Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #132 Daycare Contraband, Rollercoaster Bus And Lie Busting

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

Keeping the kids entertained is just another form of parent torture.  This week, the Wicks decided to spend "family day" at the big shops, but who needs a car when you can jump on the rollercoaster double-decker bus?  It could not have been more of a disaster.  Matty J. and Laura have gotten into a tiff about daycare contraband. Who do you think is in the right?  Parenting Lies has returned, and this week, Matty J shares an ingenious lie his mother, Ellie, told him growing up that he has only just discovered!  We also answer your questions:  Do you have any regrets about the name of your child? 2025 Raunchy Ranch Calendar IS STILL ON SALE!  https://budgysmuggler.com.au/products/two-doting-dads-raunchy-ranch  Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Uh, Matt, before we do get started, so we just wanted to thank you for some travel advice. What did I tell you? It was last year. On the way to Vegas, I had a conundrum. I had a thought and then you put my mind at ease and I forgot about it until I got back on the plane this year. What did I do? Well, why don't you start the episode on all.

Okay. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And if you come for advice, sorry, oops, wrong podcast. Not us. See ya.

No, actually stay. Advice, what am I? Advice, look, I... I'm just saying if you come for advice, not us. Anyway, what was the advice, Ash? Travel advice we do have. Yeah. Last year we went to Vegas together and I quite, I don't like flying because I'm uncomfortable

in a particular way. So back or just anxiety? What's the... Holding my farts in. Mate, if you're on a plane, fart away. Thank you. I took that advice this time, traveled so comfortably. Were they smelly? Oh yeah. It was like like I think one of them woke me up. I got on the plane next to these two lovely Americans and I was

like get ready and I just let I was honestly like 14 hour flight a breeze a breeze out of my butthole apparently apparently I don't know if there's any science behind this but you know when you have a bottle of water and you put the lid on when you're on the tarmac then you're in the air yeah and the bottles are like compressed yeah yeah your guts do that apparently that's what that is because I wee a lot when I'm in the air on a plane opposite I don't why barely wee like I did one wee on a plane. I'm the opposite. I barely wee. Like I did one wee on a 14-hour flight. Okay, you're not doing my

scientific fact here any favors? Well, it could be different. Okay, do you fart more on a plane? Oh, yeah. There you go. I think the human body knows when you're not in places you're not meant to fart. It's the cabin pressure. But like if I'm just at home and I'm in bed and I'm like, okay, I got away. And I was like, it's probably, you know, I could do a fart here and keep people happy. I don't need a fart. And then I get back into bed. It's like, I got a fart. That is the number one complaint that I get from Laura.

I hop in a bed and she goes, why do you have to fart when you get into bed? I go, I can't help it. This is where I needed to fart. I can't, I can't help it. This is where I needed to fart. I can't I can't help. You know, when I need to find I need to fart. If that happens and I'm just in bed and I pull the blankets up, I apologize. I was like, you were just in the bathroom. Anyway, I just just very, yeah, I wanted to just thank you for that.

You're welcome. You made the trip much more enjoyable. I was at one point I was like laying down because I had two spare seats and there was people around me and I just went. It is awkward when it really does smell. The best time to do it is during meal time because the meals are usually quite pungent. Yeah. Jinx. Hmm. Buy me a coke.

Thank you. I have a bad poker face and it is hard when you have to try and hide. The fart. No, when you farted and people are like, you can see someone else going, is that, smells a bit and you have to try and pretend like you don't, you're confused as well going, is that a fart? I think everyone's like probably sitting there being like, don't say anything, don't say anything. It is such a relief. It is such a relief.

Hey, did you notice anything at the front of my house yesterday, by the way, when you were you were visiting, did you notice anything? I noticed you got a haircut. Small, small haircut. It was good. I, I got a haircut. Small haircut. That's good. I did something stupid. You didn't cut the dick plant off. No, dick plant's still there.

Oh good. I actually have that video still. It's grown. Yeah, I have a... It's a grower. I have a yucca and it's grown a root that comes out the size of a penis. It looks like an uncircumcised penis. Like it is uncanny.

Remind me after this episode, I did a video where I'm edging. I think Laura goes, can you edge the gardens? And I'm like, sure. Very good. And then I'm there jerking off. That's good. Why have you not posted that? I don't know.

I forgot to say it. Remind me. I don't know if it's the same over in the Northern beaches. For anyone outside of New South Wales, we, or in Bondo, we get two allocated cancel cleanup pickups per calendar year. You gotta book them in though. Gotta book them in, you get two free.

I love that when there's one person actually books one in and then everyone in the same street is like, must be a council cleaner and it's put stuff out the front of their house and it gets picked up. That's a loophole. That's a council loophole. It didn't happen unfortunately. Okay. But you know with anyone who's never had a council cleanup, pickup, collection, whatever the fuck it's called, the way it works, the way it works is very complicated. How have they not had one of people just don't have junk like us? I feel like I was, I was very late to the council cleanup bandwagon.

I love walking past a pile of council cleanup and pretending not to look and then fighting the urge to look to see if there's anything good in there. I wouldn't know it was raining when I put out the stuff. So people didn't, I love watching people come and scavenge. Yeah. We should do that and just be like, get your hands off my thing. But you got to put it out the night before. Yep. Gets picked up in the morning. I forgot that it was out there. So when I got the kids in the car for daycare and school drop off, they were like, what's this? And I was like, fuck. All their stuff's in the front. All their stuff. I had this blackboard with magnets that was out there.

Their little Kmart little sofas that have a fold out. They get moldy as fuck. Those things. So moldy. They were out there. Lola's potty was out there as well. And she was like, what are you throwing this out for? They were a bunch of hoarders. my kids. I was like, it was a nightmare Ash. I had to peel them off. You know we talk about people scavenging. It was like my kids were like going through it, throwing cushions everywhere. Being like, why are you throwing this spatula out for? We can keep that. I was like, far out. They don't understand the concept of like throwing things out unless it's like, far out. They don't understand the concept of throwing things out unless it's like food scraps or whatever.

Because I remember when we did, we sort of piled a bunch of old toys up, not to throw them out, we're going to give them to Goodwill, because they were still fine. And we stupidly put them in a clear container. And then one day we came home and the clear container was like,

sitting there ready to be taken. And Oscar was like, what's that? He's like, that's my control cards in there. Like he hasn't used in my two years. And it was like I turn my back for one second and he's in there and he's got it all out. It's like for fuck's sake. It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. I love a council cleaner. But picked up, picked up in the afternoon.

Beautiful. Yeah. Lovely. I feel like the weight has been just lifted off my shoulders. I had a rug that Buster shat on. Like the worst diarrhea. Nana gave him some brown rice. No good for dogs. So that rug that used to be there under the coffee table, that's been down the side of the house, just covered in dog shit for like four months.

Imagine the stench on that thing. Carrying that down the side of the house just covered in dog shit for like four months. Imagine the stench on that thing. Carrying that down the side of the house moldy from the rain remnants of dog diarrhea. Oh yeah I'm just I'm a new man since having that cancel cleanup it's better than therapy. It is good. April loves a cancel cleanup. I bet she does. Book one in treat yourself. My father-in-law does this thing where he drives around the streets looking for piles to throw stuff out in. So that stuff people have already ordered. Why don't he just got like shit in the back of his car. He's like, hmm, go to the next place.

That's good behavior. Except. It comes back at night. But I couldn't do that. The amount of anxiety I have when I put in a garbage bin into someone else's like that. That feels like you're breaking the law. It feels like, but he's driving around. Yeah. amount of anxiety I have when I put in a garbage bin into someone else's like that that feels like you're breaking the law feels like but he's driving around

yeah the car full of that's that's bold that's bold a friend of mine owns a company called my bins which is like a they move the bin from this sponsor no let's shout out to my bins they're good guys they move the bins from your house to the street back. That's part of their offering. The service. The service, the offering, whatever you wanna call it. And he was like, dude, people are so territorial

on their bins. Like, he's like, we have some people that'd be like, make sure when you do put the bins out that no one else puts any stuff in there. And they're like, it's half full. And then I'm not security, bro. I'm just, I'm here to take the bins out. And it's like but also to get like have you ever tried to get a replacement bin or an extra bin? No. Your rates go

through the roof you try and get another bin. Oh yeah. They're tiny. Yeah they charge you per bin. Obviously and if you get a bigger bin, you get a bigger bin that's more money. Yeah. Because people have the little miniature bin. Have you seen the size of my bin and I've got two kids one still in nappies overnight. It's a nightmare. Yeah, you guys are... The neighbors, I'm feeling the neighbors bin up. As soon as the sun goes down, I'm out there, hoodie on, balaclava. What, you and April's dad? Yeah, we both got gloves on so no fingerprints can be left behind. And I'm up the street. The other day, actually, I got caught.

I got caught. It reminded me. I got caught. I was the guy across the street. There's two old couples in a huge house. Yeah. Two old couples. One old couple, two old people.

And it's always half full. That's like Rhonda's been next door. She's listening. So I have to talk quietly. She's pretty old, bro. I think she's going to hear us. She's like, and I was like. She's she's pretty old, bro. I think she's going to hear it. She's like, and I was like, all right,

coach is clear. Yeah. Walk across the road, you know, Pink Panther music, do do do do like open it up, went to put it in and they drove in the driveway. This is not my bin. Right. Thankfully, they're old. I had like I was just like, you know, this is not my bin. Right. Thankfully they're old. I had like, I was just like, you know, I'm not young, but like, they were just like too afraid to say anything.

And I was like, yeah, good thing you got tats on. Yeah, that's true. Good thing you have tats. I got my tats on today. Weekend mat, weekend with kids. You know, it's like you're trying to find shit to do, trying to keep them entertained. And sometimes you, you, I find, and I, you know, it's like, you're trying to find shit to do, trying to keep them entertained. And sometimes you, you, I find, and I don't know if you're the same, you just end up going to different parks and it's fucking, like parks are boring.

There's some parks, it's like, got some things going on, but April was very much like, was this the flying Fox park? No, it was just one of them. Anyone doesn't know what I'm talking about. Listen to last week's episode where Ash had to go about Flying Fox Parks. Yes. Continue. Not a fan.

Over the weekend, Saturday, April said, look, tomorrow, Sunday, family day, we'll do something different. I was like, sweet, no worries. And she was like, oh. Why are you doing the finger? I felt like it was necessary. Family day. Family day. Because every day is family day. I have a family. Every day I have a family.

So what you're saying to me is the first six days of the week I have no family. Is that how this works? Obviously not. Did you say that? No I want to sleep indoors. And she was like she said that to me just before I was leaving to go to the football, which first game of the year, I'm going to, I'm going to sink some tins. Football was on Saturday. Saturday night. Right. So she was just like, Hey, don't forget about us.

Family day tomorrow. You just come back from Vegas. I get it. She was like, do whatever you like tonight. Just get up in the morning. And I'm like, I know what that means. Noted tonight. Just get up in the morning. And I'm like, I know what that means noted. It means get up in the morning and you're very, very, I'm, I'm very observant. Taking information.

And I woke up the next day, bit dusty and April said, it's family day. I said, what are we doing today? And she said, we're going to take a bus to the big shops, which is, you know, like a decent bus trip to a bigger shopping center. Which one? Just at Ring of Mole. So we've got like a small one in Worrywood, like Worrywood Square. Where did you take me that time?

That's just Worrywood Square, I think. That's a small shop. Small shops. Great shops. Great shop. Perfect for me. But not, not big enough for April. Not big enough for family day.

And but she was like, it's an adventure and it's like Macy had never been on a bus, Oscar has, but as you know, on the Northern beaches, we've got the double decker bus. Yeah, you guys must be nice. Thank you. Trademark, Hamish and Eddie. And I was like, oh, okay. I was a bit dusty. I was like, oh, well, let's go down.

We drove down to the bus stop. We went, sat, waited for the bus to come. And it's a big two story bus. And the kids are super excited to get on. Oscar's already been on before. Sitting up the top. We didn't get to sit at the front at the top. But Macy's-

Seem to taken. Yeah, there was a few spots- That's annoying. Way through, which is still good. But it's Macy was petrified lectures on a rollercoaster. She was like grabbing hold of April like away from the window And she was trying to get she was trying to get out the stairs are really steep The bus took off and she was like, oh And then they must be so used to being like locked down in a baby seat

Yeah, no all of a sudden they're on the road unhinged. So she was petrified all the way there. And Oscar the whole time was like, I'm bored, I'm bored. And then we get off the bus and Oscar was like, that was amazing. What do you mean he's bored? I don't know. I don't know. I don't think he knows. They just say that to fill the gap.

You know, when there's nothing to say, they just say, I'm bored. And Oscar's like me, he has to fill the air with words at all times. Like he's just like continuous. I wonder where he gets from. Oh, me. Anyway, we did the shopping. Yep. What are you buying on family day?

April needed some tights. Oh, for? And the kids wanted to look at toys at a different shop. Okay. What are the tights for? Just the exercise? Just exercise. Yeah, nice.

So anyone who wants to give my wife some tights, she needs some. Did April get the tights? No. Oh, nice. Anyone wants to give my wife some tights. She needs today forget the tights. No, ah What I know classic you're all the way to the big shops. No tights I was like not a single tight. No, she tried on some and I just found seats to sit in That's pretty much all she wasn't happy with the tights wasn't happy with it. Okay. Okay bit painful, but look honestly No, I don't really have a leg to stand on. I've sort of just go Wasn't happy with it. Okay. Okay a bit painful, but look honestly not wanting Really have a leg to stand on I've sort of just go Go along for and carry everything for the trip. Is April listen to this episode. Yeah, I'd love to know what was wrong with the tights

camel toe That's not even a joke Very particular my wife. Sorry everybody. Let's get back on track. We're getting back on the bus. Macy's brave again. She wants to walk on her own onto the bus. Yeah. Upstairs? Up the stairs. She got on. She's quickly scared again. She's like, oh, you know, because it's quite rocky.

But then she was distracted by the fact that upstairs there's no bus driver because the bus drivers down says but she didn't because she's so small she didn't see the bus driver on the way in so now she's obsessed thinking that the bus drives itself and it started to freak her out like where's the driver? She kept pointing like where's the driver? Did you explain to her or were you like I don't know where it is? I was like, it's on the roof. She was just like, oh, so we stopped. We'll let the kids press the button. They love pressing buttons.

They're like, press the button for every stop. And, um, we stopped at Narrabin to get off and they see, were they pressing for not their stop? Like, cause thankfully it's the sort of bus that stops at that main, the only main stops anyway. Cause the best way to piss off a bus driver is to press the stop button and no one gets off. Oh yeah. You press that button one more time.

It's like, you hear that? Anyway, we get to Narrabin and it's Macy's brave again and wants to walk off the bus. And they're quite steep steps. Can I just say, I get stressed out when the bus stops you don't have a lot of time to get off the bus. This is what happened. Macy wanted to get off on herself took forever. Fucking grab it. Missed the stop. Oh God. She glatched onto the railing. No. Missed the stop. Oh God. I'm on route to Mona Vale. Did anyone get off the bus? No. Was it April? No, no,

we were all stuck behind Macy's. Would you yell out? Say hey! It was too late. We'll move, we're on the go. And we had to go to the next bus stop. Where did you guys end up? The next bus stop, which is the next suburb, get off, walk across, walk across the busy main road, back to the other side, wait another 10 minutes for a bus to come back to take us back the other way. Is she having naps still? Yeah. Oh guys, so how are you with nap time? We are way past nap time now. Did you have any food on you? We had some, yeah they did have like little lunch boxes. Thank God. What about me, Matthew? Sorry, yeah. I'm hungover as fuck.

And I'm like, I'm on a bus. The whole time, like, I had a porto at the shops. Did you have chips? Oh yeah. Oh, for God's sake. And I was like. Why do you do it to yourself? Okay, let me tell you something.

A meal is not complete without chips. Yeah, but chips for you are like Valium. I know. They're like Xanax. I take, I eat a large chips before I go to sleep. It's like a sleeping tablet. I'm just lying. I've never seen someone get knocked horizontal quicker than Ash Wicks having a couple of chippies. Oh, bro.

You're comatose. Whenever you, when we have lunch here and we have some chippies, I'm worried about you driving home. I know. Oh God. I'm just comatose. I'm just, the potato, the starchy potato does it for me. Do you know what really gets me? When you're dipping chips in potato and gravy.

Think of that. One type of fried chip dipped in mush chip. The carbs are through the roof. I'm just like, first of all, I'm like, you've got to stop doing it to yourself. I love it. But I was on the bus very much like, oh man, I can't wait to get off this bus. Neck minute. I'm fucking missing the stop, doing a complete U-turn. Did you get home? We got home and I fell straight asleep for like three hours. It was a big day for me.

Family Day is a big day for us. And then we spent the rest of the day at the park. That sounds awful. But the bus, when we got to the shops after the first bus trip, April stupidly lent over to me. She goes, I wish we drove. And I was like, you fucking idiot. Like, don't you dare tell me that because I would have drove us to get home quicker.

Be on the bus. Bus is fun. But you know what is more fun? Electric bikes. Yes. Film me in. I did see that. Yeah, I got my electric bike on the weekend.

What are your thoughts on the cool factor of that bike? It's low. Coolness. It's low. I don't want that. Look, for me, I love it cool factor of that bike? It's low. It's low. I don't want, look, for me, I love it. I love that bike. I want one, honestly. I like the idea of the kids on the back. Like Oscar, I've got him on the front of mine.

Is yours a fat boy? What's yours? Mine's a fucking juicy boy. Is it called fat boy? Is that the brand? There's a brand called fat boy. I got a Dorote and a new one on the way. You have a cool one. I've got two kids and I didn't like the idea of trying to put one in the front, one in

the back. So I've got, I've got the one that I've got, it's like a flat bed. It's a long tray, but it's got small wheels. It's more practical. It's aqua. It's aqua color. Aqua. And I wish it was...

One more time. Aqua. Aqua. I wish it was black. I wish it was, you know, that's... But I guess Aqua is quite bright. We could... We can paint it. I'm not going to paint it. We'll just get to the spray paint.

I've got a subscription. I'm not going to... What's a subscription? Yeah. Just run me through that. Okay. So you pay an amount of money per week. Like a rental? Yeah. Subscription. They're pretty much just rent.

Is it rent to own? Subscribe to own? No. So if we fuck it up, it's you've got to pay for the whole thing. A little bit. Yeah. Okay. But the kids love it.

Oh, they're for us. Kids absolutely enjoy it. And it's a little bit hairy at some points on the road. I did daycare this morning. Sun was out. Beautiful, beautiful day. And, uh, my niece goes to the same daycare as Lola. And so I was like, Hey, let's not go in the car.

Let's go on the bike. But little Shazzy McGazzy, my niece, she was a bit like, Oh, what the fuck is this thing? She's like, never been on a bike. Where's the seatbelt? She's never been on a bike. Where's the seatbelt? Yeah dude. She's never been on a bike before. Well she's been on all the training wheels. So she was a bit like Macy where she was like how does this thing work? Low is there strapped in she's got a baby seat and then there's just two little

handlebars. Yeah I saw that. And so I put Shazzy there and then there's certain points we go downhill we get like 40 k's an hour. They do zip. And I'm like, you guys having fun back there? Shaz is like, slow down. She even goes, what happens if I fall out? And I said, just hold on. You're not going to fall if you hold it on. Yeah, that's what I said.

She was freaking the hell out. Lola was like, she's loving it. She's sitting in the back there having a cigarette. She's just like, faster, drive up. April, like same thing. She gets on every now and then with me and she's just like, is this safe? Hold on tight, love.

She's got, yeah, she's really on the love handles too. Can I ask you a question? No, yeah, go. You can ask me anything you like. Okay, I just want to know if I've done the wrong thing here. Wait on me, big guy. Okay. Have I done the wrong thing or is Laura in the wrong? At the moment, I'm doing all of the daycare drop offs with Lola.

On the bike? On the bike. Nice. From now, from this point on, bikes. Other than rain. Weather permitting. Lola, I don't know if I mentioned this, she's at a new daycare, really struggling with the drop offs.

Really struggling. We're now six, seven, eight weeks in. Tears most mornings. It's hard. And then this morning, Lola's like, I'm going to bring this toy. And she had this big bunny that's giant. It's like, you know, big guy. You push a button on its belly and it sings a song and it dances.

Right. You're not allowed that to take care. No, you're not allowed to take your own. So I'm on board. I'm I get you. I have kids. I have kids. Right.

You have kids. How many kids? Two kids. I'm disclosed. So Lola's like, I'm bringing this thing and I'm like, you're not bringing that thing and she's like, but I'm allowed to. And I said, well, who said you're allowed to? She goes, mom told me.

And I was like, there's no way that mom has said yes to this. And so I'm like, I'm going to fucking get you here Lola. I was like, did mom really say that? Let's give her a call. So I call Laura on speaker next to Lola who's holding the bunny. And I was like, fucking, you're going to learn, you're going to get called out here. Lola lie to me and say, tell me that your mother has allowed this police. Right.

They try and play you against each other. She was trying to play me and I was like, not on my watch pal. I love where this is going. So cool. Laura. And I say, did you say to Lola? I look at Lola. Did you say to Lola, look at Lola. Did you? I was like, did you say to Lola?

You did, that she could bring the bunny rabbit, the one that it sings and it dances? And then Lola goes, yeah. Okay, okay. They're in cahoots, those two. You're never gonna, with Lola in particular, you're never gonna, they've already had this chat. Oh they did, yeah.

Last night. Yeah. I don't know where I was. They've gone, we'll loop him in when the time comes. Because if we loop him in now, it'll be a problem from now until we leave. But if I loop him in when we leave, it's only a problem for that long. So I said to Laura, what do you mean you said yes to the toy? And she goes, well, we had a conversation that if there was anything that would help

Lola with the drop off process, make it a bit easier for her, we would allow it. And I say, yeah, but you know the rules at Daycare, no toys that make any noise. You're allowed like a little soft toy that they can have as a comforter. And she goes, I didn't know that I may have said something. They have said something which was fighting words. I'm going to just quickly say it's, it's on for Laura. That's a great, I think she's, what she's doing there is she's trying to make your life easier for drop off. So I'm going to just quickly jump on her side and say,

cause you did mention anything that makes it easier for her. I'm then gonna feel the wrath from daycare. When I come in there. Stand up to the man. I can't do, rules is rules, you know that. Break a few rules. You can't, I'm the new guy. I'm playing by the rules.

No, be a rogue, go rogue. Well, I said to Laura when she was like, well, I'm the new guy. I'm playing by the rules. No, be a rogue. Go rogue. Well, I said to Laura when she was like, well, I didn't know that. And I said, yeah, you would if you went to any of the orientation days. Where did you sleep last night? Well, that was this morning. Where you sleeping at night? How did that go down? Yeah, really well. Yeah, good. I thought that might be the case. She would have taken that on the chin. Laura, all people would have really taken that on the chin.

And so then, I've got a situation where I've now got a very angry wife. I've also got Lola who's in tears. And I'm not stepping down for no one. I'm going say that you sir, just you needed to put your pride aside in that moment. So I hung up. I then. Oh my God, help yourself. I'm on Laura's side. I think Laura was trying to make it easier for Lola and you and you fighting it

is causing more of a problem. But surely every parent, everyone who's had any kind of experience with daycare knows that you're not allowed a toy other than like a little soft toy. Jump on board and sneak it in. But then, but then I'm setting Lola up to fail. She's going to get it taken away from her. She's going to hate daycare even more. You make a valid point, but I'm more what's easier for me. You know what I mean? Like my

kids do the same thing. I think all kids do the same thing where they go, I want to take this because they want to show their friends. I now just say, if we're in the car, I said, take it, but you gotta leave it in the car. You tried that one? No, no, works. They strap it into their own seat. It's a fun little game. Move on. But I'm with Laura to say whatever is it because she's struggling. If she wasn't struggling, I'm on a different side.

But because she's struggling and we had this conversation when you're in the jungle that Lola was really upset. Yeah. And now we're down, what, how many more weeks down the track and it's still happening. It's like two months. Break some rules for you kid, bro. We're sitting here in silence. Did Laura message you before we recorded?

No, why? Well, I just, I don't know. It just seems like you're very much on her team. I would, it would. Rules is rules, Ash. I would suffer more if I was to jump onto your team. But I think you got to bend some rules every now and then. I get that they might take it off her but I don't think they're going to hastily take

it off her, are they? And if they did then you know this is the wrong daycare. Okay. I'll digest this conversation. I know you're not happy with me. I can see it. But that or you're hungry. I can't this conversation. I know you're not happy with me. I can see it. But that or you're hungry. I can't work out which one it is, but I can't sit here and take your side all the time. Okay. Let's move this along.

Okay. So where do we end up? You haven't spoken to us since have you? No, I got to call her after this. And what? What's going to happen? What's going to happen on the phone? Are you going to, I know you, you're gonna? I know you. I'm gonna apologize. You're not gonna back down. I'm gonna apologize. You are not. Have I gotten through? I don't know.

I've got a big quick question for you. Do your kids have any? I've got a real big question for you. It's in my pants. You ready for this big boy? Galen, what do you got? This better be good. I wanted to ask if your kids have any allergies.

Because you know, we're going to school now and there's like the allergy that everyone fucking talks about. What have you got? For me, I only have one allergy and it's to penicillin, a specific type of penicillin. But why I asked you was because like obviously, sometimes it gets passed down to kids and kids have allergies. Macy's allergic to something which is devastating. Chocolate? Band-aids. What?

She's allergic to... the other day... That's not devastating that's a great result. No it's not because now anytime she hurts herself and she wants a band-aid I can't give her one because she breaks out in a rash. Give her a kiss, bro. And she doesn't understand why Oscar gets band-aids and she doesn't get band-aids. So now she feels like she's missing out. So then she's even more upset. I do.

Band-aids, I'm going to say that's one of the biggest expenses in this household is buying band-aids. Yeah, but I've still got to buy them. We churn through the band-aids, dude. But I still have to buy them. We churn through the Band-Aids, dude. But I still have to buy them. But I have to buy them and then not give them to her. It's even worse. Stop the Band-Aids.

No Band-Aids in the house anymore. Oscar's bleeding out. Yeah. Sorry. Blame your sister. Lola wears them like an accessory. She like, I brush her hair, get her teeth done, and then she's like, where's the bandaid?

I'm like, fuck it, I just put one on her. We like, we're going through a pack a week at the moment. Macy has got like four blisters from these sandals that she wore, can't put a bandaid on it. Well, hang on a sec, if you're going to the big shops, get her a new pair of shoes. Well, we had to, because that's how we found out that she just all of a sudden one day

grown out of these shoes that were too too tight. She one day fine, next day. Crocs? No. Bro, get her in Crocs. No because she wears Crocs and she's a classic foot drag. She trips over everywhere. She's like a bumbling mess. You put Crocs on my daughter and you literally, my back of your saw from picking her up off the ground. When's her birthday? Just put it this way, I can startle Macy and she falls over. Think about that and then add crocs into that. Put crocs in there. She's got some.

Hey, you gave me advice and I took it. I'm giving you advice. All I'm saying, hear me out, don't interrupt me. Don't interrupt me. Don't put your finger down. Okay. I'm saying two things. Okay Band-aids Oscar is now allergic as well. They're out of the house. Okay, don't get a lie to him

It's terrible. Okay, and then secondly Crocs for Macy. Okay. Let me just flip that on you for a second Please Oscar falls over bleeding everywhere got no band-aids, two, I put Crocs on Macy. She falls over. She bleeds everywhere. Then you know, we can't put band aids on her anyway. Well, I'm going to have to. Otherwise the cuts will start blistering. So she's taking.

We're going around in circles. If Oscar's bleeding out, take him to hospital. Moving on. I can't afford it. It's bad. Moving on. So moving along here quickly. She's allergic to mayonnaise. Be adhesive, I think.

And she breaks out in a rash. It's a nightmare. And moving right along, Ash. We're going into parenting the lies. How dare you move me along. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. Tell me. Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies.

What have you got for me, big guy? My mum. I don't know where she is, by the way. You lost her in the house again. She was... She can't get that far. She's the hoblin. She was here before we started recording.

Because I was going to get her to tell a lie, but then she fucking disappeared. I don't know where she is. LA! Jinx. Again. We're in sync today. We should fuck. Oh, sorry.

So she, she told me this lie from when we were younger. Okay. It was a very clever lie. And I said, firstly, I was offended. I was upset. And then I said, actually, no, that's it. I should commend you for this great lie. So it took you how long to figure this out? Well, I only realized when she told me.

Went like today. It was a few days ago because she heard we're talking about parenting lies and she was like, I got a lie for you. You little piece of shit. And I said, what do you mean? When we were younger, we had a PlayStation one. Vintage. Respect. We loved it.

Yeah. What was it? Gran Turismo. Oh, why do I have an erection? For those of you who don't know, it's a car racing game. We saw than just that, though. Sorry. You're right. You're right. And what she used to do, because we were kind of obsessed with the PlayStation when we first got it.

No. This is genius. She told us that it was a rental. She said that the PlayStation, it is not it is not our PlayStation. She's rented it from Video Easy. Oh, that is good. That is top shelf parenting from Ellie. And so we used to get the PlayStation in school holidays

only sometimes, sometimes mom would be like, on the weekend, she'd be like, I'm going to get down to the shops. I'm going to rent out a PlayStation. She's in the back of the car. Yeah. And so we would get it. And then on the Sunday or the end of the holiday, she'd be like, I've got to return the PlayStation back to the shop because it's only rental.

And we were like, oh, can we have one more week? And she'd be like, no, I can't. It's got to go back. It's booked out. I underestimated your mother. That is good stuff. Very good. And so I only now realize that we in fact owned outright that PlayStation. Your very own PlayStation. And you thought it was a...

So I can picture you at school being like, I can't wait for school holidays. Mum's going to rent the PlayStation. Your very own PlayStation. And you thought it was a... So I can picture you at school being like, I can't wait for school holidays. Mom's going to rent the PlayStation. And all your friends that own a PlayStation are like, fucking, what is this guy doing? Paul? I didn't want to say it. I have one here from Melina,

which Melina, congratulations, you're a winner of a stuffed Maddie J or Ash Pikachu. The choice is yours. Don't rush into it. It's not. Whatever you say, we're going winner of a stuffed Maddie J or Ash Pikachu. The choice is yours. Don't rush into it. That's not. Whatever you say, we're going to send you an Ash. You will get a message from producer Jess. Yes. Congratulations.

Yes, I'm going to read out your line now. That's what we're here for. Melina says, I tell my kids that the ice cream truck is the ambulance, so they freak out every time. I thought she was gonna say that like with the sound on there our ice cream. That was classic. That's where I thought it was going. Yeah. The old classic when the sirens are on for the ice cream truck. No ice cream left. Just when you think you're going down a path and she throws a rut turn in. Do you know who I feel sorry for?

Quite often the people who are the victims here, the innocent victims of these lies, the driver, emergency services. Oh, sorry. I thought you meant the ice cream truck driver. I'm like, oh, I'm missing out on all this. I've gone bankrupt because of all the parenting lies. No, it's like police and ambulance and I guess firemen, they're the ones who never get a bad rap

in these parenting lies. Yeah, it's like we're not allowed to give them a bad rap because they're here to protect and serve, Matthew. Same with the ice cream driver. He's here to maybe not protect. Try and make a living. But to serve and make a living. Hey, we've got a question here.

We are running out of time, Ash. Okay, great. But I'm gonna squeeze in one quick question, if I may. And I put it out there. I've asked the Facebook group. Haven't had any answers back just yet. We will continue on. If people come back with answers, we'll talk about it next week. But I want to know from you, have you or any parents, you know, regretted the name of their child? Yeah, my parents. Ash is a naughty name. No, no, no.

Okay. Well, let me take you down on a journey. Please. It was, thankfully it was before I was born, but they had settled on the name. Okay, they had settled on the name, believe it or not, Matthew for me. My name was set to be Matthew. That was, they had already told family, friends,

boy, we're gonna name him Matthew. And one day they were down the beach and there was heaps of kids, heaps of families. And mum reckons that she spotted like four or five different parents calling out to their child Matthew. And she decided she regretted the telling everyone that that was going to be my name, that she had decided she had changed it to now Ashton. Bang. That's a true story.

Call her up right now. I believe it. No, I'm joking. I don't have time for that. Next week. But yeah, so they regretted. There's nothing wrong with your name, first of all. Thank you. Just everyone has it. And but my middle name is now Matthew. What? Ashton William Matthew Wicks. I didn't know you had two middle names. Do you know anything about me? I'm a double agent. I don't feel like I'm sitting across

next to a stranger. Nah, you know now. But yeah, it was going to be yeah. But I don't know of anyone that's after the birth. I'm sure it's happened. If you do have a story about it, if someone out there has a story where it's like, I named my kid Bob and then I realized what a big mistake. Like imagine accidentally naming your kid after like a serial killer you didn't know. Like there's an episode of Seinfeld where a kid's name was Joel Rifkin and he was like one of the greatest serialers or serial murders in the city's history. I mean, have there been many Ivans?

Ooh, Ivan Cleary. It's him. I did some digging online Ash and I've got some information here, which is interesting. Okay, go. But very, very random. Shoot. Here is a list of declined baby names from New Zealand 2018.

Why that year and in New Zealand? I don't know. It was published. And did it just come up the first? I've done some digging. Google. And it just come up. That's the first one. OK. OK, go. Lay it on me. Must be good. I've also got like a count number here of how many times it was rejected.

Duke, emperor, but then emperor spelled normally, then emperor spelled E-N-P-R-A-H, empra. Empra. I thought you were gonna say they changed the E to a three. Yeah. Roman numerals, just like the dash dash, rejected twice. Like just the dash dash-dash Rejected twice like just the dash-dash like the second. What is it? Are you confused with the tally or the name dash? Guess what was rejected six times

King It's oh yeah Commonwealth Commonwealth. I think he I think you name me a kid King. It's arrogant. That's at the highest order. Messiah. Sir. Messiah rejected twice.

Prince rejected four times. I used to work with a guy named Jesus. Jesus. But it's Jesus. Yeah. I love it when there's been like multiple attempts. So there's Prince. There's Prince Rider.

There's Prince with a Z, and then Prince P-R-Y-N-C-E. They really wanted the name. Yeah, try not to get shadow banned. But everyone wants the royal names. There's Royal, Royale, Royalty. I know, Chicken Royale. Have you met my son Chicken Royale Wicks? But why would Saint? Saint was rejected a lot. You can't call a kid Saint because it'll backflip on you.

There'll be a turd. There will be. There will be. There's a name here. Justice. J-A-H. Justice. Hey, Justice.

But if you know anyone who's had a name that has been regretted after it was given, maybe has anyone had to change? Surely it's out there. My mom knew someone called Richard Orcock. Richard is now, they would abbreviate it to Dick. Dick Orcock.

Orcock. They didn't change it, they kept it. I used to work with a guy, no I didn't work with him, he was one of the contractors on the team. And I thought it was- So you did work with him. I guess so, yeah. Continue. Okay. And I thought it was. So you did work with him. I guess so. Continue.

Okay. And I thought it was a typo. Typo? Fuckin' hell. I thought it was a typo. Oh my god. Come on. I thought it was a typo.

There he is. Because his name was Michael Michaels. And I thought that's wrong. And then I saw a copy of his license and his name was Michael Michaels. What is wrong with people? Not even joking. What is wrong with people? Not even joking. What is wrong with Michael Michaels? Have some fucking creativity.

How did that? Yeah, how do you get there? Michael Michaels. But he was a fully grown man still rocking it. Michael Michaels. I mean, credit to him. Well done. Yeah, if you've got anything, please hit us up

because I think it's very interesting. I think what's very interesting is the rejected names and the Commonwealth. Because Duke, my landlord's name is, landlord's kid's name is Duke. If that's illegal, or it's just rejected. Well there is. It's New Zealand. Mate, Duke was rejected in New Zealand. By the government?

Or by just people being like, oh, no thanks. By the government. Wow. Official. Official. Okay, well let's. I don't know how. He must be one of the only jukes in Australia.

Let's put a pin in this because we're out of time and let's bring it. Let's bring it to light. We'll talk about this next week. Don't you worry. Great. I can't wait. Don't you worry. More bus trips, more, more kids names bringing you all the good stuff. If you've had a bad experience with one of these names, like a kid, you've met a kid named King and he was just an absolute piece of shit. If you had a trip on a bus and you want to talk about it we're here. If you've got a child that's fallen over on a bus we

want to hear about it. We want to hear about it send us send us it in send it to us. We need to go. If you've enjoyed this episode please leave us a review. A couple of words five, or you can join. Send it to a friend. Send it to your best friend. Best work friend, like you. Even if you have no best friends, send it to anyone who's got a kid.

Just send it to someone. In the body of an email, in the signature of an email. They might block you, but do it. Otherwise you can join us where, Matt? On, do that again? On Instagram, TikTok and Facebook at Two Doting Dads or something similar. We also Ash, we talked about the t-shirts.

Yes, I didn't wear mine today because they're unwashed. That's okay. It is not currently live, but by the time this episode goes out, I don't want to jinx it. It will be live, Two Doting Dads, what is it? Dot com.

To doting dads dot com. There is now. I wasn't sure it was dot au. I should have trusted you. You should have. There's no trust in this relationship. Sorry. I'm sorry about that. I used to. I could have been a Matthew and there's no trust. I have Matthew for middle name and there's no trust. There's no trust. Okay. Just quickly. Go on. Before we go, this episode comes out of my mum's birthday. So happy birthday mum. She doesn't listen, so she won't hear this. So that was a waste of time. Thank you mum for birthing me. How old is she turning? 63.

She's young. Wow, we can get her a t-shirt because the t-shirts are now available to purchase. There's a shop section. We will say we only have men's sizes, but they're a unisex t-shirts are now available to purchase. There's a shop section. We will say we only have men's sizes, but they're a unisex t-shirt. There's photos of your beautiful wife. And your beautiful. Thank you very much. Stop hitting my own with that.

Right back at you. They are wearing it. I refuse. You can see what sizes they're wearing. It's an oversized t-shirt. Yeah, April's in a medium. We have a purple, we have a white. Beautiful.

Beautiful shirts. Get amongst it. get into it. And soft toys, the soft toys are available to purchase because we have four thousand of them. Everything must go. But go to twododingdads.com to check it out and we'll chat to you guys soon. See ya! Bye!

Two Doding Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.