Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #128 Daddy Is Back From The Jungle

Episode Date: February 25, 2025

Matty J has returned from the South African jungle after spending 29 gruelling days removed from civilisation.  Matt and Ash answer all of your I'm A Celebrity questions, from behind-the-scenes secrets to post-production comedowns.  2025 Raunchy Ranch Calendar IS STILL ON SALE!  https://budgysmuggler.com.au/products/two-doting-dads-raunchy-ranch  Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. Hello. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha.

Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha.

Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad.

And the relatable. And if you've come for advice, don't do it. Steer clear, my child. I'm surprised I remember that. You did really well. I had to, I forgot it. I had to do it. Laura did it most of the time. Good to have you back. It's um, hey it's great to be here. Hey. I had to do it. Laura did it most of the time. Good to have you back. It's, hey, it's great to be here. Hey, it's good to be back.

I know, you're back. It's weird to- Look at you. It's weird to see you. I've quite enjoyed looking at your wife. I came out wrong. No. I've quite enjoyed recording with her.

I heard it was fun. I haven't listened to any episodes. Thank you. I probably won't either. Good. But from what I've heard- We talk shit about you a any episodes. I probably won't either. Good. But from what I've heard... We talk shit about you a lot, so you probably shouldn't. No doubt. But the people were...

Laura was happy, people were happy. I've heard rave reviews. Rave? Even think there was a little comment review on a podcast. And they're like, Ursh and Laura are great. And I was like, shut up! We're starting a new podcast, me and Laura. You wish.

Two doting parents. You're stuck with me. I know. I know. But it is good to have you back. We're here a new podcast, me and Laura. You wish. To doting parents. You're stuck with me. I know, I know. But it is good to have you back. We're here for a reason. What's that? We're here, we're all dying to know the ins and outs of you masturbating in the jungle. So many, so many questions.

You pervert. Even people that I like see on the street, they're like, did he do it? Did he do it? Did he masturbate? All the guys are like, did he do it? My mom is like, did you? Did you? And I'm like, Ellie, you're hurting me.

She's like, just tell me. Just tell me what happened in there. But you know, I, it's a, it's a pretty traumatic experience. Not masturbating in the jungle. The jungle as a whole, it was, it's a pretty traumatic experience. Not masturbating in the jungle. The jungle as a whole, it was a lot. And on the weekend, we caught up with some friends down the beach and they're like, how was it, dude? And I was like, I was about to unpack the last five weeks.

I was like, you know what, it was one of the hardest. And they're like, anyway, great. Good to see you, man. Cool beard, dude. Walked off. And I was like, people don't realize how hard it is in there. There's a lot that goes into it, I guess. Man.

Like I'm guessing. It's fucking, it is hell. It is hell Ash. I've been to hell and back. You took it upon yourself to do a little call out to see what people wanted to know. So we're going to run through some of that. We're going to save the Wayne question till the end. That's going to be like the finale.

Yeah, we're going to edge you guys right until the end of this episode. There's so much sexual talk in this already. We already saw the jungle has a hole. You said as a hole, so I would like, has a hole. Welcome back! You're just here, I'm like, hey, how are you? And you're like, hey, hey's in bed. Bed is where you have sex.

I've been edging. Just nothing but edging. I can't say anything in this podcast without you turning it into smut. Well, you haven't been here for six weeks. I got a lot of friends. Yeah, we did. We had a lot of questions.

We did. You put out the call. This is cleansing for me. I haven't had a proper debrief. Well, you were just saying you were going to unpack it, and then people were like, yeah, cool story, dude. And you get, well, today we're going to unpack it. Yeah, I need this.

Let's just kick it off straight away. So I'm wanking in the jungle. So you're wanking in the jungle, looking at your beard in the mirror. Okay, let's start with a couple easy ones. Let me start. Go. Let me start. What's happening with the beard, first of all?

If you haven't seen Matt on socials, which you should have seen by now, he, today he's trimmed it up. I'm looking so rugged. You were very, I walked in the other day and you were like, your beard was like, eee. It was like, it was the day you got home. I had a couple of like shrugly bits. It's weird. I always thought beards would grow. I've never had a beard this long.

So this is new territory for me. But yeah, the beard, you have some hairs that they're growing twice the rate of the other hairs. It's a lot of hard work. You've done it all very nicely. I went and got a haircut and I said to Chris, the hairdresser, I said, Chris, get rid of the beard. And he's like, I love it, dude. And Laura was like, can't fucking wait for that beard to come off.

So when I came home, she was like, what? Why is it still there? You've manicured it. And I was like, Chris didn't want it to come off because his when I came home she was like, what? Why is it still there? You've manicured it. And I was like, Chris didn't want it to come off because his head looks so good. So I've kept the beard. Don't know how long for. I don't know. I just feel... So he trimmed it up for you. He trimmed it up. Did he do your top lip too? You could set your watch to that. He's fucking straight.

Thank you. Thank you. Look at it. Thank you very much. As a man who wears a mustache all the time, I cannot remember properly. I just don't know how to do it. Yours is ugh. I don't know. Well, I'm growing it at the moment.

You need to see Chris. I want it to hang right down. Yeah. Like a walrus. Disgusting. How does April kiss you? She doesn't. Well, Laura wants to go on because she hates it.

It's so itchy. Yeah. So itchy. My kids are like, dad, a lot of people are pretty negative on the beard. People were like, you don't look like you've even had a shower yet. It's so disgusting. No, I think you look great. And that's all that matters.

So the beard for now, at least another week, it's going to stay. All right. All right. All right. Rattle them away. I'll rattle away, guys. Before we do continue, thank you for everyone who did write in for your question. Because it could have been.

Just shut up and ask questions. Okay, shut up. God damn it. Who snored the loudest? Actually, not many people snored in the jungle. I picked a bed, actually I didn't pick my bed. There was one bed left. I was like the last person in camp.

Because we got split into two teams. I walked in there and I was told by a few people, don't get a bed that's too close to the fire because it's very smoky ash. As you know. You don't want to come out of there with emphysema. Which I think I did. But I looked around, meeting people, I'm shaking hands,

and I'm looking around being like, oh God, what beds are left? Because everyone had already put their backpack on the beds. Yeah, yeah. That's a classic way to reserve something. Yeah, it was like school camp. And I'm like talking to someone, talking to Dave Hughes, and I'm like scanning over his shoulder being like, oh, fuck, there's no beds left.

Only bed left was next to Sam Tharday. Big guy. Arguably one of your heroes. But he's he's I hope he doesn't mind me saying this. He's like one hundred and thirty kilos. Yeah, he's not a small guy. He's a big boy. And I don't want to judge him, but I did think he would be someone who would snore. And I sat next to him first night and I'm like,

do you snore? And he's like, yep. Like a chainsaw. Thankfully he wasn't too bad. He was actually very quiet, but the biggest snorer was Sigrid Thornton. Siggy? Man, the smallest in the camp.

And she was like a freight train every night. And she'd fall asleep pretty quick also. And so you're trying to get to sleep and like the animals are loud and then Siggy's just like... And she was consistent. Every night. She would, once she started like... Oh, I can't stand this.

All night, all night. Thankfully she was on the other side of the camp. So I think she was next to Huzy, next to Harrison. But I could still, it would keep me awake. And like with the sleeping, do you, is it like prison where they're like, lights out! Everyone has to go to sleep or is it you just go to sleep when you want to go to sleep? Yeah, there's, it's crazy. They have massive studio lights, like up in the, rigged up into the trees.

And so it's not just all day, like natural light. Yeah. So as soon as it kind of gets dark, They have massive studio lights rigged up into the trees. So it's not just all day, like natural light. Yeah, so as soon as it kind of gets dark, we kind of knew that it would get dark around 6.30 and they would turn those lights on. So we would know that when the lights would go on, it'd be around 6.30 and we'd be like, the lights are at 6.30.

And then once you stopped talking, they would then turn the lights off. But you had lanterns. So would everyone be like, alright, everyone shut up? Sometimes I was next to Sam and Reggie and we were pretty quiet in that corner. Weird as well that the three of us made it to the final three in that corner. Mmm. Apparently that corner... Suspicious. ...producers did, they said that that corner has been responsible for a lot of winners.

Like Miguel slept over there. Good corner to be in. But there were times when other people were giggling all night. And in my head I was like, shut the fuck up. Oh, because they wouldn't. Because they wouldn't turn the lights off until everyone stopped talking. So normally they would give it five minutes once the last person would stop talking, and then they'd turn, fuck off. Oh, because they wouldn't. Because they wouldn't turn the lights off until everyone stopped talking. So normally they would give it five minutes once the last person would stop talking,

and then they'd turn the lights off. Animals are loud. You know, the first thing- There's real animals there? Yeah, dude, there was like, the owls. I thought it was a set. The owls. Can confirm, I was,

people are like, aren't you on the Gold Coast? No, because they'd be like, well, that's where the English one is filmed in Moorlumbur. Which is like just off the highway. Yeah, that is just like straight off the highway. I can just imagine a guy there with like an animal noise playlist. He's like, time for owls. He's like, wake up in the morning.

But that's what it was an hour after the lights would go off. There'd be these two ow after the lights would go off. There'd be these two owls and one would go, woo hoo. And then the other one on the other side would go, woo hoo. Classic mating call. And they would do that. That's what that is. All night, all night.

And then the crickets are so loud. I reckon. Worse than the cicadas? Dude, the cicadas would go all night there. They don't break. Welcome to my world, man. They have cicadas? Dude, the cicadas would go all night there. They don't break. Welcome to my world, man. They have cicadas on night shift. Oh my god.

So the first few nights, I think I was getting about, I must have been getting a couple of, I didn't get into a deep sleep until like the last week. I didn't have any dreams. I wasn't dreaming in the jungle, Ash. Oh man, that would suck. Yeah, and then the moment it would get a little bit bright, monkeys are going over the tree tops over the canopy. The monkey song would come out the playlist.

Boop monkeys. We'd have 10 monkeys over us. You could see them a lot, right? Yeah, dude. Look up and you've got monkeys being like, hey man, shut up. And we'll get shit on by monkeys? No shit. No shit by monkeys, thankfully. Monkeys being like, hey man, shut up. And they'll get shit on by a monkey?

No shit. No shit by monkeys, thankfully. But there was, we haven't had this confirmed, but I'm pretty sure there was three rangers that are always patrolling the outside of the jungle, like where your camp is, to make sure that the baboons, because baboons are dangerous, they've got huge, apparently bigger canines than a lion. Also, their assholes are disgusting. Ash, please come on.

Well, I just can't look at a baboon. No, these ones, their assholes were great, apparently. They were innies. From what I heard. But yeah, you always have rangers patrolling. But we had, dude, we had, I had like a scorpion in my hat. We had a spitting cobra in the, like one of the interview rooms.

So planted, though. They're pretty venomous, they're pretty dangerous. Ah, you can pull the semen out of them, and then, no, there's venom out of them. What is wrong with you? No. You can jack them off. Just imagine me jerking off a snake.

Sorry, Jess. I don't want to look Jess in the eyes right now because I just said, imagine me jerking off a snake. I like it. Then we would wake up. We would wake up and the baboons would be there and you're like, that fucking asshole's like nothing I've ever seen before.

I'm sorry. Let's get back on track there. I only found this out today too. Dark days, Friday, Saturday, which is, they don't, it's not televised. No. No, but they would pull stuff from that. What do you do in those days? Man, yeah. They're long days. Yeah, they're long days.

Yeah, they were tough times. You got about, there's about a hundred or so cameras. So they're always filming you. A hundred cameras. Always filming you. Yeah. There's always cameras, always rollings, always people watching. From the camp, maybe a kilometer away, there's a house, a pretty big house. And it's where like mission control is what they would call it.

That will always be there. So there's always people watching, always producing, you know, because you never know when something's going to happen. That's interesting. But we don't have, there's no Robin Julie, there's no trials, there's no... It'd be the longest two days of your life. It was hell. We had, the best thing we had was a waterfall

that we could walk to. And we'd go for a swim in the waterfall. And we kind of knew that the walk, the swim, the walk back would take up like an hour. How many times would you do that a day? So then, but the hard thing was we had no energy because we were so hungry. Yeah.

And it was a hard walk. Oh, it wasn't like, oh, it's just there. So we'd have to, we'd have to. They make it look like that just by the, oh, it's just there. So we'd have to, we'd have to make it look like that. Just by the way, like it's just there. It was, it was like, it was like summiting Everest. No. Yeah. Yeah. It was hard. So some people were like, there were times when people go, I cannot do that walk. Like, I don't think I can make it because people are so hungry. And it was like almost 40 degrees during the day. But we would do,

Hugh Zee was always up for the walk. So Hugh Zee would always like rally the troops and be like, come on, we need to get some sun. Harrison was always keen. Reggie was like, I can't, I can't, I cannot see. So we would do that. Sometimes we do it twice a day, in a day. And other than that, we would just sit there, man.

Sit there and chat. One game we would play quite a bit would be, you say a celebrity, okay, and then the first letter of their last name, I would have to say a celebrity name. And it just rolls on. And we would do that. Great car game. Great road trip game, that one. And I would often sit there by the creek and I would look at the rocks

and I would look for faces in the rocks. And I would do that for a couple of hours. And it's like you had like a Wilson. Wilson! It was, man, you were starved. People, they always say going in, everyone who I spoke to who had done the show was like, the boredom is so hard to manage. And it was like,

I'm describing what it's like. I remember we would look for insects. And if we saw a couple of ants, we'd watch the ants for an hour. Do you watch them fuck? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So you sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. So you just, okay, go again. Sorry.

But we would, we would get, the food was always the same every day of the week. Rice and beans. You always get five spoonfuls of porridge for breakfast. Get about five spoonfuls of rice, a couple of beans. I said a couple. We get a few beans. You get that same lunch for dinner. But then on the dark days, depending on how many stars you got on the Thursday,

that would roll over to the Friday and the Saturday. Right, because there's no challenges. Yeah, so on the Thursdays, everyone was like, hey, no pressure, but this is going to determine how much food we get for the next like three nights. So let's try and fucking get a couple of stars. But then like we would get better meals on a Friday, Saturday. It wasn't as like rustic. So one of the nights we got hamburgers.

I did see a lot of like food advertisements on this show. And then I saw like there was a Hello Fresh day. There was a brownie day. I'm like you guys are going to come back and put on weight. We had one brownie. Oh they made it a little bit. They stretched it out for three days of TV. We would have drunk our own piss for a Tim Tam. Did you? Yes.

Did you drink your own piss? I was so thirsty. But do they, they must provide you fresh water and shit like the whole... You get fresh water. You get fresh water. Then I'm like, sorry, you're out of water. You're going to die. But I remember one time we got a little bit of hot chocolate and I can't remember what the challenge was, but we won a little bit of hot chocolate and people...

It was like we just won a Ferrari. People were losing our shit. We were just... any bit of flavour, because the food just won a Ferrari. People were losing our shit. We were just any bit of flavor because the food just was so bland. It must be exciting. You know, like when you're, even when you're just here and you're like so busy and you never don't get a chance to eat

and then you're like, oh, you get like something so good. You're like, oh yeah. I was trapped in the jungle for 30 days, bro. And you're trying to compare that to being hungry at home. Yeah, yeah. Is that? Yeah, yeah. Is that? Yep, that's it.

You think being trapped in the African jungle, losing eight kilos over 30 days is the same as you being hungry on an afternoon at home in Worrywood. Yeah. Oh yeah, it's on par. It's so close. Scorpions, snakes. It was more that I just wanted to elaborate

how good that feeling is when you just like get that one thing. I'm not trying to diminish it. Let's move on. Did you, did actually, cause there's a question here about washing your clothes. Do you wash your clothes in that crate too or they've given you a... We had... Like you washing up there.

We had, you only get two shirts, a singlet, two pairs of shorts. You're allowed to bring in five pairs of undies or six pairs of undies. You get two pairs of socks. And we have a sink down by the creek where you do your washing up after you cook. That same sink you then do for your washing. But I would normally, I would wear a shirt for like five days straight. I think I wash my socks once. I kind of wore my socks for like five days straight. I think I wash my socks once. I kind of wore my socks for like 10 days.

Did anyone have any like weird washing routines? Like someone who like had to like wash all their shit every day, like like in April per se, which is like, I've got to wash. I've got to make a lot of washing. No, I think everyone, because it sounds stupid, but to wring out your t-shirt, like you do that, you do one shirt and you'd have to sit down for 10 minutes because you're exhausted.

Oh, right, right, right. It's like the energy required to wash your clothes. People just avoided it because it was non-critical. Everyone smelled like crap. You know, the campfire. Can you take deodorant in? We were given a toiletries bag. Oh yes.

And so in that you had a natural deodorant roll-on. Ick. Ick. I hate roll-on. You would have pretty basic toothpaste, tasted like nothing. So you never felt like you even had clean teeth. You have a brush, you have nail clippers,

you have insect spray. And that was about it. That was all you had. Oh, you had sunscreen as well. Yeah, I was going to say, be sun safe. Be sun sma- sun sma- You'd be sun safe and that was all you had in your toiletries bag. That was it.

But I don't think, I mean the only thing, obviously everyone would shower. Yeah, what's would shower. Everyone. Yeah, what's a shower sitch? Is it like a communal? So we would all get hosed down in the morning by Rob and Julia and then they'd be like, get out of bed you filthy bastard. Stinks in here.

Somehow you've made the jungle stink. Down by the creek, by the gym, if you can recall. If you can. Oh, the wooden gym. The wooden gym, so just around the corner behind a tree was the showers. I'm having weird PTSD right now. Yeah, sorry.

And then I would not, sometimes you would just shower during the day just to do something. Just for like- Hot shower, cold shower? Cold shower. And it's because it's like so fucking hot on the Gold Coast. Yeah, so it was kind of night, every shower. It's so hot on the Gold Coast, hey. something just for like. It's just you don't feel as clean. But there's like four cameras. So somewhere out there, there is footage of one Matty J with his cock out in the jungle. And then as well, when you'd shower naked,

you'd turn around and the cameras. The four cameras were like, whee. Yeah. They'd all be on you. And for you, they had to zoom right in. Yeah. So yeah, so someone, whoever's doing night shift, normally I would be like the second last to shower naked,

and then Sam Thide would always follow up and he'd shower naked. Nice. Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. I'm going to have to, hey Jess, can we just send in the amounts to channel 10 please? Let me get that footage, that'd be great.

Speaking about producers, how often are you communicating with the producers? Jess, can we just send an email to channel 10 please? How often are you communicating with the producers? They have speakers, a bit like Big Brother, where if you would sleep in too long, for example, they would have to say, hey guys, you've got to wake up. starting. That sucks. And then, and then if they're like, they would kind of say, Hey, your rations are there. There's a it's called a talk talkie. It's where you do your interviews. So they would say you talk your rations are in the talk talkie.

If there was anything like anything that relaxes at one time, we had a we had a snake in camp. And so they would say everyone go into your campsite with the fireplaces stay there because we're having someone remove a snake and then when they would come in to like, for example, it was one afternoon where they had to do some maintenance on the campsite and they were like you cannot talk to any of the crew. You cannot say anything to them. Don't acknowledge them.

If you did acknowledge them, they would ignore you. And then the only kind of interaction you would have if you weren't doing a trial, I think we thought it was around 4.30, but they would send you out to have your battery changed and your mic pack. So you have your necklace connected to a mic pack that you wore as a belt.

And, but when you did that change, you'd be like, hey dude, how are you? Nothing. You'd be like, what'd you have for lunch? Wouldn't answer. None of the crew wore watches. So they always want to make sure that you have no idea what the time is. And even when you when you go on a trial, you would like run out down the tunnel, you would then get met by a producer. Once you left camp, you get blindfolded. So you

you walk, you say we're walking together, you'd be in front of me, you're being led by a producer, I have my hand on your backpack, they would walk you to a car, still blindfolded, drive you to the trial, and they get your blindfold taken off once you're in the trial area in front of Rob and Julia. And then once you finish the trial,

blindfold on, back to camp. Sounds like my worst nightmare. Yeah. And also, but I'm so impatient too, I on, back to camp. Sounds like my worst nightmare. And also, but I'm so impatient too. I just could not take that. It's weird how quickly you were climatized. The first few days I was like, I cannot, this is hell. And then it's weird you just become institutionalized.

But then it was weird coming out and everyone pretty much, like all the crew and like the final six, we all flew back at the same time. And a lot of the crew were from Sydney. And so it was weird, there was one lady, her name was Anita, shout out Anita, she would always blindfold me for the trials. And then she was sitting next to me on the flight. And she was like, hey dude, how are you? She was like, hey dude, this is for you.

But it was so weird to have her smile at me and talk to me and ask me a question. I was like, like you were... Do you like me? I would be that person that's just like, I wonder if this person likes me or not. I would be like, they don't. They definitely don't even know it's their fucking job. But there was, I always, when you're in the talk talkie doing your interviews, there was normally like one producer he would do most of

your interviews with and mine was someone who like, even though I didn't, I wasn't seeing him face to face, like it's still talking about like pretty. Yeah, you're crying and shit. Yeah, I do. Day four. Day one you cried. Day, no.

Day four. We all went, oh, tick, yep. Day four, I was like keeping to myself and they're always watching you and they're also aware of like, this is, they've done 11 seasons, so they know the telltale signs of when people are struggling. And on day four, I kind of didn't really speak to anyone. I kind of ate breakfast by myself. I did like some washing up. You just wanted some mat time. I kind of ate breakfast by myself. I did like some washing up by myself.

I was Matt time. And then they called me over the speaker. They say, Matt, can you come in and have a chat? And it was like after having a really bad day at school and you finally get home and your parents go, how was your day? And you just let it all out. I literally sat down and he said, are you doing okay?

And I just lost it. I was like, missing my family. Trigger words. And in my head, I was like, I remember Bo Ryan left two weeks after two weeks and I thought to myself, I can't believe he quit. And then on day four, I was like, I think I'm going to quit. Wow.

How close do you think you got to quitting? Every part of me was like, I don't want to be here and I can't stay here and this is going to, like, it's not for me. You would have regretted it though. And I knew Laura would kill me. Oh yeah, yeah. It's like, I'm safer here. But also I thought to myself, look, I'm just going to get to the end of the day.

And it was always, you had dinner was always the biggest meal. And you always felt so much better after you had a full stomach. Because the breakfast, the lunch didn't even touch the sides. So I was like, I'm going to get to dinner. And then once you get to dinner, it's pretty quick to have a shower. You get ready for bed. And I was like, I'm just going to do dinner. And then once you get to dinner, it's a pretty, it's pretty quick to have a shower. You get ready for bed. And I was like, I'm just going to do one more day and see how I feel in the morning.

And the morning you wake up and you feel okay. And then I just, I always thought I'm just going to make it to like one week and then two weeks. So like, but yeah, the guy, my producer, when I was struggling, he was like, you're doing a great job. Like, you know, hang in there. And so when I saw him in person, I was like, you saved me. He's like, get off me. These contestants are clingy.

Very good. All right, let's move right along. First part of this question, were you in Africa? Can confirm, did go to Africa. Okay, if I asked for passport stamps, you'd be able to produce that. Um, yes I can. I believe you and the listener should believe you too. And then the other one is like, does it feel like you're in the jungle?

You're saying there's big lights and cameras and are they small cameras? Just give us a breakdown. Yeah, there's like little security cameras all like throughout and they're... Do they make a conscious effort to hide them or not? Yeah, yeah, I mean they're kind of not super hidden. They're very much blended into the environment. And then in the camp, the main camp with the fireplace and the beds are, there's maybe around the camp,

there's like six proper like... Big boppers. The ones you see like if you're doing the news, like those type of cameras, but they were like, like up on big stands. But they were manned by cameramen. But they they had black screens. So it would just be this black screen up in this area. And the camera would just poke out.

Can we talk about boring fucking jobs? Oh, my God. Sometimes sometimes they'd be like, achoo! And we'd all be like, ah, there you are! Bless you! But fuck, that must be such a boring job. Such a boring job. I don't know how they do it.

I don't know if they've got like beds that they're lying down, but standing up, I don't know. Like two? Long shifts of just listening to us talk about food. Because that's pretty much what we talked about. They're just up there eating. Yeah, just like... But sometimes, like, I think one of them tripped and like fell.

Take that. But there was one night when we were trying to sleep and one of the cameramen was doing this. And we were like, can you shut the fuck up? We're trying to sleep here. It's the equivalent of your neighbors having a party. The cops are on their way. But you forget, you totally forget.

There was one camera above me and Reggie, and when it rained, we kind of saw, so there is a canopy above you, so if it rains, you're slightly protected. The outer beds might get a little bit wet, but this camera was just outside of that protective canopy, and it would get rained on, and when it would go to swivel, it would go,

and it like, gets stuck. Cause like, it had been, and me and Reggie would be like, yeah, I'd be like, good morning, Reg, how are you feeling? And then the camera would go, and then that was the only time we noticed the camera. Let's talk about the people. Yes. If you don't mind.

I mean, I don't want to talk about the people because I had to sit back and watch you have a bromance with Harrison. But anyway, let's see what the listener thought. How are you, by the way? Is that was that tough to watch? I don't want to talk about it. Are you okay? I'm fine.

Okay. Harrison is upstairs. If he comes downstairs. He's upstairs right now. He's in bed. Your bed? Yeah. That sucks. Laura left and he came in.

He scooched on in. I saw him on his moped on your story yesterday. Yeah, sorry about that. I forgot to mute you. I can hide you from viewing my stories. If he was on like a Harley Davidson or something, I'd be like, that's pretty cool. He was on like some shitty vest.

Why do you hate Harrison? I don't. I stick with him. Okay. So who did you unexpectedly connect with the most? Do you know who I was hoping I was going to connect with? And I feel like it happened. I feel like it happened.

Maybe it was one sided. Maybe he hated it, but I felt like we connected. Who? Huzy. Oh yeah, okay. I remember I thought he might be in the camp, but I was like, Huzy's so rich that surely he doesn't need to be in I'm a Celeb.

Like, apparently they'd been asking him for a while and he was like, nah, I can't be stuffed. But I was very starstruck when I saw Huzy. Really? Yeah. I remember talking to him and I was very much, I was very aware of who I was talking to and I was like, say the right thing.

You met him before though. Only really briefly. I've done his radio show, so it's a quick five minute chat. So he had you as a guest. I was a guest on the show. Doesn't that point, if you ask me, you're the sought after guest there. So he had you as a guest. If you ask me, you're the sought after guest. He plays tennis with Russell Crowe.

I can't imagine Russell Crowe being very good. I love it. That's so unfit. They're your words. Maybe gladiator Russell. Because Hewsy was always down for the waterfall and. They really played that up on TV too. Did they? Made him look like a real freak. Like a real nature freak. He's like, oh, in the fucking. It was intense. We would go down there to worship the sun.

We would worship the sun and we would, and Hewsy would be, he would give us like life lessons from Hewsy. He'd be like, remember guys, it's all about forgetting about what weighs you down. You've got to be happy. As we're standing there in the waterfall, like absorbing the sun. It was like, it was... Are you part of a cult now? We are.

So what's happening? We almost had a mass suicide. Huzy was like, should we? And we're like, we'll do it. Best season ever. But Huzy, I hope that we're, hope we're still friends. He's probably not going to hear this. He's not listening to me.

We'll get him in the podcast. We'll try. Try our very hardest. Has the experience changed your perspective on life at all? Yeah, it did. For how long? Annoyingly, coming out of the jungle, you slot back into your normal routine very quickly. I would.

I'd be like straight away. Dude, scroll. I remember coming out and I thought to myself, I don't even need my phone. I had my phone back and I was like, I don't even need it. And then, and then I plugged it in and it turned on and I was like, I'll have a quick look four hours later. Yeah, when you opened it up, you didn't have a beard. I'm shaved, freshly shaved. Oh, my phone's, oh my God.

But it does in the thick of the jungle experience, things like a flushing toilet, things like a fridge, to be able to just order in food and have it delivered to your house. Those things, when you're starving 30 days every single day, those are little things you appreciate so much. And then, I'm going to sound a bit cheesy here, Ash.

You would have seen my reunion, a little bit emotional. I was missing the family quite a bit. It makes you appreciate your family. You're starved of all your luxury items. You're starved of electricity and warm water and food and all that, but then you're also so starved of any connection with your family. And then I remember when the letters came,

we got a letter, I think it was maybe three weeks in, and I don't know if you've ever had a letter that's made you cry. For me, I've never had a letter where I'm like, I'm hanging onto every word. I got a citation from the RSL club once that made me cry. It was for a lifetime ban. I'm still upset about it.

But yeah, I get it. I know what you mean. But you know, when you have, all you have to connect with your family is an A4 piece of paper with a few words and you read that letter 10 times a day every day and you know you would do anything just for that you know a little bit more contact with your family and then you get out. You're like beat it. I can imagine like you did you probably would have done a lot of like soul searching. Yeah.

And you're like, I'm going to change this about my life. It's like when you're really hungover. Yeah. I'm going to change so much about myself. And then you have a good sleep. You're like, you know what? I'm perfectly fine. Yeah.

There were, we got one of my luxury items that I brought in was the paint set and it had some pencils and there was some, you know, everyone had a few moments where they would then sit down by themselves and they were kind of write their thoughts. And I kind of, the best way I could treat the experience in my mind to keep going was just saying to myself, this is a really intense health retreat. Yeah, every time. And this is just like, this is like rehab. Yeah, essentially it was. It was not that I know. So I hope I hope my big takeaway from being in there was like spending more

engaged one on one time with kids being in the moment. Have you been trying to practice it more? Very hard. Yeah, it is hard. Very hard. It is hard when you don't want to do it. Even this morning, getting the kids out the door, and you're like, I love you kids so much,

and I've missed you so much, but put your faggot shoes on! There's nothing like being slapped in the face by reality that is young children. They don't give a fuck. For one day, they're like, oh, it's so good to be daddy to be home, and then they're like, Apple! Cut it up! I shut the skin off, you idiot!

The other day when I came over and it was like, Lola was like, I'm hungry. And you're like, OK, what would you like? You're like, apple! I, I forget how hard it is to parent when you're trying to do nothing but give your children a really fun experience, like on the weekends, like you take them to the beach. Oh yeah.

You pack up all your equipment, you go down there, you're five minutes in, and they're like treating like you just dragged them to the depths of hell. And you're like, you're on Bondi Beach right now, and it's a 25 degree day, the sun is out, I've got snacks, I've got towels, I've got everything you could ever need, and you're like on the floor having a tantrum. It's the worst. And I'm trying to transport back to where I was in the jungle being like,

I miss my kids, I love them so much. You're sitting there looking for faces in the rocks. Yeah. Yeah. Like yesterday I was like, let's go to the park, let's go to the park. And the kids are like, yeah, yeah, let's go to the park, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get in the car, they both fell asleep in the car on the short trip to the park, got to the park. I'm like, we're at the park. I'm like, I don't want to go to the park and the kids are like, yeah, yeah, let's go to the park. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get in the car. They both fell asleep in the car on the short trip to the park, got to the park. I'm like, we're at the park. I'm like, I don't want to go to the park. I'm like, we do this for you. It's like parenting. It's, I forgot how hard. One thing the jungle did is made me forget how hard parenting is. You're not as parenting fit because you're like, oh no, no, no.

I'm like awful. I mean, let's talk about challenges really quickly. Yeah. We spoke about food that you were given, but what about food that you had to eat? Did it make you sick? I was in the moment when we got all the stars, and because I was still buzzing off the fact

that my last challenge, the basketball one, sorry about making you watch my attempts at basketball, that was hard. That was really hard. I wanted to redeem myself. I wanted to come back a hero. So I was so happy that we got all the stars. And it wasn't until we were blindfolded walking back to camp that it was,

that off milk, it was sour milk, it was just like off milk. Oh, and we live streamed it and I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah, I was projectile vomiting like all the way back to camp. I got back into camp. I then vomited again when I was projectile vomiting like all the way back to camp. I got back into camp. I then vomited again when I was in camp. Did they give you anything for that or not? You just go get it up and out. They kind of said, there's always a medic on call

and the medic is just like, just drink some water. Yeah, it's not like we've poisoned you. It's just not going to agree with you. One time I was like, I feel dizzy and they gave me a bit of attention. Like they were like, okay, this is kind of serious. And I thought about pretending to be even dizzier to get food. Yes. But I did. I didn't. I didn't.

It's like, oh, that's such a thing kids do. I've got like the smallest bit of attention. It's like, all I had one time was a sore throat from like the yelling and the smoke. And I got a lozenger and I like savor the lozenger. They're like it's sugar free. Like nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sick? Not just like food sick, but like, because like if you're not taking in the sustenance. Yeah, but we're not, you know, we're not, you got no contact with anybody else. I read you got a little bit sick. No one really got that unwell. No, we were like- Because you are in like a bubble, yeah.

You're in a bubble, yeah. And you're like quarantined a little bit before. Yeah, there's no germs in the jungle. Is that a fact? I don't know. Someone did say, there was where the creek ran through, someone was like, that water's pretty clean, right? You could just drink it. And I was like, I don't know if it is. And they were about to drink it. It's semen. It's piss. It's just all piss. Well, Huzy would piss in the water. We found out later, Huzy would piss in the waterfall. Yeah, but he's a vegan. He doesn't drink it. But it's probably good

for you to drink his piss. Safe to say, we know who you in the waterfall. Yeah, but he's a vegan, he doesn't drink. It's probably good for you. Yeah. To drink his piss. Safe to say, we know who you miss the most. That'd be me. If you're looking back, what was your favorite memory? What was your favorite part of the experience? I've got to say, I've got to say the fam coming in. And just for, because people are like,

you would have known the family were coming in. If you're that deep into the... Yeah, you know, like I've watched parts of the show before. So you know that top three had the reunion with the family. But it was a Thursday that we went from five to three. I thought the family coming in might be like in a couple of days, like on the Saturday maybe. But they split us up.

They kind of said, Sam, we had to do one more top three. They said, we're going to take some photos, because you guys are top three, just so you know. And they, at this point, production are like, a bit more relaxed at this stage. They're in the Heim stretch as well. Yeah, I saw a cameraman with a watch, and I was like, oh my God.

Oh my God, the time. The shackles are loosening. I don't know how to read that. And then they said, we'll take some individual shots. So Sam and Reggie left. And they said, Matt, just sit on the, just sit on like the bed and we'll just, you know, just have a think about some of your favorite memories. We're just getting a couple of pensive shots.

And this is over the speaker. And I was like, okay. So I was like looking at the fire and I honestly did not expect Laura and the kids. Oh, you didn't know they were coming at that point. I had no idea at all. So when they were like, daddy, fuck, I watched it back. And it's a lot. Mate, I cried.

Yeah, you. Yeah, I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah, a few people were like, oh, fuck, come on, bro. Hand it up for the cameras. But even Laura at the time was like, like pull it together, are you okay? Yeah. I was like, uh- uh, I miss you guys.

I caught myself crying and I was like, oh fuck. It was, it was a lot. So that was, that was my favorite moment. And then we did a challenge where we had to, we were dancing as a silent disco, doing the Chinese whispers. Oh yeah. And you forget how good music is.

Like, we had no music. And so we had this really crappy, like German eighties techno song that was rights free being played. And I don't know if you guys heard it when you're watching it, but we were just dancing to that. And like, that was just for a moment. Yeah. I turned around. Everyone's, you know, I think I like, as I ran down the line, I like was grinding Reggie. And everyone's, you know, I think I like, as I ran down the line, I like was grinding Reggie. She would laugh at that.

Yeah, right. Actually, funny moment with Reggie. When we would walk to the waterfall, I would often take her hand. I would like chaperone her, help her, because she can't see. For anyone who doesn't know, she's only got about 10% of her vision left.

And one time I forgot to say, there's a rock in front of you. Oh no. And she hit the rock and she was about to fall over. I'm holding her hand and she goes to grab something. Oh no. And she grabs my penis. She grabs my penis so tightly and that is what like steadies her. And I'm like, and she's like, hang on, is that your penis? She grabs my penis so tightly and that is what like steadies her.

And I'm like, and she's like, hang on, is that your penis? That's her move for sure. It's like, you know, people stop short in the car. She's like, let me grab your cock. I've already got it. I've already got it. And I didn't want to say, I'd like, yeah, I want to make sure that she's okay. So I didn't react. I didn't flinch say, I want to make sure that she's okay. So I didn't react. I didn't flinch.

She gets up and she goes, congratulations. That'll be $50. She's a lucky woman. And then, and so often whenever we'd like walk to the waterfall after that, she's like, you're going to pull me into another rock, are you? I'd like push her into a tree. Just to get some action. All right, post show.

You're back. We're happy you're back. We're happy you made it in one piece. So are the listeners. So we did have a lot of questions, Matt, about your relationship with a daughter of yours by the name of Lola. Who? Who?

Marley is the eldest. Lola is the youngest. Who? Lola, before you left, you weren't her favorite person. I'll post this video, I did a video of what it was like when I said goodbye to the kids. Marley was hysterical. I'm explaining to them that I'm going to be gone

for a long time, Marley's in tears. Lola was literally like, shut the fuck up. She was like, mm-hmm. Yeah, she didn't care at all. And then when I saw Laura, we get reunited, she's like, Lola's really been missing you. And I was like, has she really? But after we left the jungle, the top six,

they're all staying at a lodge outside of the camp, and their families are there. Lola was like locked onto me, locked onto me, and wouldn't, like, I had to like locked onto me, locked onto me. And wouldn't like, I had to give her a bath, like brush her teeth, get her dressed. Things that back home normally she'd be like, do not touch me, get away from me. And Marley didn't give a shit. Marley was like, hey man, walked off. Whereas Lola like couldn't get enough of me.

She missed her pin cushion. That's what it is. You're like her pin cushion where she's like, and she didn't have that. It was for the record as well, the business class seat flight, couple of crap from Life on Cut listeners. For the record, Laura had that seat 10 of the 12 hours of the flight. I gave up my seat to Laura. So I sat there with Lola.

The story's changing. So we're in premium, Marley's asleep in one seat, we're in the middle row, Lola was in the middle arm on the outer. She slept in my arms that whole time. Not to sound like a hero. Not to sound like a hero. Anyone would have done the same thing. And they say that a hero.

But normally I remember thinking, wondering what it would be like to have Lola sleep in your arms. Because it was always Laura. And it happened for the first time. And I was like, this is amazing. For the first 10 minutes, you're like, oh, jeez. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is starting to rub off now.

This morning she woke up, Laura was out the door. And Lola was like, you, where's mom? And I was like, oh, she's gone for work. And she was like, fuck. Yeah, it just ruins their day immediately. Yeah, so it's starting to rub off. But like the first week back, it's been pretty amazing. Yeah.

That's good. Oh, I'm happy. I can't wait to get an update. The question that was on everyone's mind. Jungle Jacks, did you get one away? Look, I don't want to talk about this. Yes, you do. Okay.

People don't want to hear about this part of the jungle experience. Yeah, we do. It's a bit crass isn't it? Just cover your ears. This is a lot of information. I can't wait. Okay. Let me take my pants off. In the jungle, it's weird. That switch of like being horny is gone. Oh, I thought you were going to say it's right there. You, everyone, like I remember speaking to the other boys and no sex drive, zero sex drive. The last thing you're thinking about, maybe because your body's just trying to hold on to like every last drop of nutrients, that to expel any semen would be so detrimental.

You went to protein, you'd lose. So your body is like, it's not thinking about it at all. So you forced one out, did you? And so we were talking about, you know, early days, like, who's going to have a jungle jack? And people were like, yeah, we might have a jungle jack. And then like after the first week, everyone's like, actually, there's no way I could even, even if I wanted to,

I'm not going to be able to jungle jack. Okay. Do they know who they're dealing with? So maybe I wasn't sleeping that well. Okay. It would take me normally like an hour to get to sleep. And I was also up really early as well. I'd lay in bed trying to get back to sleep.

And that's exhausting. It's, you know, you want to get to sleep. And then as well, you know, you got the animals to deal with, cigarettes, you know, you want to try and get to sleep before she starts snoring like a freight train. So one night, this is maybe like three weeks in, I'm tossing and turning.

Not like that. I'm just... I was going to say. That was quick. Everyone's asleep. I kind of like sit up in bed, and because you have lanterns so you can dimly lit, and I'm like, everyone's sleeping.

I'm not going to, wait, wait, wait. I'm not going to do it. The only place where there is no cameras is in the toilets. Okay. And I'm like, pardon me, there's literally two voices in my head. One is saying, let's just go to the toilets. Let's just do it.

It'll help you get to sleep. And then the other voice is like, that's disgusting. Don't do it. Yeah. And then I'm like, I'll try and get back to sleep. Try off another, like what felt like 10, 20 minutes. I'm wide awake. And I'm like, do you know what?

It's nature's sleeping pill. So I go over to the, make my way, put my boots on, make my way down to the long drop. I get into the long drop. Does it stink in there? Very, yes. It's like. Oh man.

We would change the toilets. There was a massive bucket underneath the long drop. And we yes, it's like. Oh man. We would change the toilets. There was a massive bucket underneath the long drop. And we would change it every morning. So it's been a 40 degree day, full of shit. You're in there, it smells like shit. You know, and I'm looking at my penis, which is the size of a walnut. And I'm like, oh God, come on buddy.

I'll be good. Yeah, yeah, it's like, buddy. Upping it. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it does not want to get up at all. I'm like, come on, give me something. Trying to bring some life into this guy. And, you know, I'm in there in my modesty smock. Modesty smock? In the long drive, which stinks stinks of shit trying to get something. Trying to get an erection.

Trying and nothing's working. And I'm like, goodness me. So after maybe like, what felt like 10 minutes? I start to get some blood flow. Oh, there we go. And I'm like, okay, we're good. We got something here. We got something here.

So we're kind of, we're good. We got something here. We got something here. So we're making progress. But I'm also thinking, I hope no one has to get up in the middle of the night and go to the toilet. Because, you know, anyway, so making great progress, getting towards the pointy end, if you know what I'm saying. I'm now conscious that I don't want to make a mess in the long drop. Were you sitting or standing? Standing.

Nice. So with my left hand, I get the toilet paper. Oh, you're prepping. And I'm like, I've given myself a homemade baseball mitt to catch, to catch what's about to come out. I mean, I'm digging it. So I've got this baseball mitt. I'm like, ready.

I'm like, okay. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to catch this thing. Okay. So I'm like getting towards the end. Jess, I'm so sorry to talk, talk about this in front of you. Also, sorry to all listeners. Don't apologize. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to catch this in the baseball mitt. And then the moment it happens, it's like a water main being struck.

It's like... Squirter! Yeah! And I'm like, huh! I've caught a little bit of it, but also a lot of it's now... Everywhere. And inside the long drop, the walls are just dried mud. That's like...

You contributed to the structural integrity just dried mud. You contributed to the structural integrity of that toilet. So now I'm like, okay crap, I've got to clean this up. I can't have people in the morning being like, why is there cum on the wall? The toilet paper's like a single ply. So I try and wipe it off and then the toilet paper is like a single ply. Right. It's like, you know, I'm like, so I try and wipe it off. And then the toilet paper is like attached now to the dry clay. You've made a hell of a mess.

And I'm like, God damn it. This is awful. People are going to know. People are going to know. Yeah. There's just like shreds of toilet paper. And then I'm like, I've got to try and remove it. So there's a little shovel that we would put,

every time we go to the toilet, you put charcoal and sawdust over your business. And I was like, I'm going to use that shovel to like shave off the dried mud. So I'm there like. Would you be the first person to ever get rid of semen with a shovel? So I'm shaving off all the mud. You'd be the first person to ever get rid of semen with a shovel.

So I'm shaving off all the mud. I'm like, it's a construction work now. I'm like jackhammering away. Yeah. And I'm also like, this looks a bit sus because on one side it's all just like dried mud. And it's like shaved. Yeah, it's just like flattened. But I'm like, I did it in a way which wasn't obvious

and I got rid of the evidence. And then,'s just like flattened. But I'm like I did in a way which wasn't obvious. I got rid of the evidence and then but then I realized something. What? Ash. Realized I've done something very silly. Oh no. Okay, when you're in the jungle it's drilled into you that you have to wear something at all times. Yes. A microphone. Oh my God. So I, I'm wearing a microphone. What, okay, just be a lot of heavy breathing. People would probably think you're just taking a monster shit in there.

Unless, do you dirty talk to yourself? That'd be weird. Yeah, big boy. You can do it. Come on. I've got it everywhere. So, okay. Did anyone say anything?

No one said, I think they kind of, I then- It wouldn't be the first time. I grabbed my microphone and I was like, I'm really sorry. Yeah, you're like, that was a good come. Went all over the walls. Just so you know. It's a new picture. I just wanted, I was good calm. It went all over the walls. Just so you know. It's a brand new picture.

I just wanted, I was just like, in case there was someone listening in, I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry about that. I'm okay. Yeah. Very good. So then I had to, yeah,

then close the long drop door. And did you get to sleep? And then I, like a baby. But the guilt, the guilt of walking back into camp. Whoopsie. Like bit flustered, bit hot. I don't got any water. Replenish what I've just lost.

I'm so dehydrated. He's just like. Bagger bones. Your skin's all really tight. Hop back into bed and I was like, I'm an awful person. I'm a disgusting human being. And then towards the end, I was like, to the others, I was like, we all did it, right? And they're like, no. And I was like, everyone like, yeah, come on.

We all like. Ah, that is good gear. I love that. Did anyone just be like, yeah, me too. Just make Matty feel better. No, no. I looked at Hughzy and I was like, Hughzy, come on. And he was like, no.

Dammit, man, have some self control. So just the once. Yeah, well, twice. Oh, God. It was towards the end. It was like the second last night. I couldn't sleep. That's good gear. I like that.

But the second time I didn't, I didn't wear the microphone. Okay, cool. Did you get in trouble? Look what we're doing in there wanking. No. So yeah, I am disgusting. I'll admit it. That was the highlight of my job.

No, I think that's fine. I would have given it a go too. I didn't, I am disgusting. I'll admit it. That was the highlight of my job. I think that's fine. I would have given it a go too. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy it for the record. It wasn't enjoyable. Yeah, right. Matthew, one last thing. Yes.

I have something for you. It's a lovely slice of mango. I'm not sure. Did I actually say, I don't remember saying that I would rather eat a mango than have sex with my wife? Yeah, you did quite openly say that and you didn't mix up your words there at all. Did I actually say that? You said, hey guys, just so you know, if I had a choice between this mango and having

sex with my wife, I would take the mango. Shit. But we all, look, honestly. Well Laura's not here. What about me? That's a good look at mango. Just cover your ears. Oh yeah.

Fuck. That's funny, sex sounds the same as that. That is. Looks good. Smells really good. But we god. But I, we all know what you meant. That you were just expressing how much, how good that mango was at the time. What about now? Mango or sex with your wife? I don't know. Mango's pretty bloody good. Alright, that's all we got time for. Thanks, hey thank you so much. That's alright. Do you want me to wrap this up? Yeah, go on.

Alright. While Matt does his best to perform fellatio on that mango, if you've enjoyed this episode, please give us a review. Subscribe. That's lovely. Lovely. Or you can join us on social media. Instagram, TikTok, Facebook. Let's have a good mango... Very, very good.

We will be back next week with a regular... Mmm! ..with a regular episode. Oh, man, he's really making love to that mango. I'm getting an erection, so I must go. Hey, it's good to be back. Goodbye for now. It's good to be back. I'll see you next week. I'm doing fine too, by the way.

OK, let's go. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.