Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #137 Drunk Tooth Fairies, Spicy Reno Opinions And An Expensive Accident

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

Today marks day one of medicated Ash! Have you noticed a difference in his "spark"? Nah, neither do we!  Matt, on the other hand, feels frosty after receiving very mixed reviews online when he and Laura reveal their bathroom reno.  Ash has another childhood flashback after visiting a gallery on the weekend. You'll understand why the flashback memory will be forever seared in his memory. Plus, did you catch the viral clip of singer Chappel Roan and her comments about her friends who are parents? Matt and Ash share their thoughts, and things get heated. We also answer your questions:  What is a reasonable amount of tooth fairy money? BUY OUR SMELLY T SHIRTS HERE  https://www.twodotingdads.com/category/all-products Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What are you looking at me like that for? What do you mean I'm not looking? I'm just looking at you. I thought we were going to be beard brothers. I'm off it. Let's grow back out. Laura doesn't like it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you going to spend your days doing things that Laura does and doesn't like? Or are you going to do things that Matty J likes?

I do a lot that I like. Go on. I'm my own man. I'm an independent boy. Hang on a minute. Let's just go back one sec. What do you like? What do you like to do? What do I like to do? Yeah. What is it? I like to go to the gym. Nice.

I like to go to the beach. I like that for you. I like food. Yeah. I... Do you like your beard, Matt? Nah, it's too itchy. Okay. Lord, remember you say that.

Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I am Matty J. And I'm Ash. This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And it's the relatable. And it's not a podcast where you get advice. Absolutely not. We might rant about things, but don't take it as advice.

It is getting a bit hot in here, isn't it? It is. And I've noticed something you do when you do that intro. And I wonder if we could go back and look through footage. You do this thing with the table. You do that with the table every time. Does he not? Do I? intro. And I wonder if we could go back and look through footage. You do this thing with the table. You do that with the table every time. Does he not? Do I?

Yeah. It's just like a, it's just your thing and you're getting ready to cook. I'm in the zone. If anything, you're clear in the bench. I'm in the zone. Hey, just really quickly, I was gonna, we both had a little story, a very quick story.

Yeah. They may be shit. My story is, is this weird? Yes. Got an Uber here. All right, let's just, for anyone who doesn't know the date, first of all, get a calendar that we made. Raunchy Ranch.

What is it now? Is it April? Are we in April? I can't believe we're in April. We're in April. Well, shut up. He was playing, my Uber driver, Christmas songs. What? Yeah, the Christmas album, blaring. Which one? Well my Uber driver, Christmas songs. What?

Yeah, the Christmas album, blaring. Which one? Well, I couldn't quite make out the words. It was just like, it was on softly. It was just like, it's Christmas time. I hate Christmas. And I was like, is that weird? Yes, that is weird.

I mean, my kids every now and then love to throw on a Christmas dress. Yeah, but they're kids. They just think that they just they just picture joy with it. An Uber driver maybe is trying to lure kids into his Uber. You've taken this in a direction. You didn't want to take it. I did not expect.

Okay. Well, I've just got a different view of what's happening. Unless he's a real big fan of Christmas in July and he's prepping well I just think I just think maybe we're in the wrong ash because no But because kids they can tap into the Christmas joy at any time doesn't matter the date January February July August September I could name any month they can just throw on a Christmas dress I can name any I can name all the months I can name any, I can name all the mums. I'll do it. And we are restricting ourselves to only enjoy Christmas for one month, not even a full month.

But you're a Christmas guy. I'm what? You're a Christmas guy. You like Christmas. I don't, not really. Really? Not really. You get into it.

Yeah, because I have to. Yeah, I hate it. I'm like, I've always put the Christmas tree up on Christmas Eve and take it down Boxing Day. I just think that's because you've been Christmas Eve and take it down boxing day. I just think that's because you've been so tied up. You're so restricted. You don't like having forced fun. I just think if you- Very true.

If you just want to enjoy Christmas tomorrow, you should put on a Christmas shirt. You should pull a Christmas cracker. You should open up a present. But then people would be like, look at this fucking weirdo. Yeah, people- This poor- Probably drives over. This poor taxi driver. Yeah, people, this poor- Poor driver's Uber. Poor taxi driver, you painted him as being someone-

Yeah, it's weird. That's evil. It's weird. He's just enjoying Christmas in April and I say, good on you. I will not be forced to have joy. I refuse. What was your story?

I was gonna say, April went to the office this morning, so she left early. Oh, she works hard. She's a hard worker at the moment. She was yesterday, she was flat out. Anyway, so she's gone. She's left early this morning. So if it's for me to get up, do the kids,

get everyone organized, get them out of the house so that I can come here. But also there's an expectation of, just don't leave the house a fucking bomb. And I don't like to get home either as well. Well, you, wait, hang on, hang on. April shouldn't leave the house a fucking bomb. And I don't like to get home either as well. Well, you, hang on, hang on. April shouldn't leave the house as a bomb? Me.

You shouldn't, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, gotcha. So that like she'll probably get home before me. It's a bad look if she gets home and she's like, I know you had to get the kids out the door and drop the kids off at various places. But also- Ooh, interesting. This was gonna be a short story but

I've turned into a lot yeah good good good good thank you yeah cuz I'm here to back you up thank you thank you and that's fine and I feel like the expect it's it's the least I could do so go I need to shower so I got I went and showered and came out of the shower and I thought I'll quickly make the bed I was completely nude kids are kids are in the living room, obviously not doing what I've asked them to do. Just get dressed, the bare minimum, and eat your breakfast.

Of course they're not doing that, they're bickering. Anyway, I told a story last week about the tradies on the roof. They're back and I didn't know they're back and I'm making the bed fully bent over on all fours because I had to reach over to the far corner, turn around, bingo bang go bongo, there's the apprentice. So.

He's got like PTSD, don't make me go back there. I know, I had a little giggle. Hey big boys. I had a little giggle and I was like, that poor guy, because he's seen me twice naked now. And he's probably like a 20-year-old Max. He's an apprentice. You can tell he's the apprentice.

And he's just looking right down the barrel of your noose. Yeah. On all fours. Out of the shower. That's quite hot. Yeah. And he was like, get that amyroid checked, bro. I just want to say, I don't want to attack April on the podcast

because I'm not about attacking anyone, especially not April. No. But I just think, I think when you're getting the kids ready in the morning, it then, it removes your responsibility to keep the house clean. Let me give you my thought process. Please. I agree, if some instances instances but I felt like she was

really busy yesterday. She was a bit stressed last night. When is she not? I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. Sorry. Edit that out. No keep it in. That'd be funny. And I was like I'll do a lot of washing. She's gonna love that. Do a lot of washing, made the bed, unpack the dishwasher, repack the dishwasher, clean the living room, left the house. Boom, far out. And not toot my own horn, but that's pretty good.

But there's probably a reason why I was so diligent this morning, Matthew, which I do have some news for you. Before we go into that news, are you behaving like this because as a joke, you booked in sex? And? And you posted that on your social media? And then off the back of that? It worked.

It worked. Yeah, no, that's not why, no. Are you behaving in this way because you're saying thank you? Or are you just a good guy? I'm just a good guy, but also today's day one of being medicated for ADHD. And it's given me a new,

oh, that's good. It's given me a new, it kind of feels like a new beginning. Can I just really quickly? Cause you got diagnosed, what was it, a month ago? It was a little bit longer than that. And so what's the pro, remind me of the process, why don't they just give you meds then and there?

So New South Wales has a lot of different legislations, different hoops you've got to jump through. So we spoke last time about the initial appointment where they diagnose you, you've got to go and then do blood work, ECG, especially for me with dad heart disease, artery disease. Did he have a heart attack? Yeah, triple bypass last year.

Yes, Jesus. That was the second heart attack. So his first heart attack at 39. And you're like 39 as well, eh? No, I'm early 30s. That was a joke. 34 and a half. Sorry, you look great.

Thank you. You're like 39. Yeah, I'm 38 soon. Fire out. Jesus Christ, you look great. Thank you. You're like 39. Yeah I'm 38 soon. You look great. Thank you. That's right let's move on. I was trying to get some footage of me in the ECG machine but apparently the phone will interfere electronically. I hate that. It's like when they tell you. I'm a content creator bro. Yeah I just put I said it's on airplane mode. And I said they wouldn't let me do that so I didn't get any footage of it.

But did joke and we shouldn't joke because men's health is very important. I feel like this year I had neglected it until of the last few weeks where it's like, all right, I need to get shit done. Cause I hadn't had a blood test and I went to this place that I hadn't been to in a very long time.

What's that? Like a pathology place a very long time. What's that? Like a pathology place. This particular one. What do they do again? They take your blood. They do the ECG and stuff like that. You've got to go fasted and wait. It's a whole thing.

Oh, how is that fasting? They should also, side note, idea for a TV show. Just blood test waiting room TV. Because everyone's fasted. No one is patient. It would be chaos. Everyone's on edge. Can you write that down? I can see you smirking. You quite like that idea. She just pretended to type on her laptop.

She definitely did. Damn it. But I think that's a good idea. No? No, don't know how much will happen. We have it with actors. I'm not saying reality. Oh, you reckon it's... Okay, so I thought it was reality. No, actors. Then'm not saying reality. Oh, you reckon it's okay. So I thought it was reality. Not actors. Then in that case, Jess. You've just been cast.

You've just been cast. Thank you. That is noted in the folder. Thank you very much. So it had been so long and we spoke about last year. It would been so long because I noticed how long it'd been because when they were doing my details, it had my childhood address. Jesus.

So that's how long it has been because when they were doing my details, it had my childhood address. Jesus. So that's how long it has been since I can't say how long it's been since I've had a blood test, but how long it's been since I've been there to have a blood test, which is local to me. It has been my whole life. So I must have at one point gone there 20 years ago. Like it has been so long.

I was petrified. But the results came back. Everything's good. Cholesterol is a little high. How do you solve that? Well, she was like, look, have you not been exercising lately? And remember I did my ankle. I took the bottom of my foot off.

Yeah, the hemorrhoids. The hemorrhoids, the back, anything else. Just like the shoulder was broken for a while, wasn't it? Just one episode, yep. Can I ask what you are taking? Viacin. Viacin. So it's slow acting. So first one this morning?

First one this morning. I feel good. Do you? Do you feel different? Yeah. I also had therapy today. Whoa, gee, I'm on fire. I'm feeling good. Wow.

I feel like- Do you feel different? Yeah. You sound different. Thank you. I feel like I've got feel different? Yeah. You sound different. Thank you. I feel like I've got less... The thing is like if I... You don't sound different by the way.

Thanks. No, I know. Hopefully I don't because I don't want to be different. I don't want to... I don't want it to... I think that's the stigma behind it. Like I want to lose my spark. And we spoke about that before.

I don't want to do that. I just want to be able to talk properly. I just want to be able to focus on the things that are important. And I felt like I was losing that and I was losing it weekly all the time. I felt like I was getting worse as I got older. Every day I felt like I was getting worse. So for to have right now, I feel more clarity.

At the moment. I love that. I want to take some. Here you go. I would never take medicine that's not prescribed for me. Give me some later. Okay. Can I shove it up your butt? Absolutely. We're talking about the applicator you got for Marley and Lola. I'm going to shove that directly. What's a good suppository? Do you take it orally or do you take it? However you want me to, big boy. It's just a

tablet. I'm very proud of you. Well done. Thank you. Well done. So we'll, I mean, we'll touch back on it. Give it a month. Yeah, I want to see every week. I just want to know how you're doing, what you've been up to. I feel good.

Like I said, I feel like it's a, I feel like it's a new beginning somewhat. You know, when you're like, oh, new year, new me. Yeah. It's like new diagnosis, new me. It's in April. They say the worst time to have, you know, big changes in your life is January April beginning of April bang on day one day two

I love it. Well, I've had a week of wins and losses go on myself I've had a win with Lola. The dummy is going strong the no dummy Just on that just on that very quickly actually. Because we did last week speak about Lola giving up the dummy. I did think that maybe she was hiding dummies and we'll get to that. Someone has written in about this story. I saw that, yeah. Did I looked through a room, still no sign of a hidden dummy.

If she is hiding them in a room somewhere, she's doing a very good job because they are nowhere to be found. Okay, let me just read you this message from someone. Sorry, my phone is shite. I want to get the whole thing without having to... That's it. Okay, this is from Rachel or Raquel. Just listen to Life on Cut this morning, followed by Toototing Dad. Laura said they battled for six weeks last year to ditch Lola's dummy while Matt reckons it was torture for a week so who to believe I can't quite remember I remember was it six weeks no can we call Laura quickly yeah can we call can you call her off your

phone she's she won't answer she won't answer she won't answer my phone is being used to record this I don't think it was six I think six weeks is a bit of an embellishment. I think so too. I'm with you. I would look I usually I'll take Laura's side but I'm thinking back that six weeks would be a shock. Maybe we can meet in the middle. Just with Dr. Call Laura she won't answer because it's me. What does this fucking idiot want answer because it's me. What does this idiot want?

Maybe it's emergency. She's ignoring it. The person you are calling is not available. That's a bummer. But I'm going to say it might have been longer than a week, but it definitely wasn't six weeks. I was cutting it short. Six weeks. Come on. Fucking hell, Laura. Get your story straight. Stop lying to the people.

Thank you. Once again, the only podcast that doesn't embellish stories. In fact, we undersell the stories. You've undersold that. I think it might've been two weeks of torture. Don't trust Laura. But not six weeks. No, come on.

But she's doing great. Really good. She- Laura's doing great. Laura's just lying to everyone. No, Lola is doing really good. She... Laura's doing great. Laura's just lying to everyone. No, Lola is doing really well. Yep. And the only downside is she wakes up,

wakes up like 5, 45, 6 o'clock. And if Laura says different times, don't believe her. She just, and then Lola, she won't get back to sleep. Okay. So we will get that little second sleep in with the dummy in the mornings. We don't have to come in and then go to sleep with you. With us, yeah, with the dummy.

Yeah, we don't have that anymore. How long would she go back to sleep for, do you think? Normally wakes up 630 average. So half hour. Yeah, like 45, 45. So I got power now. Love that. It's like a little nap top up of the sleep.

I love it. It's my favorite time. Especially now it's a bit colder to nuzzle back in. Everyone's got morning breath. It's great. Yeah, it's great. So she's been good. So that's been a win. A loss that I've experienced. Did you find any dummies in her room? No dummies. Not a single dummy.

Wow. Yeah. I'm impressed. I know. I know. She's hidden them really well. She's doing really well. And also just weirdly, I don't know if you've had this with your kids, just out of nowhere, Lola's just become obsessed with drawing. Obsessed with drawing. She just like, she just fucking loves to draw now. That's so good. Like. What?

It came out very like, yeah, fuck it. It's so good because it's like. And Keith and Mocky Pied. Absolutely, and you don't get any shame feelings about like, have they been watching a screen for too long? Yeah. Have they been drawing too long? They love it. It doesn't matter. It's weird. She's now no longer on the dummy. She's now drawing. I don't know what's happened to Lola, but she's turned a corner. She's growing up. She's mature. So that has been great. What's not been great is, well, I guess on my own, I am to blame for this.

Asking social media for their opinion on any topic is always very dicey. It's a tough one because you get some sound advice. There's also a lot of lunatics on the internet. There's a lot of crazy people. Lots of mixed opinions. A lot of opinions who you don't really care about, but at the same time, as you do, you do you like hey, let me know what you think

I don't know if you know this ash, but I'm renovating a house Down in ala Dala. I thought you can say another one. I was like for fuck's sake No, just just that one and we finished the bathroom. Oh, the bathroom is completed the upstairs bathroom in there yet No, no, no, I thought maybe I have upstairs bathroom? Have you shitted in there yet? No, no, no, I thought maybe I have. Is it weird that we still have like an a toilet at the front of the house? Like a blue, like a, like a port-a-loo. Oh like a tradie sauna? No they um they like built it out of wood they like, it's a wooden one. They got the toilet. They're bougie, these tradies are bougie. Yeah they took the toilet, the pink toilet, they took it out, they held on to

it, they then did some plumbing. So it's plumbed in. They got a proper plumbing portaloo. Yeah. It's not really a portaloo, it's just a loo. It's a loo. It's an outhouse. And it's great because it's got like a cover, it's got walls, but it's also, you still feel

like you're part of the mix of people there. You can hear everyone? Yeah, you can still talk to them. Have you ever wanked in there? Once. Wow. So anyway, that sophisticated. I would normally use, I like that toilet, but I love, I love the bathroom.

Bathroom is crazy. You're like, I like that toilet, but I also love the new bathroom. I kind of want him to keep that toilet at the front of the house. Like just in case. Yeah. They probably build like a nice Mattie's outhouse. I kind of, yeah. A little den.

Yeah. There's something, there's something very primal about going to do your business outside. My grandfather who sadly is not with us anymore, but they still have the outhouse at their place out the back. It's just riddled with redback spiders. So just be mindful of that. Thank you. I always, yeah, we did have a fun of a spider inside the house. That's another story.

Okay. Okay. So the bathroom, have you seen the bathroom reveal? No. Do you want to jump on your phone? Have a quick look. Shanta.mer.house. How do you pronounce it?

Shanta. Shanta. Shanta. Shanta. It's French. Oh my god. They're tiles that look like wallpaper. I like the green.

I like the stone. The green is beige but that's fine. The pink was horrid. Love heart bath. Let's have a look at the tile again. That's green, my guy. It's beige, but that's okay. Is it beige in real life?

Beige and bone. Beige and bone. That's a dark beige. I like it. I don't, doesn't matter what color it is. One of the comments that we had was from someone. They said, you couldn't pay me to shit in that bathroom. And I wrote back and I was like, just just double checking.

Do you like the bathroom or not? Are you not shitting because it's so nice? I'm not quite sure. That's that's good gear. Lots of opinions. Did you chuckle? You must have chuckled at that. I mean, do you know, you work pretty hard on. It's been a long, arduous journey to get this house finished.

We're almost there. And for someone to say that, look, I was OK. Laura, it got to her a bit. She got pretty angry. She was like, I don't know exactly what she said, but to one comment, she was like, how would you feel if I said that your brick house was fucking beige and boring? And I was like, oh, Laura, don't do that.

Just delete that. Don't get worked up. It was just a house. The house doesn't have feelings. And then people were like, yeah, but who asked? Cause I did say in the video, I'm like, let me know what you think. She did ask.

Has 744 comments on that. Yeah. That is outrageous. Can I just have a quick squizzy at the top ones? Of the comments? Yeah. Please. Let's see if you get them. Not my style but I really appreciate it. Looks fun and very expensive. Wow. That's my mom. Love it. 10 out of 10. Guess who's back. Friend of mine. Katie Lee is one of my friends. Oh what did she say? She says gorgeous guys, looks stunning. Lucky, imagine if she was the one who was like in a fisticast with Laura. You'd be ripped to pieces by Shayna Blaze.

Yeah, from the block. I did want to manage Shayna and say, what's your opinion? But the only opinion I really care about is your opinion Ash. So as someone who was a former tradie. Pink was horrible. Okay. So I'm glad you've moved on from that. You wouldn't need to pay me a shoot, I quite like it. Beige, green, dark, greeny beige. was horrible. Okay. who are like, you've ruined the integrity of the house.

Good luck with the resale. Good luck with the resale. Sells for much more. Yeah. And I was like, you have to pry the keys out of my cold dead hands. Oh, this is for you and your family to enjoy. If people can get. If someone wants to pay me a lot of money for the house. You wouldn't be able to pay me to shoot in there.

It's like, well, you should invite that guy over, give him a shit load of laxatives, and then lock the fucking bathroom door. There you go. Now you've got to pay me, fucker. It's been a roller coaster of emotions, Ash. I've been doing a lot of work on myself, as we spoke about with the ADHD, the therapy. Once again, you should be commended.

Thank you, and I do need it. But with that becomes a lot of flashbacks, a lot of memories. And we had the memory about the Qantas, which I've never fully recovered. I actually went to an art gallery with a guy who sat next to me in that exact classroom where that happened.

But that's not the story. The story is that I went to a gallery, which very out of the ordinary for me. But a's not the story. The story is that I went to a gallery, which very out of the ordinary for me, but a local artist was having an opening and I thought I'll be do the right thing and I'll go. You've changed. Thank you. I've changed in like a week. That's weird. I can do is decent amount of time. I went to the theater. I went to the theater with Ellie. We watched some ballet. I went to an art gallery afterwards. I actually went to an art gallery, then got shitfaced afterwards.

So it doesn't matter. It goes out. It goes out. They had a margarita bar at the gallery. But it got me thinking about galleries. And the last time I was at a gallery, which happened to be when I was a child. My dad used to be a sales rep.

We lived in Sydney at the time. He was all about networking because there was no social media. It was about going out and meeting people. Show face. He got one of his friends that he worked with, a partner was an artist, and invited all of us to this gallery. Mind you, two kids, mom, dad, four of us.

You all went? We all went. It was like a weekend. Well, it was probably more like... You brought kids to an art gallery. I didn't bring kids. My dad brought the kids because I don't think they... I think we were too young to just leave us. And they

probably didn't have anyone to look after us. So we all went. It was during... Sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought you were talking about when you went to the gallery. This is when you were a kid. Are you not listening to my story at all? I was not listening. I'll be honest. Well, listen to the shoe on the other foot. Usually I'm the one who can't listen.

Sorry. Let me start again then. Are you listening to me now? I can't keep up with you now that you're on medication. Sorry. I told you my brain power today is unbelievable. I telepotted here. Slow down, I'm exhausted.

I was like, I need to go to Matt's house. I'm here. Mum, dad, me, and my sister. How old are you? I would have been maybe like eight or nine. Great. My sister's a little bit older than me. Like same age as you.

30, 45. And... I giggled myself there. Sorry. I just wanted to have a dig for you. Just couldn't help yourself. I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry. I'm dig for you, not listening. You just couldn't help yourself. I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. And anyway, so we went to this gallery on a weekend. What I recall was beautiful, but in the middle of this gallery, in the middle of Surry Hills, and we know what Surry Hills is like. It's quite a... Go on. Fancy?

Did you say fancy? I don't know. A niche suburb. Let's't know. A niche suburb. Let's say it's a niche suburb. Artie Fartie. Thank you. You said it. You always let me go after him, not me.

And we all went there. There was a centerpiece. Okay. And it was, I remember it was like glass dish looking things stacked up nicely. Similar color to that light actually. Green for those. Flashback. And next to it was a book that you would write

your thoughts on the piece. It was like the main centerpiece for the whole gallery. Like when you check out at a B&B. It was the centerpiece to the whole event. Who the fuck is writing in books being like, the art was great. Well, I'll tell you who it was, Mr. Wayne Wicks, who happened to be my father.

And I am at this point, I'm out the front of the gallery with my sister, real fucking bored, as you would be as kids. And I hear a commotion, followed by a lot of glass smashing. What's happened is, my dad was writing in the book and he had his sleeve rolled up to here. And he was writing in the book, and his sleeve brushed one of the glass pieces,

the centerpiece of art. And I didn't know it was Dad at this time. It has smashed all over the polished concrete floor everywhere. And I looked at my sister, and I was like, I hope that's not Dad. And I've walked in, and I've never seen this I was like I hope that's not dad and I've walked in and I've never seen this look on my father's face and I'll never forget it it is burned in my brain. He's like I remember he was holding his hand like this because he was so embarrassed about it like this the place

was fucking silent you could hear a pin drop there's glass all over the floor my dad's face is bright red and he's sitting there like this. I remember this specifically and he was just he was just like a hand over the other hand like he's shaking his own hand against his body. Like what have I done? What have I done? $90,000 this thing. $90,000? $90,000? That's how much it was to buy it. Oh my fucking God. It is dead silent in this gallery.

Like I said, you can hear a pin drop. Thankfully dad knew the partner of the artist and it happened to be on that day, a replica. But we didn't know that at first. We didn't know going into it was gonna be. He thinks he's out of pocket 90k. He thinks, oh fuck, and my mom's like, oh fuck, and we're all like, holy shit. That's what it was like.

Anyway, so thankfully they were like, after the commotion and clean up, and we pretty much had to leave. Like you can't sit there and carry on. And the worst part about it was, because we weren't a well-off family, we took that invite as a day for maybe a day in the city with the family.

Asked for, we had a, the worst part of it was we had a lunch booked, the four of us, to go to a really old traditional Italian restaurant that was, you know, it was, it was a chaotic sort of style restaurant. Anyway, I remember we all went and not a fucking word was spoken. Hang on, did your dad write in the book at the end or? I think he didn't get to finish what he was writing.

Really loved the piece. Sorry about the mess. Wish it wasn't made out of glass. But I remember sitting at this restaurant completely silent for what felt like a lifetime and then having drive it all the way back to Northern Beaches and it's safe to say both my dad and I have not, this is the first time I've been back in an art gallery, and that was 20 something years ago. Did you break anything? Out of principle? Yes.

I was talking to the director of the gallery, like just in conversation, and I told her the story, and she said to me, you need to close the circle. I was like, what? What do you mean? Do you want me to smash something up? And she's no, no, no, just don't smash anything up. And when you finish you leave without making a mess. You're just walking around holding your hands close to your body. So the guy I was with, Cam was like, look at this artwork. Don't look at it. Am I? Oh. Anyway, they had a margarita bar.

So that really took the edge off. And then I smashed up everything and I left. And I left without smashing anything. But I did find myself like having one of those moments where I was like, oh, has the circle been closed? Yeah. Wait, that was the most unsure. Yeah. It's like, did you fucking break anything or not?

I didn't break anything. Well the circle is closed. The circle is closed. Did you break the circle? I did take a wee up against the fence out the back when I left. As long as no art was damaged in the process? It was dark so I'm not sure. But no, all good.

Well done. Thank you. Have you seen what Chappell Rona said about parents? No. For anyone who is not familiar, we're going to play it for you now. And Ash, it'll refresh our memories. This is what Chappell has said about parents slash kids.

All of my friends who have kids are in health. I actually don't know anyone who's like happy and has children at this age. Anyone who has like light in their eyes, anyone who has, who has slept. Do they think this is all wild, that like how famous you are and like all of it when they see articles about you, are they like calling you up and be like, Kaylee, what the fuck? Or are they just like, this is your life bitch, like text us when you want to come over?

Yeah, like they're just like, they're mothers, like they're fucking busy and they have jobs and lives. Like I am just their friend, you know what I mean? Like they are so sweet and so supportive and come out to shows and like they have to get fucking babysitters to come to my shows. First of all, she shat on all of her friends. Because they have to get babysitters to come to shows. They're in hell. That's your idea of hell. It's probably not their idea of hell. Okay, firstly, that's my first point.

And then she was like, but then they text me and love and support me and all this sort of stuff. Well, why don't you instead of shitting on your fucking mates, be like they've made choices. Okay, that's not my choice for now. They're probably happy. But don't say they're in fucking hell. Projecting is pretty hard though, isn't it? It is hard and it's my hell. It's not her hell. You know what I mean? So it is hell. We can agree that it is. It can be. There's moments that it's in hell, but I'm not gonna sit here and say, okay, I've got two kids, I'm in hell all the fucking time.

And some people struggle, right? We have real fucking struggles and might feel like they're in hell, but they made a choice to be parents, right? In most instances. And then said, they're really supportive of me, return the favor maybe. And then, I guarantee you,

her fucking friends aren't that supportive if she's talking about them like that. But is she wrong though? She talks about the fact that it's parenting's really hard. It is hard. And they don't, her friends look like they don't, they're not happy, they're not having sleep. So is she wrong?

Is she wrong to point out that like, hey, parenting from my perspective looks pretty shit. Yeah, it's fine to have that opinion, fine to have that opinion and be like, hey, parenting from my perspective looks pretty shit. Yeah, it's fine to have that opinion. Fine to have that opinion and be like, hey, look, you know, you can't just say they're in hell. And every parent knows it's hard, but literally my child could turn around and smile at me and it completely wipes that off

the fucking face of the planet. I can't sit here and go, they're in hell because the hell is the worst place you can end up. Always, forever, infinite. I look at it this way. And I think on the one hand, yeah, parenting is really hard, but I think it is why parents have been offended by it, is because it's like having a job, right?

You have a job, it's really, really hard. You know, you're working nine to five long hours, underpaid, and then for someone else, external to your situation to look in and point at you and go, your life looks fucking awful. It looks horrible. It's like, uh, kick a man while he's down. That's it. I think one thing that she's really forgotten to include reality is the fact that, Hey,

look, we're not going to sit here and say that parenting is amazing because, you know, anyone who's listened to the podcast knows that we talk about the fact that it is really bloody hard a lot of the time. But I think what makes parenting worthwhile is those moments where you do get that little connection, the affection from your kids. And it's not all the time. It's only like, you know, 10, 15, 20 percent of the time.'s only like you know 10 15 20 percent of the time if that entirely outweighs all of the bad parts of parenting for sure you can have the worst day on the fucking planet with or without your kids right and you can get home and little macie comes and gives me a cuddle with no strings attached to it whatsoever just and then nuzzle it up against me and whatever has happened that day is forgotten about completely. It's not, I don't live in infinite hell because that's what that is.

You have those moments and every parent will tell you you'll be like, fuck my kid pissed me off so much yesterday and then he drew a picture and it was like super sick and it was like that completely fucking changed everything. Like expect to not cop any flack from someone like me. Like I won't comment on that on a because I don't need the fucking reoccurring notifications. I'll say what I need to be said now and then that's it. If one of my mates turned around and said to me and said well I just live in hell all the time I'd say you need to go and fucking seek some help because it's not all hell. It's not infinite. I love when you get passionate. Sorry. No it help because it's not it's not all hell. That's not infinite I love when you get passionate. Sorry. No, it's nice. I think um, I'm under no illusion that parenting is not for everybody

There's like there's lots of friends of mine who? Don't have kids some of them come into town and I'm like, let's meet up and they're like great Where do you want to meet and I'm like, well, there's um, there's the kids end of Bondi Beach Which you know, I could meet you down there in like an hour with Marley and Lola. And they're like, oh, couldn't think of anything worse. And that's totally fine. Not everyone likes my bathroom, but not everyone's gonna like my situation.

It doesn't surprise me that people look at parenting and go, that looks absolutely horrendous. And there's no way I'd wanna do that. And I'm like, that's fine. I just hope that anyone who was on the fence of potentially having kids is like, not looking at those comments and being like, well, I don't really want to have kids

because for the record, parenting is hard, but it's also the most amazing, life-changing, most fulfilling time of my life. Yeah, like at the moment, because at Oscar's school, it's like a long track to get there. And like, going to pick him up in an afternoon and watching him, you know, walk up independently on his own, there's something that that gives me

that nothing else in the world will ever give me. And it's such a combination of pride and just fulfillment. Like there's something there that nothing else in the world will give me. I agree. And non-parents won't understand that, but you don't have to understand it. If it's not for you, it's not for you. That's fine, but fucking keep it to yourself.

But I will lose a bit of sleep to have those feelings. For sure. Ash, it is now time for parenting lies. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. Tell me, tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies. Ash, this one is from Kate. And she says, we convinced our kids that the Wi-Fi router is actually a pet. And if they leave the room for too long, it gets lonely and stops working. The Wi-Fi router? What? Why is it a pet?

Yeah, I don't want to, Kate, I don't want to call you out here, but like, don't you want to encourage your kids to go outside? Okay. I just thought it was a slip of the tongue. I didn't want to bring it up. Router? Router? What's... Router? It's a Wi-Fi router. Well, there's no need to yell. Router. Well, I regret picking this lie. A, because I said it wrong, and B, because I don't know why Kate.

I did think it was strange. So she wants the kids to stay inside with it. Yeah. I'm confused. A little bit confused. Maybe they're inside kids and outside there's harm. Maybe they live in a war zone. Let's move on.

Sorry. Maybe they live in a national park and there could be wild animals outside. We don't know. This one's from Rebecca. When my kids refuse to leave somewhere I tell them mosquitoes are coming out. If they still don't move I slap my legs and say mosquitoes are biting me. This always works. That's very good.

That's good. Because my kids hate mosquitoes. I can just see Kate going, no you've got to stay home because if you go outside there's mosquitoes. That is genius. At the back of our garden here, we get a lot of mozzies and the kids hate it. If they get bitten by a mozzie, it's like they've lost a limb. It's not, that's weird that what areas they're attracted to.

It's not very swampy out there. Not very swampy at all. When I lived in Tweed, we lived above, we lived on a hill that below was like, the road went through a swamp pretty much It was always where it was Mozzie fucking heaven, but thankfully they don't like me. So my sister the poor thing got attacked She got attacked on the reg. This is from Annabelle. She says that brushing your teeth will cure your sore tummy Clever clever clever. What if the kids don't have a sore tummy though?

We've got to. We tricked her. We've got to. It's funny like Oscar, and I don't know if your kids do this too where they'll go, oh go and eat your dinner. He's like, oh my tummy's sore. No, I don't get that. I get that.

He's like, I want to eat it. He's like, I want to eat it. But at the moment my tummy's sore. I'm like, no bro. Maybe he's full. No, he's just trying to trick me. He's like, shit. Okay, it. But at the moment, my tummy's sore. I'm like, no, bro. You just... Maybe he's full. No, he's just trying to trick me. He's no shit.

Okay, last one from me, from Diane. A lot of consistent, regular names this week. Great names. Great names. Last week we had some obscure names like Crystal, Shittree, was it? I can't remember. Take that out. Shrooty?

I don't know. I can't remember. Anyway, Diane, my mother-in-law convinced my husband that he was allergic to fizzy drinks. He believed until he was 15. Do you know what I believed until I was like, I still kind of believe it now. You're allergic to hay?

No, that. Do you know when you, I remember in grade one, my neighbor told me this lie, right? You know when you go like, and you're like, so you're pushing out a poo and make yourself go really red? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You know when you go like, and you're like, so you're pushing out a poo and make yourself go really red? Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah.

They said if you do that, your brain will drop through your mouth. Like it will drop into your mouth. Yeah. Like your brain will get dislodged and like fall into your mouth. And so growing up, I could never do that. I could never make myself go red because of my neighbor

one time told me that lie. It's like you have the roof of your mouth. It's like not existent. It drops down. Before we go on to questions Matt, if there are any parents out there have any lies that they tell their kids or were told or any many generations ago I don't mind because look at Ellie she's coming out with all the goods. You can email us at hello at 2dotingdads or you can go to Instagram 2dotingdads, DM us or Facebook. Time for questions. Ash, I got one here. This is actually one that I've wondered myself. This is off the back of Marley. I think maybe a kid at school lost a tooth and Marley's pumped. She lost a tooth. Not yet. But she's like, I think this one's wobbly. And I'm like, is it?

And she's like, maybe. She is ready. She's like, I'm going to rip it out of her. She is wobbling all her teeth. But I was wondering, what is standard practice for tooth fairy visits? Like, what are we giving these days? What do the kids want?

What do they need? What do they deserve? We haven't had the conversation about tooth fairies yet. And I'm trying to remember when I- What did you get as a kid? I don't think we did anything like that. What? Well come from a childhood where we didn't celebrate Halloween, Christmas, Easter. No tooth fairy.

No tooth fairy. No tooth fairy! Not that I can recall. What? No. You were robbed of a childhood. Yeah. If you lost a tooth what would happen?

I think I'd just give them to mum and dad. I don't know what they did with them. And you got nothing in return. No, okay interesting Not to bring up more childhood trauma. Let's let's do it. This is revealing a lot. I used to get a dollar That's pretty good. Is that day and age probably not in yeah this day pathetic Come to fairies not immune to inflation my guy, but I'm wondering what is what is standard practice? So I put the call out to the Facebook group. OK. Because will you do anything for Oscar and Macy

when they lose a tooth? Or will you follow in the footsteps of your parents? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, April's very much love that stuff. We will definitely do something because April loves that sort of stuff. So I don't see why we wouldn't. But I wouldn't know how much to give them.

So this is very helpful. Well, Ashley put the call out there to the Facebook group. And they've given us a few responses. Ashley says from Joe, she says, shiny coins always. Sometimes a fairy has a quiet night. So that's the reason some kids at school get more. Busy nights mean more kids to spread

the total amount between. So there's just like a total kitty. Yeah, so if she's, you know, it's a busy night, you may get 30 cents. Yeah, right. Would you withhold your tooth? You wouldn't know. It would be frustrating, wouldn't you?

Doers after. Yeah, it's a roll of the dice. Essentially what's happening there is they're introducing know. It would be frustrating wouldn't you? Yeah, yeah, it's a roll the dice. Essentially what's happening there is they're introducing gambling. It's gambling, gambling for kids. I love it. Say tooth fairy. This is from Shaz.

We put it in a drawstring bag on the bedside table for the tooth fairy. We did 10 bucks. The first tooth, along with a note saying the tooth fairy only takes nice clean. Well brushed teeth. After that, it was $5 a tooth. I love the brushed clean tooth inks.

10 bucks. That's a lot. That's a lot. One person wrote in and said, $5 is standard practice. I think five is a nice amount. Ash, if this makes sense. So you put the tooth in a glass cup next to the bed, right?

Then you make sure you have an identical cup to the one that the tooth is in. Okay? Okay, so like your glassware? Make sure it's all consistent. Yep, my house would be fucked. Then get the other cup, add glitter, coins, and even food dye if you like.

And so when they're asleep, you do a quick switch. Far out, people are really going hard after this. What if the kid knocks the glass, then you got fucking- Then you got glass over it. What if they knock the glass, get up, go away, step on the glass? It could be a whole thing.

Yeah, and then they cut an artery. Fucking imagine that. And the foot artery is very well known for kids bleeding out. Minutes. Minutes. Minutes? The tooth fairy's like, may plan. Set an alarm in capitals, no need to yell.

One time the tooth fairy did a no show, fell asleep on the job and had to write a letter of apology to my son. Apparently it was too windy for the tooth fairy on that particular night. Yeah, she hates high wind. That's a known fact. These are good. I like it. Last one is... Oh, God. No, Jesamin. Did we have a Jesamin last time?

Same Jesamin? Jes-mim. Jes-mime. Jes-mim. Jes-mim. I'll be backing him in. Sounds made up, all these names, guys. She says... This is really... This is your...

This is your type of parenting. I was drunk on Melbourne Cup Day and gave my daughter 20 bucks for a first tooth about that I Love how that $20 would have been like the end of day Yeah, Danny I lost a tooth Tread yourself his 20 bucks get your own man a beer Very good. I like that. Look no when we have two questions. We have run out of time. Here's 20 bucks, get your old man a beer. Very good, I like that. Look, Norman, we have two questions. We have run out of time.

That's my fault. If I take some medication, we won't shut him up, bloody hell. Yeah, you're in for one. No, thank you. Actually, always a pleasure. Don't patronise me. I thoroughly enjoyed this episode with you.

And if you've enjoyed this episode, you can give us some... You can give us a review. Constructive feedback. Yeah, a few comments. Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you listen to this podcast, we want to hear your thoughts.

Or on social media, Two Doting Dads. Let's not forget, Ash, you're wearing one right now. This smelly nappy tea, we have a few left. They look fantastic. It's nice, it's nearly like, could also be like a run club tea. Yes. Is it smoking?

It's a running nappy with a microphone. Come and run. So if you want to pick up a shirt there's a few left to dotingdads.com 45 bucks. A bit of shipping. Yeah a bit of shipping. And Ash we better get out of here. We should do. Goodbye. Bye. Yeah. Yeah. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.