Tuesdays with Stories! - #512 Marky Mark and the Funky Muff

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

We're back in the studio folks! Mark does mushrooms at a Jewish wedding and the boys reminisce about Mark's November nuptials.Joe heads West, goes on Adam Carolla's podcast, has some fun at the Comedy Store, and has fun with a GOALIE of a waitress! We're flyin' high baby!! Our Stuff: - patreon.com/tuesdays Sponsors: - This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try for 10% off your 1 st month at https://www.betterhelp.com/TUESDAYS & get on your way to being your best self - Get 20% off your sugar-free Liquid I.V. at https://www.liquidiv.com with the promo code TUESDAYS - Support the show & get exploring with the new XP 3.0 eBike at https://www.lectricebikes.com

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great, good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard! And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha! Surf's up!

And she didn't even flush. Knock knock! Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe Liss! Yeah! This Tuesdays with stories, everybody. No, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

My baby, you always fitting at me. I can't trust you. Alright, here we go, fuck. We're back. We're back. Hello. That is a real beauty. That is really something else.

I love it. Boy, my head looks a little compared to that noggin. Who took that photo? Not someone we... Oh, is that you? Oh, okay. That's a hell of a photo. Where's the video from your wedding?

Look, it's on the Patreon. Your speech? Not the speech. What am I going to ask all? I got to see my speech. I don't want to see that ever again. I'm talking the video when we were down in dirty, and there was a camera right,

I mean, it was a six-picture shoot, a six-camera shoot. That's around, I made the round, the wedding, people loved it. Everybody was raving about that video. You gotta send that out, because I mean, what's the deal? What are you hoarding that thing?

Because I mean, there was the ceremony, there was, there was tits, Glor, I mean, there was so many hot women sweating and heels and the ditties They was some women there. I was like this is not safe. It's not good for a wedding. I'm getting married and they's like Never mind. Oh my god. I mean I I wanted to finger every I mean Chuck took a swing at every day Oh, yeah, well he's domestic abuse But yeah, yeah, there were some beautiful ladies by a bride included was looking lovely and

You were a stag that night too, so I know my wife was at home in stirrups trying to get a baby in her Oh, yeah, I was on the loot. I was fingering everything inside. Oh, yeah, including my dad. He got a taste I mean I was it was something else that tits wet the armpit stink. I like B.O. on a woman really? No Yeah, the armpit hair is tough and I know that's like Virtually what the heck is this guy think? What are my doctors do's but it's the same with a muff you get a muff downtown There's a blueberry in it a paper clip and a lot of funk. I love a muff, I love a funky muff.

For a funky. For a funky. For a funky. Yeah. But by the way, I mean, I was following everyone inside on Instagram after I was checking every story, every day, get me involved, those dresses. And a night air of New Orleans, the Louisiana,

the cool breeze and that old building with the band, and the fountain, it was really a magical evening. That was special. That was a special weekend. Special night, other than all the sprinting from criminals. Sure, that was really fun. I mean, we saw a knife fight broke out at breakfast. Yeah, and that was a waiter.

Yeah, it was ugly. I mean, we had a good front row seat right outside the all the you know It was a nice day so though all the doors were open and I don't know 11 feet away was just unguard Yeah, that was a fencing match and then hey and he hangs that pimple He was like this city safe. It's great literally a knife by breaks out and I'm like look at this he goes what that? Come on. I love that, that's gasoline right there. What are we doing here?

Also, I love, I'm from there. I'll tell you, it ain't safe. No. I grew up in Hock, I was terrified. I was running from people all day long. No, my cab driver was like, you stay over here. This is crazy, I never seen anything like this. This is, he goes, maybe it changed.

I don't know, but I know't, I don't drive here. No change. It's actually gotten better. That's the cookie part. That's a lot to do. And I fight some of my graduation. Yeah, it was a bad, and I'll never forget. I can't get the image out of my brain.

Just a totally, totally ripped a big fart. The anomaly mark when you were like, guys, get out of here. Those photos. Huh? We bumped in, you had 11 a.m. You were taking photos It was me and Ari and someone I don't know. It was too much. I couldn't handle it

It was two worlds colliding emotions. We were doing our vows. You were like get out of here leave Yeah, okay, I wanted to fight back. I was like I'm just on the street. I'm a American. I'm free Well, you are you were in my my comfort zone. It was too much. Yeah, well you're on the sidewalk my friend, but That was wild. I had a bubble no bubble. All right bubble boy. First my bubble hmm the real estate bubbles, but Either way it was great night. I mean we're we're harking back. That was November It was really something and yeah, I mean that this is a beauty. I mean, it's not exactly Whatever, but I could break it over my head. Joe, NYFBS, what does that mean?

New York. New York. Oh, funny business. Beer shirt. Oh, okay. Let me get this there, too. Thank you again for this. Yes, very lovely.

They say this is a big, you know, they get the seven-year-itch with the marriage, they got the herpes-itch, they got a, itchy and scratchy. Life's a niche. Then you die. But they say the first-year marriage is the hardest. Would you agree? Why do they say that?

Who says that? That's like a thing, you know, like a seven-year-itch or what goes around, comes around, you know, it's what's an expression. I never heard that. That's insane. It doesn't make any sense. That's the honeymoon. That's what I thought. But I've heard it over and over. So why wouldn't the most divorces end in the first year? I feel like I think so and you know, it all hits you like

Oh, the magic is over. I'm living with this shrew. I hate her. I can't get it up. She hates me These are all things my dad told me. But don't you think that's old school? Because you hadn't lived together before. I think the 50s. Like you never lived together. You marry after two days, because your wife's pregnant. Right.

So you get married. Shies. I've done wedding. First year. That you should cruise. Well, I'm in cruise. Because the seven year it, the seventh year. The first year is the hardest.

Baby, I know. That's what they say. Yeah, I don't know, but you having a hard time? No, I'm soft. No, it's been fine. I mean, it's the same shit. You know, in October and then November 12th, the day after the wedding, very similar.

Yeah, exactly. I think that's, I think that's an old adage because. I just think that back in the day, the first year, you're like, oh my God, this is what she snores, she takes dumps, she doesn't blow me, but now I think my wife's blown me while taking a dump and snoring, so I know the deal. A Blumpkin, We call that try factor

All right, well good. It's nice to hear that because I was sitting there going to hear it comes It's still still within a year oh boy. The hammers coming down But the idea that like the 11th year is easier than the first year That's why I brought it up. I thought it was odd. No, because I'm in year six, that's a complete nightmare. So, all right, well, the six year is the hardest. That's what I hear. No, I think, and then we're gonna have a baby. That's when you really hate each other.

Agreed, and you love the baby. It's weird, because you, it's like that Louis bit. You go, this is love, that was bad. Well, I think what happens, everyone says, is you just become like a teammate since they're lovers. Yes, that's the key. You're like, all right, you just become like a teammates. It's not lovers. That's the key. You're like, all right, you clean his ass and I'll eat him out. And instead of just going on to the movies or whatever.

So lucky kid. But also my buddy. My buddy is a big, his wife's like a big kind of activist-y, progressive, the whole thing. And he's like a big feminist lady and then they had a kid and she went full, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, you kind of naturally, a lot of times gender roles, I mean, we're gonna get in the weeds here, and get shut down and killed, but a lot of times it kind of happens naturally, you go into your natural thing.

It's like a like, the trash stinks, and let me take the trash out, because it smells and it's heavy. It's heavy. So I grab the trash, nothing my wife never takes the trash out, but if she does, I go, I'll grab that. That feels like a man's job.

Exactly. I do dishes, but yeah. But I get the same thing. You know, there's the lights out on the ceiling and it's scary to get up on the ladder, I got it. Yeah, you're taller. Right. And then the suitcase, you're gonna put the suitcase up in the closet along with my personality, so I shoved that up in there.

And, you know, and then folding clothes. I don't know how to fold a club. But I guess we drop off so uh, but they fold it and they're women Uh-huh Say hello comes back. Yeah mine are Asian and they are They are lovely, you know what's this isn't it was really mean my wife to the genitalia She can get herself off but we down, we have laundry in the building. No, shit. I've never sped a fucker.

You ever need to do it. We got it's one of the perks. If I ever need to do laundry, pack up and head to the, come on by. Credits Village. Yeah, you got to get your own detergent though. But we get laundry in the building, so I do it in the building, she still takes it out.

And I go, what's that about? She goes, I don't like the machines. And I go these machines could be Nazi racist in blackface I would still use them. Well this is see this is I'm with her on this and I was just talking about this. Like when I moved to New Jersey which up here I'm already gone. I'm still gonna drop my laundry off even in a home. What? Because I don't want wanna do laundry. I see. It's 15 bucks.

Laundry to me is still the best deal in America. I take all my dirty clothes, juxtagreying. I take a stick. All my dirty clothes, covered in common pubes, a pureed in blood, and baby shit. Yep. I just throw it at a sweet Asian lady. I come back 14 hours later, and I give her 15 bucks.

It's folded, pressed, quieft. Boom. But to me, it's the delivery thing that is annoying. The money's great. It's a great deal. The folding is great, but it's just going there. When I got, I can just, I got a heart on and a panties and I go downstairs.

Yeah, you have to go there and then you have to linger there. But that's, no, I go down. Boop, boop, boop. and I go downstairs. Yeah, you have to go there and then you have to linger there. That's, no, I go down, boop boop, two floors go up. I'm back in my house. Yeah, that's what I do. You're making a case for me. Then you have to go back. You're leaving the home. I'm not leaving the home.

Then you have to go back, you're leaving your home. You don't live in the basement. Okay, well, I'm not leaving the building. When you're walking up two flights, I don't have any flights. No flights. I walk around the corner, same coin. I don't even cross the street. I you're walking up two flights. I don't have any flights. No flights. I walk around the corner. Same coin. I don't even cross the street.

I just go, I drop it off. And then when I go back, it's not to move it from one machine to the other. It's to put it on my body. But I don't have to interact. You got to interact with it. It is people don't speak English. Oh, all right.

We got to be there. We're not having a fucking dialogue. I'm not talking about the facts of life. I didn't know if they liked the pod or or you did their pot. No, they go Whoo bang a gun folks. All right come back. I mean, you know, we had to write it We now we know each other say they know us. It's sweet. They go, Joe, hey, I think we got the same lady somehow because mine sounds exactly the same. Man, Ed, you're in Queens, but, um, what was I going to say? But yeah, you have to get a tent cook in here.

And then you go, oh my god, this is a dead. This is precious. No, you got to go. You got to have quarters. If you do it, you put the quarters in. No, it's all pipes, it's a card. A card? Yes, card. I have a card, no card involved. We got a card, but beep, you tap it. And then you gotta put in detergent.

You guys throw in a little thing, and then you fold it. You're folding. I don't fold. Who folds? I don't know one. What are you talking about? The casino folded, I got nothing. I don't fold who folds I don't know one The casino folded I got nothing or a gummy. I just throw it my my cupboard

No, can you close with look crazy? They do I sweat it out, but I don't fold anything all right Well, I'll send you a photo post a fold. Why would I fold underwear? Underweight of the fold, okay, I mean I I fold underweight. I don't, they do. I got button downs, which I rarely wear, but if I use them, I just put them back on the rack. Let's see. And T-Shirt, those pants, the jeans. No fold. No fold. Those weren't folded.

No, these are nylon, horseshit. So where were they? In a chest of drawers. I'm not accepting this. Come on over. Somebody's folding. No one is folding in my house. She folds. okay, you know

Ben folds five, but no folding in my stuff the why do you you should look like a big fat crazy mess over here What's your steam? I have some techniques? All right, all right first off. I bring the shot the clothes in the shower with me. I throw them on the rod Dennis Rodman and then I I in the shower with me. I throw him on the rod. Dennis Rodman, and then I don't, I do the air dry, and I throw the shirt on while still a little moist. This is a lot of work to just avoid folding. Well, I'm doing less drying. I suppose that your jacket is now dry.

Yeah. Well, I'm dropping off for life. I don't even know how to do laundry. Hot, cold, wipe, swipe. I don't know any of the numbers. I think I'm like a vampire once that sunlight pierces me It's I'm changed. I like being able to keep the clan hood on go downstairs and come back up. Okay. It's a wrinkly clan hood Yeah, well I'll stay in it. Let me know if you need the space. I feel like I'm okay

I'm comfy, but I feel weird our feet are pretty close. This is quite a Spread well I'm comfy, but I feel weird our feet are pretty close. This is quite a spread. Well, this is man's bread. It's a long day, living in recita, and you know. A long day. Every time that story, I might do it as a bit. One time I had a porch situation in the city. What? A porch?

Yeah, and I saw something I didn't want to see. A comic walking up the street. So I did this move, sat like this, and he still saw me. And then he came up and he still saw me. And then he came up and he goes, dude, your posture is horrible. You got to set up. He's like, you're going to have horrible problems. And I'm like, yeah, that's a good point.

Bad posture. Yeah. Well, the tour of the flaming porch. These shorts, when you stand, they look okay, right? Yeah. And then you sit and they just, they really slide up. Yeah. Look at that. And you got no, not a lot of thigh hair. No, I guess not. they just they really slide up. Yeah, look at that and you got no not a lot of thigh hair

No, I guess not I mean look close. It's in there Those pants have been folded your full of alone Let me see if I can grab a patch and just pull it up come on Come on Do yours have the triangular hats cuz mine do no not getting but yeah, they're nice ladies and they they go You know you'll you'll gay or whatever they're fun. They they get me. I got to come clean I think mine are actually Spanish. Oh, okay. Well, I made up the Asian similar language No, so truss. Yeah, there you go. Gomez, say, dc. Ooh, sweat in here.

Look at the hot coffee, the heat, the room. The room. Very warm. I'm gonna steam after this. Oh, there you go. Get an equinox. Come on, we can be steaming. Ah, I'm scared.

Ah, right. A lot of commitment. I've been really hitting it. Yeah, steam is big. Uh, steam oh willy. By the way, you know, I saw some footage from the old studio pre wall paper. Yeah.

80% better. Really? Yeah, this is no good, because paint did nice back it. Well, it was. We ripped it all down. Well, this room, you mean? Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, we just had the sign and it was kind of black, like charcoal.

Well, if we wait long enough, they'll come down. Yeah. They're close. So, I know you got a bunch of stuff, but can I knock one out? Then we'll throw it at you. Are you kidding? Jerk off in your hand and throw it at me, like multiple migs. So I got a big apple pie.

Motsable, above be here. I went to my first Jewish wedding. Oh, did you pick up the thing? Pick up shit. There was way more full rabbi. I mean, you walk in and give me a Yamaka. That's fun. I got to wear a Yamaka.

I did once at the Whaling Wall. Oh. It blew off and I had to run and like step on it from rolling away. That's not a good look. Yeah, it wasn't great. Palestinian. But yeah, so uh, went to the Jewish wedding

in the Berks years. I love the Berks, I want to buy a house up there. It is something nice. I mean the rolling hills, the lush landscape, beautiful. That's, it's God's country up there. Oh yeah, and you know, it's all the bullshit, the cutesy stuff, the inn, the cobbler, you know, the butterbitch, whatever name is. It's very omnis. You know, it's a lot of like Americana,ana little flags and a old man on a porch. You hate blacks. It's fun What was it Williams town right next to it love? That's right. I want to buy a home. Oh

Wow Williams town and a couple other places. It's gonna get a job north Adams. I know north I'm getting one of my ass Oh Lady I'm selling my own honey. She had a fucking jar on a table. It was great. That's beautiful country up there. It's like hippie country up there.

Yes, yes, hippie, hippie, hippie, a lot of pride flags, the whole thing. Yes. But this North Adams is famous. They have the biggest art museum in America. Big arts, big gays, big beautiful. Yes, yeah, artsy, fartsy. And they had the wedding in the art museum.

Oh. It was really something, because you're like, both these people are from Manhattan. Why the hell are we going to the Berkshire's, but she grew up or I've summer there, whatever the hell it was. Really something special.

There should be a fart museum. Probably is. I think it's called a gas chamber. Hey. That's a different. A lot of clips here. Different Jewish wedding. But you walk in the handy of the amica,

but here's my, here's my, let's start from the start. From the shirt, maze friend, the wife rented a car, and we're gonna drive up in this car. With the bride? No, no. Huh?

The wife. Oh, your the bride? No, no. Huh? The wife. Oh, your wife. My wife. Sorry. Well, you said May's friend, the wife. So I thought you meant you're driving with the bride, which I was like, that's embarrassing. My wife and her friend are driving up

and the friend is getting the car in Jersey City. You know, it's a cheap little loophole. So we did, yes. So like she goes, meet me in Jersey City we'll take off right from Jersey, we'll get there toot sweet. That's great. We show up, we get to Jersey City,

she's in line, she's like, I've been in line for an hour and a half. It's like a third world country down there. That New York City Tri-State area is garbage. We got it all moved. It's all, it's not pipes, it's clogged pipes. Clogged pipes, yes, and we got got a we got to get an app going. I mean like you know everything that sucks some some Come guzzard comes out and goes

Untuck it. I made a business called untuck it where you don't have to tuck your shirt in or I got dollar shave club or whatever the hell and All these horrible things where they fuck you with the million dollar razors. Some nut goes, I'm starting this. Yeah, we should put our heads together and come up with something. We should. Homework machine or whatever. Jizz glasses, I don't know. But either way, this poor lady had to wait out there at Laura Sogar. And then, good egg.

Come on, baby. Yeah, check out their podcast, Risky Business, by the way, FunPod. But I felt so bad and you're like, what are we doing? What is this? The 80s? There's a line around the block, coming out of a parking garage.

So whatever, we finally get the car, they're like, all we have left is this, you know, Camaro. Camaro, they should make Camaro. Chevy Camaro, they're a hot item. What? But I mean, this thing's a hot rod, baby. This thing cooks.

Is it like an 85? This is still making new Camaros? 2002, 22. I had no idea. And it's this low, it peels out, the wheels are wide, and I'm in the back. And you know, you gotta get behind the seat and the back. You can't even, I'm not the tall guy.

My head's hitting the thing, it's brutal. Yeah. So we get there, we get the fucking Camaro, I'm in the back, I'm miserable for the first 20 you try to stay positive Hey, what do you think of this submarine guys? And then by 30 minutes I like oh, I want to kill your pretzel. I gotta sit up. Yes bad posture. I want a porch so We finally we finally get there beautiful never been

God's country I walk around I went to an antique shop, I bought some things. I don't believe that. I bought two PES dispensers. Swear to God, they were vintage. Tweety? I wish. It was a Superman and Batman.

Oh, okay. Yeah, it could be worse something. You know how much you love Batman. Oh, love the bat. But dead parents must be nice. So I'd kill for dead parents. It'd be good, and you parents must be nice. So I'm killed for dead parents. And it'd be good. And you get to become a hero. Yeah, but yeah. So we go to the wedding and yeah, the handier, Yamaka, which is really the only religion we do that with.

You know, when you go to like a Muslim wedding, they don't give you a burka, right? I don't think so. Yeah, it's just weird that they're like be like us. You're in now. I think to enter you have to have Isn't it a shield between you and God? He can't see my thoughts. I don't know something like that. Yeah, I don't know what Yamaka but translate the same with the whaling wall They put it on yeah that I get because they could be some Niferious things going on of that wall. That's the way I was looking for earlier walking around Farias yeah, there you go. No, it's for ought to But you know that movie is called that because they couldn't get the rights to Bram Stoker's Dracula

No, I just learned that from Francis Ford Coppola. Wow They couldn't get the right so Nuss for out to the film is It's based on Dracula, but they had to move some things around Huh, that was a big big flick too. That really changed the game huge so This is I'm excited. This is full on Jew town baby. These this is like temple What yeah, and Everybody's got the Yamagon have have a Nagila, the whole thing, and there's a rabbi up top.

The groom is waiting up there, Ben, Westerns. And the lady walks up the bride, full garb, can't see an inch of skin, very traditional. She gets up there and he goes, oh, oh, oh, and she has to circle him seven times. And see that in person, you're like, whoa, this is some old school shit. Wow, I'd never been to like an actually religious wedding

before. It was something and all the, the old Jewish ladies are like, woo, you know, it was, it was wild. And the noise is the hymns, the chants, and then he goes, he sounds like RFK Jr. up there with the flam and everything. All the Hebrew language, and they do their vows. It was really touching.

These vows were very sweet. And they do the glass break. That's fun. Love the glass break. Muzzle top. Yes, then we don't see him for a while. You know, they, it's a big wedding. We all cheers.

I think they fuck Come on. I think that's part of it. No The sheet that's Muslims. No Sheets are clan Wait a minute sheets the Jews don't sheets. I think they go through a sheet. I don't think so is that a rumor? No, that was the Muslim lady wasn't it in curb? I Don't know they definitely didn't fold it. I don't think there's a sheet. All right. Campy a sheet. Cheeey motherfucker.

Norein nor sheet nor snow. Well, this this episode is sheet, but Look, our best one. Are you kidding that laundromat stuff was gold gold? I mean, we're gonna get shut down, but she'll But the long drill they'll they'll keep us in business. They like us. So, great time that you go to the bar, that they open it up for the big dinner and everything, just a great time.

The parents gave speeches. Hilarious. Jews are funny. Of course, they're number one. They, the dad, his dad's a urologist. He opened with a dick joke, that killed. And I saw him later, he's like, how did I do it? I was like, that was great.

He goes, you always open with dick and I'm like, so do I. Good times. And who are these people again? The comedian Ben Kirshenbaum. I don't know Kirshenbaum. He's a funny guy and a nice kid. The auditorium.

I'm in your name. Ooh, that's out of that. Well, Harrison Greenbaum. There's a couple of bombs. Yeah. Oh boy. Bombay. Gordon Bombay.

Yeah. Bombay Sapphire. Oh yeah. Bomb. Bomb. Bomb. Yeah. No bomb back.

Boston bomber here. All right. She's a bombshell. So great wedding got hammered. And then this is what's fun about my wife. She pops open her little gay, they hold these little purses at weddings. I don't know how they do it. She pops open her little purses and she goes, couple of shrooms. This lady loves mushrooms.

She really loves mushrooms more than this one. She only vegetable sheets and we pop those, and everybody else is like, oh my god, it's a bunch of comedians. So she's the Shroom Fairy. Everybody's dipping their little claws in there. I mean, between you and me and the lamppost and the table, I think your wife has a mushroom problem. She might.

She's a mushroom cloud. I mean, yeah, every story you have, she's on mushrooms this lady. Well, those are the only ones I tell. Okay. I have a hidden, the heroine and coquins Okay, so we have a we have a great time. We do shrooms parties great They do the chair lift and they also do a thing the Jews where they

And they do the thing where they go You grab hands and you all go to start I like that circle It the Huppah the hoopah the Torin I don't know I tore a muscle but Weather control. Yeah, something money penny pension I don't know but he just had a great time and then a past that we had wild Shroom sex in the hotel no kidding. Yeah that night and just just a drunken fucking roll in the hay and We woke up drove back and

Right to the pride parade. Oh my Christ beautiful drive home Berkshire's talking wedding talking shrooms fucking high five in Jarza honey and then Can't go this way woo woo then I just look over this a guy with a dick going yeah Fucking homo Crazy now the parade yesterday. I thought I'm gonna get up and then I just look over as a guy with a dick going, yeah, fucking homo, crazy. Now the parade yesterday I thought, I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna go to the gym, but then I remember I walked out of my house

to get to the train, I gotta take the train to the gym, Equinox, High Five, and I saw all the folks decorated and dressed up, Macho Man Randy Savage. Yeah, I went, oh it's pride parade, and I just turned around and headed back to my house because I was like, I'm not going in the city on Pride Day. And I live in the village, the parade goes right by my house, I can like I'm not going in the city on pride day and I live in the village The parade goes right by my house. I can hear I had to close the window put your buds in and pray to a lot to kill all of them

But it was wild and God bless them. I had to do a stand spot So I had to cut through everything. I was like excuse me. I felt like Like Mr. Wilson on Dennis the men is I'm like you kids, you know, and they're all twerking and popping and locking. It was wild, but they had a blast and God bless them. All right, by the way, yeah, we're avoiding because the noise and the traffic, not because we love the gaze, tail lane, the other one. We love the game, people are playing.

Arm two's gaze, yeah. So keep on here. Keep on game, we wish we were gay. Yeah, we're halfway there, but. I've tried. Yeah, it didn't take no It's so yeah, just a great time of that pride parades a real wrench in the asshole I thought I said this in my act now. I keep sprinkling in my act into the pockets But I think I could be gay with a group. It's the one-on-one. That would be tough. That's interesting

It's uncomfortable. It's awkward. Hi, Bob. Hey,. Right. We're gonna Norgie. Yeah, six seven guys. Everyone's sucking each other off Like that throw a cock in my mouth. We're having a good time in here. Hey, you get to hang after you guys You can watch a movie watch a game. It's less awkward That's the one on one aspect of like you just blew one in the guys ass and you're like so I'll see you later. I guess. You know what I mean? That'll do it. Yeah. All right, well, there you go, folks.

If you get a team of dudes together, text me. There you go, you got a new recruit. I don't want me on a group text. I'd rather blow five guys than be on a group text. Oh, don't you love being the first guy to leave a group text? I don't even know how to leave one.

Well, you can, on Facebook, I've been in a group chat where they go, here's everybody's, oh, that one ago. I'm out that's nice. I don't how to do that God sorry I got hit with a yacht. Hey, you go folks all this gay talk maybe want to open my mouth for a period of time sure sure Hey folks Tuesday's of stores is brought to you by better help This episode brought to you by better help you This episode brought to you by BetterHelp. You don't want to get to the end of your life and realize you didn't live by your values. Therapy can help you figure out what's important to you.

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Anything you order when you use promo code Tuesdays at liquidiv.com. to That's about all I got on that one. Look at this. Oh, right, that's a stretch. But stretch Armstrong or Arm Week. But yeah, so Jewish wedding, five stars of David, great time. Yeah, I gotta go to one. I gotta, who's the next Jewish wedding? We went to Vee, but that wasn't a Jew wedding. That was just kind of a long island chick. Yeah, she's a town, he's very non-Jewy,

sold Coke in college. I mean, I guess he's a con man. That's got a Jewish. I'm a real Well, that'll be Julie, but it's gonna be a non-Jewish wife too, I think yeah, he's a sea like the shicks and Who else? What do you Alan? We missed that one. He married his daughter. Tanter. He's half, but he's not gonna. That's a Jewish guy Yeah, he's not gonna. That's a Jewish guy. He's like a singer. But he's not gonna do it. He might.

He's not gonna do a Jewish wedding. No, but if you're gonna do a wedding, do your culture. You know, if Indian, gay, Jewish, Muslim, go for it, I think. We did my culture, I remember when we was shit, I was three hours before it started. There you go, perfect, perfect. You did word dress, he's got his quick no emotion, no feeling, no crying. Just love it.

Right in there. Yeah. Yeah. Same here. We ate a bunch of Cajun food and got drunk. Yeah. So there you go, folks. Juju wedding. Good time. That sounds like a nice wedding. Somebody made the good point. It was raining all day. And then the clouds parted and my, I don't know who it was. Some comic was like, they controlled it. Yeah, that's also there was a weird, it's the whole things in an art museum. So it's beautiful

and high ceiling and wooded and all the big windows. And you can see the mountains and everything. And then there's a big art piece, which is just pennies on the floor. I was like this a little on the nose Less pennies at the end of the wedding there wasn't the beginning pennies and a fountain you catch the uncle yeah All right, well, this is our most racist episode we've ever done But we're having a good time folks. Oh, yeah, we're warning on the front. Would you just a big old not for the faint of fart? Oh, yeah Pennywise Foolish. I don't even know what to start here. I got Hollywood nights. I got Columbus. I got

Spokane. I got a guy riding around punching people. I told you. Oh, no, no song about Spokane. I tell you about that No, please do. It was a cook. I can't remember. I told you. What now a cook? Oh Jesus Christ It was a coup. I can't remember if I told you. What now? A coup? Oh, Jesus Christ. The answer section's over. I guess he was a small Latino man on a scooter

driving around a story, a punch in the whites. In the face. Yeah, he rolled up. There was a video. They finally got them. They caught them. But it was terrorizing the neighborhood. It was scary.

We were all doing like 360 walking around. But they got them now. So it's old news. But it was scary for a minute, but let me talk about LA, because I was out in Hollywood, which is always exciting. Okay, hate crime on a scooter. You don't hear the about that.

But they got them. And now there's a new gang of kids, evidently, on the city. You know about the city bike boys? Uh-oh. There's these teenagers, they hang out at the city bike. We have these bike rentals here in New York. Yes. It's like a big station, you lock them in, you take them.

I use them every day. And these teenagers, they hang out on, they wait for you like a guy or a girl, whatever to bring it back before they lock it back in, they take it from the person. They take it on a joy ride, they smash it, they throw trash and dog shit at the people. Good to know, if I see a group of youngsters behind me when I'm banking.

Yeah, I'll bank quick. The city bike boy. So shitty bike heads up everybody. But yeah, went out to LA, Los Angeles. This was 10 years ago now. I don't remember what it was. 10 years ago. How long has it been so since we recorded it?

Well, you went to Australia. There's a time difference. Got it. But had Spokane Comedy Club. Yeah, good club. So I did a big West Coast swing. I was doing Spokane. So first I flew out to Seattle to go to Gig Harbour to visit the old Walsh family. Sure. My niece's birthday. That was exciting. She turned 11 and had a good time over there played some video games and whatever the stuff with the kid. Then I went from there to Spokane, Sarakin with me, she came out Thursday to the guest spot. I like that Spokane.

Good room. Nice room, nice towel, a little bit of hair on that town. There's some stack there. Some heroin and some meth. Yeah, but they don't really bother you too much. They're polite, it's a very upper west vibe. They're grungy, but they don't really bother you too much. They're polite. It's a very upper east vibe. They're grungy, but they're polite. But when out there had a Luke Moaness opening.

Hey, Lukey. Some great shows, some Tuesdays came out, not a ton, but some. It's a big room. And very big room, it's a big coat. Big coat. But. Let's start a war with that thing. Beautiful, beautiful weather

out there. We had a great time. Then I went to this restaurant. I forget the name of it. I should remember it, but I went with a monos who's just a great, great hang. Yeah, peach of a man. And we had one of these waitresses who was really body. Oh, good body. Now, B-A-W. Ah, body. Body. The way you say it in Boston. Got it. She's got a good body, buddy. She comes in and she's like, you know how you're married, you get a little older, you want to make love to every single human being?

Yes. You know what I mean? And she was like, when I was 25 or even 35, I would just be like, ah, gross, a lady who's weird and old and fat. But then now I'm like, hmm, I could get into that really gross, weird look. You can see the beauty in everyone now.

It's kind of nice. Yeah, it's like on the one hand, it's like, hey, I'm an animal, I want to fuck everybody, what a bad guy, but on the other hand, it's like, I'm accepting, I'm open, I want to blow my death. And she's toothless and you can find, it's like, I'm accepting, I'm open, I wanna blow my death. And she's toothless and you can find a positive, like I don't probably feel good, you know,

you can find a spin. Yes, I'm the, I'm aces, I'm the best guy in the world now. You got AIDS. I wanna cheer to my wife with everybody. There you go. Very nice, so yeah, she's got orthopedic shoes and her pants are too small and there's like some dough coming out.

Oh, I love a dough. Yeah, her face looks burnt or mashed or something. Oh, this lady sounds like she's in need of help. Yeah, I'm exaggerating Oh, she's cute, but I kind of I like her her body-ness. Yes. Yes. Not the body the body. No, but I like the body too All right, you're naughty. She looked like you're a play isoaki for Nintendo. Yeah, really. All right. Well, I guess Doesn't matter but then you can get a little guy a skinny guy who was fast but breakable a little guy who was fast But whatever there was a fat guy. It was really strong, but fat. Oh, okay. She was that guy got it got it She was strong and fat, but But anyways, you know when you just have a good rapport with a waitress you're excited you flirt. Yeah, you're fun

It's goofballs go bear rapport. So I went hey man. I am I'm excited to be here. I'm starving and she's like whoa Starving one of these guys. She was kind of giving us the bit. Yeah fun And then we'll look at the menu and she comes over and I'm like I can't decide I got six things here I'm thinking about so we might need a minute and she goes, all right, well, I thought you were starving and I go, well, I am, and it was kind of the thing of like, are we fighting or flirting? What's happening? I like that.

And then what are you making this? Cause it gave me a rock hard bone. Oh. She's walking by. She had a little bag of goldfish. A little, you know, those little bite side. Sure, sure. Walks by and goes, I don't want you to faint

and tosses it at me. Like, say hello, like, slid it. And it just hits the table and slides and it's like spun and landed like, facing me. Jesus. And it really made me want to like, just unfolder and eat her out. Yeah, well, we've got to move the, a lot of that dough.

I mean, a goldfish toss. Man, that's hot. She was definitely flirting. And then I actually ate him. I, I, I've got to move a lot of that dough. I mean, a goldfish toss. Man, that's hot. She was definitely flirting. And then I actually ate them. I was kind of sitting like this and doing like a, and when she came over and she said, how you fish? And I said, hey, I like to fish.

If you know what I mean. Woo! And, you know, we ordered the food and it was quite flirty, but then, you know, when you have like a good rapport and then they just take it just a little too far. She comes back like every three minutes and she's like, how are you almost doing? Should I, yeah, should I cut your dicks up

or get you another round? And you're like, all right. We got it. Yeah, yeah, there's a little thing called timing. We both just kind of had this thing of like, boy, this really sourd. Yeah, we gave her an inch and she jumped on it. It's like a film where you're like,

look at all this act shit and then all of a sudden you're like, I don't know, it's too much. Yeah, you hear that John Wick, but no, I totally get it. It starts great, but you gotta, you still gotta monitor it. You can't just go all in because then it's ruined. By the end, we were like, yeah, God.

I've done that with flirting too, where you know, like you'll be talking to a lady in high school and she's like, yeah, maybe we're gonna watch a movie together. And I'm like, yeah, I love a movie. I love to shoot a movie of Jizz on your face. She's like, I gotta go. And you're like, oh, wait, I blew it, you know?

Could you gotta pretend that you don't want a fucker? It's very silly. Shoot a movie of Jizz is pretty good. That's nice. Yeah, that's on her. She's sticking the mud. She didn't like it It's my cousin. Maybe try film next time film. It's artsy a film of jizz. Yeah By the way, I started ad for a movie though that it said non-stop action. I'm like, huh? What world are we living in that's positive?

All right non-stop action. You're like, what is no dialogue? Yeah, it's a shit movie. Yeah, how does it open? Yeah, even like 70% action would be annoying even a porno, which has a lot of action Has some some moments of not actually got to meet the teacher It's in stop action. Isn't that something stop motion? Oh stop motion animation. Yeah, yeah, Horus and Grimmis What is it called boy? Death is the ultimate stop motion All right, okay, yeah Fox is stop motion these two episodes in a day are tough. I think this is some of my favorites That's you have to her goal fish, but anyways, none of that had anything to do with anything

But then I went to Los Angeles is the point yeah Tinseltown La La Land well first I went back Los Angeles is the point. Yeah, LA, Tensil Town, La La Land. Well, first I went back to King Harbor for one day, which was nice, because you kind of settled. You go from show bids to like settle back into some family hang, and then you head to LA, which by the way, that trip is longer than you think. I'm like, I'll go to Seattle, just dip down to LA,

but you're LA is all the way down there. That's like a three and a half hour flight. Yeah, that is a little hectic. So I go down to LA and I'm excited and I have this thing now, you know, I'm having a baby, my father's gay, I'm like, I gotta start making moves. Yeah.

Cause everyone, you know me, everyone goes to LA, they hit Bobby Lee and the other guy, and to Dylan, and you're doing six pods a day, you have general meetings and the tenant meetings. Yeah, eight of them. None of them out to anything, by the way. You're working.

You're doing spots, and I go out there. I see a, I smoke a cigar with John again. I go to a basketball game with Chris Walsh. I kiss Andy Hendrixson on the lips, and I do one podcast that nobody's ever heard of. So I go this time, I go, I'm going there and I'm gonna fucking make moves. I see, did Annie Letterman, the other one?

Yeah, I really set some stuff up and I was like, this is gonna be, this is a business trip. Hell yeah. And I'm going in Monday and I'm doing Santino's putt. Hey, that's a doozy. That's huge. Huge. He's a star this man. that's a doozy. That's huge. Huge. He's a star this man.

He's a red headed fun cat. And every time I'm in LA, he says, hey, you gotta do my pot. It just doesn't quite work out. He keeps trying. I miss him. He misses me. Whatever.

He comes up with some excuse to not have me. But so this time I go, we're doing it. We're locked and loaded. There you go. Put the pressure on. And he says, you know, I'm on the road, but I'll be back Monday. I said, I'll be there Monday.

Can we do Monday evening? He says, you got it. So then I get there. I go to the hotel Ziggy, which is stayed at the pool. I love the Zig. Right across the Statsenth, the comedy hotel now. And there's a show in there, by the way. That's right.

So I go over there, I check in, and I'm going, all right. Well, we don't have, you know me. I'm a schedule guy. Yeah, yeah, Ziggy Smalls. I like a time, I like, I like, to know what's going on, but all I have from Santino is, well, Monday evening. I hate that little vague. So I'm just sitting there and jerking off,

looking at photos of him, you know, just can't wait, I'm waiting. And I start thinking, should I text him and go, hey, what time? But three, four, five, something. You know, my parents don't look me in the eye or hug me. So I get no confidence and I go, well, maybe he probably, he knows I'm here.

He doesn't look like me. Here we go. So it gets about 5 p.m., 6 p.m., around 6.30 p.m. I'm like, well, the late afternoon is coming, God. Ship of sails. He hates me. Everybody hates me. Then you got shows, right?

No shows. No shows. Okay. It's Monday night. So I'm like, I'm doing Santana. I don't need to do a show. That's the big kitten commutal. Sure. So time passes and I go, all right, well, obviously I suck and nobody likes me including my parents. So I text old seeded up, Chris Walsh, my old pal,

played Uncle Maki and the hit film Fourth of July. Ah yes. And I say, hey, you wanna go see, what's the name of that horror? The Boogie Man? The Boogie Man. That's it. It's a Stephen King picture.

They didn't really get creative there. Because I haven't heard from anybody and I was gonna go to some show and then I was like, whatever, whatever. Someone asked me to do a show and I was like, I don't feel like doing a show. I'm jet lagged, I'm gay. And he goes, great, let's go see the Boogie Man.

What a friend, this guy is spontaneous. Oh, he's the best. So now I'm just like, now I gotta do do pushups and try to make a video because I came into LA going I'm gonna cream the pain. I'm gonna wipe the floor with this town. Yeah, you're gonna see boogie man with Chris Walsh. Oh Man, if you could do that in New York. So we go to the Grove and but now don't you have this feeling once everything frees up you go This is great. This is my favorite to do. I love going to the movies. I love hanging with Chris So we catch up we walk around the Grove we go to the movie lights go down the screen comes up the magic Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Oh Hollywood movie incomes a shooter. Oh I go up shit forgot to put my phone on vibrate. Yeah, San Tino

Dude, I'm like, oh He hits me. It's 8 p.m. The movie is beginning. Oh my god And I get to the porn hey, what's up? And I'm like fuck so I'm like this guy I hate a text read a movie, but it seems a movie star this guy. Oh, he's big. Yeah, he's probably in boogie man So I go hey What's going on? He's like what the fuck I totally spaced. I'm a fucking idiot I hate myself. I'm a piece of shit and I go hey, don't worry. I forgot about it too Meanwhile, I was crying half an hour earlier. I had my tuxedo on I go oh, what that old thing I didn't even rely on that bumping my career. That wasn't even the cornerstone of this whole trip.

Don't big whoop. So he writes, what about Wednesday? Can you do Wednesday? I say put me down for Wednesday. Okay. I'll clear the schedule. He goes, okay, 4p Wednesday. I say, thank Christ on Christmas.

You got it. Finally a time. Put the phone on silent. Shove the phone in the pocket. Put my feet up. I watched the boogie man, and yeah, pretty fun. So, we'd win though, you got a, you got a movie in with Walshi and you got the pod still.

Yes, and I mentioned before it was Chris, we're all bossed, but it's like family, it's like I got to connect with some family. It all worked out too bad you're leaving the LA on Tuesday. So I go, great, that's all done, Then I do, you know, jaiying summers. She's a beauty, I did her, oh shit, I owe her a text. I think I'm totally forgot. She does my laundry, I think. She, um, she's great.

I go and do her podcast. We do a couple of videos together. I go over, I do Corolla. Okay. Hit the Corolla show. I have a Corolla. You do what's around here. You got that right.

Plus I got my juggernaut. Yes. Yes. So Tito. Rouncin Tito, that's it and clean up. You're a round guy. Then I go and do the store. I did a spot at the, what's the baby room? The what's it called? Belly.

The belly room. Yeah, boy, look at you. What are you, Brian Callett? I'm running that town. I go over there. I see all the buddy boys, Luke comes and hangs out and and letterman and I saw you know Whitney Cummings and all the people. It's very exciting and

Ally Makoski who I love seeing. She's a good egg great hangs cool to be at the store Then my hotel is right across the street. Oh, yeah, and it's just a great time then The I got the improv that's the big show. I, uh, I got the improv. That's the big show. I'm doing two shows at the improv. Love it. Wednesday night.

So I wake up Wednesday morning. I got the big Santino Procurella and the morning Santino in the afternoon. Woo! Action, pack day. Not on stop action. Two celebrities. And then, uh, I got the, uh,

uh, let me just see what's going on here. Whoopsie daisy big fuck up can't do the podcast today We'll do it another time I promise and I go hey, no, that's what you kidding. I didn't even want to do that Yeah, who's this again? I got too many followers my ticket sales to through the roof But you know what I mean? I like when my special just stops at a number and stops gaining views. Don't sweat it. Well let me ask you, because you can't help but wonder.

If you were Theo Vaughn, is he, is he, is he, Spaceon, is he, Broom, I do. Well I'm not the O Vaughn. I guess so. But you know, you want to treat everyone equally. Yeah, he's very, I mean, first of all, I gotta say he's sweet as a variable.

He'll get me on. I'm sure I'll do the podcast before I pass away. Eventually, yeah. 12 years, maybe. Plus the specials coming out, no, I get, that's better if I do it. He got a little grace. Yeah, he likes me.

I'm not pretty sure. He likes you. He's a good guy. And he's a, he's a, he's a bench. Yeah, he, I Yeah, I think so. But you know, it happens, but you're like, all right, sir, but that's actually nice too. Even though I wanted to take the world by storm,

that opens up the schedule. I head up Johnny and I go, hey, I'll see you at the V-Cut. Let's have some cigars. Oh, yeah, V-Cut. So I go over the V-Cut. We have a great hang, cigars, Henry Phillips. By the way, I spent,

I forgot to mention Henry. I spent most of my time with Henry. We went on to breakfast, cigars, Henry Phillips. By the way, I spent, I forgot to mention Henry. I spent most of my time with Henry went on to breakfast, stories galore, we're laughing our asses off. Henry Winkler, who's got more stories than Old Hen? The best, the best, Hen House. Best hang there is, he's scoring the Tom Dustin film, which is exciting.

He might even write an original song for it. It's gonna be a big deal. Get excited for that film. What a talent. So I'm doing the it. It's gonna be a big deal. Get excited for that film. What a talent. So I'm doing the improv. I got my friend Lindsay Adams hosting. I got Henry Phillips on the show. I got Luke Monis on the show.

And then my old pal Jason Laughhead, come out and do a guest call. Hey, boy, a lot of heavy hitters. We need a brown, I think. So, what are you gonna do? There you go. So it's a hang, it's a hang and a half. And then Chris Walsh comes to hang John

He comes to hang Andy Woodall comes to me and he's and it's comes to hang the whole dry bar Line up. We got every white guy with a 50 mile radius is up in that attic killer hang killer shows Two's gaze galore Oh, you see the two shows in the attic two shows it was killer and we just had a hang up there. Everyone's laughing, a large peak came out. No, a peak's a good kid. She's a good egg, she came out and everyone, oh, who's the other guy? Michael, for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for for comic he's funny i think he might have been an atlanta at one point maybe i made that up though

michael caster you know how i really like that he comes in lunch we're kicking old stories around and it's just packed in there there we go and uh... that was hot stuff and i think i mentioned most of the stuff oh anyway so yeah still Still did some stuff. I did Letterman, I did Corolla, I did Jaiying, I did my old podcast with Luke Monis, which was great. Oh, nice. Mindful Metal Jacket, which is coming back this week.

I think tomorrow. I think tomorrow, Mindful Metal Jacket is back. MMJ. So get up, my morning jacket, get on there, subscribe, YouTube, the whole thing, and I think Luke Monis is gonna be the first one. That's how good it was we moved it up to the top of the pie. Oh, that's a good That's very flattering moanie. So I think that's tomorrow and by the way, you're not gonna like this Uh-oh. I want to do earmuffs Derek Delivan Walsh said Luke Moneys said that's my favorite friend of yours I've ever hung out with. Oh

That hurts. Yep. Oh, he's a he's a show guy. He lives in the show. I know. Well, he maybe he's intimidated by you or he's nervous or you know, he didn't bring the heat that day. Such as good ones. What are you gonna do? Touching more than that. Oh, maybe I'll do it more.

But anyways, love the bonus. My female jacket, check it out. But I just want to say the improv, magical night. Great room. Yeah, Lindsay, Laura, Andy, Andrew, everybody, up, but I just want to say the improv, magical night. Great room. Yeah. Lindsay, Laura, Andy, Andrew, everybody, everybody hung and we told a million stories. Then I had this thing, which was brutal. We're upstairs hanging out all night and we're like, all right, let's wrap it up.

It's getting late. I have an early flight. We walked downstairs. The staff is just standing there waiting to lock it up. Oh, I've been there. I was like, what? That's the worst. I thought you guys were, I didn't want to be that guy.

No, no. Like any griffin' or something. Yeah. They were waiting for us. I was like, I would have left two hours ago. Ah, you're a black comic. I had no idea. Big honor.

Big honor, I was taking forever. Oh, brutal. Apologies to the Hollywood improv and have me back for God's sakes. I didn't know. Yeah, they'll have you back. I mean, you sold some tickets. You got all the friends there. And you should, you could have thrown all those God's sakes. I didn't know. Yeah, they'll have me back. I mean, you sold some tickets, you got all the friends there,

and you should, you could have thrown all those comics on. Yeah, I wanted to do my time. Of course, of course. But that was all those hangs where you go out, you leave and you go on the sidewalk and you start to take a bite, and you're like, oh, did I ever tell you that was? And it was hanging out in the street for a while.

That was beautiful. Unsunset, cut it up, it's a blast. Melrose. Yeah, you're right. But then next morning, we had this long debate about who, go to the airport. John against one of these guys, he leaves for the airport 10 minutes for the flight.

Yeah. When I was free check, and you know me, of course, I leave nine days early. I liked it. We had this long debate. Everyone's chiming in. They're like, I'm like you. No, no, you're crazy.

No, I would leave at this hour. And I say, I don't, I'm not looking for any advice. My flight set, 9.45, I'm leaving at 6 and I don't know, you're crazy. You know, I would leave at this hour, and I say, I'm not looking for any advice. My flight's at 9.45, I'm leaving at 6.30, I don't give a fuck. Wow. Yada, yada. Get there. Get out of my thing. I go to text John again, I'm like,

I'm here at three hours early, baby, and I love it. I'm going to that lounge, whatever, two and a half, then I get this. No, it's Santino. This time then I get this. Oh, Santino. This time it's Delta. Hey, your flight's been delayed four hours. Just wanted to let you know. Really four?

Literally four. Oh my Lord. It was going to smog. The smog strangle, all the smoke was out here. In New York. London smog. And it ended up being delayed six full hours. It was one of those ones, every two hours

it goes to delayed another hour. I spent six hours, the six hour delay, and I was there two hours early. So I spent almost eight hours at the lounge. I mean, how many? In the airport, how many meatballs can you eat? It was brutal. It was a long, long fucking day.

And the worst part was I was like coming back and I had it all planned, the Stanley Cup finals, we're going Cup finals. I was like I got Thursday. I'm gonna get home at 6 p.m. chill out order food watch the hockey game and just unwite it was a nine-day trip and I lost all I got home at 1 a.m. and the next day I had to go right back to work and shit. Oh, 1 a.m. now just imagine if you didn't have the lounge my god. Oh forget about it.. Now just imagine if you didn't have the lounge my god Oh forget about it He's spent eight million bucks at the airport bar because that's the other thing is I get on a lot of I go to the airport

A lot of openers and they're be like oh we got three hours of my soul get hammered I like I like to drink as much the next guy. I'm hung over right now I don't want to go get hammered at an airport and then get on a flight and then you get to your city and you're all I don't want to go get hammered at an airport and then get on a flight and then you get to your city and you're all hung over and banged. That's fun to me. No, well, it was to me, but you know, I got you. But I know the feeling, but,

something was, at least you could pass the time. That's true. I'm shit out. But it was rough, but the nice thing was so many people got off of my flight because it was delayed so long. I ended up getting the first class upgrade with the bed and all that stuff.

Holy, the bed. Yeah. Oh, the bed is big. So bed was nice, but no live TV, so I missed the entirety of the hockey game, which sucks. But what happened, Delta? You're number one airline. Well, I think it was the smoke.

Ah, the smoke. The smoke. You don't want none of this smoke. But, yeah, that was the LA trip, but I'll get on Santino Pod. I swear to God. The funny thing is you could have done three Santinos on that airport trip.

I know, it's a good point. But he's a busy man. He's got multiple podcasts. He's a movie star. He's a TV. He's touring. I mean, he's huge. I bumped into him and I said,

I'm going to Australia goes, I was just there shooting a movie for a month. I was like, who are you? You're like fucking Marco Robbie. Nice guy by the way. Great angle. So nice. He's one of these guys like, wow, I didn't want to bother.

He's like, bother me. What are you out of your fucking mind? He's like, just text me, you dummy. I'm gonna die. I hate myself. He's a normal dude, he's a bench, and I usually hate redheads. Yeah, not a fan.

I think they're cursed. So I keep going, where are we at for time? 15. Oh, I got more stuff over here. All I keep going, where are we at for time? Oh, I got more stuff over here. All right, break it on you, buddy. You got more stuff? I'm out. I got the Jewish wedding and that's it. I saw the the oil and you got a V-cut. I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm loving every minute.

By the way, what the fuck's this name? Ah, shit, the guy that works at the V-cut. Gal Carnegie. He's a huge, huge fan of space of spacing on his name right now. Brandon, Brendan, Alex Brad Charlie. They weren't being Steve Vince. Steve Lissett. I don't know if we're going to get it. Even if you said I wouldn't know it. Well, you wouldn't know. I don't know. Okay. But he's a fucking asshole. The old guy. He's a

great. Derek huge gay. He gave me a beautiful cigar. I gotta give him a shout out I don't know his name. I know his name. I just I'm spacing right now the cameras are on. I'm so sorry Charlie Steve No cigar tell him Steve Dave Fuck he gave me a game you have fucking Cuban cigar longer than my father's cock. It was a beauty I went right home and smoked it two inch cigar pretty good. Oh Shit Charlie Brandon Brandon Colin Ruthan Michael Steve. I'm sure you got it at some point. Ah Brady Brody Brandon. We're not gonna say it we don't know it. Yeah, I guess this is just Either way, I think I know you're talking about he's doing Santino's pod tomorrow

Well, I let me to oh I forgot the six-hour flight delay This this name do anything for you Bob Bafford baby Don't baby. I don't know Bobby I'm bad for he's the most famous horse trainer guy you know if you saw a big head of white he's got big mop a white hair I'm very wealthy he wins all the Derby's and the duck hounds whatever is he short like a jockey no he's not a jockey he's like the owner guy or the

trainer or the oh I think he's the owner okay check Bob Bob Bafford I think he's an owner I think he's a horse owner how. Check, Bob Baffert. I think he's an owner. I think he's a horse owner. How did he smaw, swarmed with people? Was he mobbed? I mean, how'd you recognize him? I saw the face and I knew everyone, he had like a gang around him. Horses?

And no horses. A band of horses. A horse. Ah, true, of course. A horse, a horse, a kingdom for a horse. He, uh, he's got this mop of bright white hair. You'd recognize him. I don't know about a bathroom.

Well, I don't know. What do you got? American race horse trainer who trained the 2015 triple crown winner. Yes. In the 2018. What was that cigar, brown cigar? What was his name?

American Farrow and Justify. Yeah. Oh, Justify. Coming down. Well, he's oh He's the big guy you'd recognize I'm I guess but yeah, I was looking at him and he's got me worth $25 billion Wow Bafford so Bob Bafford you were right next to a celeb you had no idea I don't know that wasn't really anything horse face

But let me tell you about this because I think you might enjoy this I don't know if it's a story or whatever. My dickhole. There's two episodes of the day or tough. But I had a spot at the old Fat Black Pussycat bar. Ah, the bar. It can be tough. It can. So is that the comedy seller's sister room or cousin room or whatever the fuck. So a horse bread.

So I walk into the- I love. Loud. I walk into the bar and I'm a little early, you know me. Still the same old G, but I've been looking. I look at the video, I see Keith Robinson, is on over at the lounge. Yes, yes, funny guy. So I go, oh, let me pop over and see Keith.

He'll be dead by the end of this podcast. Sure, he's a stroke of genius. So I poke in, I look in there, and this man, Keith Robinson, one of the most beloved men, comedian ever. New York staple. Anybody not like Keith? I think the clan. Yeah, maybe that, but anyone that knows him,

even the clan, if they saw him, true, talked to him, they'd be like, this guy's all right. Yeah, Grand Wizard of Comedy. So I go, let me go see Keith, I poke in there, and now I haven't seen Keith in a while. Always a funny guy. I'm like, yeah, this will be fun. I'll watch Keith for a little bit.

Mind blowing. Kala murdering. Wow. Murdering the best shit. I feel like rock and comedians. This is the best show I've seen in 10 years. I was in Australia, probably hammered at a bar. You texted me this, I was like,

how about, wow, you're blown away. I mean, stories, you're talking about his stroke, and then he had a second stroke, and he had a stroke during COVID, and he's telling the stories. It was like prior, it was better than prior. Wow, come on now. I'm not kidding, Jerry.

I mean, prior came first, and what I'm not saying Keith is better than prior, but I'm saying this show is better than anything I've seen in a long time, and he's like murdering in a way that's like, oh, this is different than I killed. Like, guys, I killed it. I mean, people screaming, yelling, knee-slapping, joy.

Like a joy bomb went off. Yeah. And just killer stuff. And he's laughing and smiling and having this joy. And he's all dinged up. And he's at a stroke. He's got the arm thing. Yeah, his arm's a little wacky.

He looks like Trump imitating a tard. Yeah, yeah, that guy, the New York Times filler movie. Right, right. But I mean, got to see the show I mean I feel like I feel like Henry Hills Grove at Janice Rossi You got to see these impressions. It's funny because he was on VU before me and I was running I was running there and I was like Keith's on I want to go see it and I got there and he was yelling at the crowd You guys suck you suck and I was like damn he's not not having the moment

Wow, this was he was doing it and then one party did the like, I got the lie, but I don't give a shit, and then everyone went crazy for that. Wow. The comics are laughing, and it's just killer stuff. I mean, stories, bits, every kind of way you can be funny, and I've never seen anyone kill the lounge like, come on!

I swear to God, I mean, the lounge is a tough room. Oh yeah, it can be wacky. He was murdered, and then the stairs are all filled with comics, and it was so good. I was like, I mean the lounge is a tough room. Oh yeah, it can be wacky. He was murdered and then the stairs are all filled with comics and it was so good. I was like, I was literally blown away. Whoa. And they were like, you're next, cause whoever didn't show up and I was like, fuck, I want to keep watching this thing.

They're like, they showed up. So I was like, oh nice, I get to watch. And it was really something. So if you're in New York or if he's on the road, wherever it goes, go see the show, he's got a film it. Because. Yes, yes, put it on wax there. Keith it goes, go see the show, he's got a film it because. Yes, yes, put it on wax there, Keith, because we'd like to, like to preserve this.

Masterful, and that was always just the best hang. That funniest guy, good hang at the table. You get Henry Phillips and Keith Robinson at a table. I'm sitting down. You got that right, Fetty. Because Keith is, it's so great about Keith, and he says he's like, you have to be on the side of funny. I'm sitting down. You got that right, Fanny. Because Keith is... What's so great about Keith is any... And he says he's like,

You have to be on the side of funny. Yes! Yes! And Keith will take any side against anybody just to be funny. That's what I love about it. Yeah, so true. You never hear Keith being like this. No, no, that's not right.

He's like this. Yes, fuck you. Keith, the legendary moment, set up a force, say it again. Louis C.K. is in a world of shit because his set got leaked. Yes, fuck you. Keith, the legendary moment, set up a four, say it again. Louis CK's in a world of shit because his set got leaked. A big comedian movie producer guy is there

and he's going, what he said was a warrant that was horrible. You shouldn't even make jokes about that. And we're all debating. And though, it's like eight comics going, I don't know. And sometimes, yeah, that was too far. That was crazy. And then Keith goes, he walks up and he goes,

what are y'all talking about? And we tell him the story and he goes, ah, that's funny. And we all lost it because he was, he was looking at this giant movie producer, you know, famous guy. And he was like, you're wrong, that's killer. Blow me.

Now Keith is the best special guy. I got to do the impractical jokers, cruise with them and just the best hangs, fucking hilarious guy, but you gotta go see this stuff. I mean, obviously a very funny comic is whole career and the funniest guy to hang out with, ever. I mean, just has everyone dying and just trashing everybody. But this new hour, this is special.

Oh yeah. Go see it. And to have a stroke and have all the material about it, I think two strokes. I believe so Yeah, yeah, he's all Wacked out in the brain from the wings and the fries and the wine. I don't know what happened But yeah, he's got me doing jumping jacks. I'll tell you that. Oh, yeah, watch that blood pressure fatty Cuz it pushes to the roof the V cut will get you

You don't have to cut your losses. Oh, I had two secos yesterday Oh Two of a day. And wings and fries, tater tots. Your sti-brenner, he's two cigars. Oh God, I'm gonna kill myself. I don't even know if he smokes cigars. But either way, where are you gonna be there, Sloughby?

You're loving. Well, this weekend, well, first of all, my for mental jacket coming back tomorrow. This is the 11. Yes. And 7-11. Wait, look at how does she like that? 7 11. This weekend,

Irvine, California, Irvine improv next weekend at San Jose improv, August 3rd to the fifth Providence Comedy Connection, August something to the something Nashville, Zainey's. I also have Philadelphia, Helium coming up, October fifth through the seventh, and then Cubs in San Francisco. I have the Dallas Improv soon.

Ton of dates, go to my YouTube. I'm putting a ton of shit up on my YouTube. My fundamental jacket is on there. Joe and Ron on talk movies is up there. I do it all these play by play bullshit that's on there. I got a bunch of Grove 34s that are on there. So go subscribe, obviously a comedy special called. Oh, we get this.

Also, by the way, August 18th, my new special comes out. I don't know, that's like, fuck did I not plug that earlier. I'm an idiot. August 18th, it's gonna premiere probably 10 PM Eastern, something like that. August 18th on YouTube, so make sure you subscribe. Put that in your books, August 18th. We'll watch it together, we'll be in the chat room

just like last time, algorithm. Nice, Marie calendars. I've got a tour cooking, you don't say, check my website, because I don't have enough new material. I'm terrified of this new tour. It comes out after the Netflix special, which is a lie 25 Check that out put that in the calendar, but I need new material so I got all this free time So I just hit the agent I said book me in some places and he goes well, I can't ruin your markets because we're trying to sell tickets And I go well find some new places. This guy found me a place Davenport,. I mean, he scoured the earth to find these wacky gigs. So check my website. I might be coming to your

backyard. Who the hell knows? It's gonna be country. It's gonna be Kookie. Say hello. Gotta work out the new and yeah July 25th Netflix one hour special. The word retard is in quite a, and I'm very nervous. Chuck! Check out my podcast, Fun Bearable, at Fun Bearable Pod, everywhere. We're so far out, so Mike Cannon was just on. Hopefully Alan Fitzgerald would be on it. Just directed his special, check it out. It's called Straight for Pay.

Nice! Straight for Pay! All right, folks, that'll do it. Here's your free bread rolls.