Tuesdays with Stories! - #557 Live at The Comedy Store w/ Bobby Lee, Whitney Cummings, Kerryn Feehan & Luke Mones

Episode Date: June 4, 2024

Mark Normand and Joe List are ROCKIN' IT at Netflix Is a Joke Fest at the Comedy Store with pals Bobby Lee, Whitney Cummings, Kerryn Feehan & Luke Mones! Get the full, uncut version of this episode with an extra 30 minutes right now on our Patreon! Our Stuff: - http://www.patreon.com/tuesdays - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories - Check out Joe List on Punch Up Live for tour dates, videos, buying tickets and more! https://punchup.live/joe-list - This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.betterhelp.com/TUESDAYS and get on your way to being your best self. - Support the show and get your first month of BlueChew free. Head to https://www.bluechew.com and use promo code TUESDAYS - Support the show and get 15% off your Raycon order and free shipping. Go to https://www.buyraycon.com/TUESDAYS

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great. Good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with... Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha!

Surf's up! And she didn't even flush. Knock knock. Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe List! Yeah! This is Tuesdays with Stories everybody! No, that's terrible.

This is supposed to be cheesy. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the Netflix is a Joke Fest here at the Comedy Store! Come on folks, you're at the world famous Comedy Store! Let me hear some noise! Please help me welcome to the stage, Mark Norman and Joel Hicks! Hey, hey! look at this. Wow. All right. This is weird because I was just here like 10 minutes ago and none of you were here.

Now you're here. Yeah, sold out baby. Great shirt. Yes. See that shirt? He's got a here's to feeling good all the time with Kramer drinking and smoking. Was that here where he did the N-word rant? No, that was the Laugh Factory. No, I was Factory. No it wasn't a Laugh Factory that night. No that was an N-word

Factory. Yikes. Okay that was a bad start I'm just gonna come right out and say it. It's always a bad start. Hey that's a nice shirt too sister. Yeah. Good to have you. And then there's a homemade Tuesdays with Story shirt behind that. Stand up and take a bow. Wow, that guy has got no girlfriend. Yeah. Thank you, sir. And that's a nice shirt, but there's cleavage in the front, you can't see it. That's not even a shirt, that's like a bustier.

I think that's a napkin. Good to have you. Sorry, don't get weird, you brought it. All right. So I'm staying at the hotel next door, room 218. But this is exciting. I'm stumbling home every night. Yeah, it's great.

I mean, I used to stay at the Hotel Ziggy across the way. Yes, the Zig. Last time I was there, I checked in. Have you guys been to the Hotel Ziggy across the street? They live here, I think, a lot of them. No, but it's like a hot hang. It's like where the Who's go to... The Who?

A Who's Who. Ah, yes, yes. I guess Who's isn them. No, but it's like a hot hang. It's like where the who's go to. The who? A who's who. Ah, yes, yes. I guess who's isn't a term, but. Whose line is it anyway? Oh, okay. But yeah. Who's bag.

But yeah, anyways, I went over there and they were like, there's a big pool party going on right now, if you wanna join. And I was like, you know what, I never join pool parties. That seems fun. And I went down there and he left out a word. It was a gay pool party. Whoa.

And so it was like a movie. I was, they have like blinds like this. And I was staring through like Henry Hill at the beginning of Goodfellas at the mobsters. And it was just the hottest bods, banana hammock. It looked like the Schlitz Gay commercial. Schlitz Gay. Yes, yes. I remember that. It was like the Schlitz Gay commercial. Schlitz Gay, yes, yes, I remember that.

It was like 300 of the hottest men I've ever seen. And I thought about going down and seeing if they... On them? Oh, sorry. That's all I've thought about since. Yeah. But I thought about going down and seeing if they try to convert me. That's a who's.

The who's will not replace us. All right. That was gold. That was 12 minutes too late, but yeah. We should have had someone warm up, because I feel like there's been some hot numbers already. We're warming, we're warming. It's like anal. It takes a minute.

Yeah. Any gay guys here? I think I see three. But it might just be Hollywood. That's like a look. That's true. Yes. Hollywood or gay. That's a game show. Welcome to Hollywood or Gay! Comes out on roller skates. Gay? No, just going from one place to the other in Hollywood.

Yeah, it feels like everyone's gay now, doesn't it? Every girl I meet is, I'm half bi, nary, half queer, which I'm not complaining. I'll suck your girl dick. I think I'm a little gay, you know? Well that's what they say, everyone's a little gay. They say everyone's a little gay and everyone's a little racist,

which I think that's not true. I'm a lot racist. Yeah. Joking. Comedian. So how you been doing? I mean, I haven't seen you this whole time. Festival, you sound a little hoarse. I mean, I'm having the time of my life. I haven't seen you once. I'm partying too much. We did a casino in Coachella Valley last night, which is a whole

other world out there. You guys are some desert weirdos. What's that, an hour and a half away? Two hour away, three hour with traffic. We stopped it in and out, then we shit blood. And then came right back, went to the after party here. There's a bar downstairs, got sloppy, Gillis showed up, so that's the whole thing. And then we went to another after party,

and there was Molly. Give me details. You're combing over. Give me some. You're, you're, you're, you're... combing over. Give me some. Who'd you fuck? Who'd you blow? Who hates you now? Why your horse? I blew Pauly sure, and, uh, now I'm less funny. But, uh, no. All right.

Joking! Love you, Pauly! He lives like, uh, I think he lives on the aviation duct, so I don't want to, uh... I don't want to say too much. He's hearing everything. Well, yeah, it was a who's who. There was a lot of fun cats hanging out, and yeah, then the after party was a big mistake.

You never go, you shouldn't get in an Uber and go somewhere else when you live next door. It's like getting robbed. They said about getting robbed. You never go to a second location. No, that's, wait, what? Why would you go to a second location if you're getting robbed? This happened to my wife as a matter of fact. She got robbed at gunpoint in Houston, Texas and the guy, they put the gun in her face, her and her friend and then

was like give me your wallet and your phone and all that shit. So they did it and then he's like okay now get in the car. She had heard from Oprah. Oprah, that fat asshole. She said never go to a second location. And so Sarah said no way, because that's where they kill you or rape you or both. Whoa. Which is weird. Not hilarious, but.

Yeah. I feel like we're, what do you call it? Neglecting. Neglecting. I can't think of the word neglect. Yes, yes. You don't want to see me? Sorry. It's this don't like those teeth it's a bad face sorry I'm working on the face and the cock but I can't see your chin no it can't but yeah anyways the what the fuck was I saying Simone Biles no no floss they say No, no. Floss. Floss. Floss. They say flossing is actually good for your heart health.

Rick Floss. Because, woo, it's good for your heart health because what happens is you're breathing in rotten burger meat if you don't floss because it sits in there. Really? So that's what I heard on like a popsicle stick or whatever, but you're inhaling like old rotten shit food and your heart is like, get out of here. Whoa, I haven't flossed since 88. You gotta floss it up, buddy.

I guess I gotta floss. All right, good to know. That just reminded me of something else. Please. Wait, hold on, what did we say? Floss. Simone Biles. Oh, fuck, it was something big. Oh, breathing in burger.

You got a floss fatty. Something. Fuck! It's got to be so good. Come on, Biden. Floss. Pause. Oh, floss.

Oh, floss. Flossing, breathing in burger. You know, it's weird. When I used to go to the dentist, he would floss me, which I always thought was weird, because I'm like, I'm paying you dentist prices, and I can just do this. I mean, I don't want to make it weird,

but I did that in my act. Oh, I haven't heard it. I would. I would. Sorry. It's so weird, before you go to the dentist, you brush your teeth and floss, and then you go there and he brushes your teeth and flosses.

I'm like, I just did this. Worked better when you did it. He's got the metal pick though, he's got the pick, he's got the little mirror thing, he's got the sucky. Ah, ah, ah, ah. That's not the noise. I can't do a very. That was a duck.

Fell out of his bag. That was Donald Duck. You're just getting varying ducks. What about Howard? Great film. Alright. So yeah, the dentist is a rip off. You know you can barter with the dentist.

Did you know that? I didn't know about the barter. Yeah, you go, hey, he's going to go, hey, that's $400 and you go, you missed the spot, my teeth are still yellow. How about $320 and he'll go, all right. I mean technically you could barter with anybody, but I don't think, it doesn't mean anything.

You could barter at Burger King. They're just gonna knock you into the food. Right? Yeah, I guess you're right. I've never heard of a dentist that's given you a discount for the barter. The barter administration. All right. Carter. We'll count it.

OK. I got to update my references. Get barter. Get Carter. Was that a film? Oh, get Carter. What was that movie? Was that Spike Lee? I know Get Shorty. Oh, yeah. That was about Brad Williams.

But he's a midget. Hey, that went over your heads, ironically. All right small world. What the fuck was I gonna say? That sounded like Chris Rock. What the fuck was I gonna say? There's black people in the... yeah. Okay. Whoo not here. That's true. Not a one. I think I saw one parking cars. There's some... Plenty of Latinos, by the way. We're killing the Latino in possibly the Asian game. I can't tell. Wow.

What the hell? This is a Home Depot? Got to love the Latinos. Sorry, that joke was over the line and so are you. All right. First two letters of Latino, L.A. Just thought of that off the top of my head. Oh, that's good.

Whoo! I like that. I like that. I love L.A. Ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. I tried to open up to this side. I don't think it really helped at any. Oh, wait.

I feel like one of our guests is not even... Don't we have a... I feel like three of our guests aren't here. Oh. Well, one of our guests is not even... Don't we have a... Like three of our guests aren't here. One of our guests is not coming. Was he billed? We said it on the podcast. Yeah.

He's coming on a young man's ass probably. Yes, he's a gay fella. Yeah, big, big one. But maybe they didn't know. Maybe you didn't... Maybe you don't listen to the podcast. Did anyone come here by accident? By the way, that's always the big fear.

Not a lot of four o'clock accidents, I don't think. I think these people know what they're in for. I hope so. I hope so, too. Yeah! Well, it's just so many of our fans look identical that when you see anyone of color or of female or of age, I'm like, whoa.

By of age, I don't mean of age. I mean like of older. Yes, yes yes most of our fans are 11 yeah we love pigtails oh yeah just kidding we hate children now can I ask you do you feel pressure because I just there's a camera on the audience you guys feel pressure to like really you do yeah yeah you got a shoulder out, that guy's pissed. But uh.

Don't you hate when the girl's all dressed up with skin and shoulders and you go someplace chilly and she's like, can I have your jacket? And you're like, but I was gonna stare at your tits all night. I'm true. Not you, person, that did not, you didn't spring that thought.

Yes. The girl with the nice shirt and the jacket over, I did that randomly was in my head already. Right, right. But yeah, one of our Tim Dillon is, Tim Dillon, he got, what do you call it, AIDS? But no, he's in trouble or something. Yeah, so Tim Dillon's not here.

But we do have Dave Chappelle, Kevin Hart, and Chris Rock. Yes. And we got Cosby at the end, just to put us to bed, you know? But we got some great guests, and thanks for not going to the Tom Brady roast and coming to the real comedy, gosh darn it. Come on! Yeah! So how about this, last night, maybe you'll appreciate this,

but you won't appreciate, because we're different kinds of guys. Well, I like to appreciate. You're always appreciative, and I feel like you always get me. I get you, baby. And I appreciate that. You're a good friend,

and I won't let anyone say anything different. Wow, I don't believe that for a second. But. Well, if someone was like, Mark's a bad friend, I would be like 100%. But that's only because I want everyone to like me. I wouldn't think it. But I'd be like, I know, Mark's a bad friend, I would be like, 100%. But that's only because I want everyone to like me. I wouldn't think it. But I'd be like, I know, he's a piece of shit, but...

I'll take it. Oh, hey, there's one guest! Oh, alright! Alright! Nice! See, no baby? No baby! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Come on up! Come on up here!

Is the other guy here? The Indian guy? He's not Indian. He's not Indian? No. What is he? Pakistani? Afghani, I think.

I think he's Afghani. Is this really my intro? No, well, we haven't brought out the guest yet. But hey, this works. That's Whitney Cummings everybody. Whitney Cummings is here everybody. Hold on, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to show up looking like Dusty Slay. You look amazing.

I've been red-pilled. This is not my dress now. You look, how'd you've been red-pilled. This is not my dress now. You look...how'd you bounce back? You look amazing. Thank you, anorexia. Yes. Hell yeah. You're in the MILF category. I'm a fucking adult, okay? Mama didn't raise no punk bitch.

I'm actually still...I did not stay with the father of my child, so I'm still out there in the streets, you know what I mean? I couldn't keep the baby weight on. And you're on Ozempic. And I'm on...I'm not on Ozempic, And I'm on, I'm not on Ozempic, should I? Oh, okay. Is everyone on Ozempic? Everybody's on it, except for Tim Dillon. But everybody's on it.

How's it going, what did I interrupt? I was about to tell the story, but maybe you'll appreciate this. I don't know you too well, but last night I did a big show Thursday, well, relatively big. 180 people, but. Almost all of them people but almost the name of Mark Norman's porn relatively big yeah well I think 180 people and I was like

goddamn that'll give me a limp so I was did a big show and had all this stuff going on and then last night was like I had one spot at the improv yeah I was like not just a nice improv spot I had some friends on the, I had one spot at the Improv. And I was like, just a nice Improv spot. I had some friends on the show. I had some friends that were gonna come visit and hang out and bullshit. The Improv's a great room. I mean, I hate the Improv.

Fuck the Improv. Yeah. Forgot where we were. Improv sucks. I wouldn't be caught dead in that fucking piece of shit hole club. We're a flappers crew over here. Yeah, but.

Don't talk about my post-birth vagina like that. That's what I call your labia. Flappers. All right. But so we needed a big guest because we had a big guest that bailed for this podcast so I said let me text Shane Gillis the king of all media or whatever. Sure sure. I said hey you want a shit on him? I was gonna say I'm a fat retard. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. There you go. So I texted him. I said, hey, what are you doing? Figuring Sunday, 4 PM.

No one's up to anything. What are you doing 4 PM Sunday? You want to come do the pod? And he said, I can't, but why don't you come do the Greek? Whoa! You fucked Stavros? All right. I reused that one.

That's perfect. He ran it in the green room, it hit there, and he brought it out here. But it was kind of quite fortuitous, because that's me doing the Greek is better than having him here. Easily, yeah. Not for you guys.

Well, true. True. But my point of the story is, it's nice. He's like, you want to do a show for 6,000 people? I'll give you some dough, free food, the celebrities. But it's nice. He's like, you wanna do a show for 6,000 people? I'll give you some dough, free food, there's celebrities. But in my mind, I'm like, well, you've ruined my night. Ah. I was gonna go do a nice fifth fuck around at the Improv, see some friends, laid back, nice and easy.

Now I'm like, let me put together a set. He's like, do you wanna come see a venue you'll never play on your own? I see. Oh. Oh. Whitney. I did? Whitney. Man, your own. That's true. Oh, Whitney. Whitney. Man, oh man.

I didn't mean it like that. We don't do that kind of humor here. That is not where we. I just mean, you know when you're like really big, famous comedian friends, like that we're your friends and then all of a sudden it gets super famous. Right, he's right here. Then they're like, you wanna come to a sudden they get super famous right he's right here

You want to come to a spot on my show. I'm like fuck you. Yes, of course I do Instagram and pretend it was my show right absolutely well I took a photo of it the room after it was empty. I thought about posting it, but then everyone's gonna like Right so did you have to bail on the improv I did oh They texted me being like we're missing you and. And then a bunch of people emailed me, like, you fucking bailed, you asshole. Oh, shit. Yeah, I upset three people. How was the greet?

That's what, 6,000? 8,000? 6,000. Insane. Yeah, it was great. It was awesome. It was really fun. And Shane killed, of course.

And there was a bunch of Christian McCaffrey was there. He's a football player. Oh, football. His little brother who just got drafted was there Zach Efron was there Robert Pattinson was there Batman was there. Oh man. All true. If I was I would have made up better celebrities if I was gonna lie. Michael J Fox was there. He really shook things up but But, all right. But look. This is too far, Mark. Both of you. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Jesus Christ.

I still have a Shake Shack last week. But all right, okay. Oh, Nellie. Izzy. But look, we lost Shane, but we, you know, we still got tits. Every time I see him. Either way. They both have them.

Every time I see Michael J. Fox, I'm like, earthquake? Oh, man. Ha ha ha ha ha ha like earthquake? Should I bring out another guest? One we know is here. Is he here? We have one here that I know of. Oh right. We got another guest also advertised. This is what first of all for most important thing in her intro. We are not having an affair. YouTube. Instagram, but she she is one of my best friends, one of the funny people I know, Karen Fian is here everybody! How about it for Karen Fian!

Hey, Care Bear! Great ass! Is it real? We don't really know each other, We just know each other from Instagram. Instagram, it's so nice to meet you. Can I say something insane? Yeah. You. You.

Pfft. Is it gonna be hurtful? I have such bad Tourette's. You're so much like tinier than I thought you would be. Yeah, no, I found out Tim Dillon. I've heard that before. Sorry. Dick joke.

You're like a tiny little spipsqueak. Yeah, no, I found out Tim Dillon wasn't coming, so I dressed like one of his blood clots. Oh! I'm not gonna do better than that. I'm gonna go. Count it. Hey!

I like that you're like a hippie going to a Trump rally. I know. I love a theme. That's Bobert. Karen, is there another guest back there? There is not. I was spoken to by the producer. He thought the show was on Tuesday because of the title of the podcast. Oh no. Oh. Who needs him? He's brown.

God damn. We'll be alright. Russell Peters was supposed to be here. Yeah. Was he? No, no, that was a joke that nobody, everyone was like, oh, okay. I thought he was definitely too big to do the show, but everyone was like, that makes sense. It was Fahim. I like that the audience is more dressed up

than the host of the show. I mean, did you, what are you doing? Oh, me? I'm staying in the on-dots, so I just rolled right over. I mean, you're pulling a full Louis CK, showing your dick to the entire audience. Well, I didn't ask. With these umbros.

Ha ha ha. Sorry, buddy. You're like Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction. We have a guy coming later who will show his dick, I guarantee you. So I think you can tell who that might be. It's a little Asian one. Oh. I'm giving too much away.

Yeah. But he's coming. Dat Phan will be here shortly. Go on. Ali Dong is en route. Ali Dong. I feel like we should do like boys versus girls trivia or like a debate.

Let's go. Or comedy. Or love trivia. We'll win. Okay, okay. Just kidding. Women are very funny when they're lesbians. Comedy, comedy, athletics, or blowjobs will dominate.

What? I said comedy, athletics, or blowjobs. Men will dominate. Not with those teeth, Joelynn. Whoa! Karen, the affair is over. Huchie munchie. He's gonna kick me out of the rental.

Yeah, that might... I would not fuck with her. She's not even wearing a bra, dude. This bitch is feral. Well, that's all right when you have no tits. She is fun. You know. Karen uses two small pieces of scotch tape for a bra. This is like a before and after. Ah!

What's that meme about inflation? You know? But you're both very attractive for comics. Yeah. No, you guys look amazing. Thank you so much. What are you, 5'10", Norman? Shut up. 5'10"? I am 5'10". You kidding?

Yeah. When you come to you yell, comedy. No, I yell comedy. Comedy. I do like a gendered thing. I do like, it's kind of, it's old school, throwback. Yeah. Boys versus girls, we believe in gender over here. It's kind of it's old school throwback yeah boys versus girl we believe in gender over here I love trivia I know let's do a trivia

thing how many STDs is Mark have not as many as me mine were curable all right question number one to the lady you We'll give you questions, you give us questions. Yeah. How does Tribune, how does anything work? Name four, the four NBA teams. Oh, suck a dick. Fuck you. Whose nickname, their team name, does not end in S. Four, hold on, NBA teams that don't end in S. The Heat.

Nice. Oh god. That's one. Something I've never had in my career. Uh. Uh. Uh. The Heat? I have all S's going on in my head.

S's. The Jazz! Hey, you don't help me! That was a girl! That was a girl voice. You fucking can't help you! That was a girl voice. The Utah Jazz.

What a shitty fucking name. How racist? They're like, it's black people. What kind of music should we? Not in Utah. Well, it was originally the New Orleans jazz. That's right. Let's go through all of them. What's Miami Heat?

But that counts. You got jazz. Time limit, five seconds. No! It's not you having sex. We're doing the trivia game. I'm not anti-depressants. It's more like 25 minutes. He's right.

Whoo! It's a lot of spin. Marlado Magic. Hey! Good pull. We have three. I went to the Wizards. It's always like animals or men. You guys love... It has to be magic or animals.

You're lucky we didn't ask for the WNBA. Because they won't be here all night. Sphinx? What is that name? Sphinx? The Liberty? Liberty, hey! Seattle Storm? Is that one? The Memphis Menopause? Cleveland Cunt? They sweat a lot. Houston Hormones? The Miami Miscarriage? That's a big one. That's a bloodbath. But, um. Georgia gold diggers. That is an S. We got three. That's a lot.

One more, you got one more. But a woman has to answer in the crowd. See, women don't help women. Keep your mouth shut, you handsome asshole. Does someone have one? What Seattle? You're allowed to phone a friend. Thunder.

Thunder! Yay! We won! We won! From down under. Nice. What is it? Who's the Thunder?

Oklahoma City. Oklahoma City. Oh, got it. OK, see. There you go. Alright, hit us with the trivia. Let's do this. Name four parts of the vagina.

The cunt, the twat, the clam, cunt twat clam. Snatch. Snatch. Boom. Easy. Easy. Hey. Alright.

No, we got this. Snatch. Snatch. Yeah. Easy. Easy. Hey. All right. No, we got this. Time for your question. We got this, the labia. The vulva. The vulva, the urethra, and the cervix. The urethra.

We don't have the urethra. Uterus, uterus. I don't think it's part of our vagina. Do we have a urethra? The uterus is inside. She said the vagina. I would say the clit, but that's a myth. I know.

That's the one they can't name. The G-Skeleton. The G-Skeleton. The G-Skeleton. The G-Skeleton. The G-Skeleton. The G-Skeleton. The G-Skeleton. It's part of our vagina. Do we have a urethra? The uterus is inside. She said the vagina. I would say the clit, but that's a myth. I know. That's the one they can't name. The G-spot. Does that count? That's in the asshole, I think.

What's your favorite? For me, anyways. Milk it. What's your favorite name for vagina? Oh, well. My personal favorite, oh, my friends are male comics, is Strange. Oh, yeah? Gonna go get some Strange,

and Gash is pretty good. Gash is great. I like the squish, right in the squish. I think I gotta go either Hatchet Wound, or Meat Wallet. Meat Wallet's nice, because you put your cash in there. Yeah, well they like money, you know.

What else is there? A trim, a honey pot. A trim, I've never heard that. Oh yeah, getting some trims. That's what he has to do to his girlfriends down there because they're so hairy. I like stink hole. I'm not gonna talk anymore.

Oh yeah, septic tank. Garbage disposal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cup catcher. Garbage disposal? I don't know, I'm just making stuff up. So does that mean your dick is the hell? Garbage disposal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cup catcher. Garbage disposal? I don't know, I'm just making stuff up. So does that mean your dick is the garbage? Hell yeah. It's pretty garbagey, honestly. Peter Pocket, the man in the boat or whatever, the canoe.

Oh yeah. Yeah, the man in the canoe is what I think it is. Well, there's some great ones out there. If you guys know any off the top. I think we got the vagina trivia though. We got it twice. That was pretty good actually. Yeah, I think we got the vagina trivia though.

We got it twice. That was pretty good actually. Yeah, I think we got the vagina trivia though. We got it twice. That was pretty good actually. Yeah, I think we got the vagina trivia though. We got the vagina trivia though. We got the vagina trivia though. We got the vagina trivia though. We got the vagina trivia though. We got the vagina trivia though. what do they think it is? Boy, there's some great ones out there. If you guys know any off the top. Any?

I think we got the vagina trivia though. We got it twice. That was pretty good actually. Thank you. We've seen one or two. All right. You guys ask us a question now. Go.

You or will you eat? All right. Give me eight countries. Let's start. Hold on, hold on. I'm leaving. Easy. Let's start with the letter I. Eight? Hold on.

Eight's a lot. Eight countries that start with the letter I. Israel. Iceland. India. Israel's gonna be gone soon, so I'm gonna count it. Israel, we put that in quotes. Aka the tunnels in New York.

Wait, if they win, don't they get counted as two? Okay. Starts with an I. boats, AKA the tunnels in New York. Wait, if they win, don't they get counted as two? Okay. Um, it starts with an I. You got three so far, right? Ireland. Ireland, so you go. Ireland, very good.

What is that, three, four? Indo-China? No. Ah. Canada Express. Silver Lake? Alley-Wong. Illinois. Illinois. Express. Silver Lake. Okay Ireland, Iceland. What did you say? India, Iceland, Ireland, Israel, Ixtenstein. That's one of them though.

You're just naming Nazis. That's not a country. That's not a country, you dummy. Indochina is my favorite so far. Indonesia. Indonesia. Indonesia. India. You said India. Yeah. India.

So that's five. Yeah. I think that's five. I can name the three others. Can you name the three others? Of course. He's got it. Hold on.

Hold on. I'll link this one bit. Isley Coast. Yes. Yes. Oh. Yes. But you have to pronounce it. Cote d'Ivoire.

Which starts with a C. So technically, we're not counting that. Ouch. So there's more than eight in total. Well, if you count Ivory Coast, but I think technically, it's Cote d'Ivoire. Cote d'Ivoire. Mexican.

But you're missing a big one. But what I mean is that there's more than eight total if Ivory Coast doesn't count. I think there than eight total if the Ivory Coast doesn't count. I think there's eight total. So Ivory Coast isn't one. No. Doesn't count. Sorry.

You're missing a big one. Great food, the best food. Italy! Hey! Oh, I always forget that's a country. Now think recent war and future war. There you go. Recent war and future war?

There's two biggies. Four letters. Israel, we said. Four letters. No, that's a cardboard. Iran! Iran! Iran and Iraq! There you go. Recent war and future war? There's two biggies. Four letters. Israel, we said. Four letters. No, that's a cardboard. Iran! Iran! Iran and Iraq!

There you go. Iran and Iraq, so what, that's seven? That's eight, isn't it? Persia. I think that was eight. Persia? Yeah, India, Indonesia. I feel like the countries where women aren't allowed

to read about countries shouldn't count. Totally. If the women don't have clits, they don't count. That's been my argument with this whole war. Just kidding. How about this? What about for you guys name seven consecutive presidents? Seven consecutive presidents? They can be any. Of course I can do that in two seconds. We We go backwards from current. Well, you can go easy you can go Eisenhower Kennedy Johnson followed by Nixon followed by Harry Connick, Jr

Followed by Ford followed by Carter followed by Reagan followed by Bush Bush followed by Clinton followed by Bush followed by Reagan, followed by Bush, followed by Clinton, followed by Bush, followed by Obama, followed by Trump, followed by Biden, that's like 14. Woo! Hey, all right. That's not even counting Biden's double. Check out the big brain on Brad. He was smart, motherfucker, that's right. By the way, half the audience is left.

This isn't funny, this is just making me feel bad. bad. We should just be doing this in the green room. You're really smart. Well I'm yeah I'm the smartest here for sure and I am quite dumb. But you guys got little girl brains and Mark is you know. I'm hungover. Yeah. Hey folks this episode is brought to you by our friends over at Sheath Underwear. Let me see what I have. It's a laundry day. I don't have Sheath on right now because it's laundry. They're all in the laundry.

They just sent me a bunch. I got a package in the mail and I love getting a package in my mouth. Mail. Yes. They're the best. You know Sheath Underwear. It's all we wear. It's all the comedians wear.

If you think comedians are cool, then you want to be cool. You got to get yourself some Sheath underwear, it's all we wear, it's all the comedians wear. If you think comedians are cool, then you want to be cool, you got to get yourself some sheath underwear. Our pal Robert Patton invented this. He's an Iraq veteran. Support the vets for God's sakes. They were sent there. They shouldn't have been there. They fucking kicked ass as best they could. They invented underwear. They're some of America's best young men. Well, now they're old. And so help them out. You don't have to help them out. Help yourself out. Get the best underwear in the business.

They separate your dick and balls. It's summertime. It's about 90 degrees outside right now. I wish I had my sheath underwear on right now because I got some bullshit that's cramming my balls and asshole together. Sheath is the best. My lady wears sheath.

She's got little like boxer boy short things. I love it. And we're all about the sheath underwear. I have 50 pair and I wear them every fucking day. Same here. Big fan, it's all I wear. Go to sheathunderwear.com and use code TOOSGAZE to get 20% off your first order.

Plus sheath underwear is 100% money back guarantee that sheathunderwear.com promo code twosgays. Get Sheet Underwear, support our show, support your balls. I'm gonna go shit while Mark leads the other read. All right. Ooh, that was wet. Send me a photo. Hey, folks, Tuesday Stories brought to you by Shopify.

Some things just go without saying. If you wanna grow your biceps, you're gonna go to the gym, but if you want to grow your online store, you need Shopify. Shopify makes online shopping quick and easy, turning your audience from browsers to buyers. This is great. We sell shirts, we sell stickers, we sell mugs. This is what you got to do. Get yourself an online store.

It's easy, it's quick, and it's efficient. What are you going to gonna go mom and pop, brick and mortar? No, you gotta go meet up with the future. Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the US, so they know what they're doing. They accept every type of payment. Shopify's AI tool makes selling a total breeze. It used to use it to help write captivating product descriptions or create your marketing campaigns. It's like having a sales team in the palm of your hand. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Tuesdays.

All lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash Tuesdays now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash Tuesdays. You won't regret it, folks. This is the way to do it. Thank you. We did Molly.

Did you do Molly last night? Yeah, we did it all. She was a real fat chick. Name Molly. Where do you procure Molly in LA without fentanyl? Oh, I didn't even think about that. Don't you worry? Oh, no. even think about that. Don't you worry. Oh no.

It's alright. You're here? I'm just saying you're on fentanyl. You look like a fentanyl head with these short knees. George Floyd got by. But, um, so the other thing, but he was on it. Um, sorry. Where do you get Molly just from? It was at a party and everybody was doing it. Last night?

Yeah, I got it from a Cub Scout. No, I went to the after after and it was at the big Molly Fest. Really? Oh, it was nasty. Did you find yourself on, I've never done Molly, have you, did you find yourself, like, don't you, it doesn't make you like love people, did you find yourself liking someone that you don't like when you're not on Molly? Yeah.

Yeah, that's why I'm here. No. No, no, it was a bunch of people I didn't know. We were all just canoodling and cuddling and laughing. It was a great time. OK. But doesn't it make you like someone more? Oh, 100%.

Than you normally would? Definitely. I need to be up Molly every minute at my house. Because you did ask me to do this last night around midnight. Oh yeah. Sorry I was thinking about your... I think your video popped up and I was like, oh Whitney she's lonely. Come on by. And then Karen is staying with Joe right now, so she we kind of had to ask her You guys I don't know can you ask her some interesting questions for me? Yeah, oh sure Okay, when's the last time you got plowed by a black guy? Yes?

Figured that Good question mark. It's been a while. I broke up with my boyfriend like two weeks before. He was supposed to come and pay for some of the house. Joliss is mad at me. Don't you think? Just real quick. No, no, no. No.

Let's. All right, let's just ask. We'll ask a woman. All right, we'll ask. We'll ask a woman. You're a woman, yes, nice. You can never be too sure now. No, that's not, I'm just saying in general, society.

Is that Leah Thomas? Who is that? I can't see. All right. No, that's not, I'm just saying in general, it's society. Is that Leah Thomas? Who is that? I can't say, all right. There's six people renting a house. This is gonna sound like an SAT question. Six people are renting a house, right? Three couples. One of the couples breaks up.

Oh. The woman whose boyfriend broke up, we're not gonna name names. It's me, it's me. How much does she owe? Does she owe a third, someone said, but're not gonna name names. It's me, it's me. How much does she owe? Does she owe a third, someone said, but I don't wanna sway. Nerd, shut up, fraction guy.

Ha, we got one Asian here. How much does she owe? So then what does happen in that case? I've been blowing Joe the whole time. Whoa! I can't afford a third of the house. I thought I saw a cold sore on that lip there. Why did you break up with a guy?

I found him uninspiring. Sorry for answering that earnestly. He was gay. He's a gay loser. Everyone's gay. Can everyone just fucking come out? Like, I remember when I was gay for like a year after the pandemic. Yeah, that was insufferable.

Because truly, in LA, the men are so effeminate at this point, the only straight thing you can do is date a woman. I mean, you have to start dating women if you're not masculine. You can go Mexican. They're pretty, you know, they're pretty manly. But you're like a tall guy. I do need someone to raise my kid. I have enough in my house already.

But what? What, you think he's gay? No, he was married with two kids. I think. Whoa. Oh yeah, gay guys never do that. But also, if a guy is attracted to a female comic, he is gay.

He's gay. He's 100% Yeah, he's a pussy for sure. It's like, we're always the last stop before drag. Yes. It's always, they're only dating us to figure out how to put makeup on and be loud or they wanna start a podcast.

Yeah, you gotta shit on them and everything all the time. Yeah, he just, he was old and poor. It was a mistake. Listen. Old and poor? Yeah. Wow. Pick a lane. I for didn't know. Cause when I met him, he was on a boat.

I got confused. Ah, they'll throw you off. Oh, he was black. Literally he'll throw you off. Yeah. Boats and men don't mix. Yeah. Tell that to the Amistad.

Yeah, I'm single. I feel like I- How long were you together? Like a solid three months. So, really- Oh, wow. Really meaningful shit. You gotta date younger, I think. Has anyone

date younger? Older woman younger guy? It's LA. Is it a trafficking situation? Are you a teacher and he's in high school? Or is it like a... Haven't comics at the store gotten in trouble enough with the dating younger? Come on Whitney. I don't know what you're talking about. All right. How about this, I think this is gonna be a hot bit coming at you but a couple weeks ago, Karen we're going to a place, she's like, there's a boy there she likes, she's like,

I need you to wingman for me. I'm like, well what is wingmanning for a woman? I'll just tell the guy, this chick wants to fuck you. That's good. There's no. That's a bit. What am I gonna do? I know he's really young, I want you to feed him

and be like, here comes the plane. What am I supposed to do? Be like, hey young, I want you to feed him and be like, here comes the plane. What am I supposed to do? Be like, hey, Karen's awesome. I'll just be like, yeah, she was talking about how she would suck your dick if you had let her. And then he'll be like, great. You're in. There's no woman wingman.

Yeah, that's a good point. Just like, look at her, wanna fuck her? Yeah. It's called being a pimp. It's not good. It's not good. Yeah. So you're out there, huh?

Yeah, I'm out there. Is there any young under 25 that want to fuck? Great abs, no tits, pretty funny. Nice butt. Are you talking about Mark or me? Great feet. Don't come to my house. She is on OnlyFans.

I don't know if that turns off anybody. I see that's a hit. They like it. They're paying my rent if they like anybody. I see that's a hit. They like it They're paying my rent if they like it. I saw a hand go up over there, sir Sir, what's in your checking account? What do you have to offer? Karen likes men with money Dungeons and Dragons energy Oh no, big Dungeons and Dragons energy. Big Morrissey energy.

I saw the reflection of a pomade. Yep. I don't know about this. From here it looks like Tignitaro. I can't even see what that is. All right. Sir, let me ask you this. How many different places do you keep money?

I don't mean like furniture, I mean accounts. One. This is a crypto situation for sure. Yeah. It's just checking only, furniture. I mean accounts. This is a crypto situation It's just checking only Karen, I know he's like I'm C stock I really believe in Doge coin who are but you're with someone it seems like Stop her perfect. He's not afraid of commitment. This is great My type home record Ralph I'm gonna stop her, perfect. He's not afraid of commitment, this is great. That is my type, homewreck it Ralph. Any single guys? Single guys?

Over here. Over here? Let me see, let me see. Let's see, I wanna just see what's out there. What do we got? Why are you coming forward? Oh, that guy's four foot one. Oh, this is aggressive as shit. This is why there's an Adderall shortage.

Wait, is he standing up? No, no, that's our camera guy. Who is that? Who's the single guy? No, he's shy, nevermind. He's shy? He's shy, uh, okay. Too shy, can't speak. Give him some molly, that's our camera guy. Who's the single guy? No, he's shy, never mind. He's shy. He's shy, um, OK. Too shy, can't speak. Give him some Molly.

Let's fucking go. Yeah. You're the single guy? Well, here's a single guy standing up right here. Hey! Hey! Oh! Oh!

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy! Rudy! Whoo! Ronnie Chang, everybody! Whoo! Everybody was kung fu fighting! Come on, Bobby! Ah! Wow, we didn't even make a Kalyla joke yet.

What the hell? We're not gonna bomb your home. Come back. Man, that was like Charlie in the brush. Wow, we didn't even make a Kalyla joke yet. Oh. What the hell? We're not gonna bomb your home. Come back. Man, that was like Charlie in the brush. Where did he come from? Oh, he's Korean. Never mind.

I feel bad this woman here got so excited and nervous and thrilled and then he just left. I feel terrible. He's coming back around. That's what Bobby does. All right. Did he actually leave? I feel like that was- He'll come back in the helicopter for Miss Saigon

when he land on the stage. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Kim Jong, mm mm mm. Mm mm. All right. Fahim just texted, he feels terrible. Ah. It's bad.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, Mama Oogal! Hey! How you doing? Yeah! What do you think, man? We love you. Sit down!

What do you think? Do you want to sit over here? And you guys gotta swap mics a little bit there. No, there should be five. Oh, there should be five. We couldn't get the six, but we have five. There should be five. I've never met you before.

Hi, Bobby. Why, you never met Joe? Joe List, Joe List, right? Yeah. Legend. This is Sam Maroon. Give him a run. I don't know if he's a legend. Yeah, but we have five. There should be five. I've never met you before. Hi, Bobby. Why, you never met Joe? Joe List, right?

Yeah. Legend. This is Sam Marou. Give him a round, I don't know if he's a legend. Wow. I don't know if he's a legend, but. Karen, there's another microphone. There's another microphone.

There should be five. We couldn't get the six one. I mean, let's not. It's backstage. It's okay. All right. I like your legs. They're nice.

Thank you. I am kind of dressed like you today. That's a good thing. How was the rickshaw ride? Alright. I think it's not on. Can we get this on? Well Mark, it's my rickshaw so I have to do the work. But thanks for having me. I have a date.

No. Yeah, in like 10 minutes. With who? She's Indian whoo that's what I mean I saw a vagina it's nice no but is there a dot above the clam you better get out of here in a curry You better get out of here in a curry. He's so good. He's fast with the words and stuff, man.

Hi, I've never met you. What's your name? Hi Bobby. Nice to meet you. Wait, tell us where you're going to take her on a date. Bestia. What's that mean? That's fancy. That's... That's downtown? Downtown. Everyone gets mad when I do that.

What? I said people get mad when I do that voice. So how'd you get her to go and say yes? You made her promise you'd introduce her to Santino? Bro, you gonna piss me off today or what? No, no, no. I'm just glad you're here. I came here with fucking positivity, bro. You're right glad you're here. I came here for positivity, bro.

You're right, you're right. Oh. I mean, you're Andrews Cotter, I guess, but you know what I mean? I'm like a niche thing though. Yeah. Like sometimes you want mochi or whatever. I think the word is fetish.

What? It's your fetish, I'm saying. Yeah, my fetish. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. That's fine. Hey, does any women out here have an Asian fetish? One, one guy. Another row of that. That's fine. Hey, does any women out here have an Asian fetish? One. One guy.

One guy. Karen's boyfriend had an aging fetish. That was good. She's old. What, how did you meet this gal? Can you not do this or what? What the fuck? I know what's happening.

You should do this one. Yep, yep. Thank you for coming. How did you meet this gal? Oh, app or just? Here, here. At the Comedy Store? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Well, you gotta be careful, guys. I'll tell you why. Because these women are whores. I was gonna say that, but in a roundabout way. Lying whores. Well, no, but it's like, what's so funny, dude? He loves whores. That laugh was aggressive, bro.

Every, every... Gah, gah, gah, gah! He's having flashbacks to the war. We won that war, Vietnam. Fuck yeah. So you met here, but you gotta be careful, because if you're famous, you're so famous. Well, no, what happened, I can't name names, but. Why not?

I was with a famous guy at the Improv once. Okay. I was seeing this girl. Al Pacino. What? What did you say? Al Pacino? P. Diddy?

No, Al Pacino. Can we all get one guess? A famous male comedian? I can't, he'll be mad, he'll be mad. Ellen DeGeneres. Yes! And I was seeing this girl, I really like this girl, and this guy at the improv, he goes,

hey, you're seeing Scarlett, huh? And I go, yeah, how do you know? He goes, I'm fucking her too. Oh! So you gotta be careful, guys. Who is that, Fortune Feimster? Is that it? Okay.

It was Tig Notaro. I put it in the- Hey Joe, Joe, how come we've never, have we met? No, we've never met. Yeah, why is that? I don't know. Well, you live in LA, I live in New York, and I guess we just never met. You're straight? I don't know. What are you talking about? Yeah. Are you gay, Joe? No.

What's straight then? That's what I'm saying. Why would you have met each other? Comedy. He's a comic. I know Mark. I know the other guy. What's the other guy?

You do it with Sam, Mom? Sam, yeah, yeah. Sam, Mama. Yeah. That was brilliant. But like, it's so funny because Sam's the only guy that's not other. Comedy. He's a comic, I know Mark, I know the other guy, what's the other guy you do with, Sam, Mom? Sam, yeah, yeah. Sam, Ma, Ma. Yeah, that was the real.

But like, it's so funny, because I see him with all our friends, and in my mind I was like, how the fuck? He's always like making movies, like he's- Oh, he's a movie star. Yeah, he's a movie star. I made one movie. What movie were you in?

Gay Porn. He has like, he's married, he has a wife, he's like an adult. Yeah, but it's nice to meet you. I know we have a lot of friends in common. Yeah, okay let's move on. Yeah. Do you know Karen?

That was beautiful. You guys talk now. Hey, do you know Karen? Hey Bobby. I like you. I like you too. I've never met her either. Oh, then why did you make such a big deal out of this?

Well, because I'm like successful. Oh, chill. You're doing great, Joe. So me. You're doing great. You're doing great. Karen's big on OnlyFans or whatever. That's something. I like you, Bobby.

I think we're the same height. Same dick size. Wait, my dick size? Oh, she's got a huge clit. Do you? Yeah, it's powerful. Do you think you do? How do you know it's big? What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, So the clit isn't where the pee comes out? No, no that's the butthole. I always thought that, I always thought that. So if a clit tastes like pee, is that wrong? Why are so many people peeing in your mouth, Bobby? BetterHelp.com promo code bad friends.

I'm not a scientist, I don't know. You guys have clits, I was actually asking you. Do they cut off clits in your country? We smear it on our face to look younger. Anyway, um... That's what kimchi is, I think. I still have never seen a woman's pee hole. You too! Me too! I don't get it.

Hashtag. I don't understand. I don't understand where the piss comes out of. Okay. Does it have a head like our dicks or no? Like a little though, little. All right, everybody pull out $20. We'll go over and... out of okay does it have a head like our dicks or no everybody pull out $20 Whitney can you explain where the

where does that all right separate stop separate. Stop! Stop! All right, easy. Stop Asian hate. I kind of miss it though. Come to my house. There's a lot going on here. I got a nibble on my dog the other day. Wait, what? Oh, you got a nibble on your block? No,. What? What? Oh, oh, oh. You got a nibble on your block? No, keep going. It's a dog, eating dog joke. That's a bit, blog is so much more offensive somehow. So where does the piss come out of?

Oh my God. The taint? It's not the hole, it's not the pussy hole I've heard. It's right above that. But I look, I get in there. I like. It's between, there's the pussy hole. Yeah, that's down here.

Right down here. White power. Which by the way, I have Lee. I keep trying to tell people she's funny. Don't just clip this photograph and then fucking cancel me you fucking assholes. By the way, next is someone who looks so Republican. She's the hottest Republican I've ever seen.

Also guys, I do buy that you're this confused, because I feel like guys are always confused at how far back the vagina hole is. It's wild. It's always so much deeper than you guys. Yours is so deep. I don't ever want to think about your vagina hole. You love it.

You want to think about it. I feel like, do you think... Slow down Whitney, you got this. Do you think we could have sex? Like what do you think would happen? Do it behind the curtain. Yeah. My point is this, I'd rather jerk off with you.

Oh, that's hot. Okay, like lying down. No, just like, no, like looking at each other. Like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, like, the curtain yeah lose but my point is this I'd rather jerk off with you oh

that's hot just like no like look at each other right yeah you I don't know how you do but you know we're looking at each other we're laughing we'd laugh and that would you know, sometimes I'd do the three finger technique. Wait, wait. Oh yeah. Yeah, you've done that technique. Well, you can't get all five.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. It wouldn't be the first time.

Bobby, this woman just loves you. You know, you want to say hello. She's so excited to see you. And she's with this piece of shit beefcake. I know. That guy's a hunk. What you gonna do son? I'm sorry.

That's your pussy. Most handsome men I've ever seen with a very young girl who loves you Bobby. Yeah. How old are you? 32. 32? Gross. I'm just old. I realize I'm old now.

I keep being like, look at this, she's 14. She's like, I'm 37. How did you guys meet? Uh oh. Mutual friends. Okay, Tinder. What do you do? You look very...

Handsome. I work in advertising. Okay, all right, okay. Can you help us? Cause this pod won't grow. Ha ha ha ha ha. It does well, but we're just roofed off. What do you call that? Hit a ceiling. Platoed, plateaued.

Platoed, yeah. There you go. Might be all the cunt and cum tuck, possibly. Well, because we're starting to get demonetized and bumped off shit if we curse and stuff. Let's go back to the vagina now. Oh, right, right, right, right. Let's go back to the vagina now. Oh, right, right, right.

There's the fucking, the vaginal hole. The hole. Where I stick it. Yeah, you do. Gently. Pot stick it. Yeah. That was so fucking funny, dude.

Hey, good name for an Asian vagina, the hot pot. That shit was so fucking funny, ladies. All right, continue. Anyway. I didn't get it, but I thought it was pot sticker. I don't know what that is. Oh, it's an Asian dish. You've never heard of pot sticker?

No, but I like General Tso. That's Chinese. Whatever. Yeah, so is pot sticker. Anyway, so you have the hole. No, but I like General Tso. That's Chinese. Whatever. Yeah, so is positive. Anyway, so you have the hole. Then I assume from what I've seen, I mean, you have the P hole or the stick thing, P dick, I don't know.

And then you have the clit above it. Is that true? Yes, yes, I think you got it. Yeah, yeah. Right, am I? Yeah, yeah. You nailed it. But I don't see the hole.

It's very little. Very tiny. And it's got some flaps and stuff in the way. I see the flaps, but nailed it. But I don't see the hole. It's very little. Very tiny. And it's got some flaps and stuff in the way. I see the flaps, but no hole. Oh yeah. Usually because it's covered in cum. Take that. How do you know every president backwards and forwards,

but you don't know how a pussy works? Well, because the president's on TV. Everybody, Luke Modus is here. Oh, that guy. One of the most mentioned people on the podcast. Yes, he's a tall cup of jizz. Handsome. By the way, Karen was in the bathtub the other day when Luke was getting a tour of the house,

and I said, I think if you went in there, you wouldn't meet any resistance. Part of resistance. No, no, no. You're a good wingman you wouldn't meet any resistance. Yeah, it's big. Hot of resistance. No, no, no. You're a good wingman. I don't know what that means. It's French. What happened?

Uh oh. I'm just saying. I didn't do anything. I'm just saying he's so handsome. Who, this guy? No, no, I've never heard of this guy. Can he come up? You never heard of Luke Bonus?

Yeah, I wanna look at him. I'll look at him. I'll be the judge of handsome. Oh my God, get up here. I'll be the judge. Another guy in shorts. Get closer, get closer. Let me see. Oh yeah. One of the best. Another guy in shorts. Get closer, get closer, let me see.

Oh yeah. What a best looking man in comedy. Eddie's 6'6". Yeah, he's really tall. Aw, this is... Watch out, he's got retard strength. Come on up. Ha ha ha.

Step right up, you can get up here. Bobby, is that the retarded guy that molested you? Ha ha ha. Now tell me this. We want forgiveness. Tell me this isn't one of the most handsome boys you've ever seen. Look at this guy. He's like a funny Brennan shop.

What the fuck? Nice hat of hair on that Jew, huh? I was not expecting it. I was just watching. This is weird. Hey, do you know where a pee hole is on a woman? Oh, um, above the... Butthole....vagina?

Yes! Yeah, that counts. Pretty good. Yeah? Is that right? Yeah. All right. Who said it wasn't?

Karen doesn't know. I keep peeing out of my clit. Okay. All right. Bobby, go stand next to Luke. You guys will look like the remake of Twins. Whoa. Man, that's weird. Like, in prison, could I blow you standing up, you think?

Could I just go like... Wow. I could, I could. Whoa. You look like you adopted him. It's happened before. That's fun. So what are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? Oh my god! Whoa! You look like you adopted him. It's happened before. That's fun. So what are you doing? What, are you a comic that's in town? I'm a comedian, I live here, yeah. Oh sick! Yeah, that's not a good sign, you don't know him.

No, I know. No, I, I don't know. I thought he was the butler from Adam's family. Oh, thank you so much. I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at. This is weird, this is very. Are you younger, how the hell do you? It's just different generations. Luke's 30 years old. I'm 32, yeah. This is weird. This is very- Are you younger? How old are you?

It's just different generations. Luke's 30 years old. I'm 32, yeah. Oh, okay. Very tall, Yao Zeng. That's what I call him. I mean, that's amazing. Where are you from though?

Are you from LA? I started in New York, but I live here now. Okay, nice. Do you have a girlfriend? I do. Okay. Let's go Whitney. Next.

She tried, she tried. Next? Trying to date a 41 year old with an infant? Ha ha ha ha. Who's your girlfriend? Her name's Alyssa, she's a comedian and actress. Oh nice. Gross.

Cool, cool, cool. Ha ha ha. So if she fakes orgasms, you're gonna buy it. I'll be back! Ha ha ha. He's not coming. Bye Bobby, we love you! Bobby! Bobby Lee everybody! Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo!

See he has to date young women because they haven't seen mad TV. Alright. Oh sorry, sorry! Shit! Please! Come back! Come back! all right oh sorry sorry oh really I can't wait he's a very funny guy look do you want to sit down I feel like I just kicked it made him leave the podcast no he's coming back is he I like you did I love a really tall guy. You can be brave because you can fight, probably. No, he's Jewish. Oh. The Jews can fight.

Oh, oh, right. Oh, wow. That just got quiet. All right. That will put the intermission right there. Do you guys have any questions for us? Hmm. Got to be something there. Who thinks guys have any questions for us? Gotta be something there. Who thinks they're the biggest fan of the pod?

Who's the biggest fan of their pod? Well this guy has a homemade t-shirt on. Who's listened to the most episodes of their podcast? That guy. Okay, you? You think you've listened to every single episode? Let's test him. What's a piece of trivia only the big fan would know?

Piece of trivia. Oh, here's one. Who is the last in-studio guest? I have no idea the answer by the way. I know who it is. Oh Ari was on relatively recently. Is that a Bruin sweater you got there? The Bears. I'm sorry to you. We're only friends because I hate myself all the time. Hey! There you go.

Nice. What's the book that your mom gave you? Oh, that's a good trivia. The book my mom gave me. My mom gave me a gift and I showed it on the pod and the gift is so bad that he laughed for it. She gave you a book, the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book? No, it was the Female Anatomy Handbook.

It was Mein Kampf, but. How about this, the house we rented has like a you saw it it's got like a Hitler book in there. I brought that. But it's pro Hitler it's like Hitler a great man and a prophet. That's real I think it's something like that. Might be a different Hitler you never know. It's Jeff Hitler. Take the microphone. It was written by Mel Gibson. Thank you, Mark. What are you scared of?

A little cougar tag over your head? Bobby's gonna be so mad. He can sit on your lap. He'll be so cute. I did not think I was gonna be on stage. Well, you're wearing shorts, but I wouldn't have worn shorts. But you can pull it off. You are so fucking goofy, man.

I know. Goofy? This man is six of six. I'm sorry. Get the fuck off me. I just kicked Whitney Cummings. He's just so funny. I'm into this.

By the way, I believe this gentleman. Yeah? I don't wanna say which school. Right. That used to be cool. It's pretty tenty right now. Where'd you go? It wasn't when he attended.

Hello, folks. Where'd you go? It wasn't when he had tented. Hello, folks. Woo! It's... What'd you say? I missed it. We were vibing. I did a tent pun and then I told him to... And I have a little out over here. Every time I do this, it gets a laugh. Because I'm saying cut it because the joke didn't get a laugh.

Oh, I see. It's fine. This section is enjoying it. Oh, okay. I just got here so I don't know any of the inside stuff't get a laugh. Oh, I see. It's fine. This section is enjoying it. Oh, okay. I just got here so I don't know any of the inside stuff from the first half. By the way, Karen has disappeared since you sat down. She's just evaporated. The eclipse is happening again. Okay, all right.

I like this trivia about the podcast. Is there any other ones? I want to know the biggest fan of the podcast. The book was Brad Garrett's book. When the Balls Drop. That was it. It's a horrible gift and we laughed about it for 20 minutes The book was Brad Garrett's book. When the balls drop. That was it. It's a horrible gift and we laughed about it for 20 minutes. It was a good chuckle.

It just shows how little my mom knows me. She's like, this is a book about comedy and it's Brad Garrett's book, so it's not. But you know. Brad Garrett, a prophet and a good man. There you go. Oh, what do you got, sister? I got the biggest fan here with a Mexican hat. Do you see it? We call that a sombrero. Oh, what do you got, sister? I got the biggest man here with a Mexican hat.

Do you steal? It's the hardest. We call that a sombrero. Oh my god. That is a sombrero. Karen, is that yours from the other night? I made Karen run around the grocery store with it, going, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay!

Ha, ha, ha. Didn't take a lot of persuading. No. What's up, buddy? Want to meet my baby daddy and my ex? Whoa! Whoa! What's going on here?

I just realized I might be Mexican. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I was about to make fun of you, and then I realized we have the same life. We're on a podcast, that's pretty. We both jerk off to your podcast. Whoa! My podcast?

Mine? Whitney's, Karen's, or mine? You've never seen Luke's for sure, but. Not mine. Luke has a podcast? I didn't even know. Not doing well. Karen's smart enough to charge people to jerk off to her. I'm not. I do it for free on YouTube.

So you think you're the biggest fan? Biggest fan of the pod, the one with the sombrero? Yeah, we both are. We both are. This guy. This guy. I like the most mentally ill person in the audience is your biggest fan. Ha-ha-ha. I also like the other guy who doesn't even want to claim

he's the biggest fan. He's like, I am not the biggest fan. He's like, it's this guy. Are you 24-7 sombrero or is it just for the show? It's clearly a formal sombrero. That one got me. If you're really from Mexico, that means America just gave you 10 grand.

He's rich right now. And if you keep acting up, we have to put you in a cage, sir. Wait, I want to understand. So what happened over there? Tell me slower. Baby daddy. Baby daddy. That means he put one in you and you had the baby. Two.

Two. Two in you. Two churros. Dos. Dos chicos. So that means there's two women who have abandoned their kids for this podcast. You can just say Mexican. And you're actually have two X's here.

Eskimo Brothers. Hell yeah bro. Oh. In the words of David Tells, no Mexican. Who's your current guy? The one in the hat? Neither. Neither. So are you the one dating Bobby Lee? Oh. So you left that guy to have two kids with the guy

with the huge sombrero? I knew at one point he wasn't wearing a sombrero. Oh, I see. By the way, on knew that sombrero would look like a fuckin'. Bowler hat? Yes, so take it easy. The real question is who was better in bed?

Oh, shit. Now we got a podcast. Ay, ay, ay. Shit. They what now? They wouldn't be friends. We're both bad. Both bad, alright.

That's fair. Both bad, alright. But one of them had to be better. Jesus. I like it. This is getting wacky. This is El Pollo Loco. Throw her out of here.

Hold on, you can't talk when they're applauding. You don't have a microphone. Pollo Loco. Throw her out of here. Why are you guys not using your microphone? Hold on, you can't talk when they're applauding. You don't have a microphone. What'd you say? I said white men are insecure. White men are insecure. That is true. I am very insecure.

I'm the one that's cheating on them. Well, you are. What? What? What? What? What? What?

How awkward is that? I'm the awkward one here. Yeah, agree. You don't seem awkward. I hate people that think they're awkward. They're like, you're yelling out in front of 400 people. That's not awkward. Awkward is like the guy in the back corner who's like trembling and hoping that nothing will happen in here. You're boisterous. What do you do for a living, man? She doesn't work.

You do what? I do the laundry. What's happening here? You're boisterous. What do you do for a living, man? She doesn't work. You do what? A tax accountant. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, dude, let's be friends. Yeah.

I used to think you were dumb, now I think you're awesome. We gotta get you at border control, but you let everyone in. Ha ha ha. But they both brought me. I mean, come on. They both brought me.

And they're meeting. Where are the kids? They're 16 and 18. Oh, 16 and 18. They have their own kids. Ha ha ha ha. You mean, not the kids. You mean the tax write-offs?

Ha ha ha ha. All right, I feel like we gotta get back into the groove over here. But it's good to meet the migrants every now and then. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're your biggest fans. I know. I'm happy to have them. They're doing the work Americans don't want to do. Yeah.

A debit card's a debit card. No? Okay. Who said that? Luke's hoodie. Get away from me! There's a last bit. Does anyone have eyes on Bobby? Oh, shit. Bobby doesn't have eyes on Bobby. That's an Asian joke.