Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #140 Two Ranting Parents

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

Remember when Ash was the reason why his father's car door was ripped apart and had to live with the consequences many years later?  No? Well, his sister Beth does! Matty J and Ash demand that she come clean and explain what really happened almost 28 years ago.   Meanwhile, Macy has hit another milestone, this time during swimming lessons. Her growing independence is making things extra difficult for Dad. Let's face it, children don't know what they want. Matty J shares how he tried to prevent Lola from drowning despite demanding to be left ALONE!  We have a new segment! It's called Par-RANT, where Matty J and Ash hear your parent rants. We also answer your questions:  What are your top kid's songs?  What's the longest you've gone without washing your kids? BUY OUR SMELLY T SHIRTS HERE  https://www.twodotingdads.com/category/all-products Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads     See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Both Oscar and I have been banned from Mario Kart in my house. Go on. April has officially banned Mario Kart. Oscar used to come home after school, want to play me Mario Kart, but I kept kicking his ass. And then I would try and be a good winner. Would you antagonize him? Oh yeah. I would laugh at something that happened on the screen that wasn't even had to do with him.

And he'd be like, don't laugh at me! Kids, I would laugh at something that happened on the screen that wasn't even had to do with him and he'd be like Don't laugh at me! Kids, I hate being laughed at. And now we're both banned. Well, that'll learn you. That will learn me. So, look, Oscar's taken Dads. I am Matty J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable.

And if you've come for advice, shock horror. It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. Absolutely not. Just realized I've been so sore. I just, my back has been. You're stiff. Thank you.

And I'm not just talking about your penis. Jess laugh. Good start. I realized what I did. What's that? Go on. I am renovating a house. You have to start this again. At the moment, renovating a house.

I thought it was finished. Renovating a house, Ash. Tell me. It's never finished, just abandoned. Okay. Okay. So we were doing a bit of landscaping. A lovely young man named Charlie Charlie who was helping us out. Shirtless?

No. Very, very short shorts. Nice. Very short shorts. I saw him once in normal clothing, attire, and you know, nothing to gawk at. And then he came dressed ready to work and he had like proper like 70 shorts on Nothing a gawk at yeah, like a lot of a lot of thigh and I was like, oh, oh Yeah subtle just like not a not enough to be like that's off-putting

But just enough to like every now and then the Sun would catch it. It would catch the Sun and There's nothing out off-put putting about any size bulge man. But the whole time Ash, I've been like, hey, if you need a hand, I need a hand. I'm more than capable. Of cradling. And. Yeah.

Ooh. Sorry Jess. She hates that. Yeah she does. She really hates that I can see. That's why I did it. Yeah, no, it's good. I hate that. Yeah, she does. She really hates that. I can see. That's why I did it.

Yeah. It's good. I'm all for it. And I was like, I will give you a hand. And he was like, no, yeah, that's all right. And I was like, let me help you. I need to feel like a man. Also gets me out of looking after the kids.

Smart. Thank you. Smart. I like it. Anything to get out of helping. And he was like, look, we have some road base, a little bit of road base coming. Did you say what is road base? Oh yeah, the road base.

Yeah, cubic ton of it. Just a cubic ton. And we were doing buckets in a trailer, in the buckets, down the side of the house. Boom. I was like, I can help you. Where was it going? It was going in... Now you're asking questions, okay? Well, you can't start a story. It was going, there was, okay, there's a trim of the deck

and it's going in base of the trim around the deck and then we're having some stones on top. And I did about six buckets. Wow, single bucket at a time? No, I got double. Double, smart. You know, part of a painter's training is, you know how heavy those drums, 20 litres are? Yeah, like 20 kilos.

Well, 20 litres of paint is more than 20 kilos. Is it? Yeah. 20 litres of water is 20 kilos. And paint's thicker. So wouldn't it be heavy? Lots to think about. A lot to think about.

They said carry two at once evened out the weight better for your back. Smart. Thank you. Thank you. Well, I was just following what Charlie was doing. So his name is Charlie. Name is Charlie. Shout out to Charlie. And he's Bolch.

And he's Bolch. And he's Bolch. Doing a great job. Charlie, sorry for being inappropriate here. You're very handsome. Very handsome. But I've done a couple buckets. I did maybe half an hour of like buckets and pouring. And then Laura was like, you've got to take the kids. And I've woken up this morning and I'm like, oh, I feel like I've been like compressed, my spine.

Maybe, yeah, I have. It's heavy, man. Jesus, how do these boys do that all day? Muscle memory. It becomes muscle memory, right? They work on it. You're just like, it's like going into a gym, a bodybuilder's gym, you, and then them saying to you, right, come over here and lift this. What they would usually lift.

And then you waking up the next day. No wonder you saw. I did do, I don't know. Tell me, as someone who has spent a lot of time on site, as an accomplished painter. What are you? Accomplished? Not so much. I smoked a shitload of cigarettes.

What do you call someone who's finished their trade? The qualified painter. Yeah. Okay. So he had two buckets and he was like shoveling it off the back of the tray into the buckets. And there's a number of buckets there on the floor. And I went to grab two and I said, all right man, just put one more shovel in this one here. He didn't like it.

Swinging your dick around like that. Nice. You're like, come here, he comes to my fucking trunk. Fill up this bucket to the brim, you little bitch. And then I was like five steps away from being like, oh, this is too heavy. He was shoveling and then carrying, I'm guessing. So he's doing both.

Yeah, it's on both. And you're just like, top it off. It was big filler. Yeah. Hey, last week I told a story. Yes, about something I broke as a child. Oh, yes. And we are lucky enough. Sorry. Fucking sorry. No, that's all right. You get a lot on your plate.

You tell a lot of stories. It's hard to keep up. Well, I'll just shut my mouth. No, you just like in a good way. You're like a never ending pit. Because I'm not going to shut up. Amazing stories. Thank you.

And you've got a lot on your plate. I understand why you forgot renovating. For those who are unaware, it was the car door. Yeah. So I, in inverted speech, I, can't move too much, I was blamed for something that happened, which was the door ripping off on the poor side of a fence. Yes. But my sister blamed me for our whole childhood until she did finally admit when we were teenagers that it was her that actually left the door open, which led to it being ripped off.

Now we are lucky enough to have my sister who's willing to take questions from you, Matt, about said incident. So what we'll do is we'll give her a quick call. Please. And we will ask her. To defend herself. Her side of the story. She's not going to answer now.

Oh well, someone's got cold feet. She knows the truth. You there? I did. For those listening, my sister's name is Beth. I refer to Beth. That's who I am referring to. Okay.

It's just, it's just. Let's get on with it. Fucking Jesus. Beth, sorry to just, it's just fucking Jesus. Beth, sorry to put you through this painful phone call. Okay, now. Can I just say, Beth, if you would like to, you may have a lawyer present for this phone call. Anything you say or do will be held against you

and possibly used in court. I understand, yeah. Have you practiced that line? No, I just watch a lot of Law and Order. Do do do do do do. All right, Beth, I just watched a lot of Law and Order. Duh-dum, duh-duh-duh-duh. Alright, Beth, I want you to give us your version of the story. The poor side of the fence. I love that you're like exposing our family as poor.

I just feel poor. Never put those two things together. Yeah, you mustn't just call me poor. We lived in a... We lived in a asbestos-riddled house. I bet you it was like a marble fence, and Ash was like, oh, it was horrible. I live next door to some Italians. It was a concrete fence.

We had a statue of baby Jesus at the front. Yeah, obviously, like it was quite a memorable moment in our family. And I remember being a really big deal because the car had electric windows and and he says he's poor because there was just all these electronics that had to get fixed as well as just the door. This was 28 years ago we're talking about. I can't really remember the specifics but I do remember it yeah being assumed that Ashton left the door open. Just obviously went along with that. Like I don't want to take a blame for, you know, a couple of thousand dollars worth of damage to your dad's favorite car.

Only car? He kind of took it on the chin. Who, me? He just kept, yeah. Like you, I feel like you didn't deny it. I was like four years old. Can barely talk. I just went along with it.

I think I just had to cop it because I was the youngest. You were, you know, the showman of the siblings. And I think you just enjoyed being the center of attention of these stories. I was just like, oh, he's fine with it. Oh, I wasn't fine with it, obviously. Beth has made her the victim here, which I like. Living in the shadows of Ash Wicks,

which must have been very difficult. Exactly, you understand where I come from. What was the moment which led to you owning up to the incident? You can't get in trouble now, 10 years later. Yeah, it is a rule. Once you hit a decade, it's a clean slate. Exactly, and I know Ashton's taken the blame for this,

but I'm pretty sure I did it. Very good, Very good. I appreciate being blamed for so long. I'm so glad that now... You're a good therapist. You'll be right. I know. My therapist has heard about this story many times. Is this the final page though of the story? Are we now putting this to bed finally after... No. Oh, Ash. Is there...

I think that... Oh, no is there? I think that- Oh no. No, I think mum did call me about it. It continues. It continues. Yes. I feel like once I've spoken to mum about- I wouldn't want to take it to my deathbed.

Fair, very fair. I appreciate that. We appreciate you being on the podcast, Beth, and owning up. No worries. Also, happy birthday. Thank you. How old are you? 37. podcast, Beth, and owning up. Oh, hey. Also, happy birthday. Thank you. How old are you?

Thirty-seven. Thirty-seven. Well, congratulations. You don't look a day over 20. Oh, thank you. Stop creeping on my sister, dude. Sorry. All right.

Thanks, Beth. I'll... It'll still come up with my therapist, but I appreciate you owning up to it. There we have it. Stroking the horses now, babe. There we have it. Wow.

Can I just pull you up on one thing? You were there. You know those celebrities? Like, I think Pink is one who's... She's been outed for not being poor, but she pretended to be poor to be more relatable. Are you the... No! Are you essentially the podcast version of Pink?

You're like, we were so poor. And then she's like, then the Bentley was so badly damaged that we didn't even get to drive it for a whole two weeks. Electric windows. Oh, you're so poor. It was a rental, fibro asbestos house that my dad felt... Oh no, I'm just having a flashback. Oh, fuck. What is it now? Oh, my dad fell through the asbestos roof

when he was trying to fix the antenna so that we could get reception. And I remember coming out of my bedroom and it happened. And all I could see were his legs flailing about through the ceiling. We should have asked Beth that story. I don't believe, I can't believe anything you say because like really, show me a photo of that. I'll find a photo.

I bet you it was like a three story beach front mansion on the Gold Coast. It was not. And Ash was like, we could barely have any food. We had baked beans for Christmas. Please. Yes, we did. Please. food. We had baked beans for Christmas. Please. Yes, we did. Please, and you always having to go at me. We did, I tell you right now,

all of the servants had to have baked beans. Yeah. Hey. Moving on. Easter hat parade. Lame. Did you go, did Oscar do one for school? Yeah, he did.

Did you go? Yeah, it was so lame. There is nothing more special, Ash, than looking at the face of your child as they lock eyes with you and they realize that one of their most beloved family members, their parent, is in the crowd cheering them on. Oscar does this thing where he doesn't look at anyone. He just looks at the ground.

He knows we're there. You didn't get a wave. you didn't get nothing special. Nah, he had a pretty cool, he did his hat with his buddy. They did it together, looked pretty good. Did two laps of the oval. Two, mate, what's with your school and like, making them endurance lengths? Childhood obesity is not a joke, man.

And they did 24 laps of the oval. And now they're all athletes. Childhood obesity is not a joke man. And they did 24 laps of the oval. And now they're all athletes. Yeah, look, it was a 50 minutes long parade. Yeah. How many years do they do at your school? All of it. Every year?

Yeah. That's, I felt like, a hundred grades. Could you not make it, because obviously Oscar being Kindy, start with Kindy, could you then beeline out of there or did you have to hang around? He was the first class to go and I looked at April like yes let's get out of here and then she was crying. Such a crier. Let her cry. Did you cry at cross country? Yeah dude emotions are good to experience. Are they? Yeah and then um yeah then we had to sit there the whole time. Why don't you guys get out of there?

They would have seen us. Oh, he has to go sit back down with his class. It's all about being one. I don't want to throw my sister under the bus here, because she's a very good parent, one of the best. We all know that. Oh, yeah. Kate, if you're listening.

She loves the podcast. She was like, Easter hat parade, don't even bother. And I was like, what do you mean? And she's like, it's a non-event at school. So I was like, okay, fine. Like, don't have to tell me twice, not to go to an event. And my sister is someone who would attend, you know, like swimming carnivals, cross country.

She attends them all. She's the parent that goes. She is the going parent. And so far, so I was thinking, well, if she's not going to attend, if it's not important enough for my sister, I'm not going to go. Yeah, why would you?

As soon as you get the opportunity for an out of one of these things, you're not going to question it. So she's never been to one of the East Hat parades at the school that we now attend with Marley. Okay. And Marley was like, hey, who's coming to the East Hat parade? Or I think I was like, hey Marley, just a heads up,

this Friday the East Hat parade, we're not coming. Yeah, no one's going to come and watch you. No one, do you hear that? No one! Love you! We do love you. Now that I think about it, it was big news for her to digest. Yeah.

She was in tears. I couldn't attend. Laura couldn't attend. No, yeah, okay. And she did have a beautiful hat that we made, but Marley was hysterical. And then Nana, thank heavens, said, I can attend. Oh, Ellie, get on.

Just like knight in shining armor. The backbone of this family. She is, she really is. I keep like waving my left arm. Like she's there. She's not here at the moment. That's her quarters. She really is. I keep like waving my left arm. Like she's there. She's not here at the moment. That's her quarters. She's on holidays.

But thankfully she attended. And this is like... The event was a big deal, Ash. Okay. Why was it a big deal? My sister was like, it's nothing. You get like 30 seconds, you have one quick wave and you get out of there. Yeah.

It was like a full on. They only do the first three years of school. So the older kids don't do it. Every parent was there. The kids do the Easter hat parade. They do a whole class choreography. Choreography? Choreography. Chore!

Choreography. That is a weird word. It is a weird word. Yeah. Thank you. Choreography. It's not weird word. Yeah. Thank you. Choreography. It's not easy. I feel like I'm saying it wrong.

Choreography. Choreography. It was massive. Huge event. What was the dance? Chicken dance. I was going to say we also did the chicken dance. Well, not me, but they also did the chicken dance.

It's a classic. It's a banger. It's a classic. And I had other parents messaging me going, hey, you, but they also did the chicken dance. So it's a classic. It's a banger. It's a classic. And I had other parents messaging me going, hey, you know the Easter hat parade's on today.

And I was like, oh yeah, I know that. You're missing the chicken dance. It was great. My nana said it was one of the best Easter hat parades she's ever attended. She's having yawn for sure. She's definitely laying the boot in because it probably was good, but to be like, oh

You know and it's like, um, oh, you know, like how was last night and you want to just like rub it in? It was a non-event. It was nothing. It was the best night of my life. It was the best parade I've ever been to. That's what she said. She's a liar. No, I believe it. I believe it and it was like the look on Marley's face. She sent me the video and Just Marley as she looked up and realized that Nana was there. Oh, she would have loved that. One of the family members. The backbone.

The backbone. The knight. The knight. Was there. I thought you were going to say something. No, I wasn't. The knight was there. Yeah, yeah, so he would have loved that.

Has she got it on camera? I don't want it. We got footage? I can't share the footage because Marley's- The school uniform. The school uniform. I hate that fucking thing. We can't share the school footage. Has he got it on camera? I don't want it. We got footage? I can't share the footage because Marley's- The school uniform. The school uniform. I hate that fucking uniform. We can't share the school footage.

I know, it's like the- And there's also other kids there as well. It's like whenever I take Macy to swimming, I was like, get a photo. I'm like, okay, yeah, a fully grown man taking a photo of kids in their bathing suits. That's gonna look real fucking good. Again, I'm attacking my sister here,

making me feel better about myself. It was the daughters of the sons last year because next year he won't do the East Hat Parade. Oh. Yeah. Did she cry? My sister? Yeah. No, she's having a fucking great time.

She's at the beach. Oh, okay. That's right. She didn't even go. I had to go. I didn't endure it. Just mentioned swimming lessons. I take Macy every Thursday.

Do you still take your girls still go? I've got an arrangement now on Friday mornings, Ash, where my sister takes her child and takes Lola. Oh, can she take Macy too? Just swimming lessons. Yeah, load her up. She's fine. The problem is with these swimming lessons, they're indoor usually. Your one's indoor?

Your one indoor? Yeah. It's so hot in there. It's muggy. Yeah. Now it's nice. I'm walking into a microclimate. It's like raining.

I walk in there and there's a cloud and it's raining. Is yours a chlorinated pool? Yeah. What's the type of... It's like... Eps-salt? Eps-salt. Ours is like a type of...

Oh, fuck. It's going to make me sound like a... Eps-salt. A Bondi wanker. Epsom salt. Is that... Yeah. Ours is like a type of... Oh, fuck, it's going to make me sound like a... Eps-salt? A Bondi wanker. Eps-salt. Is that... Yeah. Ours is actually champagne. I just... I should have stopped myself.

Yeah, you should have. Yeah. That's okay. I'll stop, yeah. Stop. Go on. Swimming lesson. She's... And Macy has started to... She's all of a sudden, from not wanting to put her head under what's over, she's a very mouth open swimmer.

She's like, having a great time. And that causes a lot of water to go and be ingested, as you can imagine. But all of a sudden she's decided that she wants to shut her mouth, hold her breath, and go underwater and swim on her own, which is, when you watch it and you're like, huh? All of a sudden, which is great.

Except there's in the class, there's a couple of kids, like say three, four kids, depending, I'm not sure what the capacity is. And when they're doing the individual swims, the other ones sit on the step. And you would hope they sit on the step nicely but Macy is a bit of a daredevil now that she can swim on her own so she's just started taking off when the other kids being attended to just just putting her head under and taking off under the water and the end like yeah like it's good to see that confidence but at the same time these kids are fucking dumb. She had to get rescued.

I'm not, I'm like 20 or 30 meters away. You have to, you know how you have to sit where all the parents sit. Yeah because you're the creepy guy taking photos of all the kids. I was under the water. You're in the back corner caged. With the camera, yeah, with my big camera. And um. Why do they make you sit 20 meters away? It's not, it's the other end of the pool and yeah. With my big camera. And um... Why do they make you sit 20 meters away? It's not, it's the other end of the pool and you... What if you can't sit next to where your child's swimming? Well, it is directly in line. There's no obstruction. Okay.

But she's at that end of the pool. You're there on the street through the fence. Let me in! Anyway, I'm sitting there and I saw her like leap off the submerged step and I thought, oh, here we go. And just to see what would happen. And she sunk like a stone and then she started to like swim. And one of the instructors walking past just leans over, reaches in, grabs her and just

had to pull her straight out and she was like. Having a great time. But like every time the teacher turns his back now. It's got to be stressful for a teacher. Yeah. Yeah. And I can hear him saying to her, don't go when it's not your turn. Don't go on it.

Just stay right here. But she's not. No one tells Macy what to do. Exactly right. And she was like. Fuck you. Fuck you. And she's just straight into the deep end.

And it's like, it's become like 30 minutes of like, just nerve wracking. And we will Macy make it out. Yeah. I'm like, fuck. I'm ready. I'm turned up in a lifeguard shirt, just waiting, waiting for it to sink to the bottom. But the fact is that walk instructors walking past and had to stop because the other guy was right at the other end. It was like, for fuck's sake, Macy, just. Lola at the beach, fuck, it's annoying. So annoying. And there's always a new problem with kids.

You know. Every week. You know, for example, like we hit the milestone of Lola not being in nappies. Fucking great. Celebrate that win, absolutely. But then at the same time that happens, she's also then, a bit like Macy,

become confident in the water. And we're at the beach and she wants to swim out. Like beyond the point where she's like touching the sand. That's pretty cool. And yeah, but she can't swim. Oh, fuck. Yeah, so she's like, she goes, swims out, sinks. I then save her and she's like, what do you think you're doing?

I remember actually I remember from the cruise last year. Wait, she's like she can't swim, but she also doesn't want your help. Dude, if I touch her, she's like, get your fucking fingers off me and put me back down. And I'm like, you were at the bottom of the pool. And she's like, I know what I'm doing. So then I let her sing. I wait 10 seconds goes by and I'm like, I got to lift it back up.

And she's like, I said, unhand me. She's just on the bottom of the ocean floor. I'm like, do I just let her drown once? Just one time. Like a supervised drowning. I would endorse that. Just to let her know that like, hey, I'm saving your life here. It's kind of like when my kids have zero road sense.

And I'm like, do you understand if that car hits you, you're gone. Oh yeah, I do. Do we do a controlled? Hit and run. Hit and run. We're just immune. We should start a business. Can we go, the Easter show's on, can we go to the Dodgem cars

and just give her a little tap? A love tap. Yeah. Not going to break a bone. Oh, I was going to, I was thinking about hitting them with my car. But okay. Okay. Yeah, we could put like a couple of cushions on the front of the car.

Yeah, that'd be fine. Yeah. Control. You don't want to break a fem of cushions on the front of the car. Yeah, it'd be fine. Yeah. Control. You don't want to break a femur, but you do want them to be on the backside and have a cry. Yeah, just a little. They don't understand these things can kill you. Once again, just for legal reasons. Don't take anything that we say as advice. Controlled death attempt. Yeah, it's like, it's like controlled

crying. But it's just like controlled dying. attempt. Yeah, it's like controlled crying, but it's just like controlled hit and run. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I think we've nailed this. I think we've gone a bit off topic there. My kids, whenever they're at the beach and they get hit with a wave, all of a sudden they hate the beach.

We're now on. Actually, just really quickly, just really quickly before we go into a new segment. Yes. Because we do have a new segment. Yes. Really quick, because we do have a new segment. I did make a promise to Jess that this would be a quick episode slash segment. We always promise that. We never do.

Lola hates having sand on her feet at the beach. Oh, she's like, she washes her feet and the sand along the edge of like where the water is. The sand is hard, so she's fine. Takes four more steps away from the water. She gets sand is hard. So she's fine. Takes four more steps away from the water. She gets sand on her feet and she's like, oh my god. You walk through the sand. It's like Macy hates it on her hand. So I've got to, when we get to the beach, I've got to go fill a bucket up with water so that every time she does anything in the sand, she's got to go make sure. Just like, it's never ending. It's never ending. Sorry.

Hey Ash, we have a segment. We do. Have a new segment. Okay. I can't pronounce it properly. Do you want to say what it is? It's parent. Just like amazing work from you.

I've got to give credit when credit is due because you came up with the name. Pretty much instantaneously. Just like just came to you. It just popped into your head. On the floor you came to and you're like, oh, what did I just say? And I was like, just name the segment. And you're like, I don't recall. Very good.

Thank you. Very good. It's about parents having rants. Yes. Love that. Or rants. Rants. Rants.

Okay. Normally for a segment, we have a song that we sing. Have you done one without me? No. Oh. I would never dream of that. Okay. Okay.

You know, if I'm going to... I'm the parody guy. If I'm going to sing a song, I'm going to sing it with you. That's actually one of the nicest things I've ever said to you. I'm just going to play you. You've obviously brought the name to the table. Okay. I'm like, I've got to bring something.

Good, because I haven't even thought about the song. So this is going to really help me out. I think I'm just going to play you the chorus. Okay. And then I'll tell you what I'm thinking for words because I haven't even thought about the song. So I think it really helped me. I'm just I'm going to play the chorus. Okay. And then I'll tell you what I'm thinking for words. I'm listening. I was driving in the car by myself and I thought, but what is a song that can work?

And then it came to me just popped into my head a little like your vision that you had. Just came to me. Okay. I'm just going to play you the song. Ready? You don't like parenting. You don't like parenting. If you're annoyed, give us your parent. Okay, we can make that work. I like it. You don't like parenting. This is a parent rant. That work?

You don't like parenting. We could definitely do it. We get the instrumental. Just tell me you're a parent. Yeah. You got it right then. Maybe you should sing it every time. Parent.

I can't. I can't. This is your parent. Okay. We got it right then. Maybe you should sing it every time. Parent. I can't. I can't. This is your parent. Okay. So we got, there we go. I like it. Well, do we want to put it to the vote? Do we want to let the listeners choose? Yes.

I mean, you're on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I mean, we care so much about what the listeners think. I don't like parenting. Your kids are. Annoying. Kids are so annoying.

Tell us your parent. Parent is anything that is just making you a little bit frustrated in the world of parenting. Well, there's a lot. There's a lot. Yeah, that's why this segment is so good. Any examples? Just give us an example. So we talked about, we did it on stories,

daylight savings is a nightmare. Oh yes. It's only an hour difference, but it completely disrupts the schedule, the sleep schedule of your kids. It pretty much jet lags your kids. It's a nightmare. One hour and it's like, fuck me.

A nightmare. I mean, at the moment, I'm getting really annoyed with dinner. My kids don't eat anything. Oh yeah, mine don't. Yeah. I've given up. Yeah, I've given up. There we go. So that's just a little like... They're starving.

Essentially. To get your brains lubricated for more potential parents. Parents, sorry. Parents. I've got one here. Okay, go. This one is from Kate. Hi Kate.

And hello Kate. She says, it's frustrating that school kids get 20 weeks of holidays while parents only get four weeks of leave. How does this make sense for the average household? Well, it's very simple. You get paid for that leave. You can take as much leave if you want if you don't get paid for it.

But I get you, it's frustrating. It's a lot of weeks, 20 weeks of the year. You're siding with corporations here, which I didn't expect. Big business. Yeah. I'm all about big business. You are. About big business.

Look, we're in and around election time. More about big business. Yeah. And then when the election's over, back to small business. I think it is... Sorry, playing footy's under the table. It is very... It is. I remember working in the office. This is before I was doing podcasting, working nine to five, if you

will. This was last week when I worked in an office. Okay. I remember people would bring their kids into the office. I have a link. And I didn't mind it. They just sat in the corner on an iPad. That generation. That's called bad parenting. That generation of parents who are, you know, like 10 years older than us.

Yeah. They were just like, let the iPad do the work. Yeah. And they're also just like, I've got a job to do. What else do you do with them? But I always thought, like, why do they do that? Because there's just too many weeks. And the care is expensive.

Do we say, do we say that we should scale back school holidays? Yeah, send them all year. No break. Let's see what the burnout looks like then. Actually just on that, did your kids get any like end of term burnout? Do you think? Nah. I'm a burnt right out.

To a crisp? Yeah. Charcoal. Yeah. Yeah. I'm still trying right out. To a crisp? Yeah. Charcoal. Yeah. Yeah. I'm still trying to bring it back. Oscar was looking dark. He was.

That's racist. Yeah, look, too many wigs. I totally agree. I've always said that. Unless you're a teacher and you're like, yeah, yeah. And you get like. Fuck the teachers. Oh.

Joking. Take that out. Do I have one? OK, Matty. I'm going to try and send this over a voice message because it's a lot easier. But first of all, love your podcast. Before we continue, she said, Maddie, love your podcast. What about me? It's also mine.

She said love the podcast. No. Did she? Well, I was speaking to her. Oh. I speak to the fans, Ash. I invest time and energy. I'm not sure if your girls went through the same thing.

My daughter, Indy, she's 18 months old and she's going through this period of hating her nappy being changed. It is the most annoying, chaotic, stressful job of the day. In addition to that, doing number twos, she always chooses the most inconvenient time. It's like straight after bath time or just before daycare. The stress that goes through my body,

trying to get her to stay still while I'm trying to wipe poo is disgusting and just not a vibe. I love how she says just no vibe. It's not a vibe. I don't think there's a vibe changing in Appie other than this shit stinks. No, I don't think anyone's changing in Appie and going oh that was great. Yeah, that was the vibe. The vibes were high. Sometimes, although I've got to say sometimes when I'm still wiping Lola's bum,

which does a number two, and it's a clean wipe. And I'm like, I'll wipe that. That was great. That was good. Vibes were high. Yeah, I do remember the old stage of them not wanting to change the nappy. Every now and then Macy still wants to poo in a nappy. Pin them down.

Wow. Okay. In a gentle and loving way. Did you ever have a stage where you would put them to bed? And they'd shit. And they would shit. They'd fall asleep for an hour and they'll wake up with a shit. Amacey still does that.

Like that's just, come on. That's not fair. It's not. And do you know what? We don't deserve that. I, do you know what? And you don't know, the ones that are, sorry, let me get this out. The ones that are worse, the ones you don't know, they've done it

until you like maybe go and check on them. You're like, fucking stinks in there. And they've been, and they share a room. So they're stewing in shit. Just shut the door. It's like that game Operation where you've got to try and change the nappy without waking them up. And you're in there like, boop, scalpel, boop, boop.

Call it, beep. She's gone. She's gone. Call it. It's like, I always do, I always go to April. It's a two-man job. It's a two-man job. I got it.

Well, she'll lead the way in and I'll disappear. And she has to do it on her own. You're an asshole. Hey, let's go into listener questions. Yes, let's do that. Can I start this one off? This one is from Libby. Libby.

She wants to know, what are our favorite kids songs? None. No, there are some that you vibe to, for sure. I get that. I get it. Would you want me to start? Please, go number three. Matt, this is going to trigger a lot of people because it's

widely known as a song that everyone hates, but I actually vibe off it. It's called Baby Shark. Yuck. Yuck. No, I don't even know. I get it. Me and Macy, we're fucking actions. It's got like billions of years. I know I know So much better than that. I know but it just I just that's basic. I'm a basic bitch. That's Okay, what's your number three number three kids love it. Mm-hmm. It's called poobum poobum by poopy, poopy, poopy, poopy, bum, bum.

That fucking slaps. Can you send me that please? I'm not doing enough research. It's a great song. That is good gear. And now I feel stupid. Yeah. Yeah.

Baby shark. Oh, I was just saying this is what I vibe to Macy with. Okay. After we've just had a 20 minute conversation about princesses and unicorns, then we hit some Baby Shark. Really finish off the night. Laura hates that song. Nana also hates that song.

It's like a treat if I get to listen to it in the car. The Pooh song. I think that's a banger. That's going on my gym playlist. Number two, what do you got? Again, I'm gonna trigger some people here. Let it go. I'm frozen. Macy and I built that. It is a banger. I honestly love that song. This is honesty. I'm being honest. I regret asking this question.

Why? I just thought you'd have more spice. We, ah, to be honest, a lot of the time in the car we're listening. That's bad parenting from you. We listen to things like, what else, Limp Bizkit? Drake? Drake at the moment for the kids is really good. Too much swearing.

Paul Kelly. No, no, don't try and defend yourself. That's your number two. My number two is. Go. What does the Fox say? Oh, yeah? What does the Fox say? Giddy, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,, it's a Friday Arvo banger, it slaps,

pick the kids up, drop that. What does a fox say? That one? What does a fox say? That's a wolf. I apologize. No, you're animals. What's your number one? Number one. Look, is called Number one, look, is called Ratlin Bog by The Wiggles. Ah yes. Tree of Wisdom. Yes, very good. That is very good. Oh, oh, the Ratlin Bog, the bog down in the valley. I get around that, I fuck with that, for sure.

Okay. What do you got? What's your number one? Because obviously my list sucks compared to yours. Diver City, KLP, we had her on a few weeks ago. Ah yes. This song, Weekend Baby, Tuna Salad. What?

It's the weekend baby. Pass the apple juice bruh. Ooh. There we go. It's the weekend baby. Yeah, I see kids raving out to that. You're welcome, your question. What's the longest you've gone Matthew

without washing your kids? I think two days, two nights. That's all right. Yeah. I don't have a problem with that. And the reason for that, let me just justify my behavior. Okay, I don't think it needs justifying, but yep. Lola had scraped an ear.

She's falling over a lot at the moment. Clumsy, I agree. Very clumsy. The crocs are just no good for her. You gave me so much shit. I did, I did. For not putting my kids in crocs because I said she trips over and now you've backtracked. I apologize.

Thank you. You were right. I was wrong. Apology accepted. But Lola is tripping over every little pebble. Is she just moving too fast? I don't know, dude. I don't know.

I don't know if she gets tired. It's just she just literally falls over after five o'clock. It's it's just like it's not a matter of when no it's not a matter of it's not a matter of if it's when she falls over. And every time she falls over, she loves wearing skirts, skirts. She keeps grazing your knee and when she grazes her knee doesn't matter the size of the graze, she won't put water on it, she won't want to get in the bath,

she can't walk, it like paralyzes her. Band-aid. Even with a band-aid, so yeah, it's not a no. Here's a hint for you. Here's a little tip, a little trick. Because I know what you mean when kids get a graze,

they don't want to put in water. It stings as soon as they put it in. I get that. Put a flannel on it before they get in. A flannel? Yeah, like a wet flannel. And they get in with it. So Oscar, when he's got a grazed knee, I put a flannel on it before they get in. A flannel? Yeah. Like a wet flannel. It's a flannel. So Oscar, when he's got a grey his knee, I put a flannel on his knee as he gets in the bath.

Like a flannel, like a shirt flannel? No, like a little square, like a washcloth. A washcloth? Flannel, whatever. Over it. And when they're in the bath, I go, that'll protect it. Because they're so dumb, they're like, oh. Very good. Gotcha. Very good.

What's the longest you've gone without washing your kids? How many weeks? How long were we in Bali last? Like a full wash. Pretty much in Bali, not a single bath was had in three weeks. Outdoor shower? Yeah. Wash, just wash cloth. Because I didn't want to drink in the bath water. Because it would make them sick. Okay. Oh, there we go. I was about to say you're a bad parent, but you're saving their lives. Don't judge me. I'll always judge you. Um, yeah.

So three weeks. That's thank you. That's very impressive. Is that a record? That's a record. Except for homeless people. And yes. Shout out to the homeless.

Cause they'll be listening. They all have mobile phones now. Oh yeah. They do actually. Moving on. Yeah. I think that's a good question. That's a very good question. If anyone can beat three weeks, we're not going to judge.

We're not going to dob you into child services. Or are we? With three weeks, great effort. Holidays, the rules go out the window. Yeah, I think rightly so, because we got back and put him in the bath because they stank. Poor people sitting next to you on that Jetstar flight.

No they all smell like that when they're on Jetstar. If you have any questions a pair rant or maybe you just want to give us some feedback, which we would love. Send it through to us. Who would love that? Not me. Pretend like you don't. I can't handle it.

I can't handle it. You can hit us up hello at twodotingdads.com or on social media. At twodoting dads on Instagram, TikTok as well. Also the Facebook. And if you're listening to this podcast and you don't subscribe to us on Spotify or Apple podcasts, like I don't want to get angry. I don't want to raise my voice at you, but God's sake,

what are you doing? It's disappointing isn't it? Just really disappointing behavior. Just stop right now, jump out, subscribe. And Ash and I would appreciate it as much as we appreciate the kids eating all the dinner. That's top level appreciation. And that's what we're willing to give.

Also, t-shirts. We have a fresh crate of t-shirts. The white ones, Lavender sold out. Sorry. Lav sold straight out immediately. Like the hotcakes. You guys love the Lav. Suggest another color. Yes, if you want another color. Also, can I just throw this...

Baby blue. Keeping on the baby train. People say, can you do sizes for kids? No. We'll think about it. And we'll see you guys next week. Happy Easter. Bye. We'll think about it and we'll see you guys next week. Happy Easter!

Bye! Oi! Stop what you're doing! I'm Macy, my dad's ass. He talked a lot. Very good. Say bye Jess. Bye Jess.

To Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.