Tuesdays with Stories! - #524 Shishito!

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

It’s Tuesday and the boys are globe trotting again! Joe has to police the restaurants of Nashville when he sees a kook smash a glass and start a brew-ha-ha. Mark’s back from Europe and he’s banging the lady at a sex club in Amsterdam while other patrons attempt to get a turn! It’s Tuesdays!! Our Stuff: - patreon.com/tuesdays Sponsors: - Get 20% off & free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com and use code TUESDAYS - Support the show and get 20% off your 1st order with code TUESGAYS at https://www.sheathunderwear.com

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great, good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard! And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha! Surf's up!

And she didn't even flush. Knock knock! Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe Liss! Yeah! This Tuesdays with stories, everybody. Yeah, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

Hey folks, we're mustering up some old pepper. That was the whole thing. Give me the old pepper. Was it pepper? Yeah pepper. Yeah pepper was something good salt and pepper What a man shoot pepper spice everything nice Spice girls ducks on the pond. You ever get in the spice girls? I never was attracted to any of them I hated the music. I hated what they looked like I was into them I mean the spice women now or hags, but at the time Sporty was hot the black one. No, wait the black the sporty was the Lesbo

There was a black one was scary which looking back is A little appropriate. Yeah, that's really funny. This is baby spice and the black one she's scary That's a layer what a different time. I know, forget about it. I guess she named herself scary. She did, yeah, and then it was Sporty, that was Posh, and there was Baby, who looked like a kid, which also would be weird now. Yeah, and then that was...

Buck Chuck. Ah! Yeah, apparently, yeah, there's a couple of the comics. Kevin Spacey, but then there was a pussy spice or ginger spice. Ginger spice, I like that. Yeah, she was the redhead. Yeah, I never got a good look at them.

They were all big and colorful and wacky. Yes. To me, they came with in sync and backstreet boys and they just stood for something that really bothered me. I could not even look at the video from the photos that just really made me mad. Agreed, and they got so big, and it was right in our, or our age era too.

It was, what was that damn song? If you wanna be my lover. That was it. Scoop a da boop, ba-ba-bao. And then there was the other one that was like, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. I want to upload it. Same song.

Oh, that's the same song. Yeah, that's all they had, but they sold out arenas with that shit. But it was, if you really listen to the lyrics, it's pretty wacky. It's like, if you want to be my lover, you got to get with my friends. Right. Which at the time, you're like, great. But I'll fuck your friends.

It must have meant like, you got to be cool with my friends. Ah. But all I want to do is fuck my wife's friends. Of course, same here. Yeah. But, come up my lower half, couple of nice spice racks. Yeah, I'm sure if I look back now, I would see it or get it. I'm people think I'm counting now with the sopranos and the things. You can see when I was 17.

I mean, if someone came in, listen to Uncle Cracker. Forget about the radio. Uncle Cracker, daddy Cracker, Fudge Packer. I'm with you on all of them. They corn, prodigy, all that shit. We were done. And that and come around. We'll kick your asses. Remember that one. That was don't give up. You got the spirit goop, but I liked it drink goo. Or whatever it was. You don't remember that one? Goo God.

And the Namin, Whitman Hanson. That's where I went to high school. But whatever it's all about, Hanson. Oh no, I know that one now, but no, I hated all that. There was a video he's like walking he'd have had on, he would flip it or something, and then he literally was like, well, kick your asses.

It was like, what'd you do, will you? I don't think you will. No, no, that. No, no, that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, will you? I don't think you will. No, no, that. Room nine, what is that one? No, Maroon five, they stink also. It was a guy with a Fedora, Maraz. Oh, Jason Maraz. Yes, that's a guilty pledge.

Oh. Well, I had a girlfriend, that was the year's later. Jason Maraz was like mid 2000s, we were out of high school, but I had a girlfriend at the time and she liked that that song that was like Scoop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop I'm gonna find love, love, love, love. That song was like my girlfriend had it, and I was like, hey, all right, I'm chill. You know when you try to be chill? Yeah. You go over that period where you're like,

I'm gonna listen to Jack Johnson and Jason Moraz, and I'll be a chill guy. Yeah, I like Johnson. Johnson, I love that. That's my, that's a big guilty pleasure. Shame with me, I love a John. I don't even think it's that guilty. That's an innocent pleasure, he's all right.

I know, guilty pleasure means other people call you a homo. That's true. I have a job. I don't even think it's that guilty. That's an innocent pleasure. He's all right. I know with guilt But guilty pleasure means other people call you a homo. I have no guilt. I go to the shows. I love them I think it's fantastic, but other people are like this you You just keep it quiet. I will bleep that. I think we got a step-sake so much. Yeah, maybe Money and all that stuff. Oh, yeah, you can demon. Well, we don't get money from YouTube anyways I don't know what's going on now. We could have been making millions well hundreds hundreds what the hell you And then they cut you out for saying the old C bomb. What are we doing here? You I know I think I made a Calcula what do you call that a strategic error by not mentioning I was demonetized the four hours that I was on Rogan What that was the whole game plan probably should have said that that was I texted you the day before you're like

This is my game plan. I'm going in with this. It's gonna be big and I said that's gold. I know But you know what he's talking you're talking everyone's talking and next thing you know old Jens a millionaire and he goes Well, that's the end of the show and you go., ah, I said can't, I lost all my money. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, he's tough. He's tough to slip into. You know, he's got 12 minutes on Elk, Spaceships, and on it.

So he's on it. On it is that powder he drinks to make his dick bigger. Oh, he's got a lot of supplements over there. He's always, he's always, he's doing something, he's drinking something, smoking something. Yeah, not a vaccine, but all the other ones. He's got a lot of supplements over there. He's always, he's always, he's doing something, he's drinking something, smoking something. Not a vaccine, but all the other ones. He's got it in there and he makes money off of all.

He's got, he's got a little coin put in every one of those supplements and the people buy them. Oh, that's smart. Yeah, he's, he's always got something cooking, but it's hard because you, you also don't want to be the guy that's like, hey, stop the press Joe, I got to tell you something. Yeah, you don't want to go in there.

Hey, excuse me, but yeah, I probably should have talked about because I've gotten a little bump, but it would have been a big bump if I had been like, ah, the man, he's keeping me down. I know, I know, man, that would have been, that would have been the clip too. Hey, Joe, it's demonetized censorship. Right. RFK Jr. Come on, save censorship. Right. RFK Jr. Come on, save me.

Right. Ah. But a little way out, I don't grab a lamp. I don't know, that was no great impression. Who's that? That was RFK. I was just ending. I thought it was Uncle Cracker.

All right. Which one was he? He looked like the guy from Smash Mupp. That's a different guy. That's a different guy. He died. Right. And then we were at Skankfest and I see P was there

Yeah, I never got into that scene. Oh, hey it all that it was it was really just one of them So it was just I see it was no posse is it right? It was only the one guy No kidding. I can't remember their names are created this violent J and then like scrappy do or Punch drunk something. I think so there's only one guy. There was only one guy at Skankfest, but there's a couple of, there's a posse of insane clowns. Oh, I misunderstood. I think you're saying it was like,

like there was no posse ever. Oh, no, no, no, no, that Skank. I only saw the guy was alone. Because that, violent J and... Shaggy two dope. Shaggy two dope. I was close with scrappy do.

Oh, because that would have been fun if it turned out the whole time it was just one guy and he called himself in the same clown posse. Yeah, especially if it had multiple personalities. Yeah, that'd be a fun posse. It's kinda like, you kind of find out yours later that Nine-inch Nails is basically just Trent Resner. There's no other real band members.

Really, but he had to have a drum thing. Well, he would record with a guy, and then he would record with other people. Like Nine Inch Nails was this thing that he kind of created. Right. It wasn't like, you know, there's John Paul George and Ringo, the Beatles.

Sure, sure. Yeah, looking back on that, those are some dark times. Like Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, he knows like a, I want a fuck you like that animal. Ah. You're in there driving a school with your mom, like, ooh, this is a little, little nutty.

Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. The beautiful baby. Yeah, all that stuff. Like, we're going to soccer practice. Well, and then they blame them for the Columbine business. That's right. And the rap gangs. Yeah, that probably did a little more damage.

Oh, did you ever see that Tom Cotter bit? How do you feel about that Tommy Cot? Tom Cotter? Yeah. He's funny. Yeah, he's a solid comic, but he's got that bit. It's probably his best work, where he goes up the, baby, it's cold outside, it's like offensive.

It's like a rapy song. And he's like, but the number one song is wet ass pussy So he sings them both he says the lyrics. He's like this one is censored. Yeah. Hey, baby Better come inside it's cold out there and then he's like and this one is the number one song, which is not censored I want you to gizz at my ass you fucking D N word and He does the whole thing and it kill it with viral no you got the wrong comic right

Carter Tom Carter Harry Potter what's his name Tom Carter is like clean as a whistle America tell it give it a goog there see man oh I like to see it because I Tom usually doing more of a button up thing he's also very funny punmed a lot of punnies. Yes. Yes. Yeah, but he does it's this guy and it blew up and it's a great It's a great a He says pussy and jizz and coming all that or whatever that lyrics are he says pussy I know that but he doesn't he doesn't he does a lot of beeping and a lot of like I can't read the rest of this but

I can't read the rest of this, but... Oh, wow. No kidding. Yeah, that's Connor, all right. I think I'm always seeing him at corporate gigs or whatever. You give it, maybe quietly give it a listen and see if you hear any obscenities, but... He says, I can hear it. Yeah, he says, I can hear it. Yeah, he kind of have to for the bit, because it's the name of the song. Well, all of the stuff is great, but I didn't picture. I was thinking maybe it was Tom.

Who was the other Tom that was really funny? He's not around anymore. Tommy Pope. He's around, he's around. Tom Papa. No, no, no. Tom Duffrey. McCaffrey.

He was great. Yeah, very funny. See, Dad, where did he go? He started rapping, unfortunately, and he caused Columbine. Oh, so I think he quit the whole thing. Well, that's a rap on him. Well, we gotta get into some stuff.

By the way, we haven't even touched Europe. Oh, let me pull that up. I'm exhausted. I've been moving. I want to commit suicide. I'm too tired. So let me just shove this right over to you and please. I'll take a nap, put my feet up and go to sleep.

Please chime. You got a chime and he did a chime there. I know about the chime. All right. Look at me go to sleep. Please chime. You got a chime, I need you to chime there. I know about the chime. All right. Believe me, I chime. Wind chime. You got to balance the chime, because otherwise it's like,

oh, this Nazi keeps chiming in. Yeah, you know what I hate is the seat belt chime in the car. Boom, boom, boom. And then it goes up now, it goes, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, it's getting angry here. If you're not putting the seat belt on, and I like to ride it out.

Did I tell you, first of all, not wearing a seat belt, oneung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, b on the drug use and I lie, they go, hey, use a bunch of drugs and I go, no. And they pulled up my, I protect our parks. Joe Rogan throwing mushrooms in my mouth like I'm a seal. I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, we're doing beer bongs out of an eagle's ass, you know, and they're like, Jesus Christ, you said you had two drinks a week, you know, whatever. So turn down for life insurance, and then we push back and they're like, all right, well, reconsider.

And then they go, you know, your license is suspended. And I go, what, I've been driving for a year. They're like, it got suspended in 2021. I was like, I've been renting cars. Suspended. Suspended. I mean, that should be flagged, if you're trying to rent cars.

That's what I said. God hates flags. So I'm like, what are you talking about? about and she's like you have to get this fix? I have to go to the DMV tomorrow and your insurance is expired you got to fix that I was like god damn So I'm all over the road. Yeah my registration is expired as of Whatever four days ago. I got drive to Philly and that's a no I but that usually you get a couple days Lean and see I'm on my way right now don't worry about it I mean a suspended license that's that you go to jail. What? I think you passed go. So I've been on a suspended license

of course. Oh boy well I'm gonna get it fixed tomorrow because I'll be doing some driving in a and the DC area this weekend the DMV ironically I'll go to the DMV twice. Well there you go I was just in Nashville which I think I don't like Nashville as a city. We can talk about that in a few minutes. You're gonna get some hate. Yeah, well, I'm ready for it. Okay.

I think that, I'll just do it now real quick. Get it out, get it out. I think many people will agree with me. I think the parking sucks. Okay. The city wasn't ready for the massive influx. And everywhere you want a park, you gotta scan a QR code.

And then the QR code people start texting you and emailing you. So you got all these QR's everywhere, up the S. I don't know why we can't have fucking parking meters. Yes. I'm at Wayne and I tried to go to six, I'm not joking, on a Friday, not Saturday, Friday, to go get breakfast.

Okay. Six places, line out the door, sundress, little cowboy boots in a hat, woo, ow! And if you go, it's an hour and 45 minute wait. All right, well, breakfast near me, 0.3 mile, all right, we'll go here, line out the door everywhere.

They're not ready for the infrastructure, he's stuffed. No. I couldn't get a fucking breakfast. And I'm not looking to have brunch with my girls. No. And get champagne and orange juice. I'm looking to grab three scrambled eggs, a waffle, so oatmeal, some mixed fruit,

and shove it all into my ass real quick. Of course, amazing. How many people are getting married? Is everyone in Nashville getting married? It's all bachelorettes. I don't get, I've never seen anything like it. At one point by the way, a guy smashed a glass and started screaming at a waitress.

Like, we were all way, I don't know what happened. They were like, uh, faggy guys. Like tattoos under the eye, gold teeth, and like, fuck you on the fucking bitch. And this woman, the bitch, she really, like, she was like Ronnie K to my castanza. Okay. All right, you're gonna pay your bill or not?

And the guy was like, fuck you, bitch, I'll fucking hit you, bitch. Whoa. I hate, he's like, let's get up on out of here. And he was like, Whoa. And she was like, all right, well you smashed the glass, but you owe me $58. Wow.

And she went out into the parking lot and like stood in front of the car. And the man was like, Cheryl, get out of there. there and she was like well. She's not paying me. Wow It was crazy. I was like this woman is nuts. Wow. She's like a superhero Well, she's like a bouncer in a skirt named name babs Bad scrammer by the way This is similar to maybe I'm just getting old and in dad mode, safety first, but it's similar to not wearing a seat belt.

Well, you're like, if you got a crazy group of guys with tattoos in their faces and gold teeth that are smashing glasses and calling you a cunt, right? Go ahead and let that one slide. Of course, that's a lady thing where they're like, well, he won't hit me, what are you gonna do? And they stand in front of your car, you're like, why wouldn't he hit you?

He's got a face tattoo. He thinks he's not gonna hit a waitress? Man, can hit you. Yes, I mean physically they can, yeah, they shouldn't. They shouldn't and yada yada, but. It's wrong, but yeah, they could really blow your head off. Yeah, I mean, it was a wild scene, but anyways, yeah, we waited an hour, we never even got breakfast.

We had to go to Starbucks and get like bagels and donuts and just eat, and even the Starbucks had a line up to do, and this is Friday, not Saturday. Yeah, why aren't they working? That's right, I don't understand. And then the traffic sucks. It's similar to like L.A. It's like that side street traffic,

like not highway gridlock, but like red light, like you can't get through the lights cycle. Right, right. And then downtown, forget it. That's just bachelor ready Broadway. And yeah, those are my big arguments. I think the people are nice. There's a lot of cool stuff coming there.

There's some hot restaurants and cool buildings. But yeah, no, I'm with you. It was a charming cue to head the Honky Tonk vibe and all that, but it also had a down home country feel. And now that's all been pushed out with the bats, it's a scene now. It's very sceny, it's very LA, it's very sparkly and we're full. Yes, yes. And it's kind of tilted a different way.

And I will say this, Matt Wayne was opening one of my best buddies, one of the funniest guys. He's got a new special coming up. He's filming it October 21st. I'm producing, It's very exciting. Woo! Yeah, it's very fun. But he is a vegetarian.

Oh no! And the big thing in Nashville is barbecue and you stake and you think. So I'm gonna check it. My barbie and the hot chicken, yes, of course. So it's hard because you're like, well, I don't want to make him sit there while I'm eating my hot chicken in barbecue.

Yeah. So that subtracted from the experience to some degree. because you're like, well, I don't want to make him sit there while I'm eating my hot chicken in barbecue. Yeah. So that subtracted from the experience to some degree. What did he go, Veg? Oh, years and years ago. Oh, wow, okay. Well, I will say my dad who had some health problems that he went vegetarian and he's straight as an arrow.

Don't tell that to your boy. Big Rogan. Oh, man, he lived with a fight back to the show. That's true. Well, he noticed some veg. Yeah, man, if you live in the fightin' back to the show. That's true. Wow, he noticed some veg. Yeah, I'm sure, yeah. Sean O'Malley was a veg for a while. He was a vegan.

Oh yeah, vegan UFC. Wow, you don't hear that every day. No, no, it's like a... Straight priest. Yeah. Alright, we got there. But anyways, I don't know what maybe digress into... That's been a real... Well, you soprano, Nashville natural put it in the bucket of shit you hate that you're gonna get shit for I think that Nashville

I think all the people will agree the traffic the traffic parking the green of breakfast the bachelor's and I'll tell you Austin's on his way there It's it's the the needles almost to the red where there's too many people they don't have the infrastructure the traffic's crazy the homeless are crazy The garbage is piling up The drugs it's happening right. Yeah, it's a little interesting. Yeah, I Forget when it's oh, I remember why I went into national I see get quick and then I'm never talking again. You talked about the seat belt beeping. Yeah, bum I rented a car. they told me free upgrade. It was a caravan, which is annoying.

I thought you had a challenger or something like that. Like a midivan. Oh, I was like a soccer dad. But that fucking seat belt thing, I always wear my seat belt. It's pretty easy, pretty comfy, saves your life. A lot of stats. And it just started doing the thing. Boom, boom, boom. It says put seat belt on. And I'm like, oh, it started doing the thing. Boom, boom, boom.

It says put C-belt on and I'm like, oh, it must not be clicked in. So I clicked it, it's clicked, I'm pulling on it. Boom, boom, boom. So I unbox, oh, I re-buckle. Yeah. Boom, boom, boom. I'm bucking a re-buckle.

And the irony is, you want me to wear my C-belt? I am wearing my C-belt, but now I'm taking it off because you're telling me I'm not wearing it. Oh, it's a bad bond. So I had to keep, go, I mean, I'll tell you what, I was already snapping because I could never find parking and the traffic and the breakfast. I was like, fuck in, motherfucker.

I think I got a bit of a temper. So I just kept going crazy. I had to pull over, turn the car off, turn the car back on, and then I don't know what happened, but it was all kinds of bongs. It was more bongs than you know are his house Right beer bong. Yeah, a bong water. Well, that sucks. Yeah, that that town will take it out He but the club is nice the people are nice Like Theo lives out in the burbs, and it's just it looks like cribs right same with Nate

I think Nate as well, so you know the shows were all killer the club is great Lucy's great Obviously, I love Nate. I didn't hear back from him. Ah vandys the beautiful campus. We went to the football game yada yada But yeah, it was one of those things. We were like this is bothering me. Yeah, well it makes you appreciate the rallies or the Yeah, well it makes you appreciate the rallies or the Denver's on its way, but like there's a couple of little towns, like even even a la Hoya, you know, where it's still just chill. Right, Madison, I love. Madison's a good one. Yeah, Madison, I love Tacoma. I love the downtown's shady Tampa.

Yeah, I love Tampa. Houston, I love Austin, I love New York, Baltimore, Philly, DC. Sure, sure, sure yeah all great So yeah, they're out there, but the the scene he really fucks about and it doesn't last I feel like the scene comes and goes and then then you're left with a pile of shit when everybody leaves the town What's also one of the I think what adds to it is the idea that's like Nashville, baby Like the pride in the town takes from the joy of the town. Yeah, yeah, just be town. Be a town Don't don't make it a thing. Don't make it weird. Right. It's got to be weird

But I loved all the people that came out. Lot of fans sold tickets made money Great full come back next time. Please. I love the city. It's one of the best cities. Yes. There you go Easily best city and this week you're in my favorite club, Philly Helium. That's right, well, last week I guess. Oh shit, sorry. Yeah, Philly, love it. Love it. Uh, well, hit me with it.

I mean, we got it. You're all over the place. Amsterdam, Dublin, London, my mother's ass. I got this long of notes, but I'm just going to try to boil it down to the hits. All right, well, give us the best of, I mean, making a couple episodes. You're in Europe for nine days, for five, 40 days, nine countries. I mean, don't be shy. I know, it's just one of those things where like, people keep going,

how was Europe? And I start talking and I can tell they're like, because you're like, oh, unless I say I got hit by a car or I met Hitler's daughter, people that kind of, they bail out. Like, I go right to the sex club now because people are bored Right, so I'm gonna try to keep it spicy Mm-hmm all right it would but it was an amazing trip I will sell probably never go on a month trip again. That's a little much. Yeah, that's long. Yeah, especially since your Boom you're in this theater. Hey, we're doing it. All right. Okay. Let's hit the bar. We gotta go see this town We're in this is amazing

Beep beep beep. Oh shit. We got a flight in 20 minutes pack everything up get an Uber get to the airport go through customs Where's my passport get on the flight? You hate your seat. There's no air conditioning the fat guys next year He's got B.O. Land get the Uber check it on a new hotel shows him 20 minutes. All right get the Uber, check it on New Hotel, shows in 20 minutes, all right, get to the show, tell me, you know, it just wears on you after a while. Of course, yeah, it's a lot. It's right along general, it's just a lot. There's different water, different schedules, jet lag, the whole thing, and there's that pressure

to like really do it. Right, right. You don't have a day where you're like, what's watching Netflix today? Exactly, you know. I was almost grateful when it rained, because you're like, now I don't feel bad about staying in. Right. You don't have a day where you're like, what's watching Netflix today? Exactly. I was almost grateful when it rained, because you're like, now I don't feel bad about staying in.

Right. And people send you these, oh, you're going to Lisbon? Here's 8 million restaurants. We don't get to go any of them, because you're there, you're in, you're out, you do the show. Right. Yes, it's hard.

You can try to do a city in a day. Yes, exactly. It's been another country the next day. Yeah, it's a weird, yeah, I've been day. Yeah, it's a weird, uh, yeah, I've been there. Yeah, so you make it work. You pull it together and I, you know, with the whole time we had to be like, we're in Europe. This is amazing. We're outdoors at a cafe in Paris. Let's, let's not bitch about it either right now. Right. So we start in Lisbon, which, uh, Portugal, the capital, and talk about beautiful. I mean, it's what you picture when you picture old Europe.

It's these windy, small alleyways with cobblestones and the white, that old dingy white wall, the cement walls with the winding staircases and the orange tile roofs for miles. And it's all the different levels, you know, you're up on a hill, and you look out in this, the ocean. I love that. Beautiful. I can't describe this in old lady

with a little table, and she's selling cherry liqueur. Oh. For no reason, and the fish is great. Cherry the fish. Yeah, I'll tell you, you can just sell things. Yeah. You'll sell and stuff. I made some buttons. I made a scarf half of them, and then all the white Americans are like

Whoa, yes, yes, you're from Portugal. Exactly. You get home and you go this is trash Of course, by the way, I'm moving right now everything I pick up. I'm like, oh, we bought the stuff of vagrant and Peru Yeah, exactly, but you know, this a little trolley going to the town. There's a donkey pulling a cart full of Frozen like what do you call icy? What do you call those jizzes? Slush. Slush thing. The lemon ice.

The Italian ice type thing. And I'll tell you, they got it down. It's one of those towns where it's so old that they haven't figured anything out since, you know, when a town, it's almost like a beautiful woman where you're like, my god. You're so hot and she's like yeah, I'm not gonna do anything I'm not gonna get a PhD. I'm I'm smoking hot I see and then you know by the time you're 78 you're like I probably should have done something. That's them right they still look great, but The shows are a little weird. It was a very big cultural divide. Like, what do you call that?

A culture shock. Ah, the shock. Toxic shocks in drove. And I will say the prettier the city, the worse the crowd. Mmm, that's an interesting theory. Yeah, which had some, I don't know what that has,

some psychological thing to it. But you're right on the beach. The fish is still flopping on your plate. You got the sunset, the great air. I don't eat bread, I could eat it over there. What do you mean? Like, if I eat bread in America, I'm like, oh, I'm just, you know, I still do it.

I think I have a gluten tolerance. I feel this full, I feel just kind of, it's hard to digest. Over there, I'm eating bread, like a vagrant in the thirties. No kidding. Yeah. What do you think it is? Just the air, the fish. No, I think we bread, like a vagrant in the thirties. No kidding. Yeah. What do you think it is? Just the air, the fish.

No, I think we got, we got chit pumped in, we got chemicals, we got preservatives, we got bad water, we got, uh, who knows, CDC, all that chits in there. I see, wow, that's nice, good bread, good air, good white walls. Yeah, good water. I'm a thirth, the women.

Oh, the women, the bush women. the Portuguese waitress. Yes beautiful in there They're a little snippy. You know they're like oh, American oh and it kind of makes them hotter. Oh, I love Snippy I want someone to really step on my balls and call me a homo. Yeah, they'll do it for you. That's on the menu So we do it after this. They also they have less rules there There's not as many which hurts them and helps them. Like there's no permits or regulation. Red tape. Yeah, so you go, this building is fucking slanted.

Looks like Biden, it's like out here. It's drunk, you know, and you're like, what's going on there? They're like, well, they don't have codes. Right. So that building's from 1409. And it's when it falls and falls. You know what I was saying?

I've said this for many, many years. Traveling internationally, it's fun because it reminds you of all, it makes you long for all the things you love about America. You, because you miss it. Yes. But it also makes you realize all the things you hate about America. Yes. All at the same time.

It makes you feel grateful and jealous at the same time. Right. Well said, you know, you're like, oh, wow, look at these beautiful coffee shops. They're old, they're wooden, they're pretty, they got the hot barista, but then every now and then you're like, I just need a nice coffee in a bagel. Give me a star, but give me a Chipotle.

I just need a burrito. I don't want to go to someplace, sit down with a candle, with a ton of wax on it, a tablecloth, and a picture of the last supper. Just give me a fucking, just give me a burrito bowl. Exactly, that's like the perfect example, Paris, of course, which is like the greatest, the best. And I know you'll get there, but it's like,

there's times you're like, you gotta go to Paris. It's not just a meal, you sit, and you converse, and you talk politics. Yes. And you smoke cigarettes, and you you have dessert and it's just Gorgeous and we're too fast in America and then after about three days you're like give me my fucking meal I want to go watch TV you fuck Yeah, wait give me a print. I'm all Jay that's French isn't it?

I want to get a mediocre sandwich and a spright. Yes, you like to go and they're like Yeah, give me my drink. I want to go over there with my fucking coffee you frog I know you I flipped our cook but they're like what's the hurry? I'm like I don't want to lose the day Yes, I don't want to spend my entire day in this shit box. Yes. I am in a hurry. Yeah, I want to see the rest of your bullshit Yeah, it's exactly Mona Lisa bitch. All right, so Hey folks, Tuesday stories brought to you by sheath underwear It's starting to get chilly outside if you ever wished you could have a little jacket off for your dick You're in luck sheath underwear is two pouches one for your dong and one for the balls

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and use code Tuesdays. So what's cool about Lisbon is we were out with this friend, Mae had a friend out there, she lives there. And at first she's like, you got a friend in Lisbon? She's like, yeah, she's a cook, she travels everywhere. And she's like, all right, great. And she lives being?

She goes Lisbon, so she goes, there's this one bar you gotta go to. So we go to this bar, it's nothing but figurines on the wall. This bar is from 1801, figurine, but they're all racist. So there's little hitlers, and then there's like Jew caricatures,

and then there's blackface guys, and then there's like black people with a banana, you know? Oh, jeez. And you're like, what the hell is this place to be canceled in eight seconds in Americans? Like the cancel rodeo, can you make it? Woo!

But over there, that, it's a bar. Look how crazy this was. They can appreciate, like, this is insane, right? It's a throwback. It's a throwback. So I'm just walking around looking at that because it was fun to take in. It was like, I was like, Jerry, with the toys,

with the girls' house, with the turkey. Yes, Drick the fan. That's exactly. What's that thing to make sure tired? So have some more heavy gravy. Heavy gravy. But it was super cool. You realize like, oh yeah, you can't do this anymore. Like that is me a thing here. You know, you go, hey, remember this? It says, what's my, I like my beer, like I like my violence domestic. You know, that was a sign you'd see somewhere. That's not bad

It's not bad. It's not my line. I've ever seen that on a bar I think I'll wall it's not a popsicle stick if I think but you can't really do that anymore and I'm not saying We we we should go back to that but it was fun to see it was like a little It was like it was a thing you don't see anymore. So it was fun. It was like he said it's there's some good stuff This is bad stuff about America hashtag TBT. Yes Throwback Thursday. There you go. For follow Friday Way the dough to go that was nice somebody would throw one at you and you're like I appreciate that yeah Twitter new geez. It was new and it was still fun and then it just turned into a cesspool of violence

It hate I had a big tweet last night for the first time in 20 years. It was kind of a fun feeling. Let's check your number and you're like, whoa. Oh, that's a great feeling. People just hunt for that daily. It's almost like a slot machine. We're like, I got one to hit. I got to hit one.

That was bit. There was like eight years of our career. Yeah. Maybe this will hit. Oh, yeah. I remember Michelle Wolfe had like five in a row. She just kept hitting it. She like blew up off a Twitter.

And then she got to think Seth Meyers off absolutely yeah what was the tweet oh oh it was Obama tweeted a photo of him and Michelle and he said God bless the most caring loving beautiful woman in the world and I quote tweeted it and wrote you guys are married this could have been a text no that's good that's a double meaning right right love it yeah I, I've did all right. All right, so then We go straight from there to Amsterdam. Ah, now you've been there many times you love Amsterdam. I love him. I know it well I know the streets. I know the smells. I know the pussy the triangle the underwear

Trials all over with they're all on by if you've never been. I talk about every episode we mentioned, Amsterdam is women in skirts riding bikes. You got that little panty triangle. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Blue pink, any color you want. It's the bed.

Not to mention the red light district, the weed shops, the mushrooms, the canals, Jerry. I love the canals. They're lunch. You know, you get the little bridge over with the roses on the, on the banister. And at and at night, the moon hits the canal and you just, you can just see down and there's just so many canal streets going through and the boats go by right under it's the best.

Those bikes, those bikes everywhere. And truly the most beautiful women on the planet. Crazy. They're all taller than me, they're blonder than me, they got more armpit hair than me, and the little houses are so cute, and you just picture Anne Frank and get dragged out of there, it's exciting. Whenever I'm there, I always think about that,

you sit there and you think of like that. Like there's like 50,000 Nazis came marching in. The Goose Step on those cobblestones. It's really like mind blowing, you're like, mind blowing. They were right here. This isn't the thing about history It's really like mind blowing, you're like, they were right here. This isn't the thing about history that's so fun and crazy. You're like, this isn't a different place.

Yes, it was this place. Right, A Nazis came in and everyone went, ah, kick the door open. Yeah, it's really wild. And then they fought back and everyone came back in and was like, woo, that was crazy. Yeah, yeah, but they got a lot of them. So yeah, it's, what are any Nazis like?

This is a cool place. This is really pretty. These canals. Oh, yeah. Well, there's all those photos of like Hitler in front of the Eiffel Tower and stuff. Oh, right. Look at this.

Yeah. There was two cities that Vienna and something else. Maybe Paris where he was like, let's not fuck this up. This is kind of nice. Yeah, we love Dart, I think. We love Dart. Vienna's the, well, I did the European tour. Vienna was the most spectacular. Really? I got never been. Yeah, it love to art, I think he loved art. Vienna's the well, I did the European tour Vienna was the most spectacular Really I got never been yeah, it's really something I got to go there. He liked it you know Hitler similar taste similar values

So yeah, I have to name was great when we met up with Doug key. I had Sean Murphy opening up And he was killed it so I met up with Doug key and he shows up. He adds a whole another So I met up with Doug Key and he shows up. He adds a whole nother layer to the mix. Sure, a muscular layer. Yes, handsome guy. We were at one place in this lady grabbed him by the shoulder and went, Shoshito.

And he was like, huh? And we looked it up, means good looking. Oh, no kidding. Hit all the shoulders, boom. Shoshito. Was she Asian? No, I think it was a German word, but it was, I'm saying it wrong. Shoshuka, Shoshana. It sounds like Shoshito. which the Asian? No, I think it was a German word, but it was I'm saying it wrong shishuka shishana

It sounds like shishito. It does yeah, so really cool. I do do the Amsterdam show weird crowd because they give you like the Right, yeah, I think it's Dutch. It's Dutch. Yes. Oh, what's that? Todd Gack? So Weird crowd, but I was like, I think that went well, all right, all right. And then I go do the tonight show of Amsterdam. No kidding. Tom Rhodes? No, he's out. Actually, Tom is gangfest.

Yeah, I didn't get to talk to him, but he, folks at home, Tom Rhodes, great comic, road dog, used to be the host of the biggest show in late night in Amsterdam. That's right. That's right. 20 years ago. That was a new guy who's very tall has cone in hair. It's very strange. It's like a surreal, bizarre world. Am I on Conan? What is this? But you know, you drive out there, you talk to him. He loves comedy. He's like, I saw Neil Brennan. I saw Melania. I saw this guy. I saw that guy. I was like, oh, wow. And I do a desk piece. I got to do panel. Wow. Yeah.

You gotta get that footage. It's on YouTube. It's already on. I ripped it off of his and put it on mine. So do you come and do a set first? No, no set, just panel, and the crowd was of all different places, all different nationalities, and they all do English. They're so nice that they learn our language.

Yeah, wow, it's a big language. So he does a whole model log, was he a whole monologue and he would do it, but he would do it in the fucking Dutch bullshit. And he's killing, he's got the suit on. It's very American. And then he does some pieces with a video, you know? He throws to the visual aids. And if that's all school, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah I pull out mushrooms on my pocket. Totally acceptable. Totally acceptable there.

It's a different world. They don't give a shit. Right. No one tackled me. No one's like, that's a great ainar codec, you know? And we got a good laugh. And he's like, I gotta tell ya. Coming here and doing mushrooms and fucking a hooker

is weird. Like we don't, that's like going to Times Square every day for us. Like we don't go there. That's tourist bullshit. Right. That's that's tourists bullshit Right. Well, that's a good point, but I am a tourist of fucking yeah, it makes sense. I guess you can't just be tripping and fucking prostitutes every day gotta go to work But I wonder how often I wonder how many the percentage of red light prostitution

Whatever you call it purchases patrons are Red light prostitution, whatever you call it, purchases. Patrons are visiting and how many are from the suburb because you've got to think if you grew up in Whitman, Massachusetts and you're like, hey over here in a dead of mass, there's a bunch of women lit up with red lights so you can fuck them. Yeah.

I'd be doing a pilgrimage down there. Every now and then might as well. Yeah, of course. I'd say it's probably 90, 10, 95, five. I'd say doing a pilgrimage down there every now and then might as well. Yeah, of course. I'd say probably 90 10 95 5 I'd say it's way it's mostly tourists Interesting I think some British bloke gets hammered and goes all right. Let's go to that window shop and what makes That's to be a higher percentage because it's like Amsterdam versus the field. I mean, that's the whole world Yeah, yeah, right and Europe. it's just the traveling is so close. True.

So we hide tail out of there and we go to Oslo, Norway. Yeah. You've been there many times, not many times, before times. Yeah, it's a different world. It's a little gloomy, it's a little serious there. Yes. The people have a push- on, they're blonde, they're tall, they're rugged.

And it's less party time excellent. Right. But still cool, still fun, still pretty. Crowd was white hot. Oh, great crowd. Did you do that comedy club? I did. Oh yeah, that's a crowd crowd. Great crowd, yeah.

Everybody got up, we did a comedy club after the show. So we do a great theater show, great's a crowd crowd. Great crowd. Yeah, everybody got up. We did a comedy club after the show So we do a great theater show great crowd crazy crowd and it was good because Amsterdam is very crappy Lisbon was a little wonky and this was like ah And then we go over to the comedy club. That was fun God tried to bang me and the lady together that was weird wow and then we get out of there and we go What is this and they go, what is this? And they go, this is the Oslo Museum.

You can walk on the roof. We go, okay, we go walk on the roof. You see the whole city and I go, what is that down there by the river? The river goes through the town. And some guys, those are saunas. And I go, ooh, I like to hit the sauna. So we walk down, talk to the sauna guy.

It's a couple activists. These hippie dippies, they run a floating sauna on the river, the river's ice cold. You jump in the river, and then you get up on this makeshift raft, they built with sauna's all wooden, and you go sauna, and you can do it back and forth all day. Wow, that sounds incredible. So we got to do that, but it's too late.

They're like, you got to book an appointment. And we're like, we have something for tomorrow at 8 a.m. And we're like, oh, it's a little early And then we're like our flights at one fucking let's do it. You gotta do it. I mean that sounds incredible They didn't have that when I was banging. Yeah, so the the lake to the hot tub or whatever the fuck the river Sonna, but it's just shows how much cleaner they are we can't jump into the east river and do a little little Ooh, you know spit up out there into a backstroke But it just shows how much cleaner they are. We can't jump into the East River and do a little, little, little, little. Ooh, you know, spit up out there and do a backstroke. That's not gonna work.

No, they got it figured out over there in Europe. They just clean things up. It's nice, it's less pollution. They're all on board. They're all like, oh, we should bolt the carbon out and put it in the ground. Yeah, that makes sense. They're all green. Yes.

Yeah, they got a better system over there. And like, if you, they don't litter. Like, why would I throw trash in my city? That's stupid. And we're like, oh, we just don't want to hold it. Yeah, yeah. But it's your city. We're like, eh, somebody will get it.

Yeah, they take care of this stuff over there. They take care of this stuff. So we wake up early. And Giff, we wake up early, we pop in, and it was so fun. You know, you're tired, but it wakes you up, you're getting that river. Wow, baby, it is ice cold. I love a cold water dip.

I like a natural cold water dip. Yes, the pool with ice, I'm like, okay. An ice bath, it's like, it's a little forced. It's fun, it's whatever, but it doesn't have the nature. I like the nature and heels, Jerry. Also, an ice bath, you kind of have to maneuver. It's always some metallic tube that you gotta like, step into and then this was just jump.

You gotta jump in, it's the same with the ocean. I like running into the ocean, that's fine, but the preference, of course, is off a boat, off a cliff, off a dock. I want to just submerge. Duckers. So, yeah, that was great. We fly out of there and we go straight to

Dublin. Ah, Dublin. I remember Dublin city and their old times. Dublin is a special place. It's there right. It's small. It's a postage stamp of a city, but the people were so nice. You get the English again, which is nice. Of course, it's a fine country, it's the home country, the old country, small dicks. I love it, by the way, they speak English, but it's not always easy to understand. Oh, they run through it, you know. Hey, but anybody by favorite,

I, with times of show up, I tell you, let brother, you're like, whoa, whoa, you gotta, we gotta put spaces. That was an English case. Yeah, exactly So it's a lot of the I we we we got their early Doug key is a fucking wizard with his fingers He he figured my ass and we went to a he set up a couple bar shows

So we go out we get we land in London Dublin. We're tired But we go I want bangers in mash and I want some Irish hoot nanny sure So they tell us you got to go to darky kellies We're tired, but we go I want bangers and mash and I want some Irish hoot nanny sure So they tell us you got to go to darky kellies That's what I said. It's like one of those dolls Spice girl That was a figurine and Lisbon at the bar We go all right. We're gonna darky kellies and then we'll go to Chicky McGee's after that, but we go to dark to Gilles and as a does an old man. Oh

Tony a tear Rees got the accordion and everything and the whole place is packed as it felt touristy what it was but it it It was all our locals in there. Oh, wow and it's so Boston like you know the ladies from Boston pretty much So she's like, oh my god. I feel home. It's exactly the same Well, that's another thing I always say is like, we go to all the way to Ireland, you're so excited to go to the bars and you're like, oh, we nailed this. Nailed it! Like, all the bars in Boston, in New York, and some Chicago tour, like, they're 175 year

old Irish, but like, McSorley feels just like any bar in Dublin. Oh, he's disappointing. I know, I know, there's not enough separation. I was like, this is very familiar. I feel like I'm traveling. Right. So, you get there, we get I know there's not enough separation. I was like this is very familiar I feel like I'm traveling right so you get there we get the food the food was great We listen to the music we had a couple of Guinness's as you do dogs like there's a set cooking if you want to get up But I go I don't know how fuck it. Let's go it was killer and then you meet all the comics and now we're getting somewhere Right because these comics are they're're good eggs, they're excited,

they're young, they're Irish, they love American comedy. So they go, hey, you can do this show, here's another show, here's another show. I heard you're at Vickers Street tomorrow. We'll film you. And I go, oh my god, that would be great. And then they go, yeah, we gave him passes. They show up.

Vickers Street was unreal. It's one of the most magical venues in the in the world It's it's kind of like a Wilbur where it's a big room, but it feels intimate. Uh-huh, and it was such a fun show. I saw your old pal Yeah Duncan Meyer Desmond Denny Des Bushup. No, he's an older guy runs Vodafone. Oh Right right right right, right, right. What is his name? D-Sum, D-Snighter.

D-Licious. D-Cup. D-Brown. Is it D? Yes, it's a different name. It's a unique name. Dead. Demi.

Ah. I can look it up. I can look it up via the email. Great. I love that festival. You know, he reps Ed Sheeran email great. Yeah. I love that festival. You know he Fuck this is he reps Ed Sheeran. Yes. Well, you know that story. I saw Ed Sheeran like an invite only I left early because I was like I don't know what this is. I don't get it. This ginger quave is a

Zappy I left early and there was like literally a thousand teenage girls like Open the door just because I got a glimpse of them and I said I was like can I give my wristband to somebody and then we're like Nah, you don't can't do that. Yeah, yeah, all these teenage girls just watch me cut off my VIP bracelet and throw it the trash like sorry That's great. What the fuck is that guy's name? I'll think of it Yeah, I mean usually just saw him. I know I signed a poster for him. I can't even think of his name I'm gonna find it well either way Vickers Street was amazing. They filmed it. I got a great clip out of it. It did well on Instagram. And then I just want to say those guys were so nice that we went to a bar.

And it was my birthday. I didn't tell anybody. And I was like, I don't want the birthday hoopla. We go to a bar the night before we're sitting there, drinking Guinness's with the four, five, six Irish comics. And they're all talking to you and you're going, you're getting it, but you really got to pay attention. It's not easy. Yeah, and Before I know it, there's a guy singing and he goes I want to go to the show dude to a funny young lad No, man, I'm like, oh, they'll laugh. It was fun. It was fun But it was right after I said I don't want to hoopla as it was perfect timing

We clean glasses. We have about 98 Guintuses and then we get out of there and We go to Berlin. I Berlin. Hello little darling Berlin. You want to talk about goose step? I mean you can feel it in the air there. It's still fresh the body still warm They got a great Holocaust museum there. I went. Yeah, it's fun. Oh, no, no fun, but it's great. Well, they run it like a Nazi. They kicked me out. They put me on a train.

They threw my luggage in the garbage. I was like, Jesus, this is on brand. But go to Berlin, do the cool show. And I made fun of Nazi stuff for like 20 minutes. And they ate it up. Yeah, they got a sense of humor over there. They do, because I hear it's illegal to make jujokes, but I was, call me an outlaw, because they were flying.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah. That's one of the perks of being the outsider. Like, ah, he's a double-american, let him cook. But illegal to make jujokes, that feels very, you know, no jokes, it feels fascist. Yeah, well, I think they think they're being nice. They're like, no, you can't make jujokes.

We did enough. I guess so, but it's, you know. Yeah, it's a being nice. They're like, no, you can't make jujou. We did enough. I guess so, but it's you know, yeah It's a weird rule. It's like a catch 22. Ah ha the more rules you try to make the more you're like, hey, what's going on here? You're pressing me good for the goose is good for the gander juice can make jujou. Yeah, they can do it. It's like the n-word Okay, juice can say it so Do that show We go everybody says what should we do here? So next night we take a couple mushrooms.

We go to this rock show called... Oh. Nature of language. Nature of language. I like that. Something like that. Sounds more like a novel, but I like it. Forces of nature, natures of language.

Give that a goog. Chuck Rockpan. Germany natures of language. Give that a go, Chuck. Rock band, Germany. Force of language. They were, I think they were British or American. Oh, okay. But I took some mushrooms and I had the best time of my life and it's funny how chill rock has gotten.

I haven't been to a rock show in a while. We saw a band of horses who still have some testicles. But they're a bit chill, I'll say. They're a little chill too. Yeah. But this is just like, a lot of synth, you know, and a lot of like, I love her. You know, that shit.

And they're good, but even the name like tame and pile, everything's tame vampire weekends, that vampire is weekend, you know, it's all very, it's not scary. Right. Like it used to be anthrax. Yeah, I think you it's all very not scary. Right. Like it used to be anthrax. Yeah, I think you can still find some thrashing. Point it all.

That's it. Okay. Could it be Nation of Languages? That's it. Nation of Languages. Apparently they're big, but we got free tickets. Brooklyn, they came from Brooklyn. Oh, sorry, in 2016.

I got a Berlin, I see a fucking Brooklyn band. Nation of Languages, I got a Brooklyn. I'll give them a sniff give them a sniff They're they're very 80s. It's a synthy kind of Durand Duranty, which they're good. It was just like I wanted a little more Beautiful paper. Yes fuck me like an animal will you? Yeah, that's the list of effects. No, thank you. No effects. Um, so, uh, yeah, that's the synth.

And we leave there, we, we, we, Berlin has got some cool areas and, and the lady goes, well, for here, we should go to a sex club. And I was like, I don't know what the hell are we doing. I can't go to a sex club. It's a fun idea. And she's like, fuck it. Let's do it. I go, you know what? You're right. But then you go to a sex club. It's a fun idea. And she's like, fuck it, let's do it. I go, you know what, you're right.

But then you go to a sex club. You gotta dress the part. Right. So we had to go to a sex shop where they sell the boots, they sell the gardeners, they sell the fucking neck collar and the ball gag and the get mask and the whip and the chains. And that was silly. Now how much is that?

What is that running you? Is it a cheap or are you, you these like real leather you spending a thousand Crout sort of you call it. It's all it's all cheap shit It's all Chinese plastic and fake leather, but I'm just buying I went to a hardware store I said give me the doggy bag and the like the leash. I'll take the cat leash You know, I don't want to go. I don't need the authentic Maryland Manson collection. So I get the fish nets, I get the, I get a, I just wear a manscaped underwear.

I had a pair of manscaped and they were black. I got fish nets under it. I bought a mesh top. I put on the choke collar and I go, I'm good. I can't do the whole thing with Doug and the lady went all out. If you look at my Instagram, you can see the photo. Doug went, pretty all out.

I mean, you had fish nets and I make up. That was me on the out. If you look at my Instagram, you can see the photo. Doug went pretty all out. I mean, you had fish nets and I, Mike, up. That was me on the cheap. I was like, I'm gonna really cut corners here. It was enough for me to rethink our relationship. Okay, well that counts, but Doug went full boot, up to here, leather boot, six inch riser, straps,

you know, leather boot up to here. If you look at his photo, then he got a mess shirt with the garter thing and the strap on and a dick in his ass and he did his hair back and he got sunglasses and he put on eyeliner. I mean, he went in. Wow. So the ladies got the top out, the tits out. She's wearing fishnet with no bra. So it's just all double D. Wow. Yeah, and a deceniter.

Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah. So, so here's the catch and then there's the clinker. I know we got to wrap this up. Click it up. We go, all right, we got tickets to the KitKat Club or we got on the list. Okay. Thanks to the promoter. He works the magic and it starts at 10,

goes till five the next day. Right. It's one of these things. You know, everybody does ketamine and opioids or whatever. So we go, well, we better get there early because I don't want to stay there till five. I'd like to leave maybe at five AM,

you know, a couple of grandmas here. I don't want to stay the whole till sunshine. Right. So we get there at 10 full-garb. Yeah. We look in, it's 10 a 10 PM, there's no one even in line, there's no one there. The bouncers are like eating a little bit

before the show starts, you know what I'm like. Let's hang back, but we're in the full-get up. Right. So now we go to like a bar, and we're sitting there, I'm like, oh, I have a, of a Bud Light. And I'm in the full thing with the eye mask on and everything and the guys like, all right. Bud Light's much old German guys,

they were like, what the, what's up with Americans? Yeah, you're just like Autobahn, the band. Yeah, Otto Schindler, and I go in in and I go, well, should eat something. We go across reach to the Shorma place. So now I'm eating Shorma outside dressed like this with all these guys. And then we finally see a line cook. It's right. Well, all right, let's get in there because I can't be out here anymore. It's two, it's two vulnerable. It's like when Halloween in New York. Yes. The whole time you're on the subway. You're just dressed as a cowboy.

Exactly. Everybody, I'm sorry, I'm a party to go to. I couldn't afford a lift. Right, I'm Batman. Hold on. What's like into the party? It'll work. So finally we get in and then the bounces of a douche, of course.

He's like, oh, Americans, your outfit, it's not great. We're like, oh, we didn't know. And he's like, you speak German. And we're like, now we're dumb Americans. And he's like, you speak German and we're like, nah, we're dumb Americans. And he's like, how come I got to learn your language? You don't have to learn mine.

And we're like, I don't know. We don't live here. I'm sorry. You're a Nazi. And he goes, all right, get in there. So we get in, we go, we got in. We turn around. Everybody is getting in with normal clothes on.

Like trench coats and shit. There's lockers. So what you do is you go to the locker, you take your archival sweater off and then you put on your fucking G-string. Oh, you're not supposed to be walking around like that. No, we're idiots and every gallon there, they only let in smoke shows or anomalies.

So you could be a smoking hot lady with a great body and they're all naked with just like, you know, straps here and there. You can see everything and then a midget or a really fat guy or a really fat lady or a tattooed person or a pierced up person. So that, that was the catch. It's like Skankfest basic hotter with the, but no hot women there. So you get in there and we do nightclubs all wrong, Jerry.

It's a giant warehouse full of different rooms. You used to be in apartment building. So you're going up different floors. There's a pool, there's a tango room, there's a techno room, there's a bunch of sex rooms. There's a dominatrix room where a guy's just getting whipped and like laying on a gurney. And then there's another place where a woman's pouring wax

on a hot, naked lady, and she's like, oh, I just get to watch. Wow, it's like a eyes wide shut. Now, does it cost a ton of money to get in? $20 cover. No, once you're in, you're in and no phones is a bar every now and then so you can keep drinking and everybody's doing drugs out in the open. I see a, I saw a lady do a lie and then go back to blowing a guy. Wow.

So just guy, girls riding guys, one lady was getting spanked with a fly swatter and then he fucked her in the ass right after that We're just at the bar like holy shit, and you're trying to you're trying to play it cool like you don't want to be like Oh Shit, he's fucking her in the ass. Oh my god. I'm shaking Doug, you know Now do they get mad if you're just watching because Cause some of these places, if you're just staring, they're like, hey, beat it. Not really, cause there's no security really. Once you're in, you're in and they just assume you're good.

Right. I'm sure there's been places where women are like, wow, this guy's touching me and a guy runs in or something. But it's, then he said it's mostly, O.D.s in there. Oh. All right, and we'll wrap it up with this. So eventually mostly ODs in there. Oh. All right, and we'll wrap it up with this. So eventually we're in there for hours, we're drinking,

we're, they took a little mushrooms, I didn't, and you know, we're just kind of like, this is crazy, and you think you can go in there and be turned on, but you're really just like, it's so much for the senses. Right. You see a hot lady diving a pool and then just lay on her back and you're like,

oh my god, then you look over here, and there's a giant 400 pound guy jerking off or eating a girl out or whatever. Or there's a midget on top of a guy's shoulders and he's doing the ride on cowboy. It's incredible. It was incredible. It's really incredible.

You go to a nightclub here and just, mhm, mhm, mhm, mhm, mhm, glow sticks and bottle service. Get the hell out of here. Yeah, someone eats someone out. Please So eventually I turn to the wife and I go we got a bang in here like this is crazy. I think I already told this That's all right tell it anyways. Well, we got a bang in here. We go bang I told this and the guy jerked off next to us and I had to I had to call it. I was like that's it

I'm out. I think you might told her the bonus. So did you tell him the app? Maybe told the bonus. Did you listen to the app? Yeah, they get on the bonus. I didn't listen to the bonus. Yeah, I just go to last night. Oh, okay Well, so I got the wife in the techno room. There's an upstairs We're just people are dancing this couches and I got her on a on a table and legs apart a Kim bow And I'm going in standing up and at the whole time He just head on a swivel and I there's so many people around that I was like let me just Turn you over here. I want to face this way. There's too many people over there

Sure like I could see people over her Fuck it like I was fucking her there's people in distance. I was like this is weird and I turned her now I'm fucking her doggy style. She's got her hand on a rail. I'm really give it a tour. To rails. Yeah. And this guy behind me goes, and I go, ah, and he goes me next, and I go, what? Get the hell out of here. But that's common nature over there. That's that's regular, that's normal. So I go, ah, get out of here. And he's like, oh,

jeez, sorry, like I'm the asshole. And then I'm kind of like, I'm getting a little antsy. I'm like, this is weird. I'm not going to finish. There's too much going on, too much stimulus. There's Marilyn Manson playing. And I look to my left and this old guy. I'm talking 69 years old. I runically is jerking it like, and I got that's it, I'm out, and I called it audible, and the wife's like, what are you doing? I was like, we're getting out of here, this is too much, and she was like, what, I was getting into it. I was like, ah, it's over, look at this guy.

And she's like, oh my God, all right, let's go. God, at least get him to subscribe, be gone to the Patreon or the YouTube. Wow, I saw too many pipes It was all pipes and I had to wrap it up and I was like we could say we did it We we did the damn thing. Let's let's go get a drink. Yeah stick a thumbtack in the map You're fucked in a warehouse or whatever it was yeah Yeah, put a pin in it bucket list and then you know I go find Doug and he's got like seven winches

Laying on a massage you can hit him with a big leaf, you know, go find Doug and he's got like seven winches laying on a massage you can hit him with a big leaf you know and I was like all right well that's good to watch and we'll tell the rest later I went too long sorry that was a little a little much let me ask you to delete a lot of phones in there no god no they take the phone immediately wow that I mean I gotta get back to brilliant now we we went to Berlin, Christmas, 21 or whatever. And it was all, the Vax was new, it was all Vax, everything was closed. And our host took us around, was like, this is where crazy shit happens,

but it's closed, you can't go in there right now. I'm like, I gotta go back to Berlin with my son and fucking front of him. Yeah, it was COVID friendly, it was AIDS friendly, it was everything. They still got like scurvy in there. There's so much contact with people, it's crazy. Wow, yeah, I guess that's why it was at the time.

They were like, no dice. Yeah, I mean, none of that could last in America. The whole thing would get shut down ASAP. Well, I think they have that, but it's like super secret. You're like, you got to meet on Reddit and go to an apartment. Yes, yes, this is pretty, it's in the phone book,

you know, it's wide open. You can't just go to Chili's and start eating your wife over. All right, I mean, this, I helped it. That's how, normal it is. Wow. All right, well, there we go. We got to wrap it up. Yeah, sorry.

We're gonna wrap it up. No, no, it's all fascinating. You have the fish in Norway, by the way. I did. Oh, nice. Very good, very good fish. I mean, I was swimming with them. I mean, these are fish.

Yeah, but I got more. I'll tell, I'll tell next week. All right, well, we got to, but I got more. I'll tell them next week. All right. Well, we got to, thanks for being here. Thanks for listening. I got no dates until November. So shit. 1718.

1718. DC improv. I've never done the DC. I've done it with DePaul. I haven't had line there ever in my life. 17 and 18th. Maybe I'll see Sean Joyce down there. I missed that guy. Oh yeah, I'm doing some other rival room.

But yeah, 17 to 18, Washington DC, people have been asked. And that's like a very requested city. Yes. So buy those tickets up. We're supposed to do Thursday. We took away the Thursday. So I want to leave my child. He'll be fucking 20 days old at the time.

Wow. So come to that DC improv and watch the special and all the stuff. Netflix, YouTube, three specials on YouTube. Subscribe, leave a comment. Get on the Patreon. Patreon's kicking ass. My apartment's too expensive. My child's too expensive. Yes, and thanks for coming out to the grammar see if you came out.

That was a hot show. Oh my god, that was easy hear that puppy. I don't know when that's coming out But that was that was a banger Yeah, that ruled all right. I'm I'm all over the road barkdome and comedy.com. Just added new dates Get on the patreon get a mug get a t-shirt and More fun stuff cooking we got things in the hopper Dennis hopper Yeah, we'll see you see you on the road there folks. Thanks a lot. you