Tuesdays with Stories! - #514 Temple of Zoom

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

The boys are globetrotting! Joe goes to L.A. - hitting up Andrew Santino's podcast and basking in that California sun. Mark goes to Just For Laughs in Montreal and spends some time with sweet sweet Sam Morill, Dan Soder, Brad Williams, Tom Papa and more! Other topics include: snorkels! It's Tuesday baby! Tuesdays with Stories will be live 8/22/23 in Philly! Grab those ticks! Our Stuff: - patreon.com/tuesdays Sponsors: - Support the show & get 20% off & free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com with the code TUESDAYS - Support the show & get 20% off & free shipping with code TUESGAYS at https://www.sheathunderwear.com

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great, good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard! And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha! Surf's up!

And she didn't even flush. Knock knock! Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe Liss! Yeah! This Tuesdays with stories, everybody. Yeah, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

My radio is spitting at me. Hey! The fucking walls are falling in on us, folks. It's all over. We got jizz on the drywall here. Mine looks considerably jizzier than yours. Yeah, I think Shelby had more fun putting your side up. You know what I think he did? Yeah, I think he was like, we need a ton of jizz.

And then maybe he was like, maybe not so much jizz. Or maybe that one was taped. I don't know what happened. I had a tape, a nail, a gum, a cleave. When I was a kid, I used to jizz on the walls. Yes, I remember. Yeah, it iced a gizz on the walls. Yes, I remember. Yeah, it looked similar. It was less yellow.

This person might need medical attention. Yeah, they're drinking a lot of coffee, or they're jerking off the simpsons and something up because it looks like a frosted flag right here. Yeah, it's a mectoplasm in there. It's a lot of yellow number five. Now, what's not interesting is if you come to whatever color you're masturbating to See you giz black and your wife is like hey, what is it? Oh, that's fun chocolate jizz My name in high school now there's a product. Yes, chocolate jizz. It's quick. All right. I like that. Okay, got it

But yeah, yeah, you come and it comes out. Yeah, you drove up the avatar. You got blue balls. Blue cup. There we go. Okay. Blue come, we're back folks. These are the worst cool aid flavors.

It's been a couple of weeks since we recorded it. And by the way, we're talking off here. We're talking here. Your prayer is gonna be answered. We're getting a new studio. You're already here first. I don't know what's our lease look like. How long are we here for? We're getting a new studio. You're hurting it first. I don't know what our lease look like. How long are we here for?

We gotta get out of here. We can get out, it's been six months at least, and we're gonna new office, maybe a new co-host. We'll figure it out, but it's gonna be fun. Well, I went to Los Angeles, Hollywood, La La Land, Synth City, The Windy City, my mother's asshole, and Tetzletown. You do a few podcasts and you're in Paris.

Yeah. They all have a house and an apartment. I go, I did sicklers, I did Santinos. He just got a hella pad, he comes in on its wild. Which by the way, I get to Santinos. He's like, hey, why is everyone writing to me that I fucked you over? And I was like, ah, sorry about that. Can I tell the story on here about how I was booked?

It's book jury. And he canceled. And then these fans, we appreciate you, we love you. But everyone starts writing at centino. You piece of shit, helpless, darn, fuck phase. These nerds that come, they rolled deep on the comments. I know, and I'm like, what? Oh, I don't know.

And he's like, you're talking shit about me. And then he smacked me and put his pinky in my ass. So yeah, I got multiple beef seven out there. Ginger snap. But yeah, that was fun beef, evidently. Wow, ginger snap. But yeah, that was fun, but you show up there, and exactly like you said, they got an attendant with an orange vest parking you. And Red Gov, what is that?

The velvet fog? Velvet underground? In velvet rope revolver. There you go. Velvet, lot of velvet. Yeah, velvet throat, Roy Orbison. That was the column? That was it, little rough velvet velvet. Yeah, velvet throat, Roy Orbison. That was the column. That was it, little rough velvet throat.

It's a little sexual. Only the lonely. Yeah, I think that sounded pretty good. Not bad, I don't know. Roy, that was more of a satin throat. But Eddie Jiz, I went out there and it's just lovely and sickler too, he has an office with like three studio. They all have kitchens.

Are you garbage? Has a kitchen and a TV and a balcony? We gotta get, you know what I mean? It's great. Some twink comes in and go, who needs a coffee? I got donuts. You're like, you have a twink? We lost Shelby years ago.

I know, we don't have a twink. We gotta chuck and no twink. But. We gotta make some changes. It's all messy. This stuff should be hanging. I mean, look at this beauty. That is spectacular.

You're holding all of this with all these goodies. We can throw up there. This is a beautiful piece of wood. We got Keu-Gur over there. Oh, yeah. Oh, we got the Asman. We just... We got a hire somebody to come in and hang all this stuff for us.

And then hire somebody to record sound and video. You know what I mean? Somebody to edit. Really clean house. Yeah, just start fresh. Here, that's, sister. We got upgrade. Maybe we'll change the name,

because didn't that one guy say, remember that podcast guru said you got three problems? The name sucks. That doesn't suck, but he's like, I don't know what it is. You know, you got the Joe Rogan Experience, Bert Cast, bad friends, you get a feel for it. We're Tuesdays with Jizz on the wall.

But we're stories. That's true. That's true. We're telling stories. At that point, it is a play on Tuesdays with more, which we have nothing to do with. We never really, we don't care. In order, I don't think people,

our listeners aren't a big, Greg Alpin fans, what is it? Mitch Albin. Mitch Albin. Close. Not really, but yeah, then he said, this is Gopperns, the book that's Stand Up New York.

He said the studio looks like hell, which we'll give him that. We're talking about it right now. Who's this again? Who's talking? He was a monk in a temple. He was sitting down, he had a robot, he knew all about pods.

He was a guru. Oh, Temple of Zoom. Yeah. Count it, and then he said, there's no guests. What you gotta give him that one. We gotta get guests. Or we don't, they don't like it, I don't know. It's hard to say, because the guests brings in somebody,

but then they hate the guests. I know, I know, it's tough. You know what be good is, if we do the whole show and then just do 10 minutes of a guest, that way the guest is on the thumbnail. Oh, the name. So it brings the person in, but then they don't have to say shit. Thumbnail in the coffin, I like it.

That's pretty good. I mean, you'll get the weird Bobby Lee fans who are like, what the hell? And they'll say, the comment will say, Bobby Lee, 33 minutes. They always tell you when they come in. Right. Man these people are quives. But once they hear us, we'll have them. Don't you think? That's the plan. Subject to come out of our nip nips. Don't you think think?

But I think the soup might help. Yeah, we should the Dre. He looked like you're representing me. Well, yeah, I got uh, I did that we shot a some sketch with uh, salacuse. Well, yeah, I got I did it. We shot a some sketch with Salacus. Oh, yeah, and we needed an office to shoot it and I showed up with the wrong suit We shot half the sketch in the park a couple weeks ago with your wife. Yes, yes, and and Joe to Rosa who's a very funny guy obviously and and Dave Jessica who's fucking right funny guy, obviously, and Dave Juskow, who's, oh, fucking right, I'm rolling over there. Great actor. And I had to bring a suit for the pickups,

the second half of the thing, and I wore the wrong suit, I fucked him up. Oh, and you want to have two suits? I got two suits. You went 50-50 and you blew it. Well, it was in a bag, it was zipped up, and I looked, the shirt was right, and I just grabbed it and got here, and that's the worst feeling when you have to go

Hey pardon me Sally, you want to step over here? I got the wrong suit on a piece of shit man, unsuitable, but he's so Chill yeah, he was like, I don't worry about him over it And I'm like, but the whole movie's gonna suck. It's gonna be a piece of shit now. And he's like, I don't care Yeah, he doesn't seem to care. He must go back to his garage and break everything. He's a rentedy now. He's even Steven. I don't know what his deal is and Wacky guy.

Wacky guy, but he know he pops off at these weird moments. You see him with a city bike and he's throwing it down Broadway and you're like, what's going on? He's like, ah, the potholes or whatever. So he always finds a way to get it out. Yeah, he's a sweet boy and sometimes I think he's half-retarded because I was like, this is a weird question, but I go, what's the address of our podcast, dude? Because I just know how to get here. I don't know the address. Yeah, same.

And then he gives me the address and he's like, but it's not actually on that street. It's around the corner. You go around the corner, you go through a rotating door, and they take the elevator, I'm like, yeah, I work. I just needed the number. Like he's explaining how to get here. He's like, I can meet you outside at one and take you up. And I'm like, Well, is he a tart? Does he, does he, does he, we're retarded?

Ah, well, that's fair. That's something. But he's like, explain that I get there. I'm like, that's my office. Yeah, I have a key card, you know, queen. But I did, I do not know the address here. No, I don't either, but why would we need that? We don't mail things.

It's like phone numbers. I don't know your phone number. He, you got it right in the box. I just say, hey, call a fuck face and then it dials you up. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! That's me. But yeah, you look sharp as a tack in this son of an onion. Oh, thank you. Well, we're all gonna die. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was gonna kill us. I'm super depressed. But yeah, it fits nice, you know.

I got it some tears by the AI. They can't go blue. I've tried. I put it in. They won't do won't do it Jerry right and I think that's good for us we can stay blue and Blue moon and I don't think it's I don't I don't really like when a computer can't tell you the truth Hmm, I mean it's good that I can't go blue for comedy sake, but the computer can't tell you the truth. Like, if you go tell me some some stereotypes about Asians, it won't do it. Yeah, that's the whole point of a computer. Not the slurs, but you know what I mean? It's like, it's computer does what you want.

Right. Well, I think these things are got, well, we can't go off an AI. Yeah, the two full bonuses, but I think these things, got well we can't go off an AI Yeah, it's a two-fold bonuses, but I think these things they're gonna be like Yeah, they're being must to shoot us or whatever seen the Boston dynamics videos. I don't even know what that is The Boston festival and that sucked so this is way scarier and a little funnier But yeah checking out those robot they like make dog robots and they go all right jump up on that that then then do a back flip off And I'll go and he'll jump up and flip off jump up and stuff in the basket Well scared to death and get down Sammy the good news if you got good AI news

It's not gonna kill us just shoot it my way, but I think it might solve cancer and also That'll be nice because I think I got both but you know, know, it's like New York. Sometimes you need a little grit. You know, you know, the age old question, hey, with the M&M store coming in, now it's you don't get any stab, but before you got stabbed, but you might get a whore. Yes. And there was excitement. It's fine. I just had a conversation with Sarah's family down in Cayman, which we'll get into.

Oh, Cayman. Cayman, Cayman, Cayman. Cayman, Cayman, Cayman. Cayman, Cayman, Cayman. We were talking about how, because that they have the offshore banking account. Game and game and game and Game in me We were talking about how that because that they have the offshore banking account That's a big place to hide your money. I right that in Swiss. Yes, Swiss and came in two great cheeses So we were talking and then Coco Sarah's mom goes, but why would you do that like you get caught?

And I just started laughing and you're like, well, you do it because you don't get taxed on the money. And she said, yeah, but you can get caught and go to jail. And I just had to cut in and be like, this is so funny because we're just having a discussion about a general discussion of crime. Right. It's like, you can get caught.

It's like, that's any crime. I hate this guy. So why would you kill him? Well, I don't have to deal with him anymore. Yes. You might go to jail. You're like, right, but he doesn't exist anymore. It was like such a weird thing.

We were like, do you have not an understanding of crime in general? Why would you take money? You can go to jail. Yes. Yes. But then you can have all the money for no work. That's, that's a, it's either or.

I got caught stealing beers once at Broadway Colberty Club 20 years ago and I had no money. And this guy goes, what do you do? You can't do that. I was like, yeah, I know. I didn't think he'd catch me. I didn't. But he didn't understand it.

I had the same exact thing with a cop in a story of Park when Tom doesn't like it busted for drinking beers in a brown paper bag. And he's like, you know, you can't drink it public. And I was like, no, I know. Yeah. And he's like, you know, but you still did it. And we're like, of course, yes, right. That's how it works.

Yeah, we were hoping you wouldn't come over and give us tickets. Yeah, we didn't plan on this part. Yeah, this is a bummer. Yeah, yeah, you're ruining our day, you dick. But any farts, I got an itchy dick. And so you just flew back and I was this epic or you got to save the...

I'm gonna save, I got a hum... Dinger of a story. I mean, this is a one for the story books later. All right, so we should just tease it. I'll tease it. I'll come back in next week because I'm on road hard, put away wet. My eyes are burning, my dick is burning,

and I'm on fumes, but boy, it was almost worth it for the story. Wow. Okay, well, so I guess this is just a tease for next week. I guess so. Maybe we should have run it up. Yeah, fuck down. But I got others. I got Munch. I got new faces. I got Phantom Power. I got new faces. Yeah, or JFL. Sorry. That's what I call it too. I have this all the time. Yeah. Well, that's the big thing to me. Because we are so obsessed with that. Exactly. So where did you just

come from? Davenport, Iowa. Not Montreal. No, that was before. I went from Montreal to Iowa. Right, right, right. Ooh. Clean classic. That was nice. That was a nice standard. Well, so, I mean, I don't know where to start.

Where do you want to go? I want to hear about the Tinseltown. Well, I thought I was doing Cayman. Oh, Cayman's fresh. Cayman's fresh, LA, Cayman's fresh, oh Cayman's fresh. Cayman fresh LA Cayman fresh and came out That's a rush. Yeah, all right. Oh, what are you taking a vague K? I've never heard of you going to the Caymans. Well, I've gotten a two-vay. This this month last three weeks I have swam in the Atlantic Ocean the Pacific Ocean and the Caribbean Wow

Well, I'm trying to live a little because I'm about to have a baby. And then shortly after that, the robots are gonna rape us. Yeah, yeah, maybe they can take care of the baby for you. Yeah, that's a little scary. Yeah, a little bit. Not a little bit side manner on a Texas instrument. But I don't know, maybe they will. Baby?

They could pop the baby off. That's what we're afraid of. You say, hey, take care of my baby. Right. The baby's crying. AI goes, I know how to get it to stop crying. It screw's its head off afraid of. You say, hey, take care of my baby. Right. The baby's crying. AI goes, I know how to get to stop crying. It's screwed to the set off. Right.

Right. That's the fear. And even worse, the robot's good. And the baby falls in love with the robot. Now that's dad-deh. Ah, you fuck. Ah, geez, sorry. Oh, we're gone.

And it starts fucking Sarah. It's all over. Well, add them into. Okay. Anything fucking Sarah, I'm into. All. Anything fucking Sarah, I'm into. All right. But anyway, so yeah, so we went, the first week of July, of course,

we were in Maine with my family for vacation. Then the end of July, she books the vacation with her family. So we got a book-ended family vacation. Oh. And you realize that each family has its own psychosis. Oh, yeah, can we conduct a lunatic invention outside? It's not easy, it's a lot.

And they're fun, they're funny, they're good people, they're smart as a whiff, all these people, they all read books. Okay, books, Jerry. Is this, are they gonna hear this? Probably not, I don't know. All right. I'm not gonna say nothing too bad, but they speak freely.

They consume a lot, they're smart, but they all like to tell, oh half, half tell all the stories and the other half just shuts down and I'm gonna shut down half. Sure. So I gotta tell you, it's good to see you, buddy, because- Lay it on me. I just went five days without talking

for more than seven seconds at a time. Wow. It's one of these we are like this. That reminds me of, oh, shoot. Oh, did I ever tell you about the time? Oh, geez. one of these we are like this. That reminds me of uh, oh, did I have a table at the time? Oh, geez. How do you not be aware of that? I'd go, I was, because you're the guest. I'm the guest. You give a little extra oomph. But it's similar in my family. It's, I don't know what you got to do to get the food. I know. I know exactly. Yeah, you're hanging out. You're like, I'm been all over the whipper snap of world.

I rack, you got credits, you know celebrities, you're making movies, what else is there? A Friends with Melrose Street, I've been to Israel for God's sake. You met Paul McCartney. That Paul McCartney and I've been to Ecuador during the pandemic. Wow.

These people, they act, not them, but just people in general act like you're like a half a retard or something. I know. They're like, have you ever snorkeled? I'm like, yeah, yeah, snorkeled. You like the water? Can you go in the water?

We're gonna be in the water. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I swam. It's a long swim. I'm like, I'm a long guy. I swam. I'll out swim you. We're gonna jump off a rock.

So there's rocks in the, so be careful. And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, bring me to it. How do you think I got here? I've been doing stuff. You weren't there before. But I think, I've been thinking about this a lot. I gotta make changes in my life. No, I do a lot of joking around.

I joke about everything. So people think I'm like a hyper-cont, people, first of all, I don't think some five, four. Every meeting greet, people are like, I didn't know you were tall. I can't believe you're tall, it's the number one thing I get. Interesting. And they think I'm just a four foot eight accountant

who's afraid of germs, I won't touch you, I know you hate germs, I'm like, why not afraid of germs? I don't think people should touch me, I don't get it. Right, right, yeah, well you look like an accountant today, but that is weird, four foot eight. They're like, you need hand sanitizer, can you eat something but you're okay.

Right, right. Have you ever worn a snorkel mask? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've lived a full life here. I've been to war. I've been in St. Amos, St. Palace. Hopefully a cat didn't walk in the room. They'd probably tackle you.

The cats too. People are like, oh, you got a cat near this guy. I'm like, it's a bit, it's a cat. It's a bit. I'm joking. People are like, you got to get out. I'm like, I am out. That's where I gang. It's a bit, it's a joke. It's a big. People, you gotta get out. I'm like, I am out. That's where I'm seeing the cooks.

Right. If I was in, I wouldn't know about the cooks. I know. People send me cook news to send to you. Is there a baby crying, by the way? Oh my God. That's what the ghost of future. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Well, we're not the loudest fuckers in here now. That's nice. But there's, yeah, there's just ghosts, but yeah, anyway, is people like, get a eye on that baby. And it's, so ironic, too, because most of these people, they're not the loudest fuckers in here now. That's nice, but this yeah, that just goes But yeah anyways people like get a eye on that baby and it's so ironic too because most of these people they're inside They're on the computer going hey afraid of the cooks. I know that's true I'm like well walking around I'm out here. Yeah, I'm in the big apple here Anyways, I digress so we go to Cayman Islands, which is where they grew up going they've been going for years I got it which is a lot of pressure when you're going on a trip

to everyone's family spot. I'm sure you've had this with the cape or whatever with those family. Definitely. They want, you know, really, you gotta be jizzin' every five minutes. Yes, they wanna show you everything. Yes, they're like, have you seen this?

Look at this, and it's hard because I don't, I loved it. And you don't wanna sound cynical, but you're like, it's very because I don't, I loved it. And you don't want to sound cynical, but you're like, it's very similar to Aruba and Key West. Yeah. A Tampa, a good, a beach is a beach. It's spectacular. Life's a beach.

But you're like, wow, and sometimes you're like, I'm like, wow, this is great. But it's not enough. You got to do what? Oh my God. I know, but that's a lot of work. That is a lot of work and to do over and over for every one of them, it's too much.

It's a lot. It's a vacation after all, is it not? I'm like, yeah, no, this is awesome. And now I don't know how you feel. How are you feel about the snorkel? I think it's overrated. This is why we're such good buzz. Yeah, well, I'm just above the, I'm an inch below.

I mean, inch, you just had his dunked. I got a dunked head with an antenna. That's it, that's the whole thing. It's nice, I like it, but here's the thing, and this is where people I think get the wrong impression of old fungal joke. I, everyone thinks I'm a big, yeah, that's why I gotta stop being so joking.

I gotta get a visoline and contacts and beef up a little or something. Get some fist fights. Sure. Because people think I'm just a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a there you can stuff. But I need some action. Give me a rock to jump on. Yes. Give me a race.

We'll swim to the out and come back. Give me a, let's get in a shark cage. Yes. Yeah. But the snorkel, I like snorkeling. I do like snorkeling. But after seven minutes, I'm like, all right, does it yellow fish? Yes. It's a blue fish.

This one's black with a blue stripe. Yes. It has a stingray, that's exciting. That's something, maybe it'll kill me. Yeah, stingray. But also the Storkel never works, right? You get a little water in there, and you get the Gergergo bubble going.

There's a little water coming in the mask now. Yes. I mean, just put a goggle on me, and I'll just look down every now and then and come back up. That's exactly what I was doing. I like, first of all, I like to swim in my back. I like to lie down. I like to sun this. And I really like to do one of these. A wooshy sun, lie down. I believe in God. I love it. Where's your God now, Gump? Yes, so and then what I do, I flip around. I literally flip around and I'm like,

oh, wow, a couple of fishes. Yeah, literally flip around I'm like oh wow a couple fishes Yeah, I'm like this Ah look at this I like to get spiritual yes, so what happens is I know where this is going and I'm already Frustrated well, so I snorkel for a few minutes and then I go all right I'm gonna go back to the boat and then jump off the boat and do a couple of Sidewinder's and a pencil dive in a summer salt and whatever. Work's group.

And so then they look up and I'm on the boat just chilling and I'm really taking it in. They don't like that. And they're like, you okay? Ah. And I'm like, yeah, well I was just there. Yes, yes. It's not like I never get off the boat.

Right. I look, this fish, I got it. And you're not pooping, you're not party pooping go they might think oh he's he doesn't like this Seasoner. He's got to go sit on the boat, but like no you're jumping off of it I'm jumping off the boat and by the way I went right to the crow's net because it was like the fishing boat in the batch of the part I'm like I'm going to I'm the first one up on that crow's I love it and you're rocking you see the whole I'm like lieutenant Dan again. Yeah

And see you back and you're like are you okay? And, I'm likely to tent it down again. Yeah. And so you're back and you're like, are you okay? And I'm like, I don't want to poop on parades. But I'm like, yeah, I see the fish. I like the fish. Yes. You see the fish?

That's it? Well, I think that I want to get to it to it, but I think you're, we're comedians a little bit where we're lone wolves. We do what we want. We go, we want to be Untethered I'll check the fish out over here for a minute I'll go in the boat for a minute that I'll jump off for a minute that I'll go here. Yeah, don't worry about how I feel Let me just live let me just order my own meal. You know what I mean?

I just got my hair. Yes, and look at the fish and you feed the fish and it's very exciting and What oh jeez All right fish and it's very exciting and uh what oh geez right? Audio is good. Oh God we heard a a mouth fart from Chuck. What do you got a porn going? All right. Oh God I'm nervous. Get shut down by the whole night. That's good. All right but anyway so it was fine but there's a lot of a fresh but I gotta say I love it and then you get up, and this is where I blew it.

We went on an all day boat trip, like a five, I think they kept stopping at all these places to check out the reef and everything. And I'm having a nice time, but then it was only like the third stop that I was like, wait, why don't I just keep jumping off the boat in different ways, jumping off the boat, and then after I realized that's what I'll just do.

Yeah, that was the last stop. It was such a bummer. Damn. I was like, oh, damn, but anyways, it was still great, still fun, and still love a snorkel, love a fish, all that shit. And they're nice, they're just annoying. Yeah, oh, they're very nice, they're wonderful people.

I love them, but. But it's also where cassero feels not very You know big and oh big reactiony. So like they must be used to it by now Well, I think it hanging out with family of course gives window into your Is that I think a lot of the time Sarah like me just kind of shuts down because everyone's so big Yeah, it's, it's just from one story to the other. So you kind of just end up like this. You know, and then you're only big and wild when you're in your comfort zone. Right, right.

Which is why from hanging out with my family for a week, who I love of course also. But and her family for a week, it's like, you just, and I hate to sound like a cut, but it's like, you're so excited for a comic hang. Of course. Because comics are so self-conscious of like Let me tell the story as fast as I can so I want you guys gonna hate me if I just keep talking

Totally so that's nice. Yeah, wow. It's so funny cuz I do this I go to my house I just shut down I can see it you show up ding dong hey hugs You're still you and you just see your little your meter just going down like a phone battery and then before you know You just sit in there Yeah, it's good. It's good. Yeah, yeah, I like breaking bad It's hard and you're like black reminder. I got a story like that. Nope. Okay. No. Yeah, all that funny all that confidence It's just it really drains so but anyways, it was it was still great I got I got some fun stories, but so the first day we get there,

and have you been to Cayman? No, no, no, okay. Beautiful island, very nice, and so I'm also like, I like to try to get off the beaten asshole. Sure. A little bit, and I want to get some Cubans. So we go to the grocery store, now I do the drive it, because they have, it's a British aisle. Yes

So the you know the driver's sides on the wrong side of the car The wrong side which I have a little experience with okay, that is tricky It's tricky, but we didn't wales Sarah and I epic we went drove all over Welles sperm whales, so I got a little experience and I thought to this will be my service Yes, you want to contribute. Exactly. So I'm like, I'm on it. So, which is stressful, because it's a huge van, which driving a van is tricky.

No good, especially on island. It's a little windy and the roads aren't great. And you're on the wrong side of the car, on the wrong side of the road. Woo-hoo! And there's eight of us. You get the whole family, and no one else is really,

understandably, they're not like in the thing. They're like, oh, did you see that, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this,

we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this,

we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing this, grocery store and I'm like I'm gonna go find some cigars because it says it's a car place a half mile away I'm gonna try to find some Cubans. See lone wolf you do your thing. So I'm like I'll just jogs you want to get the cardio in also you've been flying all day. So I jog up there and within like a quarter mile

you're like now I'm off and some beaten. Oh yeah. I'm getting out here and I go down this like back road and you're just I'm just jogging so I don't want them to be waiting for me. That's the last thing you want is your in-laws waiting for you. Yes, yes. So I'm like, I gotta go do this while they're getting the groceries. So I'm jogging plus I wanna get some cardio. I take a corner and boom, wild dog.

Just like a crazy side street. And it was like a scary like, like a big gray like two teeth Fat limp like a fentanyl dog. Yeah, she's seen some things. Yes, he was fentanyl dog and no caller no leash And I went oh Jesus, you know me. I'm a pussy. Yeah, right today here So I just shot across the street and cuz I'm face to face with the blood hole. Terrifying. Oh my god.

I mean, this is a wild dog and dogs in general. They got rabies, they got eggs, they got teeth, they got assholes. Oh, they're exposed. So I just go, go! And I shoot across the street, but I'm in another country and I don't realize the cars are coming from that direction. So I run in front of a car and I'm like ZOICS and I'm like what the fuck and I'm like putting it the dog like look at the dog

I'm sorry Pedro yes yes I speak English but whatever and so now now I got the jizz is flowing now sweating as a wild dog which by the way the only wild dog I sell the whole island interesting like Ecuador and a ruby they're all over the place but I think they have one wild dog just to scare the smokers. You found it. So now I'm jogging and then I'll pick up the pace. There's like these two little, what do you call it like storage crates. Uh-huh.

Big things, they're like big enough to be businesses you know. Oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. Like a temporary thing. Yeah, yeah. And this is where the cigar place says on Google Maps, but everything looks close. It was like the goodfell is seen. Oh.

No, no, no, no. Well, further. I walked down to this two Caribbean-looking guys, one seated, one standing, and I go, hey, is there a cigar place? And the seated guy looks at me for a moment. Now I'm in it. Yeah.

I'm like, now I'm in a situation and he stands up and he goes, first of all, hey, hello, how are you? How is your day? That's how it starts. Oh, we got another wild dog here. And I'm like, oh, he said, that's how it starts. Like you don't come in here hot like that.

And I think it was, it's gay. It couldn't be unmatched. I just was like, asked him, hey, you got the thing. Yeah, yeah. And he went, that's how it's, and it was quite threatening. And I was like, oh, sorry,

but they weren't really smiling. Yeah. And now I'm in this little alley thing and I'm like, what if I'm in a bad situation here? It could happen. Probably fine. Behind is the dog. You're kind of cornered here. alley thing and I'm like, what if I'm in a bad situation here? It could happen. Probably fine. Behind you is the dog. You're kind of cornered here. Well, I was like Austin. So I went, oh, sorry. I was looking for cigars.

It said, and he goes, my friend, my friend. He kind of pulled me in. And there was one moment of like, what if they were like, come on in here. And the man, they fucked me in the ass. Holy moly. But he's, and this is where Google Maps said it was, but it's not there. And it's just not really any businesses. Yeah. But it was fine.

He said, you go down there, you take a right, and it's on the corner. Oh, that wasn't the guy. That wasn't the guy. Oh, okay. He said, it's down the end of this road, and I go, okay, great, thank you. And so, I got the hell out of there.

And then it's awkward, because I have to jog, because I'm on a time thing. Sure, sure. But now I don't want them to think I'm running away from them good point So I start like jogging, but I'm like looking at my phone trying to like virtue signal I'm like I'm not afraid of people. I'm just I'm cool. Wow

So I jogger in the corner I go to the store and says cigars hemp CBD and it's like this looks like not a cigar shop some shit vape shop exactly Exactly you understand everything that's a dirty vape so I walk in there and it's like it's one of these the doors locked and then it gives you like a And it buzzes. Yeah, so now I'm like now where am I? I hope you walked in you said hello. How are you? You don't want to hit that again. I did I go hey How's it going mom? I'm like I'm going like we've been job on yeah So I go in I go hey, how's it go you got you got cigars here and he goes ah humidor over there And it's just like a thin shitty like 7 11 humidor

And I'm like, ah this isn't what I. And it's got all these cigars, say, Koheba and all this Cubans, but they're in generic boxes, which, you know, easy investigation. Nobody's buying Koheba Cubans and transporting them into a generic box. Good point, yes, could be a Dominican. And they're like $11 a piece, which I'm like, that feels a little off.

I pick them up. They're light and then the rapper, not the rapper, the band just slides off. Oh, bad band. So it's just a fake Cuban, but I'm like, do you have any other cigar? Now I gotta get back to the grocery store. I want a to guard tonight. Right. Well, whatever, I'll just buy fake Cubans, which is annoying that he thinks he's getting one over. I know, I know. So then I buy this to guard. I go, he's a Cuban son. He's like, oh yes, Cubans.

And I'm like, I know I'm getting fucked, but it's one of those things where you like people buy the generic Gucci bag. Yes. Just going well, it's a nice bag, either way. True, true, but you're not gonna smoke the bag. This is going inside you. That's true. It's a going well, it's a nice bag either way. True, true, but you're not gonna smoke the bag. This is going inside you. That's true. It's a little different.

Well, I think it's just like a regular, what town am I in? Came in a second. Yeah. Something about shit. At least it's foreign. It's something. It's something.

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and then I hear a door open and it goes, all right, who's next? It's a woman. Huh. And I look on like, who's next? I look over. This woman comes out older, kind of sexy. And in the room she comes from,

it's nothing but dildos vibrators and scrapels. Oh wait a minute now. And I go what is this? She goes who's next, who's next? And I had already gotten the bag as the guards and that's why I just kind of ignored. Oh I think I'm gonna mosey in. No but I did a glance and it's nothing but you know it looks like the things in your neighborhood there the sex shops Oh, let's say a sex shop it back behind the scenes sure. I love it But is there a table and a little glory hole or a wild dog? There's a couple little rooms that I didn't oh

I love a little room look too much into so then when I left I looked again at the sign underneath this old thing It says sexual wellness. Oh Baby dog and it said, marital, what was it? Marital help or marital spice, something like that. Ooh. So, marital aid, maybe. Oh, it's. So I went, I think I just walked into a little brothel back there.

I think so. So now I get my cigars and I jog up to the grocery store. And it's one of these things where everyone's loading up groceries, mac and cheese, frosted flakes, my sister's ass. And you go, man, I've been on a little adventure. I'm sweating, I'm covered in bugs, I got fake cigars. Yeah. And a prostitute, it was kind of spicy.

Wild dog, you got to cost it by the black guy. Wouldn't it be funny if you looked at that sex shop, you're like, Uncle Rick? You see Sarah's a grandpa in there, whatever it is. I mean, so it was like 10 minutes in. I got some good adventures, and I got a bunch more stories, but I feel like a body. I want to push it back to you and pick up some of these later.

Boy, I could see the whole thing. I was in, I was in Thrown, I was in the island. On the island. I'm a Cayman. Yeah, Cayman's good. Did the Cayman do it? Did the Cayman do it? Cayman did it.

All right, well, man, I got nothing like that. You got animal adventures and minorities, hores. I got nothing here. This is all stinks compared to that. I just have an overview of what I did. I'll just do, I went to Phantom Power. I gotta give a shout out to those guys over there. Lancaster, PA or Miller'sville, whatever the hell it is.

Rented a car, said I have a car, but rented one, when did Fee Hands pod? By the way, beautiful place. Oh my God, beautiful. Beautiful lady, beautiful place and gorgeous. Great time and. Took my title, by the way, I had the most views in the history of Apocalypse.

First soda got me and then I told her, I was like never have Mark on, he'll destroy me then then she did well came out with the special at all the algo kicks up I don't know well next I'm going in I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm bringing a dildo from the marital I'm gonna really yes I'm gonna get those views but where do you see these views on this thing I'm gonna really eat her out on that thing where the suit I don't know what the suit will do it yeah that might not do that's a fun podcast great but she But she's a great host. Oh, she's tremendous. Yeah, good egg, good apartment. She brought she had pastries waiting with a coffee. It was very sweet. Yeah, that's a whole other

world down there. I don't want to give her address away, but that area I never go there. Yeah, it's her and CQ with the only people of town there. Yeah, he lives down there. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Beautiful people. There's not one fat person. They're all attractive and rich. It's fascinating. Yeah, except her, but yeah. Yeah, it's a little ecosystem. But I'm just doing so many pods.

I hired a publicist. He's running me ragged, Jerry. I can't sleep. I can't think. I can't eat. You're not used to doing a lot of pods. No, no, I'm dying. Then we got to go to that TWAs. No, no, I'm dying

Then we got to go to the TWA thing who knows what that's gonna be like don't get me started on that Yeah, this she really upset a lot of people. Yeah, well she's like so much work and I'm like Watch TV people are furious. Oh That was like a bike like a seven- seven straighter who just pulled into the hay. Yeah, I skidded, I definitely skidmarked. So do her pot of hot back in the cargo straight to Lancaster and it's wild because you get out there and it's open air. It's been a beautiful summer. We had some some blue skies and you just hit those corn fields and it's just rolling

with the barns and the windmill and you're like wow look at this open range barley wheat I don't know what other words. Yeah Oh, hops, hey, that's nice. Yeah, yeah, whatever makes beer So great time and it's a beautiful room night fan of power. Oh, yeah, big time Grandad Raj opening up and beautiful room night fan empower. Oh yeah, big time. Grandad Raj opening up and just, I felt like,

you remember when you were young and you watched these comics go up there with the notepad, the legal pad? It was like, got a special coming out, got a work on new material. I'm sorry, and they're like, no, we're here for it. And just throwing shit against the wall, getting feedback, listening to it, doing the second set,

applying the notes, great time. Yeah, it's awesome. I gotta give a shout out to our fans. Our fans are comedy savvy. They seem to really know and enjoy the process Yes, I did to see that yes Exactly and they know us so they kind of meet his halfway on a couple unfinished jokes What I see where you're going because I know your voice. I'm glad they like it because That's what you're getting You got that right.

Yeah, that's it folks. You know, we're out of material and just had a great time and I had one of those weird days where I was like, I'm gonna do two shows on Friday, two shows on Saturday and drive right back Saturday night as you do. Sure. So I got the hotel for Friday night, slept in and then didn't get it for Saturday night because I'm driving back Big mistake. Well, I didn't think about it because I was like well, I'm not sleeping there. I don't need a hotel

but They clock you out at 11. Yeah, so I work up at 10.49 I was like, oh Let me take a walk I take take a walk. I get a bite I do some some phone calls some emails, you know, I'm at Arby's They eatin' you know listen to a pot. I'm on a great day beautiful out. It's so nice on the roads You just feel like you're free you're escaped sure nobody can get to you. I'm at Arby's Jerry There's nothing better than the road. Oh, I'm having a baby the road is gonna increase 100%

I'm gonna be like, oh, look at all these road dates. You're gonna lead the road. I'm sorry, by the way, this is a problem. Well, they're getting incrementally worse and wetter. Or better. Or better and wilder. That was like three at once. Yeah.

That was like three balloons that you pushed in a pipe. Yeah. There's a balloon pipe. I got a fart DJ's mixing. He's like let me think what are these? What are these and so Cipher it sounds So I do a stroll I come back. Yeah, he's not working. What the fucking piece of shit hotel? You know these I'm a shot here. They don't know how to run a business these metanites

So I go up to the front desk and I go, hey, dickhole, the key ain't working. You got the real shit box you put me in. And he's like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Yeah, you're out of here. And I was like, what? And he's like, yeah, you don't have a hotel.

I was like, oh, well, I gotta get my stuff out. And he's like, eh, all right. He's like, I'll walk you, let you in, pack it up, and just leave. Because it's like five at this point. And I'm like, all right, sounds good. I get in that door. I slam it. I hit the fucking lock. I jerk off. I take a shower. I do some writing. I couldn't go up. It was too early to leave. The show was at eight. I needed those hours. So he's begging on the door, I'm going, ah, I'm not decent. You know, this is the worst part.

I climb out the window. I get the bag out the window. I get in my car and I go, where the hell am I sunglasses? I left them at the front desk. So I go back, I got a circle back around, I go in and I go, whoo, man, I got up 20 minutes outside of New York. Realized I forgot I'm sunglasses, came all the way back. And he's like, you fucking asshole, I got up 20 minutes outside of New York. Realized forgot to suck this, came all the way back and he's like, you fucking asshole when he gave me the glasses and I left.

He knew what I was doing, but that's a little taste of the road for you. Everybody thinks it's a fun and daisies, but it's a lot of lying and you know, finagling. So whatever he didn't charge me we do the shows shows are great Fly right to Montreal and drive back to New York drop the car off fly to Montreal by the way What's going on at car rental companies? I don't know it's not great. It's an epidemic this Everything is so easy now. Why is it why are we waiting in line? It should you should just walk up do a retina scan They give give you the key. I know, well, they're trying to fuck you half the time. It's a lot of like ball bagging or whatever, cause the trip, and I,

we've talked about this before, I think. I hate being sold, I hate when people try to doop me. Yeah. Really fear and furious me. Yes. When they do the thing, I'm like, well, I just did rent the car in California,

and they're like, or in Vegas, and they took the California, and they're like, well, whoa, Vegas gas here. You might want to prepay because gas in California is 580. So I don't just, I don't just say no. I explain to them how they're trying to fuck me. Yes.

So they know that I know. Yes. And I'm like, well, unless I push it back in the place completely unempty Your I'm buying your gas and he goes yeah, well, okay Cuz you're like stop trying to fuck me. I know the upselling is out of control. It's like you say with the uh the The group one group two like hey for 28 more dollars you can get into group three instead of four and you're like Just give me on the plane did you reckon me and they also do the thing that I hate they go? Well, it's a pretty small car. You're gonna want you're lucky. Yes. The guy literally said to me

He goes it's 110 degrees the AC on this will do it'll do the best you can do but and he goes you might want an upgrade and This happens every time I go. I don't want an upgrade. I want a Honda fit. Yes, small as car you got shitbox I'd like to feel nestled and then you go up up there and the other guy who's not in a suit, he just goes, oh yeah, well you got to free up great because we don't have any more of the small cars. So this guy wanted me to pay. Yes. For the car, he knew they were about to give me.

And it makes you want to go back down there and smash his fucking head through the thing. Yes. The fucking piece of shit. It hurts. And him, I hope. Boom. Him, I hope they get replaced by fucking AI.

I know, right? They need a new enterprise. Ah, woo, baby. I'm on a budget. Alright, so. You get to, I go to the Avis on 11th Street. The first one is a line out the door. It's a bunch of schmoss and schmucks all, you know, in fucking pajamas and bathing suits. It's a beautiful day. If you want to go to the beach

They want to go here. There's one guy in the line. He's like a hot rugged guy and the girl is behind the counter She's like, I'm sorry. They called me in. It's my first day. She's she's like a super stupid lady and She doesn't know how to do anything. And people are like, okay, can you give me a, my reservation was at noon. If I'm 30 minutes late, you give my car away. But it's 130 and you haven't given me a car. So why aren't you in trouble?

You know, there's a lot of that going on. And the tension is rising in this little lobby area of a Davis. So now she's going down with a clipboard. It's just her and there. She's going, what kind of car did you have? And one guy's like, I of a Davis. So now she's going down with a clipboard, it's just her and there, and she's going, what kind of card did you have? And one guy's like, I had a truck, okay. We don't have any more trucks,

then she goes to the next guy. What do you have? The guy goes, I had a whatever, midsize. All right, we got a midsize. What do you have? I go, I got compact. She goes, all right, compact. What do you got?

And this guy goes, I ordered a giant, like an F250. And she's like, what do you need that for? He goes, I'm carrying a bunch of bicycles. And she's like, what do you need that for? He goes, I'm carrying a bunch of bicycles and she's like, we don't have that. You gotta go up to the other one on 43rd Street and they'll get you your truck and he's like, I made a reservation and she's like, we gave it away

and he's like, what do we do? And he just snaps and I don't blame the guy. This happens all the time, I fucking hate it. It makes me furious. Crazy. And it's been going on since 1992 when the fucking, you know how to hold, mess it up.

Yes, yes, the bit. Yes. But why do we have, you know, with cabs, you know, we were a kid, you took a cab, you know, how we gonna call a cab, go to the airport, it was a whole thing, you had to wait for him, the guy had a horrible B.O.,

he blared rap music, he had a fucking tree hanging in the mirror there, it all sucked. He's lean back 90 degrees and you're like, this sucks, then Uber comes along and we go, why do we put up with that? That's how this feels. Right.

Feels like somebody's gonna come in here and fix the, get on Shark Tank and give me a rental car. Well, I guess it'll be AI. And with that, I don't know what's gonna happen. Oh, send me the good news. Yes, please, something. Avis incorporated. But finally, I get my car and

Not only do you get it, but I come back after fan power They're closed so I had to park in Greenwich Village Which I don't have like a drop off. No, not 24. Ow So I got a parking Greenwich Village get 10 of sleep, wake up before the fucking street sweeper rapes my mom, and then I got to get the car back to Avis, and then I go straight to Montreal. Oh, by a car. I know. I know.

Every rental car story, just by a car. It's a nightmare. The amount of spent I would have saved on buying a car. You could have saved on the spent? Yes. Now did you fly to Montreal? I did. And what were you doing in Montreal?

So the special came out, so my agent was like, it might look good if you go to JFL they made an offer and you're like all right Fuck it. I go to JFL. It's super fun. Why not? Yeah, and we got a little juice now You know you got a special coming out. We've been on some things We sell some tickets so they're like come on up and then the amount of difference how they treat you is Fascinating of course. I've been saying it in our whole lives. All of Shobba is just a bringer. You talk about, if you start in comedy, like if you bring 10 people, you can get on stage.

And it remains that the rest of your life. Oh, that is lunch. That's big. You hear that new comics kids out there? Yeah, yeah, hacks. That's big. You gotta bring the people, and it's so funny because you're doing the same kids.

Yes. I always feel it's like, you got to bring the people and it's so funny because you're doing the same kid. Yes I always feel it's like you come to Whatever the funny funny butthole yeah and Des Moines and then they go yeah, yeah, here's your fucking money You don't get to bring an opener. You're in the shitty hotel. Yes for chicken wings and whatever You get the order of that side of the menu and two drinks. Yeah, and then you sell tickets I'm still doing the same work Same guy same cut the funny bottle that club sticks

Yeah, it's true. You're the same guy like I don't want to give any names away But the Netflix people like we're taking you to dinner and I'm like You didn't even know my name oh two months ago. It's a capitalist You know, it's a frustrating thing and that's the way it goes It's fat. I literally remember this is how psycho I am I told a zinger when they don't know me no one left. I told the zinger last week and they're dying of course They don't fall on the ground It's fucking hilarious. Well, I'll say that I've said this before but I said this

I was talking to Colin Quinn one time about your boy Seinfeld Mm-hmm, and I was boy, sometimes he comes off a little snippet of a lot of people. Sure, that's no news. And Colin says, well, to be fair, he is like that to everybody. He's the same to everybody, which he's like, he'll talk to Steven Spielberg like that. He'll talk to the door man like that or whatever. So it's good to know that at least some people are just like, this is who I am. Yeah, yeah other people are like Oh, hi Mr. Scoopy-Doo. I can't believe you're here and then you go hey, what are you doing? Hey shitty pup? Yeah, I've been shitty pup for years and all of a sudden I'm sure we do and it's fascinating. Yeah, well, it's exciting

It's exciting. I guess you got to take what you can get it because we'll be back to should be due before you know it Yeah, if more wallpaper keeps falling down. No, shoot me. It was good Oh, right ship up. You're right. I can't keep up with my shoes and ships and chefs all right So Matrol was awesome Went and got sushi with Brian Sips that we had a great tough sushi by scratch or from scratch was incredible One of these plays with only 10 you only get 10 people in at a time. And he got us in and it was fucking fascinating.

I was like my sister. Yeah, yeah, it smelled like fish. And the shows were great. We had a great moment with Sam. Well, first let me talk about the real. Yeah. He was up there. And he goes, I'm doing this theater.

You want to open the place, we'll go nuts because we're friends and I go sure So I come out as a secret guest and they're like You're here. Whatever. You know, they like to see a pair Like if you came out on one of my shows or came out of the closet or whatever or vice versa Uh-huh. They shit themselves. It's very exciting. It's fun. Are we trying Seattle but Iel, but I had a campfire. Ah, the campfire. You and Gillis both. Ah, yeah. I can't get you out of a cigar moment. It's a campfire cigar and a child. Forget about it. That's why I'm going to quit comedy in a few months. I figured.

Let's say I, I'm in a smooth transition, but you know, it's also funny too, because when you start adding up the steps, I'll have to put pants on get in the car Put GPS find the venue park the car at the venue find the back door. You'll be you know It's a lot and it's the social aspect. Yes I'm gonna have to meet the tour manager talk to the door Oh, yeah, well, it's a lot of fun if I could just vaporize to you or whatever you call it Teleport and just be next to you and go, hey, what's up, you're fucking homo.

Perfect. It's a, huh? And then you're also, when you're guessing at somebody else's show, you're at the door going, you're not on the list. Well, you probably forgot to put me on. Right. Right.

And then the people are in line. They're going, is that Joe? Why is he here? Yeah, that's the thing. Sorry. So. That's the truth. Parking and the cook.

So you just once you're sitting by that fire. Yeah. And you're telling some stories. You just, woo. I know. It's hard to get off of that. I don't want to go too long here. So just keep me posted.

So we do this show. The reason I went up there was this big thing called Surrounded. This is the show Meta puts on. Meta's Facebook and they have Zillian's $1.00. So they pay very well. Okay. Like Sodor did it with me. And he's like, I flew in today.

I'm doing the show and I'm flying out tonight. Wow. That'll let you know how well it pays. Right. So it's a great hang though. It's Rosebud, it's Sodor, it's Sam, it's Annie Letterman, it's Philippe Espars and all these fun people, fun group, fun hang, little rells hosting.

And the whole show is, it's a circular stage with an audience all around you. You stand in the middle. Hang on, you stand in the middle and do crowd work the whole time. Because we're in a fucking crowd work boom. Everybody loves crowd work, we gotta do it. So it looks great, you know, it's a meta It's all expensive and fancy and they're paying well and you go in the middle and you they they give us a tour or a

rehearsal and they go you can't Right before the show they go PG-13 and you go, oh geez. I'm doing crowd work here. What are we gonna say? Hey, you nerd What are you guys married and in love? That's nice, You know, so PG-13 and you can't mention Facebook, you can't mention Zuckerberg. All right. All right, so already you got some leash. Yes. So you go, okay, I'll try.

And then I went out there, some lady at Cleavage, I went nice tits, right away. I couldn't help it, because you're up, it's a knife fight. You're up against the cliff and you, you don't know what to do. The cameras are on you, the audience is staring at you. You can't go do any bits. You just gotta, and then I did a black guy thing.

That got weird. Lil' Rell was hosting in the circle. My first line was, wow, they might be here. It looked like an auction. And just, I mean, everybody was like, what the hell? What was this? I mean, it was appalling. I was digging out of a manure hole for 20 minutes I'm cheese. It was so bad that they left me on stage because they needed footage right right?

They couldn't get any footage so I supposed to do 15 I ended up doing like 26 and they're like leave them up there We got nothing out of this oh god. They couldn't use any of it So when it goes on Canadian television? No, it goes on the the VR world's in the metal universe. Oh god. So no one will see it except for some weirdos Oh, I hate the meta and I'm so scared and I don't like being mean So I'll be like well you guys dating and the guys like yeah, it's my wife, and I'm like, ah, yeah She's pretty you know, I don't want to be like, yeah, she's better than you, bitch. Right. I don't know.

It's a weird, it's not for us. No, no. And I kind of showed that I was melting down and you could see the producers was like, oh, this is bad. I thought he was like a pro. And I'm like, I got nothing to do. What do you do?

Ah, shit, this sucks. I was doing a lot of that. It was bad. But you get the check, though. That's the check. That's a check. But, uh, God, I hate that feeling when it's like, we're all doing this thing. It's fun. And then you eat a bag of cheese and you're like, well, I'm fucked big bag of cheese. And the TV's on in the green room. Every comic is watching and I came back and it was one of those like,

whoo, how about that Jonah Hill? That was weird, huh? You know, they wouldn't look at me in the eye and it was so bad. And I had to go first. So everybody got to watch me get thrown to the wolves and then they learned from it. So everybody killed Soder and I later Rosebud, murder, Sam did great, Philippe killed, and he did great. Cause she doesn't, she's like, man,

you have a mustache, you know, it's like she has no shame in that. No tact. Yes, yes. So, I don't know if that was the right word. I don't know about tact. Yeah. The tact doesn't write.

No qualms. Yeah, qualms. No remorse. No filter. No tits. Yeah, yeah. No career. Who knows, but she did great.

And I was just, it was a bad night. You're like, oh oh man I'm like doing well in comedy and then that just brings you right back now you know of course well it's all all kinds of humbling activities happening in this biz humble pie this business is gonna end because of AI the robot like the robot do crowd work it'll be better than mine I'll tell you that but it was open bar at this this gig So I hit the sauce pretty hard. I gave Sam a couple lines. They all bomb and then Sam we did Sam show the next night

Did got the pop walked out me and Sam do a little bumping mics thing at the end. Oh fun. It was fun And actually bumped the mics. No, we didn't want to steal it. Thank Christ, but We didn't want to we was kind of fizzling out because you know, it was like, all right, we've been up here a while and we're like, okay, this is getting awkward. We're in a big giant theater. We're kind of, and then out walks Brad Williams.

Oh. I give from the comedy gods. Two and a half men. Ha, ha, I should have said that. Out walks Brad Williams. And it was like, the whole thing was rejuvenated. It was a half men. Ha ha, I should have said that. Outwalks, Brad Williams, and it was like, the whole thing was rejuvenated. It was a comedy miracle. It was, when you need a lifeline, they throw some engine.

Wow. That's fun. It was great. I said, what you come to the doggy door? Hey, that went over your head, small world. I mean, we're going straight to town. Oh, that's fun. He's a good kid.

Great guy and super funny. And a big head, fun. He's a good kid. Great guy and super funny and big head. I mean, just a good egg. Well, that's great. I mean, I wish I was there. I love Montreal. I love the party. I love the festivals and that sounds like a good time. Beautiful city too. I did Tom Poppaz podcast and he goes, come to my hotel. We'll do it in my room. And I was like, sure. And you realize he's so, so much smarter than us. He's a sophisticated guy. Absolutely. He's staying in old Montreal. I love old Montreal.

Oh my God, the city, the buildings, the roads, the cobblestone, the women, or beauty, everybody's stylish and sunglasses and flowy outfits. And you're like, why am I not here? Why am I just in the double tree, like every other chute? I say it all the time. I went to Montreal 20 times for everyone to old Montreal and I felt like I'm an idiot I'm like I've never been to this city. Yes, it's the best part

It's like going to the court not going to the French quarter or something Not say the French quarter is the best part, but you got to see it exactly. Okay, so just had a great day last night I hosted some improv show at club soda don't you love club soda? I love club soda. I love dance soda and club soda. Yeah, great venue. And, you know, Bert got comedian of the year and Felipe's on it. Neil Brennan, fortune-femester, Donnell Raleigh. It was just a great time.

And yeah, I had a blast and then I flew straight from there back home. And then the saga starts, but we'll save that. We're teasing the saga start but we'll save that Teasing the saga people gonna be mad about the geez But you know the saga will come So I can do me Jesus been all right well, so let me let me throw this at you know See if it sticks in your face put it right in my ass. All right here it comes well. So yeah, this is what Last not I don't know what night it was. I'm all fucked up Going to see I think I told you this going to see them with Ari and his boyfriend

Lit now that's the strokes the strokes. We're gonna see him at Joe Biden What do you mean fuck strokes. What do you call it? What do you call it? The Forest Hills. Oh, the anniversary, big couple thing. Good one. And you know who's opening? Seen Smith. Wow.

Seen Smith is opening. Wow. Wow. Wild. He's a comedian. He's a wonderful, great guy. But so we had to have tickets to a rock show. Yes. And your buddy is opening. That's a huge, he's wonderful. A great guy. But so we had to have tickets to a rock show. Yes.

And your buddy is opening. That's a huge band. Yeah. I think they're friends of Malanies and he's a Malanies opener. So that's probably the connection there. That's, you put it together. Put it together.

There you go. Well, anyway, so the last night in Cayman Islands, Grand Cayman, we go, we discover we've been, we have a balcony, and it's like an apartment building, you know, a condo. Yes, yes. And I'm looking out over the Caribbean sea there, and it's beautiful, the sun is setting,

which is fantastic, and finally I found real Cubans, by the way. Oh. I started smoking there, which are not cheap to like 35 bucks a fucking cigar. Wow, okay, that's something. But it felt good, so I'm smoking cigars, watching the sunset, and there's like a little cove

where you could just kind of sit, it's almost like jaws, like a cove you could just kind of chill in. Yeah. And then there's like an opening, and you go out into the open ocean, then there's a reef, so you can swim from our hotel, you just swim out the reef, snorkel, whatever. And there's also a big floaty like couch thing,

it's just like a flotation thing. Okay, they just believe it out there. They leave it out there. I think if you go to the reef it's somewhere to take a break. Uh-huh. But also it's fun to play on. So the last time we started climbing up on it and fucking push each other off and jumping off. And like I said earlier, I like something to jump off of. Yes, yes. Give me a jump off.

Well, if you commit suicide, we know how you're gonna do it. That is how I'll do it. That or a gun. Maybe I'll do all of them. I might show myself in the head while jumping off a bridge. I love it with the tailpipe in my ass Yeah, but So we're swimming out there. We got the we got a noodle which is five by the way a pool noodle when I was a kid I thought it was just for hitting your friends in the face sure sure you get it wet and you hit each other. It was a great sound But I never realized the utilization of a noodle. No noodle. You go between the legs, it goes all the way up your back and you can just float. Oh. Oh. You get the thing. Is that right? You can sit on it, you can swim on it, you put it across

your belly, you just swim. What? It's unbelievable. I didn't know that. It's way better than a life jacket. What? It's unbelievable. Why don't they throw noodles around? Noodles are good. I never... This literally was like, I broke the noodle barrier. I've never seen this. This is noodle to me.

Get it, get it, like this, where it's a dick, and then it comes up underneath all the way up your back, and you can just sit all day long. What? This is fascinating. I mean, it must feel nice on the lady parts too. Oh, it's delightful. And it's easier.

Like if you're swimming along, just it's snorkeling. You want to have a jacket on in case you get far from the thing, but a noodle much easier to swim. Wow, it's more freeing. Yes, yes. It's a little noodle and you're like, if like, because you know, it's dangerous out there. You cramp up, whatever it is.

Yeah. But a noodle is just so much more what you call it. Lube ratings, yeah. And so I love the noodle, but that's just a total side note. So anyways, we go out there, and as we're, sunset, Sarah's sister and brother are already out there. Sarah and I are joining.

And as we scoots through the cove, there's a couple with cocktails. They're just, I don't know if they had noodles underneath them or what, but they're just watching the sunset out the open ocean with the drinks, and I'm swimming out and I go, hey, what's up there guys?

And they go, where you headed? And we go, where ever going out there? They watch the sunset. And I can't remember, I was cracking wise. You know me, I'm a wisecracker. And I go, yeah, we're gonna go kick these assholes off the boat and make love out there. And the couple's laughing to have that a couple cocktails.

Yeah. And we really hit it off. You know, a quick breeze through, but I can be quite charming. Sure, you're charming on a noodle. So we're laughing and chuckling, and we go out there, and we see Sarah's sister and brother were hanging out in the floaty, and Sarah was like, Joe is killing with this couple over there. We're probably nice to get away from, get a new couple, some audience. Exactly. our assistant brother were hanging out in the floaty and uh... so i was like joe is killing with this couple over there were like probably nice to get away from getting a new couple some audience exactly and uh...

uh... i wonder what swap but we go yeah yeah well it was really fun that we swim back and they're still out there and i go hey it's us again we all just went and banged on the thing and they're going ha ha ha that's funny yeah and then there's a couple another couple snorkeling and they go ahead is a stingray run underneath us like sunset you poke under you see the stingray and everyone looks at the stingray very exciting as the Sun setting spiritual and They go out and at one point it was funny because the couple was like did the stingray go into the cove?

We were laughing because you're like even if it did who care like it's not like the stingray is gonna be like If it did, who cares? Like, it's not like the stingray is gonna be like, ah! It's not killing everybody. But anyways. Didn't it kill the crocodile hunter? It did, but I think he like, fucks with it and stabbing the hunter.

Yeah, yeah, he called it a fag or something. I think if you like, step on a stingray, it could be a problem. But they're quite friendly. Okay. But it is a little, you know. It's threatening. I mean, it's scary,

but it looks like a pussy lip. It really does. It's smooth and flowy. It's like a gray pussy lip. It's a labia. So we go in there, we go in the cove, and then next morning, I'm on the balcony final day on the balcony, I'm looking out and you know me,

I like to really stare at the ocean, have a cigar, look, think about life, think about AI. Yes, yes. And I look to the, what do you call it? The balcony right next door. And there's no real divide, just right, you can just see the people. Wow. And I look to the, what do you call it? The balcony right next door. And there's no real divide. Just right, you can just see the people. Whoa.

And I see this three people all looking at their phones like this, young people, early 20s, maybe late teens. They're all like this, just looking at their phones. And this is beautiful. A lot of areas. Caribbean. And I'm like, God, I want to capture a photo because this is like so funny and like compelling

to see three young people looking at their phone instead of the wide open ocean. Yep. So I'm trying to like sneak a photo and I kinda get it, it doesn't look great, but I'm like, this will be a funny post. Yes. To say like, hey, this generation or whatever.

Anyways, I take the photo, it's not a great photo and then I feel weird, I'm like, I'm just taking photos of strangers on vacation. Who cares? Maybe they just got a text. They're checking their morning email, and quick side note, and I know we gotta wrap up. Sometimes you see people are like,

you're looking at your phone, instead of looking at the ocean, but you're like, well, I have to work, but I'm working in front of the ocean instead of in an office. Right. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah. To you just glancing, I look like an asshole who's looking at my phone, it's still looking like the Caribbean, but I'm actually getting work done in the best place you could possibly get work done.

Decent office. So I, I reneg on posting. Very, very mature, very open mind to thought. I think what am I doing, Poe? I don't need a post. Then, I take my bathing suit off, I drape it on the thing, it's mind to thought. I think what am I doing, Poe? I don't need a post. Then I take my bathing suit off, I drape it on the thing, it's gotta dry, and all of a sudden, that guy goes, hey, can I ask you something?

And I went, oh hey, you're the guy from last night. And he goes, I am the guy from last night, and you're Joe List. And I go, yeah, and he goes, I'm a big fan, I watch your special, the guy with the cocktails from the cove, just happens to be a fan, I was charming and fun. He knows who I am, and he's such a big fan. I almost posted a photo of his children making fun of them.

He would have seen it and been like, what the fuck? These are my kids. Wow, that would be wild. I mean, how bad was it that I almost did that? I'm so glad I decided not to. Reneg, please. And, yeah, so I almost fuck, oh Jesus, I just deleted all my notes.

But he was like, yeah, I'm a fan and I thought it was you and I look over and the kids are all smiling. I can't stop them. I'm like, oh Jesus Christ. Jesus. So, wait, you hung up your bed? Are you wearing bathing suit? And the swimming pool, the ocean.

I don't know. I thought you said you hung up your suit. I hung it up. I'm on the balcony now. Did you have pants on? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. I never mentioned putting on other pants.

I was like, I'm a huge fan. You're just standing there. It's bottomless. With pants, you're just a suit. He's a suit. But anyway, so he was a big fan. And then I got an email from the fella and he said hey We all watched I hate myself last night the whole family yucked it up. We loved it amazing and

Pludger meeting you and I said hey, thanks a lot watch the new specially said I can't wait but um wow Yeah, I was I would have been Bad though real bad look at this generation of shit heads Yeah, it's like well, I at this generation of shit heads. Yeah. It's like, well, I used to be a fan, you're fucking. You're a fan of me? I got a photo of your kids on my phone. But, I never dealt by the way.

And I ended up taking the photo or whatever, whatever. Yeah. But, there's also an argument to be made of like, hey, these kids are on their phone. Let me take a photo of them on my phone. Now, you're on your phone, take it, you know, so it's a horrible, vicious circle. Exactly, and I'm sure they're good people and the parents are cool

It's how they're drinking cocktails in the ocean love the parents and their fans of yours meet the parents So that was fun. I'm sure I'll hear it. It'll be terrifying. I'll lose them forever as a fan But um can I ask two questions please? I love questions one Caribbean or Caribbean I say Caribbean. Yeah, I go back and forth like a bisexual. What's like New Orleans, New Orleans? Yeah, that's all New Orleans for me. Of course, but we're not from, you're from the Caribbean. We're not from the Caribbean, we'd probably say,

yeah, the Caribbean month. But I feel like it's Pirates of the Caribbean. Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, yeah. Pirates of the Caribbean. But then it's the Caribbean sea. Yeah, you know, it's weird, we, we, we, yeah, parents of the pirates of the Caribbean. But then it's the Caribbean sea. Yeah, yeah, you know, it's weird. We, we, we, we, we, inflect, or inflow, inflect. Yeah, that's interesting. It is weird, isn't it? I also say Florida, but

lot of people say Florida. Florida. Maybe that's a bean town. Florida, Florida. I go Florida. Yeah. Florida. Interesting. And then it's Oregon or, wait, Oregon. Oregon. Portland, Oregon. Oregon. Yeah, they hate Oregon. Oregon, Oregon, Oregon.

And then the Spokane, Spokane. They hate the Spokane. And then this Toronto, Toronto. Yes. Okay. Well, we really limp to the finish line. Yeah. What was the other question?

Well, the other question is Cuban. All it's cracked up to be or just it's all branding. Well, I think it's the excitement of the, this is what I've been told by many cigar, I'm a cigar smoker, but I'm no expert. I'm no expert on anything. But the, I think what we've really, it used to be a bigger deal,

but I think Nicaragua, Nicaragua, same thing. They figured out the thing. They know how to make it. Like I think maybeicaragua, Nicaragua, same thing. They figured out the thing. They know how to make it. Like I think maybe the top shelf expert, but to me it's the same as like Johnny Walker Blue and Johnny Walker Red. It's like who really is tasting it and being like, I can do, I know.

But I think like... It's the allure of the illegal, the hard to get. Yeah, it's exciting. And Cahiba itself is like the highest, which I can't even know for. It was like 125 bucks for a fucking Koheba. Damn. But, so yeah, I noticed the difference

between a shitty cigar and a good cigar, but I don't know the difference between a good cigar and a great cigar. Got it. But that makes sense. All right, well. But sometimes the cigar is just a cigar. Yeah, but sometimes it sometimes the big brown fucking dick

george carlin carlin hey we got a toronto over the finish line and we did it but uh... i got some big plugs coming up by asshole august eighteenth that's the date it soon friday night which we're doing a friday night i heard that you know now two days the night to release but i didn't know that so i'm doing the wrong night so i heard that, you know, now Tuesday's the night to release, but I didn't know that. So I'm doing the wrong night. So I got a nice excuse when this thing bombs Friday night,

August 18th, new special on my YouTube. Make sure you subscribe. If you could watch the night of, that would be helpful because it's all about that fucking algorithm. It really is. And make sure you comment and get it going. It'll be fun. And Mind for Mental Jacket is back, finally,

after whatever, a lot of nice notes. Dimbo is Karen Fien. There you go. Which was great, the first one was with Luke Monis, who's fucking hilarious, I'll talk to him in the next episode. Love the moon. And that was a great episode,

and then we did one with Karen, which gets pretty spicy. Ooh, you guys can really get into the sexual stuff without being touchy. It's the beautiful thing about being married. And you know, you just go, yeah, well, whatever, why don't you blow me, you're fucking whatever. But it was a great conversation, a lot of laughs,

and there's another episode, Shivon is on this week, so, and I got some big guests coming up, which is exciting. So make sure you subscribe to my YouTube and Providence Comedy Connection this weekend. Next weekend, Portland, Oregon, helium, nice club. And then Dallas, I think the week after that,

Nashville in September, DC in Prov at a couple weeks. Yeah, Zany's in DC, that's a hot little run. Yeah, it's a good run. So Mindful Metal Jacket, special, that's it. There you go, I can't wait. You got a title you save it. It's called run, so Mindful Metal Jacket special. That's it. There you go. I can't wait. You got a title you saved it. It's called enough for everybody. Ooh, okay.

Enough for everybody on YouTube, August 18th. All right. I'm all over the road as well. You don't say tour. We're coming to the San Diego LA, Jack Louisville Kentucky Cincinnati Milwaukee All kinds of cool Mark Norman comedy.com fun dates Get that mug check out the patreon

Best patreon of the city. We got a patreon. It's big. What do we just do? We did a whole video of us running around the city. Yeah, we got a bunch of stuff We had the the extra shit from the live app. Yeah, extended live app. Oh, yeah. Tana's stuff almost two hours long. Oh, we got to plug the Philly Tuesdays, which I believe is. August 22nd. Thank you.

Yes, Philadelphia alive. I don't know if it's sold a goddamn ticket to the party. I don't know if it's announced or there's a link or anything, but we'll get it up. We'll get it to you. So if you're out in the, the city of brotherly queives, come on down to Helium Comedy Club. Link in the description for the show. Yeah, I'll put it link in we'll get it to you. So if you're out in the city of brotherly queives, come on down to Helium Comedy Club. Link in the description for the show.

Yeah, we'll put it in the link in the description for the show today. Yeah, Chuck, where you at, dog? So check out FunbearableMyPodcast, at funbearablepod.com, newest guest on there is Alan Fitzgerald, that just directed his special. Oh, I heard he's funny. He's very funny and coming up very soon,

right before Joe's special comes out, new little doc series with Joe. This is something too. We can just do. I mean, Chuck really grilled me in the other row. I thought I was gonna hit it. I almost killed myself. It ended up being pretty fun, I think.

And hopefully- He's been shooting for a year. Hopefully it looks good. I think it's been about nine years, but we shot at the original, but last special you did. We shot at the new special and we shot at the Wilbur show in Boston So it's gonna be it's gonna be hell of a series Chuck's putting his heart and soul and asshole into this thing beautiful

So make sure you get in there make sure you subscribe to that goddamn YouTube for Christ's sake hell Yeah, we're cooking folks a lot of content a lot of come right on your face, we're all gay, brazilas, you know.