Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #125 Angry Bottoms, First Day Of School Panic And Unhelpful Toddlers

Episode Date: February 11, 2025

Daddy Matty J is still in the jungle, BUT he needs your help to take home the crown 👑  VOTE FOR MATTY J ON I'M A CELEB HERE https://shorturl.at/bEpXl Mama Laura Byrne is back to filling in for her husband while he soaks in the last few remaining days in the jungle and is child free.  Meanwhile, Laura continues to solo parent the chaos at home, but Lola is taking things to a whole new low! Ash is gearing up for Oscar's first day of school and feels more nervous than his son. Macy is also trying to be more helpful around the house, but she's doing a terrible job of it by exposing Daddy's phone addiction.  Plus, we tackle our question! I just discovered we're expecting twins – HELP! Slide into our DM's @twodotingdads with any parenting question you need answered by a couple of doting dads.  2025 Raunchy Ranch Calendar IS STILL ON SALE!  https://budgysmuggler.com.au/products/two-doting-dads-raunchy-ranch  Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I thought I shit myself at the park. This is recently, this is over the Christmas break. So obviously that's festive season. Yes. You spend a lot of time on the booze, on the boozer. And we were down at the park and I was sitting there and I slipped out of fart. Oh Ash. And I thought I shit myself.

And I said to April, oh, I think I shit myself. Instead of like laugh, thought it was funny. She thought it was disgusting. There is only that reaction to that. She was like so disappointed. And then she was like, you know what? That's divorceable. Oh wow.

And I said, is that all it would take? And she was like, it's not very funny. Anyway, I wiped myself and I was clean. So you didn't shit yourself. I didn't. It just felt like I did. How could it feel like you did? Just the velocity of the fart.

Your fart. I'm happy that you guys are still happily married. Yeah. But I know how to get a quick divorce. To shit myself in public. Welcome back to two doting dads. Well, one doting dad and another doting mom, Laura Byrne. I'm back again. I'm back. You're back. This is a podcast all about parenting. It's the good the bad and the relatable. Reasonable. Reasonable. Reasonably relatable. I didn't I wasn't gonna tell you that shitting myself story. I forgot until you just reminded me. What was it that I said that actually reminded you? Because I can't.

Did you shit yourself again? I was like, how do you know? No, it wasn't. It wasn't a shit myself. I did shit myself the other day though. No, that's not, we can't talk about me shitting myself. I haven't said a single thing. I'm just sitting here with my mouth closed and the more silent I am, the craziest stuff comes out of your mouth.

I want to tell you a little story actually before we kick off. Strap on in everyone. No, no. This happened yesterday last night, actually. All right. So I live in close proximity to like a group of shops, that there's a couple of like restaurants take away. So convenient.

So convenient. It's just like it's just the hill. So I ride my electric bike. It's great. It must be nice. It is nice. I had a couple of beers yesterday afternoon and I drove down to pick up. They do five dollar tacos at this place, which is great. It's perfect. It must be nice. It is nice. I had a couple of beers yesterday afternoon and I drove down to pick up, they do $5 tacos at this place, which is great. Not that that's specific or anything to do

with the story. No, but all of these flags are all, yeah, and the picture is that you might have shit yourself again. No, this is not a shit myself story this time. Thank God. Thank God. It sounds like it might be. Sorry Jess. She's just looking at us. She's used to it.

Rolling her eyes like, how are we here already? She gets paid, okay? Not enough Ash. Not enough, no. No, I beg to differ. Anyway, what was that? Anyway, so I rode the electric bike down there and what I do is I don't ring this place to order. I go down, order, because they do beers on tap and I have a beer while I wait for the

food. It's kind of like my little escape. Yeah, nice. That's a little bit of me Tom. Fill my cup up, as one would say. But anyway, I pulled up yesterday, my electric bike. I went, I ordered, got a beer, sat near the door, near my electric bike. I'm sitting there, mind my own business,

and the lady come up behind me and said, "'Your food's ready." And handed me the food. Was in an Uber Eats bag. I picked it up. I walked over to my bike, sat on my bike and this guy leans over and he goes, have you run out of content ideas, have you? And I was like, what?

He was like, well, you drive an Uber now because I'm holding an Uber Eats bag. I thought what you were going to say is that because you had an e-bike, the woman thought you were an Uber driver. Yes, she does. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you are listening, thank you for that. It was very funny and very comedically timed. Do you remember his name? No, I didn't even ask. I just was like, fuck you. Just so you know, I am not out of content ideas and I don't ride Uber to make ends meet. And if you do, there's nothing wrong with that.

There isn't. No, there isn't anything wrong with that. Just so the general public know, I don't drive for Uber eats. Yeah. Unfortunately, if you were looking forward to receiving your delicious tacos with- I ate them and then I shit myself. ... delivered by Ash, it won't be happening. Hey, I have something that I wanted to ask you because when we're recording this, it's a Wednesday.

We're doing this in advance, everyone, but in terms of timing and what's happening in the world tomorrow is a very big But in terms of timing and what's happening in the world, tomorrow is a very big day in both of our households. And that is because Oscar is starting school and Marley is starting school. How are you feeling about it? I should ask how Oscar's feeling about it, because I know it's big for him. But I also think it's such a huge day in the life of a parent for the first time that your kid's going to school.

Yeah. Look, Ossie's really excited. Mm. He's got, I mean, I think he'll be really excited, really excited tomorrow morning when he's in the uniform. He's got his school backpack on. Oh, it makes me want to cry. School hat on. And do you know what also is, he's going to the same school I went to.

So it's a bit surreal in that way. I haven't, I think tomorrow I'll be a bit more emotional about it. I haven't really put a lot of pressure on it because I'm like, because that would just put pressure on him. I thought you were about to say you hadn't put much thought into it. And I was like, well, that doesn't surprise me. No, thanks. No, I hadn't put much thought into it. And I was like, well, that doesn't surprise me. No, thanks. No, I've put a lot of thought into it.

It's just I haven't openly shown a lot of pressure about the whole situation because I don't want him to feel any more pressure on him. Because he's only a little boy. Of course. And like, I think it'd be really good for him. He needs it. He needs the learning. He needs, like Marley, like, they're quite sponges.

I mean, Lola and Macy, a bit different. The second kids are always different. The first kid, it's like, I'm feeling tomorrow after he's off. And maybe after we pick him up tomorrow, then I'll be like, you know, I'll probably be able to decompress a bit about it. We, I mean, firstly, it's a big thing because Matt's not here, right? So like for Marley, she's like such a little clone of Matt. Like they're such, they're buddies.

They do everything together. And I definitely think that she's feeling it, that Matt's not here in different ways. She doesn't know how to communicate it, but she, she, it makes her sad, you know. And he'd be so gutted. He would be so gutted completely. But when it comes to Marley starting school tomorrow, so many things, like Matt's usually the organizer in our household. He's the one that would organize the school uniforms.

He's the one that would like book in for the after school activities, like stuff that normally gets done by him, I find myself doing. And I'm not very good with the life admin side of things. So even yesterday, I bought her school uniform ages ago. But the uniform shop is closed and the only time it's open is during the same duration that I'm at work. So it's impossible. It's like eight to 11 or something.

It's only open for one hour on a Wednesday and I'm in radio. Yeah, they're like, hey, you could buy your kids uniform. However, you need to come at midnight between 12 and 1201 and you have to bring cash. But not Australian currency. They make it so hard. So hard.

Yesterday, I was like, April was like, we need to just go by the school and quickly grab something else. And I was like, okay, no worries. And she was like, oh, they're closed. I was like, oh, okay. She was like, oh, they're closed. I was like, oh, okay. She was like, yeah, they're only open between 11 and 1105. I'm like, fuck, how? How they let certain people in?

Also, can we just say like to all the parents out there who are the actual PNC committees who run these things, cause no one's getting paid for doing this stuff. So that's why the opening hours are so terrible. You are- They're like, I can open on my lunch break. You're good people, Better than us anyway. Yeah. So Marley, up until today, the day before school, did not have a backpack. It did not have her school hat. She's got shoes and she's got a hand-me-down school uniform from her cousins. But nothing else.

There's nothing wrong with that. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. But there was something that felt really amiss sending my kid to school without her dad and without like two very important pieces of the uniform. And I messaged because like there is this insane WhatsApp group now that's happening with all of the parents. Oh my God, kill me. I would hate that. There is a hundred, a hundred. A hundred people in a group chat is absurd.

In a group chat. It's the whole year. I've never been in a more robust group chat in my life. And every day it's like, who's kids doing soccer? Who's kids doing ballet? Who's kids doing it? And I'm like, I can't wait. I do. I genuinely can't wait to meet them all. I hope maybe some of you listeners. I'm a group chat muter usually. Yeah. I'm like five people in a group chat. I'm like, this is a good number. If I, if someone invites me to a group chat, it's got more than five people in it. I, the next thing

that comes up on that group chat is Ash has removed himself. Ash has left the group. I've left the group and I don't care. No. Do you know what? We're taking the piss, but I will say this. It was the first time that actually it really came in handy because there was, I was like, oh, I have a question about school. I don't have any uniforms. I was like, I can ask the Brains Trust.

So I messaged the massive WhatsApp group and I was like, Hey guys, I'm in a bit of a pickle. I don't actually have any of the stuff that I need. And so many other parents were like, Oh my God, us either. And then other parents were like, don't worry about it. You could send your kid in a sequin gown and they wouldn't care at that school. Like, don't worry about it. So it made me feel heaps betterin gown and they wouldn't care at that school. Like, don't worry about it. So it made me feel heaps better. And I was like, okay, maybe this, maybe this group chat thing has legs.

Everyone's as useless as me. No, it's, it is a lot. It's a lot. I didn't do any of it. So you're one step ahead of me because April is our admin person. Yeah. I'm doing everything. Without April, the castle falls down.

It's like, I know that there was all this stuff that you had to buy for your kid, but also for the classroom as well in certain instances. Ash has not read a single form. I know that there's stuff that you need for school. I remember going once and I think I had a ruler. Yeah, one of those floppy ones. Or a text stuff. It doesn't break.

So, I, well, I don't know. Apparently at the school that Marla's going to, you don't need to take any stuff except for uniforms and you send them to school with their lunch. And that's it. Must be nice. No, it's not. They're like, I'll use these gold pens. She's going to state school. Yeah, they're like, what's for lunch?

Caviar? Lobster? The usual. She's got a private chef. Yeah, they've got a chef. Shut up. You're a pundit. Oscar's gone to public school too and we had like, it was like a, like a, I had to fucking

buy tissues for the classroom. And do you know what? And that's fine because they're public schools and I'm happy to do that. But I know some parents can't afford that sort of like can't afford the cost of living. Look at me pretending like I care about everyone else. Ash! Ash! Every week you do your Dandas to get yourself cancer.

And every week you're still here. It's shocking to me. People expect it out of my mouth. They really do. They do. Look, I think one big thing I want to say though about this, because like I would have loved to have been able to do this record after we'd taken them to school.

That would be great. And know exactly like how they reacted and everything else. But there's part of me that feels way more emotional thinking about it than I thought I would. And I think that part of that is because I think back on when I was in primary school and imagining how big everything felt. Like that school becomes the centre of your world. The friends that you have at that school becomes the centre of your world. The friends that you have at that school become the centre of your world.

Like the little crush you have on that boy that actually doesn't matter in the long run. You think that that's like the most important thing. And I guess like for me, knowing that like Marley's going to have those experiences in school and she's going to have to like figure out what it is to socialise with real friends and to have friendship breakups and all that sort of stuff. This is the start of that. And that's a lot to think about. You put it like that and it just reminds me of...

I have thought about it like this a little bit as well. Like I've thought about like the experiences and the emotions that I had. Yeah, like think about the first girl you had a crush on in primary school. April. If you listen. No, it made me think about, because it's the start of term and I was one of those kids that used to cry every term at the start. So...

Oh, bless. Yeah. That wasn't me. I was like, get me out of my house. Get me back to school. But it made me think about how I felt, because I used to walk to the same school, the same primary school. My mum used to walk me. She used to get the bus from out the front of the school and go into the city and, you know, two working parents. I barely saw them really. But like it may, I remember going back to school every term, right up until I went to

high school and I would to high school, and I would cry. Oh, that breaks my heart. Thank you. And it makes me think like, Oscar's got, going to have those feelings of what I felt going to school. And I can't really remember what those feelings were, but I think I just wanted to be home with my mom.

I think I just wanted to be home with my mom. I think I just wanted to be home with my parents. But I, I, I look at him now and I'm like, you're going to feel, you're going to have those feelings. And it does scare me a little bit because you're right. Everything about what's going to happen from tomorrow is going to shape the person, the person they're going to become. The friend, like yes, he's going with his friends, which is great, but there's so much of the unknown that he doesn't know yet that's coming tomorrow. And there's also no way of explaining to a kid that, like, none of this stuff is going to matter when you're 20 or you're 30.

Absolutely. But it is the biggest thing that happens to them. And, you know, and I just think about, like, girls that were mean to me or things that happened, and at the time, it was absolutely soul-destroyingly devastating. Yeah. And at the time it was absolutely soul destroyingly devastating. Yeah. And it's because it's everything. It's a whole world.

And I think the thing that makes me emotional is like I fear for Mali having those feelings and not being able to fix it and also knowing that I can't fix it and I shouldn't fix it because that's like the essence of resilience building. Exactly right. But I want to fix it. I don't want it to feel that way. You don't want to put your kids in a position where they're going to have to feel those big, those feelings that when you were a kid now and as an adult, when you look back and

you're like the embarrassing things you did, the little bits and pieces that you did that you look back that sort of sit in your mind subconsciously that a little bit traumatic in a way, you don't want them to feel that. You're like, I want everything to be happy for you. I want everything to be, but it's, you're right. It's so good for them to like experience the sadness of having to go back to school. Cause then you're like, I'll appreciate the other things outside of it maybe a little bit more. And they also all need to embarrass themselves like a talent show or something. That should be the first day. It's a rite bit more. And they also all need to embarrass themselves like a talent show or something.

That should be the first day. It's a rite of passage before being there. I once stood on stage and sung Tears on My Pillow by Celine Dion and did big arm actions. And then I got bullied for an entire year for it because I fucking deserved it to be honest. That is good gear. Tears on my pillow. That's great. Pain in, I was in year three.

In my heart. Oh, that is great. Cause I hear... Sorry, you just lost a whole lot of subscribers then. Sorry about that. And they're all like, ahh! I remember, and I've told this story on the pod, I think, before, where one of the teachers created it,

because there was always like dance class and stuff, like primary school. So they decided they wanted to have an all boys dance class. And me and all my friends joined and then we got bullied for it. And we all quit. We quit the boy band. The teacher cried. Oh, it's so, and now I look back, back then I was like, oh, but now I'm like, oh no, because she was like, this is something back then would have been like,

this is an all boys dance class. Like this is cool. This is cool, man. I've done something. Think of like Backstreet Boys. That actually screams that you were living out her dream, not yours. Yeah. That's what that screams.

And then we all went, we all got bullied for it and we're like, ah, ah, ah. That sounds like a teacher that has attachment issues. She was just like, it's like Mr. G. Oh, Summer Heights High. Yeah. Yeah. It was like she was like that. She was like, you've got like a professional quality at a teacher's price. And then she's like, I've got an all boys dance crew. Oh, wait, they all just quit. And she cried.

And I felt horrible about it. But like, we all got bullied for that. Still, when I bring it up. You're still bullied for it. I'm still. I mean the streets are big. Ash you're like 40. What are you talking about? I'm not 40. How old are you? Me? It's a secret.

35. I'm 35 this year. Are you? Yeah. You are a baby. Oh fuck. This one shits me. People are like 36 and they're like, oh you're just a little baby. Are you just a little baby. I am not.

We should be talking about you as a child. Look at your little baby. Little baby. I'm starting to sweat. I'm 39 in a couple of weeks. I know. April asked me and she was like, how old's Laura? I was like, old. She farts dust. She's that old. Literally. Yeah. Everything. She's got a pension card. Everything creaks now. My back hurts, but for no reason. I like hurt my ribs and it's just because I've sneezed. Yeah. Well, you sleep wrong.

Yeah. Well, that no, that's actually happens. My shoulders hurt every night from sleeping, but that's a whole other story. Okay. look, something else getting away from the kids and talking. Stop. What? Did you get the backpack and do you get the hat? I think so. I think that Aunty Kate went and picked them up. Matt's sister went and picked them up.

Yeah, she, everyone was like, Marley can't go to school without these things. Yeah, because. People rallied. Yeah, because you know what it's like, I've experienced with Oscar before where, in terms of inclusivity. So I think we went to like rugby training once and it was like the first rugby training when no one had any kit, blah blah blah. I think maybe we were a week, might have been a week late because we were away and we went

to the first training with Oscar and he was just in normal clothes and everyone was in their kit stuff, in their kit and it broke him and I felt horrible not to put any pressure on you. But it's good like I said resilience building if she goes there with her Gabby Dollhouse backpack she's gonna either be like I stand out and I'm a star or she's gonna be like okay this is a hurdle this is gonna be one of those things that. He hid in the bathroom. What doesn't kill you makes you strong. Exactly. And like, he's never been the same, but

he's fine. He recovered. All right. Well, I did want to talk to you about something that I know has been really upsetting for you lately. We've been talking about it in group chats. Yeah. The Australian media has been talking about it and if anything, I'm worried about the

future of this podcast to be honest. Yeah. Look, I don't know if you should be worried for me or worried for Matt because I've reached out- Or worried for me. I've reached out. No, I don't worry about you. I've reached out to all the other lifeguards on Bondi Rescue and now we're all chummy.

Have you really? Yeah, I'm just getting some backup. Ash, that reeks of desperation. Don't, no. I'm just out at Bondi going, ah. So if you don't know what we're talking about, obviously Matt being on I'm a Celebrity, he has striked up quite a romance with Harrison, who is one of the lifeguards from Bondi Rescue.

They've called themselves Marison, I think. Which is- That sucks. I got the instant ick from my own husband. Marison? Ugh. Surely we can come up with something better than that. So we had to do these.

You know how Sandra Sully comes on? So if you haven't watched I'm a Celeb or a whole season before, about three quarters of the way through, so I would say any day now, Sandra Sully comes on. So if you haven't watched I'm a Celeb or a whole season before, about three quarters of the way through, so I would say any day now, Sandra Sully comes on with this like news from home segment. Oh yeah. Yeah. So like she'll read out letters from loved ones or she'll show photos from loved ones. No one called me. For all the big things that they've missed. You've been on the emails. You didn't get that email? I'm not on an email. I would have made up something. You didn't get that email? I'm not on an email. Alright, let me finish.

I would have made up something. Okay, so like news from home, right? And my news from home was like some things were funny, some things that were obviously nice and sentimental, like Lole had her fourth birthday. And then at the end of it, I was like, Harrison, stop cutting my grass. I was like, I really hope they include that. Stop cutting my grass more like it. My mother-in-law yesterday said to me, she was like, how do you feel about it?

And I'm like, what? She was like, wait, she was like, oh, we love a bromance. And it's, it's a, it's a good move. It is a good move. It is a good move. Australia does love a bromance. They love it. And look, I'm, I'm all for it.

Seems like a nice guy. It's got no kids, so it's got no life experience. Um, uh, I'm not, I'm not bitter at all. Mackenzi That's done two things that, to be fair, I think I would normally find them really funny. I found one of them quite funny, but one of them I was like, that made me kind of annoyed at you. Jason Why? What? He's on TV! Mackenzi I know, I know. Jason Are you watching math? It's like, is Tim?

Mackenzi It's not my husband. Is that my husband? Jason Is that my husband? No. So there's been two things that he's done. The first thing, and let me put this into perspective. I am very sensitive because I'm on my own at the moment. Like I'm doing everything with the kids and managing multiple, like I'm managing a renovation, like, I know, but I'm doing a lot. I'm doing a lot. Plus I'm also managing his social media. Like I can't be doing any more for him right now. And you gotta deal with me. I'm fucking recording his podcast.

Like what else am I doing? You might as well just be him too. So I'm doing a lot of stuff for him, to support him. Can I just say one thing? You're doing a great job. Thanks Ash. That's what I needed. That's all.

Lisa's gonna love that. See you everyone. Ash's what I needed. That's all. Listen's gonna love that. See you everyone. Ash has got a heart. So there was this joke around and it was kind of like a, like a trivia, how well do you know your campmates? And so it was a question, this or that, and the rest of the campmates had to guess what they thought the person who had been asked

the question would guess. So for example, Matt went into a room and his question was, if you won a holiday to Bali, who would you take? Your wife or Harrison? Hilarious, hilarious. I can take a joke, would have found that very funny had I not had a really hard day with the kids. So he came out and was like, all very funny, ha ha ha.

The stupid thing though is like the camp mates were objectively like okay, how would he really answer this? Like what's the honest answer? What would any normal husband write down? And they wrote down Laura. Oh, you take your mates. And then, and Fatt stands there and he's like, I know that this is going to piss off Laura. He also said some nice things. He's like, I know that this is going to upset her. He's like, but I'm taking, and the grand reveal was Harrison. And everyone who I was watching with Falcon and a couple of Matt's really good friends

and everyone was like, so funny. And I just could feel the lack of laughter on my face. I was watching the TV like, I can't fucking wait to go on a Bali girls trip and you're not coming. And that's the first thing I'm going to do when you get home. And then the second thing he said recently was that he'd rather eat a mango than have sex with me live on national TV. So that's what, okay. This is what I wanted to ask you. Cause I have been in and out watching. Uh, I've got a life too.

You're not a dedicated viewer. Nope. That's the ads, man. Oh, that kills you. And also that's the ADHD Ash, that you can't sit through an ad break. Also went to have an ADHD appointment today. Stood me up. Which is so annoying because, I mean, you being organised is part of the thing. Like, it's-

Yeah, it was a telehealth and it was like, you're in the lobby. And I was like, it's been 30 minutes. You need to check that you actually got the time right. No, I did. I figured it out. But- Was it your mistake or their mistake? Mine? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 20 minutes. She's like, maybe this is the test. It is. To hang at 40 minutes. Anyway, I got a call from them. I fixed it. Anyway, just skewed us off track there. Sorry.

What was I saying? Yes. I can't, I can't. Yeah. I can't sit through that long of anything. Like I cannot do it. We know. Oh, okay. Just, just check in. I can't stop fidgeting with things.

Anyway, and I missed the mango thing and I forgot to ask our producer, Jess, what it meant. So the mango for anyone who did miss it and may have seen that I'd posted on Matt's stories, I was on his grid, was that basically they've split the team now. So it's women versus men. The men won the challenge. So the men got the food that night and the food was steak and vegetables and then for dessert. The dessert is like the elite dessert.

They got a mango, or multiple mangoes, right? That's pretty good. And the women's team were obviously super upset by it because they were starving, having rice and horrible beans. Malish, you've got something. The beans are so flavourless because there's no salt, there's no nothing. And the boys had like the best meal ever. And so Matt's sitting there and he's like eating the mango and he goes,

I know I shouldn't say this out loud. And he's like, then says it at completely normal volume. He's like, I shouldn't say this out loud, but I'm going to say it so that everybody hears. He's like, if I had the choice between having sex with my wife and eating this mango, I would choose this mango. That's fair. I think that's fair. Same, to be honest.

Fair. Yeah. I think if April was like, either you can have sex with me or you can eat this delicious mango. I'm like, can you cut it up for me? But can you do it with the little lines so I can put it inside out? You cut it inside out? Well. So yeah, look, I mean, I-

I'm sure that was just in the moment. Yeah. And do you know what's funny is that the producers, so like I get emails most days from like different producers to tell me and update me on things, because I can't speak to him, but I do get bits of updates. And every day it's almost like they're just reassuring me that he does actually miss me because every day they're like, I know it didn't make it onto the show, but he talks about you and the girls all the time. Just

want you to know how much he like loves you and adores you. And I was like, thanks for that. Cause what you're showing doesn't really reflect what you're saying. I'm a bit butt hurt by the mango thing. Just maybe one sentimental moment we can have. Anything at all. I'm just jealous of a mango and Harrison at this point. Yeah, exactly. Me too, actually. Did I tell you, did I tell you my sister was like, how are you holding up to me? It's because everybody is worried that the absolute wheels fall off this wagon without Matt here.

They're like fucking Ash on his own. No, she was like, you pretty much were inseparable for two years and then now you can't even contact him. And that's what it was. That's what it's like. It must be for you for a year and then now you can't contact him. Yes, except Ash. I have children with him. So it doesn't matter. Speaking of my children, there's one other thing I wanted to tell you. So Lola, Lola has, I don't know how to describe her. I know that you guys have talked about Lola

a lot on the show. Obviously, like, she is a unique little character. She is full of personality. How did you describe her on your podcast? I called her the personality hire of our family, but I think that that actually might be quite offensive and maybe not. No. It's not the way I meant it to be. It's endearing. She's just so annoying. No, she's so funny. She is very funny. She's just like so different to any other kid I've ever met. You never know, and I noticed this with Lola from the outside looking in. And look, I think I have a pretty good relationship with Lola, unlike Matt. You don't know what face she's going to pull at you when she looks at you. You have no idea what you're going to get from her.

What you're going to get, yeah. To me, she's quite consistent normally because she has Matt to hate. But I just get like the most. I don't even know how to describe it. Like, so for example, when I leave for work in the morning, she'd be like, mommy, kiss me. And I get like this routine of kisses, right? This is how she says goodbye to me every day.

And she's very specific about little things, but she'll kiss me on the lips. Then she'll kiss me on this cheek, kiss me on this cheek, kiss me here on the nose, kiss me here on the head, kiss each ear. Then she'll go back and do that whole rotation again. Then she'll say, I have to hug you twice. And so then she hugs me twice and then I'll be out the door and she'll be like, one more time, one more time. And she just is a genuinely a very sweet and funny kid and she has very big feelings.

And I think it's because she can't and doesn't know how to control them or communicate them properly yet that sometimes they overflow. and that's what Matt often cops. The problem is that there's no one else for her to direct that out at the moment. So it is a hundred percent all love for me and all hate for me. Like I'm getting everything at the moment. Also happy birthday Lola. Yeah happy she's four now everyone. Woo woo woo woo.

Little Lola. So she knows she can't hit me, right? Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo like she's quite a big little girl. I think I've seen her hit you. Mate, it really... Just like, big wind up from across the room. Yeah. So she hit me so hard in the face. That was when I was talking about, do you remember the other week I was mentioning how she hit me in the face? That's right. So we had some big chats about that. She hasn't hit me since.

Oh, that's good. But... Oh, God. And oh, is it a but. So she... What? She hits... So now she goes to hit me and I'm like, you're not allowed to hit me Lola,

like with stern voice. And she gets so enraged by the fact that she can't hit me and wants to, that she goes, ah! And then she'll turn around, grab her butt cheeks and just moon me. So now we're- What, just full cheek moon? Just, ah! And screaming whilst I have an angry little butthole staring at me and she'll full moon me with the most aggressive moon you have ever seen a toddler do. What? How is that now her like coping mechanism for anger?

I don't know. I don't know how we've got here. She hasn't done it in public, surely? She only does it at home. Oh good. And it's because she's often naked so like she never wears clothes as kid. I noticed that too. She's always naked. But even when she is not naked, she'll like, ah, they try to rip her shirt off,

rip her pants down. Quick! Quick, I gotta get my butt out. I'm so angry. What a coping mechanism. Just to moon me. It's like her way of, it's definitely her way of like, I'm going to act out even more. What do I need to do? Skin. Do nothing but skin.

But I can't react to it. So like, I can't, it's actually really hard because I want to laugh, but I can't do anything because I think if I get annoyed at her or I react in any way, she will just in her head be like, oh cool, that's working. I'll keep doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's funny. So that's working. I'll keep doing that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's funny.

So that's it. That's where we're at now. Now we've gone from her hitting me to her full blown mooning me. I think every time there's an argument. I think it's an improvement. Do you think? Yeah. I don't know what I prefer. I'm like, go back to hitting me.

Yeah. Okay. Hit me, love. Can you stop that? Can you just hit me with everything you've got, please? If you could put more clothes on and then hit me, that'd be great. Preferably in the eye, so I never have to see that again. That's good. That's good gear. Anyway.

And look, I think the naked thing is a second child thing. Because they just don't give a fuck. Yeah, they don't fucking care. They don't feel embarrassment. They don't feel anything. Yeah. Macy has tried to be more helpful around the house, I would say. She doesn't really get angry. She's very much at the moment where she talks back a lot. Because I just don't think she gets it.

It's infuriating. What is she saying? Just no. She infuriates me. I'm like, Macy, can you move? No. Fuckin' hell. Fuck me. But she started to try and be more helpful around the house, which is great.

So she'll take things to the bin. She'll put things back, like, where she thinks that they go. That's kind of handy. It's kind of handy. You can get her to do stuff. Yeah. Like, take her nappy to the bin. Yeah.

And then they do it. Until you find the nappy, like, in your bed. Oh, fuckin' hell. Well, like, I'll get out of the bed, I'll roll over, and I'll roll into a fuckin' nappy to the bin. And then they do it. So you find the nappy like in your bed. Oh, fuck it. I'll get out of the bed, I'll roll over and I'll roll into a fucking nappy from the night before. I'm like, oh, Jesus. Don't blame Macy because you left a nappy in the bed. I'm blaming them. Blaming the three of you.

She's gotten so helpful. The other day I went and got into the shower. It's not a rare occurrence. I shower every day, just so you know. Thank you. I'm proud of you. Thank you. And she's learned how to open the door because April, she always

walks in on April in the shower, but she walked in on me to be helpful. She brang, I left my phone in the lounge room and she thought that I might need it in the shower. Cause you're always on your phone. No, she just thought that's, I just belonged, I suppose need it in the shower. Because you're always on your phone. No. She just thought that's, I just belonged, I suppose it belongs in my hand. Damn. Anyway, she walked in, she was like, daddy!

I was like, well I can move the shower curtain. And I was like, yeah. Like, what's up? And she's like, here you go! She's like, you left your phone. And I'm like, oh, and how do I get angry with her? Should she try to be helpful? I'm like, not in the shower.

She's like, no, no, no, here you go. And she won't take no for an answer. So I'm standing there in the shower, holding my phone. The shower's on. And I was like to April, I'm like, April! She's like, what? And Mason's like, okay, bye. And just like left me with the phone, I mean, in the shower. And April just pokes me around the corner. She goes, I'll give it in. Take my phone. My phone's drenched. I think it's, I like this age.

I like the age because you can use it to your advantage. Like it is helpful when you can call out to your kid and they bring you things. Yeah, like toilet paper. Yes. Yes. That's the only reason I had kids. There, I said it. That and wipes. Wow. Yeah. And also now you never have to be without your phone. Thanks, Mason. That and wipes.

Wow. Yeah. And also now you never have to be without your phone. Thanks, Meg. She's actually electric. It's waterlogged. The camera doesn't work anymore. Thanks.

But I, you know, when, when she was doing it and I was like, oh, you do that thing where you go, oh, thank you. Like you want to encourage them being helpful. Even though they're not, they're actually costing me thousands of dollars. Pretty much. The toilet paper one is really good because, yeah, I used to be like, April, I'm out of toilet paper. And she'd be like, oh, I'm puff and puff and grunt and carry on and make me feel

bad about shitting. Everyone shits. But then I'll be like, Macy or Oscar. He's like, yeah. The problem with asking a kid though is then they come into the bathroom, then they never leave. And so you're in the middle of doing a poo and they're just in there having a chat. He folds his arm, leans on the wall, goes, whatcha doing? That was me this morning.

I was trying to do a poo and Marley came in and wanted to tell me about her dream. And I was like, let's have a chat, girlfriend. She just sat on the floor in front of me and we had a chat. Let's spill some tea. There's nowhere else to go. Let's spill some tea while you drop off some poo. Yeah, totally. That's exactly how it happened. April, also the kids like always go, like they don't walk in on me in the toilet because

I stink. But they always, I always, I walk past the toilet and the door's open and April's there doing away. And I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, I just thought it'd be easier if I just left the door open. I'm like, why? She's given up. They're going to come in anyway?

She's the mom and she's given up because she knows exactly how this goes down. That's what that is. You can't see my toilet unless you're literally walking down the hallway and then you're like... You have your own toilets? No, no, no. Like, no. Fuck off! How many bathrooms have you got? We live in a palace. Yeah, that's right. The castle has like 12 bathrooms.

One's for mummy, which is Ellie. One's for Matthew, who's my husband. Shut up. And the kids. And there's the ensuite that's mine. It's all mine. Do we have any questions? No, hang on.

I'm finished. Oh, get to the point. I'm fucking finished. Get to the point. Don't rush me. Anyway, what was I saying? I don't know. Something about doing your shit and your kids watching.

Oh no, I always come around the corner. Well I come around the corner and April's on the toilet and I'm like, oh! You as in it scares you that she's on the loo. Yeah, because I was like, shut the door. No, and we're a door open family. I don't care. Okay, if April's taking a shit with the door open, that's a no from me. But doing a wee, fine. The other day, she was doing a wee with the door open and I made her laugh

and she farted into the bowl. Stop! April doesn't want this to be on the podcast. Anyway, she doesn't care. Let's get into some listener questions. Should we? We're moving on. Yeah. Whose podcast is this? We're going to sit here all day and talk about shit. We started with shit and we're ending with shit. Okay.

This is from Harley. Shout out to Harley. Oh, don't try and crawl back now. All right. Let me get through this. Harley says, we just found out we are having twins. Damn. Congrats.

No. Double the fun. No, we just found out we are having twins. Damn. Congrats. Double the fun. No, we already have a nearly two year old, so we'll have three under three. Any tips for twins? Do you know who had a similar situation to this? A woman named Tegan O'Toole. She had, basically had one child and then had no twins and then one or one and then twins? It must have been one and then twins. Because like if you had twins and you're like I got two then like why would you have you third? No I think she like accidentally got pregnant like literally was in postpartum and accidentally got pregnant like very very shortly afterwards. No but there's what I mean is is and the reason why I'm bringing her up is because it might be nice now for you to seek

out people who are on social media who have been in similar situations. And I, she's talked about it a lot. She works for Mamma Mia, who's a competing podcast. Um, but she works for them and has done a lot of write-ups around what it was to parent, um, like three children under the age of two, like what an insane, an insane thing that they had to do. Um, but they survived it and you know, they have this beautiful family and the kids are now all a little bit older and they have this amazing relationship.

And you know, I think the first few years, you don't need anyone to tell you how hard that's going to be. It's going to be super hard, but then you're going to get to the phase of when your youngest are two and they're all friends and they can all bring you to all the paper at the one time and it genuinely like... They're all sitting in the shitter at the same time. You'll all be there with a full audience to watch. But the thing is, is like the really, really hard intensity of that early parenting part,

like which I don't think anyone unless they've lived the experience of having twins can give you advice on. That is not forever. And sometimes it feels like it's forever when you're in it. And then you wake up one day and your kids are going to school, you know, it just, it does, it doesn't last. It's not, not going to be hard like that, like regardless, whether it's one, it's like, it's hard with one, just like what you're doing with that one, it's just going to be double.

Like surely there has to be like community groups on Facebook. And I think like seeking out people who are in the same situation is going to be like the most, the most comforting thing that you can do, because it's going to remind you that, okay, you're going to be all right. You're going to get through this bit. It's important to not feel, to not feel that you're alone in it. You're the only one experiencing that. And that's usually when we talk about vulnerable situations and stuff like that, it's, it's people saying, I thought I was the only one.

So my advice, I don't have twins. My advice is yes, seek out other people just so that you can feel normal. Right. But also like give yourselves a break. As intense as it's going to be, just check in with each other all the time. Yeah. Because it's going to be intense. Also, I mean, I guess like the other thing now is like,

you know, you're pregnant, you're having babies, they're coming in nine months. It is also nine months to prepare for what additional support you might have around you. Whether that's how other people in your life can show up to help, you know, whether it's grandparents or figuring out daycare or what do those other support systems look like? Because I think everyone needs to have those.

Usually it's not until you're in the depths of parenting that you realize, fuck, I'm doing this all on my own and I need some help. Um, but I think if you've got twins, it's probably going to be harder for you to implement them after the fact. So like having those really honest conversations with the people around you, who you might be able to lead on, lead on to see what they, like how you can navigate this period if you need the help would probably be the biggest, what the biggest conversations to have now that you could.

I think as well. But far out, honestly, twins, I struggle with having two kids really, really close in age for the first 18 months. Um, but then it came, it got really good after that. But that first 18 months was hard. And you know, it comes down to whether you've got good sleepers or good eaters or good like, you can get unicorn babies, aka Marley, and then you can get like devil spawn sleepers like Lola who will only sleep if they're sitting upright, you know, like there's totally on you. There's totally different experiences of what a kid kid is and 99.9% of it comes down to sleeping.

Yeah, for sure. And like I said, my advice is give yourselves a break and don't go so hard on yourself if you feel like you've, if you feel you're in the thick of it and you're doing something wrong, like just go easy on yourself a little bit because there's nothing worse than a baby telling you

you're doing the wrong thing and then you get in your own head and you're like, am I, do I not know how to do this? It just makes it worse. So just give yourself an opportunity to find people in like-minded situations so that you don't feel alone. Oh my God. I can't even imagine that moment of sitting in the ultrasound room and being like, holy shit, it's twins and we have a baby at home. Wild. Oh, I don't. Yeah. Thankfully I've had a vasectomy, so I'm sure. Well, I mean, like, I know you love talking about it, Ash, but like, Matt and I are talking about whether wanting a third.

Just get another cat. Wanting a third. Imagine if we ended up with twins and we ended up with four kids. You're gonna name one of them after me? No, we won't. Laura, as always, thank you for filling in the void that is your husband. Nobody can fill those shoes. I think you did a pretty good job. Thank you.

And also guys, like thanks. I've had some nice messages from people who have listened. So thank you to nobody for sending me meet ones. So I appreciate that. Yeah. I needed it for the self-stage. A lot of people have really like been like, oh, it's great. So see you later, Matt.

Must be me. Must be me. Matt and Harrison, you can run away together. Have your own podcast. No, guys, it's great. So see you later. Must be me. Must be me. Matt and Harrison, you can run away together. Have your own podcast. No guys, it's been a real treat. Thank you so much for having me. And maybe next week I'll be in the South African jungle. Maybe you guys will join me. But that would be very funny. Make sure you do vote. You can vote up to 10 times a day. Although a friend of mine voted 22 times yesterday. Yeah, absolutely. So if you haven't seen, you can go on to Ten Play and you can vote to Save Matt for I'm a Celebrity.

Like the votes really count now. But the thing is, is you can keep voting and then you can refresh the page and vote again. It says you can only vote 10 times, but I voted upward of 20 times some days. You just keep voting until you get a message that says you have exhausted all votes. You might get an error message. Just refresh. Go again.

Go again until you see that you have exhausted all votes message. And that's it. That's great. I like this, guys. Yeah, me too. I'm going to miss you, Ash. Well, we haven't finished yet. Oh, sorry.

You never know. Next week, we have Nick Cody on the pod who's filling in for Matt and Laura. Wow. Because you potentially won't be here in for Matt and Laura. Wow. That you potentially won't be here. We'll find out anyway. What a suspenseful hook that was. Thank you. Thank you. If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review.

Five stars if you like. Leave us a little message for Laura. She loves it. Otherwise, join us on socials, which is to Dining Dad's Instagram, TikTok and of course, Facebook. Anything else to add, Laura? I think you guys still have some calendars. We're getting a bit deep in the year now. Maybe we'll discount them soon, but go and get...

50% off! Go and get your calendars for the Raunty Ranch. Yes, All The Money Goes To Rise Up, a charity that helps victims and families that are affected by domestic violence. Yeah, so you don't even have to use the calendar. You can just cut out the pictures of Ash and Matt and put them up on your wall. Yeah. So you don't even have to use the calendar. You can just cut out the pictures of Ash and Matt and put them up on your wall.

Yeah. Cute. Yeah, very cute. Anyway, guys, that's it from us. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Yeah, you do actually do podcasting so well. You're great. You really are. Thank you. Can we snip that up, please?

I'd love to keep that bit. You do podcasting. You're a fantastic podcaster. So that anytime like you shit me I'm like, remember this? Sorry. Two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.