Tuesdays with Stories! - #577 It Takes Two to Mango

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

Mark and Joe both moved. The gays are growing up! Mark has a snafu getting back from RI in a Tesla with a blacked out Raj Belani! Joe's Tom Dustin doc premieres and he gets stuck with a hot n' heavy chicken parm! It's Tuesdays! Our Stuff: http://www.patreon.com/tuesdays  youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories  Check out Joe List on Punch Up Live for tour dates, videos, buying tickets and more! https://punchup.live/joe-list   Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order with promo code TUESGAYS at https://www.sheathunderwear.com Support the show & get 20% off all mattress orders at https://www.helixsleep.com/TUESDAYS Support the show & start your free online HIMS visit at https://www.hims.com/TUESDAYS Support the show, get 18 free meals, and free dessert for life by visiting https://www.homechef.com/TUESDAYS

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Merchants Bank is a proud member FDIC. ... Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great. Good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with... Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard.

And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha! Surf's up! face with a surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag. Surf's up and she didn't even flush. Knock knock. Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe Lest. Yeah! It's Tuesdays with stories everybody. No, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy. My radio is spitting at me. And I can't choose what I want to do. Ayayayayayaya! We're in the new digs! The Jo-Liz joint.

Here we are in the Playboy mansion. This is where it all happens. Doesn't this feel like a real cuck couch? Cuck couch, yes. I mean, there's just a bed right here, and here I am. I got my therapist over here. We're talking therapy. My wife's getting plowed by, you know, the New York Knicks.

Yes, yes. I mean, cuck couch could be the name of the bonuses. Hey. You know, that's a good name, cuck couch. Speaking of bonuses, we got Bargatze and DiPaolo and we are climbing the charts. Yes, sir. People have reached out.

Can we do a post or something? Some of, you know how how sometimes you're watching a thing and there'll be a guy saying something and then all the little pop-up tweets come up best thing they ever saw? Yes, yes. Can we do that right now? Can we do a bunch of like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop?

Oh, yeah. Like a screenshot, all the people are like, best pod ever, wish this went on forever, wish this went for hours. Yeah, the good comment, I laughed till I puked, my mom jizzed, whatever it is. Put that right here, which by the way, we had two people drop the ball. I don't know if I want to blame Lex or Chuck on this one, but I was like, put the picture of Karen with

the mask right here. And then every comment is like, no picture, no picture, no picture, no picture, no picture, no picture. So you guys are both fired. We're bringing in aunt Donna save a few bucks. Oh, I can't wait to meet on Donna. Oh yeah. She's something. No, not really. But maybe you never know. I love it. I love a Donna. You ever meet a hot Donna. Donatello. I don't know about a hot Donna Donna summer. Donna, Donna, a new generation. Donna McNabb. Donna Party. Donna Party. You know what the Donna Party. Oh, Donna Party. That was like they ate the people. Yeah. Then there's a party on Blitzen on Donner. Yeah. Jeffrey Donner. Richard Donner. Who's that? Jeffrey. Jeffrey Donner. Yeah.

Who's a Richard Donner. Richard Donner's a director. Director. Yeah. Yes. He made some things. He did something. Two girls want to Donna. But yeah, this is it. I'm excited. I feel like we're growing up there, fatty. You're in your new digs. You're right by the ocean. I'm in Brooklyn. I'm right by the black people. We're living. It's really something. Everyone's hot down here. I'm in an ocean of pussy. Everyone's got high heels. They can put it in my ass and a bustier and tuxedos. I don't want to rile up the gaze, but I ran here from Fulton. I saw a Bentley coming right out of your street. And then I saw a bunch of dames and trench coats. Somebody stole my Bentley and let my girls go?

Apparently. No, it's a real adjustment, because people like yourself and other people would go, oh, you come to Astoria. There's no attractive people here. And I said, what are you, crazy? Sure there are. You've seen LaGuardia wait staff, WEIGHD staff-G-H-T, staff. And then I came here and I'm like,

everyone's all business-ed up, with the suits and the pants. Oh yeah, small dogs, nice cars, fancy bags, designer shit. So you gotta step it up there, Dicklis. I mean, you look like a divorced dad. Well, I haven't found my clothes yet. And I was just in the park with the baby and it's

all moms and nannies. And I got, I look like a pedophile. I got cum all over my pants. I got cum all over my beard. You look like Monica Lewinsky over here. Blue suit. And I have a cigar hanging out of my asshole. But yeah, it's not good. I do have to, I have to class it up a little bit. People work out in real pants here. Wow. Well, they say you got to... you subconsciously, you don't even realize it, you tend to adapt

to your surroundings. Maybe. Like, when I met my lady, she was a real piece of A, full on, styled out, blow out hair, makeup, and then she started doing comedy, and she started dressing like John Goodman. Because you start going, well, I don't want to be the out of place hot lady, I got to put on a sweater and sweatpants and Converse. Yeah, hot is bad. That's why I just go hoodie, crooked teeth, big forehead, you know, herpes, HPV, warts on my feet.

There you go. Because you don't want to be too hot. You don't want to be too hot. That's why no one likes Chuck, he's too hot. Yeah. He's got a red corvette and slick back hair. Red corvette, how's that go? I don't know, Prince, I don't get it.

Well, I dig Prince, he's not my cup of jizz, but he's a talented son of a bee. Well, we've talked about this before. I get frustrated because I listen to his first record, which is great, and he's a talented son of a son of a bee. Well, we've talked about this before. I get frustrated because I listen to his first record, which is great, and he's just wailing. I'm like, why'd you stop wailing? Right. He can wail. He's like, and then he's like, diamonds and pearls. I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah. If you can play guitar that well,

play guitar that well. That's true. He almost went like a like a Bruce Jenner to Caitlin. He was like this manly whaler and then he went full lady. Yeah, he's like a little lady boy. He's not even playing the guitar. How tall? Take a guess on his height. Four eight. Five one. Wow. He's a little Negro. What's the language? Okay, we're live. My son is here. He's a little nugget. Yes. Nugget, please. But anyway, I think he's a half black by the way. Is that right? I believe he's an Obama. He's very light. I mean, he's

no weight. Yeah. I mean, he's dead. So, you know, true. But anyways, the new neighborhood, it's exciting and it's a thrill. But I go out for a cup of milk and a glass of coffee and it's like, give us 48 bucks and your wallet. That's how they get you. I can't live here, I'm fucked. You cannot leave this apartment without spending $40. It's really bad, I went out to breakfast with a friend, two days in a row, $70 each day.

We took turns buying, but it was 70 and 70. 70 bucks for breakfast. Wow, for breakfast. Yeah, yeah, eggs it was 70 and 70. Wow. Breakfast. Yeah. Eggs, waffles and fruit, a fruit cup. I go to a waffle and it says strawberries, blueberries, bananas add three dollars. So I go, oh, hey, I'll do the strawberry blueberry banana on the side. If you don't mind. Yeah. It's three dollars each. You want all three. So if I wanted a side of banana, blueberry, strawberry,

nine bucks. Oh! Berries! That's it, you might as well get a garden going. It's outrageous, but it's beautiful. We're right on the water and... Well, we got a place by my hood. I got a couple of comics out there that give me the scoop.

And they all go, I go go hey, I went to Mr. Mango. I don't know what it is. The prices are so cheap. I've been going there and they go, Whoa, you went to Mr. Mango? And I go, yeah, yeah, they're great prices. And he goes, don't go to Mango. Everybody knows Mango's bad. Everything is off a truck from Kuwait and it's all like six months past. Oh, no mango. No mango. It's all past due.

What do you call it? Ripe. Expiration. Expired. Yes, like a pedophile to an adult. You know, it's expired. It's over. Damn.

Fuck you, mango. You got to go to Dr. Mango. He graduated. I don't know. I'm stretching here. All right. It takes two to mango. He graduated. I don't know. I'm stretching. All right. Takes two to mango. But either way, we got a lot to talk about. I got a couple of humdingers to throw right in your sweatpants. Mango and cash. But yeah, I'm down.

Let's go because you've been gone. I've been gone. I haven't seen you since the 80s. Actually, I've been here for the first time in a long time. But you were in was it Monterey? Yeah, Montererey and Oakland. Oakland, Sacktown, the Bay Area and Backtown. By the way, Chuck is sitting as the most uncomfortable chair in the history of chairs. That's true, you look like hell.

Four splinters, I feel bad. Yeah, you look like a kid who's like, in time out. Sit there. All right, give it to me. Where you been? Hit me. Big J. Oakland. So, first things first, I went to the Rogue Island Comedy Fest out in Rhode Island. Every six weeks they have this festival. What are the dates on Rogue Island Festival? It's every October, June, January, October, and August. I know. I confronted Doug about this. Doug Keys, the guy who runs the whole shebang. And I go, what do you got these? Seven times a year. He goes, they there twice a year. But we advertise so much that it feels like it.

Right. I see. It is a lot for a festival. Yeah. Maybe I'll start doing that with fucking. You know, the wife's like, we don't fuck enough. I'm like, we're advertising. Uh-huh. So you she wants to fuck more than you. Flip it. But you flipped it. I'll flip it. All right. You flip. So you say I got you. It's like, hey, we just fucked. I'm like,

ah, it was advertised. I see. OK, it didn't work either way. But so we go down to rogue island. Now I got Raj. Big Raj. Big Raj. Big. He hit me straight. No, he wants you to like him. Oh, OK. Because I remember last time I saw him, he offered me a ride. I was like, I'm OK. Big Indian. He hit me straight. No, he wants you to like him. Oh, okay. Because I remember last time I saw him, he offered me a ride and I was like, I'm okay, thank you. And I'm afraid we never recovered. Well, he offered you a ride and you didn't take it, but he gets it. A garage. So he's got a Tesla.

What is this guy doing? Can I work for him? He does well. He's Indian. Indians do things. He just started a studio in Queens. See? Oh with Katz. Katz reached out he wrote me a thing and I was like we just left Queens we could have used that. Ah damn it Katz he fucked us again. Good musical. But so Raj says alright we're going down to Rhode Island. Four hour, we'll call it, with traffic. Sandy Hook, worst thing that ever happened there is the traffic. So I go, I got bad news.

We're selling Bodega Cat. We're doing a signing at four, four to six. I gotta be there at four. And he goes, oof. Wait, wait, you have a gig in Rhode Island and you have a signing from four to six in New York? In Rhode Island. Oh, okay. Sorry. Okay. Sorry. I thought this was going to be a classic Norman where you're signing in the village till 6 p.m. when you have a show at eight in Rhode Island. Pre-show bodega cat. You bring in a bottle, we'll sign it, we'll get a photo,

and we'll do the show. That's not so bad. It's nice, but it's still, you still got to do this. It's two hours of glad handing. Right. It's a lot of work, but whatever. If it helps sell some product, I'm in. So we get there at four, we show up on time, I start signing. I start taking photos. Nice people out there in Newport.

Good New Englanders. Of course. Just salt of the anal, queefing it up. Nice people. Big burly whites, you know? Oh, I love whites. Yes, Flannel, Patagonia, just nice. They all sail and they have a schooner and a big dog.

And we have a good time, we do the signing, we blow through it, and I go, all right, let's start drinking. So we go to the theater, we got Youngblood, Raj, Sean Murphy, Chris Al, Doug Key, all my openers. The whole gang is there. The whole gang. It's like your bachelor party minus the successful people. That's true. And no beach and no strippers. And no beef. No tie. So tie one on. Everyone ate the pizza and the wings. So I'm doing an hour at this theater. I got Raj opening. Going great. Now my liquor guy, Matt Herman, he's the guy who does all this. He sets everything up. All the bodega. The

Hermits or it's just him? Just him. Herman and like Peewee and he goes, you want me to bartend in the green room? I go, do I? This guy's great. So he's going at it. We're cutting up. Chris Allen's black. Raj is Indian. Young Blood's a Jew. Murphy's ugly. We're just having a great time.

Noogies, arm wrestling, whatever. I go out. Great crowd, hot crowd. I'm slurring a little because I've been hitting a few of the the the sauce and Come back and now Raj go Raj is in a blackout now because I've been gone an hour. He I come back He's just like whoo. Let's go to the after party and I go well. We got to get back to New York He goes we're going back and I go yeah, we got to get back. I got shit to do

I got a pregnant wife. I got a house in the hills. We got to go And he's like one drink of the after party and I'm like, well, I'm already tuned up and you're blacked out So it looks like I'm driving your car and Doug keys going I got you guys both a hotel room and I go get the fuck Out of here. He's holding keys Doug keys Doug keys. So I'm like, ah, we gotta get back So now we go to the after party the shots are coming the beers are flowing Everybody's having a good time. Doug. He walks in with eight pizzas. He puts them right in the table. Everybody goes crazy People love pizza. Yes and

So Six people will get that really love it. I Six people will get that and really love it. I ordered a tie, but no one wanted it. So brought the pizza in, we're scrunching down and I go, all right, it's 2 a.m. If we leave now, we're going to get back at 5. It's about a three hour drive now. So he goes, all right, we can leave. Now we stumble out of the bar. Doug Key, this

is when you know you're running a festival. He has a golf cart. Wow. He's running around with the golf cart all night, you know, picking people up, going from venue to venue, dropping comics off. So he goes, I got the golf cart. I'll bring it to your car. Now it's a Tesla. So I said, hey Raj, we are driving back, go charge that fucker while I'm on stage. Right. Just to get it going. Get some juice in there. He goes, no problem. It takes 20 minutes, 30 minutes to charge. You're doing an hour. That thing will be good to go. So we get out of the bar. We stumble out. We jump into the golf cart and it's one of those, the stretch.

Oh, a stretch golf cart. It's a beauty. Tinted windows. I'll send you photos of the golf cart. So then we're, brrr, dugs all over the road, but it's Newport, so everyone's asleep. It's a sleepy town. It's one in the morning. So, woo, woo, woo, cops pull us over.

On the golf cart? Yes. Wow. And Chris Allen, who's a 6'4 black guy with dreadlocks and a jean jacket and a weed pen in his hand. Oh, boy. Here it is. This is it.

I come out to Newport, the whitest city in America. And here we go, racism, BLM, you know. Cypress Hill. Yeah, Black Panthers. Poison Man. Yes, NWA. J.H. Yeah, Black Panthers. Boyz II Men. Yes, NWA. Jay Hendrix, Thin Lizzy. Yeah.

So the cops go, woo, we pull over the golf cart. I go, let me do the talking. Cops walk up and they go, we thought that was you. Let's get a photo. Oh, not to Chris Allen. No, no, no. Oh my God. I almost killed myself.

They beat him to death. They hit him with a nightstick and tased him. He deserved it. Yeah, so we got a photo and they go, have a good night. Hey, things are looking up. But they lit you up to get the photo. I guess so, yeah. Wow, that's fun.

Well, they do what they want out there because it's lawless. There's no rules. There's no crime. I'm the chief of police. I can do whatever I want. Yes. So, Jerry Lawless, is that something? Jerry Lawler was a wrestler. There's no rules. There's no crime. I'm the chief of police. I can do whatever I want. Yes so Jerry Lawless Jerry Lawler was a

He was a any Kaufman So we get pulled over we get the photo with the cops nice guys Chris Allen's like stands 20 feet away He's like he reeks of weed so I get it so then we get back in the cart We drop everybody off at their hotel So I get it. So then we get back in the cart. We drop everybody off at their hotel Doug drops us off at the Tesla which has been charging at some random hotel. We get out we go look at us We're gonna get back the Tesla's charged Raj stumbles over grabs the nozzle Didn't put it in come on He just had it kind of like leaned in like a like a like a soft dick in a pussy.

Oh, it wasn't all the way ramped. Oh, I would have let out a barrage of swear words. Yes, no charge. Unlike your neighborhood, there was no charge. So we go, fuck. Well, where's Youngbluke? Can you borrow his uncharged car? Well he's doing three days in road. Island.

So we go, ah! So now we have to get out and make a stop. Now we got to charge for a half hour in the middle of the night, in the middle of New England, in a parking lot. So what do you have? You have like half a charge to go? Got about half a charge. That'll get us an hour, an hour and a half, but we got about a three hour drive Now why don't you just go to the hotel? Chop plug in say this is God sending us a message plug it in we'll sit in the hotel

We'll fuck in the ass. We'll make out mail 69. We'll ride back in the morning. I guess I didn't think of that I guess I was like let's just get going in my head I was like if we just get moving it'll go faster Okay, I couldn't stand there any longer. I was like, let's get the fuck out of here. Let's hit the highway Well, there's a lot of downhills. That's true We get in the car now I'm driving the bus cuz he's he's like Right. He's gone. He's slumdog millionaire and I'm like, alright, I'm driving. I'm I'm learning the Tesla and he goes Why don't

you put it in auto drive? He doesn't sound like that but he's Indian. So I go. It sounds like you. So I was like alright auto drive. So we put it in auto drive. Now auto drive is amazing because it keeps you in the lane but it goes the speed limit. The Elaine Bennis. Hello folks. Hey Lois Lane. So I go I like the lane thing because I'd be swerving, but I want to go faster. Like, it's four in the morning. Let's zoom home. Right. So I go, fuck auto drive. I got it. We get out of that highway. I am hauling ass down the highway. I'm the only thing on there. That Tesla moves. It has no gears.

Is that right? Those things fly. Wait, it doesn't have gears? No, it has no shift. It's just electric. So it's just an electric thing accelerating. No kidding. I just don't understand. No nutty pistons, no engine block. It's just it's like an electric machine. It's got to have pistons in an engine, no? I don't believe it does. You don't have to get an oil change, you don't have to get spark plug, you don't have to get a tune up. Give it a go there.

No kidding. So you just, nothing goes wrong? Nothing, it's like an electric car. Right. There's no pistons in an electric car, or what do you call it? Remote control. Good show.

So. Oh yeah, CQ. Yeah, so I am just like, there's no like pickup. It just, it just goes. Right. Wow. So I am flying in this thing and I'm all over the road because the things all and it's like beeping and Elon Musk is like, you're blowing it. Get back in line. Whatever. I'm just picturing the car from Roger Rabbit. He's like talking to you and he's got eyebrows. Yes. It felt like that No, no oil change. There you go oil change. No. All right, that didn't help us but

Well, I was just wondering if you had pistons and gears carburetor and Unlike gasoline cars Tesla vehicles require no traditional oil changes fuel system maintenance spark plug replacements emission checks. Wow. I don't even think it has it like a tranny. You can't say that. Bleep that. It doesn't have a transmission. That's what I call a tranny fluid. Well, if there's no gears, there's no transmission. There you go. So, gears for fears. So, we are flying and I'm all over Route 8 or whatever the hell you guys got up there, up there in that England new. And I'm flying and I'm the only thing on the road. It's like I'm Kramer. I'm like, woo, this is luxury. Woo.

Second pull over of the day. Second pull over. And I go, well, this is it. Two pull overs, no cardigans. Yeah. I'm like, this is it. He's shit faced. I'm drunk. I mean, another guy's car, I'm like, this is it. He's shit-faced. I'm drunk. I mean, another guy's car. I'm not even sure if my license is up to date. He's looking for insurance. He's like, doing all this shit. He's in the glove box. He's falling over. And I'm like, we're fucked. We're fucked. I'm going to jail. This is DUI territory. So immediately he gives me the insurance and the registration I get my license out and I just do this

Right. I just stick them right out. I've seen a no Tyree kill. All right. I'm going all cooperation I'm complying. Window down, car off. I go keys on the dashboard. Ooh Ten and two. Yes. Now, I think we've talked about this before. People's instinct is to go get the license registration. I don't do that. I wait until the cop gets there so you're not going through a glove box. But if you have a little helper. Well, I have an Indian helper, but he also, Indian in the cupboard. The cop, he sat back there for a while.

They always do. Yes. Well, I think they're running the plates. They're running plates. They're seeing who's in there. I also think they like to make you nervous and squirm. And it worked because you just sit there like, how are, what's he doing back there? But you don't want to be like, right. Exactly. So he finally walks up after what felt like 10, 15 minutes. So I got the, I got the shit out the window

and he walks up, he looks at you guys, you got a flashlight, the whole thing, thick accent, mustache, you boys been drinking? You know, and I'm like, well officer, I'm not gonna lie to you, I had one beer and he is too drunk to drive so I felt I should take the responsibility and he goes, well kid, you're all over the road here. Like you're zigging and zagging, and Zach and I go not gonna lie to you It's his car. I'm not too familiar with the Tesla But I I'm gonna put it in auto drive and just let it go and it'll it'll it'll find itself and he goes

You a comedian and I go yeah, actually I am and he goes All right, tell me three jokes. Three jokes? I'm like, what the fuck? OK, so I'm like, oh god, all right. I'd rather do the alphabet backwards. I know, I know. So I'm like, what do I do? Do I go dirty?

Well, don't do your jokes. I think he wants my ass. Give him some prior, some Car lids, some lists, something. Well, I gotta be true. I've written jokes. I have a couple albums. I got a Rolodex to work with. But you start thinking, you gotta go hack.

You can't go, I can't be like, I have anxiety. You know, he doesn't want that shit. You gotta go full mainstream broad. Right, don't do a broads jokes. Well, that's true. That's true, we're trying to get laughs here. That's I get thrown in the clink All right, so so I go out of the gate. I go Well, you know my wife. She's Jewish. I met her on that Jewish app PayPal, and he goes

hmm So that that got his attention laugh No laugh, and then I go I did my old black joke where I go, hey, you know, I can't remember. Somebody goes, I don't see color. I go, well, I'm black. And he goes, no, you're not.

And I went, aha. And he goes, oh, OK. Right. Well, they love anything that has black in it. Yes. Well, unlike them, it didn't hit. But then I go with big three trance. Oh boy. So I'm hitting Jew, black and trance but I go maybe bleep this because it's a

new joke and I don't even want it out there but I said hey I look at trance the same way I look at crypto I don't understand all of it but I've lost a lot of money on both. Killed! You don't have to bleep that, that's perfect. Well I'm saying it's, I don't know if I want that out there, it's on my new hour. Oh I see, I see. It's fine, you can leave it. Yeah, nobody watches this. Yeah it's a three second joke but that one he goes, oh alright, alright, well let me just get your license and he goes back and he does a bunch of shit and I can see him in there like, you know,

doing that whole thing. Boy, if Chris Allen hears this story. I know, the white priv. But you know what this is? This is comedian priv. Right. Celeb priv or whatever you want to call it, well known priv. He comes back and he goes, all right, put the goddamn auto drive on and get home safe.

And I go, we're going like, we're going 20 minutes. I'll be home in no time. And he was like, OK, great. Doesn't he have your address on the thing? Oh, yeah. That's an old idea. So I go, all right, we'll see you later. It was your old idea that said Rhode Island on it.

So he goes, all right, whatever. And we got the hell out of there. And I drove 10 and 2 the whole way for about an hour. Then I gunned it. We get to a parking lot in New London. We charge outside of old Marshalls, and we just talked about how crazy it was. We got home at five in the morning,

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minoxidil and Finasteride. Prescription products require an online consultation with a health care provider who will determine if a prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply. See website for full details and important safety information. Wow. I mean, that's a lucky guy you had there to get recognized. So I got a lucky Indian. He's an elephant with eight arms. I rubbed him. It was great. We left in a curry. Wow. That away, Raj. We love you, Raj.

But you must have been like hung over by the end of that. I mean, drinking that much and then driving three hours. He must have just been dying. He was dying and we all peed in the bush. He wanted to stop for a couple of white claws. But I was like, we're, we're moving there, baby. We're going straight to Bangladesh. So we got the fuck out. He wanted to hit the, hit the new deli. I said, no, no, we're going home. Wow. Well, I'm glad you made it out alive and God bless the police. I've been

saying it for years. They're the best. The top. By the way, there was a big police event over here this morning. It was like a funeral because we have a police memorial. The band was over there. That was funny. You know, there's a police NYPD band. They must have to like get cops that play the trumpet. How does that work? Couple of trumpet supporters. Is it the, the, the instruments first or the police first? I think police first, much like high school. You don't join high school for the band. You join high school, then you get in the band.

I think you join the police, you get in the band. It's just crazy to think about how many cops play the saxophone and the clarinet. Like, you know, picture like an NYPD, like kicking down the door of the projects and, you know, tasing a grandmother by accident. That's true. And then being like, where's my flute-a-phone? Yeah, that's a good point. Also, we have more black cops than ever,

so maybe that helped the band. I think, but I don't think black people play instruments anymore. They play the... What? Ah. Yo, my name is Mike. Ah, either way.

And I like dying. Gordon the Cop, they the Cop. That's pretty good right? That was pretty good. Yeah. Shit shit. Just like blacks with cops you got beats. Well I told you that I went and saw Buddy Guy years ago. Buddy Guy. A couple years ago and he was playing and he said man and he swears a lot he's like from the 30s 150 years old he goes man fuck motherfucking hip-hop hip-hop ruined the blues no one played motherfucking blues no more because of hip-hop it never occurred to me when we were not when we were kids but when our parents were kids for the two generations black people learned saxophone and blues guitar Yeah, now they learn how to rap. Yeah, like you're not like, oh, here's the hot fresh young black blues guitarist That's true doing hip-hop. I mean the last one I think is Gary Clark jr. He's like he's like the new Hendrix

He's on the axe ripping. But yeah, you're right. We had Witten Marsalis when I was again. He was like the best But yeah, you're right. We had Wynton Marsalis when I was a kid. He was like the best trumpet guy in the world. But yeah, I can't think of, I don't think Biggie was picking up a xylophone. Yeah, I mean, you're not walking through the projects with a guy like... Yeah. You know what it is? Yeah, the Miles Davises, the Coltrane's, all those guys.

Herbie Hancock. I'm down at the bodega. Like, you don't hear it nuts it's never a guy under 60 no buddy guy he opened my eyes you got my buddy eyes oh he's got something he's very good he's good towards he's 155 years old there you go BB King is still cooking too no No, he died. He died. He's dead. He's pretty sure. Maybe King's dead. Right. I think buddy guys like the last man standing over there. I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, sure. Let me, let me get a BB King read. I think he died. I'm going to say he died in 2014.

Oh, is he dead? Well, he's alive. I'm going to go. Well, then I'm going to go 2019. May 14th, 2015. Oh, I was close. Yeah. I don't remember that big to do. Well, we were probably broadcasting that. Yeah. Something like that. Wow. Well, I'm glad you made it back. And that away, Dougie fresh, another successful road Island rogue Island great fest get out to Newport go see a show I mean he had a banger lineup Sam talent was out there and that was about it. Wow. Well you and Sam town that's pretty good. That's something I think pepper tone. Okay. So our whole podcast. Yeah. By the way I hit the Patreon we got to that. Oh I already mentioned it. Nate Bargatze Nick Diolo, people put the things up again. We got the biggest comic and the most fizzled out comic on the planet. Oh boy. This clip, my God. Okay. On the shit list. All right.

Uh, well, let me, let me tell you about a couple of things I've done. Well, let's talk about the premiere for a minute. You came to the premiere. Nobody thought you were coming. We got to talk about the show. We showed all, you showed all the doubters. Everyone said he ain't coming. He's never coming. And that was just me. But you made it. I made it. Your wife bailed. She bailed, pregnancy, whatever, but I came right on your back. And not only did I come, I went out to dinner with a couple of guys before and we got you a chicken parm and Salacuse handed it to you. Well, Salacuse, I gotta talk about Salacuse, our Kramer. I can't have an episode where we don't talk about Salacuse.

This man who's such a sweet, gentle, beautiful, thoughtful, retarded person. Sure, sure. Beautiful is a stretch. Yeah, he's one of the ugliest people of all time. All right. I mean, he makes Chuck look like Tom Cruise in 87. I mean, throwing the cocktails behind his head. Gaze of thunder.

I mean, Salad Goose, Matt Wayne calls him Salad Goose, which is my favorite thing. And so he thought that was his name for years. He's like, I thought you were saying Salad Goose. That's fun. Which is funny. But anyways, Salad Goose, my wife left town. So she went on the road with the baby.

He was opening for her. So I got this big event and then we're moving out. So the movers come Thursday morning. They pack up all my stuff. And I'm just sitting there for an hour while they pack up the stuff. Ronan's across the street. I got Tom Dustin and his girl, Chris. Oh, yeah. They're there for the premiere.

So they came up. We had an epic hang me, Ronan, Tom and Kristen in Ronan's house. And then you have this moment where you're like, why am I moving? Ah. My best buddy's over here. I have an extra apartment for my best friend to sleep in. We're all hanging out, laughing, hanging out, yucking it up. Right. And you're like, where am I going?

That's true. What am I doing? My rent is tripling and I'm losing Ronan and I'm losing the apartment to have my actual friend stay in but There's perks a lot of perks. I'm taking perks I'm addicted now because I can't handle the my bank account. No, there's great perks Colin Quinn I've seen Colin Quinn three times already hands across the street. That's nice. So I got and the parks are amazing Just took the baby to the park

He's eating sand with the rest of the kids and And being on the island itself is a game changer. I remember the first time I woke up in Manhattan, I banged some floozy on 6th Street, and I woke up in her apartment, and I came out and I was like, I'm already here. Right. Because I used to live in Bushwick, which was a trek every goddamn day.

So, island is big. You're an island boy. It's magical. Chipotle's across the street. Come on. It's 20 paces to the river. I can see the Statue of Liberty in 20 paces. I love it. That's like half a mile to get to the elevator, but whatever. Anyways, so they're moving out. They're moving all the stuff together, packing it up. And so now my wife is gone. So I have this big event, but I don't have

like a partner to go to the event with. So I texted every Tom, Dick, Harry and, uh, and Barry. I'm like, what are you doing before the show? What are you doing? And everybody's like, I'm getting there at eight. Nobody cares. It's my big night, but everyone's like, well, I'll get there at eight. I'm going to dinner with my wife. I'm fucking my cousin. I got a finger of my dad. And so I hit up Salak is cause I'm like, he's the loneliest, saddest person. Right? And he goes, I texted you and Salak use and you're like, you said we were going to John. So I thought you met the pizza place. I thought it was the pizza. So I'm like, I'm in, I'm going to meet you in Salak use for a slice. Salak use text me after I text with

you. And he goes, we got reservation for four at John's spaghetti house. He goes, the reservation is six 30. He goes, you got to join. I'm like, the boobies at eight. Right. My knee, I got to get there at six 45. It's my event. He goes, that's right across the street. I'm like, what are you out of your mind? My, my niece is taking tickets. So we got to get there. I'm like, I'll have 10 minutes to hang out. I say, not to mention an hour and a half sit down is not unheard of. Right. So I was like, that's too tight. The whole time. He's like, we're ordering now. Your seat's available. Come by. And I'm like, I don't know how many times I'm going to tell you I can't come. He's like, it's across the street. It is theater. I'm like,

I got a suit on. I got my producer. I got a podcast. I got the talking to the, uh, what's that called? Projects project here. Yeah. I got all this stuff going on. So I got, I'm talking to the, the, uh, what's that called? Projects. Projector. Yeah. I got all this stuff going on. So I go, thank you. I love you. I appreciate it. Please never try me again. Everybody's we got you like the dish. Well, everybody starts. So that's part of this too. Okay. So everybody starts showing up H Foley, Kevin Ryan, uh, Ari, his dame, Isabel Hagan, Ronan, Louis, Louis' chick. Tom. Tom, of course, is his big knight. We have the poster up on the thing.

His name is in lights. Yes. We have the big floodlights that do this. Oh, love the floods in Helene. That part I made up. But a red carpet, the whole thing. My niece, who else was there? Somebody else. Damien Lemon was there. Sam Marill was there. Yeah, we had

a good crew. Cantor was there. Yes, yes. Vigand showed up eight minutes after the film started. She's black. That's always fun. So I'm down there and then everybody's meeting and greeting Hobnobin and then Salakus comes in. He's four foot eight He's got a Hawaiian shirt and whatever. Yeah, he goes. Here you go, buddy. We were thinking about you He hands me a chicken parm It's piping hot and weighs 75 pounds thick parm. It's three Plastic cups cupboards or whatever you call it cubes Yes to-go boxes with bread and knife and butter.

And he goes, there you go. And I go, thank you. So now I just gotta carry a fucking hot chicken bar and dinner. I'm like, what are you crazy? It's a nice thought. Everyone's going to say, List is ungrateful. He's a piece of shit.

It was beautiful. And I had it for dinner that night. All right, all right. As long as you ate it. Oh, it was delicious. I didn't want it to go to waste. But right, as long as you ate it. It was delicious. I didn't want it to go to waste. But now I'm in a $3,000 suit on a red carpet with my all friends and family and I'm just carrying a to-go doggy bag.

I'm like, okay, thank you so much. I thought it was your baby's diaper. I didn't know what that was. I'm sitting here watching the premiere of my film. Everyone's crying and laughing and high-f. And I just have a hot dish. My suit's melted. The sauce coming down. We didn't think about that part.

We thought, well, it'll be nice. We'll get him this. And you don't think about the carrying. No. When you give a girl a rose, she's like, oh, I got to hold this. Right. You know?

No, it was beautiful. And I'll get to the end in a second. But I came home to an empty house, of course. And I had that chicken parm. It was awesome. Hell yeah. But the movie went off and I had that chicken parm. It was awesome. Hell yeah. But the movie went off. Thanks to everyone that showed up.

It was packed out. Moody McCarthy showed up. John Fish. Oh, that's right. It was really fun and beautiful. Ron Bennington was there, of course. Killed it. Always kills it.

He was awesome, and we did a Q&A. Tell them about the film, for God's sakes. We might try to sell this thing. I'm going to gush here. First first of all I was happy to be in it for a moment that was cool yeah and he mentions you too oh that's right Mike no I meant yeah by the way we have the same bit he does a bit in the movie I'm like oh I have that bit he had his ten years before mine but that was a fun little nugget that is fun but uh I, the beauty of the movie is you go in,

it's the portrait of a comedian. See, it's a little vague. So you're kind of like, all right. You go in, you guys explain it so well, because you start with your friendship meeting in Boston, because you introduce Tom, then you kind of introduce yourself in there. And it comes together, and it kind of

escalates into this madness of Key West. Right. It's so great how 38 minutes into the movie I felt like I was in Key West. I felt like I was in that back patio with you. I was smoking a cigar. I was half in the bag listening to Tom. The shows, intersplaced with the old stuff, the whole thing about his dad with the fucking crow listening to Tom, the shows intersplice with the old stuff, the whole thing about his dad with the fucking crowbar to the face. His face kicked in, yeah. The only- The whole laugh set.

I know, the anxiety stuff, getting him the therapy stuff out of him, his child. I mean, you feel like you're there. I felt like I was in that hang with you guys. And then Tom is so captivating. Yes. And then not to mention you have the character of the Key West, which is its own character. Right. All the wackos there, the beach bums, the drunks. And I got teared up.

Ho! He's talking about his girlfriend and it really is about happiness at the end of the day. Friendship and happiness. Like, there's this whole crux of the movie of like should I'm the funny guy should I have gone for it? Should I have had more balls and made a run for New York and being a famous rich comedian or? Is this who I am am I a guy who lives on Key West and runs a cool comedy club and has a ton of friends and a Girlfriend I love and I'm having a couple cocktails every day and that's how I wanna live. So it's this fun balance of what is happiness?

What's more important? Who are we as a people? Should we just go for the gold or should we be ourselves and all that? And it really ties up nicely. It's one of those movies I keep thinking about, which is a good sign. Glad to hear it.

So my review, Lunch. All right. Which is a good sign. Glad to hear it. So my review, Lunch. All right. Lunch movie. You heard it here, folks. Lunch. And now we've got to figure out what to do with it. But it was very beautiful. And I was very touched that everybody came.

And I mean, people were very emotional. And people were like, it made me nostalgic. It made me think about my friends. People were like, I reached out to my old friend. And it was very touching, the response. But it's all because Tom just was so hilarious and open and willing to give so much to the movie. So it's really his film and his big special.

And I'm hoping that people will see it and go, we gotta go see this guy. Yeah, oh, 100%. I wanna go back down there now. I've been before, but now that I saw that, I'm like, I got to go back. This is a special thing. And you guys edited it together so well. And what blew my mind is Ron Bennington at the Q&A was like, how long were you guys down there? And you said three days.

Yeah. We just shot it over three days. I thought that was six months worth of footage because you got so much great shit. The fact you got all that great shit out of Tom in three nights is insane. Yeah, well, he drinks a lot. So he was he was he was very open all three nights. And no, it was great. And then his material is also so good. It was fun to sit next to Louie.

And Louie was like knee slapping and throwing his head back. And then maybe Louie will take him on the road. Oh, that'd be great. Which would be nice. And hear the room let, to watch a comedy because most comedies you go to people don't laugh. That's true. To be in a movie theater full of laughs is so fun and to watch comedy from the audience is fun too. Crazy and he's so fucking captivating, so funny and like when he had that shotgun and

he said, people think I'm walking to a school. know I fucking lost it you had some great jokes in there I mean there's so many great that that scene where I don't want to give too much away there's a scene where he's in the back you're on stage and you can see you through the door window right and he's on the other side of the door pacing and going that's a great joke right there I love a good joke there's some great shots in it. Sure, it wasn't Salakus, but the other guy, Holbert, he got some pearls.

And boy, I could talk for hours about it, but it's really good and it's heartwarming. And it really taps into the artist in you where you're like, I think I made the right decision. I went for it. Maybe that isn't your goal. Maybe that's not for everybody. So it's a really great piece. Oh, thanks. Yeah, decision. I went for it. Maybe that isn't your goal. Maybe that's not for everybody. So it's a really great piece.

Oh, thanks. Yeah, I'm very happy about it. Oh, thank you, buddy. I appreciate it. And I'm proud of it. And I can't wait. We're going to a big Boston premiere. This isn't even announced yet, I don't think, but it's going to be in January. It's a big theater. So everyone needs to come out to that. The room. When have you been in a documentary and gotten huge room laughs? No, somebody posted that, they were like, it's by far the fun, I think it was Ronan or somebody, like the funniest documentary,

we might've made the funniest documentary ever. Maybe, I mean, aside from if we're counting Christopher Guest, but like, I got- Well those are mockumentaries. Yeah, well I got Ronan, Ronan was a row away from me, he was, he's like Max Cady, he's like, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, a row away from me. He was, he's like Max Katie. He's like, ah, like Cape fear. Well, he's one of the ones laughing. I'm like at times, I mean, there's a story about Tom's father's face being beaten in. Everyone's like, and I'm like, this is the

saddest thing I've ever heard. Why is he laughing? But, uh, yeah, Tom, yeah. Ron, I was like, how can you not think that's funny? I'm like, someone's getting their face beat it. But anyways, I'm very proud of it. Check it out. It'll be available. I think we've got to put it on Punch Up as my plan. Oh, that's a great idea. Get some cash for that thing. Well, unless Netflix buy it. But yeah, I'm about $25,000 into the goddamn thing. So if someone could just send me 20 grand, that would be great. I'd love to know, and this is maybe off air, but like, how do you get into that theater?

Do you have to rent that out? Is that hard? We just four walled it. Yeah. I mean, we just rented the theater and I think I lost money on that, too. Ah, because you got to pay the theater to be like, hey, let us in here. And then we still take. But we had somebody, somebody who wanted to come. Right. That there was half of the room was comps.

Not half, but, you know, a third of the room because comps. Not half, but a third of the room, because everyone would just mention Louis. You can't be like, all right, Louis, you owe me 15.50. I certainly can't do that to you. But I think we made some money, maybe. I think we probably broke even on the movie theater. But now everyone talks about it. Maybe the next one, the Boston one,

maybe we'll make money and then we'll sell it somewhere. Who knows? It can relate to anyone who's thought about pursuing some kind of crazy art or crazy endeavor you know should I be a musician should I be a painter should I be a comic it can really taps into that and just watching you down there in the nice suit holding chicken parm on a director's chair I was like he did it even if you make no money you lose money you get divorced you go gay uh... tom dies

whatever happens you did it and it worked and you'll never you know you don't get a way for uh... thanks buddy i appreciate that yeah i'm very proud of it and i got shot at the patch of whole bird was a Tuesday by the way and salad goose is also to use three Tuesdays making a movie together i watch salakose watch it. It was like him watching his son get laid. It was fun.

Oh, good. Yeah, it was sweet. Hopefully he saw his out-of-focus shots. But I'm just getting chucked. I've made a face. Now I feel terrible. I'm only kidding. It's deep, folks.

It's very deep. It's deep. It's funny. It's deep. And I don't think it's a playable home run. Yeah, I'm excited for people to see it. You two's gays and the ones that saw it already reached out. Rob Rigo was there, he sent a really nice message. Rob Rigo's great, by the way. First class guy.

Rob Rigo. He owns Grove 34. Oh, he is a good egg. The mustache, handsome boy. Yeah, I like him. And a veteran and a very funny comic, too. Hell yeah. Hey, hey folks. Tuesday's story veteran and a very funny comic too. Hell yeah. Hey, hey folks, Tuesday's story is brought to you by Home Chef.

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K-A-L-S-H-I dot com slash Tuesdays Kalshi you can trade on that but anyway so that was amazing and then so that night I went back to the house house is empty this is also an interesting moment I get back the house is empty I'm starving I got the chicken parm but I'm like I have no silverware No napkins. No towels. You just went through this like there's just a bed. It looks like an assassin's house I know it and my wife is out of town. So I'm just in an empty home. I got no TV No nothing and I'm like, what the fuck am I gonna do? I guess I could read I had one book with me Wow Bible and

Just kidding. I would never mind Mind gum. But that's my Bible. Just kidding again. But anyways, I get there and I'm like, I got the chicken par but I got no silverware. Then I go, I look at the dishwasher. There's a big note says, Joe, don't forget the dishes in the dishwasher. That's Sarah left because we ran the dishwasher the night before the move. And I was like, yes, I forgot about the dishes my fuck-up as Paying off. Yes open the dishwasher Nothing in there the movers are they took it but they took not just the dishes but the fucking containers they were in they just took

The whole center of the oh my house downtown, Manhattan center of the thing. Oh my god. It's in my house downtown Manhattan now. You gotta get a photo of that for the folks. The next morning we come back now we all drive, me and the movers all drive to here to the new house. They're just unpacking and unpacking and unpacking. He just starts pulling out all this artwork. I go, oh that's not mine. He goes, yes it is. It's in your house. And I go, what? I've never seen it. I go, it must be Sarah's. I've never seen it. And he goes, yes, it's your wife's. He unravels it, pulls out another painting.

I'm like, I've never seen this in my life. This is crazy. This is a magic trick? I go, what is it? He goes, this is your wife. He's saying this is your wife. And I'm like, what the fuck do you know about my wife? Yeah.

This is not my wife's. It's like a painting of a nude boy getting blown. I'm like, it looks like it would be mine if anybody. And then he pulls out another one. I realized he took all my landlord's artwork. There was like a hallway from my apartment to the office. He wrapped up like seven paintings. And just at that moment, I look, I got a voicemail. My landlord's like, Joe, you took all my artwork. Call me back. You gotta get back here. You piece of shit. He's lucky stopping the artwork. When he pulled a cat out of there,

right? Is this two kids coming out to Greeks? He took all the dishes, all the artwork. I'm like, what the fuck is this? And then they had a, there was an extra bed from our office that he just took. I was like, no, that's not supposed to be so we had to just throw it away. I'm like, and then I had to run back to Queens and return the artwork. Then I found more artwork. It's a motherfucker, but, um, we're still in the process of moving, but it's very exciting. But you're also like, I got it. I'm in the opposite of you. You're, you got

in a bigger house. I got a smaller house. Right. So I'm just throwing shit away. I should just give it to you to fill your house up. We need faces. Sure. Take them. I love a vase. We got nothing but bases. Base closed. Base University. But yeah, it's amazing how flip flopped we are. You went smaller house, better location. I went worst location, bigger house. Right. Well, you're a better location now.

The village sucks. You think so? Well, where you were, I mean, Sixth Avenue, Mineta, it sucks for being 40 and having a kid. Right. Don't you think? Oh, 100%. I mean, the hobo rooster every night, the government or whatever. It was brutal. Then I saw people fucking out there. That was a perk. You'd see the guy doing heroin. I saw a guy shit into a pizza box and close it and then give it to a guy. It was crazy. Wow. Yeah. No, I mean, it's, it's Cooke Central down there, but, um, I can't wait to see the new house, by the way.

I'll tell you my, uh, I don't know how you feel, but my, I guess blood pressure, I don't know. What do you call it? It's gone down. Like just when you get to my neighborhood, you're like, huh, right. You're slightly a little more relaxed and calm because it's trees everywhere. There's no hustle and bustle. It's brown stones. It's slightly a little more relaxed and calm because it's trees everywhere. There's no hustle and bustle. It's brown stones. It's nice. Yeah, that's awesome. That's how I feel down here. It felt like I was walking around. I mean, there's a marina 100 yards from my house.

It's crazy. Franklin. And it was just beautiful. Benjamin, it's beautiful. It's it's just a beautiful warm, the Statue of Liberty, the other thing, the sun setting, it's grass, parks. I took my son to the park. He was playing with a young girl and it was really fun. This is gonna be, his first memories are gonna be here. He's gonna like come to, he's gonna come online

when he's three and be like, oh, this is my area. I hope so, well, the lease is up when he's three and we'll probably be moving to Kentucky at that point. My God. Oh, well, the rolling hills. But anyway, so then I came here Friday, they unpack everything and then you're just sitting there for hours while they unpack and you're like, what are we going to do with all this shit? This is insane. This is too much stuff. So you start like one box at a time. Yeah. And then it's

like 75 degrees and sunny. And so then Fiann texted and goes, Hey, did you move in? I'm like, yeah, I'm over here. She's like, I'll be right over. Then Tom goes, Hey, we're done sightseeing. What are you doing? I go, I'm sitting here. Come on down. Okay.

Okay. Because I'm on my way. My niece lives 10 minutes away. She's like, are you in the house? I'm like, I'm here. They come over. All of a sudden there's eight people in the house. There's 300 boxes.

I'm like, you guys want to help me? They're like, we don't want to help you at all. And I go, well, let's go out. It's beautiful. Yeah. So we go, we walk around battery park. There's a carousel. We're in the water. They're taking photos, Statue of Liberty. They come back with, they helped a little bit. Tom and Kristen helped a little bit. Cassidy, Karen helped 0%. But they're opening boxes. We're putting stuff up. Tom helped me set up my Wi Fi, which was nice. And then it's like eight thirty. It's Tom and Kristen's last

night in the city. The night before was the big premiere. So that was nerve wracking. It went great. Killed. Killed. So now they're loose, happy. Everything's done. I go, let's go to the cellar. Chris has never been. I haven't been in nine months. I'm afraid to see SD. I haven't put in in 10 months. Oh, it's a weekend. It's a Friday night. But I go, let's go over there. We'll have wings. We'll have everything. We go over. I'm in there. I'm like, I don't say nervous, but you're like, I

haven't seen SD. I've been at the stand. My God, what comics are there? I go over there. We walk in. We get the best booth. Yeah, like we got one booth open. We're right in the corner. It's me, Tom Cassidy and Kristen, my niece, Mike Cannon walks in, Sagalow's over there, Feeny's over there. Chris Rock shows up and he comes over, which is nice. He goes out of his way to say hello, which that's nice because then they're shitting their pants. You know, Chris Rock? I'm like, Oh, Chris? Yeah, I know Chris. Love it. And so that was exciting. And it was fucking Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, whatever.

No Esti. So that I mean, I love Esti. I'm grateful for Esti. God bless Esti. God bless the seller. But when the boss isn't there, it's nice because you don't have to do the thing of like, hey, I'm gay, I'm sorry, please, I love you. So that's nice. Liz comes in and she goes, last, what the fuck?

I got you quit. I thought you hated us. I said, I just moved in. I'm here. I'm you. So that's nice. Liz comes in. She goes, last, what the fuck? I got you quit. I thought you hated us. I said, I just moved in. I'm here. I'm back. She goes, I'm going to give you all the spots. She goes, you guys need desserts. You guys need drinks. Tom and Kristen drink. She brings over cheesecake, vanilla ice cream, brownies, tiramisu. I go, this is too small. She goes, I'll get you another one. A fucking sea of desserts. And we just crush them. Tom's wailing beer. She's drinking wine.

We're eating tiramisu. I'm feeding him. People at Bennington comes in, everyone comes over. Best movie ever. Best night of our lives. We're proud of you, whatever. And it was just a special, beautiful, fucking amazing night. Yes.

And that was awesome. And then Saturday, hung out all day, it was beautiful again. And I went and did this Don't Tell, you know Don't Tell? Don't Tells are hot. Well this is big and I guess you can get a different audience, viral, whatever. So I shot a Don't Tell and this is my first time

doing this where I'm like, oh shit, I have essentially a TV taping tonight. Basically. I have no clothes. I'm like ripping through everything, trying to find any piece of clothing. I found a fucking top hat and a tube top and a pair of my wife's clod sandals.

Perfect. So I'm dressed like a fucking, you know, a homo on Christmas Eve. I'm like, I gotta be there at 6.30. I'm like panicking. I'm like 6.30 call time, I'm fucked. I go to Google Maps, TV taping, nine minutes. It's up in the meatpacking district.

I'm used to traveling three hours and taking a canoe to a boat, to a sailboat. Island boy. I'm like, this is crazy. I walked home. I was like, this is unbelievable. Unbelievable, nine minute walk. Ba da ba ba ba. I'm like, this is crazy. I walked home. I was like, this is unbelievable. Unbelievable. Nine minute walk. But up up up. I'm loving it. I was home at eight 30. My cable's not set up because I couldn't find the cable box. They put it in my bedroom. These fucking dirt bags. So then I shouldn't say dirt bags. They were very nice. They're

fans. So then I sat on my balcony in the, in the shadow of the world trade center, streamed it on my phone, cool breeze blowing through. I had my wife still doing my ass, my father's lipstick on my face. Yes. Watched the football game and wet our whistles and it was just a beautiful night. That's great, you're making it work.

Making it work and my parents came down the next day and helped with the move and that was exciting. We went to PJ Clark's. That was fucking wonderful. Watch the sunset. The next day it was 45 degrees and windy and now I'm miserable. Well, the beauty is your parent. I mean, that's all great. The beauty is your parents didn't stay here. Well, they did the first night. Ah, where they stayed in the bed and I stayed on the couch, but they're so fucking awkward. They're like sitting on the living room couch. We have a couch in our bedroom. We're in my bedroom right now. Yes. You could really do a casting couch thing here. Totally. I'm ready whenever you're done. So we'll both fuck chuck in the ass. So we're out on the couch, the living room couch watching

baseball and it's like 11 30. My parents, like our head nodding, like bobbing. And I'm like, you guys take my bedroom. They're like, we can't like bobbing and I'm like you guys take my bedroom like we can't take the bedroom like it was like a side by the person like what do you do sleep on the couch together head to foot. Yeah we have the same parents. It's crazy. I'm like I'll sleep on the couch. I like sleeping on the couch. I'm nostalgic for sleeping on the couch. They've never slept on a couch in their lives. They've been married since they were 14 years old. They're right. The fucking Romeo and Juliet. So finally they're like, I don't know, it's your bed. It's fucking, and I'm like, yeah, it's a bed. A hotel is someone else's bed.

Way more people's bed. That's full of jizz. This is just your jizz at least. So they woke up, they got cum on their pajamas and whatever, but they slept in the bed. I slept on the couch. Runs in the family. Look at this. Can we get a shot of that? Get a shot of that big load of icing. But anyway, so they're gone, out of my life forever. And I'm jealous.

See, once again, we flip flop. Your parents leave, mine show up. Right, but the move is slow going, but we're getting rid of shit. It's very exciting. Very exciting, new life, new you, you new Jew it's gonna be fun and in two weeks this will all be right as rain I can't wait and by the way I gotta get some plot when does this episode come out do you have any idea Chuck has no idea January 3rd I think Lex film two

more to come out next to Monday so this comes out on like November 6 or something like that by the time this is out Chuck will be gay and you'll be set up wait so we have two more in the can I think so I think that this comes out on Monday the 4th I can't remember well it's election day that holy shit I got a lot of money on Bernie well this Saturday night we're sending you back to the future this Saturday night November 9th town hall still tickets available I'm sure of it. We're getting there though. That's exciting. We got a few hundred thousand tickets to go but Friday night town hall get out there get up there I there. And then what do I have in November?

I don't even fucking know. Key West, I'll be down there. Key West with Sam Talent, we're gonna co-headline because I'm there. Oh, hell yeah. Key West Film Festival, we got the movie in the festival. Oh man.

So it'll be featured movie on Sunday, the 15th, 16th, 17th. And me and Sam are gonna co-headline and he's shooting his travel show. So that's gonna be fun. Travel show? Yeah, I think he does an internet travel show. Oh, that's right. And fun. Travel show? Yeah, I think he does an internet travel show. Oh, that's right.

And then the first weekend in December, I'm working San Diego for the first time ever. What? December 4th, 5th. Great comedy market. Third, fourth, fifth, whatever it is. So come out there, San Diego, never been there. Never worked there, I should say.

The store or what? No, the other one. Comedy Co. or something like that, maybe? No, wait, that's San Francisco. American Comedy Co. Oh, American Comedy Company. That's right in the heart of the city, right in the gas lamp. I think it's that Comedy Co or something like that. No way. That's American comedy comedy company. That's right in the heart of the city, right in the gas lamp. I think it's that. I hope it's that.

That's the one. I'm not plugging the wrong. It's good. And then a bunch of stuff. The Patreon, like I said already twice, I indeed you on there. For God's sakes, we got Bargatzi, we got DePaulo, we got Eddie Pepitone. We're doing some new stuff. We got a new us backstage. We got a whole behind the scenes. A full 45 minute doc of us back behind the scenes at SkagFest.

Before and after the show. Yeah, you have us all hopeful and then depressed afterwards. Yeah, yeah, tough sledding out there. Yikes. You can watch us bomb the live app, which I think we should be done with live apps. People hate it. I'm always bummed. Possibly. Call in. See what you think because the reviews reviews are horrific but people seem to watch them well we only put them on the patreon now no more live EPS on the regular feed that's a good idea all right anyways where are you you got a whole tour coming I got all kinds of stuff I'm going to Houston improv Dallas improv Phoenix live Wichita Kansas

Fayetteville New Orleans Wilkes-Barre, Torrington, Connecticut, those are the those are the ones to hit. Chicago Theatre sold out, we went clean, very exciting. That's unbelievable. Waiting to see LD. Don't fail on me Larry, don't die on me, I need you out there. He's not gonna die, he eats well. That's true. But he's up there. He looks a little, uh, he's got like a half Einstein, half Mark Twain going on. That's all right. Okay. I hope so.

He's great. He's healthy as a horse. All right. And, uh, yeah, get a bottle of bodega cat. I'll sign that puppy for you. Get on the Patreon. You don't want to miss it. And we'll see you on the road.

We're touring like crazy and go watch that gosh darn movie because it's a humdinger. Checkles? Check out my podcast, Fun Bearable with comic Ray Harrington and improv guy Brad Rohr. A lot of fun stuff. We just did a ton of Halloween stuff. Our live Halloween shows up there doing a big Thanksgiving episode. Lots of fun stuff coming up. Funbearablepod.com.

Nice. Check it out. Spread the word. tell a friend. Okay, it's official. We are very much in the final sprint to Election Day. And face it, between debates, polling releases, even court appearances, it can feel exhausting, even impossible to keep up with. I'm Brad Milkey, I'm the host of Start Here, the daily podcast from ABC News, and every morning my team and I get you caught up on the day's news in a quick, straightforward way that's easy to understand with just enough context you

can listen, get it and go on with your day. So kickstart your morning, start smart with Start Here and ABC News because staying informed shouldn't feel overwhelming.