Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #105 You're Grounded!

Episode Date: November 12, 2024

Sometimes, you're having a big masculine weekend; other times, you're dealing with an 'Ultra Tantrum'! After making a bad move with dad, Oscar has given Ash absolute hell this week.  Meanwhile, Matt slowly lets go of his little girl after sending Marlie-Mae to school orientation.  Have you got a Parenting Hack Or F*ck That? Plus, we tackle your questions! How did you introduce your first kid to your second child? At what point do you think you'll introduce your kids to alcohol? Make sure you share your best Parenting Lies with us 👇 Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.  Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You know I've moved to quite a hilly area. Very hilly. It's like Everest. The Everest of Sydney they call it. Do they call it that? No, I do. But I've noticed something about all the local dads. Good calves?

Fucking unbelievable calves. Really? Yesterday, April and I driving along and I was like, oh, look at the cars on this guy. Hi. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. And I'm Ash. And this is a- One moment please. Sorry. I can't breathe properly. Ash has got a little cardboard box.

Looks like it could be Band-Aids. It's not. He's just putting something on the side of the box that's going to be the top of the box. And then he's just putting something on the top No, please. Sorry. I can't breathe properly. Ash has got a little cardboard box. Looks like it could be Band-Aids. It's not.

He's just putting something over his nose. What is that? And I'm Ash. You are a heavy mouth breather. Hang on. Oh, this is a podcast about parenting. It's good, the bad. And the relatable.

And if you come for advice, not today, your nose. What is that? It's a nasal strip. It's called Breathe Right. I'm addicted. Whoever came up with that name, very intelligent. I know, right? Do you mind if I try one? Have you never had a nasal strip?

I've never had one. And I'm getting fed these ads and I'm so close to getting sucked in. We have the magnets and then you put the strip that attaches to the magnets. And it just like flurs. This is one step before that. This is the gateway to getting a nose job. And what do I do? Just like wear it out? Yeah, just make sure you grab some nostril. Bang. Oh yeah.

That felt good. What do you think? I don't notice a difference. Have you got a deviated septum? Oh, she's deviated. I don't know. Anyway, let's get back on track. Sorry. What were we talking about? Oh, beer. We're talking deviated. I don't know. Anyway let's get back on track. Sorry. What are we

talking about? Oh beer. We're talking about beer. May I? Crack it open big boy. What are you drinking there mate? I'm drinking Sestina wood, no surprise there. We've gone for the Hinterland Hazy Pale Ale once more. Mmm it's beautiful. It's my first beer of the week actually. Excuse me? I'm a fitness freak. What? Is this because post-barley are you getting your life back on track? What's going on? Just balance. Just look for some balance.

No, you're- I'm out here looking for balance. If there is one thing you do not do well, it's balance. No, no, I'm trying. You are like one side- Or the other. At the extreme and now you're the other. I know.

How does this taste? This is one of my favorite ones. I've got a fridge full of them at home. It used to be, you used to not be able to get it everywhere because it was limited. Now it is a full range and where can they get it, Matt? You tell us. It is available from any good bottle shop, now pouring on tap, any good Bahara restaurant. And if you're struggling to find any good restaurant or bar, you can, of course, buy it online at stonywood.com.au. All one word.

That's very good from you. And also it's getting hot. So beer, heat, beer, summer sandwiches, I'm calling it. Do you know what tasted delicious on the weekend, Nash? Is it beer? It was a beer. Do you know what I was doing pre-beer that made it taste even better? Actually, I haven't had a post-beer sex in a long time. Post-beer sex? I mean post- a beer. You know what I was doing pre-beer that made it taste even better? Actually I haven't had a post-beer sex in a long time.

Post-beer sex? I mean post-sex beer. I'll take either way. Thank you. I was chopping down truce. Wee. On the weekend. I did see something there.

Yeah. Just, you know, I've been making my transition into like full blown toxic masculine. Laborer. Laborer. Laborer for a couple of weeks now since the run-os have started. And I got invited down to Aladala or Milton to my brother-in-law's farm. So your sister's farm. Yes. My sister's farm.

Yes. Sorry. Their farm. Their farm. And I had a beer after we've been chopping down trees for, I want to say six hours, six hours of tree chopping. Yeah, show us your hands. You got splinters? I don't have splinters.

That's a little scratch on my thumb. Oh, you poor thing. And that is, see that? Callus? No, like that there. Oh, in the middle. Thank you. Just fucking gentle with my hand.

Oh, it's been infected. Is it infected? It was. Is that from jerk or not? Different type of wood. From, fucking gentle with my hand. It's been infected. Is it infected? It was. Is that from jerk or not? Different type of wood. That was from the tree. So what were you clearing trees for? The third house.

We got... There is a little creek that runs from the back of the property at my sister and husband's farm. It runs for like, I want to say seven kilometers. Eventually opens up and ends up at the beach. So it starts off as a little trickle and then opens up to a beautiful estuary? Estuary?

Estuary. And then into ocean. So is that where you would say freshwater meets saltwater and becomes saltwater? No, it is all salt water. The evolution of water. It is all salt water because Ash, because the tide as it goes in and out, the creek goes up and down. So it's all salt water.

I felt like I was going to get attacked by a shark. So when... OK. Confused. With what? I just thought that would be fresh water. If it's seven K's from the beach. No, cause it's like an inlet. It's like a river.

It's a river. Okay. If you will. So it's fed by the ocean. So it's not a creek. Sorry. Creek has thrown you and I, that's on me. Wow.

I apologize. Anyway, tuning in for another episode. Is it, is it creek or is it a river? That's a new segment. So we had to, we had to clear all the logs that had fallen down. And it was, it was the manliest weekend I think I've ever had in my entire life. You just surprise me every weekend. Yeah.

Yeah. Can't wait for the full transition to- So it's going what? To full labra. That surprised me every weekend. Yeah. Yeah. It was- Can't wait for the full transition to- So it's going what? To full Labra. That's- what am I right now? Full time Labra. I woke up the following morning- You got another judge to send a quick creek- a quake?

A quake and a river. You wouldn't last more than two seconds out there talking like that. I know. I'd be like, oh my God, a splinter. No, you'd fit right in. I'd be like, oh my God, a splinter. No, you'd fit right in. I'd turn it on. But it was, I haven't experienced that level of pain. And I hope for all the boys listening to this podcast, they were on that weekend trip because

they're all like builders or laborers or concrete is real man. I was one of the few who wrote emails and film content. Salt of the earth. Yeah. None of them were that intrigued about my job. It was like what's a podcast and I was like, well, he's like too much information Wrestle me. It's like radio I just my wrists were sore like my body was from that I was in All right fellas, all right fellas fellas. All right, fellas. Who am I jerking off first?

Yeah, it's a miracle. Two at a time. It's a miracle that I made out a lot. There was a lot of wrestling, a lot of wrestling, lots of beers, lots of wrestling. Sounds like broke back farm, if you ask me, buddy. It was. It's just, it's not, it's very primal. Very primal seeing two grown men decide to wrestle.

Wow. You had a masculine weekend. A very primal. Very primal seeing two grown men decide to wrestle. Wow. You had a masculine weekend. A very masculine weekend. Very masculine weekend. Update on the house. That's okay. Whilst we're here. Go on then.

Very controversial. I don't know how you feel about this, Ash. We've decided to not put a bath in the house. Well, at all. Nothing, just showers. Showers only. I think that's fine. I don't see a problem with it.

I thought you were a big bath kind of guy. Nah, April's a big bath kind of girl for the kids. I thought she would be, yeah. But not for, I wouldn't catch me stewing in a bath. Not at all. Never. What about the option of not having any bath for the kids? Shower.

Easier. That's what I think. I'd have to hose them down. Don't put a bathroom in there at all. I've got a hose installed. Good. Speaking of April. It is April's birthday today, so happy birthday to April. Would that be weird if I called her?

No. Would she want that? Probably not. Okay, well I won't do it. I don't know. Give her a call. I'll give her a call. Oh, there we go.

We're on. We're on. Hi. April, it's me, Matt. Oh, hi. Look, we are recording right now, so don't say anything incriminating. Of course. It's me, Matt. We are recording right now, so don't say anything incriminating.

I just wanted to say, I don't have your number saved in my phone, but I just wanted to say happy birthday. Oh, thank you. Appreciate it. What are you now? 26, 27? Yeah, just right old age of 24, actually. You're looking great. Thank you.

Whatever you're doing, it's the boxing. What do you got planned for tonight? Has Ashton not told you? Not yet. Will he tell me? No. It's nothing huge. We're just doing a little family dinner.

Chinese restaurant. A succulent Chinese meal. Well, I have to say, I don't know how you put up with Ashton, but you do an incredible job as both wife and mom. Is that your birthday present to me? Just the words? Uh, I... Is that not good enough?

Yes. What would you like? Uh, I... Is that not good enough? Yes, sure. Uh... My physical gifts. What would you like? I don't know yet. Something big, babe. Something expensive. Maybe one of your homes, your holiday house. Must be nice.

That's all I've got time for. April, have a great birthday. Bye. Cheeky. You don't ask, you don't get. Exactly right. Don't you worry when you're wearing the shirt and what you're wearing is a shirt. I'm not wearing a shirt.

I'm not wearing a shirt. I'm not wearing a shirt. I'm not wearing a shirt. I'm not wearing a shirt. I'm not wearing a shirt. I'm not wearing a shirt. I'm not wearing a shirt. I'm not wearing a shirt. Um, April have a great birthday. Bye. Cheeky. You don't ask, you don't get. Exactly right.

Don't you remember you were wearing the shirt? I'm wearing a shirt that says my wife on it for those listening at home and it's got a bunch of pictures of April on it. Like she gave it to me for Christmas. That's a nice shirt. It is a nice shirt. I feel like you guys are just on fire right now, the two of you. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Yeah. Yeah. Little cheeky present that you picked up as well. I did. She'll get that later. You got a few things as well. I did. Thank you, Tony May. Gave me a couple of rings. Thank you, Laura. Oh, and Matthew. Thank you to the Johnsons and the Burns.

Mm. They're lovely. My weekend. You had the masculine weekend. I had a fairly standard weekend except for one event that happened, which was a meltdown. I'm calling it the ultra tantrum from Oscar and myself. It was a bit wet on the weekend and he's in the backyard playing with a little Nerf gun, no worries.

Playing solo? Macy was en route, come down to see what was going on. In the paddock? In the paddock, at the farm, the Eleanor farm. And there's a slight decline. Well said. To get down there. And poor Macy, she was, she can't walk that well.

Let's be honest. Like she's not that well balanced. She's a bit, she's a bit like topsy turvy. Yeah. Yeah. And she had gumboots on. Ah, that they- Recipe for disaster.

Cause they're not used to the extra weight. Yeah, exactly. So she's fallen down the hill a bit. When you say a bit. She just took a tumble. Wasn't it was grass. So she just wasn't like, it was scared of more than anything. She's not hurt, but she was wailing.

And I thought, fuck it. Go down with a towel, dry her off. Cause she's still, she'll still want to play once she's calmed down. And Oscar was down there. And what I expect from Oscar is to at least be like, are you okay? It's just the bare minimum. Bit of empathy.

I got down there, he was showing no empathy. He walked straight past her. I observed as I was walking down, he was too busy concentrating on what he was playing with. The nerve gun. I stopped, checked if Macy was okay. She was okay. I gave her a towel.

She was just like sitting with a towel. I said, you if Macy was okay. She was okay. I gave her a towel. She was just like sitting with the towel. I said, you okay? Yeah. Buh-buh-buh. And I said to Oscar, I was like, hey, bro, you're the older brother. Check if your sister's okay. And he started to melt down about that because he knew that he fucked up. Yeah.

And then he'd gone to tell me that he was going to do it. And I was like, you weren't going to do it. So I'm getting a little bit fired up here. I'm like, you weren't gonna do it. Now you're just fucking lying to me. Anyway, he puts the gun up and shoots me point blank in the face. Oh!

Right? And I was like- That little prick. Give me that fucking gun. And I fucking snatched it. Tell me you shot him back. No, no, there was only one bullet in it. One. And I fucking snatched it. Tell me you shot him back. No, there was only one bullet in it. One bullet and I snatched it and he had the other bullet in his hand. He threw the bullet at me. So I threw the gun not at him at the brick wall next to it,

tried to smash it. So at this point, I'm acting like a child too. Your words not mine but yeah. Yeah yeah we're both one-upping each other here. I've smashed it right he's screamed at me picked up the bullet thrown it at me again. So I picked the gun up and as you know with this block of land it's quite steep quite high, quite high. Yeah. Quite long. Treacherous. I turned around with this Nerf gun and launched it as far as I could into the back. And you've got a very good arm. The back paddock. It's gone. This thing, even Macy was like,

Holy shit. Oh, oh, oh. Anyway, he's, he screams at me and I've never yelled at someone so loud in my life. I was like, go to your room like so loud. And it's a bit of a value at echo through the valley. I actually heard it here. It was, and he screamed back again and ran upstairs to his room and I could hear this ruckus. He was trashing his room. Where's April?

April was on the balcony just watching everything unfold. Just having a wine. Kind of like, don't get involved, don't get involved. Because it was just like back and forth. So Oscar's carrying on. And I walked in, I smashed the door open to see what he was doing. The poor kid was so worked up. What'd he smash?

He's just throwing all his toys and stuff. Nothing crazy, like he's throwing his Legos and everything on the ground, but he was trying to flip his mattress and he was like this. How many attempts did he have? A couple. And he was like, hey. Were you like, here, I'll give you a hand. Literally, I was like, let me help you out.

And flipped it. And then I just, I was like, now shut up. Slammed the door and went out. And I was just like, so fucking worked up. Anyway, I came back in and he was like, still trying to flip the mattress back. The room was trashed and like, I just said. And Macy's like, help.

Macy's still halfway down the hill. Upside down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anybody? And eventually I was like, I just, I closed the door and left him in there and let him calm down. Because I was like, and I also went and calmed down.

And like I said, I acted like a child as well. I was not a parent. Sometimes it happened. And then I went back and I opened the door and I was like, you should have just helped your sister. And he said to me again, I was gonna, I was like, just don't lie to me. Also clean all this shit up. And he's like. Did you guys kick off again for round two? No, no, I was like, just don't lie to me. Also, clean all this shit up. And he's like...

Did you guys kick off again for round two? No, no. I was gonna... Did you give him a cuddle? Yeah, I let him calm down. He cleaned up some of his room. I had to put the mattress back. And then I gave him a cuddle.

I was just like, buddy, you gotta look out for your sister. He's one. Yeah. And two, don't lie to me. Don't bullshit a bullshitter. And I said, look, I'm sorry for not acting like a parent. And three, you're too small to flip your mattress. Yeah. Leave it alone. And then I tried to turn it into a teaching mode. I was like, if you eat your dinner, you would have been

able to flip that mattress. Straight back. Fill the knees. I was like, you eat your dinner, you'll be able to flip that mattress next time. So anyway, that was my weekend. And it ended with him being completely banned from using his phone. Like he's, it's just YouTube on his phone. That's completely banned. I was like, you're crowded. Where's he going to go? Exactly.

He's like, I go everywhere with you. What are you going to leave me here? I was like, he's got me on a technicality. He's good. He's good. This guy is good. We've mend it. And I've actually taken a leaf out of your book.

I would like to thank you. So we're not going with screen time anymore. Look, the holiday didn't really help. Because when you're on holidays, you're kind of like, I want to enjoy myself. Can you fuck off with this screen and just leave me alone? But like after that, we're like, look, he's just so aggressive in the mornings now because he's like waking up like, I need a screen.

I need a screen. And it's like, okay. So it's been like two or three days. How's it going? TV, yes. But it's Disney, like a Disney, classic Disney movie. YouTube, no fucking way. That is just like crack. It is

mental. Macy's meltdown over no YouTube is borderline worse than her not being able to look at us like a person like a one-on-one screen. She's like YouTube I was like no Fuck I don't we got really stuck into Like, fuck. We got really stuck into screen time in that weird period where the kids were old enough to enjoy screen time, but not old enough to enjoy coloring and doing those types of titty titty titty titty. That's what happens when you have too much screen time.

You can't talk. You can't talk anymore. And I guess girls and boys are different in that, I know little boys often don't want to sit down and color in for an hour. Whereas Marley and Lola, that is their absolute jam. They love it. Oscar's gotta run, bro.

Yeah, there's boys they gotta like, they gotta exert the energy. It's unbelievable. Like he'll come back from like a day at Kindy where it's like they've been on an excursion, he's been fucking running around like he's then he goes to poppers goes for a swim for an hour with popper. And like not just like he's like a leisurely swim. I'm talking fucking bombs. In, out, in, out, up, back, up, back, up, back. He's like a fucking Kelpie.

What the fuck? Like it's nonstop. And then he gets home and he's like, I want to go and jump on the trampoline. I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you? One day I'm just half expecting him to be like, I'm going to go jump on the trampoline and look out and he's going to be like.

Yeah. But no, he's not any wooden. And then I'm like, go to bed. He's like, no, Mikey Todd is like, no, to have that amount of energy. You must be, I had that amount of energy. You kind of do. Oh, no, I'm tired.

No, you only, when you like sit still, when you're, when you're in an, in an activity, you're like, you're fucking gung ho. You are like your Kelpie. Yeah. You are like your son. Damn it. I know. So what's your plan with screen time? Are you going to completely remove it? Are you going to go weekends only?

No, I think only on a no like individual screen. Because that's like, they're locked in. Yeah. And Macy gets so locked in. But the TV, I put the TV on and then Oshka's got his Lego as well. And he's, you know, he ended up just a bit concentrating on the Lego. Yeah. Which is what you want. And he's so good at it.

Like he's like, I got him this Lego yesterday and then I do yesterday afternoon. I literally went and pick up dinner. Came back and he's like, look. And it's like a star Wars death star. And he's done it. Yeah. Lego master loves it. He just locks in.

Should be tested. Maybe we should test him. You should, I mean, again, your words, not mine, but it's a good idea. We got, we were screen timing. Like I remember the kids used to get into the routine where they would wake up and they would, they would start waking up earlier because they'd, you know, they'd rustle out of bed at like five o'clock. For the screen.

And then they'd just be like screen time. And because we were so tired, we were just like, here's my phone. And then I'd fall back asleep and I'd wake up an hour later and they were just next to me like just balls deep in YouTube. And then that was like, and then every dinner time they wouldn't eat their dinner unless the TV was on. It was just screen time, like every second of every day when they went to daycare. It was fucking bad. Oh yeah. That's where exactly where we were at. And not to be, I'm not judging, whatever works for you. But we were like, Laura

was the one who was like, this is getting ridiculous. Hmm. Yeah. Like they'll wake up early because they know what's, what's there. And then I would, I would use it as well to go back to sleep. Oh yeah. I think like if you have something really important to do and you need them to be distracted, fine, I'm okay with that. But like for an extra half hour sleep, it's not really worth it. Is it?

When we were on the cruise recently, we stopped doing screen time at dinner. And I will say that is the fucking worst. Oh, that sucks. Like you get like a little sense of we did it. No screen time, but dinner is just chaos entirely unenjoyable. Fucking source everywhere. They're like, yeah, they're like drawing on the tablecloth, like going over to other tables.

I will say though, the PNO staff, the waiters, cause they're all from different countries. Very good. Very good. They were like, they would remember the name. And then like, I think like for breakfast, we had this guy, Michael, I remember his name was, shout out to Michael, probably not listening. Definitely not.

But sure. He would be like, let's have a race. And he would just go and take them if it was quiet enough to like, just, I was sitting there eating breakfast. I'm like, where the fuck are the kids? And then you just see them zoom past with Michael. I did tip him. But the RSL, there's no Michael.

There's no Michael? There's no Michael. We need Michael, more Michaels. More Michaels. RSL, we've got dinner tonight at the RSL. For you, what for? Just to go with my sister. Icebergs?

No, no, North Wanda. North Wanda RSL. Very nice RSL, we've got dinner tonight, the RSL. For you, what for? Just to go with my sister. Icebergs? No, North Wanda, North Wanda RSL. Very nice RSL. And I'm like, it's gonna be, Laura's not coming. And I'm like, fuck, it's gonna be hell. Me and the kids, and she doesn't do screen time. And your mom. And my mom, yeah, but you know, she's like. She needs a screen.

She's, yeah. She needs a screen. She loves screen time. We give all day, every day for Ellie. Keep her occupied Anyway, so that was the meltdown. We've recovered somewhat Macy hasn't Matt last week you mentioned you had a Info night for big school not for you. You're way past big school It's for her name is Marley, right? Her name is Marley and Info night for big school. Not for you. You're way past big school.

It's for her name is Marley, right? Her name is Marley and she is transitioning to kindy. To kindy. Yeah. Okay. So at big school kindy. Big school kindy. Big school. One thing that's weird about school in New South Wales is that primary school

finishes in year six, right? Yep. That's fucking weird. Even numbers. What, what do you mean even numbers? Six is an even number. Yeah. Made up of two odd numbers.

Very good. Schools. Queensland, we finished school in year seven, primary school. High school starts in year eight. That's silly. Even number, two fours, make eight. There you go. Well said.

Truce. Truce. So yeah, so we enrolled, we enrolled. Obviously we had the panic, the panic of the late enrollment, got in there, had the info night, felt good. Great, great info night by the way. And then we had our first orientation, which was this morning. I'm coming straight from the orientation. How'd you go? How did Marley go actually?

She did okay. Okay, good. She did okay. Your orientation, you were with the orientation. How'd you go? Can I? How did Marley go actually? She did okay. Okay, good. She did okay. Your orientation, you were with the kids. It was like one of, that was like the initial one. Have you done an orientation where you just dropped? April has done the drop because I've been busy. Because I thought, initially I thought it was going to be,

I'm with Marley the whole time. Like I thought we would go to school in the morning. All the parents would be holding hands with their kids from start to finish. We wouldn't do that when they actually go to school. So they got it. You got to prepare them. It'd be weird if you went to school every day with her. You're like out the fence.

Billy Madison. So I, I looked at this sheet and I, and I was like, oh, it's just a drop and go orientation. So I had actually, it worked out great because Marley was really pumped, really excited for the days leading up to it because a lot of her daycare friends are also, they got the orientation. So everyone's kind of like in this process of preparing for big school. Marley loves it. And I was like, you don't eat your dinner. You're not going to school. If you didn't get to bed right now,

you are not going to school. So I've been using that as my main threat. How quickly that'll change. I know. Yeah. He'll be like, thank God I don't want the dinner and I don't want to go to school. Fuck, imagine if that was the case.

And then I was driving Marley in, we went in there through the front gates. And I was at a moment where I was thinking, oh my gosh, I remember taking Marley to her first day of daycare. And you know how little she was back then. Oh, are you now? Yeah, yeah, I'm going back now. And now, you know, for the last few years,

it's been pretty consistent, the routine of your kids and daycare. And it's, you're now entering a different phase and it's a real, obviously sounds really obvious, but a real moment of, oh, she's not a little kid anymore. She's turning into a little girl. Yeah. And I hate it. I know. It's a double edged sword.

I love that she's turning into a little girl and I love who she's becoming. But at the same time, I'm like, Oh, she's not my, she's not your baby anymore. Little baby anymore. Yeah. And like Oscar's the same. He's, I remember walking him to Kindy. We used to live in D Wives, the suburb in Sydney. And we would walk to the end of the road where the Kindy was. I remember his little backpack.

Yeah. I had to carry it because he was too small. But like, yeah. And remember his little backpack? Yeah. I had to carry it because he was too small. But like, yeah. And then now he's like, we've got a drop off orientation tomorrow, which is I haven't been to the last couple because I've been an absent father. But this one I'm going to go. So it'll be interesting.

I'll be able to let you know how that goes next week. Well, I thought it was going to be a little bit emotional. You know, when I drop off at daycare sometimes, that moment of when I'm walking out the door and I'm waving goodbye, very often she's like, daddy, don't go, stay. Get that maybe like once or twice a week. You wouldn't get it if you just pushed her out of the car

when you drove past. You're like, why? You're right. See, throw the bag out the window. And we went in, I met her teacher. They have a buddy. So one of the older kids, they come down, you get assigned a buddy and that's who you're gonna have

for when you like actually start school. And the buddy was lovely, great, great young lady. And you know, I'm standing there with the buddy, with Marley, the teacher. And I was like, okay, Marley, you have a really great day. And to a buddy, I was like, you have really fun looking after Marley. And then I hung around for like a split second longer. And I was just I was taking it in and I was expecting Marley to maybe be a bit

upset, you know, hold my hand and say, Daddy, can you stay? And she looked at me and she's like, do you want to get out of here now? You didn't get the moment you were like thinking what's going to be. Dad, you can leave. Can you fuck off? Did that break your heart? Oh my gosh. Look, yeah.

I was like, she doesn't want me anymore. No. Well, yeah. I think the excitement of the first, you remember, okay, here we go. You remember the first time you did drop her off to Kindy? It was like a whole new world. So there's, they're all so excited too. But then the second time they knew what they're in for and they're like, fuck.

So next time you might get that moment where it's like, fuck, I know where I'm going, but if she's super excited, that's great. I was there like outside the fence. Okay. How the turntables. She was like, fuck off dad. Leave me alone. I can still see you in the bushes.

Yeah, you're like, you're rustling in the bushes. Well, she was great. I picked her up a few hours later. Yeah. She had a great time. They do though, don't they? I met some of the dads. Yeah.

Lovely dads. What are they like? Really nice. You got to say that though. Really nice. I made a really shit joke. Get tells me. He goes, the dad comes over and he

goes, oh, have you, um, this is we all come about 10 minutes early to pick up the kids. And he goes, oh, you here to pick up your kids starting kindy. And I said, no, no, the gate was open. So I just walked in. I like it.

That's not shit. That is great. Bit predatorish, very pretty. I like it. That's not shit. That is great. Bit predatory. Very predatory. I like it. But then I was like, the guy was like, oh, fuck it. Should have made conversation, mate. Yeah.

And I was like, I mean, yeah, yeah. And now he's with the other guys. Don't talk about something weird, dude. Attitude on him. That's great. I do have a little message from Marley just to let you know how she went. What was your favorite part of school? Meeting my new body.

Are you excited to go to school now? Yeah. Oh, that's lovely. Anyway, should we go into hack or fuck that, Matt? Please. OK, I've got one for you. This is a parenting hack.

I've come up with this on the run. I think it's genius. Oscar picked his fingernail too short. And you know when you do that, everything stings. Salt, lemon, any citrus. How much citrus are you eating in your household? My house is just full of citrus. Everywhere you go, everywhere you turn,

you open the door, bam, citrus. He sleeps on a bed of lemons. It's a bed of limes. Sorry. Better than that. Orange. Dude, like an orange. But anything.

He'll just complain. Anyway, so April went into the city for a full day's work. She only goes in every now and then. Not like April? Very good. We, I decided to go with showers instead of baths. What? A shower for the kids instead of a bath.

Great tie back to my original story of the no bath in the household. Thank you. So I'm pro no bath. Yes. Just because shower's quick. Also like, just, it's just easier. Bath, they just, anyway, we can go on about it.

Are you in the bath in the shower with them? Nah, sometimes you shut the door No, no, I mean that I'm in the bathroom We don't have a door in our shower. What's that like? Anyway, he was complaining about he didn't want to get his hand wet So he didn't want to stink fair enough, but I was like, okay, bro I've got a solution for you and I'm going to show you what that is. Great. That is a ziplock bag over the hand of Oscar. And then I've used a hair tie

of Macy's to make that water tie. You've MacGyvered it. I've MacGyvered it. And he gives like a little nod of, you've done it. This will do. Do you know what the funny thing is? It didn't work. The water still got in there and he didn't notice and I was like there's water in there bro. Did it sting? He's like it mustn't hurt anymore. You know what you need to do? Bit of glad wrap as well. I was like maybe I'll tape it up and I thought nah I'll just use a hair tie. Anyway what do you reckon? Good hack? Very good. Thank hack? Very good. Thank you.

Very good. Well done. Thank you. The ingenuity on that is very impressive. And I did that on the fly too. I was like, I sat down after with the kids in the bed and I was like, Stonewood, I am good. Fuck it's annoying though, any little scratch,

Lola is the worst for it. Where she's like, I cannot get it wet. And so she'll be in the bath with like a foot on knee hanging out because she doesn't want to get it wet. And then until she forgets, and then she's like, I cannot get it wet. And so she'll be in the bath with like a foot on knee hanging out. Cause she doesn't want to get it wet. And then until she forgets. And then she's like next second, I'm like, see you're in the water. And she's like, oh, my God, they're just over dramatized.

That is a parenting hack by the way. Thank you. You're welcome. Yes. There he is. Woo. That's your first in a while. Feels good.

Should we go into questions, Matthew? Finish this off strong with a couple of questions. Yeah, please. Ash, we have had this question submitted by Caitlin. She's written in and she wants to know, this is a very interesting question. I would love to know your take on this. What is your approach to alcohol with your own kids? They're a bit young at the moment.

Are they? You're never so young. At what point do you think you will introduce your kids to alcohol or will you introduce them at all? They already know that beer is daddy's. They'll see a case in beer and they'll be like, daddy, look, I was, I think they're going to get to an age of teenage hood, of course, as we all do, did whatever some people didn't, but where you're like, cause they're dead.

They're dead. They're dead by then. Shout out to those who didn't make it. That's horrible. But I like it. Everyone gets to an age like where you're like, I remember getting to an age where I'm like, Oh, I'm going to have some beers. Like, yeah. And you hit it and you were like, 15, 14, 14, 15.

Sure. I was like, yeah. And I think like I hit it. I had some friends that their parents wouldn't enable it, but they were like, if you're gonna do it, do it here. Cause you're in a controlled environment somewhat. And if you're gonna get a bit too tipsy, it's better that it happens in someone's house

rather than down the park. Where you're vulnerable and anything could happen. So did your parents ever allow you to have alcohol at home before you were 18? Allow is a strong word. I think they knew. I was like, give an inch, take a mile sort of guy. I can imagine.

You can have one. You can have one, maybe. Maybe one. But it was like... And then you come rolling in with a keg. Yeah. It was... I would say it was a semi-strict environment where I still hid majority of my drinking

as a teenager with my friend. I would do it in those windows of opportunity, but I'd get shit faced. I don't know. I don't know what it's going to be like, what they're going to be like. See, I reckon I'll do it the same way that it was done for me when I was a kid. And it's that mum definitely didn't encourage us to get shit faced at home. She's like, what do you want? Long Island iced tea? Sure. Coming right up.

Yes. Five of them. Who wants a wet pussy? But for me, it was a case of the taboo was removed from alcohol. So it wasn't like, it wasn't a case of me wanting to indulge because I thought it was like the naughty thing to do. And I think a lot of kids really binge drink when they're underage because it's just a naughty thing to do. And they want to do something that's against the rules. And so for me, it wasn't, it wasn't a big deal to have my hands on a bottle of alcohol in the way that I was brought up at home. So I never felt like I've got this small little window where I can break the rules and I want to overindulge.

Whereas other kids who are my age, when they were in households where the parents had absolutely no idea that their son or daughter were drinking, they were quite often the ones who would then on the weekend- Get shivers. Just binge drink to the extreme. You're not a big drinker now either.

Which I think, I think it was a case of like, the best example I can give, and if this makes sense, I once worked in a lolly store and the rule was, if you want to eat a lolly, you can eat the lolly. And because you're allowed to do it, you didn't really want to eat the lolly. Yeah. But you always think like the rule, if it was like, you cannot eat a single thing, you'd probably want to like sneak a few lollies in.

Yeah. And that might, I mean, that might work for you. Some people are different. Some people cannot help themselves, but everyone's going to be different. Right. But I think if you introduce them in a controlled setting for me, anyway, you're probably reduced to risk factor of anything happening. If Oscar's sitting there having a drink with me while watching the football at

home and his mates are out there getting shitfaced and potentially doing something risky, I know where I prefer him to be. But then also you can be more aware of what he's like when he's drinking. Yeah. So if you think that he is going down a path where he's hitting the bottle too hard, you can speak to him about it. And there's an open conversation as opposed to it being this thing that no one ever talks about.

But I definitely think that Laura and I will introduce our kids as teenagers. And I'm talking like 15, 16. I'll introduce them to alcohol rather than do that with their friends in a park with absolutely zero adult supervision. Yeah. I think I would prefer to have Oscar's first beer with Oscar. I'm going to have to work it out when I get there because I don't know what sort of kid he's going to be in 10 years time. What brain chemistry is made up of. I don't know. Really. If I was to have a drink with him now, it would just be a fucking scrap. You know what I mean?

He's five. Much discussion. Much to think about. Here's one for you from Christo. We both have two kids. How did you introduce your first kid to your second kid? We approached it in the same way, go on. Marley, this is Lola.

Lola, this is Marley. Shake hands. We did it more along the lines of how you would introduce a child to a pet where we had a rag, a blanket, if you will. A rag? And we would, it had, it had Lola's scent on it.

And we then would introduce that to Marley. Like the blanket from the airport. Fuck. Airport, hospital, same thing. The blanket from the hospital. Did you steal yours too? Of course. I love how everyone, we need to do something with that. There's something there. This is just side note. There's something there. Stealing the blanket. Everyone steals that blanket. I'd love to know where it is. But no, I didn't actually do that sales joke. I didn't introduce the scent of my child.

Oh, from a rag. So I took Marley's chew toy. Yeah, now how did you do it? Come on, give us a... I think they were just there. I think they were just, there was no like, there was no proper... Let's wait for that helicopter.

We're invading! What's happening. Your mom's in the front room. The election! Yeah, I think it just like, there was no real moment. It was- Can I interject? Please.

Really quickly, I think a lot of the lead up work is done during the pregnancy, where you're sort of like, this is what to expect, you're gonna have a little brother or a little sister, or they're in mommy's tummy and they've already bonded with it kind of. Already, it's not like it's like surprise, you know, it's not like bringing home a dog. She was hiding the bump from Marley for the whole pregnancy. There's a book called I Think You're a Big Sister as well, which explains like,

you're about to have another person in the family and you're going to're a big sister as well, which explains like, yeah, you're about to have a lot, another person in the family and you're going to be a big sister, which means that you're going to have to do X, Y and Z and they're going to be a bit loud and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So that book, great book. Yeah. Well, by the time you come home from the hospital, there might be the initial, like, I just remember Oscar being like, Oh, a little baby. And then was that at home or in the hospital? At home. I don't even think we brought, I can't remember. We didn't take Oscar to the hospital. I don't think we did either. Imagine another kid, imagine taking him back to where it all began.

I'd be like, yep. Anyway, see ya. I mean, it was awful in terms of, I think Marley was like, let me hold her. And we're like, okay, here she is. And then a split second later, Marley was trying to rip an eye out with her finger. And we're like, okay, here she is. And then a split second later, Marley was trying to rip an eye out with a finger. Yeah. And we're like, that's enough for you guys. Or like little girls, like they undress dolls. That's not right. You see Marley trying to undress it.

Look at her, lol is naked. That's a new boy. She's like, what? Yeah, I think, yeah, from what I remember, it was pretty smooth, but I know, and I have, we were in the hospital with Macy and they had like a class, like an introductory two year older sibling class, where it wasn't like, they would just talk about that,

you know, like what the oldest couldn't get up to because they might feel that they're not getting the attention they might feel. So I think it's not really the introduction of the, the, the younger sibling, it's the dynamic, the new dynamic that, that you've got to share your love that would probably throw them off the most. I think early doors, early doors, when that, when that bump is like showing the tiniest bit, Oh, baby's coming.

Yeah. Just very vocal about it all the time. And then also like, make sure that you don't just neglect the other one. Easy mistake to make. Easy, yeah. They say in that class, I do recall that- Make sure you still feed your other child.

Yeah, they were like, make sure that you just fill the cup of your other child as well. Like, I know you're going to be taken up so much. Include them in what you're doing because they would feel included in my fill the cup up as well. Am I a genius? Beautifully said. That was just lovely.

What a way to wrap up the episode. And if you enjoyed it, and if you have enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, review, a few stars, a few comments. Join us on social media, Facebook or Instagram or TikTok. To Noting Dads. You've wrapped us up so nicely, Matthew, but you've forgotten one thing. What's that?

We did run a competition. Of course, of course. For a trip away. The biggest competition we've ever run on this podcast. Usually we just give away beer, but this time we give it away a holiday. I we've ever run on this podcast. Usually we just give away beer, but this time we give it away a holiday. I think there's beer on the holiday. I think there is.

I think they do sell beer there. So Matthew, a big shout out to who? Hannah Daly. Yay. A huge thanks to everyone who submitted a video for the competition, but Hannah, your blue paint video was amazing and we think you are very deserving of a triple way so make sure you message us after you trip and let us know how it went.

Enjoy. Well deserved, you deserve a break. I know you're gonna take your kids. A few people are like can we not take the kids? You don't have to take your kids, no. Leave them behind. Leave them behind. We don't care. As long as they have supervision. Yes, don't leave them here. Yeah. Enjoy the Sundays. Great hotel, Hamilton Island. What a place to be at this time of year. I do love it. The buffet. Beautiful.

I just had a dream of the buffet. We'll have to give away another holiday. To ourselves. We're due a holiday. We are due a holiday. It's been a couple of weeks. So. Chomping.

Should we let them go now? Let's get out of here. See ya. Bye. I'm going to rip this nasal strip off. No! Ugh. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.