Tuesdays with Stories! - #525 - Gramercy Live 3 feat. Kevin Ryan, H.Foley, Joe List, Mark Normand + more!

Episode Date: October 17, 2023

Tuesdays with Stories takes over the Gramercy Theatre in Manhattan and joins forces with Are You Garbage! Kevin Ryan, H. Foley, Ian Lara and Lev Fer join Mark Normand and Joe Party to rock the mics! Directed by Chuck Staton Jump on the Patreon to get the UNCUT version of this with 45 more minutes of podcasting! Our Stuff: - patreon.com/tuesdays Sponsors: - Get 10% off your 1 st month of therapy & support the podcast at https://www.betterhelp.com/TUESDAYS - Support the show by going to https://displate.com/tuesdayswithstories?art=624740987334c to get up to 40% off. - Support the show & get 50% off of Hello Fresh plus free shipping by going to https://www.hellofresh.com/50TUESDAYS

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great, good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And then the duck fell out of his bag! Surf's up! And she didn't even flush.

Knock knock! Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe Liss! Yeah! This Tuesday's with stories, everybody. No, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy. My baby, you always fitting at me.

I can't choose Thank you for coming on god We are Hey Thank you for coming on. Oh God. We appreciate it. Oh, we blew it. Sorry. It's not full We blew this one. We could chew Forning here. Who do we think we are fighter in the kid? We suck We fucked up my agents here. I'm firing them as soon as this is over It's his idea, but thank you guys, we're going to let you're here. I'm all the getting by the way. What?

Oh, he's over there. I'm all the getting. Please don't leave me, you're all I have. I like you more than I love my wife. He's not pregnant. No. Neither is she, I took care of that this morning. Yeah.

I'm in a basement steps, just. Get just, you know, right down to the wire. You let her do eight and a half months of hard pregnancy, and then, well, it's New York. They don't care here. That's true. I got COVID currently. But, well, give it to her. Cough right newer snatch.

That'll kill the kid. What's that light? Is that the camera or is that something going wrong? Or it's the projection. I got you. Oh, that looks great. He does do a good thing over here at the Gram. Yeah, how about it for Chuck, by the way.

Chuck is on the ones and twos. Doing the lower twerk. He did all this. I know at least nine of you have told him to kill himself via Twitter and you're hiding in plain sight I don't realize you guys you guys are the wrestler guys. Oh Bushwackers the bush hackers wow you did that in perfect unison for a one second than the other guy bailed Unitarred now do you sell comedy tank tops? Have you guys make those? Oh?

Wow you sell tank tops apparently I Didn't know that. Oh, the website's on the bag. Is that mine? Oh, are you bought the shirt and cut the sleeves? You're selling those? I don't know, I guess so. Is that right?

Oh, this is appalling. I don't run my website. Oh, my God. I got the changes everything. I had no idea. But hey, they're selling to wrestling twins. To Down syndrome tech team partners. Yes.

Very specific niche market. We're in. Couple of killuses here. But yeah. So when he was on, it sold out. That was big. Oh yeah, so when he was on, it sold out. That was big. Oh yeah, we had Shane, yeah, we fucked up. Well, we didn't advertise.

I realize when people do the grammar see, they buy billboards and TV time. We just do in the last second of our podcast when everyone's been like, it's over. By the way, we have a massive theater show. Right. It's the fourth one this year, so it's still special. Yeah. By massive, I mean the size of my parents' house, but you know.

And by special, I mean, like those two. But yeah. So just to be clear, you guys definitely don't have Down syndrome, right? Because I'm gonna feel- It's a spectra. Okay, cool, I just feel really bad if you did. Ah, you're good.

So yeah, thanks for coming. And there's some people up at the top, just spreading out. It's like you went and saw a movie at 10.30 AM up there, you know? You got your candy and your feet up. And some of those are cardboard. They're from the 2020 baseball season. I saw a movie at 10.30 AM up there, you know? You got your candy and your feet up. Some of those are cardboard. They're from the 2020 baseball season.

They just showed them up there. There's a lot of sound to freedom people up there, you know? It's a little light. Anyways, thank you. At the bartender, sorry, we didn't sell tickets. We, what next time? It's gonna be huge, don't worry. Tip, tip like you're it's sold out.

Yeah, buy drinks. Go nuts, help out the the establishment But we're a little road hard from Skankfest Anybody make it? Does anyone there? All right good It's a long flight But we had fun Deroza blew a guy You'll hear everything. Yeah, Deroza. Yeah, the episode came out today. So they might have heard it. Oh

One guy did Yeah, the episode came out today, so they might have heard it. Oh, yeah. One guy did. Dero's like a blown by a, you know, let's not say guy. I mean, come on, we're progressive many. Oh, sorry, you're right, trans person. A woman with the cock, blue, Dero'sa. There we go. And then he gave her a hand.

That's right, gave her a hand and loved it. That's the fun part. That's the fun twist. He enjoyed it and he's gonna do it again. That's why I'm meeting him later. Yeah. They got him, they're real demand and he's on that team now. And he told me that I was like,

how was the dong size comparison? And he said, leaps and bounds bigger. Hers, hers way bigger than his. Boy, that's tough. He liked it. I'm a very progressive forward thinking guy, but I can't be hooking up with a woman with a bigger dick than me.

I want a small dick. Ah, you want an Asian trans woman? Yeah, I see. Or Irish. True, the curse. But I think if you're gonna go, you might as well go. If you're going to Tahiti, put the shirt on. The Hawaiian shirt.

Ah, sorry. It was a flawed metaphor, but I see what you mean. Let me do it, let me do a different one. If you're going to Amsterdam, get the hooker. No, no, hold on. Life first class, something like that, maybe. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're going to Amsterdam, get the first class.

Oh, I've got one. If you're going to Florida, shoot up a nightclub. There we go, we got there. There you go. I want a little dick, obviously I think about dicks in my body all the time, as you know, if you're listeners. Cheers.

I want, yeah, just like a small, because I want the dick in my app, but I don't want it to be like, ah! Right. You want it to be like, ooh. Yeah, yeah. So I want, like, I always felt that way

with like the, the pegging and the strap on porn. You'd need to get a real pinky sized strap on. Do they make those? I don't think so, but they should. They should. There's preferences. I bet Google you got, they can find something. Yeah.

But whenever I watch the porn every morning, the pegging porn, it's always a massive cock. Yes, Peggy Bundy. Any of the two ladies ever do any pegging porn. It's always a massive cock. Yes, Peggy Bundy. Any of the two ladies ever do any pegging? This is a few women here. Any of them ever do any pegging? You immediately sift your drink. So I feel like that was like, don't ask me.

I got you. That looks straight to the cocktail. Oh, it looks like you. That's fun. He's better looking than me. Wow, obviously. But somebody here has been pegged. Done any pegging, ladies?

Leotards. You guys must pegged each other to prepare. You got to get warmed up for the match. All right, no pegs. I think you really brushed over that leotard, because that might be the best line of the night, and you're just kind of threw it under. What's that?

Leotards. Oh yeah, it's got no cards. And that's what you wear when you're wrestling. I was happy with it. Oh, I felt like you didn't, I think you're shaken from the metaphor, the shit metaphor. Oh, no, I said Leotard's at the beginning. Oh, I didn't hear it.

I know what he called it, so I didn't want to say it again. Wow. I know. Did you guys catch it? Play the tape, Chuck. Yeah. You got, I think you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, your delivery's off. Off it, Kilt.

Because that's, that's gold. Thank you. Try it again. Look at these two guys are wrestlers. Don't they look dumb? Yeah, a couple of Leotards. Ha ha ha. All right.

There we go. I don't know how I miss that. That's, that's, I mean, that is gold. We should stop calling you retarded, I guess. You're very nice people. Why? Woo. Leotardo de Caprio.

I mean, that is. There we go. That was a talking. I'm not gonna lie to you. I don't want to make a excuse, but I am wildly jet lagged. It doesn't hit you until a couple days later. No one told me that. Well, you're also using some accoutrements in Vegas.

Ah, that might be it. Yeah, you were juicin'. Yeah, a lot of booze, a lot of drugs. I took it, I did it all nighter the last night. All nighter? Nighter. Nighter. What did I say? I thought you said all nighter, and I legitimately thought that was like a term.

All of the term. Like a nine inch line. D'Rosa did it all nighter. But, um... Yeah, all nighter. And I don't think that helped. Like a like like a nine inch line Durosa did it all nine her but Yeah, all nighter and I don't think that helped we had this last time these arms are two. They're very high up These are too low and these are too high. I know like Christ. I need a Which I think I might have said last time I got sorry. It's a real tweeter situation. Yeah, so the last night of skankfest

I went I did a couple things and literally 9.30 pm. I went for a steak dinner with a buddy and I never saw anybody again. I was in bed at 11.30. What happened? Take me through it. Well, it was the last night, so we just did it up, a lot of booze,

went to the strip club again and the rest is history, but it was a bad idea because you fly, flew from Scotland, went to Vegas. Now you're on, you get to New York, now you're on one time zone and a different country, then you go to Vegas, different time zone, then you don't sleep for a whole night, and you add a lot of barbituettes and substances and pegs.

And the rest is history and now I'm here. Yeah, it's I'm here. Yeah, it's all wacky, and I can't imagine because I was in Vegas for, I was in Austin for four days, which is stressful, and then Vegas for three days, and then flew in yesterday, and then moved all day today. I've been carrying books and boxes and noodles. Books, too.

And the thing that sucks about moving is you don't think about all of your clothes are now just piled on the bed and then the thing and the shoes up your ass and your noose and sun the shower. It's all fucked up. Ah, yeah, the old shower noose. And I had to leave the house with like, my wife is just pregnant her stomach

because she looks like fucking, you know, lev Fer. You guys don't know him at his backstage. I just wanted to nail him. That's got to hurt. He's backstage listening and he was like, here come, fuck no one got it. Oh yeah, that's like a double thing, right? I called him fat and then you guys don't even know him. That's what I'm saying.

No, I know, I'm just, I'm hammering home, but you're saying. Yes, yes, hammer, my ass. But yeah. Well, that's like last year, I mean, I'm just going to trash, well, I've loved to come out and say hello for a second. He's very funny, he's very handsome. But last year at Skankfest, our friend Lev is a hilarious comedian.

I'm sure some of you know him, he just didn't yell out for him, right? Wow, there you go. Okay, about the same amount of people no-live has been picked. Yeah. Well, last year he showed up at Skankfist, and I said, what are you volunteering? It's like a zing.

Oh, that's fun. And then he went, no, I'm on the shows. Aw. And it made it worse that he took my zing serious. Of course, of course. I'd be like, if I was like, what are you gay? And you're like, no, no, I'm straight. You're like, oh.

I do that every time. Oh, no. Love, you want to say hello? Where are you? Oh, there he is. Come on out, that's fair. Say hi. All right, levee.

All right, levee. Let go of track of his. Handsome. Whoa. Was that a boo or a mooh? Now love you you you you you you can get out there and be a little spicy sometimes to people do they hate you? No, I think it was a levfers hot truth her out there Clap if you know levfer Okay, look at that, that's pretty good.

I'll take that. The Lev Ferr show, right? Yeah. Podcast. That's your podcast. Yeah, you both have done it like two times. Huh, I don't recall. All right.

I did it, you had COVID. What's that? You had COVID while I was doing it. I haven't done it. Yeah. You guys got to watch out with the COVID. The bigons, you know, that killed a lot. Yeah. You guys got to watch out with the bigons. You know, they killed a lot of people.

You and the olds. Although Biden got it didn't kill him. So how dangerous is it? I know, but he's got all the, he's got the good jizz. Good jizz. I don't know. He's like, most important person, I mean, on paper, he's the most important person in the world.

They could solve anything. He could have fucking brain cancer. They just go, I think he does. I just go out the interview. They sit that out. They're gonna work on that. Lev, you only got about two minutes. Anything you want to,

because we got to get our guests out here. You're lighting me already? Well, I just want you to say hello. Come on, give us a couple of things here. You're very funny off the cuff. We'll put them on the spot and we get in the top. Yeah, give me, the middle, you know, like don't have a conversation going,

you're like give us some zingers. Yeah, you're good, you're hot, you're hot. Come on, you're killing it, skankfest, you're very mean, you're the queen of mean. Well, you got to let him out here with some other folk and he can zing them. Good point, maybe roast some of the front row. There you go.

There you go, homos up here, come on, nail them. Those guys have Down syndrome? Yeah. Yeah. Good point. Maybe roast some of the front row. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go.

There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go.

There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. I wanted to really... This felt like a trap. You were like, guys, look how hot this guy is. And then I fucking tried out here. Yeah, I wanted to showcase your talent,

but I realized I put, you know, a tough spot here. That's right. We might need more chairs. Yeah, I'm not that fat. Okay, wow, that got a laugh. I don't know what that means. That's a good one. We might need a couple more chairs, maybe,

because let's get our guests out here. Yeah! We're gonna... No, you can... Hang on, we're gonna... Hang on, we're gonna... We're gonna a chair. We're gonna a couple more chairs maybe, because let's get our guests out here. Yeah! We're gonna, no, you can, hang on. We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna, microphone, we'll figure something out. We can share a mic. Yeah, we'll get a little bit more chairs.

We're not gonna make you stand for God's sakes. You're probably gonna, I might help. I might help. I gotta do the podcast running behind you. Yeah, we'll figure something out. There's a microphone up there. Ladies and gentlemen, let's get our guests out here. We got big guests.

Bring chairs with you. You guys know them, they're the, We'll figure something out. There's a microphone up there. Ladies and gentlemen, let's get our guests out here. We got big guests. Bring cheers with you. You guys know them, they're the hosts of our favorite my favorite podcast. That's for sure. I don't know about your favorite podcast. I like it. I like it.

The live first show. You know them, you love them. We've been on this show many times. It's an honor to have them. We're giving up for Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Yeah. How are you guys guys? There we go, baby.

There you come. Go go fo. Yeah, there you go. As you cheer. Yeah. All right, Lam, you got to take the game chair. Sorry. And somehow, somewhere the rumor

going out that Chris D was going to be here. I don't know how. Somebody tagged him. Weird. And I think I kept talking about how the sexiest man alive was going to be here. I think they know how. Somebody tagged him. Weird. And I think I kept talking about how the sexiest man alive was gonna be here. I think they all know I have a crush on him. Oh yeah, yeah, we met rives here.

But, oh. Christy is not here, but a good, good friend of both of ours. Oh yeah. We just took our relationship to another level this past weekend at Skankfest, and I thought you guys can be the judge when he comes out, but I thought he was the best looking guy at the festival. Yeah, it's debatable. He's definitely in the top three. And Lev thought he personally was the best looking guy

at the festival. I wasn't there this year. So let's bring him a He's Salary. He'll be on the tonight show on Monday. Well, it's coming back. And he's a good buddy of ours, and he just happened to be in the neighborhood. He's swung by. give it up for our friend

Illa everybody Hell yeah Well color on stage if you know what I mean That a baby Tonight show really slummin Good looking kid though very handsome. Oh, this is too handsome. This is too much. I feel like I'm not you guys tight anyway. No, I'm just doing that hot guy modesty.

Like, ah, Vee Nugano. It's more of a fetish. I think it's just acknowledging that our fans are racist. That's why I think it's... Well, that too. That's amazing that Ian doesn't go, I'm Kevin Hart. Shut up, fatty. Yeah, thank you.

Thank you, but I... Should we move, live over here, so the stage doesn't tip? That was rude. I'm starting to slide. Well, every time someone comes up to that island, I think we're gonna get punched in the face. Yeah Will Smith happen. Oh, I see it. Anna, baby Joe's also being an usher at his own show Well, we know most of the audience by now. That's the sad thing. Yeah, so we appreciate you coming back

We could have done this at the stand of realising Yes, in the upstairs room. We thought the lever room. Because he's not good enough to be down. I don't remember the first live one you guys did at stand-up labs. Wow. You remember that? Yeah. We were there. We were there in the audience. Yeah. What? Yeah. It was just me were there in the audience. Yeah, what you go with me. Yeah, it was just me and him I think yeah

Really it's great to see how big the show was growing We could do two shows at the stand-up labs you said one day we'll be on that when it's on the way down Well stand-up labs was like a 15 cedar it was like a little yeah studio Were you at the moment Anthony DeVito and Greg Stone and Lewis Gomez? I don't think so. I hope not. I don't remember. I remember being up there though. I think it was the first one you guys ever did up there. Wow and this is the last Come full circle. There we go. You are a circle. I was giving you a combo, but you're sort of a bitch.

Sorry, sorry. It's full, too. Anyways, we were all just, no, you guys weren't at Skankfest, but the four of us were at Skankfest. Yeah. We're really hung, huh? And don't you feel like we're besties? It was the coolest thing.

And being like one of the three black people at Skankfest, I felt like a celebrity. Wait, during the others, were there three? Two or security. Well, sorry. Yeah, it was a code. It was five. I told I asked to to leave, though. I was going to Yamanika, Kaliseharkins, Dave Temple.

You counted them? Yeah, that's weird. Norman has a list of weird that you'd like to keep them. It's weird that you like to keep tabs. That's one over there. One over there. That's a little ticket count. That's one. Two, it's three.

They put it in a contract. Think that guy's Italian. That's one and a half. Like the looks of this guy. Just so you know, there only be eight. They put it in. It's all you got. Eagle Witt was there.

Eagle Witt was there. Dave Temple. Good looking kid. I like how you named Temple you got. Eagle wit was there. Eagle wit was there. Dave Temple. Good looking kid. How the hell you named Temple three times already? Yeah. Dave was there. You think he goes a good looking guy? He goes a good looking guy.

He's a good looking guy. Yeah. The lady's like, you guys know Eagle wit? Are you kidding? You guys are racist. That made me feel better. Yeah. To a stranger, the name Eagle wititt has got to be jarring.

Eagle Witt? Sharp name. Sharp name. Yeah. Is that an eagle? Was that a hawk? Pshhh. Trying to work my sound effects in more often.

We got to get soda back. Ha ha ha. Soda was there. Now people think soda's a track of, but I think he looks retarded. No, I got to stop saying that. I think he's like, I had some red jars. I think he's very handsome. Is he right there? Yeah.

Best hair plugs in the game. He's open about it. Hair plugs? Yeah, he's got a bit about it. What about deals? Oh, that's not out. That will scrub from the record. He says it. He does? He doesn't go to a podcast.

That's a fun way to reveal a thing. Just tell the other people who are keeping this secret that he said it on a podcast. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. He's like, yeah, he loves a homo. He said on his spot, I heard it. I was the listener to that, Jill. We've said it about ourselves quite a bit.

So we ever come out and people are like, shut up. We get it. Yeah, I said a few seconds ago. I'm gay. But Theo, we're going to have a mullet be fake. You know, like I can see the bloods in the front. It's weird to get the back hair cape. Would you say that one of those Gallagher hats?

Remember Gallagher would take a selfie with you. Oh yeah, that was fun. Let's settle this with this group. We got a good number of people here. Now, I'd said Ian is more attractive than Lev. Lev says he's more attractive. Quick round of applause. Who, this is six women here.

Is that the same guy? That move was a vote for me. They're moving at him. I'm talking about the women. Men don't have to vote if you're that homophobic, you fucking pussies. What about, man, you up there in the wedding dress. Well, what do you think about? Good gravy, good high, man.

Congratulations, you two. Ah, she poor. She might vote for Lev just because they have the same tits. It's got to be a tough call here. Well, you are dressed, my goodness, and your date is a hat on. What's wrong with a hat? Well, when your wife has a gown, you have a filly's cap. It's a little long. No, I see.

I see. Go fills. Yeah, go tits. I wear a hat most days, but not to If he's from Philly he could be coming from a wedding that wouldn't that would make These are my best cargo shorts You guys fans of the show you're aad and you brought her? You're a fad? Oh, female gay. Hell yeah.

I hope she's not gay. My God, that dread. Looks like you're like... Oh, it is. I was going to ask if it was the light. But then you have like the Titanic necklace on and you look like a million bucks. Joe is hard for sure.

No, I'm not hard. I was gonna ask if it was the light. But then you have like the Titanic necklace on and you look like a million bucks. Joe is hard for sure. No, I'm not. Welcome to Tuesday's after dark, everybody. The way the necklace drops below your bosom. You're like, what the fuck? I have to draw you.

Fuck you. Let's get her up here. What do you think? No, can we get out of the chair? Henry, I think it's clear I can't draw. A little insider biz for you. Thank you. That's not what I'm accustomed to seeing.

And Tuesday's with Story Show. I'm fainting. Anyways, you look fantastic. Are you guys dating? All right. Engaged married? Just dating. Are you a gay as well, sir?

Oh, hey, a gay couple. Now to the podcast. Did it bring you together? Oh, no. Oh, nice. You listen while you fuck. I want you guys to 69 tonight and just say, oh, look, Mark and Trou, you know what I mean? Just hit her in the surfboard.

And then her tits fall out of her blouse. And she didn't even flush. I love that you almost know our theme. So close. Disapposed to be cheesy. our theme. So close. Disapposed to be cheesy. Thank you. Thank you. Sorry, I forgot the original point.

So you can't wait a minute. You can't ask her. She's not going to pick me to ruin their relationship. Yes, who cares? Who's more attractive? Ian or Lev? There you go. She didn't even let me finish the question.

That was so fast. I was like, what's up? What's up? It's two massive votes for Ian. Yeah, she had time. I was like, who do you think is Ian? That's what I have an askank for. Now, you're a beautiful lady up front.

What do you think of Levy? He's pretty attractive. Oh. Is he as attractive or more that? No. Yeah. What did your crowd go woke? I love how we brought Levin out here to call him ugly for No, we're saying he's talking. Jesus Christ. He put on a couple pounds. He's a guy a long way. I love that

This to you as a couple you want this weight to you as a couple pounds. Yeah, take a little heat off of me big guy What? This weight to you is a couple pounds. Yeah, I take a little heat off of me big guy. I want to be clear, we're all in agreement that Lev is very attractive. Just not a true. I know. Great looking guy. Okay.

They don't want to hear about this, who cares? I think they do. I think they want to hear more. Alright. Let's talk what you want to talk about. I'm sorry for hosting. This is around about way of Joe Saini as a crush on Ian. I think that's where we're at.

That's right. This is progress for me. That was a racial joke. Sorry, I'll let you know. Hey, hey folks, two of his stories brought to you by BetterHelp. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp when your mental health starts to slip. Everything else can quickly get a nose dive if you're totally overwhelmed and have forgotten how to find the bright side of life.

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and use code 50 Tuesdays for 50% off, plus free shipping. Damn, that's a deal. Half off and free shipping. You can't beat it. Get on it. Lev, what do you want to talk about? You forced your way onto the show. I started throwing your weight around. You literally texted me, please, please come here. Oh, there come here. Oh, there you go. Yeah, I mean, the pleases were two pleases.

It was one please, okay. He thought you had spots, he didn't know you'd actually come. No, I was reminiscing, I was in the cab or whatever you call it. I had a lift over here and I was reminiscing about what do you call it? Skankfest, yes. And I was like, boy, that was really fun. And we had a group thread. So I said, hey, what's up, boys?

Come on by if you're around and you're both around. Here we are, end of story. You're right. This was the majority of Skankfest. Just sitting in a semicircle, not getting left. That's right. That's right. Now a lot of laughs.

Now a lot of laughs, right? We do it for of laughs. A lot of laughs, right? A lot of smiles. A lot of cigars. A lot of booze, a lot of fun. I smoked too much. By the end I had the jitters because I was eating. I was just living off of cigar. I was smoking four cigars a day.

There's no food at Skankfest, but no food. Left found some. But what do you think there was no food? I've got there a day early. Sniffed it all out. But I was all fucking jacked up. I was all amped. I guess he was doing the racist Tourette's.

Racist Tourette's we came up with. Because I was all crazy. I was like, ah! I forget. I don't know how it started, but I think I said Jews or something. Yeah, we'll say racist stuff anyway. But if you had the terrets with the jacked up, it's a lot of funnier.

Yeah, yeah. Try to think like, uh, blackpillete to my sugar. F***! F***. That was a lot of fun. I thought Michael Richards invented racist terrets. F***. Damn. Still not working ha ha. Damn.

Still not working by the way. The guy's genius guy. Still not going. Well, I think he decided to not work anymore. Really? I think that's part of it. I think if he wanted to, he could get a part on, you know, coomy elections.

Not work. There you go. Sure, I think he could do something. Sure. But Jason Alexander's not working either. At that point, he never threatened to hang people based on race. Yeah. Well, they call it the Seinfeld curse, but Elaine is cruiser.

Yeah. Or Julie Louise. I mean, Veepe, she had her own sitcom, Mrs. Patterson, or something. The Christine, the year something Christine. The old adventures. The old adventures of new Christine. The new adventures of old Christmas. Same shit.

What do we do? We sound like we're 150 years old. The old adventures. The old adventures of New Christie. The new adventures of Old Christie. The new adventures of Old Christie. The new adventures of Old Christie. Same shit. What do we do? We sound like we're 150 years old. Yeah. Now it was Golden Girls. Yeah. You're thinking of B.A.T.A.

Now that was an attractive man. Deroza. What was this? Why are you two sitting the same exact way? Because we're cool hot dudes. And we can cross our legs. That's a good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good I got a flat going. I got a flat going. What does your dad do? See, work on the railroad? What the fuck?

That's your home is with us. What is this? Did you not wear them to an office? I'll tell you that. Is he a janitor, a church? What the fuck? He looked like Johnny Knoxville over here. LAUGHTER

Johnny Knoxville. No, goch. I don't need the gun. Those things stink. Yeah. He looked be a moron. I'm not going. Before you go to the comedy show, you gotta plug into the toilet. May I explain? I have one pair of pants. Quit bragging. Jesus Christ.

Things are going well. These are like high school uniforms. Yeah. They're all smoky from the festival. So they're in the laundry. then I, every like three years, I'm like, I'm going to buy pants. I'm going to be a pants guy. Oh, the cigar smoke.

I'm going to be one of these guys with pants. Every time I vote, I get a new pair of slacks. So I go out, I get the pants and in the thing, and you guys must know about this, and I'm not trying to be an ass, you put the pants on. I feel like it caused me. I know, right? It's worth the pants. My wife buys me the pants.

He took a lot of pants off. I put the pants on, and I have my wife with me. And we look at the pants, and we do the thing, and she's like, yeah, those are good. And I throw them on the arm, and I collect pants. And I spend 800 dollars on six pairs of pants. You bring home, you put them in the drawer, and then three days later, you're like,

I'm gonna debut the pants, and then you put them on, and your wife is like, what, no way. No, I put on jeans to like designer, not designer, but they leave eyes, whatever the bullshit. That's the only thing. I like how he buys a designer, T. Oh, he's somebody designed them. Yeah, that's true.

Levi. So I put them on, and they're like skin tides, and Sarah's pregnant, and she's like crying. She looked at where fighting. She's like, you can't wear those. And I was like, well, I got to leave. I'm like, I'm late. So I peeled those off.

And then I put these on. And I was like, don't say anything negative. This is what I'm wearing. No more changes. I'm late. And then she was like, they look great. negative. This is what I'm wearing. No more changes, I'm late. And then she was like, they look great. I think they're a little short, that's the problem. No, it's a sitting, look at, watch the cramery.

No, look at that. No, the black. That's nice, they're the stands. They're black. Right, exactly. See, they break. Oh, they break. All right.

You look broke. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever you can. You look broke. Yeah. Come on. What do you, Kim? Mine go longer than yours. Mine are rolled. Because I'm a cool black guy.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, see? That was a bit jack. I was rolled too. These don't come off. Those are painted on the left. Those are my designer designer Wranglers.

Yeah, Lev's pants smoke when he walks. These are my only pair of jeans. Oh, really? Yeah, and they don't get washed and they don't come off. Same here, brother. This is my only pair as well. That's what I do. I smoked 58 cigars.

After a while, you're like, I gotta, they smell like fucking, my grandmother's lungs or whatever, sorry, I'm dying. Rather than the cardboard slacks, to be honest with you. Ooh, I thought on that, okay. These are nice. These are better than anything you own. Is it, is it dickie?

Is that a dickie? That's a docker. I caught the label on the butt. Oh, you caught it. You're talking dockers. Cotton dockers. No good? It was 96, it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it.

You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it.

You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it.

You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. You got it. Job. Yeah. I'm 47 and this is my attempt at looking hip. No, this looks good. You look like you own a condo in Florida. This is perfect. The best dressed person didn't even chime in. How are you looking?

I'm sitting back, listening to Five White God just goes fashion. I'm going to... I'm Dominican. I'm going to bring this up at the meeting later. This is insane. Come on, hot lady in the dress. What do you think? Would you?

You look like a youth pastor. What do you think? Hit me. I can take it. Shut up, booing you, dork. What do you think? Yes. Somebody pays that one for the worker.

We walked through. You shouldn't have stood up to women or leaving. Oh no. We're going to get dockers. No, they they snuck in. They're not here for to see us. Oh boy. Bye All right, no answer on the pan. But look at look at this guy. He's wearing he's wearing the casual stuff Yeah, he's wearing a white t-shirt. Yeah, I'm better dressed than him. Come on. This is vintage. That's right No response on the pants, huh? Pfft.

What's that you said? Have pressed it. Yeah, the pants are a little elevated and then you got a t-shirt on. Right. Oh, so all of a sudden the pants are nice. I'd no one ever said that. I said a little elevated.

I'm a, I'm a, if you're retarded. I'm a janitor, but I'm elevated. I don't know, it's not quite added up here. Tuxedo shoes are nice, not at the gym. But I see what you're saying. The elevated or janitor, what's one is it? So if I had a nice shirt, the pants would be perfect in other words.

But they need to be at Jehovah's Witness. Yeah. I think if you had Mark's shirt with those pants, it'd be, oh really? Yeah. That would be all had Mark's shirt with those pants, it'd be like, oh really? That would be all the same color. What? That's blue. These are blue.

Yeah, it'd be like a thing. It'd be like a thing. No, these are blue. No, Joe, those pants blue. That's blue? Oh. Maybe they're black, I can't tell. No, I think they're blue.

I don't see color. You and her dude are both dressed like you're about to, you're both dressed like you're about to you're both dressed like you're about to have Jack and her wedding. Oh yeah. What do you think of these pants young lady? All right. You also thought love was attractive so we don't know what's going on. It's all clearly a liar. Why are you picking on that nice blind lady? She's clearly a liar. Why are you picking on that nice blind lady? She's got a cane.

And you're well dressed. How much time do you spend on an outfit a day? What are we talking here? You get ready to go out? Are you talking to him or me? Yeah. He does. Both are actually dressed pretty hip.

You're dressed pretty hip. Who dressed it? I mean, these pants are from Gap. Yeah. So Gap? The mannequin. I don't know. I mean, these pants are from Gap. Yeah. So Gap? I don't know. Dematicant.

I don't know. I wear black t-shirts and black jeans every day. That's all I do. No way those pants are better than these pants. I don't know what to tell you, Joe. It's crazy that you're dying on this hill. We can't do this. This is a clear eye for the straight guy

or whatever the fuck. We've gone too far with the pants. I stand by my pants. You stand at him. Yeah, what do you tell? Wait, you get ready? No, I do. I just get into the morning. I just think of it in my head.

But it's crazy. You guys have one pair of pants. That's insane. What am I going to? What's the difference? How many pairs of jeans do you have? At least 40. 40.

40. 40 pairs of jeans. Yeah, at least. You got more jeans than kids. What are all your boyfriends leave a pair? Oh! Oh! We're all wide pants over here.

What do you, work for Letterman? That's a little inside. But 40? Yeah, probably about 40. Where do you keep? I don't think you're a department. I have a jeans closet. A jeans closet?

A jeans closet? What is that? How well you're doing? Well, you've got 40 pairs of pants. You drink 40 ounces on the sidewalk. A jeans closet. A jeans closet. What is that? How well are you doing? Well, you've got 40 pairs of pants, you drink 40 ounces on the sidewalk. This is a... Why you got laughing? I'm right in the block right after this.

40 acres of mule. Look at keep up. We got all your names on the list. I'm right in the block after this. Now, what do you think when you see a guy, I'm not gonna say anyone specific, but guy dressed not cool. Do you think, what a fucking door, you just think, that's not his thing. Not to be honest, sometimes, I'm like,

I wish I didn't care as much as you don't care. That's right. He cares, though, that's the problem. You just put on a 20-minute ran-about-his-dockers. He cares. Oh, I mean, I'm not a big, closed guy. This is my second pair of pants. Hey, we're passed down from my father.

Mark plays down like he doesn't care, but he's old. I mean, I'm not a big close guy. I got, this is my second pair of pants. Hey, we're passed down from my father. Mark plays down like he doesn't care, but he's always well dressed. You think this is well? Yeah, that's like, like, your jeans are fitted, that sneakers are cool. He's got a uniform. Yeah.

Norman's got a uniform. I got a uniform. Hey, I got this button up, I got this t-shirt. That's a jeans in the shoes and he's out the door. If you look at my Instagram clips, it's the same. I'm looking like Steve Jobs. You know, it's the same shit over and over again. Because I don't want to think about it.

Right. But you've been bringing up some new pants lately, some new jackets. Yeah, oh, no, no, we got the podcast to prove it. You got some jacket. I like it. Some weird pants. The very pants.

Mark, do you go out like shopping? Well, actually with a pod, you get a lot of fresh clothes. And so... Why doesn't L Liz get any? Well, we got... They're two fancy pants. They sent me pants with a drawstring and a lastic case.

That's nice. Those are joggers. But this is the thing, though. You can't be debuting new clothes with comedians. If I should... You tried it tonight. You mean this. Those are new. You mean new styles.

Like you can't show up with a new style. Yeah, if you're showing up with it with your pants. That is true. With the tie and the fucking elastic, you'd be like, get the fuck out of here. Very true. Any time I'm an addresser, I'm like, oh, no, I can't. He just picture Deroza or whoever jerking you off.

I have a lot of confidence when I'm shopping. Like you said, and I'm like, I'm, and then I get home, and I'm like, I'll never wear a top hat or whatever, you know, yeah. Leaving the house as a whole to the ball game. Yeah. Well, Sarah had a bit about it. It's like, if you want to bring in a new style, you have to wait to Halloween, wear it in a costume, and then just slowly lose all of the other items. Oh, that's like transitioning.

You know, you got to transition on Halloween, and then go, no, I am a woman. Henry, how much thought are you putting into your clothes? Um, please say very little. Yeah, not a lot. Now, he cares. He cares, I can tell you, he cares. I'm just starting to care more.

I've been in joggers for the last couple of years. joggers are great. joggers are good. Yeah, never jogged anywhere. Not in a fact, I know I just go to DXL and I get a few t-shirts and I have another pair of jeans but they don't fit So you don't have another pair of jeans. No, I know But I will in a couple of weeks

Well guys are lucky you get jeans a black t-shirt Undescript jacket and you're good to go. Yeah, they did an experiment one time where some news channel And you're good to go. Yeah. They did an experiment one time where some news channel, the guy wore the same exact suit every single day for like a month. And then the woman wore the same dress two days in a row, and she got like 3,000 tweets and emails and they're like, you fucking poor piece of shit.

You dirty little bitch. And then the guy was so, now that speaks to the national massage and he did some degree, but it also does speak to the fact that like men don't get a variety of clothes. We just get like a suit just looks like a suit. Sure. I don't even think you notice it. Whereas a woman can wear a wedding dress to a comedy show, or they could go jeans, they got leather,

there's a more options for a lady, which is nice. That is nice. But they want more options. I think I know. How many times this summer have you worn that dress? Can I ask you? Second time, would you get it? On a prairie?

No, not where did you get it. When did you get it, the beginning of this summer? And you only wore it twice. That's pretty good. Say a lot of clothes. Still less than Ian. Yeah. But a lot of clothes.

How many pairs of jeans do you have? I have many, but five. But is there a kind of a fun and daring thing about a guy who looks like shit? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! You know, like, you don't want him to try too hard, right? No, that's a nice under shirt he's got on. Yeah! I think I see him. How much was it? I turned out it's from Scott Dessiex Brown. He's like a duchess.

That duch from the Kardashians? Oh, this guy stinks. Oh, man. Who's Scott Dessiex? The one who was married to a Kardashian. Oh. He's got a lot of stuff. He's a duchess guy, man.

I don't know why anybody buys a nice t-shirt a shirt to sure But you could feel I've worn this is a nice t-shirt if I'm gonna admit this is a very nice t-shirt But if that was a hains I wouldn't know the difference. I know, but I'm a bigger guy and it hides my One of my love boobs if I was wearing it you would No, you feel it though like I I do TV, I will dress nice. And I'll go. Feel that, Joe. Oh, he just took a shot at you.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. This guy's got like 90-tonight shows. I mean, it would make more sense towards somebody like, all right, love, what is that? I was on TV. He's tried to eat it one time. TV dinner, something. He's on Man the Verse food. Excuse me, something. He's on man-the-verse food.

Excuse me, Mr. Relevant on the tonight show over here. He's doing Jimmy Fallon on Monday talking smack. That'll get a couple hundred views. You can host the show, they wouldn't know. I didn't even know they were still doing that show. Just submit a tape, you dork. When you do a TV, you put on a nice suit. What's that?

When you do TV, you put on a nice suit. You're a damn writer, I do. He looks sharp on TV. Oh, he's sponsored by Ted Baker. Ted Baker, all right. I do have a designer, Ted Baker. I wear a $1,000 suit on television. Woo!

That's TV. This is, you know, 48 people in a theater that's We're a designer, Ted Baker. I wear a thousand dollars suit on television. Woo! That's TV. This is, you know, 48 people in a theater that's seen 600. But my point before everyone started shitting on me again is you put a nice t-shirt on. You can really feel it. Yes, sir. You put a nice tee on. You can do a lot more.

Brooks Brothers has nice t-s. Oh, really? Yeah. Are they black. Brooks Brothers has nice tees. Oh really? Yeah. Are they black? Brooks Brothers. Brooks Brothers. That's actually like the whitest brand you can do. Yeah.

Oh is that right? Very way. I think Hugo Boss has got to be one of the whitest brands. Yes. They're not. They were not seats. Oh that's right. He designed the uniform didn't he?

Really? That's true. I'm being on WL. I'm not sure.MW, the vehicles. Yes. And Volkswagen. Yes. Sorry to the staff. We're just getting about the race and the misogyny. And the homophobia. Thank you. And the retard stuff.

But you're doing the tonight show. That's exciting. Who's done the tonight show? You've done it. You've done it. You guys ever do it? Nope. Have you been putting a word? I've lived. I don't even need to ask.

So, what do you guys do it as a duo? You guys have a jamming episode. I wouldn't even do it solo, probably. Come on. What are we to? Smothers Brothers? Hello, Kevin. Hello, Henry.

People don't die. He's got his hand up my ass. What do we do? Smothers brothers? Hello Kevin, hello Henry. He's got his hand up my ass. Now that's a gimmick. What'd he fun of doing? You can ask Jimmy Fallon if he's ever eating a corn dog or you know, had an above ground pool. Or not drank for a day. But, oh, God, I got a, I got a boost back. You mean panel, he's not talking about like, oh, Stan, I thought you wanted to both us to go up. You mean panel. You're talking panel on the tonight show,

but we would do the panel together. That's it. You know, you know, a chair and a bench, and you do a panel, yeah. What the hell do you think I was doing? I stand up, that's what I thought. That's how you meant the both of us go out together. I'm a stormed outta here.

No, it'd be cool to ask Jimmy all the garbage quits. Yeah, I would do that for sure. That'd be awesome. Ian, hook it up, will you? You know, I'm coming on Monday. You're like, hey, Jimmy, you ever get shit housed and then have to talk to Snooki? You're a young guy, you ever submit for late night

or is that just embarrassing? Because you're in your 20s. You have a really hard time. You're in your guy, you ever submit for late night or is that just embarrassing because you're in your 20s. I have a really hard time. You're in your 20s? 26. Wow! Thousand pounds. You still got plenty of time.

Yeah. To lose it. No, I, it's hard for me to do clean. Oh, right. Is your dirty I've never seen you do clean. All right. Is your dirty? I've never seen you do come with it. With all that must. You can't reach every part of them, I know that. I was gonna say it's hard to be clean with all that mustered on your shirt.

No. That was a very funny comic and just a hilarious zingy guy. Great hang too. The best. Great hang. You guys are the best. It's so genuinely so cool to be here with you guys. I looked up to you guys when I started.

Oh, that was an insult. That was an insult. Not any longer. But you go after comics on Twitter. Do you get noticed? No, I only ever went after shop on Twitter. And I was it. It was the only comic because I said the worst part of getting...

Wow, come on, this is weird. You're a blonde. It's a joke. The only thing I said was the worst part of getting accused of rape is having to start a podcast with Brendan Schop. Oh, I like Joe. Pretty good joke. That one was big.

And he wrote back to you. No, and then I saw him in the computer. He wouldn't fuck you up, dude. I saw him in the greener of my like, I canceled Skankfast, I left. It was bad, but you also, but you talk, you talk a little shit, but that, I talk too much shit for sure.

How did we all do behind closed doors? Yeah, you can't air out though. I just can't get in those doors. That's wild. Yeah, you can't do that. You can't get the door open. Also, it gets like the guy who can for sure fuck you up. Yeah. Norman, I can make fun of all day. You know what I mean?

Yeah, there you go. These pants are okay, right? Come on. Do you know how to box? I used to, but you know, what are we doing? He seems like he can be, are you scrappy? I know, I've been beat up a few times. I get lippy after a couple of cocktails, I did that.

I did, I took a, we had a weird thing where we would take in Rohippenall for a while in high school. You know, he just, that was a blow up so quick. Yeah, he just wanted to get his fucked up as well. That could be a good Arugabra segment. I used to roofie myself. That's how bored we were. And I got roofied, or I gave myself a roofie.

And I woke up in a cop car. And they were like, yeah, you tried to fight all of your friends. And so they had my friends at the call to police on me. That's how bad I got. This guy's trying to fuck himself over here. Yeah. I once got handcuffed, my cousin handcuffed me to his weight bench. What are you guys doing over here? Where will be him?

Yeah, in my underwear. I woke up with handcuffed. Sounds like Saul. Yeah, Buffalo Bills your cousin. It was like a wolf a Wall Street. Like I was just going crazy because I was drinking cat morgan out of the handle. And then they were like, you gotta go to bed and I wasn't interested in going to bed.

So I went and my cousin was like, you would not stop fighting me. And they had to like, oh, they were kneeling on me. Sorry, and they were really, like, like there was like three or four people really like, fucking, like holding me down. And then they would let go and I'm like Go crazy and they finally just handcuffed me the way But I'm gonna handcuffs my cousin. He's like a a freak

The only answer is cop there. He's like a you know kidnapper He's a priest They were fuzzy They were fuzzy here. They were here. All right, let's repeat. And yeah, but it was one of those ones you come to and you're like, oh, and then you have to like rattle them to get somebody to get. It's going to get your copies.

You got to go like, oh, come on. You guys want to go to breakfast? I'm sorry about last time. It's not me. I'm driving. Who's there for the jail here? I guess I've been to jail? Never. What? Well, never. I don't know. I've slipped. Who got the, who's ever been to jail here? I guess I've ever been to jail? Never.

What? Well, I don't know, I've slipped through every time the cops showed up. I something and just got bypassed every single time, very lucky. I only win. Ian, I mean, I don't even ask you. He's gotta get back tonight.

Yeah. Ian got pinched at Skankfest for having a win. I've never been to jail. No, I've never even been handcuffed. What? I've always got away. He's a very, you're a very good guy. You're a sweet boy. Yeah, you're a very sweet thoughtful guy.

Thank you, man. Yeah, you're not like a rabble. You're not like these fucking animals. You're not like the others. Yeah. No, I meant these animals. Easy with the animals. Keep it the same way.

It's not good off. Cut this. When I was drinking, I it the same way. It's not good. Cut this. When I was drinking, I don't know how well we'd hang together. I think we would have, I mean, I drink. Like, I only know you to be the sober, like cool dude, but I drink. But if you're getting handcuffed to benches, then probably not.

That's what I mean. I don't mean that you don't drink. I mean, I would have been like, ah, let's get going. You would have been like, all right, man, I gotta go get this. Yeah, whatever. We did a road gig one time in a casino,

and me and him, he was hanging in there, we were gambling, it was wild. Was that when you got COVID? That was a different time. Yeah, no, that was Connecticut. This was the mass. And we went to, what was that place? It was in a giant castle.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I know that gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We played Blackjack. I played Blackjack. I won the first time. I won like $1, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I know that gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We played Blackjack. I played Blackjack. I won the first time. No, I won like $1,000.

That's right. Yeah, you would COVID multiple times. I had a Thrice. Jesus. Yeah. I had a four times. Four times? Wow.

Four times. I've had it one time. No shit, left. 12 times. Really? Non-vaxed. Really? Are you an anti-vaxer?

I'm an anti-vaxer. I'm just a... Couldn't get through his skin. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Had to hit him with a dart. Ha ha ha ha. I got a pool noodle out.

Yeah. Get out there. We need the length. It's also 11, like, 20 pounds heavier than I am. I'm sorry. I'll tell you that when I go and get blood drawn, I have to get it out of my hand because I can't find a vein in my arm.

They have a rogue in shooting with an arrow. They're like, sir, eat the cookie after. When I saw the nurse go for a running start, I got out of there. So why didn't you get back? You just weren't. I got COVID right when it started. Like the day it hit, I had it, so I was like, fuck it at this point. That was it.

And I've had it ever since. I think it. Yeah. But he's always sick. Every time we're with him, he's like, he's a boy. I thought it was diabetes. Yeah. I just, I don't like it.

I've had it ever since, it's hilarious, by the way. The idea of just having COVID in four years. Just hanging out with it. Yeah, I just won't go away. Makes you hungry, right? This I mean, there's a new strand out there. So they're trying to lock it down again, but I don't know if it's going to happen. If it does, I'm out of here. Out of New York. Yeah, they lock it down. Oh, they're not locked out. If they try to lock down again, I would actually riot. I'd

be like a black guy. Watch out Burger King. There seems to be an out of breath man slowly walking up fifth avenue. He took a lot of burgers but he's less attracted than Ian. They're not shutting down. Never again. That could be like the fucking black plague, fucking- Why's it got to be the black plague? What do we- A&I apologize? The white-white plague, you know, creeds playing, and uh... Like skin falling off.

We're not ever doing that again. That's the problem. That's-that's the problem with- You can't go back in, yeah. Yeah, now there's gonna be like a horrible actual thing, and everyone's gonna be like, Get outta here! Oh, they cried wolf a little, you're saying. They blew their load. You can't go back in, yeah. Yeah, now there's gonna be like a horrible actual thing, and everyone's gonna be like, fuck it out of here. Oh, they cried wolf a little, you're saying?

They blew their load. Yeah, we fucked it all up. Would you guys do a lockdown again? Fuck it. Oh, we got it. You went from booing to saying fuck the hell out of here. Wow, she said, yeah, you'll say yes to anything. Is levotractive, is the pants good?

Will you lock down? Lebs hot, I got great pants and you're ready to lock down. I like it. I mean, let's be honest, other than the mass death, that first couple of months was all right. True, true. We were all locked in, frozen pizzas for days. Yeah.

I got to watch Breaking Bad, finally. I know we're like, everybody's locked down except for this delivery guy, right here. And the Amazon guy. Yeah, the first couple of weeks were fun. I had a very busy schedule, I was thrilled. Yeah, new is fantastic. New York allowed booze on the street.

Yeah, that was a whole new thing. That was great. Yeah. That was all right. So the village was bumping. Everybody was out drinking cocktails, it was like noon. Yeah, it was pretty good. One month was good.

One month, but then I was like, this is gonna bring the country together and then, ooh, baby. Boy, were you wrong? May were you wrong? Yeah. I do another month. You will.

No, they should just, they should just, month, month and a half, he's got left, they do. They should just do that. We should just do that, like, you know, there's like siestas in Spain. They should do that for like, everything for like a month.

Like how do Australians get like four weeks off? More than that I think, they'd call it a holiday. Yeah, they go ham, no offense. Yeah. Yeah. Let's drooling, sorry. I don't know what. But it has to just be no work.

They'd have to keep the theaters and the bars and the shit open. Yeah, yeah, you know what, I think it's Japan. They're having a problem with no one's having kids, so everything's closing. Because you realize young people keep everything open. You know, it's like bowling alleys and discos and bars and all that. Old people don't go to that shit. It's all closing.

Just saying. I read a... Yeah, you read one article. You hit a bowling alley, it's all kids. And the discos? So all these kids on TikTok, and the discos. You never see an old guy in the Charleston. You know, the night clubs and the dry cleaners, everything.

The driving movie theater, all that stuff. You know, you're a bowler? Yeah, I bowled in my life from my bowler. I'm a bowler. Okay. Bowling sucks in New York is the lanes are $8 million and drinks are $58. We won't bowling in Massachusetts when we got drunk. Yeah, bowling's supposed to be some garbage shit.

That's like a dollar for the lane. Cheap beers, dirty shoes. That's bowling. That's bowling, baby. Kimmy goes upscale shit. That's what those pants need. No, instead of bowling shoes. Instead of bowling, baby. Kimmy goes upscale shit. That's what those pants need. No, set a bowling shoes. Set a bowling shoes.

Set a bowling shoes. There he is. Woo! Look at that. Yeah. That looks like the little one. Bigger in McCracket. Fuckin'

He Weber himself. Wow. I was bowling. Can you bowl Joe? No. I was bowling. And I was good acting. A shootout broke out in the bowling area.

Well, that's a bowling act. That's a story. Come on, hit me with the story. Yeah, I was in and I was good acting a shootout broke out in the bowling Well, that's a bowling at that story come on hit me with the story Yeah, we I was in high school. We were bowling and these shoes got into a fight like all the way at the end of the Bolin alley was like a long one and then they just started shooting Jesus. Yeah, was it like to Get to guys to gangs to what? I said you Yeah, it was like to it was like a gang fight It was like it was like it which is like why are gangsters bowling? That's a weird thing.

Hey, they got a cut loose too. Yeah, they got a team building exercise. It's weird as a gangster to be like, yeah, that's a sh**. Everybody like throwing rocks, baby. Come on. Nothing's cooler than getting a strike that walk back, man. You feel like a million dollars.

Oh, yeah. You don't get it. That's like walking back with flaccid. That and hitting a good shot and pool. Walking around the table. Yeah. You feel like a million dollars. You don't get it. That's like walking back with flaccid. That and hitting a good shot and pool. Walking around the table. Man, that's a good feeling. What do you prefer bowling your mini golf?

Oh bowling. bowling. bowling. I'm very bored with very quickly. Yeah. How about chip and putt? I like that. That's a good driving range.

Pitch and putt chip and putt. That's too much exercise. That's a big mini golf guy. That hip and punch. That's too much exercise. It's like a big mini golf guy. That's not leisure. That's like a workout. Well, you say that about sunbathing. That's a workout. I mean, I got to sit here and sweat.

I got to get a workout and I'm going to do a pitch and putt. I got to say from Skankfuss, all those stories that Joe tells about crazy people following them, they're like true. We walk home. Oh, the cooks. Yeah, they're like a heck of a witness. They're like, we were walking out of Freedmuzzry that's literally like a walking dead homeless guy

just following Joe. He's like, look, he's after me. This is just a guy just coming. Give me back my pants. I'm all the time. Give me back my pants. He's got's hot. Get me back my pants. He's got this matching shirt on, Jason. I have the top.

I gotta go to work. This guy, he walked, I was so happy I had a witness because everyone always thinks I'm like out of my mind. This guy, first of all we saw him all week. He was on, I don't know if he ever been to Fremont Street in downtown Vegas. It is. It's the worst. It's a sight. It's the worst.

It's the worst street in America. And this guy was walking, literally punching himself. You chased Katie Hanigan, we saw, he was like, Duh! Duh! Oh, it's all I got. And he had like, he was all fucked up. But he looked like Lev if Lev were ugly and thin and funnier.

He was just like, literally, that really hit my head by the way. Yeah. It was really like pounding his head. But we were zigzagging through, we weren't even walking straight and he was like zigzagging through the crowd. Oh. It was after me.

You just wanna go? He sent those vibes out though, you have to. We just like caught eye contact and then I was like shit, you know what, let's go this way and he came and I'm talking like, that flow of traffic is going north and south and we're going like this and he was literally Reaving in it. It was a Jason movie. It was crazy and I had to like run in and like it closed and I fucking held the casino

Wait, really tried to go into the casino last part. I made up the rest is sweet But everybody everybody was like you overreact and then one to elevator and they're like somebody's got stabbed in the heart just last night. Yeah, somebody got stabbed in the heart there. Yeah, they're also in the tranny love. I talked to two Vegas cops who happen to be fans, which was very nice. And I said I'm fans of you. I started blowing on my love the cops. Or I don't. Whatever you guys. But he was like, yeah, no, he's like, it's fucking crazy out here.

He's like, we had a stabbing the other night, we had a shooting the night before that. And he's like, we have stabbings once every three weeks or so. And he was like, yeah, yeah, it's a serious problem out here. He's like, you should be scared to be out here. I mean, the best one was in New Orleans, we're at brunch. And you're like, man, this fucking city's crazy. There's people all over the place. And one guy, I'm not going to say who was like, yeah, shut up. You're like, man, this fucking city's crazy. There's people all over the place and one guy, I'm not gonna say who was like,

yeah, shut up, you pussy, quit your wine. And out the window, a guy getting stabbed. Literally, we saw the stabbing. Two homeless guys in a knife fight. Like literally like, oh, I forgot, like doing this. And I was like, thank, by the way, this, I don't wanna be, get political,

but this sums up the new left, whatever we're calling it, where I'm like, how about that? And then he goes, that? They're like, they're not gonna bother us. And I'm like, okay, I mean, so there's no situation where you're gonna be like, well, I'm wrong, fuck me. They're stabbing each other, it's like 8 a.m. It's like that's, they're buddies.

They're giving each other the vaccine. It's good. It's good. It's like that. I'm not even joking, he was like, that's... He double-fledged. He's like, they're giving each other the vaccine. It's good. I'm not even joking. He was like, that's not anything. I'm like, they're stabbing each other. You got a spurting. You guys have a gun pulled out on you?

No, my wife has. Your wife has? By me, but... I want a 10-hels old doggy stuff. My wife got robbed at gunpoint in Houston, her and her buddy, her friend, and the guy, maybe I've talked to this story before, this is bad, but the guy, he robbed me at gunpoint, and Sarah is a tough cook. He was like, okay, you got her money in the wallets, and he was like, now come with me,

and Sarah was like, I'm not going anywhere, you got my money. Because she had heard, like, on Oprah or something, like, never go to a second location. Never go to a second location. Oh, yeah. And she was like, absolutely not. And she was like a 25-year-old girl. And the guy was like, come on, let's go. And she's like, no, I'm not going anywhere.

Wow, man. And he was like, okay. But then they called 911. And the guy said, 911, what's your emergency? And she said, my friend and I have just been robbed at gunpoint. And he said, black or Hispanic. Which one was it?

And she went, black. Like, one was it? And she went black. She was like shocked. Like, what the fuck is wrong with this city, the cops, the racist, but also, yeah, he's black. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's hilarious. Also, how about Oprah? She listed, oh, you got it.

Oprah's got to do an anal episode. Yeah, Oprah's got to do an anal. Yeah, Oprah's gonna do an anal. I don't think it was Oprah. It was somebody else. Didn't everybody know? There's a famous woman that Katie Kirk said that. Maybe, if there was a woman here, they might know, but there's only two girlfriends that I allowed to talk and their husbands hit them.

Jenny Jones, Rosie O'Donnell. But anyway, have you been robbed at gunpoint? Yeah, I got a gun pulled out on me on the train, me and my friend. But he didn't rob us, he just, he just like embarrassed us, he just wanted to embarrass us. What happened? Like you're tonight so sucked. Do your act right now. He made his sing, he made his sing like sing along.

Like it was very long. Oh, seriously? That's seriously? Did you do it? Like, yeah, I did it. Yeah, it was just one and a two and a three and a four. Good bye, my baby, good bye, my darling. Hello, Mirac time, yeah.

It was literally like that. Like, we were out of the door. You should see me out of the door. Show time, show time, show time. It was that. We were at the end of the train. We were at the corner. He sat next to my friend and pulled out a gun on him

and was just like, get up, like to my friend, like, get up. And my friend was like, no. And then he was like, get up. He pulled out the gun. My friend got up and he told me to get up. It was three of us. And then he was like, do a show.

Like, do a show tonight. Whoa. I think they got a book's Montreal. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And then a cop. That's a tough way to break it in, Rob.

A cop walked on the train, too. And then he, like like we looked at the cop and then looked at him and he was like I'll blow your fucking at all. Oh How are you? What'd you do? What what what you sing? Oh, he was like a He's demanded us which was nice because we didn't have anything off the top. We were two young kids He kind of directed us, which was nice, because we didn't have anything off the top. We were two young kids. There was no direction.

Yeah. He was like, because he was like, oh, and we don't have nothing. He was like, OK, well, let's do it. Give me a suggestion. Something, sir. He was like, I'm not making this up. He was like, I'll say Old McDonald's had a farm.

And you guys just sing that this thing is like, Old McDonald's had a farm. And we was like, e-i-e-i-o. I like how he's gone to Old McDonald's. Yeah. And he's like, E-I-E-I-O. I like how he's gone to an old McDonald's. Yeah. And it was like, you know, on his farm, he had a pig. Sorry, love. And I was like, no, I love old McDonald's.

E-I-E-I-O. And new McDonald's. Yeah. And that's what we did. Insane. Holy fuck. And he just got off out of stock. Was he a white guy?

Was he like being like black or a sped? Black or a sped? Fuck yeah. That seems like a crazy white guy thing to do. No, I wish for this story, but no, he was black. Yeah. That's a story. So black people know about Old McDonald's? They eat there a lot.

Yeah, I guess he did. I mean, I did. I went to private school though. That's probably, you went to private school. Yeah. He was coming from school too, so we was in uniform. So that's why I went to private school though. That's probably... You went to private school. Yeah. He was coming from school too, so we was in uniform, so that's why I think he was coming from all the uniforms.

You guys are easy-communists. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms.

Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Yeah, all the uniforms. Like a gangster. And my friend, his whole high school, he was like, he was a gangster, he was blood.

So we was like, say hello to him. Say hello to your friend and my friend was like, no, this is not. It sucks because you got the first part of your story. So tough. And then like, if you ever told that to a bunch of tough guys, it doesn't end tough. You know, like, you ever got a gun pulled on you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Drug deal, what happened? Night fight, all McDonald's. It's the only robbery that ends in the musical. Yeah.