Tuesdays with Stories! - #588 He Looked Saxy

Episode Date: January 21, 2025

Hey folks - unfortunately, while we were recording, there was a lot of construction going on in the same house, on the same electrical grid, and our recording got screwed up. We had to get a new Zoom recorder. We will be back to our normal quality next week. Sorry about that and the construction noise. Check the free feed for another release tomorrow  - TWS   We’re back in Mark’s basement and we’re rocking so hard that stuff is falling off the walls, ladies and gentlemen!! Joe heads to Austin and does a killer show before rolling over to Kill Tony with Luis J Gomez! But on the way - insane plane ride with a nightmare sickness for baby List! Marks heads to Massachusetts and does a show with Douglas Key - and then tries to smuggle a Pirate Chest on an airline! Finally - Mark is accosted by a (possible?) member of Phish! It’s Tuesdays! Our Stuff: - http://www.patreon.com/tuesdays   - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories   - Check out Joe List on Punch Up Live for tour dates, videos, buying tickets and more! https://punchup.live/joe-list - Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order with promo code TUESGAYS at https://www.sheathunderwear.com

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great. Good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with... Stories! Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And then the duck fell out of his bag! Ha ha ha ha!

Surf's up! And she didn't even flush. Knock knock. Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe List! Yeah! This is Tuesdays with Stories everybody! No, that's terrible.

This is supposed to be cheesy. My radio is spitting at me. And I can't tell you how fast... There we are! Hey hey! We're on the couch again! Lunched up two studios to 19. It's been a lot. We don't have to give them the whole list, but let's give them the whole

list. Oh, that's the whole list right here. Woo, baby. I mean, we went from stand-up labs. Yeah, we're doing the list, okay. Yeah, briefly, serious radio. That's right. For a second.

Very brief. Wait, where did we go after that? They went up to the apartment, and then went up to the other apartment. Wait, wasn't there something else in there? apartment then the other apartment apartment apartment apartment Alex Brazil Oh Showbiz we went to show rest in peace. He died in the fire. It's not like an Asian guy showbiz Yes, we were at Alex Brazilzel's studio for a while, down in the East Village. Yeah, yeah, that didn't take.

And then, where were we? Did we do gas, digital, ever? No, no, no, no. Because I remember Lewis screaming at me, like a manager at an up-fire, right in front of the old stand, and I was like, this is why we're not on the network. He said, why won't you go on the network? You should be on my networking piece of shit.

And I was like, because of this. And literally everyone else left. Like Tim Dillon left, Godfrey left, Danger Dice Clay left. It's, yeah, he was scared the hell out of me. But that was in the talks for a second. And then we went to the first department, the little department, the little Rob Dat,

which I just saw in this film, by the way, Wendy Lobel's film, Anxiety Club, which you're all over that thing. You're in the film, you're up, you're down, you're over and out. I heard you really got gay on that one. Oh, I went gay, you're pretty gay. Oh!

You think you're not gay? There's a shot of you walking across the street and kissing your wife on the fanny and then you're holding hands walking around. It's the gayest thing you've ever seen. Oh, holy, the fanny kiss I'm okay with. Not our ad booker, but I'll kiss a lady on the ever seen. Holy, hey, the fanny kiss I'm okay with. Not our ad booker, but uh, I'll kiss a lady on the rump. Yeah, well not the fanny, I mean it was in the face.

Ah, in the face. He's got a butt face. You know who's hilarious? That guy, what's his name? The improviser. He was a Marine, he went to Kansas University. Oh, really? In the face. How funny is that guy? He's good. Boy, it's fun to be a Marine with him.

I tell you what, I watched Starsky and Hutch for the first time in 30 years. Movie? Yeah. That's some good laughs in there. That Todd Phillips is primo. He did it? Mm-hmm. He did. This is his movies in order, I believe. He did Road Trip. Road Trip, which was great. Hilarious, amazing.

T.J. Qualls. Followed by Old School. Unbelievable. Then Starsky and Hutch, then Hangover, Hangover 2, Hangover 3, there might be one that I'm missing, there might have been like one in there that was kind of shittier. Yeah, yeah, and then Joker was great. Joker, yeah, I didn't love Joker, but. I mean, it's a, what do you call it, a style change or a road apart or whatever the word is, but I thought he did a good job with it.

It was a good job, it was just very dark. I don't wanna be in that world, it was just like a bummer and it's such a blatant. Taxi driver. Taxi driver and a king of comedy. Oh yeah. Same plot and everything. But I did like it, it was fun seeing Sam and Gullman

and a few other, Kareem Barnes wasn't there. Mark Maron. And Joaquin, but some of the shots of Joaquin are just, what's that word? Virtuous, redundant, you're like, what's that, it's too much of something. Oh. No. Excessive? No.

No. Dirt, like gross. If you shoot a movie where everyone's throwing up on their tits and it's gone. It's a little bit... Irreverent? Gargantuan. Over the top. Oh, fuck.

What's that adjective? It's a little bit. Unnecessarily gross. Gratuitous. Gratuitous. Gratuitous. Yeah! Yeah! Go!

Woo! It's a little gratuitous. It's like, all right, your back is bent. You should, I'll get a shot of my back all fucked up. And you're like, oh. And he got a rib thing. I never liked his ribs. He was all thin, but he had a crazy rib

and a sunken stomach. His rib to stomach ratio was off. Terrible rib. I love Joaquin. It's a good performance, but he's real going for it. But it was fun. It was fun. But I tried to rewatch, I think. The first time I saw it, I tried to rewatch, and I was like, it's just raining and dark and

blah. Yeah. It was mother sick. I'm like, ah, right. It was a dark time. I think he was trying to encapsulate the COVID and the protests and the anal. Who knows? It was a dark time. And Joe too, I haven't seen it, but I heard it's a mess. But boy, he was great. What was there? One comedy we missed? From Todd Phillips?

Yeah. Oh man, Hangover and Road Trip were the biggest ones to me, but I'll look it up. An old school. An old school. Old school. Old school's been a watch. Amazing. To me, it goes old old school road trip hangover.

I agree with that. Me too. But he fought for Galifianakis and nobody wanted him. Cause the studio, Todd Phillips was like a famous studio hater. He's like, get out of my way, let me do this. I wrote these three bangers, that's not enough. We shot these for like a million bucks.

They made 200 million, leave me alone. And he comes out with hangover and they're like, we don't like this nobody No, it's her to him. He was like he's good. They're like he sucks. He's good. He fought for him and he made the movie He was like the star of it. They probably were like the spelling of his name is a little wacky Yeah, he's Greek. He's sure he's bearded. He started making Doc's that's his first few movies were like feature documentaries How about that? Yeah. Yeah, he made actually he started with a Gigi Allen doc like a Gigi Allen hated and it's like fucked up. Yeah

There are a couple more comedies. It's school for scoundrels. Oh, yeah That's a Ben Still. Well, they did a they did a really good. They did a remake of it So you might have? Yeah, you don't know we're thinking of the other one with Steve Carell No, it's a movie. This movie has John heater in it from the Napoleon dynamite He fizzled out didn't he was like crying I and then get about the curveball Ricky give later He also made due date with Oh do date. Yes. I remember that one. There's one more though Is that gal for new as well? Yes, it is another big one. Wait, hold on. Don't tell me not wedding crashers No, no, I don't think you're gonna get it because it's a weird one

But good, all right, and if I don't gotta get it then I'm gonna get it. I don't think it's war dogs Oh, right Seth Rogan or the other one Jonah Hill. Yes, I didn't see it. I think it was based on a Rolling Stone article that I read. That's correct. Yeah. He was a gunslinger?

Correct. Or a gun salesman? And then a hot guy. He's played in Mr. Fantastic in the old Fantastic Four. He was the other lead. It was Jonah Hill and- Chris Evans? Miles Teller.

Oh, that guy's good. He's right. He is good. What's, what was I gonna say? White lady. Fuck. What was I gonna say? Shit on my jizz, god damn it.

Tom Phillips. Tom Phillips. Fuck, I had a whole thing. Well, we gotta get back into the show. Yeah, I know, it's all right. What the hell's going on? I haven't seen you since 1991. When's the last time we did this show? My god, I know what you're talking about. Sorry, what the hell's going on? I haven't seen you since 1991. When's the last time we did this show? My god, I can't even remember.

I think it was like the 21st of December. Yeah. And this is coming out in February. You're a dad. By the time people hear this, you're a father. Oh, god! Not quite, not quite. Thank you. Well, when's this come out? I believe the 21st.

Well, it might be. We were just talking about this. Yeah, it's this come out? I believe the 21st Like your wife is leaving towards the earlier date and she makes the call I know but I don't wanna cancel a gig We saw that seven shows what days All the ones that are in the baby time well just tell her just say hey we're making fucking 50k that I told her I told her but you know these doctors They make the rules well, so that the scoop it I'll give you the kind of give the behind the scenes When you go to have a baby this rotating doctors get the doctor that's there They rotate and you said she was coming down the stairs

I didn't even know she was in the house if you were like yeah the guy that's delivering and I spit out my lunch I was like the guy yeah, first of all you don't want some man fiddling around your wife's twats. Well, it's a sex act. I know, but a man? Come on. You want a lady with a lady's touch? You're going to have some guy going, hey, look at this guy.

Smoking a cigar, drinking a beer, but men are better at things. They 100% men are better at everything. But I want the lady bedside man. Because you're going to be queefing and pissing and diarrhea. You're going to be going, oh, it's so circle. That's true. You want a lady, they go, don't worry, you bitch.

You fucking idiot. Maybe I'll bring a lady to do that. I like that. That's what I try to do in my relationship, and everyone's all up in arms on the internet. I'm going to do it in my relationship and everyone's all up in arms with the internet. Ah, there you go. I'm coming to Golfie here. Uh... Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I love it. You want a lady because they know the they know the kitten caboodle and it sounds like this guy

And she came down. She's like I hate that guy. He's rushing you said yeah, he's a big dirty Ruski Oh, you don't want to rush it involved. No take his time You put one past me Alright, well shit. That's something to think about. If you got a whole week of gigs, you gotta take the cake. Yeah, you think so? Tell her about yourself. All right, maybe we'll abort it. It's not too late in this town.

No, I don't think so. But I would do the weekend, come home, then you have the bambino. I'm so excited. All right. I'm gonna be all over this place. I'm gonna be right here. Come on. Parked. I'm going to be all over this plane. I'm going to be right here, parked. When the spring hits, bring the fat man. We'll put him in the backyard. We'll throw a ball at his face, and we'll do it up.

Oh, yeah. You got to be nervous, because if he falls on your kid, your kid will die. This might be a kid who weighs 85 pounds at this point. You got a real heifer. He's got a noggin on him. He's 3'2", 88 pounds, twisted steel, and sex appeal. He's playing for the Bengals, this kid. He's all meat two, eighty eight pounds, twisted steel and sex appeal. He's playing for the Bengals this year. He's all meat.

He's bent. Yes. He walks like an Egyptian. I believe so. Yes sir. Oh, what about our Jewish version of the Bagels? I like that. Alright. You know why they call it a bagel? Otherwise it would be a single.

Folks? Hey-o! We're back! Hey-o! We're back! Hey-o! We're live! Day-old groceries. Wapdago.

Boy, a lot to talk about. Christmas was had, New Year's is gone, and we're in a new century. Now where should we start? I don't even know what to say. Where were you New Year's? Where do you want to start? I got some...people hate baby stories and they hate travel stories and I'm shoving both right up their ass. Do it! Fuck these queeps because I saw in the comments in the last episode it's like,

oh they got into airports within 11 minutes. You're like, well we fly a lot. A lot of crazy shit happens. They heard 9-11. I heard of 9-11. Yeah, I live right next to 9-11. By the way, two planes have fallen out the sky out of the sky like a month You see that Korea and another one and they found two dead bodies in a jet blue plane Wow What is up with two? Oh really? Yeah. Oh a burned lady. Well that lady, they found her Oh my god. Yeah. By the way, how about the fact Governor Hockle, is that her name?

Hockle? Hockle? This twat? She gave a press conference that day. It was like, we cleaned up the subway, subway is safer. She literally gave press conference that day. An hour later, like, a guy just set a girl on fire. She must have been like this.

What's that now? I know, I know, the timing. Set a guy on fire. I mean, that's a... That, I know, the timing. It's that guy on fire. I mean that's a... That's a subway? That's a buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh- I'm not driving in every day, thank God, but they up the MTA, you're fucked. Chuck is fucked. Chuck is fucked in the head. I told you the stickies!

The stickies don't work! This place is falling apart! This is Huckle! Huckle! What the hell? This is one of the planes that fell out of the sky. Gee, Wes, did you get spooked? I was a fuck.

Man, that was crazy. That was a fuck. Man, that was crazy. That was a rant. We're in the basement. We're in the basement. Alright, so. Those Mexicans are coming out of the walls there.

The migrants. But yeah, that was being worked on. They're drilling or jackhammering. So I think it's knocking paintings off the wall. I'll tell you it's getting worked. You bought this house in 88, I still haven't been here when there wasn't 14 Guatemalans hacking off the windows. It's an Airbnb at this point.

It's just full of Latinos. Woo! God, my heart is racing. Wait, Hocklesucks, what were we talking about? Lady caught on fire, the airplanes. Oh, the transitioning, the driving. Well, we're recording in Brooklyn so the congestion won't hit you. Right right right. Oh really? Yeah, I think so. I think it's Manhattan. It's Manhattan only. Yeah, it's below 59th Street.

But that's a telltale sign of like a city crumbling. It's like oh, we gotta rape the citizens. We're out of money. Like well you fucked the money up. Well the problem is they want, they're trying to drive the people onto the subway but the subway has dead bodies and people getting shoved in the tracks and lit on fire. You're like, if you clean the subway, people will take the subway. And Mayor Adams had come, Guzzler. He's like, hey, you know, we had a lady caught on fire

and a guy got pushed on the tracks and there was a stabbing, but overall we're up. And you're like, you fucking jutes, just give it, just be honest, just say to say hey this place sucks Yeah, it's a little it's a little gay and what what are you gonna do? But I take a turn the day, but once that Sun goes down forget about it. It's a sundown town. That's right That's a whole different meeting, but yeah, it's a Mayhem out there the guy getting pushed on the tracks

But the planes are falling out of the sky a guy drove guy drove through Bourbon Street, ran over a bunch of fucking drunks. It's bad news bears out there. Our pet's heads are falling off. Yes. I mean, I don't even touch on this neighborhood. My God, did I sprint over here from the train? Well, I stay in the home, I got the home, I got a bar here, a TV here, a backyard, a gym.

This home is dynamite. bar here, a TV here, a backyard, a gym. This home is... Dynamart! I mean, it's unbelievable. I'm coming early for the pod to work out. I'm coming late to fuck the baby. I mean, this place is... Fuck the wife! Go nuts! She's looking fly as hell. Ooh!

You're all done. Thank you. She looks fantastic. She needed that, by the way. Because when you leave... Ahh! I feel ugly. Well, my wife did a taping yesterday, of OnlyFans.

Oh, good. It's about time. Comedy. Ah, I see. They're dabbling in comedy. And you know that, you know how it goes with the wives, the women, with the outfit,

they're gonna try an outfit on. Sure. And forget it, it was like a cartoon. The pants were flying past me, and very soft. I get hit with a bra, there's tears. I'm too sexy for my shirt. I'm too sexy it hurt.

Guys are in such a hard position because you're like, well I want to fuck you. To me, that's what I want to hear. But we're all men and women are different. If I'm trying on outfits and my wife goes I want to suck your dick in that outfit, I'll be like I'm wearing this. That's the outfit. But I'm over here going, I wanna eat your ass. I don't cancel the show so we can fuck. And she's like, I know, but do I look too scoopy? Yeah, because you don't, it's tough as a lady because you don't wanna be too hot.

Because then they're just going, hey, put that on, she's hot. Too hot, not tough. But then you wanna be taken seriously as well. So it's a fine line. But they're not serious people. They got little bitty brains and big squishy tits. Yeah. No dicks.

I know. That's got to be a tough life out there. Mm. But. She looked great. There you go. How was the taping? So it was great.

All right. OnlyFans something. I don't even know how you get Only. I don't know where it ends. I never, I wouldn't know either. But yeah, it's cool. You can actually say she's on OnlyFans. Yeah, it's something.

And they're probably gonna go, ah! I think they're trying to, weren't we on OnlyFans for 10 minutes? 10 minutes! Remember, they paid us like 50 grand to do, we just half-assed it for usual. We were too ugly, nobody bought it. No, I think

they're trying to expand out from just porn but it seems like a porn hub started doing comedy specials yeah that's true well hey we heard this Lily Phillips no for the world fair then as Todd Phillips he's good no relation but out of movies real quick this gal fucked a hundred guys it is like some kind of record and then she goes, fuck that, that was too easy. I'm gonna fuck a thousand. She's like Kramer, a thousand.

Yeah, so now all these guys are lining up, which is such a female privilege because if you sat there and you went, you know what, I'd like to fuck a thousand women. Oh. That doorbell wouldn't ring. I'd be awed by how ugly, but I'd be ostracized by the community too. They'd be like, you piece of shit, you fucking womanizing cunt piece of garbage.

Yeah, that's true. It's a bit of a double standard. Oh, big double standard. Every advantage goes to women. You think? I mean, they got to give birth, they got a period. I mean, I was being facetious, of course, but they got a few. By the way, I went to the hottest neighborhood.

I'm in Battery Park City, it's right next to the Fini. I got Goldman Sachs is there, American Express is there. Every fucking woman fitted black heel, like the kind of heels you see in a porn, but like regular, just like those black, with the pointy toe and the glisten and the heel, and they're all walking around with blouses, I mean check this fucking cane and his pants out. Yeah put that pointy toe right up my beel. You've got that straight. That thing is hot.

I love a businessy whore. Oh it's all unbuttoned blouses and slacks. It's unbelievable. I'm walking around with a baby just coming in my fucking pants. Yeah it's nice to see a lady with some cash like hey hey hey, hey, you wanna check up? You can afford some stuff. Well, leave me you. Oh yeah, so where'd you go for the big Chris Kringle? All right, I got some epic shit. By the way, I saw Kurt Metzger speaking to Chris Kringle.

I watched- He's a Jehovah's Witness. 60 seconds of this man on the floor. He's a funny, funny, uh-go. He had a bit. Evidently, there was a news story. I wouldn't mind them just doing his bits, but it's so good, you gotta hear it.

He needs the exposure. He goes, uh, yeah, he goes, I saw a news story. They found St. Nick, a tooth of St. Nicholas. Ah. Which is, I don't know what he's reading. He's just reading deep in the papers, this guy. QAnon Weekly.

He goes, uh, they found St. Nick's tooth. He goes, first of all, I didn't know what he's reading. He's just reading deep in the papers. This guy. QAnon Weekly. He goes, they found Saint Nick's tooth. He goes, first of all, I didn't know Santa was dead. Which that had me dying laughing. Very funny. How funny is that? Santa's dead. Yeah, yeah, wow. They found it in Turkey.

I'm not too comfortable with that. I'm not too comfortable with that. Now how many comics in the world, myself included, would get this premise and go, they found Santa's tooth in Turkey. That's crazy. What's that about? He says the sentence, I'm not too comfortable with that.

That's a funny person. And then he goes, Turkish Santa. He goes, that sounds like one of those sex things. He goes, I tried to give my wife a Cleveland Steamer but I pushed too hard and ended up giving her a Turkish Santa. That's great. I mean, I was howling. I've heard a couple takes on the sex position,

but Turkish Santa, I mean, that's gold. He did a couple more of those, pushed too hard, ended up being a Turkish Santa, but Turkish Santa, I'm not too comfortable with that, had me fucking on the floor, dying laughing. And then I had to go home, because I had to get my... you're in the cab being like, why didn't I watch the rest of that?

Oh, you look at a decision problem. Every decision you make, three minutes later you go, what was that about? I know, I shouldn't have done that. So I regret, well I have this- Getting married, having a kid, all that. I have this thing in my brain, that was between us. I have this thing in my brain where I feel like,

this is a comment I've found out, that there's a right thing to be doing. There's one way life should go, and you're supposed to choose the right one. Right. So when I'm watching, I watch 10 minutes of a movie, I turn it off, I start doing push-ups. I do 11 push-ups and I go, I should be meditating.

I start meditating and I'm like, let me put on Led Zeppelin. I turn on Led Zeppelin, I say, I should be listening to some new music. Right. Not healthy. You're never gonna get anything done. I got some problems. I put on Led Zeppelin. I turn on Led Zeppelin, I say, I should be listening to some new music. Right, not healthy. You're never gonna get anything done. I got some problems. I've got a few things done. That's true, you made a film.

I made two films, four specials, My Father's Gay and... Oh, you got a ballpark on this release date? Well, here's the thing, maybe you can help advise. Please. I texted my manager a few minutes ago. I'm in a quandary, and then we're gonna get into these stories, don't you worry. I'm in a quandary and then we're gonna get into these stories. Don't you worry

I'm in a quandary because I have the movie is getting a theatrical release, which is crazy and exciting I've had I created a film that's going into theaters Which is very well one day you'll be in theaters. So I got that and then I also have the special. Yeah So I got that and then I also have the special. Yeah. So I got to promote both things and there's a debate of like, can you promote two things at once, which is very unorthodox. Sure. But my thing is to do the big pods,

you can only do them once a year if you're lucky. Yeah. The big ones. So I'm saying my manager, I'm like, I should just go on pods and plug both at the same time. And he's like, that's crazy. Oh, package deal. Package deal, because otherwise I'm like, what, I'm like, I should just go on Pods and plug both at the same time. But he's like, that's crazy. Oh, package deal. Package deal, because otherwise I'm like, what am I going to do?

Put the special off until the following year? Right. It's like I can do it three months later, because you can't just go on Rogan in March and then again in May. Right. You have to protect our parks. But like, you can't. So I think March, they're both going to come out.

One in the movie and the theaters and the special on the special. I think it's great because now they can help each other. You can cross promote, you know, the movie. You go, hey, I have a great movie. Who is this guy? Oh, he's got a special, bam! There you go.

It bites the verse. That's not bad. So that's looking like March in the theater. He's coming to a theater near you. That's great, that is great. Well, now we gotta go to theaters. Let's get back to the movie theaters, folks. So, I went to

Austin for Christmas. Sarah's family's from there. Flew in a couple days early. And, Louis J. Gomez, my pal, was at the Creek Hughes in town. So he said, I'm doing my show Depraved, which was the hottest crowd.

Is that right? Of all time. That room can get good and spicy. Holy shit, it was hot. And it was a crazy show. It was that guy, Ari Manus, who's similar to, what's, there's two Ari's. Ari Matty.

Ari Matty and Ari Manus. They were both on. No, no. Oh. I get them confused. I see. Well, the name is sim. Ari Manny Ari Mattis One's a dirty immigrant the other one's a dirty Jew. Okay well Ari which one's the funny one? Mattie? They're both pretty funny, but Ari Mattie is the one with the accent

Okay, yeah, he's from like Czechoslovakia Yeah, Turkish, Santa, one of those. Well anyways he was there and Estonia Estonia. Estonia yes sounds like a Mexican... Estonia, Estonia. Estonia, yes. Sounds like a Mexican guy. Estonia. Greg Estonia. Yeah. Anyways, he was on the show.

The show was killer, hot lineup, unbelievable. Everyone was getting big pops when he came out. It was a fucking killer, killer show. Then we did Kill Tony together, Lewis and I. What a night. It was fun. That's a fun show, but sometimes it's hard to get... You're sitting there and Tony's going, Red Band's going, the comics going,

Lewis is going, and you're just like, I didn't say anything during that getting. I know, you feel like you're going to have something on everybody, but sometimes the faucet ain't on. There's a lot going on, but had a couple good lines, that was a blast, great hang as always. And then, oh jeez, I forgot to tell the whole travel part here comes the travel bring it on fuck them well so here we go the baby we have a little like indoor playground over here called the wonder over in battery Park City in invaluable in the winter with the babies you're not stuck in the house all

day still not allowed in there so we go you came by the way you came in there and jumped in the fucking ball pit It's a ball pit. I come over I go hey check it out. We go in there. It's for children under six by the way I'm under six foot and By a long shot so we walk in And I go yeah, this is the place. And I go, yeah, take your shoes off. And I jokingly am like, you want to get in the ball pit? Mark does a full front flip like fucking Mario Lopez, Greg Louganis.

Yeah, I'm gay. Just dives in the thing and lays there. And I'm like, what are you crazy? You piece of shit. You got to get us thrown out. And the people, their hair went up, their pussies got wet. I had to pull them out of there. You see a ball pit, you jump in.

That's what I was taught growing up. You crushed a child, they're dead. Wow, he was asking for it. No, it was crazy. It was one of those, Sarah was like, that's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my whole life. Oh, geez. I had no idea.

This button is in my asshole. You want to swift the swap? Nah, nah, you don't want anything in your asshole. Tell that to my wife. But anyways, so I'm over there with the baby, and he's one. This girl comes over. They're all got nannies, but the other one's got a nanny over there. And the nannies are all on their phones.

They're all sleeping on their phones. Kids are walking around. This girl walks up. She's this tall. She's got like snot glued, like just Niagara Falls down her little mustache. Yeah, and boogers glued to her lip and just doing them Like a stop bukkake just boogers and shit and chis flying everywhere and I'm looking at them like can we get a fucking tissue? So if I'm gonna grab one of you that works there goes this girl needs a tissue She can't just touch someone else's kit and I'm talking she was very sweet

But um and then the nanny finally comes over she's like what is this? What is it? I'm like oh, she needs a tissue like she's got her nose is running all over yes, so I call Sarah I'm like he's getting sick 100% now kids are gonna get sick can't do anything about it, but you can fucking come on Attempt make an effort. Yes. yes, when they have enough snot that it's on the face, coughing out loud. Yeah. Play with them at home. Yes, agreed.

So I'm like, he's fucked, he's gonna get sick, no question about it. They were, she was literally coughing in his face. Oh. Two days later, it's time to fly down for Christmas. He wakes up, sneezing, snot, snuggers, the whole thing. First real cold. Ah, the first one. First of the

power. So we're flying, we go get on the plane, we got first class which is very nice, very exciting, very grateful, and Sarah's across the aisle because we got it late, whatever, so we're not sitting together, but we're sitting across from each other, and he's in this very big time clingy dad faith He only wants me which is very very sweet and I'm touched and I love it But he comes tricky because every flight every time I have to leave he's on the leg He's on the thing he wants to be picked up so you can't brush your teeth and all the stuff. So the whole flight I go Yeah

We take off he falls asleep and this is his 19th flight. So he's got plenty of flight experience. He's been all over. He's beat your parents by a mile. Oh, it's not even close. He's been to more states than anyone in my family. Wow. Lucky kid. He got the good list.

He's got a good life, this kid. Oh, yeah. So he's never been a problem with the plane, but now he's got a head cold, sinus a thing the snot he lost his mind Wow you're the guy you're the parent with the screaming kid I was the guy I mean fucking ancient wow 30 minutes a full Seinfeld and a half, just fucking, or in a third, whatever. I mean, one in a third, he's like, ah, inconsolable. Oh my God.

Fuck yeah. Oh. And you're trying everything. I'm putting bananas in his mouth, a bottle, water, fucking, I got my toes out, my dick, everything. He's losing his shit. And first class too. I know.

You're ruining the delicate ecosystem. Oh, I got so many looks, just you pile of shit. Oh, the looks, the looks. I mean, guys in suits. It's going to Texas, it's all cowboy hats. Oh. Whatever those ties are, bolo. Bolo.

Bunch of bolo ties and people. We'll be like, I couldn't get a divorce, what do you want from me? That's not bad. But here's the thing, that could be a bit. Take it. I'm not taking it. Well, I'm not a kid.

I don't want that piece of shit, but you will by the time this comes out. This guy's taking photos of your house. No. Yeah. Well, that's a nice house. That's true. So, yeah.

Is he really? Yeah, he's like a sticky bandit over there. Nice case of a joint, huh? What color was he? I'd rather not say. Oh no. But, so he's losing his mind, just going crazy, and Sarah's like, you want me to try to take on this? He dives back on me. I mean, it was crazy.

And you have the feeling, you're like, I'm so sorry. You walked like this. Could you just land the plane? We'll jump off, forget the plane. Right, right. We made a big mistake. Leave the plane. We're going to get a plane.

We're going to get a plane. We're going to get a plane. We're going to get a plane. We're going to get a plane. We're going to get a plane. We're going to get a plane. We're going to get a plane. We're going to get a plane. We're going to get a plane. back on me I mean it was crazy and you have the feeling you're like I'm so sorry you want like this could you just land the plane we'll jump off forget the issues we made a big mistake leave us in Virginia where the fuck we are I'm so sorry and you feel for him mostly because he's suffering but you do feel like everyone's looking at you like you piece of garbage I know but I try to

remind myself everybody has noise canceling headphones now. That helps. There's 300 channels, there's everything, so what are you gonna do? And 30 minutes in a four hour flight is pretty good. That's true. Once you get through that 30, which I'm sure is hell, I can't imagine the anxiety and the tension you're feeling, but was that it?

Yeah, so 35 minutes it says. So, but anyways, he finally, I started like singing to him, I started singing the alphabet song to him, and finally he calmed down and then slept through the rest of the flight, which was good, but man, it was, it was rough. You just want to kill yourself. I mean, you just want to get off the plane and be like, I'm so sorry. I apologize. And then to take care of him.

Oh, Jesus Christ, we're flying through this fucking thing Hey folks Tuesdays is brought to you by sheath underwear It's all we wear if you if you know our show, you know that we're the most likely wearing sheath underwear at any given time We love it and you're gonna love it too. I threw out all my other ones. God damn it. This is all I do Here's the deal. There's two pouches, one for your dong, one for your sack. Your dick and balls are now separated and everything can stay warm, dry, and in the right place.

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to get 20% off your first order, plus Sheet Underwear's 100% money back guarantee. That's sheethunderwear.com, promo code twos gaze get sheath underwear support the show support your balls we have no other ads because they got upset with us well hon go to the patreon hear the whole story yes that's right it's not pretty so anyways we get to Austin we stayed at the Marriott downtown I've never had this experience so the hotel a hotel that's four years old. It's awesome.

Highly recommend. Okay. It's right on the right by in front of the river there, right across the street from the Four Seasons where we stayed with Louie that time. Ah, yeah. They were so nice to us. It was 5% full. She said there was 20 people in the entire hotel.

Big high rise, brand new hotel, five star hotel. Nobody there. It was 20 people in the entire hotel. Big high-rise, brand new hotel, five-star hotel. Nobody there. It was like a shining. Are they struggling? I think it was two days before Christmas. People are renting houses or home or visiting, whatever. They stay with their relatives. Yep. Nobody there. They gave us a little toy bath. They gave us free breakfast. It was unbelievable. Baby was sick, so we took him to the meeting room. You know, the fucking floor of the hotel. Oh yeah, the meetings. Wide open.

No, we sat, I had a big ball, I was bouncing it down the hallway. I got these great photos. I knew like, a whole floor. Wow. Just us. It was unbelievable. I mean, this should be a thing.

You could run out of a floor of a hotel for kids. It was amazing. I left a review, I was like, this is the best hotel experience of my life. Everybody was just blowing us. There was a German woman who was so hot, Lena. She was so sweet. I think we had something. Ooh, baby.

And that was awesome. So I wanted to shout them out. And Lena, German, Kayla, the waitress was awesome. Had the whole place to ourselves. They must have been happy to see you too, by the way, because they're like, thank God. I fucking guessed we were going to shut the lights off here. way, because they're like, thank God, I fucking guessed. We're gonna shut the lights off here. It was pretty good.

Now, real quick, I'm almost done. Real quick. Oh, go. Went to the bathroom up in the big meeting room. Yeah. I had to take a shit. So it's like a solo, the men's and women's was locked because there's nobody there.

But then there was one open bathroom. I could hear a guy in there. It was like the janitor, whatever you call it call it the help he comes out and he was like oh sorry whatever something like that you know and I go in and I'm gonna take a big shit and you bring the boy no cuz Sarah was there okay okay so I lift the lid and I don't know what happened somehow I did this and knocked an air pod no no I know what it is I pulled the air pod out of my pocket and Just slipped Into the toilet right after a mexicano and taking a big

Oily shit in there. Oh What do you do in that situation? Obviously he had flushed. He flushed. I mean I know what you do. The remnants are there. I did the same. I would reach in and grab it. That's what I did. I went right in there and I mean there had been shit in there. I don't know, I'll say seconds earlier. I went in and just pulled it out and dried it, put the paper towel down and just kind of did it. Like hopefully nobody finds out about this. Yeah, I've done the same thing. I went in an air pod. But it was my toilet, so it was my own shit. So it wasn't as bad. You got a caliente, buwi picante, boom boom.

The right air pod is just all Spanish now. I mean it's all Feliz Navidad and you know, Jennifer Lopez. So that was something. And then lastly, last day we had a great Christmas. Rented a house out in the hilt country. Austin's great. Love it. Lightning storm. Beautiful. Whatever. Such a fun city. Oh yeah we had a great time. So then we're flying back. We got a late night flight, a red eye kind of, not a red eye, but a 7pm from Austin. Gets in at midnight and I'm like whatever, he'll just, and he's feeling better now. Gucci sweater now. So he's feeling a little bit better, it's a late night flight for him, it's his bedtime. Are you nervous? Here we go again? Well, a little bit, but he seemed to be feeling a little bit better and it's a night flight.

So he should sleep through it. Okay. You know, ideally. So we get there, flight's at seven. We're going to get at midnight. So you're like, that's going to be late. Plus I parked at the airport for the first time in my life. Whoa, who does that?

Clark's actually pretty good movement. Now that we live where we live, it's like a hundred dollar lift ride and it's only 40 bucks a day to park I'm a little bit less actually Anyway, so I'm like alright. We're getting a midnight of course three hour delay your flights stuck in Detroit So now we're leaving at 10 p.m. Oh Getting in at 3 a.m. Ah Baby, oh like fuck and then car is parked out in Jamaica, Queens,

which is not so great of a period. So I'm like, now we're gonna get in at 3 a.m., we're gonna take the air train to the fucking thing. And 10 guys got shot in Jamaica, Queens three days ago. You see that? No. Good times. It was something about a parking space.

So then it got delayed like another hour. So then he has to just go to bed in the lounge. We're in the lounge, I had to put bed in the uh the lounge we're in the lounge I had to put a blanket down he's just sleeping in the lounge I'm wiped because I'm... this kid's got it made he wakes up at four so I sleep next to him so now me and the boy are sleeping next to each other in the lounge while people are like vacuuming it's getting ready to close close it was like Rudy the lady came up she's like we are closing the lounge yeah I was like oh jeez and I woke up like fucking Costanza yes so we had to wake him up, take him down,

get him on the plane, we fly, he slept the whole way. We land at fucking three o'clock. By the time you get your luggage, it's like 3.45. And with the baby, you gotta take him from the, sleeping on the floor of the lounge, put him in the stroller, take him down to the gate, then you gotta take him out of the gate, bring him onto the plane, then you gotta hold him on the thing, then you gotta get off, you gotta put him back on the fucking stroller, take them down to the gate, then you gotta take them out of the gate, bring them onto the plane, then you gotta hold them on the thing, then you gotta get

off, you gotta put them back on the fucking stroller, take the stroller down, pick up the luggage, now you got the luggage and the stroller and the thing, you gotta take the elevator and the air train, now you gotta take a train, a half an hour to the fucking parking lot, then you gotta bring them down, then you gotta go get the car, it's 10 degrees, it's 4 o'clock in the morning. Ugh. Drive back, take them out of the thing, put them in the car seat, drive to Battery Park City, take them out of the car seat, put them back in the stroller, bring them up to the

apartment and then I have to go park my car seven blocks away. Now I'm parking in a dirty dark garage at 5 o'clock in the morning. Holy shit. I got home finally at 5.15 a.m. Day after Christmas. Oh! Nightmare! God, this guy has no idea what you do for him.

And he doesn't even know what the fuck's going on. No. He doesn't even know we went anywhere. He passes out in one state, wakes up in another, and he's home. Exactly. So it was... Like a Cosby victim.

It was harrowing, but beautiful and wonderful. The next day, we drove up to Boston, had a great time. Jesus! The next day we drove up to Boston, had a great time. Jesus! The next day you got the fuck back out in the road. It was a wild scene, put away wet and came on greasy, whatever the saying is. Man, I am impressed. You are a go-getter.

Well here's the thing about all of it though, you just do it. You think you just do it. You become a dad and you're like, oh my God, how am I gonna do this and that? And it's gay and I'm stressful. And then you're just in it and you're like, you break it down to steps. You're like, well, right now I just gotta get on a train. When you put it all together, you're like, this is insane.

Yes, yes. How are we gonna miss? And then in the moment you're like, nah, I guess we just gotta get on a train. One step at a time, the stroller to the car seat, to the train, to the stairwell, to the car, to the yes. Just take it one day at a time like an alcoholic. But the wonderful thing is, it's like swinging three bats.

Then you have a flight. I'm going to Kansas City next week and I'm like this. That's hilarious. You take the weights off. Every flight you've ever had is nothing compared to the doing this business. That's a good point. Yeah. I like that. So you just do it and... Let me That's a good point. Yeah. I like that. So you just do it and fuck.

One way to look at it, yeah. Yeah. Well, it just will end too. Like at one point he'll die. No way. I think he'll die first. That's true. But at one point he'll be wiping his own ass

and making his own food and fucking his own mom. Yeah, I hope so. So. I'd love to watch him fuck his mother. Or something, not him. Same bad amount of sensation. Probably a black not him. Same amount of monetization. Probably a black guy. There we go.

Big one. You got that right. What'll that do? That'll do. Anyways. Yeah, I also went childless to Beantown for Christmas. Oh yeah. Did the whole Cape Cod run.

Got kinda screwed in the Yankee swap. Oh, tell me about it. Well, I don't wanna throw anybody on the bus, you know. That's your thing. It's in laws, I don't wanna rub any, rustle any feathers here, but boy, did I get fucked in the ass. What'd you have, what'd you get?

Well, that Yankee Swap is a real gamble. Believe me, my first year sober, I got like three wine bottles, that's what I ended up with. Oh, but then the guy can go, I want those wine bottles. He can take them, right? But by the time it all ended, I had the thanks. I ended up just giving my gift away. Yeah. No gift. No gift. I love the Yankee. Let's go Chris Kringle.

What's Chris Kringle? Secret Santa. Ah, that's gay too because it feels like a date. Well, at least you get a gift, I guess. Yeah, that's true. But yeah, we did it in Sarah's family. That's like, you got mom. And I'm like, now I gotta pick up your mother. That's true.

That's true. You know, his earrings. I feel like I'm gonna fuck. Yeah, that's a good point. All right, well, yeah, so that was weird, but Doug Key calls me a bold, conniving, deal-making, shasty, slippery Doug Key. I'm gonna see him this week.

I love the Key. Love the Key Master it this week. I love the key. Love the key, master. Great guy. And he goes, hey, between you and me, I bet we can make a pretty penny if we do a show in Fairhaven, Massachusetts. Okay. Have you heard of this?

Never heard of that town ever in my life. No one has. It's a big opioid shithole. It's a, there's nothing there. Not Fall River? It's next to that Fairhaven Fairhaven, right? Yeah, no kidding. It's a dot and it's just one opioid pill and that's it It's right on the water too. No shit. Yeah, it's a beach town, but uh

New New Bedford, New Bedford, New Bedford. Yeah Bedford Whalers. Yes, right next to that. Okay. Alright, so, you know, we show up and I go, let's do it. We sell it out, we show up, right when I get there I try to find the back door and sneak in the back and this guy sees me goes, fuck Norman! Headlock, booze breath, I fucking love you kid! That whole thing. And my brother-in-law was with the Amaze brother and he was like, what the fuck was that? I didn't know if I should step in I was like that's Our fan base right and he was nice. We took a photo. He's like West side all this shit

We go back to the green room. It's pretty cool. You got the brother-in-law so you get to show them showbiz Right. I mean look, I'm in a fucking hotel ballroom the day before Christmas, but it's sold out. We got people there to see you. We got food coming in. We got booze everywhere. It's fun. No, family's always blown away.

Always blown away. And I'm like, this is a drop of the bucket. This is like a rando show. Wait till you see one of the like the Beacon or the Wilbur or something. No, someone walks in and they go, can we get you anything? They're like, oh my god.

I'm like, that's just a waitress. I know, like you get him a couple beers. He's like, you sure that's all right? I'm like, get him the beer. Yeah, that's funny. Now people will be like, you sure you can get us tickets? I'm like, it's my show.

Yeah. There's tickets available. Oh yeah, we're open. So we do the show, show's great. And you get a nice check of change. Now here's the wrench and the anal. So last year I did the show as well, and we made X amount of money, and Doug was having a baby. So I go, hey Doug, I brought all the people in, I did the headlining, we made, let's just

call it, I'm gonna make up a fake number here, let's call it 10 grand. All right. And I go, you know what, Doug, you're having a baby, you keep seven grand. And he was like, what, are you sure? That's like way lopsided. And I was like, you're having a baby, take the money. I'm a friend.

And he goes, wow, this is huge, I really appreciate it, thank you. Now, cut to this year. Doug goes, thanks, great show, we appreciate it. Thank you now cut to this year. Oh Doug goes. Thanks great show we did it Same deals last year Now what do you do there cuz you don't go whoa? Geez that was cuz you had a baby now. I got a baby coming right so you're gonna You're gonna do the same deal you know throw that shit at me, so now I'm sitting here with the wife going

What do I say here? This is crazy, I'm getting wrecked. And what would you do? Well, uh... Because money's awkward. Yeah, money's awkward, especially amongst friends. It's weird. I don't know. I mean, I would probably go, oh, yeah, sounds good. Yeah, did a similar thing. Yeah.

But I did throw out like, hey, you know, I'm having a baby this year Isn't that crazy? You had a baby last year this year. I'm having a baby You know and About an hour and a half goes by so I'm like, oh I shouldn't have said anything fuck it and then he goes You know what? You're having a baby. Let's divvy it up like the last year your way. And I said, all right, that's a guy. All right. So it all worked out.

But that shit gets uncomfortable. Yeah, absolutely. Now he's a guy with a baby who didn't make quite as much as he did. Ha ha ha ha. Well, you get your baby bonus and that's it. Once you're a year in, they don't cost any money anymore. No, the damage is done.

What's interesting, at the beginning of having a baby, you actually don't need any money because everyone's just giving you everything. You got piles and piles of shit. It is a year in that everyone forgot about it. That's a good point. Yeah, next year you gotta get the deal back. That's true, because a pregnant lady,

I'm bringing her everywhere. We're getting free cookies, bumped up in line, upgrades on rental cars, upgrades on flights. But once the baby's a year old, they're gonna go, ah, there's a fucking baby here. Right, I mean, like, you get nothing but free stuff for like six weeks. And then now my baby's a year and a half old and no one gives a flying fart. Right, right. Nobody's like, hey, let me get you some diapers, randomly.

True. But the baby's born and then people are showing up with stacks of diapers. I know, it gets old. People like a new thing. People like a new movie coming out. The movie's trash but it's new. Well it's a classic thing is the people who need it the least get the most free stuff. That's what I was blown about when I started with Louis. The Rich Guy Richard. Everything is free. You want to go to the game? We got floor seats for you. Right, but he's the millionaire. And I'm like I just spent 800 bucks for nosebleeds. Right. I spent like 10 percent of my income. And you're the opener. On basketball tickets. And they're like why don't you want to sit on the floor? You want to play? It's a great point. It's a good

point. And then they're like no you're not having Charlton Heston's not flying in the coach. Right. How about Charlton Heston? I don't know why. He's good. Famous. Interesting. Louie used to live on Charlton Street. That's right. That's why. Whoa! That's lunch. I like that. Did he moved?

He moved, yeah. I like that house. That was nice. It was a little narrow. A little narrow. The problem with these, I'm like, I'm in the one right now. It's the problem with these like townhouses. They're so, well yours is much wider than his we got a wide one wide cock

Let me run this one by there fatty and I know we got to start winding down here, but we got time Okay, I have plenty of time. So we do the Boston we do the Christmas. It's great These these two nephews of mine they come to Christmas. They really add an energy so I Did some gig and they sent me a swag bag. And in the swag bag was a thing called Fire Water. You heard of this? Fire Water.

I know that's what Native Americans call alcohol. Yeah, well I think it's a play on that, but it's a, no, it's called Pirate Water. Oh, Pirate Water. I've never heard of it. It's a new booze, it's out there, it's like an energy drink, boozy, watery watery Pirate II bullshit and I didn't love it, but it comes in a cool pirate's chest Oh, I'm talking wood metal with a lock on it like the real deal. So I go

The net the boys the nephews they're like four and two they love pirate shit. Sure, and I go They would love this and the wife goes, we gotta bring it to Christmas. They'll go crazy. And so I go, it's gonna be a bitch to fly with this thing though. This is a metal chest, like heavy, thick metal with wood on it. And she's like, yeah, it's gonna suck, but I'll do it.

I'll do it. I'm going there before you. I'll do it. I go, all right. So your pregnant wife is carrying the trend. Well, two days later, she flew out before me. Two days later, she goes, I tried to get the jacked into it. And I go, all right. So your pregnant wife is carrying the trend. Well, two days later, she flew out before me. Two days later, she goes, I tried to get the jack into it. And I go, I got it.

So I go, but make sure the kids will like it. Text your sister and make sure they want a gist. Don't give it away, but make sure they'll want some pirate shit. And she goes, oh my god, you have a gist. You're going to flip. You've got to bring it. I know it's going to be a hassle, but it'll be worth it.

I go, all right. So I get this puppy under the arm. I'm heading out to JFK, I'm in the Uber. I'm going through security. This thing's flopping open, it's heavy as shit. I drop it four times, it hits my foot. I get it through the beep, beep, beep, beep. Oh, we gotta run it back.

You can't fly with this, what are you crazy? And I go, it'll fit, it's fully metal, it hits my foot, I get it through the beep beep beep beep, oh we gotta run it back, you can't fly with this, what are you crazy? And I go it'll fit, it's fully metal, it's crazy, and I go it'll work, it'll work. So I get through security finally, get it on the plane, doesn't fit in the overhead. Eight people are waiting behind me, I'll get it, I'm tweaking, I'm twacking, it's pirate cargo. So they go we got to check it So I gotta go back out check the fucking thing. I get it off the conveyor belt It's all flipped over and broken into those damn pirates got it to it. And then I get it out there Get it under the tree and I go, you know what? These kids they like they're like us

Sour patch. I'll fill it with Sour Patch. Like a treasure. So I fill it with Sour Patch and I go, this is gonna be a lock! Christmas morning, I got my eyes pinpointed around that chest because if they find that thing,

it's gonna be mayhem! Better to give than to receive. Yes. And it was, the whole journey, it all made it worth it. Here we go. They looked at that thing and said, who brought this piece of shit? They kicked it in the fireplace and never talked about again. Now let me ask you, I don't understand, so is there alcohol in there? You took the alcohol out. I took the alcohol out, I drank it all and took the trip. So it's an empty chest and you filled it with Sour Patch and they just didn't hit? No! They go, what's this? I go, that's a real pirate's chest. They go, well how'd you get it?

I go, oh, it was left in our basement for thousands of years and I go, so why's it filled with candy? And I go, wow, the pirates, they had a suite to it. So they went, fuck you. candy. And I go, wow, the pirates, they had a sweet tooth. And they went, fuck you. Wow. Now what was the big gift? What did they like more than that? Was it like some kind of... That was the gift. No, but I'm saying, they must have been drawn to something else. Well, they had all kinds of other toys around. Loot clues or Paw Patrol.

There was some trucks and some sword fighting and a gun, you know, there was other stuff. But, oh, you can get a bike. Wow, well, once you have a bike, you don't need a treasure chest. I know, but I thought the whimsy would carry it. I thought it was all fun and games. Now, let me ask you this, can you take it back? Cause it would be a nice little piece

on the windowsill. I hear about that. I would, but I can't fly with that thing again. It was too pain in the ass. You could fill it with condoms or M&Ms. Yeah, porn, that'd be cool. Fireworks. That's not bad.

Well, you gave it an effort. Well, this is the other problem with children in general. They don't give a fuck about gifts. Like, the majority of gifts, I remember when I was a kid, you'd get like the Star Wars toy or whatever you wanted, and then just a bunch of mission guys that you're like, I don't about this. I know it sucks it's bullshit but I thought if they like pirates this would be a hit. Right that's the thing it's tough to please these these little whippersnappers. I see people like you watch gifts get given in my family oh there's so many kids in

my family and then you're like no doesn't want that yeah I know it's like a book I'm like no what are you crazy? Or like those bubble heads, what are the fuck they're called? It's a pop it? No, the pop it. Pop it, you know those things? Oh, that thing?

Yeah, that bullshit. Oh yeah, no one wants that. Pop, is that James Madden on the right? That's you and me. What? They made one for us. Bring that over here. When did I? Watch out, I got some sunglasses on there.

That's me? That's us. Some fan made that. It's got our name on it. It's awesome. Pretty cool. Everybody loves Pop Art. Yeah, Pop Art's the best. This is a two pack. Why did I never see that? Did I see this? I sent you a photo of it when the guy gave it to me. I had to lug that puppy on the airplane too. Wow, it's very cool. The beard just looks so thick. There's only so much I can do with those heads. There's a big space there.

Oh, yeah. You look at how much. Got the red shoes. Wow, this is really special. I love pop. Put it right here on the people seats. Funko Pops. Funko Pops.

Funko Pops, pop all right there you go appreciate it whoever brought days a sweet guy LA yeah that is awesome that looks just like me oh yeah me too big time yep yeah they nailed it all right now I got one more wacko to throw a oh please I love a back up that was a sad story this is more of a mystery. I love mystery. Mystery is one of my favorite things. Yes. So I'm in New York on Broadway. On Broadway. Broadway, Manhattan. Yeah. Congestion. I'm walking with Sam Morrill. We were hanging out. We're walking down the street. A guy's coming toward us. You know you can tell a guy's clocking you

Oh, yeah, you know you're like, oh this guy's gonna come up to us. So he's a normal-looking dude fleece glasses haircut Walks right up to us. He looks kind of like Drew Carey when he walks up he goes. Oh my god I'm a huge fan and you guys are out here together. This is crazy. And he seemed a little off He had a weird lean going who's like you guys you kind of you're crazy. I love you. I listen every week He's doing like that. So now we're like, oh we better take a photo. We gotta be nice this guy's disabled So he's going on and on and he goes I'm from South Dakota and I go. Oh, what are you doing in town?

He goes, what am I doing in town? I'm from South Dakota. And I go, oh, what are you doing in town? He goes, what am I doing in town? I'm at the garden tonight. And I go, oh, who are you? And he goes, ha ha, you don't know who I am. Which is awkward, you gotta be like, no, I actually don't. But he goes, I'm in fish. And I go, oh, fish, fish, of course. Fish knows you?

Well, hold on, so apparently, so I'm like, oh, you're in fish. I've never actually seen you. I've only listened. Yeah, I pulled that bullshit. This is amazing. And I go, wow, you're doing the Gargoyles. We're doing it all week.

Yeah. They do these huge shows, these fish fucks. Yeah, yeah. And I go, oh, man, I've never listened to an inch of music, a peep, a whisper. But I go, I'm a huge fan, I'd love to get tickets. And he goes, what about tonight? And I go, well, I got shows tonight, but I'm off tomorrow. You play tomorrow?

He goes, of course we're playing, we're playing all week. And I go, let's get tickets. Sam goes, I want tickets too. And he goes, take my number. So Sam gets the phone out, taking the number, we take eight photos with the guy. And I go, what's your name? He goes, Mike.

And I go, all right, Mike, good to meet you fatty. Alright, high five, okay. He waddles off with his deformed, retarded body. And then we go, how crazy was that? We met a guy in fish. Oh, I'm embarrassed, I didn't know who he was. I'm an idiot, his name is Mike. And I'm like, you gotta text that guy, I want those tickets.

So Sam's like, I'm on it. I get on the train, I gotta text him, Sam. What was his name again? I go those tickets. So Sam's like, I'm on it. I get on the train, I get a text from Sam. What was his name again? I go, Mike. He goes, all right, there's a guy in fish named Mike Gordon. Maybe give this a goop. OK, MG. And I go, OK, great.

That checks out. And he goes, does he look like the guy in fish? And it was one of those things where he looked kind of similar, but not really at all. But your brain is kind of trying to make the connection. Right, of course. Maybe it is. Is that a guy? Information bias.

There you go, CB. So I go, ehhhh, it's gotta be him. I mean, he gave me a number, he's playing the garden. His name's Mike. Is it Gordon? Yeah, he's leading. Yeah, that was him. Oh, he's leading right.

Like our audience. But he had glasses and he was fatter than that guy Yeah, so I was like huh, so I we text for no ya who's a boy. Yes. He's crazy Yeah, he's all fish all the time. He's a fish eater. What do they call him a fish head fish So I Fish head, fish tail, yeah. Bryce, the better band. Yeah. So, I go, I don't give a fuck, this guy, he acted like he knew what he was talking about, so I bet he's in the band. He might be like a player that just flies in in the background. Right, right, yeah. Additional musician.

There you go. It is Bill Hagen. Yes, the cutting crew. So I go, alright, well, hit him up. And Sam goes, I I'll hit him up. I'm not hitting him up. I don't want this fucking weirdo out of my number. And I go, that's a good point. You have reps.

Oh yeah. I forgot about the reps. You got a rep. Damn it, the reps. It's not a good rep. Reposado. Fuck. Where's Repo?

So I go, ah shit, I guess you're right. And I brought up the Fiori and I showed him the guy and he's like, or I showed him the, I told him the story, he was like, yeah, that's bullshit. But what kind of strange lie is that? So you never got the tickets? No. He must be on the crew or it's the guy. But he never...

Did you look through all his photos? Because people look different at different times. I looked through a lot of photos. He looked like Drew Carey, this guy. Hmm. And that guy does not. What? Fish? If you know what day it was, we can look up pictures from that show.

It was the day before New Year's Eve. So he was 30. New Year's Eve, Eve. Yes. Fish? 30th. Band members. I want to go to images.

Well, we know Trey Anastasiou. Yeah, wasn't that guy? That guy can't walk the streets. Mike Gordon. That's what I figured. Yeah, that ain't him. That's not him? That guy looks like Christopher Multisanti. No, no, definitely not. That guy's handsome. Okay. Yeah, so I think we got, got wrecked bamboo boy they've never had any other members ever page Gordon John it's about some of these bands that been together this long they have 50 members is a mark is a mark in the band he said Mike all right there's no mark here his mark mar see something call in sir if Mark here. He says Mark, M-A-R-C something. Oh, I don't see that. Call in, sir, if you're hearing this, please.

Who was this man? I'm so clueless. And he didn't say I'm in the band, he said I'm in the band or I'm with the band? Did he say in or with? I think he said in. Oh, they're kind of similar. I guess Ringo wouldn't say I'm with the Beatles.

He'd say I'm in the Beatles. I'm with Ringo wouldn't say I'm with the Beatles. He'd say I'm in the Beatles. I'm with the Beatles. Yeah. I'm in the Beatles. Ah. With child. Strange. If I saw the guy I would recognize him too. But yeah, ah, right? Was he fat?

He was chunky. He was like Chuck. He was a chunky return. Yeah, like Chuck. But he had glasses and he had short pointy hair. And he said he was from South Dakota. Huh, let me tell you, I don't know, let's get to the bottom of this. He's from South Dakota? Yeah. South Dakota fish.

And he had tons of confidence, like, oh, we're playing, you gotta... Like, he was shocked, I didn't know who he was. Maybe he was fucking with you. He might have been the band is from Vermont. Yeah But maybe they have extra guys. I don't know they played the garden. It's a big space You can't have three guys up there. I looked it up It says there are no known members of American Rock Band Fish from South Dakota. Oh Well, I guess we got right. I don't know. Tricked. Who was this guy from South Dakota? He got us good, Jerry.

He got us. We were blowing and we go Ah, we love fish! Ah! You've been at Jerry's ice cream after you've been to so many nights and change your setup every time. Fish crew. Wait, oh, here we go. Fish.net, his people.

Okay. Alright. All right Crew. Oh, that's a big list. Well, it's alphabetical Mark Bruno Bradley song characters Special guests Mike Bruce Springsteen It says Mike is from Massachusetts He said South Dakota. J.K.L.

He's just coming from South Dakota. Micah. Micah Dienerville. Michael Corleado. Michael King. Michael Leonhart. Michael Ray. Michael Williams.

Okay. Let's look some of these guys up. Mike Bubb. Mike Gallick. But why would a crew guy act like you should know what he looks like though? No, this is guests. Guest musicians. Oh. Special. These are special guests. I see. So they might have a special guest.

All right, look out we got a couple minutes right Chuck. Google Mike. Google. You got a lot of Mikes here. Mike Bub. He sounds like a Bub. He looked like a Bub. Mike B-U-B. Yeah. Come on here we go. Instagram or YouTube. It's gonna go nuts with this. I hope so because he fucking Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's not him. Where's he from? I don't know. That guy's from South Dakota. We found him. I'm blowing it. He had glasses though. He's a bluegrass musician so South Dakota could be... Did he say he's retarded? Cause he was off. Could be Mike Gallick. Tennessee. Raised in Arizona.

No, no. Uh oh. Uh oh. Dude! I might have just found him. How do you know? Cause the shows where he's played He played on those shows this guy right here Mike hold on. Oh my lord. You're a sleuth, baby Mike Malik Gallic Gallic Irish G a LLICK Mike's here he was on Christmas Eve New Year's Eve?

Oh, fuck. Wait, MSG. 1230, Garden of Love. Okay, okay. Whoa. I might want him. G-A-L-L-I-C-K. Oh, you're a dead band galley. A bug, Mike Gallick.

Ah, Vince is it. I'm gonna blow you. This is gonna be something I'm searching for him, but images aren't really coming up. Yeah, he was gonna get South Dakota. Let me get I got this All right. I love it. I look for South Dakota, too Really pull a fast one on us. Yeah Images. Yep. Got up on the wrong side of the bed for us Yeah, he went to South is it says Mike Gallick on Facebook went to Baltic High, South Dakota. Oh! I don't know if that's the right Mike Gallick though.

There's no pictures of him or anything. This is him, Mike Gallick. Come on, show us your Mike Gallick. Or non-commercial project fish. I don't think it's him, I think it's a featuring Mike Gallick. I don't... For non-commercial project Fish. I don't think it's him. I think it's a different Mike Gallick. I'm not getting any pictures. What are you crazy?

I mean, we got South Dakota, we got plays with Fish. On that weekend. All right, let's see. Julia Gallick. Oh, fuck. Thought he was gay. Ate Mike Gallick profiles. Fish Dakota not in there.

Yeah, that's the thing. It's like we're finding Mike Gallick profiles. Fish Dakota not in there. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like we're finding Mike Gallick's from South Dakota. Oh, so you looked up Mike Gallick, South Dakota. Yeah. Oh. Well, I already looked up Mike Gallick Fish and there's no pictures of him. So I don't know how to indicate.

He was on that list. Yeah. Oh, he's played with them. We just can't find pictures of him. Well, we might have something here. MSG. All the Google images under his name are of the other band members, or all the band together.

Yeah, I'm getting that too. Interesting. How would that be? Maybe he's just done being photographed. Well, let me put it in. Sounds like he shouldn't be photographed. Yeah, he wasn't especially handsome. Aw, fuck, I thought I did it.

I know, me too. I'm so excited. Well, I don't know if this is good or bad, Pod. Well, why don't you, I mean, couldn't you just get the number from Sam and kind of figure this out? That's true. Oh, Mike Gallick on baritone sax. He looked sexy. He could be a sax guy. Sax with evidence. Why is there not an image of this man? Yeah.

Mike Gallick,ophone there you go sax on the beach saxophone premarital sex oh that's his obituary serious that'd be him no that's not him. Damn. That's Ringo, ironically. Oh wow. And Colin Hay. Love Colin Hay. Fuck. How awesome were the mid-90s? Pretty good. I liked them. Very good, actually. All right. All right. Well, well we blew it. You guys out there do your work. Get your fat fingers to the grindstone and see what you can jizz up. Alright. Well, we all have stories.

How long have we been going here? Should we wrap this fucking thing up? 103. Oh, okay. 103.3 oldies. 103.3. Three is the magic number. What time does this come out?

What day is it? What month is it? January 20th. January 20th. Good. So my baby will be ripping right through that vaginal wall. Or he'll be around and you just missed the birth. Or that, preferably that.

I'll be there, I wouldn't mind seeing that other pussy. Yeah, go ahead. Where the hell am I? Rooster Tea Feathers, this weekend back. They just reopened and I always loved that club. They're always really good to me. So I'll be there this weekend and then the weekend after that Houston secret group Andrew Youngblood January 31st Nick DePaul's birthday February 1st somebody's birthday who's opening the Houston? Thanks there

we're gonna have a situation fun and Then February 7th Montreal we sold out the first show, second show added. That might be sold out by now. I don't know. And then Tempe improved. Oh, love it. Buy tickets early, by the way. Last time, I almost killed myself.

We were at like 11 tickets and ended up all selling out. Remember, I was freaking out. I called everybody. I was like, this is crazy. I'm calling favors. Yeah, Tempe, I literally, they buy last minute. I shut up, and they're like this. Every show is sold out.

Are you crazy? That's a great thing. So buy them ahead of time so I don't have a fucking heart attack yeah and yeah Tempe Arizona Minneapolis coming up Boston Wilber theater go to punch up live.com I got a new special coming in March the movie Tom Dustin Booker with medium is coming and our patreon we just did another video yeah watch that thing we just trash undercooked if you like people doing Asian voices to Asian people's faces, get on there. And then the thing came out too of us riffing on stage, right? That's out. People raved

out to me. Oh great. I got several people being like this is by far the best thing you guys have ever done. Whoa! The dojo! That was all you, Fetty. Dojo... Dojo List. There it is. So never been a better time to go to the Patreon. It's blowing up. Number's a total roof. Hell yeah. A lot of good stuff. Raise the roof. Roofie. And I got a couple dates, you know, I'm out of commission with the the Big Kahuna coming out there. So check me out at the Ryman Theater in Nashville. So I'm gonna go from 0 to 60 back at the Ryman. Hopefully that show doesn't suck. That's in April. Well that show's gonna be rockin'.

I hope so. I just gotta stay fresh. I think what I'm gonna do is not do the road, but I'll do like a night at the Grove. And I'll do a night at the Fat Black. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing to it. Just keep it in the neighborhood. It's the best, yeah. Uh, so then I'm at Asheville. We're making up a date because of that cunt, Helene. We had a little bit to skip that.

And then I'm doing a couple casinos peppered in just to make a few bucks. Yeah, you got to do it. Reno, I'm talking to you. So yeah, markdomancom.com. We're both on Punch Up. Get on the Patreon. Get a shirt. Get a Chipotle gift card.

Say hello. We'll see you at hell. Thanks for the baby gifts. Chuckie baby. Check out my podcast, Fun Bear. Get a shirt get a chipotle gift card say hello. We'll see what hell. Thanks for the baby gifts Chuckie, baby I check on my podcast fun bearable with comedian Ray Harrington and improv guy Brad Rohr We have a lot of fun fun bearable pod.com For the show get on there fun bearable a dot a car

Like comments drive all that good stuff. Thank you for being with us for many, many years. We will miss you. We will miss you very much.