Tuesdays with Stories! - #530 D.W.A.

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

The boys are back in saddle, recording from Papa Joe's basement in Astoria! We're talkin' Mark at Carnegie Hall, Salacuse bringing his Kramer-like tendencies to the forefront in MULTIPLE situations, and finally the story you've been waiting for - baby List makes his Tuesdays' debut! Our Stuff: - patreon.com/tuesdays Sponsors: - Support the show & get 20% off & free shipping athttps://www.manscaped.com when you use the code TUESDAYS - This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give onlinetherapy a try at https://www.betterhelp.com/TUESDAYS & get on yourway to being your best self - Get started with Black Friday early with Raycon. Head tohttps://www.buyraycon.com/TUESDAYS to get up to 50% offsitewide.

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great, good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard! And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha! Surf's up!

And she didn't even flush. Knock knock! Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe Liss! Yeah! This Tuesdays with stories, everybody. Yeah, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

My baby, you're always feeding that maid. I can't choose why I want to see you. Oh my God, I can't believe we're in the belly of the beast. We're here, we're queer. There's a baby above us. Chuck passed away. I'm gay. You and Queens, it's a baby above us, Chuck passed away. Woo. I'm gay, you and Queens, it's like,

Frank a standard Manhattan. Oh yeah, it's like a date. It's all off, it's all pipes. I know, it's a wacky area, I'll say it a million times, you're not gonna like it, but there's not one hot person in Queens. You're out of your mind. My wife's right upstairs for good, so.

Stand by my point. No, this hot women, They're just not, uh, they come out at night. I know. This is a hot women. But no, that's because Greeks are ugly. I don't know. It's like a, it's, it's Indian, Afghani, it's, you know, Middle Eastern, it's Greek. It's not a lot of my old neighbors very hot. She was very hot and right in the building. Well, maybe with the Sikhs, the hijabs,

they're taking our jobs, they cover the face. So even if they are hot, I can't see the lady. That could be, there's more than you realize because their faces are covered. Yes, yes, they should be. Yes. No, there's some, yeah, it's not, as you're saying this, I'm not walking around a lot being like, hey, look at this.

Yeah. Almost never. Well, it's New York City, so all you do is walk around in the village, Midtown, Chelsea, Soho is model city. And you just go, oh, look at her, look at her, and the queens are going, go! Look at the stash on Greek chick. Yeah, it's a good point. I can't push back on this really.

It's not a hot neighborhood. And I want a hot. I'm not trying to zinc. I'd love to see a hot whore out here, but it's not in the cards. But you get your hot elsewhere. Sure. You go into the city, you go into, you know,

Boston, DC. Yeah, I'll be out here. By the way, I had a guy on my YouTube commenting because I made some off the cuff about Canadians, some woman, I was doing crowd work and I was like, most Canadians aren't as hot as you. And then some guy wrote, Canadians, I'm having them in her hot, literal stereotype.

Huh. You ever hear this stereotype? Well, I've heard Montreal has hot strippers. This is exactly, someone commenting goes, I've never heard this stereotype in my life, he goes, I've heard Montreal as hot strippers. This is exactly, someone commented and goes, I've never heard this stereotype in my life. He goes, I've heard Montreal and I was like, I came to write the same thing. Yeah, this guy, well, no, it's, like,

I've never heard once, you know, Canada, the hot women. Oh, you know where the real hot broads are, Saskatchewan. Yes, Preskile. That's my name, but whatever. I'll refer to it. I'll refer to it. Yes, there's no hot vagina in Regina.

Saskatoon. Oh, that sounds like you'd say that to an ugly woman. She's a real Saskatoon. This guy's wife. Well, you're beautiful. What are you from Edmonton? I mean, just 100% not a stereotype. No, no.

Never heard it. Nova Scotia. I mean, it smells like fish. You hear hot women, you hear like Los Angeles obviously, maybe Austin, Dallas is a certain kind of woman, lots of makeup, big tits. Phoenix, I've heard. Phoenix.

Sure. Yeah, but not Sioux Falls. But there's tons of hot women everywhere, except the Queens and Canada. Yes, that's true. I mean, my Instagram, I'm just like, wow, we have a plethora of hot snatch on Earth. Well, and as you get older, of course, more people become hot to you.

Ah, good point. The net broadens. Well, especially the long year with somebody, I do a joke like this in my act, along with the same person, the more everyone becomes hot. Oh, you got that right. I'm looking at a Lou over here. Lex Lexi. Yeah, it's I don't know. It's Lex Friedman. It's hot women. I don't know. I'm a little little toasted over here. This is the first post baby episode. Well, yeah, it's a different show. We'll be I was in a story with the cues shooting some stuff. And I said, let me call hit Equinox. I got a gym membership that cost $1,100 a day and I haven't been there the entire month in November. Ooh, they're loving that. It's a little upsetting.

They're counting that cash. But I'm doing the push-ups and the crunches and the bullshit plus the baby curls. Do you know the fun fact men gain weight biologically when you have a baby? Because your body is storing fat because they think you can't hunt. Well, there's a lot of things that are happening too. We get men get fucked all the way through the process. I gotta just talk about this a little bit we would have a tough to with the uh... vaginal tearing no i disagree all right you don't know what you're talking about

that's it's it's there it's a cakewalk for these bitches i've heard there the taintle rip the seasack the the breastfeed peanuts okay all that thing get a burger morons great line princess br Brad, Plato, Securities, Aristotle, morons. Boy, Wallace Sean, hell of a talent. He is good, dinner with Andre.

Surprise you never see him on Seinfeld. That's the only thing he would have saw on there at some point. He feels like he's in the mix. Ballaband did a good job. That could have been Wallace. Oh, Ballab Alabama was lights out. But any parts, the whole time you go in for ultrasound, these women that work there, they do not say hello to you. They don't know what acknowledges.

They go, hi Sarah, welcome, how you doing? How's the baby? And I'm just standing there. I'm not kidding, not one of them at any point ever was like this and how do you do, sir? What's your name again? Yeah, well you're just a sperm donor douche. And they're like, move over there, don't touch that.

Careful, no coffee, blah, blah, blah. And similarly, with the nerd, many of the nurses, many did, but many just, they don't even look over and go, how you doing, how you feeling? Wow, it's like high school all over again. And then even your own parents are like, you have a baby, we had the baby at 234, how's Sarah? On your son.

Right. I just had a baby too. Yeah, true, true. Very hurtful. But all that's what I was gonna say is the mother I read, it releases all this endorphins or serotonin or maytonin, whatever kind of tonin. And it allows them to work on no sleep,

but we get no juice. Right. Interesting. Yeah, because they get flooded with vitamins and semen or whatever that's going through the veins, but yeah, you get nothing. I got, I'll tell you where I got semen, right? My ball sack, because no sex for six weeks. What about you rubbing it out?

Yeah, when the baby's awake, I'll try to get one out or sleep. Oh geez, right on the face. Keep that bottle out of the trajectory. It's hard. I mean, it's a lot of it's a lot of gum. It's a lot of different. It's a different bag of shit. I wonder if there's ever been a guy in history who jerked it while holding a baby. Oh, but not in a pedophilia way, just like, and I gotta do this. I'm backed up. The baby's comfortable.

I can do this. Holding the baby would be tough. I think that counts as shaking the baby. I think that's a term for masturbation. I gotta shake the baby. It should be. Well, but I feel like you can also get a bob going, and that can rock him to sleep.

It's a decent bob. Shebop. That's about masturbation. the shitty lopper. Oh really? Yeah. I didn't know that. I thought that was a Ninja Turtles villain. Oh, bebop.

And rock steady. Yeah, you're gonna be rock steady soon if you don't rub one out. It's, yeah, it's a whole bag of shit. But anyways, yeah, just no one respects the man. It's a little hurtful. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, that's why the men get out and make money. He's like, yeah, you don't want me. I'll hit the bricks and work. Yeah, I'll be out and about and I've

gone out a few, few times, but boy, it's all the cliché. I am so fucking tired and it makes you feel embarrassed forever thinking you understood what tired was. Oh, interesting. You're like, and Ari was just on a bus tour and he's like, I've been tired. I'm this guy, I'm like, talk to somebody else, Bill. Oh, you had to sleep on a bus for 11 days. Yeah. I even slept for 10 minutes straight and two weeks. Wow.

What about the diaper duty? Do you guys split the, split hairs as it were? She does more diaper duty, but she's like a natural, she's good at it. She's just in and out. I've done a few, and then the first couple, you're like, help, you gotta figure it out. Cause he's got shit like on his dick,

and it comes everywhere. It's crazy, cause it's just a big blowout. Right. But it's tough too with the limbs. You gotta bend them and crank them into that fucking outfit. And that's what's nice about the nurses, because you're all nervous to break in them, but these nurses, that's all they do.

So they're just like, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, they just bend them and put them in there. They know how to not break them. Isn't it also fascinating that everyone in history has done this? It's so taxing, it's so scary, it's so nerve-racking, it's so new, and, you know, the, what do you call it? No, what's that word?

When you hold it, you could drop it. It's a liability. Everything's a liability. You could kill this thing tomorrow, you could drown it, you could suffocate it, you could fuck it. And everyone did it. It's scary, people do it, but many people fail. That's true.

Of course. That is true. Many of them didn't work out so hot. That's why I always think, I try to do this as a joke, but no one knows this thing. You know this saying, every baby's born with a loaf of bread under its arm? No.

I think it's like an old Jewish added or something that like a baby's born, money will come in and take care of them. A baby's born with a loaf of bread under its arm, meaning like you're worried about finance, but then something comes. I see. And I think no one's heard this.

Maybe we can get, can you look up the history of this eptymology? I'm off bread. Born with bread under arm. But anyways, I'm like, I looked up the stat. I'm like, there's like 4.6 million homeless children in the United States. So a lot of these people were like,

uh, the blow for bread will come. Yeah, yeah. Well, they're in a bread line, but a lot of these people were like, blow for bread will come. Yeah, yeah. Well, they're in a bread line, but maybe it's the dads like, oh, you don't say hi to me? Enjoy the streets, bitch. Yeah, take it. Well, you definitely have those moments of like,

he's screaming and you're like, I'm not going, it's like the Chris Rockshire. I'm not going to leave, but you're like, I understand. Yeah. Those dads that are like, ah, it's enough. Well, Lou Louis said famously

He didn't he didn't hit it big till he did the whole baby in the dumpster thing. He's like I get it right But anyways, it's a whole rigmarole. What do you got there Lex Lex isn't Mike's opologies. What translate? Spanish saying related to what the birth of a child mainly a baby boy met for the poor families. I knew like brought one more pair of hands to carry money home. Aha, see. Oh, it's supposed to be a worker. That's why these these Spanish they work early. That's right. Sweat shops. Little fingers. So yeah, a Jewish Spanish same same thing. Oh, people I don't care for. All the same, but anyway, so they're supposed to work. Maybe it'll work.

We don't get a job. and put them in the films. Yes, get a good Uber. Cinema. Something. So how you been? Where you been? Because I don't want to, first of all, every single Tuesday right now is like, here we go.

It's a show about babies now. And I got plenty of bitches on the street, fucking assholes in the car and taxi drivers that won't stop talking. So don't worry folks. We had to get it out. It's our first one back. Yeah. By the way, I am going to tell a epic tale of this baby being born.

Oh, my God. I got to hear it. Okay. I'm excited. I'll just do a quick run through. We'll go through the usual, the road, the shows. Let me just say this. I'll throw out a New York comedy fest one at ya.

Please, I've never been invited once. Well, there's nothing to it. It's a goof, there's no land here, there's no party, there's no hub, it's just an excuse to get Bill Byrde to come to New York, I think. It really is, in fact, I did have a PS109, we just submitted to the festival. There you go.

And it was funny, our friend, O'Neeca was like, I'd never been asked to do it. I'm like, I've been doing comedy for 38 years. I'd never been asked to do it. I'm like, I've been doing comedy for 38 years. I've never been asked to do it. I know, I live here. But they fly in all these quaves from all over the nation, but we're here, nothing. So, talking to Jimmy Carr, British fame,

one liner guy, looks like a, what do you call it? Mary Annette. Oh yeah, I can see that. Yeah. So I'm talking to anybody goes, hey, I'm doing Carnegie Hall tomorrow. You want to open? And I was like holy shit. He asked me and Sam and Sam goes, I have a little busy. And I'm like, Carnegie Hall with Carnegie Hall calls, you say yes. Practice, practice, practice. Thank you. He said no dice. No dice. No dice. And I was like, I'm in I can't To all my spots. I'm going to Carnegie Hall. Sure. So I get there Salah Q's goes hey, we're trying to shoot this thing we could get a shot of you at Carnegie Hall

It could be the whole finale. I go that's great. Beautiful. I try to get Salah Q's to ticket No dice. They're like hey you can do a spot, but we're we're sold out. It's full. Carnegie Hall's got all these union rules. Can't squeeze one more guy in. It's book Jerry. Yeah. So I tell the cues. Hey, sorry, man. Got the Ky Bosch and he goes, I can get in. I was like, All right, let's do it. So it's like a heist. Cars like I want you there at 615 the shows at seven. I go you got it I'm outside with Salah Q's at 614. I'm like I got to go in he comes in with me I do a whole thing is my dad. He's dying

He wants you know, he wants to see me one last time at the car and So they go all right, uh jeez, you know, they they don't know what to do. He looks like shit He's got the fur coat on and the fucked up hair And they're like all right meanwhile. He's got a giant Gimbal crane boom my camera of rig all this shit So they're like go over here, sir. He's like no problem So I go in the green room Salahcus behind a pillar. He's got the giant back back doing this shit and He's hiding and he's like just texted me like you know condors in the nest or whatever I'm ready when you are. I'm like all right great. So I gotta go in the

green room. Thank you Jimmy. Hey Jeff Ross. How are you? Louie's in there. So we're talking. We're having a great time. Chop it up. Being Louie or Trayton. Signed failed stories. Salahcus is like I got 30. What's the plan? I'm getting yelled at. A lady threw coffee in my face. I got chased and I'm like, ah shit. So finally, I meet up with Salahcus. We're in the bowels of the Carnegie Hall. Beautiful, oh building ornate. This teamsters everywhere, the security everywhere. And he goes, we're in like a broom closet.

And he goes, take this. It's a little jimble camera. You know the ones that go like, woo, woo, woo, it looks like a toothbrush. It just sticks straight up. Oh yeah, I know that camera. It's like a periscope. So he puts that in my jacket, front pocket, facing out. So he's like, we're gonna great shot of the crowd

from your point of view. Oh my god. I was like, that's amazing. Then he loves me up. You know, through the shirt, the whole thing, I'm wearing a wire and he goes, all right, you're good. I walk out of the broom closet, boom, there's Judd Appetale. Hey, he's like, what the hell are you doing in there?

I go, I was praying. And he's like, okay, whatever. So the guy finds me and he goes, all right, you're on in two minutes. And I go, okay, great. Jeff Ross is out there, he's killing, you know, roasting Carnegie Hall or a la or whatever. And then I go out there, beautiful, holy shit, I got the jimble, I got the mic, I'm feeling good. Look down, front row, Louis CK, front row.

I understand, so he's got a ticket, and he's sitting in the front, he's not side stage, he's side stage, and you're trying to be funny. Right there, swear to God, come on. Come on, like a good father. You didn't mistake. Oh, it's not another red head No, he was jerking off. I couldn't you know, I couldn't miss him. We're talking center left center right like boom Just a right what is it two o'clock center right that's me now Yeah, so it's just bam right there. You're like, ah, so I'm jimpled up a

Mike up Louie's here. Salah Q is being pulled out and you know beaten outside with a hand behind the back. What is he doing out there? I don't know where he went, but he did get a photo of me with the with the phone. I think he got tackled at some point, but he's out there. I don't know. And he said he was just watching Louis watch me and texted me. Okay. He's like, Louis applauded one of Mark's jokes. He's like a proud dad, by the way. Can I just tell you, I just get random text.

I have a baby, he's crying. I just got, I opened it. Hey, Louis just applauded one of Mark's bits. I'm like, all right, man. Oh, God. I'm friends with both those guys. I don't need to know this. Can you imagine me, Salah?

He's his wife. He's just at home like, so this happened. We stuck in a Carnegie Hall. She's like, Jesus Christ, kill me. So we get the shot. It's a fun crowd. They're there. They're very nice. Louis doing this shit. Very awkward. And it's very nice though. What a guy. Great guy. We, I come back off. I meet up with Salah Q. He's in a gutter in the back alley. He goes, oh man, that was great.

What a rush. Give me the jimble. Give me the mic back. And we go to a diner. We go, woo, let's watch the footage. We'll see how it turned out. We're at the diner. Love turned off.

Didn't get a word of it. Jimble faced the ceiling. Got my nose hairs or something. That didn't work. The whole thing was moot. It all sucked. Jimble faced the ceiling, got my nose hairs or something, that didn't work. The whole thing was moot, it all sucked, and that's the cute. Wow, that a way, Sally. Yeah, none of it was all for not. He is.

He is. An all-time character, he's crang, I got a story about him a little later, but he's really something, and these text messages, he's just in love with it. I got a text of the day. Baby's crying, baby's screaming. I'm trying to, you know, with this, I'm doing this,

I'm doing that, the other thing. I open the text. Just had a sketch idea, pitch it to Norman, he's in. And you're probably at home going, well, you have a pardon sketch. She wants you to direct it, maybe your co-writing. Nope. Just Salikie's had direct it to maybe your co-writing. Yeah. Nope. Just Salicy's had an idea. Thought of Mark for it. Mark wants to do it. That's that's the there's your

text. There it is. You know what's weird about the cue that we're doing a whole cue sour, but he gets these big gigs and he doesn't tell us about those. Right. He'll tell me like, oh, we got a sketch cook in and you're like, I don't care, but he's doing a shoot for the Vanity Fair, two spread page. I know, he like, he hangs out with the Beastie boys. Yeah, he's got the biggie smalls and it's like, he's a godfather. Exactly, exactly.

He's raising two-packs kids. Meanwhile, he's like, I thought of a sketch idea. Yes. And I'm waiting for a dot, dot, dot. I want you to star because I think you're a world class and he's like, but Norman's got it. No sweat. I'm like this, okay.

Yeah. Kick ass. All right, so I leave there and Jimmy Cargo is saying, no, she's gonna be at the stand. I go, well, I cancel all my spots, I'll go to that and just watch. Nice. Shepelle's there, he's nice, Kevin Hart,

all these people, Jeff Ross again. And shepelle goes, hey, what's up, man? And I'm like, hey, I can tell he's a little shaky. Like, we've met, but I can't remember. Right. And then his son walks up, who's hanging out, and his son goes, oh, I follow you on Instagram. I'm great stuff.

So then Chappelle goes, you wanna go on? I go, yeah. So I got to do five on that. That was fun. Ground hate. Carnegie and Chappelle same night. Not bad, the festival. I take it all back, the festival's amazing.

And you've done Carnegie before, right? With the shoe, man. Wow. Yeah, double Carnegie. This was somehow scarier. That I was booked, Estee was in the crowd, but this was like, remember that last minute, Louis Front Row,

you know, they're all wearing suits. I look like an idiot, I'm wearing a t-shirt, so. I always remember the night you did Carnegie, because I missed a seller spot. It was like a Friday night or Saturday night. Oh. told the story before but I had that I was at my gym Just get out of the steam room. I had late spots and I get the This was Lewis Gomez was hosting there. Where are you? And I was like oh I'm at the steam room and he's like you're next

Oh And then I remember going there had to deal with SD But she was like all happy because she just came from Schumer. Oh right and then I remember going there had to deal with SD, but she was like all happy because she just came from Schumer. Oh, right. And you opened. Woo! Now what room haven't you done in New York? You've done MSG.

You've done Carnegie. Yeah. You've done the beacon. Then the Apollo. You've done the Apollo. And the best part. You've done New York. What's the town hall?

Town hall I did, yeah. And then the other one where the, oh, and A, whatever you call it, Patrice, Ben, Oh yeah. But the New York, that is. Bison, tenieliscentennial theater whatever the hell that's have you done the MSG theater? I have not Okay, that's the one and only room you've done it. I just did it with old Sammy Morrill Well, we got to hear that too. Well, that was something. So that was first saturday after the baby was born Yeah back home and you know you look at your calendars wide back home and you know, you look at your calendars wide. Which is baby, because you take everything off.

And I'm looking, going, oh, Saturday, I had something Friday. What the fuck did I have? I can't remember. God damn, my mind is mush. But anyway, Saturday, I think I had a spot somewhere. Fuck, I'll think of it later. But Saturday I had a lot of off and I was like, hey, maybe I was texting with Sam about whatever. And I said, hey, maybe I'll see how Sarah's feeling, but maybe I'll think of it later. But Saturday I had off and I was like, hey, maybe I was texting with Sam about whatever

and I said, hey, maybe I'll see how Sarah's feeling, but maybe I'll come by, maybe. Yeah. And he wrote, okay, sounds good. And then a couple days later he goes, hey, if you're coming by, how about you open the show? Ooh, you gotta love that text. Which is nice, because then it gives you the,

now I have to go. Yes. That's a great feeling. Yes, it's an out. There's no more, like, let me feel her out and see. Right. It's like, I me feel her out and see. Right. It's like, I gotta go. I'm booked.

So, uh, went there and, uh, just a beautiful, not, no real story, but you're excited to go. I went early, MSG Theater underneath beautiful, 5,000-seat theater. So, really? Wow. And, uh, you go and, and Sam and I just shot the shit for, like, an hour and a half. Wilson Vince is there. Sam's a squeeze is there and then Birkwitz is there.

The Birkper agent, agent of the stars. My agent was there and just a great hang and fun set and then all the seller people were there. No, S.G. Yeah. Lizz, that was exciting. And what a thrill to see a big Sambo up there and he killed like I said I was so exhausted. Yeah, yeah, you're not sleeping the whole thing and then I can see his little digital clock up there And it's at 18 minutes and I'm like whoo

It's a long night because yeah, you get there early because you want to hang and everything and the other but you realize You're like I've been up since 4 a.m. Oh And so your farmer The jokes are so great, but you got, I gotta do jumping jacks, because I'm on 90 minutes of sleep. I can't focus. And then you watch comedy, you kind of lulls you. Like, all right, I'm going out.

It's a, it's just a voice. You get that deep voice. I mean, Sam can do go to sleep tapes. He's got that, uh, Yes. Tamber voice, but It does, Jeffrey Tamber. Boy, every single fucking joke,

you keep thinking like oh they'll be a joke that I'm like this right now he's a beast every single fucking joke and then he's got a crazy story that I'm sure if he hasn't already he'll tell on the podcast he's got to oh with the lady a cookie later when a little cookie and he had to yell at her that was cookie and Berkowitz the ultimate agent he went in there and he was like you have have to go, ma'am, and they're like, who are you? And he's like, I work for, I'm head of security at MSG. Wow.

Imagine your agent bouncing people. He is the super agent. How I saved so much some other story about how he got some money cleared up. And you're like, man, this guy can do it all. You wanna help people get to the top? And stories like that. You got that right, Fanny.

But just a special night, fun night, me, Will, Sam, Kramer, the butler, and you gotta go see Sam's hour. Get excited for this. It's gonna be a lot of fun. Oh yeah. It's out where it's gonna be yet, but. Well, it shoots in the Wilbur, I think, in March. Yes, I believe so.

Yeah, it's our real sale. But yeah, that was awesome. And then it's also exciting, because I just wanted to go see the show. Sure. And you got a nice fat check, which is beautiful. Wow, you got a check? Oh, absolutely. Well, not a check, a deposit, whatever you call it, but still.

You've been a zel. Made some cash. I'm back to opening. I did a naked one, made them open it for Sam, and let me know if you want to swing by that beacon, because... Sure, well, you're... I'm available.

You got some high standards. I mean, it's Nate, it's Sam. You're not going to go open for high standards. I mean, it's Nate and Sam. You're not going to go open for a Vince McMahon at the, uh, Uncle Vinnie's. No, no, I'm opening for, uh, Rana next weekend at, at Chuckle Dicks. Uh, what are you doing, uh, QED? Uh, um, I'll be at, uh, what's it called? Grove 34.

There you go. Some, some point. I'm doing all my shows and queens now. I mean, they're opening for friends or doing shows and queens. My career is over. It's gonna be an ugly audience. It's a wrap, but what was I gonna say? I throw a thing by your...

Yeah, yeah. Plus, you got the baby tail. I'll get to the baby tail. He's got a tail. The other day. I got that right off. I'm walking up in my neighborhood, my corner here, my street corner,

and the traffic gets a little gridlocked, you know? And there's a guy blocking the street, and I'm walking, and there's a woman. Now, I don't wanna, you know, you never wanna get too racial here, but I'm just paying to a picture. Okay. The man in the middle of the street who's gridlocked to no fault of his, some fault of his own.

I hate when people gridlock, but sometimes you're like, oh, the lights change and then it stops and then it never goes again. So it's in the intersection. It happens, it's frustrating. Then there's a lady, African American persuasion. Ah, fat black.

No, quite thin. Oh, thin black. Very thin, long hair, sunglasses, and she's not too happy about Mr. Asia blocking the traffic and I'm just walking by, you know, when I open half asleep. So it's glid lock.

Ah, and horn. And she's laying on the horn and then the light, her light turns green. She pulls right up to this guy, laying on the horn, which I hate these lay on the horn. Pain horn lay. Because you're like, yes, he's an asshole. But now you're an asshole to everybody.

Exactly. He's annoyed you and you've taken that and annoyed a thousand people in the neighborhood. Good point. A bunch of uglys are all upset. You got that right. So she lays on the horn and then she lays off and she does the full out the window like this.

She goes, can I say something? Can I say something respectfully? Respectfully. Right now, UDWA. Driving wild Asian motherfucker. Oh shit. That does like a, oh,

that pulls off and feels very good. And as she does it, she goes, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. She's banging the car like Kramer with the, the, the, the cigar Indian. ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, wait, and she heard that in a party, and she goes, how about to use that motherfucker? And then she had the perfect gridlock opportunity. Yeah, she really hit him with it. And I felt, I gave him a look of like, I'm sorry.

It's, you don't deserve that, but also, I wanted to chase her down and be like, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. I mean, that's up there with CPT. Oh, yeah. Well, she might have been late. I don't know. Well, she is now thanks to DD.

Hey, what the? That was something. DWA and first airline ever. I think I might have had something else written down. We haven't recorded a month and a half. Oh, yeah. Wow. That's a great store. DWA. I mean, there's something going on with the Afro-Americanes

and the Asian persuasion because there's a little bit of Kung Fu friction. Oh, yeah. There's a lot and yeah, there's a lot and yeah, there was a lot of agents getting punched and whatever. Come on, somebody's got to make the Jordans. Hey folks, Tuesday's story's brought to you by BetterHelp. Yes, you know we love therapy, our therapist Al is incredible.

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Oh, that sounds like my baby. Oh, I had to force that out. You sound like the baby frowning over there. Oh, I need a wipe and some powder. I got a bunch more. I just want to say I did a Denver Denver. This is how big of a comedy boom we're in. Yes. Did Denver did a show at the Paramount? Great crowd. They got love. Something about that city is one of the great comedy cities. Top five, I'd say in the country. Did the Paramount Brad Williams, our little friend,

small world, is at the club. He sold out everything. So he goes, come hang out after. So I do the paramount walk over to comedy works, which is just, it's the same staff. That's all it's Tanya's there. It's the drinks are flowing. So I'm hanging out with him.

He goes, hey, Hassan Manage is at the arena. We're all getting breakfast tomorrow with Josh Wolfe, not Josh Wolfe, Josh Blue. Oh, Josh Blue. Josh Blue. And so it's everyone sold out. How does there are enough people in the one city to go to all these shows?

It's, well, I guess you could do the numbers. Yeah. But then everyone gets breakfast the next morning, and I had a good wife said, hey, I'm legit, a Muslim and a retard, walking to a brunch place. And we had a good time, but yeah, just for the comedy so much of a boom,

go back to the hotel, jump on a flight the next morning to Grand Junction. You ever heard of it? Colorado? Yes. Okay, yeah, I've heard of it? Colorado? Yes. Okay, yeah, I've heard of it. It's like a five hour drive from Den. It's towards Utah.

It's in the middle of Salt Lake and Cal. I know, I know. Or Johnny, Utah. Oh, yeah. I love that sea where he shoots up to this guy. Oh, he's hurt me very upset. Yeah, so fly, always weird to fly in the state. To the same state. But I guess you do it to Buffalo.

Wow, I was about to say I'm like I've ever done that, but then I realized I've done it a hundred times in California and New York, but yeah, that's rare. That's pretty rare. It's rare, especially in that state, but you're like it's a five hour drive or like a 30 minute flight. So I'll take the flight. Grand Junction, it's very red, it's very American, you know, I, it's very American. You know, I went there as veterans day. I saw the saddest veterans day parade, the old people in the chair with the flag.

Yeah. And there's a million veterans going by. And it was just, I said it was like a hearing aids walk. That was my big blind. That's good. Hey, they didn't do well on stage. Yeah, I mean, it's not ha-ha, but it's good. So it's a tweet. It's a bicycle stick. Right. Right. So, but some

of these towns, you're like, you're the biggest thing in the town, you know, because like you've been on TV. Sure. Lauren Boberts from there. That was that's their big claim to fame. Who's Lauren Boberts? She's the busty political skank who jerked off the guy in the movie theater 10 minutes ago. Oh, I missed it. Oh, okay. It was you were having a baby. I know, Peewee. Oh, yeah.

She's kind of like the right wing AOC. Oh, okay. You know, um, so some of these towns, I had David Rodriguez open. He runs the comedy fort. Right. Right. Yeah. Great guy. He killed.

And it was at like a community playhouse, you know, kind of thing. And it was Right? Right. Yeah. Great guy. He killed. And it was at like a community playhouse, you know, kind of thing. And it was the hottest crowd. And you're loose because you got no stakes. Right. And just had a great time. Got drunk alone, flew back the next day. And I did something on Sunday. Shit. Blueback. Go. I'm blowing it. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here.

I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here.

I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. sleeping pills I got no memory well you hit 40 it's all Downhill like a Malaysian plane but that's a that's a jiff or a gif if somebody could just take the two of us doing this together

That could be I'm gonna respond every tweet like that. That's a reverse pile But yeah, all right, so I'm pleading. I mean we're halfway in I want to hear about this Birth all right. I gotta give you some Vegas stuff. Oh is great, yeah. Speaking of which, I also talking about booms, I'm flying back from Vegas, I had a corporate, I'm on that the airport, and you know, I'm sitting in front of the little slot machine thing, Matt Backus, you know him? Oh, he's cute.

He comes over, he was in town opening for Jeff Fakuria. Oh, okay. Backus is like, hey, I'm on this flight, we're chatting for 10 minutes, Michael Costa walks by. Oh, I love the cost. So I kick back as to the curb, I'm on this flight. We're chatting for 10 minutes Michael Costa walks. Oh, I love the cost So I kick back as to the curve. I start talking to Costa handsome fella Costa oh, he's sick. Yeah, beautiful head of hair funny guy tennis pro the whole thing He's really something but so then he's on the flight

So I say hey, Matt good to see a Costa good to see a high five Rachel Dratch walks by. Geez. This is only getting more of Celeb. She's, she's, was in town over Tina Feyn. Nate Margazzi was there. He was at the encore. Geez, Louise.

Not in the same flight. He doesn't take flights anymore. Yeah, private. He was there. Then I get on the plane. I mean, one C, I had a nice first class upgrade. Primo. Which is gonna end after that.

I've one more year of Diamond, and then this baby's gonna tank my goddamn status. Oh, right, because you won't be flying as much. I don't think so. What we'll see. So I get one C, windows open, I go, I hope it's not a fat moose or a piece of shit. Dan Shacki walks in. Wow.

I go Shacki, you're on this flight, he goes, I was here with Nate, and I go, where are you sitting? And he steps right over. He goes, I'm right here. He steps over. So he goes, back is Shacki. Cost a drenched list.

Wow. It's not a festival. They were all just in town. It's better than a New York fest. There's actually comics there. And so we do this. I'll just rip through this real quick. Where are we at?

I don't wanna take it all day here. Okay, great. So I had Vegas corporate gig for day traders. What do you know about day trading? I know about day trading, it's not pretty. Been there. What about night trading, you never remember that? Well, I think the market closes.

Ah. I'm slowly learning the stuff, because there's the people they trade for like the future. There, you buy a stock, you buy something in Chipotle, you keep it for 10 years, and you sell it, and you get Bitcoin. I don't know. Something happens.

These guys sell in a day. They buy sell, of course, a day. It's almost like penny slots. Something like that. I don't know, don't slouch him. I'm picturing Wolf of Wall Street Coke, throwing Brad Williamsings around. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.

You racial epitats and all kinds of screaming. Racial dredge. But I guess racial epitratch. I don't know. That's a stretch. But epidural. So we go there. They're all like in cell nerd guys. Yeah. They just sit at home and look at the computer and trade days. They're like, I'll give you a Wednesday for a Friday. They're done on stage and hit. That's great.

Better than hearing aids walk. I kept calling back to it too. I was like, how about two Sundays for a Friday? And I'd be like, ah! And then I'd do a bit, it would bomb. And I'd be like, I'll give you a next Saturday for Monday morning. It's a bit of trade.

You know when you keep doing a bit and then you go back to it finally and eventually everyone's like, we got it. Yeah, we got it. Yeah. All right. So I don't want to throw this gentleman under the bus because he's a nice guy.

He's a sweet boy. But I got Monas comes out. Look, Monas. I love the Moni Moni Monas. Wow, it was fun to reunite because we did all these gigs together. Sure. All right, that's fruit flies or something.

I'm embarrassed. We've been down here in a while. But we throw all the babies dirty diapers down here. So let's see the file. This is a fly surf from. That's Lex. But we go out there, monos is opening and now I gotta be this guy.

When you have a baby for two weeks, you have a gig, I woke up in the morning, first of all, I sleep for like eight hours, I wake up and I'm like, I'm gonna go get a Starbucks, eat breakfast, go play poker, and then do whatever else I feel like doing it, because I'm back. You got that right.

Because there's no, I can't be of service. If you're here and you decide to go out for lunch, you're like, oh, I'll run back. But I'm in Vegas and making some good coin. Yes, providing. Exactly. So I go play poker. First day of the morning, I wake up at seven because I'm all fucked up and I play poker.

I won 500 bucks playing poker. Wow, maybe morning is the move. I love morning, yeah, because you get out there and it's not a ton of people there. Yeah, but no one likes a poker story, but just real quick. Yeah, who don't like a poker story? I feel like it's like fishing.

I caught a big fish. I was like, all right, who cares? quick. Who don't like a poker story? I feel like it's like fishing. I caught a big fish. I was like, all right, who cares? Yeah, but there's movies about poker. That's a good point. And poker is a show, at least to watch that professional poker in college. Well, so I'm sitting there and I'm doing okay. You know, I've been playing for a couple of hours

and I got about 300 bucks or so and I get pocket queens. Nice. Nice hand. Now there's a guy who just sat at the table. If you just got here, is that bad? Well, it's whatever, but I get pocket queens. Nice. Nice hand. Now there's a guy who just sat at the table. He just got here. Is that bad? Well, it's whatever, but I don't know how he play.

He doesn't know how I play. And so he bets 65 bucks. That's a big hand. That's a bit, it's one three minimum. Three dollar blinds, he bets 65. So that's a big bet, but I'm like, I got queens over here, So I got a call. So I call a second guy calls.

Now there's three of us, $65. I can't do that math. What's that? 181.95. There you go. And that's in addition to all the blinds and everything, whatever, whoever called before, quite a pot. So then we flop and it's like a seven, four, two or some shit.

This guy bets $75. So I'm like, wow, okay, this is crazy. And I don't know this guy, he don't know me. And then I'm a fun poker guy. He's like, oh, hey, what is this? We were having fun before you got here. We were all in a good time. And this guy does this move.

He's staring at me. He's sizing me up. Oh man. Cause I think I'm being the fun. We're having a good time and I'm trying to bust balls. What is this crazy bet? You got a poker face on a bit. He's doing this. He's giving the real stink eye.

He's sizing me up. So I'm like, all right. So I shove. Are you familiar with shove? All in. That's all in. Okay. Because that's the only move.

Otherwise, he's just gonna bet all my chips out. I got queens. Pop shove it. So I go, I'm all in. And I'm like, now I gonna bet all my chips out. I got queens. Pop shove it. So I go, I'm all in. And I'm like, now I'm trembling. This is crazy, because this is a pile of money. I got a new baby.

He needs a pair of shoes. Right. And this is tension too, with you and the poker face. So this guy over here, the third guy that's already in for 65, he's obviously has something. He doesn't want to get out. So he's like, I don't know what to do. And he goes, I'm out, he folds.

All right, all right. This guy calls, he's got $190 or something. So we both shove everything in. This guy's already got his money in. We finished the hand, we flipped. Both those guys had pocket jacks. Oh! So they're drawing, he's drawing dead.

Cause the guy next to him has all the jacks. Oh, jack off. So I got the guy next to him has all the jacks. Oh jackoff So I got the queens and I just raked it all in it was like just a huge pot double my money plus his money Plus everyone else's money. Wow, I just like 12 minutes of me trying to stack them up and it was quite a feeling I love a statutory rake and then I just I Blit them all dry then later I got it took like a hundred and fifty off me, which was tough I yeah, yeah, that one fucked me, but I still I left up 500 bucks, which was sweet that is killer And you can just that's just play money for the weekend. Let's get a bite

Let's get a steak here. You go moan as a tip well It was beautiful and then I met up with moaness and he's like let's hit the roulette wheel And I've never had anything like this before I hit seven my first seven spins I won $40 or more on every spit. Just kept hitting it. He was like, what is happening? He was getting raped. He lost everything.

Now do you go number a color? I go number. I'm all numbers, Jerry. Sometimes you can put on the corner of it. You know, I do a little corner. I'll do a little bit of that. Split corner thing. The row, everything.

And I won another 150 doing that. So I left up 650 bucks plus the corporate cash a loaf of bread with every baby you got that right holy shit so it was really something that was great gig so then we go do the gig and you know these gigs are always tough first of all is a late starts like a 9 30 pm and again I'm up at 7 a.m. I'm on no sleep so I'm like ready for bed I'm all wacky can you give us the ins and outs? Is it a company? Is it a fundraiser? Is it a, you know, clean?

Well, it's these day traders, but it's not a cut. It's like a group of day traders and it's for a good cause. They have an event and they raise money for good causes, but they have a good time also. All right. So a little. Yeah. So the drink it. It's in an old strip club. It's like stripper poles and everything at the mirage, which is not a nice hotel, by

the way. Shit hole. Complete shit hole. So we do the gig and then they have one of the day traders. They say he's going to host the event. He's going to do stand up for the first time ever. Oh, they love doing this. And they say he's a real firecracker funny guy.

And I say, great, in my mind, I'm like, great. They say he's gonna do five minutes. So I go beautiful. And I think he's gonna go up and shake and go, oh boy, we haven't been here since Bob threw up in the laundromat that time. And I'm gonna go, oh, that was funny. You know, some, some, not local, but what do you call that?

Uh, low brown. Inside jokes. Inside jokes. And I'll add a couple of, I thought he had a couple bits, maybe a piece of paper. Yeah. And freedom. And my grandma's trembling and just looking at,

so I'm like, okay, this will be great. He'll get a couple laughs. He's not a real comic. He'll get a couple laughs. You know, getting bears and shy. Probably you two minutes in reality. And it's endearing. It's endearing and he'll get a couple laughs you know getting bears and shy probably two minutes in reality and it's endearing it's endearing and he'll bring up Luke local warm up and then here comes the big gun

nice the big daddy well so the guy goes up and I'm expecting all kinds of nerves first time to withstand up this guy sits down on the chair like sholts he sits like this like elbows on the knees like a sholtset uh-huh I'd never seen anyone more confident in my life. Wow. He was like a, y'all party in Vegas. Y'all party in Vegas. White guy? Indian guy.

Indian guy. But, you know, like a sexy, like a very handsome, like a Hassan Mannouche. Yeah, kind of like a beautiful, not that all Indian people aren't sexy. Like just describing him. I'm not saying, you know, kind of like that. I'm very, I'm like a beautiful, not that all Indian people aren't sexy. I'm just describing him. I'm not saying, you know, hot people are rarer. Yes, of course, especially in Queens. You got that right.

A lot of Indians here. So he's got the most confidence I've ever seen. I'm like, shit, maybe he's gonna kill. Uh-huh. Well, he does his bits. He gets a couple of snitches, let's say, because he might hear this, but take a guess how much time he did.

Supposed to do five. Oh, jeez I'm a shot three 26 minutes. Oh my get out of here. I thought he's gonna go short. I swear to God. He gets up. He faces He's he's stopping. He's got a little Chris rock about. He's got a little shouts And I'm in the back. I'm half asleep. Luke Monus is like looking at me going what's going on, hands on the head. There's Indians in the sand in the woods.

I mean, he really had a plethora of materials. Wow. And I got phone on the show. He's working it this way. He's swinging, he looked like a lord. I'm the most confident performer. I've ever seen not a ton of laughs. Sure. 26. Or smiles ton of laughs. Sure.

46. Or smiles, even for that matter. Flabbergasted. And then it ends with like six day traders being like, all right, they literally are like enough. Oh my God. Wrap the given the wrap up the whole thing. Wow.

And very nice guy, by the way. Mahatma Gandhi did less time. They couldn't have been nicer these people. They brought me gifts, they brought me a onesie, a t-shirt, and we did like a meeting. Usually you hate a meet and greet, but this was like a pleasant meet and greet. Everyone was so nice, baby advice friendly.

Oh, there you go. And there was one guy that picked me up. That was so cool. Sean, I think he maybe had two's gay, huge fan of yours, and he was like, I pushed hard for you on this gig. Hell yeah. He brought me cigars.

All right, lunch. And they were all so nice. Monus goes up and I'm like, okay, here we go. Monus first line, zilch, they just weren't... It's one of those events where it's like they were partying and they've been quieted down. Yes. And now they're like, I guess we're watching comedy.

Eventually, Monus gets them and I did okay I got them they wanted dirty and like inside jokes kind of what are you called ball-busty jokes? Yes, so I ended up being fun, but I was like that guy really he brought the heat. Yeah, 20. What'd you do? 28 I did I did about 52 okay, and then it was one of those ones too with like you got to come out with us after And I had to do like, does not any single chance I'm coming. No amount of money. I'm like, yeah, you could give me,

first of all, I had a 440 pickup. Oh, God. It was like 1130. And then bonus, this is the best love bonus. They go, well, what about you? I threw him under the bus. You know me, I'm like, he's got a late flight. He flies out at 8 p.m.

He's your guy. And he wants no part of this. We're just not party guys. And one of the guys goes, well, you can come with me. I'll drive you and look, look, I gotta change first. Ah, smart. And we walk away and I'm like,

why would you change? You're dressed for a corporate gig. What other outfit would you put on? Good point. He's got, you know, a dress shirt and buttons and the pants and I'm like, well, where would it? And he's like, yeah, I blew it.

But they couldn't have been nicer and it was a, I'm grateful. It was such a lucrative gig, lucrative. There you go. But it was a lot of fun. Great gig. But boy, that was, the opener was something else. I mean, as he's, I'm sorry I went long. Good Lord.

That's a wild amount of time. I mean, I mean, I, you know, I paid Luc a long. God, Lord, that's a wild amount of time. I mean, I mean, I pay Luke a plethora of money, but I'm like, this guy did double the time, look dude. That's true, but he owes you a couple bucks. Anyfarts, that was Vegas flyback, great time, and I guess I can get some baby, you want the baby? I haven't heard it yet, so I'm just in with the viewers. All right, well, so I feel like I'm hogging, I'm talking to you.

Oh, I mean, he gave birth to a human life, I want to hear about it. Yes, I certainly did. Well, so you go in there, you got to... It's a baby, it's adorable. It's a 3 a.m. call time, because it takes forever to give birth. Why is it? You never hear about a baby, you know, born at noon. It's always two of the more than five in the morning three of the morning I don't know and I'm doing this as a joke

but I'll say it here too when you think of labor you hear labor I was in labor what are you thinking? Legs up I want to fucking kill you look what you did to be placenta flying exorcist shit What did you do to be placent of flying, exorcist shit, shitting the floor? Exactly, that's what I thought lay, and for these bitches, man, for a year, my whole life, I was in labor for 48 hours, I was in labor for 50 hours. Labor, first of all, I'll get to that, but we show up, it's 3 a.m.

And it feels like a late night, doing a late night set. Right. A little late night, where you're like, you're nervous, we're going to do this thing, this is gonna happen, but you gotta go through all the rigble roll for it. You have a car ride and all this stuff, so we've set the alarm, it's our last night, we make love, then it's like, I went to bed,

we set the alarm for 2.15 AM. Yeah. You got your bag, she's packed, I'm like half packed, because I'm idiot. Half packed. I'm a moron. She's got all this stuff. Pillows, the works, blankets, clothes. You drive in the city.

It's the city that never sleeps as bullshit. It's dead silent. No, right. And it's a, what do you call it? Mount Sinai West, which used to be Roosevelt Hospital. Uh, 57th and 10th, something like that. Oh, wow. Manhattan, baby.

Yeah, so we go in and super quiet. It's like eerie out there. And it's a clean hospital. There is, but like we went, we went to the top. And you want your kid to not be ugly. And our doctor is the best. I talked about her before. She's my hero.

She listens to the podcast, which is insane. Maybe I'll use her when I, oh, you got her. Oh, you have to. She's number one. So we go in, we're all excited, and you drive there, you're half asleep, you park the car, the gate is closed. You gotta like honk the horn and it says,

44 hours, and it's like three of the more, and this literally cooks on the street. Like, I'm coming here to have a baby, and there's like homeless guys dragging their, ah, open the fucking gate for that sex. We go in, first we walk into the emergency room and it's like, it's just gun shot. I mean, it's an emergency room in Manhattan,

it's three of them. You're like, get us to the fucking mother ship. Whatever. So we finally, they send us up there, we go in, you check in, it's three a.m., then like Sarah's filling out a form, she's like, it's our insurance cover this, is this our, I'm like this, what? I'm like, what are we talking about?

I'm like, well, you can't do anything now. We're just, we're here. We're not going to go to a different hospital. So now in my mind, I'm like, this is going to cost $350,000. We thought we're going to be homeless, no loaf of bread. We finally go in there, we get a room, it's nice. The woman goes in first, they bring her in. Am I just sitting on this bench all day?

Yeah. And the reason is, because they have to go in there and say, is he beating the shit out of you? Whoa. Yeah, I had no idea. Wait, whoa, huh? They gotta make sure you don't have like an abusive husband or partner.

That's a weird time to ask. I guess so. So I'm sitting out here like, down in the year with my little to go bag. My wife's in there. I don't realize they're shaking her down. Being like, you got to blink twice if he's fighting you or whatever.

Wow. So finally the nurse comes out. This is what I'm talking about. No one like men are just pieces of shit. Yeah. So process. Wow. There's a lot of pieces of shit men, obviously.

Sure. So then they come out and they're like, all right, we're ready for you. I come in, Sarah just rats them out. They're like, they were shaking me down. They. There's a lot of pieces of shit men. Obviously. Sure. So then they come out like all right We're ready for you. I come in Sarah just rats them out. They're like they were shaking me down They think you're a piece of shit. Oh, I'm a good guy Anyways, we go in you start the process she has to get the epidural which is a 48 inch needle They shoot into your spine or whatever good Lord and I don't do needles. You know me. So I'm like cry I get in front of Sarah I'm holding her hand. I'm eating her out while like a guy named, an Asian guy named Tron is jamming a fucking 14 inch needle into her back.

Well, NDA, needily well Asian. So she's like tough as nails this woman. She's not even phased. She doesn't give a fuck. They're pumping the needle in. There's not one, if I had to do what she had to do, I would just be like, we can't have a baby, we can get a dog. That'll wait Sarah. I mean, she's 58 years old, so she gave herself a shot in the butt every day for four months. Wow.

And then a needle in the spine, they're taking blood every 10 minutes. It's crazy. I wouldn't have put up with one single thing. Yeah. I come in my pussy, I wouldn't want either. Yeah, good boy. You like the mouth.

What if it's that throat, my God, what a feeling. It's very warm. Puts the thing in, lays down the bed. I'm in a chair. I'm sitting like this. I got 48 hours to go just in a fucking chair. She's laying down. Now the epidural, I didn't know this. It's basically an IV, but it goes into your back at no IV. I see. So there's a little button. Anytime you feel discomfort, you're pressed up, you're drugging yourself.

Oh, wow. So this is labor. So now they break the water. They come in there and just snap your water. So now she's officially quote in labor. Okay. This is what in labor looks like. Bzzzz sound asleep REM sleep and I'm over here like this Trying to get the blanket. I'm twisting. I can't get a position. You need a little drug action

I would a pepper killed for drugs and then they come in every fucking hour They couldn't be night these nurses. I mean are like American heroes Really? So they come in they go how in, and then the doctor comes in. Dr. Melka, the best doctor I've ever seen, met, heard in my life. She comes in. Melka Melka. Melka, fingers my wife and goes, nope, nothing happened. Hmm.

Okay, great. I've heard that before. That's still rolling, right? Yep, yep, yep. Okay, finger it. And she goes, yeah, nothing, we're going to put a balloon. They put a balloon in there, which like, in flight, so it gets you dialing.

Oh, smart. They put the balloon in, three hours later, they come in. Now it's whatever, 6 AM, 7 AM, the sun's coming up. They go, yeah, no movement yet. Well, we got time, we got time, so you go back. I'm reading books, I'm looking at Instagram, she's mostly sleeping, we got time, so you go back, I'm reading books, I'm looking at Instagram, she's mostly sleeping, I'm pacing, then around, oh, 3 p.m.

Knock on the door. Yeah, come on in, they go, yeah, you have someone out here. Yeah, I don't know how to have visitors. Oh boy. They go, I don't know anything about that, they go, what the- They're a pair of showed up. There's a man out here.

A man. There's a man out here. A man! There's a man out here. You can't have visitors. No one's allowed on this floor. Can you please come here? And I go, what the fuck is this? I walk out and one Matt Salicus. Oh, geez.

Is he having a gimbal? He's standing. He filming. He's standing in the hallway with a little dainty bag of apple pie. He's got an apple pie. And every nurse, Dr Dr. Lady, is looking like, what the fuck's going on here? Now, it's hard for me to describe. It's not after visiting ours.

There are no visitors. No. This is for women currently giving birth and their partners who, by the way, they do a Q and A to make sure we're not abusing Yes, and meanwhile a 58 year old man with a porn stash and a dirty jacket and apple pie is just standing in there Oh my god, how do you get in? I so I walk up. I go. It's like Paul O'Neal in the in the George a Cramer I mean he's like how'd you get in here? I walk over him like thanks buddy. I give him a hug We're never hard, but it felt like all right. I guess here go. I touched a little he got to be a little touched. I'm touched. Oh I'm touched

Maybe you might have scaled the walls and get in there. You might have a repelled down or a spider-man thing I think you wore a mask and a test step the scope of it. Oh, you're probably right So I go how how did you get in here and literally this is the all time the all-time quote is the kids stays in the picture from the Badge the party. That's a whole other story. Yes. But I go, how'd you get in here? He goes, I was born here. Oh, that's gold.

I go, you're perfect. He thinks it's like a fraternity. He can come and go with a pass. He's alumni. Like, like, I'm gonna be like, oh, we remember Salah Kus. Right, right. 1974.

Ha, ha, ha. He goes, yeah, I was, like, so I stand, now he's done such a nice gesture and again This is I do not know how he got in there they I do you they do all this stuff with food mind you This is a floor there are no visitors at all on this floor Wow, you can visit us until you go down a floor. I'm telling aviation duck. I wouldn't put it past him Something he repelled I don't know what the hell, but you know, I'm out of mouth for a minute, but I'm like, well, I'm gonna get my wife's in labor

sort of, so I gotta get back there. Thanks for the pie. Bring her the apple pie. I say, I'm thinking a pie. I go, Salah Q's brought some pie and she said, who the hell is Salah Q's? Ah, ah, ah, ah. I said, he's the video guy.

Remember, he had the sketch idea with Mark? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And so I'm very touched, it was beautiful. She ate the pie, she went crazy for the pie. Okay, great. Love the pie. By the way, she had it after when you're in labor, you're not allowed to eat.

So she didn't realize, oh no, when you have an epidural, I think, whatever the fuck it is. So she didn't realize her last meal, she had just like half a hot dog. She's like, I'm nervous, I'll eat tomorrow morning. So she's just fucking starving, drugging herself up. Last, it goes all, we literally go through

the entirety of the day into the next morning. That was Thursday at 3am we got there. Now it's Friday 1am, doctor comes in, goes, all right, basically, I think her shift was ending. It was like, no moving, because we're trying to do natural. She's like, no movement here. We got to do a C section.

Now, I got to tell you, so you're thinking we're having a bet. You know we're going to be a baby. Part of you think, maybe we're not having a bet. Like, it doesn't feel real, because there's no pushing and squeezing and crying. It's not like the movies. We've just been sitting there for a day, like exactly like we are now, just sitting there for 24 hours.

Wow. So then she comes in and goes, all right, we gotta do the C section, because there's no movement here, so we're gonna do C section. And we're like, okay, so now you get like a spike of like, okay, here we go, and she goes, is she nervous?

This is a slicing. We went from vaginal to slicing. And she goes, is she nervous? Is that, this is a slicing? We went from vaginal to slicing. She's nervous, she sedated a bit, but we're so fucking tired, not her. She's been sleeping for 20 hours, especially if I've ever seen anyone have. So we go, all right, so she goes, all right, we're gonna go find a room,

get it ready for surgery, then we'll come grab you, probably like 30 minutes. Okay. So now you just get hit with a wave of like, I'm gonna have a son in 30 minutes. I can't even grasp the feeling. It's like, and this is why it's like late night. You know when you go to late night,

you know, you do it, the sets at 6 p.m. Yes. You get there at three and you're just hanging out with your buddies and all of a sudden they're like, 10 minutes. Yes. And you're like, oh! Right.

I can get my suit on. Yes. I've never been funny in my life. My parents hate me. Let me put my tie on. So much tie my tie. It's real now. And you're like, I can't do this.

So then they come in. She lead, they take her, they wheel her out. Now I'm like, just raw with emotions. I haven't slept. I'm like, sobbing. I'm like, I love you. Good night. Goodbye.

The wheeling is very dramatic. I know. I'm like, I'm in love with someone else. They push her out. And now I'm left in this room. I've been in for 24 hours where I thought I was gonna have a kid. And now it's like this, it's almost like college

where you move out. I'm just in this empty room with my thoughts. My wife is getting surgery prepped. Yes. I'm gonna be a dad shortly. Are you thinking about running for the hills? No, I'm just thinking about my whole life. I'm crying, I'm taking photos, I'm emotional. I mean thinking about running for the hills? No, I'm just thinking about my whole life.

I'm crying, I'm taking photos, I'm emotional. I mean, a lot of emotion. Yeah. Then a lady comes in who haven't met a nurse, she comes in, she brings the bunny suit. Mm. It's like, it's got these big ears. Okay.

No, I'm joking. It's like the, you remember Mark Wahlberg at the end of the party? Yeah. It's like that thing. Oh, the feet. You got the feet and the little hair net and the shit she goes all right put all this on Because it's it's surgery you got to be whatever. Oh, if you remember I have covid I have like straight up Holy shit, they're like okay put this suit on cuz the germs them like okay Wow, I'm giving everyone covid, but whatever no big big deal. I put on the fucking hat, the zipper, the big one piece.

Zipper. Share the bunny. Get it all on the mask, the hat, the bunny suit, the whole thing, she comes in, the nurse comes in and goes, oh, you know what, I jumped the gun. You gotta take all that off. You gotta bring all your luggage down to the recovery room. Jesus.

And you can't wear that in there because it gets contaminated. So take all that off and meanwhile, I'm like trembling. My wife has been gone for a half an hour. And in my mind, I'm like, am I missing the fucking surgery? Right. Because they're not, I picture them.

They're not waiting for me, whatever. So I unzip all the shit, take it all off, fold it back up and keep in mind, I'm like, I haven't eaten, I haven't slept, I'm terrified. Yeah. I bring all my luggage to the recovery room down the hallway. They go, now it's full in here. Oh my lord. And they go, well what should I do?

She goes, just leave it in your room. Oh, what is the amateur hour? So I got to walk back with all the, I'm talking suitcase, duffle bag, backpack on my head, apple pie. Yeah. Walk back to the room, put it all back where it was, put the bunny suit all back on my head, apple pie. Yeah. Walk back to the room, put it all back, where it was, put the bunny suit all back on. Then they go, all right, just wait out here.

So now I've got some great photos of it. I'm just sitting outside the room. I haven't seen my wife in a half an hour. And now I'm like, I got these photos I look at now. It makes me emotional. I'm like, I'm three minutes away from being a dead. Woo! They call you in, you come in.

Now the C section, she's literally lined up. They have her hands tied because you get real shaky and crazy. Yeah, wow. Hot. Sedated. It looks like Braveheart. Oh yeah.

The joke was, I'm losing my freedom. Yeah. There you go. There's your bit. 35-year-old reference. She's got her arms out like this. Then they have a big, it's like a magic trick. They got a big sheet from like chest dividing, got it.

So her whole bodies on this side, we're on the other side of the sheet. It's me, Sarah, and the, what do you call it? The anesthesiologist. That's the one. Whoa! Nice pull. No salicuse.

He's in the duck looking through., so he's behind it's the three of us and then there's a 14 people over on this side and they're about to slice this fat bastard up Man, so we're over here, and I'm like I love you. I can't believe it. I appreciate you and she's crying. I'm crying the pediatricians crying for all crying. I'm holding his tock her and I assume it's numb downtown. Oh yeah, okay. It's numb baby. And they're like, okay, here we go. And you can't see anything.

It's just a blue sheet. Whoa. It literally feels like a magic trick when they cut you in half. Right. Right. And so I'm down here chatting with her and they're like, little, everyone's smile, milk, it just pokes her head up over the thing. It's like a comedy sketch.

Yeah. She's like, how you guys doing back here? It couldn't be more comedic. Yeah. Yeah, everything good. All right, and then she comes back down, she comes up, she's got like a blood mustache. Oh my god.

Oh my god. So then they go, all right, when the baby comes, we're gonna drop the curtain and you can see him. Yeah. And then we'll pull it back up. It's very show busy. It's, it's, it's fucking insane.

Oh, I was wearing a top hat and a tie and so then you're just hoping to hear crying. Yes If you don't hear crying, that's the problem. Yes, because the baby's crying when they come out so they're like, okay Little pressure and Sarah's just like oh my god, and we're both sobbing holding hands. I'm squeezing her tit and then you just here holding hands, I'm squeezing her tith, and then you just hear, ah! Oh, what a moment! And I had so much wear with all. I hit the recording.

I had my recording thing. I got his initial cries. Whoa! I got the cries. I got that going, then they're like, all right, we're gonna drop the sheet, so get ready. And I get the phone, I'm shaking. They drop the sheet, I snap a photo.

You gotta see this photo. I can't wait. Blood everywhere. The surgery light is just shining, he looks like an angel with a cord out of his body. Wow, bloody angel. So they're like, there you go, there's your child, they put the curtain back up, because they gotta get to business.

Then the baby's screaming, they put the baby in a little under a heat lamp, in a crib, and they come over and they go, all right dad, go be with the baby, because she can't be. She's like shaking, she loses all her hormones and she's tied down. Yeah. So then this is where it gets really crazy.

So they're like, just go be with them. And it's like, it's like George the squirrel. I just go over there and you're like, hey dude. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Trying to talk to him, he's crying, he's naked, he's got, you know got shit all over him.

They're the chunks and the goo. The goo, and then these nurses, you just fall, because I'm raw with emotion. Oh yeah. I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm crying. And the nurses come and they just jam a bottle in his mouth, which is so wild,

they just know how to use a bottle. I know, it's crazy. Right away, he's like, instinct, yeah. Unbelievable. So then, I keep thinking, I'm like Unbelievable. So then I keep thinking I'm like, you gotta turn to Sarah and I'm like, Sarah, I turn and it's this and she has the full hole. I looked right in the hole.

Oh. Like full, like a pulsing bloody hole. And I'm like, wow. And they're all in their work. They don't give a fuck about a baby or anything. Like, we got a woman who's got a gaping hole in her stomach. Sure, sure. So they're sowing her up and a couple of times

I looked over there, just looked right in and this blood, it looks like a Tarantino film. Wow. Blood everywhere, blood on the ceiling, blood on the floor everywhere. And then they're like, that's not actually blood, it's more a placent and I'm like, that's blood to me. It's red liquid.

It's red lick. So I'm over there with the baby. I'm chatting him up. He's sweet as pie, the whole thing. Then they put some clothing, swaddling them up, and they go, all right, bring them over to his mother because now my wife has not seen the baby. Wow.

It's just me and the baby. She's over there getting a sewn up. And so she can't hold them because she's tied down at all shaken. So you literally just hold the baby next to them. And you're like, here and the baby. She's over there getting a sewn up. And so she can't hold them because she's tied down and all shaken. So you literally just hold the baby next to them. And you're like, here's your baby. Yeah. And it's a big crying, beautiful, lovely, messed whole thing.

And then they, unbelievable. You hang out for like, when I thought was like 15 minutes, but it turns out it was an hour because there's also a little, in the crib, there's like a clock counting up, just like a late night. and I have a photo, it's like at 3.22, like my son is three minutes and 22 seconds old, which is really bizarre.

I think I was in there for about 45 minutes. Then they take the baby to the nursery to go give him his tests, a couple shots and whatever, and then they're like, all right, you're, I'm done. They have to like seal her up and get her stable. Then they go, all right, you just wait out there. So I'm like, all right, I'm done. They have to like seal her up and get her a stable. Then they go, all right, you just wait out there. So I'm like, okay, baby's going to 234. Now it's 330.

Like, we'll be right out. We'll come get you. We'll see stable. I go, great. So I just sit on a chair. They got like some TV show on full blast. Three hours passed. So I had like 40 minutes with my baby.

Now I'm just sitting on a chair for three hours alone, being like, is my baby dead? Is my wife divorced me? I don't know. So lonely. And then- And the information would be nice. No, no thing.

You just have to go, all right, hopefully, and then you're also having slept. They come, they get me, we go to the recovery room, we all sit there, they wheel the baby in, the three, you just in there, and then you're just in there. And you're on, I haven't slept in 26 hours. Actually, it's more like 50 hours at that point.

I'm not even realizing because you came in the night before you've been awake that whole time. Yeah. So because we came in at 21, I only slept for two hours leading up to it because it's midnight you wake up at two. Yeah. So I've slept two hours and three days, two days, whatever. Woo.

And you sit there and then you go up to the other floor, the recovery floor. You wake up at two. Yeah. So I've slept two hours and three days, two days, whatever. Woo, wee! And you sit there and then you go up to the other floor, the recovery floor, and then at first we didn't have a room. We had to share a room with this other woman because it was so full, it was a big weekend. And this other one was like going through like a miscarriage and we're sharing the room. It's just a curtain.

Ooh, that's tough. And so, they're having this tragic thing and we're like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, gaga. I love you. And you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh in my life. Cause it was like 12 hours sharing a room in the chair, got our own room. They had movie joy. We watched the League of Their Own in Greece. Never cried harder in my life. My parents flew in, they came over.

Hey. One of their arms, Tyres. That was something Sarah sister came by. My niece came by. And then you got to drive home with the baby, which is terrifying. Yes. So, you know,

Uber Black. Yeah, like, no, I brought the car. You lock them in there. Yes. So you know Uber black. Yeah, no I brought the car you lock them in there. I had you know Sarah my mother in the back seat my dad over here And then you just take her slow bring him home and you guys where you live baby on board and that's where he lives He lives right upstairs. I saw him. So is it Is it terrifying? Is it like one of these things where your whole life's different? My whole life is about not letting this thing die. I'm a different guy. Well, how do you feel?

I feel good. I mean, it's right now. It's like, I'm very tired, obviously, but I don't have like, baby, I still have the same anxiety of like, world war three breaking up. Okay. I said, the baby's healthy and happy. I have no like fear of him like.

This is fascinating. Whatever. You scared of the cooks, climate change, AI. The baby, you're cool as a cucumber. Well, baby's easy. He's a human. I have no problem with relationships. Right.

My worry is that, you know, I won't say how I feel about everything's going up. It's like, oh my God, we're gonna be World War Three. It's crazy, the division, and what kind of world is he gonna grow up in? But just day to day, you're like, he's crying, you feed him, we're gonna be World War Three. It's crazy, the division, and what kind of world is he gonna grow up in? But just day to day, you're like, he's crying, you feed him, you hug him, you snuggle him, you talk to him. I do a lot of talking and eye contact,

and you feed him to stick that thing in there. He's very easy to love. Yeah, he's a cute kid, but you're on the clock for 18 years here. Yeah, I mean, my parents, I still call every day crying. So my jokes are after me. Well, here's the main question. What was crying. So, like the cooks are after me. But here's the main question.

What was longer, the labor or the Indian guy's set? It was close. All right. Very close. Neither was very funny. But, do you cry it on both? But yeah, so he's up there. It's fun.

You know, you take it a day and a time. It really does like humble you and shorten everything down to like, all right, this. Yes. I'm doing this and then you're like, all right, I have a shot. I really does like humble you and shorten everything down to like, all right, this. Yes. I'm doing this and then you're like, all right, I have a shot. I gotta go do the show and do the best to make the money, whatever.

And I don't know, we'll see so far, it's a lot of fun. Well, congratulations. It's a good looking kid. He's cute. I've only seen him for four minutes sleeping. Right. So I got a lot of these. Yeah, he does a lot of that. It was adorable.

They have no nervous systems. So when he noise, they go like this. They're like, they're like George when he's with Peter Menn's mother. Just a lot of like that kind of shit. Right. But yeah, it's a lot of fun, you know, but it'll get funner because right now, he doesn't know who the fuck I am. He's staring right through me.

Yeah, he's no like gags. No, he's a blob. But, you know, you kiss him a lot, and you know, you give the rubs and the pats. Yes, go pats. But he's not, he's sick. But he's not like, hey. Yeah, that'll be fun.

It's crazy to think about, I'm looking at his face. It's crazy to think at some point, he'll run in and be like, fartin'. Yeah. And then run out and he'll have bits, you know. And he will get a personality at one point. And it's gonna, even before he talks to a personality. Yeah, so that and then run out and you know, have bits, you know, and he will get a personality at one point And it's gonna even before he talks of a personality. Yeah, so that's gonna be fun and but right now it's just a lot of

hanging out. Yeah, I gotta say I mean I saw Sarah. She's glowing. Oh big glow. She just slipped right in there. We're having a hell of a time and I can't wait to have sex. Yeah You earned it. I'm only halfway through it. Six weeks, it's been three. I'm like, I'm dying. Ooh, rock steady, baby. I love sex. I almost got a couple of boy hoors in Vegas,

but I'm excited against it. Well, we got to wrap it up. This is the longest episode of all time. Well, I've just, you know, appropriately so. Special episode, special, it's making a special episode. Just tell them what the beacon for God's sake. You've got to plug this show. I forgot. Yeah about the beacon for God's sake. Oh, I'm gonna plug this show for guys. Yeah, 11 tickets for Christ. The beacon is not looking good. You hear about

Stavros, Samaril, the are even sold it out. We got to sell this thing out the beacon. I think I'm doing too many spots around town. January 27th. Get a ticket on the website. Mine there's whatever. We got to do it to the terrors don't win Beacon the beacon of hope beacon of light which by the way of all the big rooms we have done I feel like that's the best one you think so well radio city have you done radio city? We miss radio I never have no way I did I did I did I bom there. Yeah that room sucks sucks That sucks Carnegie. I haven't done but I, I bombed there. Yeah, that room sucks. Sucks. That sucks. Carnegie, I haven't done, but I heard the sound isn't great.

I thought it was, I heard you can't hear up there, but as a comic, it's pretty special. Okay. And, but I've done the Hulu MSG theater. I've done Madison Square Garden itself. Yeah. But of the ones I've done, Beacon is the coolest and the best.

Okay. So that's something. Well, it's also funny, and I know we gotta wrap it up. We hear these old-timers talking like the Louise and the cars, all these guys, and they're like, oh, I should have done the beacon, the money's better, and actually has a better sound, and the deal is better.

This is all the, so they're talking about all the business stuff that we don't know. Right, right. That's a beautiful room, or Nate, and it's finally up on the West Side. Or Nate Bargazzi. Oh, so there you go. Yeah, right there It's a beautiful room or Nate, and it's right in the upper west side. Or Nate Bargazze. Uh, so there you go. Yeah, right there, right by Statenup New York,

which we've walked by 9,000 times, doing the old pod. That's amazing. You walk under it every single time you do a set of Statenup New York for the podcast. Yeah, for Alan's office. Oh, that's right. Yeah.

Anyway, so get those fucking tickets for God's sake. Thank you. And I'm off for a while. January 11th of the 13th to come a comedy club. And then the weekend after that Pekipsi, January 19th and 20th. I think that is laugh it up. laugh it up. And I got some February dates that I don't know because I'm a bad comedian. And then I marched 28th through the 30th Pittsburgh improv something in February. I'll figure it out, but go to Punch Up Live, I'm doing a bunch of stuff on there, Punch Up Live, you can sign up for my email list,

get tickets through there. Thanks to everyone that came out in DC, sold out, totally sold out, that's a good feeling. So thank you everybody that came and Patreon, get on the Patreon. Yes, you gotta do it, good stuff, always cooking, and send this guy a congrats to the Patreon. Yes, you got to do it. Good stuff, always cooking. And said this guy, congrats. To the baby.

Thank you. And shout out to Lex to fill it in for Chuck here in the story. Oh, yeah. I think that's about it. And we're going to do a bonus right now. Queep it up, brazilah. Don't you say, guys. Remember heavens where magic's cried Oh miss, they're watching the music die