Tuesdays with Stories! - #670 Man-Tuck-It

Episode Date: August 25, 2026

Mark goes to San Francisco and gets interrupted mid-pod by a new pal! Joe films a new sketch and sees a man get demolished by the old hardball! It's Tuesdays! Our Stuff: - https://www.patreon.com/tuesdays - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories - https://www.tuesdayspod.com - Upgrade your fall layers. Sign up as a VIP & get 70-80% off everything at https://fabletics.com/TUESDAYS - Get 20% off your first 6 months of Quo business communications at http://Quo.com/TUESDAYS - Buy 2 months of BlueChew Gold & get your 3rd month FREE when you use promo code TUESDAYS @ http://BlueChew.com/

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great. Good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories. Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And then the duck fell out of his bag. Surf's up.

And she didn't even flush. Knock, knock. Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe List. Yeah. This Tuesdays with Stories, everybody. No, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

Radio is spitting at May. The New York thing, but the jackhammering up my ass all day. I hate the jackhammer. You know, Matt Wayne has the bit. I keep telling him, I'm like, you got to make this work. He didn't give you that one? No, I want it. I want it back.

Damn. Give me that bit. You know why? Because it's fun to go. Of course. Every time I see him, I'm like, that's fun. Yes. That's a good time.

And it's a great point. We haven't got, we got AI. We got LASIC. I know, but. What's frustrating about the bit is, I think other people, random people, they don't, not to be like, we're geniuses, but I'm like, I think people are like, it's a jackhammer. But there is something so funny that's like, this is still, this is Matt Wayne's bit, by the way. Jesus Christ, by the way, we had a clip issue. Remember, I did a guy's bit and then people clipped it and just put out me doing his bit with no recognition that it was his bit.

Mike Toey. You run the text. Oh, oh, yeah. It's a big dramatic thing happening. I don't read these text threads. It's a lot of work. But yeah. I didn't know it was dramatic either.

It's a little dramatic. Was he mad? I'm like a thief. Of course he was mad. Oh, he got his bit out there. So what happened? No, but that's not in the clip. Ah, no clip. If the people that watch the hour-long podcast go, oh, this guy, Mike Tooie sounds hilarious.

But then our wonderful clip folks, I don't know. Maybe it's a robot. I don't know who the fuck does it. No, it's a guy. But they clipped it. This guy's tough. And it's just me going, Oh, you ever say,

Oop when you bump into a guy, there's no mention of him. So the internet, clips, which is where the world exists now. Sure, it's all clip and headline. It's just me doing this bit, and people are going, whoa, the list is fucking,

another, shock up another winner for list. Right. And so he texts me being like, hey, brother, the fuck is this. Oh, I didn't know any of this. That's in the text. I don't read them. You're in the text,

you responded. Holy shit, this is crazy. I have a guy who responds to my text. He's the same guy who does the clips. Is it a robot? So anyways, I'll put the clip up. We'll get a new clip of me saying, hey, but also, he gets fucked, but I look like a fucking bag of turds.

Right. It looks like I'm like, hey, I had no funny idea the other day. There's black people and there's, you know what I mean? That's good. It's good. Like, they're shooting up the screen. Oh, that's gold. Is that yours?

Yeah, it came up. Oh, man, that's big. Came up with it. It was 14, 1996. Put it in your books. But anyways. You love you, too. You're hilarious.

That was the drama. So wait, what... Funny bit. Oh, I talk about the jackhammer. Oh, the jackhammer. Don't you hate these bits where you're like, this is funny? You guys go, oh, it's just a jack...

That's what a jackhammer does. I'm like, I know, but it's funny. You're not getting it. Well, somehow I think... Doesn't translate. Because Matt Wayne, my wonderful opener friend, he said his observation is, how do we not have better technology

than the jackhammer? It's still just a guy being like... and it's throwing his back out, his hands are all shaky. And every time he does it, I'm like, he's going to do this act out. The crowd's going to go wild. But they're kind of just like, uh-huh. That's the funny part, is the act. Of course, of course.

That's gold. Your body's shaking. Don't get me wrong. It's not eating shit, but it's just not like, it's not what I want it to be when you're laying. Everyone's like, oh, my God, that's true. Yeah. Like, how do we not have a laser thing? A laser.

How about this? Gay conversion, gay sick. I like that. You shoot something in their eyes and they go, I like pussy. Plus, gays are sick. Gays are, gays sick. AIDS? Disgusting. That's a joke.

AIDS used to be something else. I think what's called AIDS? Cribs. Cribs. Cribs. I don't know. Sakes. I don't know.

Sikes. Give that a good. I think what's called grids. Gay-related infection anal. Oh, maybe like around the neighborhood. Was that the side? Science? I believe that was science.

That was Fauci. Wow. Well, he was all, he was big in AIDS. Fauci. Yeah. Right, right, right. Yeah. What do you got?

Grids? Grid. Bam! Gay-related immune deficiency. That's something close. So then they were like, oh wait, no, the heroin addicts are getting this also. And yeah, a couple of streets. And the transfusions.

I told you, I went to the hospital years ago for some, you know, tingly nonsense downtown. Uh-huh. he had Parkinson's. At the time, I would have killed for Parkinson's. And I went to the doctor and I went to something going on. I got AIDS. I know it, Doc. I know it.

And he goes, you gay? I go, no, no, no. And he goes, you like, you do drugs? I go, what do we talk? I go, needle? I go, no, no, no. And he goes, no, no. And he goes, no, no.

AIDS is tough to come by these days. He was right. But man, when we were boys, Ryan White, that fucking kid came out with his spiky hair and his cute looks. My sister had a crush on him, which is so funny that, nothing sums up women better than like, I like the dying infectious disease kid. That's my boy.

I'm like, that's who you want? I know. That guy will kill you with a kiss. I thought you like commitment, long term. He's going to die. But what a fucking frightening time. Now, we have a lot of people that are in their 20s and under 35. But man, 1991.

Oh, man, it's Mickey. It was terrifying. We had Magic and Ryan White at the same time doing double duty. Used to be my homie. Used to be my ace. Now I want to slap the taste right out. your mouth. Plus the movie Philadelphia.

Yeah, easy. There was a couple of AIDS cats out there. Big cats. Now, that's a weird thing about the feline AIDS. That's a weird thing about the ladies is one time I was on a date years ago and I go, yeah, yeah, she wasn't into me. And I was like, yeah, you know, my dad died in front of me. And she was like, oh, my God.

Right. Really? And I'm like, whoa, this is working. Of course. And then eventually I was like, I'm joking about the dad. She's like, why would you lie about that? I'm like, why would you be into that? Why is that a turn-on?

Well, they want to take care of you. I guess. They love a guy. If you're an orphan, bag of shit, you were left for a homeless bird, that's like the hottest thing. That is a kooky turn-on. I know, but people love it. But we all love it. We all love an underdog story.

That's true. People don't like anyone that comes from any amount of wealth. They're like, yeah, but he's rich, you know. He came up rich. He came up for money and whatever. It's not his fault. Right, of course. It's like being gay.

You're born. that way. Whoa! That was a whopper and a half. So I think it's the same with... That's why they like the quiet time. I'm so regret. I never got to be the quiet type.

We could have used you being quiet. I was allowed... Well, I was painfully shy as a boy, but that was before sex. Sure. Once I was like, had a dick that worked, I was like... Oh, yeah.

Once that guy put it in you, you were a changed person. Goop. Hold on. What did you say about something? What do you say when you see things? It made me think of something. You know what I missed is Tuesdays with Seinfeld. That was fun when the guy put in every reference. Remember on Twitter?

Oh, I love that guy. Because it was really fun to keep track of them. It was fun to keep track. And it meant somebody cared. Like, holy shit, this guy's on it. And he was as retarded as us with the Seinfeld references. Yeah, he was an autistic weirdo. But I got to tell you, the comments, you know, everybody out.

The comments are mean, mean. Last week, it is... straight down the barrel positive. Is that right? Because I broke my computer over my knee and threw my phone in the ocean, so I have no idea. I'm telling you, that was, whatever that up was, we were humming. I listened to four minutes of it. I was howling, Jim.

Really? Howling in the Uber. Well, the people at home know, the real deep fans know that I've only ever listened to one episode of this show, and it was Red Rocket, I think it was called, Russian Red, with Scotland. Yard. Scotland Yard. Scotland Yard. Scotland Green. I listen to it with the detectives over in England. Scotland Green. I listened to one full episode. Go find it. I don't be the Patreon. That's like an OG. Gotta be 11 years old. Ten years ago. I mean, Scotland Green, I think, is dead. I assume. I think he's cooking. But what a cool first name, by the way. Scotland. I know. They do that a lot with the

the geographical names. Like this is Austin or this is Brooklyn is a big one now. Yeah, that's new. Germany. Germany Stewart. Is that a Germany? Yeah, I just made it. Oh, okay.

I bought it. It sounded like a writer. What are some other ones? Well, the weird one is Israel. I used to know a guy growing up, we call him Izzy. Yeah, Israel. But Israel, that's a tough name. Relatively common name.

What else is there? There's other ones. Susan, no. Larry, Louisiana. America, I believe, was the last name. I think his name was Americiano or something like that. Yeah, something like that.

And then people wonder why it wasn't Colombia, because America was the guy that drew the map, and then they named the country after him. Is that right? I believe so. We should be the United States of Columbia. And then there's names that were names that became places, like Columbus.

Oh, Columbus, Ohio. There you go. What is another place name? There's got to be. Boston. I guess Boston could be a cool name. There's America Ferreira. She's an actress. Oh, right. Boston. Paul, yeah, Boston.

Paris. Paris Hilton. New Boston. Paris. Paris is a name. Paris, Texas. Paris, Texas. Paris. We're going to hit in the wall here. Vegas. Is anyone named Vegas? That's cool name.

Kind of cool. Vegas Jones. You got a kid on the way. Hey, I like that. Vegas and Van. That's pretty good. Hey. VV.

V-V-V-V. HIV. Turns into AIDS. Well, we've got to get back on track here. Yes. Washington? That's a first name sometimes, isn't it? I think that was the name first. Hey, Washington. Hey, Wash.

Yeah, Ron Washington. Fuck, we got to get back. We were humming. We were humming. We've lost the hum. Sorry. There's no more hum. We got a couple out of.

We got Brooklyn, Paris. We got a few in there. No hum. Humdinger. Oklahoma Stevenson. Well, I got back from Oh, Minnesota Fats. Right, right.

That's a nickname. That's a nickname. Yeah, yeah, shit. Nicknames is different. Tennessee Williams. Tennessee Williams! Put it on the board. That's lunch. Dakota Fanning. Oh, mamacita.

Georgia! Georgia! Hey, Georgia. Wait, who's Georgia? This is a name, Georgia. I can't think of someone. Georgia Leone. Georgia O'Keefe.

Georgia O'Keefe. Giorgio Key, is that the vagina cunt? Yeah, yeah. Sydney. Sydney, Australia. Sydney, Australia. All right. What was first?

Well, most Sydney's, I feel, like, are S-I. Yeah. True. I think Sydney might be named after a lady. But we had a couple good ones there. India is a name. India. That's big.

That's big. River Phoenix. River. Well, River is a thing, but Phoenix is a place. But it's a last name. Yeah, Boston's a last name. Is Salem a name? Salem?

I hope not. I don't think so. It's a cigarette. I knew a guy named Salem Witch trial, but folks. By the way, I've always thought this. They went on a trial. These are the worst lawyers in history. She's a witch.

No, she's not. Right. We're done here. All right. She's a witch. Do some witch shit, bitch. I can't. I'm not a witch.

All right. I mean, how do you lose? lose that. Well, I think you've got to prove that she's not a win. It's hard to prove that someone's not a win. I'd prove a negative or whatever they say there. I guess it's like the glove with OJ. Yeah, because you could be like, well,

make her do a magic trick and she could be like, I can't do it. You're like, yeah, but you're just willfully not doing it. So it's a tricky. I get, but you're under oath. I don't think anyone cares about the oath. Oathmail. I think they did fucked up stuff like, we're going to push her off a cliff. Uh-huh. And if she flies, she's a witch.

and if she dies, she was a person. Right. And we just killed someone. Well, there's that great Monty Python. What else floats? Very small rocks. She turned me into a newt. I got better.

One of my all-time favorite jokes. She turned me into a newt. Everyone looks at him. I got better. I got better. You can't write anything funnier than that. I got better. It's amazing.

He came all the way better. I got better. He went all the way to a newt, and then he just got better. I got better. It's perfect, the perfect silence to look around. No one believes him. He's there.

He's a person. But I got better. I got better. Not I healed completely. Then I turned back. I got better. He says it's so, so meekly. I got better.

Fucking so good. Those guys really had something. They really did. By the way, you got to love, I guess it could be construed as misogyny. But I love that they were like, it's us five. And if we need a woman, one of us will play a woman. There's no women. No black people.

That's a Shakespeare did it too. Stick it with us. Yeah, you're right. No women. Just throw a wig on, do a ridiculous voice. Where are the group? Well, kids in the hall, same thing. This is the group.

They did not bring a lady in and Scott Thompson put a wig on and then a little lipstick. That was it. That's the great tophead and Heartbreakers doc live. Stevie Nix was in there. They were playing together, jamming together. They had a couple hits. And then she's like, let me join the band. And then again, no girls allowed.

Get out of here, you whore. Anyways, he's dead. She's alive. Future's female. Where are we? What the hell? You went somewhere. You started to tell me. San Francisco.

San Francisco. My God, what a town. The weather was perfect. North Beach. The club's right in the heart of the city. It's a hot room. We sold that puppy out. I had a great opener, Caleb signing.

What a weekend. It's the best. I mean, I was just there, whatever, a week ago, two weeks ago. So we're doubling up on how much we love North Beach. It's the best place. It's the best place. Sure, there's some gnarly fucking homeless, but you just kick them in the tits or run full speed. Well, I always say San Francisco is nothing but hobos, homos, and waymos.

That sums up the whole city, because you got the homeless problem. You're stepping in human shit. They're all on heroin. One time I stayed out near the tenderloin, which is the dicey area. Yeah, yeah. And I asked the hotel lady at the desk, I go, well, what should I do? What's around here? She goes, whatever you do, just don't turn.

right. Right. Literally don't turn right. And I was like, well, turn right. That's half the city. She's like, don't do it. Well, the hotel, I did punch up, whatever it was, four years ago. I stayed in that hotel, which is right next to the tender line.

And they have, when you're checking in on the desk, a map of the city with a big red area with an X through it. Wow. So as you're checking in, they're like, this is off limits. Damn. Which I think it's getting a little bit better, but then people complain. They're like, they just moved them to the Castro or whatever. Right. And it's this weird combo of rich.

and poor, like super rich, super poor, no one in the middle, and then high-tech, AI, you know, next-level shit, and then human feces. Right. They got the big spectrum. But it's so fucking beautiful, those rolling hills, the big harbor, the bridges, the other bridge, this bridge, the mountains off in the distance. The fishermen's wharf, that bookstore, cafe zoetrope, that fucking weird tower that looks like a point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all perfect. It's all pipes. Great movies over there. Zodiac. Escape from Alcatraz. My sister's ass. Zodiac again.

Misses Doubtfire. Bullet. The Birds is kind of in that area. That movie's very silly. Full house. Full house. What's dirty Harry? What's that first dirty Harry called?

Is this called Dirty Harry? I think it's Dirty Harry. Or Magnum Force or something? No. Magnum condom. Well, whatever. Dirty Harry's over there and SF, Streets of San Francisco with Carl Maldon, just a very cinematic area over there.

Very pretty. And you know what I like to do? You know me? I have a weird thing where I Google high schools. Vertigo. Sorry. Vertigo. Yeah, yeah.

I Google high schools. And I go, oh, we got a North Beach High. O.J. Simpson. Wow. O.J. Simpson, as a youth, as a young black, was walking these streets in the 70s or 80s or whatever the hell. The 80s. He's retired in the 80s.

Okay. 40s and 50s. Hertz. 40s. Now, 40s is too young. But grew up in the 50s, I think. I guess so. Let's see.

I mean, he was in the NFL in the 70s. That's true. Yeah, good point. So I think he was in college late 60s. So minus 10, maybe 50s. What was he born? 49. Something like that?

49. I was born in 49. San Francisco 49. Yeah. Who was it? O.J. Simpson is new. O.J. Simpson is new.

Oh, the bus driving murderer. Yeah. O.J. That's a Mike Tui bit. So 49? Yeah. July 9th, 1947.

Oh, I was close. And I aged up because you got in my head. You rounded up. My dad's 47. God damn it. Well, O.J. And one Joe DiMaggio. Oh, and Tom DiMaggio, I assume.

And what else you got? You got Robin Will. You got Nancy Pelosi. Oh. And I believe. I can't think anyone else. Shang Wang. Yeah, all right.

I think you grew up in Houston, but then started in San Francisco. A lot of Asians out there. Either way, it's a great town. I told you, I was there one time, and I went to meet up with Shang, and this was post-COVID. I hadn't seen Shang in four years. Yeah. And he grew his hair, I had no idea.

Long hair and long mustache. We're walking up to each other. He looks like a third of the San Francisco community. Oh, I see. So he comes up, and he's like, I'm like, oh, God. Here's a homeless psycho. I almost punched him. He walked up to me and he's like,

and he smells like weed. He's got a cool man chew. His hairs down to his shoulder. Last time I saw him, he had a cloth and a clean shave. Right, yeah. And he kept walking. Literally, my heart was pounding. I'm like, I'm going to kick this guy in the nuts.

Give him a fucking suplex. We were hugging before I was like, oh, this is shang. I had no idea. Literally. I just realized I fucked up. Chuck, you got to go talk to the guy at the front door. What is he doing? I ordered a security system.

A gun? I ordered that security system from last week. And the guy's here to install it. So can you just let them in? Where does everybody? Cape Cod. They're flying back today. Oh, geez.

Just say, hey, come on in the security. I put the box next to the couch. I just saw him walk up the steps. Sorry. It's hilarious. It's open next to the couch. We'll put together a Starbucks order too while you're up there. There you go.

Oh, Jesus. Sorry, I forgot to mention it. That's all right. We don't need them. The cameras are rolling. The things rolling. That's a good point. You know what we need, though.

We need anybody to be listening. Otherwise, we're just talking to each other. That's the real important part of a producer. You think so? Yeah, because otherwise just feels ridiculous. What are we talking to? There's nobody here. We're talking to each other.

I know, but then we should face each other and look at us. Oh, that's too intimate. The whole podcasting thing is mind-bending. When you really think about it, it's kind of like when you think about it, when you read a book, it's like this weird ESP thing. where this man is talking to me, but in the past, but it's in the present. Oh, yeah. Like, I'm sitting here reading whatever, something, you know, J.D. Salinger said, thought of,

and I'm reading it. I'm taking it in. It's his words. Yeah. But he's been dead for 50 years. Oh, yeah. Like, they're listening to us, but not right now. Right. Right. Right. Right now. Uh-huh. Isn't that weird?

That's kooky. It's like time. It's fucking, if I was on mushrooms, I might be like, Right? Yeah. Whoa, mama. And then the weirdest part is when you're reading these old-ass books and they're super relevant. Right. You know, you go, holy shit, that applies to me yesterday.

That's kooky. Yeah, well, human beings don't change that much. That's why the technology is so funky. Yes. Because we're out riding fences and getting chased by tigers. Yeah, but we're all still horny, insecure, jealous, and gay. Are you watching the Idaho murder doc at all? I can't.

It bums me out. I can't do it. It's fucking nuts. That guy's a wacko banana-faced jizzbag. What's crazy is they didn't call 911 for 10 hours. Why? I don't know. And the cops's like, this is what bothered me about the dock.

The guy is the cop. It looks just like Jomboy, which is crazy. They look almost identical. I started following him on your wreck. He's very funny. It's the greatest thing ever. He's hilarious. But he's just saying what they're saying, right?

He's not adding to it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He does funny edits. He has a lot of great jokes. He does the voices. He's very funny. Funny guy.

No question about it. He's all those guys. We were just talking about John Rindiske. We're going to go off the rails. But I just made a little short film with John Rinski and then he opened for me at Fat Black. That's one of those guy. He cannot not be funny.

He's very funny. He just is hanging out, chatting, and I'm dying laughing. He's a good egg. What happened? He's up there. He said there's a doorbell that you didn't pay for. Oh, good. It's in there.

Do you want to pay for it? Yes. Yeah, I'll pay for it. You know, it's funny about this. You don't be a funny idea. You just have a guy's, this could be a sketch. he's putting together the security camera but he's just a guy in your house

I know He's unlocked everything's everywhere The baby's well the baby's not here I guess But he could just go and rob you I know The security camera and be like you're good to go That's true Like he penetrated the house

Well I'll do you one better I got a box shipped to me From simply safe or whatever the fuck The box got stolen The security got stolen There you go You needed the box before the box Yes, exactly. But I recovered it. Some guy found it and then dropped it down the street because he saw there's nothing good in here.

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Came up with this. I had this idea 10 years ago. Somebody told me it was stupid. So then I forgot about it. Then I brought it back. I'm like, no, it's not stupid. It's funny. All right.

It's a rom-com slash horror thriller comedy. Every category. Okay, yeah. You need some porn and some porn. Chuck, I think you'll like this. Well, give me some porn. Okay. That's what I meant to say.

A rom-com sex thriller horror. You ready for this? It's a couple, a married couple. Let's say Joe and Sarah are their names. All right, all right. I've heard of them. No, no, it's a married couple. They've been together forever, and they go, you know, let's get crazy.

You know, let's bring a guy in here. He fucks you in front of me. It's going to be wild and fun and sexy. Love it. And she's like, I don't know, that's crazy. I'll volunteer. You're going to freak out. Oh, no, it'll be good.

I'm into it. Who cares? Yada, yada, a lot of buildup. You know, they laugh, they joke about it. They bring in friends. They tell their friends about it. Oh, you guys are nuts. What a lot of comedy.

Yeah, and soos. Then they bring in the guy. Big Spanish guy, black guy, Asian. No, Asian. Yeah. Black or Spanish? A bowl. Yeah.

Grab the bowl. A stud. They're like, all right, here we go. We're ready. He starts fucking her sexy. The husband just gets all keyed up. He can't handle it. Good keyed or bad keyed?

Doug key. Car key. He's going, oh, I don't like it as much. This guy's fucking my wife. What does this? Okay. That's very relatable. He grabs a bowling trophy or some kind of thing.

thing hits him on the head. I like it. And then he goes, he kills him. Good. So now he's naked, she's naked, he's naked, he's naked, and now he's just bludgeoned him. The wife is like, what are you doing? This is nuts.

Yeah. I was about to come, and now he's bleeding out. Yes. And he's still alive. It's like Billy Bats. He's like, and they're like, well, we got to do something about this. This guy, we know this guy. We have his number.

They're going to trace us. Now they got to kill him, wrap him in the run. get rid of them. Yeah. Call the neighbors to help. This bonds them. So they're closer now. The couple.

Not the neighbor. And he's like, I freaked out. I don't know. I thought I would be into it. But this guy, I can't have a guy fucking you. This is nuts. I killed him.

I like it. And then, wow, it's wacky. It turns into like an I love Lucy crazy fingerprint. Get those fingerprints. You step in the bud. He slips. The neighbor shows up. Everything okay.

I thought I heard something. Steve, get out of here. Hey, what's going on? That's great. I got the extra key. Uh-huh. Oh, my God. Now he's involved.

going to kill him. I don't know. Whatever. Wow. And there's your film. I love it. How about this for the title? Bad luck, cuck. Hey. Hey. Something there. There's something. That's something. Cuck. Yeah. Cuckadoodle do. Cuck. Hey, that's not bad. Uh-huh. Okay. I think that's a hell of a... We need an ending, though. We need a button. We need a twist.

Well, you can't give the people the ending. I see. And I haven't thought of it. Me neither. I thought maybe she has to kill the husband's to blame him. She's like, I'm so sorry. Well, remember that scene in, what's that movie about the 70s, porno? They go shoot a porno and the for cheap out in the woods. Oh, X. And the black guy fucks the chick. Right, right.

And the guy fucks the girlfriend. Yeah. And he cries in the shower? Yeah. Oh, man, did that hit home? Ty West. That was horrific. I got the big giant poster from some fan.

Yeah, I still have it. No, I have it. I still have. Maybe you have it. Maybe you have it. giant poster of something that they sent in a big tube. That might be the Pearl Jam one. I have the Tuesdays with Stories, the light up one.

Remember with the, it was orange. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't read the text. Yeah. By the way, ending for your thing, it should start with them being like, we're losing the spark, we're not connected, we're not together, and then killing the guy does bring them together. She doesn't kill the husband. By the end, they achieve what they originally wanted.

Right, right. That's what I was thinking that we get there. or the guys living under the floorboards, neighbors come over, like, it smells weird in here. They're like, well, whatever. Anyways, fund this. Some of you guys have money. Send it over.

Get on it, Nolan. Send it over here. I can make a movie. I just did this weekend. That's a fun, fun premise. Boy, I went on a deep dive of Nolan after the Odyssey. Did you know he went to a prep school in London and his parents lived in Chicago?

They just got rid of him. No, I have no idea. I don't know much about Nolan's background. His brother wrote Inception. He directed Inception, and his other brother killed a guy. Wow, I knew about the writing brother. I didn't know what the murder brother. The other guy killed a dude, went to jail.

I just said Murder Brother. Murder, brother. That's a good title. Now, let me ask you this. Is the Odyssey all confusing for no reason? Do I have to see it four times before I understand it? No, no, I got it. And it made over a bill.

That's crazy. Bill Burr. I can't stand about Nolan. Well, I like it. I romanticized the idea. And you've probably seen the clips. Every comment's the same. He does the thing where he's like,

I don't have phones. I don't have a phone, I'm a computer. I don't care for it. He goes, I'm not interested. And then every comment is like, this guy's assistant hates him. This guy's producer must hate him. That's funny.

Somebody's communicating with you. Like somebody's life is a giant fucking nightmare. Yes. Because you don't have a phone. It's like the Ari thing. Ari's like, can I use your Google Maps for about 45 minutes? You know, what was that? Norm.

Norm couldn't drive. Right. So this guy's got to go to S&L every day. He's got to go to a movie set every day in L.A. He's got to go to a TV show every day. And some poor schmuck has to drive that country. Yeah, it's just like, I don't have a phone. It's not interesting to me.

But I'm like, right, but 300 people have to communicate with you somehow. And he writes on a typewriter. Well, that's neat. I love the idea of being with these guys like, I can't have a phone. I'm like, do you have children? You're running a business. Get a phone. Just don't put apps on it, you fucking asshole.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But tenant, I still, I mean, I've. Oh, Wikipedia, Cliff Notes. I've watched it. I don't know what the fact's going on in there. No, thank you. Memento, it took me three years to figure it out, but I love that. Yeah.

Even the third Batman, I'm like, what's going on here? What? All kinds of stuff happening. It's like, there's this guy, there's the guy from Apollo 13, there's... Kevin Bacon? Matthew Modine is in it. Uh-huh. There's, you know, he's in a prison.

Bain. He leaves the prison, and Maria Colthiard, there's an atomic bomb. I'm like, this is wacky. Yeah. Just give me a Joker's going to rape everybody. I know. Now we're talking. You know what I mean?

I've always said it. Why aren't the bad guys more evil? They kill people, but they don't say the N-word. Come on. That's good stuff. That's true. You remind me of my father. He hated N-words.

N-words. They're like, Jesus. Whoa, Joker. Relax. Half the Hitchmen are black. Calm down. Yeah. But why wouldn't he?

If he's throwing it all against the wood? he would throw that in there. Oh, somebody's here. Knocked? Yeah. Oh, God. I hope he didn't hear

the last sentence. Yeah, well, I think we're okay. Tell them we're podcasting. We're just doing a little podcast. Close the door. Sorry. I'm shooting a podcast. Oh, you need your phone.

Uh-oh. Maybe come back. If you don't mind, sorry. They told me 1130. Sorry about that, sir. I'll be here. All right. Watch a lot.

him out, Chuck. Let the man out. Walk the man to the door, will you? He's a human being. Boy, this is a red-letter date in the history of the podcast. What does that mean, red-letter date? Well, it means you mark it and red because you've got to remember it, I think. What are you

talking about? Well, this is historic. We're literally yelling about whatever. And he's coming back in a later date. There's an African-American man with long dreads outside the door listening to us,

bummed out that the Joker doesn't say the N-word. He got a point. He just said N-word. He said Edward, and you did a voice. That's good. Yeah, it was clearly, and we all laughed. Yeah, that's your idea. That's true.

Yeah, but you pushed him in. Wow. All right, well. By the way, this is also the first time in history that you have to be like, your guy comes to install a thing, and you're like, come back in and not going to be here. They're not going to be here.

He's going to come back in an hour. You won't be here. They won't be here. I'll have to keep Chuck here. This is not good. They never come on time or when you want them to. You can track the guy. I tracked him like a Domino's Pizza.

What happened? That was ugly. Did he hear everything? Did he hear anything? He's outside the door. I heard him knock like this. I had to answer a lot of questions. He's like, it's going to be this much.

Is that okay? And I'm like... How much? Uh, 130 bucks. Oh, that's nothing. Nothing. Well, that's added on. That's added on.

Did I already paid for it. Right. But I thought it was going to be like $4,000 or something. I'm 30 bucks. You know, that's not crazy. And then he's like, is there wiring already for the doorbell? And I was like, absolutely. Big wire.

No wires. There's no wires. I love the wire. Yeah, good show. But there's no wires. I think he was in the wire. Oh, geez, there he is. Oh, there he goes.

Oh, God. He looks like if Lamere took. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was epic. Yeah. Oh, boy. That was bad. That was really bad.

That was really bad. the window. Like, the Joker should say the N-word. But you make a good point. That's why I got security to avoid that guy. And here he is, listening and knocking. All right, all right. Joker.

He was really, like, he seemed annoyed with me. He was like, should I do this? Am I doing this? And I'm like, I don't know. You think he's annoyed now when he comes back in 90 minutes. I know. We're also still recording. And or are you gone?

I know. Like, we're going to continue a podcast, and as soon as it's done, you're leaving the home. Well, hey, in a weird way, it's like the signful episode. Now he gets what it's like. We wait for years for these cuts to show up and then they finally show up. We go, oh my God, I canceled six things.

Now you're here. Now he shows up. We're doing a pod screaming the N-word. The tables have turned. No, I agree. He deserves it. He'll go on to the streets. It'll be good. Well, he said he's coming back in an hour. Well, the thing is, though, nobody wants to work. Like, so he's

relieved. Like, if I had to go install a thing and I'd got there and they were like, ah, we're busy. I would be like, great. I'd go eat a hot dog and watch a movie. He can go see The Odyssey now. I guess, but I bet he's got other jobs. He's got to go to another house.

And now this is throwing them all off. That's possible. But how many security jobs are there in a day? It's not like Amazon delivery. Have you seen the neighborhood? But yeah, you got a point. I always think that too when the stewardess is walking down the aisle and have to be. Flight attendant.

they unhoused are walking down the aisle and they see eight people sleeping and I go, that's eight less coax. Absolutely, yeah, yeah. Eight less funions. Well, we just shot in a film location, at a restaurant, and we took up the whole space, and I kept apologizing to the bartender, I'm like, well, get out of your hair. And then the waitress was like, I got to tell you, we're loving this.

Nobody's coming in because they see all the equipment. You're saving our ass. We don't want to do anything. I know, but don't they get tips? I think it's slow during the day. It's one of those ones where it's like one brand. And then I gave them a large tip. Right. So I think people are like, I think every job top to bottom, no matter how hard you work and how much you love to work, if someone's like, tell you're not ready yet, take an hour off, you're like, great.

Oh, completely. I'm trying to justify the feeling of kicking this man out of your house. But I think we're good. I feel bad. He did say 1130 on the app. Okay. What time is it? 1046.

That's true. Yeah. All right, shit. I feel bad now. He seemed like a nice guy. Yeah, it's a little, you know, whatever. It's fine. It'll be all right.

Well, I didn't know he... I thought he came in and stalled and left. I didn't know he needed me to walk around with him. And you need your phone and the app. The phone. He came over an hour. You can't be giving that phone out. I'll tell you that.

He came over an hour early. You shouldn't really feel too bad. You know? Yeah. What if you weren't home? You're like, I'm going to be home at 1130. I won't be home later. Yeah.

So this will be awkward. I think the problem is he's lying about the 1130. No, I haven't. I know, I'm joking. Oh, okay. That's why I was like, oh, this is going to work out. No, no, he'll come back. Maybe he'll hopefully he'll come back in between the Patreon and the episode.

You hook up the phone. You go, boop, boop, boop. And then he goes and does his work. We Patreon. We all leave together. Do I give him my phone, though? No, you stand next to him with that. I don't know.

He probably just needs a couple things. I see. Okay. But they probably attach the security to the phone. Yeah, the phone app. Do I give them water? You got to offer him some water. I got him some water, yeah.

Yeah. All right. Maybe a grape soda or something like that. Oh, this is offensive. I don't care for that kind of humor. But, all right. But yeah, I was in San Francisco. We had a great time.

Woo, boy. Hot dog. This thing went off the rails, baby. How about that? You ever heard of Conwell Coffee? Six Hanover Street Financial District. I have not heard of Conwell. Well, I got to give a shout out to this place.

You've got to go check this place out. Conwell. So I shot this little short film that none of you will ever see. We're going to send it to festivals. Hopefully get it to cons. Yeah, Conwell. Let's think about short film. There's nothing, the only thing, the only worse investment than a movie is a short movie.

You know what I mean? There's like no hope of getting the money back. Of course. A movie can go to theater, maybe you get on the back of a seat at United. Short films go nowhere. There's no short film. film that's like, oh, that made $50 million. No. You can't get an Academy Award

like Stephen Wright. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's about it. I don't think we're getting an award. Or at the festival's because it's three white people. Ooh. Gross. Gross. The whole crew was white. Yuck. Actually, I think there might have been a Latino on there. I can't tell, though. I try to ask.

Nice. I'm stuck to my leg here. I'm going to come. Anyways, so we're going to shoot at the cell, the Olive Tree Cafe. Sure. And then last minute, the thing with making movies, you're making a movie. It's all just problems. We haven't even started yet. We got problems.

It's everything. That's what a producer is doing, is going, fuck. Okay, fuck me. Okay. Ah, shit. All right. Well, that sucks. All right.

Fuck this. Yep. So we were going to shoot the olive tree. And, you know, Liz is the greatest person of all time. She's a big fan. That way, Furiati. By the way, furious is almost her name. Yeah, yeah.

Furiati, which could mean furious in Arabic. And she is scared. I had two producers. We all know Liz. We were like drawing straws to see who's going to ask her questions. Sure, sure. Like huddled up like this. I get it.

All right. She looks like she's in a good mood. Yeah. Well, you asked last time. Yeah, she threw coffee in my face. Well, she stepped to mine nuts. I already go. She's frightening and the sweetest at the same time.

Oh, yeah. So I go, hey, can we shoot at the olive tree? She goes, of course, you can do whatever you want. You're our favorite comedian. We love you so much more than Mark. And I go, oh, my God, thank you. I knew it. So then I go, great.

We'll be there Sunday at 10 a.m. She's like, Sunday. We got brunch. It's S.D. We got 400 people coming in. You can't shoot here Sunday. That's good point. And I was like, huh.

All right, I should ask this earlier because it's Wednesday night. Uh-huh. So now we have no location. I got, I'm spending money. I got actors and a script and a prop and a thing and a boner. And I'm like, okay. On Saturday or Monday. Well, then we have this thing where you're like, how about Monday?

Well, maybe Tuesday. And then everyone's like, Tuesday. You didn't tell me Tuesday. Well, I have a drop-inous appointment. Right. I'm not working on Tuesday. Tuesday. On Tuesday, Tuesday, I take my mother to the dentist.

Oh, fuck me. Yeah, Tuesday will. So then you're like, all right. We need a venue. So we start reaching out. What's this guy's name? You know that show at the Overlook. Morrine used to book it?

Yes. So the band. Yes. You know that show? Yes. There's this guy named Max, who's very attractive. He's a musician. Good-looking guy.

A musician. And they have a band. It's like doing the Tonight Show. It's fucking awesome. Killer. He's got a stand-up bass. So he goes. Ace of bass.

That was more of a regular bass. Here's my stand-up bass. Hey, that's good. Stand-up comic. So, John Rivensky, who's starring in the movie, he goes, my friend Max, he's got venues up the ass. You've got to talk to him. This is the thing that makes you feel spiritual.

When people help you, helping people, helping you, these people come out of the woodwork. So I text this guy, Max, I go, hey, Max, we met a couple times. My father's gay. He goes, I know you. You need a venue. I got the place. You need Conwell Coffee.

I go, okay, well, there's that. He goes, I'll meet you there. So I'm like, this guy's just coming to the city to help me. No money, no nothing. There's nothing to gain for this man. This is rare these days. So I go, well, I got my kid that day. My wife's out of town.

I'm going to bring my son on it. So I take my son on a location scout. Wow. We go to Conwell Coffee. It's this old bank. It was the headquarters of City Bank. Come on. In the 1920s.

They got five floors underground. It's a skyscrap built to be the tallest building in New York. The stock market crashed, big depression, everyone's sad. Is that right? And they do this big theater there called Sleep No More. Have you ever heard of that? Oh, that's big. You know about it?

Yeah, yeah. And I'm there with my kid. I'm getting no sleep. So, same. So they take us to the venue. Max meets me there. I bring Marty in. They're like, they love the arts.

They love movies. They just love music and everything. They take us around. They're like, you can do whatever you want. They're like in here is the regular coffee shop. You got to go there. Go on a date. They got drinks, coffee, food.

It's jazz. Sunday they had a kind of like dance music, but with a saxophone player playing with it. Wow. It was this real fusion-y thing. They got all these crazy rooms, big bankfall, basement. It's the kind of place you want to write stuff just for the venue. What the hell do they get out of this? Well, they have the show Sleep No More.

Oh, so in this show. They're taken care of. So the Sleep No More is an immersive theater. I've never been. Yes. But they take them through the bank vault into all these crazy rooms. Got it. And it ends in this big showroom.

And they do shows there. I love it. And they gave us the run of the mill. Wow. They fed us. They gave us food. Their only condition was put our name in the credits and order food from here and not other places. And we said, Crocodile Dund Deal, another great Matt Wayne line.

It was awesome. Amazing. So if you ever need, you're about to shoot a movie and you think, oh, my God. This is huge. This or that. think about this. What do they got over there? They got a bank vault.

They got a, okay. They got a coffee shop bar. They also have like big debt. It looks like Vito slash Michael Corleone's office. Big sprawling desk. What's that show that people love with severance? No, almost like that. Succession.

That's a good show. It's that kind of, like billionaire, office kind of thing, bank vault, basement, crazy. It was fucking awesome. But you have this feeling, and then my manager, Adam Triplett, was producing the movie. He had to go down to tires for the premiere last minute. Oh, fun. That's how big Shane is. People are bailing off projects to be like, we've got to be there for the Shane event.

That's a large show. So I call this other woman Olivia. You might have met her before. She's Joe Russell's wife. She's a producer, actor, comic, director. She's everything. I'm like, any way you can be an on-site producer this weekend tomorrow? I'll pay you.

Uh, sure. Oh, she comes in. I felt like fucking George Bailey. Everybody came and helped. And Ritzinski was amazing. My wife is Israel Hagan. All these people came out of the woodwork sound, but we needed a last second sound person. They knocked it out of the park and you go, you're so stressed.

Everything comes together. It locks in. The movie's terrible, but it felt so good to have people help. Amazing. It inspired me for a couple minutes. Incredible. I might help somebody. I love it.

There's great people coming together. What a city. Too bad no one's going to see it. No, not one single person. But it was fun, and I think it's funny. But we'll send it off to the place. Yeah. What goes on to these? You always hear, I was sending it to a festival.

Oh, there's a movie fest or a short film fest. Like, what's happening over there? Well, I think people go. I've been to a couple. We brought the Tom Dustin Dock to the Key West movie festival. Is it tense? Is it people in a booth? Is it a desk, a paper?

What's going on there? I've never been to like a real one, just a QS one. But I think Tribeca, they get all the theaters, and they go, this is part of the Tribeca. It's like a comedy festival. You have a bunch of venues, screening rooms. Okay, okay. Some have big premieres. There's a big theater.

You know, fucking, I'm sure the Odyssey premiered at Telluride or Venice or one of those things. Yeah, yeah, all of them. And then a short film, you hope someone watches and goes, let's give this guy money for this crazy cuck murder movie. And then you also hear about these, what's that, Robert Redford one, Sundance. Sundance, yeah. They played this movie for the first time, and I got a 10-minute standing O. Right. Which Sundance is moving now.

That's like kind of over. Oh, no. I think it's switched venues. And Sundance used to be whatever. They're like the woken one. They have a, what do you call that? A reputation. I didn't know that.

Yeah. So I think you, me, and Chuck, we got no chance over there. All right. We're out. But, huh, okay. But maybe, you know, South by Southwest. Oh, yeah. That's another one.

The other one. Yeah, just fun, it's funny to think of a standing ovation for 10 minutes. It's a little silly. That's a long time to be. be like five minutes in, you're like, okay. It's two late night sets. Yeah, we're halfway through. All right, Jesus.

This is like a workout. Some are longer. Some of them are like 14, 20. Crazy. I think what's this? It's fat asshole. Brendan Frazier, the whale. Oh, the whale.

It's one of the stupidest things I've ever seen in my life. Got like a 35 minute standing ovation. No way. Something like that. We're working out than the whale did. I think that was a documentary about Rupert. Oh. Rupy.

We love you. Rest and peace. We lost Rupert last week. He's dead. a big, big hole in the ground for him. Yeah, a crater we call it. All right, sorry, give me some other stuff. I got nothing over here.

I got to look at notes. I've been up to ass in this stupid movie. Well, I've got to tell you, I haven't seen my kid since 88, and I miss him dearly. I'm swiping on photos on Tinder of him. I'm just looking at his picture on my cell phone. Because the wife was supposed to be here two days ago, Boston flight got canceled, train got canceled.

Now it's on another train, like a Jew in the 40s, and it's driving me crazy, and I leave tomorrow. Oh, no. Protect Our Parks, then Houston Improv. Oh, Protect Our Parks is back. Oh, because tires. We're back. Yeah, he's. Pursing up.

But we had to bring Ari's fat ass out of the U.K. Wow. Good for him. I bet he pulls you off to the side and goes, I'm dying out there. I'll be back in December. I hope so. I want to hear that. I'm okay with him being gone.

Ah, well. You need breaks. It's good to have a break. Also, get a beard trip. What are we doing here? Me? No, him. Oh.

Yeah. He looks like Gandalf over here. He's always going to have something going. Whoa, I shave my head. I cut my dick off. I live in England. I live in Mexico. I got a long beard.

I don't have a phone. Right. Just be a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that'll be fun. But then... Hit me. All this work, not seeing the kid.

The kids drive me crazy, not seeing them. So you got to do all that. You do the weekend in Houston. Then fly to Nantucket. My favorite place in the world. Come on. You said that about North Beach. Well, I mean, I've said it many times, many places that can check the records.

If money was no object, if I had all the money. Yeah, yeah. Nantucketka is where I would get a place. But it's like the most expensive place on earth and it's hard to get to unless you have tons of money. Yeah. Now, is it a show or vacation or what? Vacation. Full week vacation.

I don't know if I should have told you that probably. We've got to schedule something. Oh, boy. But yeah, gone. They don't mind if we pack a bunch of it in the same day and some weeks later. By the way, good name for a trans bar, Nantucket. Oh, I like that. Something there, something there.

Mantucket. Man tuck it. Now we're writing. Okay. So, yeah, Nantucket and then live it up in Nantucket, which is going to be all me, all kid, all day. I can't wait. On the beach and the pool at the restaurant. Nanny?

No. Oh, okay. Wow. Nanny Tuckin. Another red-letter date. Yes. Get that bitch out of here. I still don't know what that means.

Neither. But... Look up red-lettered date. I just know it from back to the future. I think you have the record books. You're keeping track of your science project. And then you invent time travel and then you write down November 5th in red. It's a red-letter date.

It's an important date. I guess a date's not led. It's more numbers. Am I using this right? You write it down. Hit me with it. Everything I know is from a red- Robert Zemeckas films.

The term comes from an old custom where church calendars used red ink to mark holy days, Saints days, and big festivals. They still do that. You get a calendar, it's Easter's in red. That's true. Number date, really. And it just kind of evolved into using it for a special date for the normal person. I've never heard that.

I like that. So I say red letter date, the folks know what I mean. Now, here's a question. You said this word earlier, and I've got to know where it came from now. Oh, Jesus. We were talking about we root for the video. did we root for the quiff? Where the hell did an underdog come from?

Oh, I think you're going to ask me the meaning, definition of a word that I don't know. No, no. Underdog. Where the fuck did that kill? We'll take a guess. He's the underdog. Maybe it was a dog fight and one dog is underweight. I don't know.

That's good. Or just the odds. I'll take the over under. He's the underdog. No, that doesn't make sense. No, no, that's something. Maybe they race the dogs now. Now, did you have, when you pushed as a kid on the swing set, did you have, give me an underdog?

And that was when you ran all the way underneath. Did we invent that? Never heard of that in my life. Did you have that? Was that a New England thing? An underdog was like the person pushing you on the swing would push and run on all the underneath you. Oh, I remember that.

That was an underdog. It was a big deal because you'd kind of go wacky over the bar. Sure, sure. Anyways, underdog. Let's put our two stupid heads together and create one kind of. I don't think it's a dog race and you bet on the underweight or the under over under, under, something with the betting. The underdog, the lighter dog.

Yeah. Underdog. Underdogs. It's probably a boxing term. He's the underdog. Probably started with boxing. Yeah. Everything started with boxing.

I know. Boxing and nautical. Two biggies with the word choices. South paw. South paw. Paw dog. Paw dog. Dog, dog.

Raw dog. Dog fight. Doggy dog, dog day afternoon. Hit us with the answer there, Chuck. Doggy world. Let's see what you got. The term underdog originates from the late 19th century

initially referring to the beaten dog in a pit fight. Oh! What the hell's a pit fight? The dog fight? I think it's a dog fight, yeah. All right. Yeah, it says that. It appears in the second half the 19th century

as the loser in a dog fight. So it's about an unlikely return. Uh-huh. Because now, Underdog, it's before the thing. Exactly. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, yeah. You're never like, oh, boy, the Patriots, they were underdogged. Right, right.

But you're basing it on their previous performance. Right. So it kind of is about their performance. And there's no overdog. No overdog. It's a favorite. There's a favorite and an underdog. Interesting.

Okay. All right. Good to know. I'm getting somewhere. I always wondered that. But yeah, so I can't wait to go to anything. Then from Nantuck, I go straight to Nashville for a weekend. Oh, nice.

So I'm book-ending weekends, but you get that, that, fucking vacate. You get that live it up and it's the last summer's about to end Fannie. Well, they say it, but September's summer here. Don't you think? I guess so, but it'll be 80s into September. Is there anything more depressing than

when you're like, oh boy, sun's setting. 508? Nothing. It's the worst feeling of the world. It's why I want to move to Texas. The winter, I feel I fucking dread it. I dread it. It's dark and dank and cold. However, my kids

going to school, which I'm like, I'm one of these people now that I'm like, I can't wait. You're going to get so much done. The air's going to be fresher. Food's going to taste better. I'm going to write, uh-oh, is this the security guy back? Plus he's going to smell better. No, that's a different guy. Damn it, I'm a bad person. Woo! That's not like you're on a bicycle in sand. Yeah. Here I am. It's getting the trumpet ready. Well, Donald Trumpet. So I just feel like that winter, I'm going to go and spend a week in Texas because I'm in, I'm in Dallas, or. Houston. Houston in February.

Oh, that's nice. And then there's the Dallas Open tennis thing. So I'm going to go down to Texas for a couple weeks in February. I got to get out. I can't have it. Well, I looked it up. Austin, I go there tomorrow, 98. It's like, goddamn. It's just red, red, red, red. And I looked up Houston, because I'm there the next day, 99. Red, red, red, Nantucket.

77. Nantucket's the fucking greatest place on her. You got to love that. That's got to be a pretty penny. That vacation. Kentucky is, no joke. I'm not looking forward to it. I'll tell you, eight years ago, we stayed in a shitty hotel, and it was $500 a night.

Good. It was like not a good hotel. It was like a fine hotel. Sure. Well, that place is no joke. It's not pretty. The wife will send me hotel. Oh, we should stay here.

We should stay here. And I'm like, I just go right to the price. She goes right to the hotel. Right. And, yeah, don't you do that on a menu? You go right to the price? Now, but I, you know, you look after you're like, oh, I mean, I eat like a Boy, so I go right to the plain cheese.

I see. And then I'm like, oh, 18 bucks. The city sucks. God. You got to go to Maddochette Beach, my favorite beach on Earth. Okay. You ride your bike way out there. There's that Millies, famous Millies. It's like a seafood place right on the water.

You can look at the ocean. Oh, Millie Vanilly. You know, as soon as you get the island, everyone goes, you're going to Millies. Have you been to Millies? You've got to head to Millies. Oh, the phone is so good that now all the Antuckett shit's popping up in the Algo. That's how they get you. They're unbelievable.

That phone shit is crazy. crazy, and I found one thing that said, hey, I'm here. First of all, they don't allow influencers, which I love. There's no girl out there at a shrimp shack going, hey, we're here, eating tails and heads. They don't allow it. They kick you?

They kick you, right? They walk you off the plank. I don't know how you can do that. They don't like it. They don't like these ladies going out there going, hello, here we are at Tootsies. We're having a champagne cooley. Woo!

You know. Well, I'll tell you, you can't find in Nantucket. There's no Starbucks, no Chipotle, no, you know, Nike, yeah, yeah, it's all cobblestone and wood. It's the greatest place on fucking hurt. Bring it on. I'm sick of seeing Pinkberry and Dwayne Reed and Chase Bank up my ass. Right.

So I can't wait, but there's a place called the Pacific Club out there. It's one of the oldest bars of the Great White Yonder. You know why they call it that? Pacific Club. Pacific Club. To throw people off, keep them away? No. The whole thing started, because it was a big whaling town, obviously. Of course.

So whaling was the big industry. They made millions and millions of dollars back in the middle of, what, 17-something. Sounds right. So they got all this money. That's why it's so sexy and nice over there. But one guy was a gazillionaire, and he said, I'm starting my own club. Enough of these riffraff all over the place. I'm calling it the Pacific Club.

The only way you can get in this club is if you've seen the Pacific Ocean. Huh. Or been to the Pacific Ocean. How do you prove that back then? Polaroid? That's a good question. I don't know, but maybe there was some, you know, some test. Interesting.

So you come in and you say, hey, I've been to the Pacific. They say, okay, how do you have to show us? Well, tell us about the Pacific. Well, it's blue. Right. It's Sandy. Hook. It's fish.

It's palm tree. I mean, I like it. I just don't know how you could have proven that. That's a good. I never thought. Maybe give that a good. That's a great question. Club. Now you get an ID or a green card?

You bring in some sand, slap it on the table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That could have been from Florida, though. Yeah, good point. Or from, you know, Duxbury. Yeah, yeah, Connecticut. Well, either way, fucking Nantucket rules. Let me check my notes. I might have something to say. All right, all right. I'm pretty excited about that Pacific Club. I've seen the Pacific, so I'm in. I've been really backed up with this stupid film that I'm doing.

It's a lot of stuff. Plus the Skank Fest, too. I took on a lot of projects. You got irons on the anal. I know, I know. It's no good. Wait, where's... No, that's good.

That's good. That's good. I got to feel that guy's not coming back. I'm not going to lie to you. I think he's got me back just at right the wrong time. Right, the wrong time. 44 donuts at Pows. I think I said that already.

Yeah, yeah. Driving Golden Gate Bridge, as I say that. Something I had last week, but I said. I got to talk about this next week. Yeah, that's right. Oh, I didn't tell this story, I don't think. Please. So I did the baseball game.

Yes, yes. That was about six months ago. The Yuba. Yuba City. So this is fun, and a shout out to this fan. This is a great Tuesday. He came all the way to the game to watch. Wow.

Bumps into me. He's got his young boy. He's like a seven-year-old kid. He goes, hey, would you mind if I took a photo with you and my son? You're my hero. You're my favorite. My son and I listen to the podcast. He's literally like seven years old.

He's got a pinwheel hat. And like a monster. truck sticker on his arm and tickle me Elmo hat and shirt. He goes, we're two skays all the way. I'm like, wow, all right. And the kid's like, I eat calm for fun.

Like, how are you doing? Candy goes, so I go, wow, okay, sure. And then he did a funny thing, this guy. He just came, because I'm on the field. Like at the screen, you know, we signed the autographs. And he goes, can we take a photo? I go, sure. And he just opened the gate and stepped on to the field. And I was like,

luckily it was Yuba City Wow You did that at Yankee Stadium That shoot you from the rafters Taze your ass On the balcony What the fuck So I go yeah

Take a photo with him He's like we drove all the way here Nine hours You know You listen to Tuesdays the whole time This is a child abuse For this kid Put his skin in the shoulder

He's got a big pennant He's got his glove Big hat like the sandlot It says I'm gay on it So I go great What a great whippersnapper They're in the They're sitting right in front of Sarah

And Marty and he's like, I know everything about you. You're my hero. Oh, boy. So the game starts. I'm in the dugout, and, you know, you're hanging on the dugout like this. I love to hang. The whole bench.

You're spitting. You're grabbing your dick. And this guy at the plate, right-handed hitter, lines one down the line. It's hooking. It's going to go foul. And there's a big bounce house. So the little kid gay, the little gay is in the bounce house. A little gay.

This guy watched to watch the baseball game. He wants to see me in action. So he's got his beer. He's got one eye. on the bounce house, the other eye on the game. So he's looking at the bounce house, watching his kid at the time of his life. And you're watching the ball,

and it's like one of those ones where you're like, huh, you're doing math in the trajectory of the ball. Oh, right, right. And I'm like, well, this is going to be interesting. This ball comes screaming in 110 off the bat. And you're like, oh, there's no way. Boom! Beer explodes.

No way. It takes up in the gut and hits the beer, hits him in the stomach. He goes down. He's like this. Oh. Oh, no. And I'm like this. Oh, no.

That's one fewer listener. We just lost him. Now we're down to 200. Never looked up. Because he's watching his kid. He's a good dad. He listens to Tuesdays for stories. He came.

His son got to meet one of the most mediocre successes in history. Sure. And so he just got plow, just fucking hammered. And he's down. I mean, legs in the air. His skirts flying. He's like this. And all the players are like, that motherfucker got nailed.

That was hilarious. You see that? And I'm like, wow, he's wearing it like a champ, you know. And he got up and just never, never brushed, didn't cry, just stood up and was like, oh, picked up his beer and went back. I mean, he really was a, a fuck it. He just wore it. Well, here's the clinker.

He made it to the show. He's on the show now. Well, this is the worst. So then he, whatever, I go, hey, man, that guy, that's a tough son of a bitch. Good for him. He got the ball. Then I turned my head off in the dug out to check on Sam. I go, hey, did you see my fan get fucking clobbered?

That was hilarious. And he goes, well, actually, it hit the beer. So I'm okay. I didn't realize he was standing there. So it felt like it was kind of like, I was like, wow, what a dick, huh? And he's like, actually, I'm okay. Oh, Jesus, Stevie. That's a tough one.

It's almost like screaming you hate N-words when there's a black guy outside. Yeah, no, that was worse. But, yeah, he got fucking hammered. And I'm telling you, he's a champion to end all champions because he just took it. What a mens. He stood up, but he did say it. It mostly hit the beer. But what are the chances, I mean, he's 240 feet away holding a Mick Ultra like this.

And the ball comes screaming in and just hits. And by the way, there's nobody there. It's the Yuba City. Right, sure. It was 40 Tuesdays and 12 baseball fans. Wow. And he took one right off. So my hat's off to you.

Right on the Bud Light. And the little boy is probably pumped that he gets to hear the N-word and his son, dad mentioned. Yeah, good to have you, fatties. Thanks for listening. Sorry about the brusky. Yeah. But what can you do? That'll do it.

Yeah, yeah. This is fun. I feel like the security guy is going to come by in the next few minutes. We'll set them up. We'll do a bonus. I can't stop thinking about it. It's ruining everything for me. Well, I couldn't even look.

I had to just stare this way. I mean, we literally just happened to be talking about how the Joker should say the end word and how funny would it be. And we really were screaming. Yeah, that door is duveteen. Well, he literally knocked like. and I heard that. Oh, God. He was there.

I mean, and May can hear us from upstairs. Yeah, well, it's going to be awkward when we're walking together through the house all day. Oh, you better believe it. All right. Well, you know what you do? Go put up some jazz posters. Have Richard Pryor on. Have my MLK speech on your phone.

I'll get my Africa necklace I have. Yeah. That's not bad. You could, yeah. And then, you know, you do. Chew out Chuck for. being racist. Uh-huh.

You fucking bag of shit. Right. You hate the NBA because they're thugs. That's true. You fucking asshole. Right. Slap them. I like it.

I like Caitlin Clark sucks. Here's Obama. Yeah, there you go. Okay. We got a plan. It'll be fine. Yeah, yeah. All right.

Take one for the team. Yeah. You're the underdog. See, Matt. Rupert's not here. We could get an actual. Oh, man. Alt-right.

I'm joking. I'm kidding. I'm joking. Rupert. I'm kidding. We make from a big fat and then we just double them a racist. No. Santa is not a comedy.

All right. Let's go. Toronto. I added a show. Toronto. Please, come to the show. Come to the second show. You already came to the first show.

Come to the second show. I'm like a fucking meat stick. October, Tampa Side Splitters. October 1st and the 3rd. And then Helium in Philly, October 21st of the 23rd, something like that. One of those dates. October, Helium, Philly, Tampa Side Splitters. two of the best clubs, two of my favorite clubs, sell them out.

Toronto is my most requested city, so sell out that second show. And if you like this cuck murdered idea, send me like $350,000. We'll get it made. I love it. Needs an ending. I got an ending. I can't give it all away. Okay.

I'll be in Spokane. Really? No, no. What else is out there? Charleston. Well, I've got to cancel a bunch of dates to shoot this movie. I know. But for the best, we're having all kinds of problems already.

It's not going great. Just remember that's all, that's what movie making is, is problems and problem solving, and it's all going to be great, and it's going to be fantastic. Somebody's going to lose a ton of money, but not you. Not me, and you just really appreciate standoff the whole time. You're like, man, tonight I can go pop into the cellar, do a set, leave, jerk off, and never think about it again.

But this is like meetings and phone calls. We have to Zoom about a Zoom. It's a nightmare. I literally just said this. Last night to Sarah, doing a project, I mean, I just did a 25-minute, three-day shoot. It made, and then did Fat Black, you're like, it makes stand-up feel so stupidly easy. I know. It's crazy.

For five days, you're like, the Soundgirl quit. Okay, our star is late. Okay, we got to get an editor. Are we going to edit this? Can we get the, can we turn the music off, please? I know you have customers. Fuck you. Kill the AC.

Oh, I'm sweating. Get the makeup. Yeah, there's always something. And then stand-up, you're like, hey, you ever, fuck a girl in the ass and she spits in your eye. Thank you. Good night. Yeah, security guy came. We said the N word. There's your bit. Thank you.

Jack Hammer. We're done here. But yeah, come see me all over the road. Geez, check the website. I can't remember the dates. We're all both on Punch Up. Get on the Patreon. We're about to do a bonus. I owe you some money. Great. I think I paid you. Yeah. And yeah, thank you. Thank you. Simply safe.

Don't forget Chuckie. What do you got there? Good luck, cook. Check on my podcast, fun bearable, but more importantly, we're working on a very fun film project with the crew of impractical jokers. It's a pilot. And if you're interested in getting involved,

we're looking for backers, we're not looking for actors, we're not looking for writers, we're not looking for any of those people, we're looking for backers. Hit me up at Discount Chuck on Instagram or Twitter, and let's get you involved. We get a bunch of Tuesdays already involved,

so let's bring on some more people. Pilots in the audience. Thank you, gang. We'll see you at hell. Real quick, Bulger had a great idea. We're doing Bulger's special in October. He's going to get someone dressed as a pilot to sit in the front row. No way.

They never address it. How funny is that? I'm mad I didn't have that idea. I love it. So I'll just pan over and the pilot will be in the audience. That's good stuff. All right. He was a real fat turkey out there.

Oh, thank you. God bless.