Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #130 Becky Lucas: Preparing my newborn for open heart surgery

Episode Date: March 9, 2025

Becky Lucas is one of Australia's favourite comedians. She knows how to disarm a crowd with her endearing humour and quick wit as she tries to express how she really feels about the state of the world.  In 2023 when Becky was pregnant, she went in for a routine scan and found out that her baby had a complex heart condition that would require open heart surgery. On top of the regular anxiety that follows the birth of a new baby, she was dealing with cardiologist appointments and constant fears about his health. Amongst the utter joy of getting to know her beautiful baby George, there were so many dark days where she didn’t feel like life could ever be good again. Since George underwent surgery, doctors have said his heart looks pristine and he's a happy and healthy, thriving baby. Becky will worry about him forever, as every parent does, but she's going to do her best to hold that anxiety in and let him live his life as a normal kid. Go see Becky touring her new show 'Things Have Changed, But The Essence Remains' around the country.  Tickets can be found here https://www.livenation.com.au/becky-lucas-tickets-adp1293407#national 2025 Raunchy Ranch Calendar IS STILL ON SALE!  https://budgysmuggler.com.au/products/two-doting-dads-raunchy-ranch  Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads      See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Matthew, how would you describe parenting? It is hell. Oh my God, it is painful, it is exhausting, it's relentless, but can I also have to say, because I love my kids, love my kids, it's great, wouldn't change it for the world, but it's a world of hell. Well said.

Well, comedian Becky Lucas would explain it, probably the same, but she loves it. At least I'm not alone. Becky Lucas, she is one of Australia's favourite comedians. Yeah, she was the first Australian female comedian to feature on Conan O'Brien. I think the worst thing about your parents getting divorced is that they move into two different houses

and then you, as the kid, has to move from house to house. I remember being little thinking, why can't I stay here and you guys move to me? And I'm like, why am I five years old learning how to roll my socks to fit more room in the suitcase, because dad kissed a woman at a party. Then I get there, he's like, oh, you forgot your toothbrush.

I'm like, duh, you forgot your wedding vows. And it's quite the achievement. Now, Becky, she is a mum, and boy, it is tough, but it is also one of the best things in the world. Gosh, Becky and I, we're so alike. We're so alike. We're just the same person. Both hilarious. Right Ash? Oh yeah, absolutely. Parenting for Becky has been a bit of a roller coaster since her son was born. Little George

was born with a heart condition that meant that he had to go to open heart surgery before his first birthday. Becky feels like those early days of motherhood were robbed from her. Look, it can be tough for a comedian to share a vulnerable story of their life, but this is one that is incredibly heartfelt, and we're so thankful that Becky felt comfortable to share the story with us today.

Yeah, let's get into it. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads and One Doting Mum. I am Eddie Jay. I'm Ash. And I'm Becky Lucas. Nailed it. Nailed your own name. Sorry for stuffing up the intro. That's okay. I think it shows a sense of fun. We're all... This is a podcast. Oh my God.

This is a podcast all about parenting, Becky. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And if you come for advice, not us, not now, not never, but maybe from you. Maybe. Uh-huh. We just have to put that there legally

so we don't get in trouble. Okay, right. But you're allowed to give advice if you've got some. Okay. Now my question was, Yeah. And I hate to be so goddamn cliche. Hey, don't overthink it.

But you're from Brisbane. Yeah. I'm from Brisbane. You asked before if I went to Myris. What school did you go to? I went to Brisbane, said hi. Oh! What does that mean? So you're an athlete aren't you?

I'm not an athlete I just lived in the catchment. Just stand up comic. Yeah. As a comedian. Yeah I was like oh netball? No. I heard comedy is going to be in the Olympics well it was it was break dancing but we're going to have it in the next Olympics. Comic? No I made it up. Come on. I can't believe you're this morning. Jesus, the jungle has fried you. You seem like someone... Are we allowed to mention the jungle? Please. It was televised.

It's out. It's over. I am a bit... I know, but what if he's like sensitive? He's just like sensitive about his time. I'm coming to terms with what just happened. He still has the night terrors. During the day, he'll be sitting there and be like,

Ah! Just been in the bathroom for one second, I come out crying and I'm like, excuse me. Did you do the post? I feel like every time there's a celebrity that goes into the jungle, they always do a post being like, we saw these amazing leopards and like, did you do that? I did, because I...

I just feel like every celebrity has to pretend like, yeah, like I was in there for this, but also the amazing leopards and the tigers. It's like when your friend goes away for like a month and like, yes, I lived in London for a month. Yeah. It's like, yeah, I lived in South Africa for like a month. In my defense, I took the kids on a safari and they saw actually, there was two cheetahs who just killed an antelope Oh my god, and the thing was like so speaking the local language And this thing was so mangled it was so mangled and the kids were like my kids are

Five and four and I was like, it's just sleeping. And then these two cheaters are gnawing at it. And they're like, make it stop. And I was like. Oh my God. It's a jungle massage. Yeah. Did see a couple of zebra. A few giraffe.

Yeah. It's a lot of cool. I feel like we sometimes try to get a bit of a read on our guests. Maybe. Never. You'll never know me. You will never, you can try, you can try, but you'll never know me. Did you ever get suspended from school?

Yes. Okay. Okay. But I will say this, it was an in-school suspension. Oh, that's lame. Yeah, I know, I know. But it's actually really smart. Cause if you get suspended,

you're just at home with all your things. That's the best. But the in-school suspension, you just had to sit outside the office for five days. Yeah, I did that. It's like medieval times being on show. You're like, yeah. You're in one of those things too. Yeah. It comes over your head.

Or like a Hannibal Leptomast. You just willy around in like a dolly trolley. In a dolly trolley. Yeah. And I got it for smoking cigs in the toilet. Cig? Yeah. At least this is for a goods in the toilet. Cig? Yeah. At least it's for a good reason.

I know. Which is funny. It'd be funny if someone put a cig through the Hannibal leptomar. Yeah. Quick. Stop me. Give her a hit.

What was your thinking behind smoking cigarettes in the toilet? Just actually liked cigarettes. And you liked it? Yeah. My thinking was like, I like to do this, and I'm going to do this. Was it the little lunch or the big lunch?

It might have even been like during class. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of funny because it's not even like, oh, this naughty thing we're planning to do. I'm like just actually stressed out from class and need to have my little seat. This algebra is too much. Yeah, I'm like genuinely stressed out from class and need to have my little seat. This algebra is too much! Yeah, I'm like genuinely stressed out. I'm addicted to students.

But then how did you get caught? I was dobed on. Who dobed? I actually can't remember. Bridget. Yeah. Beep. It was just like...

We might count that one out. I honestly didn't think you would have been that type of person. Yeah, I was. We don't think you were judged for smoking. It was more just that's the only time you were suspended. I think so. There were other times where it was like threatened or whatever. But yeah, I was like I wouldn't say I was a naughty kid,

but I did get swept up in the moment. Yeah. Who was the disciplinary one at the time? Who were you afraid of? I have divorced parents. Thank you for actually bringing that up. naughty kid, but I did get swept up in the moment. Yeah. Who was the disciplinary one at the time? Who? Well, I have divorced parents. Thank you for actually bringing that up. OK. Oh, this is awkward now. Yeah, I guess. I guess my fractured home life kind of contributed to that. So you're smoking? To my smoking, yeah. It's like.

Yeah. But disciplinary, I don't know. I guess both my parents were disciplinarian in a way, but there is something about them being separated where you never truly have to answer to anyone too much. You can always, stories can be, you can kind of play parents off. Play off each other, yeah. Yeah, like if I was ever in trouble,

I could always just gossip about dad to mom. Oh, smart. You know, like she could be like, Get her she's like, where's, why haven't you done your homework? I'm like, I don't know, but do you know what dad said the other day? He said, this is a really weird thing. And she's interested. So I could always, which I think kind of is bad. Like I do think I gossip a lot now because I grew up being able to, yeah. Yeah. Dad's got a new girlfriend.

Yeah. Yeah. Quickly change. They'll always be a bit interested in a tidbit of the other. I'll blame having an older sister for my love gossip. Yeah. I'm like, guess, guess what, Ash? You do love a bit of gossip. There's always something, you know how evolutionary things always get people out of bad behavior?

Like, I don't know, you'll hear something like, well, gossip was actually an evolutionary tool. Because it was the collation of, you know, information about the mob and the tribe and you were just trying to like survive. And it's like, no, you're just a piece of shit. But you can like use these things like, oh, it's actually about survival. It's because I'm a woman and gossip's my only tool in the tribe. And before they had- You know about tribes, if you've been in Africa. Pigeons that delivered things,

they just gossiped its way, like Chinese whispers it way to the next person, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, let's get back on track, sorry. Okay, sorry, I am a mother, let's get more into that. Yeah, so your son is currently with your sister. Yeah, my sister Hannah, who's 22,

and she's awesome, but yeah, we drove here and the windscreen wipers were on the whole time and she just didn't notice. Oh fuck. Like she just, yeah, she's kind of, she's awesome. But like thing, she just doesn't, yeah, she's not aware of what's going on. There's quite an age difference between you and her. Like, not to point that out, sorry, but she's quite young. And Ash, and I'm quite old. Is this, is this, no, no, no, I'm older than you. Is this going back to the divorced parents?

Is this? Yeah, second family. Ash, stop. I'm sorry! Just relatively? Two halfies, yeah. That's enough of that? That's enough questioning from me.

I just wanna get the whole picture. I'm feeling it. Okay, what else do you wanna know? I'm sorry for Ash. That's okay. That's all right. He's a... All right, I get it. Take it away, keep going. I was sorry for Ash. It's okay. That's all right. He's a... I get it.

Take it away, keep going. I was gonna say, okay, so one... Ask about the parents, the divorced parents. Keep thinking. How divorced were they? I wanna know about Chris. My boyfriend? Yes.

Okay, what do you wanna know? Your boy. Yeah. Where did you meet? We met at a party through a friend. Yeah. What do you want to know? Your boy. Yeah. Where did you meet? We met at a party through a friend. Um, yeah. What sort of party? It was, he was having a party at his house. He was having the party. Yeah. You just said a party, not his party.

It was his party. And I was with some friends. Um, actually the boys from the Batuta advocate and my friend, lovely boys, my friend, my friend Dixie and Raph, who used to be the meeting tree. I don't know if you ever knew. They were just like some musicians around the place. And we were all just out and then, yeah, my friend Dixie knew Chris and he was having a party. And I just arrived and love it first sight. Was it? Was that when you first said I was on Chris? What did you, maybe. Said I don't know. On Chris, what did you think?

He's just really hot. It's a bit of a power play. It was mostly that. It's a power play as well. It's his house, his party. Yeah. He's got the upper hand. Do you reckon?

I kind of think arriving to the party is a bit of upper hand. I think hosting a party in a very weak position. Really? A little bit. Cause you're worrying about how the party's going to go. Yeah. Your toilets being...

People taking big dumps. Who's just got a party that's making shit? I don't know. People are doing it. You walked out and you like took a big shit in there. Hey, Chris, how are you? I'm good. I'm in control.

I have the other hand. Don't go in there. You kind of think like, oh, it's my party. I've got a pick of the birds. But then it's like... Look, that is true. That is true. I think you could make a case either way. Yeah.

I think there is a vulnerability in having a party, because like if it's a failure, that's embarrassing. And people are kind of using your house just however they want. Shitting in it. And you're the one that has to be like, guys, can you not put that there? Careful with the glassware. Yeah, that has to be like, guys, can you not put that there? Like if I just... Careful with the glassware. Yeah, you have to be a bit of a sort of, what's the word, anal, anal attentive. Yeah, I'd be, I can't do, I can't host events.

Because I'm just, yeah, she's too anxious and you're worried about who's talking to who and who's having a good time. And like, I'm just out of my mind the whole time. But was it one of those situations where you guys kind of met and then spent every day with each other? Is that how it played out? Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Yeah, it was cool. Beautiful. When was it, how long ago was that?

I guess six years ago. Okay. Six and a bit years ago. You've been together for six years and you've got a one year old coming up to one year old. We have a one, yeah. Wow. Coming up to one which is full on. Who was spearheading the conversation

about starting a family? Me. Yeah, isn't it mostly the woman? I feel like men don't. to one which is full on. Who was spearheading the conversation about starting a family? Me. Yeah. Isn't it mostly the woman? I feel like men don't- That's a good question. Men don't know that they want it until it happens.

That's, yeah. Like he was very, like he was like, yeah, it'd be cool. And then I sort of pushed it down the track. And then even like when I was pregnant, like he was obviously excited and everything, but it felt like he went, but I made all the decisions about what pram we're getting. I could really barely get him, but I do feel like yet he didn't care about all of that stuff or maybe couldn't conceptualize it. And then as soon as the baby was in front of him, it was like, which you guys probably remember

that feeling of like, can't really conceptualize. And then it's there and he just could not stop crying. Really? Really? And he's not a crier at all. He was crying so much. Our baby had to go to NICU for a few days because he inhaled a lot of liquid. A lot of tears, yeah.

His dad's tears. And he was okay. He was stable and everything. He was really just there for monitoring. And my boyfriend cried so much that the nurse in NICU was like, hey man, are you okay? It's like the place where the most crying happens. He still was crying more than anyone. Was it a nice cry or was it? Yeah, he just could not believe. A happiness cry.

Happiness. Like, he was crying. He was crying. He was crying he still was crying more than anyone. Was it a nice cry or was it? Yeah, like he just could not believe. A happiness cry. Happiness, like absolutely overwhelmed by the love. And ever since then has been so much more involved than any, like, you know, we can talk for so long about like,

oh, I think we should buy this type of food and I think this and he looked like his poo was, like he just went from being Yeah, I couldn't get him really interested to yeah, that's all we talk about. He's obsessed. That's the dream though, right? You would want that as opposed to You being like, can you please just change an appie? Yeah. No, he's the best dad. He's awesome Where do you think that reluctance came from? Is it just I just think I don't know I mean, I think it's kind of a cultural thing. Like people are very anti-natalist.

You know, like, I do think there's a bit of anti-baby sentiment in the air. And I don't know what came first. I'm like, is it because it's harder for people to, is it the breakdown of society where it's like, people aren't earning enough money to have a baby or like they're not, you know, it's harder to meet a life partner and so you just kind of take on this attitude of like babies. I don't know, I do feel like there's a bit of that. I think it's a bit of a, there's two sides, there's one side of people being like it is amazing, like it's life-changing, I have purpose,

and the other side where it's like, rule my life. I can't do anything anymore. But like both, like every day I'm like, this is fucked. And then I'm in the same day, I've never smiled more in my life. Like it's just, the joy is crazy, but it's every day I'm like, what have I done? It's a roller coaster, hey. It is. You know, we were talking about this before where it's like, like you can't

truly love something all the time. No. A hundred percent. You're like, you're like, oh, this is amazing. And then you're like, then they like smash a glass off the thing. And you're like, yeah, totally. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Put your shoes over the tent. Yeah, totally. Absolutely. But it's such an exercise and like, like I had a friend the other day who doesn't want kids and he was talking about how he took all day to make a sandwich.

And I was, I had just had no sleep and it was just so like, just to get to this place where we were going, heading up for a gig. It was just so much, I was like, baby. And I'm like struggling, hunched over over zips, like just your whole day. It's so hard. And he said, like, he was describing making this sandwich all day. And then he kind of was like, oh, sorry, because he knows how hard it, my day is.

But in my mind, I'm like, no, don't be sorry. Like I'm, I love, even though it's, I was complaining. I love doing this for my son. And like I get to see him like I saw him see a rainbow for the first time. And it's like the it's all worth it. Yeah. It's like watch my son see a rainbow for the first time. And that euphoric moment or make a sandwich all day. You're like, yeah, yeah. It's a trade off.

What sort of sandwich was it? Yeah, I'd sound pretty good, actually. But yeah, it is. It's a good trade off. What sort of sandwich was it? It sounded pretty good actually. But yeah, it's a funny, it's, yeah, I guess it's also designed perfectly, like, because before you do it, you just don't know how good it is. Yeah. So like people who haven't done it or don't want to do it, they'll never feel that. So it's kind of good. You don't know what you don't know.

Yeah, you don't know what you don't know. But it, they'll never feel that. So it's kind of good. You don't know what you don't know? Yeah, you don't know what you don't know. But yeah, it is fucked. Was it? As soon as that lovely moment over there, it's fucked. Was it easy to fall pregnant? Like not as easy as I assumed. Maybe I think we tried for like five months. Oh wow.

So yeah, like I thought it would be boom, but five months. It's not as long. I know like other people have it much. I think it was just boom. Yeah. Well you spend your 20s trying not to get pregnant. Exactly. And then when you try and get pregnant you're like, oh wow, this is actually... Yeah, I've had a lot of cum in me. Why is this not taking? They always made it out like it like just one of them was gonna be like, zzzzz. And I'm like, well, millions. It's sort of like if you throw enough shit at the wall, something's gonna stick, right?

That's what cum is. I'm imagining Becky just like covered in like, cum, poop-harchy. You sicko. Something's gonna stick, anything. And Chris is there like, I've got nothing else. Depleted. Totally.

Like Matt from the jungle. When Chris found out, was he on board or? Yeah, like immediately was really happy. But I just think before then didn't have the drive that I did. Like wasn't as alongside me as I would have wanted. But I just, I don't know whether it was hormonal or whatever, but I was like, it's happening. And I just knew he'd love it once he did it. Yeah.

Was it an easy pregnancy? It was physically, but we had a pretty hectic time at my 17 week scan. Oh, it was actually it was earlier. I might maybe had an earlier scan at like 14 weeks. So I'm really bad at talking. Seriously, I feel it's a it's a it's a new skill to like talk earnestly, like, especially as a comedian, you just always want

to get laughs. So you're like, how they accept me. So to speak, to speak, One second you're talking about being covered in cum. Exactly. And then you laugh and I'm like, okay, everything's all good. And now I have to be earnest. And no, so at my 14 week scan, the lady sort of couldn't see all of the heart, but she didn't seem worried. She was like, oh, it's just really small and he's in a weird position.

So he'd come back in a few weeks. So I didn't think anything of it. The GP was like, that's normal. So I went back at 17 weeks, like happy as Larry, everything up until then had been perfect, perfect, perfect. So I just never thought anything of it. And then she was doing the scan and this lady wasn't saying anything. And I was like, can you see what you're looking for? And she said, oh, I think I can. I'm just going to get the obstetrician to talk to you. And so then it was just like, like the worst feeling of, I actually haven't talked

about this for ages, but, and so then I got put into a little room for 15 minutes by myself and the obstetrician walked in and just pushed the tissues towards me. You're kidding. Yeah and she said it's not good news and I started crying and she basically started describing what it was but never kind of got into like you just want information like I was like so does this what does this Like am I, so we have to terminate it or whatever. And she said, we just don't know. She's actually quite strange as an obstetrician, like this lady, she, because when I was crying, she goes, oh my God, she goes, this is actually

the worst part of my job. I was like, okay. Sometimes the interpersonal skills of people who work in medicine. Yeah. And I was like, okay, sorry. Why don't we do the best part of your job instead? Yeah. So she was like, he has this thing called, well, I suspect he has this thing called Tetralogy of Fallow.

And it's, I know it's called Tetralogy of Fallow. How they came up with the names for these things. I know, I wish it was more simple because no one can remember it. Yeah, it's quite a unique name. It sounds like a JR Tolkien novel or something. But it's like there's four things that have gone wrong with the heart. So they only need to correct two,

and that's the hole and there's the valve. But the thing is it can be a sign of other abnormalities. So I didn't know whether I was gonna have, he had had genetic abnormalities and we would have to terminate at like 20 weeks, which would have been so horrible. Anyway, so we went in at 20 weeks and had everything done and they were like, no, he's actually completely healthy and normal except for this thing. And they said, it was actually funny because a lot of like I got a lot of comfort from the women who were like, it's okay, darling, everything's gonna be fine. We have so many kids who come in with this gets fixed. And

and I liked that kind of caring feminine reassurance. Whereas my boyfriend who's half Chinese doesn't like all of that airy fairy talk. And he loved the doctor because the doctor was this Chinese guy, this little guy called Dr. Gouy. And he just looked at it and he said, we can fix, we can fix. And he's like, it's fine. I fix all the time. It's fine. I'm not going to fully do the accent. And like my boyfriend, like enjoyed a Chinese man who knows what he's talking about, like assuring us of.

And so, yeah, it. At least you had both ends of the spectrum. Like you had the soft touch of the female doctors. You had like the firmness of the Chinese doctors. Totally. Everyone's covered. Yeah, and so they do. It's kind of their bread and butter surgery.

There's literally today would be two, three kids right now at Westmead getting it done. Wow. It's like something that they'd fix a lot, but it is something that... So to fix? To fix, it's open heart surgery. On a baby.

Yeah, sorry, a baby, not a child. And so this is all happened, like, so... This is before I've had the baby, so... Yeah, okay. They're all very confident, and like, we fix it all the time, and they make me feel like, you know, back to the pregnancy, just... You just carry on. You know, he's healthy, and like and like we fix it all the time and they make me feel like, you know, back to the pregnancy. Just, you know, he's healthy and like, we'll fix it.

And these are all the steps. But, you know, I'm reading things online and there's a big spectrum and there's people who've had a really terrible time with it. But I also think you have to remember when you're reading stuff online, the sort of person who posts in online forums is a very anxious person usually. Do you know what I mean? Like, so yeah. online, the sort of person who posts in online forums is a very anxious person, usually. Do you know what I mean? Like, so yeah.

Anyway, so I just tried to be positive and stuff. And then I had the baby and it's suddenly like, oh, they're going to do this to my baby. And so that then became like, I had been quite positive and like, it's fixable, blah, blah, blah. And then suddenly it was like but what if it's not and what if something goes wrong and then I had this little baby. How long until they have the surgery? So they didn't know so and the heart kind of takes a little while to settle when the baby's born like there's a few little valves and stuff that open and shut just in general.

So they just had to see how it all settled and then keep an eye on it. And then they would decide based on how much oxygen he's getting and everything. So when he was born, they said probably around six months. We had a surprise hospital visit. They can go blue. They go blue when the valve gets constricted

and it can happen like if they're having a big crying fit or whatever. So that just added because they cry. Yeah. So when he would cry like normal people are freaking out, but I'm freaking out because I'm worried he's going to go blue. So like all of my anxieties were just so heightened. But then I also had a really normal experience like whenever I talked to other mums we were dealing with the same, but I just had such an extra worry. And then we had a hospital stay that was unexpected. He had a blue spell during one of his checkups. And then it was suddenly like we were getting rushed to Westmead Hospital. And we were there for a week and I don't know if you've ever been on a ward with a child. It's just like I had

a little, you have to put them to sleep and there's six other babies screaming and then it's a nightmare. And then the nurses come in. So you just, I just get him to sleep and then the nurse would come in and like take his blood pressure and he'd wake up screaming and I'd get him settled and another baby would wake up screaming and I just didn't sleep for the entire, I felt like I was in hell. There was baby would wake up screaming and I just didn't sleep the entire... I felt like I was in hell. There was a woman next to me and her little girl, Hafsa, she had a little girl and she was coming down off... she'd just had heart surgery and she was recovering and she was in delirium. So her little girl screamed for like 23 hours of 24 hours. They couldn't do anything.

And then they... and then there's like hell of a... Yeah, and that actually happened to my son as well. I've never heard, I've never heard, never heard of that. Yeah, well, that's a good thing. Yeah, it's like, I get like the delirium, like for them to scream, do they explain what, like why they scream so much? Or are they just so delirious?

Well, not all of them get screaming delirium. My son went cross-eyed, which was actually, I'm laughing now, but it was hilarious. Like it was fucked. I was so upset. Because no one knew what was going on either. They were like, hmm, we don't really know why he's doing that.

We can do a brain scan tomorrow. And I'm like, please don't talk about the brain. Just on the heart, don't tell me how to know. I know, because the whole tomorrow. I'm like, please don't talk about that. We've just done the heart. I know, because the whole time it's been like, you know, with the brain, that's very scary. It so seems so unknown. But with the heart, like, even though it's horrific, it's a pump, like it's mechanical.

They can fix it. Like my midwife would always say like, he's got a plumbing issue, but we can fix it. Yeah. And that kind of calmed me down. Is there, and this is like a confronting question, so apologies to the answers, but you know, you think all the feedback you're getting

from the medical staff is that this is fixable. And this is not something that we haven't dealt with before. We have experience here, but at the same time, open heart surgery is full on. And so in your head, are you also trying to manage expectations of like, I want it to go well, but things might not work out. I know.

Where's your head at leading into that five months? I was just so mental. Cause yeah, it's like, I, how do you love? I like loved this thing that I felt also like he could be taken from me and like they would talk about, you know, they have to tell you what they're going to do in the surgery. And like, I never wanted to be talk about, you know, they have to tell you what they're gonna do in the surgery. And like, I never wanted to be told, but you know, they have to break his sternum and his blood is outside

of his body. He's, they stop his heart. As a five month old. As a five month old like this. And he was, you know, I know everyone thinks their baby's special, but like he just is so full of life and so happy and like I couldn't yeah that was it was very tough because I felt like I had to confront his death all the time like I just felt like every day I

had to think like every time he smiled or did something I was like but you might die and it almost made me scared of him. Like, like I was scared of his weakness. And I also think other people were, were a little bit too, because we always, it's like when people talked about him, they always said like, look how strong he is, look how big and tough he is. And it was almost like, are we saying this because to love him being weak, it's like, can we not love him as a weak baby? Like he has to show how strong he is in every other way. Do you know what I mean? And I compensate like how like, yeah, exactly. For you to be like, well, it's like, it's everything's okay when it's like, it's, it's not. And even like when he was recovering

from the open heart surgery, he didn't recover as quickly as they had predicted. He actually caught COVID somehow during the operation or just after. And yeah, so he was under sedation for longer and it was a scary time. But the doctors and the nurses were like, it's okay. He's recovering. Like he's taking his time and he's recovering at the pace he needs to. He doesn't have to recover perfectly. Do you know?

And like everyone recovers from that includes a five month old baby. Totally. And I think, yeah, we had had this whole narrative of like, oh, he's so tough. He's going to kick surgery in the balls. And like, it's actually, it's actually okay that he didn't and he's still lovable. Um, so yeah, it was a very tough time. Like I was, it was weird because yeah, in so many ways I had a, you know, he was a normal baby and, but I just could not enjoy it in the same way. And I like, really it feels like life has started now.

So the lead up to the surgery, not knowing when it's going to happen, I suppose they said six months. Yes, but then we did lock it in. Okay. So after that hospital stay, the surgeon was like, let's just lock it in, we'll do it. And the lead up is just, I mean, I lost my mind. I was just, like, I would walk around crying, weeping in public. Like, I don't know, I just, it was just so sad. Sorry, I'm going to cry now. No, it's okay. No, I don't know, I just, it was just so sad. Sorry, I'm going to cry now. No, okay. No.

It's so funny that I was talking about being, having cum. But yeah, it's like, it's, oh my god, so embarrassing. Don't be embarrassed at all. I mean, yeah, obviously it's a sad topic, but he's really good now. Like he's really strong. He's actually already lifting. Oh good. He's on trend so that's fine.

Other than you waiting for surgery or is it normal? Like everything is completely normal? Well they tell me like this, they're like yeah he can do everything. He needs a checkup every year though, for the rest of his life. Okay. And he will need, when he's older, like when he goes through puberty, they will need to put another valve in. That's the main thing.

But the surgeon seems to think that they won't have to do open heart again, that they can do most of these things via catheter. So I'll always worry. Like I'll just always freak out. And he's so active. And sometimes I'm like, just chill. Just chill out. Don't get your heart rate up too high. Yeah, like I just want him to be a ballet dancer or something.

I want him to be athletic, but like not contact sport. Yeah. And I'm just scared that he's going to want to play rugby. And because there's a famous, you know, Sean White, the Olympic snowboarder, he has tetralogy of fallow. Really? Yeah. So he needed like three open heart surgeries before the age of five or something.

And he's like flying in the air like 20 feet out of a hard part. Yeah. And like he, you know, did football and like, they can definitely do apparently, whatever the other kid does. And you're like, I will not tell George that. I'm like, sorry, George. I know. Is he reading?

Yeah. I'm like, you're going to just live with mommy for a while. What's it like, you know, when you go through that traumatic experience as a parent and you come out the other end, and we spoke before about the fact that parenting is amazing, but those amazing moments are matched with moments where it's exhausting, it's relentless. Yeah.

It's so bloody hard. Do you ever get guilt? Yes. Where you're like, you're like, I, you know, I thought I might lose you. Yeah. And you're pissing me off. Yeah. Yeah, totally. And then, and then that's even harder because I'm like, I'm not even allowed to have the normal experience of being pissed off at your kids. Yeah. It does feel like I was it almost the different ways in which I feel I've been robbed emerge.

Like I don't even I wasn't even prepared like he's he's not a great sleeper but only because we are you know for the first six months of his life. They said don't let him cry too much because he might go blue and lose oxygen. And then he has his heart fixed and they're like, yep, he's good, his heart's like fixed. You can let him scream his head off, but that's a very hard thing for us to do. We don't want to do that. So because of that, he just runs rings around us.

Like we just do whatever he wants. Like, yeah, which, you know, probably isn't good for him. Like I know that I need to teach him to sleep and that will require me like dealing with my own anxiety around his health for his own sake. But that's just really hard to do. And yeah, I just feel angry sometimes that I can't even do, I can't do that. Like,

but yeah, I don't know. What does the sleep routine look like for you guys? Just he does what he wants. We kind of cater to that. Yeah, no, we try to, you know, he has his stories and, and he's toys and stuff. We're slowly getting him to learn to fall asleep without the boob. But I fed to sleep just for every. Yeah, it's easy. And I'm like, he's been through so much. I'll give him some titty.

Yeah, give him the boob. And they love it. It's like, who am I to take it from him? And you can always find someone to justify it. But I think every parent, we have another friend who's got a baby that doesn't sleep. Yeah. And the dad is like, I just can't. If the baby's sleeping, like, I've just got to go in there.

And you know that you're doing a disservice to the baby. But you're like, you know, I used to rock Marley to sleep. Yeah. Every single nap she had and then transition into a cot. Like we were, we gave her like a life of pure luxury. Yeah. And so then when it was time for her to like fend for herself, she was like, yeah, you've you've held my hand every step of the way and now you're going to let go.

Yeah. The transition is like, it's like handling an explosive. You're like. And you start hating any sound. Like the bark, the bark. I'm like, if I had a gun, I would have shot a bunch of dogs. Like, boom, shut up, it's nap time. Or like someone's doing repairs in the building.

I'm like, oh, your plumbing just had to be fixed today. I get a call from my evil when like my daughter or like mainly my daughter was having a nap and it would be like the neighbor hated this I reckon she just drilled on purpose and I'd get a call and she'd be like I'm gonna go over there I'm like go on yeah go on she's like you go over there. It gets so psycho I was laughing the other day I mean I'm still in it like but with my family we went to visit my family over Christmas. And I was inside having a nap with George, just got him to sleep. He was in a really good nap.

And there was a freak. Do you know what a whirly whirly is? No. It's like a mini tornado. Yeah. Yeah. A freak whirly whirly whipped through my parents. Ling room? No, backyard. Oh, what? Seriously.

And it lifted all the lawn furniture in the air and a big umbrella and my step-mom tried to grab it and she got lifted in the air. Oh my god! And it was- And you're like, can you keep it down? Seriously, she nearly died. Everyone's screaming and I'm in the room and I come out and I'm like, he just got to sleep! It's like so...

She's been impaled by the umbrella and you're like, keep it down! Seriously. It's funny how psychotic you get. I know that it's so precious, especially like a nap. The nap during the day sets you up for what your night's going to be like. Well, the fucking you think it does and it's like, does it? It does once.

Yeah, it does once and you're like, we have to get on the schedule. Do it again. Do it again. And then there's just like one noise and you're like, for God's sake, shut that fucking dog up. Yeah, and you just have no control over anything that you think if you can control nap time and wake windows and stuff. But my parents were over the other day and both kids had been like didn't go up all day.

It was like a really big day for them. My parents came in the late afternoon so they're excited again. My parents are there and then they go off to sleep. My dad's such a dick on death. I reckon he's such a loud talk. Oh yeah. Every five minutes I'm like shut up. And he's like we're here to visit you. I'm like, I wish you fucking did it. I know. Now they're awake again.

Fuck. Just a nightmare. It's like they punish you, the parents. Yeah. They like seeing us in turmoil. Oh, for sure. For sure. I mean, they're like, we've done it.

Now you've got to do it. And they think we're insane. Like, I think they just put us down when we were tired. And they just didn't follow all this stuff. Whereas we're like, we actually need five hours before bedtime in order to get the sleep pressure. As a routine. We sound crazy.

Everyone thinks sleep. Everyone think about being asleep. Yeah. And then we'll start the process. Are they looking at Chris and being like, wow, he's such a great father. He's so hands on. Yeah, I guess so.

I think there's a bit of that. There's a reluctant yes. I don't know what they're thinking. I think I'm such a psycho that they're mostly focused on my mental. He's here too. Yeah, I'm still mental, I reckon, if you can't tell. I think like all of mine... I haven't picked up on any of it.

You've just come out of the jungle, so you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yeah, what do you think? I think I'm coming off the back of April being mental for so many years. And it's completely, I feel like it's so normal to be like, we're all so hypersensitive in that moment. You're way in the absolute thick of it. The title's got nothing on that. You remember that.

You're like. Oh yeah, people who are in, the first two years are amazing, amazing, but they're also, it's also hell. Yeah, it's like we also, we joke a lot as like, I don't remember, we don't remember. Oh yeah, you forget all about that. You forget all about this. Totally. Until you have another one.. Oh yeah, you forget all about that. You forget all about this.

Totally. Until you have another one. Yeah. And then you forget all about it all over again. Yeah, and also it's like, but I love it. I'm in hell, but I love it. And it's hard to explain that. It becomes this weird hobby you have.

Producer Jess is like trying to understand. Yeah. You don't get it. No. Well, it doesn't, to non--parents when you're like, it's hell, but I've like, but I'm over climatized to it. Yeah. And I'm used to it and I've got a comfy seat. Yeah.

It becomes your like, it becomes like your whole hobby, your whole life. Yeah. And that you're like, I actually don't, can't see it any other way anymore. I know. And I feel like it's like you you're passing on like not having kids for me felt a bit like refusing to have your turn in Tiggy. You know, like the kid that gets. No I'm not. Yeah, no I'm not playing anymore actually. Like I'm like, I've come down an ancestral line of like, you know, I've got a pretty interesting family, like we all do, but like my dad's family,

his mom was Aboriginal, his dad was Russian. Like my, you know, it's just hectic. Like- That's the smorgasbord. Yeah, and it's just like women for so long have just been like squatting out kids in absurd circumstances, so difficult. And it's just so funny for me to be in my bed ordering Uber eats.

Like, no, I don't think I can do it. And then in the instructions, she's like, don't knock, just leave the door. Don't look me in the eyes. I know, like my grandfather's Indigenous and he was one of 14. Yeah. How the fuck did his mum do 14 kids? I know, I know. And we've got like two and we're like, don't wake them up.

Yeah, exactly. And it just felt like it's my turn and I just had to do it. I don't know. How are you finding doing it in regards to work? Uh, it's in some ways it's really good because I used to be so neurotic about putting, you know, like, I'm going to try this new joke and I get really down if it didn't work or whatever. And now it's like, fuck it. Like I'm quite to try this new joke and I get really down if it didn't work or whatever. And now it's like, fuck it.

Like, I'm quite free of mind. Like I go, I'm doing bedtime, dinnertime, it's bath. And then I have to get in a Uber and go to a gig and I just have to try it. And I think that kind of I don't give a fuck attitude is like helpful. Yeah. Has your material changed a little? It has, yeah. But then you also have a lot of time to think about stuff.

Like I'm lying there with this during nap time and you have like time to be a bit, you know, I can write. The things that you didn't maybe like, you might just be walking down the street with your baby and you're like, okay. And then you get home and you're like, okay, I'm waiting for the baby to wake up in a way. I'm observing things that happen differently now. Yeah. And you're also just rooted in, you know, humanity a bit more. Like when I talk to Uber drivers now, it's like, we're both like, I love my kid. He's like, I fucking love my kid.

And it's like you're, or the other day I was at the airport in Coughs Harbor and I saw this mum and it was so cute. Her little, her girl was coming to Sydney and she had her little Sydney outfit on. Like, you know, little R.M. Williams boots and she had a little backpack. She'd gone to North Sydney. Yeah, definitely. She's so excited and the mum, you know,

you could see her saying goodbye to her. And it's like, you know, and I really felt that like, oh my God, they grow up and then they leave. And I just might not have ever observed that before. And understood it's like, you my God, they grow up and then they leave. And I just might not have ever observed that before. And I understood it's like you, you see what roots people to or like binds them to the earth, like why they work, why they do all these things. Like you do it. No greater purpose.

Yeah. And you just love it. And it's fun to show a new human being how to enjoy the world. Like, I just think about my son's, the experiences he will have in his life. Like just even, I don't know, waking up on a nice morning and smelling like a nice smell. And I think about him doing that, it makes me happy. I just, yeah.

Like you saw the rainbow for the first time. Yeah, just new things. Like trying to get on their level too with seeing something for the first time. Like as adults when we see something for the first time, I'm like, fucking look at that. Can you imagine like? Everything. Everything all the time.

It's like dropping acid all day. And then we're like, go to sleep, go to sleep, why the fuck weren't you asleep? I just want to see more shit. You just showed me a fucking rainbow and you can like go to sleep now. Talking about unicorns. I don't want to miss out on anything. Yeah. Is it hard to work at the same pace?

Like at the moment Adelaide Fringe is on speaking to other comedians and they'll do like consecutive shows like 10, 15, 20 shows back to back. Yeah and you're probably talking to the men doing it as well, which is very different. Like I don't actually, not be like, I'm the only, cause I'm not, but I don't know many women who've, I'm still breastfeeding and stuff. I don't really know women who've gone back to it in this way. And I'm actually a bit nervous to be honest. Like I,

I am excited to do the show and I hope that it's good and people like it, but I'm really scared to do it. Ben, you can't, like when I've done Adelaide in Melbourne, you know, you do your show and then you go home and you think about what worked and didn't work and you can really like put that time into it. And I just can't, I mean, I can. I'll have to find different ways to do it.

You gotta keep my little human life. Exactly, it's just that there will be balancing and I hope that's okay. You're taking, obviously. Yeah. So luckily Chris has been able to take time off work so I can tour and stuff. Wow. Okay. Yeah.

Cool. Yeah. I know, crazily, I'm the breadwinner and I'm a comedian. It's like not... It's not normal. I remember when I realised I needed money to take. Yeah, it's a really crazy. But I realized I was at the now salon

and this rich woman was talking to me. And I said, oh yeah, I'm thinking about having a baby. We started talking and she said, oh, what do you do? And I said, I'm a comedian. And she went, oh. And then she said, what, what do you do? And I said, I'm a comedian. And she went, Oh, and then she said, what is your partner do? And I said, he's a social worker. And she went, Oh,

like she could not hide her disdain. Thought about real estate or something. Yeah. I like you're working in like, I don't know, like as a in an abattoir or like killing animals. I mean, I entertain people. I was like, yeah, but an abattoir or like killing animals. I mean, I entertain people. I was like, yeah, but an abattoir. It's disgusting.

Yeah. An abattoir at least has a regular paycheck. Yeah. Yeah. You just say you're a frustration out on a dead animal. Well, I think the work is admirable. Yeah. Yeah, I'm on your side.

No, I don't think she meant it was not admirable. I think she was just like, what are you going to do for money? You have a it's not a real thing to do. And she's not wrong. Yeah, you're proving her. Proving her wrong. That's true. That's true. I have done well.

And if people just want to keep buying tickets, that would be really good. We'll put some information in the show notes. We definitely will. Yeah, please. Are there any lies that you tell George? I mean, he's only he's only just a year old. No, so we're too early for lies. Yeah. You can lie to him. I guess I lie.

What would I lie to him about? Oh, I don't know. I guess you lie when you're pretending to not be like suffering. Like, you know, when you're so tired and you're like, yeah, that's true. Cool, like let's just get a coffee and start the day. And we're like, okay, baby. I'm fine. Okay, baby.

Like yeah, but you just want to scream. George is like, my mom's pretty tired. Yeah. She seems happy but looks tired. I'm trying to, like for me, my youngest Lola is now four. And I'm trying to remember what life was like with a one year old. What are they obsessed with at the moment?

He's- Boob. He does love the boob, but he's, you know, less and less. He's kind of getting over it. He gets older and it comes back. Yeah, true. And I was thinking that, I'm like, do you know you have a gay son

if when you're trying to wean them, they're like, yeah, cool beans. I'm like fine to never have this again. Yeah, but he's like really he's just gotten into animal sounds. So he's like trying to do moo and he's just like the what like he's waking up in the middle of the night because he's learned something that day. Like he learned the word bird. They are. And he just woke up at 4am and he's going bird, bird, bird. I forget what it's like. He's into the cats. We have two cats. Like he chases them around, really wants to walk. Blowing kisses, peekaboo.

Peekaboo's huge. Yeah. Yeah, he's really cool. It's the best age. Like I'm... And it just gets, I wanna say, it gets better and better. I can imagine.

It's really fun. Like those, like I had like one, my eldest is like a real big talker. So he was talking really early, like Marley like talking so much. But then my youngest is still like, Macy's still one words. Yeah's three and it's so cute. I know.

And you're like, when they start making those cool noises and shit like that, you're like, fuck, this is epic. Yeah. And it's crazy that one day he's going to be like, yeah, so anyway, I was like, fuck it. I was like fucking her. Yeah, she was just like, yeah, loving it. And it's like at one point you were going, ba, ba, ba. And it's so cute.

Do you like that? All right, well, we don't need to. He was like, no, no. And we're going to change gears to something really sentimental. Sorry, sorry, sorry. My bad. So I'm just going to check my phone and make sure. The windscreen wipers still on? Yeah.

Well, two questions. Okay. I know that it's still early days, like you are still with a newborn. So it may be way too premature to ask this question, but will you go a second? I would love to. I feel like it'd be very healing to go through the process and hopefully not have something go, you know, the health thing or fucked if it happens again. No, it's not a genetic thing. It's just a freak accident. But I would love to. I just don't know

how. We don't have family in town. It feels like we're just handballing him back and forth. We have a nanny once a week. Daycare could be life changing. It is. I used to be like, no daycare. And now I'm like, what about daycare? No, it's honestly, I think like... I think we waited till Marley was like, definitely beyond 12 months.

Yeah. And then we put her in for a couple of days a week. And we just... Yeah. You don't know yourself. Yeah. I'm thinking 18 months, two days a week. Yeah.

But them two, we forget that it's like the stimulation that they get too. Yeah, he'd love it. It might be like, feel like, oh, I'm just off boarding it to someone else. But they have so much fun. Yeah, new toys and he does come alive with other people. Like he gets bored of me and then loves,

he'll be grizzly and then we go out and he's like waving at everyone. And they just do so much with them. Yeah. It's, you know, and there's other kids doing the same shit. So I think. I am thinking. Get it on now.

Let's get going now. Okay, yeah. The waiting lists in Sydney are pretty extreme. So we're just going to add to it. Totally. Yeah, I should. I think once I have a little and, you know, once he gets at the moment, we're just still definitely in the trenches of like.

Oh, totally. It's just physically hard. It is hard. Yeah. But I think you mentioned we handball. Yeah. And it's every couple's doing the same thing. Yeah.

We're like, you know, like you take him for now and give you some rest. It a lot of families going through all that. But when you, yeah, when you have to, it does become a bit more difficult, but then they sort of go together. I know. And you kind of need, like you need, you can't play a ball game without four people. You're right. Like I'm like, you kind of need two kids,

two adults for family holidays. You can play with three, but it's a bit shit. Can you? It's a bit shit. It is a bit shit. And the dynamic's wrong. It has to be two kids ganging up on the parents. Totally. Yeah.

It's even then. Yeah, I've got my nieces, she's an only child, and I ganging up on the parents. Totally. Yeah. It's even then. Yeah, I've got my nieces, she's an only child and I think there will be the case. So I'm just reluctant to. Oh no, I mean look, I am an only child technically. What's her name? Winnie. Thoughts and prayers with Winnie. Yeah.

You're free. No, no, I'm an only child technically. I didn't want to say anything. But I do have two half sisters. But you know, we didn't grow up together. So I very much identify as an only child. Yeah. My kids, like, they just bicker. Yeah.

We will caveat that previous conversation and say only children are great. Only children. No, they are. And they do the work to be fantastic. I think they are. There's a wink at the camera. I think they take on a lot. As an only child, you take on like, you're very aware of your parents'

dynamic, whereas when you have a sibling, you're in your own world. Yeah. And I do get sad sometimes because I think there is no one in the entire world who knows what it's like to have my mom. No one, you know, people can know her, but no one will know what it's like to be raised by her. Yeah. Whereas like now with half sisters, we can talk about my dad or whatever. And that is a novel experience to have other people being parented by my dad. Whereas, yeah.

Sorry Buster. Is that boring? Buster's like, where are you going with this? Is this just going to trail off or is it going to end in a... I don't know if the mics would have picked up, but Buster's like, where are you going with this? Is this just gonna trail off or is it gonna end in a? He's actually gonna hold audience. I don't know if the mics would have picked up a bust. He's like, oh. Yeah.

It's the equivalent of, anyway, I'm gonna get out of here. He's like, listen, Nick Cody was a lot more punchy than this. Oh, one more question that I have for you, Becky. When George is all grown up, he's no longer living at home. If that time does come, who knows? What is the one thing you would want him to remember about the house that he grew up in? Oh, I just want him to remember like comfort

and like nice moments, which his dad's really good at making. Like he really, he knows like Saturday morning, let's make pancakes and put nice music on. And like coziness is such a nice thing. And I also want him to feel understood. Like I want him to feel like, well, we've really listened to him. Um, and made the effort to like understand where he's coming from and his life. And yeah, I don't know. Like my parents can never remember my friend's names.

And I find that so frustrating. And it's like, I just want to remember everything about his life, even if he finds it overbearing. I want to be an overbearing mom. I do. I think it's nice. I've only spoken for an hour, but it sounds to me like you are a great mom and you have a great partner who's also a great dad.

So well done. Thank you. That's really nice. And thank you for spending some time with us. Loved it. I didn't know. I actually really love hanging out with you guys. Thank you. Any chat about Calm I'm All About?

I was a bit nervous. Like, yeah, it's weird walking into someone else's dynamic, but I think we've really got along, guys. I think just if you want to analyze how this went, pretty good. You can come back anytime you like. Stop saying come. Stop saying come. If you want to come, I think. Just if you want to analyse how this went, pretty good. You can come back any time you like. Stop saying come. Stop saying come. Come back.

Nick Cody was like, Matt's awake, can I come back? Yeah. I was like, okay. It's also so fun to have permission to speak freely about parenting. Because you know when you are at a party and there's people who aren't parents and then you are having a parenting chat

and someone, a non-parenting person comes over and you're so self-conscious about how boring you're being. It's like this podcast is really boring. For non-parents, yeah and you can see someone just like slowly retreating out. We've got a lot of non-parent listeners though. Oh really? Believe it or not. Some people are like, oh it's my favourite podcast, I don't even have kids. Oh man. They're so weird. You're weird.

We love you, don't we? Yeah, don't leave. They'll be so prepared. Thank you again. No, thanks a lot. And goodbye. And edit point. And scene.

Thank you Black. Thanks guys. Thank you. Matt, fun fact. Baked to black. Thanks guys. Thank you. Matt, fun fact, we've had two guests that have appeared on Conan now. On this podcast. Wait, wait, wait, don't tell me who the other person was. Who was it? It was... Oh...

Oh... Ah! I don't know who it is. Nick Cody. Nick Cody! Remember Nick Cody and Becky Lucas, which is great for Australian comedy. Both absolutely har- Harry?

Both absolutely hilarious. And if you found Becky hilarious and you think maybe I want to go see her stand up, we have great news. You can see her touring a new show. Things have changed but the essence remains. All around the country tickets can be found in the show notes. That that's an amazing name for a show I will just say that I like it's very deep yes mysterious now if you're listening get out there and support a new mom let it help her get back to work back on stage and if you've enjoyed this

episode help us stay at work you can review, give us a few stars, few comments on Spotify or Apple Podcasts or follow us on social media, TikTok, Instagram and Facebook. We have a group there as well. And if there's any guests that you would like us to interview, mums or dads, anyone you may find interesting or hilarious, let us know. Until next time.

Bye. Let us know. Until next time, bye.