Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #139 Dad With Millions Of Followers Shares His Sobriety Journey

Episode Date: April 20, 2025

Ben Tate may just be the biggest social media dad we’ve had on the pod. You probably know him as one-half of Ben and Zara, the father-daughter duo behind those viral lip-sync videos. However, behind the fun and fame lies a pretty wild story. Ben grew up in the entertainment world, acting in ads and TV shows. He lived life on unpredictable schedules and short-term contracts. That was all fine... until the birth of his daughter Zara nearly nine years ago. Her arrival came with a dramatic birth story and a major wake-up call, one that forced Ben to step away from something that was quietly pulling his life off course. For anyone struggling with addiction or seeking support, here are some helpful resources in Australia: Alcohol and Drug Foundation (ADF): Offers information, advice, and services to help with addiction recovery. Website: adf.org.au Beyond Blue: Provides support for mental health issues, often linked with addiction. Helpline: 1300 22 4636 Website: beyondblue.org.au Lifeline: Offers crisis support for individuals in need. Helpline: 13 11 14 Website: lifeline.org.au Each organisation offers resources, hotlines, and guidance on seeking help and managing recovery. Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ash, question for you. Fire away, big guy. Okay, I would like to know how many followers you have on social media. None of your damn business. What do you got? You're a total million? Million. Yeah, million. Yeah, that's pathetic! You're nothing! You're an embarrassment!

This is words I need to hear. I need to hear this. I needed to hear this today. Thank you. Do you know who has a lot more? How many do you got? Do you know who has a lot more? How many you got? No. Do you know who does have a lot? Who's that man? A lot more than us.

Yes. Ben Tate from Ben and Zara. Yes, they have millions of followers, Matt. Can I just interrupt really quickly? No. 2.9 million on Instagram and 5.2 million on the TikToks. Oh my God. You might have seen them performing entertaining

lip sync videos of your favorite songs. Yeah, they're really popping off. Popping off, Ash. It's a vibe. Vibes are high. Welcome back to Nova, where vibes are high. Ben is dad to Zara and has a youngest son named Jordan. His beautiful wife is called Lisa.

He's grown up acting in ads and TV. So his life has always been at the mercy of contracts and unusual schedules, which wasn't a problem up until Zara came along almost nine years ago. I hear the story behind her birth is wild. Little teaser for you there. Little teaser. Zara's birth also served as a tipping point in Ben's life when he realized he had to give up something that was leading him down a path of self-destruction.

Ooh, another little tease for you there. Look at us just edging the listeners this morning. Did you say edging? It's a great chart. I loved it. Let's get into it. Welcome back to 3 Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. I'm Ash. And I'm Ben. This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. Ben, we have to tell you that on our podcast,

we don't give any advice. There is no pressure whatsoever to give advice. If you have any advice, we're sitting on a topic and you go, I can add advice to that. You're allowed to. But if you don't want to, that's fine as well. Also, if Ash and I start to give advice, it's your responsibility to pull us up and go.

You got it. Yeah. Nice. You had the legal responsibility. Yeah. Anyway, that should keep the lawyers really happy. Yeah. Okay.

Perfect. We always like to start off with our guest as a youngster. You know, we were talking before and we found out where you grew up. Yes. Punchbowl. Punchbowl for the first 15 years. It did. You seem far too refined to be from Punchbowl.

Oh, look out. Wow. I won't tell my punchy mates. Yeah, let Matt upset them. I'm not going to say anything for the rest of the day. To all the boys in 2196, I'm sorry. 2196! I'm joking. No. No, it's so good. We'll edit this out of the podcast. No, we won't.

I think it's an astute observation of that song. Yes, yeah, it's fair. It did get changed to Roselands in I think 91 or 92. The whole sub-line? Yes, well, no, they cut part of Punchbowl into Roselands. They cut the nice part out. Yes. So I'm reluctant to say Roseland's because it doesn't sound as tough, but

it was Roseland's from 91. I was there for the first 15 years. Was that like an obvious choice to kind of rebrand? Like Punchbowl's like, come here and we'll fucking punch ya. It was obvious because there was Roseland's shopping centre. So they went with that. But yeah, it's... I'm reading between the lines though. And this is in no way trying to like paint you and the people of Punchbowl and Roseland's

in a certain way. Sure. Were you someone who got into trouble? Were you well behaved? I was cheeky. I was cheeky. I was mischievous. Yeah, I wasn't entirely well behaved, but yeah, we can go into that later.

Let's go to it right now. Do you recall the worst thing you did at school? Let's just say, let's start with that. Oh, that you can share. That you can share. It was punch balls or whatever you can share. Yeah. That you can share. It was punch balls or whatever you can share. I once threw a fire, you know, those throw downs. Oh, the, yeah, like the bungers or whatever.

Yeah, bungers. I once threw a bunger at a teacher while they're on the whiteboard. Now- Facing the whiteboard? Yes, they were writing something on the whiteboard. And I want to say their real names, but Ronnie and Giovanni said that on the count of three, we'll all throw them. But Ronnie and Giovanni didn't. Shout out to you boys.

Didn't throw them. I did. And it hit the whiteboard. And those things are quite bomb. It went off and he dropped these. And he was a real like stern teacher. Dropped his whiteboard marker. Because they're like a little like a gunpowder.

It's just gunpowder wrapped in essentially like a cigarette roll. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like a Tally Ho. Yes. And yeah, he dropped his marker and flew off the handle. And, yeah, and I had to own up to it after about 10 minutes. Was he, was he like, who, who? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we're not leaving until we find out. And then the deputy principal came and- Oh shit. How old are you at this point? 14, I think, or 14 or 15. Oh, formidable years. Yes. Yes, yes. But you are you at this point? 14, I think, or 14 or 15. Formidable years. Yes, yes, yes.

You've lived to tell the tale. So that's pretty good. We asked that question and we get, you know, I wag school. No real like attempted violence. So that's pretty good. Did your parents find out? Yeah, I got suspended for that. Yes.

In the school suspension or actually at home suspension? At home. Oh, for three days I think it was. Holiday! I don't understand suspension. For boys like I was, it was just your beauty. Yeah, I was stoked. What we had to do when we got suspended at school is we would have to work with

the groundskeepers. And that was a good deterrent. Yeah. What school was that again? It was St. Peter's. Yeah. There's a lot of great land staffers came out of St. And the groundskeepers were just, they were grumpy.

Yeah. Yeah. MCG, SCG. Yeah. They all, we bred them. The Gabba specifically. Did you, at this point, did you have any taste of drama? In acting?

Yeah. Did you do? Plenty of drama, but yeah. Yeah. I, so I did my first commercial when I was nine. Oh, what was it? Uh, it was a Dimmick's Books commercial, hashtag not sponsored. Um, and it was, yeah, I was, it was a Christmas

campaign and then I did a few commercials from there. Your child star. Yeah, no, let's not get into that. But yeah, probably in my teens I was in a SOPE for a couple of years. Oh, which one? I was called Breakers. Was set in Bondi. How do they know that? Yes. Was set in Bondi. Ada Nicodemou and James Stewart were two of the notable. James Stewart went to the grand final with him. Yes. Yes.

So yeah. Yeah. Jimmy. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, I was on that for two years from 17 to 19. You're a real child star. Can I ask, were you like a floating extra or were you a bit of a...

No, I was, I was full time. What was your character's name? Danny Simmons. And he spoke like this. And he, so I was the son of the central family. But yeah, I never really told my mates, like before I got that role, I didn't tell anyone that I acted. Why is that? It was a bit of a punchbowl thing, I think, you know, it was like, it wasn't cool. Um, it was a bit showy. Um, so I'd end up on commercials and the notable one when I was 11 was a fish fingers commercial. I was called fish fingers at school for a year.

Oh yeah. It was awful. It's actually, I didn't want to do a horrible show. Ash was called that for different reasons. He says, oh yeah. I was going to say, in your high school years, that would have been the nickname to have. Sorry. Ben, we apologize.

None of it. No apologies. Bloody fish fingers, I ain't had it again. But then, Pete, like they would have known, right? Because breakers. They would have ended up on telly. Yeah. And people would say.

Is that you? Yeah. And then I'd. And you go, looks like me, but it's not. Sometimes. Smell my fingers. Yeah. Jez is giving me, I can feel the hate from Jez right now.

I'm sorry, Jez. I can't help myself. We'll clean this up. No, we won't. Don't worry. It's quite a big role, you know, being on Breakers. Yes. Even though you're reluctant to tell everyone publicly, did you think, oh this could be a career for me? Absolutely. It's what I always wanted to do when I was a kid. I wanted to act. Michael J Fox was my hero. Yeah.

Back to the future, all that sort of stuff. And I, yeah, I did want to do it. I really did. But when I got Rakers, I was quite a wayward teen and it was a little bit like rewarding bad behavior. So really during that time I was, I took it for granted when I looked back on it. I was always at work on time and all that sort of stuff, but I, yeah, it was so much fun, but I really, I didn't give it the respect that it deserved. Yeah. Yeah. You're also a teenager,

aren't you? You're trying to like enjoy yourself. Absolutely. And, but I was a cheeky kid and, and yeah, but it was a great lesson, really amazing lesson, particularly now with Zara. And then at what point did you meet your now wife? 2011, I was 31. Yeah, that's when I met Lisa. Do you remember where it was? Absolutely. It was the town hall hotel in Balmain, which is no longer there. I used to work there and I went there to see the manager or the owner of the

place at the time and I walked in and Lisa was sitting at the bar and her friends were talking to a couple of guys behind her and she was sitting by herself. Yeah. I thought she was the prettiest woman I'd ever seen. Yeah, there's more to the story. I should say, I'll say anyway. So I, there was, I worked there for six years. And there was an old bloke who had had a couple and he was trying to tune, trying to chatter up. And I was watching and I was talking to a couple of blokes and one of them said, and I should preface this by saying I wasn't leering, but I just kept looking at her and going, she's amazing.

And I said it to these guys, I said it to these guys, she's, she's incredible. And one of them said, you can't still look at her. And I said, No, I can't. And the old bloke was trying, he was making a laugh and whatnot. But I could tell she was politely declining. And so I went up, bit the bullet. After about half an hour, I went up and said, well, she wasn't being a cost of half an hour. But after about five minutes, I walked up and said, sorry to interrupt, is my dad annoying you? And, and she laughed and I said, yeah, he went, oh, no, no, no.

But we had a bit of a rapport. So I was okay. And then I said, if I get rid of you, will you buy me a drink? And she said, maybe. And I went, all right. And so then I said to old mate, come upstairs, let's go have a drink. We went upstairs to the other bar. I bought him a drink and then I, I tailed him.

Smoke bomb. Pushed him out the window. And I've since thanked him. I went downstairs and, uh, I said, this sounds cheesy, but I said, I believe someone owes me a drink. Now I bought the drinks. But, uh, For said, and this sounds cheesy, but I said, I believe someone owes me a drink. Now I bought the drinks, but, um, but she was, yes, but she was, she made me so nervous and she said something. So first thing was she started saying, she said, you're not 31, you're too young for 31.

So I had to show him my ID. And then when I did. She a bouncer? And my mom used to always say, you pout in your photos. Why do you pout in your photos? And this is the thing that I do a little. And the first thing Lisa said when she looked at it, she went, oh, you're not lying. And she goes, do you pouty? And I just went, holy shit. What is going on here?

And then I started doing the most just naff stuff. I was living in an apartment overlooking the water at Queenscliff at the time, like on the cliff face. So I started showing her stuff. Like, this is where I live, like just so nervous and cringy. Classic move. Yeah, yeah. And she said, are you trying to impress me? No, no, no. And I ended up leaning in and saying, you're making me really nervous. Yeah. And I think you're really cool. And we chatted and the rapport was the chemistry was there. And fortunately, she called me back the next day. And we chatted and the report was, the chemistry was there. And fortunately she called me back the next day and yeah, we sort of hit the ground running fairly well.

No, we took things slow, but we, we were hanging out quite a bit for a couple of months. And then that's a good story. That's a great story. Yeah. Sometimes we get stories then they're like, ah, met him at a pub and he's like, what? Yeah.

You've given us the full. That was movie worthy. At 31. Yes. I don't know if many blokes are thinking about starting a family. When did that thought process start to enter your mind? That was the thing. I was thinking a couple of months before that, I started thinking, I really want to meet the one.

Because of something happened or I, I just felt like everything else I was involved in was like at a surface level and I was, you know, I was dating, but it felt quite empty and I really wanted to connect with someone and I'd seen other mates that were meeting the one and uh, yeah. And I, yeah, so it was, it was quite, and I actually, after I met Lisa that night, I rang a mate and said, I think I just met my wife. Wow. Like that isn't, I don't think I, my family would probably say I'm the king of bold statements, but at that time it wasn't something I would ever say.

You didn't throw that out previously. It wasn't like a weekly text. No, no, no. Or like a how I met your mother situation where it was just like, that's the way. No, it was, yeah, there was something. Wow. Powerful. Yeah, it was powerful. It was really powerful. And so then at what point did you start to say, hey, do you want to get pregnant? did you start to say, hey, do you want to get pregnant?

So we got married in December. So we met July 2011 and we got married December 2013. And we talked before we got married, we said, Lisa said, I'd love to start trying straight away. And as soon as we're married. And so yeah, that was pretty much it. And we love a birth story. Yes. Okay.

How was it for you from when the waters broke to when you ended up in hospital? Wow. Okay. So around two months before, so we found out Lisa was due on the 14th of February. And I, two months before I went for an audition for the lead in an international TV commercial. So we found out that Lisa was due with our first born on the 14th of February. And two months before that, I went for an audition for the lead in an international TV commercial.

And when you go for an audition, you sign a thing where it says, do you have conflicts for the, for any conflicts for the following dates, fourth, fifth and sixth of February. And I just thought, no, I don't because you don't want to make it sound that you're difficult to work with or give any reason why you shouldn't be picked, right? For sure. But also, I'm going to sound like a numpty, but I didn't think that our baby would come early. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And I just genuinely was just like, was June the four-toothed? Yeah. You think that's the day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I did in that moment. And

so 4th of February rolls around. I need to be in the Eastern suburbs, was living in the Northern beaches. I get up at 3.30 in the morning. I have to be there on set. Oh, you booked the job. I booked, sorry, I booked the job. I booked the job, which was awesome. Congratulations. Thank you. You know, new family, young family, all that sort of stuff. It was a good earn. So I was stoked. I wake up at 3.30 in the morning on the 4th of February to get ready to be on set at I think five,

quarter past five or something. And Lisa's not in the bed and she's in the bathroom with the door closed, which is weird in itself. And then I've gone, you're all right? And she said, I think so. My water's broken. So I opened the door. Super excited. And then in the absolute moment, you do not want to make it about yourself. Yeah, I've gone, holy shit, I've got a job. I've got to go to this thing. Because I've been in the industry since I was a kid, I knew there could be legal

ramifications if I don't turn up. Yeah. And you know, TV, that's the thing. Time is money. Yeah. And it was an international thing. So all these people had come over from overseas. It was like, it was a big thing.

Sorry about my son, he's here. It was a big thing. Sorry, I've got my sonnies here. Uh, it was a massive thing. So, uh, I said to her, listen, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to call my sister, Carly. Carly had actually helped a couple of people give birth. She's a freak of nature. She's amazing. Not a midwife?

Not a midwife. OT, Occupational Therapist. Just a hobbyist midwife. Like seriously, she loves it. And I said, I'll call Carly. She lived 10 minutes away. I'm going to get Carly to come. She takes you to the hospital. I am not going to miss this. I'm going to go there. I have to front up. We could be in a lot of trouble if I don't talk to them. I'm going to front up, tell them what the go is, but I'm not going to miss it.

I will make it. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to do it. So my sister came, we're all, it's all good. It's all good. It's all good. The guilt that I had was, mate, to this day, I still feel a bit sick about it. Anyway, I'll get to set and I spoke to the head of production and they were livid. Filthy. Are you? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. What? Can't it wait? and they were livid, filthy.

Are you? Oh yeah, oh yeah. What? Can't it wait? Just that, well, because I'd signed the thing and I hadn't told them, it looked like I was pulling a Swifty and I absolutely wasn't. And I just said, I'm so sorry,

but I'm not missing the birth of my first child. Yeah, totally fair. Yeah. You know, TV, anyone's production, whether it be a TV commercial, it's the most important thing in the world. Totally. For them, right? And I get that, but I couldn't do it. So I threw everything into a tailspin. And they said, look, we're gonna try and film. Oh, well, fortunately, the first assistant director had his wife had just given birth to their first about three weeks before. So he was really connected and in tune with it.

And he came up to me and said, mate, I'm gonna do everything I can to get you out of here. Let's film as much as we can. You stay in touch with your sister, get updates and we'll go from there. Let's, mind you, I had to speak to the camera. So I was doing monologues and doing the whole bit. So anyway, fast forward.

Mine's a bit preoccupied. Yeah, just a bit. And so I'm sitting there, I'd say, if you wanna, and then, and cut, and then I look at my phone, Okay, we're okay at the moment. And then action and do it again. And I'll never forget this lighting guy. He was an older bloke. He had three kids and knew the drill. And he goes, Ben, do you know how many centimeters dilated she is? And now shout out to Montevale Hospital birthing classes. I didn't listen to this.

And I went, oh, I don't know. Then my sister pings me and says eight centimeters dilated. That's the one. That's slash. Oh shit. Yeah. We should know that we don't. We should know that.

I feel so much better. We should know that. I feel so much better having you guys say that. So then I've said eight centimeters to old mate and he goes, oh, shit. And I went, oh, is that close? Is it? He said, dude, that's close. And then the next text was in capitals. She's coming. We knew we were having a little girl.

So I've told Seth, it's a Eastern suburb, Sydney, to Mona Vale. That's like, it could be an hour drive. This is peak hour. Man. This is, I think it was seven o'clock by this time and seven AM and they've gone, go, go, go, go, go, go. You've got to come back, just go.

So I've ran barefoot, jumped in the car, and yeah, I'm not proud of this, but I did speed. And I got a speeding fine, which I got a speeding fine in the tunnel, which was later on retracted because I proved everything, which was quite... That's pretty cool. I didn't know you could do that. Yeah, and some people don't get away with it. That day I got someone that was, maybe they had the same thing happen to them,

but they were lovely. So thank you to the New South Wales government. Yeah. So, and I try, I'm on Pittwater road and my sister's going, hurry up, hurry up. And police, I was in the right lane and a police officer was in the bus lane pulled over and I'm trying to flag them. I'm beeping at them. He's looking at something on his monitor in the middle of the car and the one time I want a copper to look at me on the road, he did

not flinch. I was beeping at him because I'm thinking, escort me, escort me. So doesn't flinch. So I'm in and out of cars. It's like one of the worst roads to be in and the potholes on that road are unbelievable. No ridiculous. And so I'm using the bus lane, doing everything I can. I get to turn right into Mannevale Hospital and I'm beeping flashing lights at the red light and going, I'm going, I'm going. Complete melodramatic want to be actor. Anyway, so I've done it. I've gone the red.

I've ran in, no shoes on. Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? My wife Lisa? Making a complete scene. Unbeknownst to me, my sister, my beautiful wife, Lisa, and the lovely lady, the midwife, were in the zone. They were in a zen-like state. And I run in and go, oh yeah, oh yeah. And they were not that pleased. The midwife thought I was a jerk because why did I miss the first couple

of hours, I think. Anyway, she, the midwife goes slow down. And Lisa and I both looked at her and went, who are you talking to? And she pointed square at me and said, you. And I went, so held her hand, did the thing, three pushes and little Zara Tate was born. So, literally within minutes. Oh my gosh. Yeah. It was amazing.

So the speeding fine was worth it. Absolutely. Yeah, it was. And you made it back, did you make it back to the shoot? See, that was the, it was so hard. I, we did skin to skin, all that stuff. And then had to, um, my manager rang me and said, I'm so sorry. You don't need to go back. And so I went back and, um, yeah, that was really hard.

I ended up going back and doing reshoots, mate. It was so stressful. And that's really the main reason I stayed for as long as I did was because of that. And when I went back, people were saying to me, you know, you just didn't put it down on the sheet because you wanted the money. And guilty. I did want the money, but I didn't think that it would come a different day. I genuinely just didn't think. I was very foggy at that

stage in my life as well. Yeah. Okay. Um, it was a funny time and yeah, it's anyway, that's what happened. Well, you made it. That's the main thing. Yes. Yeah. You did. Oh Ben, I've got to ask. Um, I think last time I checked Instagram was you're sitting on 2.7 I think last time I checked Instagram was you're sitting on 2.7 million. Yes. Am I right? 2.8. Yes, as of today, but that could change.

And TikTok was 5.2. Ah, 5.1 I think. They are some crazy numbers. So I do both of us have to say congratulations. Thanks mate. It's really bloody impressive. Thank you. Do you remember the very first viral video that you did? Our first video was, it wasn't as viral as we've had since then,

but it was the first video sort of set us up. That was a lip sync we did during lockdown. I want it that way by the Backstreet Boys. Great song. I want it that way. Yes. Tell me why. And that's the exact part that we did. Was it the, wasn't the Brooklyn Nine-Nine version was it? Or like the Ely Sane?

No. It was the actual thing. Yeah, it was the actual thing. Right. Okay. Yes. And, um, yeah, we filmed it during lockdown. Zara and I were filming a lot of stuff during lockdown and I had never. Crossed my mind for it to go that way. My brother had said to me about 18 months before I posted it. You know, this, you, you doing your thing and Zara doing her thing, there's,

there's a market, I think people would love it. And I poo pooed the idea cause I didn't really want to get Zara involved on camera and all that sort of stuff. And it just all seemed a bit, yeah, too hard basket. So how many followers would you have had before the Backstreet Boys video? None. No. And then it went, I think we got like 30,000 off that video. None. No. And then it went, I think we got like 30,000 off that video. And then

we sort of went, holy shit, like, you know, this is, this could have something here. And like I rang my family. I literally was on, in tears on the phone to my brother because I was saying, I don't know if I want to put Zara out there. And, um, and how old was she at the time? Five. Yep. And, uh, and he, and the rest of my family, Lisa and my mom and my sister, we all sort of talked about it and said, as long as it remains fun and you know, she loves it and only do what you're comfortable with and what she's comfortable with, then go for it. Be motivated by success, not fear, all that sort of stuff. And, and so we went for it. Um, but we didn't, we always, we never really filmed a lot. It was always something

that we just, we'd do two or three videos a week at the start. And with lockdown, I suppose there's all sorts of time. And then you would have been doing, I don't know, was she at school? Or just, she was, but she was doing homeschooling. So you had to homeschooling and all sorts of stuff with your videos now. I mean, it's been, it's been a while since then. And the following is quite big. Who comes up? Who's the creative inspiration?

Who is it a bit of both or? Uh, so Zara, we basically with music, because a lot of our stuff is music, but everything we do, I vet with Zara. So I'll say, I'll show her a song. Do you like it? She either likes it or she doesn't. She's like, I don't really like the police there, but shit. But generally every now and then she'll go, I don't know, I don't know, but it would be fun. I can see what you're thinking. Any bands that she's knocked back that you're a big fan of? She knocked back.

The Eagles. Oh, actually, I don't know if we'll know. She has knocked back. She's knocked back a couple of heavy metal ones. She's not a big heavy metal fan. Are you a heavy metal fan? I like some. Yeah, I like some.

Metallica. Yeah, she's not big on Metallica. She didn't want to do the slipknot or anything like that? No, we actually did one, Disturbed. Get Down With The Sickness. We did that recently. And that performed really well. And she loved that.

She liked the Hulk and all that sort of stuff. But she was like, this is heavy, dad. But yeah, as far as inspiration goes, Zara will come up with stuff in the moment and I'll just say, you do this part, I'll do that part, blah, blah, blah, blah. She likes all that direction, but she really creates whatever she wants to create. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah. And I can imagine for her, because we all sort of grew up and then a lot of us didn't find a creative outlet until there was a pandemic.

Yes. Like I didn't do any of this stuff before it started. And I was like, so for her now, growing up, she's got this creative outlet already. For sure. Which is just going to help her be more powerful when she gets older. Right. Yeah, we would hope so. That's what, you know, we're so fortunate with how it's been received and she really wants to act. And there's been some amazing doors that have opened. Yeah. I think I can really talk about it at the moment, but she's doing a thing and she's working at it.

She's got an acting coach in LA. Oh, let me speculate. What have we got? I feel like, yeah, feature film. I think it'd feature film. I feel like I haven't heard her sing, but I feel like she can sing. She's a good dancer. It's a musical.

It's definitely a musical. It's definitely a musical. But if you get it, well, if she gets in a film, hypothetical, are you like, I wouldn't mind being in the film as well? For sure. But I've come to, yeah, of course, the former me. But I have definitely come to accept that she could play the daughter of someone more talented.

No. Yeah, there is a little, and you know what? Great game. Oh, dude, it is. If it was my son. I'd be like, take him. Yeah, no, she's, she did. That took a little bit of getting used to for her. That I said to her, you know, this could, it could turn out someone else. I mean, Brad Pitt is your dad. Yeah. And she's gone home. The first time we talked about it, she went, oh, I don't like that. And now she's totally cool with me. Well, with Marley, because Marley's now turning six. Yes. Very shortly.

And there's been moments where she's asked questions. There was one time when she was on the back of a bus with Laura. And she was like... On a picture, just not hanging on the back of the bus. It's hanging on. We left her there. On the floor, 3-3 at Bondi. She was like, Dad, am I?

Am I famous? And I was like, oh, yeah. I want this kid to have some level of resilience. You know, I don't want her growing up. Humble her a little bit. Yes, exactly. You wish. So I was like, no, no, no, no, no.

It's no big deal that you're in the back of the bus. It's very normal. Nothing to be proud of. I was like, you're nothing. Have you ever been on a bus before her or she was on a bus before you? I was on a bus one time. Yes. Many, many, many. Not me, man.

Just beat me out. Your time will come. What do you think? Have there been any moments when she was younger where she was kind of like, hang on a second, like am I someone? Yeah, for sure. And how do you navigate that conversation? So we tell her that it's part of the thing.

If you really want to do this, you're going to get recognized. But that stuff's not important. It's not, it's nothing about your self-worth or anything. That's not what really is important. That you're kind, you're down to earth. This is just a, it's a thing. It's not, fame is a funny and weird thing and people are going to react. You know, they're going to give you a lot of, wow, you're so amazing, but really they're talking about your gift, what you're gifted in and what your talent is. They don't really know who you are underneath it. So what's important is that you're kind to those people you say hello, but yeah, I don't know, that's a long winded answer, but it's, it's, I think it's good.

We think that's solid. I was like, I was with you. That's a long winded answer, but it's, it's, I think it's good. We think it's solid. I was like, I was with you for the journey on that one, but I liked how you, you were, you sort of set, you separated it to who she is for sure. And that there, there is a person under there and that people are going to tell you how good you are, but it's to remember to, for you to stay humble and be kind. And the show people actually had good, you are being a person as well. That's what I got from that. For sure to tell you how good you are, but it's to remember for you to stay humble and be kind and to show people actually how good you are at being a person as well. That's what I got from that.

For sure, thank you. Yeah, that's pretty much what I was getting at because we did a TikTok live once and when you're allowed to have your kids on it and the comments were, you're so beautiful, Zara, you're so pretty, you're so great, you're so awesome, you're this, you're that. And I got off and we made a little bit of money in that

time, like from that one session, which, and I just said to Lisa, we can't do this again. Because if we do that again, she, her self-worth is going to come from that. And so that is in line with what you just said. We really don't, when people are telling you how amazing she is, that's what they're seeing online. That's, you know, that's not, you don't get your self-worth. Yeah, you're amazing in other ways that they haven't seen before. Which I think like when you said that, you know, that you're so beautiful, you know,

that could be so interpreted in so many different ways. That could be like your personality online is so beautiful, you as a person. They don't know that, they just see it from face value, right? Sure. Yeah. And it's just dangerous for total kids. So yeah, Zara has absolutely no access to anything like that. So if she may or may not be in a film coming up, who knows? Can you promise us something? Yes.

When you're in Hollywood and you're walking the carpet of the Oscars, can you just still remember us? When you got her role, I'm like, do you know two other dads? We need three dads for this. Yeah. I know the perfect one. I know him. What is that? Three men and a role. I'm like, do you know two other dads? We need three dads for this. I know them. What is that? Three men and a baby.

With, you mentioned your son. What makes him tick? Oh dude, sport. Love sport. What's his favorite? The doggies? At the moment, yeah, doggies. He's all about the doggies. Who's his favorite player from the doggies? Yeah, Burton. Matt Burton. Loves Matt Burton. Kick-Out. Yeah. All the imports. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, all the Pinterest. Yeah, he's footy, but all sports. Him and I will watch sports channels all the time. Nothing specific. Yeah, anything. We were watching the other day. Archery. Yeah, anything. Is he playing sport? Yeah, he's playing soccer at the moment.

We registered him into the local footy team, but it coincided with soccer. So we've said next year he can play league much to his mom's excitement. Yeah, it's been a hard one, but he's prepared to play without his mates. And so I said, shouldn't we honor that? That he really wants it. Yeah, it's been a hard one. But he's prepared to play without his mates. And so I said, shouldn't we honor that? That he really wants it. He wants it. And so she's cool with that.

She gets it. Yeah, that's cool. My kid did Union last year and he did one training session. We sponsored the team too. Did one training session, then he spent the rest of the training sessions in the bathroom. He fell over once. Yeah, he doesn't feel for football. in the bathroom. He fell over once. Yeah.

He doesn't feel for football. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. But he's fast. He's like everything like, uh, how old is he now? He's eight. He's eight.

So obviously he's prime position for everything at school. Who's the fastest is the best. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

He's like, he's quick. Oh yeah. Yeah. He's really quick. And, um, yeah, he's, yeah, but, but he has a knack for performing as well. He's hilarious, but he just doesn't really, he's not super interested. Yeah. Okay.

Well, out of interest, what field does Lisa work in? So she worked in insurance for a while. She's worked in healthcare. She works in daycare at the moment, just a couple of days here and there. But all the performing ability has come from yourself. Not at all. No, she actually is. A lot of the concepts, Lisa will come up with,

a lot of the songs. Wow. We've got an ongoing argument. It's a family band. Yeah, absolutely. We've got an ongoing argument about who's got the most viral videos for concepts. Wow.

Who's winning at the moment? I think it's gotta be me. But yeah, she's, she's incredible. Like we've unlocked this and particularly for paid partnerships and whatnot. Yeah. It takes me three days to figure something out. Takes Lisa three minutes. Wow.

That's a skill. Yeah. Cause I mean, we do that all week, every week. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, where you decided that being sober was the most important thing for you? Oh, I look, it'd been a long journey of trying to knowing that I shouldn't drink. You know, my mom would say in my late teens, she'd say some people just shouldn't drink and you're one of them. And, and meeting Lisa, I went to rehab in 2010 and I did a nine week stint in there. And I got out and I tried to curve,

I tried to get above my drinking by just drinking light beers and what they call controlled drinking. And I went okay for a while and things started going well in my career. light beers and what they call controlled drinking. And I went okay for a while and things started going well in my career. I was doing voiceovers at the time and things were doing well. And then I met my dream girl and- When you say controlled drinking, what does that mean? Is that just- I'll be careful because I'm not like, I'm not completely well versed in that.

Yeah, but for yourself I guess. For me it was it was light bit and it was watching my portions and how often I had it and all that sort of thing. But what happened was with the career and Lisa on the surface it all looked like everything was awesome and what I've learned in my recovery is that social acceptability doesn't equal recovery. It doesn't equal being grounded and all that sort of stuff. And for me, I ended up, you know, I'd lease her and I'd be out, we'd have a light beer and she'd have her wine or whatever. And then I'd go to the bar and have a couple of shots without her knowing. And that sort of progressed over time. And then, you know, we got married in 2013.

And yeah, I blacked out at my wedding. Oh, wow. Towards the end of it. And I said a couple of mean things to some really, you know, some of the people I love the most in my life, you know, two of my groomsmen out of three, my sister-in-law who was the nicest person you've ever met, my cousin, and it was actually my cousin the next day who rang me and told me. I had no idea. And so we went on the honeymoon. I was just filled with remorse, guilt and regret.

My brother, six weeks later, when he felt comfortable to talk to me again, I had a family function, mind you, I had a beer in my hand and I was apologizing profusely to both him and my sister-in-law. And my brother looked at me and said, it's all right mate, it'll never happen again though, will it? And he gave me this look like, better not happen. And I went, no, no, no mate. And I remember thinking as clear as day, I remember thinking, I can't guarantee that. That happened. But then a couple, a couple of weeks later, I didn't come home when I said I'd come home. I was blacked out.

It was not pretty. Lisa found me somewhere in the bushes somewhere. Textbook, like what you'd see in a movie about an alcoholic. And Lisa said, you need to clean up. And if you don't, we're over. And this was after two months of marriage. And so I went to my psychologist that I was seeing at the time. I was seeing a psychologist because I was just riddled with anxiety and all the

stuff, but I was constantly drinking and you know, partying what I thought was partying. But the party was well over. And, and the psychologist referred me to a community of like minded people and said, you need to get sober. And so yeah, that sort of started my journey. Yeah. Wow. It was a start of it. Good on you for being able to be in a position where you could

have gone either way. Thank you. Look, it's taken a village. It absolutely has. And I still have a lot of support around it. What's been the hardest, do you think, about staying on the right track? Look, mate, I grew up with older male role models saying the phrase, never trust a man that doesn't drink. Wow.

You know, and that, that is so ingrained, you know, and I loved the beer. Love the taste of it. It was a beer connoisseur, you know, like I was all over it. And, you know, the social aspect of it was the hardest part for the first couple of years. And my mates, like, I love my mates, but it was the only way I knew how to connect with anyone was with, you know, a skin fall. And I used it for everything, you know, when I was happy, when I was sad, when I was angry. And so having to feel things was brand new. I'd been drinking for 21 years, most days, particularly in the last 10 years. And, uh, yeah, that was really hard, this new life. And then Zara was born and I was nine months sober when she was born.

And, you know, early recovery for a lot of people, if I should speak for myself, was tough. Like it was because it was my identity was wrapped up in that. I was the party boy, you know, but it was clear to everyone close to me that I was really sick. You know, I had yellow, I was yellow as I had pancreatitis at times. I'd have to go to the hospital. I don't know if you know anything about pancreatitis, but it's the gnarliest thing. And it's one of the common causes of alcoholism. And yeah, there's just so many things would happen. I'd been hit by cars. I'd get the whole lot. And, and, you know, and I'd burn bridges. I'd hurt so many people.

Yeah. It was, I relapsed at nine, when Zara was nine months old for one night, because I found it really hard to let go of the old relationships. And I didn't necessarily have to let go of those relationships, but I shouldn't, you know, you sit in the barber's chair long enough, you're going to get a haircut. And I was going to things that, you know, I was still hanging out with the boys while there was a drink involved. And it was too early for me to be doing that. I needed to get more time up. And it wasn't there, I'm not blaming the boys at all. It was, I really mourned, I grieved not being around my mates and doing all that sort of stuff. But it was really clear within a couple of beers that night that the party was over,

which had me going even harder because it's like, oh, shit, I shouldn't be doing this. Bang. Yeah. Oh, man. And I'll never forget, I went home and Sarah was, yeah, she was nine months old and she pulled herself up to the couch and looked at me with those, you know, pure. And yeah, I was done. I was like, I don't know how to do this. Yeah, I knew, but I knew I needed to really throw myself into my recovery. And so I did. And I've been helped by so many strong men and women that are like-minded and have been through the same thing. And my thing today is trying to help others because I've learned and I'm learning that I only

keep what I have by giving it away. But every day I get to help someone that's helping me. Yeah. You know, and, um, and yeah, there's, there's a, there's a community out there of, um, so many amazing people that have got incredible stories that have turned their lives around. And, um, yeah, you know, what they've given to me freely has helped me and my family exponentially. Yeah. Congratulations on nine and a half years. Thanks, man.

That's, you know, listening to that story, it's like this, you know, you said the party's over and it's like, fuck, like just that thought, you know, like, especially being a young man and growing up and building your career, having a family. And then you think about, you know, your boys you grew up with and it's really hard to find when the party's over. For sure. But I would say the party isn't over. I've never had so much fun in my freaking life. Wow. Like, but I didn't think that was possible without a drink. Yeah. My first two years I'd hear people say, I love sobriety. I love my recovery. I'd think bullshit. Yeah. How can you? And now like I've got a crew of guys that we laugh our asses off and we watch the footy. UFC. We go away. We do all sorts of stuff. Out of interest, are they the same mates that you used to hang out with before or have you

had to get new friends? I've still am in contact with a lot of those guys, not all of them, but I am in contact with a fair few of them that I really grew up with. But there's a whole new crew. But my oldest mate, who's like my brother, I've been friends with him since I was four, we grew up around the corner from each other in Punchy. He, he's 91 days sober today. Wow.

Yeah. And, um, and that's like one of the, like just fills me up. Yeah. It's just, yeah, that's, yeah, it's so powerful. It's really, yeah, it's beautiful. There are so many people out there who don't even begin to go on their journey to recovery. So the fact that you've done it and you've stuck to it and you also then positively impacted those around you to echo what Ash said, like congratulations.

It's amazing. Thank you, man. Thank you. It's like, it is everything good I have in my life, other than from Lisa and my two beautiful kids. Am I gonna throw my mom in there? Because she's been through it all with me. And it's, I wouldn't have it if I didn't have recovery. I really, I know I wouldn't.

I wouldn't be able to do what we do. Wouldn't be able to connect with the kids the way I do. And look, I've got to double down. I've got to say that I know plenty of dads that drink and are amazing fathers. They enjoy a drink and they're amazing dads. For me, the way I drink, it ain't possible, you know? And lucky bastards. I still, I look at them and go, yeah man, if I could, I would, but it's just not the case. They know when to pull up and put the

family first and all that sort of stuff. And I don't. Yeah. There's this sort of saying where it's like, you can't have love and addiction at the same time, you got to either drop the things you love and keep the addiction or take the love and drop the addiction. A hundred percent. I really, yeah, I do. I don't think I've heard it put like that, but I do, I do agree. Yeah.

Super powerful. And like I said, like you telling us the story is going to, people are going to listen to that and, you know, resonate or find something from that that gives them the strength to maybe turn around and look at, you know, their habits and their drinking and their addiction. So we appreciate you sort of giving us that whole story. Yeah. Thanks man. Thanks man. Wow.

Look, I, it was, I haven't spoken about it before, but I know that knowing people, like particularly in entertainment actors and whatnot that had talked about it a bit, that helped me, man. It did inspire me, you know, athletes and whatnot. And so, yeah, I would, you know, one of my mentors said to me, it'd be great for you to talk about it because you could help. Absolutely. Yeah. I think especially if you're in someone like yourself where you're the only friend in that circle who's not drinking, it's so isolating. It feels like you're the only one.

So to know that someone else is doing it alongside and doing it successfully. Yeah. It has a huge impact. Huge. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. For me anyway.

Ben, it's been a bloody good chat. It has been. You are, I'm sure this is no surprise it's been a bloody good chat. It has been. I'm sure this isn't a surprise. You're a very good storyteller. My wife doesn't think so. Matt, give us one last question, which I think is appropriate. When your kids are grown up, and unfortunately, there may be a time, maybe not, maybe they'll live with you forever, but if there does come a time where they fly away from the nest, they're

no longer living under the one roof with you. What's the one thing you would want them to remember about the house they grew up in? Just freedom. That sounds enough. Not at all. Just silliness. You know silliness, love, warmth, safe, safety, you know, and just freedom to be whatever they want. You know, that's really, really important to me and Lisa. And

yeah just the laughter, man. We laugh every day. I'm sure you guys do too. It's like there is nothing like that. The laughter, the cuddles, and I know that the cuddles are going to stop. I'm already fearful of that, you know? So yeah. I was watching this scene from Peter Pan where to Robin Williams, the mum was saying, there'll come a time where they no longer want to play with you. And so when they, and you're like, ah, shit. I know.

Cause it's funny, like as dads and we all get together and we sort of vent to each other as well about the things they're doing, but then you're like, there's going to be a time where they're not going to do that stupid thing in front of you again. And you're like, fucking do the stupid thing one more time. So I think your answer there with freedom is someone we haven't had. I don't think. I like it. Which is amazing because I can imagine, you know, even our generation, the

previous generation, there wasn't probably a lot of freedom to be who you want to be all the time. So I think spreading that message for the next generation to be, to do and feel and act and be who they want to be is such an important message. Sure. And I look, I don't want it to make it sound like the kids run the house. They do. You know they do.

They do. But there's still boundaries and all that sort of stuff, but it's just freedom to be themselves. The sillier they are, the more comfortable I know they are. That's very true. Yeah. When Oscar comes home and he's loopy, it's because he feels safe there. Absolutely.

And when he's a bit shy outside and without, with other people, you know, that, okay, he's not a hundred percent comfortable. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. But I appreciate you coming on today and giving us that. Thank you.

Array of different stories. And it was amazing. And I love it. You did. Thanks. Really appreciate it. When can we, when will there be an update on... What feature film is that going to be? Can we give any like one month, two months, six months?

Hopefully, there's a couple of things we're working on. Wow. Yeah, so there could be, yeah, there could be some news in the next couple of months. We'll be waiting with data breath. Yes, hopefully. We'll tag on the back of it. Thanks so much. Appreciate it. Cheers. There's always more to the story. That line where you said you should never trust a man that doesn't drink? Man, that hit hard.

That's like, as a kid growing up, that was a narrative that I was told all the time. Yeah, that or never trust anyone until the first minute. HE LAUGHS HE LAUGHS Matt, it's absolutely crazy that a generation before us were brought up thinking that it was not cool not to drink. It also makes you realize how careful you need to be

when speaking to your kids, a little sponges. But if you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol or any other addiction issues of that matter, make sure you check out the show notes. There'll be a list of really helpful resources for you there. And if you've enjoyed this episode, Ash, where should you go?

You should subscribe. Firstly. Firstly. Secondly, you should leave a review. Five stars. Little notes. Or you can join us on social media. I believe it is To Doting Dad's Facebook, Instagram and the TikToks. Wow! Let's go, Seth. Bye. Bye.