Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #106 Aims Owens: Sobriety, Raising A Child With Autism And Unapologetic Parenting

Episode Date: November 17, 2024

Aimee Owens, or “Aims” to her audience, has become a well-loved mum in the online parenting community for her refreshingly honest, humorous, and unfiltered take on motherhood. She’s the mother of four young children—Marley, Indie, Billie, and Bodhi—and shares the real-life chaos of raising them. Aims is known for creatively repurposing leftover food into enjoyable recipes. She documents the daily ups and downs of life with four children and speaks openly about her ten-year journey of sobriety, navigating Marley's autism, and unapologetic parenting. For anyone struggling with addiction or seeking support, here are some helpful resources in Australia: Alcohol and Drug Foundation (ADF): Offers information, advice, and services to help with addiction recovery. Website: adf.org.au Beyond Blue: Provides support for mental health issues, often linked with addiction. Helpline: 1300 22 4636 Website: beyondblue.org.au Lifeline: Offers crisis support for individuals in need. Helpline: 13 11 14 Website: lifeline.org.au Each organization offers resources, hotlines, and guidance on seeking help and managing recovery. Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're probably wondering why we're coming into your ears right now, but we have a bonus episode with none other than Amy Owens, who you might know better as Aime. She's a TikTok mum sensation and she's probably one of those relatable mums on the line at the moment. I found her Ash. I want to say two years ago, I was fed her videos on TikTok and then she is just hilarious. She's built a community of people who love to escape the chaos by watching her chaos. She's raising four kids. We've got Marley, seven, much like your Marley but a bit older. Indy, five, Billy, three and little boy Bodie.

And like most kids, her little ones aren't all too keen on food. So she often finds herself baking things with her kids leftovers. I've seen her turn leftover toast into cereal, believe it or not, Matthew. Wait, wait, wait, how? I believe that she cut it up, she put it in the air fryer with some cinnamon, and then she added some milk. You always get better recipe videos.

I do, Matthew. She's all about not wasting anything in her house. So I think I watched one once more than once and now I get fed all of her cooking videos. Literally. See when I get her videos it's often about how she cooks for her kids because one of them, Marley, has recently been diagnosed with autism and now I'm yet to speak to another parent who has a child with autism. So I'm keen to talk about how she navigates life with Marley. We also talk about her past and how it led to her sobriety. And Matthew, it has been 10 years now sober, which is a huge achievement.

She was quite vulnerable and opening up about her journey with alcohol, which led her to a moment where she ended up in rehab. It's a really amazing story. Matthew, let's get into it. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads and One Doting Mum. I'm Matty J. I'm Ash. And I'm Ames.

This is a podcast that happens to be all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And Ames, we have to say every episode for legal reasons that we don't give any advice. But if you have advice, you're more than welcome to share that with us and the world. That'd be great, because we could use some help. You've got twice as, four kids? Yeah, four kids.

And we've got two, so you're twice the parent we are. I don't. We always talk about the parenting hierarchy. And when you meet a parent and you go, how old are your kids? And if they say, oh mine are like 12 months and I've got a newborn, they're like, I know more than you. Yeah, I'm in charge of this conversation.

But it's all relative though, isn't it? My four could equal someone's one. Do you know what I mean? It's all about mannerisms and the temperament and everything. True, but it's still very modest. I know, so modest. Essentially, you're still, there's what, four mouths. Yeah, yeah.

There's how many fingers and toes? Yeah. It's just like trying to keep an eye on two is hard enough. But they follow like little ducks, honestly, when the more that you've got, the more behaved they are. Or in my experience anyway. Like if I'm walking in the shopping centre, one will follow the other and the other will follow the other.

Like my two year old's so well behaved outside, inside he's pretty like manic. But like in the shopping centre, he's like such a well behaved two year old because he's just following his sisters. Do you ever turn around and go, fuck there's three. Head count. The way you said that it makes me think that we should all have like 10 kids. The more you got the better off they'll be. Just a little pine pipe, just to do a whistle and they'll come.

I do obviously want to get into your kids in more detail. But before we do that, I read, and I was very surprised by this, that you're not born in Australia. No, I was born in Venezuela. How did that come about? That used to be my line when I was in my 20s. It doesn't come out much anymore. So what do you mean by the line?

Like, you know, well, the pick up line, like, you know, like you gotta get- Did it work? Yeah, of course, every time. It's just, you gotta be interesting, you know, like when you're out in the clubs. Venezuela was always my thing. No disrespect to like accountants out there,

but if you're like, oh, I'm an accountant. Yeah, from Venezuela. Hey! That's it, leave, I'm an accountant. Yeah, from Venezuela. That's it. Lead, lead with that. Yeah, no, my parents were diplomats, so they worked for the Australian embassy, which is in Canberra. And then we're just on a posting and I just popped out in Venezuela.

My sister and brother are born in Canberra. Oh, right. Suck shit. Where's their line? We're born in Canberra. Oh, right. Suck shit. Yeah. That was the way it was. Where's their line? They're born in Canberra. Get out. Excellent. Not to sound really dumb here, but if you're a diplomat in Venezuela, what are you doing?

My mom had my sister because she was older. So she just stayed at the country club where the expats go, which it sounds really nice, but I reckon it would have been so isolating. Because like if you're not, if there's no other expats there, you're literally just surrounded by people that don't speak English. There's not much TV back then. I was 85. So like everything's in Spanish. Like she would have and she's got two under two. Oh, it would have been horrible. Anyway, my dad, I don't know what they did to be honest. What does a diplomat do?

I have no idea. Yeah. When you said diplomat, I was like, the fuck is that? Do you know what I'm picking up on? He's a spy. I'm thinking that too. Well, actually, the puzzle pieces are coming together. Yeah, we had a lot of handguns in the living room.

I don't actually know where he is now either. So I haven't seen him for a while. Do you speak Spanish? Not because I was born in Venezuela, but my sister and I traveled to Spain when I was 18. But no, like un poquito espanol is like what I know. I knew exactly what that means. Quieres bailar conmigo. I know like my sister spoke it more than me

and she actually taught me Spanish lines that I didn't know they were actually like, you look quite sexy and like things like that. So I was just like talking to people thinking, I'm saying, hey, how you going? But I was like, you look really sexy. And you're like, I'm from Venezuela. So.

My mom speaks French and I was like, teach me something. And like the only couple of things I can say is like, en pas with that, tu es trop belle, je t'aime. And it's like, you're beautiful and I love you. Yeah. I got nothing. I got no languages. Honestly.

I'm like, eh, yeah. That's it. But that works too, you know. It does work. It does work around here. When you have a face like that, you don't need any like accents or other language. Just the ochre Australian is charming enough. So when did you come back to Australia?

I was like probably, I want to say 18 months. Like it wasn't like a journey. And my passport photo is actually really cute. I look like ET because I had no hair. I had these ears that sort of clicked out and my eyes were massive. So it was, yeah, I don't that and that would have been when we came home. So that probably 18 months. Back to Canberra. The spy returns. And then what kind of a child were you like growing up when you speak to your parents?

I was a good girl. I was like two, like getting ready. I got myself up and ready at like in kindy, had my hair braided. Like I don't like breaking rules. Like, yeah. Wow. Are you the youngest of three? I'm the middle.

The middle of how many? Three. Of three. Yeah. I got a younger brother, older sister. I didn't like get high grades or anything like that. I didn't really try. I was more like wanted to be social and like a sporty kid.

That was sort of my thing. So popular, but like just because I played sport. Did you get into trouble at all? Do you recall, if you were a really good girl and you thought, okay, if you look back now and you go, there's one time that sticks out that I did get in trouble. Yeah, I tripped up.

Guys, I'm sober. In my twenties was just trouble. The whole 10 years was trouble. How long have you been sober for? 10 years. Wow. Yeah. Congratulations.

Yeah. So I was a good girl until I could drink. Okay. And then it took a turn. What sticks out? What, what, what really your parents would be like, oh my God. I can't believe she did that. Oh, the party that I threw at their house. Yeah. No, What sticks out? What really your parents would be like, Oh my God. I can't believe she did that. Oh, look. Oh, the party that I threw at their house. Yeah. No, that sticks out. Yeah. And my, actually it was house sitting for my cousins.

And I threw a party there as well. That was really bad. Cause they just- You're like a Cory Worthington. I was really bad. Yeah. But this was in- Amy Worthington. This was in my 20s. So I was a gym beam girl. So I hung out with like all that crowd and stuff. Gym beam girl. I thought it was like gymnastics. Like I used to do the beam. I'm a gym beam girl.

Definitely not a gym. Yeah, so like the seagulls and stuff like that. We used to hang out. Back when you could sort of mingle with the footy players. So it was fun, but yeah, we got up to a bit of trouble. So the party that you threw. Someone went through the window. So we would have had it, we would have had it all clear. We were in the clear. Like we would have cleaned it up and it would have been perfect. No one would have known because my parents were away. But someone decided to go through a window.

There's a dead body on the floor. Everyone lived for us. What's all this blood? Was it your thinking of I'm going to throw this party or your friends being like, hey, Amy, you're the party girl. We should do it at your house. I never really, I was never really the instigator. I was more of a sheep, to be honest, when it comes to that kind of stuff. But like we had the coolest house.

My parents lived in, that was in Balgala Heights. So we looked over Klontarf and all that kind of stuff. So we had- Must be known. So we had like the pool and everything. Oh, the party house. Yeah, it was no brainer that it was gonna happen when my parents left.

So it's their fault. It totally is. Yeah, yeah. You put me in another house with a pool and shit. And someone says, party? You brought this upon yourselves. How do I say no to that? So then when you got found out by your parents, what happens then? Did you get disciplined? Yeah. Well, it's more that shame and that disappointment that you've got to live with rather. Cause I was in my 20s, I was working and doing that.

They can't really ground me. Like I still have to go and show up to my job. But like coming home and it was my stepdad as well. So it's not actually like my mom was disappointed. But then it's like letting down this man who's come into my home and made my mom so happy. And like they built this beautiful house and they were renovating and it's like the problem child ruins it for everyone. So it's like more like living with that.

And yeah, definitely learned my lesson from that point about having parties. But my drinking sort of went spiraling after that. Do you think, cause I look at my girls and I always think, gosh, like they're so, as a whole, well behaved right now, then I often get scared that it'll follow that same trajectory where they're really good now, they hit teenage years and older, go off the rails.

For you, was it just the people you were hanging out with or was it the fact that you've been so well behaved that you're going to go just against the grain? No, it's literally, alcoholism is like it can take anyone, you know, like I'm, I was private school girl, you know, really well behaved as you said it, the crowd, yes and no, but I put myself into that crowd because I wanted to be surrounded by people that would hide how much I could drink because they were drinking too. But then when it started to get a bit older and they started to settle down and stuff,

I really sort of went, wow, okay, I don't wanna stop. So I became like, I hit it a lot more. And that's when it's like, okay, this is a problem. But it wasn't really an experience or an upbringing that was the problem. It's the alcoholism is like a genetic disease. So I have that same fear as well, because I've got four, so I've got like,

chances are one of them is gonna have a problem. I think if you like got kids and you don't, you've got to at some point expect that they'll do things like that, right? Where they'll go, they'll do dumb things. They might pick up a bad habit. You can't expect them to be completely perfect. So it's like, when do they pick it up?

Yeah, it just sucks though, because it's like, it was so, and it is so hard still, like seeing everyone drink and knowing that I can't, but like I'm over it now. And I realized that if I drink, it would just ruin everything. Yeah. So I don't for that reason. But to think that one of them might have to go through that, because it was a long process for me to come to that realization. And my parents had to sort of watch, but take a step back.

Because they're like, the more we get involved, the less you're learning. The only benefit I think would be the fact that you've been there. So you understand. Whereas if you're coming from a place of complete naivety, you might not know how to tackle it. Yeah. What was the trigger point for you realizing that you needed to get help in this for serious? When I was like drinking every night and hiding it. And I was living with a guy. It just like…

He wouldn't even know that I had had like a whole bottle of wine before I went. Like scald the bottle of wine. I've never told anyone this before because like I don't want this to be… What defines you? Yeah. That's right. The second I open up about it… People know that I'm sober and blah, blah, blah. But I don't really go into it

because that will mean that I'll be sober. Amy type thing. I don't want that to be my content, but I'm not ashamed and it is a part of my story. So I do like to share it when I can. But yeah, I was just coming home every single night blind and I would wake up, I wouldn't remember being with him, like watching movies

or anything, like cooking dinner. I didn't remember. I was doing everything like just drunk. And then I started losing jobs and then it was like, okay, I need to get help. And then I would have, I think it was about five years of just in and out of rehabs, in and out of back and forth with jobs. I moved to Newcastle at one point and then like it was just, it was all over the place. But I think I've been to like almost every rehab in Sydney.

Wow. Wow. And they say like the anomaly quits straight away in the first time. It's a journey to get to where you are now. Like you go for in and out and everyone's journey is going to be different and everyone's addictions also is different. So unfortunately for the people that I was seeing, because I, whenever I had a boyfriend, I seemed to pick the guys that would enable it as well.

So the lovely guy, I've never had a bad experience with ex-boyfriends and things like that. I've just been like 10 out of 10 guys. But I have just messed it up because I was drinking, but I picked them because they were so naive to it all. Yeah, okay. But they're happy now, so it's all good. I want to say congratulations. Yeah, thanks. Because I know you talk about it's not the content

that you put out. I had no idea, but I think it's incredible knowing what you've gone through to content that you put out. I had no idea. But I think it's incredible knowing what you've gone through to be where you are now sober for how long? 10 years. So I got sober about six months before I met Shay and I started nursing school then. So Shay's never seen me drunk and yeah, the life just started. Life started 10 years ago. Do you think when you talk about going into rehab multiple times, was there

anything different about the one moment where you got on the road to recovery and you stayed there and didn't go back? Was it anything that happened? Or the rehabs that I went to were all like private rehabs. Then I had my own room and blah, blah, blah. I don't think that really has much to do with why that didn't work. It was all a process, but the last one that I ended up in was involuntary.

It was either go to this one or you go to jail because I, there was, I don't, or, or die. Like they were my options. Do this, do that, all that. And it was the like grubbiest rehab. And I was like, like shocked to my system, but they did AA meetings. Um, and the others didn't, the other ones did, but it's like, you can go if you want, but you can stay at home if you want to and work on your mind, you breathe breathwork and stuff.

And I was like, because ultimately it's up to you. Yeah, totally. No, you can't rely on anyone else. Yeah. And it was, it was, you've got a choice. And I never had been like sat with, with that choice in front of me. Do you want to die? Do you want to go to jail? Or do you want to get this and do it? And I think that was also when my mom just goes, I'm done. The boyfriend that I thought I was in love with had also gone done.

Wow. So, and through that, we were together for about two years. For that time, he was like, he was like helping me. And when he just went done and my mom went done and my dad went done, I was like, I'm on my own. I've got to do this. So that was that. Yeah. Wow.

So brave. And like, I do feel sometimes I struggle with alcohol. It must be such a big moment for you to go, okay, well, this is it. Yeah. It's just that finding happiness elsewhere. And I think the fact that now we live down in Kiama and Shade doesn't, like he has a beer when he cooks a barbecue type thing.

And he used to go out with the boys and stuff. He played soccer and was pretty high up in the soccer world and they'd all have beers and stuff. But he barely drinks and I don't really have friends that drink too much. Like they'll have some wine and sometimes I miss having the wine, but one wine, it's not a wine for me. Having a wine is like having methylated spirits in the gutter. It's not just one cocktail for me. It's like, it's full, like it's, yeah. And I've learned that now. So did you go to uni Australia from school? No so what I did my diploma of remedial massage

at a college in North Sydney. It's funny you say that because my right shoulder is actually Oh that is so funny. The amount of times that's been said. Yeah it was that was actually yeah that was pretty funny when I was studying it. Like the only thing that people could say was like, can you please give me a massage? So good to see you, Amy. By the way, just like- I've got my table here. I was like forcing you onto my shoulders.

And then, because that was like hard work, I worked for a chiropractor and I was just massaging bodies all day. I was like, what else could I do with this? And then at the time I had a boyfriend who was a personal trainer and he's like, do this. So I did my assert three and four of personal training. I worked at Willoughby Fitness First for a while as a personal trainer, but very quickly realized I was not, like I'm not a business owner head brain. Like I can't.

And if you're, if you're doing personal training, you need to own your own business. And like it wasn't me. And I was like this 19 year old, like tiny little blonde girl in fitness first and like competing with like big bodybuilders. Like who are they going to ask to train them? You know what I mean? So I was like, okay, I can't do this either. And then- You've got great delts by the way. Thanks guys. I have been working out with my four children. I just got to lug them around.

Who got you into nursing? Because I had all those times in hospitals. I watched the nurses and I was like, I want to do that. I want to be on the other side. And then when I finally got clarity and I got sober and I had about six months in me, I'm like, I'm just going to do it. I've got nothing else. I was completely single, just had absolutely like no care in the world. And I just went, I'm just going to enroll in my degree, just straight out, go for RN. It's always interesting talking to people in a world where I have little to no

experience other than the few times that I've been in hospital, I've been in with my kids. I do want to ask as a nurse, what would be the grossest thing you've had to deal with? Oh, wounds are so cool. Like I love a good- Give us something disgusting. Okay, okay. Maggot therapy. Excuse me, what?

Maggot therapy. Maggot therapy. They put maggots on a wound to clean it. Who does that? Which hospital are you working at? Doctors do that. It's like this new thing. Yeah.

Obviously, your wound has to meet regulations and stuff like that. And it's maggots that have been trained and built in scientific labs. What? Yeah. They get put on there to clean the wound. Unbaffled. Yeah. How bit...

It's so exciting. It's exciting. Yeah. It's really fun. So how do they... Okay. Just talk us through the process of that. I've only ever come and come onto a shift and had a patient that's already had them applied. So I just sort of had to manage it.

Did you get there and be like, this maggot's on this person. Ah! So I know, yeah, exactly. Totally allowed that. I think I've got a problem. No, no, no. They're on maggot therapy, thank you.

What's gonna be next? Puppy therapy? Bring you. What's going to be next? Puppy therapy? Bringing a bunch of puppies to lick the wounds. Oh, not to lick the wounds, but that is actually a therapy. I know, but I'm going to invent it to lick the wounds. This is a zoo. Koala therapy next? I was quite shocked too when I like, you see it on your handover.

I'm like, was that, am I reading that properly? And they're like, yeah, yeah. And they just talk me through the actual. Yeah. So it's actually a real thing. How do you get the maggots out of the wound? Well, they don't like kind of go in. They're just kind of, yeah, like getting rid of the like bits around the side and all the sluffy bits. Surely there's something else that we can use. Like, this is the future we're talking about.

It was like, are we going back in time now? I want to talk about Shay. Yeah. You guys met in a very modern type of way. Yeah. Swiping on Tinder. Was it left or right? I can't remember anymore.

Never been on Tinder. I am like pre Tinder date. Have you ever been on Tinder? I went pretty hard on Tinder. Because you lived in? I was in London. How many years? Four years. Do you remember your first date?

Yes. So he's funny. He is like the typical non Tinder. Doesn't like to meet new people, doesn't like. But where his situation at the moment at that time was he was living with two guys who were pretty heavy on Tinder. Well, just like that's just how they met and went on dates and stuff like that. That was just the reality.

So they put him on. And I think I was the only person that he was actually had spoken to. I don't even know. Like now knowing him, I have no idea how he did this. Like he's like not like he's just yeah, it's crazy to me. But it's bait. Yeah. Like because he was in Bulleye as well and I was in Northern Beaches. So I don't even know how our radio.

I don't even know. The Tinder gods. I don't. So I don't even know how our radio. I don't even know. The Tinder guards. I know. They're like, you should try these two people together. And I hadn't even, I hadn't gone on that many dates because I didn't really, I just kind of liked looking to be honest. And he was just like this architect from Bulleye and I was like, I don't even know where Bulleye is but okay, whatever. And I think it was just like, I'd come home, I was working in a nursing home and doing full-time uni and I was just started randomly messaging each other.

He was very like one word and sentences. Like you're messaging your dad. Like who is this guy? Like does he's not interested in me? Sure. Yeah. It's like he's playing hard to get. Yeah.

Actually it's just- That's what I thought. I was like, he just doesn't think I'm attractive or something. How's day? Good. Pretty much. You're like, I've got to crack this guy. I've got to crack this guy. But yeah, he was hungover.

No, he was out actually. So he'd probably had a few beers and he's like, I'll come to DUI tomorrow. And he came to DUI. That's a long drive. How far is that? He was hungover too. Two and a half hours, isn't it? Like two hours.

Okay. It took me about one, two hours to get here today. So another half an hour on that. Hungover. He was scared. He was rusty. I haven't seen him. Like I actually have seen him a few times.

But yeah, we were at the beach and he walked over and I was walking to him. I was just like, that is the surfy dude that I need in my life. He's just like this cool surfy dude. But then when you talk to him, he's just the modest, like so humble and just, yeah, he's cool. Were you like love at first sight? Obviously? Yeah, pretty much.

But we went to Wokbar and this is another thing. Wokbar man! Shout out to Wokbar, and this is another thing. Wokbar, man! Shout out to Wokbar. I used to live on DIY Parade there, so like right near, that just trigger sends me. We did too. We were in that apartment block

opposite the petrol station there. And my mom's actually in DIY Parade now. Yeah, right, my parents got married on DIY at Surf Ryder, that old building on the roof. They just have a pool on the roof. Oh, that's nice. You guys could have been like related somewhere. You would still have been in shore.

It's the Northern Beaches. You wouldn't get it. Sorry. I love Wokbar. Let's turn his mic off. Well, he doesn't like Wokbar. He is a schnitzel, chips and salad kind of guy. Respect. But I was like, let's go to Wokbar. I didn and salad kind of guy. Respect.

But I was like, let's go to Wokpa. I didn't know any of this about him. And he just ordered what I ordered and I just got a, I got a laksa. And when you like it, that's when you don't know how to eat a laksa. Yeah. Yeah. Soupy soupy dish. I don't know how to eat a laksa.

I think he, it's like a soup, but like it's. It's like a noodle soup. Soup is not a meal. Soup's a drink. No, but it's like chopsticks. You've got noodles's a noodle soup soup is not a meal soups a drink No, but it's like chopsticks. You got noodles and you got Ramen yes, basically, but it's like a coconut II like more milky kind of it's beautiful. Try me try it Try it. I'm just gonna write that down so we can have a look and it's it's like hot lava as well When it comes in or when it comes out?

Both. But when, yeah, so when I can only imagine now again, now knowing him, when that came, what he was thinking. Oh my gosh. And I swear he's probably had like two bites and that was it. And I didn't really even notice cause we were just like chatting and the conversation was flowing. But then when we went to leave, I'm like, are you still hungry? Are you, do you want to eat it? Do you want to take it away?

And he's like, no, it's fine. I'm good. I'm good. So modest of you. Yeah. He probably like got back in the car and was like, fuck, I'm hungry. He's got a three and a half hour drive back to Belize. He's like, I just want a schnitzel so bad. There's plenty of McDonald's on the way. DIY or a self or a schDee on the way home.

That was the thing. It was like, it was lunch and that was done. And he's like, so what next? And I'd never really, I thought I could never have really had that sort of comfortability with someone. And he just wanted to keep hanging out. And I was like, well, there's a bowling alley around the corner, you know, DIY bowling. And we went play bowling.

And all I can remember is just checking out his calves, because he's got like those surfer, surfy. I know the ones. I know the calves. When he was bowling, I was like, holy shit. The calves. Did he have a leggy tan?

Did he have a leg rope tan? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had all the, ticked all the boxes of the surfy dude. The leggy tan. And the watch tan. Yeah, I'm The leggy tan. And the watch tan. Yeah, I'm rocking a watch tan. And then that was and we'd finished that and then he's like, well, what next? And I was like, fuck it now.

He's like a stalker. He wants to keep hanging out. So we just sat by the lake and then we had our first kiss. And then, wow. Oh, stop it. That is the most beautiful first day. It's the first day, not a first date. Get this though.

This is the clincher. I went then, I was meeting a friend. So I just went straight to like the restaurant and he went home. I sent him a text and they said, I think I'm going to delete Tinder. And he wrote, I've already deleted it. Oh, well done. Lock it in. Lock that done. Lock it in. Lock that down.

You're mine. Wow. And like we literally went camping the next weekend together. Love story. That probably I wouldn't, I wouldn't rock recommend. But it was very sick. Like yeah, it was. When you know, you know.

I just felt safe. Yeah. Yeah. That's actually an amazing story. When you know, you know. I just felt safe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's actually an amazing story. You guys had kids pretty quickly after you got married, like within the first 12 months was it? I wouldn't say it was too, like not as, not quicker than anyone else.

I don't think like we, we had, we had kids before we got married. Well, what we did is like, cause I was still doing my degree. I wanted to finish my degree. And then I timed that by finishing the degree, getting married, and then trying for Marley. It took us about probably about eight, nine months because I found out I had a thyroid issue. So once I started taking medication for that and sort of adjusting my hormones, we fell pretty quickly.

Then had the next one and then the next one and then the next one. Did you always plan on having four? I wanted three. Like I loved the dynamic of me and my brother, my sister and my brother. But then when Billy was a girl, it was like, we weren't shutting off to another one. Not that it would have minded if the fourth was a girl, but it was a very nice surprise that it was just going to have that gender dynamic. And I've always wanted a little boy too. But we didn't go for a fourth to have a boy. He was a shock, actually, because they're only like 13 months apart.

Yeah, that's a surprise. That's a good effort. Because I know you've talked about always wanting to be a parent. Did the reality of parenting match up to the dream that you wanted it to be? A hundred percent. Yeah. I feel like I have never been more happy and myself. Yeah. I, yeah, this is always what I needed, wanted, wished for, dreamed for.

This is me. Like I'm in my element. Yeah. And I know it gets crazy and chaotic, but like, I like that. I'm a nurse. That's my job. Like, yeah. It reflects in your content, but you can tell that your aura, that you love it.

Love it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, I'm meant to be there and, and just everything. When I think back, back going back to rehab rehab when I was in that bed, I remember thinking to myself, I want, you know, house by the beach, kids, husband, and not so much like I couldn't see it, but now I'm seeing it.

I'm like, this is what I was dreaming of. This is it. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, it's all just making sense and all coming together. And yeah, it's good. I fucking love that. Yeah, I'm really, yeah, I'm just absolutely stoked for you.

And like to say, especially like having four kids and we, we, we often complain we only have two. But like I said, it's all relative. Like my kids, they all slept. They all slept. Okay. Bodie was like slept, one of those ones that slept from like four weeks old through the night.

That'd be the best. The fourth one too. And Billy was pretty similar to that too. So like if I wasn't getting eight hours a night, it would be a lot more difficult and I probably wouldn't have had four. And like I said, they're temperament, they're pretty chilled out. They can give it to me. Trust me, they can. But like someone out there with one child with disabilities and stuff like that, you

know what I mean? Like it's so like my fork equals their one. Yeah. Yeah. I do want to talk about Marley. Yeah. At what point did you think to yourself, you and your husband, we might need to get some professional help here?

We didn't. We had no idea. She actually had, well, she wasn't talking to her level and she wasn't eating. But I had no idea what autism was. Had no idea, not even ever thought about it, never researched it. Had no idea that that could be a possibility or our reality. She, and then we went and got her ears checked because we thought, okay, that could be why she's not talking. Sure enough, she needed grommets.

How old roughly? 18 months. That's her first grommets. Grommets? Grommets. So, they go over the ears. They go in, so it's a full on general anaesthetic process. It's like adenoids, grommets, tapped tonsils, and they put like a little hole where,

cause she had fluid in her ears. So the grommets, um, like a little like plastic things that keep the hole open so the fluid can drain out. I've never heard of that. Yeah. Oh, well yeah. I'm learning so much today. It's a, it's a pretty common procedure actually.

Wow. Okay. Especially with autistic kids. I didn't know that at the time. So once we had our ears fixed, we thought, okay, well now she's probably going to start speaking and like hearing us. Because for 18 months she couldn't hear us. And that made sense to us.

But she always looked us in the eye. She didn't respond to her name like every single time, but just wasn't hitting them like the typical autistic things that people talk about. But even now, I'm like, it's... Oscar doesn't listen to me at all. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Like there's moments where I'm like Marley and she's like, it's like I'm not in the room. There's other times where I say Marley and she goes, yeah, what's up? It's so hard to know when they're just ignoring you because they're focused on something

and when it's something more. It's more like that awareness of people around you. I think that is. And if obviously if she's focused on something and if my other kids are focused on something, like you said, they're not really gonna look, but it's more like that. Say my five year old, I'll walk into the room.

She's clocked me. She knows I'm there. She's like kind of observing what I'm doing. Marley doesn't, she doesn't have that. She doesn't want that. She doesn't need that. She's sort of just like focused on her body and just trying to. Yeah.

Wow. We started seeing a speechy because that was our next step. Cause speechy? A speech pathologist. Pathologist. Speech is such a hard word. You're married to a server. Speechy. Yeah, I see the speechy? A speechy, pathologist. Pathologist. Speechy's the word. It's such a hard word. You're married to a server. Speechy.

No, that's what we say. That's hospital terms as well. Oh, okay. It was just a chick down around the corner from us. So completely trust her and she was highly professional and highly regarded in her profession. She just said to us, look, there's a few areas of concern. And we're like, okay, that's, it's good to know that there's like, but, but what does that mean for us? What were the areas that she flagged?

How they play. So it's not, it's deemed not, not appropriate playing. So instead of like, like getting the baby, feeding the baby and rocking the baby, putting the baby down to bed, she would just like kind of play getting the baby, feeding the baby, rocking the baby, putting the baby down to bed, she would just like kind of play with the baby, like take the clothes off and then put like line the clothes up and like do different things that aren't like deemed appropriate or puzzles. Like she'd line the puzzle pieces up and she'd have like the blues and the yellows and the

reds and it was just like- She's a genius. She is actually now. She's showing signs of like- Oh my God. Yeah, and that's, it sometimes is the case with autistic brains. They just become- Like geniuses.

Yeah, they change the world. She will change the world. Wow. Yeah, she's amazing. But yeah, you see, I saw it, we saw a pediatrician and she gave us a diagnosis and basically it was like, just everything that you thought you knew, like, and you thought you, and the hopes and the dreams and the goals and aspirations, you're like, is she going to have friends? Is she going to go to school?

Is she going to like be able to get married, have kids? Like all those things that you think. Yeah. Well, you dream of your child just having an easy life. Anything that might interfere with that, you go down the worst case scenario. So we sort of, once I sort of came to terms with that, I did a little bit of my own research

with autism and stuff. And once you sort of open up to that community, it just like, and especially today, in today's age with TikTok and stuff, like everyone's talking about it now. So it's becoming so much more. Open. Yeah, yeah, and spoken about and like it is the new normal, I guess, but what is normal really. But anyway, it was, I wasn't like, it wasn't a disappointment feeling. That's not the right way.

It's like more like, like a sadness and hopelessness because you just don't know what you can do. Yeah. But we did early intervention from then we were just like, okay, she's got autism. Can't go back now. Let's just do what we can to give her the best start in life. Like she's. So what is, from that point with the speechy and then how do they, how do they test at that age for autism? So we went to a pediatrician that specialises

in like the mental side of kids, I guess. We just spent an hour in the office and again, they were just playing and she was trying to interact and she was trying to talk. And I guess they've got like a little checklist in their head. Yeah, so it's a lot of observation, isn't it? Yeah, that's it. And she said, yeah, she's got autism. The level of diagnosis can vary because they're all so different, but because back then she wasn't really talking or anything,

because I think that sort of elevated her level. She was diagnosed as a three, but since I think has been re-diagnosed as like a two, but that could be a lot of the early intervention stuff that we did too as well. How did it feel as a mom hearing those words or your child has autism? Uh, it was, yeah, it was like, again, because I just, I didn't know and I didn't have any friends that had it, had a child with autism and I didn't have anyone in my community or close by to talk to about it. Well, I didn't think I did until it happened.

And then it like friends just came like messaging me saying, yeah, like, you know, Locky's got like autism level two, two, like let's talk about it together. Yeah. That must be so amazing. Yeah, it was, it was. Do you think there's some parent stigma behind it?

Well, is it your own stigma or do you think it's? Yeah, like you might think, like, okay, well, it's such a world of unknown and every parent who, it's gonna be their first time hearing that and feeling that, do you think that there's something behind you that think, okay, well, are we gonna be as a family? Like maybe looked as like our cast until you reach out

and people are like, yeah, actually us too. Yeah. I think at first I definitely had that feeling. My only, my biggest fear was school because like school is just tough for the kids. And then adding like a disability onto that, it's just like rough. As I said, so much more talked about even in primary school. They all know Marley, she's in a special class because there is like a, a special little class in the school that she's in that has just extra support because she just needs that now. I feel like she's going to grow to a point where she goes, I don't want to be

in that class anymore. And then we'll just pop her into mainstream. But I think we're going to let her make that decision because right now she needs that extra support. But yeah, look, I it wasn't so it there was a little bit of how I was feeling, but and and how I it looked, I guess, sort of, I guess. I'm not going to lie, probably. But it was very quickly shut down with like, let's just get this girl help and do the best that we can because she's our everything.

She was the only, yeah, our only child at that point. How do you help? We did, so the speech pathologist, speechy, she had connections and that you can do like quite intense early intervention therapies, like OT, behavioral therapies. Occupational therapist. Occupational therapist. Yeah, to just like- An orky, as I- An orky. early intervention therapies like OT, behavioral therapies. Occupational therapists. Occupational therapists. Yeah, to just like-

Anarchy. Anarchy. And they do stuff like sensory stuff because obviously with autism, they've got a lot of sensory issues and they touch on, I don't actually know, and the speech is like obviously working with, but at that age, speech pathology is also about playing and appropriate playing and taking turns. That's Marley's move on, taking turns. I think that's every child's one though. Where we went had group interactions as well. So they would, we went, we're at like this place called the kids uni. So they had different therapists and they all had their own different like one-on-one childs and then they'd come together and play as a group just to teach

them that sort of social interaction. Also to like probably observe them in a group. Yeah. Yeah. Cause like you're saying, like she's so focused on her, her body, what she's doing that you can think like if they just were alone the whole time going through this, then they won't develop that. But she also would love to be alone. Yeah. Oh, really? I didn't say yes.

But it's funny, though, because Marlee is very good at masking and she's very excited to be around other kids. But it's very sort of when you watch it, it's really awkward because she doesn't really know how to interact. But she's so happy to be there. And she's such a bright, beautiful kid that the kids just want her there. So she's learning a lot from she watches people and then does like. So having siblings, actually, because because home is her safe place.

Right. And then I've got Indy and Billy, So having siblings actually, because home is her safe place, right? And then I've got Indy and Billy, who none of my other children are autistic. So she actually watches their facial expressions and their like mannerisms and stuff, and she learns so much from them in her safe space. Yeah. Makes any sense? So then she can go to school and she has sort of a little bit of back experience in how to deal in situations. So giving her siblings was the best. Totally. You can imagine like an only child going through that and not being able to pick

up on other- Social cues. Social cues. Yeah, exactly. How often do you currently go to the speechy and the OT? We don't anymore. Oh, great. So we did intensive therapy from three to five. Wow.

And then she started school at six. And because she's in that support class, they have support teachers who are pretty trained in those areas and to help her along. And then we have the speech pathologist come to the school and do their session at the school. Amazing. I know. Is it a public school? It is. Yeah.

Wow. I mean, that's crazy how far like we've come that- Oh my God. Sure. Our generation. Oh, you can imagine that. Like seven year old, she's in a class for extra support and they've also got an OT and a speech. Yeah. And they do mainstream interactions throughout the week where she'll actually play in the playground with the mainstream kids and have sessions in there because our goal will not as like as soon as when she's ready. But the goal is to get her, you know, to mainstream if she wants that.

Like that's it's all going to be up to her. You mentioned before she's sort of turning into a genius. Any anything in particular? She can do numbers better than I can do numbers. Wow. I'm terrible at numbers though. So anyone can do numbers. Guilty.

Numbers are not my forte. Five plus seven. I'm like, holy shit. It's 12, Matthew. It's 12. I was going to say 13. No, she, yeah. So she can multiply, subtract, times table.

In her head. Yeah. Just without writing it down. Yeah. She'll sometimes come up to me and be like, four, eight, 16. And you're like, oh, show off. I'm like, I'm a really incapable parent right now.

But she watches like number blocks and stuff like that. And they're really good shows for her. Good luck when she starts high school. Dude, she's insane. But her dad's like, Shay's like that too. Shay's pretty brilliant. Actually, I need to ask your advice on the startling because Ash and I are currently on the cusp of transitioning our kids into kindy, away from daycare as someone

who's already experienced that world, what are the hardest parts of starting school? The thing is my start with Marley was very different to your traditional kickoff to Kindy. So I'm doing it too this year. You're doing it too? Yeah. Oh, we can all do it together. Yeah, you know. Everyone hold hands.

I feel you. I feel you, yeah, because with the support class, they got your number and you have like a special, like you can contact the teacher. So you're like asking your teacher like, so will I get your number now or later? What do you mean? If I contact you to go around the rest of the school to find out what my other kids are up to, can we do that? Just pop your head in.

So I feel like I've got a bit of a warped idea how it is, but like honestly, and in saying that Indie is very different to Marley, she's very sensitive. So I feel like I'm going to go through a few roller coasters with her. She's so ready. She's wearing, she wears the uniform to daycare. Like she's got Marley's old uniform. She wear it to bed? She actually wore the skirt to bed the other day.

Yeah, waiting for our uniform to turn up for Oscar to never take it off. It's gonna be perfect for in the morning. Yeah, it's very cute. But just prepare for them not wanting to go. Like, because it's a big thing. It's like you've got to go here now forever. So and they're like, okay, mine only went two days to kindy. So it's like, you've got to do this now. It's a big transition.

Yeah. Every single day, you've got to go here. I would just say walk them in for as long as they need to. Like you see other parents doing the kiss and drop and all that kind of stuff, but some of them aren't ready for that yet. And you just go with it. Don't have to keep up with the Joneses. Like if your kid needs you to walk to the door, put the lunchbox out for them.

Hang the lunchbox. I was thinking, I'll see you. Marley's just now doing the kiss and drop and that's amazing for her. So kiss and drop is where you either like the front gate. You don't even get out of the car. Oh what? Yeah. Yes, that's going to be great.

And they go in and like what they do I don't know. And that's the scary part, the unknown of like they go in there and it's like you know exactly what these kids do every single day. You know when they're peeing, you know where they're pooing. They go into this big like red brick building and you have no idea and you don't find out. You don't get updates. Yeah, you don't have the app of daycare. You're not going to get like a cute little shot of them eating their triangle pizza.

Why not? Seriously, like it's, that's the hardest thing is probably your letting go. Yeah. You know what I think some people might want to know is the school that you're at, it sounds amazing for Marley. Was that by chance? Was it luck that you found that school and the support networks that they have to deal with the child with autism or?

So there's two schools in our area. We actually moved house to become closer to this school. I think she would have been considered anyway because we were going for that specific class and we had to apply for it and everything. But we wanted the other kids to go with them. We want them to all go together. Oh, for sure. Yeah. I do have one last question before we go. And we do ask this to a lot of our guests.

I have forgotten a few times, but not on this occasion. When your kids are all grown up and they're no longer living at home. Yeah. Take a moment. What's the one thing you want them to remember about the house they grew up in? Just the fact that it, they could put stickers on the walls if they wanted to, or they could just decorate their bunk beds with, like they can just, you know, within reason, it's a home. Do you know what I mean? Like there's a thousand toothbrushes. There's,

like, they've got backpacks everywhere, toys everywhere. Like it's clean. It's clean. Just for you to know, it's clean. I'm not a hoarder. But like it's just, it's so homey. And we've got this big boof head dog out the back and like we just go out the back and they just love, like it's just. Home of fun. Yeah, it is, it's nice. And we're seconds away from the beach,

so we all walk down to the beach, and just that togetherness, I think. And they do, they love each other, they do. They fight like cats and dogs, but they don't know any different. What they know is like, thousand children in the living room, everyone's screened on everywhere,

but there's discipline, but they can still just have fun. They just like it's just fun. You know, your kids are so lucky to have such an amazing mom. Thanks. And we really appreciate you sharing your story. The hard times, of course, all the good times. So thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. It's been a blast. I loved it. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Ash, all this podcasting has actually made me quite hungry. Ravishing. And

because we have Ames here who is an absolute specialist in making food with leftovers, I thought we would just quickly do a little video about making, I don't know, let's say muffins. There's nothing I love more than my kids leftovers. Trust me. Oh, I do trust you. So if you'd like to watch a video on us doing our best to make some muffins with Ames, head to our social media and you will see some chaos unfolding. And if you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a review, leave a five-star review, leave a little note, that'd be great. Or join us on socials, our Facebook group,

which is Two Doting Dads on Facebook, or our Instagram, which is also, believe it or not, Two Doting Dads. What? Should we get our chef's hat on? Yes. And get to it. Yes, also if you have any other guests

that you would like us to speak to, please send them our way. And lastly, before we go, if any of the topics from today's episode have struck a chord with you, Matthew, and you need some sort of help, we've got some links in the show notes that could be really helpful. Ash, let's get cooking. To Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.

This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.