Tuesdays with Stories! - #545 I Feel Daddy

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

It's Tuesdays with Stories and Papa Joe is in the hot seat with a handsome cardigan! Joe talks about his experience on set recently with a bonafide elderly female kook! Mark has a run-in with an undercover cop! And Joe gets a very interesting garnish in his cup! It's Tuesdays! Our Stuff: - patreon.com/tuesdays Sponsors: - Support the show and get 20% off and free shipping with the code TUESDAYS at https://www.manscaped.com - Support the show and get 50% off of Factor at https://www.factormeals.com/TUESDAYS50 and use code TUESDAYS50.

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great. Good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with... Stories. Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And then the duck fell out of his bag.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Surf's up. And she didn't even flush. Knock knock. Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe List. Yeah! This is Tuesdays with stories, everybody. Nah, that's terrible.

This is supposed to be cheesy. My radio is spitting at me. And I can't choose. Wow! We're here, we're queer. Give me a beer. How you doing there? What do you look like, my youth pastor?

All right. And I'm the troubled youth. Well, I've heard the criticisms of the outfit, sweatpants, the sweatshirt, dress. Maybe if you dress, you might get laid. Your fees of shit. Your homo, your dad's gay. Well, here we are. I'm dressed like Liam Clancy. I'm going to go out to one of the Irish tenors over here. Don't I feel like I'm going to be like, I'm proud of all the Irish blood that I see a college shirt and a wool sweater. I think my uncle, I think 1978 South Boston. Oh really? I'm thinking a camp counselor over here. I guess I could counsel the Cape camp. It's so wholesome

looking. It's crazy. Well, yeah. So you as you know, I bumped into you last night. I shot a short film for Sam Rubinoff. Shout out to ruben off a robs this man can make a fail he's a room alright he can make a film bed he's off this man knows how to make a film great comedian yeah sam ruben off he writes he directs and this time we made the last one with tommy Ah, the Pope master. Civic duty. You ever watch any of these? I don't care for it.

No, me either. But Rubinot, we made Civic duty. It's great. Check it out. But this one was what do you call that? Tour de force. This is ambitious. Oh, I see.

We had a drone and parking. We're in the car. I don't know where this man, I don't know if he's getting loans or what's going on. Loan and drone. But we had a drone in the car. I don't know where this man I don't know he's getting loans or what's going on alone and drone, but we had a drone and a car We had a dummy car a bogey car a picture car Wow And I was driving all over the place live street people honking Screaming that's exciting and it's premiering at the Netflix festival. Oh, I'd love to see it

Yeah, that's not what you said a minute ago. But May. Yeah, the live is different. May 4th. Well, live, it's a film. In person. We're not acting it out. But I don't want to watch it while shitting.

I want to be in there with the big camera projector popcorn. By the way, you and I have been, I think, four movies together. This is my impression of you about six minutes into each one of them. No, you got the wrong guy. I'm telling you, we went and saw Best Shorts and Best Docs and Philly. Well, look what we're picking here. Jesus, we're going to an art house, horse shit. You were snoozing. I think we saw the Mark Wahlberg fall off a building movie with Bulger. No, that means that was different. Mark Wahlberg. I think you're thinking of Eric Clapton. No, M. Night's Shalamadinga Dong.

He had that silly movie where they run into the Alligators' Mouth and the lawnmower. I think it's signs. It's not signs. It's the other one. Here's your sign. There was the gate, the front door, the pool house. No, no, it's the one. It's fucking the happening. The happening

where everyone starts chopping their tits off and running and he's supposed to be a school teacher. Sounds like elementary. It's very bad. But anyways, we saw a movie together one time you took a nap. I don't know. May 4th Netflix we're gonna premiere it and this is a hell of a film I think oh really you got to see the dailies no I didn't see anything but I felt it in the moment it's me and Fee and Keith Robinson is in it he plays a meter maven and he was really fun and funny and could he get the voice of the words out that couple takes in yeah all right he's a little behind the eight ball. But he looks like an eight ball. But he was great. He's always fucking hilarious. And

I really pushed for him. I like you got to get Keith. And then I had a fee and of course, so you know, you know, and she is hilarious throughout and great hang great hang great great energy with that Fian and a decent clam. Yeah. Yeah. The smell is a little off but yeah. It doesn't taste like a nine volt but no she was hilarious and that was fun and it was a long shoot. Sometimes these shoots they get a little long you get a little punchy. Yeah. I had the most embarrassing thing I've ever happened in my career hit me fatty Well, so we're doing you know most embarrassing Feels like a long shot

No, it was pretty like embarrassing. Well, I mean career. You don't have a lot of I don't have that much embarrassing career They always saw your first rogan. Well my face My face is tough the teeth the jaw the head and the herpes sure sure I don't know if that's embarrassing It's just like you know you want to kill yourself right right? Yeah, maybe it's embarrassing Yeah, you're riding it out you own it but any any farts the power back so It's getting late. I'm getting punchy and they're shooting a scene of Karen's gotta go run, she's running out the door.

Okay. And at this point I was like, I haven't taken many photos, let me get some production photos, you wanna have a good memory? Yeah. So I'm sitting there, snapping some photos, going this is fun, I'm making a movie, this is crazy.

Also, you know that feeling in life where you can feel everyone's looking at you? Yes, I hate that. I'm doing this, I look, everyone's looking, you. Yes. I hate that. I'm doing this. I look everyone's looking and I'm like this. What what's going on there? Like, are you going to be in this scene? I'm in the scene. That's the worst. I'm in the scene. We're over time. It's late at night. I'm standing there like an asshole. It'd be like if you were the quarterback on the bench calling your mother while the team is out there going.

I hope I'm supposed to snap this too. Wow, that is the worst. Because that happens all the time with these shoots, because you just zone out and it's so boring. Yes. That when your line comes up, I've had that with a table read where you're flipping through and you kind of highlight your name every now and then, because you're like, I don't want to miss it.

And then when you miss it, you hate yourself. Because there's always the other guy who misses it, and you go, what a fucking dumbass. This guy stinks. And then it happens to you. go, what a fucking dumbass this guy stinks. And then it happens to you. Well then everyone's waiting, everyone's tired, everyone's punchy, and you're just like, that's on me. Just, uh.

And you're on your phone, which makes it doubly bad. Like I'm the phone guy, I cannot be on it. And I'm not even looking at, by what? I'm like, I'm the fucking snapping photos. I'm like, look at this, we're making a movie. And like you're in the movie, you fucking moron. That's rough. Well, that's the most embarrassing thing in your career.

You're doing better than Paul Rubens. It was brief and, you know, it was only a few people, but boy, it was a good time. So get excited for that. I'm excited for this Netflix. And now, this is Hot Off the Press. Nobody knows about this. Oh, baby.

We're doing Dream Come True Live Tuesdays Cosby Time. Oh, I forgot, yes. 4P. Yeah, Matt and A, bitch. We're doing Sunday, May, tickets were selling so well at the Gramercy, we decided what are we doing with these night shows? Yes, good point.

It's enough already with the sun being down. Come on, early bird, that's how the people wanted. That's when comedy is the best. Beaming light coming into sunset Boulevard. Broad daylight, what is it, the store? Oh, you better believe it, main room, come, guzzlers. We're at the store 4P Sunday, May 5th. Yes, yes, is that right?

That's Cinco de Mayo. I think so, that's even better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect. Bring you some barrels of maracas, you fucking beaners. We're doing it up in the store. That's gonna be fun. So Netflix, and what do you do?

I'm doing May 2nd, I'm at the Regent. What are you doing? What's your show? I'm May 3rd at the Malta Bonn Theater, whatever that is. But 4 p.m., that slot was open, we slid in there. I picture the buffer guy's gonna be like, whoa, we're gonna be like, whoa. We're going to be like, hey, sorry, sir.

We got to do a show to do here. That's going to be good. I think I actually think four o'clock on a Sunday is better than 10.30 on a Sunday. Without a doubt, 100%. And no one's going to scoop it. We have no competition. We're not up against Fluffy doing a Q&A.

So I think we'll be good. I'm excited about it. That's gonna be fun. So get the tickets to those and get them to everything. Come to all those, come to all three of those shows. When's the last time we did a live LA? Was there one with Christure at the Improv? What was that, 88?

That was a long time ago. I think it was Bert and Nick Vateron. Was there another person? Wow. I think there was one more. Maybe there was, I can't remember. Vaterot, was there another person? I think there was one more. Maybe there was, I can't remember. Vaterot got sloppy. Long enough ago that Bert didn't take his shirt off.

I think he was in general, but he didn't for the podcast, which I don't think he would even do now. Yeah, I guess you're right. It was, I didn't even know, I think that was the first time I met Bert. Wow, maybe I'd met him once before. I think he was in a mood, he was hungover or something was going on. It was a wacky wonky night, but he was- Maybe I'd been him once before. I think he was like, you know, he was in a mood. He was hungover or something was going on. It was a wacky, wonky night, but he showed up.

I can't remember, but yeah, that was at the improv, gotta be, six years ago, I have no idea. Gotta be, gotta be. Funny to see how much has changed. Like, he wasn't Burked, he was an arena Burked. Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah. But that's gonna be fun.

I can't wait, I'm gonna rent a house in the hills. Baby's gonna be there, Sarah, Derek, it's his birthday. It's gonna be a fucking humdinger. It's gonna be a to-do. Well, here's a wacky one. I'm doing the multibond on the third. Coachella, I have a gig in Coachella on the fourth. Wow, so then you gotta come back.

Yeah, it's an hour and a half away. No tickets have sold, no one lives in Coachella. You hear Coachella on the fourth. Wow, so then you gotta come back. Yeah, it's an hour and a half away. No tickets have sold, no one lives in Coachella. You hear Coachella, you think, hey, Tupac, Hologram, Kendrick Lamar's gonna be out there, and Coldplay or some shit, everybody's doing Molly, but nope, you got this guy at a casino. Well, you got Palm Springs, I mean, people do it. Whenever I drive to Palm Springs,

I always see billboards of oh really here we lose it's fucking Richard Marks your father's cock people've heard of them yeah but you know I think you know I think something happened alright I'll take it so that's gonna be fun any farts so and get excited for this movie I think it's gonna be a good time but let me tell you this quick I had a little run in with somebody on the sidewalk here in New York running Hirschberg. I saw him last night, too Yes, I don't know. Oh, yeah, cuz I saw you all the same time. Yes. Yes ruin my night. That was nice. That was great That was a fun show killer show you yeah, you can we say you were in your tonight show set? So that'll be out in the the open. That's out now. I plugged it on the last episode. I can drug addict. There you go

But it's fentanyl. Well, yeah, so So we shoot the movie this I don't even know the name of it I think it's called what is it now alternate side? I believe Yeah, it's all about parking. Hence the meter maid. Sounds riveting. So, where do you see this picture? Are you the handicapped? I'm telling you, it's good.

Okay. I mean, I only was there at the shooting. It might be horrible. Well, I think you can feel it, you know? It's like, I've shot a few porn's in my day. You can feel when this is gonna be a hot one. This is a hot one. I read the script.

I was there. I was in every scene. How could it not be good there you go sweater boy oh boy that's why you get a glimpse of that monitor you see those chompers and that's why I don't watch it ruin it just ruins there should be a black bar across my mouth or cock key I went to a black bar once I lost my wallet all right here we go to see so the other day one of the shoot you know we're I went to a black bar once. I lost my wallet. All right. Here we go. So day one of the shoot, you know, we're shooting on the street.

And Rubinov, he makes things happen. He's got a permit. Oh, yeah. The street is open, but we can't park there. We got all the parking. That's nice. He rented a street sweeper. It's a, this is an epic.

Yes, yes. See, that's good. Because a lot of these shoots, you do guy's like, what else are we doing? And you're like, you're the director. I like when they take charge and make things happen. Oh, he knows what he's doing, baby. This kid, he's going to be big. I will tell you that.

Mark my words. Rube. Joe my words. So we're doing the, instead of Mark, Joe. I like it. That's good. So we're on the sidewalk. And there's an AD and a second AD and a director and a producer and

there's extras and the whole thing bunch of people on the street that's the way it is it's New York City and the whole thing and there's old ladies walking up the street and I mean old 75 105 old what are we on here this is 10th East 10th okay in 4th Avenue and 3rd or maybe that's Broadway at that point. I know it will. I know that area right over by Shake Shacks right there. You know, you know, you know exactly. So the lady's walking up the street and we're all just kind of lingering around in between takes, you know, hurry up and wait, as they say in the movie biz. And she's walking up and she just stops and goes like, oh, oh.

Can't be bothered. She's doing this, she's like, get out of my way. She's just cast on, get out of my way. God, just like passive aggressive, kind of out loud. Oh, oh. Yeah. And then so she walked by and she's acting like this is some crazy thing

You know, I don't understand. She's a hundred. She could cross the street or just it's not like we're like playing defense Sure scene and so as she walked and I'm an asshole. I'm a piece of shit. I just went to She lives in New York City. I Yes to the guy over here, but loud enough for her to hear. I'm like she lives in New York City I mean, right there's a guy jerking off a block away She stops because you have these people and maybe I'm one of these people myself. I'm like, she lives in New York City. I mean, right? There's a guy jerking off a block away. She stops because you have these people and maybe I'm one of these people myself. I want to get out. I hate it here, but she stops and turns and then you just feel her look. So I look and she's like this, just staring at me. And so I just kind of stared back and she's like, really, really, you know what, you know what,

Really? Oh, God, I love this. Really, you know what? You could be a lot nicer, mister. Wow. And I went, hey, I wasn't even talking to you. We're just shooting a film here. We have a permit, and she's like, you're being an asshole. Oh, who's mean now?

An asshole. Man, that's a leap. And then at this point, I don't say anything. At this point of the two of us, only one has been called a name exactly I wasn't even talking to her I was talking to them now granted I was being passive aggressive I said it loud enough for her to hear but she started with the Huffin and Puffin and she literally said get out of my way yeah out of my way oh so who's gonna yell a guy in that sweater you're like father knows best I'll wear the sweat on the

star of the film for God's sake yeah. Yeah, you're the cleaver. What's his name? Leave it to Beamer Dead. Me, cleaver. Yeah, she should be taking photos. Yeah, look at this guy. I've been on The Tonight Show for fuck's sake. Yeah, you're back on again.

What a cunt. Anyway, yeah, she called me an asshole. And I went, all right, sorry, I'm just saying. You know, we're shooting a film. We're not trying to bother anybody. Yeah. We have a permit. It's New York City. We shoot a lot of films here. You live in the East Village Yes, yeah, I'll break your other arm and she's like I am dealing with a lot right now And I don't know who's in charge, but you are an asshole. Wow. It really was like I and it got my blood pressure. I was like I'm sorry. I don't know what to say the feeling but

I was like, I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. I know the feeling. Conflict. That's basically it, but you feel bad, and then she leaves and I'm like, I should have just been quiet, who cares? Yeah, because you can't fight each other, there's no resolution here. That's the problem, it just ends

and you gotta deal with it. And she's old, but sometimes you are like, how long have you lived in, you live in the East Village. It's not even like Astoria or fucking Park Slope. Exactly. Or the Upper West Side even. I know, I know. This is the young hip rock and roll fucking shoot movies.

Yes. And the city wants movies, it's exciting to have movies. Sure. And I gotta tell you, when I'm, I've experienced this. I've never been 105 with a broken wrist or whatever. It's coming. But I walk around all the time with this movie.

I just go, yeah, yeah, no problem. Yeah. Maybe I'm sipped with that. I'm in the business. I think it's cool. I go to the other side of the street. I watch and I go, all right, no sweat. I've had the, I live on an iconic street.

And I've gotten a lot of the, they do the lock it up, lock it up. You know, we're shooting law and order over here and I can't get to my apartment and I'll do an eye roll. But I'm not gonna go, oh, you've ruined my day. I'm going through a lot, you piece of shit, get out of here. Well that's frustrating and we weren't even locked up. Like shoot, could just walk. There was just many people on the sidewalk,

but you're like, you live in the most densely fucking populated area in North America. But here's what these coups do. This is nothing new because I'm a Jew. How many rhymes can I do? But I used to live in the West Village on 10th Street and during COVID, there was a lady who would walk her dog and she would take up the whole sidewalk. You know, one of these dogs that's zigzagging and I walked by her and she goes how dare you walk by me without a mask get away from me and the dogs like and I was like Jesus Christ all right we're outside take it easy lady but I kind of followed her because I hated her and I would watch her yell at all these

other people never yell at black people and I thought that isn't this interesting like there'd be some you know young whippersnapper with no mask on all these other people, never yelled at black people. And I thought, that isn't this interesting. Like there'd be some young whippersnapper with no mask on dribbling a basketball. And she was like, eh. Yeah. I'm like, so I think she saw the sweater, she saw the collar, she saw the glasses,

she saw the chin, and she goes, I can say something to them. Yeah, I think you're right. She profiled kind of reverse. Like, I'm gonna, I can get away with this. I think you might be right. Aha, I have a point. I think you might be right.

I mean, I did the same thing. I mean, if fucking, you know. Of course, we all do. Big John Stunt is walking by. I'm not gonna be like, you live in New York, fucking Homo. Of course, yeah. I like that was an old lady. I could kick her legs apart.

So I just gave her a, hey, what are you doing? Yeah, yeah. But I just think, you know. Yeah, I don't know if you doing? Yeah? Yeah, but I just think You know, yeah, I don't know if it's worth it to do but I still feel you you're a cowboy But sometimes it's in you Yeah, you see someone huffing and puffing you're like just fucking walk around you douchebag or me agree move. Yes Go to the suburbs retire. I think they should be an age limit New York City 64 60 they should be like be like a driver's test.

Oh yeah. Some kind of they make you follow a thing and listen to a ding ping and be like, yeah, you can't live here. Yeah, if you're 88 and they go, all right, we gotta give you a test this evening and still hang in New York. And you gotta walk by as a guy jerking off,

you're on a conveyor belt, you know, some guy stabbing at you. Yeah, that should be a thing. That's a sketch. We have a sketch. That's not bad. Call Roob's. Roobie, Roob enough. Anyways, I've said too much. There are, by the way, people are gonna be like,

what about the leaf blow are you piece of shit? Oh yeah. But that's different. That's a big noise. It's early in the morning. It's boom, boom, boom, boom. And you're at your house. And I'm at my house. It's coming into the walls here. Now, if somebody had leaned out the window and said, hey, you're too loud out there. I would have been like. Yeah. It's a good point. I think it's more sense though the walkthrough upset. I don't get it. Public sidewalk across the street. We have a permit. You live in a movie area and not allowed shoot by the way of course but any farts. All right. What have you been doing? I've said too much. I gotta kill myself. Let me just throw this at you.

This happened on the way here. I'm jumping. I'm running down the subway and I'm on the West 4th Street, running down the stairs and a guy is up there on the sidewalk. He goes, no, Norman! Can I get a photo? And I'm kinda, you know, I wanna make haste here. I wanna make time.

We got business. Yeah! So I'm like, you want a photo? You gotta come run with me. And he was like, all right, big guy, kind of wearing a lot of clothes. And now I feel bad. So now I'm at the turnstile and I kind of give him an extra one Mississippi, let him catch up. But I got to go. And some of these people want to chat. They want to do a full live pod. I know about the chat. And you know, whatever it's fine. So I go, beep, and I unclick it with my phone.

It's ready for me to go through. We get a photo and he goes, sorry to bother ya, I'm a cop. I'm undercover. Whoa! We're tailing a guy. What? Come on! And I go, wait a minute, first of all, I don't think you're supposed to tell me that. Secondly, why the fuck are you taking photos with a chuch over here in the middle of the subway when you're supposed to be tailing a perp?

You could be evidence. If they get away, this guy gets away, murders an old lady with a broken arm, and then they sue the city, they pull up, hey, where was Officer Numskull? Yeah. Says here at 11.18 a.m. here he is taking a photo with known fucking piece of shit comedian Mark Norm. I know exactly. So I was like, hey buddy, you got to get back to work.

I was like, thanks for your service or whatever. I never defunded you. And I was just trying to be nice, but I was like, this might be the worst cop of all time. He's telling me everything and he's just canoodling with an open mic comedian. I mean, someone's going to get killed because of this guy. I think so. Yeah, hey, blue lives matter and we love you. Yeah, yeah. Peace and love.

Make some arrests on 6th Avenue if you don't mind, but come on, focus. Yeah, Jew lives matter too, by the way. They're not getting a lot of love, but yeah. Oh boy. So yeah, so that was awkward. So I was just like, thanks, great. Now you're right, I'm in his phone.

And so when he's dead on the sidewalk,'ll see me but he goes you see Gillis's SNL I'm like I gotta go I gotta go wow how about that SNL by the way where were you where was I it's like 9-11 I was I did Raleigh Memorial Hall I love a hall love a hall I love hall or auditor Those are my two best favorite names for any kind of theater. Yeah, Hall is good. Daryl Hall, what's that? It's a good cough drop. Hall of Fame.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hall. Hallmark. Hallmark. Hey, what's you? Good greeting card. So I did the memorial, whatever. And it was one of the, we did Alana, me and Caleb signing,

we did Alana, then we went to Raleigh for Saturday, Friday, Lanna, Raleigh, Saturday. Killer show, great crowds over there in Raleigh. I'm in Raleigh, like next week or something, I don't know, at good nights. Hell yeah, had the thing where the show was on campus, hotel was on campus, did the show, had a couple cocktails and I was like, I'm calling.

Caleb's like, you don't want to go out, hit the town. I was like, I'm calling it and ran back to my hotel. Got some booze from the little market in the hotel. Love a market. Love a market. I bought a booze and a ice cream snicker. What a piece of shit, huh? Never had a snicker. You mean the ice cream or you? Oh, that was two buddies. Yeah, that was two cords. What do you mean, you're a

piece of shit or the ice cream's a piece of shit? I'm a bit, I just feel, I just sit in there like a slovenly cumfdane, you know, pajamas, dick out, eating the thing, and then drinking a high noon. Now do you pour the booze on the snicker noodle? Nah! It's a high noon, I guess. What's that, a beer? It's like a hard seltzer.

Oh. It's basically a cocktail in a can. It's crazy how much alcohol has changed in the 11 years I've been gone. Well, everything has. It's like oat... all milk almond milk split p milk you know and then it then it goes uh... male female five park binary i mean everything is is is added like seventeen more options including

booze but i would to a smoothie place in uh... springfield missouri one of the most pressing times in history america yeah and the guy at the school plays i like, let me just tell you what I want and you see if you can make it. And I go, I'm looking for almond milk. He goes, let me stop here right there. And I go, Oh, no, for those at home that don't drink smoothies, this is just a standard at every smoothie place across America. True. And I go, Oh, so what do you have for like a base? And he's like, water, we're all water based. We have no dairy.

No dairy. And I'm like, well, is almond milk dairy? It's made from almonds. And he's like, wow, you know what I mean. We've got milk in there. And I was like, all right, so no oat milk, almond milk, milk, milk, water. Who makes this?

Is there anything more depressing than a business that's like, we make smoothies with water? Yeah, that's wild. I've never even heard of that. I've never. That's sad. It's the grossest thing I was like, alright I did the old like, you know I know I think about it a little early for a smoothie. I'll be back in an hour when you have milk. But anyways I took a side. What am I drinking? Pond water here? This is wild. It doesn't make any sense water and kale great Jesus Christ get some Some strawberries or something anything anything, but

Hey folks Tuesday's with stories is brought to you by man scaped with st. Patty's day around the corner You're gonna want to groom your little leprechaun down there just in case you get lucky Manscaped has got you covered with everything you need to shape up Your new lucky charm is gonna be their lawnmower 5.0 ultra comes with two interchangeable blade heads One for a classic trim and another foil blade to go smooth The thing is waterproof at the spotlight so you can see exactly what you're doing and comes with a compact case that's perfect for travel. I keep it in my suitcase it's always good to go. You never know when you're gonna need a trim. Whether you're shaping up below the belt or dealing with your neck beard, Manscaped

got the tool for the job. Get 20% off and free shipping with code Tuesdays at manscaped.com. That's 20% off and free shipping with code Tuesdays at manscape.com. That's 20% off and free shipping with code Tuesdays at manscape.com. This St. Patty's Day, make sure that little Harry Lippercorn is luckier than ever with Manscape. Hey folks, Tuesday Story is brought to you by Factor. They're just some days where eating healthy

has to be easier, it's not gonna happen. Luckily Factorors got you covered with two minute meals that are made by chefs approved by dietitians and sent right to your doorstep. All you gotta do is heat it up. They have dozens of meal options to choose from and more than 60 add-on items to shake things up whether you're vegan, vegetarian,

counting calories or keto. Factors has meals you'll love without the piles of dirty dishes. I'm a real tarred in the kitchen, I can't cook, I can't do anything. I'm like a commercial for a divorce dad, so I need these Factor meals, they're easy, ready, and even I can do it.

Pause or reschedule your deliveries anytime. Factor works with you and for you. Head to factormeals.com slash Tuesdays 50, and use code Tuesdays 50 to get 50% off. That's code Tuesdays 50 at factormeals.com slash Tuesdays 50 to get 50% off. What a deal. So I ran over to my hotel, put it on, and this is how much of a sight.

There's a little slip, what do you call it? Into my mind a window. A window. Yes. Good computer program window. So I slipped in. I'm eating the Snickers. I'm drinking the beer. I got the remote in my pocket. I am watching SNL, which you don't do anymore. Like, I gotta run home and watch television.

It's exciting. It's kind of exciting, I gotta watch NBC. So you put it on and it's like, the news is on, the local news and they're like, coming up next is Saturday Night Live. Oh, you good to see a Barbara? Have a good weekend, you know that whole thing and Then SNL comes on and I felt guilty eating the Snickers ice cream. You ever had one?

No, it might be the best ice cream dessert on the planet. What is it? It's a snickers a frozen snickers with ice cream inside of it. Huh, it's incredible. You'll change your life. All right Should we bleep? Snickers with ice cream inside of it. It's incredible, you'll change your life. All right, should we bleep Snickers? Just in case. So Snicker please. So, I start pacing in my apartment while watching because it's so much sugar.

And I just feel bad. So now I'm pacing in my pajamas eating a Snicker ice cream and drinking a high noon while watching Shane on SNL Wow, so you sit there and it comes on what do you all? Jacked up from the sugar Jerry and I'm like I'm loving every minute of it And you just so weird to see a guy you know I hung out with him yesterday It's weird to see a guy you know on television on SNL almost like enemy territory Well what felt so exciting about well first of all I missed the fucking thing because I was in, I keep on calling it Columbia, Missouri, Columbus, Missouri, Springfield,

Missouri. There you go. Can't focus Jerry. Home of Brad Pitt. That's right. And Cashew Chicken. I was in Springfield, Missouri and it's an hour behind. So SNL comes out at 1030 and we had a 10 PM show,

or 9.30 show. So, I was right smack in the middle of it. So, I missed, I didn't get the fun feeling. I thought it'd be so fun to be at the comedy club, put it on at the bar, and everyone gathers around. But, I had a show, which stunk. But, how fun was it when everyone just started posting? It was like Rudy, when everyone turns in the jersey.

Right, and then people were making jokes about the poster. I saw Andy Haynes goes, I don't have a photo with Shane. Oh no, and you're like, oh now it's gone so far that you can joke about posting. Right, that was fun. Well, Feehan just brushed her hair and said, I'm trying to make this about me or something. Oh, that's fun.

It's not even mentioned, Shane. That was fun. Yeah. But it was exciting, because my whole feed was just Shane here, Shane this, Shane that. It really did feel like I'm Spartacus. Yes, yes, it was huge because my whole feed was just Shane here Shane this Shane that it really did feel like I'm Spartacus Yes, yes, it was huge feed hand. It was very exciting and then We watched it SNL by the way, they put it everything up immediately on Instagram. I know it's a weird world

We're living in well. That's the way their bread is buttered. You know the kids are watching. Ah They got a butter up a kid before you can uh... Oh yeah, nice country cock. Country cock but uh yeah it was it was I thought it was awesome I thought he killed and uh I thought all this bullshit that it was anything but fucking amazing but fucking amazing. I had an interesting thought here and tell me what you think of this Bible salesman, so There's all these things of like he bombed he bombed Shane bombs with gay jokes Shane bombs with retard jokes Bom bom bom and you're like I can't you can't call that a bomb He was a little Lucy goosey. I thought he got big laughs. I thought he ended well I thought he was in the moment, but you can't call it a bomb.

And then I realized I can name two to three comics who bombed on that show, like hardcore bomb, and there's no article about them bombing. Of course not. Well also. So it's clear that it's an agenda. And look at every fucking actors, look at John Stamos' whatever, Emma Stone. There's never any laughs on a fucking monologue.

He's killing. Exactly. So why do we have to divide it like that? All we're trying to do is be open-minded. Everybody's like, culture war and da-da-da. But that adds to it. When you lie and go, he bombed. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. And then the lying about something we can openly see.

Yes, yes. And here. It's almost like they wrote the article, whether you like them or hate them, you wrote your thing before it even came out. Of course. Yeah, that's, yeah. So it just frustrates me, but the guy's doing great.

I mean, he's getting WF2W. The guy sold a fucking TV show to Netflix. He's on SL. He's doing the forum in LA and the Staples Center and jerking off in my face. Wow. So yeah, it's just crazy and I gotta just stop, I gotta stop dwelling on the shit that's not,

the shit that annoys me, even though the reality is the guy's on a fucking rocket ship to Pluto. Yeah, no, they're trying so hard to like, dent this rocket ship. Yes. They're just throwing rocks at it to be like, oh, we gotta know. No. That's a good analogy. Wrong. Incorrect. Yeah, it's a rocket ship and people are fucking like, yeah. On sticks at it. Yeah. And you're like, no. It's almost

like that Afghanistan plane where all the guys are like, get me on it. They're holding on to the wing and you're like, you think this is going to work? Right. You're going to get over the, over the ocean and still just like you think this is gonna work right you're gonna get over the Over the ocean and still just baby. We're cruising but what a thrill and now any movement on your hosting situation Can you put in a word you talk to Shane say hey let him know I'm interested well he bombed so they don't want to Bring up another guy. Let me ask you this who do who do you think is the next stand up comedian to host? Ooh, now this is a good question. I think Schultz is going to be close and you know he wants in on that.

I would put money on him next, yeah that's pretty good although it is another honky. They might have to mix it up with a POC. Let me see. You got something with the Schultz. They might have to mix it up with a POC. Let me see. But you got something with the shulks. He's huge. He's hot, young, cool guy, you know, and he's blowing up. He's doing two at the garden.

So he's a New York boy. He's New York. He's local. Huh. And you know, like I said, you know that's on his vision board. Yeah. And I believe he's coming out with a movie, which is why his haircut looks like he went

through a Nazi woodchipper. Right. So yeah, let's see. That's a good question. I'm thinking POC. Andrew Schultz, maybe Andrew Chavone? Mmm, dad, I don't see. Oh!

I don't even think he's gonna host at Greenwich Comedy Club. Well, he's hosting at Souljoles tonight. Hey! By the way, don't you get anxiety at Souljolls tonight. Hey! By the way, don't you get anxiety about Souljolls? I do. As soon as we're done,

I have to like fucking barrel roll out of here and sprint home, get my car. You going home first? Yeah, of course. Oh, to get the car. I gotta get the car. Who told you to put the bomb on? I thought you were going from here.

No, I gotta go back, see the baby, rub his tits, get in the car and drive and it's traffic and the whole thing. Yeah I've been going hard. I was in Springfield for three days. I had an all-day travel day Sunday shot 12 hour days two days in a row for the movie and now today. I'm going to Royce my wife's gonna shoot me She's all alone with the baby for six days. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you've never looked more like a father I feel daddy Yeah, well, you've never looked more like a father. I feel daddy.

Feel daddy. Don't feel too many daddy's. Dad-ish, I meant to say. Well, let me throw this at your sweater, and then I'll leave you alone. So we do Atlanta. Hot Atlanta. Hot Atlanta, baby.

I love Atlanta. I will say we did a symphony hall. And I know it's a hall, but you put symphony before hall, and I like it less. Really? Symphony Hall. It's cool, it sounds good, it looks good, it's chandeliers, it's red seats and box seats

and balconies and it's beautiful. Okay. But I don't feel like they're great for comedy. The theater. The people. The symphony. Well there's not a symphony there, is there? No.

They're like, skippin' a little, Mark, no man. They were, I wish, that would be awesome, but they were coming the next night or something, so they had the seats and the music stand, the Kazakh stand, they had all that ready to go, and I'm just up there going, so what's up with fucking non-binary? What is it anyway, you know? And the cre- It's stuffy, you're saying. free stuffy you say it's stuffy a little stuffy it just doesn't fit my Ilk demeanor yeah ilk works. What is an ilk? Elk in a moose a roganese a lot of ilk meat

What is there between elk and a moose? Rogan eats a lot of elk meat. Man, what is the difference? An elk and a moose. Is an elk's lodge. Yeah, there's no moose. Oh, there is a moose lodge. Is there? There's moose lodge.

There's chocolate moose. There's elk lodge, moose lodge. What's an elk? What's the difference between elk and a moose? Elk, hogan. That's a stretch. An elk is more like a deer than a moose, isn't it? Moose is the winner. He's the biggest. moose, isn't it? Moose is the winner.

Moose is huge. It's got like a cupped horn. Instead of just like a stick, there's like surface. It's like a paddle. The paddle heads, yes. Paddle. It says a bull moose can grow to be 6 or 7 feet tall

and shoulders and weigh more than a thousand pounds. A thousand pounds. An elk meanwhile to be six or seven feet tall and shoulders and weigh more than a thousand pounds. Thousand pounds. An elk, meanwhile, is only four to five feet tall and weighs 600 pounds. OK, so it's like 60% the size of a moose. But does it have the big horns? The mini moose. Yeah, it has big horns, for sure.

Not like a moose, though. A moose goes out and up. Yes. It's like an elk. Now, if you hit an elk with a car, will you die? Because a moose will just, that's the end of your life Nah, I think you'd be all right with it. You'll fuck your car up. You'll you'll be all right Think it which what it says Elk antlers have one main beam with long points that grow off of it

Whereas moose antlers have a paddle like shape with many points growing battle battle Elk McPherson. There you go. All right Dennis paddle what do you call it? Pickleball paddle? Pickleball paddle. Ping-Pong paddle heads. There you go. I played for them for one day.

The elk has like a mousse as a menorah, basically. It goes out both sides and it sticks up. It's like a goal post. Yes. OK, so let me throw this in and see what you think. Do Atlanta, do the Symphony Hall, it's fun, whatever. We leave, I got a text from Fat Crisall. Hey, love Crisall. And he goes, I'm in town doing the Atlanta Comedy Theater, opening for Eelara.

And I go, what? How do you like that? So I go, what's the Atlanta Comedy Theatre? It sounds like a hot room. Sure. So I go, what do you think? And he goes, we're doing two shows. If you're done, come by.

And I go, I'm on my way. This is my dream. That's two handsome boys. Oh, yeah. So I put down a few cocktails and we hightail it. We get an Uber and we go out to the Atlanta Comedy Theater and I look at the Uber, you know, you can see the phone there on the dash

and it says 38 minutes. 38. 38 minutes, we're going to, it's the Atlanta Theater. We're in Atlanta. Chris Allen can do all the material he's ever written. Yeah. And you have three minutes left. So you're kind of like, huh, and then you know,

28 minutes, 17 minutes in, ELR is like like where the hell are you? I thought you were coming I'm like I'm trying to come but apparently you're you're in Savannah right down so You know you it's like that Chappelle bit you start looking around. I'm looking out the uber It's like gunstore liquor store gunstore liquor store. know? We get there, it's at a strip mall, and it's like Dominican haircut, Bodega, a cock fight apparel, you know, those clothing stores, it's like cool styles with a Z.

You know, there's a lot of that. And everything's, you know, blacked out, it's late. And so we finally pull up to this parking lot, Ian's like in the car, the parking lot like where the hell Have you been he's like a traffic control guy, and he's about four foot one So we almost ran him over but they go you're on so we pull in I run out you're doing the show Apparently I'm doing time. Oh, I thought you're going to support your buddies I well that's what I was gonna do and have a few drinks and chit chat and hang it out

But they're like go go go so Chris Allen is stretching. Oh So he's on he's doing well he's getting some laughs. I feel like I have to say Chris is hilarious Yes, I'm joking buddy guys. He's a pro very attractive so He gets off and the host brings me up and It's one of the things where you're so keyed up You know you're in an Uber you're running around in a parking lot You're in the ghetto and I look out and it's like 18 people I'd say 16 are black women with the biggest hair you've ever seen you know

So with the biggest hair you've ever seen. You know. The elk. Yeah. Yeah. So the incredible elk. So you know, you're like, oh, I didn't think about this. Like this is a black room. Yes, sir. Sure sounds like it. Which is fun, you know, because you get to be the novelty. Sure, absolutely. If you were wearing that, oh my, well,

they might think you're the parole officer. But I walk out and it's kind of like, grrr. You know, the DJ scratch. And you kind of wind it up, you know. Yeah, hello, guys. Exactly, exactly. I'm here to substitute teach, or whatever. And you can see everybody like, what the fuck's this guy doing?

And I start going in, and I think my material is blue enough that they're like, what the fuck's this guy doing? And I start going in, and I think my material is blue enough that they're like, what the fuck is he talking about? And one guy goes, he ain't got no chill. Which I thought was fun. No chill. No chill. I get something similar. He ain't got no chin.

Close to the same. But they were a great crowd. We had a great time. And you could see people coming out of the waitresses like, I got to watch same. But they were a great crowd, we had a great time, and you could see people come out of the waitresses like, I gotta watch this. What's this guy doing here? And you never realize how honky-dub you are until you're in front of a bunch of black people on a stage holding a microphone. Now what about this idea? Has this been done? You do a dirty show in a black room, you call it black and blue.

And then in the cover you you have two black eyes, because you're like, oh, they got me. Boy, this is big. Two black guys, two black eyes. Maybe the two, you have Ian and Chris on either side of you like, oh. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, with blood and like.

I like it. I'm just trying to do some 80s marketing. Now we're talking, black and blue. Bucket. Call it. So yeah, so it was great. And then we hung out in the green room and I was ordering drinks like crazy with the waitress.

And then at the end, they're like, all right, we have to leave. They have to close the place up. And she gave me a bill. Oh, jeez. So I paid for everybody's drink. And you forget, like, oh yeah, this is what it is. Yeah.

So we had a great time, great. Ian killed. He got off stage, he did an hour, he got off stage and he goes, I missed the hang, I wanted to hang. The whole time I was up there, I wanted to hang. We'd chop it up in the green room, we had a great time and yeah, went back home and you know,

45 minute drive back to the hotel. Yeah, that's brutal, that sounds fun though. There's nothing better than when there's other comics in town while you're there. I love going to LA or Vegas or Denver, wherever, and be like, who's in the other room? That's very exciting. But boy, you can really tell how close you are to a comic or how, if you really like each other, where you're like, oh, if I saw that guy at the cellar, we'd have a conversation

and it'd be fine. But when you're like, I'm at the Paramount and they're at the Comedy Works and you're like, who's over there? Ah, sit this one out. There's some where you're like, I'm not going to reach out, and I'm going to pray that they don't. Yes, yes, exactly. And then I've done the family member in town.

Oh, my wife's brother lives in fucking Indianapolis, and he's a pain in the ball. He wants to hang out every day. He's taking me to the Colts game. I'm so sorry. I've told, I've said my wife has a brother in every single city Because everyone's like well, I'll take you to the fucking Hoosier dome. Yeah, my brother. It's crazy. Yes step brother What are you going brother in law? Yeah, be I L but I

Was oh, I don't I think I told a story years ago when I was in Montreal one time at the comedy nest. I forgot to look up Who is that comedy work? I think it was reverse as the comedy works and I was there for a full day for us Let me see was that the comedy nest I didn't even think of that. It was Henry Phillips one of my best friends I was like, oh my god No, we ended up hanging out, but I was like that would have been so embarrassing Yes, if we both just spend a full weekend in Montreal down the street Just killing a day in your in your pajamas and you could have been having lunch with him with one of the greats Let me tell you a great room that that comedy work the nest I would bomb at the nest kill it the works nest was the brutal

Well, I think it's still there actually but not a brutal room. It's a nice room It's a nice room. I love the I love the don't the the owner there David David Duke acre. I think it's Great guy. He's a comic and he's hilarious and he's a sweet guy, but that room could be tough And it was just a different neighborhood different rooms in the old Montreal forum. Yes legendary hockey arena and It was always cool. I always enjoyed doing it, but the works was like above an Irish bar. Yeah, it was hot. Gymbos or something like that.

Gymbos was the owner, I think. Routy, it just felt rocking in there. Like the wood floors, the brick wall, and you bang up against those laughs. Yeah, it was one of the early gigs I ever did. Greg Stone was, I can't even get sentences out, I'm so tired. Greg Stone came with me on a spur of the moment.

That's how long ago it was. We were at the creek in the basement drinking. Yeah. And I was like, what are you doing this weekend? He was like, I don't know. I'm like, I'm going to Montreal. Come to Montreal. And he was like, I don't have any money. And I was like, I'll pay for everything.

You just got I didn't have any money either. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I think I gave him 100 bucks. Wow. I don't even, I think he did guest spots. I was like, I'll give you $100 to come to Montreal. And he was like, okay, and we drove up there. He just had 100 bucks for like the weekend.

Oh my Lord. And we were going drinking, titty bar, the whole thing. Jesus. And it's so funny to imagine now. He has two kids, I have a kid. I don't know what you'd have to do to get me to be like, this weekend? Yes. I will go to imagine now, he has two kids, I have a kid. I don't know what you'd have to do to get me to be like, this weekend? Yes, I will go to Montreal.

That's a great point. We had a clear calendar back then. Well, I'm this guy now. And I remember Chris D saying, being annoyed, he's like, I can't believe I had anything to worry about before I had a kid. And then you have a kid, you're like, that's insane. Yeah.

But I was stressed out even slightly. So true. I'm like, I could have gone to the movies three movies in a row. Right. You're right. And we did sometimes. I'm like, now I got to hustle back

to be with the baby to relieve Sarah for an hour before driving to Royersford. That's a good point. Yeah. I mean, remember how much free time we had? Like, I would do a show and there'd be like, we can't pay. Here's eight drink tickets. And you're like, I'm using all of these.

And you'd black out and then you'd wake up on the sidewalk with the sunshine and pebbles on your face and you're like, now what? You just kept going through life and you had no responsibilities. Well, not only that, but comedy has only changed in the last like eight years. There wasn't social media.

Well, that too. But when I met you, I mean, I guess there was social media but we weren't like using it using it. That's a full time job. And the social media was like Twitter. Instagram and Facebook, you didn't fucking make videos and content. No.

So there wasn't anything to do. You'd send your three emails like, can I work your club? Can I work your club? Will you book me? And then you're like, all right, well that was that. Yeah. You wanna fucking drink our tits off all day?

Exactly. Yeah, we had a lot of time to kill and we loved it. all right, well that was that. You wanna fucking drink our tits off all day? Exactly, yeah, we had a lot of time to kill him. We loved it. I mean, it's like that Seinfeld thing where he talked about how he had a meeting. They're like, we wanna do a show with you. Meet us at 3 p.m. at Paramount, and he was like, 3 p.m., that's like my whole day.

He's like, I was gonna buy shoes today. You know, and that's how I felt as a comic, and then now it's just like, how's my Facebook numbers? Okay, you put up a new clip on Instagram, oh shit, I captioned it wrong and you can't get a moment. And the podcast, my god, the fucking podcast. It's all day. But it is bittersweet, don't you think?

Bittersweet. What's bittersweet, we're making money. You're making money, you're selling more tickets because of it, your exposure is better, but it's also work. So it's kind of a given queef. No, it's wonderful. But yeah, but this is what, I mean, we talked about this on the Patreon episode too,

things that like held me back in my life. But you're like, that was like my whole intention of doing comedy was like, this will be good. I won't have to work so much. That was the whole idea behind comedy. I know, I know. It's like, this is nice. That way you don't have to work so much. That was the whole idea behind coming. I know. This is nice. That way you don't have to work.

You live a nice life. You don't have to like, I don't have to hammer nails. I live an alarm clock. I don't have to be somewhere all day. And the more you, the changes, the more you're like, now I gotta go B places. Yeah. I don't want to fucking go uptown and downtown.

I know. I gotta be everywhere. Wherever. Yeah, like I bring it up all the downtown. I know. You got to be everywhere. Wherever. Yeah, I bring it up all the time. But I saw Shane did like three pods. And I was like, are you wiped? He's like, I hate it. I want to kill myself.

But everybody keeps asking me. So I feel like I got to do it. Right. And I get that. It's OK. You know it's wonderful. No more morning radio. That's huge.

That's the greatest contribution to COVID, I think. Chris Rock said, all I want to do is get past morning radio. I want to be big enough to where I don't do radio. But also, don't you feel like some people have usurped? What's that mean? Well, when's the last time you saw Mulaney put out a clip? He puts out, here's my tour dates.

He'll post once a month. Then he'll post him with a baby two weeks later. I don't know whose baby it is. And then that's it. And then someone else posts a clip of like, how funny is this guy? It's a Balaney clip. So like, I feel like me and Sam and you

and all the way we're getting content, we're hiring photography and shoot guys. Yeah. I don't think he's doing that. He's working out. Yeah, I guess so. And then he puts out a special every three, four years and you go, I can't wait to watch it. But he made it a different way. He made it earlier

with industry. He made it an HBO and Comedy Central and SNL. If you do that, you don't have to do the clips so much. I guess so. Because it's on TV. Yeah, I guess so. So. Bill Burr as well. Yeah. So all that and Louis doesn't really do it. Even Louis has clips from his show now and everything. Louis's posing clips, yeah. Yeah, yeah, so. Is he back? No, he's taking more time off. Geez. A lot of time off.

I talked to him yesterday. It makes me sad. Yeah, yeah. I get sad when great comics don't do comedy. Yeah. I know, right? He doesn't miss it, he doesn't have the itch. I think maybe some itch, but I don't think he's, I think he's, you know, living a life. He's living a nice life.

I think he's gonna make a film, so I think he's. What is he doing shit? I don't want him just laying in an alley with a needle. No, I think he's living a good life. Yeah, I tell you, I saw him on the street, this is a while ago, but he would look, I've never seen him so chipper. Yeah, he's chipper. I talked to him yesterday. He was quite chippy. All right, chipping up, chipping Dale. Let me tell you this. Tell me. So I did Springfield. I mentioned Springfield.

Blue Room. Gotta give a shout out to Blue Room. Great room. They move. I hadn't been there since like 2018. Time is insane. I was like, I was here a year and a half ago. That's crazy. They moved the rooms. I looked it up on my phone. It was like six years ago. Wow. Great. 2019. It was October, 2019. Went back, brought Matt Wayne, who's the fucking best. His special is coming very soon. Very excited about it. This is gonna be a funny special. So Wayne comes. Great. Great hang. We're on the same flight. It's just nice to get back on the road. Sure. With a buddy. Hell yeah. You have the home life, which is fun. I love the baby and that, but it's nice to be like, all right, back to me and Matt Wayne talking shit, talking music, talking movies on the plane, having a laugh. What's the flight situation? Because

you got to connect over there, I believe. This is where I'm fucked. I think I fucked up. It's hard to say. So Monday morning, I have a 6 AM call time in the city. Good golly. So, and I got to take my car in because they need cars on the street for the parking meeting. Yeah, nightmare. So my garage opens at six.

So I'm like, I'll be there at 6 30. I got to wake up at 6 AM Monday. I leave Thursday. I've gone Thursday, Friday, a.m. Monday. I leave Thursday. I've gone Thursday Friday Saturday. Now it's Springfield. That was a gurgler. Springfield is three hours like south of Kansas City. So you can fly, but you got to fly to Kansas City, lay over, get another flight, a small flight, move the thing, fly, take take a half-hour flight whatever to get to Springfield Well, actually you probably have to fly to Detroit now that I think about it

You got to fly to Detroit or Atlanta. Okay, those are the Delta hubs So it's two flights. It's long and then I'm gonna rent a car in Springfield I'm like, I don't want to just be stuck in a fucking city. I want to be able to cruise around and go Yeah, go to a meeting get a lunch go to a park the gym, whatever. You don't like Uber for that? I guess you could Uber, but I don't like small town Ubers. That's true. It's a longer wait and you get in the car and they're like, so what brings you to town?

I kind of go, I love fucking Middle Eastern drivers. Baby doll. There's nothing better than Joseph Gritt. Yes. That's it. You get through the stench you ride it out You open a window, but I'm with you. It's just easy. Hello. Goodbye Nothing sometimes. I go you mind if I make call. I don't mind if you make a call Whispering up back here. We will kill the infidels you go to fucking Missouri or even Austin

Well, yeah, you got it, what are you gonna do? You gonna go down to the museum? You ever been down to the cowboy thing? You fucking bump, boop, boop, New York. How could you live there? I don't know, it sucks. Well, why don't you move? I don't know, my fucking tits are swollen.

I don't know. Yeah, and if you ride long enough, we're getting a QAnon. It comes out. It's brutal and I hate small talk. Yes, same I mean if they're like, oh you got you like fucking I see you got a You know Bruins shirt. How about that 1988 fucking Stanley Cup? Whoa? Yeah, okay, whatever Anyways, so I'm like I'm gonna rent a car

So I'm like we'll just fly to Kansas City, direct flight, rent the car that I want anyways, and I'll drive. How long? Three hours. All right, all right. So you book in advance. You're like, it'll be fine. We'll listen to the tunes.

We'll talk. And then you get there. The flight's at 7 30 AM. So you get up at 5, fly to Springfield, get the car nice and easy. But then like an hour and a half into the car ride, you're like, we have a show tonight. we have two more hours to drive we flew for three hours we're driving for three hours I'm exhausted and then Sunday you gotta get up at 7 30

a.m. drive the three hours to fly the three hours you got that right so it was fucking long but you get you get it in then you got home at 7 p.m. Now. I gotta wake up at 5 a.m. To go Mother of hell so it was exhausting, but so the flight home got the first-class upgrade which is exciting Love that first class so I got the aisle seat and then I got the fucking this guy next to me boy Dark tan. I don't know what he's doing in Kansas City. He's he's ten. He's red like red tan. Lobster lobster tan. He's all greased up. He's like he looks just wetty greasy guy. Italian. He's got I don't know what he is. He's white. OK. Classic white. But it's classic red white and blue. Probably sad. Yeah's an age The shaved head with the beard how do you feel about that look?

That's big now I mean the Jason canner the Kevin James the John Travolta everyone cuz you feel like I don't have control of this I'm controlling this it's really people don't go face bald. They don't it's too little hair They got to have something but I'm saying like it's funny that you don't go bald in the face oh yeah yeah that's true or the pubes of the armpit yeah by the way I found a gray pub the other day that's a wake-up call I mean I really thought I gotta finally learn guitar and take yoga because my life is ending oh it's yours I thought you were blowing a guy no no no I was doing that too but he was very young so we have some young guy what the hell am I talking about oh yeah the shirt salt

life you know that I don't know salt life I'm a pepper guy salt life city he's got it's one of these he's got like a big barracuda on the back okay salt life he's one of these oh you know I see I see now I'm an ocean guy but I'm not an ocean guy no you ain't no ocean guy I like to I see now. I'm an ocean guy, but I'm not an ocean guy No, you ain't no ocean guy. I like to go. You know me. I like to go to the ocean in the winter I check's gotta be fake typing. What is that? Is that real typing? What is that? It's like a Delta lady. It literally sounds like this I'm doing calculations. Okay. It looks like you look like Kramer in Murphy Brown episode

What are you good goodwill hunting? Calculations. What are you, Oppenheimer? It's insane. It looks like you're hitting two buttons as fast as you can. He's playing Snake. Sorry, I got Baby Brain. I'm distracted.

What am I talking about? Salt life. Yeah, you got the ocean guy. So he's, I'm ocean. I'm in the winter. I want to go to the ocean, the batch, the party. Let's go to the ocean. You got that right.

Heels, Aruba, Key West. You know me. I love the winter. I want to go to the ocean the batch the party. Let's go to the ocean. You got that right heels Aruba Key West you know me. I love the ocean, but I'm not wearing a seashell necklace and fucking brown flip-flops No, you're not Aquaman. No and like a big tattoo of a shark And I love Jimmy Buffett, I think he's wonderful, but this guy, he looks like he has keys disease. Who? Keys disease. You were talking about keys disease. Like Florida keys? Yeah. Keys disease is when you live in Key West,

but live as though you're on vacation. Ah, I like that. I'm making a movie about it. Yes, yes, keys disease. That's funny because those people who live on Key West, you gotta take their keys, ironically. Good point. That's something. They don't want you to have a car down there. You win points if you don to take their keys, ironically. Good point. Something.

They don't want you to have a car down there. You get, you win points if you don't have a car. Okay. You bike around. So anyways, this guy looks like that. He's next to me, and you always just want a woman next to you. You want a petite hot woman with heels and a tit that falls out when she's sleeping. Woo-hoo.

You can only dream. So Salt Life sits next to me. He's wet. He's greasy. He's red. He's greasy. He's red He's in Kansas City. I don't know he must have swung by he was at a layover or something on his way to Key West Sure, so he's sitting there. He's whacking back cocktails like it's like, you know, the first class they offer you if you've never been they go Anything to drink? Oh, yeah, and I always say I'm good with the water. I've never wanted to drink in my life What would do a time of day?

This is a 345 flight. PM, OK. OK, so that's a decent drinking time. I thought it's not like 730. Not crazy, but he's all whacked out. He's also this guy where everyone's kind of waiting to board. And there's that line this way. We know we're next.

Here we go. It's first class. It's coming. They go, all right, first class. and then he's like a like a like a like a fin I couldn't think of another fish that's a bear could and shark that's an amateur a blue tuna he goes a hammered shark hammered head all right count it okay so he he's the first one on the plane I'm the second one he gets in he's ordering vodka cranberries the plane. I'm the second one. He gets in. He's ordering vodka cranberries. He says, like, I don't know, seven of them.

Wow. Whacking them back. Then. Good for this guy. These guys live a life. So we got a little plane. Little, it's a small plane, but first glass. There's two seats.

And you have seen this one where the tray pulls out. Yes, I know it. Two cups. So up there, they have glassware. So he's got, I have a glass water with ice on the rocks. Oh, yeah. He. I know it. Two cups. So up there they have glassware. So he's got I have a glass water with ice on the rocks. Oh yeah. He's got a cocktail. Now he decides he's got a piss because he's had 14 cocktails which I'm waiting for. I'm like this guy has to piss at some point. Are you at the wall? You're the bulk. I'm in the aisle. No I'm

in the aisle. But I mean you're the front 1A. No no no I'm 3Cc got it so he's comes through I get out I always get out some people try to step over a guy I'm happy to get out by the way so I stand up now he has to come across and he comes across facing the seats and he has to get by the two drinks and I should have grabbed my drink but I didn't think so he's doing this but he's drunk and he's fat. And so his ball, this is not even a joke. His balls are like dipping into my glass of water. Cause he's doing this and it catches his pants. Now is this a board short I'm picturing?

It's some kind of short. I don't know shorts anymore, but I'll try to like act it out here if you're watching on YouTube. Like the cups are like this. YouTube shorts. And he's like this and it like catches. So he's like, oh. Okay. oh, and he's got his thumb and dick

in my glass of water. And I'm not a germ guy. But I'm like, even though everyone thinks I'm a germ guy, I got the wrong look. Yeah, the look doesn't match the outfit. Born with the wrong look. Yeah, that's good. You are born with the wrong look.

That's special. I like it. People, we talk about it, everyone I meet, they're like, I thought you were 4'8". They're like, don't touch him, he's afraid of, I have no germ. No, no germ. I'm gonna wash my hands. No germ. I'm not afraid of germs.

I'm 6'2". You're like an Oreo. What do you mean? You know what, I grew up with this guy, a black guy who was super nerdy and everybody called him an Oreo, including black people by the way, because he looked black, but he was like, oh, I'm very nerdy, point dexter. You know, he was uncle. Yeah, great guy, still friends with his day.

No kidding. Yeah, more net. More net? More net. Ah, I'm like less net. All right. Fishing. Yeah, gill net.

All right. This is a wacky episode. I love it. So anyways, that's basically it. All right. Yeah, gill net. All right. This is a wacky episode. I love it. So anyways, that's basically it. He put his dick in my water and then I drank it. It tasted like salt life to me. Yeah.

But he was all whacked out and funked out. Oh, I have one last thing here. All right. I think we got to wrap it up soon. But we were, I'm doing the show. This blue room, happy to be there. I have one last thing here. All right. I think we're gonna wrap it up soon. I'm doing the show. This blue room, happy to be there. The room is beautiful. I gotta tell you something.

So they went from that great room in the back of the bar. Remember that pool hall? Little kill box? Yes. Then they went to the big theater which sucked. I never did that one. Oh, that was bad. And then now they're in a new place.

Now they're in a club and it's a good room. It's like a bowl, it's a pit they call it. And then they have some in a new place. Now they're in a club. And it's a good room. It's like a, it's like a bowl. It's a pit, they call it. And then they have some like seats on the outside. And it's a good point. It's a nice room. Oh, I worked with your buddy. Corby.

Corby. Corbyn. Corbyn, yes. Yeah, I think I heard his feelings because he's like, I opened for Mark a bunch. And I was like, I never heard you mention him. And he's like, he's mentioned me. I have mentioned him.

And I was like, oh, all right. Well, I don't know. I forgot. I don't remember this Corbin mention. Corbin Bernson, a Corbin Lee master, funny guy, good guy. Open for a lot. He's like my Midwest chuch. All right.

Well, he did a fine job. He's a fine man. Good comic. Got jokes. Great jokes. He killed all weekend. And good hang too. He brought a cigar. You could smoke there.

Woo! He's a phase of gay. But Wayne was like, this is crazy. We're all gonna stink. And I was like, that's a good point. Oh, we can't. It's St. Louis. You can stink. I know, but your clothes, you bring the nice clothes, and you gotta pack them back in the suit. Because I was like, let's fucking, let's smoke. And then the next morning I put my clothes on. I'm like, this does suck. I like to smoke outside. It does suck when the clothes stink stink and let me just say this though You can't remember Corby. I'm in Atlanta watching Gillis eating a

Snickers ice cream bar with a thumb up my ass and I get a hey man. I'm working with your buddy. He is so good He's killer. He's doing new shit every night. He's murdering I've never seen anybody this prolific Corbin this Corb. Yeah, big Corby. Why does he say that to me? I don't want to blow you. Yeah, you smell like I love blowing this is how you make friends and influence people you blow I'm telling you now if you blow it's like my dad my mother's like boy dad was asking about you I'm like he was I was in front of him. He just stared at me if you blow them. They will come. I'm a big blow guy Why hold in the blow?

Yeah, well low don't let the Whitney Houston and don't don't and don't blow the people you don't want to blow sure Well, it's not that you sometimes you get that. Oh my god, are you terrific? Back here, they're like, he sucks. Exactly. Your fake blow is bad. A blow hole. Blow? Don't blow.

I had Sam Harris in the pod. I was full blow. Oh, you blew him. I was like, I loved the purple head of your dick in my ass. I just sucked him off the whole way through. I'm like, you're my hero. You're the smartest. You're the best.

Hell, yeah. Salt life. Check it out. You're the smartest. You're the best. Oh, yeah, salt life Check it out. It's on YouTube. By the way Not a popular guy in all circles people are furious with me. A lot of people hate the guy Well, he went against Trump, but I think he lost a lot of people But you know the guy is who he is we talked meditation people like you piece of shit having this guy I'm like we're talking about the nature of self I took a photo of Neil deGrasse Tyson once and I got a ton of shit. I'm like, we're talking about the nature of self. I took a photo with Neil de Grass Tyson once and I got a ton of shit. I'm like, I don't know. He's a scientist.

What do I give a shit? Well, I mean, have the Vrogan, of course, too. And you're like, he's my buddy. I don't know what to tell you. Both sides are hammering my dick. But hammer head. But anyway, so at the blue room, I appreciate Corbin's kind words to you about me. Yeah. No, it was great time. He was very sweet. But that route that that town, they got some real first of all, a lot of Tuesdays, a lot of great people, but some real fucking numbskills. We were walking around at like 3pm in the afternoon, broad daylight, just those trucks that are like jacked up where there's like six feet to the top of the tire. The body of the truck like this. Like peeling out at like 2 p.m. on a Saturday. I'm like, what are you doing?

I know. I know. Even in high school, I was like, all right, cool. You're just fucking lunatics. And then I had a fun line that goes, I pause for the Saturday late show was a knife fight. They were just really, it was like all the shows were great. Except for that one. They were just kind of dumb. You could feel they were dumb. And I paused for a while in the middle of the show. And somebody goes, he's running out of material. And I went, oh no, I'm thinking of something

that you guys will understand. And I was pretty happy with it. I got like a half laugh. Cause those bunch of people that were on my side, there were bunch of people like, oh. Those lines feel great because you're hating them so much and you found a way to dig at them. And it was so genuine.

I literally had stopped and be like, let me think of other dick jokes I have. Wow. Because it was one of those things where you're like, I'm doing a joke about how like, I don't know what an allegory is. And they're like, we don't know what allegory even it. Like we never even heard of the word.

It's not funny to them because they don't know either. They're like, I don't know what you're talking about. And it was a fun moment. That's a great moment. What's happening with that heckle? Allegory, I think that's anti-histamine. I believe so. Allegro.

That's the one. We got to wrap up. What the fuck? I got to go hit the road. I got to go to Royersford, Pennsylvania. Dude, that new room. Have you seen the room he's got? The indoor?

Yes, he showed us when we did killer Didn't we do something down there? We did a live pub. He did a live pub But this this club he's got inside is banging baby. It's wall-to-wall laughs low ceiling killer I can't wait me Matt Wayne and Siobhan the birthday buddies. We're heading down there and I'm pumped So my I think this week I didn't bring my fucking book because I'm a piece of shit and more on it, it doesn't have to run a business, but go to punchuplive.com.

All my dates are in there, on there, extra content too, extra bonus pods, check out Mindful Metal Jacket. I just had Sam Harrison on, that's blown up, people are upset. Great. Bunch of other great guests. I'm coming to Raleigh, I'm coming to, of course, LA, I'm coming to Burlington, Vermont, I'm coming to Raleigh. I'm coming to of course LA. I'm coming to Burlington, Vermont. I'm coming everywhere. Indianapolis. I think Kansas City

later on, St. Louis, LL. Tampa later in the year. It gets like an August working on a Seattle play Royal Oak at the end of the October or something like that. So I bunched, I'm coming everywhere. PunchUpLive.com, May 2nd is a big one, and I got a big, big, big show coming up in November in New York City, so get excited for that. Woo-wee! And check out this night show. Go watch that.

I can't wait to watch it. Saw him run the set. It's killer. It's going to be a hot, hot ep. And they, between you, me, me and the sweater they need a little Zooz. I can't wait. They need a little kick in the pants. I'm all over the place. We just added shows in Madison Seattle Tacoma

Boston at the Schubert Theater. Hey, yeah Premiered the movie is that great real really that's a night you gotta be doing multiple there. We're doing I love the shoe. That's what we premiered the movie. Is that right? That's a great room. Really? That's a night. You're going to be doing multiple there. We're doing two at the shoe. Yeah, that's a small, I mean, small-ish intimate.

Well, the Wilbur is such a perfect room. It's sad to move on from it, but I hear the shoe. It's a beauty. Oh, the shoe bar. It's fucking awesome. That's great. When's that? That's actually like June or something.

Okay. I might be up there. I'm doing more trips up there. Please come by. We'd love to have you. Yeah, that's a great room. That's exciting. Yeah, so yeah, all kinds of new dates. MarkDomandComedy.com. Hit us up on Punch Up.

We got YouTube specials. We've got shit on Netflix. We've got Patreon. Get on it. Queef it up. Praise Allah. What do you got? C-note.

Check out my podcast, Fun Bearable. We just did a live show with Doug Key. We did an impromptu dating game live. Whoa. It went awesome. He's a hunk. Well, he was the host. Yeah, and so it was great, but we filmed it,

and that'll be up on the Fun Bearable YouTube and everything pretty soon. Funbearablepod.com, probably. Bang-a-rang, Rupio. We'll see you all in hell!