Tuesdays with Stories! - #516 Salad Goose

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

It's a kooky week everybody! Joe drops in at Shane Gillis' show at Grove 34 and the boys go deep into the Gillis-verse for a minute! Then, Mark has an elderly Jamaican lady back to his apartment for some poking and prodding, and Joe's Lyft is in a vehicular incident in LA! It's Tuesdays! Our Stuff:- patreon.com/tuesdaysSponsors:- Support the show & get 3 extra months of Express VPN for free athttps://www.expressvpn.com/tuesdays - Support the show & take 20% off your purchase athttps://www.liquidiv.com with the promo code TUESDAYS - Support the show & get exploring with the new XP 3.0 eBike athttps://www.lectricebikes.com - Support the show & get 50% off & free shipping on your HelloFresh order at https://www.hellofresh.com/50TUESDAYS & use code 50TUESDAYS

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great, good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard! And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha! Surf's up!

And she didn't even flush. Knock knock! Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe Liss! Yeah! This Tuesdays with stories, everybody. No, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

My radio is spitting at me. I can't choose. Rubberpacks! Hey folks! Woo! Wow, we signed a nice 17 year contract. Don't tell them we fucked up. We're gonna be stuck in this shitbox for another six years. We signed a nice 17 year contract. Don't tell him we fucked up.

We were gonna be stuck in this shit box for another six years. We heard the cries of the studio stinks. We were all set to go back to the house, save some money, and see him over here. Shelby commented by the way. Oh, he did? Yeah, he's like, that was me.

They're not gonna be happy about that. All right, good to know you're alive, Shelby. We love you, Shelby. We miss you, Shelby. Desperately. Come back,ba. We love you, Shalba. We miss you, Shalba. Desperately, come back. Please, please. We love them, God. Come on my back.

But yeah, this room, it's closing in. I feel like I'm a billionaire in a submarine. We're going down and he can't get out. It's no good. It does. It feels like that scene in the first Star Wars where it's coming in. Yes, yes.

The compactor. That was always scary. Terrifying. Whenever he put the big rod in the middle and it did nothing. We're perfect. Cones are all screwed up. Yeah, that was my art too. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible.

Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Get defunded please. Well, we made it two minutes, isn't there a two minute cut? Yeah, I think so. I don't think it's two minutes, but don't. Okay. Okay, defund the police. Good call, everybody.

Good call. Glad you guys came up with that. Good slogan, you fucking nitwits. Yeah, don't let the San Francisco. And, I'm going to, I'm on my way to Portland. I'm shit in the back. You better make a needle in a shield. You're just gonna have to throw the needle in and hide.

I got a bed and breakfast in Eugene. I'm gonna commute. I can't be in that town. Fill night over here. Eugene, Levy. Yeah. Well, no levy breaks. Levi, jeez.

New Orleans, that must have been really traumatizing, huh? Yeah, it wasn't pretty. I was staying an hour away and in Baton Rouge and your parents had to come live with, that could be a sitcom. I'm living with five guys in a house. It's trashed, it's beer pong, it's poker every night, it's the guards, women, and then my parents are like,

hello, we're here and they drop their bags and all my friends are like, oh shit, they're doing, putting the coke off the table, you know? And this is a film, we should write this. That's not bad. They got, their pants are all rolled up, their shoes are wet, you know, because they came from the thing,

they got whatever's left, they lost all your good stuff. They're like, this is what we saved for you and it's like a pinwheel wet. Yeah, because they came from the thing, they got whatever's left, they lost all your good stuff. This is what we say for you, and it's like a pinwheel hat. Yeah. You're like, where's my porn, where's my DVDs? Oh yeah, my comic books I collected, my baseball cards, all the action figures, that's all gone.

Comic books. Yeah, well, that was a youth. Yeah, right. I never read one, but I thought they were worth something. I know. I like comic, I see how I could be into comic, but you go to the store and it's similar to like

the bookstore, the DVD store, or the baseball car, you're like, oh, collectible. Yes. It's draw, you're like, whoa, and then you open it and you're like, what am I doing? What is this? Exactly. I stuck in green stuff and I'm a lion now.

You're like, shut up. It's so true, yeah, you're right. Now I'm putting on this mask and I'm swinging from building to building, like, I'm a lion now. You're like shut up. It's so true. Yeah, you're right now I'm putting on this mask and I'm swinging from building to building like I'm out. Yeah, get real Rupert's getting triggered over here. He's trembling. Well it's weird too because just you got teenagers. Give me finger popping You know give me a oh I said something bad to a black kid now. This is weird, but it's all fake shit Yeah, I that's right. I even, like, nine. I was into the godfather. I was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Star Wars, my all my friends were in a Star Wars, and I liked it for the Lucas. I was like, let's lean in on this guy. What's his story?

He went to film school, he's gay, he's a nerd, that's the fun stuff. Yeah, when I was a kid, I really was into Star Wars very much as a boy. Yeah. I was like, I was obsessed. But then as you get older, you're kind of like, well, I like good fellas. Right. I still like a Star Wars you put it on and- It's a great shot gold leader. Yeah it's a solid movie and they built the world. You got a hand at doing for building a world,

but good fellas was, that should happen. That was a real world. Well here's what I got to- You had it too for the world, but I take back the hand for just keeping the world. It's like 30 years later.

They're like now, it's baby Yoda. I'm like, create a new world. Well that's now, that's like 30 years later. They're like, now it's Baby Yoda. I'm like, create a new world. Well, that's, that's, that's now. That's the movie theaters now. They're all fucked. They're void of creativity and they got no balls. Took some balls to go, hey, this is a droid, huh? This is a C-3PO.

Who? What? That's a lot of crazy shit to throw at somebody. I agree. I like it. It was fun. We should write this hurricane movie. Tell me, a hurricane parents. We could bang out a movie in

Three hours. I don't drink anymore. Well, we've tried this but we always wrote it a bar. I know it's an alcoholic maniac Yeah, now I think we could really Okay, I'm dying we can eat what about a short. We'll start with a short The short see we'll go Brad Williams and work our way up to Just sigora. I love a show wearing shorts. There you go and the hard thing we've talked about this before Off air It's hard for us to write I think and not have it sound exactly like a side film. I know That's what's tricky. Yeah, it's like the parents are gonna come in and be like it's wet out there

And you're like why's it gonna be wet? Yeah, what does that mean wet women get wet? That's good women get wet. Well, when a city gets wet, it's really bad. Yeah. It's gonna be hard. But we can just shake each other. Yes, yes, Michael J. We'll shake it off. Maybe you can play your parents.

Ooh, I can do dead, I'm Rick Normand. All you really want to do is cast a movie. It's kind of like a, Dane Cook had that joke, it's like, I don't want to have kids, I just want to name something. Ooh, that's good. I think it's like, you don't wanna have kids. I just wanna name something. Ooh, that's good. I think it's like, you don't wanna write a movie.

You just wanna cast it. Yes, cast system. I'm with you. I like to cast, I'm warning to cast. See, I'm already back on side. But we can't do it. That's good. I think that's good.

I'm trying to think of a title, Hurricane. Blomy, Blomy, Dead. Blomy, Dead. Blomy, Dead. That's not bad. When the levy breaks is taken. Yeah, levy. Rewatch that recently.

Oh, yeah, it's a little heavy-handed. Yeah, it's tough, it's a lot. It's more about race than the actual city being ruined. But that's for another show. Maybe a power, or a rate movies. Rate movies? Rate. I saw a talk to the hand.

What's's called again talk to me rupord and we got rooper sitting in for check i love talk to me and uh... rana and hater that rooper hate that so maybe i'm an idiot will you tend to like a movie with his no stakes your vegetarian you like a movie where it's that you know up and i'm it's like here it is it's gonna save cinema it's gonna save your marriage it's gonna bring the country back together,

and you're like, it's a little high, high-falutin', you know, it's too much to build up to. But this was low shit. I like small, and also with this film, I don't wanna turn this into a syskil in Amert, but with this film, I thought it was gonna be just a regular popcorn horror movie. Right.

The spirit's got me, but it's quite layered. There's a lot of stuff in there And I was like wow this is really something and it's it's fucked up and violent and fun. I thought it was good and fun But yeah, maybe I'm an asshole. We had low-expectay and then when it's decent you're like, hey, all right This was fun horror movies. It's a great time for horror movies, I think horror movies are killing is the cheap They're cheap and and they just work and I think they're okay with making $12 million. Right. In other movies, if they make $12 million,

it's like we failed, we're assholes, we should kill ourselves. Yeah, I watched the whole thing. I went on a YouTube rabbit hole, wormhole, butthole. All three work. Okay. I'll eat any one of them. I'll eat a YouTube asshole.

And in a whole thing about Babylon, why did Babylon fail? What's Babylon? That was the Margot Rob. Oh, I love that, Phil. I love to too. You liked it, Rup. Yeah, all right.

There we go. We're all in agreement. But it's cost 150 million, it made 15. And they're like, what the hell? The whole thing was about how Barbie killed it and Margotgarabi's back Because she had two Amsterdam was like a shit bomb. Oh, that looked bad. Wasn't that David O'Russell? Yes Yeah, who's on a good run for a minute? Yeah, and then that bomb but that that was actually bad but Babylon

I loved yeah, I mean there's some problems with Babylon. Is it called Babylon? I totally forgot the name of the movie We're at a weird age now. Where are only your kid, where you say you saw a movie. Sorry, that's big of a lair. I said it the other day. Your fart sound like a kid coming in on a bike on sand. Like he's like, yeah, that's me. But he's getting off that bike on that one. Where when your kids, everyone's like,

you guys see Terminator 2, and I remembered being this kid. Yeah. Being like nine years old, and being like, everyone saw Terminator 2, they were talking about it, and I was like, I loved it. I asked at LaVista, baby, because I would just do lines from the trailer. Cause I hadn't seen it.

Oh, no. But back then, if somebody said that scene a movie, and they didn't remember anything from it, you knew they were lying. Right. But now we're in our 40s, or almost 40s, a couple weeks. Oh. Jesus.

I'll be in Dublin, Tally Ho. Oh, Dublin, I'll be 40 in Dublin. Top of the Irish, top of the morning. Top of the morning, top of the heap. Emeril Isle. Hey, number one. There you go. God, those women in Ireland.

You way's coming. She never does. But no, she's come for half of it. Okay. I just want to look at him. I just want to see the black hair with the green eye. Yeah. Something that piercing blue, the black hair light eyes.

You know what it does to me, Jerry? Oh, it's a... It's a bigot of wet. But yeah, the Doug Keys coming. So I'm just going to go, you fuck it all watch. God damn those Irish women. It's a real thing with me. That shits black hair, those crystal blue eyes,

sometimes a green and forget about it. Oh, the banshee's of the idiot. I just wanna shave the top of their soap. God, there's something. What the hell was I saying? Oh, but now I'm a baby. Now, I'm 58 years old, I'm like, I saw that movie and you're like, what'd you think?

And I'm like, I don't know. I can't remember. Right, right. Because you've seen so many movies, you legitimately have seen old, I'm like, I saw that movie and you're like, what'd you think? And I'm like, I don't know. I can't remember. Right, right. Because you've seen so many movies, you legitimately have seen movies that you're like, I don't remember anything that happened in that goddamn film. Yeah, so true.

I remember Mosvick, because she's very scantily clad in it, so that was helpful. But it's so big, it's an epic, Jerry. You know, the elephant and the Brad pits and the whole thing and a big production big extras And I loved it, but it did just bombed. I had several problems with it I remember Brad Pitt I just remember Brad Pitt kills himself

But he like feels he accepts everything right before like he actually is like we make movies I love making movies like he was lying to himself and then he just shoots himself and it felt very abrupt It felt very easy and also is the plot of sound music. And then they just throw a clip of sound music in there. Oh, I didn't catch that. I guess you can do that, but I still loved it. It's big and fun and epic and wild. Is that the hills are alive?

The hills are, no, that sound music. That's what I'm saying. Is that what I said? Yes, oh boy. Sinking the rain, sorry. Oh, Sinking the rain, okay. Blaming on the rain. Okay. Blame it on the rain. Singing the rain. Not sound of music. I'm not really with sound of music, but singing the rain is right at the

top of the heap. I gotta watch that. Sound of music is good to it. It's all singing, but it's a real Nazi ribbon going through it. It's all about the Nazis. Oh, no kidding. But it's what about this dumb family, the Van trops. Singing the rain is amazing. Really? Yeah. Great run time, funny, great music, great dancing.

I don't know that scene where he's singing in the rain. He stands on the, uh, the post, the telephone. I'm singing Gene Kelly by all the time. Mel Crush. Really? Yeah, great bod, great face, great talent. Well, he's got Kelly in there, so you're way the home, but it's also George Carlin's idol Now that's Danny K Danny K. Sorry. I'm he's the

Crossbeats tap dance with Danny fucking K Danny K makes an appearance of good fellas really? Yeah when there's searching the house She goes it was better to call the lawyer and let them in the house. That's Danny K. She's watched the TV and it puts you in a big, big big big. Okay, okay, yeah. She's watching Danny K. Why they search the house?

Isn't it crazy to think, like, you know, we were around in the 80s? Sure. In the 80s, I remember watching Honeymooners on my TV. I remember being a, you know, a fetus watching Honeymooners. I didn't know what it was, but it was like to the moon, Alice, Black and White, Jackie Gleason, because the honeymooners was from the what? The 50s?

50s, yeah. So that's only 30 years before. So that would be like watching... Family ties. Yeah. A Cosby Show. Or Cosby Show. Yeah, it's exactly which is not, I mean, you don't know and sits around watching the Cosby Show now, because you'd fall asleep, but it could be on Right or cheers cheers on the plane. There you go

Perfect example cheers So that's weird. It's not that weird, but it's just crazy how far we've progressed Well, that's it is I think about this all the time He's like I grew up watching the Brady bunch even though it was on in the seventh same I grew up watching I love Lucy and even though it was on the 50s It's like my mother was watching so that's what I watched yeah it was on in the seventh. Same. I grew up watching I love Lucy. And even though it was on in the 50s. And I was like, my mother was watching so that's what I watched.

Yeah, and don't get me started on Nick at night. Nick at night was going to F-Troup and Dobie Gillis and all that shit. Yeah, and what do you call it? The Andy, I'm thinking of Andy. Rift, no, Dick Van Dyke. Dick Van Dyke, we loved. And I remember being a kid and being like,

he writes for a TV show. That's so exciting. Oh, yeah. That was like, I remember being like, eight years old and talking to my cousin Kim being like, I want to writes for a TV show. That's so exciting. That was like, I remember being like eight years old and talking to my cousin Kim being like, I want to write for a TV show. I remember asking her, have you seen Dick Van Dyke? She's like, Dick Van Dyke.

She helps point in my ass, but yeah, she's a Dyke. Who said the other day? I forget, I'm stealing this point from somebody else, but two thirds of the words, you're not allowed to say on TV. Wow. Dick and Dyke. That's cool.

Isn't that crazy? That's great. That's really something. Who's that? Salacus, I think say on TV. Wow. Dick and Dyke. That's cool. Is that crazy? That's great. That's really something. Who's that? Saladgoose, I think, said it. Wow. I think that's Saladgoose. Yeah, that's feels like a queues.

Yeah. You know what? Matt Wayne calls him salad goose, which makes me laugh. I like salad goose. Salad goose. That's fun. You know, Mel Brooks said, the best comedy is when you don't filter your brain, it always just let the shit come out of your head, and that's a salad goose.

Just, you just let something come out of your head, and it's a salad goose. You just let something come out of your head, and it's funny. Matt Winn is the funniest person I know. I mean, like, he's one of these guys, you're just rolling. And he's one of these guys, two of you are like, that's a bit, and he's like, is it? Yeah. I'm howling over here, I'm driving off the road.

He's effortless. Yes, very funny guy. Yeah. He's shooting a special in a couple of weeks or in October or something. Oh, finally, it's about goddamn time. Yeah, he's special. But I a couple of weeks or in October or something. Oh, finally, it's about goddamn time. Yeah He's special, but I watched Mary Tyler Moore as a documentary. I said let me

I watched that okay, so attracted to her. Oh, she was something but it's so crazy because of this She's doing some interview in 1958 or whatever and she's like they're like the guy won't let her speak and he's talking over And he's like well women they so they talked too much which is funny because he's talking too much and she goes this is gonna be kind of controversial But she's like I think a lot of women want to work and she's like, well, women, they talk too much, which is funny because he's talking too much. And she goes, this is gonna be kind of controversial, but she's like, I think a lot of women wanna work. And she's like, I'm sorry, I said that. You're like, wow, look how far we've come, because now it's like trans people are interesting. Oh, edit that, you know,

we're back then saying women should work. Was crazy. Yes, she's a, she's a full-figured gal. I think she's gorgeous. Gorgeous, beautiful face. I never got into that show, I's a full figured gal. I think she's gorgeous and gorgeous. Beautiful face. I never got into that show. I couldn't figure it out. It's like the shirt and shows.

Dick Van Dyke, he was so digestible. I got it. He was silly and fun and he was like, I like this show. And then he was working with writers. They were coming up with jokes. I was like, haha. Yeah, and he was so goofy. Woo, everything was so animated.

And it was, it was, it was a little broad, but Carl Reiner kept he invented dick Van Dyke Yes, and then he said you have to put he was supposed to be dick, but he was I did a pilot. He was too Jewey, so they had to put the goi with the Jew writer. Oh, goi Well, that was a stint. They said where you don't do the dick Van Dyke show. He said what's the dick Van Dyke? Ah, there you go. They said we got a better guy to play you. Ooh, it's pretty funny. Ouch, but it's those the head, huh, Joe? Yeah, that was like, sorry, we're off on crazy tangents now,

but I'm having a good time. Oh yeah. That was like one of these, the earliest concept of a sitcom, they were like, Carl Reiner had written for your show of shows since season. Right. And they were like, we're gonna do a sitcom. We were gonna do a sitcom and he's like,

I don't know what have any ideas, but all I do is I write for a comedy show. Exactly. Exactly. And they were like, that's the show and that became the foundation of all these shows. There you go. So I felt like, well I'm a comedian, I got some buddies.

I live in New York City and an apartment. Boom, we got a show. That's the show, there's your show. There's your show, why am I gonna watch it? It's on TV Not yet. Thank you. What a program hell yeah Anyways, we didn't we didn't see it there. This is just this is the most regular conversation we've ever had in the podcast We might have sped it up times to a little bit for you guys. Yeah, that's true Normally, I'm just staring at the ground saying I want to kill myself and a lot of that we usually edit those out

Yeah, but anyways, it's good to see my father's gay and I'm just staring at the ground saying I want to kill myself. And a lot of that, we usually edit those out 20 times. But anyways, it's good to see my father's gay and Georgia saying cut it. Where are the cameras and squirrels eat hawks, you idiot? We should tell you what we did earlier. Are we saving that for the bone? No, let's put it out there and it will tease it. Right, it's gonna go up in the Patreon. You gotta send your half of the video to...

I already sent you. Chuck, okay. That's your half. My half's gone. Not a third of an apple. Not a half of a banana. You buy it. You buy it.

Oh, man. Whew, that's good. She's a full figured gal. But yeah, um, so you caught a mouse in your house. I did, and it reminded me of, I had a big chunk of material. Don't you love this feeling? Is there anything better than this? You have a chunk in your house. I did, and it reminded me of, I had a big chunk of material. Don't you love this feeling? Is there anything better than this?

You have a chunk, it's working. You forget about it. And then a couple of weeks later, you're like, oh, we got a mouse and Sarah's like, what happened to that bit? You were doing it and I'm like, oh yeah, I had a three minute mouse chunk. That's not on anything?

No, I just lost it. Wow, so you just got three new minutes without doing anything? Yes, I just scooped it up. You scooped it up. You scooped the niblets. Ah, she scooped the niblets. It's okay. So, anyages, we have them last night,

and this was scary because we're sitting there watching a film or TV, whatever bullshit. I can't remember what the hell we were watching. Or maybe we were just sitting there talking. All right. And then there's the little crack in the door. It was like no country for Olman. Is that little light under the crack?

Oh yeah. It's Sarah does this. She's like, I think someone's outside of our apartment. This is a little shadow. Yeah. Because he's backlit, so it casts a shadow. And I'm like, there's no one outside of our apartment, you fucking weirdo.

And I had just seen a horror movie, talk to the hand. Oh, yeah, talk to the mouse. So she's like, yeah, there's something over there, and all of a sudden he's just, he's boneless. So he just goes like, he's like a chicken tender. He just goes like, and comes underneath. He's like, there's a mouse in the house. Oh, that's a ruiner.

And I go, okay, don't worry. Now, I'm an expert, because we get a mouse like almost exactly once a year. Yeah, that's true. Maybe you kicked the last one in the face. Yes, I kicked him right up the fucking road and killed his stupid boneless bullshit body. I'll mess you over here, that folks.

Um, so I went over there and I said, don't worry. And, you know, I feel like a man. I'm like, don't worry. Put your tits in order. They like the man. I click on the lights and I got two kill him traps. I set those up, I get the peanut butter, I put it on my cock, let the dog lick it off.

Now I'm ready to put the traps out. Hope it's not grunchy. So I put the traps out. I put it on my cock let the dog lick it off now I'm ready to put the traps out hope it's not grunchy so I put I put the toes and we get get smooth cherry I'm not cleaning two knives all right sorry we're off on a regent and I got the tube over here to be Oh Jeffrey toben so I got one of these two this This is the different tube. This is the two I just had. This is the same tube. I got one of these things, little dirty.

And get yourself one of these. It works because we caught him last time with this. Put the peanut butter in here and then he climbs right in there and then it snaps up. I think you got to set it. There you go. You get him in there and then he just lives in there, but you gotta take them like a mile from your house. Right.

So I put them in this satchel, brought them in here to a... Satchel page. Manhattan, and I had to brought them in the subway. I had it all sealed like this, like money bags. Wow. And I'm on a crowded five-train just holding them up here. I can feel them scurryin' at the whole time. And brought them here to the big city, scurrying. What? At the time.

And, uh, brought him here to the big city, the big apple. Well, he made it, he just commuted. Exactly. And, uh, so I grabbed you, we videotaped, and it's gonna be on the Patreon, it's about 48 seconds long. Yeah, but we got two angles, it's me hiding on a U-Haul up on the back trunk, and then you let it fly, and then that thing scurried like a refugee out of Mexico.

But it's same neighborhood all the refugees are in by the way. Oh, they call that anymore. They're called asylum seekers. Ugh, I get to make everything longer. Wow, it's nice. I guess. What about mental asylum? They're seeking. I wouldn't mind a big, big mental asylum, right Manhattan and just shift sixth avenue back to us. Oh, I wish.

You know, they're bringing them back or this one of the candidates that we're gonna bring back mental asylum because crime, if you look at the stats, they went way up when they got rid of them. Yeah. It's like a complete, perfect, of course, Reagan.

Ah, by the state, they were fucked up, but yeah. Reagan, bring them back, put some of these people in there and a lot of stayed, they were fucked up, but yeah. Reagan. Bring them back, put some of these people in there, and a lot of them, you can just trade them with medicine. Yeah. The bipolar, whatever, give them a pill. Bloop. And then, you know, we don't have somebody fucking lunatics.

It's weird how the citizens are meditating, and I think it's fucking them up, and the hobos are not meditating, and they need it. Right. I think a lot of this, it's bipolar, it's what's the yellow one? It's schizophrenia. It's schizophrenic and manic. There's one too that's called border, borderline.

Borderline personality. Yeah, you're right, that is big. And selling people, you give them some treats and a meal and a thing and then you put them in the hospital and then you come over like, cook was nice but without the lobotomies and the nurse ratchet. Yeah, yeah.

Would you hear that, uh, Amish have no autism. No mental illness and no safe fever and a couple other things. They have zero cases of it. They gotta have mental illness. That's crazy. Yeah, that's mean, I might have got to be a nervous Amish guy somewhere.

That's true, the barn's not raising it. I mean, that's crazy. Yeah, it's gonna be a nervous, I'm a guy somewhere. That's true, the barn's not raising. I mean, that's a good point. Yeah, someone's depressed, someone's sad. Maybe it was retardation, they had something that was at zero autism anxiety, sorry, it's the last hour. I'm sure they got something, but maybe they also, they might not know how to report it.

They might not have the word. They're like, you guys any of of you depressed and they're like, what? They never heard these words. Yeah, they're like depressed, that's my aunt. But it's an interesting thing. I mean, send me that article, I wouldn't mind. I will, I will, it was fascinating.

Dabbling, but anyways, yeah, we gotta take care of these people. What do you think of this? You said asylum seeker. It feels like if you lengthen a word, I think that was a Karlin' bit, like African American. It just sounds better. You know, just chill, shock.

Chill, shock. Now it's a post-traumatic stress disorder. But homosexual is the only one that's longer that seems meaner. Like if you go, hey, this is my friend, he's gay. You're like, oh, okay. One syllable, but if you're like, this is my friend, he's like,

homosexual. It does sound like you're like, easily as an experiment or something. Well, homosexual is out now, I think. Oh, is that friend he's a homosexual it does sound like you're like easily an experiment or something Well homosexuals out now I think oh is that out yeah, homosexuals bad I Did know that yeah, I think we had this dialogue before because I remember a bunch of people being like fuck you You eat as though I came up with this and now is this all me no no, they're saying it like I'm the one that was like homosexuals bad I'm like, oh Fuck you homosexuals not bad You fucking idiot and I'm like well, I'm like, oh, I'm like, this is my rat. I fucking fuck you, homosexuals not bad,

you fucking idiot, and I'm like, well I'm not making the decision right. Right, the cleaves are. It's kind of like when people were like, yeah, climate change is crazy, people like, you're not fucking really your piece of shit, and I'm like, well I didn't come up with the theory. Yeah, yeah.

Stephen Hawking wrote it, not me, I don't know. Yellowtailed him. It's headline news, I don't know. But yeah, I think homosexual is like, is no good. Oh, I thought that was just like, that's what they are. They're homosexuals. Like that, I'm a heterosapian or whatever, a homosapian, you're a heterosexual,

you're, these are just facts. I think we'll have to give that a Google Rupert if you don't mind. Homosexual bad. Give it a Rupert bad homosexuals and see if my face pops up. But, but no, that's a good point. Monus had a point and someone told me Ruby might have the same bit. Jack called Monus yet. Is that he had a great one about maybe you've heard it.

How queer is the only word that was a slur? And it can't slip it. I got to let Monus know. It's a good, it's actually a solid joke, but it has the R word in it. I think we've used our allotment. Well, Mona's was like, I was called Jew Boy. When I was a kid, he's like, but there's no way they're gonna be like,

I'm a major in Jew Boy films. Oh, right. It's very funny. That's a great joke, yeah. It's got like, person of color and color person. Like, you're just saying, it's like, I'm a fan of the Patriots. Now a Patriot fan. Yeah, it's all very silly what do you have a story okay I don't know

if I can tell it on here though ah it's too good I love it I can't wait it's it's an Orson Wells hold I want to hear that but in Orson Wells's book I guess he told the story about the DP on Casablanca was like a Hungarian guy and he has I have this book I haven't gotten there yet he says he has a one I have this book, I haven't gotten there yet. He says, he has, at one point, he has all the white actors and one side, and all the black actors and the other side. And he goes, okay, we're gonna get a shot with all the N-word actors.

Oh. He says it, you know, and the director's like, oh, oh, he, it's colored, you have to say color. And he goes, okay, well, sorry. We're gonna get a shot with all the colored N-words. Hahaha. Is that amazing? That's hilarious. I mean, that's an insane story. Was it real book? Okay, well, sorry, we gotta get a shot with all the colored end words. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's all time that's amazing I had to call Henry immediately. I'm like I got one for that is of these Line of the week right there colored Edwards

All right, so this is a story from the 40s. We didn't write this This is not our as but he wasn't trying to be funny. No, no He was trying to be politically correct. That's like gold. That is gold. All right. What happened? Rupert's not Mike, but we'll translate The more clinical sexual on the other hand has been used to pathologize and stigmatize same sex desire And that's from LSE. I don't know what that is. Okay. LSE LSE you LSD LSE yeah, okay lazy stupid

D-D-L-S-E? Yeah. Okay. Lazy, stupid, eat darts. All right. Well, anyways, so there's a story, and so there you go. Homosexuals, bad gays, the thing. But, uh, monosyscelerious. Ruby's very funny, too.

Yeah, I would do the joke, but it's got the R word in it. Um, and I think I've done enough of those. But, hey, Jess. Nice, that's cute. Nice, cute. Nice and easy. Hey folks, Tuesday's the story is brought to you by ExpressVPN. It's expensive to live nowadays. If there's a way I can save a buck or two, I'm gonna do it.

I've saved so much by cutting back on the number of streaming services I have and just using ExpressVPN to get a little variety. Streaming services like Netflix actually have thousands more shows than you think. You don't just see them all because different shows are available in different countries. With ExpressVPN, just change your online location to another country and unlock a ton of new shows. What a great idea. So if you're in Bolivia Pop us on your Netflix and now you're cooking. You see some American TV the good stuff All you horse shit weirdos with your Koreans and your Australians

Check out the old brain on bread. We got some great entertainment out here right now watching Mr. Bean It's not on Netflix here but the ExpressVPN, I tap one button to change my country to the UK, refresh the page and it shows up. I don't need to pay extra for Apple TV or Prime, just to watch it. Wow, that's great. It's like you're fucking another woman of your TV. Some services even cost less in other countries. For instance, if you buy Netflix from Argentina,

you'll only pay a fraction of the price. It's a no-brainer. So if you wanna get way more shows, save way more money while you're at it, go to expressvpn.com slash Tuesdays. Don't forget to use our link so you can get three months free. Wow, that's EXPR, ESSVPN.com slash Tuesdays. Expressvpn.com slash Tuesdays to learn more. Great read.

Tuesdays with stories also brought to you by liquid IV. These sons of onions. Oh, I got a million of them. It's hard to remember to drink water. I mean, every day I'm like, well, forgot water. Water. So hard in fact that there's a whole side of TikTok where people are showing off their

weird water concoctions where they mix in syrups and sugar so it'll taste good enough to drink. You know how much I love TikTok? I got my nose to the grindstone over there in TikTok. Oh yeah. Get off water talk and get into liquid iv. It's actually good for you and taste delicious. Liquid iv is the number one powdered hydration brand in America, and it's now available

sugar-free with awesome flavors like white peach, lemon lime, and green grape. You can mix it up every day of the week. I love this stuff. I have boxes in box. I have so many boxes. I asked them to please send it to my uncle's fire department, and supposedly they're going to. Hey! Hasn't arrived yet, but I believe it's on its way, I hope.

If anyone knows hydration, it's firemen. They need it. They're alcoholics, they got the smoke inhalation and mostly the alcoholism. Mix it right with the hose. But they're a great guy so they can show off. That's a good idea. You got a nice big mug, stick the hose in there

and blast off. Getting your daily dose of water has never been easier. Just mix one stick of liquid IV with 16 ounces of water and drink up. It's so difficult to drink water. It is, it's tough. It hydrates you two times faster than water alone. It has three times the electrolytes of leading sports

drinks. So even if you've been on a crazy bender, you can bounce back in time for work on Monday. Real people, real flavor, real hydrating. Now sugar free. Grab your liquid IV, hydration multiplier, real flavor, real hydrating. Now sugar free. Grab your liquid IV hydration multiplier, sugar free, in bulk nationwide at Costco, or get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com

and use code Tuesdays at checkout. That's 20% off anything you order when you use promo code Tuesdays at liquidiv.com. Tell you where you been, what are you doing, who you blowing, where you gizzin'? The mouse is cut, it's all good. Well, so last Wednesday, I still feel guilt. Last Wednesday, in New York,

as my last day in the city before heading to Providence, I got, I'm doing, Chris Millhouse's show, our pal Millhouse. The winery. City winery. Good for the Millhouse. Good, yeah pal Millhouse. The winery. City winery. Good for the Millhouse. I love you Mill. Mill Mouse.

So he took a photo of the three of us and then he blacked out my face and wrote, your face here, I'm opening from Arle. I'm like, hey, you cut me out of the photo. Yeah, you don't want to be the black face. Yeah, well, it's white. Ah, okay, white face there.

That's bad too, I think. Yeah. Bob Dylan did white face. Really? Yeah, the 74- bad too, I think. Yeah. Maybe not. Bob Dylan did white face. Really? Yeah, the 74-tore. He came back and painted his face white. Oh, yeah.

Why do you do that? I'm not sure. Huh. Well, eccentric. The way his brother still good white chicks. But anyway, so I had City Winery, which is a great room, great show, Love Mill House. Yes, yes. And then I was shooting over there to your show, Good Ex.

Oh, yeah. It's the hottest show in town, New York, Combin' Club, sold out, you're on Ruby, Veter, all my buds. And I go, that'll be a fun night. That'll be good. I go out, I do a couple podcasts, I come home, and I text our old pal Shane Gillis, old SG. And you do this move, you're like,

I fucking hate myself, I got a huge special coming out, I'm trying to blow this thing up, I'm having a kid, my father's gay George is saying cut it. Can I do your podcast and then you ask and then you throw your phone across the world You smash it. It's the worst feeling ever. You hate asking favors even if it's close friends. Yes, yes And so then 30 seconds later the phone starts ringing which anytime a phone rings I shit my pants Well, this is a lot of roller coaster here We got we got to throw the phone then we got the

Ringing is a lot going on with this contraption it's vibrating I have the airpods It's what's like call from Shane Gillis oh from Shane Gillis I got none of that well I my Raycons oh Yes, Skatecon are hooked up into the worst festival so it's the I So it's this call so I'm like, ah, gee, he's now got a dog, I'm scared. Yeah. I answer, he goes, of course, you get to the podcast, what's wrong with you?

It's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, well, I don't know, you think he's like, what's wrong with you? Of course, come on the podcast. You know what's wrong with a squid, do you have to ask? I know, we're fucking all crazy. He's crazy, don't get the hell out of here.

That's true, so he says, come on the podcast, and then I get this, this is the worst. He's like, but we're recording crazy crazy to get the hell out of here. That's true. So he says come on the podcast and then I get this This is the worst he's like, but we're recording for the next six months in Philadelphia I feel like I gotta go to Philadelphia. Okay, it's a little way we're going there in the 22nd. That's true That I do this. I'm like, oh you're in Philadelphia. You should do the live body. I think I'm back that day I thought you were there the whole month, so it's like an happened costella routine Who's on third? But anyway, so maybe it will be a special guest to August 22nd, Philadelphia.

Umar Khan and Shane Gillis, the big two. Yes, yes, this is black and white. Shane is not guaranteed. Umar's guaranteed. He's already there. He made a flyer. That's what you know a guy showed up when he makes the only his own flyer. He's like, can I advertise this?

I'm like, you'll be the first one to do it. Anyways. What date is that? August 22nd. Juice, juice, bigelow. Rockin' the juice, juice. So anyways, he goes, yeah, come with the pot. And then he goes, what are you doin' tonight?

And I go, well, I got two spots. I'm doin' the Mill House show, I'm doin' the Norman show. And he goes, ah, damn, I'm at Grove 34. He's gonna see if you want to come by and do a set. And I'm like, ah, I can't hang up. Then you're sitting there in your house, you're still in. So you're like, all right, well,

I gotta go do city, it's five o'clock somewhere. It's five o'clock, three hours till show time. Yeah. And I'm going, all right, I'm gonna get a lift to city winery. Okay. That's gonna be 40 bucks. Then I'll take a lift over to good eggs because I gotta hustle to make it.

Yeah. Appreciate the show, love the show. Then I'll take a lift over to a good egg because I gotta hustle to make it. Yeah. Appreciate the show, love the show. Then I'll take a lift home. It's a hundred dollar. I'll break even. Ah, I didn't think about that. And then you're like, grove 34, three blocks from my house. It's shame.

I never get to see shame. Never get to hang out with shame. And it's sold out. It sold out. I mean, packed out. Who knows or doose? Just the one show. Okay, wow.

Boy, it's an easy night. What do you do? 20, 25. Yeah, that's the other thing. He's like, you to do this? Just the one show. Okay, wow, boys, an easy night. What do you do? 20, 25? Yeah, that's the other thing he's like, you can do as much time as you want. Because he's working new. He's like, I got 20 minutes. You can do whatever you want on the show. Okay.

So, what's the very flattering? This big comic is asking you to pop on? Yeah, I love the pop on. Well, this big comic also used to write us fan letters and blow us before not that long ago. All right. He was like, oh my god, do you see ago. All right. He was like oh my god Do you see some stories? I love the show? Oh my god

I was just and now he's like the king of comedy. Yeah, he'll be doing MSG before she'll yeah Yeah, I think he probably he might be able to do it. Ah I got to black out the Top maybe maybe sell well at the special. He's got a special coming out What is this the gillus pod come on keep going good point So I'm sitting there and I'm like boy. I wish I could just go there. I could just walk over there come back Ah, well, I got the thing and then you have that moment of like wow it's New York. I'm sure they could replace me Sure, so I text Vitor first. I said seriously, say no. There's a second text I've spent

that's three feet long. Say no. If it's a problem, fuck me in the ass. Forget I said anything. Don't be afraid to say no. But could you possibly replace me because I'm getting offered this thing? Yeah. And he goes, don't even worry about it. Yeah, you got to love the V. He's the best. And I'm like, okay, he's, are you sure? He's like, I already texted our booker. You're all set. There you go. So I'm like, okay, now I got Milho. So I'm nervous, but because we're not as close.

And he relies on you to sell tickets. You probably put your, your white face on a flyer. Yeah. So then I do, I do, he's got to hear this, but I was like, Shane Gillis just offered me three grand to do croaks 34. He's like, wow, you got to say yes to that. Okay, okay.

I think he was annoyed. Sure, it's understandable. That being said, you're never gonna bring this up and hopefully never hears this, but a couple months ago, I was booked. Oh, that's right. I was on the show. And I was like, hey, I haven't gotten a confirmation.

He was like, oh, I blew it. I wrote down the wrong date. So. Even Stephen. He and that was like 90 minutes out. Ah, what's good for the salad goose is good for the gander. So I'm not saying fuck him for that. Mistain. No, but I'm saying, well, you know, we've been on the other side of this.

Things happen. And so I apologize if anyone came to those shows looking for me. But so then you text Shane, I'm going, I'm in. He's sweet. So then you walk three blocks and'm going, I'm in. He's like, it's sweet. So then you walk three blocks and it is packed. I mean, he's an event. Oh, yeah, there's a liner on the block. I'm sure of big, doughy white guys.

People everywhere, and it's funny, because I had a funny riff up top, because I'm like, I do, I do grove 34 once a month, and they're like, we sold out again, and I show up in like this literally 80 more people at his show. My show. How do you get the room is smaller than my dick?

Everyone was standing room only. I mean, stuffed up. People were standing on stage with you like this. Wow. And we go back to it. And those guys are awesome. Robin Derrick, check out Grove 34 in a story. I'll be right 9-11.

Never forget. Killer. Killer. Cohiba cigars just lined up. They let you smoke indoors. You just smoke in there. Wow. I'm smoking cigars. They got they let you smoke indoors you just smoke in there

I'm smoking cigars. They got a pile of bud lights for Shane TV's all these have football highlights. They're for NFL network going. There's just football highlights Wow, it's probably the only room in America that the green room is almost the same size as the showroom good points It's a nice meaty green room great green rooms. You go back to he's got little sass Watch on the show. Oh, he's cute cute kid and it was just a good hang and then Rob Riego's hosting We go part. Yeah, and then Lily Michelle, you know her Asian Muslim ah She got some hot water for a joke at the stand. Oh really? Yeah, she's a black short black hair No, I think long black hair.

Who am I thinking of? She goes in the row with Shane, very attractive. One liner, dark. I think, I don't know her stand up that well honestly. Is she right for SNL? I don't think so. I guess she used to be a server at the old stand. Wow.

Yeah, you'd know her. You think? Very hot. Very hot. Yeah. Lily, you'd know her. You think? Very hot. Very hot. Yeah. Lily was in the room with Shane. I will pull, pull her up on there and flip that computer out of her name.

No, I'm sure you got it right. I just, I can't keep tracking my Muslims. Anyway, she's hanging, great hang. We're back there. We're laughing. We're talking football. Shane's like literally like, dude, 30 if you want. Wow.

Okay. What a night. I go go up this crowd is on fire That is my favorite room in the city. It's a hot hot show. I think we might do a special for Sarah there Oh, I would shoot there. Yeah, so anyways, I go up riffing kill it and Rob is great because he's so funny And such a good guy, but you can shit on him too. Oh my like, Rob's lying. I never sell out, and it was funny because, that's not her. Community, that's Lilly Singh. Lilly Singh. That's an Indian.

Um, but, um, anyways, the show is great. And Rob, every time I'm there once a month, and he gives me, he's like, this guy's the best comedian. He's my favorite. I love him, and then Shane's there. So my intro is like, this guy's the best comedian, he's my favorite, I love him, then Shane's there. So my intro is like, this guy's wife's pregnant, he's pretty good, we're gonna like him, so that was fun, good race.

Great crowd, Shane goes up, Shane kills, I'm sitting in the back, smoking a fucking cojibo. What's the Shane Gilles do, Comrade? I'm like, I made it, I got my feet up. Wow. I'm laughing my ass off at his shit, I'm smoking, it's the best time of my life. And you canceled two killer gigs to do a killer gig.

So what a great spot to be in. Great spot to be in. And then afterwards, it was a roast battle with all these young comics, I don't know, and Shane's like, let's hang out and watch the roast battle. Oh, there you go. So I'm like, okay, we're watching a roast battle. I'm smoking a bat, we're high-fiving, great night.

Then I text Sarah, I'm like, you hungry? She's like, I'm starving. Get some food delivered. I walk home, I'm finishing my cigar in the walk home. Summer night, you feel the breeze on the arms. You know, I love the breeze on the arms. I love it, arm breeze. I get back to the house. I got this much cigar left.

I stomp it out. I see a mouse. I go inside, eat my soup. Did all the great new bits get a quality set in. Yes. And then you love that feeling where you make a decision. You feel bad about it. You're like, am I an asshole? And then you go, you're like, I'm a man. I'm a man. Did all the great new bits got a quality set in? Yes. And then you love that feeling where you make a decision,

you feel bad about it, you're like, am I an asshole? And then you go, that was the best decision I ever made in my life. Yeah, there you go, you did it. So how? Mill House and your book and the hope they're not upset, I'm sorry, but people cancel all the time. I never cancel. I canceled once, what are you gonna do?

Cancel culture, I agree, and you did the right thing. And I said in New York's like a meal. Sure, you miss one, but you'll have another one. Yeah, there'll be another one. And then come right back, there's one right behind the other, like a human centipede, and that's a hell of a story. New York right now, August, the heat is kind of dissipating a little bit.

I walked around the village last night, the wife's out of town. I made a cocktail Don't tell anybody I made a cocktail I put it in Starbucks one of these I'm sipping it walking around doing a phone call. I believe all right call my mom I got to call this guy I got to do this and I said let me walk around I walked around at about 8 p.m Every the village is magical Except for the hobos. Thank you, But you go deep enough, you go west enough. Oh yeah.

Every restaurant is full, the people are pouring out of there. It's all these handsome, good looking people, clinking glasses, laughing, and the tree line and the sun is setting and the brown stones and the cobblestone and the cobblestone throat. And you're just going, this is, it's like Europe. I feel like I've been gay paris or prog or something. It's the New Amsterdam.

There it is, New Amsterdam, bad movie, but good town. Yeah, great town, so that was a great night. I had a similar thing with, not to bring it back to the Gildnet, but. Wow, we love Gildes, what are you gonna do? I had to do his pod a while back, and he was like, Yeah, sure, come on, because he asked me,

and I couldn't do it, so I said, Oh, I'd like to get on that. So he asked me, I can ask him, because I'm not a big asker. And then I said, yeah, yeah, come on over. And I was so guilty for asking, I totally ate, I choked on the pod. I played it, and all the comments like, what's up with Normandy, so I talk, because I was just like, I feeloked on the pie. I played it and all the comments were like, what's up with Normandy, is that talking?

Cause I was just like, I feel so weird asking. Yeah. And it totally, I couldn't, couldn't be funny. Yeah, it's awkward. I've had a podcast or two where I just felt uncomfortable. Yes. But it's this weird thing and you're like, all right, something will come.

Yeah. I got nothing, we talk about it. It's like, people don't realize when you do a podcast, it's like, it's not like we've prepared anything. No. And sometimes, you know,. We talk about it. It's like people don't realize when you do a podcast like it's not like we prepared anything No, and sometimes you know sometimes they don't laugh Well, you feel in the live ones we're like oh wait a minute This is this is you got to go you got to think you got to be quick bring it move, baby Yeah, so then the last live episode when you're here. You're just like I think they're interested in this

I'm gonna go laughing at home, but yeah, when you're live in person, people are just like this. You're like, ah, Jesus. You can't blame them, but boy, you got a kick in the high gear, Fetty. Yeah, it's tricky, because the thing with doing a big pod, you're like, if I kill, I'll get all these fans.

Right. If I bomb, I lose all these people forever. Yeah. Yeah. 300,000 people that are like, my guy sucks. So true. So true. But then I know friends who will do pods

and I like, I didn't feel like doing it. And I just sat there. And I'm like, and they still have tons of fans. And I mean, huge count. I can name. I won't name them. But I'm like, I've seen you on pod. Just eat shit, not say anything.

Sit there kind of angrily. And I'm like, how do you still have fans? But they just like them. Well, some people are podcasts, people, and some people are clip people, and some people are special people, and some people are late night people. There's different kinds of brands, I think. I guess so. I guess so. But let me throw this in your dick hole and see if it's infected. Yeah, so I'm going to Europe and I you got to get a you got to get a physical you name all these dumb rules physical. Yeah, physical. Let's get Thank you. Oh, Newton John. Oh my god. I love both versions of her in Greece. Yeah the horror and the nerd I'm with you. Maybe that's the name for the movie, The Horror of the Nerd.

Horror of the Nerd in the morning. So I was so busy that they set me up with all these pods and phoneers and all these bullshit. Plus I got to do our pod, drunk and road and travel. So they go, how about this? We'll tell it, we'll get the lady to come to your house. And I was like, oh wow. Which lady's this again?

This is like a nurse. Oh, it's physical. So I got my brains all over here. So I'm like, can you do that? And they're like, yeah, yeah. So now I'm texting with the lady. And the whole time, you're like, is she hood? Is this a porno?

Is this gonna work out? What's she gonna be in my home? Your lady or the nurse lady? The nurse lady. I see. She was a lady and they're like, okay, we worked it out. She's coming at, all she could do is 9 a.m.

So you're like, God, 9 a.m. But these doctors, they're up at the like farmers. Right. Does she have a little letter bag? She had a bag. I wasn't a letter. She had a bag, but so we're texting. I'm like, I'm so sorry about all this.

I'm so busy. She's like, my office is 10 seconds away. It's all good. I was like, oh, great. So she texted me the night before. She goes, I can do 8.30. If you want to do 8.30, I said, I was going to hope you would do 9.30.

And she was like, all right, I'll see you at 9.30. I'll see you at 9.30. Okay. So I wake up at 9.30. She texted at 9.20. I'll be there in 10 minutes. I said, that's what 9.30 is. I go down and get her.

And I was like, oh, what you gonna look like? Old Jamaican bro. Oh, just like out of the movies, how you doing, man? Oh, Iry, here we are. I got my bag, oh, hey. And you got me a roti, all this shit. And big glasses, big braids. And it was so great being with a Jamaican lady

because they don't give a shit about anything. Right. Everybody, you know, I first of like, that was the lady in my house, I should make her feel comfortable because, you know, she's in my house, like, women are scared of men, and what are men gonna do? We're toxic. So I was like, you cool coming upstairs, we could do it in a park bench, she was like, what, let's go, what are we doing? Good. I was like, you're cool coming upstairs. We could do it in a park band. She was like, what, let's go.

What are we doing? Good. I was like, okay. All right. So we go upstairs and I go, I have a cat. Are you nervous about cats? She's like, I eat cat. What are you talking about?

I'm gonna fuck my cats. I was like, oh, yeah, right. So I opened the door and she's like, whatever you want. I let her go in, you know? And I'm like, she's like, hurry up. What are you doing? And it was so nice having a woman who was just like, yeah, I don't give a shit, let's go.

We knocked it out, the whole thing took 15 minutes and she left. So what did she, did she grab your balls, make you cough or is there? Is it heart rate or what? That's what I was doing. She did the pulse, she did the, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh,

shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, Yeah, yeah, it wasn't great. And then it's so nervous having her in my house and I think it went up, but whatever. Yeah, it's White Coat Syndrome. Black Lady Syndrome. Yeah, yeah, exactly. She was a jerk chicken. Okay, so she put the, she has a scale, she pulls out a scale, puts it on the floor, she wade me and she goes, okay, how much out tall?

And then that was it. Wow, that's fascinating. So I guess it's like the insurance company for the tour and she goes, okay, how much help tall? And then that was it. Wow, that's fascinating. Cause I guess it's like the insurance company for the tour. That's a big thing. Cause I remember when we did, I did the Netflix half hour, I had to go to Dr.

that dog. Everyone goes to his name is Louis. Louis Love. Louis Body. It might be Louis cats actually. I think it was Louis cats. He's like a famous TV guy, doctor. Oh, Dr. cats. He's like, does TV guy, Doctor. Oh, Doctor Katz.

He's like, does, you go and you have to do a physical, but it's like, oh, bullshit. He's just like, yeah, yeah, you're good. Oh, okay. He's like, what kind of purse, what kind of health would you have to be in before you're like, you can't have a Netflix special? Yeah, good point.

Like Ralphie May had one. Exactly. That's a good point. Also, the most awkward part, was she was like, do you take any drugs? And I was like, all I take is finasteride. What the hell is that? That's a knockoff propicia for the pubes.

Yeah. And she was like, okay, great. What's the doctor's name? And I said, Dr. Steve. That's who I get. You know, Dr. Steve. I love Dr. Steve. And she was like, what the fuck is a doctor's name? I need need a last name and I was like, I don't think he has one. It's like Madonna. And she was like, wait, what? You got a doctor? So now she's like, who is this drug dealer? You're getting shit from.

So now like the jig is up. No offense. Black lady. And she's like, I need a last name. I was like, I've known this guy for 15 years. I've never heard of his last name. It's share, you know? And she was like, I can't leave him without a last name. It's share, you know, and she was like,

I can't leave her without a last name. I mean, I need to know where you're getting these drugs. So I made one up. Steve Martin. I said, uh, with Boshemi and we moved on. Talk to me in Northeastern. Yeah. So that was a weird little hiccup, but other than that, we're good. Well, glad you got the physical, glad you got the approval. Now, can I ask you, Rupert, how long have we been recording?

Because I don't know, do I have time to tell a story? What time we got? You're at like 40 minutes. Oh, okay. Jesus, I thought we were like an hour 30. I thought so too, that we were flying. Oh, Christ on the cross. Well, should I get into some Los Angeles stuff?

Yes, please. I can get into some LA. City of Angels, Lala Land. I was out of LA for two fucking weeks, and late June, oh, two weeks. Oh, yeah, oh my God, I was in 12 days. Well, I was gone for 12 days. I was in LA for four days, sorry.

Oh, okay. I was in Irvine for three, and then, Oh, what do you call it? San Jose for three. Irvine. Good, Will Farrell from Irvine for three and then what do you call it? San Jose for three. Irvine. Good, Will Farrell from Irvine and Rage against the machine. Was that right? Yeah, it's gonna take some down a peg

with that anti-establishment horse shit. That's really funny. That's it. It's like from like extremely affluent town. But he's his panic. So he said, I felt, you know, ostracized. I'm like, have you been to California pretty Hispanic. Yeah, but Delarocha, what are you gonna do fun band?

Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da All right, so I went out to LA, this is a month and a half ago, but there's some good stuff in here. Please. So, I think I mentioned this, I finally feel it in in LA. I guess, I'm very in at the improv, I gotta, I love them. They're so nice. Love the improv. Got some stuff to the store, a little laugh factory business. We gotta get your name on that wall. At the store, yeah. Yeah, we'll see, I don't know what are you gonna do. They just put a bunch up.

That Mitch Hedberg joke doesn't work anymore. I think I saw you at the store. Cause it could be the comedy store. Oh yeah. Interesting. That's a little bit of a non-sequitor. Doesn't work anymore also cause he's dead. Ah.

But, yeah, fast way. Yikes. Anyway, so about, about, about NLA, and then one of the nights, I'm there, I have a late spot at the laugh factory. I ask the guy asking me to do the show and I go, great, I'm in. And then the improv is like,

hey, you want to do the late show on Wednesday and I go, sure, I'll double up there, right down the street from each other. Sunset bull. And then Millhouse. Chris Millhouse, a four-man-chick Chris Millhouse, he goes, hey, I got a show it the store that night in the the main room which I performed at all the main rooms magic it's beautiful so I go

oh okay I'll figure it out because all three clubs are a mile away yeah totally I'm driving I got I have a car but I'm staying across the street so I'm like I don't take my car out because I'm staying across the street. So I'm like, I don't wanna take my car out because I'm staying across the street in the store. The Zig. So it's one of these and you know how this goes. You're the king of this. So now I just, I'm like, dreading,

because I have three late spots, all 10 PM show, 10 PM show, 10 PM show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it gets closer like, how the fuck am I gonna pull this off? Yeah. And then the night before, they asked me to do the belly room. Like, you wanna headline the belly room at eight. So, and you can just book whoever you want. Yeah. And then the night before they asked you to do the belly room. Like you want a headline, the belly room at eight. So and you can just book whoever you want. So I go great.

I'll take it. So I get Chris Walsh who's doing stand up again. Oh, fucking hilarious. Nice. And I got Chris Walsh. I got my friend Lindsay Adams and Ali Makovsky. Ah, the Makov. She's a fun egg. And I think oh, and Milhoes. Milhoes is like, hey, maybe I'll jump on your show, I said, I'm happy to have you. Sure. So we had Millhouse, Macawsky, Lindsay, and Chris Wallace. That's a hell of a show. Great show, a lot of whites.

So now you have the thing where you're like, now I'm at the belly room, which is at the comedy store, upstairs, I'm doing my own headlining show, and then I'm on the late show in the main room. So now you wish you didn't have the influence at the lab factory because you're like, what can just do my show? Stay here. And hang out and then for heaps on the show, Satino's on the show. So it's a fucking hang. Yeah. And I'm like, ah, these are the shows, but you're happy to have them. So we do the

belly room. Great show. A bunch of twos gays came out, that room is great, packed. Yeah. Great set, and so now I'm like, okay, I gotta get to work. So I finagle all my times. Like, can I move this here? Can I do this there? What time is this? I hit a text, a mill house, I'm like, so I can close the main room.

That way I'll end at the store, and I'm staying across the street. Okay. So I'm doing the improv first. So I get Lindsay's like, I'll drive you over there. Says me a lift, she gives me a lift, over the improv first. So I get Lindsay's like, I'll drive you over there. Saves me a lift. She gives me a lift over the improv. Jump on there.

I'm like, can I move earlier? Because I got to get to the laugh back here. I'm doing all three. They're like back to back to back. Well, that's scary just because you don't want to be the diva guy, the dain cook. Can I go up early and leave all you schmucks in the dust? Exactly.

And it's like, I'm visiting. So you're afraid it's going to be like this. This was guy, New York and get, which also, no one really does this in LA. I know. Everyone's like, wow, the New York, making LA like New York. Yeah, yeah.

So, Belyroom was great, I go to the improv, and it's Chad and JT, you know those guys. Oh, good, good cleaves. Love those guys, and I'm like, maybe if not, no big deal, but can I possibly go where they go? Yeah, no problem, of course. They just laid back.

Stoners. Jump on that show, great show, great set, finished there. Lindsay's like, hey, laugh actor's on the way home. She lives in the valley, she's like, I'll take you to the laugh factory. I go, oh my God, you're saving my life. This guy was a saint. Oh, I'll blow her someday.

I go, okay, great. We jump in the car, she shoots me up the street, laugh factory, great to see. I love you, goodbye. I go, okay, great. We jump in the car, she shoots me up the street. Laugh factory, great to see you. I love you, goodbye. Go into the laugh factory. I'm like, I'll just knock this out and then I'll jog up to the comedy store. It's right up the street.

No problem. Wow, this is unreal. Get in there. Now the laugh factory, this show, it started early, was going a little late, running behind. You don't say. You're just like, okay, it's running behind, so it's one more than you, and this guy's been on for 10.

So I'm like, shit, so it's basically, he has to finish his set. Plus another guy, then the length of my set. Yeah, that's a good half hour 35. And time is ticking away. I gotta close at the end of my spot. It's over, not the belly room, the main room. Oh, whatever, the belly, you did that already.

The belly already did. Okay, okay. Now I'm at the tits. So I'm sitting there and this comic just goes on for a while. And it's going and going and it's a light crowd. And they are a bit hostile. So is he and it's like sprinkled and it's tough. Look, there's a guy with face tattoos.

It was like sitting like this. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's scary. Where's Michael Richards when you need him to yell at these people? He finishes his set, then the next guy goes out and now I'm freaking out, because I'm like, I'm gonna miss my spot in the main room. Yes.

Never done the main room, excited to be there. And like I said, you got centinos over there, for hems, everyone's over there. The good news is they want to go early. They want to go home. Centinos married, for hems, brown, and you're probably in contact with the house. Yes.

With the mill. Up texted mill house, and he's like, you're okay, whatever. But he's also running the show. He's on the show. He's hanging out. He doesn't want to hear from me. He's like, get, leave me alone.

It's fun when you come. So finally, I go on and I'm like, hey, I'm sorry, I'm like, way behind, can I do like eight minutes? And they're like, yeah, do whatever you want because we got extra people. I go up and eat shit. They fucking hated me. Yeah.

And now you're just like, God, I suck. Wow. And they're just looking at me like this. It's late in the night and you're like this. I mean, I'm bombing. I haven't had a set like that. A real bag of cheese. And you're going, God, I wish I was just at the store right now.

No, I drove here for this. I waited. I'm grateful for the spot. Then I come off and you know Luke Null. No, good Null. He loved Luke Null. He's a sweet guy. He's getting ready to go on. He has his acoustic guitar. I waited I'm grateful for the spot then I come off and you know Luke no no good no He's a acoustic guitar and he's walking up and you almost want to stay and be like look my guy Yeah, I love the guy. He's gonna stand up stood out and bang on the head with it I'm like I can't believe I mean it looks like

I don't even know what it looks like down and out in East LA or whatever It's a tough gang. And he's walking through his guitar and I'm like, I gotta get out of here. So now I go to lift, which, you know, the store is 10 minute walk. I mean, it's a little cookie out there in Hollywood these days.

Sure. Hollywood weird. And I was kinda like, maybe I'll jog when I was like, let me just get a car. It'll take me one minute. Lift pulls up, it says, it'll be here in one minute. I'm like, great. I walk out. The lift is doing a U-turn'll take me one minute. Lift pulls up, it says it'll be here in one minute. I'm like great. I walk out, the lift is doing a U-turn on Hollywood Boulevard

or sunset Boulevard there. Does a U-turn and bang! Hits the car. Why? The Valet car. Oh. Is it all Valet there? So it's the Valet guys pulling a car in.

The lift does a U-turn, smush. They just smash into each other. Wow, well that's on the driver because the lift guy, because that's an illegal U. He's doing a U-turn, and I'm like, I got five minutes till spot time. I'm like, I gotta go, so I just get in the car. I'm like, it wasn't too bad, so I just jump in the car.

Now I get in the back of the car, I'm like this while he's surveying the damage. Yeah. And the guy's like, the valegate is on his car, but he's like, yeah, you hit me. And he's like, you can't be here. What are you doing here? You got to be careful. You motherfuck, and he's screaming at him.

By the way, I can't really understand. He had a very thick action with everyone. And the guy's like, the valegiate is like, you hit me. Yeah. And he's like, well, this is crazy. I don't know, fucking. And he's yelling, and I'm just like, hey, I gotta get to the store here. Step on it. So when you get a new lifter. well, this is crazy. I don't know, fucking. And he's yelling and I'm just like, hey, I gotta get to the store here.

Step on it. So what do you get a new lifter? No, I just wait and I'm like, I think it'll be okay. I'm texting Milhouse. Now Milhouse is like, we're a little behind. You're okay. All right, that's a good feeling.

Lift driver gets in the car finally after five minutes and he's like, these motherfuckers, this fucking city, this basic shit trash city. And I'm in the back going, I know, you can't trust anybody, it's wild. And he's like, as we get to the store, I get out and he's still like, these motherfuckers, you know what I'm like?

I know it's crazy. Get in, I bump into Santino and Fahim and I'm like, oh my God, you got time, you're good. I love that. You're next. But great to see those guys, love those guys. Go in, do the main room, never done it before. The curtain opens, it's like showbiz.

I mean, they were on fire. It was the end of the night. I'm last on a big show, so I'm like, this isn't gonna be great. Rock and roll, fucking killed. And you don't wanna, you forget about LA, that's great, it's like New York. In LA and New York, there are like,

people that live there love the arts. That's why they're there. A lot of them. Sure. So in LA, more than most cities, they're like, what's your name? I want to write down. I want to watch you get your show.

That's yours. I'm going to see you. Don't you find that? Like, a lot of times, if you do guest spots somewhere in St. Louis, I feel like you get less. That's a good point. I think you're right. I think you're right.

They want to follow you and learn more about you and See your work. I could be right. I just feel like in LA people tend to be into the art That's why they live there. They're near movies and showbiz and glitz and glamour sure like I want to follow you Yeah, yeah, that is interesting. Also, there's so much bad art there because everyone does move there So when they see a good guy, they go, whoa, this is different. Right, I think I go to the store, they're probably regular as maybe.

But anyways, that was a great night. Hey folks, Tuesday's store is brought to you by electric e-bike. Woo, do I love that e-bike, baby? They sent us one, that thing moves. It runs like a Kenyan. I love that electric e-bike summer might be winding down but I am keeping the good times roller with my electric e-bike zip it around town on my e-bike is a blast I feel like a cute kid again I love

this thing I used to have a gas powered hog that thing broke down it was a two stroke I need more strokes stroke my, I love this e-bike. And when you're a comic, you're doing spots all over Manhattan. I take it over the Brooklyn Bridge. I love this thing, it's the best thing for you, Parking's a cut in this town. Not with a electric e-bike, it's compact, it's well made, it's sturdy, and it moves.

Oh yeah, it's got that battery pack too, it never runs out. Most popular e-bike in the industry and starts at only 99, 99, wait, 99, 99. They're foldable for easy storage and shipped for free. Fully assembled. Electric e-bikes come with a powerful removal battery,

a bright LCD display, seven speed gearing and five levels of pedal assist to power your ride. How about that? Pedal assist. Wow. Get financing for as low as 73 a month so you can get started on your adventures without breaking the bank.

Make every day feel like an endless summer vacation with an XP 3.0 from electric. Visit electrikeybikes.com to learn more and explore the epic models electric has to offer. That's L-E-C-T-R-I-C-E bikes.com. Check it out, I love this thing. Very happy with it. Folks, I messed up.

Huh? I put some food in my mouth. Oh. Tuesdays with sp- And speaking of food. There you go. Tuesdays with stories is brought to you by HelloFresh. Hello! That's what I'm eating right now.

Hello! Run by fruiting. I'm eating food right now. It's all from HelloFresh. They just sent us a huge box and I am pumped. We all love bacon grandma's famous chicken pot pie from scratch, but we don't have that kind of time. When your schedule is crazy and you can't afford to be standing in line in the grocery store or crying over chopping onions one by one,

it's time to get farm fresh pre-portion ingredients sent right to your doorstep with hello fresh. Hello fresh makes home cooking fun easy and affordable. It's no wonder their America's number one meal kit. Mmmhmm. What's my favorite meal? Chicken Parm, salad, hot dogs, burger, you name it. Yes. They'll send it. Yes, you got there right. They also have some great smoothies they send over and they're very tasty and good for you. I had the smoothies. I love all foods. Are any food you send me? I'm eating and I don't even need to order it Just send me whatever you think I should eat. That's what I'll eat. Yes With 40 chef crafted recipes to choose from every week There's always something new to try if you have a family who is constantly rating the cupboards and eating out your

House home Constantly rating the cupboards and eating out your house at home. Woof! Oh, fat dick. Oh, boy. Hello, fresh. Can I help with that, too? Shop the Hello, fresh market. Market, market, Norman. Snacks and sides.

To your weekly order to keep everyone satisfied. I'm not kidding. They sent us a huge box. It rules. I had so much food and I had to go. I gave it to Ron on and his chick and they loved it too. I'm swimming and thank you. Look at that.

We're eating hello fresh. They're eating hello fresh. It's just part of my diet now. Go to hellofresh.com slash 50 Tuesdays and use code 50 Tuesdays for 50% off plus free shipping. That's insane. That's a deal. Half off. That's hellofresh.com slash 50 Tuesdays for 50% off plus free shipping. That's insane. That's a deal. Half off.

That's hellofresh.com slash 50 Tuesdays. That's five zero Tuesdays and use code 50 Tuesdays for 50% off and free shipping. Mmm. And then the next night, the Sculub Brothers, who I love. Oh, hilarious duo. They're like, come to our show. I think you've probably done the show tag it, you know that show?

Yes, yes. Great show, you do your new stuff, they give you tags. I got eight good tags out of that show. They're great, it's impressive how fast they can write jokes. They got a good, you comedy mind. They really do. I do that show, that's great. Then afterwards, I'm like, it's my last night in the leg. I got an early flight.

And I go, all right, well, that was great. I'm staying across the street at hotel, Ziggy, great hotel. You pulled it off. And I see centinos on stage. I watch him for a minute. But I'm like, well, it's getting late. It's 10 o'clock. I got an early flight. I've hung out with him already for him was here. I don't know where he went. I'm going back to the hotel, get some, get some sack time. Sure. Cross the street, scary, sunset below my head.

Oh, his cars are just ripping through. It's frogger. Get all the way back to my room, get in the room, put the feet up, great trip. Oh, good. I look, I'm like, who the fuck is this asshole? It's Fahim. Ah. And I go, ah, what's going on who the fuck is this asshole? It's for him. Ah.

And I go, ah, what's going on? Did I lose my wallet? I go, hey, what's up buddy? He goes, what'd you leave? Uh-huh. And I go, yeah, well, I got an early flight. He's like, are you kidding? He's like, I never see, you're in town, it's 10 o'clock.

Whoa. And I go, well, you know, it's early. And he's like, are you serious? Oh, I'm over here. He's giving you a are you serious? Oh, I'm over here. He's giving you serious. He's like, I'm over here. What are you doing? Come over, come hang.

What are we doing? I was like, all right, now get, you know me. It's like, once your whole, doesn't it feel like that's when you get hit by a car? For like, for a mug or a shot? Because you're like, I was, it feels like those old stories. Yes.

I was home and I went back out. You went back out and that's what it all got fucked. So you're like, all right, I'll go back out. I go back over there. Run over there. Bubbett of Fahimi's like, let's go have a cigar. And I was like, what? He goes, burr leaves a humidor in the back.

Oh, man. You got to be kidding me. So we go through the kitchen. You feel like you're in showbiz. He runs the place. He's like a regular, of course. So we go there. There's a little humidor, he's got all these cigars in there

that Burgess has there, so when he's there. Yeah. So we go into the little back patio area, we sit, we have a couple cigars, I met Paulie Shore for the first time, some woman was a comic who's big, I guess, I don't know her name, she was a door person there, she was visiting a cigar, we talked shop, we talked comedy.

Under the stars. I might move here. For God's sake. So it was worth it. All worth it. I appreciate it. It's one of those great calls you get. Good call.

You've had two good calls on this pod. That's right. Call. Good call. So hang out and if you don't know for him, you should. You're doing comedy right. This guy.

One of the best. Oh, for's hilarious and a great a normal guy You know some comedy you're like this guy's a little bonkos. This guy's off. He's just a regular Level headed brown. Good egg big fan and check out his stuff He's got a couple specials out there and he's a beast. Yeah, we really Connected on a lot of stuff great guys. So it was one of those ones you were like, because if I was there, I would just be like, well, I guess Mark left. Damn.

Like he's like, he did the call. Like, go on, what are you doing? I would do the same thing. Like, ah, I missed that guy. That was it. Yeah, so it was good because when you're out of, in a different town, one moment of no one being around that you know, you're like, let me get out of it in a different town, one moment of no one being around that you know,

you're like, let me get out of here. Of course. You want to have like, it's almost like having a sponsor. You have a squad brother, you have Santino, or Fahim, and then you just buy yourself in the hallway, you just wait for someone to be like, who the fuck are you? Yeah, exactly, exactly.

So as soon as I buy myself, I'm like, ah! Yeah, yeah, I get it. So that was great. And last time I saw Fahim, he had a a video go viral a clip go viral with the like the right wing Circuit picked it up and it was hilarious. Oh, geez. He was all nervous, but it was about how White women are always like oh mushrooms, you know, they have a feeling and crystals are alive and they have these roots and then he's like a but and they have these roots and then he's like, but baby, that's club of cells.

It was a good, it was a great bit, but I think I, you got shit on that one. He's amazing. So that was great. And then I have one more thing if you're interested. I know how we doing on a Roopy. You got like five minutes. Oh great.

Okay, well, I'll shove this one. Let's do this. You got more? Yeah, I just went, I just want to say thanks to Milwaukee, Mark has been roped and killed. We did the Milwaukee theater. My theater tour has started and I am up there with nothing. It's a weird feeling where it's a bittersweet.

The specials out people seem to be liking it, but they've seen it. So they come to the theater. We got to go see this guy and I got about 22 minutes of good new and the rest is the horse shit. You mean Shane or all all the exact same position? Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, it is.

I also do feel like a real work in comic. I'm like, I'm out here, you guys pay the hard ticket and I'm trying to entertain you. Yeah, that's the hard thing about success. Yes. As people are like, we saw this already. I know, I know. And I make you think I should have planned ahead.

I should have had a hot 30 ready before I put the thing out. Well, I remember Louis saying that to us. He's like, I'm jealous of you guys, and you get annoyed. Cause he's like, I'm jealous of you guys. This is like a while ago. He's like, you're performing. He's like, I miss performing with people that don't know who I am. And he's like, enjoy it.

Yeah. At the time, you're like, I'm making $1,200 a week. Stop it. Exactly. You're like, I mean, and that's before all that stuff. Sure. And still, now that people are coming to see us, you're still like, no, this is better.

Yeah. It is stressful. Way better. Leaving with money is nice. Yes, very nice, but I don't want to let these people down either because you don't want them to go, and we saw them live, and you know, we'll stick with the YouTube.

Of course, it's very hard, but yeah, I was talking to Shate, we're all in the same spot. Yeah. And they like us luckily. So you can kind of get by, they'll meet you halfway on an idea, that it isn't really finished. Yeah.

So that's something, but you feel guilty. Yes, there is nice to have real comedy fans that are excited to see like, oh, it's in progress. Yeah Yeah, yeah, but I and I remember seeing a couple pros back in the day like oh, he's kind of I saw Bill Burwants And it was half good half new and I thought it was fun. Yeah, so come see us. Yeah, that'd be funny So thank you Milwaukee and Des Moines love Des Moines great town. Yeah, Des Moines fun underrated Moines. Great town. Yeah, Des Moines fun. Underrated.

Milwaukee's great too. Yeah, I've never seen the summer too. I was like, whoa, I was like seeing a woman with makeup on. You're like, hey, how about that? Cleanse up nice, but in the winter, you're like, Jesus Christ, Moo Moo. Milwaukee. Sorry, hit it.

What's this episode come out by the way? I have no idea. Two weeks. Next week. Yeah, my special comes out Friday from the August 18th. Put it in the planner. I have we have no idea next week next week. Yeah, my special comes out Friday. Oh, August 18th. Put it in the planner. I'll plug that. But real quick, then I went off to what's it called? San Jose, San Jose with Modus, who was great. He was out of town when I was in LA. So it was good to

meet up with him. Let me let me let me how you feel about this. So I don't know if you've probably done the San Jose improv. Well, yeah, many times they put the crypt in crypto. But they probably put you in the same hotel. Did you say that really nice hotel? I forget what it's called. Huge lobby bar. Yes, yes.

There's this huge, there's a bar in the middle. It's a big lobby with chairs, no real tables. And you sit there and then after them waiting for Luke to come down. So I'm sitting there with my feet up. And then here he comes, okay great, let's see what we get lunch. So then it's time for Luke to come down. So I'm sitting there with my feet up and then here he comes. Okay, great, let's go get lunch. So then it's time for the show. I'm gonna meet him back there again.

So I sit in the chair, in the lobby. And a guy comes over and goes, can I help you? Oh boy. Can I go, now I just wait for my buddy. And he goes, yeah, this is a restaurant. Oh, I go restaurant. I thought it was the lobby. I'm a guest. Yeah. And he goes, well, you can be a guest, but you gotta order something. I thought it was the lobby. I'm a guest.

Yeah. And he goes, well, you can be a guest, but you gotta order something. You can't just sit here. What? I thought it was a lobby too. And I'm like, okay, well, he's gotta be right down. And I'm just gonna be here for one minute.

And he goes, you gotta wait out there. Whoa. What the heck came with this attitude? He's like, because this is a restaurant. He kept saying, this is a restaurant. You can wait right there. Wow. And I went, and by the way, it's a chair.

What are these like chairs that has, is like this? Yes. Like you're sitting like this. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, what kind of restaurant has chairs like this? Yeah, good one. You hold your plate.

Right. So I go, okay, so I gotta climb out of this fucking seat and Luke comes right down 30 seconds later and I'm like, this guy just told me this is a restaurant. Yeah. And there's no signage. It doesn't say welcome to fucking butt heads or whatever. Or bevices.

And there's no tables. And there's also nobody in there. It's four, oh, five, whatever. Now it's like seven p.m. There's nobody in there. Yeah, it's where's my fucking menu then? If it's a restaurant. Exactly, it's like this huge space, so I go,

all right, so he's like, and Luke is like, I don't care for that, Luke's crazy. Yeah, so am I. So we're both like, fuck this guy. I love when he says that, because I'm like, alright, now we're on to something. Yeah, so let me come back after the show, only one show, and I go,

alright, let's hang, we'll sit here in the restaurant. Careful, it's a dining establishment. So we sit down, now it's about 10'30, we're just chatting, the guy goes, what do you guys need, and I go, I'll just have a, you have tea, you have camomile tea. And the guy goes, no, we don't have tea. And I go, okay, he goes, all we have is real drinks.

Whoa, real drinks, the most popular drink in the world, by the way. Yes, sir. And then also, so it's still like, there's like 10 people there, it's still mostly empty. And I'm like, all right, well, do you want a drink? And he's like, I don't want a drink. And I go, well, can we just hang here? And he's like, I don't want a drink. And I go, well, can we just hang here?

And he's like, this is a restaurant. Double down. Same guy. Guys, AI. And so we're just sitting there like, all right. Well, we're guests here. It's totally empty. And again, there's not, it's hard to paint the picture.

There's no entrance. It's not the same as the lobby. Yeah, there's no hostess, no nothing. It's just sunken, it's like one step down. Right, right. So we're sitting there like this. All right, well, I don't wanna, it's a restaurant. It's Thursday at 10.30 p.m., nobody's in the fucking place.

We can't sit in these seats. So we move just outside, we go one step up and sit, and I'm like, just fuming, I hate this guy, and I'm like, what is with this guy? guys now we're sitting like with our backs to the restaurant Yes, and I'm comfy chairs just talking like this next to each other and I look out of the corner my eye I see a family Guess what I see Mick Jagger no all right. I don't know a family a family. What do you think they have? Baby no a tea kettle. Oh

They got a little tea kettle and little cups and I do this The hell and I go look let me a favor Look over there. Tell me what's in front of that family over there and and he looks and he goes He's a great friend. He's like what is this? What the Christ and I go is that a tea kettle or am I crazy? So then I'm like the psychopath. I walk over there and I go, pardon me. I'm like Jerry with the pie.

Yes, yes. I go, I can't help it. You guys have tea and the guy, you could tell the guys like, does what I need to do with this. He's like, it's tea. Oh, that might have been your home tea. So I'm like, you got tea.

You got a whole canister here of tea, a pot. And he's like, yeah, yeah, we got tea. And so I go back over, I go, he's got tea. They have tea, what the fuck is this? And look, I'm gonna say something, I gotta say something. All right. So Luke goes over, like a manager and an up buyer. And I'm like, sitting like this, going, oh my God.

He's a Karen. And he goes, hey, what is this? They have tea right here, and the family'm like, sitting like this, going, oh my God. He's a Karen. And he goes, hey, what is this? They have tea right here and the family's like, they don't want to be part of this. And the guy goes, well, we have tea, but it's at the other restaurant. There's a breakfast restaurant. Oh my God.

He goes, hell is this? He goes, we can go get it, but it'll take like 10 minutes. What's the name of this restaurant, Symantics? So he's, he's completely anti-Somantic. He's completely full of shit. They do have tea. Wow. We can just have to go to a different plate,

but by the way, the other place is an actual restaurant with walls around it and tables. Yes, well now it's now he has to move and he's all pissed. Well, when you have to move, it's the rules. So look, so you do have T and the guys like, technically we have T, I would just have to go over there. It's gonna take a while. Come on!

And the guy goes, does he want T? And Luke goes, I don't know if he wants T. Let me go find out if he wants T. And this is all for you here. Wow, that's a big guy. Yeah, yeah, he walks over and he goes, do you want T? And I go, not really.

It's very dating. That these guys give me, this is a restaurant and it's empty I'm like just let us fucking sit here who gives a shit. Yeah, that's a restaurant. This is a lobby and you do have tea You just didn't want to get it. Wow. He was he was exuding exuding his power or whatever He had this is this guy's moment. He's an asshole is and Dweeb you just like what what is that? And it was something again, if it was crowded or whatever. And it's a lobby. And this is the other thing that's annoying is that he came in with the, if he had said, guys, oh, this is, I

feel like an asshole. You actually can't sit here. I know you're staying in the hotel and it feels like the lobby, but believe it or not, it's a restaurant and they get pit, I get in trouble. Did you mind sitting over there? That goes a long way. Anything like that, but he's like, this is a restaurant. There's no other than an asshole.

So I walked into a door, like into a restaurant. Yes, yes. I walked past the thing and no, no, I'm sitting here. Wow. And the other thing is, from whatever AM till 4 PM, it is the lobby. It's not a restaurant. Oh my God. So at three o'clock I can sit here like this with my fucking cock out and at 4 p.m. all of a sudden it's an

impenetrable force. Yes, exactly. Woo, man, I hope this guy hears this because he needs to know about what we call a wall and a building and an establishment and a confined space. He's the guy, he's all over the border. He was a jackass, I hope he's dead. Yeah. I'm so in spills hot tea on his tits. There you go.

What's the aim of this place? Let's shut it down. I have no idea. I don't know the hotel. I can't remember it. It was a fancy fancy hotel. Nice hotel by the way. Very nice.

That in that lobby for nine days. Well, it's a hotel. It's a restaurant. I drink a tea. It was great. All right, we got to wrap it up. Okay, okay. We've got a milk is tits or it's kids or whatever.

This Thursday, come on baby, it's Friday. Yes. This Friday, special. August 18th, 10 p.e. Stern. Seven Pacific, nine central, eight mountain time. Come on, America. Watch it as it premieres.

The algorithm for God's sakes. I'll be in the chat. Come over if you're around. I assume you're working. Have a little hang over there. Watch it live. Jump in the comments. Hit the like.

Hit the subscribe. Hit all the shit. Yes. This is my last chance. The last shot. Last special ever. I disagree. Put the Venmo up put the paypal up Donate it's a free special not even you don't have to pay a streaming service

It's right there on YouTube and watch the whole saga you collect the whole set You know, it's like a box. Yeah, you watch the first the third the second Yes, like Star Wars great shot gold leader. There you go, exactly. It's this Friday and that's that. Also, I brought back Mindful Metal jacket. Ari Shaffir episode comes out Thursdays and gets beans in there. Luke Monis is in there. Andrew Shivone, everyone's favorite Tuesday who bombed that one. Lisa Larry is the fun pod. Go subscribe to that. And then next week I'm in Dallas, Addison Improv I love that club, which I think I forgot to promote so get out there Dallas Addison Improv good market

I've been there in a while come out to that we got gays there. They're coming and then oh my god. We're in Philly Tonight yeah, oh the 22nd. No, next, next Tuesday, Philadelphia, Umar Khan's on. It's some theater. Give it a go. It's called performing arts. Oh, okay. There you go. There you go. Performing something like that. I tagged Healey, I've been my post because I'm an idiot, but we're at the theater. Yeah, you'll find it. Yeah, I'm all over the place.

Big tours still going on. It's called you don't say marknormandcomedy.com for tickets. Big tour still going on. It's called you don't say marknomencami.com for tickets. Keep watching soup to nuts. Give it a double like on that Netflix. And get on the Patreon. The Patreon is cooking. It's the highest it's ever been. The live apps are up there.

Speaking of Gilles, he's on, Sotars on, Yannis. Christie's, Fingerton. Bennington. What's her name? Nikki Glazer, Amy Schumer does make a guess to Peele's for a brief second.

Yeah, Nikki Glazer, Wolf Ari, the list goes on and we'll keep on keeping on. We'll see you at the live shows. We'll see you in Europe and see you in Philly. And we got another

Grammar see on the books. We'll figure that out. On October 3rd. So I'm third. Yeah, so keep a lookout, praise Allah, thank you, and keep on quiffin'. No one wants to be a reaper. I'm so, I'm in the heavens, we're magic, try.

Boom is me watching the music die. Oh, this may watch in the music time