Tuesdays with Stories! - #554 The Netflix Is a Joke Fest Recap!

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Markus and Joseph are BACK from the Netflix Is a Joke Festival! An insane week of comedy with every big cheese in the dairy section!!! And we're spilling ALL the tea! Mark heads to New Orleans to see the Rolling Stones and gets weird on mushrooms! What happens when Joe gets an invite from Shane Gillis to go to the Roast of Tom Brady, and Joe has a previous engagement? Does he bail?! Brady! Belichick! It's Tuesdays! Our Stuff: - http://www.patreon.com/tuesdays - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories - Check out Joe List on Punch Up Live for tour dates, videos, buying tickets and more! https://punchup.live/joe-list - Support the show & get 25% off your FitBod subscription at https://www.fitbod.me/TUESDAYS - Support the show and try Blue Chew for free – just pay $5 shipping. Head to https://www.bluechew.com and use promo code TUESDAYS - Support the show and get a free gift with your Journey Pack. Head to https://www.tryfum.com/TUESDAYS

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great. Good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with... Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha!

Surf's up! And she didn't even flush. Knock knock. Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe List! Yeah! This is Tuesdays with Stories everybody! No, that's terrible.

This is supposed to be cheesy. My radio is spitting at me! And I can't tell what happens! Ha-hoo! Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! Here we are folks! It's Tuesday, we're back in the city! It's a whirlwind! I'm fried, I'm gay, I'm all over the road.

Yeah, it's hard because wherever you go, wherever I go, I'm like, this is where I should be. I mean, I'm moving to LA in a couple of weeks. That's what I'm hearing. Forget about it. LA is the greatest city in the world. It's the Big Apple, it's Sin City, it's Easy City, it's Sexy City.

Get that spot downtown, Skid. You're going to love it. Believe me, I went down there and it's quite a place. But Los Angeles, I was up in the hills. Palm trees were swaying. My father was gay and oh, yeah, I mean, it was the time of my life. Players be playing. But last night I did the fat black pussy cat, then went to the stand, then went home. You're in a cab and you're going up third Avenue and you can see those traffic lights sequentially and the night sky and the bright love it. I like New York cuz I like a city that's

tall buildings and narrow and Yeah, I'll take a ice water if you don't mind even though I have a bottle. I'm good, thank you. But New York rules too, we're very lucky. We got to be in the two great cities. Yes, by? Coastal. Oh right, that too. Yes, yeah, we're by coastal, we're jumping around, and it's nice to have a little juice in our lives.

You've been doing standup for 48 years, so you can go to the store and go, hey, what's cooking, can I get on? And they go, hey, it's cooking, can I get on? And they go, hey, it's a... Screech. For whoever, and you're in. Yeah, it's pretty exciting, and it's funny, because some of these people,

they still don't know what makes me tick. Oh, geez, TikTok. TikTok, TikTok not hon. After we did the live pod, which was legendary. Oh, it was a hot one. Banger. Boy are you fans gonna hate it but someone will like it. Yeah it's just comedy gold. We had a thousand guests so yeah you hate the guests but you can't deny the yucks. Boy it was something else. I mean we'll get into that but then afterwards Salakus is like where are you doing shows tonight? I'm like I'm done. He's like you're getting up somewhere. He, I'm done. He's like you're getting up somewhere

He thinks I'm you He's like you're going on you can't resist. Oh, I can resist baby. Yeah, I had a couple people go What's going on with list? Is he all right? I'm like, he's actually extremely happy. I've never been happier I had a house in the hills Jerry. The hills are alive With the sound of anal you never came over. Sorry are alive with the sound of anal. You never came over. Sorry. You didn't come. I fill in my calendar and I fill up my clit. You're a busy boy. So what were you doing? Podcasts, hangovers, rigging up the lights. Well, you got half of it. No, no rig. Uh, rigor please. But yeah, you know, you wake up at noon cause you stay out till five. The store has that back bar. I'm sure you didn't

even sniff it. I love the, I mean, I've smoked back there with the heat. It was on the live pod, but not really. Well, they got that thing pop and they just keep serving you drinks. It's like they're trying to ruin your life. And so I would do that till five. And I stayed at the on does, which is a hop skip next door. So I could just, you know, Hunter Biden and fall right in there. And they would put me in an elevator, ding,

and then I would crawl, army crawl to the room and pass out for six hours. The Andaz sounds like a slave ship, doesn't it? Ooh. I came over here on the Andaz. Yeah, well, I got whipped one night, but yeah, it was wild. And so every night was a shit show

and then you go, I'm doing Harlan Williams at one and it's 1208, so you just gotta like, you know, suit up and get out there. Suit up and show up or whatever. But yeah, we had very different festivals. I didn't see it till Sunday night. I know. It was crazy. But I mean, then we're on opposite schedules cause you're like, come do my late show

at the big hot theater. And I was like, nah. There you go. So we're even. But, and then I was driving by too cause I did Jam in the Van that night, and we're driving by and I see a line around the corner, Mark Normand in lights, the Montalban,

Hollywood, homeless people, machetes, everything. Cooke Central. And I'm in the car with Derek and Karen and Sarah, and I'm like, I could just hop out right here, walk on stage for a thousand people, have the set of my life. Yes. But it was 10 PM.

Oh, big queef. I mean, I saw Bjorn, our old manager, the guy who linked us up. And he was like, where the hell is Joe? Cause he knows 2004 Joe. He knows psycho wild man, you know, Jimuggan. Uh-huh and now it's Jim Two's well, we had the time of our lives. I love Jim Two's good. Good guy. Give him a goog They love to have a couple times, but we had the time of our lives other because you got a picture

We'll get the baby of course sure. Oh, we were up in the hills a three point two million dollar mansion in the hills We're up in the hills, a $3.2 million mansion in the hills, multiple bedrooms built into the mountain. We had a back patio, a front patio, a side patio. So every night I'm sitting, I had Derek in town and his wife. Sounds like an Irish guy. You know back patio? Oh, that's not bad. Oh yeah.

Good, good name. Patio. Well, Patio's is a common bar name, I guess, actually. Yeah, we have Pat O'Brien's in New Orleans. Oh yeah, that's a famous one. Oh yeah. And he was a CBS sports anchor. Pat O'Brien.

Oh yeah, he was drunk as well, which kind of is fitting. Oh my god, he was a booze bag. There's a couple videos of him hitting his wife. Oh, fun. I love that. Yeah, I can't. I might have picked a couple of those myself. But this bitch is out of line.

I had to film it. Yeah, so we were sitting there, and then that night, you know, you go back and it's 10.30, you light up a cigar, it's me, it's Derek, it's Erica, it's Karen, it's Sarah, story after story after story. And we had Henry Phillips came by and there's nothing better. If you ever get the chance to sit on a porch, on a patio, at a comedy club, a green room, a back porch, a front porch, Pearl Jam's porch, whatever, anywhere you can sit. Yes, yes. And listen to Henry tell some story. I mean, he had some bangers and then you take turns. It's like, and he tells a story. I

tell a story. You don't let Derek talk. You don't let the women talk, of course. Sure. But it's just me and Henry going back and forth. Monas came over. Henry was playing piano. There was a grand piano in the house. Come on. So he's playing piano. Oh my God. Stavi was over there and Henry, Chris Walsh was over there. He's telling his stories. Sabina, we had a whole gang.

It's like almost famous, which is how I describe you. John again, I don't know about the almost part. I mean, not even wildly distant from fame. But John again came over one morning. Well, this is the nice thing about children. He texts me Sunday at 8, 15 AM and he goes, hey, what are you doing right now? And I'm like, I'm just sitting here with the babies.

Sarah and Karen went to take a workout class. So I'm like, I'm just sitting here. He's like, can I come by now? And I said, I'll tell you what, I got about $1,000 worth of cigars. He comes over at 8.30. We sat there blowing smoke in the baby's face. Woo-wee!

And had ourselves a nice, one of the best hangs of my life. Just me and him, and then Sarah and Karen come back, freshman workout class, by the way, so we're smelling them, sitting there smoking, the baby, and just a million laughs, and best week of my life, literally. There's something about those hills, they're alive with you Jews yapping and smoking but it you're up high

The view is insane the Sun is shining and it's like the doors Tom Petty all the Jackson Brown They all lived up there sure there's an energy The Eagles, but it's fun, but it's hard and I keep having this and people are like why aren't you more successful? Why aren't you more famous and I can give you one big fat reason it's Derek Dunovan Walsh this man he comes down he's the funniest hang he's the best hang he's my best pal his wife is 1A and oh wow that's small of a tit and she's um she's just laughing at everything too. She's one of these ladies that's just howling, laughing.

They smoke a little pot. They're on the floor laughing. So you just want to hang out. And this has happened three times now. Twice in Gig Harbor, you were at the Seattle theater, whatever theater, Crocodile. The Moor. The Moor, the Moor.

No, it wasn't the Moor. No, it wasn't the Moor. It was one by the campus. What's that one? Yeah, that's a great one. Shit, the Pelican, the Sun Baked. No, I know it, I know it. Not the Better Royal Yeah, that's a great one shit the Pelican Royal Hall not the more any better crocodile Starbucks Oh Pantages, yeah, I know what you're talking the star line right by the campus. Yes. Yes, it's an old movie house

Yes, you were there. Oh Well, we'll think of it. This is a bad pod. Fuck! Give it a goog there, will ya, fatty? What are you doing over there? You're taxes? Look, University of Washington, Seattle Theater. That'll pull it up. It'll come right up.

That'll pull it up there. One or one egg cup. What's it called? Montalban, Harry Cunt. It's a fun word, the Chuchenheimer. It's near campus. All right, so this is a P, I think. Palladium, pussy.

I've seen this whole lineup of things. One says Condon Hall. No, it's got a great marquee, Norman. University of Washington might have put you on campus. It's off campus, near the campus. Off what? Theater near UW campus. This is bad podcast. Yeah, Offenheimer. People don theater near UW campus. This is bad podcast.

Yeah, Offenheimer. People don't care about this. There's some Seattle guy just screaming right now. He's yelling it. Kicking his dog. Probably Derek. Ah, man. Uh, it's a school of drama, so the theater thing is fucking god. Forget about it. I shouldn't have said university. What's that neighborhood called? University place. Capitol Hill? No. It's near Capitol Hill, I think. Maybe it is Capitol Hill. I thought it was University was the name of the neighborhood.

Yeah. Oh, fuck me. It doesn't matter. Okay, the Graduate Hotel is next door. I don't know if that helps. Okay. That's where I stayed. I can remember the fucking hotel. I can't remember the theater, god damn it.

But anyway, I love those Graduate Hotels. There's a few of those. They're fun. They're catchy. But anyways, you were there one night and you texted, hey, come to the Loach Show, people will explode, they'll be so excited. And I go, well, we got the campfire back here. And then the same thing, Shane was at Tacoma Comedy Club,

if you can believe that, only just a year and a half ago. And he's like, come do the show, I'm dying, I didn't bring an opener, I hate the guy I'm working with. Sure. And I was like, ah like I got the fire the cigar yeah well the key word that fucked me twice with you was I got a I got a second show late show you want to come by you get the word late in there and you're out late night with Colbert could call you go what is that 430 p.m. I can't

make it well I got the kids I got Brooke I got Joey I got Derek I got Erica I got the kids! I got Brooke, I got Joey, I got Derek, I got Erica, I got my child. There was no kid with the, uh, with the multibon in Seattle. I know, but, you know, this baby was sleeping. Yes, yes. I appreciate the invite, I should have gone. The crowd would have gone ape shit. Boy, we had a time. I know, and I literally drove by it on the way home. Ah!

You have a moment where you're like, it's right there. We're out of red light. we're sitting there in red light. You could have ran in. Who'd you have on? I had Laura Peek. Love Peek. Peek's the shit. Is it Neptune?

Neptune! That's it, there's a P in there. I looked it up on Google Maps with graduate. Neptune, they love nautical out there, it's all very nautical. Laura Peek. Yeah, Laura Peake. Then I had a guy, Ari Maness, who opens for Theo.

Yeah, he's a cute Jew. And the crowd was white hot. Everybody killed. Salacuse was annoying. And you know what's kind of annoying about LA, and I hope no one hears this, it works with me, but the reps all come out. They go, you're in LA, you sold out some show,

we wanna come support. And you go, go! All right, it's almost like your aunts and uncles come by and you're like I don't what are we gonna talk about uh the weather the roast I don't know I got nothing here well I remember Louie saying this a long time ago because all the comics are like ah there's industry there I hate the industry and then Louie was like how do you think they feel? Because they feel like outsiders. They know where we are. They are.

Oh God. I know exactly, but they're like, they think we suck, they think we're not funny. My reps are nice good hangs. Oh really? Oh yeah. Tommy and Chris, you know them. They're like buddies. Yeah, but I think a good hang might be a bad rep.

Probably. Interesting. We're getting to all the sources of my lack of success here. All right. I think you keep saying that, but you're doing great. You have all these great friends. You sold out your show. You got your kid there.

You got your wife there. You're in the Hollywood Hills. We did a hell of a pod. Sold that out. I mean, you're cruising. Well, I'm more successful than most people that have ever done comedy, but I look at the lineup at the Forum. It's Sean Donnelly, Andrew Schultz,z to doing fun bearable at the forum in a couple

weeks. I can't believe you knew the name of it. It wasn't easy it was quite a pull. Yeah yeah. But you know what I mean I'm not doing the forum I'm doing the regent which was packed out in a blast by the way. But yeah but don't sell yourself Kevin Hart because you're uh you're you're doing good. Oh yeah I'm having a great time out there but man oh man, I mean, I was crying at the end of the week. I literally had tears in my eyes, like a homo. I know, that's why I gave you that gay phone call. I had to call you, I was walking down the sunset, hungover like, I miss you, we did a great job,

that was awesome, you know, because we didn't really get to connect. Well, I'm a man of the people, afterwards we took a photo and then someone went, Joe, Joe, can I take a photo? And I grabbed you, I went, how about we take some photos? But they were shooing you off to a car to go to some day birthday party or whatever you were going to.

I had to go to a fashion show, we'll get into that. So I went to take a photo and then it was quite touching. Everyone went, oh my God, he's taking photos. And they swarmed, oh, we had a line of 100 people. And by the time I finished taking all the photos, which I enjoy doing, by the way, and everyone was so nice, I got a couple gifts, and people were saying great things, it was touching.

I came back and it literally was just my agent and Fian, left over. Like everyone, the whole place had emptied out. Oh no. So I went home at six o'clock. Sure. Oh, then Sally, I felt bad for Sally. I love Sally Qs, he's the best, he was still there. We love you, no. So I went home at six o'clock. Sure. Oh, then Sally. I felt bad for Sally. I love Salakus. He's the best. He was still there.

We love you, Sal. He goes, Well, we've done some talking. You had a great show. We want you to tell us what are we all doing today? And I felt bad. I was like, I'm going home to have dinner with my wife and child. Wow. And he was like, Come on, it's L.A. And I'm like, I literally have a wife and baby at a $3 million house that I paid for.

Can he go to that? Or you wanted a nice dinner? Well, it was a whole gang. It was like nine people. It was my agent and Salacusa's buddy and then Katz. And then he had, it was a whole group. So I felt bad. I love the buddies. But it was like the end of the... We all rode

you ride together, died together. It was the last week. Last night of a long week. So we'd had a nice quiet Italian meal delivered. It was beautiful. That's great. See, that's where you're a strong guy. Cause I am weak, Jerry. Weak in the knees, weekday, weekend warrior. I'm weak cause I go, I'm staying in tonight. I want to have a nice dinner with my wife and somebody hands me one, one drop of Mick ultra. And I go, wow, we're staying out baby. You know, working hard for the money.

Choo choo. I got eight lines of coke in my ass. I got a dildo in my mouth and it's it's four in the morning. Yeah or they say hey do you want to do a six minute guest spot on the west side of the highway? That too. And you're like all right I'll do that and bring it on. By the way we talked about this in the live podcast briefly because I almost pulled another one Saturday night we had this premiere of the Sam Rubinoff film which I have to tell everybody if the movie's great watch it Stuck in Park, Me, Keith Robinson, Karen Feather. Very funny I watched Saturday night, we had this premiere of the Sam Rubinoff film, which I have to tell everybody,

the movie's great, watch it, Stuck in Park, me, Keith Robinson, Karen Feehan. Very funny, I watched it. But I would like to make it very clear to the 5,000 people that have written to me, I did not write this film, nor direct the film, or come up with the concept of the film. Hilarious. I didn't write it. Everyone's like, he just wrote this so he can suck off, be head, he wants to fuck. I didn't write the goddamn movie.

Talk to Sam Rubinoff, I'm an actor in a film. There you go. Great film, very funny, we had a blast making it. I did not write it, it's not my story. So bring it up with Sam Rubinoff. It's funny, the actor's good and Keith killed it. Keith is always great. He's good at yelling at people,

that's really his best work. He's so good. But anyway, so we did the premiere and then I got that at 4 p.m. which was fun and some great films. Rubenoff is great. He put together a great event at Dynasty Typewriter. Great movie room. You shot a special. Love it. Out to lunch. Koreatown. Just two blocks from the Seinfeld apartment, by the way. The establishing shot of Jerry's apartment is in Cleartown.

It's a block and a half away from Dynasty Typewriter. I would have loved to get a load of that. So went over there, had a great event. Then that night, I'm doing a set at the Emperor, just a regular set, because Thursday, we had the big Regent Theater show, which is amazing. I'll get into that in a few minutes. Sure.

That was unbelievable. And then Friday, we did Jam in the Van, and we had the podcast Sunday, which is a. I'll get into that in a few minutes. Sure. That was unbelievable. And then Friday, we did Jam in the Van and we had the podcast Sunday, which is a big show. But Saturday, I just had a nice spot of the improv. And, you know, I was I feel like somebody over there. I've done some headlining shows. I love the club. And I get the text from Shane. Hey, why don't you come do the Greek? Oh, you fuck, Stavros. All right, that was my joke all weekend. Legendary room, outdoor venue, Shane's the king of comedy right now.

He could have done SoFi Stadium, literally. That's how many tickets he sold. Wow. But there's part of me that's like, the improv is pretty fun. Don't you dare. You do a 15 minute, of course you got to say yes. All right. And then you got to cancel the spot. They've you dare. You do a 15 minute, of course you gotta say yes. All right. And then you gotta cancel the spot.

They've been promoting, you feel bad. Yeah. And then Yannis is on the show, Karen's on the show. You gotta go, I am sorry, I can't hang. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah. And Henry was coming out to hang,

John again was coming to hang. Yeah, that's a big. I had a nice crew. Big cancel culture. A crew, so you feel bad. And now it's like, I got to battle traffic, find parking, text Becky, how do I get in? How do I get backstage?

Yeah. And there's celebrities over there. Robert Batman was there. Batman? Robert Pattinson was there. Oh wow. Zac Efron was there. Wow.

Christian McCaffrey, his brother. Half the NFL was at the show. What about the Green Lantern? I didn't see him, but he might have blend in because it was outside. I see. But you're like, now I have a stressful night. But what a night it was. What a time.

I thought this guy, James McCann, was hosting. So I finished my set standing. Oh, they throw in bras at me. They suck me up. And I look over and no one comes out to get me upstairs. Just Matt McCusker standing there like, what are you doing? Oh, so I was like, oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. I bring out McCusker. I come off and Shane was like 100% our fault We fucked you all right, so that was nice. She how great is that venue?

I mean, I just said there was Sam once and it's like you go outdoor What do you call those what do you call empathy theater amphitheater amputate and It was killer. It was like outside shouldn't work, but they did it so well. It's like baked into the mountainside. It's incredible. Unbelievable venue. And Shane had killer shit, of course, as always.

And what a night. And there was an after party there too that I just snuck right out of. Yeah, sounds about right. But there was a beautiful young woman came up and was like, I just want to say you're my hero. You're the best. You're so funny. You're the best one on the show. I wish I could make love to you. Wow. Exciting. Karen was there. Oh, it wasn't there, by the way, while she was doing that. I have Karen in my peripheral going, ah, doing this face and I couldn't stop laughing. And but that's hilarious because it makes you nervous when there's an attractive woman who's like, oh my god,

you're great. Sure. You're the best comic I've ever saw. I'm like, thank you very much. I know, I know. I mean, on the way here, it's 80 degrees in New York. I saw the six of the hottest women I've ever seen. They're all wearing yoga pants and camel toe and nipple slipping.

Oh, forget about it. But what a time. I got to hear what you did because we were at the same festival living parallel lives over there. Yeah, very parallel. It was like angel and devil over here. Oh, yeah. I mean, I was smoking about 35 cigars. But other than that, I was just sitting in the sun,

having a great time. We went to Rodeo Drive. We went to Beverly Hills. That's the same thing. But boy, it was fun. Oh, yeah. I went full Tommy Lee. I was just like 80s mode, except my dick's not that big.

But I gotta start from the start. Please. We gotta go back a little bit before the fest. So I've been home since, geez, the bicentennial, but I did New Orleans. Whoa, I didn't even know that. Oh yeah. So maybe I did. I haven't been home in two weeks, so didn't even know that. Oh yeah. So,

Maybe I did. I haven't been home in two weeks, so here's how it went. I'm going to New Orleans to see the Rolling Stones. There it is, the cover of the Rolling Stones. Rolling Stones. So of course I post I'm going to New Orleans, JP Leonard, that son of an onion, he hits me up, that Cajun coon ass queef, and he goes, hey, that's a term down there.

That's not a racial thing. I'm not arguing that's a term. I see. Not a term, I mean. So terminology, but he goes, hey, I see you're coming to New Orleans. Why don't you slide by Club 337 and Laffy It, Laffy Taffy, and do a couple of zingers? Of course, and you gotta say yes. Well, I'm a psycho. Much like you will turn down a hang, I will turn down, I won't turn down a gig.

And you know, the money's nice. And then you start thinking, well, I'm flying me and the wife to New Orleans. Well, I bought some Rolling Stones tickets, well, I'm flying me and the wife to New Orleans. Well, I bought some Rolling Stones tickets. Well, I got an Airbnb. This will defray the price of the wheelchair. Exactly. By the way, Shane saved my ass because I was taking a bath.

There you go. And then I took a toilet instead of a bath. Sure. Well, you're the shit. He's generous with the simoleons. Absolutely. And by the way, they pay you that night. I've never done a gig like that in my life. They handed me a check before I went

out. Yeah, unlike the Comedy Store, which we have no idea what we're making. The live pod was just sold out. I asked my agent, he's like, I don't know. I think your people said it. I have no idea. I think they did. So I'm waiting for a call back. They got to talk to Sebastian for me. Hey everybody, Tuesdays with Stories is brought to you by FitBod. Everybody's trying to sell you on workout equipment and powders and pills, but the supplement your routine really needs is FitBod.

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Fumigate. But so go down to Lafayette, you know, you got to connect, it's a whole thing. But you know what's good about having a nice wife is like the flight and the connection and the lounge, it's fun. You're hanging out. You're shucking and jiving. Of course. So we hit the lounge and I get to be the cool guy. Let me get you in. You know, we have a nice meal. We get the Lafayette, we have a nice Cajun meal, some crawfish et du Fay, some cornbread and gumbo, and two sold out at that room.

That is the best room in Louisiana. Club 337, Lafayette, in the DoubleTree Hotel, had a couple of cookies, did some new stuff, went up, had sex in the hotel, which is fun to fuck in the same place that you perform. Sure. Yeah, so both of them, I went long, and yeah, had a great time.

Then we'd get in the car, drive to NOLA, to our Airbnb, and then we have to have dinner with the folks. You gotta get that out. Sure. You know, that's the work part, and they're good, they're gonna die soon, so I wanna get some folks time in.

Gotta do it. Yeah, it was weird, it's tough. You realize everything, every reason you're a nut, when you hang out with your parents for like one hour. Of course. It's wild. So we leave there, we have a couple of drinks, and we wake up the next day,

pop some shrooms, and go see the Rolling Stones at Jazz Fest. We got right in. I called in every favor, I got some tickets, they're on the phone, and I'm in that line to go into Jazz Fest. And don't you hate that moment when you're like, these tickets might not work? I got the guy with the Scani thing, and you're in line, there's a million people behind you, and you're like, these tickets might not work. You know, I got the guy with the Scani thing

and you're in line, there's a million people behind you and you're like, are these real? I bought them off a guy I don't know. Right. And boop boop, all right, you're in. And I was like, here we go. And we just got some drinks. And I gotta tell you, we parked early for the Stones.

It was, the city was abuzz. Every house walking to Jazz Fest, we walked there. It's just stones, flags, flags, stones, stones. The whole city, we don't get a lot of good stuff, you know? Cause we're just a bum fuck, whatever. And they were supposed to come during Katrina, or not Katrina, Jesus, COVID. Ah, COVID.

And they had to cancel and they're 900 years old. And I gotta tell you, we had not great seats. It's a million miles away, but you got the jumbo. Everyone's a buzz. We're getting some Tuesday, all that shit. And they come out, no hello. It just goes, start me up. And the whole audience went, Jesus, what the hell?

Oh my God. And it was incredible. And the guy could move. He's 80. 80. He'll be 81 in July. Anti-Biden, like wiggling. and it was incredible and the guy could move. He's 80. 80. The 81 in July. Anti-Biden, like wiggling, he's on one foot

doing this shit and I mean, you wanna fuck him. He's so hot and sexy and he just oozes rock and roll. And you're, hello, New Orleans, here we are. You know, the accent is thick and it's just great. No, he's the greatest, I mean, best front man, best rock star, best lead singer of all time. I mean, he's the guy to me. He's the guy. And the weird thing is, I'm on shrooms and you're having all these thoughts. I'm drunk, in the sun, shirt off, watching this guy and you're going, I'm a performer

too. Isn't that weird that we're both performers and this guy is like electrifying like 10,000 people, 20,000, whatever it was out there and we're like, cereal's weird, isn't that fucked up? What are you, what's up with this guy? Yeah, you know, yeah, what's up with the Ubers? Sometimes they take a while. Right. And then he's just like, ow, wow! And then Keith comes out and he's like shredding and the wife was like, oh man, Keith Richards, he's just like, wow, wow. And then Keith comes out and he's like shredding. And the wife was like, oh, man, Keith Richards, he's a he's a hot guy. Wow. And I realize now this is where the shrooms start kicking. It's not a little shroomy before, but OK.

Well, it's a it's a shroom fest. So. Try to get a shroom joke in there. Shroom call. Shroom. Yeah, shroom service. There you go. Hey, that's the one. There we go. Okay shroom with a view so Keith comes out and does his own song like an hour and they did two hours. He comes out and does a song happy No It was a little darker Real grungy sound to it.

Okay. And it was good. It was good. I mean, this is, you know, pro, obviously. Sure. And then Mick came out and did his own song at one point, and it was good. But you realize they need each other. It's almost like a Jerry Larry thing. Oh, you mean like a Keith Solo song?

Yes. Oh, oh, oh. I thought you meant he just sang one. No, no. He sang his own thing, and Keith went and, you know, did, Oh, you mean like a Keith solo song? Yes. Oh, I thought you meant he just sang one. No, he sang his own thing and Keith went and, you know, did, uh, Meta Musel or whatever he did back there. Probably needs an IV or something. Yeah, some Activia. But, uh, Keith came out and did his own thing and it was good, but you're like, can we get, let's get back to the real band here.

Sure. Yeah. Get the boys. Yeah. Then Key or Mick did his own thing and it was still like, Oh, we need that dick. And it's like a feminine and a masculine yin and yang. Because Key is so masculine, he's ripping, he's got the sunglasses on and a crazy outfit. And Mick is like, hello, hi, you know, limp wrist and, you know, Pilates.

He's a little homo, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And so, but when they're together, it's, it really, it works. And it's, it was kind of this symbiotic thing. It was like a man and woman and a trans and gay or whatever coming together. Sure. But that's again, that's the psychedelics kicking in. And then my favorite thing about Jazz Fest, you got to go one year.

I think you would really enjoy it. I'd love to go. You leave the whole place files out. Everybody's like, Oh, he did satisfaction. Oh, this was great, that was great, he's still got it, the band's killer and there's eight black women doing backup and they're all in sync, period.

And then we all pour out and the sun is setting, all these people, now you're just in a New Orleans neighborhood, people are on the front porch, there's like 10 year old kids wailing and they have their band and you get to watch their band on their front porch you walk over here a guy's selling booze and beer and hot dogs and then you look on the roof and they're jamming out and we went into a house party and it's this whirlwind of just like flowing party good vibes music fun community i love a whirlwind i love the community i love the feeling feeling of everyone just experienced the same thing. Yes.

There's an electricity in the air. Yes. Yes. And like you said, this band, they've been together since 1962. I mean, it's unbelievable. I don't even know the math on that. What is that? 62 years? No math. 62 years, I think. There you go. I mean, it's unbelievable. 62. Wow. They've been performing longer than we've been alive. By a long shot. By a long shot. They haven't been good since we've been alive. It's a lot to process.

It's it's it's unbelievable. And they're just the coolest. It's also weird. I always think about this with concerts. It's like if you sing along. You're singing with Mick Jagger, he's over there, but you're in the same room. We're in the same room. We're in the same room! I'm singing the same words at the same time. The same shroom.

In key, I might add. With Mick Jagger. Yes. And he's performing for you. It's 60,000 people, however many people, but like you're one of them. Yes. It's like the Rolling Stones are playing for me. Here I am. Great point. Listening to Brown Sugar. They don't play Brown Sugar anymore, which is a bummer to me because they were so bad is the racial bullshit

it's about eating pussies but but it's pro he's like I like black women yeah I think he's talking about fucking slaves though oh wow how old is this guy Jesus came over the Amistad or whatever, couldn't do anything. Beyond us. Beyond us. That's beyond me. But no, it's the best and it's down to like the two original guys left, but they just keep going. Well Ronnie Wood is still there.

He's been in since like 75 I think, 74, 75. Okay, well I think he's like three years younger than them, but he's like the whippersnapper. He's like, and he's jumping up and down and you're like, oh, you can see a clear difference between senior citizen and just old guy. It's also weird because he's the new guy, but he's been there longer than we've been alive. He's been there for whatever that is, almost 40 years. So yeah, he was awesome too.

He kind of got a little showy. He got like out there with Mick and it was too much. Like, hey buddy. Right. The Mick's got the dick part of the stage, the part that comes out like us. And then it was just, I'm rambling, but it was just such a great show

and it was worth every penny and they're gonna die tomorrow and I'm glad I got to see it. And I'm singing with Mick, I'm in the room with Mick and I'm a stiff robot autistic cunt but yet I'm out there, I'm cutting up cause you get lost in it and I was doing a shimmy and a shammy and this lady's like,

hey I loved your special and you're like, oh I didn't want anyone I know or know who I am to see me getting loose, but that's my own bullshit. I've had this, because I get into the show, and I finish the show, and I'm crying. And people are like, hey, man, I saw the special. And I got red eyes, and I'm crying. I'll jump up.

I go crazy. I'm not stiff at all. I'm up there, like, you know, dancing. I'm like, Mick. You can move. You can dance. Oh, I can move. And then afterwards everyone's like, we were watching the whole time. You're like, well, that's embarrassing. That's totally embarrassing. You see, I mean, I feel exposed. I feel vulnerable, but the most I'll do is like a little Cameron and Ferris Bueller where he's

like, Oh yeah, that's about, that's where I get to. So, uh, just a great night. And you don't, it's one of those things you don't want it to end, so you keep drinking. And then the sad thing is you're coming off the shrooms, it's two in the morning, things are winding down, and I'm like, I have a flight to LA in four hours. My fucking agent books me at a 7-0-1 flight, which means you got to be at 6-0-1, which means you gotta wake up at 4-30, drive out at 5, like, what are you doing? And he goes, well, I wanna make sure you get to LA. And I'm like, yeah, but you're ruining the shows.

I have two shows that night, you're fucking it. And he's like, well, I wanna, and I'm like, I'm not a guitar, you don't just send me. You know, I'm a human being who needs sleep, and you know I'm at the stones, you know I'm on drugs, you know I'm a booze bag, but whatever. You're his boss. It's his job. Well, I gave him the business and he was like, let me see if I can find something else. And I'm like, yeah, it's the day before, fuck off. So we get to LA and I go right to bed. I try to go to bed. But that's the other thing. You fly to LA, I landed at 9.30 in the morning

and then you go and try to check in. They go, your room will be ready at 3. Right, right. So now I just got some fentanyl. I went and bought a tent at REI, and I went down to 3rd Street, downtown. Yeah, well, this is why you got to talk to your agent also. Say, hey, make sure I got early check in, all that shit. Yeah, well, you'd think he would come up with that. So I sat at Mel's and had lunch with Salacuse with one eye open. That's fun. That was nice. And then the debauchery all over again. We did two at the Montalban.

It was killer. LA, good crowds. Bad comedy over there. Oh yeah. So I think we can come in and we can really shake it up. Sure, yeah. No, I love LA. What a fucking town.

I mean, again, the homeless, I think it's up to 70,000 homeless people Chris Walsh had a story. He got like attacked at knife point. No way the guy came out with a knife Yeah, yeah, it's bad news bears over there. Holy moly, but even with the house in the hills 0.4 miles away is like a tent city like just down the street. Yeah, three million dollar home. No bueno not good It's it's a it's a real problem. But again, you drive through the hills. You drive on sunset. Pretty nice. It's damn nice. It's a good time. We're moving there. I'm heading there soon. Burbank. I mean, I see it all so clearly.

You can fly out of Burbank. LAXX. You go to the valley. It's sunny every day. Yeah. Look out the window. It's sunny every day here. You got the store, you got the improv, you got jam in the van, you got flappers. Laugh Factory. Laugh Factory. Yeah, you got some stuff. And it's just beautiful.

That smell, that Los Angeles smell. Yes. It's like eucalyptus or whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, it does have a scent there. Nice breeze the Santa Ana winds It's a beauty. I did a Harlan Williams podcast by the way Harlan Williams is one of the funniest people I've ever met And I don't feel like he gets talked about enough. No, I never hear anyone talk about him. He's so funny He did kill Tony last week or whatever and I you know We don't consume a ton of comedy

unless Will Smith slaps a guy or something but I put it on and he is like lighting that shit up he's on fire every line is funny Tony's dying he's he's zinging with the car he's never mean but he's still hilarious and he's the funniest guy he owned David Lucas or whatever that guy I mean it was he's so good I did his pod and you just I just let mean, he's so good. I did his pod and I just let him go. He's so good, I didn't want to interfere. Right. Wow, I gotta check out some Harlan Williams.

Check out some Harlan. He's a beast and his pod was great and his house, he lives in the hills. So I got a taste of it, Fanny. And it is magical up there. It's awesome. And it's just so fun to weave and wave and go through. And I love it. And great diners out there. It's awesome and it's just so fun to weave and wave and go through and I love it and great diners out there. We went to Lancers, we went to Mels, we went

to Norm's. Yes. Great LA diners and the sun shining, the breeze. It's brilliant, it's really special. So I do this fashion show, we do our pod, Bobby Lee, Whitney, Monez, Karen, You gotta check it. It's lights out. Everybody was on fire. Everybody. An amazing line. We went back home after, had dinner. It was like, that was a great line. Remember when he said that? Remember when you said that? It was, I mean, even the women were funny. That's how good this was.

Wow. You don't see that every day. No, you don't. So yeah, you got to see it just for that. And after that, I get whisked out of the store and there's a brand called Kid Super. Okay, yeah, I heard this said, and I'm not allowed within a hundred yards of it. Yeah, so last year they did one with Schultz, Stavros, Theo, Santino, they all went on a private jet

to Paris Fashion Show. Oh, I remember that. And it was, you know, they're all dolled up with these extravagant suits and ascots and scarves and pointy shoes. And it's really fun and you make fun of it. And I got dressed up in a purple suit with a purple trench coat and chains and all this shit, these crazy boots. Wow. And it was me, Joel Kim Booster, fuck, Zainab, Trevor Wallace, and we had a great time.

They throw this shit on, but it was outdoors at the Palladium, which was the outdoor show. And it was a little still sun lights were walking out and it was kind of ruin the fashion. I mean, the clothes are badass. But, you know, we just look like, we look like, like non-binary pimps, you know, I'm like, hello, I'm out here in the, in the sunlight. Do you do it a bit? No, you do a set in the outfit.

Oh, I thought it was a fashion show. Well, it is, but with comedians and we come out and we are fashion-y and we do our act. Oh God, that sounds tough. It was tough. And I go out in the sun, so you're like, hey, everybody. I don't know why I'm faking a mic. I'm holding one. But I'm like, hey, everybody, here we are. Joke, joke, joke.

I said I look like if Molly was a person, whatever. I should have been shot at the music fest, that whole thing. And this lady comes up, she's shithoused, and she goes, fuck you! Because I did a joke about UCLA beating up Jews, you know, with the whole Palestine stuff. And she was like, fuck you!

And it got weird. She goes, you got a small dick. And I go, hey! How'd you know that? I know, that's what I said. So I got a laugh on that line. Then she goes, I hope you die! And I go, can we have a Dave Chappelle moment? Can we stop her out and all this? And that got a laugh because it was actually at the fest before. It's a little callback.

And that got weird. So now you leave and you got a bad taste in your mouth because you're like, ah, geez, I was wearing my fun suit. I wanted to to have a nice set and now I got yelled at I pissed off a lady What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? And then we left and went to the store and the store was like Chappelle now now I got all I gotta be sappy for a minute. Please sap it up. All right Spanish What's that? S a P button. What's that stand for? Spanish American programming. Spanish angel pussy. Yeah. Well, we'll call this sappy hour. Give it to me. So, I go to the store and the drinks are flowing and they go, hey, you want to jump on the OR? And I've already had seven cocktails.

Okay. And I go, hey seven cocktails. Okay. And I go, eh, yeah, I'll go into the O.R. What the hell is, you know, third full, fuck around. I go up, I'm drunk, I'm slurring racially. I forget some jokes. It gets a little off the rails. And I get the light. So I go, all right, guy hands me me a note and I go, oh a note.

Oh wow, bringing up a guy. Okay. Which is always a fun little moment, you know. Hollywood, Netflix Fest, so who could it be? Open it up, it says kill yourself, no, it just says John Mulaney. Whoa. And I go, oh wow, Mulaney,

I mean this guy's doing the Hollywood Bowl. This guy's got his own TV show that's live out there with Seinfeld and Nate Barghatze and all these big people. And I go, oh, all right, guys, this year for a treat is one of the best comics working. I'm a huge fan of his. My John Mulaney. Crowd goes nuts.

All right. So I kind of thought, like, oh, man, these crowd, they don't give a shit. It's the OR, whatever. But I just had a bad set. I sucked. And I bring Mulaney up, effortlessly killing. He's got the notepad, he's got new stuff.

He's a great writer, and he's killing, and he looks good, and you have that moment of like, what am I doing? I gotta get my shit together. I'm drunk. Right drunk fucking around and this is a this is a big moment You're doing the store. You're representing yourself This guy went to rehab. He got his act together. He's doing TV shows He's doing the Hollywood Bowl and I'm telling you because I'm sure you've had this with with your boots So then Mulaney brings up Jimmy Carr. So now we got this celebrity shit and then Jimmy Carr is so professional, the suit on, the

one-liners, they're all pitch perfect and I'm just standing back there going, ah, I'm a degenerate, I didn't take this seriously, I'm drunk. It's 9 45 at night. What am I doing? And boy, it was a, it was an eye opener. Oh, geez. Yeah, it sucked. So not to get, not to get too real, but you see these guys, you go, this is why these guys are so great. And they're going to be have big careers. And you're like, I'm a fucking chooch. I'm out here. I'm half ass on this shit. Well, just a couple of things real quick. I mean, a Malaney was doing drugs the whole time his career. So that's it. That has to do with it. Yeah. So, but that's not that. That's, that's out. Also you're doing two shows at

the Montalban. What's that? 5,000 tickets. I don't know what it is, but you're as successful as Malaney. No, no bulls 18 almost. Bulls, bulls 18,000. And I'm not even, I'm not trying to say I'm not successful or not. I don't want to compare myself to Mulaney because I think he's a, he's a whole nother thing. Right. We're, we're a couple of idiots. You're not exactly failing here. No, I'm not failing, but it was a real moment of like, ah, this is, this is a bad look.

You fucked up. You're a child. Right. You need to grow. He's got a blazer on, you know, he's like dressed sharp, his hair is great. Now where did you get all boozed up? Because we were at the pod at 6P, you didn't even have a drink there. Well I didn't have a drink at the pod, but at the fashion show the booze was flowing, I'm with Bjorn, our old manager, who's a goddamn, uh, lush.

Oh, so he went with you? Yes. I saw him for a second, and he was like, how do I get backstage? And I was like, right through there buddy boy. And then when I came back he was gone. Oh yeah. He threw him for a second and he was like, how do I get backstage? And I was like, right through there, buddy boy. And then when I came back, he was gone. He threw me in a car. Oh, wow. Is he part of the festival? Apparently.

He works for, I think, he's like the London side of my agency. Oh, I see. Yeah. But no, I know the feeling, of course, but I'm sure you did better than you realize. Well, Salakus was there and he, you know, classic Cuse, he's very genuine. We go in the backstage area and I was like, oh, that was a little, that was rough.

He goes, yeah, what was that? Oh wow. And I was like, I think I had a few too many. He's like, yeah, you were like way off. And I'm like, all right. Cuse will give it to you, yeah. He'll give it to you. So he gave me the business, he gave me the what for,

and he read me the riot act. And I was like, oh, because now it validates it. He's like, maybe I'm just insecure and I'm blowing it up. And he was like, yeah, that was awkward. I go, did Malaney see it? He goes, yeah. And I was like, damn. So that was kicking the dick.

So what are we talking about? You're slurring, you're bombing, what's going on? Yeah, I was just off the rails. I was like, what else? Fucking Puerto Ricans, they have knives and they're like, and I'm like, yeah. And I'm just, I'm being silly and I'm dicking around. I go, ah, look at that lady, whatever.

And there was no performance, there was no pop. I had no rhythm. So it was just embarrassing. And it's one of those moments you got to take it in and not just go, ah, fuck off. I like to drink. I'm taking it in. Right. Well, next time come over to the house.

We had a house in the hills. We were all sitting there. Booze was not flowing. Cigars were flowing. Stories were flowing. Sure. And yeah, you have some solid family time. Yeah.

Family ties. I need a little tie. I tied one on, but yeah, so it was fine. And after that, I kept it together till I was done with all the comedy. Gotcha. And then you stayed, were you at the Tires premiere the next night? No. Or did you leave the next night also? I had to do Dr. Phil. Oh, Dr. Phil. Which was, that guy is on fire as well, much like the guy in front of the White House. But yeah, that guy, Adam Ray ripped it, me and Bert did it, and we had a great time,

sold out at the main room. That was one of the best live things I've ever seen, just him, he had Pimple Popper MD come out, you know who that is? From Syphon? No, it's a real lady who's like a hot Asian lady who pops pimples on YouTube and it goes crazy viral. All this jizz is flying out.

Oh, God. I called her Miss Bukaki and I was like, that's your last name, right? She was like, what do you mean? I was like, ah, we had a good time. But they took Pimple Popper MD from Seinfeld, right? I guess so, maybe. Because that was on Seinfeld in the 90s.

Yeah. I call you Pimple Popper MD. Yeah, maybe she got it there, but when she came out, she got a huge pop, pimple. Pimple pop. Yeah. Wow. And then Hinchcliffe walked on and the crowd went nuts. So yeah, it was a fun, and I don't want to give too much away. I won't say how it ended, but Google, the guy from the Google dolls came out too. That's not the big ending. But the whole crowd got up and swayed and the phone lights came out. It was epic. That sounds amazing.

It was amazing. And then we did a couple shows in the main room and I did the OR the next night and baby, I put on a leather suit. I was talking about I killed it. Cut that. That was an Eddie Murphy reference. Yeah, it's a crazy fest too because I'm like, I feel. I was talking about, I killed it. Cut that. That was an Eddie Murphy reference. Yeah, it's a crazy fest too, because I'm like, I feel like I barely saw anyone.

And also you mentioned this in the live pod. It was so hard because we did 4 p.m. on Sunday. And we're like, oh, this will be great. Nothing's going on. And then I get the text from Shane. Hey, you want to go to the Tom Brady roast at the forum? You can meet Bill Belichick and Tom Brady. I'm like, oh my God, what time? 5 p. Yeah. Right in the middle of the podcast. I could

have been hanging out with Belichick and Grunk and the, uh, and Randy Moss. Yeah. That's like a metaphor for our whole lives is like we plan that exactly during the biggest event of the fest. I know. I thought like, Oh, this will be great. We won't miss anything for I'll be done by 6pm. But even if I could have gone to the roast you're like three hours? Yeah I heard like Schultz I heard had the toughest spot of the night because he had to close so not only is it three hours in it's also that joke's been done. Gotta lose that one, gotta lose that one so he did well for the scenario he was in. He did a great job and we got to talk about Nikki Glaser I mean the performance of a lifetime.

Set of the night. So many great jokes every day Kevin Hart wakes up at 4 a.m. to make a shitty movie. Grankowski first guy born with CTE that was amazing. He puts the downs in touchdowns he He puts the TARD in, in, uh, Gronkowski is retired. I mean, that was amazing. Yeah. So many great jokes. She was off a Tony did great. Um, it was, it was like a great fest and it felt no holds barred. It felt like, Hey, we're just going to say everything. It's all on the table. The only thing I didn't hear was, was there a lot of kissing on the lips with Brady? Kissing on the lips? He kissed his kids.

Oh, maybe a couple of jokes. I thought that was going to be the soup du jour, but I guess not. So, but yeah, killer at the forum, Kevin Hart hosting, you know, it was a real who's who of who's gay. And it was, it was cool to see our, it was like a lot of our friends. Like we know Schultz, we know Tony, we know Nicky. Like that was our people. It wasn't like Gilbert Gottfried, whatever happened to him.

He's dead. Ah, or like Artie Lang or you know, Norm MacDonald, Greg Giraldo. Right. I don't know all those people too, but. Did you? Of course. You know, you knew Gilbert I

Mean we I sat at the cellar table with him. He didn't say a word Yeah, but he was there Geraldo of course. Well, that's what I mean. We're never you know, we've hung out here's Piers Here's Morgan, so yeah, that's what's crazy. It feels like we're in it. We're in the mix, right? Right, we weren't there but man it looked beautiful too. want to the all-time roast yeah the crowd I saw Neemash Patel I saw Becky Asfan I saw who's the other guy I don't know some other people sugar Sean oh yeah I saw him it was it was just a who's who and I never saw a shame maybe he was backstage or something. Yeah, I guess so. He's probably back in there cutting up with a Bud Light.

I'm surprised he wasn't on the roast. He turned it down. Oh, really? Between us, yeah. Oh, wow. We did a long text thread. Should I do this? And we're like, maybe.

I don't know. We did the pros and cons. Oh, wow. I wish he had done it. He would have been awesome. Well, it's a lot to really, he's got the tires. He's doing the fore. I think he's a lot to really, he's got the tires, he's doing the fore, I think he's doing the stable center with Schultz.

He's doing a movie, I think with, I don't want to say. So he's like, he's busy. Crazy Week. Yeah, yeah. It was, it was, it was wild. It was funny to show up and like, he's just like with McCusker and two NFL players playing UFC video game. Oh my God. It's also awkward too, because you walk in, it's weird. When you walk into like a big hang,

it's almost like the first day of kindergarten when everyone, you know, if you're late, which I was and everyone's already friends and you're like, what is this? Everyone knows each other. You got to walk in and then I have to like pretend I'm into this video game UFC fight. Yes, yes! I'm like, oh wow! But really I'm just like, I'm dying here. Exactly what you mean. Adam, he gets saved the day by the way. I love Adam. He came over, he's like, oh wow, but really I'm just like, I'm dying here. Exactly what you mean. Adam Eget saved the day, by the way. I love Adam. He came over, he's like, hey, good to see you. So you're like, woo, so at least you're talking to somebody.

Eget's the man. But he is. And then when Shane was done, he came over and we were bullshitting. But when you first show up, you're nervous. And it's just celebrities everywhere, agents, industry. And you just stand there like, I'm here too. I did Shane's pod with McCusker when he lived in Queens.

And I show up and they're both playing a video game of UFC. And they're like, oh, come on. What the fuck? And I walk into my hand, they're like, oh, hey, hey, hey. And you know when you don't get a good entrance? Forget it. I bombed the whole pod. It got in my head immediately.

I just sat there and waited for them to finish a video game. It took like half an hour. And then they're like, all right, we're gonna record now. And I was like, you feel like no one cares you're there? I don't know what it is. Well, then what happens is you end up saying stuff you don't care about and you get into a weird spot conversationally. That's what it is.

Cause I'm like, what, the graphics, man, I never seen graphics like this. And they're like, well, how old are you? And I'm like, 42. But you got to show like, I'm here too, so you have to say something. Yeah, I mean, I just sat there. Then you got to pretend you're really into your phone.

I'm like, I got some serious stuff going on. Really, I'm just texting my wife. You're like, I'm dying. Right, right. But then once you do the show, then you kill. So you come off and everyone's like, OK, this guy, he's great. Then you realize. That's all we have is comedy.

That's what I was gonna say. You realize comedy is really, that's why COVID, I got so depressed, because you're like, I don't have a thing, I'm just a guy, I'm an NPC, as the kids say. What's that? Non-player character, is that right? Oh, I don't, I never heard of that.

You know the guy in the video game that's just doing this? Yeah. You know, he's out, when you're walking around shooting people He just kind of stuck in a that's us walking around looking around. Yeah So n-word person color. Yeah, so we're at NPC. So you gotta find a way to Slip in gotcha NPC Let me see if I had some other stuff. Oh, this is the other thing. The first day I showed up. But first of all, it's like, it's quite a task to fly across country with a six month old

baby. Oh, how was that? It's nerve wracking. And so I think I mentioned I got Delta one, which by the way, speaking of flights in the lounge, Delta one, it was good to know from LAX to New York, you get your own entrance at LAX. Like a private, it's crazy. I was like, where's Delta one? They're like, you got to go back downstairs outside. And I thought it was like a trick. We're walking outside. I'm like, we're where like cars get picked up or people pick pedestrians get picked up, whatever the fuck the term is. Sure. And we're walking. I'm like, where is this place? And I see a guy in a suit. I like that Delta pin and I go is this Delta one he's like let me see your boarding pass and I was like oh here he's

like welcome come on private security just me Sarah and the baby just walk in just the three of us Wow down there flowers they hand you a eucalyptus towel what it's insane they gotta get this at JFK. It was unbelievable. I'm like, I will pay for Delta One anytime I'm going from LA to New York, especially with a baby. Wow, Santino told me about this

and I didn't believe him. I was like, this sounds like a made up club like Epstein. It was fucking wild because we had first showed up at the actual thing and there's lines, like there's 200 people in line. It's like Ellis Island. It's loud and crazy. You go downstairs, it's just us, and it takes's like it looks like Ellis Island. It's loud and crazy. You go downstairs

It's just us and it takes you straight to the lounge Whoa, take an elevator they give you a free like free water eucalyptus straight up into the lounge Unbelievable, but uh, yeah flying there. It was nerve-racking. You gotta go to JFK You gotta take the bait you gotta put the stroller in the cab Yeah through the traffic a hundred miles an hour, these cab drivers drive, you're scared to shit. Go through security, and the baby cries, he stops, he sleeps, he gets there. You get there, I'm like, I gotta go rent a car.

I was like, you guys stay here at the terminal, I'll take the shuttle, because it's like a packed shuttle. I'm like, I don't wanna hold a fucking stroller with the baby, plus two suitcases. So I leave it at the airport, I go, the shuttle. It takes forever. Yes. To get the car. Bad shuttle. I finally get the keys to the car. I'm walking and I hear, oh my God, Joelist, first day in America, first day in America. Whoa, you got the migrants. What? I get a, he's Canadian, but he's Asian Canadian. Oh, Canadian. He comes running over and he's like, I just got to America. It's my first time ever in America

I'm like what he's like, I gotta take a photo. I'm here to see mark and I was like, well, I have my own show at the region He said I'd never see you you suck you threw hot coffee in my face He almost saw me at the Montalban. I said no, it's too late at night But anyways, he comes over and we're taking a photo then the shuttle bus all of a sudden we're taking a photo. I just hear I look over there's a shuttle bus with like a thousand people, they're all going like this, get out of the way. But I'm the big celebrity sighting. Yeah. Which is funny because now all the Alamo people are like,

who are you? What's your deal? Tell us the deal. And I'm like, I'm nobody, I'm a piece of shit. They're like, well, he sure was excited. And he was like, first day in America, I can't believe it. They give me the car and they're like, come should we take a photo with you and I'm like you don't need a photo I suck I'm a piece of shit

Asians like taking pictures but what are you gonna do but anyways that was exciting we almost got killed and how about that the flying to America you get off the plane go to the shuttle and boom mega superstar Joe List right there in the flesh. There you go. D level. So, that was fun. That's great. Good time. Canadian, you'd think a Canadian wouldn't be that crazy about America.

Like, it's right there. I could see, hey, you come from Malaysia. All right. Now, where it's a big deal. You kissed the ground. I made it. The Amistad. But it's still exciting.

We're the beacon of hope with a gleaming tower on a hill or whatever bullshit Hey, hope and change, but yeah, it was exciting But the time you finally get to the house you're like, this is unbelievable Yes And flying with a kid is really a game changer for flying by yourself because like I was talking to McCusker about it I was like, I can't believe I was stressed about flying alone before. And he's like, I know it's crazy. Cause like people will be like, Oh man, I was stuck in the airport for five hours. And he's like, alone.

Yeah. What'd you have to read a book? Right. You're like juggling and you're like throwing fucking like cupcakes at him. You're trying to like put them in front of every screen and the window, look at the airplane. Fuck you. You gotta change the diaper four times. Wow. So now I can't wait You're trying to like put them in front of every screen and the window, look at the airplane, fuck you. You got to change the diaper four times. Wow. So now I can't wait to fly solo.

I'm like, who gives a shit? Damn. All right. I'm impressed. Did he cry the whole time? Were people pissed? No, but we had the flight home, like, you know, he whines a little bit, but we were in Delta one.

We'd like give you noise canceling headphones. Wow. So even if someone was upset, you could be like, just put your noise canceling headphones on, which no one's ever really upset. But we had a kid two rows behind us in comfort plus with the losers. And I think they were special needs. It was the worst cry. They're probably like three year old kid. It was like, it was like, really, I don't know if he was louder than that.

Worse than that. But it was nice because no matter what my kid does, it won't be worse than that kid. Good point. And when that kid was going crazy, I walked up and down the aisle with my baby, just to let everyone know this isn't my kid, not my president, you know.

There you go. But that was insane, but that fucked me up, because it kept waking our baby up, which was annoying. Kid on kid crime. But yeah, that kid, and then I got to see the parents after it and they were like these kind of like hipster-y, whoa, like with the goofy hat. And I'm like, I bet they just let their kid do whatever. Ah, yes, that's soft parenting.

Yeah, I don't care for that. I like a soft cock in my ass. Sure, soft taco. But your son is kid super. Oh, yeah. He's a good kid. Good kid. Great oldies. That was my opening at that fashion show, which I was tanked from the beginning. I said that sounds like some of the pedophiles say, kid super.

And they were like, boo you. Boo this man. Yes. Well, what can you do? The pilot was in the audience. But yeah, I mean the fest was a treat. I stayed one more night after you and It it was too fun. I stayed out again till 5 in the morning had the early flight back to New York I was in hell yesterday and you pay for it, you know, you're sitting I had coach and I'm just sitting there

Miserable, there's a baby crying. It was it was hell but here we are. Yeah, I didn't want to leave. I mean, I was genuinely emotional. It was so much fun. And then you feel like that's your life. I'm living in the hills with my best friends, just hanging out. Every morning you walk out and you're like, there's Derek and Erica and Fian and Sarah

were making breakfast. Whose turn is it to make breakfast? You go to the grocery store together. That's beautiful. I want to be wealthy where I have, like, people living in my home. Right. They're over in the other wing.

And then, like you said, you light up cigars. There's a rotating door of friends coming in all day. Just a million laughs. The lesson is we can make a bunch of money, and then you go, hey, friends, ring ring, let's do a week in the hills. And you pay for everybody to come out, you get the hotel, and you do it for five days, and you go back to your life.

Yeah, it's a special thing, and when you just have that group that everybody clicks, it's like puzzle pieces, where you're like, this person's never met these people, but I'm like, you guys will be friends. And then immediately, it's like like that's cuz you're a fucking fat shit ah you're a piece of shit you whore ah and it was just non-stop laughs for six straight days then you have the baby everyone loves the baby they take turns with the baby plus you have people that are like you

guys go we'll play with the baby right so that was fun and Sarah and Karen and I took a workout class which was a blast because you're all like, you're lifting that amount of weight, you suck. How about that guy? That guy had a fat ass. That guy didn't know how to do the exercise. He was gay, she was hot, she was fat. That was fun. Hell yeah. I went hiking the Hollywood reservoir. That was amazing. I'd never been there before. That was spectacular. It was like five minutes from our house.

Beautiful. Man, I'm on my knees yakking into the toilet and you're like hiking and doing a workout. Oh, it was great. We went in and out. We had this great food delivered, which was fun. I love Uber Eats, by the way. One guy was a Tuesday. He brought the food and I was like, this isn't my house. And he was like, oh, I know, which was funny. That In-N-Out is, it's like a Santa's workshop. Me and Salakues went with Caleb Seinand. We went to Coachella Valley to do a casino gig. We stopped, the traffic was so bad.

It's a two hour drive. It took us four hours because of traffic. So we stopped halfway just to be like, we got to regroup. We went to In-N-Out. I mean, it's a well-o'-machine. The guys got the thing and the little paper hat. And there's one lady on fries. There's five ladies on buns.

There's six guys on patties, patio. Great, great burger. That's a great time. I love it. And god, what else did we do? We went everywhere. We went shopped on Melrose. We went to the V-Cut and had cigars over there with Derek and I.

Oh, I love that V-Cut. Good name for a vaginal surgery. What a town over there. I know. It's got its moments. It is tough to get around, though. When they go, hey, you got to go over here, you're like, fuck, we're going to be

in the car for 58 minutes. Well, you leave early, but you're in the car. If you have friends, you bullshit. You listen to a podcast. It's not unlike New York. New York traffic sucks. The subway sucks. Yeah. At least in LA, you're in the car. You listen to music in a podcast. That's true. In New York, you're like getting stabbed and shit on. Good point. Yeah, you're on the subway. It's just that traveling from the West Coast. That's what kills you. I know. And guess what? Tomorrow I'm going to Seattle. No, I'm going to Vancouver. So I'm going back tomorrow.

I could have just stayed, but I want to do the pod. I, I, I like to get back to New York to like get my head straight. Then I'll go back. Tagging up and baseball. Yes. It's like deep to center that might be gone, but let me just tag up just in case. And it's gone. So I'll just jog around.

Right. God hates tags, but yeah, you got to tag up and then I'll just jog around right there God hates tags but yeah you got a tag up and then I'll go back out and the wife's gonna be furious and that's the life we lead right yeah I got family coming in which is no totally different vibe bad vibe but all right we got to wrap this up what a week Netflix is a joke fest thank you to everybody that came out by the way I gotta say Regent Theater again, was packed out with people.

That was unbelievable. People filled up the pod, sold out at the main room, which was the lighting in there. That was a special night. So thanks to everyone that came out for that. And I'm in St. Louis this weekend. Is it this weekend? Is this right?

Yeah, this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, St. Louis, bunch of dates coming up. Salt Lake City, Hotlanta. I think Matt Wayne will be in Atlanta. Luke Monas will be in Salt Lake City with me. We're back and I'm putting tons of shit up on YouTube. Check out Stuck in Park, written and directed by Sam Rubinoff. Go yell at him. Sam Rubinoff, everybody. It's very funny. Make sure you go watch that on YouTube. And Punch Up Live. Go to PunchUpLive.com, Joe List, Mark Norman, Sam Merill, the big three.

We're all on there. Hell yeah. Sign up for the email so you know when I'm coming to town, when we're coming to town. Get your tickets from there. Hey, hey, Punch Up as well. Get a bottle of Bodega Cat. MarkNormanComedy.com as well if you want to see all the dates.

Got new dates added. Coming to your town. I'm all over your mom. And yeah, big pods coming out too. We did a lot of good pods. So keep an eye out for those and that live app. Tell us what you think. Share it with a friend.

What do you got? See note. Check out my podcast, Fun Bearable. We just had my buddy on director Sean Cologne He directed the fat records documentary. I never wear it and We came to Providence to do some filming for his new doc I helped him out age of audio and it's with Ira glass Scott Aukerman Paul F Tompkins Mark Marin Kevin Smith. It's about it's about podcasting

So we shot some stuff and then he came on the podcast and that'll be out really soon great Sit down with him. He's a real like working filmmaker like me So it's like it's really fun to kind of get into the weeds about that stuff No kidding fun bearable pod comm good stuff fun verbal fog go see them live at the LA forum October 22nd Comedy Connection July 21st in Rhode Island even better better. There you go. And join the Patreon. We're doing tons of stuff in the Patreon. A bunch of people have written to me saying they joined the Patreon. Oh, great.

They love it. We got all kinds of new shit. It's just us bullshitting on there a lot of the time. We got Musqueef TV. We got it all up there. About to do one right now, so stay tuned, you queeps. You heard the saying, cut it.