Tuesdays with Stories! - #659 Power Manger

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

Joe and Mark are getting … religious! Who's God? Is he Jesus? What about Superman? We're talking behind the scenes of the Netflix Is a Joke fest and Joe's time at TD Garden! The boys are spilling their guts ladies and gentlemen. It's Tuesdays! Our Stuff:   - https://www.patreon.com/tuesdays    - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories - https://www.tuesdayspod.com - Upgrade your workout wardrobe. Sign up as a VIP & get 70-80% off everything at https://fabletics.com/TUESDAYS -  Buy 2 months of BlueChew Gold & get your 3rd month FREE when you use promo code TUESDAYS @ http://BlueChew.com/ - Support the show & get 30% off SITEWIDE for Father's Day at https://www.sheathunderwear.com

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great. Good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories. Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And then the duck fell out of his bag. Surf's up.

And she didn't even flush. Knock, knock. Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe List. Yeah. This Tuesdays with Stories, everybody. No, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

Radio is spitting at May. Folks, here we are. We're back in New York City. The Yankees, the Mets, the Rangers, the Nicks, Mom Dani, the rats, the hobos. The train. And the Bush women and the Brooklyn Nets. Don't forget, they're fucking 50 feet from here. And the Liberty.

And the Liberty. Yes, yes. Statue of Liberty. Lady Liberty. Yeah. Boy, I'll tell you, I live, I live, Right by Barclays, when there's a Liberty game, it's just full Lilith Fair out there. It's just pure period blood and backwards hats and lesbians and labia and scissors.

Who was Lilith? Is that somebody? Or is that a flower or some shit? You look like a lily. I'd say it's... Lilith. I'd say it's a lady. Is a woman named Lilith? Jill Lilith? Something like that. Julie Lilith? You're going to have to give that a good there, Choo-choo. Because I know Sarah McLaughlin. Yeah.

Is there a K in there or just a K-s-S of an angel? All the way. Did she do it? The dead dog bitch. Somebody else. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's always got the cats with a one eye and a dog that was abused and he's all crooked and dirty. Lilifair.

Who else was it the closer I am to find? That song's great. And then you see a lot of Melissa Etheridge out there. Oh, yeah. She was good, too. She was good. Come to my window. Yeah, she was good.

Jewel, I'm sure. Who will save your soul? Can we, are we going to get flagged for all this? I don't think we sing well enough for them. Okay, great. Notice, yeah. Let me ask you this. I had this thought today, and I don't know if this is offensive right out of the gate,

but this is a genuine question. All right, hit me, Fannie. What's the difference between God and Jesus? Now, I know Jesus is the son of God. There you go. But you see, like, Jesus loves you, and then you see God loves you. Oh. So who's better?

Who's doing more work? It's a good question. I think God is numera uno. He's the head honcho. He's up there in the clouds with the white beard and the robe and the omnipotent. Now, can you accept God without Jesus? Because it's Jesus saves. No.

Jesus will do this. But then you see God. So there's a lot of God and Jesus. So they're both, are they like Darth Vader and the emperor? Yes, yes. That's a great way to put, but they're good. So Jesus is Darth Vader. Yes.

God is the emperor? That's good. That's good. I'll write it down. I love that. So God has the lightning because he lightnings him. Yes, yes, from the clouds. Ah, he kills the gaze.

Uh-huh. And then Jesus is, he's like the man on the boots on the ground. Right. You know, he's going, he can save you, though. If you're a hooker or you've got water, you need wine, he does a little this. But God can save you too. That's true. But Jesus is face-to-face.

Well, God can do anything. But Jesus is dead, though. Right? Well, he's out there. He might come back, they say. Well, he did come back? He came back. Did he leave again?

Because I know he came back on Sunday. The chocolate bunnies. Is that right? I believe. Good Friday they fucked them all up. And then Easter he came back, which many people have pointed out. Easter should be a bigger holiday than Christmas. He has risen.

Because Christmas he's born. That's whatever. Who gives a shit? Yeah, but Madison Avenue got their ass in there on Christmas. They figured that one out. And let me ask you this. Who's Joseph? That's you.

Because Joseph and Mary had Jesus, but he's the son of God. So is God Joseph? Joseph's just a dude. He was a V. He's a dude, but he gave birth to Jesus. No, he was, she was a virgin Mary. So God impregnated her with his omnipotence. They raised Jesus.

They were the guardians. Well, that's the great Geraldo joke. He's like, this whole religious is just based on a guy who really stuck to his story. That's so good, yeah. That's one of the great bits of all time. Totally. I mean, clearly Joseph blew it in her. Yeah, they were fucking out in Nazareth.

She's a real pig. Virgin Mary. I know, but I think they're, I think it's full of bologna. They banged out. after that, for sure. Did she blow him? She must have blown him. Yeah, there's a lot of mirth going on. So, Mary Blue Joseph. So Joseph has no powers, he's just whatever.

He's a guy, he's like a farmer. But did he raise Jesus? Yes. Like Superman? Like Superman's dad, who was also a farmer. Whoa, maybe there's some Superman Jesus parallels here, because then there's Jorrell, who's God. Oh, I think this is obvious, is by the Chuck's face. I didn't

put that together until just now. Well, I'm not a Superman guy. I think he's gay. I think it's like stupid. He's got the little curl. I don't get it. He's got some moments. Ah, you're saying that for Jerry. He stinks. I mean, I like, I'm a Batman guy.

But. Batman's cool. Superman is a, he's a staple. You need him. He's the guy. I guess so. But the movie, I tried to watch Superman One, and it stinks on ice. It's like a full hour before Superman shows up.

Yeah, Reeves, that fucking horse accident. And then they point it, maybe he'll point this out. Like, he's in just glasses, his costume, his glasses. That's never been talked about. Come on. There's a reason. There's like some kind of like these glasses are hypnotic or something. No, get out of here with that crap.

He was just a daily planet nerd. No, I'm telling you. Because I'm like, what the fuck is with these glasses? And I googled it. And they're like, hypno glasses. I have a theory because all these superheroes are made up by Jews. Whoa. They're all, all the writers are Jews.

Stan Lee? Stan Lee's a big hebe. Bob Kane, who did Batman. Oh, yeah. I don't know about curb. But the guy who did Superband is two Cleveland Jews. Flight to Cleveland? I can't remember their name.

But I think they think that's what a Gentile looks like. Oh, interesting. They just drew a Gentile. Like, man, this guy's strong. He's tall. He's got nice hair. Damn right. No nose. Yeah, that's us, baby.

It's a theory. But anyways, so Joseph is nothing. He's a guy who's hooking up with a Mary and she gave birth to a baby. See, because you never really see a poster of Joseph or a sign. Look out for Joe. Then there's the wise men. Oh, yeah, yeah. Three of them, right?

Three of them. And they came with gifts for some reason. And then the drummer boy. Oh, yeah. What's he? What's he about? There's a burning bush, which sounds like it hurts. Yeah, I've had a little bit of that recently.

Got to get some antibiotics. Get the special shampoo. Oh, right, that too. I got a bright red shampoo. You rub it in there and you can let it sit for about five minutes. Is that crabs? Jock itch. Ah, I've been there.

Well, it comes back. I got all these things that come back. Genital warts, foot warts, jock it, chirpies, alcoholism, warts. Yeah, a child. Yeah, he comes back. Keep coming back. I'll come on your back. But it's true.

You do have the reoccurring stuff. You've got reoccurring characters. Everything I got, yeah, it is. It's like a sitcom over here. You got Kenny Banya down there. That's a funny word. Can I use that? Puk.

So anyway, so Jesus is good and God is good. So if you like Jesus, you must like God invite you. Fersa, probably. Definitely. Okay. Well, God, you can like God, but not Jesus because there's different gods. Well, that's Jewish. If you're Jewish, you don't believe in Jesus. You only believe in God.

But he's a Jew. Oh, interesting. Exactly. Jesus is a Jew. They don't believe in their own guy? They don't believe in Mary or Jesus. That's the New Testament. And who's Abraham?

That's the Old Testament. Lincoln? No, the Jews believe in the Old Testament. The Jews believe in the Old Testament. That's what I'm saying. And yet Jesus is only in the New Testament. That's what I said. What about Moses?

Moses. He's the Red Sea. Yeah, he part of it. Like a haircut. I don't know the Testaments. No. I know about old and new. It's a sequel.

B, C.A.D. You know that. Before Christ and Anno Domeny. See? I don't know what that is. That means in the Year of Our Lord, but Latin. There you go. All right.

This is one of the most informed episodes of all time. Absolutely. We're just starting the people. I went to Catholic school. I don't even know half of this shit. Yeah. I know. I just know it from movies and shows and whatnot.

Yeah. I know my dad had a or still has a manger. Whoa. It was fun to play with. Yeah, yeah. Because he's a big Catholic school kid. We used to beat him out.

And then one time, Me and Jimmy Cranshaw, we were doing a bit because it was after the L.A. riots. And there was one black guy in there. And then we had the three wise men. We were pretending to beat him up and his head fell off. And it rolled away. We all just laughed and laughed.

Easy, Isis. Well, that riot was a big deal. That was a humdinger. I'm so glad I was nine when that happened. So I couldn't really take it all in. but the Koreans were up there with an elephant gun on the roof of the bodega. Oh, yeah, we were just driving through Korea to have that show downtown in L.A. Luke and I were talking about it.

Those Koreans are no joke. You ever see those photos? They got a cigarette hanging out. They were like, because I think they were an ex-military. Yeah, a photo. This video, it's crazy. Wow. Pumping everybody.

They were like just on their story. You got to respect the Koreans. I love a Korean. I love Korean films. Me too. Squid game. I love the Golden. We're going to be, going to be Golden.

That song rules. Yeah. Behind the scenes. Yeah, that's the name of those twinks, those little Asian kids who are hairless. I also love Gangnam style. That's like my son's favorite songs. Classic. When he pops out of that stage, I come all over my face.

But, yeah, they really fucked up. But I talk about this a lot. That was such a formidable memory because that Reginald Denny... Yes, yes, can't we all get along? It still scares me to this day. They just grabbed him. He was driving, and then they fucking threw a brick in his face and spray painted his tits. Oh, the truck driver.

The truck driver. Oh, that was crazy, yeah. Had no radio. And when you're 10 years old, my parents didn't protect me from anything. They just threw on the news and they talked about it. So I'm 10, Jerry. Yikes, yikes. I'm watching TV, and then there's just a man getting dragged out.

They're dancing and doing hip-hop. Yeah. And kicking him in the face. His eyes hanging out. Ah, for no reason. It's because he's a honky. And at least, you know, what's Rodney King, and this is terrible to say. But as a 10-year-old boy,

At least you're like, well, he must have done something. Yeah, sure. We all thought that. Reggie, you know. But they shoved the nightstick up as pooper. No, that's a different guy. That's Roddy. I don't think so.

Roddy, they just beat the snot out of. We looked this up on the podcast. Oh, we have? Yes, we have. And no dice? That was a different guy. There's a lot of horrible abuse to go around. There was the other guy that got plungered.

They plunged his guts out of him. That was in New York. No way. That works. Look it up. You can plunge a guy's asshole and the guts come out? How would it not? Well, there's a lot of stuff going on.

There's bones and carnage. Give it a goug. I'm telling you. Give it that. They help him down. They do a plunger on his ass because it sucks if you seal it. Wow. The original Ozempic.

Yeah, they suck his kidney right out of it. Man, we got to do that more often. We should do that to criminals. Fuck the death penalty. They did it to a criminal. Wow, I'm saying like in jail from now on. Like, that should be a sentence in jail. Like, you're sentenced to two plunges.

Well, it's a bit cruel as well as unusual. You're telling me. You've got a spleen and a intestine coming out of your anus. Is this a wife's tail? What's going on here? I'm looking at Chat Chbc and he said, I'm not sure what incident you mean by plunge the insides out. NYPD plunger genitals. Yeah, get the NYPD in there.

I read it on a popsicle stick once. I'm telling you. You push a guy on the tracks. You're getting plunged. Cold plunge. They plunged and they all went to it. They said, hey, you guys are in big trouble. You can't be plunging of criminal.

No, no. I mean, just to think of it. that is crazy. What about a rotor-rooter? That's what you get that wire in there and start pulling out the shit in the pipes. The wire's showing. Yes, yes, good show. Jaws. Nothing on there?

I'm telling you. Plunger is crazy. Let me Google. You don't know how to Google. Give it a good. You're a bad Googler. They used the other end. They didn't plunge it out. They kind of like... Oh, they fingered him with the stick. Yeah, they fucked up his guts. Yeah, I told you. They fucked up his guts with a plunger. You made it sound like

they pulled a spleen out of that. Well, whatever. It was like a toilet. NYPD plunger. Yeah, 1997. Yeah, incident. Wow, 97. That wasn't so long ago. 59 years old.

Assault of Abner, Louiema. Yes. Nice. Big Abner. He was a Haitian guy, physically attacked, brutalized, and raped. After he was arrested. His injuries were so severe. They required three major surgeries.

Wow. I'm telling you, they fucked this guy. Plunge. Incident. August 9, 1997. The 70th precept. I'm telling, involving the fight outside of the club accusation. On the ride of the station, the rest of his officers beat, love with their fists, nightsticks, and held, blah, fuck.

All right. Script searched. We got to change the channel. Sexually assaulted. Teeth were badly damaged. They plunged his teeth out. Oh, no. Suffered severe internal damage to his colon and bladder in the attack.

Golly. All right. Abnormal homosexual activities. Yikes. Whoa. AHA. Oh, man. Two months after the incident he was hospitalized.

Two months? That's a late for dead? Well, I think they sucked his ass right out. Wow. He had like an inside-out asshole after this. Poor guy. Boy, it's Fire Island all over again. Well, they were fired.

That's true. I don't know. Shots fired. Anyways. Boy, well, it's quite a start there. How was your weekend? Great weekend. One of the best weekends of my whole life, I think.

Yeah, yeah, this past weekend. I don't know what day it is. I'm fucked. I'm all fried. I'm gay. I'm turned around. I'm rode hard and put away fat. Well, I don't know what's going.

You go to Starbucks? I can use a coffee. Hey, that's not bad. We better pause if we want to order. People will shoot us. Where did he go? In the middle of they didn't even say anything. He had to whiz.

I mean, he said plenty before. He's plunging. Yeah, so we got back from L.A. La La Land, the Netflix Fest. Unplug that mic, would you? Huh? His Mike. It's a joke.

Oh, oh, I think he said light. It was half a joke. But, yeah, boy, we got a lot to go in on. Well, Netflix, so we did one pod together, but that was early on in the festival. Remember in the couch? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was after the live pod, though. But so much happened since then.

I mean, that day, you were running rapid. It's crazy. So we already covered Bill Burr. We covered Bill Burr. Well, then I hung out with Burr. next day, which is nice because, you know, we were a little worried because him and I were like a manager and an umpire. I kicked dirt on him. Going at it. Hard. I was like Earl Weaver. I'm like, you stole my joke, you homo. You've seen Star Wars. Fuck you, pussy. So good for you because he's not

the easiest cat to wrangle. No, he was not wranglable, but he was hilarious, as always. Oh, so good. So funny. And then the next day I went to the V-cut, the cigar lounge. Shout out to Kyle. He's a big fan. Right on Melrose. Melrose, right next to the improv. Best. spot in the world. Good times. And I had shout out to Derek also. Not my Derek. Other Derek. Derek and Kyle, both fans. Great guys. Great spot. So I went there and I texted nervously. You know, because these guys, they're big celebrities. They're busy. They were huge when we were boys. Yes, yes. You look up to them. And then you have them on your pod. You're like, he probably hates us. He probably didn't want to do it. I still haven't texted him because I'm too

scared to bother him. So I texted. I was like, hey, you want to meet at the V cut? And I just whip my phone to the other side of the road. And he's like, you should have texted me earlier. And I'm like, well, I thought you were mad. And he's like, you're the gayest man alive, you fucking homo. Okay. Just my dick. Well, then maybe stop acting like you're mad all the time. Well, I think you're mad.

That's just the anger, you know, Boston. But anyways, the next day I went over the house, we had a cigar. It was delightful. Beautiful home. Oh, that's nice. Right out there on the deck, I bet, with the open air. And he's probably got a pool. Well, Los Angeles, you just, I want to move to L.A.

I'm moving to L.A. That's it. There we go. It's enough already with Texas. Texas is out. I'm sick of Texas. Yeah. I've been there too long.

I'm going to L.A. You go to L.A. It's 63. It's sunny every day. They're about to get a new mayor. So you might have a whole different world over there. How about that debate? I didn't watch it, but Luke Moses tell me, they were like, we've got to bring beds to the homeless. He's like, they don't want that. They'll stab you to death.

Yes. They want meth. It was a fun debate. That is fun. He called her a liar, and he goes, Google it. Google it, folks. She's lying. Google it.

So everybody Googled it, and she lied. No kidding. Yeah, it wasn't pretty. It's weird because they keep saying we want to, we got a plan for L.A. and we got to do this for L.A., and I'm like, but L.A. There's homeless everywhere. You had a plan, you've been mayor for two terms or whatever. Like, why did you do it before?

It's all very strange. I don't even know who the mayor is, but either way. Sal Bass. Really? Karen Bass. I'm moving there. I mean, I went there. I got all my buddies.

I got John Higgins there. Yes. Hendrickson's there. Yes. Henry's there. Sure. Who's the other guys? Monis.

Luke, Moes, my boy. There you go, Luke. And my friend Lindsay Adams is there. And Chris Walsh, of course, and Sabina, my oldest friends. It's beautiful. It's sunny every day. Look out the window. It's sunny every day here.

Mountains, ocean. You got nature. You got it all. You got the beach. The beach. The beach. Ah, this fires and gangs and trouble. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got some fires. You got some homeless. You got encampment. You got fentanyl. You got super meth. Traffic. Yeah. Earthquakes.

Yeah. Good one. Good one. Hard to travel. Yeah, yeah. Behind the eight ball there. Yeah, a lot of cooks. You hate a cook.

But the cooks you could avoid. I was in West Hollywood. I think they cleared them out. I swear to God, they went around shooting them. Yeah, West Hollywood's nice. I think they pressure washed all those hobos. But, yeah, they're all in Hollywood. The gays will clean an area.

That's a gay superpower. They can fix a neighborhood. Yeah, exactly. No kids, no wife. You can do whatever you want. Yeah, they'll come in the back of your throat or back, which I'm interested in. Sure. Look at the manspert on Chuck.

Jesus Christ. What are you doing, yoga? Working my thighs a little bit. Yeah. You're doing kegels over there. But any farts. American Kegel. So where did you go after we did the podcast?

At your house, hotel? Hotel, yeah. Yeah. Oh, you went off to do Neeland. Oh, I had Kevin Neal on the other pod. Yeah, he was a treat. He was great. We did Kevin Nealyn, Juzzleck, and Bobby Lee.

So we had a nice little murderer's row and an Asian. And we had a good time. But I did the actual. hour at the store. That was special. Which I got to tell you, going into the fest, I was like, am I a loser? I'm doing, you know, this guy's doing the Hollywood Bowl. He's doing the forum. He's doing the Dolby. And I'm like, I'm doing a club. And now I'm so glad I did a club. Nobody sold tickets. Nobody sold tickets. Everybody was half full. Everybody was scrambling. And we sold this thing out two years ago. And I got to put my friends on. You get that green room. You just, when you're at

the store you feel like a yard. I mean, I'm at base. Yeah. My hotel's next door. I got all my pals here. The drinks are flowing like the salmon of Capistrano. And there's barbecue back there. You're safe? Oh, that barbecue. That was insane. Unbelievable. I wish we could shout out that quiff. I know it. It was a first name

barbecue. Bobby, Billy, Johnny. It's near the Irvine Improv. Samsonite. Might have been Sam's Barbecue. And it was him. Yeah, he showed up. or fucking Steve or Bill. Well, we'll figure it out. Corolla.

Can you text Corolla? Yeah. He's slow. His buddy has a thing. He brought it, and Carola's doing the thing where he's like, this is the best brisket ever. I've been all over. It really was. Of course, you're like, the best briskets in Southern California.

I know. And a shout out to Carolla for being generous. He spread the love and the thighs. I ate about a pound. I kept sneaking bite because I was starving. Me too. And then once you're at base, you don't want to leave again. Once you get to the store, you don't want to leave because you get the good seat.

Yes. We're smoking. Yes. You get Ziggy over there. You've got to look around. You're like, I'm staying here. That's the best. And then he brought in about a half a pound of meat, just wet pussy meat.

Oh, Labia. And I was crushing it. And every once in a while, I'd walk by Adam and be like, hey, Sam took a little more brisket over there. Yeah. I'm like, Mark's eating your brisket. And I ate three quarters of it. Well, Matt Rife's. hot ass, had two bites of his.

I ate his whole brisket. It was ice cold. You ate his leftover food that was sitting in a box. Well, I'd go down on him. I think if you go down, you might as well eat his rib. Good point. But that was a hell of a hang. Great hang. And I had this realization. Carolla's, he's on, he's zinging, he's ang. He's got

an angle on everything. Couches, sofas, what's there? He could go all about everything. But he, I was sitting there and I was like, I used to watch the man show, you know, 25 years ago, whatever that was on. And then I was talking to Polly Shore. I'm like, I used to watch Encino Man all the time. And you're like, showbiz is so weird that if you hang out long enough, everything becomes

normal. Like, probably sure is now a guy, I know. Yeah, and you're doing better than them. That's even crazier. Well, for now, who knows how can you flip? Like, one day, Nate Bargazzi could be going, hey, can I get on Tuesdays? I got to sell this black box theater. I would love the day that Nate is like, let me in there.

It would be funny. It could happen. have been on at some point. I assume. Oh, yeah, he was. Not to besmirch, but I was at the party, the Sarando's party, and Dane Cook's like, can I do your pod? I'm like, Dane Cook, what a vicious circle, tourgasm, good luck Chuck.

It's trying to get on my pod. It's cuckoo. That's unbelievable. It's cuckoo bananas. That's wild. Hey, folks, Tuesdays with Stories is brought to you by Fabletics, which I'm wearing right now. Look at these nice short, short. I look like I'm going to Jurassic Park.

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bunch of comedians in the sun during the day, awkward, and the hierarchies. My God, levels, Jerry. It was all levels. It was like, I saw Nikki Glazer walk by and I'm like, can I talk to her? She's having such a great year. But then I'm like, what am I doing? I've known her for 20 years. Like, hey, Nikki, get your fat ass over here. We chatted and had a good time. But that's how you feel. It feels like high school. You're like, he's the prom queen. She's the prom king. I don't know. Who am I? I'm a nerd. So go through the list. Who was there? Jerry Seifeld. Well, the top dogs where Eddie Murphy was at the top of the tipy mountain. Yeah.

And then it was Letterman, Seinfeld, Rock, Chappelle, Louis. Geez, you know, there's more I'm forgetting. I saw a close up of Chappelle's face. He's getting puffy. Puff to Eddie. Puffy? It looks. Someone needs to do an intervention for him.

Possibly. I mean, I hope this gets to him. I don't know the man, but he looks like, heck. He's getting the young. Hey, watch the language here, right? It is not pretty. Yeah, he's getting the rough eyes, like the yellowy eyes. It's scary.

Someone should say, hey, man, booze and the cigarettes. Yeah. Seriously. It's a lot of fun. But anyway, sorry, Chris Rock, Chappelle. Yeah. Louis. Louis, Seinfeld, Malaney, you know.

It's funny when Louis is, like, not in the top five biggest people. I know. And Louis, I'm like, oh, I'll go talk to him. I know him. Which is also weird because I'm like, why do I, I'm going right to Louis? I should be talking to Ronnie Chang. Right. But yeah, it's Ronnie Chang, Assam Minaj, and then it's, you know, Sam, Santino, Bobby Lee.

Santino there? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He was hanging. He just missed our pot. I know. That's annoying. Yeah, he was on some good.

David Spade, Nick Blazer. Fluffy? Fluffy, that's a good one. He's an arena guy. Matt Rife. There you go. Matt Rife. who else was there

and then there was like lower people that I was like huh yeah I was like why isn't you or soda here but that guy's here and that lady well I was at Burr I was at Burr's house with my feet up looking over the whole city with a big fat Cuban cigar so he wasn't there I gotta tell you about my Seinfeld bomb

oh boy yeah yeah you know I know Jerry pretty well so Jerry walks up it's me and Sam I go hey Jerry and I got a couple laughs out of him because Ted Sarandos gave a big speech and it was very heartfelt and all And I go, boy, how about that Sarando? Is he really bombed?

And he does like the... Nice. I don't know if it's fake or whatever. And I go, these LA comics, they got no punchlines, and, you know, he loves that. Sure. And then... Superman's good. Yeah, Miss Pat walks up.

I want you to introduce me to Jerry. And I was like, oh, okay, that's what's going on here. So I go, hey, Jerry, this is Monique. And she laughed, and he goes, that's not funny. Oh, he doesn't care for racial humor. He does not care for racial humor. I think black only. If I pulled out a Korean joke with Bobby,

I think he would have liked it. Right. But I think black with the slavery and there's like a weird Jew-black connection, maybe. Is there? I don't know the Jew-Black connection. They got some trauma. Trauma bond.

They got trauma, but I never heard. I've only ever seen them being like, yeah, I don't know. I've never seen it. I think it goes both ways. You remember Bernie Sanders was out there with the Civil Rights bullshit. I suppose so.

Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, well, Jews certainly. They are big in the civil rights activism, very liberal. Yes, exactly. Historically. Historically, things have changed. Yeah. But I got the, that's not funny, which coming from him is, that one stings a smooch.

Yeah, that stuff. Well, remember talking funny where they say, you'd never use the N-word, and he's like, no, I'm not interested in that. I'm not interested. They go, you never, you explore everything comically, you never try to explore what's funny about the N-word. He's like, no, I'm not interested in that, which I have to. I respect. And I get the N-word thing, but I'm making a joke with a friend of mine. I know this lady.

She's coming up to me to meet you. I'm saying she's a heavyset black woman of color. Yeah. So I push back that it is funny. You just don't like it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's what we're saying.

He's not his cup. It's not his cup. But she laughed. So that to me, that's, and to me, we got all this racial tension bullshit. That's a way to diffuse the tension. Right. Is going into it. But whatever.

Yeah. I've thought about it a lot. Well. But, yeah, even Sam went like this. Sam was there. He goes, that's how funny. Sam went. Which is always a double stab with the twisting of the night.

But, you know, they met whatever, blah, blah, blah. I know we had a good time. That's good. Eddie Murphy there. He looks like he floats. He levitates. And when he walks by, you hear, ah. Well, he's a special guy.

I mean, Burr and I were talking about how incredible he is. He's got the big house and the success. and he didn't fuck up. He's got his biggest controversy is like he accidentally picked up a... A trans hooker. Dude, yeah. Yeah, it looks like a lady. It was a mistake.

But, yeah, he's just kind of cruising. He's hilarious. He's the funniest. And he's just all class. Nobody has a bad word to say about the guy. No, no. I mean, he's had some bad movies over the years, but who hasn't? Sure.

He keeps talking about stand-up again, but I don't think it's going to happen. Right. But, yeah, the all-time legend. Pound for pound funniest person ever. Yeah, maybe. I mean, with the movies, the stand-up, the S&Ls, the whole thing. Incredible. So that was cool, and Louis was there and just sweating through his t-shirt, the neck beard.

I mean, he looked like hell. So that was fun. We kept poking in that. Fahim is there. He's a go-to. Fahim's like a lifeboat. Yeah, he's the greatest, not the greatest podcaster, but, boy, is he the best comic. Yeah, but there is definitely a lot of this at the party.

Yeah, that's what it seems like. It doesn't seem fun in that way. Yeah, you're almost a lily pad or a stepping stone. Like, all right, I'll talk to you to get to that guy. So I'm just kind of using you. And then that's where you go, oh, I'm in L.A. This is L.A. This is L.A.'s final boss.

You know, like, we are hierarchy, high school levels. Who's big? Who's not? Where are you at? You know, and you start kind of going, like, do I need to get bigger? Do I need to, like, do more? Then you go, ah, fuck, I'm a working comedian. It's like you said.

Put me in St. Louis Funnybow, and then I'm comfortable. That's how I felt at the festival. You know, you're there for three days and three full days, morning, night, noon, whatever the fuck they say. Yeah. I had to say the highlight of my whole festival, that day, I went to breakfast with Ryan Hamilton and Tommy Johnigan. Uh-huh. In Hollywood, we just sat, had pancakes, and we laughed and laughed and laughed. I was like, remember that time?

Remember this guy? That guy sucks. That guy's dick. And then Hamilton had some great Seinfeld stories because they're like best buddies now. And it was just a great hang. And then we're leaving. And Hamilton was like, are you guys going to this brunch? I don't know if I should go to the brunch.

It doesn't seem like it's going to be fun. And I was like, oh, that sucks. We just had this great morning. And now it's like, I'm going to my hotel to sit and contemplate if I should be at this party or not. Yeah. Well, I'll say that it wasn't like a rager. It wasn't the funnest day. But it was cool to see.

I mean, I can't imagine. I mean, my manager is a blurry background of a photo that's Eddie Murphy, Letterman, Seinfeld Rock. Wow. And then you can see a blur of my manager's hair. Wow. He's like, look at me. I'm like, that's crazy.

That is crazy. Yeah. And I got to say, though, we did the big group photo. And the people shimmying to the front, it was, there was a real shamelessness. A real grossness where you're like, all right, man. I know you want to be front and center, but have some fucking decency. Will you? It's so obvious what you're doing.

Right. Well, I saw Big Jay was way in the back. I'm way in the back. Fahim's way in the back Because you just go I just put me in the pit I'm happy to be in the pig I don't want to be the guy like

Excuse me I need to get next to rock Thank you Oh Sebastian was there Yeah Oh is he Yeah I believe so Yeah

I don't know Check the photo But Now here Let me throw this one at you Please So we're talking to Jerry We're at the party

And I'm leaving The next day To go to Toronto For a casino gig Uh huh So Jess Seinfeld walks up And her and Sam are chummy

They got the Jew connection. I don't know what's going on there. They met up in, like, Barcelona or something once with Jerry. Remember that? They posted a photo. Oh, oh, yes. I remember the photo. So she coordinated all that because they follow each other on Instagram, whatever.

So she walks up, she's like, Sam, hey, blah, blah. Sam's like, oh, hey, Jess, how you doing? I'm like, hey, Jess, you know. And she goes, what are you guys doing? When are you guys heading out? And I go, I'm leaving tomorrow. And Sam's like, yeah, I think I'm leaving tomorrow too. And she goes, you guys want to come on the jet?

And you're like, oh, my God, this is incredible. How can you turn down a fucking private jet with Jerry? It's like the Elaine with JFK Jr. You just go the wrong direction. Yes. Just because you want to be on that ride. Exactly. And she's like, we're leaving at 8 a.m.

We got the Gulf Stream or whatever the hell. And I'm like, and I was leaving at 8 a.m. So I'm like, I'm on it. I'm in that flight. So she goes, all right, great. I'll text you guys. and, you know, we'll figure it out. And I'm like, oh, God.

I don't have her number. Sam does. So I'm like, all right, Sam, you got to help me out here. You got to keep me in the loop. Sure. So then Sam, we're all hanging out. We're having some drinks. And 20 minutes later, he goes, oh, I'm not leaving tomorrow.

I got Julian Edelman's podcast. Oh, that's right. I got to cancel with Jess. And I go, you know what? It was probably an empty offer anyway. And he goes, no, she just texted me. Wow. And I was like, did she mention me?

Because how am I going to get on the jet? I got no contact with her. Uh-huh. I can't text Jerry. Why not? Well, I can't go, hey, the old ball and chain there mentioned something about the jet. I don't even know if he wants to be on the jet. She did all this on her own volition.

But this is the thing, this is what you're stuck in. You got some, your head stuck in the asshole. Oh, yeah. Because you got to treat normal. That's how you get equality. I know. You got to go normal. I got to hit my wife.

That's equal. Just say, hey, Jack. Other jazz. invited us on the plane. Uh-huh. The better half. So, hey, Jerry, Jess invited us on the plane. I don't know if that was genuine or not, but I don't have her number. I'd love to gum.

Yeah. If May was like, hey, come over Sunday. Yeah. I would be like, okay, great. And then I would text you going, hey, May invited me. Can I come? Come on. This is a different vibe here.

This is a different relation. Well, you and Jerry are pretty tight, no? I don't know about that tight. Not like this. I don't know. I'm just saying it. Well, I'm not tight with a lot of people, but if their wife were like, hey, I'll give you a ride, I would text and be like, let me get that ride. Right, right.

So, okay, well, I didn't even know if he wanted us on the jet, because remember, you got picked up by Salacus. You had that like, ah, do I need to see this guy for 20 minutes? I want to go to my hotel. But I'm thinking Jerry's having that same thought. But you know Jerry. Jerry is not a guy that goes, oh, sure. That's true. That's true.

Jerry will be like, fuck you. No. Yeah, no. That's his whole thing. His whole thing is being like, not you, Bobby. Well, maybe I don't want to know. Ah, all right. That's part of it.

I don't want to text him and him go, no, no, that's not going to work out. Then I'll cut my own tits off. But you also know he likes you. He likes you very much. He did your podcast. He brings you on the road. Sure, sure. And says, I love Mark.

He loves comics. No one wants to be just with their wife without a comic friend. Right. But I also had the Monique Bomb. Stop riding a bomb way. That's true. Monique Bomb is. big. Not just a bomb. That's not funny.

Uh, yeah. Not just, I'm not going to laugh. I'm going to call out that that wasn't humorous. It sounds like he's saying that's racist and mean-spirited, frankly. Uh, 100%. Eish. Yeah. She's my pal who walked up to me. But all right, whatever. All right. So, uh, so now I'm just, I'm at the store. We do the store that night. I'm a headlining the store. I got you. I got Sam. Carolla. What a, what a hang. What a night.

Laura Peek. And Laura Peek. She did great. It's just great to throw your friends up. We got a sold-out show, but I'm looming the whole time, just thinking, eh, want to get that meal, don't you? You know, like, I wonder if I can really get on that flight. I don't think she meant it. So I text Sam again, I go, I don't think she meant it. He goes, she texted me, she offered me, I can't go. You got to go.

And I'm like, but I don't have her, it feels weird to just show up at eight with a bag. Just say, hey, I got your number from Sam. He wouldn't give it to me. Come on. No, he's like, hey, look, I don't know what she's. he's like with the number? By the way, can I just a quick side note? I had breakfast with Hamilton, and he told a very similar story.

He opened for Jerry in Worcester. They were going to Paris the next day. And Jess was like, you should come to Paris. And Jerry was like, you should. You got who. Well, I never got the you should for him. And then Ryan was like, ah, they don't mean it. Same thing.

He was like, there's no way they mean it. This is a family vacation. They don't want me on the family vacation. And Jerry was like, are you coming or what? And it only was he didn't have his passport. and he's like, I would have gone. I didn't have anything to do. And Jerry was like, God, he said he was on the phone with Jessica.

So she seems to be the plane person. She is. And he heard on the phone with Jessica, he heard Jerry go, go, the passport. So I think this is their thing. They go, we got the plane, we got the money, come along. I should have told you that if I didn't know that story at the time. I wish. All right, well, either way I ended up going.

We'll get to that later. But store was great, and then I had to go to Toronto. But I'm going to pass it off to you. I've been hogging. Well, I want to hear how this thing ended, but... It ended by me not getting on the jet, I'll tell you that. Oh, hey, ve. I know.

What a ride that would have been. I know. You've got to take these things. Believe people when they... Believe me. You've got to believe people when they say things. Yeah, yeah. What do you say when you say things?

But anyways, right now. What time is it? 315. Right now. Anyways. So, yeah, so I've lingered around. Then I had the improv the next night. Oh, right. Say anything, I'm doing a club, and I fucking limp to the finish line with those tickets

because I'm up against my own self. The bookings were crazy. Crazy bookings. I'm headlining the improv. The same night, I'm doing a theater show with Sam, Jordan, and Rachel Feinstein. I'm like, who the hell is coming to see me alone when you can see these other comics as well? Right, right. So we did the United Theater, which I saw Soter that night.

He's like, it's the best theater I've ever seen done. It's ornate and beautiful and wide ornate Bargatsi. Yes, yes. It's fantastic. So I do the improv. Best club show I've ever done in L.A. My life got a partial standing up. Wow.

I have to be able to stand up. Clap. Miranda Meadow. Miranda Meadows. She was great. This guy, Cole, who's the last name I forget. You know this guy, L.A. guy. Cole Allen, the guy who shot Trump?

No. Cole... Cole trickles. The only coal, I know. Oh, he's funny, too. Brower, something like that. Something like that. It sounds like B. Brower, I think.

Coal Stone Creamery? Right, Brower. I don't know. Anyways, he was great. Okay. Festival put him on. They're like, hey, can we put this guy out with it? Because they have comics. They're like, we need shows for these comics.

I don't care for that. I said, well, Luke was like, he's the man. He's hilarious. So I said, great, put him on, and he was great. Randu was great. Luke killed. How about this? After the show,

I don't know how to pronounce his name still to this day. Matt Groening? The Simpsons. He was at the show. He bought a ticket. What the fuck? He wasn't even on the list. What?

The creator and author and hero of the Simpsons came to my show, sat in the crowd. Longest running show in history. Icon changed the game. Unbelievable. He came to the show and my manager's like, yeah, he wasn't on the list. He didn't hit us up. He bought a ticket and was like, one, please. Homer, Bart.

Quimby, Wiggum, list. The whole thing, yeah. Wow. He was there. And that, wait, the Brower, that's Ned Brower. You know the guy, Ned Brower? No, I was just going to say Matt Greening. Yeah, there you go.

No, no, I don't know him. Ned Brow. He's on the pit, and he was in the band Rooney. He's a huge fan of ours. What? The Pitt, the hospital show? The hottest show in town. Wow, Brad Pitt.

So he came, he's a fan. So it was like celebrities at the show, which was very excited. exciting. He came and said hello. His wife's very beautiful. He's very beautiful. And they're big fans, evidently. Wow. And it was just a killer killer show. Hell yeah. So then I finish, and then afterwards, there's another

show coming in. So it's Steph Tollove and Sodor and everybody's hanging. Good group. And that is one of those things where you get involved in the hang. You're like, oh, my God, Matt Groning and fucking Sodor and yada, yada. Did you meet Matt? I didn't meet him. I'm bad at business. I was talking

to Soter. Who are you talking to? I can't get on a Sodor's like, well Soder's like, you know, he's intense. Yes. So you see Soder and he's like, dude, this is crazy. We got to come down there, brother. We got to take it up. I'm going to hold you over my head and smash in the butt. It's all right, all right.

He's Hogan. Hulk Soder. So I'm having the hang. We're laughing it up. Soder's being hilarious. Chris Walsh is there. Luke Monis. I look at my watch and, oh, man, it's Mickey.

I got a show downtown. Oh, you want to throw? I'll throw. So it's like a 30-minute ride. We hop in the car. Luke takes me down there. We get down there. It's Sam Maril, Jordan Jensen, Rachel Feinstein, beautiful theater.

We throw Luke up. We go, hey, why don't you open? No one wants to open. Boy, he's getting a lot of work out of you. Well, he goes afterwards, I wasn't even thinking because I'm such a, like, old veteran, crafty veteran idiot. He's like, I got to tell you, that was the best night of my life. And I'm like this. What?

Yeah, yeah, that's good. You need that. Did the hottest show at the improv. Right. He's got a celebrity that came to see him. He's got the creator of the Simpsons. Portland's own. Yes, yes.

Every character's named after a street in Portland. Then he does a thousand-seat theater. Right. And we had a great hang, and it was just awesome. Then Jason Reitman's there. Sam's just buddies with Jason Reitman. Oh, he loves Sam. Which is crazy.

Thank you for not smoking. Up in the air. Thank you for smoking. Sorry. S-N-L movie. A Juno. I love Juno. A Juno.

Big Juno. Lady Ghostbusters. Oh, yeah. That's what my... That's what Mom Donnie said. What do you think of Jews? No. I couldn't get there.

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Thank you, buddy. So anyways, that was a crazy hand, great show. So then afterwards you hang out a little bit. Luke takes me back. Yep. The show started late. It was a late show anyways. Yep.

It's 1 a.m. I got a 620 flight to Boston to do the Boston garden with Shane. Oh, my God. So I go to bed at 1 o'clock. I got to wake up at 4.20. So it's one of those ones where you set the alarm and you're like, this is three hours from now. Yeah. So the alarm goes off and you have this wake up.

Sure. And you go to the airport. It's wonderful. Delta one. Oh, my God. Soda was flying at the same time, so Soter and I have free breakfast, beautiful breakfast. How did he get Delta one? He's had Soter.

He sprang for it? I think he sprang, yeah, he's very successful. He's doing a fucking crazy sold-out theater tour. He's got the cake. Not everyone's, you know. Hey, I wish I was on the jet. Pinching the pennies. So we had nice breakfast together.

Fly over there, get to Boston. I mean, there's no real great story, really, but I meet up. It's me, Bobby Kelly, Sam Jay. doing the Boston Garden sold out 17,000 people. Wow! Three nights? I think he set a record of some sorts.

Three nights longest single stand-up comedy run ever. How about that? And the shows were just awesome. The show was Bobby Kelly, Sam J, me, Shane. So you did two nights. Two nights.

I did Friday Saturday. Thursday was Francis Ellis and Bobby. That was the night all the Bruins came, of course. Oh, come on, the Big Bee. But I had Derek Warrick. White from the Celtics was there Friday night and the Be a Man guy was there Saturday. Be a man.

He's a big fan of yours. So he told me all about it. So anyways, but the show's there. My uncle's Uncle Doug, Uncle Dale come. They got their firefighter union jackets on. They were like shit in their pants. They're fucking box seats on the floor. Wow. Wow. Wow. And then Bulger

Mike and Jimmy Whitman, Big Al, Dan McDonough, all the Boston comics come. And it was just fucking awesome. The show is like, It's amazing. Hot. Hot, electric. And the crowds are great. You can say anything. They want to laugh. They're with you. Oh, they were fucking phenomenal. Just don't mention another sports team.

Well, at one point, Bobby was like, you know, I moved to New York, and the whole crowd booze. Which is fun because it's 15,000 people booing. So I was in the back, I go, fuck you, you fucking asshole. Which is great, because nobody knows what's going on. Sure, you blend in. And then Bobby's such a pro. I mean, he just takes it in and then just goes crazy and kill. I mean, he fucking murdered. Sam was great. and then of course Shea like just blows the roof off the place.

Hell yeah. And what a career. You talk about doing the improv and then doing a United theater. He's like, okay, I'll do L.A. at the Hollywood Bowl. Then I'll fly to Boston to do one show. Then I'll fly back to do the roast. Then I'll do the other two shows. No, no.

It was three and then L.A. So he was in L.A. Wednesday, flew Wednesday night, did three arena shows. And then right after the third show, then he flew on a red, whatever you call it, a private fucking nighttime. Uh-huh. To L.A. He had to be there at 10 a.m.

Why? For setup. Yeah, he's the host, so they have to do all that stuff. So he's leaving Boston at 11 p.m. and has to be at the Staples. Where the fuck it was at 10 a. What a career for him. And that's a great room.

And so, and that his next gig is the football stadium. Oh, in Philly. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Go Birds. What a career. I mean, this is a,

this is like a. generational run. Historic, and he handles it with such grace. I mean, he's just totally himself. Yeah. He spends time. He went over to, I didn't even introduce my uncles. He just went over to them.

My little cousin is there. He introduced himself to everybody. He offers up, you know, lobster rolls to everybody. Everyone's drinking his beer. You got the video game going? Video game going. We played Sarah came. It was me, Sarah, him, and Francis Ellis playing some game called Mele.

He's just dominating because none of us have ever played before. Is that the fat blobby guy? Yeah, he threw him off a little. building. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a fun game. So that was a hoot and it was just tremendous. And, you know, and then you're staying at the four seasons in Boston. I'm like walking around public garden. Oh, my God. And he's the most generous man on the planet. He pays a lot more than anybody else has ever thought of paying. 100% and the amenities and the jet and the hotel. It's all gravy. It was all pipes. So no great story other than it was fucking incredible.

Yeah, I don't want a story. I want this to go great. I want you to have a, if you had a story, you had to be bummed. Yeah, yeah. I'd be like, oh, that night I slipped and fell in my tits and my father's gay. Yeah, I said the N-word on accident. I flubbed something, whatever. But, man, he's got some killer, killer bits. Oh, dude, yeah.

The new hour is going to be nuts, especially when he comes to New York and polishes it up. Yeah. Bit shines it. It's lunch. All right, let me just wrap up with this. Yeah, tell me. So I won't even get into Canada, but, you know, I go, ah, fuck this 8 a.m. flight, all, you got to go, 8 a.m.m.m.

flight to, I guess Buffalo, then Buffalo to Toronto, some horrible thing, but I'm just going to suck it up and do it. And I'm checking into my flight. Here we go, I'm in the back of the plane, United, fuck me. Then it says, check in almost complete. Scan passport.

And you're like, oh, okay. I didn't bring my passport. Because it's domestic to Canada. You don't think about it. Domestic abuse. We've talked about this. I know. It's the way it goes. You can't fly domestic before international. Cannot do it.

It doesn't work. My passport was in a sock drawer, you know, on the third floor. And I go, ah! And then this is the worst part. So I tell everybody my situation, I'm bitching and moaning. And everybody goes, how about you overnight it? Just overnight it. And I'm like, the flight's in eight hours.

You can't overnight something eight hours. No, you can't. Well, boy. Less than eight hours. So I told them. It's funny because you were like, I'm not going to even get into Toronto. Literally. Yes.

You're not even going to get into Toronto. You're right. So. Bobby Lee, I'm talking to Bobby Lee, goes, cancel the gig. I'm like, what? It's a sold-out casino, big money in Canada. He's like, you know your passport, cancel it. And I'm like, this is the difference between me and you.

This is a sold-out gig, huge money, and he's like, just do it next year. And I'm like, but I fucked up. It's my mistake. I got to pay the price. Right. It's not like they fucked up. I fucked up. So I have to do the gig, but he's like, I would have canceled that two hours ago.

And I'm like, you're crazy. But whatever, he's Bobby Lee. He's a legend. So I go, I tell my manager, I'm like, I fucked up. And he's like, all right, what happened? I tell him, he goes, wow, okay, fuck. So he booked me on a red eye. So I have a red eye that night, which you're not ready for a red eye.

No. You got to prepare for a red eye. It's like going to the doctor and like, oh, we got to take blood. You're like, I got to do that another time. Yes, exactly. I did like two weeks to worry about that. Exactly. You can't just be taking blood willy-nilly.

See, you get it. What am I, a vampire? Oh, I get it. So I'm like, ah, red eyes. So now you try to like prep for a red eye. And you're like, okay, here we go. And I go, I have to get some sleep. I've been partying.

I've been drinking all week. I'm on no sleep doing eight pods a day, six shows at night. And now I have a red eye where I'm going to get no sleep. In the back of United flight, because I was last minute. So I go, I walk around the comedy store and I go, who's got drugs? I need Xanax. I need a colonnopin. I need an oxycotton, a horse trank, a special.

Okay, a plan B, something. So I meet this one door guy. They go, oh, talk to old, you know, Chester over here. He's the drug guy. So I go, okay, Chester. And he goes, yeah, I got some Kalanapen, but it's at my house. And I go, but he's at work. He's got the ear thing going, the comedy store shirt.

Yeah. And I go, well, you know, what do you think? And he goes, maybe I can take my break. And we had a fan there. And this fan goes, I heard the whole thing, I'll drive. My car's right outside. So we had like a get. We had wheels.

We had a getaway guy. So now I jump in the backseat of the filthiest car. I'm pushing Wendy's shit and the dead hookers off to the side. I got Chester up front and the fan. He's smoking a cigarette. Will wiggles it around sunset. We're peel out. We drive the two miles pull up to some hill.

The guy runs out, comes back and just goes, there you go. And I'm like puts like 30 pills on my chest. Wow. Chestering the fan sounds like a class. classic radio show. Yeah, Chester and the fan in the morning. So we start talking, we're driving back, and this guy's peal all he's popping up on a lawn, he's running over curbs, he hit a cat.

We get back to the store, I pop a Kalanapin, I go to the airport, slept the whole flight. Wow. Yeah. So now you have to book a new flight to Toronto from New York. Well, that's one great thing about having a manager. So I show up at like eight in the morning in New York to go, I have to go pick up my passport.

So the wife's feeding the baby, and I, I walk in, you know, and she's like, what the fuck? What are you doing here? You didn't tell her? No. I wanted to surprise her. So she's like, oh, you're home? What happened?

I thought you had gigs. I was like, that's a long story. We make out. I kiss the baby. I play with the baby. We'd take a little walk. I could take them out to lunch. And, you know, it's only an hour flight to Toronto.

Right. So I jump on a flight at JFK and a couple hours later and home free. Wow. So I made the gig. And the gig was great, I assume. Gig was great. And it was one of those gigs where you got that, that you keyed up because of all you've been through.

And I just, I had a great time and rift on Canada, rift on casinos, and all as well, it ends well. Boy, that, the domestic before the international will always fuck you. You got that right, baby. Because you're going to L.A. for three days. So you're mentally, you're like, all right, I'm off to Los Angeles. Totally. You're not even thinking about Toronto. 100%.

100%. So did you have to cancel something that night? Uh, yeah, I think I canceled that improv show. Yeah. A show at the improv, not an improv show. Right. What am I? We got a suggestion.

By Colin mockery? Yeah. So it all worked out, but boy, it was a crazy, just series of events, getting the drugs, taking the drugs, falling asleep. And then, where, what are we? Way over? 51. Okay. So then I get to Canada.

I do the gig. Then then I look at my schedule. I have another gig in Canada next night at some other casino in Moncton. Oh, New Brunswick. Yes. Moncton. How do you know Moncton? Oh, I know things.

Wow. You nailed it. Moncton, New Brunswick. Did you rip one or what? No, I think Chuck exhaled. I don't know. Chuck, you've got to close those legs. My God.

I have no idea. Something reeks. But, uh, so I look at my schedule, 5 a.m. pickup. And I go, 5 a.m. pickup. Tomorrow? Why? And they go, well, this is two flights to Moncton. One at 5 a.m.

I want at 2 p.m. And I was like, well, give me the two. And they're like, yeah. the two is a little, it's, it's risky. And I go, what time's the show tomorrow? They go, shows at eight. I go, well, how long's the flight? They go, one hour.

And I go, if I fly from two to three, what's the problem? So they're like, yeah, I guess you're right. I'm like, you got to stop booking me on these 5 a.m. flights. Like, you're going to kill me because it's a 4 a.m. pickup and all that shit. Right. So he goes, all right, good, good point. He changed it to the 2 p.m. So I sleep in, I slept 10 hours, just because it's been a wild time.

Slept 10 hours, wake up, shower, shower, take on the day, get to the airport for two. Flight delayed four hours. This is why you take the morning flight. I know! And the morning flights are rarely delayed because the flight is waiting for you. You got that right, Faddy. The 2 p.m. You got to wait for a plane to come in.

Oh, yeah. Could have used the jet. So, four hour delays. So I'm just sitting at the Toronto airport, going in and out of the lounge, eating baked beans, wherever the fuck they eat over there. Poutine and pussy. and finally you know

I'm texting with the guy at the casino in Moncton he's like we're going to have to hold the show we're going to push it back I'll have the opener

to 245 then we'll do an intermission they're doing all that shit so it got so bad that I finally landed I had the thing where you get on the plane and you're like

we're finally going to go oh my God and I dozed off I fell asleep for a half an hour woke up hadn't taken off isn't that the worst I try to do a joke like that

you think you're hitting fast forward but you accidentally pause I hit pause you're like oh Jesus. I hate pause.

So I wake up, fly it and take it off. Finally we take off, and it's Air Canada, the worst jets of all time. I mean, no TV, no plug, like no charging. That's got to be just the short ones. I assume the long ones have something. Maybe. I don't know. They've got to get this shit together over there. It stunk.

But you finally land and the owner of the casino, some like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, boy, pick me up with a feather in his hair. And he's like, step on it. So I'd run outside and jump in his car. And we ride all the way to the casino and I go right on. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was crazy. 2,000 people, bananas, middle of nowhere.

You know when you're on stage, you're like, I don't know where I am in the world. I don't know where New Brunswick is. I don't know where Moncton is. I have that all the time just in regular towns. Like St. Louis. I'll be like, where the fuck am I? Yeah. It's confusing.

I know. But you go, hey, fuck it. I'll tell my jokes and see what happens. And comedy's universal. hopefully, and we did a show. And then I met the opener, this guy, Liam. He was super funny. I got the thing where I told yuck yucks.

I was like, send me a bunch of links. I want to use a local guy. And they're all horrible except for this one guy. It was great. Oh, great. Then we hung out, and we shot the shit. He was like 26 years old. We went it to my hotel room.

Oh, boy. And we got a pizza. And we just talked comedy for like three hours. Oh, nice. Yeah. He had a case of beer. We talked comedy. and then I had to be like, all right, I've got to kick you out.

I got a flight in the morning. But great kid, and it's good to get the perspective of the 20, mid-20s guy. Yeah. Because, you know, comedy's in a whole different world and place. And you sound like the old-timer because you're like, oh, back of my day, we didn't do that. That's new. Oh, whatever. I feel like all the time, people will message me and be like, hey, you got any advice for a comic starting out?

I'm like, no. No, it's different. What's my advice? Send a VHS to, you know, read Judy Carter's book. Yeah, exactly. Get a comedy, buddy. I was like sending a VHS with a camcorder to, like, Ed Regal in Dorchester to try to get a spot the Emerald Isle. Yeah.

You try to build an act. You didn't film anything. You certainly didn't message people to be like, can I open for you? That was not ever a thing. Podcast didn't exist. No podcast. No social media. No clips.

No crowd work. No topical. No. No anything. No nothing. I'm like, I literally, I'm like, I have no idea. I hope to get seen by comedy. Central, I guess.

Yeah, you hope. Back then, I think five guys were in theaters. Yeah, maybe. Five guys we know are in arenas. Yes. So crazy. Next time, tell your manager, book the early flight and say, make sure I got early check-in.

That's the solution. Early check-in. At the hotel. That way you take the 7 a.m. flight, you get to Moncton, and you go, whatever you do, you're fucking dirty asshole. Get me, book the hotel the night before, so it's ready. Yes. you can arrive plenty of time and then you get to see the town.

Early checking is big. How many times you've flown in, you've got one eye open, you got jizz in your hair, and they're like, oh, your room's not going to be ready until three, and you're like, it's 10! I'm about to do that in Scotland. I'm flying to Scotland, and I had this thought. I'm like, maybe I'll book it Friday night, so the room's already my room. That's good. It's not bad, but it's like a $350 room, and you're like, that's $350.

Yeah, they should give you a discount. Like, I'm only going to use half the time. Come on. Right. But this way, at least you. can arrive, drop your luggage up. Plus, and going to Europe, you want to stay awake anyways. Yeah, yeah. Well, Scotland Yard. That'll be fun.

Four days from now, me, my wife and son are flying coach. Overnight. Seven hours. Hell yeah. It's going to be, that's going to be tough. That will be challenging. Then we land. We have one day in Edinburgh and then take the train to Glasgow. Wow.

Three days in Glasgow, four days in London, five days in Dublin. I mean, I know it's too late, but I would have switched that. that. Well, I think I would have gone two days in Edinburgh. It's just so pretty. It's so pretty, but we're leaving Friday night to arrive Saturday morning. My show in Glasgow is Sunday. So I'm like, how many days do you want to be gone for? That's true. So we got one full day in Edinburgh and it'll be fine. You can run around and see the castles and everything. I've been there. Oh, okay. Okay. You've been there. Marty. They'll see the castles. Then we'll take the train to Glasgow. Wow. It's going to be something else.

And what's crazy about this trip is the whole trip, the whole tour was all because Ari and his wife were going to be living in London. No, I didn't know that. That's why we did it. Wow. And then she broke her toe. He's an asshole. They're not even going to be there.

Whoa. That's literally why I booked the tour. I was like, you're going away for six months. I won't see you for eight months. You'll be in South America. You're going to be running around promoting the show, which, by the way, go check out the show. The end. We're both on it, along with Shane and Nate and Soder and everybody.

Sagora. Sarah. Yeah, the other guy, Miss Pat, Modique. Those are women. So I'm like... That's not funny. So I'm like, I was like, I won't have seen you.

You'll be living in London. He's like, yeah, we'll have a two-bedroom. You can stay with us. I'm like, free place in London. Two of our friends, we've spent time traveling international with them. We'll keep up the traveling internationally. We'll have a babysitter. We'll have a free apartment.

I'm doing the UK. They're not even there. Unbelievable. He fucked me again. They fucked you. But at least you get to go to the UK and Scotland and all that shit. We'll have a great time, but I'm spending $75,000 on hotels. Right.

Got no babysitter. My father's gay. Yeah. Well, can't you? It's all one hotel. Yeah. You know, it's not like you're buying her a place. Well, I'm getting, well, my parents are coming.

Oh, I didn't know the parents are. What are you crazy? You're bringing them back to Africa? This was there. This was there doing. Wow. The Scottish, the Campbell's. They had to go get.

Passports. They've never been anywhere. Whoa. Tell them to remember that passport. It's going to be insane. But yeah, so we're going to Scotland, Ireland, Northern Ireland, England. Wow. Bristol, because someone told me to go to Bristol. I've sold four tickets.

Bristol's tough. Yeah. It's a cute town, but it's a tough market. You got that straight. Boston market. Forty people. Glasgow's not the best market for us either, it turns out. I got 11 people coming to that one. But London's sold out.

Belfast. Get it. There's like nine people coming. He's Northern Irish. They don't know. What the fuck? Belfast is, I did a show there. Two people got into a fist fight. One guy yelled, I suck. And he was like, he showed me his TikTok. He's like, I'm watching TikTok. Fuck you. This is better. So I can't do the accident. But I was like, Jesus gracious. So anyway, so we'll see how it goes. And by the way, this comes out nine months after the UK tour. I don't know. What month are we in right now? June 8.

We are in deep summer here. Wow. I'm at the beach right now. June 8th, I'm back. I have no idea where I am. I think I'm at governors this weekend. I thought we were further ahead than June 8, to be honest. I did too.

I don't know where the fuck we are. Because we're in Mays already in the middle. I guess that'll buy us about a month. That is pretty good. Yeah, all right. One, two, three, four. Jesus. Anyways, I'm at governors.

this weekend, and then I go to Calgary next weekend, which is kind of the last minute. That's a good gig. It's supposed to be in Pittsburgh. They double booked. The pit. So now instead of a fucking 80-minute flight, I have a four-hour flight. But Calgary Comedy Shop, next weekend, governors this weekend, Philadelphia.

I mean, we got so many people on Long Island. Let's fill that up. Yes, yes, gays. And then, of course, Empire Comedy Club in Portland, one of my favorite July 2nd and 3rd, and Mothership, the first weekend at September, my future home. Buy those tickets early, so it's Tuesdays and not just, you know, whatever crazy animals. And I think I have a bunch of other stuff.

Go to my YouTube. I put up a thing called B-Sides and Stinkers. That's fun from the Grove. It's in front of 12 people. And that's a fun one. And punch up live. Sign up for our email. Yes.

So you know when we're coming. For Pete's sake. And the Patreon is insane. We did a behind-the-scenes thing at the improv. We fucked around there. The two of us. It was hilarious. Yeah.

We got Bill Burr, extra stuff from Bill Burr and Greg Fitzsimmons. Yes, yes. Ronan was in there. Who else was in there? Ronan. Wasn't he in the green room? Oh, yeah. Did we film him?

I don't even remember. Oh, yeah. Ronan came in. He's not camera ready. So, yeah, so there you go. All right. Spokane's over. Thanks for coming out.

We miss Spokane. Be back there in three months. You got that right. Can't wait to get back. I bought a place there. Got a condo. Geez, I'm going all over. I'm going to Charleston.

I'm going to the Irvine Improv. I'm going to Tampa. I'm going to, let me tell you right now. June 8th. Yeah, Irvine, Tempe, Detroit, Seattle. Wow. And San Francisco at Cobbs, Improv at Houston, Nashville, Zanis, Pittsburgh Improv. I'm picking up his gig.

Calgary as well. And Acme in Minneapolis. Wow, classic. Denver Comedy Works and Comedy on State. The three best clubs. The three best, baby. Boom, boom. And Portland, Oregon.

So I'm all over that Pacific North Anal. It's going to be fun. And we'll see you in hell. Check your passport. Don't forget Chuck. Chuck. Check, check, check. Check one, two. Check on my podcast.

Funbearable. But more importantly, I'm working on a very special project, a secret project. We're looking for a little bit more funding. And if you're interested in funding, a very fun comedy project, I'll give you all the details. Just message me at Discount Chuck on Twitter or Instagram. And we appreciate all the gays that have reached out and are working with me to find that funding.

A lot of people have reached out. So feel free. Get on board. And yeah, hit me up. If I know our fans, they are broke. A lot of them aren't answering me. That sounds about right. Well, we love you guys.

You're the best. We appreciate you. Well, we won't record again until the fucking 80s because I got to go all over this goddamn country to see Ari. Yeah, or Nazi him. We appreciate Nazi. Nazi. So, we'll see in hell.

And sorry, we're canning, but we did it for doing it for you. Yeah, what else we're going to do? Now we're about to do a bonus. Get on that Patreon. We'll see you now.