Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #143 The Great Pregnancy Leak

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

Nana is back on the pod, and this time she's setting things straight after being accused of spilling the pregnancy beans to Ash. Protect Ellie at all costs!  Meanwhile, Matty J takes Marlie-Mae to horse school (?) and spends his week flipping people off.  We have a new segment! It's called Par-RANT, where Matty J and Ash hear your parent rants. We also answer your questions:  Do you think dads should receive equal parental leave as mums?   Baby items that are a scam! BUY OUR SMELLY T SHIRTS HERE  https://www.twodotingdads.com/category/all-products Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads     See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It was a damn good movie, Matthew. Oh. Can't you just let her have a conversation without picking the words that she uses apart? I can't help myself. No, but it's true though. It was a damn good movie. Matthew, it was a damn good movie. I've never heard you talk like that.

When she's in front of you, you're just... Ashton, let me tell you, young chap. Oh, I'm sick of Jeweling Goat. I'm sick of it. But I do love that movie. I'm sick of The Sorcerers. It was a brief period. A grandmother. A damn good grandmother.

This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And if you come for advice, don't do it from us and definitely don't do it from Ellie. What? There we go. There she is, she's alive. Okay.

Normally you would be relaxing upstairs in my bedroom. Ew. Well don't say it like that. It sounds as if there's something going on that you don't like. No, every time that I go to get changed, I'm like, all right, coast is clear. And then all of a sudden you come out from the curtains

and you're like, take it off, big boy. Do it slower. And I'm like, how did you get up here? What? Yeah, it's tough living with a sex predator. Oh, dear my lordy. That's it, I'm moving in. But we are very thankful that you've decided to jump on the podcast.

Ash, we were getting a little coffee before. She was very reluctant. Why? Very reluctant. Don't you love me? Reluctant to do what? Have I explained this is my mum? Ellie, everyone knows.

Everyone knows who Ellie is. Yeah. Yes. Yes. God. Yeah. Yes. God damn it. Ellie was reluctant to come to the podcast, but I thought we must, we must have her on.

Oh, we must have Ellie on. We have to let her defend herself. Yes. Yes, okay. She was dragged through the coals. Through the mud, I would say. Yeah. through the coals. Through the mud I would say. Yeah. The muddy coals. I did it gently. I was like... That's what they all say. Yeah. It was hard work keeping this pregnancy a secret and little did I know... Hang on. Hard work for who?

For me. Okay, I think you meant Ellie. no, no, no. We need some context. No, we don't. No, we please. Yes, we do. We need time and place. Yes. Okay. You were on I'm a Celeb,

and you did not know about the baby. At this stage, you did not know. I knew. And I was part of a very select few. Who knew? Inclusive of me. Now, we were gathering here. Ash came. Matt was back. He was here. Yeah. Mum's freaking out because she's like,

oh my gosh, can I say that you were back because you were still in the jungle? That's the face she did when I offered her a drink. She was like, I'm out of school. Come on, man. So yeah, well, I think it's better if you're not there. For anyone who... He was here, it doesn't matter, it's not a secret.

Okay, just so people understand, I was back from the jungle, but the jungle finale hadn't gone to air yet. So I was back, but I was, you know, Just. In TV land, I was in from the jungle, but the jungle finale hadn't gone to air yet. So I was back, but I was, you know, just in TV land, I was in the jungle still. But the main thing was you did not know about number three. Yes. Correct. Correct. Right. So Ash and I are in the kitchen. Ash, of course, is making the margaritas. That doesn't sound like me.

margaritas and he... That doesn't sound like me. And he happens to say, hey, Lor, do you want to have a margarita with me? And without hesitating I go, no. And then Ash goes, why not? And I come up with this. Why did you say no? Well, because I suppose I was a bit worried that Laura, in the moment of I'm a celeb, might go, yeah. She did say yes. You think, hang on a second, hang on a second.

You think that the TV show, I'm a Celebrity, is enough to create a cloud within Laura's mind that she thinks even though she's pregnant, she's allowed to drink alcohol. Oh, you've pushed me into a corner here, but I have to say yes. It's a great show. It's a great show.

Riveting TV. And it's only one drink. It's so good. It's enough to make a pregnant woman want alcohol. She's like, quick, give me a margarita. Mainline it. I think Laura said yes, because it's enough to make a pregnant woman want alcohol. She's like, quick, give me a margarita, main line it. I make it a double. And I think Laura said yes,

because it's more of a scene to say no. So you say yes. So you say yes and then you just put it to the side. Yeah, I think she's just being polite. Yeah. She was being polite and you were panicking. Ellie runs across the room. Slaps her in the hand.

Throws myself. In front of the margarita. No. and he just... throws myself... In front of the braggart rider. No! Anyway, so then I think, oh my goodness, and Ash instantly goes, what's going on? And I said, no, no, no, no, no, we've had a really busy day.

And she is exhausted. If she has a drink, she will just fall asleep and we want to watch her. And she is exhausted. If she has a drink, she will just fall asleep and we want to watch her. And she'll die. And everybody else in the room kind of went, oh, yeah, okay. Not this guy. Ash looks at me, pushes me.

No, you didn't. I didn't touch you. You pushed me literally into the corner. Ashton. That never happened. That, I can tell you, it into the corner. Ashton! That never happened. That, I can tell you, it's that corner. It was right there, but I was in the corner. I was hiding.

No, and you said to me, you looked me square in the eye and you said, if you do not tell me the truth, that this is the truth, if you do not tell me the truth, I'm going to make a scene right here, right now. And he said it very menacingly. Yes, he can be aggressive. He can be so aggressive, that boy. Especially when he's had margaritas.

Especially with a 73 year old. Oh, she's 73. You're really selling this. How aggressive do you have to be to a poor old 73 year old? I honestly, yes. Shame on you. I'm not buying any of this.

I'm not. I'm sorry. I was put into the corner nose to nose. If you do not tell me now what is going on, I'm gonna make a scene. Well, what was I supposed to do? Matthew, tell me. I mean, Jesus, there's only one.

I mean, I knew. I think I should be able to defend myself here. Dom. Okay, before you, we decide who's. Lies, fake. Okay, Donald, just keep it down a little bit, would you? My turn. I offered her a drink.

She said yes, she did, to be polite. Yeah. I look over and old mate over here is like waving her arms around like she's back in an aeroplane in. And I hide behind the corner over here because I'm like I'm not buying this story. I'm way too perceptive. You are hiding in the corner. Why would you be hiding in the corner? This is my turn to talk. Let Ash talk. Let Ash talk.

Let me talk, because I've been accused of manhandling... Ashley, give it to me, give it to me. Ellie, a 73 year old woman. That never happened. I was in the corner, I coaxed you over. I coaxed you over. I admit the coaxing was aggressive. I was like, it was, yeah, but there was no, it was a physicality. I was like, get over here now. Like this. And she sheepishly knew that she was going to spill the beans. She couldn't hold on to it. She was juggling them around the house all afternoon. And then I bring her over and I got close to her face. See? Yeah, but not like nose to nose.

I was like, I'm going to... You got within her personal space. For sure. Okay, guilty of that? Guilty. I said, I'm going to ask you one question. I just want you to nod your head. Oh, rubbish.

Rubbish. No. You did not say... No, because at first she said, I said, what's going on? She was like, I can't tell you. I didn't. I I said, what's going on? She was like, I can't tell you. I didn't. I just said, nothing's going on. And you said, yes.

And I was like, did you touch her? Did you touch her? No. OK. Ellie, did he touch you? I was like, damn it, man! I was like, I said, I'm going to ask you one question, and he's nodded.

And I was like. Oh, it was not. God. Did you not say, tell me in this tone, tell me what is going on right now or I will make a scene. Did you or did you not say that?

Yes, but you didn't. No, no buts. And then I said, is Laura pregnant? And I just said nod your head and you went. Okay. I think I've got to Ash. I've got to put blame on you. I think your behavior towards Ellie in this situation was absolutely uncalled for.

I'm talking Ellie. I'm a bit upset I didn't get to cause a scene if I'm honest. I'm not. Anyway. And I would just like to say that I felt absolutely sick at that moment thinking, what have I done? I have now told Ash before you know. How awful is that? And I was like, my job here is done. I'm a terrible Nana. Poor Law is confiding in me.

The rub of a hat. I'm very convincing. I just spilled the beans. But he scared me back. I was so scared. I was so scared for my life. You don't know this, Ellie, but you actually let it slip in front of me

and I knew before Laura told me. Yes! Yes! What? Yeah. Oh, that makes me so happy. There's no way. Yeah, I'm joking. I really was thinking dementia.

Did you know what I was thinking? Dementia is setting in because I have no knowledge of that. I didn't, thankfully, I didn't see you a lot between now and then. She's been hiding. I know, because I would have used it. I would have been like, yes, can you get me a drink? If you don't get me a drink, I'm going to tell them. I will end you. I will tell them.

You told me. Oh, mate, I'll fabricate a whole story where you pulled me in. So I said, guess what, Ash? I was so worried that in this sort of moment of hilarity, hey, guess what? That you were going to say it before. Never. I think I probably did say to you, I think I did,

Matt doesn't know. You did tell me that. And you did tell me. I heard you say that. You did tell me how horrible you felt. And I just laughed. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Well, I'm glad that we can now put this behind us. horrible you felt. And I just laughed. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I'm glad that we can now put this behind us. You two can reconcile. But I also found the ultrasound before he told me. Yeah. It's a schmuzzle. The Johnson family is terrible at keeping secrets. It was just there.

And I did so well. I didn't do well. No you didn't. But I tried. Before you go, Ellie, before you go. No, no, I just want to say one more thing. Oh gosh. And I've forgotten what it was. Oh fuck's sake.

You trust this person to keep a secret. No, no, the reason that I was reluctant to come on today was because I... You're pregnant. Ash said... Whoops! Ash! It's dad to you. Okay.

I... Yes. Come on. I spoke to Law after all of the event happened. And she said, oh my goodness, that was a close thing. Ash doesn't know, does he? And I said, no, no, no, Ash. No, I just said that you were very tired.

You'd been working all day. You were exhausted. And she knew. She knew the way you reacted. She was like, there's absolutely no way in hell that Ash doesn't now know. But nobody else in the room knew. Nobody else said, what's going on here? Only Ash was the only one.

What does that say about the other people in the room? They're idiots. Yeah. Look, I'm not angry at you at all. Just disappointed. Well, I'm so happy to hear that. Before you go, because I hate to break it to the listeners and to you as well, Ellie. Am I dying?

What? You were not staying for the full episode to you as well, Ellie. Am I dying? You were not staying for the full episode. Your time here is now done. I could. I have the time. And technically, as soon as you're born, you're dying. As morbid as that sounds. Thanks, Ash. Before you go, I would like to hear your thoughts about how you feel about

becoming a Nana for the third time in our family. Yeah, I just think it's. That's what we've got time for. Sorry, you go. Sorry, I had to. No, I just think it's a wonderful blessing. Of course I'm excited and I want lots and lots, Matt. So it's you're not going to stop now. I think.

I think you are. I think we are. Yeah, I've given up on the other boys. Thoughts on. Can I say that? I love them, I love them, but it's not happening, Ash. It's not happening. Let's just hope they don't listen to this episode.

But they've come out and said they don't want children, so it's their choice. Don't try and backtrack. Maybe no one wants to have children with them. How do you feel about it being a girl versus a boy? Three girls? You know, a girlfriend of mine had five boys. Fuck that. And went a sixth.

Alison. Alison. And Ali said, look, we would have gone a sixth anyway, but I would like a change of scenery. And she had a little girl. Now a baby, healthy baby, you all know is a blessing. Change of scenery might have been interesting. You can always move. But...

That took me a while. But you know, look, I think it'll be great for the girls. Yeah. You know, three little girls together and you're such a good girl, Dan. So outnumbered now. You're a beautiful. It's Laura, Nana, Marley, Lola, this new buff.

You've got Buster. You've got Buster. Except he's been castrated. Yes. Apart from that. Need more testosterone. We can sort that out. If you get this, Nick, then you'll be castrated brothers.

Just, yeah, well I think that's next. Well I think you're only strictly castrated when you lose your testicles. And when you get the snip, you don't lose your testicles. Five, yes, five, five legs between you and no testicles. Very good. Well Ellie, thank you so much for jumping in. You're welcome.

I appreciate your time. Always a pleasure to catch up with you beautiful young men. Again, apologies. Very proud of you as dads. It is. Okay. We're going to run out of time. You really want me to go? Yes.

I could stand. No, love you. Love you. Got to go. I'm glad that I did. Thank you. Thank you for being so gentle with my mother. That was my pleasure.

Before I tell you this story, you have to promise you can't react to what I'm about to say to you. I can't promise you that. Okay, so holidays have been recently, school holidays. Thank God they're over, Jesus Christ. I know, I know. We had pony club. The song? Wait, what?

Actual ponyony Club? I knew you would react like that. Oh, no. Okay. You don't do yourself any favors, Matt. Hear me out. It's not, I don't know what kind of Pony Club you're thinking of. I'm thinking of like a bunch of spoiled kids riding their ponies. No. What's the, did you buy a pony? No. Did you buy a pony?

No. If you buy a fucking pony, I will leave right now. I am so far in debt right now. I can barely afford to eat. There is no chance that we're buying Marley a pony. Not until next year. Oh my God. I'm joking, we're not.

Let's see how we perform in the next financial year. Ponies are out of the question, but we were down the South Coast, as you know, for a number of weeks. As you also know, it is very hard having your child, both children, every single day after day after day after day. So, so there is a pony club down the South Coast,

close to where we are staying. My niece goes to it. It's like regularly goes to it. No, it's just during school holidays. And all it is, okay. All it is, is a farm, right? They have a couple of horses, the kids go and they kind of just work in the stables. Oh, okay. So it's not that, okay.

I thought immediately, I thought, hang on, you've stepped this thing up here. Let's just be pony people. I thought you were thinking, we're gonna be horse people. And do you know who also thought that? Who? Marley.

She was like, pony club. We're going to be horse people. And do you know who also thought that? Who? Marley. She was like, Pony Club. Oh my God. About time. Finally some people I can get along with. She watches a Pony Club show. It's like a Barbie one on Netflix. And you know, everyone rocks out. It's a cartoon.

It's like, you know, it's. It's pony people. It paints a very specific picture of like that final, like the finer people in life. Yeah, they're like, I have ponies and we got a pony club and we have lunch around the ponies. And then afterwards they get picked up in a helicopter and go home. And Marley was like, oh, that's what I'm going to be doing. So we went to pony club. Marley was pumped.

She was so excited because she was like, finally pony. I'm going to be doing. So we went to pony club. Marley was pumped. She was so excited because she was like, finally pony. I'm going to be riding a pony. I'll have my own pony. This is going to be amazing. And she's like, what am I going to wear? So we went to Kmart to buy her a new outfit because you need to have long pants. You need to have boots.

And I'm like, I'm not going to buy her probably. You've got to look like a pony person. I know what you mean. No, I just, you need to have boots. She's got like either Crocs or a pair of like Puma shoes. Yeah, okay, yeah. You need like boots. She's just like, I need a saddle.

And so I got a Kmart, 15 bucks for a pair of boots. Great. That's great. But she was thrilled. She had like her outfit sorted. In the morning she woke up, she bounced out of bed, had breakfast, got dressed. She's like, here's my outfit.

What do you think? And so we get there. And it's the farm. It's been raining a bit as well. The farm is quite muddy. OK. And like, oh, God forbid the pony people have to walk at the bottom. I hope she's not listening because it was it's a beautiful farm. It's just it's a working it's a working farm. You know, there's like cows. Can you concrete it, please? This is disgusting.

Lower don't touch anything. Yeah. So we get there and the lady who runs it is like, she's a very like, she's a strong woman, is what I'm trying to say. Yeah. I almost broke my hand when I looked at it. Like, hello, she's like, hang on. But she's lovely.

She's lovely. Let me just... Preface this one more lovely. She's lovely. Let me just... Preface this one more time. She's lovely. And I dropped Marley off and she's like, where are the horses? Where are they? Which one am I going to get? Where's the ponies?

I'd like a white one please. Dad, buy that one for me. And the lady's like, here you go. Gave her a shovel, gives her a bucket. And Marley's like, um, what's this for? I know the difference between a horse and a bucket. Dickhead. Okay. And the first job they do there at Pony Club for like a good half an hour, 45

minutes, they just shovel shit. That'll loan ya. That's what I do. And so I like, I'm just going to, you know, drop and go. I don't want to hang around. So I'm like, all right, mine, like have fun. And she's there going, are you fucking kidding me? This is child labor.

Yeah. Poor thing. I've paid a couple hundred bucks. Couple hundred bucks? Three days. Oh, three days. OK, yeah. And he just left him there for three days.

And she's just shoveling shit. Marley was like, what have I done to deserve this? Where's Lola? And Lola was like, I want to go to Pony Club. And then we dropped her off. Lola was like, let's get the fuck out of here. So we get back in the car. And then I'm all day.

So it's 8.30 to three o'clock. I'm like, oh my God. Marley is going to be having a terrible time. Like, Jesus. And I was like, I'm going to pick her up. I was thinking to myself, there's no way that she's going to come back for like day two. Yeah.

I know. But then I picked her up. She frothing? She's like, here you go. She's chewing on a carrot. Marley's like, here you go, mate. Yeah, no, I've got to feed the fucking horses. Give us five, would you?

She's smoking a cigarette too. Picked her up. Weddie Red. Yeah, she's straight to the heavy stuff. Can of EB. Yeah, she's like, I'm just going to go split the B over here. Hang on. She's smoking a cigarette too. Picked her up. Wedding red. Yeah, she's straight to the heavy stuff. Can of EB. Yeah, she's like, she's gonna go split the B over here.

Hang on. I was like, what have you done to my Marlowe? But I loved it. What happens at Pony Club stays at Pony Club. I love that she was covered in dirt. I was like, Marlowe, you're not pants, I've got my dirty. She's like, I don't fucking care. She's like, these boots, they're not steel cat.

What are you trying to do? They help me lose my toes. Three days, three days. She loved it. Yeah. Loved it. She ride a pony? She rode the pony.

Okay. Rode the pony. Bluey, I think his name was. I mean, when I say ride the pony, I mean, she's not like bare back and through the bush, like, there's not like bare back and through the bush. Yeah. There's like a little pen and I think they just walk around. That's probably what she was expecting the whole time.

Like we're going to a pony club. You can sit on a pony. I think that she thought she was going to be like galloping through like the woods and over jumps and stuff. Like Spirit. Who's that? Don't you know Spirit? It's a show about horses. It's a cartoon show.

Spirit. Netflix. I haven't seen it. No, you should. They'll sure love it. You'll have to own a pony there. No, because then she'll be like, this is what I deserve.

Yeah, one day you'll get home, they'll be riding Buster with a saddle. Move you three legged horse! Hey, how was Oscar's first day back at school? He was pretty good except the weather was shit. Like he, look, he's spoiled in a way that I ride him down on the electric bike and he loves that because he's re-ride past his mates who were just in their Range Rovers. No, just re-ride past his mates and he's like, hi!

A bit like Marley with Pony Club. He'd go back to school and she'd be like, I went to Pony Club. I had to shovel shit. Oscar rides past. He's like, Charlie. And just gives this look like I'm better than you. Because it was raining this morning. He was like, we're not going to get to ride the bike.

Yeah. What? How did you? And I was like, it's all right. We can ride the car down there. And you can. That's fun. And I'll push you out and you can walk down.

And it's a long path to from the top to the bottom. And it was raining and I was late and I was like, hey, all right. He was like, can you walk down with me? And I was like. Sorry. Is that part of the story? Yeah. He's coughing.

I was like, get the fuck out of my car. No, I was like, oh yeah. And it's a drop and go. So I had to find a park. Dude, I was the same. I had to message my therapist and be like, I'm going to be late. She was like, we're going to be talking about this. Is it? No.

And I was like. Tears? Tears from Oscar? No. So we walked down. It was raining. It was really slippery. We walked down through the bush track and there's some nice, it was fun. And then once I got to the end, I'm like, I can see you, mates. And the bell's about to go, you got to go. And then he was like, okay, sweet. And went off.

And I was also like, good on him. Because when I was young, the first day back, I would wail like a... Dude, that was Marley. Oh, she, what? Hysterical. She loves it though. Yeah, I would wail like him. Dude, that was Marley. Oh, she what? Hysterical. She loves it though. Yeah, I thought so. She was like, I don't know, just super emotional.

This is not pony club. Where are the horses? Yeah, I was like, the hardened Marley of like pony club days was gone and like the pathetic. No, I got to call it pathetic. You're pathetic. But it was one of those mornings that Laura got up early for work. And so Marley woke up and Laura had already left for work. She was crying over that.

And I'm not reacting, but just like, I was like, where's your shoes? And she's like, I don't know. Just everything. Can I wear my boots? And then same thing. She, I was like, I'm going to drop you off and you can just go. And she's like, can you walk me in? And I was like, ugh.

Just hysterical. Yeah, right. And when you like walked her in and fully left and... Yeah, there's a really lovely lady who I don't know her exact job, but she kind of... Took my child. She kind of just like gives the kids a hug. She's like the mum of the school. Or she just hangs out at the school and hugs kids.

Yeah, she's kind of like a teacher's aide. That's a sexual predator. But she... You're like, yeah, hug my child. How long have you worked at the school for? She's like, worked at the school? She's like, school? What do you mean?

I live here. This is my house. But she's great. She's like so awesome. And she was giving Marley a hug and Marley was like, fuck off. I want my daddy. Get off me stranger.

It was a nightmare. Yeah. I used to walk. Yeah. My mum used to walk me to school on the way to the bus stop. And I remember as a child crying a lot. Yeah. I don't know what about.

I was like trying to sympathise but. Also get out of my car. Get out of my car. Don't get your tears on my upholstery. Marley does love the bike. Yeah. Oh yeah. It's just like it's just so weather permitting. I prefer the bike too. I love the bike. I love the bike. I was riding the bike yesterday. Were you just on your own? Marley in the back. Okay. Right. We a little ride around. Got a haircut. Can I have a turn in the back?

Absolutely you can. Will my big butt fit in there? Yeah, you will. Yeah, yeah. I'll side saddle. Don't you worry. I'll figure it out. So we went for a ride around and we're on the way back home and there's currently some construction going on. They're fixing one of the roads, Ash. Oh yeah. And... I think I know the one.

Yeah, it's annoying. You know, cars are always banked up. And so came up to this part where the road was under construction. And I thought to myself, I'm just going to nip onto the footpath. Oh, you're on a bike here. Right. There's no law against that. Right. And so I was on the footpath going slowly, right.

About 150 meters. I then nipped. I thought you were going to say 150 Ks. I'm like, not very slow. I nipped back onto the road. Yeah. Okay. And as I nip back on the road, I hear this guy go, Oi! Oi! And I was like, like, someone's having a crack at me. So I turn over my shoulder and he's like, Oi! And I'm like, Oh no. Do you know what?

Yeah, I was going to say, flip that guy the fucking bird. That's how I think of you. I'm on the footpath trying to yell at me. And even Marley was like, what's he getting so angry about? I know what you did. However, can I guess? Can I guess what you did. However. Can I guess? Can I guess what happened?

It was wet cement. You rode across it. No. That would have been so good. No. Go, go, go, go. So it turns out the person that I gave the finger to, which I am sorry that I did that. It was the wrong thing to do.

I shouldn't have done it. No, I stand by it. Marley had a little soft toy that had just fallen out of the bike. Oh, no. And I kind of looked again and he was holding the toy. And I was like, oh. Fuck you. Oh, did you get it back?

Yeah, but I was like, I can't turn around now. So what did you say to him? I just kept on writing. Yeah. Like no man left behind. Like leave that one, let's go. Awkward. You're gonna take a different way to school now,

just in case you run into that guy. It's a good lesson. That's a good life lesson. It's a good. I did tell you that Oscar learnt the finger from Poppa a while back, but he does use it sometimes and just that just jogged my memory. I was at a kid's party with Oscar, obviously, just there without a kid. That'd be weird. Not your first time? Well, that was a misunderstanding.

I thought it was Pony Club. I was like, I was like, oh, Oscar, like trying to get his attention. And he just looks over and he goes, flip to you, to me in front of all the other parents. And I just, what'd you do? I'm a funny guy. I just thought it was funny. I was like, you're dead when we get there.

And then I was like, my mate Mike, I thought it was fucking hilarious. He was like, how did you teach him to do that? I was like, I didn't do it. Who's it? April? Yeah, April's dad did. But yeah, so every now and then. Where is Popo giving the finger to? There's someone in traffic probably.

Yeah, fair. But I was going to say like, someone like having a crack at you, going on the footpath. Someone to fuck off. Yeah. Like I went to Brunswick. Gold Coast? It's like near Byron. Sure.

Brunswick Head. Yeah. Sure, Brunswick. Yeah. Beautiful. Lovely. My cousins live down there and they're doing all this road work and like they're like where the car park is. And people have put who live in the residential have just taken it upon themselves to put their own witch's hats up saying you can't park here.

And I was like it's a long weekend. I'm fucking parking there, mate. Don't you worry. Anyway, I pull in with the kids and everything in a rental car. I'm clearly not from there. I had Victorian plates on it. I look like an absolute like I'm just blow in a blow in of the highest regard. I'm like I am first of all, I'm from Sydney driving a rental car with Victorian plates

I couldn't be any further with like a tourist flash. Yeah I couldn't be any other any more tourists unless I was driving on the other side of the fucking car And I get out and I'm you know at the beach with shoes on But there's even worse. I've been driving. I'm not dressed for the beach. We're at the beach. But I was like, I can always get dressed. And I shut the door and I saw this someone looking out, peering out over their balcony.

Like someone's parked. Where are I? You know, and they're like, you can't park there. I was like, you're the parking police. And she was like, no, no, no, but I live here. And I was like, oh, you can't park there. I was like, you're the parking police. And she was like, no, no, no, but I live here. And I was like, oh, you can fuck off then. And I just got my kids and just kept walking. And I was like, they're probably going to fuck my rental car up here.

And at first, at first glance, I thought, yeah, fuck. I showed her. I showed her. And then I caught up with my parents that were there as well. And dad's like, did you park along there? I was like, yeah, fuck. I showed her. I showed her. And then I caught up with my parents that were there as well. And dad's like, did you park along there? I was like, yeah. And I was like, how's this though?

There's people who put parking signs up there. And I'm like, he's like, yeah, that's because they're doing road works and they're actually taking over all of their driveways. And they've been told by the council that they can park. And I was like, oh shit. Anyway. She's just trying to help you out.

Excuse me, sir. Yeah, look, I felt horrible about it. And I was like, oh. And Dad was like, you parked there, didn't you? I was like, yeah, because you better go move it. You didn't tell anyone to fuck off, did you? Yeah, and I was like, oh fuck. And April was like, yeah, you should have seen what he did.

And I was like, oh, don't. We're bad people. Don't. Okay, we know it. I know it. You know it. I know. We're trying to get better. I know. But dad's the sort of guy who's like, he's the biggest people pleaser. He was like, come on, we're going to go back.

I was like, no. And mum's like, ah, fuck him. So I left it there for like hours. And I was like, oh, so I left it there for like hours and I was like, oh, sheepishly walk back. I said to dad, like we went and had lunch at the pub, had a couple of beers to get some courage. And I was like, okay, go back and get the car. Walk back with dad. And dad was like, look at your car there all on its own. I was like the only car there. And I was like, oh, fuck. Anyway, she's there leering over again. And I was like, look at your car there all on its own. I was like the only car there. And I was like, oh, fuck. Anyway, she's there leering over again. And I was like, that's her.

I was like, dad, don't look, that's her over there. And dad's like, sorry about that. And I'm like, fuck. And then I just, yeah, got in the car and got out of there quick smart. But that just reminded me of that. Sorry. No, mate. I'm joking.

That's the only way you go. If you are listening lady. We're cut from like, we... If you are listening lady... We're cut from the same cloth. If you are listening lady who I parked in her spot... Don't even... Don't try. You're not sorry. I'd do it again. Ash, we should have recorded a pair rant...

Pair rant. Jingle, we haven't. No, we haven't. We are going to get to it next week, we promise. No one really gave any feedback on the song. This is run with what we have then. One person gave me a suggestion. I can't remember what it was, but to that person, I did acknowledge it.

But I'm going to say that our idea was better. At the moment, we're telling people to fuck off. So no. Time and a place. You're lucky. You're lucky you didn't receive a finger. Yeah, just get one in the mail. But we're Yeah, but we're going to do one quick pair rant. Yes, we are. Would you like to go or do you want me to go? Sure. Jasmine.

Lost my virginity to do a Jasmine. Did you? No, I made that up. Well, Jasmine, Jasmine is from Sweden and she says, So my kid is a ginger. Yep. That is, I don't just got Yep. That's the whole thing. Moving on. Moving on.

Fan of hands. Sorry. And not like a slight red tone in his hair, he is ginger ginger. Neither I nor his father are. Just a few freckles on both of us. Well, the milkman's got some explaining to do. A nosy old fucking lady staring us down when we were out and about going about our business. She then leans in and asks, how come he's ginger?

That's so something my nan would do. I mean, what the fuck? He's our kid. Are you sure about that? Allegedly. Sorry, Jasmine. I was gonna say something my nan would do. I mean, what the fuck? He's our kid. You sure about that? Allegedly. Sorry, Jasmine. He's our kid.

We made him. I know because I was there. But hypothetically, he could be adopted. A sperm donation or a child from a previous marriage. I'm so over talking about the genetics of it all with people I don't even know. Oh, people are way too fucking nosy. Hey, show me. Well, it doesn't help.

There's a lot of ginger in the photo already. This is a red photo. It's just there's a lot of she's she's got herself to blame here. She's put him in a very specifically colored top playing with a toy that's very specifically colored. Show me. Oh, God. Oh, she's holy. The slide's even ginger. The slide has some explaining to do.

Beautiful child. Beautiful child. Beautiful kid. Beautiful. Lovely. Gorgeous child. Very ginger though. Macy was very ginger too.

Yes. Like she's, they grow out of it. That's horrible. Did you ever cop any questions? It was more I cop because she's indigenous and she's a ginger. And people would be like, and they're just ignorance really. People would be like, so a few of us, how can she be indigenous if she's ginger? And I remember like one guy said, it was a dad at Kindy. Just, it was, look, it was, I don't want to make this sound

like he's a dick, because he's not. It was just like ignorance. And I played with, I play with people. What was his name? Matthew J.A. Johnson. He was like, you know, how come like she's, you know, and I said, oh, you know, just, I was like, what background are you?

And he was like, oh, you know, German. I was like, it's what background, what background are you? And he was like, oh, you know, German. I was like, it's funny. I've never seen you. I've never heard your kids speak German. And he was like, what? I was like, you know, mind your own fucking business. There you go. And it was like, did you beat him up in the car?

No, no, no, but we had a lot, you know, we had a laugh about him. I walked away. I was like, nah, I don't really mind because it is strange. And like, also if, you know, like April is blonde, I'm dark hair, dark features, and then Macy was ginger. And it's like, is there, it must be someone along the line in their family that has like, April's auntie has like strawberry blonde hair.

And we just was like, well, the auntie. But also Macy's so pale. Yeah. She was like, well, the auntie, but also Macy's so pale. Yeah. She's like, see, don't agree. How dare you? Sorry. How dare you? I was quick. I was quick to react to it.

I apologize. She's beautiful. I always joke about that she glows in the dark. And it was like, you know, those little. She's beautiful. I always joke about that she glows in the dark. And it was like, you know, those little... She's translucent. You know, those deep sea fish? I can see her heart beating. You know those deep sea fish and there's see-through?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get close enough to see through it. That's all it gets at. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Anyway, I would say take a leaf out of Matty J's book. And if someone questions you, just fucking flip them off. Give them the finger.

Ash, we have some questions. We do. Matt, I'll go first. Here's a question from Hannah. Hello Hannah. A normal name for once. Thank you. Is it?

Hannah? That's... Do you think dad should take equal parental leave when baby is born? Not at the same time as mom, but as the primary carer. It's a very good question, Ash and Hannah. Look, I think, I think it's interesting when you talk to older dads who like never took any time off.

Like they were kind of lucky. I think my dad took the morning off. Very generous. For the birth and he was back at work at lunchtime. That's the older generation. That's wild. It's crazy. It's so crazy. I think that was only for the first child, the rest of us. He was like, have you had it yet? Get home and it's like one, two, three, four, not yet. It's amazing that workplaces now are acknowledging the importance of parental leave for dads and for moms. And I think, look, I know that not all places

are as flexible as others, so it may not be an option. But if it is an option to take extended parental leave, I think dads are absolutely stupid if they don't take it. Yeah, I would also like check the legislation. What's actually, because a lot of people don't, they're just like, okay, well my company, why don't they give him two weeks and that's all right. Cause I know when I had Oscar, the first kid,

the company I worked for, they offered three months, okay, but was in conjunction with a particular legislation, right? Which is, you can take three months as a primary carer, okay, and you need to stat decks and proof of that to take that time off. But also, the company might need to agree with that too, because there would be businesses out there that would be like, no way.

And it's like, well, that would make anyone unhappy. But I know I worked with, before I had kids, I worked with two guys that did that, that after a certain amount of time, and mum went back to work usually, because she also loved her career, very career driven, they would go, okay, well, I'm going to take three months off. And I think, like, I think it gives you an opportunity to bond with that child way more.

Like for me, I took two weeks off with Oscar, but because of some complications we had, I ended up taking three months off, unpaid, completely unpaid. Cause it was like, I need to go now. And they were like, do your thing. We'll support you as much as possible. And over that time, it changed absolutely everything. Here's something, a friend of mine who's got a nine month old was like,

he's sort of starting to be able to bond with that kid more because there's more for him to do now. When I think, but he's still got to work, but he's, he's like, I wish I could have more time off now. Yeah. And that's the thing. If you get to like nine months, okay. And your partner is coming to the end of their parental leave and she's really excited about going back to work.

Cause that's also great for, it was great for April to go back and have adult conversations, then you're going to have three months off. You get three months of complete bonding with that child. It changed me that time because I would be, you know, I can't, we're the first sort of first generation where it's not like, oh, go straight back to work. But I had to conform to that. Right. And I kind of felt like I missed out on so much until it was like, unfortunately it came out of bad circumstances, but it was like, at the end of it,

it was like the best thing that ever we did. I think number one, to give mom a break. In the first few months, obviously, newborn babies are so dependent on mom. But after that period, if mom wants to go back to work, to allow them to do that by their dad being at home, amazing. Or just having a break from being the sole parent, like the sole caregiver for the child. Number two, like you said, having that bond, having that bond is so important. And it also

lets you understand like what's required to look after a child. Like there are so many people that are like, well, I don't know how to look after the baby. You're so good at it. You do it. And it's like, if you have that one-on-one time, you understand all the nuances of looking after a child from morning to night, what's required, items, schedules, routines, et cetera. It also means that your wife is not going to be stressed out

in any situation where you have to look after the child. Yeah. And also like, I think when it comes to the time when, you know, mom and dad are both around and you know, baby or child will go, their first instinct is to go to mom, right? But if you've spent three months with them, then that's like, hang on a minute. They've got two options. They've got two options now, because I think a lot of the time dudes don't take that time off or didn't take that time off previously to now is because they didn't know what to

do. Yes. Right. And it's like, I didn't know what to do, but you know, we for thousands of years, men and women have been procreating and we just, it's sort of part of our DNA in the end. You can't be completely non-maternal. So like I found that into that deep end was probably the best thing for me now as a parent because I could deal with it then that I've just like, it's kind of like a three month

probation, right? It's like a trial period. You pass. You don't want to get to the end of that and be like, but like, you learn so much more if you're on the job all the time. But I also think it's a perfect way to share the load beyond that because I think there are so many dads who don't take that time to have one-on-one specific time with the child.

They have no appreciation for how hard it is. And I think once you have that one on one time where it's just you and Barb at home. Holy shit, dude, it is so incredibly hard. I was like, oh, this job sucks. Yeah, it's like having the worst boss. Yeah. You haven't you've got a child for a boss, like a baby for a boss. And I completely understand that a lot of men don't think that they can do it in terms of like their job or they might not have the access to, or they might not know they have

access to things that the government provide. But I would say if you want to do it, fucking do it. 100%. Do it like, like I said, if you can, I understand that some people can't just do that and they've got to work and make extra money on top to survive because of how expensive shit is. But like, I would say if you're thinking about like, I would like to spend more time with my kid as a dad

and like a new kid as a dad, fuck, hit your HR up, hit, check fair work, check all these things because there are things there that we don't know about that you could, you know, take advantage of that other places don't have. Look at us being all serious, it feels weird. We're just flipping people off and now we're telling people to take time.

Take more time! Spend more time with your children! Ash. Yes. Last question before we go. What are the top three baby or toddler items that are a scam? Oh, so many. You go first. The whole system's a scam, man. It's very hippie that word. It's a scam.

Life's a scam. Kevin Kidd is a scam. Just relax, man. Don't worry about it all. Don't worry about life, man. Firstly, for me, nappy bin. Just put it in the regular bin. And we had a nappy bin for both.

And look, handy for it's there, but it's just a more expensive bin. Yeah, and it's tiny. It's tiny. Two nappies and it's full. And then you pull the thing out, it's so fucking heavy. I remember once I, that's right, I was like, oh, do you know what would be funny?

Two-story building, not funny. Do you know what would be easy for me? I might just lower it off the balcony, so I don't have to take it through the house. Lower it, and it was so heavy, it slipped out of my hands. It went boof. Because of the nappy bin. Because of the fucking nappy bin.

This is controversial, okay, but keeping with nappies. Change tables. Yes. Okay, I think they're a waste of space. It's a first child thing. Yep. You're like, gotta get a change table, gotta get one. Gotta be stacked up with all my wipes, all my nappies.

Yeah. I know with Macy, we had the change table foam bit, the soft bit, because I think that's important. Yeah. But it was on top of a chest of drawers. Yeah. She even rolled off once. Into a drawer. Thank heavens.

Thank heavens. But then the whole drawer tipped over when she landed. She was fine. But I agree. I just change on the floor. You're a floor changer? I'm a floor changer. Yeah. I never use the change table. I mean, handy, I guess. Isn't it bad for your back? My back? No, it's to be on all fours. Like a cat.

I can see the cat over there going like, don't bring me. Number two I had was those electric rockers. I never used one. It came out. It's essentially a ride for the kid. Wouldn't it make you seasick? No. The manual one, fine.

And they're so cheap, the manual one. The bouncy one. Just the bouncy one. Because also it gives the kid opportunity to realize that if they move their feet, they're like, hang on, I can bounce this. I control this. It's like have you ever gotten their feet, they're like, hang on. Yeah, I can bounce this. I control this.

It's like, have you ever gotten to a hammock and thought, hang on a minute, I could swing this. Yeah. I like to have one leg out. Yeah, but you've got control of it. Imagine if you didn't have control of it. Someone stop. Someone stop it.

You want to give your child autonomy. Yeah. I don't want to be like, just sitting there and beep! Someone! Help me! Help me! I've got motion sickness! Why have you done this?

Why have we gone forwards now? It's essentially a rollercoaster for a child. Okay, my number two. Baby shoes. Oh, damn. Newborn baby shoes. What? Like they're cute, they're like a pair of Nikes. Oh my god, look how adorable, damn. Newborn baby shoes. What? Like they're cute, like pair of Nike's.

Oh my God, look how adorable they are. They're so miniature. Can we also talk about how round the bottom of baby feet are? I can't remember. Because they're so chubby. Oh, they're just like a- It's nice and round. So you want to give that up with a fucking flat surface?

Yeah. I can't even walk. No one's, it's pointless. Yeah. It's pointless. I, yeah. Do you know what it is? It's all for the vanity of the parent.

Yes. It's a money grab. Look at my child's pr- Yeah. Apparently it's really bad for their feet as well. Apparently. We are- I'm no good artist.

We are very helpful. Yes. Go, number three. Okay. So mine's not a whole product. It's part of a product, if you would say. So you've got the pram, the forward facing pram, not the back facing pram. Yes. So they've

Yep. gone forward. They're going forwards. And they've got the the lid Yep. for the sun, the rain, the hood, if you will. Jinx. Buy me a go. And it's got the tiny little flap at the top so you can check in on them. Yeah. And they're great. Beautiful. Cause you don't want to wake them up, you know,

if they're napping. But if they're sitting facing forward, I'm just getting an eyeful of a crack of the cap of their head. And you're like, oh, then I've got to go. I've got to flip it back. It's such a pointless flap. It's a pointless flap. It's a pointless flap. Like a pointless pocket. It's a pointless flap. Sticking with clothing, I'm going to go with bows. Vanity.

Vanity. The vanity of the parents out there. Cute though. The child hates it. Cute though. Little bit cute. Little bit cute. So look, I would say they're useless in terms of their functionality.

They're good for a photo. They're very useful if you're like, oh look at the baby. Baby's like... Yeah, baby's like can't hold its neck up. But look how straight my bow is. If you have any items that you think are absolutely pointless, scams? If we're being scammed out there by the corporations? Just quickly, I do have one.

I want to talk about it. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. Can't wait. It'll be really quick. Okay, it was those bibs, the plastic bibs with the... I was going to say bibs, but I was going to say it. It's the bib with the catcher in the bottom.

It's too skinny. Yeah, it doesn't catch shit. I know. It didn't catch no one. As if a kid's like, I need to spit this out. Hang on a second. They're like, I need to spit this out. Hang on a second. They're like. I think bibs in general.

Like just, you're gonna wash your bib, you're gonna wash your clothes. I just, I feed my child naked. Just extra, yeah. Hose and barrel. That's what we have time for. If you've enjoyed this episode, any episode of Two Doting Dads, we would love it.

We would appreciate it more than life itself. If you would give us a review, subscribe and make a few comments. Yeah, or you can join us on social, it's Two Doting Dads, we would love it. We would appreciate it more than life itself. If you would give us a review, subscribe and make a few comments. Yeah, or you can join us on social, it's Two Doting Dads. Yes. Two Doting Dads, Instagram. Yep. TikTok. And also your Facebook.

Yes, I think that's it. My name is Ian. I think we're missing, no, that's everything. We will see you next time. See ya. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Ellie, if you can just on your body just point to where Ash was physical with you. Please, please do it. Point to your breasts. No. Down your knees. You're going to get me cancelled. No, nose to nose. We did kiss a little bit.

Ellie, goodbye. But no tongue? No, nose to nose. We did kiss a little bit. Okay, Ellen, Ellen, goodbye. But no tongue. No, come on. Two Doting Dance podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal

and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.