Tuesdays with Stories! - 635 Double O Semen

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Mark's family comes to town for two weeks! Joe has his traditional pizza Thanksgiving - and hits the jackpot! Mark pods with the King of Comedy! Joe raises money for the old firehouse! It's Tuesdays! Our Stuff: - http://www.patreon.com/tuesdays   - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories   - Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold w/ code TUESDAYS @ http://BlueChew.com/ - Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/TUESDAYS & use code TUESDAYS & get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! - Exclusive $35-off Carver Mat Frames at https://on.auraframes.com/TUESDAYS Promo Code TUESDAYS - Get a Welcome Kit, a Morning Person hat, a bottle of Vitamin D3 + K2, an AG1 Flavor Sampler, & you'll get to try AG1's new sleep supplement, AGZ, for free at http://DrinkAG1.com/TUESDAYS

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great. Good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories. Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And then the duck fell out of his bag. Surf's up.

And she didn't even flush. Knock, knock. Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe List. Yeah. This Tuesdays with Stories, everybody. No, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

Radio is spitting at me 9090 We're all on no sleep We're all gay But we're here The sun is shining Your pants are clean We're doing it

I'm not so sure about that Oh yeah shit You got the milk No clean pants I got the milk Eggs fabric softener Remember Home alone

All of a sudden I've talked about this before Many times I feel bad But it's like They got to the last day of filming And they were like Shit we forgot

You're supposed to have A Chicago accent Can you throw that in And McCauley goes, I got to eggs, milk, fabric softener. It's crazy. Wow. Yeah. I just saw a clip of him talking about his children, love home alone, but they don't know it's him.

How about that? Is that crazy? He looks all wacky now from the heroin and the gay sex. Yeah. He's hard to resemble. Yeah, he's got like meth mouth. So they're just watching it going, this kid's a riot. And even if he was like, that's me.

They'd be like, what are you talking about? Yeah, shut up, Dad. You wish it was you. And now it makes me wish I did anything in my life where I was young. Well, yeah, that's true But it's not too late You could be in Pixar 7 or whatever And your kid's gonna go

Da-da You're playing a piggy bank or something? Yeah, because he doesn't know Yeah, yeah, he wouldn't realize yet But he's already into this Pixar business Good, Pixar's quality Toy Story 3, I've talked about it By the way, I just got

Tarantino was like called it the second best movie of the century So I feel less like a homosexual For yelling about it You see him going off on Paul Dano Yeah, it's the talk of the test. My whole feed is all him trashing Dano. Dano's solid.

Dano's good. There's some movies where Dano feels silly to me, but not there will be blood. I think he's like amazing in that movie. Also, he would play you at a movie. Oh, yeah. A little scruff, put the glasses on them, maybe shave some chin. We're in. That's a funny deal, Brennan joke.

Or he goes, you ever someone tell you they get plastic surgery and you call it out before they tell you? You know, she'll be like, oh, I got a little work done. And he's like, the chin. He's like, no, my eyes. I got LASIC or whatever. And he's like, ah. Oh, that's funny. Something like that.

I don't know. Should I, maybe I shouldn't give away his bit. Why, is it on a special? No, it's not. Oh. Oh, I see. I think it's fine. I think it's fine.

That's funny. Leave that in. That's good stuff. He's got some, I had to follow him the other night. I was like, man, he is writing. This is Neil? Neil? Yeah, killing.

I got a right. I got some hot stuff and it's cooking. You know this feeling? I think I might have said this last week, too. You know when you've got your bits and they're killing and you got your hot hour and you're feeling good. Yeah. But you know, you're like, I could do more work on these. Of course, of course.

There's more to be done here. I got it just enough to like... You're getting by. You're killing. It's a good show, but you're like, I could definitely... You have that sort of rhythm in your head that you're like, there should be another beat here. There should be a line here. Yep, yep.

This should wrap up with that. Yeah, the button could be stronger or the same. setup could be a little funnier. Yeah, because you know... Whoa. What the hell is this lady doing? She's in the trash. She's got a bag.

She's going to put a trash bag in. It looks like... What the hell? She looks regular, too. She doesn't look crazy. It's a scarcer. Oh, she's just put her scarf on. She's a white lady.

Just scarfing. Oh, okay. Put the phone down to put the scarf on. And now she's out. Woo. What was it? What were we talking? I don't know.

Okay. Bits. Bits. You know, you know the bit thing. something. You're missing something from it. You're missing something. You're trying to do that. Because you know your alleys. You know how good you can be. So when something's

not up to snuff, you go, eh, this needs some fine tuning. Because you listen to, you ever listen to an old bit? And you go, how the hell do I write that? All the time. It's because you fucking had your head in a book. You were hungry. You were starving. You were poor. You were fat. You were ugly. You made it work. Well, now

I'm so tired and so busy. And I got the new manager, so I got to just shovel all the stuff over there. Because it's like, I'm reading this script. I'm editing this movie. We're doing this podcast. I sleep about six minutes a night.

I keep having crazy sex dreams, by the way. I get that too. Like fucking, like, vile, hardcore sex dreams. And then I'm worried. I'm like, am I saying anything in the dream? Am I like, fucking, yeah, smash me. Right. Blank comedian.

Oh, boy. You know? Judy Gold. Yeah, I'm like, and then you got to lie about the dream, of course. Sure, sure. Was I screaming in my sleep? Because I had a dream about you. Yeah.

And that's nerve-wracking. Oh, yeah. Well, my friend, you know, you think you're a horny guy. My friend just enrolled in S.A. Oh. Sex Attic Anonymous or whatever. Uh-huh. And he said it was...

SLA. S-L-A? S-L-A? Sex love addiction. under the umbrella. I see. Sex, love, addiction. So he's the S.

He's the S. But there's L's, too. Ah. The L is the people that are, I think, they're like, I'm in love with this woman. I'm in love with that woman. Oh, yeah. I don't know with that.

Okay, okay. So I think there's, it's all umbrella. It's all pipes. Okay. Elle is nice. The lovey guy's kind of nice. Well, it depends what kind of L you are. If you're addicted to L.

Addicted to L. Robert Palmer's song. Exactly. The lights of you. So on, but you're not home. Scoop do. Scoop do. Scoop a do.

I'm on the phone. Anyway, so he's in SLA. He's in SLA. And he said he got in there and he was like, I'm home. These are my people. He's listening to the stories. I get the rub and tug twice a day. And then I go to, what's that street in Queens?

There's a big hooker street in Queens. I think it's called Roosevelt Alley or Roosevelt Island or Roosevelt. Theodore? Yeah. I've lived in Queens for 30 years. You couldn't have told me about the alley back then? I just learned about the alley. Give it a goog there, Chew-Coo.

I'm sure it'll come right up on your piece of shit. I'm also saying that, like, I can't just go to Queens. That's like 20 minutes away. They all wait outside and the outfits and those heels and the hoard up. That still happens? Do they have the shawl, that thing? Like the macho man, Stephen Tyler thing? No shawl, no burka.

I'm talking miniskirt and panties. Not shawl, but it's like a puffy scum. A boa. Aboa. Constrictor. You know things. I know my horse. Yeah.

All right. You ready? Yeah, I'm ready. Of course. Just send me the map. Yeah. Street in Corona Queens has turned into the city's boldest open air market for sex. What?

What year is this? Is this current or is a city? This is two years ago. Okay. Oh, boy. Hold up a picture of the paper. One so popular with perves that it's advertised on YouTube. Perves.

Herbs. That's sex shaving. Oh, good point. That's upsetting. Good point. Kink shame. On a recent weekday and broad daylight, scores of scantily clad streetwalkers, brazenly solicited passerbyes, including a New York Post reporter as sidewalks teamed

with kids and legitimate shoppers and merchants. We got to go out there. We'll do a bonus. They got kids there too. All right. We do a bonus. We put on, you know, suits and maybe we have like cash. Oh, yeah.

Coming out of the pocket. And we go down there and with boners and go, hey, we could shoot this. This could be big. This is big. We'll see who gets. more solicitation. Yeah, that's interesting because, you know, you're a hot fella, but I look like a prostitute guy.

Oh, John. Yes. Joe. Interesting. Nice to meet you. Yeah, well, it's mostly Asian and Latina. I don't know how you feel about that. Shee, motherfucker.

No, wait, how does Latina go? Oh, what the Latinos do? I'll cut you, motherfucker. No, that's still kind of blackish. What is that? Salina, I don't know. Live in Lovita Loka. Remember that Gerolo joke, worst president ever?

You know that joke? Keep it coming. He called George W. Bush, the worst president ever? He's like, I mean, he's bad. A worst president ever? What about the president of the Selena fan club? That is good stuff. She killed the lady.

Yeah. That's good stuff. Boy, he was a real talent, that Colombian man. And now of almost his age, his death age. Yikes. It's great. I think he was 44 when he died. And he died outside the stress factory.

Absolutely. And after you perform there, you get it. Yeah, yeah. Vinny went long. What? My video impression. Any fart, what are we talking about? Oh, hookers and, oh, so your friends in SLA.

That's great. Good for him. Yeah, yeah, because it was ruining his life. He said he was, you know, going nuts on the internet. He found a hot Asian broad for 50. It was like 200 bucks. She'll come to your house and bang. He's like, this deal.

Ding dong, that was her name. The door opens, and it's like a 55-year-old fat lady. And he's like, what the hell is this? She just barges in, and she's like, how do you want to do this? And he's like, oh, I'm good. She's like, I'm already here. You have to do something. So he goes, what's the cheapest thing I can get?

And she goes, you can rub one out while looking at me. That'll be 500. And he goes, what happened at 300 for the banging? She goes, that's a joke. It's a goof. Oof. So he had to jerk off looking at her and pay $500. He's like, I got to make some changes.

Yeah, I would say. I mean, that lady, what a bang up job she's doing. I mean, that's a person that's really going after it, making the extra cash. She must have sold Girl Scouts as a kid because she's quite a salesman. Yeah, that's pretty good. And give me your number from this person because I wouldn't mind jerking off looking out of fatso. Well, I can get Rupert here in a minute. Well, how long do you think it would take you?

You got to masturbate eyes open when they put the clockwork orange clamps on you. Oh, yeah. And Rupert's there. How long is it going to take you to come? Well, can I look just at his tits? Because that would help. Yeah, that's not bad. You could laser focus or you let your eyes go across like those magic eye.

And then you kind of layer your own thoughts on top of him. Sure, sure. Yeah, I like that. Because I think I could do it because I used to be able to jerk off while watching a men's tennis match or a hockey game. Because I can still visualize my sister or something. Sure, sure. And also, I used to rub one out with the buddies. Yeah, you're one of those guys.

Yeah, it was very communal. We passed the lube around. Sometimes you even reach a handover, see what's what? No, I never was into that scene. We're all going to jerk off together scene. It was very bonding. Yeah, I don't need bond. I hate Bond.

Just talking Bond? James Bond. Double O. Seaman. There's your title. Oh, Semen. That's good stuff. This is a good show. This is a hell of a program we got here.

I pick this up. Sure, I have no stories. anymore, but that's okay. Well, let's talk about turkey. I got a couple things, but it's mostly like, oh, isn't that fun? But yeah, talk turkey because last I saw you, I think it was the two days before Thanksgiving. Which, you had the whole family flying air. They were already here.

My parents came up for 12 days, which is a bit excessive. That's insane. It's a lot. But I think they're old and they're frail, so they're like, if we're coming, we're coming. Yeah, it's like us if we go to the Far East. Yes, yes. You're like, I'm not doing the 27-hour flight for a couple minutes. Exactly.

So they got to just live here. Yeah, yeah, they lived here. And they don't leave, Jerry. We got New York City, but they're like, we're going to read, we're going to plant here, we're going to watch the news, we're going to do a crossword, and my mom is going to make food. They just sit. But also, they got the baby every morning.

That's amazing. So that was huge. But, yeah, good people, great time. And I'm glad they're here. They're going to, who knows how long they'll be on the earth. And so you want to make the most of it. And they get to see the grand kid and play with him and get to know him. And I got a lot of photos.

That's great. And my brother's kids are 7 and 13. Wow. So, over 20. There you go. I heard 6-7 about 9,000 times. Oh, yeah. That was big.

But, of course, when they show up, the bathroom breaks, the shower breaks, right the day before they get here. Oh, breaks. Yeah, they just didn't work. the head. I thought you were referencing the shower breaks. Like they take a lot of breaks to go shower. And I was like, well, they fucking, how would you use? Yeah, it just went kaput. The heater stopped working. I mean, it was just perfect timing. And, but my brother slept in my room with his kids. We did the Rockettes. Oh, how is that? It's, I didn't go. I got them all free tickets. And then I said, I'll watch the baby because the baby can't go. So I got out of it. But I got him at the Rockcats. My dad was in love. The wife loved it. They're the kids. They live in Wisconsin. So they're like, 30 Rock.

What is this? Ice skating, the Christmas tree. You know, and Tonight Show, NBC. It's incredible. How long has the Rockettes been going? That's got to be 75 years that fucking show. I think it's 100 on the dot. Is that right?

2019-25. Wow. And I've heard it's very touristy, not worth it gay. Oh, May is a hard nut to jizz on. And she was like, that was impressive. She loved the Rockettes. She was blown away. It's a visual feast for the anal.

I mean, it's just so many kicks and ladies and music, and it's very Christian. A lot of, like, nativity scene and fuck the man and the Jews are gross. I've never seen Bay and Press with anything. It's not easy. Never seen her go, that was awesome. You should see the bedroom. It is wild.

Oh, in the bedroom. Yeah. Oh, I see. I'd love to. I've been asking you for weeks. I'll send you a link, but it is lackluster. Please. Okay.

But she thought it was great, and she was. doing that thing. We're like on the way there. She's like, I don't even want to go to this. What are we doing? You get to go home. I want to go home. And I'm like, shut up. You're going to love it. And I hit her. And she had a great time. Wow. So she went with your family. Yeah. Well, somebody had a babysit. That's quite a move you pulled there. Quite a slippery twist I nailed. We did the carousel. We did ice cream. We did hot chocolate. We did Dumbo, the waterfront. Boy, we really, we went to the Winter Wonderland in Bryant Park. I mean, I really shoved some holiday spirit up there, coach. So it sounds like they did leave.

though, ultimately. You just had to force them. Huh? This is the parents? Oh, yeah. The parents left Ted A. No, no, but like they did leave the house if you made them, if you made a plan. Oh, yeah, we had a plan. Okay, so it sounds like they lived right up that hill, Jerry. Yeah, two days of living. That's about it. Okay.

But, yeah, it was a lot. Unbelievable. I cannot imagine hosting my family for 12 days. Yeah, the kids were only here for three, so that helped. Okay. But they don't watch TV. My brother has no TV in their home. So they were glued to how to train a day. dragon queen.

Oh. And they would not stop and you'd take the remote away and they're like, they'd bite your fingers. Wait, so he lets them watch it here. Yeah, I think here he's like, oh, he's also a vegan at home. And then here they were eating turkey, eggs, ass, all kinds of stuff. And then the TV. So now they're eating ice cream with a TV.

It's like they relapsed. That's so interesting because I would think he would keep the discipline going here. We're on vacation. Because he's going to be, they're going to, the moment they turn 18. and they're going to be like, peace out, I'm going to Uncle Marks. That's what I said, and I'm going to change the locks. But they really go all in. They go ham when they can.

Wow, good for them. I guess so, but they're going to go back home and Twitch and have withdrawals. But maybe they'll be good. Maybe this is perfect. Maybe. Because if they kept going, they'd be a fat asshole like Rupert or whoever else. Sure, sure. But.

But, you know, this is going to keep some discipline. They're going to taste for it. Taste. And then I think when they're older now, they'll go, we want to keep living the pure life because we felt like shit after we had all the shit. Maybe, maybe. But they, I could not get away from that TV. But hey, fucking let them live, I say. Absolutely.

So yeah, great time, exhausting, fun, cool. The baby's loving it. The baby and the girls are playing. It's a beautiful thing. That's sweet. And that Thanksgiving. My mom killed it. Did the turkey.

did the fixings and then did a turkey gumbo the next day. Apron? Oh, yeah. Big ape. Big ape. Easy. How about you? What did you guys?

You guys do a pizza and a Pepsi? We had some pizza. We had a turkey business. So we drove up Wednesday, which was scary because usually you try to go up Tuesday. But all the days, it all moves up now. Because you get 20 years ago and don't travel the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It's the ultimate travel. nightmare fuck your mother in the face.

Especially New England. That corridor. Sandy Hook. It's literally the worst. I mean, quite literally. The worst traffic in the fucking planet. This whole DC to Boston is just a nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. Sandhook's the second worst thing. So I was like, well, we had

the podcast Tuesday and I had this gig, this Dan Davies gig. Ah, I like Dave. Double D. Yeah, he's good. He's a great guy and a funny guy. I think you maybe did this gig. It was at a... The chess. The chess place.

Backgammon. Sorry. It was at a secret backgammon club. This is like a private gig. Nice amount of cake. Pretty swanky little joint there. Oh, it's swanky. It's in like Soho or whatever.

Yep. And it's one of those things. It's like, it's not crazy money, but it's enough money. You're doing 20 minutes. Get you out of the house. Usually 20 minutes. You get paid 50 bucks. This was like over $1,000.

Whoa. Under $2,000. Man, they overpaid. So you go 20 minutes spot. All right. Well, we'll travel on. the Wednesday. I'll get back to the gig in a second, but here's the thing.

You get 25 years ago and don't travel on the Wednesday. The whole planet goes, well, we're going to leave Tuesday. So Tuesday is now the worst day. How about that? It's now taken over. Tuesday's the day you don't want to travel. The same thing happened with rush hour. Rush hour became 4 o'clock

because everybody goes, I'm getting out early. I'm going to beat the traffic. Now that's traffic. Exactly. It's the same with sex with women. Everyone's like, hey, men are a little bit easier to fuck. So now we're all gay, right? Sure. Trying.

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By using promo code Tuesdays at Checkup, that's A-U-R-A-Frains.com. Promocode Tuesdays. This deal is exclusive to our fans and frames sell-out fast or yours now. If you hit at the time of the holiday, support the show by mentioning two-old stories of checkout. So we do the gig. I'm like, okay, we got this gig. It's me, James Madern. LeClerc, Andre.

Is I say his name right? LeClerc, yeah, he's a good egg. He is a hot, beautiful man. Six, seven. tall, chocolatey brown, mocha colored, caramel sex pot.

Gorgeous, funny man. So he's on the show, which I never get to see him. He was like not hanging out in the little green room area. It says Dan Davies, me, Maddern, and the clerk. So it's one of those ones

you get in there and it doesn't sound hot, but they look hot. They're like the hottest, coolest people I've ever seen. Hot women with the gowns on and the dudes are in the suits Slick hair. And there's like

Stelletto heels. You know those heels that are like could go all the way in your ass? Oh yeah. And tights, short skirt.

I mean money. This is like money, sex people. And the waitresses are hot. Yes. They're like the people you see in a movie that you're like,

there's nobody like this. No, no, yeah, totally. You look like a Bruce Wayne fundraiser. Ooh.

It was like a, what is this place? I like it. So then the room is behind this like velvet rope thick. Oh, yeah. What do you call it?

What's that? called Curtin. Ah, Curtin. We're back there. Leaf Curtain. And Dan Davies, Jamie Lee Curtin. Davies is like, we came back here. They were doing blow back here.

Ooh, that's cool. Kind of cool. And, you know, it's not going great. They're not hot. Yeah. Matter comes off. He's like, woo, I'm dying out there. That was brutal.

So their work. And there's no stage. It's just a space. It's a floor. And they're in couches better than this. Like beautiful chairs, couches. Yeah. This is like, yeah.

So it's work, and they're all on drugs, evidently. By the way, ketamine, what a comeback for ketamine. I know. Everybody's on K. I've never, I shouldn't say comeback. Maybe it was never around. Maybe it never left, but everybody's taking ketamine. Is it an upper, a downer, a bonner? It's a tranquilizer.

Ah, that's a downer. So it's like, I think you're like, hey, what's up? Maybe I'll try a little K. Get some K. Put it in. I think people take Coke and ketamine together. Yeah, but isn't that a cancel? I think.

Gensal culture's over. I think you're, like, rocking, but you're not like, what the fuck-in' let's get out of there. I think so you have the, like, motivation and all. Got it. I'm guessing here. I don't really know. Well, it's kind of like booze and Adderall.

You ever take Adderall and drink some beers? That's a great little carpet ride you're on there. Never did Adderall. I did painkillers in beer, and it's the best I've ever felt in my whole life. That's two downs. Wait a minute. I guess so. It's like the Victoria's Secret Model.

But I think there's a third thing. I think they also put Molly in there. It's called something. It's like a... Speedball or a... Like that, eight ball, speedball, but something different. It's called a virgin ass. Can you look that up?

Virgin ass. Molly cocaine, ketamine mix. So I think you get the love, the excitement, and the calm all of the... Boy, this sounds like quite a little cocktail. Oh, it's a tail of cock. So is my biography. Virgin ass is mine. See what you can find about that.

something there, Chuck. Is it called an angel's fart? It's weird. It says... I think it's the devil's queef. It's called a Calvin Klein. Is that sound right? I think that's what he said, but that could be it. A Calvin Klein. Let me get a Calvin Klein over here. It says Calvin Klein refers to the drug combination of ketamine and cocaine.

Okay. So maybe there's a different one. You put Molly in there. Maybe it's a Hugo boss or something. It says the new speedball is the Grim Reaper. Oh. That's a little dark, a little morbid. Calvin Klein is at least swanky.

Yeah, that's what it feels like. Well, anyways, they're all doing that. The show ended up being, okay, I went last. I had like the cushy S spot, but still tough. Like one of those ones you do your best bit, they're all like this. Yeah, yeah. But they're on fucking Calvin Klein. Yeah, exactly.

C.K. Louis. So after I'm waiting for the cab and there's two of the guys that they're like, we love that shit. The drug stuff, that was real, man. That was real. I was making fun of the drug. And I go, what is this?

What the fuck is this? Obviously, you're not playing backgammon. Right. That's crazy. And he was like, well, we're night club people. He's like, we're party people. We do nightclub. He's like, there's a lot of drugs involved in sex.

So there's still this thing out here in New York City. You kind of feel like, hey, maybe it's not cool or it's whatever. But there's just a group of people that wear black and go to nightclubs and play backgammon. and they snort Calvin Klein all night. Wow, good. That's what New York was built on, was these clubs with the rich people and the whores and the drugs. I love that still exists. Yeah, it was fun to see because it almost felt like the beginning of a night in Wolf of Wall Street. Right.

I just like the first part of the night. And then they're on like quailudes later. Yeah, and you're their little dancing twink boy. I'm just a little part of their thing. I'm a dancing twink boy. I'd cartwheel through and then they move on. A DTB. But that's good stuff.

because did you hear the New York Times at this whole article about how what are these clubs called? These exclusive clubs? Members only. They're up. Way up. Everybody wants to be a part of a members only. I think because I think people just want to talk freely and go

nice tits on her, past the ketamine, gays are weird. You know, you just want to be able to get your shit out without getting HR up your ass. That's what Patreon is. You got that right. So that'd be a good name for a club. But yeah, so it's just all that they're way up.

They're doing better than they ever have. Everybody wants to be a member because they're like, I just want to be around like-minded people for 10 minutes and not get in trouble. Right. Well, it was a good fun. The party that wants to be like, can I come with you guys just one night? I know. Well, they invited me, and I told the wife, she was like, I'd love to go.

Let's do some blow. Let's play some backgammon. Let's swing. And I just couldn't do it. I was like, I'm not one of them. I know it deep down. Oh, boy. Wow.

You could have been in there. I know, but I'm going to show up. They're going to be wearing their Calvin Klein, Hugo Boss Fubu with the Coke and the slick hair and the hot girls. And I'm going to go, what am I doing here? Right. They're going to go, comedy, huh? You know Dane Cook? And I'm going to go, I've got to get out of here.

Well, they're definitely not my type of people. That's what I'm saying. I was grateful for the gig. So then we're leaving Wednesday. So now I'm still in my head Wednesday's the death day, even though Tuesday's the worst day. So I told we're bringing Karen up there. She's from Marshfield, of course. So I told Karen Sarah, we're wheels up at 8 a.m.

I will leave without you. 8 a.m. Because she's a morning. She's got to work out her ass at 6 in the morning. The baby wakes up at 5 in the morning. So I'm like, we're out, we're packed, we're ready to go. 8 a.m. get in the car. Yeah.

We're out. Zero traffic. Didn't hit a second of traffic. We flew, baby. And I heard all these nightmare stories about Tuesday. Chuck was dying in the traffic. Come on. I was, I flew out.

about Wednesday, five minutes at security. Newark. Wow. It was empty. No, it was empty airport. Get out of here. Well, it's also Newark's. And people are afraid of that shit airport, I guess.

That's not great. But, yeah, we shot up there. Great ride. A million laughs. We just trashed everybody, which is fun. That guy sucks. This girl sucks. I'm in trouble for whatever.

So what did you get there at 10 a.m.? No, it's still a four-and-a-hour ride. You've got to stop. And then we dropped her off at a bowling alley. Her sister. as a nephew. So they were going bowling, and it was like an easy place to meet. We go to the Hanover Boston Bowl.

Wow, that's old school. Great arcade. And then you got to let Marty stretch a little bit. So I played some bullshit game. You know these games for tickets where you're like, you pull a lever and you hit a ball, you have to hit a jackpot, but it's like 20 tickets, 10 tickets. 500 tickets. Sure.

I don't know what I did or how I did it. It just goes, blu-lop. Jackpot. I hit the jackpot. Come on. 500 tickets first try. What? And I go, you've got to be kidding me.

So we had 500 tickets. And Sarah goes, let's get this crossbow. There's a crossbow that shoots. What are you, Rogan? It shoots little, you know, phone. Darts? Yeah. Well, arrows.

Rubber darts. Whoa. And that's a decent band name, the rubber darts. All right. So I'm like, I want to get a crossbow that's crazy. He's two. This kid can now, I mean, he's Rogan. He loads it up.

He takes the crossbow, puts the, thing. Whoa. Pulls it back and shoots it and sticks to the window. Oh, my. I'll show you the video. Please. This is incredible.

He's going to be eating elk. He's like John Wilkes Booth or Lee Harvey Oswald or James Earl Ray. All three names. Sirhan, Sirhan. That's four. No, I think it's two. I'm joking. I see.

But why is that all, why are they all three? Because they throw the third in because they want to really identify the guy. Well, what's the guy who killed Lenin? Mark David Chapman There you go Mark David Chapman James Earl Ray Lee Harvey Oswald

John Wilkes booth Even the guy in the With Trump The kid Oh what's that kid Thomas Matthew Crooks There you go They want the threesome

Are those all middle names Yeah they're middle names But they just throw the whole name in Because they're like We're nailing this guy down So if I shoot someone in the tits I'm Joseph Albert List You're Big Al

Yeah Wow Yeah Okay So buckle up buddy boy So it's no middle name for Sir Han, Sir Han. Well, he was a Muz, I believe.

Right? He's got to be with that name. I think he's Palestinian. Sir Hans, Sir Han, Sir Han. What if that was his middle name? He's like George Foreman's kids. Right. What if he was a sir?

His name's Han, Sir Han. Sir Han. Yeah. Get that a good. Will you there, Chew-choo? What's we Googling? If he's been knighted? If he's Palestinian.

Oh, I see. But anyways. RFK? Yes. Okay. The OG RFK. Yeah. Voice of a generation.

In Los Angeles. The ambassador, June 5th. 68. Born in Jerusalem. Oh, big Jew? And it says he's a Jordanian man. Oh, Michael Jordanian. Born in Jerusalem, Jordanian.

Good shoes. John Wayne Gasey is another one. Oh, yeah, but he's not an assassin. He's a murderer. Yeah. How come Ted Bundy got no triple? Because that's not an assassin. Oh, I see what you're.

That's a difference. Not all murderers have it. It's just assassinations. Right. Jeffrey Dahmer. Yeah. What? Yeah.

It's all, who else is an assassin? You said MLK. He said JFK. Jack Ruby. Uh-oh. Jack Ruby. Yeah, that's true. Wonder why they didn't go middle on him.

I guess because he was already established person. John Hinkley? Hinkley, no middle name. Okay. But he didn't get the... They didn't pull it off. So that's the same most. But that takes away the theory.

It's all, they got to do three. Yeah. Well, did you see that? You ever seen that? Reagan was pretty funny. I don't know anything about his policies or whatever, but he was a funny guy. At one point, a car backfired, like two years after, and he went, you missed. Yes.

Come on. That's quick. Oh, I think you're going to say something there. Well, Gary Leon Ridgeway, do you know who that is? No, I don't know. It says, no, Gary Leon Ridgeway. I see. It says he's another one that's a mass murderer or an assassin, I should say.

Of who? I don't know. It's weird. It said, because it has, it lists James Earl Ray, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wilkes Booth, Mark David Chapman, and Gary Leon Ridgeway. Okay. Shoot, look that up. Who's Franz Ferdin? I told you, Mike Denevin, Bossie coming get a joke.

He's like, how in movies, when everyone kills someone with a silencer, they always die quietly? Oh, that's so good. I think about that all the time. It's like, why aren't they like, gah? Right, right. It's like they know. That's funny. Funny observation.

He's a murderer. Like, he's not assassin. It says he's known as the Green River Killer. Oh, I know the Green River Killer. Yeah, he's a serial killer who was convicted of murdering 49 women between 82 and 1998. 49. Nice work, sir. That is a nice, nice count.

He must have been a bummed. He was so close to 50. Yeah. What if he was going to retire after that? I'm going to hit 50 and I'm going to hang it up. Right, right. If you're OCD, that's got to kill you. Now, I wonder if there's any three-name guys that, like, it's their, you know, fate to become a murder.

Like, Philip Sebo-Hophan. If he lived, would he become an assassin? Yeah, good point. Maybe he would have shot Trump, you know? Right. Or, yeah. Who other three-name people are there? This Phil Alden Robinson.

He directed Feel the Dreams. There's the letters like John C. Riley. Does that count with a C? Michael B Jordan. I don't think that counts. But he just had to go B because of Michael Jordan, I think. Yeah. Can't have two Michael Jordans.

Well, there must be a comedian with the two names. Charles Nelson Riley. Who's that? He's a comic from the 50s. Oh. He would do like a, what's that, square, gets the circle. Tick, tacto? No.

He gets the square. Hollywood squares. Hollywood squares. There it is. That's a good name for a nerd and like an actor. It's a Hollywood square. Oh, yeah, you put an article about all the three. Nerds.

Right, right. Boy, you know, I got a text thread with a bunch of guys, and somebody reposted in the text thread the celebrities in 2020 going, hey, we feel bad for our black brother. Police brutality is a problem. You know, they're all serious, and it's in black and white, and it's gay. And he wrote, we got to remember this shit. And I forgot all about that.

That was a weird time. What do you mean? Oh, like the BLM stuff? Yeah, just the celebrities getting all quefy and then doing like the, there's no heaven. Oh, that shit. Imagine. Yeah, yeah. That was during COVID, I think.

Yeah, but there was a string of those where you're like, what are we doing? How do we get here? Yeah, very silly, a lot of silliness. I'm reading all this stuff about what the phones do to you. Some guy gave up his phone for 10 years. So he's 2015, gave it up. And they studied his brain then and they studied his brain now. it is a real mind fuck

what the phone does give me some give me some typical first off you when you're off a social media queaf all day long every day and when you give it up your threatened meter gets regulated right so we think everything's a threat everything's an attack you fly off the handle fight or flight your amygdala is this the stress part of your brain

it's basically like if you put your car in park and just hold the gas down It's just going, it's always running, always running, which is horrible for you. Sure. And then all that goes way down to normal when you get off the phone. Right. Well, it's also horrible for your attention span, even just checking your phone. I know, I know.

Just looking there. It fucks you. And your anxiety goes down, your depression goes down, loneliness goes down, all this shit goes down. And you're like, that's just getting back to normal. Well, that's like the crazy study, like 2005, of course 2008, people were asking. like there was like all these what do you call that surveys. Yeah.

About race relations and everybody unanimously was like it's the best it's ever been. You know, we elected Obama unanimously twice. And then social media came and then like 2015, 2019, they're like, how does race relation? Like, it's the worst it's ever been. People are still saying it's the worst it's ever been, which is hilarious.

Beyond 1962. Yeah. So it's all funky algorithm. We're all fucked. We're fucked. But let's get back to travel. Oh, sorry. Well, so anyways, Thanksgiving, great. But I just want to close the loop on this travel business. Sure, loop me.

So after Wednesday, I'm like, we left early, fine, great. Now, Sunday after Thanksgiving, you think this is going to be busy and crazy. Oh, yeah, here it comes. Right up the pooper. But I'm like, well, whatever, Wednesday was no problem. And then I think everybody wants to say goodbye to the baby. Plus, we're like, we'll do laundry in the morning. That way, there's nothing better than going on a trip coming home with all clean clothes.

Oh, love it. So we get up in the morning, give great. Grandpa and Grandpa, Grandma, Grandpa, whatever. A little more time with the baby, clean the laundry. We leave at about 11 a.m. Sunday. Whatever. Eight and a half hours. Was it a Fellini filled?

Four hours to get up to Boston. Eight and a half hours. Get back. Felini made eight and a half. Okay. Fucking eight and a half hours. Wow. Wow.

You could have gone to Hawaii. It was crazy. I mean, we listened to Wheels on the bus 358 times. We're listening to Jingle Bells 900 times. Wish, wish, wish, wish, wish, wish. A couple podcasts. I mean, it was hell. At one point, I just pulled over.

We went to Old Navy and treated it like a playground. This kid, he ran around. He was ripping shirts off the hangar. I had a 40. I was just sitting at the front drinking out of a brown paper bag with a jury. Wow. We just let them loose in Old Navy. Smart.

Let them go. But that stores a real shithole. It's crazy. They don't even like pretend to clean it. It's wild. It's a piece of shit. But that is brutal. What were you thinking?

Don't you hate this guy? The guy goes, what do you think and leave it on Sunday? I'm like, well, you only say that because you know it was eight hours. Well, and I thought, you know, people would leave early. People would leave late. And there was two accidents. It was car accident.

Because it was raining. That was the only thing. It was pouring rain. So it's slippery and slippery as an eel. And, but I got to tell you, we handled it very well. We all stayed calm. We were troopers. But it was a new record.

I've been driving back in. fourth, obviously, for 20 years. Sure. And new world record. And then in New York, it's such a nightmare place. You get back. It's like, you've got to unload the car. Then I've got to go park the car in the garage, then walk back in the rain.

So, like, it's another half hour for me. Right. But, woo, that was a nightmare. Eight and a half is brutal. Well, then you just think like all the stuff. And then, of course, you have this when you leave. You're like, hey, been a long week. I'm going to hit the gym.

When we land, when we get there, I'm going to go to the gym, get a nice steaming. You know, steam out the stuff. And then I got to do a little work on the movie. And then you go, I won't work on the movie, but then you slowly just bargain with yourself. Yes. And before you know it, you just go, all right, we're doing anal and we're going to bed. That's not a bad night. Although after Thanksgiving dinner, it could be a little cranberry.

Yeah, well, that's crazy, but you made it home. You're back and you're queer. Now, how about this travel weekend? I leave tomorrow for Lexington and Kentucky. Okay. But there was no direct to Lex. So I'm flying to Louisville. renting a car

driving to Lexington How long is that? Just about two hours I think I'm going to have. So then, Sunday I'm flying direct from

Lexington to LaGuardia as soon as I land I get off the plane run downstairs, get a cab, take the cab to JFK where I'm meeting

my wife and baby to fly to Aruba to do Aruba race. Wow! This is unbelievable. I'm going to have two flights in a day, not a layover,

but like a totally different trips. I'm going from Kentucky to New York and then flying back over Kentucky to get to fucking Aruba. Holy moly. The LaGuardia to JFK is a wild move. I've never done it before, but we booked Aruba Reyes a while ago. We haven't done it in years. The baby will like

the ocean, the fish, whatever. Could you change the flight from Lex to JFK? Now you don't have to pop over. That's not bad. I think I looked it up though, and it wasn't, I mean, obviously, I would have thought of that. And I didn't have direct. It was like you've got to fly to Atlanta and you get it later. This was the best case scenario. The flight from, and this is a to be continued,

the flight from Aruba to Aruba leaves at 11 a.m. I land at 9 a.m. at LaGuardia. Oh, you're pushing it, Fannie. I am pushing it. It's an international flight. It's JetBlue because he booked it. Yeah. I might be fucked. Possibly.

Everything's got to line up. But it should only take about 30 minutes. I should get there at 9.30, which gives me basically an hour and 10 minutes to get through security. Yeah. Yikes almighty. Well, Godspeed. But I can't wait for a full update. I'll give you the update and people are enthralled by this. I can tell. Well, I know, right? So I got a whopper this weekend. I'm flying to Denver connecting. Then I got to go to Tucson.

That's the Dan Soda tour. What do you mean? Well, he's from Denver and started in Tucson. Oh, yeah. How about that? Who starts in Tucson? Well, he went to U of A. I see. So got to go there and then meet Gillis.

Then you get in a private jet. You never met him? Not really. Not the real him. But actually, I don't know if I'm supposed to say the PJ. People know he's got a PJ. This whole idea that this guy is pretending to not have money is crazy. Well, I'm not saying that he's pretending.

I think, yeah, I think maybe, okay, so he's flying jet blue. There you go. Row 20. And then we pop over to feet. Do it Arena. Then I fly out the morning and go to Minneapolis for a casino money grab. And then I fly home on Sunday. Wait, okay.

Take me through again. To Denver. Connect. Connect to what? To Tucson. To Tucson. Yeah. But you're not doing a show in Denver.

No, that's just a connection. I see. So then to Tucson, then to Minneapolis? No, Tucson. Then getting a PJ, go to Phoenix. A Phoenix. And then I leave those quiffs and I go to Minneapolis on my own. And then fly home.

them. That's four cities. I know. In three days. Three days. Yeah. So it's going to be a wacky wild weekend, but I'm excited. I can't wait. Well, I've got all kinds of wacky stuff. Next week's episode. Woo! Oh, well, I got to go home digger.

I got to throw out of you. So I did the Jerry Pod. I got some dings. Yeah, tell me about this. This is crazy. Oh, mama. Well, I planted the sea. Will the pod be out before this? When will then be now? No, no. It's like our big Christmas episode. Okay. You picked a chew for. Christmas. Yeah, it's a Kwan's episode. Fair. Hanukkah? What's their thing?

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lineup. That's code Tuesdays to get $50 in lineup after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks, it's good to be right. So I planted a seed like literally four years ago. We were at breakfast when Salakuse did the jump shot. Do you remember that? I was not going to forget. Oh, yeah.

That's psycho. And I was like, yeah, if you ever went to do the pod, he kind of gave me like a, what's the specials, you know? And I was like, all right, well, that didn't go well. And then years go by.

He meets Sam and Paris. I have another lunch with him. I meet his wife. I have sex with his children, whatever. And then... She touched my leg. Yeah. And then I'm at the studio,

and our producer, Matt Peters, goes, I don't alarm you guys, but Jerry's people reached out. Whoa. And that was in like June. Yeah. The people. The people. He's a, he's a professional. I suppose so. So they go, he's going to, he's in for November 12th. And we go, oh, God, okay. I'm doing push-ups. I get my suit pressed. November 12th, that's the back to the future date. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. Right. It's November 5th. Then he stays for a week. He comes back on the 12th. I see. So this is special. Yes, yes. 121 gigawatts or whatever. Watch your language.

88 miles an hour. So then November 12 changes to December 3rd. What's today? I don't know. Okay. December 3rd. Second. December 2nd.

Yeah. And then, boy, I mean, I woke up at 5. I just, like, took a shower, I did my hair, I did my nails, and, you know, showed up early. And I had this whole thing. I'm like, get out of your head. Like, just enjoy this. Don't fuck this up. Don't, don't Norman this.

Is Salekus there? No, thank God. He was on the road. I know. He must be fucking killing himself. Oh, he's like, tell me everything. And I just sent him a photo and I said, uh-huh. Can you imagine him budding in?

Oh, the interrupting. Actually, Jerry. Excuse me. Yeah, B-movie. I just picture Jerry going, who are you? Yeah. Yeah. So he shows up with like 12 people.

He's got a publicist, a handler, a cook, a chef, the whole thing. Wow. So he's down on sidewalk level going into your studio. Pulled up with a sweet Mercedes, and he brought his kids. It was a whole thing. And he's like, so this is what you do, huh? This is a podcast. I'm like, yeah, right, we get it.

And then we had some great moments. We were talking bits, of course. I brought up the bozo, the clown bit. Yes. And he goes, whose bit is that? I go, that's your bit. And he's like, I never wrote that. And I'm like, that's a great, that's your bit.

He goes, that's funny. But I don't remember that bit. I'm like, I know you're act better than you. Well. So we had to pull up Bozo. But I think some of those bits they did in the show were just written by the writer. Oh. To fit with the episodes.

Because it might have been one of those. Oh. Is it in the book, though? I feel like that might be in the book. I thought it was in the book too. And it feels like such a him bit. Yeah, it does. Bozo the District Attorney.

Bozo the Pope. Yeah. I thought that one time he said that he didn't release a special for a long time. all the material went into the bits that were opening the show. I thought he said that. I know for sure. It sounds like this might be the answer that some of the times they would write bits to go with the episode. Well, now I feel bad because we went at it.

I'm like, that's your bit. And he's like, I don't think it is. And I'm like, how do I know that bit? It's just so wild. We've talked about this before. I think about this all the time with the show Seinfeld. Like, I've watched it. I think about this even similarly.

I go to Starbucks so much. There's times where I'm like, I know the Starbucks system better than the employee does. Oh, definitely. They've worked there for two months. I've been to every Starbucks in America. Yes.

Three days or three times a day, fucking whatever. So like... I completely agree. I feel like that with eating pussy. Well, you know, your wife's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I've eaten way more pussy that you have.

You've never eaten a pussy. Yeah, you got one shitty pussy. I've eaten 50 shitty pussies and 40 pieces of ones. I got a lobster bib back here. So, I've watched Seinfeld so many times. I know more about the show that he does. Oh, I was quoting lines, and he was like, huh? Yeah, he's never revisited or seldomly, I would say.

And he's talked about this before, too, where people come on in the show. They go, hey, I played so-and-so. And he's like, why would I remember you? Exactly. And so he might just, might have done that bit one time ever from that taping. Maybe, maybe. And the writer wrote it, and he never did it in his act. Is that possible?

That's possible. It's possible, because he didn't. not know what the hell I was talking. He goes, that's funny. I'm like, it's yours. So we got into it. We got into it on a few things. It was just picture an umpire. We're kicking dust on each other. And Sam's just dying laughing. It was great. Because he's so absolute about everything. You don't have to tell me. Yeah. So we're fighting. We're fighting. And I was like, you got any vices? And he flipped. He's like, why would I have vices? I'm like, people have vices. And he's like, why would I want a vice? I'm like, you don't want a vice. You have a vice. People do

Coke. You know? This is bad. Yeah. And he's like, and he's like, It's not voluntary. He's like, why would I do Coke and ruin my brain? I'm like, well, no one's thinking about it that way. I'm like, people are fucking kids. They don't want to, they don't want to have to fuck a kid. They just want to fuck a kid. Yeah.

And so now we're getting into it. He's like, cut all this. Oh, geez. But, yeah, it was a fascinating affair. So how long did you go for? We did an hour and a half, and then he hung out for like another 20 and we bullshit. Wow. So I just want to pull this up real quick here.

This is good radio. There you guys. go. Let me see. That's just crazy to see. I know. Wow. How about that? Wow. What's that last part? What's that mean? Huh? No neediness. We weren't like

we weren't We were kept it real, I think. I mean, that's wild. That's why we're going to frame that and put it in the studio. I think you should read it out loud. I mean, that's crazy. Well, is that a breach of a Yeah, maybe, maybe. Confidential. It's funny though, because if he just said it to you, Right. You wouldn't feel weird.

That's a good point. But I don't read it, but I'll just say that is, that's something special right there. Well, it's funny because I'm such a nutcase that I was like, I should thank him for coming on and say, we appreciate it. I know you're a busy guy. But then I went, he's seen enough of me today. I don't want to bother him. That's where how evil my brain is. And then he texted me.

And he goes, hey, I had a great time or whatever. Right. So I got to get better at being a human. Yeah, you do. But, yeah, great time. One of those surreal moments that even Sam was like, that was awesome. I'm like, whoa, you never say that. He's like May.

Yeah, exactly. I'm surrounded by unimpressed cuts. But, yeah, so, boy, yeah, it was just, it was one of those, like, I'm walking on air after. Like, I was walking down Manhattan going, like, I was insane. Oh, my God. I can't believe we got here. And he was doing that. And he was doing that.

He was in the car going, woo, that was special. That was fun. Well, you want to go, hey, old boomer, come, guzzlers. We have a good time. Come have a good time. They're all up in their ivory tennis. hours with their jets and their cars and their wives. Like, come hang out.

Yeah, yeah, it's a good point. Come down to the little people. Yes. They don't get lunch and they don't do. He's like, what is this podcast stuff? And I'm like, this will do better than tonight show. And he's like, really? I'm like, yes, welcome to 2025, homo.

It's crazy. I mean, it's like the Howard Stern thing where he's like, podcasts are stupid. You're supposed to build your thing in the town. Remember we had that whole thing with Ari? Oh, yeah, right. Which Ari was an asshole and that whole thing, too. Two assholes, basically. go. Too tall Jewish assholes. I would stern in Irish fear. Yeah. Well, then the other thing was

at one point, he goes, Sam was like, I love New York. I am, I'm going to die on this island. I want to die on the island. And I said, Epstein said the same thing. And he goes, Seinfeldon. Save her for Kiltoni. Hey, how about that? He knows Kiltoni. He knows Kilt Tony. That's funny. And I said, you should do the show. And he was like, I don't want to go to Austin. I said, what if it comes here? He goes, ah, baby. How insane would that be, having fucking Seinfeld sitting there shitting on redband and fucking with

some retarded kid. Seinfeld referencing Kiltoni is, I didn't have it on my bingo con worlds are colliding and he goes, put the shades on, he hates the shades.

That's fucking fascinating. Fascinating. Kiltone reference. But the guy loves comedy. So it's just, that's comedy. That's comedy. The Apatel movie,

Keltoni, whatever, YouTube special. It's all comedy. Yeah, he's got to know what's going on out there. I mean, I guess if you're a fan of, you're following comedy, he would be crazy to not be aware of Kill Tony. I guess so.

But the idea of him sitting in his house and being like, all right, let me throw on this show and see what's all about. And it's just, you know, Jetsky Johnson and the band and whatever, a drum off. Right, right. A guy with crutches, you know, doing whatever. Did you ask him about Kill Tony at all or the state of comedy and stuff? I'd love to hear what he thinks about Kill Tony.

I think he thinks it seems like a lot of work. I don't want to sit there for two hours, but he's like, it's funny. It's jokes. Yeah. But Kill Tony's a fascinating thing. He just created a hit TV show and just did it himself. Big hit. I mean, we're talking millions and millions of view.

Like, you get an Adam Ray and a Gillis. I think that one has 25 million views. Yeah, it's literally doing way better than any sitcom in the last 25 years. A thousand percent. It's like Brady Roast and that Adam Ray Gillis buy. Biden thing. Neck and neck. I had something important.

Pull that up. I was just curious on YouTube. What are the views on that puppy? But like me and Ari'll do it. It'll get three and a half million views or whatever. And you're like, three and a half million views is insane. That's crazy. People make spreadsheets about it.

People are obsessed. They make like top ten lists. Who's the best bucket pull? Who's the best guest? Who's the best judge? It's crazy. We did everything wrong with this show. We should have had 14 guests, three retards.

The band. Tuesday's the stories. Bada, ba-da-ba-ha-ha. A lot of moving parts. A lot of spinning plates. And then we go, hey, here's this week's cripple. And then they come out, you know. That's fun. I do like a new cripple.

27 million. 27 million. That's enough to get you elected president. Oh, definitely. Do you remember the Venus de Milo in Seekaw, Massachusetts? It's like a big hall. It's just like an Italian restaurant with a big wedding hall. I thought that was the Jim Carrey character.

No, but. Kill Tony was there like, I don't know how many years ago. And I almost bought tickets for $15. It was like a VFW kind of in a restaurant, basically. There you go. Yeah, it's crazy. Oh, did you see Lewis and Tony had a little thing on Twitter, just comedy city?

I guess we talked about this in the rigs too. Lay it on me, Patty. So I guess Tony somehow Lewis wrote something about New York, the best comedy city. And then he quote tweeted it being like, ever hear of Austin? And then Lewis was like, are you out of your mind? Like, it's not even close.

Good. And then Tony wrote back, who do you got? Dave Attell dot, dot, dot, dot, and who? Oh, geez, are we doing this now? And he was like, we got Rogan, me, Sigura, whatever. Gillis. Gillis, sort of. Ryan Simpson.

And yeah, he like named that. And then, of course, Lewis was like, David Tell, Mark Norman, Samarill, Joe List, Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock. Louis C.K., Jim Gaffigan, Colin Quinn, I mean, Dick Griffin, Mike Vecchio, I mean, you can go on for days. Daniel Simonson. Like, you go top to bottom.

We talked about this on the reg, but it's like our bot, Bobby Kelly, like our bought, Dan Soder, our bottom guys are like killer. Right, right. You know what I mean? Like people that aren't even working that can't get spots are amazing.

Yeah, Sean Murphy's a beast. Yeah, I mean, all these people. So it was just, you're like, what are you talking about? He's like, I guess they have. Ron White, of course. Sure, he's a legend. And then Lewis was like, the people that, the best comics there moved from New York

because they couldn't get spots in New York. Wow, there we go. And then Tony didn't even mention Joe de Rosa, which is also hilarious. Like, he left off to Rosa? Well, he was a New York guy, technically. I know, but I think we're just going by Who Lives Where now. It was an interesting little back and forth. I mean, Louis lives here, by the way.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Like Louis Rockettel Quinn alone is like, that's a win. Todd Barry, we haven't even mentioned. Sure, sure. It's nuts. That's crazy. And look, they put something together out there.

They got a great club and a nice little scene. But come on. Can't fuck with the big app. Get real, baby. Bonytale, get real. What was I going to say? Oh, did the Uncle Dale benefit. We'd love to get you up there sometime.

Sure. I don't know what we're talking about. Do you ever go there for Thanksgiving or Thanksgiving? I go there for Christmas. We do Thanksgiving, Nola, Christmas. Bean Town. Ah, you're never going to do it. Okay.

But we got, it was quite a show. Well, Soder was up there. That pimple, he's done it before. I was like, well, get Soter back, but it was Katie's high school reunion. Who goes to the high school reunion? That's what I said. By the way, mine was the same night as hers. I didn't even know.

I was at the football game Thursday. I bumped to all these people. Like, you go to the reunion tomorrow? I'm like, no, I have a benefit show for the Holbrook. I have a life. What are you crazy? Reunion? No, I'm going to go, hey, Bob!

You look good. This is your fat wife? There's social media, and wouldn't I have kept up with you if I wanted to keep up with you? Of course. Catching up. Oh, my God. What a nightmare. And also, I don't want to sound pretentious, but it feels gay to be in show business and go.

Who me? Oh, well, I've just been rubbing elbows with Merrill Street over here. Sure, sure. Like, I feel like the reunion. For you, it's a flex. Yeah, if you feel like if you're doing well in showbiz, you can't go to the. reunion, you're looking at dickhead. Yeah, but then you can't go if you're doing horrible either.

You can't be like, I'm between aluminum siding gigs and I'm wanted by the police. You can't do that either. Well, that was when I first met David Letterman. Right. I just feel like there's a circle around you. Like, well, that reminds me the time I was, you know, Jerry Seifeld walked by. I'm showing the text. Look what I've been doing.

Here's Jerry at my pod. Yeah, they can't do that. Hey, remember the time we watched Colin Quinn when we stayed up late? Right. Well, he was at my wedding. There you go. He actually didn't come. That's true. Yeah, he was on vacation.

It doesn't matter. He had a couple guys there. He'll be at the next wedding. Beth Stelling. Bargotsie was there. That's right. He's huge. He's bigger than Colin.

But anyways, so we couldn't get soda, but we had a great show. It was me, Sarah, Karen, Sean Sullivan, who does it every year. He's funny. He's funny. And Bulger. How about that Irish lineup? Bulger Feehan and Sullivan. There you go.

And just a great show. You know, Brockton VFW really takes you back. It's like down this long dirt road, and we're doing pretty well, you know. You're like old dirt road, VFW. Members only parking. You can't get there. There's a guy with a handgun and a police hat going, hey, hey, you're not a member. Members only's up.

And you go in there, and it's just old dirty carpet. The green room is a bunch of stacked chairs. My grandmother's old couch with come on it. Love it. Love it. Old lady comes. And how about this? When's last time you did it together like this? The PA system was so bad.

Bulger brought it. He travels with his own PA system. Oh, that's a real road dog. I sound like Christopher Walking. He travels with his own PA system. So he goes, I got a system in my truck. He goes out and gets it. So Bulger and Sullivan are

They're setting up their own sound system. Good for them. And I'll post a photo. There's no stay. It's just a giant dance floor. It took me back to my roots. Dance floor. You're just on a huge dance floor with 50 feet

between you and the nearest audience member. I'll show you the photos. It's just, and it's all cops, firemen, you know, just plumbers, construction. The best crowds. A third of the audience is standing with their back to the room. My uncle Doug, you know, he's like ready for an active shooter. Sure. He's just had in the back, arms folded, mustache.

A handgun on each side, like Doc Holliday. Right. That's a Huckleberry. And it was fun. Karen's parents got to meet the father. Oh, what's he like? I was all excited. I was nerd.

First of all. him once. He never responded. That sounds about right. Neglect. The mother's great. I love the mother. She's great. She's a hot shit. Oh, yeah. I told that story before. I was in wherever I was. Newberry Port or something doing a gig.

Do they look like her? Are they weathered and weird and with nice asses? Well, they're in their 80s. Oh, wow. 70s, whatever. But the face, her and her mom. And I did a gig last. I probably told the story. Her mother's in the audience.

And I go, look at this old bag. You're old enough to blown Wade Boggs. And she goes, ah, fuck you, you piece of shit. And I'm going back and forth before I realize, this is Karen's mother.

She's a pistol. So every time I see her, she's like, last time I, you accosted me, you said I blew Wade Boggs. And now her husband's there. Oh, she holds a grudge this core. Who's this big red-faced,

bearded eye. It looks like this big Mick. Santa Mclaws. So I go, oh, well, I didn't say Wade Boggs. Yes, you did. You said, I blew Wade Boggs. She's been holding on and

doing. So I'm afraid he's going to clonk my head, whatever. Nice to meet them. Meet her sister. I've met a couple times. My sister walks up. I have to keep all the families separated now. Smart. My sister walks up and goes, hey,

you must be Karen's mother. She says it to her younger sister. Oh. It's her kid's sister. I'm like, you just ruin your life. She's like her mother. Well, the Irish age like an old potato. Well, meanwhile, her actual mother, I'm like, has white hair and a cane.

I'm like, you didn't think this was the mother? I can't believe Wade Boggs let her blow him. So now that's horrible. And I went up and I was like, sorry about my sister. I think she was kidding. And she's like, get out of my face. She hates me. Oh, this whole family is you killing them.

So then Karen goes on stage, great set kills. I go, I got to watch her dad how her dad's responding to her comedy. Yes, because she's an irreverent little coos. Well, I'll show you. This is how. Oh. Sound asleep. Oh, man.

No wonder she needs male attention. Sleeps through the whole show, the whole program. Okay. We got the photos of it. He just goes to bed. Show starts. This man is out. I've never related to her more.

He's just sound asleep at the show. Anyway, she killed. She's awesome. Sarah fucking murdered. Hell yeah. She's always nervous. She's like, your family's here, whatever. I get it.

So she kills, Sullivan kills, Bulger kills, great show. Those shows are fun as hell. And we had our best year, we raised over $11,000. What? And Bulger didn't take any money. And Karen didn't take any money. Sarah didn't offer any money.

I didn't take the money. You didn't take? No, no take. All right. So we gave a bunch of the money back. It was just fucking fantastic. Great night. Oh, wow.

So they pay you, but you just let them keep it. Yeah, yeah. He gave me like two grand for a budget. And then I gave... John Sullivan's got kids. So I just kept handing him hundreds. Yeah. And then we just go, hey, you take the money.

money, good for you. Wow. We raised a bunch of money for the firehouse. We might do it again in April, Patriots Day. Okay. So it was fucking, it was awesome. Great Thanksgiving. You get some kegs out there?

Well, they have a bar. It's a VFW. Oh, they have a bar. Oh, yeah. I keep picturing a firehouse. I don't know why. Well, if it's for the firehouse. Got it.

We do it in the VFW. Got it. And I guess this is sad. You're going to be sad about this. Oh, no. That was all the gigs I did. From 2000 to 2007. Uh-huh.

Every single gig I did was. of VFW, Knights of Columbus, Firehouse, Fundraiser, PTA, and Sean Sullivan was telling me, they all dry it up. People don't do comedy fundraisers anymore. At Sarah never had that. It's very unique to New England, I guess.

She's like, she's tired of Houston. She's like, we didn't, I didn't do a single one of those. I'm getting nervous. But Sullivan was like, well, nobody just goes to a random comedy show anymore. It's all phone. They go see you or Shane. They're like, a comedy show. Now they just look and they go,

I never heard of these fucking assholes. I mean, it makes sense because why are you going to take a gamble with a couple of rubes when you could go see the guy you like? I guess so, but for charity, it used to just be like, we're putting on a comedy show, trust us. It'll be funny. And it happens in clubs, too, I think. Also, I think comics have gotten less mainstream. You know, I feel like you used to have to go up and kill pretty much everywhere. Right.

Kill with grandma, kill with dad, kill a daughter. Now it's like, I'm a TikTok. bag, you know, like, I do dances, and then this guy's like, I do magic, and this guy, it's all splintered. Right. You find your niche, the niche finds you, and then they go see you. Before you could just kill. Right.

Well, it's also sad because you just, in New England, you made a living doing those shows. Of course, of course. And it rounded the edges, as Louis would say. It could make you play anywhere. Yeah, it was... Accessible. Very sad to hear that. It is sad. It's fun to go back and do those

gigs, and it was a lot of gratitude. my attitude after that. Love it. Love to hear it. I had the same thing. When you watch your mom feeding the baby, you got the two kids playing, my dad's asleep, and the wife's cooking.

You're like, look at this scene. It's like a war hall. Not a warhol. Rockwell. Yes. Yeah, Norman, Mark Norman. Rockwell. He's good.

So, yeah, great, great little vacation. And I feel like the Christmas time, we've got to wrap up. The Christmas time, it almost feels like you put your two weeks notice in at your job where just kind of winding down, just trying to get to that finish line. Yeah, it's weird. That's the thing. I hired a new manager like three days before Thanksgiving.

So you're like, let's get after it. But no chance of that. January. Anywho, all right, I got dates up the ass here. Date my dad. Vegas in January. What date is that? I don't know.

I'm so bad at this. January 15th through the 17th. Where? What's it fucking called? Wise guys? Wise guys. Yes, wise guys. Never done a full week.

there. Tom Dustin Portrait of a comedian. I was talking to Danny Frankl today. It's still doing well. Thanks for everyone that's purchased it. Keep purchasing it. Go get it. It's a fantastic movie, if I may say so myself. Atlantic City, January 31st. Poughkeepsie, March 20th

through the 21st or something like that. Where are these other dates? What's that? The last laugh? What's that one in Poughkeepsie? I think it's laugh. Lass. Dick. Laugh it up. Laff it up. And then, Asheville.

North Carolina, January 22nd of the Orange Peel. I heard great things about that. Oh, that's a cool-ass room and a cool-ass town. January 23rd, 24th. I'm in Charlotte at the Comedy Zone. Vancouver. Rio Theater one night only. That's part of JFL.

That's February 12th. Use code Vancouver, the pre-sale. Her name was Rio and she dances with my dad. And then Valentine's Day, Cobb, San Francisco. That's a huge room. Oh. Fill it up. February 13, 14.

15, doing a rare Sunday show. Hell yeah. Cobbs in San Francisco. Come on, get those tickets. Fill it up, baby. Love Cobb, love S.F. Love it. I'll be at the Kansas City Funny Bone.

Right before Christmas, tickets are moving, so let's try to fill that up. Then I'm at the Des Moines Funny Bone. And then I'm at the Brea Improv in California. What is that? Irvine County. What do you call it?

Orange County. Then I'm at New Brunswick in New Jersey. And then San Antonio Laugh Outlaw. And then Brickdown in Tulsa. And Seinfeld told me, he's like, you've got a problem. You start working less. Seinfeld said that?

Yeah, he's like, your wife's a saint. I don't know why she puts up with you. This is crazy. You're never home. What is it wrong with you? So that was a real wake-up call. He's a better friend than I am. Maybe.

All right. What do you got, Chucha? Check on my podcast, Funbearable. It's December, and we're doing three Christmas specials, as we always do. first one's going to be Brad interviewing the cast of Christmas vacation, of course, as we've talked about before. Chevy Chase, Randy Quaid, Beverly

DeAngelo, and Juliet Lewis. Yeah, Julia Lewis. Then we're doing We pitch you a Merry Christmas where we pitch new Christmas specials and then we're doing a big games episode with the Tell them Steve Dave guys. That's going to be... I think so. I'm not sure. TV show.

But it's going to be a lot of fun, funbearablepod.com at Funbearablepod on social media. Oh, look at that, pup. All right, thanks, folks. Get on the Patreon. I'm about to record a bonus. It's the hottest Patreon in town. And happy holidays, cleaf it up, and praise Kwanza.

Oh, we should add. We will take a week off in December to prepare for it. We do it every year for 13 years. Is that right? Yes. Okay. Yes. So you can start taking time off right now.

Don't freak out. We'll put on some bullshit. The show didn't end. You'll be okay. We do this every year for 25 years. Yeah, don't drink out. Thank you.