Tuesdays with Stories! - #526 Meryl Steep

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

We're back in the studio and we're wrapping up Mark's European tour everybody! Liverpool, Scotland, Birmingham - we're globetrotting! Plus Joe moves his niece to NY with a tear in his eye, goes to see the Cubbies, and spends some time goofing around with Jeff Garlin! It's Tuesdays! Our Stuff: - patreon.com/tuesdays Sponsors: - Support the show & visit https://www.betterhelp.com/TUESDAYS to get 10% off your 1 st month of therapy. - Support the show & get 3 extra months of ExpressVPN for free at https://www.expressvpn.com/TUESDAYS - Support the show & get 20% off your order at https://www.liquidiv.com with code TUESDAYS

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great, good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard! And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha! Surf's up!

And she didn't even flush. Knock knock! Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe Liss! Yeah! This Tuesdays with stories, everybody. No, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

My radio is spitting at me. And I can't just say. Wow! Hey, we're back folks. May I say possibly the best weather day of history in New York. Oh, you ain't kidding, you're getting no pushback from me. Chris. Beautiful, blue, not a cloud, I look for a cloud,

no cloud in my coffee, clouds in my coffee. Yo, so vague. Yeah. But yeah, it took the Wife out for lunch, walked around. Yeah. I don't believe the lunch part, but the rest is true. I love the crisp. Fuh?

Fuh. Ah. No, the crispiness, I went to, by the way, I'm shfitting over it, so 1,000 degrees in this room. This hot box we live in, this weird Hamas bunker. Yeah, well, I was just in the steam room also. Ah, it didn't take. Which, by the way, I got some steam room stories.

Ooh, another mysterious black man. No, no, something else. But I got a lot of stuff to talk about. But yeah, I was in Philly a couple of weeks ago. And the drive down, we're in shorts. It was 85 degrees. It was summer in the city. And we drove back, I mean, with towels on our heads and blankets and electric

with a Palestinian. Electric oven mitts and thick socks. Oh yeah. It changed like that. Yes, like Ellen Page. But overnight, I love it. I love the fall. I love the autumn.

I like saying autumn. It's fun and pretentious. And this leaves crunching. My father's gay. You got that right. Yeah, the leaves are turning red my assholes bleeding. It's very nice fall. Why does Autumn and fall? Why do they get to? Well, you have summer and hot time. Winter and yeah, good point. I lost my phone. My wallets gone. Yeah, got a new phone. Took me two and a half hours. It was horrible process nightmare. They should be able to that should be zippier

Yeah, it's what you should be able to tap it like this. Yeah, well Remember when they would have had a thing with the phone where you can and then this person got the information That's what someone was just telling me and it didn't work. It was it was Jamie at Rogan He was like watch this and I was excited to get his number, you know, he's a big deal Oh, yeah, and he was like here it comes my get his number. You know, he's a big deal. Oh, yeah. And he was like, here it comes my number. And he was touching it and he's like,

that's not working today. That's like, that's like, that's one of those digits. What number are we on? Because I got the iPhone 9 over here. I'm way behind. I had a 10X, or maybe that's my dick size. Hello folks. This is a 514.

What's the brand new one? I think 14. Now the brand new one's 15. Oh, right. And this is a fifth-14. What's the brand new one? I think 14. Now the brand new one's 15. And this is a 14. Okay. I'm one behind the brand new one. I believe the 15 just came out. Why didn't you, oh okay, why didn't you,

what was gonna say, why didn't you go to the tip top? Well, I think it was bigger, what I, I like this size. The main is size. The main is size. Agreed. And a certain point, I don't like the nine cameras back here. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like a droids face.

It's too many holes. I just wanted a space. But anyways, the autumn is, autumn and fall, winter and winter, spring and... Hitler. Yeah, I guess they get two. Yeah. Autumn gets two.

That's how nice it is. So nice, the name to twice. Yeah, I like that. Well's how nice it is. So nice the name to twice. Yeah, I like that. Well autumn fall is the best October rules You got you got playoff baseball which I love college footballs into conference play Halloween swing in Halloween. I fucking love. Yeah, you got thanks given creeping up That's fun and then Christmas is not too far and the whole thing together. It's a jolly good time It's leaves falling. It's very exciting. And I'm sad because every Halloween last five years,

I've gone out to Seattle, hang out with the kids, and dress them up and throw blood on their face. And now I'm having my own goddamn kid. So I can't go. I will say Halloween in New York is a little bit of a bummer. I mean, you get the moments where Batman comes on the trade and then there's Joker and you go,

ah, you fucking asshole, let's fight it out, woohoo, everybody laughs. But then you also see the kids at about 6 p.m. going into a Dwayne Reed to get candy from the cashier. Yeah, it's depressing and Halloween without children is it takes, you have to go to like a sex party. That's the only thing you can do. You can have kids because they feel like, wow, I got candy. Right. And they're cute. They come door to door if you're in the suburbs and you're do. You can have kids because they feel like, whoa, I got candy. And you see it and they're cute.

They come door to door if you're in the suburbs and you're like, oh, great outfit. Great. You need that or you need like your El Vira. Oh, it looks funny and I'm meeting you out. You know what I mean? Like a sexy adult Halloween party with a tits around. Yes, the fish nets.

You say you gotta go, all kid are all adults. Exactly. I see, I see. Full adult, full kid. Yeah, yeah, I don't mix the two No, no don't bring a kid to a sex party. Uh-oh. That'll get ugly But yeah, I keep dressing like horse ladies. We love the witch with the cleavage We love the the playboy bunny the sexy nurse all that shit keep it up. Yeah, I love tits I just love seeing them. It is weird to have a private part on your chest.

You're holding a private bar right here. That's a lot. It's exciting and you can really have a Dippy-Doo. I love a Dippy-Doo. And that's fun. Dippy-Doo, and now they're having shorter things with the panties and the triing on the business. It's five pipes. It all comes back to the baggy jeans or back. I see the low rise on women is back where they show in the cleavage.

You can see a little clip plopping up. And the butthole is almost there. It's all 90s coming back. Well, I was just walking up the street, fifth avenue or whatever. And I saw a business lady with like business pants and like heel. I love like a, I'm not going to a dance club with heels or Halloween costume I'm not shoving in your ass. I'm just this is what I wear that's like

Oh, yeah Yeah, I had the the lady I had to have a I feel bad. I had to do a sit down I was like when I met you used to dress like this and I showed her a photo. And I was like, yeah, a trench coat on with heels and she was like a working gal. And a trench coat. Well, you know, like a long black coat, like a sexy woman in charge thing.

And then I was like, look at you now, you're wearing a sweater vest and baggy jeans and flip-flops, I'm like, who would be become? That's why I just keep dressing classy. I think it's important. Classy. You gotta stay. It's your it's dinger than my asshole. Look at that.

Look at this. I was like, I was about. I went to a meeting. I was like, I got Starbucks. And this is with me flicking it off. It was like, open a stock to it because I was eating like, Kastanza. Those ducks are faded.

I don't know what those are. They're turning a light gray here. It's not good. It's a hue. And, you know, what can you do? Chair, classy. Oh, it's at the gym. I see.

And also, this is my favorite shirt, so. It's a kid shirt. But yeah, autumn is here. It's the tits, it's lunch. I love it. Can't beat it. You don't want it to go away, but it has to go away because that's why it's so special.

Cycles. Period. Yeah, so a lot to talk about. We'll gloss over the jupe Palestine. I feel like I'm boring everybody with Europe, so I don't want to get too much in there. Give me some Europe, come on, shove some Europe in my ass. Let me just say this, at one point, we went to Paris and I I mean dug out to go back to Manchester, which is a tough town. That's what David Beckham played

Oh, yeah, the United and I believe Oasis. Is Manchester? Yeah, then Liverpool is the Beatles right okay, there's a there's a our rivalry there It's the Beatles and also wear a Titanic left from I believe oh Iceberg Iceberg can you yeah movies not good. No, it's seven hours, too paint me So yeah, so we go back to Manchester was a bit of a bummer But I'm spending on fortune on on hotels, flights, you know, I'm paying for Doug, everything.

And so when we get back to Manchester, we're taking a train the next day to Birmingham. Ah, Osia was born. Is that right? That's right. Okay, these towns, they haven't really grown. They're still just kind of small in a bummer, but me and Doug get to sleep in the same room,

which is always a little off-putting. Same room. I slept in the same room, which is always a little off putting. Same room. I slept in the same room as Doug. You're batch the party. Oh, really? I thought it was on putting. Yeah, putting pop. But slept in the same room, which is fine with me. You know, we had two single beds, but I wake up in the morning. Woo! Maybe the rooster's growing and take my sleep pad off. I go how'd you sleep because I'll tell you how I slept But the phone up he filmed me snoring because it was that bad Oh, no, I know I could I got about two seconds of sleep. You killed me you ruined everything So the whole next day dogs like this and he hates me. There's attention and I gotta tell you that video was not pretty

I don't see you as a snoring I'm son, lugs, all day long. You know, that shit. That's terrible. Usually it's a fat shit. Maybe when you're sleeping sitting up or something like that, because if I fall asleep sitting up, I'll get a couple of vibrations.

I had a couple of you who's, that might have done it, but it was bad news. I said, you gotta just roll me over. He's like, I didn't want to get up and touch you, you know, it's a little weird So he I ruined his life, but we got on the train to manch at to Birmingham did shows in Birmingham It's fun if you're bombing in these England towns and you go well what about? What about Liverpool they go fucking You get them up and Adam again. It's like saying get it up for the troops. Right. You got a look nice out

Yes, yes, so sleep with the same bed Then this podcast hits me up called have a word Great guys great pod. It's like a big England podcast. It's like mostly football talk But they have Shane Gillis on they had bird on it all these people so I was like all right I want to do it so but we're going to Scotland the next day. Ah Scotland freedom fucking fight to do booboo. Yes hold Is he Scottish who Mel Gibson? No the the Braveheart William Wallace. Yeah. Yeah, okay. There you go

Yeah, they fought like warrior poets and won their freedom. He was seven feet tall of he was a foot Consider the most historically inaccurate film of all time. Yeah. How about that? Yeah, is he a real guy? He's a real guy, but I don't think he had some innovations. Okay.

He certainly never ruled over Scotland and took over. I think the princess of France and the queen of whatever the fuck that lady, she was like six at the time, which I try to do a joke about, when people were mad about it, she was six years old, this movie sucks. I'm like, you want Mel Gibson fucking a six-year-old? Yeah, good point. Never worked.

Well, they want like a, hey, that person's at a wheelchair, he's got to be played by a wheelchair. We got to have a toddler in there. Yeah, that's right. Uh-huh, so... Fun film though. Yeah, good movie. I mean, that movie changed everything.

You had people going blue paint. Right. Yeah, Scotland's cool. Give me a skirt. Well, my family's Campbell and Scottish. That's a character in the movie. Campbell. So we were like, we were jerking off to that mode. Totally. I mean, there was two cassettes. We watched it like three times a week. We're like, Campbell, Campbell soup. That's your black Panther. It was very exciting. So yeah, we go. So they go, all right right. How about this? Well you'll wake up in Birmingham We'll pick you up on a car at 9 a.m Okay drive you to Liverpool

You do the pod and then you get back in the car and drive four hours to Scotland now how far is Liverpool and Birmingham? That was about Two and a half okay, and was four hour ride to Scotland. Yeah, so I said, fuck it, I'll do it. So I gave Doug the room, he got to sleep. And I just hide till out of there at 9 a.m. I'm on no sleep. You try to fall asleep in the car and I had this guy.

I got a two and a half hour ride ahead of me. I'm already dreading this. You want to get a little snooze in, a little alone time. Also, you know, Doug's great, but we've been together for nine years. Absolutely. It's nice to get in that car. I get in the car, guys are huge comedy fans. Oh boy.

I might, he's got that Liverpool accent, you can read talks. English people, they invented the language, but they're the worst at it. Right. They can't say shit. He's like, how do I know my, my, my, my, my, my, and I'm like, ah, and he's like, what, how do I do that? And then we break it down. He's like, how long have you been doing comedy?

But it's so, it's the whole set and stakes a blip of a millisecond. And I'm like, ah, you know, I don't know, 16, 17 years. He's like, oh, that's crazy, mate. That's crazy. And then you're like, all right, I think it's over. And then he just kept going the whole two hours and eventually I go, oh, I think it's over. And then he just kept going the whole two hours and eventually I go,

oh, I got a phone call. And so now I'm in the back laying down going, uh-huh. You got that right. Every, like, intermentally, every six seconds, I'm like, oh, that's crazy. Holy shit. What do you, nuts? You can't do that. I know, Trump again. What's going on the wall? And he would be like, you done that, mate? I'm like,

hold on, I'm on hold. It was crazy. It sucks too, because you're not getting the piece you desire. Yes, yes, but it was getting out of the dialogue, but you're still on in this mode. Yes, well, you know, when you hear like an annoying sound and it's like like a faucet like bloop. Yes. At least it's a... Rhythmic. There's a rhythmic pattern. Right.

It's worse when it's intermittent and you're like, I don't know when it's coming next. I was about to say this exact thing. So that's how the dialogue was. Like it'd be quiet for a minute and a half or two minutes. You're like, oh, maybe it's a... And then boom, you'd hit you with it. So he just was so bored up there.

I could tell he wanted to, one of the dialogue, but I just couldn't do it. It's too hard, it takes too much effort, and you're going to a pod. You want to save a little bit, and then you don't want to be elitist, like, oh, that's fucking driver, but it's anybody.

If Prince Charles was up there, I'd be like, ah, I don't care, I can't do this. Yeah, I completely agree. And didn't we talk with this recently, what this should be, or is there a barber shop where it's like, you put in, I need a haircut, and I don't want to talk. Uber has that.

Oh, do they? Yeah, Uber made an option. Yeah, something like that is nice, because it's like, I'm a friendly guy, I like you, let's chat, or let's talk for eight minutes. Yes. Eight minutes. Yeah, I'm here doing this.

You know, my wife is nice, and my sister's cool, and my dad's gay, and dad's gay and that's it. That's all the time you have today. And then you take a nap. Right, right. It's like a therapist. Our time is done. You're like, all right, great.

Here's 250. Yeah, that's tough. Yeah, I love New York because it's all foreign folks. They're talking on the phone. Right. And you're just in the back. You go to Austin and everyone's like, so where are you headed? What are you doing?

You're like, ah, I don't know, it doesn't matter. And the wider of the town or the Salt Lake City, you're not getting out of there without doing a full diatribe. No, yeah, you want? Not whites. Yes, that's a great argument for immigration. Give me a non-speaking English person

who doesn't want to talk about my day. Has no interest. And he's just on the phone. Sometimes you look at the phone and like the clock is on there. They've been on the phone for like 14 hours, 85 minutes and 79 seconds. And they're still angry.

Oh dude, who the room, who the room, who the room. Like you're still angry after 14 hours. Yeah, it's just going, I think they just kind of hang out on the phone. I don't blame them. And you're sitting in the car all day. You gotta, you gotta just go with that. I think they just kinda hang out on the phone. I don't blame them. And you're sitting in the car all day. You gotta, you gotta socialize. Yeah.

So we get to the pod. Pod was great. Great guys, killer guys, super fun. And then you get back in that car. And I'm in the back. You know when, you, nothing worse than not knowing how long the drive actually is. So I'm putting in Scotland GPS.

Oh, the country. Just the country. Well, that's just the country. Just the country. That's just the border, I'm sure. I know, I know. You still got to get in the city, go to the hotel. So it was just a long four hours, and we probably did two hours of chit chat again, same driver.

And then I had to do the, oh, the wife, hold on, I can't talk and fight at the same time. And I would lay down behind him. And that really helped. Right. So eventually he turned music on and I was like, I'm free. And I don't want to shit on the guy.

He might hear this. He was very nice. He was a cool dude. I just can't do it. I completely understand. Now when you go from England to Scotland, did they give you a thumbs up? Is there a booth or is it just,

it's like going to a state? I didn't see one boarder and see one booth, not a machine gun, not an arm raised, nothing. Well, it's all UK. Yeah, it's it. But I wasn't sure if there was like a guy that was like, how you doing? Yeah.

You know, welcome to Scotland. You got anything in the trunk or anything like that? Nothing, but here's the clinker. I went to the show that night and I was like, here we are, last show, and we're in the UK. I was in the UK like, boo, they all booed UK. Ah, they went out. They want out I mentioned the queen boo. Oh my god. I can't keep track of you guys

It's like going to Texas and being like oh, but Biden huh boo. You're like, oh, that doesn't America right You know, so it's all topsy turvy get to Scotland check in the hotel Here we are in the last show of a month long multiple countries multiple flights here we go. This is it Sold out theater. I don't know 200 to 2500 people Oh, come on. I mean it was bad. What then some guy did a YouTube thing about like I saw Norman It's all Scott. I saw Norman. They fucking I ain't got booed Apparently I got I can't do this got a Jackson, but apparently I got booed by like a section which I didn't even hear oh

Geez it was bad. I mean they they were hootin hollerin. You know what's bad when Doug's on Uh-huh Doug you're damn right you do we do the we do the the crossover, you know he's bringing me up Uh-huh and he goes he's covered in sweat and he goes, that's all I got was a no, so you know, you get what town is this? Glasgow, okay, not to mention they go, you're gonna walk from the hotel, you're gonna get stabbed, it's all needles, it's all dives, watch out, and so that's weird, there's a tension in the air in Scotland. Oh boy, it's a beautiful place. Glasgow, but man there's something going on over there and We get out there and I'm kind of cruising for like 20 and then one guy's like And I'm like, huh, and that then the whole show falls apart one other guy goes shut the fuck up

Mate now they're fighting. Oh, it was bad me and Doug both covered in flop sweat. I get out of there I go that was hell we go to bed Fly home go to Skankfit Whoo that's Europe. Yeah, that's tough. I mean What do you think it was? Will they just drunk or not understanding or too rowdy? Or is it just the heroin and the whatever? I think they were shit house I think they were pre gaming and I think they're so keyed up. They're like, hey, this American guy came here. Let's have a good night. And the new stuff was really tanking. It had to be like a pitch perfect joke. And I got a lot of DMs like, fuck those guys. I thought

it was great. I'm a huge Tuesday. So that was nice. But tough show, tough crowd and good show on Comedy Central. And then me and Doug left there. We're like, and good show on Comedy Central. And then me and Doug left there, and we're like, we gotta get one drink, we went to a bar. Bar was amazing, there was a group of people who brought fiddles, just regular fiddler people. And I put it on my Instagram, they're just fiddling. Super fun, a couple of people from the show there,

had a few Guinnesses, and then went back and flew home, and had a big hug with Doug and Rikovik. We had a connection in Rikovik. He went that way, I went that way. And that's all she wrote. A Rikovik Doug hug. Yes. And that's all you're home for one.

A couple of days. Yeah, eight hours or so. Oh my gosh. Nine hours landed, went right to Vegas. But I gotta tell you, Vegas is a hellish flight. Flutecoach, two Vegas, but I got to tell you Vegas is a hellish flight. Fluke coach to Vegas, but compared to all the European stuff, it was a breeze. Interesting.

Cause there's no passport and everything. No passport, no customs. I got a small bag. I didn't have my giant bag. By the way, flew back from Skankfest. I see Dave Smith. He's in first class. Gomez. 20 C. Oh my God.

I happened there. I was 34 C because I bought it late. Uh-huh. Um, but uh, I go, oh, what are you doing? It's, he went from the king of the castle cowboy hat, weird outfits, get eyeliner, eyeliner, you know, seven pop polyshores blowing him all these guys Smash mouth or whatever I see P all up his ass Twenty C. Oh boy poor guy cuz yeah, I mean he that's the funnest part of the festival Just watching Lewis crowd surf and he wears makeup. He's dressed like Dracula. Yeah, he's really something for a couple days He's like true. No. He's the prime minister. He's got blackface on and then Twenty-se. Oh poor guy. Well, hopefully things pick up next year. We're talking about a just a reality check right out of the gate

Now where are you on the Skankfest location debate because he posted to which we do Skankfest in Vegas again. Should we go to another town? I think Philly would be a great city. I am way more, let's go East Coast. I don't like that venue. I mean, it's impressive what they do with it, but I don't like that walk. I don't like walk rap. Terrific, forget about it.

You call it a walk. I call it a jog. It's like the hurdles. Yeah, it's a wonderful speed. And hurdle heroin addicts laying on the ground, dying. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, Vegas was fun. They did two years there. We had a good run. Vegas has a nastiness to it, which I like, but Philly would be ideal. They can just

find a shit house warehouse in Kensington. We'll do it up. Yeah. Philly, I mean, I also he was like, well, we should go back to New York because so many of the comics live in New York. We wouldn't have to pay for hotels, but you're like, but that's the fun. Yeah. Well, the hotel you bump into each other, you're like, but that's the fun. Yeah, hotel. You bump into each other. You shut down stairs. The gambling is fun. True.

I didn't gamble once the whole time I was there. So I don't know what I'm talking about. Well, the roast had gambled with his sexuality, but. And his money also. Yeah, quite a festival. Well, it's tough to go to a strip club for nine hours. Come back. You're like, all right, I'm going home and you live in a casino.

Right. It's just full on roulette and you see,, there's a are you garbage guys or whoever and you're like all right I'll do a hand and you put down 300 bucks You lose it and you jerk off and go to bed speaking of the garbage guys how great were they on that live episode Both of them were humming baby firing at all still hot dogs all the way you know I don't understand and some people are like I don't like the live episodes I'm like I'm like on the floor that was the best thing we've ever done I think the audience wasn't might because there was a problem at the venue so people don't hear the last but we were

Killin and banging and zingin and zingin and zangin everybody had a couple live had a few bombs But I wanted to do good one too. I wanted two. Ian Lauer closed it out with a banger. Really a great time. Those garbage guys, they were really in the zone. They were hot, hot dogs. I mean, flies in the pizzone. They really had some good stuff. There was some great zings and stories all around.

So get excited for this grammar see episode. You got to join the Patreon. Yeah, once we did a pile on it, you were right in the middle and we all just went to I was about to pass 35 minutes of the pants the pants are in the trash burned I had to sacrifice them all right I hit Sarah a couple times for letting me go out in those pants. Please she earned it the very pants I was returning but what a what a night Elara Leaffer by the way Ian and Nate both on the tonight show together.

Oh, wow. One doing stand up, one doing panel. What stand up, baby? It's hot. It's back. But yeah, that was awesome. So make sure you check out that episode and the Patreon. Let me bitch about these.

Yeah, but go to the Patreon. It's killer. But let me bitch about these venues. I can't stand these. They're the theater. Hey, you can't record in here. We did it last time Well, we just don't have the capacity what we did it last time in the time before that well We can't do it. It's like just fucking do it. I was selling posters. Oh, that's gonna be 30% No, it's not all right fine. Well, what are you making up all this horse shit for I go to DC beautiful theater

I got Jason cats filming me for clips and whatnot and they go oh What are you making up all this horse shit for? I go to DC, beautiful theater. I got Jason Katz filming me for clips and whatnot. And they go, oh, is he filming all of it? I'm like, yeah, he's just gonna shoot the show. And they're like, whoa, we didn't always film in all of it. Let me run it up the flagpole. And you're like, why? What's in there is any films all of it or half of it?

And they're like, well, we just have to check it out. So eight guys are on mics. They have clipboards out. They're doing a huddle and a powwow and they're like all right. Are we cleared? It's cool. What does that mean? What is this NASA with the FBI just film it? Yeah, I don't get it. I don't understand it but I don't it's like secret surfaces out there with the weird Ear thing you know that twirls. Oh, yeah, I like those twirls. I love the twirl. They really tuck into the neck. You see that?

Don't you just assume anyone with one of those, I assume can kill me with the finger. Oh, finger up the ass. Just, yeah, you can charm your wife and blow on him. Those guys are good. They can negotiate. Yeah, it's really fun. I always want to be one of those guys.

I got to be, when I worked, lost prevention at Sears. I got to be one of those guys with the thing and you'd be like, this, we got two black kids looking at me funny. You know, it was pretty, it was pretty fun. It was fun to have. Yeah, wow.

It's pretty easy to get in trouble over there. Don't look at that guy funny. They'll tell you. It was a great time, but yeah, the venues are wacky, but then by the way, the venue also gave us some crazy, well, not the venue, but live nation. They gave us a big bonus which was nice So shout out to live nation. Thank you for the shell car being cats drove back from DC

I'm like he's like we need gas like we got to go to a shell like Google it I was a shell in a Delaware So we had to go to Delaware to go to the shell yeah, they like pumped it was like Sheldon was it was like good fellas. They were popping us extra cash. Oh, yeah Well, we didn't sell out Well, they know they're raping people on these ticket prices, you know what the the fees Right fee hand. I hate these fees. I love fee hand so much But we're going back to the grammar see December

Fifth yeah, we're pushing it, baby. There's gonna be 11 people there fourth and final. Yeah We're slowly just dwindling the audience down This was a good Christmas gift you boyfriend. Yes, you know, you just bring some migrants in there let them sit in the seats They need a little cover anyway. They'll love it. Oh, we got we got Mexican jokes or who else Elvador will throw those in Yeah, come on by December 5th Grammar see it's our 11th time. I mean, the Grammar C is just the stand to us at this point. That's true. We just run in sets there. But no, it's going to be a hot show. And we have somebody signed on who promised he's going to be there. He said, promote, and he's very sexy. We should do it over under on him showing. Yeah, he's very, he's in the

want, the need. It was also funny because he was like, I can't come a moving. And I was like, I'm currently holding a coach. Yes, exactly. But I also would have loved to have not gone. Sure. Because I was moving. Although, of course, it was the time of my life in the best hang ever. So for moving his hell, though. Bad.

My friend Bill Schiff said it. He said, if you're moving 1,000 miles or if you're moving upstairs, it's the same thing. It's a nightmare. Yes, Schiff's kiss. And it really is. I'm a very, you know me. I like to, I like, my ducks in a row, as's kiss. And it really is. I'm a very, you know me. I like to, I like, my ducks in a row, as they say.

I like to know where my stuff is. If someone moves it, I flip out a little bit. And so you're living in a house, and I don't know where my keys go. I don't know where this, and you try to accomplish something. You're like, all right, I'm gonna hang this picture. Where's the double, like a little floor by six.

I'm like, where's the double-sided tape? I don't know what that is anymore one of those 19 boxes So then I look for it for eight minutes and in that time I find a dusty shoe a fucking shoe horn and an eye patch I'm like let me put the eye patches with the eye patches Sure, let me find my peg leg and then finally you find the fucking Double-sided tape you come back and you go, okay, where are the scissors the sit? I don't know where the scissors go. Yeah, and it just takes it's a nightmare. It's a nightmare because you already don't really want to hang this

But now it's more trouble to hang it. You're like I even want to hang it in the first place Now you got me dumping boxes out to look for the double tape not to mention you come across a yearbook You go, oh there's Shelley by the love of my life. She died in a train accident I'm on a mister exactly and you get it I mean I have all the d's I got a dd I got OCD I got many CDs Pearl Jam live Sure double d's and so I can't I want everything in order but it's so out of order and I can't I'm George is saying cut it I want to but send someone tell me about this task rabbit So I got a three men coming over to like fuck my wife One's gonna full clothes one's gonna put together baby stuff the other one's gonna eat my wife out

Oh, that's an ass rabbit. I can't wait so okay We'll film that put it on the page rod. I want see your wife get railed by eight guys for four dollars an hour Me too. Oh, yeah hashtag, but all right Well, I've been hogging it with Europe. Well Europe's over back in the USA born in the USA still born. What do you got? I got a lot you can't say still boredom having a child Oh, geez, sorry, I forgot about you ever to try you're gonna gonna jinx it. Good healthy kid, not retarded, very nice. How about those people, by the way? Don't say that.

I know. Don't say that people. Those are real. That's really something. That is happening. Well, hope I don't crash. Why are you crazy? I know.

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using promo code Tuesdays at liquidiv.com. Do it. Uh, anyways, I got tons over here, because I forgot. You were gone for a month. A month, Jerry. Yes. You got this with your wife.

You're like, you say, I'm just running a bit now. You tell your wife, look like you're watching something, she's looking at her phone, you're like, look at this guy. Look at, look at, look at, look at, and then she's like this. What is it? You're like, it's gone. It's gone.

You gotta look when I say look. Yeah, yeah, very frustrating. Very frustrating. You gotta look now. I have that with Uber drivers too. Pull over right here. What's that pull over right here? Stop stop stop and they just keep going. I'm like stop stop Drives me fucking crazy. Yeah, I'm like look at this car. Oh my god this car is crazy

Just like what is it now? 300 miles back that way. Yeah, I feel bad for people when they when they don't listen like that Like they was I was at the coffee shop today like guys guy's like, what can I get you, sir? And he's like, he's looking at a YouTube video. He's like, I'll do the, oh wow. That long. And I'm like, what are the fucking thing? This poor guy's waiting for you.

How about when I was in Vegas, I was at Skankfest. I was meeting up with Ian and Lev and Karen, the whole crew over there. And I'm like, you know, I can't have someone waiting for me. It makes me sick to my stomach. Yes, yes. The thing people are waiting for me. I'm at Starbucks.

There's an old man like returning something. All these old people, they go to Vegas. He's got like a sheet of paper with a code on it. And what do you call that? The barcode? Yes. The serial code. Serial killer.

He's like, I think it's 6'4, 8' six four eight three and the line is 350 people in line There's one star much within 85 miles and I'm like you cock suck and cut get out of here And you just want to hand them 300 button like here you go. Here's my winning. Take it get your cup Get the fuck out of here. I want a seven dollar cup of tea because they ripe yet these casinos I know wait. What are you gonna return to the star? But hey, I got half a cross-off tier. I mean, what are you returning? I think he bought a cut or it's probably a deal That they give you free thing whatever the fuck good. They oldies love the coupons

But a nice two-scay jumped in line and bought me some stuff not jumping like he's like, I let me go out your tea Oh, that was very nice the two skays are so kind I can't describe how nice everybody is Let me go out your tea. Oh. That was very nice. The two skays are so kind. I can't even describe how nice everybody is. And everybody's been so good about gifts and hugs and emails and cards. It's really quite touching. I appreciate it.

Love the gaze. All right, let me get into some stuff here. Please. Put it in my dick hole and see if it's things. This was fun. So my niece moved to New York City, which is crazy. How old? She's 18.

She's a freshman at Pace University. Wow. Good for her. Mind blowing. Yeah, she's just in college. I'm like, proud of her. I have pride, Jerry. And you also want to be like, be safe, be careful.

Because we did it. We were in a couple of knock around Jews, you know? She's a little lady. I know, and also the cities changed quite a bit back in 07. It was a little more peace and love. Now it's horrifying out there. Yeah, yeah, now it's you're in pieces. And I was 25 and had lived in Everett, Massachusetts.

So this is a move up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I had done friends. I had done some traveling and, yeah, knew a lot of people. It was drunk. So that was all good. Very drunk. But yeah, so it was of people. It was drunk. So that was all good. Very drunk. But yeah, so it was very exciting.

So she came down with the family. We moved her in, which is very exciting. You get emotional. You're moving a person in, which is fun. And then we went all over the city, toured around the city with my nephew came. And I actually know he's trained his ankle in a soccer game.

So he didn't come. But my dad came down and that was fun. And he helped her move. So I had my sister and my brother-in-law, my niece, and we walked through Central Park. This is just a sweet gay story, but we're walking through, they wanted to see the site. So I'm taking all the sites,

we walked through Strawberry Fields there with John Lennon, which I do the same joke every time. I say, this is where Paul McCartney's buried. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, it's pretty good. A couple of people laugh and someone goes, whoa, no, no, no, it's always that gay. Well, it. Yeah, it's pretty good. I like it. A couple of people laugh and someone goes, whoa, no, no, no, it's always that guy. Well, it's funny because it's a tribute to Lenin.

McCartney's not dead. No one's buried there. It's a funer. The more worse is dead. So then this guy, you know, it's all musicians playing Beatles tunes. And the guy says, well, I'm going to play a Ringo song. And I said, nobody reacts.

And I went, yeah, Ringo. And he's like, you like Ringo? And I said, I love Ringo. And I said, I and I went yeah, Ringo and he's like you like Ringo I said I love Ringo and I said I love octopus is garden and You know the other one with love my friend. Yes, that's Ringo. Yeah And I said what do you call it? Ringo what was the other way? Oh the They're gonna put me in a mood. Oh, act naturally. I was like, act naturally. There you go.

And he goes, uh, I was like, huh? And he goes, well, I'm not playing any of those. And I was like, nah, and he goes, name one more. And I went, don't pass me by. And he went, that's the one. Hey, hey, it was fun. We had a fun connection. That's great.

And then, uh, he starts singing. And then I started singing with them. I was singing along. And then he gave me this. Ah. So I came over and stood with him. I sang the whole song with them. Oh, I thought he was like get out of here No, he gave me he gave me like the come over here Whoa I was like don't pass me by. I don't make it. We had some high contact and we had a little crowd over there

That's great. That was very fun, but it was fun because he had the come on name one more And I was like how about this one? He's like that's the one. That's the one I need you. Everybody was quite a sight. I felt like a million bucks. That's a, it's a community moment. Like you're in New York City. You're doing the, you're singing with the locals. We connected and we sang and I loved to sing.

And I'm gay and the family was like, he's a crazy nut this guy. What a, what a nuncle. That was, I've never, my uncle was a cop, he was terrifying. You're on the fun. You're on the fun. You're on the fun. Well, I'm a funcle.

So that was really fun and that was sweet and he had like a beautiful arrangement too. He sang it different. It wasn't like, he did his own kind of thing with it. That I don't care for. So that was exciting. And then, so that it's like crazy because the family moves in, she moves,

she now lives in college. Wow. And they all took my sister and brother and my dad, they took a late night train. My dad was in town for 10 hours, came in the morning, left at night. So they all leave. You're a good skankfest.

I do, I go to the cellar, I do a couple spots, and I text my niece, I'm like, this is crazy, we're in the same city. We're gonna bump into each other at some point. And she says, well, what are you doing tomorrow? Do you wanna show me and my roommate around, show us how to use the subway a little bit? Okay.

So I say, great, let's do it. I didn't tell this, did I? Point of year, different uncle than me. I'm like, ah, yeah, busy. I don't wanna hang out with my niece. Well, I can't lie, that's the instinct, of course. The first thing you think is like, oh, be out of town.

Yeah. And then you're like, what am I talking about? This is my dream. This is the thing that happens in life. Is you moved to New York, you know the city, all I want is for someone to come and be like, well, how do you live? What's it like down here?

How do you live? So now you have somebody that's like, show me the ropes. Right, right. Because you wanna share whatever, you wanna share your life with family. I guess so. You want to be like, well, this is how you do this and you have all this, what's the point of having wisdom

if you're not sharing it? You got to share. So I go, yeah, I'll be down there. 9.30 AM, I went right down to the city, we meet up. I take them like, this is how you get on the subway, this is how you swipe your car. There you go. This is that.

That's the other thing. Do you believe in life after love? So we went all over the place, and then I just rode back with them to the, what do you call it? Dorms, I said, all right, see you kids later, good job. That's lower Manhattan down there. It's a little wacy.

Yeah, it's right. So then the next day was whatever day, I was doing Feehan's podcast, which is also records downtown. That's right, downtown. So I went down there, did her podcast and I said, I'm going to go over to, you know, ground zero, walk around over there, like to, you know, put my ass over there and... This tourism is way up. Oh, is that right?

Well, it just feels like I went to ground zero not too long ago and it was just jammed. I could even see the tower. Oh, wow. Well, it just feels like I went to ground zero not too long ago and it was just jammed. I could even see the tower. Oh wow, wow, it's gone. So I was, I was down there, sniffing around and I was like, oh my God, my niece lives down the street. So I gave her the challenge. I said, I want you to come meet me here. Oh.

I was, at first I was like, why don't I go get her? Yes. But I'm like, well, she's an adult? She lives here. Yes. So I said, all right, come meet me at Ground Zero. And she's like, okay. I don't think I can do it. And I said, all right, Kov, you're getting any trouble, but just follow the big building.

Good for you. So I stood in the corner, and then I seared in the distance my teenage niece. I remember when she was bored. I got Tariya, Jerry. I'm hard. She's walking up. I said, you did it. And she's like, I said you did it.

She's like, ah, what are you gonna do? You know, so it was just very exciting. And we walked all around the west side highway and all that shit. That's great. The man didn't take a dump, which was weird. Yeah, well, when you have kids though, and those training wheels come on

and he gets that shaky first ride and he nails it with the bike. Woo! Man, I'm gonna fuck him in the ass. I can't wait to do that. So that was really fun. And then, oh, that was the other thing. I took them...

Well, I was taking my niece and her roommate around. I was like, let's go have lunch at the olive tree. I took it to the village, you go take it everywhere. And then, sometimes it's hard because you're like, you go to the bitter end, I'm like, this is where Woody Allen and Bill Cosby started their careers, Richard Breyer, and they're like, who, or they're like, the rapist guy? Yeah, yeah, it's a lot changed.

So, you know, I'm like an old comedy nerd, right? Woody Allen was in here, and they're like, I don't know who that is, I'm like, whatever, he's very funny. They're like, he had a voice in ants. Yes, exactly. He picks our movie. They're two young for ants. Yeah. We were in high school when that came out.

It's only uncles. So Yeah, it's not bad I prefer on so These people say and you say it I say yeah, that's gay usually aunt of course. Oh, what are you royalty? Ant is a different word ant is a aunt ant You like the you a you and T. What about the auntie? Ant you like the you a you and T. What about the on T? Auntie that's a black thing. No my auntie. No, where'd you get the the why I like green tea

I like a T beg Stinks but anyways, so what's that now? A T bone T-bone it's ooh as a ooh By the way, I was going to do a last night. His favorite episode is Andrea Dora. I'm like, you got to be kidding me. I will, that part of the Andrea Doria chunk is gold. There's some fun stuff in there, but that's not gonna on the wall. C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C, C in a hair. It's his night, it's his big night, radio city, sold out. But if you're a favorite episode of season eight, forget about it.

I knew that would bother you. But you can't get into a date. I mean, we used to really go at it. That's gonna be fun when your kid is gonna love sopranos. We'll see. We'll have it out. I might give it another try. sopranos, I'm gonna really give it a fifth try.

There you go. Fifth try is the charm. But any fart, so I was like, let's go have lunch at the oliveice. The proudest, I'm gonna really give it a fifth try. There you go. Fifth tries the charm. But any fart sauce, like let's go have lunch at the olive tree. Yes. It's Sunday and it's Sunday. That's a great season nine line. So any farts we go in there,

I don't realize this a brunch show happens. Ah. So we're having lunch, we're hanging out, Liz comes by and she goes, hey, do you want to go on? I'm wearing shorts, which is awkward. And then the kids, these teenagers, I'm like, well, I'm gonna go do a set. That's exciting.

Alan Havie comes by, they get to meet him in John Marcos Sarasi, who like, they know from TikTok. Oh, there you go. They throw Ryan Hamilton and then they got to watch the Duke comedy in the middle of the episode. Wow. That was pretty good. I'm telling you, this is a crazy uncle.

I'm some kind of fun, Cole. This guy is bonkos. So it was, you know what's fun about bringing a couple of teens to the cellar? Well, some bad to it, but Liz has to be nice to you. Yeah, that was nice. She can't come over like, hey, you fucking asshole, what do you do it here? She did a little bit of that, but she's also nice because she was like, oh, downtown, she knows the city. She's like, there's a target up in there,

there's this restaurant, you should go to this place. So that was really nice and everyone was so nice, it was very sweet. Yeah. Now let me throw this at you, because this one I think actually might be funny. All right, all right, lick my ass. I tried to do this as a bit, it doesn't work, it never works,

but maybe actually why? We doing bits now, what do we do? What part did it? Wow, it's a story. Okay, okay, that I tried to do this as a bit, it doesn't work, it never works, but maybe actually why? We do in bits now, what do we do? What part did it? Wow, it's a story. Okay, okay, that I tried to do as a bit, and it didn't work, but I think it'll work here, because I think it's funny. I need someone to discuss it with.

Okay, I fly to Chicago. I fly to Chicago, I got two shows at Zaini's, two Pearl Jam shows and two stand-up comedy shows. What a life. Good life. So I get there there and I land, what morning flight I had a headache, doesn't matter why, I don't know, I had a headache.

So I had to go get some Tylenol and some water. Okay. So I go to the Hudson News, Addo Hare, one guy in front of me, Asian guy and this guy just landed in America. You can feel like, not a lot of english hit some reason his wall he's buying a few items

he's got nothing but two dollar bills wild is this guy uh... super natural now i don't know this part of the story how we get the dollar bill are they giving away two dollar bills at the exchange i don't know that probably what it is so he goes to buy whatever a coke and uh, you know, some juju bees. Sure. He hands the guy four $2 bills and the guy, he's like a Chicago

guy goes, no man, he's like, these are good luck. Well, he's got nine of them. He's like, you can't be spending these, these are good luck. But the guy is like this. Oh, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look? Rock, what? Like, I'm like, you're gonna introduce the concept of lucky money to this man. Just get him outta here. Keep him moving, take the money. Well, the cashier's defense is,

this guy will be dealing blackjack in about two months. But I'm like, you believe in the luck, you take the tunes. Jim Toons. Good boy. Take the money and enter the guys. Literally, he doesn't speak English, so he's handing him back the money to money like you're the Chinese guy

Don't do the eyes if you don't want all right, all right, I want it to I'm the guy him in the money. There you go Because no, yeah, that was a good luck and he's just handing him so for his perspective He's trying to buy something guys like what this isn't money. He's like this money But it's like that's he's like literally he's like, literally, he's like, my mother, when I was a kid, my mother told me, those are good luck. You can't spend them, the guys, I'm not joke, I sound bad, but he's like, well, it's good, it doesn't speak any English.

Of course. It's like, imagine if you landed in China, exchange your money, in the first place you went, they were like, that's good. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's crazy. I mean, how can he understand? And who is this one cashier who's not taking money? I get it, it's good luck. But after the third handoff, you just gotta just take it. Just take it, just take it. He's back in his wallet, looking for more money.

And the only part of the bit that worked was I'm like, we're the only country that has like goofy money. We're like, oh no, this isn't real. No, it's real, but it's like, we don't really spend that. Yeah, yeah, that's true. And I'm also like, $100 bills are lucky. $2 bills is unlucky. It's worth nothing.

It's two bucks. Yeah, that part didn't hit me. Two bucks, Chuck. Nice stink. But yeah, I thought it was insane. I was like, get out it, but for me, I was like, I just wanna buy this thing. This is getting out.

I know. I'm like the idea of being like, luck. Ah, it's crazy. This is luck. Like guys like, what? Yeah, yeah. Ah, it's crazy. This is luck. Like, guys, like what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's silly. But makes you wanna just hit the, first of all, make sure you wanna steal it.

Like, I'm just gonna take this and go. I almost did, cause this went on for realistically. I don't wanna exaggerate. Four minutes. Four full minutes. It's a surprise. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? That'd be hilarious.

Why'd you miss the flight? Ah, good luck. Yeah, I had bad luck. He had good luck. Yeah, I had bad luck. He had good luck. Yeah, I just don't understand. Also, I'm like, I hate luck. Ah, luck stinks. Hold onto this.

It's lucky. I hate luck is bad, ghosts are bad. There's this house is haunted. Shut up. We have to have this conversation now with the haunted. I have to appease you. You don't say, oh, granny died in here. She comes back at night and moves a cup.

Oh, dude, I got a bit of a ghost bit where I tried, I tried to make fun of adults who believe in ghosts. It did not go good. I swear to God, you're better off picking a side in the Middle East to bathe. Wow. A portion really. A police and black people.

Seriously, I literally think those are less controversial than ghosts. Yeah, ghosts is a, it's a, the line in the sand, these ghosts. Because people at a 60%, I'd say we're in the minority with the ghosts believe. Oh, we are. Yeah, yeah.

The show is about ghost hunters that never wrap up. But just like, oh God, the meter's going crazy. Oh, we're in a warehouse. I heard something cut to commercial. Well, people are afraid of going, I can't do that. I mean, I'm doing a lot of bits that don't work, but I was like, literally it was like, that's my number one fear.

I'm like, you know about cancer? What about cancer? How about murder? Cancer, AIDS, climate change, AIDS, and what's the thing that everyone's doing the fentanyl? COVID anything. Dave marriage. I mean there's a lot of scary stuff about there. That's terrifying ISIS yeah both them take your head. I said some us all of it's horrifying. Yeah, yeah, it's not good What's another one? By the way the how about the reincarnation guys? Oh, you know, my another life.

I was Alexander the Great. I never understand like, so wouldn't I have memory of my life? Wouldn't I be sitting here being like, oh, remember I fucked that? That's a big memory. I think you start fresh, but they- So what's the point of another life?

Well, that's what I'm saying. It's all horse shit. But how would you know there's another life? You have no memory of the life, and there is no other life. Well, it's all bullshit to begin with, and they never are regular Joe. It's just like, out another life,

I was a, until the hunt. Like, no, you were scooping shit at the racetrack. It doesn't make any sense. Now, it's all pipes, it's all wacky, but yeah. It goes, whoa! And I try to, people are like, mad, you can feel them. I think as people want to think their dad is in the room. I think that's what it is.

So sorry, your parents are in the room with you at all times. Yes, grandma's with you. She watches you, jerk off. Yes, and you like it. I never understood that either. They're always like, grandpa's watching down, but I'm like, if heaven exists,

why would he be watching you? Wouldn't he be like getting blown by a bunch of women? Exactly, it's supposed to be euphoria up there, decent show. And if there's a heaven, your grandfather would go back to a time before you existed. He wouldn't want to be 78 forever. True.

It'd want to be 29. That's true, yeah. But then he'd be like, you might get used to some of the technology. So that would actually be tough to go back to an olds mobile and you had to crank it. Right, but it's heaven, I think the olds mobile just worked. That's true.

I think in heaven you can get an iPhone no matter what year. Well now we got some stipulations. Yeah, stipulations. Simantics. I'm proud of you. Thank you. Step, steep. Steep is fun. Merrill's steep. Steep trouble. Stipular semantics. I'm proud of you. Thank you Stip Steve

Steve is fun. Merrill steep steep trouble. Yeah, so all right, so You gave the Chinese guy a hundred bucks or what happened now eventually he figured it out But I was fear and like I said I had a headache and then you know oh hair. It takes nine days to get down It's like a pilgrimage. It's one corridor You just and you're all doing it. It's one corridor. You're all doing it. It's run run Rudolph every time. It's jam packed and that airport had been updated since 1916. Oh, hair sucks.

I had to fly you night in Jerry, by the way. Hey, welcome to the club. Oh my God, I couldn't get in the club. I was like, I have first class and only international. I had to sit out with the fucking little people on the chairs with the thing I mean I haven't not been in a lounge in five years. You gotta love. I got two lounges now Hmm, well, I tried to the American Express lounge, but they were like this is a bullshit car

This is like a car they give to children. Hey, it's on the same thing But he broke mine in front of me. He's like this is trash Well, I've never used it. I just got it because Sarah has one. I don't even know what it I don't understand credit cards I'm all debit same. You just don't want to use fake money or two That's what it all credit is just liquid up there. It's just oh, yeah, you owe credit. I want to use the money I have right credit is made up money that you pay back later by the way these lounges are are buttoned up Believe me. Do you hear the news. But then they push back on that because everyone was like,

you fucking Nazi cow piece. Oh good. And they were like, we're just kidding. Oh, okay, good. But I will say they're getting a little full. They're very full, yeah. They're very full. The food lines create, you can't get a seat.

All the plugs are taken. Yeah, so I'm actually okay with it because I hit Diamond again for next year. But the year after that, because I'm, you know, the baby, I'm gonna travel with it because I hit Diamond again for next year, but the year after that because I'm you know the baby I'm gonna travel that's maybe we'll see what's better diamond or platinum diamond diamonds tip top. I'm platinum Gonna hop back up there yikes. Well the year's about the roll over anyway, so yeah, I think we start from scratch Yeah, I gotta use the But but anyway, I got a couple more you want. You wanna throw something in there?

No, no, no, that's all you. Okay, are you sure? I just gotta put this on the record or else they'll fucking bomb my house. Did Hershey, it was great. Drove to DC, two and a half hour drive, beautiful day. DC was unreal. Killer crowd, I love that town at the Capitol Hall Center

or whatever. And Jason Katz drove in. He's like, I had the worst day driving in. It rained. It took me seven hours and I go, you want to drive back tonight? And he was like, gas! But we did it and we got home at three in the morning. By the way, I just thought of this.

DC Chocolate City. Yeah. And you came from Hershey. Whoa! You went from real chocolate city. You went from real chocolate city. The chocolate city. That's true. How about that? Well done. That's fun. Hershey, Pennsylvania, that's a real chocolate city. Chocolate city. That's true. How about that? Well done.

That's fun. Hershey, Pennsylvania, home of Michelle Wolf. That's right. That's right. Former home. You know the guy made Hershey and just started a town. The town, he made it. He's like Willy Wonka. Is that right? He just was like, I don't want to make my own town.

Only like 10,000 people live there. 14,000 people. But it's all candy. I stayed on chocolate Avenue. I took a ride on Hershey's Quart Lane. I mean, it,000 people, but it's all candy. I stayed on chocolate Avenue. I took a ride on Hershey Squirt Lane. I mean, it was all chocolate, Jerry. I got some balls that live on Hershey Squirt Lane. Wow, that's fun.

Hershey PA, you know when you're selling out in Hershey PA, you know you got something going. Well, they drive in from Harrisburg, and McCannixburg and Iceberg lettuce. Yes, it's still Hershey. Okay, you're still selling out Hershey. I'll take it. I'm not flying in from Houston.

No, no flights from Houston. It's still something. All right, I'll take that stuff. That's really, that's an accomplishment. I was hoping they'd put a Hershey bar in the goddamn green room just to be like, I ain't welcome to Hershey, but no, no bar. I would think the whole green room was built out of Hershey bars. I'd try and tried biting the walls

Nothing there pillowbiteers are weird Yeah, you pillowbite. I think that's brilliant. I guess so cuz you're in her fucking the ass Yeah, you're biting the pillow. You gotta you gotta take it now You ever had a woman bite the pillow cuz I'm seeing a woman bite a pillow one time and it's really something now See the woman bite me never a pillow that I don't care for I don't like getting bitten the lip bite What are you doing you're hurting me? No, I never got it I never got the slapping the hitting the squeezing the punching. I don't get it the

That's fixation bullshit. I don't understand the only pain I like is a high heel right up my chooch That's a pump. It's really. Pump in the dump. The pump don't work, because the vandals took the handles. I really want that thing up there. Oh, yeah, that's an eight inch stiletto, baby. And then just break it off and let it live in there for a couple days. That's an appointment.

Hit me with, don't go to pay less. You're banned from there. Pay less. Pay less, game more. Hit me with the Chicago fatty. All right. Well, this is a lot of stuff here. The Chinese, uh, two dollar bill.

So we go to Chicago and it's like a make a wish. We're going to Pearl Jam Tuesday night at the United Center. And then Wednesday, Zaney's two shows sold out, which is nice. And then Thursday back to Pearl Jam again. You not sick of the Pearl? No, no sick. I love the jam. I like to swallow it Pearl necklace. Yeah, I love it You know they only come around every couple of years. You just go to a couple shows Okay, it's very fun very exciting and you see all the say people and can't turn Mike to me the comma He came out and my buddy Dave Stewart is a Massachusetts state trooper. Thanks for your service

I know he works in a lab, he's like a lab guy. Come on. Trooper, my ass. Kind of annoying. Not doing any trooping. He's got the badge and the thing, and then he's a two's gay, too. But he's like, where's a suit and looks at stem cells? I'm like, come on.

It's like I was in the military for 10 years. You were a accountant. Yeah. For the military. I want a friend who smashes people through the winch. Yes, slide across the hood on your ass. Takes out the stick and really gives him a good beating about the ankles and shaniards.

No time for backup. Get out of here. Doesn't even check the evidence. Just give him a good beating. Hell yeah. But anyways, no, I'm joking, of course. He's brilliant, great guy. So I got to see all those buddies canner

Of course, so we go to Chicago. We do the go to the pro gym show at fucking kick sass rules. They still got it Eddie's almost 60. He's jumping around, you know, the greedy 63 or something. He's wailing great show So then Wednesday we're going to the Cubs game afternoon Cubs Wow, this is a weekend. Very exciting. And they did a thing where they gave out Eddie Vetter's shirt, because he's a big Cubs fan. And so they did kind of a joint event. All right.

And you know, at Rigley Field, somebody sings, take me out to the ballgame. Okay. It's usually a celebrity, local celebrity type of person. So we're all like, Eddie Vetter's singing, take me out to the ballgame. This is gonna be exciting. Hell yeah. So, and we have good seats, my buddy Bart,

who's the best, he's got great seat hookups. He's one of these guys that gets tickets to things. I love a ticket guy. He's like the mayor, he's a bartender. He's a bartender. A bartender. Bartender. So he's got the hookups, so we got fucking kick ass seats,

but we're kinda under the roofs, so we're covering it with rain, but you can't see the press box. Sure. So it-thinning stretch time all these pearl jam people are excited We move out to see Eddie sing seven-thinning stretch and they go ladies and gentlemen wriggling field today singing the Take me out to the ballgame Jeff Garland oh Garland Garland not even Judy Jeff Garland. Oh, hold on. Garland. Garland. Not even Judy. Jeff Garland. So we're like,

ah, we shuffle back to our seats. And I love Garland. You know me. I know it loves Kerr more than my asshole. Sure, sure. So we shuffle back to our seats. It's Garland and he's fun. A one, two, take. You know, he does the whole thing.

And I have, he probably made it silly and goofy. Silly, goofy, fun. But we wanted Eddie. We wanted to see Eddie. two day you know he does the whole thing and I have he probably made it silly and goofy silly goofy fun But we wanted Eddie we wanted to see Eddie instead. We got Garland. Yeah, it's a big drop off He's big two eddies. He's like if someone ate Eddie. Yeah, Eddie Eddie. So He's spaghetti Eddie, so we sit down. Okay. No Eddie. Watch the game. I leave a little early Which I don't like to do but I I'm like, I got two shows and I don't even shower and suck my own dick. Go back, we go to the club.

Is that a town town? A boys town or old town? Old town, yes, yes. Boys town is in Mexico. Oh my. Oh, sorry. And also in my pants. There's a youngstown as well.

Here in youngstown. So I go back to the hotel, shower up, go to the club. I'm excited to show sold out shows. Well, it's exciting. I love that room. Two. He's there. He's doing spots. Canner and the MC was great. I forget his name baseball player. Nice guy. Derek Jeter now different baseball player. Hank Aaron. Yeah. Derek Jeter now different baseball player Hank Aaron. Yeah, I like Pia's So we go we're hanging out and they go hey just a heads up. We got a guest spot tonight. Ah here we go Jeff Garland

You can't dodge this guy. That'd be great. The guest spot was any better. We had just seen him So I was like oh wow, we just talked to him. But now I'm a little nervous because Garland, he's big energy and he's a headliner. He's a local hero, so I'm like, does he wanna do a short spot, whatever? He can't go short. So I'm like, okay, great. I mean, first of all, I'm thrilled to have him. I'm excited. They're like, yeah, he wants to come see you

because I met him last year. We did the film premiere there. So he's a sweet, sweet man and obviously very funny. And better to get Garland than a guy who's been doing comedy eight minutes. Right. So I'm like, okay, Garland's coming. So we do the first show. He does the cover. He comes to the second show. And Garland, I mean, he is a force of nation.

Oh, big barrel of chocolate. He's big and boisterous and he's telling all these great stories. And I've never met anyone like Garland. Like, you talk about ADD. Like, he goes from a story to another story to a different story and we're just, and it was like, our dad was there. Oh, he's killing.

He's killing, everyone's excited and we're asking about curb and curb this, but though this was funny, he was like, I was like, people forget how soon after Seinfeld curb started and he's like, no, no, it was a few years. Uh-oh. And now it's weird, because you know me, I like to be right and I right, and I know my stuff.

Sure. But he's in the show. Yeah. So I'm like, what am I gonna do? Pick a fight with a guy who's the star of the show. I think he got to go show him the number, pull the phone out. Well, I didn't want to be that guy,

and he doesn't slow down for long, but I was like, I think it was right after, he's like, no, no, no, no, it was a few years later. I had two thousand four, and I'm like, I think it was right after he's like, no, no, no, no, it was a few years later. I had 2004 and I'm like, I think it was two years. Not even, 99. It was the show ended, I mean, I threw that out because he's like, when did it end? So I felt like, May 15th, 1998.

I tried to let him know, you know, I tried to give him a little, like, little gin music. Although it might have been the 16th, it was once a Notre-Dade, so Notre-Dade. Look at him, it was the 15th of the 16th. I'm starting to question myself it might have been the 16th. It was when Sonatradai. Sonatradai, look how it was the 15th of the 16th. I'm starting to question myself. Okay.

It was the 16th. It was the day after Sonatradai, maybe the same day. Okay. Give me the new, give me the Sonatradai sign fell finale. I think it's May 16th. I'm changing my answer. Final answer.

First one. 98. May 14th. Oh, shit. Oh, man. Garland. Damn it. When did Sonatradai? Let's see. May 14th. Oh! Shit! Oh! Man, Garland! Damn it, when did Snotra die? Let's see. May 14th.

Out! Well, a lot of time has passed. It's 25 years ago. So not just death. May 14th. Okay, all right, you got that. All right, I'm back. You got that, okay.

Thank you. Oh, sorry, Barrett, can we edit this? Yeah. Oh, Jesus. I'm gonna kill myself. Anyways, May 14th. There you go. What happened to the 16th? Yeah. Oh, Jesus. I'm gonna kill myself. Anyways, May 14th. There you go. What happened to the 16th?

Something, I'm sure. But anyways. I think Fairfoss at that. And I believe curb the first episode is October of 99. Pull it up, Eddie. But that I looked up after. But I do remember being in high school. Yes.

And so that's why it was one of those things we were like, I remember being in high school and there was a buzz. Oh, big bye. We all watched the last episode as a family. So, must see TV. I've lost my phone. But the curb, I think. First episode was so, but so.

Yeah, curb was, premier date, pilot. But it was one of those things too. You can't say to everyone in the room, you'll be like, yeah, I'm right. I just always talking about that. That's tough.

Says Oxford 17th, 1999. There you room. Yeah, I'm right. He doesn't always talk about it. That's tough. Says, Oxford 17th, 1999. What? There you go. Yeah. That's not even, it's like 15 months later. Oh my lord. I didn't think it was that close. Oh, whatever.

You're in half. Yeah. No, it was like I was in high school. Wow. But anyway, so that was fun. But anyway, he told a million stories and just had it going all night. Then he did a guest spot. This was, this was weird and funny. So he's like, all right, I'm going to did a guest spot. This was weird and funny.

So he's like, all right, I'm gonna do a guest spot and I had two of you on the show. We had an MC, Mike, two of you, canter and me. And then Garland's doing a guest spot. So, so canter comes over and he's like, hey, nice to meet you. Jason goes, oh, what are you the MC? And he's like, no, I'm the feature.

And so Garland's like, wait, so you're going on two. Yeah. And he's like, so, okay, so you're going on them me? Or should I go on? And Jason's like, no, I'm the feature. And so Garland's like, wait, so you're going on too. Yeah. And he's like, so, okay, so you're going on them me? Or should I go on? And Jason's like, you go on. So Garland goes before Cantor, which is a little weird. You think the big guest spot would go right before. Yeah.

So it's host Garland, host Mike Tui, that Garland, that cantor. All right, so Cantor's got to disappoint him after Garland, because they get a celeb and then canter. Well, so, they bring up Garland and it gets like a little pup, but not as crazy as I thought it was gonna be. I think he's around. I think he's hauntin Chicago. They see him at Chipotle.

They might see him, but also I think curbs not as big as it was. I think a lot of people don't know curbs like we do, maybe. I don't know right But he got a nice little pop so he goes on and he's fucking around goofing around and then he goes Why don't I just bring up the next comic? It was very nice to me. He was like I can't wait to see Joe. He's so funny, which is very sweet. Yes, and he's like Why don't I bring up the next guy what I'll just bring him up. What's this? What's your name? And he goes We all go Jason Jason canter and he okay, great, he does another bit.

And this is hilarious, I don't know, tell me how you feel about this. He goes, all right, I'll bring up the next guy, Jason. Come here. Oh, jeez. That's his whole intro. I don't like it. Because Jason come here. So now, Gander's a little annoyed.

He goes up and he throws a couple zing's. Scarlins with these. A wild card, this Gander. And so that's Garator's a little annoyed. He goes up and he throws a couple zing's Scarlett's with me. He's a wild card this Gator. And so that's Garland's in the back. He starts yelling. Oh, not mad. But kind of yes, he's in broke eyes. He's going, ah, well, this and it gets a couple laps. And Gator goes, boy, you're getting laughs now. You shouldn't done that up here. Oh, we got a real battle, baby. And so I'm like, back to Gator. I borrowed Maisel and trench coat and hid under that. I can't look.

Worlds are colliding. But luckily, Garland is very humble and sweet, and he took it all and striped, but I was so scared that Garland was gonna be like, hey, why don't you fuck yourself, you piece of shit? Yeah. So it was terrifying and... And for Cannon, hold his own and get that clip there.

Can't, can't. because that's a hot one You and Garland going back and forth. That's a good point. That could go viral. I have a point But yes, that was fun. Canner killed I went up. I did okay. I feel like the crowds weren't hot But I was a Wednesday night and that room is long. I never I prefer Rosemont Rosemont I always say I want to shoot a special at Rosemont. I love that room great club I might shoot a special there maybe but yeah, I heard it first Zane's It was fun. It was great and then That's that was exciting. Oh, so then we all hang out after late late night. We're all just sitting there

He's telling stories all night. We're asking some questions. He's telling some great Larry stories All things and Jerry story and he's shitting on some comics. Oh, it's fun. We talked about who's great. And that guy's a million stories. Great hang. I mean, Jeff, just couldn't be nicer. Yeah, great. And a fun, fun hang. And I was so sweet. And then I was like, he was staying at four seasons. And I was staying not too far from there, not nearly as nice a hotel. So he's like, well, I'll get you all right. We'll share a ride. Wow. Look at that. Okay, so he gets like a big SUV black car, you know, and I go, okay, great.

So we get in the car, he's telling more stories. And then we pull up to the four seasons. Game over. And there's a big crowd out there, including like family. Look like migrant. They were like sleeping on the ground. There's young ladies just sleeping up the sidewalk. There's like being in New York, and I go, what the hell's going on here? And he goes, oh, there's a huge pop group staying on my hotel.

Oh. So as the car pulls up, they all jump up in excitement. They got pads and cameras. Oh boy. And they're crying. And I'm like, this is hilarious yeah there's 150 teenage girls and their parents out here with balloons and crayons and flowers yeah yeah door swings open and out walks Jeff Garland a fed you and a nobody committee and they all

just go let's just him and they all just go and so I yelled so I yelled out, he's famous too. He's very famous and he goes, what the fuck are you doing? I go, he is, he's huge. Get his autograph and he slams the door. I think he was upset, I can't tell. Maybe he was getting, he slams the door shut. And as we pull away, he's just got a circle of people.

I assume just explaining who he is. I mean, these girls were 12 years old. I can see him, I'm not anybody, I'm nobody. He's got that voice thing. Well, he's he's pure gold and it was great to see him and happy to have him and Yeah, Garland. Yeah, I mean like he's friends Larry. I always say imagine back to 2027 or something 20 2007 and you're just like I will be in a black car with Jeff Garland doing two and Zane he's going to see any better twice and going to a cup game. It's wild and not only that but like when they're like Jeff Garland's coming you're like,

huh, okay. Exactly. Alright, we can work. Yeah, Jason Alexander's on his way. Alright, let me figure this out. You're like, shit, alright, well I guess that'll be fine but. Yeah, no, it was awesome and yeah, Chicago rules that is one of our real City great city it feels like well, it's on the border, but a lot of these sand friends and these portlands and what not New York

Have gotten them to get a little frosty. Mm-hmm. But Chicago. It seems to be holding strong. Well Chicago is just and has to be the most fucking Beautiful city ever and I went by the, I went straight from Chicago to San Francisco, which was such a pleasure to just have three days back-to-back in the two most beautiful cities. You can't be. Halfway the two most photogenic cities. I talked about this with Salah, your cinematographer. He's like, I'm partial to New York and I'm like, of course, New York is so beautiful, of course, but I mean,

Chicago and San Francisco, those buildings that old style, I mean, what a beautiful country. I hope that this is new. Sorry. Yeah, no, that's it. Yeah, it's coming together. I mean, people keep saying this is civil war coming and we're an empire that's imploding, but I think we'll be all right. Yeah, maybe I hope so. I don't know people

You know people who have a child that's scary, but people keep saying like a climate change, but they keep moving to Malibu Yeah, well We'll see we'll see what happens. I think AI will suck the carbon out and shove it in her ass There you go. Well stay. I hope they suck my dick as well Give me the the software for that. That probably exists. Oh, really? It'll be soft.

Hard drive. All right, we're going to do some plug-ins. Yes, I'm coming to the DC improv. Oh, chocolate. Sitay. November 17 and 18. I'm trying to do just Friday Saturday, because I'll have a child. But I'll get back to you on that one.

But for now, let's just say November 17th and 18th at the improv in DC. One of the great clubs. And then I'm into coma, back into coma in January I believe. And I got a bunch of dates coming up on the books. I don't have them with me right now. I'm focused on some other stuff. But please join the Patreon for God's sakes. I need diapers and there's killer shit on there.

Yes. Chuck is just roaring over there with the ideas and the stuff and the uploads and the business. This is where he's really shine. There's so many different options, cleafs and episodes and breaking down stand up and extra bonus episodes and live episodes going back years. I mean, it's a hot little ticket. Got ticket and I got to plug my podcast Mindful Metal jacket because if people don't start watching, I have to stop doing it.

And then everyone gets disappointed that does watch it. That is tough. But it's a great show. We had Colin Quinn on, Ron on just in an episode. It was fun. There's Ari one, Karen Fien. A bunch of people you don't know that you should check out because they're really interesting also.

And Ali McCovsky and Refilitz Chris Walsh, all those are coming up. So it's a fun show. Hell yeah, check it out. And I'll be all over the place. Mark Roman comedy.com just added new dates for 2024. And I just want to thank everybody who's been coming out. They've been hot shows and I know the hour isn't 100% yet. But we're all working on it together. And yeah, thanks for being cool and great crowds. Chuckie. Ooh, check out my podcast, fun, bearable with my buddy, Comic Ray Harrington and my improv buddy, Brad Roar.

We're doing Halloween episodes all month. We just did a whole thing at Best Video in Connecticut, which is like an old school VHS store. That's one. Where we went through the entire movie series of SAW, because the new SAW came out. Oh, I saw 10, which is like an old school VHS store, where we went through the entire movie series of SAW because the new SAW came out. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I know, I know, I know, I know.

It was awesome. So, like, I couldn't believe it. It was like the first good one, and I don't know how long. Now, do I have to see SAW 10? It's all nine to get SAW 10? No, no. Bases. You just have to see SAW 1, basically.

Okay, that's all SAW 1. That's all SAW. It's very good. But yeah, check out FunBarable at FunBarablePod.com. Yeah, a lot of Halloween stuff. It's very good. But yeah, check out FunBarable at funbearablepod.com. Yeah, a lot of Halloween stuff. It's a lot of fun. And join the Patreon. We're dropping limited merch here and there.

Oh, that's right. We're dropping limited signed posters. Very low quantity. They sell out immediately. And people seem to really enjoy them and have a lot of fun with them. Well, the design is killer. And we've got to get some shirt stuff going again.

I don't know who has the shirt money. I don't know who who would network it through, but Shelby's sitting on a pile of shirts. Did people send you money? Every once in a while, we get merch pump, we'll send us like 48 bucks. Yeah, from gas, digital. That's good.

Yeah. Well, if you want to work on junkies, it's like $51. Yeah, and then we split that. I gotta say the new print was by Todd Bradtrude, who works with like, he reached out to me. And I was like, yeah, let's do the grammar sheet thing. It came out amazing.

I looked at his Instagram, he works for like Nike and like, he was good. He was like, incredible. A skateboard deck. Todd Gack. He's amazing. So we just did that one and we're hoping to do another one with him like a limited Christmas one

for the grammar sheet show in December. So yeah, seeing December folks, come on out. Let's sell this one out. Yeah. Back in the, that saddle. We got December folks. Come on out. Let's sell this one out. Yeah, we need to be back in the Saddle. I got some ideas. Okay. Good October was ugly. We got to get great crowd just limited But we got to get some big fucking names in there. How about this? I just got done eating with side-filled. Oh Nate. Yeah, that'd be funny if it was Ron on you're out buddy. I'm out. You know something quick. I got you served What's that mean?

Take it over. I got a word a day Tipulation you served up cooking you could be the new Wally Pip ah Pip's quick all right folks. Well, that'll do it. We'll see you in hell praise. our love. Thanks a lot, we love you. Love the game. Love the game. Welcome to town. We've fallen behind the heavens. We're magic tried. Oh, miss, they're watching the music time.

Please, follow me.