and a lot of people would have done it. I think the majority of people would have done it. I think the majority of guys would have been like, you know what? Yeah. I had a really nice evening.

Let's take the swings. Yeah, let's take the swings. Maybe. Share a ice cream float. I don't know. Maybe I'll spin you around on that thing over there. Yeah, let's hit the seesaw and they call it a night. So she said I have herpes and you're like green light. Let's do it. Looking back, I could have requested oral sex, perhaps,

or something, if I could have fingered her, maybe. And she said, she had herpes, were you like, everywhere? Or? Did you see any wounds? I didn't look. You didn't look. There's one night in a playground. Sounds like you didn't have the force to think about it.

Right. Not it. It was a go. Sounds like you didn't have the force to think about it. Right. Got it. Is it going? Thank you. Quick question. What were you doing on a playground at night, dude? It's wearing all the cool boots going to fuck. Well, she was staying at her parents' house,

and she's like, we can't fuck it my parents' house. And then there was like, so we had to do it. I couldn't afford a my parents house. And then there was like, so we had to do it, I couldn't afford like a hotel at the time. And the car was, you know, mess, I don't know, what happened with the car. Hey, you need your space. Yeah, you need to commit a crime. It's crime.

It's hard to fucking a car. Well, I'm not. And on the side is a crime. She recommended a cemetery. Oh. It's pretty metal. Yeah. Was she gaff?

She's like, these were gonna shed my dead skin cells. It just felt... It felt... And you fuck me. Where did you fuck on the playground, the slide? Who did you fuck someone in the Adam's family? A... A cemetery.

She goes to you on it. Let's go fuck on a grave. It was on top of like right before you go down the slide. Like the top... the area. before you go down the slide like the top the area But yeah, we fucked and the worst part was once we started fucking I just got in my head like I'm getting herpes right now She didn't even enjoy What about the kids behind you wait in a good mood. I didn't even enjoy it. No, I didn't even come. What about the kids behind you? Wait in a slide. That's crazy.

You're in the whole time. You're going, I'm getting herpes right now. Yeah, I got in my head. And yeah, it was a bummer. Mary goes, I'm going to. But you still say that she's only a prime suspect? Yeah, because I didn't have an outbreak for like six or seven months, which normally you have it between two to 14 days.

But you can lay dormant forever, like Sarah's. And then later I made love to a different woman. And that's when I started having the outbreak. And then when I told that woman, she was like, no, that's all right. So she was pretty positive. So many forgiving women. Yeah.

And then I had sex with one woman before I got this era. And her, I told, no, two, two separate. One, I was about to hook up with, and I said, I got to tell you I have herpes. And she went, oh, two separate. One, I was about to hook up with the nicest, I gotta tell you I have herpes, and she went, oh, that's disgusting. Which always bothered me, because I'm like, well, you're just me being a nice guy

away from you having it. True. Right. Like, you're doing everything you need to do to get herpes. Right. You should've been like, I'm kidding. Yeah.

Psych. Yeah. She shamed me. And that was before we had I'm kidding. Yeah. Yeah. Psych. She shamed me. And that was before we had terms like, shame, right? Right. Yeah. Fucking bitch. And then the other one I told, and she said,

Well, it is not ideal. But we went anyways. And you still fucked. What's the condom left? Okay. That woman should run for office. Yeah, that was the most political answer I ever heard of my life. It's not what we hoped for, but we can work with it.

Yeah, that woman was Hillary Clinton. Well, I got to tell my sonar story about it. Because this is what we were really hanging every day about that and then boozing. And I went, man, I'm freaking out. I gotta go home. We're in the subway. We're in the subway going to spots. I'm like, I got spots on my car.

And Dan goes, Dan always is just a sweet, sweet retarded person goes, dude, I know you're coming through, man. I've had some scares myself. And I was like, no, I have it. I don't. That was a my currently habit. There's a mother where he snapped out of it.

Where he goes. No, I have her. Yeah. But he goes, and I quote, I've got fucking 30 stores on my cop right now. I'm not trying to be like, next stop, 39th Avenue. It would feel like if I was like, Dan, I know what you mean, man. I haven't, you got your dad passed away.

Did my dad take slow maps? My dad's, yeah. He's been asleep for like eight hours, so I feel you. That's a bad thing. What do you find, I find to realize it, I was like, I'm sorry, that's fucking stupid. No, he's actually the reason why I got into a relationship

and then I never stopped after that. I'm not even lying. He told me what it felt like, and I was like, I'm out of the game. I just hung up my deck right there and then I hung it up. Really? He told me he couldn't walk. He said it was so good. It was bad, yeah.

Well, I had, the problem was I was also drinking 50 captain and coax a night. I was not a healthy man at the time. And so that's like the McDonald's era. Or in. No, that's not great for the immune system, the cappin' and coaks. So I was all fucked up and stressed and drunk

and panic at that. So my dick, it was just horrendous. It was really, really, really bad. Yeah. You actually said, if it anything touched when you walked, it was like, yeah, really bad. Yeah. You actually said, if anything touched when you walked, it was like, yeah, I was walking like, when you're out of toilet paper and you have to go get more. Oh, that's a cowboy.

Doing that. To the Herbie walk. To the Herbie walk. Yeah. This whole audience is going to get a colonoscopy tomorrow and they're never going to fuck without a rubber again. Most of our fans don't fuck, I imagine.

How do you test for the herb? Well, I went to a STD clinic in Chelsea, free clinic, and then it was like an Eastern European woman, and she had like the dentist's tool, like the little hook, four steps. Yeah, this was, you know, one step or whatever. She was picking it. She was scraping, and then I, I'm not... Did you see that?

I chased it? Not that much. Sure and Mr. you have herpes. That's a weird woman. What is she, trans? You fuck woman on playground? Wait. You know how to do it?

I'll do it. Whitman mess. Yeah. These four are the herpes, yes? My two stories from her, which I'll tell them, and then you act them out. We're the dream team. With our, I feel like I should sit behind you and whisper stuff.

But I wanted to do Chappelle diagnosing you with herpes. Oh, that's the grossest thing I've ever seen in my life, shoulders. I can't believe you had seats with a woman on a playground. It looked like you were fucking a child from a distance. Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Damn, do the Native American.

Who was herpes? Diagnosis with herpes. For the white man with glasses. For you who have taken a virus from the land. When a squall has gone bad, she has the marks of the devil. The guard. Woo! SNL said no to him

Can you imagine did you do the Native American in the audition because I remember strongly telling you to do it? No, I didn't yeah, you fucked up. I did Beat Davidson does a good Native American Beat Davidson there was like Native American. Yeah. Pete Davidson, there was a like, ooh! And he goes, I don't want to stop

talking to this, it's not that. And one of Michael's was like, I need to have you. You're so fucking cool. For those who don't know, that's what Lauren Michaels sounds like. It's Dr. Evil. Yeah.

That's right. It is. Yeah. But anyways, the, The, the, the, the Eastern European doctor lady, she, she picked at my dick, and then I was like, oh, I was like freaking out. She's like, you sound like baby, you baby.

She was called me a baby. And I was like, what you have a medal? Would you give your bottle, you baby? Want me to put a few? Babies walk right away in Russia. And then the other one, you guys have heard this before, but she looked at my dick and she's like, this is when she first started the exam, she goes,

what is this, what is this? And I go, oh, it's, she goes, this contusion from masturbation. And I was like, oh, the dent. I have a black spot on my dick as I masturbate with thumb and I used to. I did this for years. And then I guess.

You even dead zone on your dick? Yeah. Doc, what do you think about that? You were the fuck dude? Catching it. You jerked off like this? Yeah, what is this dude? I went thumb and I was like,

a tiny guy drinking champagne. You put the dick in. You put the dick in. You're both doing pinky. I didn the pinkie. You're both doing pinkie. I didn't do pinkie. Pinkie's on. Let's even, I won't let you have no cracks. You're doing the pinkie. That's your interpretation.

Also, how hard are you in pushing with the thumbs? Yeah, very hard. Yeah. It's like I'm trying to get in a door in the future. You got things that fucking scanning. But that's how I tricked off my whole life, because I never had a room. You never had a room? No, I didn't have a room.

If you wrap around with No Lou, but tears you dick apart. I know the wrap around. No Lou. No, dude, it's soft. It's a great soft in the grip. I mean, why don't you try it? Yeah, you're not looking for answers. What the fuck?

I was a boy. I don't know. Where in the night of the 15s? Yeah. Yeah, you night of the 15s? Yeah, you son of a bitch right there breaking up. Did anybody trick up with fingertips? Did they went jerk off like they were holding a taco? Yeah, and that's what you did Lego hand to your mom.

I know, yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks like you got straight theory, whatever. Lego your dick man. The point of the story, mom. Could you pop one off, old school style like that? Like if you went along with him. Could you jerk off like that? Can you still play the songs?

Is this still in tune? I imagine I could. It's been a while. Yeah, it's been a while. Is the guitar still in tune? Do you don't do that now, though? Well, I'm rarely mastermixed. I have a woman.

Oh. Is that how that works? Is that the male? I do it more. Yeah. It's the right. No, we make love on a regular schedule. Wow.

Yeah. Yes, scheduling around the herb. And well, Herpes is like a period. It's like the male period. Like I have a one week or something like that. No, it's nothing like the male period. No. It's an STU. No. It's an STD.

No, it's an STD, it's God. You can't make a baby with an oozing sore on your ear. What do you think, a period? It's your Sarah having my time. That's literally my birthday. I need a burger right now! I would kill it for some better tearing instead of ice-pang. The tampons are different, so we're gonna officially...

I would actually say it's pretty close to the opposite of a female period. Yeah. Oh, stop being woke. Shut up. That's exactly. A period's an STD too. I'll ask a doctor right now. What happens when you have sex the first time? You bleed and then that's the beginning of your period. Oh, she's too.

I just want to say that. I just want to say that. You're in a raise in child. What's the fight? I just want to say, all of the science you have heard here tonight is incorrect. Oh my God. What?

That's what a period is. No, it isn't child. You're talking about my God. That's what appeared. No, it isn't, Charlie. No, you're talking about Jerry and Jim. That's not Ivan, and that just breaks. Heiming, what did you just have to do? What the hell? Show, this is fucking scary, dude. You don't know what four concepts are.

And you thought the Pia of the Heiming was the first chair. Where does he go to here? He goes, you know, kids aren't supposed to play with batteries. That would be great. Just like if a girl broke her Hymn. That would mean like the first time my uncle figured me, I got my period. And what?

It would have happened to you. No, that's what made you a comedian. That's called an origin story. Yeah. All right, P.O. Bob. Origin story. Yeah. All right, P.M. Bob. Origin story. Hey, comedy.

Well, there it was, folks. Tuesday's with stories. Live from the Grammar City Theater, me, Mark Norman, Dan Soder, Janispop, his current fee, and there's plenty more where that came from. There's another 45 or so minutes. We do a long Q&A and some of this stuff, two naughty for YouTube, is over there on the Patreon. Sign up today.

It's not just the live shit. We just shot, like I said earlier, Mark and I running around the city. There's some funny stuff. Some of that had to be cut to that was for Lex eyes only and salicuse and it's a bit shaky Cassalic use has a head injury and He's not very skilled, but anyways check out The patreon and thanks for listening as always make sure you subscribe like comment We don't say that enough subscribe like, like, comment, all that shit, and we should do dates. Check out Mark Norman comedy, but Norman's fucking special comes out, I think, this week,

next week. I don't know, soon, it's on Netflix. That's gonna be a fucking banger. Make sure you blow that up, spread the word. Don't just watch it, everybody post it Twitter tweet it fucking call friends text each other Norman's new special called soup to nuts fucking get on that shit Lex is looking it up what's the release date for that July something 19 20 22 Mark Norman comedy, subscribed to his YouTube.

I don't know his dates. He doesn't know his dates. He doesn't know his dates the day he's flying. So why the hell would I know his dates? I don't know the date of the special. I'm sure you know it. Lex can't find it. He found the trailer.

Ah, this is so unprofessional. You know him already. You love him. You're already there. You're on it. You know him about the special. But make sure you spread the word. I got a new special coming out August 18th

I know that date. It's on YouTube It's on my YouTube go to my YouTube right now subscribe make sure you subscribe to the Tuesday's with stories and I don't know where I'm gonna be San Jose in Pro of July 20th to the 22nd August is fucking nuts Providence Comedy Connection August 3rd to the 5th August is fucking nuts. Providence Comedy Connection. August 3rd to the 5th Nashville in August. I got Philly in October. Oh, we found the date July 21st July 3rd 25th July 25th Mark special August 18th my special Make sure you spread in the word put it on Twitter put it on Reddit put it on that new shit that Mark Zuckerberg invented whatever it's called I can't keep up chat GBT

Sears catalog put it anywhere you can find it and go to comedian joe list dot com. Oh, I'm not gonna be in Missoula I fucked up. We fucked up my father's gay. I'll be in LA all week and I don't know I can't do this alone Sign up the patreon bye Georgia St cut it