Tuesdays with Stories! - #519 Clonan O'Brien

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

The boys are heading to Philly and we're recording on the road baby!  We're talking: a new home for Joe in NJ, Joe's new special getting demonetized by YouTube, lots of driving criticism directed towards Chuck, some diarrhea diaries, and the origin of the Tuesdays artwork! Note from Chuck: Give us some feedback on the audio quality of this episode. Trying to make every episode we record sound great and put a lot of effort into this car-recorded audio. Let us know if/how this audio could be better. Thanks. Our Stuff: - patreon.com/tuesdays Sponsors: - Support the show and get 10% off your 1st month of therapy at https://www.betterhelp.com/TUESDAYS - Support the show and get 20% off & free shipping with code TUESDAYS at https://www.manscaped.com - New customers can get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just 5 bucks on any NFL game. Download the DraftKings app & use code TUESDAYS

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great, good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard! And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha! Surf's up!

And she didn't even flush. Knock knock! Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe Liss! Yeah! This Tuesdays with stories, everybody. No, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

My radio is spitting at me. I can't choose why I'm poor. Hey folks, here we are. We're in the car. Chevy Equinox. Thanks to Chuck's there. we got his mom's car and Out of Staten Island and on to the road were Midtown Manhattan going to Philadelphia that car is a part. Yeah, this is just a stop Okay, we already had a mishap with the driving what do you a woman? Yeah, did you hear that a new story about the lady who drove a hundred miles an hour in a wall killing her boyfriend and his friend? No, it sounds like a set up to a pun, a joke.

Street story. It was a Jew, a black and an Asian in the car. The Asian was driving. That was my point. That doesn't vote well for the lady drivers. It's a new story. No, ladies, they can't drive. They can't think.

They can't do anything for themselves. They got tiny brains. And all they're good for is six. They can vote. They got that. That's true. 1924, I think I got a joke about it. I can't remember.

1934. Yeah, it's what I said. Oh, 20. 1920. 1920 even. Yeah, I looked it up in Spain. We were ahead of Spain. I think Spain was like 33.

Hey, we're getting a lot of stuff. Yeah, we're pretty good. I think first moon landing, first, I think first black president in a predominantly white country. That can't be true. I'm gonna go ahead and call it. Wow. Yeah, I don't know if you want to chuck, don't go get because you'll press. Yeah, you're driving. No black presidents predominantly white so just a higher percentage white than black Well, obviously Nigeria has had a black Certainly, but South Africa is that what's the percentages there?

Is that more whites or more blacks because they got Nelson Mandela? Wasn't he president or something like that? Oh, yeah, he did effect and think he died recently, but people thought he got out of jail But he was still in jail. He thought he died. What the hell is the Mandela effect? Yeah, I think he was in a porno or two girls won Mandela. I don't know. I can't keep up with the old Nelson. Yeah. Yeah, I always confuse him with Morgan Freeman.

Yeah. Was Nelson Mandela in Shawshank or is my father gay? Yeah, I think he was in a long game of spider. One of those half-nelson. By the way, very difficult to do a podcast driving through Midtown Manhattan because I want to just keep yelling and grabbing the steering wheel like checks my wife Yeah, yeah, there's another one a Caitlin Jenner right when she turned into a lady Right away right away classic Yeah, who do you think the worst drivers are can we get into that conversation?

Well, see the Asians are the stereotype stereotype but then they come out with the fucking Skid drift You know rice rocket shit Tokyo drift. Yeah, it's a bill burb in but he's like it's weird because Asian are bad drivers Stereotypically, but then you have the whole Tokyo drift scene. Oh, right. They're doing the flip de flutes Yeah, they get skid right into a parking spot, which is a great point. So it's it's a year-and-year No pun intended boy that We've talked about it before I think I called you on the phone. I wrote you a letter We did it in the podcast, but that Nathan for you episode where he has a Asian

parking attendant That's the hardest I've laughed at a television program in all of my life Wow, that is a feather in your cap. That one really got me now. For those at home, we're driving past the old carolines. Yes, we had a New Year's Eve together. Were you on that New Year's Eve? You better be like, I got that picture frame,

me, you, Sodor, Veter, and Wolf. And Wolf, yes, right here. Right here in Sarah came and met up, and which was disappointing, because I was trying to make out with the wolf at midnight or Vitor. Vitor's a little low. Yeah, you're too tall for the Vead. Oh yeah, oh, it's gonna take a go before the pedestrians. I know. I know you're in the ennomeness land. We are the people right now in the in the crosswalk. I know you had a little space and I was about to tell you but that's all right We'll just be all right. You're right. It's a red light anyway the key to driving in Manhattan You just have to accept occasionally that you're like, I'm a fuck up. Yes. Yes

Even though it wasn't your fault you give her but that weird shoulder shrug where you're like, I guess sorry You're like I know and I try to be You're like, oh yeah, that's sorry. You're like, I know. And I try to be mindful of this in Manhattan when I'm on foot. And somebody gets stuck in the crosswalk to not be the guy that's like, hey, no fuck.

Cause you're like, dude, I was taking a left and the thing, the bootball. Yeah, but it is fun to slap a cab, isn't it? It really is, Ratso Rizzo. Or a woman. I'm walking in. Yeah, Dustin Hoffman, he was really something. That's the other fake move is when you're crossing the street,

you do the little weird hip hop move, a little hopper-y hop to show that you're applying a little speed. All right, Dane had a bit like that. Oh, really? Very funny. So we're driving by Caroline's many a night in there. Oh, I hooked up with a bartender years ago. Wow.

Dude. Yeah, hot guy. It was a Dion Cole. No, but remember we'd go to play Rice Tavern and get real blotto. Yes, that was a big time. That's where I met my ex-girlfriend. Wow. Back to.

Yeah, that's right. And I was on stage bombing. I had to follow Will Silvins who was killing with my friends at the time. Not with my enemies, but I didn't know him. Asian. And he murdered and he just kind of buried me. It was a tough crowd.

Sometimes Carolyn's gonna be rough. And I was killing for two women in the back. And I was like, I don't know who's back there, but I'm in love with you. Yes. And then they came up after me. They were like, we were the women. And I was like, I don't know who's back there, but I'm in love with you. Yes. And then they came up after me. We were the women and I was like, Wow.

And she was hot, her mom was hot. I should have gone for the mom because the daughter didn't work out great for me. Yeah. Well, you had a good run, you went to Peru. Yeah, great run. That was when we were broken up. But yeah, great run, great time.

I saw our shitter pants in a tent. Whoa. That was intense. Wow. It was a skid row. Yeah, it was, she got real set on up. She drank the water or what happened. I've been in South America sick myself. Oh yeah.

In Ecuador, Ecuadorx. And we were down there in Peru and I don't know what she bit into or if it was me, you know, I kept trying to have sex with her. So maybe that was it. There you go. She couldn't stand the sight in newd but she got walkie and stomach and uh... horribly sick barfing all night and we were sharing like a two-person tent

and uh... she kept like just unzipping and just barfing out the back and i was rubbing the back and then just a real uh... what do you call it sharp oh no and i can picture the underwear too black and white and then just a real, what do you call it? Shark. Oh no. And I can picture the underwear too. Black and white, thick stripes. Wow, more black now after that. Oh no, it's brown and black.

Brown black and, you know, yeah, yucky, sticky, gooey. Woo. What do you do there? Did the boner go down or, well no boner at this moment because she was dying. I'm not really into that. So then I was just kind of doing the back row.

And then she was so sick that I think eventually she just slept with a big shithner pants and a two person tent. Did she know you knew? Because sometimes you think you got away with it, but you were right there with a front row seat to that shart tank. Well, she was that level of sick. I think this might be Bobby Kelly slash Bill Burz old place. Is that right? That's 147th.

Wow, that's pretty cool. But, um, yeah, Bobby took over Burz place. And then Derosit took it after that. Oh, that's right. And so it used to house sit there. Wow. And the first, you know what, dude, I ever did was there on a phone. We recorded on a phone.

Wow, now we're back full circle. Yeah, but anyways, I think at that moment she was so sick Mm that it wasn't even like I'm sorry. She was just like Buh, it was like that. Valdor was like she was my baby. Yes. Yes. I had a similar thing. I got During Hurricane Sandy we lost power for like four days in our apartment. And after about the third day, it goes full third world country. No, no holds bar. What do you call that? A martial law.

Oh, yes, martial linch. Yes, yes, martial mathers. And full martial law, baby screaming, you hear glass breaking. There's all the street lights are out, but we had no hot water, cause of the heat, whatever, the gas. Water is, so I had to sit in a tub that we kept, we would boil water on the stove

and then pour a pot into the tub, then boil more water, pour it into the tub. So eventually you got a little bit of hot water, just a surface right on the bottom, it covered just one ball sack, and I would get in and then she would pour water over me as I shampooed. It was like we were in the, like frontiersmen.

Yeah, you're like Billy the Kid. Yes, yes, it was a, what do you call it? Not a pioneer, is it a pioneer? Yeah, pioneer, a, a, Klanzman cowboy. What's the thing with the, oh, the gold, with the panning? Gold rush, 49er. Yeah, I guess the 49er.

The Yosemite Sam. Prospector! That's the one I was looking for. Yeah, you're like a Cowboy. Wanted Dead or alive. In or alive! But you're very vulnerable, you know, you're, you're a little dicks out, you're wet, been dry and dirty, and, yeah, I see foreign water on my head, it was, we're really connected.

Yeah, it's fun, it's fun to connect, but that was a hell of a trip I did down there in Peru. Oh, yeah. I had a tour guy, like a Sherpa guy, his name was Kike. Kike! Couple funny jokes, I thanked him in my CD album, but they didn't put the little mark on there. Norman? So the little...

The accent? The key. So there's just a horrible racial slur in the thankings in my CD. I didn't even catch it. Like one of the worst ones. It really just was sad and pissed. He's like, wait a minute.

I don't know. It's not pretty, but it's in there. And this is a different time. I mean, you could just put like... It reminds me of that special. I mean, it's not pretty, but wow. It's in there and this is a different time. I mean, you could just put like, reminds me of that special I did Niger. I mean, it's ugly and many people own it. So, wow, we got to pull that up. Put that graphic in later.

We'll put the photo in right here. I'll send it to Greenlight Chuck. And like Greenlight Yellow. So anyway, so Kike. Kike. Somehow he got mixed up, he couldn't, he thought my name was John. I don't know how or why, but.

J-O, J-O. It got too deep in there. Yep. I couldn't correct him. And so we were doing all this hiking. And we were hiking eight, nine, 10 10 miles a day and we hiked up the Salcan Thai Trail and one of the days you really summit this mountain Took everything I had and this is the day after she was sick so she was riding a horse

And she didn't get to hike the main I mean she was like hanging on to it like wow Follow Creed at the end of Rocky one right. It's like to it like a hollow creed at the end of Rocky 1. Right, it's like, what's that movie with Tarantino? Got it. Django? Eight, eight, eight, eight. Eightful eight. Eightful eight.

Eight's enough. So she was all banged up. And at one point, I remember too, there was a language barrier, type of thing, and I said, God, it just hurts my heart that she's not able to hike. And I was like, your heart hurts? And I was like, oh no, it's like a saying. Yeah, that's all.

But he thought I was dying. And then I got to the top of this mountain and it was like, the toughest hiking I've ever done. Like, when you just kind of hike, like you're heel to your toe, like that slowly walking. Wow. And finally I summoned it and he was like, it was like this great moment

and I was imagining my family rooting me on, even though they don't. Sure. And then I got there and he was like, he was like that away, John. Oh, John. And it was in that moment I thought I should correct but I couldn't since so I just had to be John

while I had like the greatest moment in my life. Well, John sounds like a cooler guy. I guess so. You're hiking, you're pre-helping your lady, you're hanging out with a Kiko Kike. John's a, John's living, John's like an outdoorsman. Oh, I live, baby. John, I was in Ecuador, or a shit in my pants recently.

But John's saying John has a family that cares and they're rooting for him. I see. It's a different world. John and Joe, good show. John and Joe in the morning. Hello folks, we're driving now, we're driving by the Javits Center, home of the, yeah.

The Hillary Clinton, you know, I, you know, I don't wanna get politics, but whatever you thoughts on whoever, pretty hilarious that they had see through plastic confetti and they were gonna shadow the glass ceiling and they just never got the chance to. Yeah, yeah, they wouldn't they give that to the homeless. I don't know what you do with all that confetti. It's a real waste.

But I remember I've talked about before I was at a bar with the lady. We were just getting together 2016 and we're at a bar in the East Village and everybody goes, here we go. It was like watching the bills versus the cowboys. You're like, all right, this will be easy. And boom, the old Twisteroo and the whole bar was just speechless. Everyone's mouth was a gap,

and every guy had to pretend to care because he was trying to get laid. It was tough. Yeah, you know, it's one of those things. I'm not thrilled with the way it went, but that just removed from all everything. Yeah, you know, it's one of those things. You know, I'm not thrilled with the way it went, but that Just remove from all everything the idea of being like all right. Let's get the glass confetti Yeah, and here we go and then just being like nah, no, don't pull it. Yeah, save that up for another time

I know I know some guy some guy set that up some got a mall in guy with his whole family set that up and they go no no not happening Kike and he went what the fuck that's not fair. And then he yelled Kike without the dad. What can you do? Well they should try her best the little lady. Yeah yeah she had a good run I mean she got cheated on and lost an election. I'm surprised she hasn't killed herself yet. Yeah, didn't visit a few states and just... That's so they get you. Extremely unlikable human being, but what can you do? That was always the Chris Rock angle.

You got to go to Cleveland. When you tour in, you got to go to Cleveland. She didn't go to Cleveland, and that's why she lost. Hey, that's not a bad impression. Oh, thank you. That's not a great one, but it's not terrible. I was doing my super. Now we're driving through the Lincoln tunnel.

We're under the water right now. Isn't that always wild? I still can't figure out how you build something underwater. Are they in scuba suits, hammering away? How does that work? I believe they dig under the surface. No, we haven't gone that low yet. I'm telling you, I don't think it's that deep. I think they

Screw right up in there. So we're not we're not going through the river We're going under the river. We're going under the river. I believe. I don't know. It feels like we're not that deep This is a deep river we got here. This is the east river. It's a good point. Are we descending right now? That feels like a slight descent of apes Ah Descendants descendants descendant movie. I don't know. I think I Derek explained it to me one time. He's an engineer but I don't know I guess they damn it Damn it to hell. I think you Build a tunnel around the tunnel, but then you still gotta build that tunnel.

I don't know. I don't know. Huh, tunnel vision. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Why don't you grateful they did it all this stuff, but then you're worried about the infrastructure because there's apartments that fall apart in Florida. Remember that story?

Oh, the Miami condo. Yeah, that's shattered like Biden's femur. So, I don't know, I don't know how they do it. How do they do that? yeah that shattered like uh... biden's femur uh... so i don't know how they do it how do they do that now you hate the trumpeter but you are you cool with biden going again because it seems a little wackado well he's not ideal i mean none of these people are ideally eighty years i mean we start talking politics i mean seriously and by

the way i'll get all the heat for you heard it here mark is asking i'm asking sorry I'm asking. Sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up. How about that Chris Christie spat? Only I'll get it. Byte, I have a good friend that we share. He thinks Biden is one of the best presidents ever. Oh, really?

Yeah, well, I don't think he's so great at talking, or walking, or thinking. But I think Afghanistan was good. He likes the little ladies, but I do think afghanistan was good he likes the little ladies but i i do think some of the cities are crumbling but that can't be put on him that's the local infrastructure i see but uh... i don't know he did something with uh... the economies not as bad as it could have been uh... gannistan the other bill he saved some land and the grand canyon or something like that and I'd like to party with his son

Yeah, he seems like a fun time, but oh, yeah, 80 not ideal But Trump is kind of like oh, what was it you and I talking about it? Yes, like president is the only job he could get oh Yeah, he would not get hired for literally any other job They would look at his resume and be like well, you've been indicted 14 times right? Businesses fail you lied about this, you cheated on that. Yeah.

And your hair's a little funny. Right. But president, I think he's like the favorite. Yeah, in that wild, I mean, yeah, it's like Chris Roxman. McDonald's probably wouldn't hire him. They'd be like, you got a criminal record. That's what I was thinking. That's what we were talking about yesterday.

Marian Barrier. I knew it was a connectic somewhere. We watched the brain to pain. Smoke crack got a job back. But yeah, if you go into McDonald's and you're like, hey, how's it going? What do your previous works? Well, I started a school that failed.

I started a meat club that put a bunch of people off. A meat club? That's a great gay bar. And I've been dieting 58 times in three days. What did you last say? My ass will hurt from the meat club. But yeah, Biden, you know, he's not ideal. I think a president should be in his 50s.

Yeah, I like 50s. Between 45 and 55 would be a nice sweet spot, I think. Yeah, give me, give me Clooney. Yeah, nice Clooney. I mean, Tom Hanks could run. Oh, yeah. He's like. Yeah, nice Clooney. I mean, Tom Hanks could run. I think he's 85. Yeah, he's like a Reagan, a big actor. The actor?

I don't know. I think Rogan could run and win in a landslide, that fella. Oh, yeah. Wow, Ronald Rogan. He doesn't want the gig, obviously. He's having a great life. Yeah, I had to take quite a pick up. Boy, look at this view.

You've fun at home, can't giant cruise ship that we were just right in front of. Wow, look at that. You can really send it. We'd have to be away from New York to see New York. Exactly, you can't see the trees from the woods or whatever. You can't see Peter. That's true.

And then you don't want to live over here. I guess you do. But can I just talk about this for a brief moment? Please, call the action, if you will. Yes, yes, CTA. Currently, right now, call Thomas Anderson. That was great, count it. Right now, as we speak, I've just been notified that my fucking special has been demonetized and suppressed outside

of the algorithm because I say Kant in the special in the 27th minute. I say Kant's basketball. And many people have told me that's the best joke on the special. I love that joke. You know what I love, by the way, I'm having a nice thing, as I've had like 30 different jokes message to me, be like, this is the best joke on there. That's a good feeling. It's always hurts when everyone just tells you

the one joke. Yes. And you're like, oh jeez, I guess I had one joke on there. Exactly, you guys, is that the only good one? But anyway, so yeah, dealing this right now, in real time, and it makes me want to just really jump right off the bridge we just drove over. I guess it was a tunnel.

It makes you want to call YouTube. Like, give me the present, just explain it. I guess it was a tunnel. It makes you wanna call YouTube. Like, give me the present, just explain it to me. What's the problem? It's a comedy special. You didn't call a woman a cunt. You're saying it's a team. I mean, it's, it's, uh, so arbitrary and silly. It's a public forum.

It's, uh, what are we doing here? Yeah, it's a real bummer. It's a comedy special. And it's gonna do a serious disservice to YouTube because we've all been everyone's like you just do it on YouTube take it to YouTube make your movie put it on YouTube and now I don't know I stavros was having this problem. He did an episode with Santino and That was in it. I think they demonetized that or took it to and it had like 100,000 views in one day and now it has 110,000.

Oh my God. And so that's what I'm looking at right now. It's happening to me with glassmen. I just have Rick Glassman's and we usually have a pretty good rapport. And he was like, this is gonna get 250 easy and we got about 105, because I think I said something offensive.

Yeah, it's really horrible. And I think Tuesday's with stories has been demonetized. So it's not good because YouTube used to be the place to be and now it's gonna be some new new young bucks gonna come out. We're all gonna move to a funner neighborhood. Yeah, exactly. So, oh, Jackson got something to add. We can upload straight to Twitter the whole episode now. Yeah, but that guy is true. Yeah. I mean, that's what the Ovon did and he got like eight million views on it because everyone has to see it now. Yeah, but that guy. That's true, yeah. I mean, that's what the Ovon did, and he got like eight million views on it. Because everyone has to see it now.

His Rosanne episode got taken away. Cause Rosanne said some Holocaust shit. And then he goes, well, fuck it. And he tweeted about it, Elon Musk tweeted back and said, put it on here. And just all the buzz got eight million views. So it actually did better. Wow. So you could did better. Wow.

So you could tweet at the old Muskie. Yeah, man. Muskie. I was thinking about maybe I'll play up the angle. I'm being suppressed. Yeah, that's stuff. Fight the power, guys. Get on shultz and MSNBC or whatever,

maybe not MSNBC, probably at the best space. But, you know, well, set up the clip of the fiery thing and they'll book you. That's ironic, by the way, the the the the the the seaworth joke is like a progressive. I'm saying women shittily, right? They don't it's no nuance. It's all some robot who heard content and malfunction. Exactly. So yeah, Yannis at the great point. He's like people are looking at their screen so much. They're becoming AI. That's why like like that New York Times thing you commented, they didn't get the joke.

It's almost the irony, we're losing our nuance. Right, right, yes. We're becoming robots. That's a good point. They're, they're flagged or whatever you call it, strike, whatever they call that. Yes, yes, got it. It's flagged. They just hear the word and go like, roop, bad.

Yeah. Right. Yeah, right. Yeah, there's no nuance or irony or context. It's just word-based. Yeah, so now, and then I was talking to my associate over there, you, and he's like, well, we could just cut the joke out. And I'm like, I'm not just taking a three minute chunk out of my special. No, it's a good joke.

You bleep it of anything, but can you go in and go? Bitches. Well, maybe, but we've already appealed one. So now it's like, we have to appeal a second time. By the way, the seat on Elon Musk is a fucking, what do you call that thing? Tesla. Trailer full of Teslas and followers.

Oh, yeah, keep your eyes appealed. But that's a good looking car. It's a hell of a fun ride too. Nice vehicle, but it does better than the electric vehicle you had. Yes, yes. I still don't want one because you got to keep your eye out for that supercharger all day long, whereas a gas station, you see every two minutes. Right, but any farts, so yeah, being suppressed. So please go watch it spread the word fight the power

Maybe I'll be one of these guys, you know like these Gryfters. Well the people that are like I got me right, you know help me out or whatever Yeah, you'll be at the capital year because shults me I mean he blew up because he was a very wise because he had to change something or something Yeah, yeah, too offensive some streamer wouldn't have them whatever the story is I mean, he blew up. Because he was on very wise because he had to change something or something. Yeah, yeah, too offensive. Some streamer wouldn't have him. Whatever the story is, but he made a cool five mill because of it.

All right, I'll make five mill. Yes. Why not? He spun it in the gold, then Louise, that I made seven. And he said, all right, thanks. Oh boy, we're about to crash. Ah. Is that an equinox in front of us?

That's, it doesn't say equinox. Oh, it does say, guys, it's just really hard to see. What a weird job they did. Oh, yeah, that's, it's no contrast. It's like when a black guy gets a tattoo. There's no, it's, that doesn't pop, you know, you should seriously talk to comedy publications about this. They'll all do stories about it. You got a story to share it. What are the comedy publications? Laugh button? Vulture comedy, right? Yeah, all of this so it's a few Yeah, yeah, I think I can tear a bang whatever that is Maybe I'll try Rogan. Maybe this will get me on Yeah, yeah, that's good. That's kind of shit. Joe. They suppressed me

Yeah, cuz he's he's off YouTube so he can talk shit. Okay. There we go Spotify, baby. This is my chance. I've never done the show. I Will say I Do you think you should throw it up on Twitter as well? Fuck it the whole special. Yeah, nothing but the special. I'm a healthy God. I Do but I think you know you throw it up on Twitter because the Theopods an hour and 40, this is an hour. All right, interesting, okay, maybe I'll do it. Maybe I'll try to really work the angles because that's what everyone else does.

They work the angle, some people are like, yeah, nobody wanted this, so take it, do it. Tag, Rogan, tag, must, tag, it, Alex Jones, get the whole gang behind it. I'll just take a hard right. Let's go, yeah, fuck it. Yeah, yeah, get a, what's the bench up here on your ass? All of it. Uh, yeah, maybe I'll try that.

I don't know. It's very, very disappointing, because I spent quite a chunk of money and we were really cooking. And now, even appealing, you can't get back the momentum, you have. No, no, it's over. I'm fucked. I know, and then it's kinda like the alcohol's weird,

because you can get your fans, because you got what, 60, 80,000 followers, whatever it is. So you get them out of the gate, but you need the world to see, you need to really hit the internet. Yeah, you need to get it outside of there. Yes, yes. Like we talked about it a lot of the comments are like this special fucking rules.

It's all pipes and you're like, ah, I appreciate the pipes. Right, right. Love the gays, I need the gays, we love the gays more than anything in the world. They're all over the place. But for the specials, you wanna crack into, you wanna see, holy shit, never heard of this asshole. What the hell's a pipe? Why is everyone saying pipes?

Yes, yes, what is he, a crack head? Is this Whitney Houston? Why's everyone calling him gay? This guy is classic. All right, yeah, yeah, that's true. That's why sometimes I'll post an Instagram video and I'll just tag BT, I'll tag, you know, trans activists, just get it out there. Yeah, that's not bad. Well, I said this before, I don't know if it was on the error off, but this is how I know you've cracked into the lexicon,

because 100% of the people that go to his gaze, it's all pipes, They look exactly like Chuck. But you get like 58 year old guys and business suits, and I see like an old man with a cane being like, my, my, my, and this like girls with pig tails and stuff. So you're in the mix. I mean, still no minorities, of course. Sure. You know, you got all ages. Well, that sounds like the perfect demo.

Now, I'm just kidding. But yeah, I remember Salville Kano had that. I was sitting on McDougal Street with him eight years ago and an old man pulled up a bus full of migrants, a black guy who tapped dance and they all knew him. Yeah, he's big. I mean, I did that cruise and he just had a sea of people and we randomly walked by and I was like,

oh, we'll say hi to Sal. We'll just wait for him to sign these tits or whatever. Yeah. And we, about 45 minutes later, the group had just tripled. And it was like, wow. He can't say hello to us. He's a busy son of a duny,

but he always makes time. You were just on the buds. Yes, love the buds. Yes. That's good. There you go. He's one of the best in the business. One of the nicest guys of all time.

Great guy. Great guy. Again, did that wedding video for my friend who's mom died or dad died crazy? No one's ever been like, you know what I hate? Sal Volcano. Not once. I mean, maybe someone on, you know,

some asshole watching the TV show or something. Sure, sure. I think one of the jokers hates that. watching the TV show or something. Sure, sure. I think one of the jokers hates that. One one guy fell off. Oh, all right. Moving on. All right. This is gonna be all cut up.

Cut it up. Well, YouTube hates us anyways. So it's not like it's monetized. How do you like that? YouTube? How do you like them apples, folks? Oh, yeah. Well, we're here on the Jersey Turb.

We're basically doing my future commute Weird here. We are this will be me driving back after Tuesdays Just being like well, I think we did it. I think we said jizz a couple times Yeah, just a fuck with Joe You should throw on the soprano's music because this is the ride he takes all right show Yeah, the sopranos. It's quite a program. Oh, yeah. Fantastic show. I'm tell you guys got to watch telemarketers. It's killer. That's a show. It's a show. It's a docu series on HBO about these, these like ninkam poops. These like Nairdewels and New Jersey,

who are all X-cons and they all steal money from old people and they got the whole thing documented. Oh, that's fun. It's great. It's so well done. They're all doing heroin while on the phone and like nodding off. And say where it's on again, sir. It's the other day. H to the bizzo. Well, we're driving by Newark and I'm just picturing myself driving here with like a baby carriage.

Wee! Yeah. Oh, God. That's crazy. Yeah. Here it's that. What's that? Oh, okay, great. Right, right, what's that? Oh, okay great.

Right, right, when I'm driving here, we should go long, cause I'm gonna have to take a couple of things out of this fucking episode. All right. Oh, driving by here right now, you're just like, wow, that looks, I can't imagine living out here. It's an ugly state, I gotta tell you that. I mean, there's good as moments.

Well, Jersey is beautiful off of the turnpike. Yes. It's the garden state, it's the garden state for a, Jersey is beautiful off of the turnpike. Yes. It's the garden state. It's the garden state for a reason. The Jersey Shore aspect tackles a lot of great parks and rolling hills and green grass and beaches. But my God. Good movie.

This stretch of 95 yikes and is a 747 coming right at us. Woo! It's like Wayne's world. Ah, that's a great film. Oh yeah, didn't hold up a little bit. Yeah, that's what I was saying, Reese. A little slow. And what's this toast?

I think we had to suspect conversation. But Matt Wayne thinks the second one's better than the first one. Well, that's the Kuku bananas, but Chris for walking, I find a little off-putting. I know that's a controversial take, but I don't know, I can't, he's the same guy in every movie. He's weird looking, the voice. Yeah, I gotta tell ya, I don't have much to push back on. Oh, wow, all right, no push.

I mean, I love Walken, he's great in the deer hunter, but it's very much like, oh, scub-mo. Yeah, he had this watch up his ass for 20 years. I don't know, it's the same guy. And then he's the same guy in Wayne's World 2. He's the same guy in the Tural Mats. I mean, I do, I mean, we're gonna get, I forget about it.

Great advice that will be, bye now. But I think he's great in Annie Hall as the cook. And he's great in Annie Hall as the cook and he's great in deer hunter And he's he's great and puffy and But I don't see him as he's no range. Yeah, he's not Tom Hardy or You know, he couldn't play Elvis. No, that would be funny. That would be funny. I shook up That would be funny. That would be funny. Shut up.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Like Tom Hardy could do a version of Elvis. Absolutely. Tom Hardy can do anything, including my asshole on a Friday. Yeah. That camera is hotter than Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy is fucking unbelievable and by the way, people are gonna be, as someone that had a movie podcast, people are gonna be furious.

You say anyone new is better than anyone old? You're dead so, they're like, Why are you crazy? Okay. Are you fucking nuts? Well look, I like Walking, I think he's a, I like running. I do.

Yeah, he's a nice guy, but just don't, there's a range, he's the same guy, but again, so is Bill Murray and I love him. Yeah, I don't know, Murray, Murray's got range. He's got some range. I'll take it. I mean, loss and translation is very different than Caddy's

check. True, true. Although he is the worst part of Caddy's check. Ooh, boy, that's going to get you some heat. Oh, come on, any adult, anyone that thinks Bill Murray's not the fourth best character. Well, fourth best is still better than the worst. Of the main. OK. Of the main characters.

Okay. Of the main characters. So you go Ted Knight, then Rodney? No, Chevy. I Chevy, I just rewatched it literally yesterday. I mean, it doesn't matter how long ago I watched it, I've seen it 350 times. Uh-huh.

I might be, it's Chevy in Ted Knight or one and two. No chance, Ted takes it. They're, I'm saying they're one and two. No chance. Ted takes it. I'm saying they're one and two. They're definitely the top two. Okay, okay. But I can go back and forth. They're one and one A if that makes more sense. I'm just saying definitively, there's a drop,

then Rodney, then Bill Murray. Bill Murray's character, I'm a huge Bill Murray guy. It's a little silly. It's ridiculous. I mean, I do like, I do love love so I got that going for me. I mean the speech is great Yeah, yeah, yeah, and the scene with Bill Chevy Chase is amazing. Yeah, pull the pond and I love a movie like that because you picture The behind the scenes the coke the girls the hotels the kegs the booze. I just love the partying aspect. It's a, it's amazing, Phil, and Brian Doyle, by the way, he's no slut.

Oh, he's great. It's a fine product. Oh, he's a pick up that blood. Yeah, he's good. It's jarring when you go directly from Caddy Shack to Bubble Boy, because he puts on about 350 pounds between the two Phil and forget Groundhog Day. Yeah, even in that.

I mean, he was skinny in Caddy Shack only. I think he must have been doing coke. Was he that fat in the design? I felt like he's fat, but like he's thin. He's like a small petite man in Caddy Shack. Yeah, I love you, who? It's a fine product. That voice is like, he might have the most distinct voice in the history of comedy Yeah, I love you. Well, it's a fine product. That voice is like, he might have the most distinct voice

in the history of comedy by Bobcat. Yeah, very Chicago. It's got like this grizzled to it. Yeah, apparently, I don't know, that play but grizzling fat. Apparently, great outdoors. Bill Murray used to run that house with an iron fist. He was a fucking fist fight guy with a big temper.

No kidding. Yeah, I heard he's a bit of a psycho. Oh, yeah. I've heard he's throwing a few ladies around. I don't want to speak out of school. Well, he's hilarious in Caddy's shack also, but like to me, that arc of him chasing a fucking puppet around is the least funny thing I mean if I kill every go for in the every golfer in the course they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key that's gold right right there's some gold I don't want people yelling at me saying oh you think you funny them bill Murray that's how it happens yeah exactly but Chevy Chase to me is so funny because you were born to look you first, uh, rub you first, whatever. Very understated. He's so fucking funny in it and, uh, the oil

and the, uh, the little thing. I love the parier bottles with the cap off and he goes, uh, you know, you like pops it off fake. Yes, that and, um and the line I do all the time, you're not good. One of my go-to lines and boy he's gold, but Ted Knight, yes. Every second of Ted Knight is amazing. I didn't want to do it, I felt like I had to. Oh, oh, oh, oh. He's unbelievable and Rodney's also great, but he's just so doesn't feel like a guy in a movie.

No, no, no, he's doing his act. It's like a cartoon character, but he's got the man's amannis. Anyways, that was Caddy Shackduck with Joe. Well, we were talking about when I was a student driver, that's fun. That's a fine product. That's three. I don't know what the hell are we talking about? Driving in New Jersey, moving to New Jersey.

Oh yeah, Jersey. Oh yeah, Jersey. Jersey's got some problems, but boy, that has very park is pretty. I mean, Atlantic City's got AIDS, but the Jersey Shore is gorgeous, except for the people ruin it. While I'm doing this drive, I'm like,

I can't move down here. No, I can't do it. Oh my kidding. This is insane. Can't do it. This is insane. Can't do it. What's still be 45 minutes for my house? And it just, just think about like if you lived in, where you live in Queens, just across that river is a little mental thing, but now crossing a state line. Yeah, still just to row on river, you're gonna have a river crossing soon. I know and I'm not happy about it. Now I still can't believe it. I can't wrap my head around it.

I think you're gonna be there for three weeks before you pack it up and get divorced. You might be right, but wait till you see this palace. Well, the palace is nice, but you're not one for being home. I've been seeing you home. That's your home, ever. I've gone to your home when you weren't there, literally.

Literally. Literally, in there being like, hey, said he's gonna be here and she's like, oh, we're just staring at each other tapping the walls. I don't know anything about that. Well, it was a long time ago. It's before you, Mary, said he's gonna be here and she's like, oh, we're just staring at each other tapping the walls. I don't know anything about that. Well, it was a long time ago. It's before you, Mary, don't worry about it. I see.

Well, I was quick. I was a showering at another home, I'm sure, but. I think when we both have a couple of rug rats, you know, you tend to be a homebody. They say even the body, the male body gains weight as like a protection thing, like because you might go without eating because you got to feed your young.

Ah. Fast the body, Jerry, it's a real mad scientist. I'm hoping to breastfeed. Yes. I'm gonna give it a crack anyways. Man, it can do that now. But no, I like to be home. I'm a big home guy.

As soon as we wrap up, I go right out that door. I say, see you later. Yeah, yeah, you like, because I feel like you had the art of the hang. And now you gotta get home. Well, I still, but I do a lot of hanging at home. Like every Sunday, I have people over my house, every single Sunday.

I got five, six, seven people there. Friday night, we had a bunch of people over. Saturday, I went out to Forest Hills, but first we hung in the backyard. I like to sit and smoke and have a hang. I just don't want to be at the bar or the 12th or the thing. I don't want others getting involved. Yeah.

So I'm going, hey, might if I hit you right. Oh, hey, I saw you at the thing and then then we got, now we got some dude with us. Yeah, that is a real stinker. I remember I was at the Bridgetown Comedy Fest, years and years ago with Nate Bergazzi, we're sitting in a restaurant and a comic walks by and I go, hey, what's up man? He goes, hey, what are you guys doing?

And I go, sit down and Nate stared at me angrily for about a half an hour. I had this years ago with Bob, I mean, different strokes, different folks. But Bobby Kelly, this is 10 years ago now, we were at a cigar lounge and talking comedy. And some guy was like, hey, I heard you guys talking comedy. What are your comedians?

Oh, no. And then Bob was like, yeah, we're comedians. And I was like, go, are you crazy? Yeah, that was bad. And then it turns into like, what do you think of Eddie Murphy? Oh. And, you know, these comedies, these comedy fans, obviously our fans are like the greatest,

but there's some people out there that are like, for my money, there's nobody better ever than old character. Yeah, exactly. Big, proper red hair or whatever. Well, Seinfeld, you know, you try to chit chat with him, you don't wanna fuck it up, you want it to go well. If I bring up cars, he ises me.

Really? Well, because I don't know as much as he does, so it's like comedy to him where he's like, I can't do this with you, because I don't wanna slow down with my car knowledge because of your dumbass. Interesting, because some people they wanna really tell you about everything. I know certain comedians that are popular.

Yep, where if you tell them, hey, I don't know anything about this, that's their wet dream. Yeah. They're like, well, you better sit out because I got a nice monologue about that thing for you. I was trying to bait him a little bit, like, here we go, baby.

Cause I just want to keep him talking. You just want to keep him on the hook. You know, and I mentioned, I got this beamer and he was like, here we go, baby, because I just want to keep in talking. You just want to keep him on the hook, you know, and I mentioned, uh, you know, I got this beamer and he was like, hmm, that's a 73. What are you going to do? Interesting. And he is having no part of texting him. I he always answered a text, but if it's about cars, he won't answer it.

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Yeah. What? New customers can get two of them. I know, new customers can get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you bet five bucks on any NFL game. Download DraftKings app and use code Tuesday's today. Oh, back to the show. Yeah. Well, the thing is about cars. Yeah, he doesn't like the chit chat unless you know your stuff and it's a say I think it's the same with football. I don't know you about football, so I'm not going to go, hey, how about those packers, huh?

You're going to go, ah, this is not fun for me. Well, sometimes, to me, it's the person with the less knowledge that has to say so because I have, sometimes I have this with sports. I'm a big sports guy, but I don't follow off season sports and I don't care about contracts and all that. Yeah. So sometimes I'll be talking to somebody and they're like, well, yeah, but what do you think about the salary cap?

And I'm like, I don't know anything about the salary cap. I don't care about the salary cap. Right. And I have this with off-season, people are like, hey, what do you think of the Patriots picked up old, Skittity Bapperoo? And I'm like, I didn't even know they picked up Skittity Bapperoo. I like to turn it on and see, oh, they got this guy.

Right, right. I see. You don't like up Skittery Bapperroot. I like to turn it on and see how they got this guy. Right, right. I see, you don't like the behind the scenes and all that. Yeah, but anyway, my point is that sometimes you have to be like, oh, I don't follow it to that. Sure, sure. Which you have to feel people out with that all the time. Sometimes people are like, oh, I'm a tennis fan. You go, oh my God, what about Farty pants?

And then they're like, oh, I don't know Farty pants. And you're like, oh, okay. So yeah, let me make an adjustment Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like side-fell people are like TV show people like I love side-feld and then you go you know What do you think of pilot is in the audience and they're like what pilot? Yeah? Yeah, oh, no different pilot That's a good point. Well, we just left Thomas Edison Restop he's from this area obviously Edison New Jersey. They named after him

smart guy inventor Had he had the original Hollywood and everybody fled and went to Cali because he had too many rules no kidding Yeah, I never told you this huh in a story. No, no That was just a network or what do you call the studio? Huh? It was a story? Nah, nah, that was just a network or what do you call a studio. But Thomas Edison invented the camera and so he said, I'm gonna be a movie guy and make movies and everybody said great and then they go, he has, he goes, you can't do it this

way, you gotta do it that way, you gotta do it this way, and everybody said, fuck this guy and they moved all the way across the country and started their own Jews, started their own thing and that became the Hollywood we know today. Wow. And so it just goes to show you, Cweefs, you make too many rules, and people are gonna bail out and start their own shit. YouTube.

Well, yeah. It all comes back. Yep. What's it called? Not suppression, when innovation? No, when they tell you can't talk censorship censorship. Yes. God damn you Edison I know you blew it speaking of Edison. How do you feel about the film the prestige? Hugh Jack Hugh Jackman who I think might stink. I'm not sure

Who's the other guy in it? Bale Christian Bail. Oh, I thought it was fun. Fun movie. Christian Bail's amazing. Love the Bail. Love Scarlett Johansson. Hey, Bail.

Like Nolan. Yes. So that movie, it's just sci-fi. It's not upsetting. It's just a liar, right? It's not upsetting to anybody else. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I haven't seen it in about a dog's age. What happens here?

The whole thing, the whole thing at the end, the trick is, I mean, the whole movie revolves around Tesla, played by David Bowie and Edison, and he's in there. I mean, I don't think he appears. Well, actually we're magicians. They're magicians. Okay. But they're working with Edison and Tesla.

Oh, is that right? And Tesla just invents a cloning machine. What? Magicians their magician okay, but they're working with Edison and Tesla oh And Tesla just invents a cloning machine What they clone huge ackman I think I dozed off and so I read a review that was great that or passing through Edison Yeah, there's a Review that someone's like hey, I love a sci-fi thriller, but you gotta let me know. I'm watching the sci-fi thriller And I was like that's exactly how I felt yeah but you gotta let me know I'm watching the sci-fi thriller And I was like that's exactly how I felt. Yeah, you gotta let me know. I'm like wait what? Yeah, it's all his story like you if you have historical characters I'm like, oh like at least you know in in Django and glorious and glorious basses where I met

And once put on time in Hollywood you're're like, okay, this is an alternate history of this. Yes, yes. I'm watching this movie the whole time and they got horses and carriages and breast milk and whatever else. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, wait, what? Yeah, I'm with you. I don't like the supernatural.

It's a cup out, it's easy. Which, again, I'm like, I'll watch a supernatural, if that's what I'm watching, I'm watching a horror movie where kids come back to life or whatever. I'm like, whoa, look out. But, I mean, you're cloning? No cloning. No cloning, we don't, we've been cloning now.

You get cloning in the thirties or whatever that was, the twenties? And then I also don't care for a movie. Attack of the clones. A movie that has the twist is, twin brother. Oh, the twist in the book. Get a new twist.

I'm like, the whole Cogin did this with Earl and the other Heppner, the Heppner brother. The name is Earl. Yeah, exactly, a duke of Earl. No, no, the whole thing's a cop out. You couldn't think of a way out of it. You wrote yourself into a corner and you had to go with the clone.

The twin, the clone zone. The twin and the clone, and the king and the duck. Yeah, clone and O'Brien. I don't care for it. I'm with you. I forgot about that. I must have dosed off or started eating out a man. I didn't notice that part, but I don't like it. Don't get me wrong. I liked with you. I forgot about that. I must have dosed off or started eating out a man.

I didn't notice that part, but I don't like it. Don't get me wrong. I liked the film. I liked it very much. It's a good film. And I'll rewatch it knowing that I'm watching a science fiction film. Yeah. And a twin film.

Sure, sure. Yes, twins. Another film. You got a twin? You got a sci-fi. And I'm warning on the box just to heads up. Yes. Yes twins another film you got a twin you got a sci-fi Morning on the box just to heads up. Yeah, we're gonna be clowning people Well, I looked same. What is the greatest showman?

That's another magician movie with two guys feuding. That's a huge Jackman another huge Jackman it's very confusing Yeah, I don't know where you have Barnum and Bailey or Barney Well, they came out close. Is it kind of a musical? Is it? It's a complete musical. The music is incredible. I love it.

Oh wow. Check it out, because I like a musical and I love magicians. I'm a huge, where do you fall on magic? Red lights were stopping. Oh my Christ. That was crazy. Oh man, I thought we we're gonna die there. Life flashed.

The number one role of driving. And I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to all the people at home, oh, hap, anyone who happens to be listening. This is the number one thing I was taught when learning to drive. Whoa. And Yikes. Getting jerked around here, beef jerky. What the fuck is that?

Is that medieval times? What is that? It is. I never noticed that. Wow, I've always wanted to, we should go. Medieval times is awesome. That? Is that medieval times? What is that? It is. I never noticed that. Wow, I've always wanted to, we should go. Medieval times is awesome. That's not actually medieval times. Oh, it was a castle of sorts.

Medieval times rules, I went once with Becca. Oh geez, we had a great time. Get the man a tissue. It was no utensils, but there was Pepsi. One of the great lines, dude, I got a lot of tables. Every time I see Janine, I tell her, I'm like, you have one of the great lines in the history of American cinema. Yeah, it's a cable guy, which you go, dude, I got a lot of tables. Every time I see Janine, I tell her, I'm like, you have one of the great lines in the history of American cinema.

In-table guy, which he goes, dude, I got a lot of tables. Oh, two good silence of the labs. Hello, Clarice. Sorry, and I do that line all the time. But the number one rule of driving for anyone, no one in particular, anyone listening anywhere that happens to be sitting in the car.

Yep. You see red, you have to take your foot off the gas, either cover the brake or start pressing. We were accelerating into brake lights. Do you have any defense? It was far enough away. Ten carlicks. Ten! That was ten! Ten carlicks, but they were braking and we were accelerating.

Oh boy, it's common physics. Apology accepted. All right, there you go. We should have got an Uber. I tell everyone, my nephew, I say you see red lights, take your foot off the gas, take your foot off the, uh, okay. Do you got it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Remember the, uh, driving the student driver, the, the passenger seat had a big ass break. Yes. That was crazy. That was wild. And God bless those people. Look back. I'm sorry, Chuck, I'm teasing. I'm having a good time.

I feel very safe with you in the car. Just joking with you over. Um, I like lift. But yeah, yeah, he had a, Mr. Handley was our guy. He was a big Vietnam vet, Marine, flat top motherfucker. I looked like how he long. I forget our guy's name. He was big and. He was a big Vietnam vet, marine, flat top, motherfucker, look at how he long.

I forget our guy's name. He was big and he had bad breath. I can't remember. Yeah, he always had the short sleeves buttoned down with the tie. Yes. That was a big look and he had the crazy glasses and he had a break the size of my dad's dick and he would have pushed that thing and you're like,

dude, I got it. Like you're actually making me freak out with the break. Yeah, but I was, I want to say, give me a break. Hats off to all these people out there that we probably hate and were annoyed by, like, the guy who signs up, like, I'll teach 14-year-old kids how to drive. I know.

That is bold. Oh, that's Bob Newhart's bit. Oh, is it? What's the bit? Yeah, that's, it's a whole bit about student driver. He's like, who's Bob Newhart's bit. Oh, is it what's it? It's a little bit about student driver He's like who's the hero that's willing to do that? Well, I mean he's he hit the nail right on the head Yeah, he was good because that is the terrifying gig Terrifying especially we were all drinking it was a wild time. I failed my first driver's

Let's hear it. Oh man, I wanted to just die. It was so bad. That's brutal. Well first of all, I'm sure I've told you a million times. We had a state trooper in our car with us. You had that? Trooper.

Yeah. Dealing fentanyl? A state trooper. And Massachusetts in the 90s, when you went out for your driver's test, a state trooper was the guy. Was the driving guy. Yeah, yeah. The instructor, holy shit, did he have the hat and everything?

Oh yeah, the full Nazi regalia, he was there. Wow, Kyle. And my best friend Derek, he went to do the test, he went to back up, and you know, you look back, and he just backhanded the guy in the face as he reached backwards. Oh man. He slapped him in the face, but he passed.

I didn't even, I didn't slap him in the face, but he passed. I didn't even, I, I didn't slap my in the face. I still failed. Wow. I remember, I remember it well. Ten and two, adjust the mirror seat belt. Look, look, look out the side mirror. Pull out the whole thing. Don't have your foot in the accelerator

of the car in front of you's breaking. I remember that for the whole. Yeah, that was, that was A number one with a bullet. Yes, sir. But any parts, I was driving and my mother was in the back seat and maybe that threw me, but. Oh, wow, what was she doing there? She's trying to get a go to the store for some milk.

You're supposed to have a parent with you. I don't know, it's different up there. We didn't have that. Well, so anyways, I was driving and the light turned yellow. Uh-oh. As I was going, it was like where this overpass is, whatever, 200 yards, 100 yards, 50 yards, whatever, whatever makes me look the best.

Yep. And I went through it, but it was fully yellow. I remember thinking like this is bad, but like watched it, it never turned red. It was a full yellow light. And I thought that was better than being like, it hits the red light. It hits the red light.

Exactly. So I thought like, okay, that was actually good. I didn't slam on the brakes, no problems. And then she said, okay, now make a left at this next street. Uh-huh. And for whatever reason, I said, okay, and I saw the street sign. And I went, there it is, there's the left, I'm gonna make a left at that. And then I didn't realize there was a street in between the street I taught my gaze.

And so she just, I took the left and she said, pull over. Whoa! And I said, okay, and she said, you went through a yellow light and you missed the turn, I told you to take. Jesus! And she said, switch seats, you fucking piece of shit. Wow. And it was horrible. And I had taken it during school hours, whatever reason that was the only thing. So I returned to school. Yeah. And my history class, everyone just started clapping. Oh no! You you go. There's your popcorn! You popped your cheery. Yeah, and I had to be like, nope, nope, nope. Oh my lord.

And they were like, what? And it was so humiliating, much like the feeling I have now with my special dying on the vine. Did you yell Kant as well? Yeah, they said you said Kant in the 25th minute. You can't tell anybody. Ah. And so if I drop my head and everyone,

you know, put their armor on this, that's okay, champ. Oh man, what a nice little community of a high school you had. No one knew my name, everybody was Indian, it smelled weird. Well, you may not believe me to look at it, but I was quite popular in high school. Really, I could see that, you know, tall runner, gay. I mean, I was the

king of school spirit face painting the whole works. I was always putting together the big thing. Black face. So literally black and red face. Oh really? Yeah. That's fun. It's like Becca's underwear. A little blood in there. I think her brothers and two's gay by the way. She you're in this, oh yeah, big time. Sorry, Mr. Becca. Shout out. What's his name? You'll have to say it.

I think his name's Mark. Hey. How about that? All right, I'll take it. There you go. So yeah, shout out to Mark. If you're still listening, don't tell your sister about this. What do you think's more common?

My name or your name? Oh, my name by a thousand. Well, you got a thousand, because you got the average Joe, Joe Sixpack. Like, Joe is even, Joe, Joe is like the name you say for a common name. Not your average Joe, Joe Tagadona. Yes. Well, I think it's so biblical.

Joe Blow is Mark Biblical too. It's biblical. But Joe is like Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I see even in that. But I got Mark, Luke, Joe Blow. Is Mark Biblical too? It's Biblical. But Joe is like Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I see even in that. Oh, but I got Mark, Luke, and John. John might be in a conversation as well. Well, you know the most popular name in the world. Muhammad.

That's correct. Which I tried to write a bit about because I'm like, the guy you worship is the most popular. That'd be like if I was like, uh, my mom's sick, please, Mike. It's weird that it's Muhammad home and it's a popular name. That's very funny. Oh, maybe I'll bring it back. Yeah, it never worked. Because Jesus is popular, but Jesus isn't. Yeah, you never see a Jesus.

You might get a Jesus on a on a construction site or a landscape. All right, come to Jesus. Come to Jesus moment. Right. But yeah, yeah. Joe, I guess Joe's takes it. Joe's got to be more, I mean, just think of a celebrity. Who are the Mark celebrities? Well, you got Mark, Mark Wahlberg. Oh, yeah, Mark and Mark.

Mark Summers, Mark Marin. Mark Summers is your second. I mean, we're in trouble here. Ah! Mark Ruffley, who's the Mark from Blink 1.82? Mark Kuri. Yes. It's a Mark Kuri.

Mark Kuri, yeah. Different spelling. Yeah, the C is tough. Mark, Mark O'Rue, Mark O'Rue, Mark, he runs the Rochester Comedy Club. Mark politicians, there's no president Mark. No, I guess not.

Yeah, Mark. Mark, Mark at zero. Check, Mark. X marks a spot. Mark at praise. Who else? Mark Chapman, Mark David Chapman. Yeah, there we go.

Liberty murderer. Who else are famous, Mark? Yeah, boy, you're right? I'm scraping the barrel here. Well, let's go Joe's you got Joe peshy Joe thysman Joe Rogan Joe Rogan Joe Kennedy Joe Joe Joe Hove is witness to get a was also women named Joe is a baseball player named Joe panic which I San Francisco Giants game was sodor, and he came up and I said, Joe Panic, that's me. And I really killed, I was very happy with it. Well then you got Joe Piscopo and Joe Pepitone.

Piscopo Pepitone. Yeah. Joe Dante, Joe. Joe. Joe. Joseph. A lot of Josephs, Joe. Joseph, a lot of Joseph's. Joe Zimmerman. Yeah. Boy, we're scraping bottom here too. Let's give you a famous movie, Joe's Joey Lawrence. Yeah, you go. Joe, who's the new kids in the block? He was huge.

Joey for tone. Joey McIntyre. for crew Joe McIntyre. Yeah Joey McIntyre. Yeah Jonas Hill Joe Nameth Joe Nameth. Yeah, he's a big Joe. Joe. Joe. You know what I mean Joe Montana. That's the one uncle Joey Gladstone Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's some Joey to Joey D as there you go Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's some Joey to Joey D as there you go accounts, okay Why we're really losing the crowd here yeah, all right retention is low. Let's pick it back up all right back story time

I'm excited to see Omar. This is a different kind of episode. I guess I haven't seen Omar since you're wedding. Oh, yeah I guess I haven't seen who Mars since you're wedding. Oh, yeah, I guess I haven't either. He's on the live podcast Shake shack quarter mile. Oh I can do a custard like you wouldn't believe All right, and shake shack your number one burger. Shuck really feels like our dad right now. You're a please dad Yeah, look at that shake shack And he's like now we gotta keep going we gotta get the episode Throw it out there and you you're the, so you buy. We literally pulled over, so Chuck could fix stuff in the car.

We wanted to go get snacks, he said no. I have not eaten a bite today. I had a banana. All right. I guess that counts as a bite, but isn't that weird? The old days a banana was like, hey, I had a banana.

That was like a meal. Not a meal, but it was, it was sustenance. Now you had a banana and you wanna, you feel gay. Well, this is what it's like to hang out with Sarah's family. It's like a meal, not a meal, but it was sustenance. Now you need a banana and you wanna, you feel gay. Well, this is what it's like to hang out with Sarah's family. It's like a nightmare. I mean, I eat 4,000 and Monas is the same way. I eat four or 5,000 calories a day.

That's a lot. My wife's family eats 350. They think cheese and crackers is a meal. That's like lunch. I'm not kidding. That's no good. Maybe a couple grapes. Maybe a grape.

A grape, what am I good. Maybe a couple grapes. Maybe a grape. A grape? What am I, a toddler? Three grapes, five crackers, four pieces of cheese. What? And then they make fun of me and I show up with a fucking trail of Zanya and they just wolf it and I'm like, you guys are malnutrition.

Yeah. Whatever that word is. Is that a fat-shaming thing? You know, because a lot of people with these older folk they've been beaten into them that they can't gain weight. I'm not sure they're British, so maybe that has something to do with them. Yeah, they're not good eaters, you know?

But my lady's the same way. Her family will eat at her family's house and you get two strips of green bean, like three green beans. You get a piece of chicken with no skin, grilled chicken, and just a tiny little dollop of mashed potato. And I go, just give me the bowl, bitch. My family's the aunt, we have two dinners.

We dinner at seven and ten. I love it. It's, there's pizza everywhere, there's burgers everywhere, there's wings everywhere. Yeah, you guys said cookies on the counter, I remember. Cookies everywhere, I mean, we're just fat fucks. I I mean we just go we we go hog wild. I love that. Yeah, I was too scared to eat those cookies, but I saw Driving through freehold Birthplace of Bruce Springsteed The boss I was born right here on Randolph Street and freehold

There you go anyway, so this is an interesting episode. We're driving down to the Atlantic Highway. Looking for a love getaway. Doing the live episode. Yeah, drive my head a big Amazon factory over here. Wow, look at that. That's where it all happens. Soul pipes, but yeah, doing the live episode and filling out the, I think we sold about 45 tickets.

Yeah, it's got, it's a little more than half and I told Derosa it was sold out, so we we sold about 45 tickets. Yeah, it's got a little more than half. And I told Derosa it was sold out, so we'll see how that goes. Did you get an update from the pooch? Pooch. It was after five and I felt bad reaching out. Oh, okay, good, that's good. Yeah, he's like, Derosa coming?

Yeah, he's in. Oh, big time. Derosa will be there. Him and I will fist fight over something, I'm sure. I can't wait. Oh God, I'm gonna get text from my mother. Oh god, ask her about the cookies. Wait, we gotta get back into some old swinging stories.

Yes, yes. Uh, what the hell, we thought. Caroline's, uh, blue. You must have some ex-girlfriends. You only have two girlfriends it feels like, in your whole life. Well, I did. I had a high school sweetheart I dated for 11 or 12 years yikes it just gets comfortable you know you just go Yeah, I were dating and I'm too lazy to do anything else of course

We got the good one how to go pros make it so far with the the shitty they always die. Yeah, it's more like go amateur with the shitty, they always die. Yeah, it's more like Go Amateur. Yeah. So yeah, you had Megan, can you say her name? Yeah, Megan, she was a nice, lovely lady. Loved her. But what's the Coney Island together? That's right.

No, not you, the three of us, the two of us. Huh? Her and I went. Really? Yep. Oh, I missed that. Wonderwall, Wonder Wheel. No, yeah, the three of us went out there. I remember it being fun.

Yeah, it was great. We were pretty sloppy. Ooh, boy, were we ever. We did the bumper cars... Toasted. Yeah, I was banged up. Yeah, I think we did bumper cars and maybe something else. Ooh, we have a gig out there. Hmm, I don't even think we did. Maybe we did a murder fish show. I think it was a murder fish show. Wow, that's a blast from the dick. Yeah, I think it was a murder fish show and you had to take the train to Avenue X

because I remember being like, this sounds like a layer of a villain. I got a laugh from her and I was like, okay, maybe I'm in. Yes, but I remember her. She was nervous around you because she was just a nervous person around new people. Oh, geez. And if she goes, who's your favorite comic?

You go, and I guess Louis and she goes, oh yeah, Louis. Oh, geez. And if she goes, who's your favorite comic? You go, and I guess Louie and she goes, oh, yeah, Louie, Louie's great. And that weird, it was, that was your favorite comic and then cut a couple years later and you're blowing them. Yeah, yeah, we have sex pretty frequently. Not bad. That's really something. And I remember being at your apartment in the lower east, back to above pianos. And you had that dog. And we'd be like, everybody hated that dog. It was a little chihuah had that dog, and we'd be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, they're putting it down, where the fuck are you? And I had to run out of there and go, go see the dog die. Yeah, you came the next day and it's funny because now's times have changed.

I was like, get out of here. Who gets a podcast? Who gives a shit? You fucking psycho? Yeah. You're like, maybe you're right. But now I'd be like, who gives a shit? It's a dog.

We didn't got to make money here. Yes. Wow. That's a real 180. That was one annoying pooch. Yeah. I'm talking about your manager. They got to make money here. Yes, wow, that's a real 180. That was one annoying pooch. Yeah. I'm talking about your manager. No, no, I love the manager.

That dog was rough though, because it was shitting water by the end, because it was so brain damage, it couldn't find the pee pad. So it just shit next to it. I wanted to kick it right and it's broken head. Oh, geez. Yeah, so we were thinking about an animal.

It starts dying. Yeah, it was bumping the walls. It, geez. Yeah. That's a weird thing about an animal. It's that's dying. Yeah, it was bumping the walls. It was a sad site. Well, what can do and you ever talked to her? Yeah, she's married as a kid and she works at a CNN. What? Yeah, well, she just does graphics for CNN or HBO, like all these companies higher. She's a brilliant illustrator.

Oh, yeah. She created ours. Yeah, that's right. She's in the stories, she created ours. Yeah, that's right. To the stories, that's right. Whoa, is that right? Yeah, I think we gave her 11 bucks. Yeah, I think you're right, I think I had to eat her ass out. Wow, how about that?

Well, I guess I owe her one too, I mean we're. Hit her up, the husband, the new husband will be fine with, he's very intimidated by me, which is fun. Oh, that is fun. Well, your ex, your wife's ex-boyfriends is celebrity, that's something. Whoa, I'm that guy. Oh, that is fun. Well, your ex-boyfriend's a celebrity. That's something. Whoa, I'm that guy. Yeah, you are.

Luckily, you're dickest tiny. That's true, that helps. He's like an MMA guy too, so he probably mopped the floor with me, but he's got a ponytail. By the way, we waited too long to stop. Now, this one, every, the last one had a shake-shack.

The one before that had Chipotle. This one has Burger King and Nathan's From Tony Island. Oh, hey bring it back. I ordered pizzas for us at the venue. I'm off bread Ah, we got to eat before then too. I'll eat the lunch and the pizza. Yes. Yes like your house Staking cheese across the street Philly cheese sticks. Come on stop trying to change us. We want the highway Yeah, I was the hey come on dad. You go in there, you make some, what you gonna hear? Good. Yeah, yeah. I went the hat on. Eee. I know.

Oh, we got to, I love the highway. You get off, you get off, you get the Starbucks, the Burger King, you shut, I don't care for Burger King, but you know what I mean. What do they call a whopper in Europe? I don't know, I didn't go to Burger King. I didn't go into Burger King. I just rewatched it. So good. It's all movie about hamburgers.

Eh. Remember that one? Ha ha ha ha. No arm. Yeah, that's a great film. Hell of a film. Rape right in there. I was 12 years old, sitting in the living room, watching with my dad, just watching a man

just fuck a big black man in the ass against his will. Yeah, those are the days. That's what you call bonding. That's my niche. That's what I look forward to having a son is being like, check this man on man rap out son. Yeah, now what do you think's in the suitcase, huh? Well you see that interview,

there's that great interview with Sam Jackson, they ask him what he thinks in there, he goes, I don't think, I know, I was there. It's a battery back in the light bulb. Ah, good line. That's fun. Well I think it's just a red her in a light bulb. Ahhhhhhhhhh! Good line! Oh that's fun. Well I think it's just a red herring type of thing. You don't think the band-aid on the back of the neck is anything?

I mean not according to them. It was like a cut himself shaving bullshit, but I don't know. Okay just felt very deliberate. Yeah everything feels deliberate in a film. I don't know. I don't think the... Someone was like... I don't know. I don't think the, someone was like, I know there's a theory about the soul escaped out of his neck and the, the, the, the, the,

came in his ass and then came back in his soul. And it's a 666 combination lock. Right. So that throws you off a little, it's all tricky. Yeah, it's all pipes, but, hell of a, and then there's two different versions of that opening thing. Really?

Everybody be cool, this is a robbery. Yeah. Her line is different both times. What do you mean, both times, like in the end? She says, every, any of you pricks move and I'll execute every last motherfucker in one of you at the beginning. And then at the end, she says it's slightly different.

Oh, interesting, as they flop that. I can't tell if it's a flubber, if it's on on purpose or if it's supposed to be dreamy and gay or what? Because it seems weird that they were just totally flubb. Yeah, be cool, honey, buddy. I saw a flub in Swickers when I watched it the other day. Oh, they laid on me, fatty. The the blackjack scene. Yep, when he has the 11, the double down scene, show a shot of his 11, there's already two chips there

oh good good i yeah i was pretty happy with that one well done we got to be way over an hour here okay oh great let's eat let's dad come on let's Burger King and Nathan's seriously we miss shake-shack and dig in burger king i'm so sad and we still got a good 45 to go here.

Shake Shack. What do we got here? What do we got here? This is Burger King and Nathan. Oh, and he ends. Z market, what the hell's that? And if you want to put it in the GPS, you can find a, you want a Shake Shack?

A Chipotle or what are you thinking? A diner? Yeah, well, you're in the hungry here, what? Are Chick-fil-A I can do, a Chipotle I can do, a diner we can do. A diner might Yeah, well you're in the hungry here, what? Are chickfully I can do, a Chipotle I can do, a diner we can do. A diner might take too long, although we do have ample time. Yeah, diner's a whole thing.

It's a whole thing. Would you chipotle? Sure. Are you all right with that? I'm okay with Chipotle. I'm always okay with Chipotle. Okay. I probably have gift cards in my-

Oh, wee! I probably have a gift card right in the old satchel here. I burn mine up by the way for the pod people at home I had the mat oh 32 minutes. I had the magical gift card that never ended it finally ended Yeah, we had a good run That's a grocery store and she said no dice. I can use a piss too 25 minutes away For the Chipotle. I know, but it might as well keep going at that. I mean, that's more than half of the ride.

Well, I don't know. Why, well, let's see what happens in the highway. The highway's jam with broken heroes and a last chance power drive. Well, should we wrap this thing up? You're going my way. I wanna wrap it up. This is an interesting one.

We're going to get a lot of hate, a lot of love, a lot of dicks. Yeah. I'm being suppressed. Put them all in my ass. Go watch Joe's special. Keep the numbers up. Comment, share, share, share is a good singer. Yeah, she's okay.

What was that saying though? On the battleship. Do you think I can turn back time? It's good, but all do you. Yeah, my dick is confused when it sees share, because it's like, I just got the outfit and she's thin and famous, but then you look right at it and it's a little rough.

She reminds me of Angelica Houston. Yeah, I talented, but just not my cup. She's got something, there's an appeal there, a'm talented, but just not my cup. She's got something. There's an appeal there, a YouTube appeal, but I wouldn't say there's a natural beauty. Yeah, or a classic beauty, I should say. No. But I bet her and Nicholson really roughed it up.

Oh, Houston. Houston. Yeah. Did he fuck share also? No, no, no. OK. Not to mind knowledge, but he had a hell of a run. Yeah, he sure did.

A porn star was on Howard Stern, you know, early 90s, whatever that was, and she said, Houston had the biggest, I mean, sorry, Nicholson had the biggest dawn. Really? Yeah, fun fact. Wow, it's so interesting, because he's like balding, he's not, you know,

whatever you call it, attractive, like, yeah, it's so interesting because he's like balding, he's not, you know, whatever you call it attractive, like yeah. What was the word you use? Classic handsome. Yeah, and then he got, he broke old, old man. Yeah. But he just has so much talent, charisma, charisma. He's so charismatic that guy. Captivate, he can't take your eyes off that ugly mick.

He is the movie star. Yeah So talented. What's his story where do you come from is he Jersey? I think he is Jersey. I think he is. I know he's like a Yankee fan or if you used to use the Boston stuff Oh, then New Jersey and the Lakers think it's New Jersey But yeah huge like one of these guys Yankees Lakers Which is like fucking arey's horseshit Yankees cowboys. Oh, he's from Maryland. It just makes me Furious it's all it's borderline. I can't be friends with you. Wow, and I always come back a borderline Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna guess New Jersey. I believe it is New Jersey, which would be appropriate for this pod and He's all this shit, but

Yeah, he's great. He's fun to watch now. Yeah, what is for was it five easy pieces? Five easy pieces is great. Was that was his first that was his first I don't know if it wasn't his first film. I mean easy rider was before five easy pieces But that was like his like academy award nomination thing Yeah, and then he had that and then shine a town and and Cuckoo's Nest all kind of like back-to-back-to-back. Wow. But he's in some weird B-movies early on. Oh, okay.

Because he was like 38 in Cuckoo's Nest. Wow. He's old as fuck. Yeah, that is old. Like, you see like Bruce Dern, and like Hollywood, and once part of it, Hollywood, he's like, BAAA! Yeah. And that's Nicholson. They're like, Hollywood, and what's about to happen to Hollywood? And he's like, ah! Yeah. And that's Nicholson.

They're like, boys, they're the same generation. Well, the question is, because he's got to be 80s. Yeah. We should do a bet on how when he dies, like give a year out and put a cap on it. Well, I heard he was close, and then he started showing up at Laker Games again. I heard he had Alzheimer's and all this stuff.

Oh, gee, well, we did a lot of blows. Yes, famously, and late in his life, I have a story about that, but it's not my story to tell, but I'll just say this. Ooh. He was still doing it late in life. All right, I guess that means you did it with him. I don't know what that, it looting to.

Yeah, well, I'll tell you off air. Remember to put on the Patreon. Can't wait, all right, well, that's it folks. We got to hear this story on the Patreon, but we're going to go do a show. Yeah, wacky episode. We know we're in the... We're trying to make it work. Mark's going to Europe for a couple of years.

Sorry. And... Just for a little bit before that. So, it's a weird time to be alive and I'm about to have a child. So we're going to have some funky episodes, but we're making it work. And I think there was some great stuff in this episode. I love this episode, and I think they'll love that we did it on the road,

and it changes up the pace. Yes, pace university. Yes, that is. That is right here. The very pants I was returning. You can't see, my camera died three hours ago, nobody cares. But I got, where am I gonna be?

Oh, we're driving to Philly right now. I'm in Philly, Helium, October 5th through the 7th. That's a big market for us, so let's really blow the shit out of that fucking asshole. Yeah, that's gonna be fun. That'll be a nice thing right before the baby. And then October 19th of the 21st, literally days before my baby is born,

I will be at Royal Oak, and I always do real well there. I always appreciate all you missioners, go blue. Great club. Come out to that one and We'll probably see at Skankfest this weekend. I don't know when this comes out. Maybe it's actually sooner than that Yeah, Nashville, September 21st of the 20th. I got some huge great clubs. Bucket market clubs coming up. So come on do it Hell yeah, by the way Mark Cuban as a celebrity. Sorry. Oh good one. By the way, we did a Joe Fury. Oh, that was a comic I think he quit. Sorry. By the way, we did a skanks last night and Chey was on and I said Chey how are you going to skank fast? He goes, I don't know when I go if the writer's truck is still going on

You got to make a deal to do it. He said okay. I'll do it it. So he'll be there. So that was fun. And he hates me now. But yeah, I'll be all over the place. Jeez Louise, Mark Dominick comedy dot com Denver grand junction doing all kinds of wacky Dallas. So say hello, go gay. we'll see you in hell. Soup to nuts, enough for everybody. When you got Chaco, the driver. Check out my podcast, Funbearable. I don't know when this is gonna come out. It's funbearablepod.com. Lots of fun interviews, Mark and Joe, everybody. My cannon, I don't know who else is on it,

but a bunch of people. Sweet, what's the answer? You heard it here first, folks. You heard the same cut it. Thank you. George is saying cut it. Thank you. We're on the camera.