Tuesdays with Stories! - #673 Dr. Vouchie

Episode Date: September 15, 2026

Joe hits the old ferry and the museum for a classic summer day! Mark's home gets attacked by animals of the insect variety! It's Tuesdays!  Our Stuff:   - https://www.patreon.com/tuesdays    - youtube.com/tuesdayswithstories - https://www.tuesdayspod.com - Upgrade your fall layers. Sign up as a VIP & get 70-80% off everything at https://fabletics.com/TUESDAYS - Get 20% off your first 6 months of Quo business communications at https://Quo.com/TUESDAYS - Sheath. The underwear of legends. Go to https://www.sheath.com/TUESGAYS and use code TUESGAYS for 20% off. - Download the DraftKings Super app now. New customers sign up with code TUESDAYS & spend $5 to get $200 in rewards within 21 days @ https://www.draftkings.com/mobileapps

Hey Mark, fake banter for the intro. That's all I know how to do. Great. Good to be here. Welcome to Tuesdays with Stories. Hit her in the face with a surfboard. And then the duck fell out of his bag. Surf's up.

And she didn't even flush. Knock, knock. Who's there? Mark Norman and Joe List. Yeah. This Tuesdays with Stories, everybody. No, that's terrible. This is supposed to be cheesy.

Radio is fitting at May. Same outfit, same hat, same hair, same, different day. Excuse me, excuse me. A different day, I know. I put on all the same clothes, and I put it on last night, and I slept in it. Oh, yeah.

Same pants I was wearing. The very pants I was returning. That's it. This is going to be one of the great episodes of all time. I'll tell you why, because we're sending Chuck out to get the food, get the burger, get the soda, get the stuff, and then he's got to go get in the car

and drive to some parking lot. Yeah, I think you're going to find a spurt. I got a good feeling. I don't think you'll find a spot. Well, because everyone, this is the Tuesday, and you get the 1130, so everyone's going to be going, and then you can come back right after the coffee, and you'll get the spot when they're done cleaning. Every once in a while, there's a holiday you don't know about.

Street cleaning is suspended. Call 3-1-1. Because that's happened to me many times where I go out to move the car, and all the cars are there, and I'm like, what the hell's going on? I call 3-1. It goes, parking is in a, or suspended. Jew thing today. Some kind of thing, or it's Ramadan.

Or it's... Yeah, Ramadamadamond. Yeah, it's, you know, M. Nicholamon, or it's Flag Day or... Chinese New Year. U.S. Open. Boxing Day. So I bet. I bet it's fine.

Yeah. I would leave your car. I know you hate that guy. The guy, park here. You're good. Well, it says to tow me and fuck me in the ass. They're like, yeah, yeah, I'll pay for it. I love that.

Like, I always get the guy. I was like, I got it. If you get towed, I'll pay for it. You were that guy two minutes ago. You were like, oh, they don't give tickets in this street. I didn't say I'd pay for it. No, no, no. I'll pay for the garage. We'll pay. No, I'll split. Yeah, we'll split the garage.

$25 each. It's nothing. If you see a spot, you see a spot. It's spot and finding a spot. It's a great feeling. Look for a spot. Circle. Look to the cookie. Do a circle. But first, get the brownie and the cookie and the soda and the croissant and the tea. Yes, sir. Oh, you got you there, Fettie. Thank you for addressing me.

And, sir, many people have called in, by the way. They're like, they pay this guy, $75,000. It's buzzing. He has a home in Staten Island. Big Kitchen Island. And you make it sound like I didn't already say, please, thank you, bag, off air. Now you look like me, look like a dick. And by the way, all this was discussed 40 minutes ago. I ordered 75 minutes ago.

This guy's sitting here like a lump on a log. My coffee's getting cold. You were jibber jabbing. You jibber jibber jabs. I've been reading articles. No, you two jibber jibber jabs about Sasha Barron Cohen for 75 minutes. That's true. I've been reading emails.

It's 11. Oh, we've got to get started. We're 30 minutes behind. What? Turn the camera on. We're on air. Oh, great. All right.

Well, keep all that in. There might be a buzz. Could you take the tea bag out and get a couple napkins? Yeah, yeah. Please, with sugar on top. By the way, folks at home, he's leaving anyways to move the car. And I was the one that was like, I'll pay for the parking. Yes.

We'll split it. I appreciate it. On air, all of a sudden, he wants to split. Before he's like, just. He's like, two, three laps. I'd set it on air, off air as well. Get a ticket. Get a ticket. Go look for something.

I'd say if you find a spot, great. If you can't, we'll split it. Why are you going to drive anyways? Take the train. He's lives on an island. He's like Epstein. Oh, right. I could take it.

That's a long. You got to take the ferry. Oh, you got to take a boat. It sucks. I'll talk to the slaves. I love the ferry. You can't me? You have to leave at 6 a.m.

David's ferry. I did. I woke up today at 645 to come here. Oh, my gosh. That might suck. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just telling him. I'm just confirming.

That does suck. All right. I'm over steeping over here. I mean, come on. Now, chop, chop. I want to make sure your steep is right. Please. It's already too late.

I mean, well, luckily they'd take a little while over there, if you know what I mean. What is it? The food's all cold and the water's all warm. The pizza's all cold and the wine is all warm. Wine's all warm. So, yeah, just bring that back here as soon as spawn. Maybe jog, if you could. If you could find a spot, we'd appreciate it.

Yeah. Or just get a ticket. It doesn't matter. We give you $78,000 a month. He'll pay for the ticket. Absolutely. I paid for a tennis ticket last week. That was a steal.

OX. Anyways, we appreciate it, Chuck. You don't want to be sitting in here. By the way, I think we've talked about this. Maybe you had this point. If I had a job and I had to sit around and somebody was like, hey, take off and go get coffee, I would be skipping. Get me out of here. I was that guy.

Put your headphones in. listen to a better podcast than this. Sure, sure. Go look at some some booties and some hot moms. Oh, they're out there. That lady. It's raining.

You might get a wet tea. Yeah, very exciting. Yeah, I can run around the rain. You might have a wet tea. Rupert wants out of wet tea. I almost took a photo. I mean, those cans were popping. We appreciate it.

Thank you. We're rolling, right? Is the buzz happening? Buzz late here. No buzz? Check for the buzz. Now, I think my theory is he brings the big tube of coffee just so I can't get him a coffee so it feels less even. Wow.

That's diabolical. He's diabolical. That goes deep. This guy's as diabolical as they come. I don't know if you're going to get the coffee. It's like half the time. That's an elaborate plan you're hatching there. Yeah.

Well, he's an elaborate guy. Yeah, elaborate. Thank you, Chuck. We appreciate you. Yeah, Chuck. You're the best producer. By the way, you should see how Lewis Gomez treats producers. Oh.

That you should see. You should see what a 44 magnet does to a woman's pussy. That you should see. And they don't get paid. They're interns. They do an intern Olympics. He screams at them, calls him the N-word. It's nuts.

Eternal Olympics. Whatever it is. Thank God he's gone. All right. Now we can breathe. You kill it. That's what I'm saying, circle. A little more time.

Oh, yeah, circle's not bad. Hey, circle. Circle gets the square. Circle, jerk. Yes, yes. Lease Circle. That's a place of my neighborhood growing up. Perfect Circle.

Wasn't the guys from Tool? They started another band. Perfect Circle. Boy, they really went gay from Tool. Tool's like, tool. And then Perfect Circle. It sounds like a kid show. It's Perfect Circle a reference to Michelangelo.

I think he drew a perfect circle. I think it was Da Vinci. Was it Da Vinci? Yeah. One of those guys. Da Vinci was big. Did the helicopter. Back then.

What do you mean the helicopter? He invented the helicopter. Leonadoe DaVinci invented the helicopter? I mean, he didn't make one with Kobe in it, but he invented the idea of the hell. He's like, this would work. We had blades spinning. This would lift up a vehicle. And everybody's like, get the hell.

Who is this homo? He's on briefer. Get rid of him. No kidding. The painter. Da Vinci the painter? No, wait, hold on. Yeah, was it Da Vinci?

I don't know. He's got the big thing with the graphs on it and the guy going like this. I think that might be Da Vinci. I think it's Da Vinci. And that's the helicopter? Only we had a guy here to Google this. Yeah, we could use Chuck right now.

Helicopter, like all kinds of hourglass. All kinds of stuff. Jet GPT. Yeah. Michelangelo is the chapel, Sistine. Yeah, Sistine Chapel. The ceiling. Did Leonardo DiCaprio?

Oh, no. Hold on. Hold on. Leonardo. By the way, that family really went all in on the Daigo name, huh? Leonardo DiCaprio? Like, Jesus, slow that. What is this?

A Ninja Turtle? Let me see. Did Leonardo da Vinci? Thank you. Come up with the idea for the helicopter? Question mark? Oh, shit. What did you do?

You dropped a log? No, I just figured out. The coffee's getting cold. You can believe he's still here. Yes, sort of. Hey. There you go. It's one of the more fascinating examples of Leonardo of Vinci being centuries ahead of his time.

Thank you. Around 1484, Leonardo designed what called an aerial screw. Hey, done that before. It was essentially a mile high club. A large spiral-shaped rotor made from linen and reeds. I don't know what that is. R-E-E-D. That's kind of a string you get from a...

branch. Ah, his idea was that if the screw rotated rapidly enough, it would screw itself upward through the air. Somewhat like a screw moving through a nut. There you go. This guy's a genius. Give me some other inventions. I mean, this guy put all kinds of stuff together.

He didn't invent the helicopter in the sense of creating a workable helicopter, but he did conceive of a machine based on the fundamental idea of using a rotating airfoil rotor to achieve vertical lift roughly 450 years before practical helicopter disappeared. Wow. Head of his game, head of his time. What else did he invent or come up with? Question mark. Oh, a ton.

Leonardo was almost absurd when you think about the range of things he was thinking about. Look at this guy. The important caveat is that many of these concepts of designs rather than working inventions. Parachute, 1485. The tank. Oh, my Lord. This guy's unreal. Cone-shaped armored vehicle in 1487.

Flying machines designed several machines inspired by birds. Yep. But does this count? Because I can come up with the homework machine and a squirrel that can blow you. And if you don't do it. But homework already existed and you're coming up with a machine to do it. The car or the helicopter didn't exist. Right, a self-propelled car.

This one is crazy. Leonardo DiCaprio, I keep saying that, designed a spring-powered three-wheeled vehicle that could move without being pushed or pulled. Unreal. A mechanical robot designed a mechanical knight around 1495. Wow. An enormous bridge. This sounds like they're fucking with us.

He had a bridge. Hydraulics. Leon Bridges. Hydro-I- mean, I've been, so I've been, you know, what do you call that? Held up, holding up. What do you call it? H-D-U-U-L-E-D. Hold-up.

Hold-up. I guess hold up, yeah. H-O-L-E-D? Yes, it didn't sound right. It sounded like hold. But I've been hold up, so I go, okay, if I'm going to be home and wasting my life and wasting time and being gay, I'm going to watch some informational, educational stuff. So I watched the Lincoln, Doc, whatever.

And I found this YouTube channel, and I started watching, it's a cartoon, it literally say, why are there big cats, but not big dogs? You know, you get the tiger, the lion, the jaguar, and then you got a house cat. But then you got a dog, you got a wolf, but a wolf and a husky aren't that different. There's no huge dog, like the size of a lion. Right. So you go, yeah, why is it? So I'll watch a 10-minute video about it.

And they explain it. Then I watched one, how did cave men survive? We're slower, we're weaker, we're uglier, we're not as hairy. How do we survive? They got saber-tree tiger,

woolly mammoth, giant bears, hyenas, all that back then. And they were huge back. The animals were huge in the day. So what was the dog? Why is it no dog? I forgot.

Well, it's the great day. That's pretty funny. Oh, the day is big. But it's not a wild dog. Great name. Yeah. That's the problem with this. We've talked about this before.

I take in educational stuff and I don't retain. Yeah. Maybe we could go. I feel like he was googling and reading Google a little time. Okay, well, the caveman one was fascinating. Obviously, it was three things. Fire.

You go, whoa, whoa, and the lion goes, all right, all right, you got me. Two, fire. You got me there. Fire. I can't remember the other one. We could run a long way. Like you chase a deer, and a deer can run faster, but it gets tired. Yes.

We can marathon it. Yes. Three, this is the big one. we work together. Deer go, they're all independent. They're all individuals. We go, okay, you three chase the deer off a cliff, we'll way to the bottom of the cliff, and stab it.

So they would do things like that, and then they found a skull. And it was a 40-year-old man, lived 40, which is crazy long back then. He had no teeth. So they go, how did this guy survive 40 years without teeth? His friend would chew the meat and give it to him. Spitting in like a bird.

Yes. It's like you invented the smoothie. They're helping people, helping people. Yeah. So I think we're the only animal that can think about the future, too. Aha. Abstract, conceptual. Yeah, we're like, all right, eight years from now, you know,

AI will fuck us all in the ass. Right, right. But I think the deer is just, you know, which is a blessing and a curse, because all day I'm sitting around thinking about my death. Sure. But the deer is just like, I'm going to drink this water. This is good-ass water. And they hear a, and they're like this.

I'm in danger Right I'm going to get out of here And then they find all these beads And they go beads This bead is 9 million years old They get bored Hey I got a shell

I got a string I'm wearing some jewelry I want to make some jewelry You're needle beads Yeah you do an art You draw a hippopotamus on the wall There's no point to that It's fun

We create Humans need to create That's right That's fun But then the coolest video I watched Was Anomily people These people who are

just one guy was born with a big head. He has a right brain, left brain, but nothing, they're attached. And everyone else, his aren't attached. So he could read a page with his left eye and a page with his right eye at the same time. Whoa. And this guy... I got those fish. Yes, yes, fish.

His name was Kim, Kim Seek. Kim Seek. Kim Seek. Ugly guy, weird guy, but he couldn't button his own shirt, but he could open a book, read it in two seconds, and he remembered it forever. Wow, he's a great man. Then another guy was like a party dude. He was like a drunk guy. Karaoke, he was big going to karaoke.

I don't know. He lived in Ohio. Got beat up and mugged in a parking lot one night. Woke up. He could see fractals of light and geometry. He could draw geometry with two hands, those spirally things, and he could see how water was, he knew the physics of water just because of the beat up. Sometimes I, oh, this checked back already.

Oh, that was too quick. He's all wet. Hey, he took the tea bag out too. Good man. Oh, what a guy. He's a good guy. Well, let's not go crazy. For all the, you know what I mean?

Horrible, horrible work and breath in Virginia. Yeah, Virginia. Virginia. He's a good man. Sweet Virginia. But yeah, knocked in the head, it screws up blue. Thank you, chuckles. You're a good man.

You're all wet. What happened? You're a good guy. Thanks for taking the tea bag out. I got an umbrella there if you need it. All right. Hey, you want some brownies, some cookies? Oh, hey, who you're talking to?

I'll take a... Oh, thank you, too, too. Appreciate you. I'll break you off a big piece of this fucking thing. Whoa, Ma, I thought you were on a diet. I am. I'm breaking it right now for the show. For the good of the show.

Remember when you found out break fast, what that was? That was special. Those moments when you go, every kiss begins with K. How the fuck did I miss that? Yeah. There was something I just thought of the other day. That door. Thank you, Chuck.

Oh, yeah, you've got to goles that door. Oh, you're going back out? Yes. Ah, are you going to have done it all in one swoop? You want an umbrella or anything? I got one by the door. Your glasses are all soaking wet. He sure are.

He's okay, that Chuck. I'll get a tell for him. You tell me, huh? He's all right. Oh, that's a damn good brownie. That's a good brownie, right? The folks love when we do this. Oh, yeah.

Well, Chuck cut this. Oh, he's got an umbrella. He's good. That's my umbrella. I stole that from a hotel. Good for you. Thank you. Who buys an umbrella?

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We love your sheet. Now, what was that thing you sent me this morning? Oh, that was AI. Oh. It's Seinfeld going, hey, George, I can believe it. I fucked Elaine in the ass last night. He's like, get out of here. He's like, then she blew me after.

Oh, that's cool. So it's fun to see with AI. It's running rampant, Faddy. Yeah. Well, I've talked about this before, I think. I can't wait for AI. Let me get Minute Bull fucking my wife. We'll both jerk off to it.

Oh, you can do that tonight. Really? Oh, yeah. One little program with Claude. They'll pull that right up. Well, I've seen, if you have a photo of two people, they can get them to kiss. But I thought I was getting controversial. I thought they were going to take that away.

I think they will eventually, but it's the Wild West still with AI, so they haven't caught on yet. Because I would like, if I can get a nice video of, you know, Mnute Bull, it's going to be a quick fuck. Manute Bowl, Sean Bradley, and Shaq just tripling up on my 3-7 photos fucking my wife in front of. Well, take it to the hole. I mean, geez, that's quite an all-star team on top of Sarah. Just smash that backboard right in her tits. Oh, boy.

Well, she's going to get a ring. There's two buddies eating brownies on television. Oh, yeah. She's about to get a brownie. But yeah, AI, they've got to make some laws because they're going to take your kid, get a photo of it, and make him do all kinds of gay shit, and ruin his career. Well, it's a problem. I mean, Bill Gates came out and is like, we're fucked. This is horrible.

Yeah, yeah. That's scary. What is this going on with AI? The owners of AI or the creators or whatever you want to call it, they come out and go, this is bad news, baby. I know. Geney's out of the bottle or whatever the hell. Cats out of the bag. and it's too late.

So it's a snowball coming down to hill and it's happening. Yeah, it's very frustrating. It is. But I guess because the medicine, they all agree. And I've actually, I talked to AI to quell my fears about AI. Whoa, that's heavy. But AI, chat CBT is like, listen, you see the headline that says Bill Gates is concerned. And your brain goes from, well, first of all, they make it a click-bite title.

Yeah. He's like, we got to watch out. This could be bad. But they make it, Bill Gates warns that we're fucked. Right. And it's also like, nobody knows how to predict the future. He's just saying, hey, this could be a problem. It's going to be a problem.

And we tend to go to the worst place in our brain. So they get you with the fear monger. So your brain goes from, it makes the leap from this guy's concern to like this is definitely going to happen. Yeah, of course. But. And it's new and unknown. But you didn't see Henry Ford coming out with the. car going, I shouldn't have done this.

This is horrible. He's like, this is going to change our lives with the better. The saddle guy's fucked and the horse guy's fucked, but everybody in America's going to have a car. You watch. And we do have 60,000 deaths a year from automobiles. Just in this country. Great point. Yeah, so you've got to break a few eggs.

So we'll see, but I do think this mass unemployment is going to be a little topsy-turvy. I agree, but I did see an interesting take where a guy said he's like an AI guy, whatever he goes, This is kind of like the new, what do you call that? Industrial Revolution, cars, whatever it is, you know, the new thing.

Yeah. Nuclear, yeah. He's like, there's never had an invention that changed the world like this, and it didn't add jobs. Yeah, but I think that's the thing that's making this so wild is this completely unprecedented. Right, right. But so was electricity and all that, wasn't it? Yeah, but it did. It's hard to see how this would create jobs because this thing is good at doing.

all the jobs. It's good at doing everything. But then you start, what if I spin it? Hey, I'm spending a lot of money on my business manager and our stock guy and our lawyer. I get AI to hit me with a document, hit me with a computation, hit me with the affidavit. I don't need this guy. I'm saving $8 million a year. Yeah, you are. But he's losing $800,000 or whatever it was. But that's the way the cookie crumbles. Because if somebody can say it. they're going to do it. But how are you going to make money when nobody can afford to buy a ticket?

Exactly. That's the scary thing. That's the people... I bring this up and people are like, oh, your job's one of the ones that's irreplaceable. I'm like, well, my job requires... An audience. 700 people buying a ticket and coming to a show.

Exactly. Which requires a job. And you don't want them getting screwed. No. And then all... Yeah, just mass unrest. And then they go, hey, they fuck you. Right, right.

You want to come to see you do your zingers and yuckabups. I lost my job to a... fucking robot. So, but some jobs will stick around or UBI, I don't know. Yeah, UBI I don't love. Just because I know humans, I know, look at me, I'm holed up with the hair, I want to kill myself. Imagine if I just lived like this. I'd cut my dick off. Right, but you wouldn't have head pain. Well, it'd be free to go do anything. It's not the head pain that's bothering me. That sucks, but it's the, I can't, I like to get out. Right. I like to move. I like seeing you. I like you guys here are like going to a show, I like hitting the road.

But I think the point is, if you had the universal income, you could do whatever you want. I mean, I don't know that people would. That's true, but I do think there's something to having a purpose and having a goal and accomplishing things that are hard. There is something to that, but also think about the amount of people, my parents, certainly, everyone in my family, that are fucking wholly entirely miserable at work. Yeah, of course And they're just busting their ass Like, you know I got an uncle who's in the HVAC

His whole life is crawling through hot, He can barely walk. He's like a cripple. His hands are all fucked up That's hell To have him not have to do that For him, he's like, This is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

I agree. And I'm all for that. I've had a lot of horrible job Furniture mover, janitor, busboy I've done all the shit, construction, gopher. I've done it. But I do think you leave people to their own devices

with a lot of free time. Right. Idal hands, fatty. Well, it's going to be tricky. It's going to be tricky. Coming fast and it feels like people aren't really preparing for it. Certainly not our government. I mean, you saw the pandemic where everybody's like,

oh, I guess I'll just stay home. This is kind of night. Two weeks goes by, you're like, hey, I'm living. I'm watching movies. I'm getting drunk every night. I love it. I gained 14 pounds, but who gives a fuck? Then all of a sudden, the internet consumes you.

How many people snap during COVID that we know? COVID is It's the worst thing that ever happened It's the worst thing It's a lot of just Free time, nothing to do And not be able to leave And express yourself

And exert and socialize Right So Yeah, who the fuck knows But in a weird way I'm glad I'm alive to see it And in a weird way I'm annoyed I'm alive to see it

Well, they're going to be It's going to be funky But we'll also cure cancer Less car accidents, less traffic There's already a lot laundry list of medical breakthroughs. Thank you. That's the exact word. That part will be night.

Laser eye surgery will get easier. This hair surgery will get easier. Solving Alzheimer's, heart disease, cancer. I mean, all that stuff is fucking unbelievable. And before, I was skeptical of the self-driving cars. First of all, I still am because of the jobs. I mean, just think of

thousands and thousands of jobs. But I have this thought. I'm like, I drive back and forth to New York to Boston all the time. I'm like, my kid goes to bat. I would love to nap while he's napping. Oh, that's coming. I would love to read a book. We're right there. I would love to jerk off. I can fuck my wife. I'm thinking about all the things you could do. And you can do good stuff, too. You can get your taxes done. You can write a new bit. Yeah, you can take a nap. The idea of not having to do that would be great, but also it's a joy to drive off. Sure, sure. Well, drive will be recreational.

But so many people hate that's the worst part of the, the most stressful part of their day. Yeah, yeah. So blood pressure could go. down because people aren't going, fuck you, get out of my way, he cut me off. Drunk driving, because you have Uber, but I still drink and drive every now and then, you know what happens. Right. So, yeah, drunk driving will go down. So, yeah, I mean, that's what I said, like 60,000 deaths from driving.

That can go way down. Trains will be more on schedule, all that stuff. But you've got to worry about the AIs talking to each other. I know. Then they start working each other. Think about we're doing this podcast right now, and there's something 700,000 times smarter than us in the room listening to. I know, I know, and it's listening good.

I mean, you say a sentence, you check your phone, and you go, I was with Matt Ruby last night, and he has a great new bit about there's no middle anymore. It's either in-cell or I'm Polly on OnlyFans, like, whatever, it's all these things. And we get to, I get home, and he texts me, goes, this is the first thing I saw when I opened my phone. It said, no more middle. And it's some article from, you know, the Rolling Stone. And you're like, geez, that is so precise. Well, my son will have monster trucks on YouTube

And then, you know, he goes to piss, comes back And Curious George's on, he's like, Curious George is on Awesome, because it just knows It's like, throws this show on that he likes, so it knows him. I hate the garage. It comes wet Chuck. Yeah. He didn't do a lap.

He did not do a lap. He was annoyed. You got the coffee. He ate us. Well, then you have with AI with filmmaking. You're like, you don't want to use AI. because all this stuff. But like, now you can make a movie,

a movie that has a bunch of car crashes and a helicopter crash and guns. That costs so much money because of all the props and blood. Now it's like, well, now we can make a $30 million movie for $50,000 because you can plug in helicopter crash. Totally, totally. But you're putting all those people out of business, but you're also getting, now more people can make movies.

I know. And that's the way it's going to go because that's how humans work. Convenience always wins. Right. And I don't think, I don't think it's right, and I sympathize with the people who lose the jobs, of course, but this is the saddle guy all over again. Right. And it's a real shifty one. Yeah.

I don't know. Did you, garage? Yeah, I circled once. Oh, a circle. Okay. Circle, circle, dot, dot. I circled like eight times before I came here. Eight times.

Before I first came here. Wow. It's a tough day. Well, yeah, we got you. Thanks for the coffee. It's raining. Men. Hallelujah.

Well, anyway, so... That would be terrifying, by the way. Raining men? Oh, yeah. Oh, you get smushed. Yeah, that's a small man. Little Mexican horse riders. Hopefully it's a jockey, but you get hit by Rupert.

I mean, you're going to China. I mean, he'll take out a whole family. It would just crush roofs and cars and houses. Rupert. Hey. That's not bad. Something. How about this?

I went to the... I got a wild... fucking cup of cum up my ass the other day. Oh, no, not a wild one. Well, it's a normal one. Well, you know, you get the kid, and you're just like, all right, we got to do something. It's a new day.

I got to figure out something to do. So I decided to go jump on the ferry. He loves the ferry. I live right by the ferry. Take the ferry up to Midtown, decided to go to the Intrepid Museum. Ever go to the Intrepid Museum? Oh, the boat.

The aircraft carrier. I've done a show on there. This might be a muddy fart. Oh, that's like a super word. Felt a little creamy. Felt a little brownie. Woo! Get some.

You're going to hurt my hair here. That's going to make my plugs fall out. Take a little bite of that. Take a little taste of that. See if you like that. Take a little taste. That's horrific. That's all camomile.

What is that? Oliver's travels? What do you call that? I don't know what that is. Gulliver? No, that tea. That horse shit tea you got. Ulawn, Green tea.

Emperor's Clouds and Mist. That's my third one. I'm going to ship my pants. Yikes. almighty. That tea bag has been steeped. Oh, I love a tea bag. So, have you ever teabagged a woman? It doesn't seem that fun. I have. I have. She

brought it up, actually. She was like, I heard about this thing called teabagbag. My ex-girlfriend, remember Megan? Of course I know. She was down to cloud. She was all open-minded. And she said, I heard by this thing called teabag bag and I go, that was a great one. That was an award-winning. Put a blue ribbon on that asshole. That was a humdinger.

I'm trying to think here. God. Give me a 917. What's that N-65? That's 17? That basque. The N-W-N-Shalemone. N-95, yeah.

N-95 and a colostomy bag. But she goes, I heard about this thing called T-bag. I go, where the hell you've been? That was my whole high school experience. One guy got T-bagged by the guy, Ryan. He got expelled. Wait. Two guys?

One guy pinned a guy down and T-Bing. teabagged him. Oh, Pindang! You skipped the Pindown. Oh, wow. I figured it wasn't... Well, one's a rape.

One's experimental lovemaking. The other one's raping them. It was the 90s, Jerry. I mean, they pinned a guy down at a Catholic school and teabagin is kidding. That was the beginning of cancel culture. He got expelled. I don't know what Ryan's doing now. Hats off to you because that's on to you because that was a wild boy.

My God. Yeah, I just don't understand my nuts. I don't want my nuts in somebody's mouth. It feels like they could bite them off by accident. Well, it was very medical. almost because you have to get the setting right, like the logistics. She has to be down there and you have to lower, beep, beep, beep. And then I was like, you know, you got to kind of, it's like landing one of those rockets with Elon Musk.

You've got to get it right on the hook. Right, right. And I had to drop down and I hit a cheek, that I had a chin, that I hit a nose, and then I got the bag in. Drop down and get me two. And she was like, ah, and I was like, okay, we got it. And I raised up. Yeah, I have no ball. I did a bit about it.

I just have no ball. sensitivity. Oh, crazy. I'm all ball, small ball. If I lick your ball, it's going to do something for you? I love it. Just right on camera. Yeah, not me. Anyways, what were we talking about?

We started a story. Tea bag. You ever teard? Oh, the intrepid. I went to the entrap. I took the ferry uptown, hit the intrepid, decided, hey, well, we'll walk up to the intrepid. It was just me and the boy.

Sarah was doing Ron On's podcast, as movie podcast. They never talked about movies. Wait, what? He has a movie podcast. but I guess he's tired to talk about movies. So the next day I saw him, he's like, hey, was Sarah weirded out that we didn't talk about movies? And I was like, a little.

Ah, you get women up to your layer, and you don't even do what you say you're going to do. Exactly. So anyway, so I go, Marty and you, you, me, and the stroller makes three. We're headed to the USS Intrepid. We go up there. How cool is that?

That's a hell of a museum. First of all, it's a big giant aircraft carrier, which is just cool in itself. Right on the Hudson there. Right on the river. and they got a blue, my son can spot a blue angel from 40 miles away because he loves the blue angels. He's like, there's a blue angel up there. I don't know who's religious.

Of course it was hard because he couldn't, you can't get on it. That's a weird concept for a kid. Ah, yes, yes. He's like, let's go fucking do a barrel roll on the blue angel. And I'm like, no, no, it's just a model, or just a... A prop, not a prop plane. It's a real plane, but it's... A replica.

It's not even a replica. Oh. But it's not, you can't go in there. No, you can't. Yeah. So, but we looked at all the planes. That was excited. You go up in the ship, up into the captain's deck and the lair and the thing, and that was fun.

And they got all kinds of old vehicles in there. They got, like, trucks and tanks. There's a space shuttle, which is awesome. And so that was cool. And, you know, it was just the coolest day. And what else is in there? Then they have this, this is like the funniest thing to me. They have the aircraft, I don't know what you call it, elevator deck.

and you can ride it. It's kind of they lift planes off the ground and up onto the aircraft carrier. Oh, fun. And they go, who wants to ride the elevator? It's a five-minute elevator ride. It's a long ride. Yeah, and it's literally just a big, flat noodle. Noodle.

And it just goes up real slow like this for five minutes. Meanwhile, next to it, there's this a regular elevator. It just goes, boop. Yeah, give me the regular. You guys are suckers. And there's like a thousand people on all standing there. Oh, weird. Yeah.

That was embarrassing. But just a great day. It's so fun when you just have your kid, you're just running around. You're like, we're on an aircraft carrier. You're seeing the airplanes. He knows every plane. He knows every spaceship. Wow. That's so cool.

That's the one good thing about it. It's almost similar to comedy having a kid where I would never go to Idaho. When you do comedy, you get a gig in Idaho. You go to Idaho. Now I get to see Idaho. Yeah. With a kid, how often you go to up and trepid? Well, it makes you think outside the box, which is nice.

Yes, yes. But this is the nightmare of the fucking city. By the way, someone sent me the most thoughtfully. I've ever received last night. He's like, before you move anywhere, please give deep consideration to Forest Hills. And it was a long... This guy, every once in a while... Who is this guy? You hear from a fan that you wish was your dad. Sure, sure. This is the father I want. Most of them. He's a stranger. He sent out 14 Zillow and Street Easy links. He's like, you can get this, this, this and this for this price. This price range is this. He's like, I live here. I'm 15 minutes

Liguardia, 25 minutes to JFK, backyard, great school system. Beautiful. Chris D. lived out there. It was stunning. Two-floor house for a million bucks, which sounds crazy to some people, but in this tri-state area. Forget it.

Wow, is that right? Because that's a coveted popular area over there. You can get a three-bedroom, two-bathroom house for just under a million. Not to mention the tennis and the concerts over there. Forest Hill, seven-minute walk to Forest Hill Stadium, 15-minute ride, LaGuardia. Last night, I was driving back from... I like this. It's like a 30-minute ride to the comedy seller in a car.

About an hour, 45 minutes, hour, on the train. Not bad. Yeah, but you can have the backyards. Well, this is a very expensive place to live. That's the problem. It's not as cheap as Texas. But if you want to buy a place in Manhattan, that's going to be $4 or $5 million or something. No, no, you're better off.

And you're right by the airport. This guy's got something. This kid's good. This is going to be a big, juicy one again. I got some problems. I got some cuties flying today. These are some real sound lights.

Oh, God, it's wet trash. You're killing me with this. My hair's hurting. I'm getting a bloody head here. I need good air up here. So Forest Hills isn't bad. Hello, be thy name. I kicked them combing my ass.

That's horrific. Forest Hills is nice, but it doesn't solve the real problem. I need one of those little fans that fat ladies keep in the summer. Oh, yeah. Oh, heaven to Betsy. Yeah. I got the vapors.

So the real problem, though, is I don't want, it's still congested city living. Because he's like, you have a driveway and the thing. But I want, like, suburbies stuff, like where you can just hop in the car and drive to Burger King, drive to the grocery store. Park in a park a lot. You know what I mean? You're still in, like, BQE traffic. Sure, sure. Whatever.

Yeah, it's pretty bad. It's not bad. I mean, if you decide to go AWOL and cancel all your whole strategy, this is pretty good. Well, it makes it easy to do this podcast, the regs, the cellar, the stand. You get the better. That's why I like this Brooklyn area. Sure, it's got some problems. Yada, yada.

I have homeless trans people coming into my home. Wow. This might be a record here. All right, let me call the 3011 here. We got an air pollution. Oh, my Lord. That's the shit. I almost shit.

Okay, okay. Is this the brownie or the tea? I think, well, I had this morning, I had egg and cheese and a banana. Oh, mighty. I can't beat in here. A lot of caffeine. And a brownie. You should invite May to come down, just trick her and just be like to see what kind of reaction.

She's pregnant. I think it'll hurt the baby. It's going to get a curdle in there. It's got to go full downs because of that toot. I mean, this is wild stuff. I'm so sorry. I'd say light of Matt, we blow the whole fucking place on. Oh, yeah.

It's like a slow gas leak. Fast gas leak. So Forest Hill. I mean, you got the Ramones, the, you know, you have chick-fil-a and Chip-fil-A. It's the best of both worlds. You get the city, you get the life, and you get the driveway and the yard. Near the airport. Near the airport, Jerry.

And the kid, it's safe as shit. He can run around. He can bike up and down the boulevard. Yeah. Maybe that's something. What do you think? And Queens says everything. Queens is the movie theaters, the grocery store.

It's Queens is the Burbs. Yeah. I'm thinking about moving to Jersey because of the city tax and all that kind of stuff. Jersey's good too. Like north, like over here. Big Jay, Gomez, all went to Jersey. Yeah, but Jersey, it's still the traffic. And there's something about being outside of the thing.

You got to go, you got the three, the two tunnels and then the GW, I guess. I think getting from Staten Island to here is harder than Jersey to hear. I was going to say, like, you could park along that. big train that comes right into Manhattan. You know what I mean? My buddy works in Manhattan, and he purposely bought a house right next to that. So we could just jump on the train. But it is the city tax.

The city taxes, the state taxes. I mean, this place is fucking expensive as fuck. A.F. Well, I do think, you know, what's crazy about this neighborhood? I can get to Newark Airport quicker than JFK. Really? Jersey is not that bad because you just go tunnel. It's all highway.

JFK is up, down, left, right. I'm going through Puerto Rican alley. You've got to take a side street. You're behind a bus. Newark, BQE tunnel. Yeah. I'm there. Forest Hills, that could be something.

You're close to City Field. You're close to the tennis center. You're close to... Dan Trump. You got Simon and Garfun. You got Billy Eichner. All Forest Hills. You know what you got to do.

Give Chris D a buzz. Like the microphone. Did he move again? That guy moves the most of anybody. He loves chaos. He moved again. I think he lives in Westchester now. Since, in the last 10 years, he's lived in Staten Island, Bay Ridge, Forest Hills, Westchester.

Yeah, I think I... Two more. Add two more to that, by the way. And he keeps adopting children and dogs and cats. Oh, my. Move it, like, to move all your shit is so crazy. Crazy. Books and toys and video games. Bikes and trains and video games.

Yeah, yeah. Kids and spice and everything nice. So, yeah, he's a wacky. He likes to keep it jumbled. Yeah, I miss Chris. I used to hang with them a lot more, and I haven't seen him in a long time. Well, if you're really moving to Tejas, buckle up, because homeowner, homo, no homeowner, is a bitch. Everything's going great.

Got this nice, beautiful home. Go outside. What the hell is that on the tree? That was a lot of them. Lantern fly! What do you know about the lantern bug? Very little. the red one that you're supposed to kill?

Yes. Oh, that was fun, that one summer. Thousands of them on the tree. So I go, maybe, you know, every now and then there's a good bug. Yeah. You know, it's kind of like if a Jewish guy moves in the neighborhood, you see a few of them, you're like, this could be good. But if another group moves in, you're like, we're out.

Uh-huh. This could be a good bug. Right. Well, I know there's lizards that eat the mosquitoes and mosquitoes that eat the spiders and spiders that eat the mosquitoes. Exactly, exactly. And the spiders are good, whatever, you don't want to kill everything. So I go, maybe these are good for the tree. They help the tree. They pollinate. They sap. They jizz. I go out by the tree. There's a white goo all over all the plants. It looks like a freak off. Looks like Checks Back. Yes, exactly. And it was not that much goo. Slow down. But it was a lot of goo. And there's a white goo. There's a film all over all the plants. They're shiny and weird and sticky. I'm like, what is all this goo? It's lantern goo.

They go all over everything, so the plants are all dying. The tree, I love that tree back there. It covers the whole yard. It's beautiful. It's blossomed. They're all over the tree. It looks like herpes. And I Google it.

I go, maybe this is good. You never know. Maybe it's a good jizz, a good goo. Uh-huh. And it goes, oh, you're fucked. You got to move. You got to kill yourself. You got to Lindsay Clancy, the kids.

Get the hell out of here. You're fucked. And so I called a guy and they're coming today. Oh, Daisy Darmagoo. Yeah, you always have somebody coming over. You got a camera security guy, a flood guy, a phone guy. That's what everyone says. And this is what I've been talking about for 20 years because everyone does the thing that you're a big retard.

If you're renting, you're a piece of shit. You're flushing your money down the toilet. I've had this conversation many times, many places. But it's like, but they don't talk about all the parts that don't suck. Exactly. My toilet breaks, my AC breaks. I call a guy. He comes up and does the thing.

You're on it. Yeah. So it's not an investment, but I'm living a life without having to fix my AC or my fan or my thing or the other thing. That's true. And it's a luxury you don't even think about until you don't have it. Right. You know, I did a nick on the wall. I moved to desk and I nick the wall, big hole in the wall the size of my asshole.

You got to get a guy. Right. I got to get a guy to Mexican guy's got to come over and patch it, find the paint, repaint it, go to Home Depot. He's got a park. He hates me. I zeal him. I fuck it up. Whatever.

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I got to say, these are balanced. Yeah, this is like a motley crew over here or foreigner or something. But that's the neighbor. Sounds like a foreigner. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Smoked him.

That's a lot. Smoked meat right there. And, um, yeah. Woo. We. A cigar I found on the grass. Oh, boy. Wow, this is...

I need you point your ass right at the lantern flies. Maybe you'll kill some of them. Point Magoo. Mr. Magoo. You've got to take a look out there before you leave. It's wild. The lanterns? The loggins, the goo, the leaves, the flies.

Well, the other thing about buying a house is you're stuck there. This is your house. It's like being married. I mean, I guess you could sell it at whatever point, and it probably goes up in value. whatever. I mean, if Bobby Kelly was just talking about, he lived in Westchester, he bought his house for $350,000, he sold it for $750,000. That's pretty good. Not bad. But yeah, with Mabdani, with the real estate, things have shifted. So I don't know. I like the idea of Dejas, because now

the thing is, you sign the year lease. You're like, okay, we're good. That's over. But then you're like, well, you've got to start thinking about where you're going to go to a year. Year's short. Oh, yeah. Year goes by. It sure does. And then you've got to make plans way before. You can't just be like, well, the lease is up. Let's pack up and go somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, God, it's so far away. Let's keep it a buck, as the kids say. A buck. It's like a keep it 100. Ah.

I don't know. It's a stretch. I don't know what that means either. That's what they're saying, you know, 100%. Keep it real. I see. Keep it a buck. If you do the Texas, the pod is over. Well, we've said this before, but how often are you? in Austin pretty frequently. Three times a year?

More. Come on. Maybe five. Maybe five. Okay. What are we going to record eight Epps in a day? We're doing two right now. Many, many people do, they do four Eps in a day.

Some people do that. Glad you have Stobros will do that. Yeah, they just do it. That's their day. And I'll come to New York quite a bit. You think? You come to, yeah, I have to, you know, the seller, the thing, the comedy. You don't have to.

up for the cellar. It's a 50 minutes spot. I don't do the seller now. Exactly. I live 10 minutes away. But the podcast, whatever, and, uh, you know, when you travel, you could do three one day through the next day.

That's six weeks. Then he comes up three one day through the next day. That's true. That's true. That's six weeks. Yeah. And you're like, all right, well, we got to go do the pod. I'll fly up there.

You know, you're making enough money and having enough fun. All right. You come up and go. Finally dwindling. Okay. You go. You go. Smaller every time.

You go, all right. Evolution chart. But, yeah, you go, I've got to go up to New York. I've got to record eight episodes. I don't want it to end. And, by the way, neither the folks at home. Many people, two pods over Zoom, you can't even tell the difference. If you set it up properly, Manascalco and what's his toes.

Correale? They're all Zoom. Sam Harris's podcast is entirely Zoom. Also Carvey and Spade. Carvey and Spade's all Zoom. And they live in the same city, by the way. So, and we did Zoom throughout Coat for a year. The pod blew up.

I know, I'm just saying the people don't love the Zoom. But they don't love anything. That's true. They don't love people. Everything we do, they go, oh, this is gay, you're on the wrong side. There's a buzz. He's full of shit. This is bullshit.

This show's dead. They talked about their kids. They didn't talk about come. Nobody's happy. Yeah, I know. January 6th. How often do you get a thing that's like, dude, show was lights out perfect? Oh, they banked an episode.

They did this as an episode. They did that as an episode. Now they're rich. Now they're poor. Now they're gay. Yeah. The last pod, I checked the comments, and there was some very nice things to say. Like, these guys are on fire.

The pot is humming. You get those. But again, the nice people don't comment. They go, that was a great show. Let me go fuck my wife. The emails are good and the meat and the meat. Oh, I love a meat. The meat and greed is just, oh, that was the best show.

You guys are the best. I listen at work. I almost killed myself, but you fired it into the mic and it saved my life. Yes, yes. But as far as Reddit, YouTube, Twitter, you can do anything. I can do the show on your shoulders, juggling dildos that were on fire,

and they'd be like, boring. I know. My buddy Bo, he's a regular guy, not a comedian. He lives in New Orleans. He checks the Reddit just for fun. He loves all that shit. And he's like, what's up? What'd you guys do?

And I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, oh, everybody hates you. And I'm like, that's just a Tuesday. I don't know what that is. Like, that's nothing. We didn't just change anything. He's like, oh, they're furious at you guys. They're like calling you, hoping you die

and killing your kids. and raping your wife, and I'm like, yeah, welcome to Reddit. No, every era, they're like, this one, it sucks now, it used to be good there, but it's, it's just the natural nostalgia thing. And then there was, I didn't even fart that, the air is polluted. And you're like, yeah, I don't know what to tell you. We're trying the best to put out a show. I know, I know.

We're doing what we can here. There's a comment about Joe yesterday that was like, Joe in his big fucking Italian mouth. And I was like, Italian mouth. Hey, Anna, his mouth is tiny. I know. There's a double wrong. I'm about as Italian as fucking Leonardo da Vinci.

There's no Italian than me. I don't know about that. Whatever. He invented the helicopter, ambulance, whatever. But... The parachute. Yeah, so... Yeah, you come to...

And now, we're doing an episode... I'm in Texas shooting at the hip. I got cowboy boots. I saw Rogan. I saw Quentin Tarantino was in the green room. Elon Bus was there. Whatever. You got that crazy stuff.

How's your... How's your... This is hypothetical. I see what you're saying. And then is the episodes where we get together. Now it's like, oh, my God, this is amazing. Right, right. And there's a core group of gays.

You got that right, Freddie. That we could do the show with black and white, 16 millimeter camera that'd be listening. Yeah. It's all these fringe, fray outside people that are always like, I'll never listen again, fucking. Those cunts of the loudest, that's the problem. And it's the same with society. The Lindsay Clancy ladies are like, fuck you, we like her. I don't care if she killed her kids.

They're the loudest. So you go, boy, this country's going to shit. Everybody's crazy. And you're like, no, it's just these cuckoo people who get to the top of the algo because there's drama and spicy. Right. And the boring goes down to the floor. It's the same with the comments.

Well, and there's also millions, millions of people who have consumed things that never think to write anything. That's what I'm saying. Like, I've never like, oh, I got to write a letter to Martin Scorsese and say, I've spent 500 hours watching you. I named my kid after you. My father's gay. I just go, yeah, I'm enjoying it.

It feels like in the 60s, the Beatles got bags of mail about, I love you, I'm in love with your work, you changed my life, I blow you every night, all this, and you're like, where's that? Well, we get messages that are positive, some messages. That's true. They got bags of fan mail. And the Beatles weren't doing meet and greets after shows. I got 300 people lined up going, dude, we love you, that was great, my God, my father's gay. Right. And it's all pipes, my father's gay.

That's the fan letter. Yeah, good point. When I'm walking, they go, who's gay? That's them going, hey, I love you, Paul. Marry me. Yeah, yeah. The amount of my father's gay in the comments, it really warms my cockles. Yeah.

So if you're a big fan, reach out more and say, hey, keep going. Don't kill yourself. Because I want to kill myself almost every day. You know, I read a stat or something. It said 47% of your thoughts are things that aren't happening or haven't happened or won't happen. Right. That's half your thoughts based. basically is about shit that ain't even a thing.

Right. That's half your life. You live 100 years. 50 years was spent thinking about some bullshit. Sure as night follows day, most things I worry about never happen anyway. Who's that? Tyson? Top pity.

That's it. There you go. Yeah. And if you're worried about something, that means it's not happening. Because you wouldn't be worried about it. You'd be dealing with it. Sure. What's that other one?

Today is the tomorrow you were scared of. Uh-huh. Hold on. Yeah, that makes sense. Today's the tomorrow you were worried about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

There's a little more line in there. I have this great feeling right now. As soon as we're done with this, I have no obligate, nothing on the calendar until my show Friday. I love that. Wow. That's a great feeling. I have a flight on Thursday. And don't get me wrong.

I have plenty to do. Most of me chase a kid around every minute for 30 hours straight. Write a joke, post a clip. Yeah, of course. But there's no, I got to be here. That is a great fucking feeling. Even when it's a pleasurable thing, you have that thing in your brain of like, I got a thing. Last night, or last eight days ago, I was going to the tennis match.

And I was like, I love tennis more than anything. I'm going to see Salacus. I'm going to see Mark maybe. And you're like, this is going to be my best buddies, my favorite sport and event. And I'm still like, oh, boy. I got a thing I gotta go do a thing It's an obligation

Yeah I mean sure you guys got out of it But you know I stuck strong That felt good When I said that text Boy that was a great feeling It's like slip it into a hot tub

When you go I'm not gonna make it They go I get it Cancelling plans Is way better than making plans Right Well the bet I mean Todd Barry had the great job

The best is when someone else Cancel is your plan They make a plan And they cancel Yeah he's like Oh I can't do it I'll be cartwheeling To the streets

Yeah Great line. But, oh, I remember being a youngster, and I bought the Seinfeld DVDs, the behind the scenes of the making and all that, remember those? Of course. I was very excited. I was a waiter. I put all my money together. That shit was not cheap.

That box set. DVDs used to be a pretty penny. Yeah. So I bought the whole thing, and I couldn't wait to put the DVDs in and watch it and learn all about it. Because all you saw was a sitcom. It came on when it came on. You watched it. You moved on.

I didn't know how, you didn't know anything about it, the bloopers, whatever. Those bloopers were gold. Lunch. So I'm watching that. And at one point, they're talking about the pitch and Jerry and Larry writing it at the diner. And I'm in hog heaven. I'm jerking off. I got a boner.

I love this shit. And he goes, I remember we got the pitch for the show, and I was annoyed. And the interview was like, annoyed. You're going to pitch to NBC. You made it. It's the biggest sitcom all time. What are you talking about? You're a comedian.

You're about to get a TV show. And he goes, it was at 3 o'clock. It was the middle of my day. And I remember thinking, oh, my God. God, I love this guy, because I always thought of Jerry as like this guy is wearing a shirt tucked in. He's a millionaire. He's a real man. He gets things done.

Right. And I'm a retard drunk college kid. And he's talking about, I don't want to do a thing in the day. Right, right. And I'd be like, oh, my God, it's really, really when you find your tribe, it felt like. That's why I like, what'd you'd be doing comedy then. A Brian Rican thing where he was like, and he had like the sleep thing. He couldn't wake up.

He's got a sleep, still has a sleep condition. He sleeps like 10 hours a day, this guy. Is that right? Yeah, yeah. He has to go take naps and the whole thing. Wow. But he had, when he went to college, all his classes were early in the morning. And he kept missing classes because he was sleeping.

And he's like, I kind of found out about comedy. He's like, 8 p.m. I can be up by that. Whoa. He's like, I'll pursue that. What a great little excuse, though, because everybody's like, I slept in. You're a lazy piece of shit. You can't get out of bed. He's like, I have a condition.

Right. That's kind of nice. But it was the 70s and 80. Nobody cared about conditions then. That's true. That was a different time. What condition your condition was in? They'd be like, you could be like, I have a condition.

They're like, well, I don't care. Wake up. Set an alarm, you a fucking lazy piece of shit. The condition is being gay. By the way, I was listen to Tarantino on Rogan. Tarantino knows his comedy stuff. Oh, he's a big comedy fan. He knows Regan, and he saw Kinnison before Kinnison was anything.

You ever think about that? Sometimes I think about, does Tarantino know who we are? It's possible. I mean, I'm sure he knows who like Shane Gillis is. He definitely knows Shane. And we're not that far off from him. Right. So it's very possible, and we've had things on YouTube, Netflix, yada, yada.

Well, I had this moment. He met Ronan, and Louis, because he lives in Israel, when Ronan was there with Louis, they all hung out and had dinner and chatted. That is unbelievable. Imagine that on your bingo card in 2004, telling you, you and Louis and Tarantino in Israel are going to be having dinner. Ron on to be like, kill me now. Unbelievable.

So, but I think it came up that Ronan had a movie podcast. So then I'm listening to Quentin Tarantino and Roger Avery on Rogan's podcast. And he starts talking about people that have movie podcasts. And he's like, they're idiots. They don't have any opinion. They don't know what they're talking about. They have no whatever. And there was a moment where I'm like, is Quentin Tarantino talking about Ronan and I right now?

It's highly possible. He hung out with Ronan. And he's talking about morons with movie podcasts. I don't know anything about movies. This all kind of fits. I'm like, he could totally be talking about us right now. Totally. And the boxes check.

It's scary that you're like, the idea of Quentin Tarantino listening to me and Ronan, and he's like, these guys are fucking idiots. They don't know shit about anything. I mean, the internet is a, I saw, I don't want to give this any oxygen. but I saw Seth Rogan on a podcast with somebody big, another guy, another actor, and they were talking about the Kill Tony guy, who does Headberg. And I was like, oh, my God, this thing made it to them,

but why wouldn't it? You open your phone, you're getting shit sent to you. Yeah, they have the same internet that we have. They have the same fucking Algo phone bullshit, yeah. But you think of these people as like, space. alien. I know. Even right now, I'm talking about this.

People are like, there's no way. Quentin Tarantino's talking about your podcast, but I'm like, he met Ronon. He knows Ronan. The algorithm, you look up. Comedy. And we had Louis on. So that's big. Oh, yeah, true.

He knows. It could be like, oh, here's Louis C.K. talking about Paul Thomas Anderson. Oh. He sees us two fucking blabbery idiots. He's definitely talking about you guys. I mean, it's a lock. But I remember thinking that when I first, I think it was Chris Rock, was like,

in the steps at the cellar. And this may sound weird, but maybe people can understand. He's, like, looking at his phone, and you're like, oh, wow, there's Chris Rock's phone. He has the same phone that I have. Like, there's not a special iPhone for celebrities. No. And he's got, like, you know, he's just sending a text. And you're like, wow, there's Chris Rock sending a text.

Yeah. He's, people are texting Chris Rock. He's a normal guy. He's just like us. He's looking at Instagram, stuff's popping up on his thing. Yeah. I mean, he gets, oh, Rory Scoville has a special. It's popped up on my Netflix.

Right. That has to cross his desk. Well, that's like Louis when I first met Louis. He was like, you're Joe Litt. He's like, you got the podcast with Mark Norman. You guys are good together. You're funny. And I was like, oh, my God.

What was insane? I was like, yeah, yeah. It just doesn't make sense that this guy would know who we are. I agree. And then that was before you even worked with. him, right? That was in the beginning, early days. Yeah, I met him, yeah. Wow. And then the craziest one of all time, and I think we've talked about this before, is the Norm McDonald email or message or DM that I believe you got. Yeah. Well, it was a tweet DM, I think. And he said,

I'm thinking about doing a movie about me and Adam being idiots, and I want you to play Adam, and your buddy, your idiot friend over there with the dumb hair to play me. Yes. And you show me, I was like, it's too much, it's like seeing your dad blow your brother. You're like, wait, wait, wait, I don't want to see my dad blow anybody, but now it's my brother.

It's too many layers. It's crazy. I'm stuck in a box. It doesn't make any sense, and it's topsy-turvy. I mean, you're just buddies with Seinfeld, though. I mean, think about how crazy that is. That's, that's crazy. Think about how nuts that is.

That is cuckoo. It's like the Seinfeld thing, he meets Bill Cosby. And he's like, I can't believe life is this long that I can meet you. Jerry Seinfeld's in the booth at a Mets game being like, I like this Mark Norman guy. It doesn't make any sense. The whole thing's bananas. That's why I shared it on every platform.

I put it on every internet thing because I was like, this is otherworldly. It doesn't make sense. We're beyond the world. We're surreal. This is beyond real. Well, it's crazy. But then you realize you're like, it, it, makes sense because we're the guys that have been doing comedy for 20 years, 25 years.

Yeah. At a high level, we're the headliner guys. Yeah, that's true. So it's like, it makes sense for somebody that loves comedy to be aware of comedians that are doing well. Yeah, well, you know what had hit me, two things. Because you think of yourself, I'm just a child, we're wearing dumb clothes, and we're talking to a microphone, we're farting, we're talking about jizz. You forget, oh, I'm 42.

Like Jim Norton or whatever was 42 when I started, whatever, or Bill Burr are these guys. And now we're 42. And I'm sitting here and you catch yourself going, these fucking young comics doing this shit. You're like, oh, that's what they did to us. Right. I'm doing it. I remember Bobby Kelly was like, you're too skinny. You fucking old comics are too skinny.

And I'm like, oh, I don't know. But he was giving me shit. And I was like, I'm so sorry, Mr. Kelly. You know, and I was like just happened to be sitting at the table. And then after a while you realize like, you're giving this guy's shit. You're like, oh, you're just trying to get clips, your pussy, whatever. And I'm like, I'm doing it now. Right, right.

That was one. And then the other one is when you're at a club and they show a video. You ever have a club? They show a video and you're in the video commenting on the club. Right. And it's you on a couch going, oh, I fucking love sidesplitter. That's a great club. Check me out.

You're going to love that's one of the best clubs in the country. And I'm like, you're so, what's the word, prestigious? Sure. Enough that, oh, we got a clip of this guy. Right, right. It's, uh, that's, not prestigious, but, uh, your, relevant. Your, uh, your word is, is good enough. Prominent.

Prominent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you're vouching. Vouch, that's the word. Your vouching. You're vouching. Yes, voucher marks. Your vouch is a big deal. Right.

And that's when I, I was sitting there about, I was watching the, uh, the video in the club, I had to watch the opener go on. And I'm like, oh, wow, that's, that's kind of nice. Right. Your vouch is something. Vouch. Yes. Winning the vouch.

No, that's poo. Pooch. I don't know. Oscar the vouch. That's good. All right. I read the buzzer. All right.

Well, this was crazy. Speaking of clubs, where are you going to be? I don't know. Mouch. Where am I? Side splitters. October 1st of the 3rd. Tampa.

BT's the man. Philadelphia Helium. Buy those up. October 22nd to the 24th. and what the fuck else do I have? A couple other things. Raleigh, North Carolina. I'm coming back to Raleigh.

That's a great club. Love Raleigh. And New Hampshire. I'm doing a show in New Hampshire. And join Punch Up Live.com. Oh, I wanted to plug this. Dan Belger. We're shooting a special, producing, directing a special with Dan Belger.

A place called Deep Cuts, October 12th. That's in Boston or it's in Melrose or Medford or one of those places. I don't know. Cambridge, maybe. Boston, I don't know where it is. Buy those tickets up. That's the name of the venue. It's going to be like a small thing.

We're doing two shows. One of the funniest guys. He's one of the best. And he doesn't have a special. That's crazy. It's about fucking time. And you get to be involved. Yeah.

So it's going to be a great thing. I'll probably do a little warm up on there. So come see the show and definitely buy those up. Do it. Yes. I'm coming all over your face. Calgary, Winnipeg, Regina. I'm going all over.

all over the Canada area, Portland, helium, all kinds of good stuff. Connecticut doing the casino at Foxwoods and yeah, punch up, bodega cat, Patreon. Get on to Patreon. It's cooking. It's how I'm about to do a bonus right now. And what do you got there? Chuckie Cheese. Check on my podcast, Funbearable.

If you haven't checked it out, Joe has been on. We talked about me jizzing all over my desk. Nice. Mark has been on. We talked about the N-word cake. Remember that story? No, dark chocolate. It's bananas.

And then Mark was on another time where we talked about the history of Tuesday, how we built the Patreon. It's a great time. Go to funbearablepod.com and you'll be able to check those out under special guests. It's a good time. That's going to be fun. Hell yeah. Oh, I forgot too. Last second.

I'm doing the Tunnels to Towers race. September, is that this weekend, 27th? Few tunnels? You can donate to the Tulles of Towers under my thing. Joe List, team, the small stuff. and throw some money towards these firefighter men. Oh, yes. I love the firefighter. Yeah.

All right. There you go. Firefighters, Jew Tunnel, Ash. Okay. All right, we'll see you all later. It should have to put that one in. We'll see you next week. Comedy.