Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #152 We'd Like To Make A Formal Apology

Episode Date: June 17, 2025

Matty J has returned from Bali with his tail between his legs after spilling the beans about Life Uncut's Britt Hockley's wedding. Except he doesn't remember spilling the beans on the podcast...Let's run the tapes, shall we?!  Ash has found Lego bodies scattered all over his house, and he doesn't know why. Is there a serial Lego killer on the loose?  We also get into your Par-Rants for this week, where you air out your parenting grievances. This week's rant hit a nerve and our pockets!  We also answer your questions:  What's the WORST thing you could say to a parent, round 2! What to do when your child pinches you? BUY OUR SMELLY T SHIRTS HERE  https://www.twodotingdads.com/category/all-products Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You didn't notice on my work outside on the patio out there. I haven't been out there yet. Mate, don't know what got over me, but I saw some marks on the papers. Gurney. I got the gurney. Yeah, fucking how good is a gurney? Also... Can I borrow it?

Actually, my driveway is so slippery. The kids are slipping and sliding down my driveway. What's mine is yours. Also, when you're gurneying, it's very dangerous. Kids, stay away! But I had two hours free from the kids. Oh, but how are your forearms? Oh, dude.

Oh yeah. I know this, Popeye. Welcome back to Two Doting Gads. I'm Matty J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And it is not about giving advice because Ash and I are very dumb. Well said.

I couldn't have said it better myself. And I had a little tickle in my throat. That's no good. I had an IV yesterday. So I'm flying. What were you injecting into yourself? Just heroin. That's the usual.

Now let's move on from that. We do have something that we need to talk about. It's pressing. What's that? Is that there was a technical issue. Oh, the big technical issue. We had a few people in the Facebook group being like, what the hell is going on?

And poor Jess, who was in Japan, had to come back and save the day. She flew back really quick. was in Japan, had to come back and save the day. She flew back really quick. We were like, sorry about the technical error. And people were like, we know what's happened. But I- What happened, Matt? What I-

You tell us. I actually want to defend myself here. You tell me what you think happened. And I've had a few weeks now back to back where I revealed information which I wasn't meant to reveal. The first one being the name of our child. Shout out to Poppy. Unborn Poppy. Yet to be born. And then apparently I don't remember doing this.

My dad starts the sentence with a parallel. Well, it was first brought to my attention whilst I was in a go-jek, which is a taxi in Bali. I was in the front seat and Laura, sitting behind me, taps me on the shoulder. This is on a Wednesday, the day which our podcast comes out. And she says, did you mention that Brit was getting married in Bali? And I was like, no, I don't recall. I was like, I would definitely not do that.

Did I? And then I was like, my initial reaction was just no, like blatant. Oh yeah. You got to back yourself. Yeah. You've got to, even though you're like, I'm not sure you've still got to be like, I definitely didn't do that. So just in case you definitely didn't do that though you're like, I'm not sure, you've still got to be like, I definitely didn't do that. So just in case you definitely didn't do that,

you're like, see? And you're like, see, see? And I was like, oh, well that was close. And then Laura was like, we've just had a couple of people message us saying that they heard that Brit's getting married from your podcast. And I was like, hmm.

The lifers were a little bit off it because they feel like part of the, fart. Feel like part of the family. Feel like part of the family over there at Life Uncut and then we've gone. You've gone. I'm not taking any risk. I was like my message to Laura was like we'll do whatever it takes. Was it me or was it you? I think it was a combination. Was it? Who was it? I think... I don't think it was me. I think I was...

Nah, it was you. It was definitely you. No. I had mentioned it previously, but not as much detail as you. Bullshit. We have evidence. Please.

Play the tape. Play it. Play the tape. Play the tape for the man. Put forward the case to not bring the kids to Bali. Yeah. If you're going for a special occasion. Going for Britt's wedding over in Bali. I think that's public.

I think it's public. This would be out by the time it's over. Yeah, actually it will be. Shit! Good one, Matt. Good one. That's AI. That is AI.

I've been framed. I've put that in there to frame you. I just wanted to ruffle I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm trying to get you in more trouble. Okay. It humours me when you're in trouble and it's not me. Because to be quite honest, I thought it would be me that would fuck up most things. Why did I do that? I think I thought, everyone knew that I was going to Bali, right? People... I knew. People... I don't know.

I don't know, Ash. It's the world's worst kept secret. Like, let's be honest. Yeah. We all knew Brit was getting married and bailing. It's like when an influence is like, I got something big coming. People are like, we don't care. Just when it's done, tell us. Yeah.

Like it was like everyone went quiet on socials. Where is everyone? So I do want to apologize to Brit for potentially destroying the surprise. I have to say it, Ash. You have to. Yeah, I know. But just play along with me. I have to say it, Ash. Yeah, I know, but just play along with me. Just play along, Ash. We are so sorry for what we've done. I'm sorry that Matt's sorry that you're making this the worst apology ever.

We are sorry. Look, if I wasn't sorry, I wouldn't have said to Laura, or I said to Jess with Laura in the same group conversation. That's how that works. Do whatever Laura would like us to do. Do whatever it takes. That's how sorry I am. And Jess, thank you to you for jumping on this situation. In Japan on your holiday, terrible time to jump back at work.

We apologize again. We apologize for that. Ash and I, um, chill invoices. Don't you worry. But also do just want to say not that we would ever want to do this again. It was purely an accident, but those download numbers through the roof. We need more inside information. WikiLeaks.

Yeah. So, uh, and also thanks to the listeners as well, because I think there was a few people in the Facebook group as well when I said it's a technical problem, they were like, sure. Sure, mate. Technically you fucked up. And they didn't ruin the surprise. Oh, thank you guys. And you know, I had to, I was upset.

I was upset. I was upset. You know, to Laura, I had to like... Oh my god babe, I'm so sorry. I know. I even sent you an encouraging message. I've been like, it's all good bro. People make mistakes. Meanwhile, I'm like, what an idiot!

How was Bali? Let's move on. So you went to Bali for a wedding. Were you allowed to talk about it now? Yeah. For Britt's wedding, which is Laura's co-host on Life Uncut. And Laura is your current wife. You do?

Beautiful wife, Laura. She was actually already in Bali. For work. For work. And so I was joining her, flying over with the kids, and there are lots of options. Solo with the kids. You're a good dad. Thank you. You are one in a million. And these decisions, what flight to book, these are decisions that I agonize over. Okay? Okay. Because the option was Ash. Do I fly, do I go to Qantas? Nice plane, you get food.

Issue is, issue is the flight arrives quite late. You're getting into Bali at like 10, 11. Jetstar, Virgin, they're all the same. You get in too late. So by the time you go through customs, once you get in the taxi. There is a 6 a.m. Jetstar flight. Too early. No, get in the taxi. There is a 6 a.m. Jetstar flight. Too early.

No, get in there early. There is a 10 o'clock Garuda flight. There was a 10 o'clock Garuda flight. Yeah. I rocked up. This is on my socials, but I rocked up. And they were like, flight's canceled. That sucks.

I fucking ran. I ran. They said, if you don't want to accept a new flight, which is tomorrow morning, you can get a full refund. So I knew there was a Virgin flight in the afternoon. I fucking sprinted. I was like Usain Bolt across the airport because Virgin was at one end, Garuda was the other.

I had Marley and Lola under both arms. I get to Virgin, there's no one there except for six women. And then as I get to that check-in desk, they say, I cannot believe we just got the last seats on that flight. And they turn around and I just go, are you fucking kidding? I shouldn't have sworn. And Marley and Lola were like, are we not gonna see Mommy? And I'm like, no, because they booked the last tickets.

Did one of those women be like, at least show some sort of empathy? Yeah, they were. They were. They were like, it was a win. They weren't like, nah, nah. They were, I could tell. I looked in their eyes and they were upset that they had, because I'm standing there with my two children. They're both bawling, being like,

we're not going to go on holiday. And I'm like, no, we're not because they have ruined it for us. Anyway, and then, do you know what made matters worse? When I got home, I had to get back in the taxi, I had to get home. The taxi driver was like, oh, the card machine's not working. And so I tapped again and he's like, no, it didn't work. Tap again.

I got charged five times. Five fucking times. He's gotcha. I want one of those ATM machines to walk around town with it. Yeah. What do you mean? I looked at my statement and I remember the time I was like, I think, um, I think you've charged me.

Uh, it's gone through. He goes, no, no, no, it hasn't gone through. He's fled the country now. So, I mean, anyway, so then the next morning, was up at 3 a.m. Back to Garuda. Long story short, I don't want to go on about, you know, my situation. But the computers were down.

Oh my God. There was a two hour wait. There's a small chance, Ash, that I went into the business line to skip the queue. May have, that may have happened. Back up a little bit. Why? Were you in business? Don't you dare.

No. No. But. Don't wink at me. The wait was very long. Okay. I was with two kids. They had to go to the toilet.

So I had to leave the queue to go to the toilet. And I thought, I'm not going to try and wheeze my way back like halfway into the queue. So I just jumped in the business queue. And yeah, how did that go? It's great. Really good. You skipped the whole line. Yeah.

So I didn't want to, I didn't want to go on too much about like that line at the check-in desk because people were like, you were straight to the front. I don't condone those actions. It did like, you know, it worked. I don't condone those actions. It did like it, you know, it worked. I don't want to. Actually, I've got a little hack for you now actually. Now let's jog my memory. I was coming back from, what was I going back from?

Brisbane. And you know, when you get to security, it has the normal line. Love Brisbane. Go on. And then the priority line, who I was with, Matt Veach, you're in trouble here if they figure you out, is you could just go in the priority line because they don't actually check your boarding pass

until you're scanning onto the plane. No, I've been, I have tried to jump into the priority line and they've checked my boarding pass and said no. Oh, that's right, we got yelled at that time. Yeah, we got yelled at. Yes, we got yelled at. I take all of that back. Better work this time. But so you went straight to got yelled at. Yes, we got yelled at. I take all of that back. Yeah.

Better work this time. So you went straight to the front of the line, all gravy, straight through. Let's just focus on the fact that, you know, I had two kids by myself. Yeah. And the Garuda flight was good. My mom was like,

oh, who are you flying with? Garuda. They had a crash last month, 400 people died. They had one of the worst track records of plane crashes out of all airlines. It's like, I'll just change it to Air Asia. I was like, why the fuck are you telling me this? No, no. My mom, the world's biggest warrior.

Oh, yeah. But we got there and my sister actually said, you just stop complaining because I did a video. We got... Full complaint. We're in a villa and there was construction. The pool and restaurant was being built next door. We were like the last villa next to the construction site

and they're like there's a bit of noise. Just a bit. There was jackhammering every day. And there's no sound insulation in Bali whatsoever. Those rooms are just just mate. Like there's like no in or out of wall. It's just the way it is. It was a nightmare. But just quickly with the going to the bathroom with both, you had both kids and you're the only parent. I think it's really funny when I have to go to the bathroom and I have to drag them along with me.

It's like you stand there while I go to the bathroom. On the plane. No, just wherever you're with both kids at one time and you have to wait for a change. I know, and the men's toilets suck. They come in there and they're like, this place stinks. I know. And the men's toilets suck. Yeah. They come in there and they're like, this place stinks. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like up against the wall.

It's like, what's that on the floor? On the plane, if you've flown with both kids, have you done that before? Yeah. Oh, my God. Not alone. Oh, my God. When would I have had to do that? You tell me, bro. Well, my wife doesn't work overseas sometimes.

You've never flown solo with both kids? No. Oh. I feel like you just, this is the equivalent of a dad saying I've never changed a nappy. No it's not. Yes it is. Whoa. Whoa.

You're a bad dad. I'm not part of the 3%. Yes you are. No I'm not. Oh you haven't lived. Don't shame me. You haven't lived. I'm flying this afternoon alone. Just bring the kids. Nah stuff them. The most stressful moment Ash on those flights. I was like, who? Yeah. And I also, I got, they moved my flight and I, it was weird because I talked about the seating arrangements.

Oh yeah. And I was like, do you go like, cause Garuda's two, four and two, do you go four in the middle? And I was like, wouldn't it be funny if you had two on like the window aisle and then you're then across the other aisle. Oh, that's the dream.

And they must've heard me. That's the seats that we got. I couldn't move my seats. They were like, here's your seats. And I was like, oh, I'm separate to the kids. And they were like, eh, stuff luck. Fuck it. And you're like, yes.

But then I was, it was, it was, for anyone wondering, terrible. Oh, because they're just doing whatever they like over there. And Lola has a little screen in front of her seat. She's like, oh, the screen's broken. And you're like, reaching over and trying to help her out. But yeah, going into the toilet and like trying to be as quick and efficient as you can. Did you leave the door open? Yeah.

I'm fine, Kent! Yeah, you're like holding it open. Daughter perv. And then coming back and being like, will they still be there? Oh yeah, because like they're unsupervised. A lady rode in and was like like she was flying with her daughter. Her daughter was asleep. She went to the toilet and the daughter woke up and thought the plane had landed.

New people had gotten on. Oh my god. Her daughter woke up and was like. That's like a home alone situation. But we made it there. Yes, there's a bit of noise, but it was a lovely holiday. A lovely wedding as well. Thankfully, no paparazzi had rocked up.

It didn't get gate crashed by Life on Cup fans. I know, yeah. Who knew where it was. It was great. That's good. That's good prime time for Bali too, isn't it, right now? Lovely. Busy?

Lovely. Fuck, there's traffic. There's traffic in Bali. Don't get me started. That's brutal. Shout out to Yanni, our babysitter. Oh, shout out to Yanni. Nanny, sorry, Nanny. I'd love to bring them back and just have them right here.

Laura and I were like, could we... You've been in touch with immigration, have you? Yanni was like, oh, so who's your Nanny back home in Australia? You are. Let's go. Here's a one-way ticket to Australia. It was very very sad to wave goodbye to Yanni, our beautiful nanny, and return back to this fucking hellhole of a city. Well it's good to have you back. It is cold. It is cold here compared to Bali. You're wearing a beanie. I know dude. Like I... Like John Butler trio over here. Thank you.

I don't know if that's a compliment. But there's things you've missed. There's things you've missed around here that I want to enlighten you about. Go on. Okay. The first one is I think my... I'm calling Macy the silent assassin.

Yes. She's sort of getting to that age now where she's halfway through three and she's a bit of a threenager. Three is the toughest age. Threenager. Yeah. Yeah.

She's really quiet as we know, but that's a problem because she seems to be always up to no good, but silently, and I'm concerned. Because Oscar, easy, easy to figure out what he's doing because he doesn't stop yappin figure out what he's doing because he doesn't stop yapping. So if he's committing a crime and someone, if someone, okay, here we go. If someone's committing a crime and they haven't stopped talking to the whole

crime, it's Oscar. Okay. Cause he doesn't shut up. Macy, not so much. You sort of walk in on her doing devious things all the time. Uh, and I kept walking around the house and finding headless Lego men. Hear me out. Weird.

Yeah. At first I was like, there's a Lego body just on the floor. That's not a crime scene. Yeah. Or is it? And I kept finding them all over the place. The point where I had torsos, no heads. Yeah, that's all through the house.

Weird, like the dog maybe? I thought maybe they're just, I don't know, maybe King George lives here, I don't know. Like, fuck, like just bodies scattered with no heads. Great little ancient history joke from you there. Thank you. King George. Didn't even laugh, you fucker. You're like, there. Thank you. King George. Didn't even laugh. You fucker. You're like, you didn't say which King George.

Kick the fifth? I don't know. Fuck. One that behead... Whatever. Yeah, was that... Do you mean... Do I look like a history teacher?

With this beanie on, maybe. King Henry, maybe? Anyway, sorry. The one that beheaded everybody. I don't, sorry. Didn't they? Weren't they all beheaders? Henry VIII. Henry VIII. Thank't, sorry. Didn't they, weren't they all beheaders? Henry VIII.

Henry VIII, thank you Jess. Jess is informing us. Yeah, she's Googled that for sure. Anyway, I kept finding these bodies everywhere and I was like, where are all the heads? Who's doing what with the heads? Now, Macy has a toy kitchen. You know, those big toy kitchen things.

Love, love a toy kitchen. She loves it, she's always making food. She brings it out here, not real food, like fake food. Anyway, so I want to show you her kitchen. Oh God. Okay. What are those tribes, Ash, where they shrink the heads? Is it Papua New Guinea?

What? Why do they do that, Chuck, in the microwave? There's like, there's tribes. They like shrink the, hang on, let me just one sec really quickly. No. Yes So the Amazonian tribes so I don't like if you're from Papua New Guinea I didn't mean to attack you there accuse you of something you're not doing but they would they shrink the heads I think they put it in vinegar What's really believe it or not? I know how I dispose of a body now. I'll just pass this on to Macy

Serial killer of the household anyway, so I've gone to body now. I'll just pass this on to Macy. She seems to be the serial killer of the household. Anyway, so I've gone to her kitchen. Yep. Okay. And in her kitchen, she has a fake microwave. I'll get you to just press play on this. And you'll notice something else in the video as well that she's stashing in there from previous episodes.

What's that? What do we got? Oh my God, this is like a graveyard of a serial killer. So she's pulling the heads off the Lego, leaving the torsos throughout the house, storing the heads in a makeshift cot. She's like Dharma. In the microwave.

Who's that serial killer? Dharma. You remember him? Isn't it Jeffrey Dharma? Jeffrey Dharma. M? Dharma. You remember him? Who's that? Jeffrey Dharma. Jeffrey Dharma. Macy Dharma. You've got... What's next to it?

Eclipse mints. They're back. If you're not familiar, Macy is addicted to eclipse mints. And we spoke about this a long time ago, where she's an addict. I catch her climbing all sorts of furniture to get to eclipse mints. But she's got a. I catch her climbing all sorts of furniture to get to Eclipse Mints,

but she's got a stash of Eclipse Mints. What? In her microwave along with the heads of all the Lego. Wow. This, there's a lot to unpack here. There's a lot to unpack. Are we concerned? Absolutely.

Yeah, I was concerned when I found all the book flaps under the bed, remember? This is another step. Jesus, any psychologist listening in, what does this mean? What does this mean for Macy? Yeah. Red flags? I think so. The fact is she's got like an MO like most serial killers have,

which is pop the head, discard the body wherever she's at. And she wants to keep something to remember them by. She's keeping it. And then she puts it in there. So that's her whole MO. Oh my God. So I'm concerned. I'm, dude. I'll keep you posted.

Sleep with one eye open. She doesn't know I know. I put that back. Confront her? I will be, don't you worry. Like with the book thing, and she ran, like a proper criminal. Yeah, yeah.

I'm telling you right now, she will be leggin' it. Anyway, that's one thing you've missed. And the second thing you've missed is, and I don't know if this is a known hack, but April has taught the kids something that I thought was genius. And I want to see what you think and whether you do it. So I'll just explain it to you,

then I'll show you the little video. And for the listeners, of course, because this is an audio medium. It is winter, as you know, here in Australia, it is winter. And it does get cold in winter, believe it or not. It's freezing right now. So we're talking multiple layers on adults and children of clothing. Do you have any heater in your house? Yeah, it's in the kids room.

What do you have? It's just like an oil heater. That's all we've got. Jesus Christ. Bro, and no insulation under the floor and it's just timber flooring. It's like walking on ice. I have never been cold, like properly cold until living in this house. Until now.

It's also, I feel like when you get older, you get colder. Yeah, that's a thing too. And also you've dropped a bit of weight. That's because I'm shredding. No, no, just not eating. What was I doing? Yes, it's cold. So multiple layers.

And sometimes that would include a long sleeve shirt with a long sleeve jumper. And when you put a jumper on over a long sleeve, what happens? Okay, so this is one thing that kids hate. The sleeve of the t-shirt will then ride up. Yes. And it's like, I don't know why it's just so triggering

for kids, when it happens. Triggered. Happened this morning with Lola, put the jumper on, and she's very sensory. And when that happens, when it was riding up It was like she had a scorpion under her jumper. She was like Daddy, I'm gonna solve this problem for you. Well April my wife is going to solve this for you This is Oscar this morning putting on his little raincoat jacket thing over a long sleeve. Okay, this better be good

Just crack the code see what she's done there Oscar pulls the sleeve up to the palm of his hand. He puts a finger over it so his hand can still go through. And once he gets through close enough, he lets go. And the sleeve ends up perfectly where the sleeve is. What does Oscar think of this hack? He does it on his own. He's learnt it. It's not just, here, do this. It's like, here, do this. And He does it on his own. He's learnt it. It's not just here do this.

It's like here do this and he just continues to do it. He did that without anyone even asking. If only kids out there would know about this hack, the amount of trauma that would be reduced in the lives of young children all around the country, especially now being winter, even around the world. This season's are a world. Is this the best hack that we've ever had? I think it might be. I think it's the most simplest, cost effective. How can we monetize this? Jess? Jessica?

You about to say something? Oh, Jess is. Oh, hang on a minute. Wow. There's rich coming from someone with no kids. Are we dumb, Ash? Yeah. I don't know.

Maybe. Is this something that is just such common knowledge that it's almost laughable? That we don't know. Yeah. I hope so. I fucking hope so, because that'd be hilarious. Are we just... Are we effectively told people to tie their shoelaces before leaving the house? Is that... I always do mine after I leave the house. I mean... We'll find out. Let us know.

And if this is such common knowledge that it's laughable that we're telling you about it, we will withhold informing you about any more hacks. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. I think this is great. I think this is groundbreaking. I think this is life changing I think this is groundbreaking. I think this is life changing.

I think so too. And I want to be responsible for expanding the knowledge of parents, not just in Australia, again, all around the world right now. We will be responsible for improving the lives of so many. So many. And I will say we could get it from the horse's mouth because we are going to call April about a separate issue later in the track. Later in this episode.

We can talk to her about what other information is she withholding from us. So if you stick around, then you might find out. That was a fucking good tease. Do you want to do... Herant? Yes! Oh sorry. Yes, Matthew, it is time for one of our favorite segments.

I'd say arguably... The favorite. The favorite, and I would say the song is Aria Award nominee Potential. Well said. Let's play it. You don't want sleep regression You don't want tantrums now Just tell me what your parents answer now. Just tell me, what's your parent? Open your eyes and see.

You want more grand parking at the shops? You don't want advice from strangers? Go and tell me, what is your parent? Are we going to have any tap on the shoulders from the record, the record, the record label to say like, we'll just show them that jumper hack and they'll back right off. And they'll be like, you gave us something? We do not want to go to court with these guys.

This is my favorite segment. It is, of course, parents. Just it's an opportunity for any parents out there, not just myself and Ash, but for all the listeners to just get something off their chest that is grinding their gears. Making them a little bit of, making themselves a little bit frustrated. You need to give these situations oxygen. Well said. I will say. You really teed that up. Thank you. We had a great one. Okay, go.

Was it from Hugh? Hello, Hugh. Hugh from the Facebook group? Ah, Hugh from the Facebook group. Hugh from the Facebook group. If you're not in the Facebook group, it's on Facebook. Hugh's in there. Hugh's in there. If you want to hang out with Hugh.

Who's in there? Hugh's in there. Okay. Who's in the? He's in there. Okay. Who's in the group? Okay. From Hugh. This is Hugh's parent. Daycare centers charge you normal day rates on a public holiday

when they are closed has to be the biggest pyramid scheme going around. First of all, pyramid scheme. No. Well, he goes on to say, the poor parents with kids booked in for Mondays and Fridays are suffering a great injustice. I feel like we definitely have talked about this before,

but it wasn't a rant. It was like just in passing, I feel like, a long time ago. Let's just clarify that this is not a tack on the daycare teachers. The staff. No, the staff are the backbone. Them, rural doctors, dentists, mechanics. The backbone of our nation.

This is an attack on the system. Fuck the system, man. The system. I mean, it's got to be a fucking joke, right? Period schemes the wrong scheme. That's I feel like the The day cares aren't going out to other day cares giving him this idea and they're growing in numbers That's what a pyramid scheme is right correct. This is a general Scheme scheme. This is a ripoff scheme. This is a ripoff scheme. This is a ripoff scheme, Ash. This is a gaslight scheme, if you will.

It's a gaslighting ripoff scheme. Because I'm a wet... Orchestrated by... The system. The system. The daycare system of Australia. I'd love to know what happens in other countries, but here, if you are booked in on a day that is a public holiday,

they still charge you full rates. You're still paying for it. How the hell does that work? When I was previously, we had the kids in on a Monday and a Friday, man, it was, it didn't fucking make any sense, Ash. I reckon pet parents have something to do with it. Hundreds of dollars every single year wasted.

I mean, what is the ante here? How can they get away with such blatant ripoffery? Well, let's, well, I think we should get in touch with someone who might know. Who was working for the system. Who used to work for the system back in the day. Call up April, you're beautiful. Let's give my, yes, continue.

Beautiful was. You're like, call up here. Beautiful, all right. Sorry.. We won't answer it. She's a busy baby. Hello darling. How are you? Good. How are you? Good. What you doing? Working. Yeah, right. You're not working for a daycare are you? You're not? No, don't worry. That was a dumb joke from outside. We had a parent message in with a rant, and I just want to give you some context on the rant. And you having previous work experience at a child care center. Also, you have children. Am I wrong?

April, can you just confirm how long did you work as an early educator? Oh, I think like seven or eight years. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Almost a decade. Yeah, she used to get sick so much because, oh my God, like she would come home and she'd be like, oh, one of the kids was sick. I'm like, great. Now I'm going to be sick.

Here we go again. I wonder I got sacked from every job I had. The question is, oh, the rant is that these child care centers, the system as we call them, are charging people still for public holidays when they're closed. Do you know why that might be? Yeah, I think because you still have to pay the staff, so you're paying for the day because the staff still get paid. I still wouldn't want to get paid. Yeah, because if it wasn't a public holiday, they would be working, right?

So I mean, I know they're probably like, we would work, but bullshit. Is it justified though? But you're not, we're not using the daycare though. It's closed. Well, fun fact, the daycare that we just moved from, now Macy's only casually there, now offers free public holiday casual days to replace the day that you paid for. And it just started, and we've already left that one. Get lost.

Yeah. Okay, so hang on a minute. So if, okay, every kid that would be there on the Monday, say just gone, would get a free casual day at any time to use down the track. Yep. Yep. Wow. Is this a government thing or just... No, I think some centres did it. Ours definitely didn't until we left

and then they decided they'll do that. And to that centre, we commend you. We do commend you. On your bravery. Yeah. Wow. Not being compliant with a system that is destroying families all around the country. We commend you. We do commend you. On your bravery. Yeah. Wow. Not being compliant with a system that is destroying families all around the country. Just breaking away from the stigma that is the system. Weirdly, like, I don't think you get charged on Christmas Day and stuff if that's a public

law thing. Well that would just be un-Christmas like, wouldn't it? Yeah. Where's your Christmas spirit? Here's a bill. They thought ahead for that one. Right. What else do we want to ask her that we were just talking about before I... wouldn't it? Yeah. Where's your Christmas spirit? Here's a bill. They saw the head for that one. Right.

What else do we want to ask her that we were just talking about before I... Oh yeah. Who taught you the jumper hack? Oh yes. I have no idea. Maybe I got taught it. Maybe it's a generational thing I've been taught. Poppa's got something to do with it for sure.

Yeah. Poppa would be able to tuck... Poppa taught it as to do with it for sure. Yeah. Poppa would be able to tuck that in and somehow land a hanky in there at the same time. Is it not known? It's a universal hack, isn't it? Jess says it's known. I put Lola's jumper on this morning and it rolled up the sleeves underneath. We had tears, tantrums. I didn't know about it until now.

Well, now you do. I didn't know about it until now. Well now you do. You're welcome. Thank you. Thank you, Poppa, I'll say, because that seems very Poppa-like. Probably. All right, well, April, what are you wearing? I mean, I'll see you later.

All right. Love you. See you later, have a good day. Love you. Bye. Love you. Love you. Bye.

Bye. You hang up. You hang up. One, two, three,. Love you. Bye. Bye. Bye. You hang up. You hang up. One, two, three, go, bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Oh my God, you guys are so adorable. Thank you. You should see us when we get on again. Oh my God. Well, there you go. So I say fair rant on that pair rant. So what is it there? Just shake it ahead. You've missed this, eh?

I say that's fair rant, and hopefully they can suggest to their childcare centre that others are doing this, and that's actually a pyramid scheme then. If you're a daycare listening in, if you're like a daycare CEO, just think about it, okay? Think about who you're a daycare listening in, if you're like a daycare CEO, just think about it, okay? Think about who you're hurting with your government mandated legislation.

They're like, our hands are tied, but we'll give you free days if that's what you want. Matthew, should we go into some questions to finish off today? Yeah, we've got some questions here Ash, and we have recently been doing a little segment in the Listener Question. We have been doing, fucking Jesus, can't talk.

Yes, Ash, we should. We've been doing, the last couple of weeks, we've been doing our top three, a list. I love it. And one that really kicked off was things you shouldn't say to a parent. Oh, and the list is, it really is endless. Like there's so many things you shouldn't say to a parent. So I thought it would be remiss of us not to do things you shouldn't say to a parent part two.

Love it. Put some silly music behind that please. Do do do do do do do do. Because you're a bunch of clowns if you say any of this to a parent. I reckon. Well said. Thank you. Alright, so of this to a parent. Well said. Thank you. Alright, so we got a list here. Yeah.

And we're going to just rattle off a few. And then if you've got any that you want to share with us, please on the Facebook group, Instagram, TikTok, whatever you want to do. Shout it into the universe and we'll try and pick it up and put it into the show. Don't do that. Definitely messages. Smoke signals. Definitely message don't do that. Definitely messages. Smoke signals. Definitely messages directly.

Pictures. If people are like, I was screaming out for weeks. I'll hear you. Go on. I will hear you. Okay, first one. This one really infuriates me. When someone tries to resonate with what you're saying by saying,

you know what I'm going to say. I have a dog, so I totally understand. No, you do not. They think what they're doing is lightening the load on you saying, oh, we do that too, so you don't feel so abnormal. Don't talk to us. It would be like someone losing their arm in a car accident and going, oh, I know what that's like.

I once got a splinter. Yeah, I cut my fingernail too short one day. It was irritating. And you're like, I have a limbinter. Yeah, I cut my finger nail too short one day. It was irritating. And you're like, I have a limb. My limb is missing. Yeah. I did not just say that. Look, look at this guy. It was there. Next one. Okay. Oh, it goes so fast. You'll miss this one day. I fucking hate when people say that. Don't wish the days away. The messy hands on the walls, one day that'll be gone and you miss it. Like... When will I miss that? Yeah. I don't... I get the premise of it. It's like you'll miss the like you'll miss the little cuddle, the cutie. I get

that. I get that. But I'm wish... I get home and I'm like, it's four o'clock. I'm like, fuck, I wish it was six o'clock. I am not going to miss begging my child to eat a mouthful of their dinner and then putting up with a child that is screaming that it hates you because you're trying to wash its hair. There's lots of parts of parenting a young child that I will definitely not miss. And you trying to say that I'm like, I'm gonna miss those parts of parenting. Do you have any, people who say that we're not a fucking hands-on parent.

Yeah, and it's usually the grandparents saying that sort of shit, right? If a young person says that, they've been brainwashed by an older person. Idiots. For sure. All right, next one, which is sort of like similar to the grandparent thing. They love to do this one.

And I'll try to put some context around it. For example, if your child's not sleeping, that's a really, that's a low lying fruit, that one. And I, my mum would say it and other mum, other mum's mums would say it where they're like, have you tried this? Have you tried putting them in bed? Yes. Like, fuck off. Like, it's always that generation. You do that too, don't you?

Oh, sorry. I've done that a number of times. Any parents out there that I've said that to? And this is when I had Marley, who was a great sleeper. And I was just like, have you tried to swaddle? Have you tried swaddling? You need to try a different dummy. What we do is we, I think you're a fart what you do. Okay, I have said that.

No one's perfect. Don't say that. Don't say have you tried. I know it's a suggestion and very lighthearted, but it's usually coming from a place of, like I say, from grandparents where they think whatever they say is right just because of their age and their experience.

It's like you used to beat kids in your generation. Have you tried beating that kid to sleep? I always remind my mum about that and she's like, I never. I always say to my parents, our wooden spoons for cooking only. What do you got for me? When you announce you're expecting and someone says, oh, were you trying? No, it was an accident. It's none of your business.

We missed the window to have an abortion. Oh my god. It's none of your business. It's like, look, I think we're at some point... I didn't know you were trying. Yeah, I didn't know that you were mounting her. What's that about? What's that about?

Oh my god. It doesn't matter. Really? If you ask me. But look, I think we're all guilty of saying that once here and there. Next one. This is just like back in my day. Never start a sentence to a parent if you're older. You really hate the grandparents.

I'm really into it. Sorry, Pop Up. And my parents, I guess they exist too. And it's like, yeah, back. If you're going to start a sentence with back in my day, just back right up. Oh, I'm going to flip this. And instead of attacking the older generation, I'm going to attack the younger generation.

Here he is. OK, I'm becoming more attack the younger generation. Here he is. Okay. I'm becoming more senile every week. This is a young fella. Turn it down. Back in my day. Slow down. Those electric bikes. When they...

And like this doesn't happen as much anymore, but because I don't work in an office. But if anyone on a Friday or a Thursday, if they say, have you got any exciting plans for the weekend? And I'm like, I'm going to go to a park for a couple of hours. Followed by another park for a few hours. And I'm going to be watching cartoons with the kids. And that is all I'm doing. Get some broken sleep. I'm going to yell at a child to try and eat all weekend.

I'll do a couple loads of washing. Yeah. They'll have to follow me everything I do around all the time. It's such a good way to be like, hey, it really screams, have a good shit weekend. Dude, the weekend just gone, that gurneying, that was the highlight. That was reprieve. That was the highlight, dude. People are like, did you get up too much?

I'm like, I washed some pavers and that was the highlight of my week. It was like a holiday. And if they came near me I just hit them with the water. Perfect. Last one. This is so triggering. This last one's triggering me.

Say it, come on. Why do I feel like this is coming from a grandparent as well? Oh, just someone with older kids. They say, if you think this is hard, just wait until... Oh my god. I get that all the time with the girls because they're like, oh, teenage girls. That's another kettle of fish.

Oh my god. Especially because you've got all girls. Or it's like... I know you're trying to manage my expectations, but just like ignorance is bliss. Oh yeah. I don't want someone being like with Oscar, it's like, you think it's like I know you're trying to manage my expectations but just my ignorance is bliss oh yeah I don't want someone being like with Oscar it's like you think it's hard now wait till he's committing petty crime wait until I'll tell you right now I'm fucking white maybe they'll lock him up and I'll get some real reprieve Ash before we go I have one very quick question that I'd love to ask you on behalf of Gemma.

Hello Gemma. This was submitted in the Facebook group a number of weeks ago. Gemma with a J or Gemma with a G? Gemma with a G. Gemma Goff. GG. Good game.

She says, advice on what to do when your toddler comes home from daycare and starts pinching you non-stop. She finds it hilarious no matter what we try or say. Help. Gemma finds it hilarious or the child finds it hilarious. No, I think she... The child. The child. Oh god. First of all, Matt, we don't give advice. You're being assaulted right now.

Yeah. Call the police. That's my advice. Yeah. Call the police and sometimes, you know, police will do like a home visit to try and scare a child. I think that's what you need to do. That's not a bad idea. I think you could go because they're obviously learning it from somewhere. And I think if they're coming home from daycare, they're learning it there. So to out learn it is their responsibility. So what I would do is I would threaten the

teacher and say I'll start pinching you every time that kid pinches me unless you teach it out of her. But again, we love our early educators in this country. I'm out of the garden. My kid hit me every time my kid hits me. I'm going to hit you. When Ash is getting locked up for assaulting teachers. Just pinch back the child. Give the child a taste of its own medicine. Yeah, that too. Do you like it?

You don't like it. That reminds me of like when I tried to do a little learning moment with Macy where it was like she was getting... What was she doing? I said to her, okay, look, how would it feel if you ask mommy and daddy to do something and we just didn't do it for you, how would you feel? And she's like, sad.

I'm like, so when we ask you to do something for us and you don't do it, how do you think we feel? Fuck, you're a good parent. Sad. And I was like, so do you understand? And she was like, no. No. I was like, okay, well, I'm going to pinch you now,

so fuck it. She's like, stop talking to me, I want to kill some Lego, I'm going to pinch you now, so fuck it. She's like, stop talking to me. I want to kill some Lego toys. I want to pinch the head off a Lego toy. Ash. Yes. If you have joined this podcast, maybe for the first time, maybe this is your first episode.

This is my hundred and fifty first episode. Thank you very much. I think it's more than that, isn't it? No. No. Yes, you're right. Sorry. Congratulations to you.

Thank you very much. very kind of you. What should people do right now if they've just joined us? It's the first episode. What, like what? Like, subscribe, leave a review, five stars, share it with ten friends, like a pyramid scheme. Just go to the social media, share that with ten friends. Just a bunch of pyramids.

Please. Scheme your way to success, they say. Well said. You should get that on a t-shirt. Scheme your way to success, they say. Well said. Should get that on a t-shirt. Scheme your way to success. Next merch. Speaking of merch. We have t-shirts.

I'm wearing one. We have smelling nappy tees on our website, foododingdads.com. Ash, you need to get a flight. We need to get out of here. Goodbye. See you guys. Bye.

need to get out of here. Goodbye. See you guys. Bye. Who's in the group? Who's in the group? Facebook group. There you go. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.