Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #141 WE HAVE BIG NEWS

Episode Date: April 29, 2025

If we tell you too much, we'll give it away!  Just know that Ash is THRILLED. Matty J, too 😉 We also answer your questions:  What are your top 3 naughty names? BUY OUR SMELLY T SHIRTS HERE  https://www.twodotingdads.com/category/all-products Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Um, mate, you've just done something. You've done something which I was going to bring this up in private, but then I thought, we are running late. Go on. Need to record this episode. Of course. What better time than now? There's no better time.

You've pissed on the floor. I didn't. You did. I definitely did not. Yes. You're a floor pisser. I did not. I have great control.

No, you went to the toilet. How do you know I don't sit? I don't know how you do it, but you've managed to get wee-wees on the floor. I didn't. I have great control. No, you went to the toilet. How do you know I don't sit? I don't know how you do it, but you've managed to get wee-wees on the floor. I didn't. I stand by them. One of us, producer Jess, went to the bathroom, came out and said,

him over there has piss on the floor. How fucking dare I did not? I did not. I sit when I wee. Yep. Must have had a boner or something. I don't know what you're doing in there. Guilty. Ha ha ha ha. ["The Last of Us"] Welcome back to Two Doting Dads.

Caught in my own web of lies. I'm trying to do the intro, bro. Sorry, you're not doing this, I didn't know. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. According to my own web of lies. I'm just, I'm trying to do the intro bro. Sorry. You're not doing this, I didn't know. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable.

And we don't give advice ever at all. Except don't piss on the floor at Matty's house, because he'll find out. It's just like... It's got eyes everywhere this guy. I feel like most people would have a decent amount of respect to not piss on someone else's property. Gotta get back at you somehow.

I don't wanna. I honestly didn't know I did that. That's right. We are on holidays as a family. School holidays. We've gone down to the house and the house was looking great. You know Tom Art Builder who is just amazing. Kids, there's little

fingerprints fucking everywhere. Sticky. So sticky bro. You give him something that's not even sticky and all of a sudden they've got fucking sticky hands. What are they doing? Are they doing science? And I'm like don't touch that. Put that down. Putting their feet up on the wall. Like just- Dirty feet on the wall. And also like colouring in. Just everything they do is just making a mess.

And I get it. They're young and they're living their lives. Living their best lives. If a child draws on a wall in your house, what is the course of action in terms of discipline? I will beat them to a pulp. I would expect nothing less. That is the fear that's been inflicted on them. I'm not saying that they're going to be able to do it.

I'm just saying that they're going to be able to do it. I'm not saying that they're going to be able to do it. I'm just saying that they're going to be able to do it. I'm not saying that they're going to be able to do it. I'm not saying that they're going to be able to do it. I'm not saying that they're going to be able to do it. I'm not saying that they're going to be able to do it. I action in terms of discipline? I will beat them to a pulp. I would expect nothing less. That is the fear that's been inflicted on them. I'm yet to do it. Thank heavens. For anyone wondering, I do not hit my children. Not yet. There's a lot of yelling right now. As far as holidays go, it's been like a yeller minute. We often talk about school holidays and how, or just holidays with your family in general,

and it's meant to be really fun, but it just ends up being a fucking nightmare. It's a nightmare. I mean, Marley, she didn't realize, she thought holidays were just weekends. She didn't realize that. Oh, bless her. I was like, you're on holidays,

and she was like, sweet, weekends. And then on Monday she was like, school? And I was like, no, you're on holidays. Cause she's never had, like she's always been at daycare, so she's never had holidays. Never had it, no.

Oscar thinks the word yesterday means any time, any day that happened prior. I love that. So he'll be like, we'll go somewhere that we were at like a year ago. He'll be like, we were here yesterday. I was like, fuck no man. What are you talking about?

Shut up! I'm trying to live with this anxiety that you know obviously houses are going to get lived in right? Yeah they're not museums. I know but I just everything looks nicer without kids in it. Oh for sure like a brand new car and you put a kid in it. Oh they just ruin everything. It's like they're carrying a constant bag of rubbish with them. It's like I'll come in the car

daddy let me just get my bag of rubbish. It's the worst. So yeah I'm so glad I agonized over every nook and cranny of that house just to let my kids destroy it the moment they moved in. And they're like, is this eggshell white? You're like, not anymore. And then I come back here. Now it's booger white, what's this? Come back here and you're pissing on the fucking toilet, floor, seat, Jesus, can't, you know, just everywhere I turn.

There's no concrete evidence that it was me. Producer Jazz has photos. She's untrustworthy. You're right, you're right. Maybe it was me. Producer Jess has photos. She's untrustworthy. You're right, you're right. Maybe it was just photo. Are you taking photos of my piss? She just threw me a shaka. That means yes.

I mean, do it. That's cool. Very good, very good. I saw a guy on the drive down here, by the way, up here. He was in the back of the car and had his head out the window like a dog on the highway just like head out like mouth open maybe he ate something really spicy I was like I've never seen that before maybe he's

fueled by wind very gassy very gassy good. Do you know what I saw? Speaking about seeing things while driving, I don't know if I've ever told you this. One time I was driving out to my grandmother's house who lives in Western Sydney. And we know, Western Sydney, no offence Jess, it's pretty dicey. No, actually I love Western Sydney. Oh, whoa, hey. Geez. I didn't say I didn't like them.

I'd love to know what portion of our listener is from Western Sydney. If you are listening and you do reside in the West of Sydney, please let us know. Well, this might be you if you are listening. Listening in the car perhaps. I was at the lights on the way out west and I look over to someone in their car and they were smoking an ice pipe.

What suburb is this? Guildford. Ah, classic Guildford. Yeah. So if you are listening, enjoy that meth and phetamine. Is meth and ice the same thing? Yeah. It is. It is. Great. Spoken like a true addict. Anyway, I look over and he's blazing up.

Just couldn't wait to get home? I don't know. Maybe he just likes to live life on the edge. Or maybe he's addicted. It's a certain, like there's a line, isn't it? When you're a meth head, but you do it in private, but when you're a meth head and you do it in public, you're like, you've crossed the line.

That meth must have been Moorish. You get it back for seconds. OK, all right, all right, all right. What have I got for you? Hey, speaking of substances. Good segue. Great segue, thank you. As you know, Osby goes to primary school

much just like Marley. And primary schools, schools in general, they have a lot of outside of school hour activities like, he just went off the top of my head like, pizza and puzzle night. Okay, which is usually like Father's Day, right? And I know that- Pizza and puzzle night.

Yeah, it's like after hours right. So it's like four o'clock. Sounds sexual. Pizza and penises. Pizza and dad's penis. Yeah okay let me get back on track. Outside of school. Now a lot of these things are alcohol free

zones as you can imagine because what why no just imagining you rocking up to pizza and puzzle night with a case of beer yeah I thought it was pizza puzzle and Casey Pena. No no no. Very funny. I know those ones. I shouldn't laugh at you. You sound like annoyed and surprised by that. I try to take my meth pipe with me again. But they also do events that are like parent only, like for fundraisers. All right. I'm not gonna get through these anymore. Fucking hell. God. The parent only ones. Let me come to those ones.

Throw your keys in the bowl. Anyway, so the adults only now. Yeah. Ah, fucking hell. God. Anyway, so the adults only know. Yeah. Ah, fucking hell. Go on. Anyway, we went to what they call a mingle.

Fuck. This story sounds terrible. This sounds like a horrible story. What happens at the media? I don't know any mingles. No, this was a...

Don't bring the kids. This was a... There were kids on this mingle. Actually bring one kid. Anyway, all of these events are alcohol free. And it begs the question why? Okay. Outside of school hours, this parent mingle was for...

I can't look at you. Look at the floor. Look at the floor. I questioned why there's no alcohol and I found out that there used to be alcohol at these after school events, like the fundraising shit, the parents nights or whatever. They used to be until trivia night last year, apparently all the parents got really lit and they ended up finding alcohol, like bottles around the school.

What is wrong with people? I think it's really funny. What is wrong with people? Come on, this is for the kids. Well, they ruined it for all of us. Anyway, we went to the mingle. How drunk were they getting? Apparently they were lit. Like, lit. It was a fundraising trivia end of year.

And you talk about Western Sydney being bad. The northern beaches of Sydney. Bunch of pissheads. Yeah, yeah. We've got nothing else to do. We sink piss at schools. At the school mingles. At the school mingles. So we went to the Kindy mingle, which was not run by the school, right? It's run by some volunteers and whatever.

And it was like... The PNC? Whatever it might be. And I was like... It's... it would be the PNC. It's a Friday afternoon. Whatever it may be, it's the PNC? It's a Friday afternoon. It's the PNC.

Okay, whatever. The event was a... Why are you going to argue me on the PNC? I don't care about the PNC. I've never heard of them. Well, the PNC... Every school has a PNC? Okay, whatever. The event was a f... Why are you gonna argue me on the PNC? I don't care about the PNC. I've never heard of them. Well, the PNC... Every school has a PNC. The PNC organized a kindy parent mingle.

So you meet the other parents because obviously now we've all been grouped into classes and now I'm forced to be friends with people I don't wanna be friends with. Also all the parents out there that go to my kid's school, I love you. I have some friends that we all let that go to my kids school. I love you. I Have some friends that we all their kids go to this to the same school and I thought I Don't want to go to an alcohol free event on a Friday

Hmm, so I took a six-pack but the difference is with the six-pack is I wrapped all the beers in an in a nappy like a cooler No, don't you just look like a fucking weirdo. I'll show you, I've got a photo. And you look like a weirdo sniffing nappies. I don't sniff my beers bro, I chug them. Yeah, but you're hiding a beer in a nappy. Yeah. Like that looks weird. Like you better off just going to the toilet.

No, that's way creepier because then people think I'm doing some illicit drugs in there. You don't look any better walking around with like four nappies in your hand. A nappy guy. How dare you assume I only had four? No one would be able to suspect a thing. What have we got? That is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. Well the joke's on you because I got away with it.

Oh and we were in the cool corner. People were coming over going, what's going on over here? I'm like nappy beer? Can I make a suggestion? Yes. You're better off getting a Coke can and getting a toli and pouring a toli into the Coke can too much work

You just look weird that you're holding a dirty nappy. It's funny. That's part of the joke, but like don't question me It works. Sorry it worked up until we were leaving and I had to empty the bag full of beer cans Into the recycling bin, which is full of like so what you do the soft drink can what you do the nappies? Oh, they're in there too. I'm taking a stand. April is a lucky lady. If they're going to force me to be friends with people, then I'm going to be drinking. Are your events non-alcohol free?

Or do you just go to them? Well I haven't been to, I don't know. Oh. We haven't had any. Actually we had one wrap up party, not wrap up party. A wrap up? We had one like welcome party for the kindy. Okay. after hours?

On a Friday. And it was kids too? Kids went, I was down the coast, so I wasn't there. Do you know if it was alcohol free? I don't know, I will ask for you. I think if you do, look, as a school, okay, I get it. Inside school hours, no. Not rocking up to a midday assembly and I'm the leader.

Is there anyone? Someone would be, if you have. But like, I think if you're okay, hey, Friday afternoon, it's an after school hours, you should have a tipple. You should be allowed to have a tipple. I'm not saying get like hammered. I had like eight beers, but that's not the point. That's the I can I can handle it. And a bit bit of math but I think if you have to say you're joking because people might oh shit yeah sorry might not know that you're not

being I'm not a meth head yet yeah but I think that they should be you should be able to have a tipple yeah I agree with that okay well done well done for your ingenuity. I thought that was groundbreaking. You are you're very... MacGyver. I'm the MacGyver of beer drinking. Oh yeah. Next time I'll come up with something a little bit more. I'll just strap it to a child. I'll be like let me have a sip. Hey uh you did something before. I pissed on the floor, I get it. No, no, not that one. You found something that you shouldn't have. It's a photo of our ultrasound because we're having a baby! Woo!

But, I kind of already knew. From who? I can just tell. How? I tried to pour your lovely wife, Laura, congratulations by the way I'm holding a photo of a young fetus a Beautiful Johnson fetus. Yeah, I can't is it a boy or a girl. We don't know

In shock right now, I know I tried to pour Laura a drink when we when you returned from the jungle and that drink was denied And I had a suspicion. I had suspicions. I also haven't seen Laura in a while also Yeah, that's probably about it and I know there's been talk about it. Mm- just knew. Also, someone might have spilled the beans. Who? I'm not telling you. Who? Tell me.

I'm not telling you. I know, because I'll get in trouble. No, just tell me. I forced it out of someone. Who? Your mom. Your mom. Ellie?

Yeah. Did you? Ever against the wall? Literally that wall right there. Tell me. I have her against that wall right there. Because I said to Laura, I was like, hey, I brought some margaritas

The canned and it's look one can it's like two and a half standard drink. I'm like I'm trying to get lit here not yet And I was like Johnny go halves and she was like yeah. Yeah, yeah, very tentative on something and I look over your mom She's like I was like, okay She's signaling. Like don't do that. Yeah, yeah. Fuck. She's so. Don't, because she was so, I was like, do you know what I did after that? I looked at her and I was like, come here.

She knew straight away that I was going to crack this safe immediately. And I was like, you better fucking tell me, right? I don't know what's going on. What did she say? She can't lie. She's a terrible liar. And she was like, no better fucking tell me right now what's going on. What did she say? She's a terrible liar. And she was like, no, I can't. No, no, I can't tell you. That's exactly what she sounds like too. No, I could never. I could never tell you. And I was like, what I'm going to do is I'm going to ask you a question.

You're going to nod your head. And I was like, is Laura pregnant? And she was like, yeah. I was wondering where she got those bruises from. Sorry about that. And then I was like, I was like, I fucking, okay, all right. I know it. I know it now.

And she was like, oh, please don't tell them. I told you they beat me. So congratulations, I already knew. But congratulations, this is going to ruin us financially. We got, give me another look at this. Give me another look at the baby. When are we, okay hang on, November. No, sooner.

October. October baby. I was close. It's late October there, right? No. What? I say mid. We were trying before I went into the jungle.

Just in case you didn't come back? Or didn't you? The plan was we said this year, 2025, if we are going to have a third, this will be the year that it happens. And because I'm conscious that Marley and Lola are really close together. They're about 18 months. We're now, Lola's just turned four.

And I was like, if it doesn't happen this year. Yeah, it's a big gap. It's a big gap. Also- It's like accidental gap. You know, it's a big gap. It's a big gap. Also- It's like accidental gap. You know, people are like, oh, there must have been an accident. It's like, my dream is this! It's a bit of a double-edged sword in that great because Marley,

I guess the older she comes, the older she turns, the more capable she is as a second, third parent. The main parent. Which is great. But then we were like, we don't want that third child to still be friends with Marley and Lola. And the third child always gets forgotten about. They do, don't they?

You're the third. Oh yeah, like, you know, exactly. Look how I turned out. But we said we're going to try, and we can't even say, we're like, if it doesn't happen before the jungle, like by the time I come back, it's going to be February, you know, and then like, you know, for those who don't know, it takes nine months

for a baby to grow in a woman's body. So then we're like, oh, then it's pushing into 2026. Yeah. And we're kind of like, no. You don't want to have a summer baby, like immediate, like, you know, October, it's still, it's close, but. So I said to Laura, if I make it to the end of the jungle, I was like, it's still, it's close, but. So, and I said to Laura,

if I make it to the end of the jungle, I was like, fucking tell me, like if you get, if you find out you're pregnant whilst I'm away, when you come on the show, like, tell me, right? So then, obviously she didn't tell me. And then I kind of didn't, it wasn't like front of mind, but we came back from the jungle.

And I was like, oh, I guess you're not the jungle and I was like oh I guess you're not pregnant and she was like nah I was thinking about it probably like not the wisest thing for us to do right we're in a really good position right now and I was like yeah do you know what yeah I was like you're probably right like what were we thinking trying to have a third that's pretty crazy and then um and then there's a video. I'm assuming by the time this comes out, this video will be posted.

But Laura then, she goes, oh, someone gave me a scratchy. And she said, you scratch it. And I was like, oh, a little scratch. Oh, scratchy, sure. So I'm scratching it. And it was a really bad quality scratchy. Like it was at a coin. and as I was scratching off the

top layer it would then take that first layer off and then when you went to reveal like what's printed underneath it was taking the print off as well. Oh okay. And I was like this scratchy. This sucks. I was like and I was like it was one of those hard ones where I was trying to figure it out like it was like match four of these icons and if you two of this one, it means you get that one on the first right, which is underneath that one there.

Is that how you get pregnant? Do the scratchy. So I'm scratching and I'm like, this is shit. Throw it out. And then she's like, keep on scratching. And then there was like 15 icons and then, then like a little tiny bottom right one, it said you're having a baby. And I was like, what?

Where's the money? And then I was like, I was very confused. And also I was in the mindset of like, do we want to have a third? Yeah, you were like talking yourself out of it. We were straddling both sides of the party. Nice. Now I've got visuals, great.

On one hand we were like, it'll be amazing to have three kids. You know, I grew up as one of five. Imagine when we're older, having a house full of three children and their partner is beautiful. But then on the other hand, I'm like, we're kind of like out of the trenches now.

Yeah, you like, you're talking now, I don't want to sound too old. You're talking now back to bassinet. Back to bassinet. Back to no sleep. We don't use nappies in the house anymore. We don talking now back to bassinet. Back to bassinet. Back to no sleep. We don't use nappies in the house anymore. We don't use the pram anymore. Yeah. My pram is covered in cobwebs. I looked at it the other day and it was looking back at me like, shut up. Yeah. Yeah. So we're now, I spoke to someone who has a newborn and I was like, what's that like?

Like it sucks. I've forgotten. I've forgotten all those years of what's that like? I've forgotten. I've forgotten all those years of what it's like. I can't believe you're having a third kid. I knew it was going to happen. I thought maybe next year. I also when I found out in that moment when we had the scratchy, I think we were at what? We were maybe like 12 weeks? No, 11 weeks. So we didn't even have like the big tests. So then I also was conscious of like, you know, I don't wanna, it's very early days, I don't wanna celebrate it

and be like, we're having a kid because we've, our cycle, when I say our, it's Laura's, we've had first child was a miscarriage, then Laura was pregnant with Marley. Then after Marley was born, she got pregnant again. We lost that child at around 12 weeks. And then we had Lola. So, you know, I'm kind of looking at the roadmap of which we've just come down and I'm like, well, we're kind of due for another miscarriage. So how many weeks are we now? So we are currently, I said we, because I'm equally as involved.

We're in this together. Laura is currently, I've lost count, she's 14 or 15 weeks. Wow. So yeah, we went and had the few tests done, but there's a lot of, I thought there was just one test at 12 weeks. I think you can opt in for a few different ones.

There's a few different ones. So I was kind of waiting for the bad news, like for something to go wrong. I was excited at the moment, but then I was like, until where, I don't know, I guess like. Until you're holding the baby in your hand. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

So then I was, every test, I was kind of waiting and then taking all the measurements and the heartbeat and everything else, just waiting for something to go wrong. It was very weird. I don't know if you recall Ash, when you go in for, excuse my ignorance here, ultrasound. Oh, I got seasick. That's right, you passed out.

But there was a student doctor who was in the room. He was very good looking. Very good looking. And like the ultrasound, it's not that invasive, you know, if anyone's not had one. But you have one where they like, you know, you pull your pants down quite a bit and your belly is exposed and they scan it.

And then they have the one that's like a big old banana size instrument. Like rock chip. And I was in the chair in the corner I felt like a like a is it a call the cut chair Yep, you were cocked my guy a good-looking doctor Inserted something into your wife while you watch We the good-looking doctor did the optor sound over the belly and then they were like we'll be back in one sec

And then Laura was like, oh, I wonder if he's gonna do like the next part, which was like the banana rocket. Yeah. And I was like, I hope so. I'm joking. Popcorn. Yeah.

Let me get the tissues out. There you go. Beautiful. Yeah. He didn't come back. He didn't come back. We had the lovely older doctor, female, do that part. Oh, wrong hole.

Laura was like, thank God it wasn't him. He was gorgeous. Gorgeous young doctor. Anyway, here he is. So we're still, we're with 15 weeks. We've had all like all the major tests done. Everything's looking pretty good. Everything's tracking nicely and with the gender You're not gonna tell anyone of this the big question was big question was Marley and Lola we found out at birth the sex. Mm-hmm, and I Was like this is great. Like it's lovely but first child I was happy with whatever second child

I thought everyone else thought that Lola was going to be a boy. So I just had it in my mind that it was going to be a boy. So there was just a split second, but like gender surprise where you're like, oh, I wasn't expecting that. It's like you're thinking you're going to get a chocolate cake and you got a sponge. A sponge is still great. I'll eat a sponge. No questions asked. But at the same time, I just was expecting a chocolate cake, a mud cake.

Do you know what I'm saying? You're picking up what I'm putting down? I am. And now I'm just hungry. And so I just said to Laura, like, I want to go into birth because it's all about me. I'd like to know. And I think childbirth is beautiful enough of a moment that you don't need it to be another like added level of surprise. Like Laura was how amazing you don't get many surprises in life for what reason? Like we can't what's the yeah yeah yeah what's the reason? I was like let's pad this out we can have a surprise now and then childbirth is still great it's

not like you're not gonna enjoy childbirth because you know the sex of your child you're still gonna enjoy it. It's gonna be the sex of your child is gonna be the sex of your child for the rest of its life. Yeah so well so I was, let's find out prior. So, bit of debating, I won. Nice. Because you know, this is, we are not going for a fourth. Not yet. I think, we, you know, Laura's 40.

She's 39. She's young and fertile. She's not. No. She's a geriatric. She's not. She's not 40. She's 39.

Medically, yeah. Yeah, well how old are those medical medical medicalies? Like we're saying she's geriatric at a 40. It's like I'm obese technically, according to the BMI scale. How old are these things? They're not wrong. That's mean. But geriatric at 40, what was?

For pregnancy, for pregnancy. Oh, I was gonna say, when was this scientific record kept from the 40s? It's just when it comes to pregnancy, it's very offensive. That is offensive. I'm offended for her. And she's 39, isn't she? She's 39, yeah, well she's almost 40. Sorry, do that again. 40 is the new 30. Anyway, congratulations. That's amazing.

Thank you very much. Like I said, I knew it was coming. I didn't know it was coming this early. Anyway, congratulations. That's amazing. That's amazing. Thank you very much. Like, no! And I was like, oh no, embracing for the worst. So I'm glad it's the best, the best result. Thank you very much. And so I didn't tell you sooner. No, that's all right.

I wanted to surprise you on the pilot, but fucking that was harder than I thought. Because you are a detective. I am. Do you know I lived next door to a good friend of mine a while ago, across the hall, and I also picked twice when she was pregnant without them before they told us. I'd have a gift. Jess is not pregnant. Gift.

That's a gift. Point someone out. This might sound weird but I don't have a kink with pregnant women. Not yet you don't. But I find Laura at the moment, she's popping a lot more than the previous pregnancies. Is she? The way it normally works. I've never seen her. She also doesn't answer my calls. She's been avoiding you.

But her belly's popped. Like I think with Marley, she didn't pop right until the final trimester. Whereas now, that belly's out. And Laura's like, oh, I just feel so fat. I hate it. And I'm like, damn girl. I'm like, bring that belly over here. I love it. Get the vitamin E cream out and rub it. It helps the stretch marks. Right? Get in there. And deep in there, you know?

Like all over? Just the belly? Just the belly. What about the feet? Will it work on the feet? Nah. Not that Laura has dry feet. Never dry. Oh, I'm not a foot guy.

If I'm honest. The hands of the legs. Okay, well, I'm gonna, I look forward to lubing Laura up. Lube a rider. With a vitamin E cream. Or some baby oil. Slip and slide around. Yeah, I find Laura... Like a pommel horse.

What's a pommel? What do you mean? You know in gymnastics. Yeah. And there's that thing they get on top. And you get all handsy. And they fling their legs around. That's a pommel horse. You could do that. I'm gonna ride Laura like a pommel horse. You could do that. I'm gonna ride Laura like a pommel horse.

Oh yeah. Get ready. She's gonna be the apparatus. I hope she's ready. She'd be ready. No, there is no other moment when I find Laura more attractive than when she's pregnant.

You've gotta kink, my guy. Let me get my list of pregnant women up here. I've got a folder. I just, I don't know, it's beautiful. Can't keep my hands off her. I can't wait for my poor you page to just be pregnant. But yeah, well also, I haven't celebrated it really. I have moments where I'm like, oh wow,

what's it gonna, trying to envision having a newborn baby in the house. And I'm trying to imagine it, but at the same time, every time I start to imagine it, I put the handbrake up. So I'm like, I don't know, I don't wanna. Is it because of, you put your handbrake up because you don't wanna celebrate

in case something happened? Is that what I'm picking up? Totally, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we've been down that road a number of times, and especially like the first time Laura was pregnant, which is obviously each pregnancy is special, but the very first time, there is no greater change in your life as an adult

from when you go from no kids to having kids. And so that first one is the biggest moment of all, I think. And that first one is, that's when I, I think. And that first one is, you know, that's when I, I don't know what you were like, but I was, you know, I was spending every second imagining, like, oh my God, what is it gonna be like being a parent? Like, this is actually gonna happen.

And then when that's taken away from you, you know, there's no greater emotional whiplash than having a miscarriage. Yeah, and like I haven't, thankfully, I haven't had to experience that. But also I think like what we do on this pod is we do preach a little bit. It's like don't go through all that stuff alone.

Like don't feel that you can't celebrate your wins. Yeah, and I think as we get closer, because in my mind, we're still like at the beginning of the pregnancy. And even like when Laura was pregnant with Marley and pregnant with Lola, there was lots of times throughout where we were like super anxious

because we're just waiting for something to go wrong. And you have little moments where baby doesn't move that much. And you might have one or two day period where previously baby was really active and now it's not. And so you just, you know, like you're just waiting for those signs that something might be going wrong. And it's so hard because, you know, when you do experience a miscarriage, like it wasn't as if Laura did anything wrong. Like, you know, it's not as if she like behaved in a certain way,

which encouraged a miscarriage to happen. It's just, unfortunately, just part of life. It wasn't meant to be. And so you just, you just got to be this passenger on the journey and just hope and pray that, you know, it's going to turn out all right. Fortunately, I haven't had to experience that feeling of a miscarriage, but when it does happen experience that feeling of miscarriage.

But when it does happen, what sort of feelings come to the surface? I think the first time it happened, we were overseas and Laura experienced a little bit of bleeding and that bleeding progressed, it got a little bit heavier. And I remember her saying to me like, oh, like there's a lot of blood here. And you instantly you realize it's not a good sign. And there's not a whole lot you can do. Like you just have to like, are you kind of hoping that the bleeding stops? And then you go to the doctors, you get scans done, and you kind of just hoping, hoping that you get good news.

And I think I was preparing myself for the bad news. There was so much bleeding over a longer period of time. So I kind of thought to myself, like my intuition was that this is really not good. And do they give you a reason? There's no reason. So we, we found out we had scans done. There was no longer a heartbeat.

So we knew that we had lost the baby and there's, there's not, the hardest thing is there's not like a specific reason. You know, it's not like they say, um, because you did X, we lost the baby, you know, which almost would be easier to stomach because you know X, we lost the baby, you know, which almost would be easier to stomach. Because you know what to do not to do next time. Yeah, that's it. Exactly. If it was that simple, but it's not.

Because, you know, I remember for Laura, her biggest thought was why I've done something to make this pregnancy. When she hasn't. Not at all. Yeah. And like that, the biggest bit of communication was to Laura that this is not your fault. Like you haven't caused this.

You know, there's nothing wrong with you because obviously you're carrying the baby and she's like, well maybe I'm not a good carrier. Maybe there's something wrong with my body. That means that I'm not going to be able to carry a baby. And Laura was so worried that it was something that she had done or there's something that was carry a baby. And Laura was so worried that it was something that she had done or there's something that was wrong with her.

So you're trying to communicate and reassure her that she hasn't done anything wrong here. The best way that I could digest the situation is that you kind of think it was always gonna happen this way. And they can test the level of hormones and sometimes the more hormones you have is a good sign.

But my mom told me this, she just said that sometimes the body just has to do a test run. And there's no like medical backing for this. I think it was just an easy way of my body, it was an easy way for me to kind of see the situation from the point of view that it was just body making sure that everything was where it needed to be to prepare for the one that was going to be the one.

Yeah, right. And so, but yeah, and afterwards you kind of think from my perspective, you know, I was obviously upset because that baby that I was imagining was gone. It was, you know, It was never going to be. And then you can't help but think, like what could have been, like what could have been that little baby if it had made it?

And you can't help but think about that outcome. But then as well for Laura, she's dealing with the emotional distress of a miscarriage. But in the physical side as well, it's dealing with the emotional distress of a miscarriage, but in the physical side as well, you know, it's really uncomfortable. You know, it's unlucky that for a guy, you know, I could go for a run and try and get my mind off things. Get some Dorphins and totally do something to distract myself.

But for a woman, you know, they're dealing with it like every second of the day. Like physically it hurts as well. So there's a constant reminder of what they're experiencing. So they don't have the ability to switch off from it. For your first one, what point, how far along? I think we're about 12 weeks. OK. So it can happen at, and forgive my ignorance again, it can happen in different circumstances, different times, right?

Yeah. It's obviously a higher risk of miscarriage earlier on. And so there's kind of that reassurance in my mind like now. I'm like, okay, well, every week that we don't have any issue is a week that we're kind of like, not in the clear, but we're kind of itching towards being in a place where we don't have to worry every day about it. And it's hard as well because when you're in the first 12 weeks we've been conditioned not to tell people. And I remember mates who would be like eight weeks pregnant and they would tell people and I'd be like what are you doing like you can't you shouldn't be telling people like I actually think now it's really stupid I think whoever said you shouldn't tell

anyone before 12 when you look back at that you're like tell everyone because that's a thing as well like when I was saying like I was trying to find the words where it's like yeah okay you're not gonna be celebrating because you you've got this fear still which it it's completely normal. But then also it's like, why suffer alone with it? Totally. Because you're already, I mean, for Laura, in the first instance that happened, you've got the physical side of it, you mentioned, the mental side of it, and also the self-worth side of it as well.

But then also it's like, I can only, and it's going to lead me into my next question, I can only really talk it's gonna lead me into my next question, I can only really talk to Matt about this, but my next question is, if we're all out here talking about it, as someone who's close to Laura, other than you, how do you think that they could have supported it? Yeah, it's hard because, you know, if someone is in the early stages of pregnancy,

unless you're Ash Wicks, where you're very dialed in to being able to guess it, no one's gonna know. And so it's a really heavy topic to bring up with someone who doesn't know what you're going through. You know, if in that moment after it had happened, and someone asked me a question of, hey Matt, how are you? If you respond and go, well, we just found out we lost a baby.

You're like, first of all, holy shit, you didn't know your Laura was pregnant and then you've lost it. Like it's such a fucking. It's a big heavy subject. Heavy subject. You know, and obviously there's a few people who are that close to you where you can bring it up.

Like obviously my family, they like, we could talk about it. But because we didn't tell anyone that we were trying, we didn't tell anyone that Laura was pregnant, when we lost the baby, yeah, we were just, it was just something that we internalized. And so I didn't bring it up with anybody as well. And I was, I didn't want to bring it up

and draw attention to something that I don't know if Laura wanted people to know about. But I think the biggest surprise is it is so, so common. So many people know about it. Laura spoke about it on Life Uncut after it happened, like a little while after. And it was surprising how many people came out and said, oh, we've also experienced that because in my head, stupidly, I thought it was something that was like one in 20 or like, you know, it's like one in two almost.

It's wild. It's wild how big and before you have kids, you have no idea about that stat whatsoever. Before you fall pregnant, you have no idea about the stats, the complications, the variations, the variables, everything involved until you're actually going through it. But like looking back, do you think that if you, after it happened the first time, do you think if that you didn't internalize it so much then and you were more vocal with it about closer to, do you think it would have helped you with your worries now? No, I don't think it would have helped my worry now. I think if we did like heaven forbid touchwood we lose this baby. I know that I would tell a lot more people I would be so much more vocal with it and open with it and not feel like I was being such a burden in

bringing it up with other people in conversation. Yeah. And do you think if you knew that back then you would have been able to process it better? Oh, 100%. Yeah. It's like, I'm very fortunate that I haven't had to deal with a huge amount of trauma in my life, and that is probably one of the ones that was like top of the list. The moments where you talk about it makes it so much easier to make sense of the whole

situation. You know, it's, it can be a dangerous thing just having these internalized thoughts that never get the chance to have a voice out in the open. It needs the oxygen. 100%. Right? Because like we're talking so many people are going through the same thing, but doing it in silence.

And then think of how all those people that go through it don't try again, because they're too scared. Or haven't had a conversation with someone like you who's tried again and again, and it's happened again. And then you're willing to go through that again for the ultimate reward, which is parenthood. Yeah. I think the message to anyone who has experienced

miscarriage is is that it's not your fault and unfortunately for whatever reason it just wasn't meant to be. So I mean I will as time progresses I will start to celebrate it more. I hope so. I hope so. And there's a part of me that goes am I an idiot for having a third child? Are we? Like the moment. Yes and no. The moment we've just come to a point where we finally kind of got like controlled to a certain degree with parenting.

We feel like we're getting the upper hand. The kids understand what you're saying. Yes. Yes, they might not do what you've said, but you're at a stage now where both girls are at an age where they understand if you did raise your voice enough, you could get some law and order in, you know. I can't begin to tell you how much easier parenting is when you can communicate with your child and they can say, I'm hungry, I'm cold, I have a sore tummy, I have a headache,

I want a glass of water. That is an amazing position to be in. And I'm like, far out to get to the point where I've got like a little blob. Back to a guessing game. Oh, the guessing game. I'm like, Ash, am I an idiot? No. Okay, great. No, I don't think you're an idiot. Honestly, not for me.

If you guys have made the decision. Our obstetrician was like, we came in and the first thing he said was, what the hell are you guys doing? You're out. You're well and truly going to be outnumbered, in and the first thing he said was what the hell are you guys doing? You're out. You're well and truly going to be outnumbered which is something that people warn you about but you just don't know if you're if you're looking at what my life's gonna be like with three and you think that's what makes this family feel complete then you haven't done the wrong thing. Actually do you know who helped me? Who? Is Ames on the pod.

Oh yeah, okay. When she was like, it's great. Good one Ames. Yeah, this is on you Ames. Yeah. But when she was like, Ames is a guest we had on a little while ago, she's got four kids and she was like, no, it gets easier. And I was like, where's Laura?

No, congratulations and thank you for sharing all of that with us. Off the back of that Matthew, there's a very important decision that needs to be made. And you've got plenty of time to do that. And that is what you are going to name this child. Now, there are, I'm not gonna say good and bad names, but let's face it, there are names that you associate with bad behavior. Yeah, I think everyone grows up

and names have a certain image attached to it based on the kids that you went to school with. Yeah oh for sure yeah. And so there are names where we like Laura and I were going through potential names at the moment and I'm like we can't call it that because I had one of those names at my school and they were so naughty so I thought we should do like a top three naughty names. Naughty names Matthew. Okay all right so my first one Billy. Yeah. We used to have a kid at school Billy. He stunk. But also he was such a naughty kid. Yeah Billy's are very naughty. Yeah. Very cheeky. For me it it's more of a, it's a J.

Names that start with J. Oh yeah. So number three for me is Jai. Jai? Jai is a naughty name. Yeah, okay. J-Y-E. I never had a Jai that I can recall.

Yeah, if, to any Jais out there, I apologize. I don't mean to Jai. Nah, stuff him. You're all evil. There's parents out there being like, oh that was our name, we're all good. Cross that out. Number two. Jake.

Oh, yeah. I got a couple. Yeah. It's the J's, dude. It's the J's. Jesus. Okay, I'm gonna throw a girl's name J's dude. It's the J's. It is the J's. It is the J's. Jesus. No. Okay, I'm gonna throw a girl's name in the mix.

Okay. And again, if this is your name and you're very well behaved, I'm sorry to offend, but Evie. Evie. Evie. Evie is a cheeky. Very close to evil.

Cheeky, yes. Yeah. Right? Suspiciously close. What's your number one number one? Which I think you're gonna be similar if it's a boy nice Nathan nice. I knew a Nathan in school and he was quite nice He's my only actually there was there was one nice and there's one evil difference

My number one going back to Jays is the's you've got to be worried about. Jared. Oh my god. That's going to shivers down my spine. Jared. If your child is becoming friends with another child called Jared, just be very careful. Have your guard up. Be warned because... That's a naughty fucking kid. That is a naughty kid. And if it's not naughty now, we'll be naughty in the future. That's a naughty fucking cat is a naughty and if it's not naughty now will be naughty in the future That's a future criminal. They cannot fight the naughtiness. Yeah, once they have the tag of Jared There's only one path in life. They will take Jared's the new Ivan I'm gonna say it say that Jared Malat

Has a ring to it actually I I like it. So yeah so luckily don't have to worry about Jays for this baby. I don't have any names in the mix. Jessica. Jessica. I don't mind just Jessica. She's a bit old. Jeffica. Nah. Jessie Bear. These are all of our producers nicknames by the way. Not a fan. Although Bella for sure, it's pretty cool. Yeah. Look at it marinate. What else you got? And if you've enjoyed this episode. That's a funny name. You can. Please subscribe. Yeah. We have a lot of people who listen to this episode. Any episode from Food Oating Dads. And they don't subscribe to the podcast. Please. Please. I'm asking you right now politely. Subscribe because that gives us the fuel to keep coming back and doing these episodes every single week.

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