Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #155 Preparing For Baby Number 3

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

Ash committed the crime of all husband crimes and, as a consequence, is left living with a stink for the next week.  Meanwhile, Ash and his wife April are planning a trip away from the kids, and it may coincide with the birth of baby Johnson no. 3! Matty J and wife Laura also experience a personal scare that puts things into perspective as they prepare for life with a newborn.  We also get into your Par-Rants for this week, where you air out your parenting grievances. This week's rant hit a nerve and our pockets!   Brought to you by ALDI  Just low prices every day. ALDI. Good Different.  Link: https://www.aldi.com.au/ We also answer your questions:  What are your thoughts on public and private schools? BUY OUR SMELLY T SHIRTS HERE  https://www.twodotingdads.com/category/all-products Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My porridge this morning. Is this going to be your opener or am I? This is my opener. Okay. Strap yourself in. This is going to be good. Well, I've got one too, so I'll do mine after. Okay.

And then the people can decide whose was better. Okay, go. Oh, mine's really shit. No, it's not. It's great. I put porridge in the microwave, but I was running very late with the kids. So then I didn't get to eat it until after the school run. Oof.

So it was like fucking rock hard. Rock hard? That's my, that's my. So it was like rock hard. Rock hard. That's my. That's your over. OK, let's start again. I got a joke for you. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting.

It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And just because there may be new people joining us for the first time, Ash and I are definitely not experts, far out, experts, experts in the parenting space. We're not, no we don't give advice. We love our kids. We give fake advice. Fake advice. I tell you what we do do, we talk about porridge all the time. That's actually, to be fair that's the first time I've talked about porridge. That is the first time. I've been holding back. You're a big porridge guy. What do you got

for me? I don't mind a bit of porridge. Do you know what I really like? I like. You're going for breakfast? No, the porridge, I'm gonna pick a porridge. Please. This is rooting stuff. The berry packet one with a bit of berries in it.

Too sweet, too sweet for me. Yeah? Yeah. What are you saying about me? No, I just like things to be natural. I feel like you're a real synthetic guy. I'm living this synthetic life. I've got something for a real synthetic guy. Living this synthetic life. I've got something for you.

Hit me. Which is every husband's nightmare. So you know how we're like, let's see who's better? I think this is going to be an easy win for me. The Porridge story, as riveting as that was. People like it. People like Porridge. People are telling us. It's relatable.

Should we bring back the Trump impression? No. Triggering. Very triggering. Triggering. Worst possible thing happened today. This morning happens to be Tuesday morning. Worst possible thing, you got hit in the nuts.

No. I heard the garbage truck. April's pregnant. Well, if that's the case, she's got some questions to answer. The bin truck. Where were the bins? The bins were not out. Oh god. This is the only time I've ever forgot but I heard the bin truck coming while I was mid poo. Don't tell me the guys are working on the roof. No, I was mid poo and April goes, are the bins out? And I'm scrolling and I went,

and she was like, quick. I'm like, and I had to convince her that I was not in an appropriate fashion to come out of the bathroom. I hadn't even snapped off yet. I was going for a bit of cable. So she ran out without, didn't take the bins. She just ran out to see where the truck was.

So now- She could have stopped, I guess she could have stopped them. She was in a nightie. It's like, what's that? She's sick as well. Tienanmen Square where that guy like stood in front of a tank. Oh.

It's like that where the- Just as- Yeah, just standing in front of the garage truck It's like that with it. Just as, yeah. Just standing in front of the garage truck. Don't move! There's gonna be historic photo that people will look back at. So I didn't make it.

I didn't make it for the red bin, which is the general ways, which is tiny anyway. You can survive. You miss a yellow bin for those putting it in your house. Not in my house. You miss a cardboard bin. Not ideal. Not ideal.

But red bin, you're out dude. You're out. Especially we've got kids. I was like, fuck, what do I do? What do I do with it now? That's my question. If anyone can help me, if anyone wants to come and take my bins, if the council's listening, what do I do with it now?

Dude, you have an under the house area. Just store it under there. I'm not st- Dude, you have like two football house area. Just store it under there. I'm not st- Dude, you have like two football fields in your backyard. Just dig a hole. I'm worried I might dig up a body. It's landfill. Maybe I'll just like,

dump it at my father-in-law's house and see if he knows. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's coming in hot, Frank. There's a few nappies in there. I remember one of the worst times to forget to put the bins out was around Christmas. Oh that's the worst especially when there's prawns in there. And there's prawns and I had the prawns went back inside the freezer but

then the other I had it in my garage I just had like this mountain of bins and then maggots come real quick. Where did they come? They just spawn. I don't know like how do they even all the bags are tied up and next thing I got maggots everywhere But here's a question for you. Okay, okay Rhonda next door. Yeah, she's 80 odd. She's probably listening right now She has incredible hearing for an 80 year old. There's a she's definitely like Got her ear to the brick wall right now. She's bugged your house. Yeah, I put her bins out You are such a good guy such a good guy Only ever puts the red bin out maybe like once a month because she lives by herself

Would she put one the recycling bins out? Mm-hmm. Is it okay? Yes, right? Do you think I was gonna like last night? the bins went out and Her blue bin the cardboard empty. I was like, can I just use her bin and put I've put her red bin out, can I put her blue bin out? Yeah ignorance is bliss as they say. So I would just assume that it's light because cardboard's light and then just don't even look in there just take it out and then fill it up with your shit whilst down there. It feels so illegal. We talked about this a lot. Because I got caught remember. If you you want you could have brought some of your I don't have to drive away here with the fucking garbage in the garbage. I know I know you never would that's why I'm offering

Just straight up. Maybe I'll just burn the house down. Fuck it. It's all over now for the next week It's gonna be carnage in my hand. Do we need to flag that with April? Should we just do it? Just do it It's just gonna attract rats and all sorts of wildlife Also, we have possums that scamper across the roof at night They seem to be getting heavier If someone's feeding these possums because I'll be sitting there the first I was like, oh yeah Did you say oh, no word now? They're like, oh look an elephant's crossing the fucking it's the neighbors. I don't know I'm not sure. Have you got athletics day coming up? We do in September

September April on our away for it. Where are you gonna be? Bali. Just you and April? Yep. Five nights. Wow. April was like I feel bad not taking the kids. I'm like they've had their fucking holiday. This is my holiday because every holiday we go with them is I don't enjoy it. Not at all. It's just like fucking chaos. But you know it's gonna happen you'll be there you'll be in the pool then you see another family with a young kid and you go oh me man see how blank I looked at you then no why be kids there mate because we have opted for a kid free hotel how to resort I don't know it's a it's a boutique kid

free resort let's go with that. It's gonna be nice. It is gonna be nice. May I ask you a question, Ash? Yes. I'm not sure if you've seen the news recently. I haven't. In France.

France. Do you know what they're saying? I don't speak French, so I have no idea what they're saying over there. Okay. Come on, that was pretty good. Sorry, I missed it. I missed it. I missed it. Again! I'm sorry. Go again. Go again. No missed it. I missed it again. I'm sorry go again

I looked at the headline the listeners are going that was good gear You said do you know what they're saying in France? And would you say and I said I don't speak French so I don't know Jess is cacking. I'm sorry and also a nod to Jess not being here on holidays. That's been on That's a very nice. Have you something a great time with a mother? So ash this headline it says adult only hotels risk being banned in popular European country France because They're a threat to society a threat. Okay. Hang on a minute I think the word threats been thrown around a little bit too loosely

It's not a threat. Who are they threatening the terrorists are like hey Stop taking our title. Yeah, man. You know what? It's like Well, it's not how They need to learn what threat actually means. Can I give you a bit more context? Yes, you can. Go. OK, so adult-only hotels, campsites and restaurants could be banned in France as part of a planned government crackdown. Sarah L. Harry... I bet she is. LAUGHTER

France's High Commissioner for Childhood has said that the country's no-kids trend has caused violence. Violence? Against children. I fear... Reports the Times. The Commissioner said that people who complain about children being noisy are spreading the idea that the children are a nuisance.

They're right. They are a fucking nuisance. What do you mean, spreading a rumour? I want a petition to petition against that. I think... how is that? Okay, there's bigger problems. Is there okay? Do you think it's a problem this growing intolerance to kids? I Feel like we're pretty good If you don't like kids that's so what like that's what why does the government need to step in and be like you must Like that's why does the government need to step in and be like you must

Love kids kids are gonna be at your hotels. Is it? Yeah, like you check in and there's like a baby waiting there You're like what the hell? It's like sitting there's like pad it or you're not allowed in Maybe maybe children are being like, you know on a plane. What's that weaponized? Do you know what the terrorists need to do? Scrap the bombs. Just drop kids everywhere. LAUGHTER They'll be like metal detectors. They're like kid detectors.

Are you carrying any kids? No. It's under your shirt. Duffle bag. Don't go outside. There's children everywhere. It's one of those kid bombs. LAUGHTER I think... I think as someone who has two kids, soon have three, I think you absolutely welcome

adult only hotels and restaurants. Only adult hotels and restaurants. Give people a fucking break. Yeah, it's like they are a nuisance. Why are we assuming that they are? It's definitive. They are a nuisance. Like. But. It's like. They are a nuisance. But it's like...

Let's not be naive here. Yeah, it's like segregation from kids and non-kid places. I'm all for, as a parent, because it's like if I'm going here with my kid and the kids are allowed there, fine, that is fine. But it's a nice little treat that I can go somewhere and they're not. Yeah, exactly.

Treat yourself as I say. Imagine that, imagine that. Your holiday ruined, ruined. I did say to April when we were organizing this trip, she said, look, I feel bad not taking the kids. I said, look, for the last two years, let's say six weeks in total, I have dragged these kids through Indonesia

and I've only enjoyed myself, maybe 10% of that, otherwise I'm carrying or I'm repeating myself to kids in environments where it's like I feel like I shouldn't have to do that. So this time they can stay home, they'll have my parents to look after them, they'll have her parents, they'll have their own little sleepover holidays, they'll have a good time. How long are you going for? Just five nights. God.

And I even said, if I go, if we are going without the kids and if we go somewhere and I see a kid, it's gonna ruin my holiday. Just boo the kid out of the way. Just know that I hope you enjoy your holiday, but what you're doing, your trip away, is contributing to the downfall of society. I'm threatening everything about human, human life.

It's on your shoulders. I think there's more to worry about. I agree. Right, then. I agree. What does that say, threatening our society? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're harsh words.

No, well, look, we're not a news podcast, but we will continue to follow the story. Actually, where was that story published? TikTok. Actually, well, originally the Times, but I'm reading it from Sydney Morning Herald, Ash, one of the country's finest news outlets. Hmm. I see. So wait, what dates are you going?

September. Yeah. I'm not saying the dates because just like you did in the last couple of episodes where you nearly ruined a wedding in Bali, you're not going to be in the city until you're gone? September. Yeah, I'm not saying the dates, because just like you did in the last couple of episodes where you nearly ruined a wedding in Bali, you're not going to ruin my holiday by having people bombard me. I'm going to record a bonus episode with all this information.

So you might miss the birth of Poppy. I know, I know. I didn't think about that until just now when you brought it up. I might do, but you're going to have to wait. to wait Laura's gonna have to hold it in cross your legs Well, I think she's gonna be induced. Oh, let's let's were you allowed to give that Yeah, you're gonna get trouble hey, um something I want to just quickly bring up you did ask me about athletics I wanted to ask you about have you had a school disco yet?

We had a school fete. It's in Paddington. It wasn't... Was it a drop and go situation? No, it was a school fete. There was a disco going on. Disco element. Disco element.

Was it a threat to society? My dancing was. Oh, I think you're a very good dancer. Thank you, thank you. So it wasn't really like it wasn't the the main feature So I would say long answer. Sorry. No, you took this Grate on that. Sorry. I did give you an opt-out of this story where I said was the drop-and-go situation You're like no and then you continued and I was that was that was me getting you out of this

70s when people did a lot of this. Now you went to a disco. No, I didn't go. I did the drop off. But as you know, Oscar goes to the same primary school who is Oscar Six, which I went to at the same age. And this was his first school disco. And when I tell you this school has not changed at all,

I mean it has not. The only difference is now there's more fences around schools. Have you noticed that? When you were a kid? I guess getting in is harder. I tell you what's the threat. That's dumb. Yeah, so it's I mean it's like for like same hall where they have the disco all this sort of stuff. and we did do the job So we walk them down. It was like a glow themed obviously

Your glow sticks glow sticks everywhere kids glowing Oscar's pants were glowing what a sight what a sight Went to the drop-off a lot of flashbacks coming back to me this year had a lot of flashbacks because of this situation. Very nostalgic. I know, very nostalgic. And look, discos back when I was a kid were a combination of fun and traumatizing. Well yeah, because you just...

The dance with the girls. Dance with the girls, like segregated, There's a lot of hairspray involved because kids are doing mohawks. For you? Yeah, back in the day, like it was like a mohawk. Or you'd spray the hair colour in, not that, because your parents wouldn't let you dye your hair. Right, you guys went all out

and that wasn't a thing back in Brisbane when I was growing up. Well, you missed out. No, you didn't because I was traumatising at the same time. Because like I said, like we were saying, you don't know whether to dance with a girl. How do you dance with a girl? You just grind.

And kids, that's how babies are made. We only really had like high school, like there was another school that was an all-girls school and they would have discos that other people would get invited to. Oh, yes. So my memory... But that's high school stuff.

Yeah, I don't... Just grind. Before Oscar leaves, you're like... He's like taping him with glow sticks and you're like, Remember kid, if anyone comes up to you, just grind and grab on and hold on for dear life. Just groan and grab on and hold on for dear life. But it reminded me of a simpler time, Ash's childhood, where I attended a disco. I was a little bit older than Oscar.

It was a few years into my prime. It might have been year five or something like that, when it was like really getting to the point again where it's kind of like you're like, you know, girls, you're asking girls to dance, that sort of stuff, as cringy as it sounds right now. I can't even think about this stuff without like shivering. Shivering.

I'm the worst. I asked this girl to the dance as a kid. She said yes, which is great. I was like, yeah. But she went to same school with you. Yeah. Yeah. So you're kind of going as a date.

Yeah. Beautiful. Together. Whatever that means at that age. But it's actually where I shared, is it a kiss? Not first lip kiss, it was like cheek kiss. Oh, you started on the cheeks. Yeah.

How old, how old? I'm trying to remember, I think I was like 10 or 11. Yeah, nice, I mean, cool. Just crying. I was gonna stick with you. That's beautiful, dude, that's great. Yeah, but I remember it was just like just Cringing out of the hole how the whole things unfold where your friends like egg you want you gonna do it

You can do it You know you do it all those other kids that have already done it and it's like I've got to do it What were the teachers doing when you French kissing grinding? I wasn't French kissing someone it was like a, I remember that you used to have to dance. Like, you didn't know how to dance. So you just like, that's how, yeah, there we go. Actually, I'm vibing here, just grind. We're grinding.

Just made me really remember that moment. I was like, oh, you know, and then it made me think like, actually, side note, oh, fuck, actually, I've just had a, whoa. What is it, Ash? I won't mention any names. Chantelle, Jessica, actually, I just had a... Whoa. What is it? What is it, Ash? I won't mention any names. Shantel. No.

Jessica. No. Rachel. You can be here or not. Claire. I'm not going to get it. Elizabeth. Damn it.

No. The whole thing was very nostalgic and cringey for me. Quite frankly, I'm sick of it. So we were like asking the boys, because all of his friends are all boys, you know the boys. And we were like, oh, you know the boys, you know, yeah. And we were like, oh, you know what, do you have girlfriends and stuff like that?

And one of the other kids, mom's was like, yeah, he keeps talking about this Jade girl, because a girl Jade? Like, is there a boy Jade? I was just talking about a girl Jade. No, no, someone else, one of the other kids. I'm like, they're a bit young, like to be talking about girls.

And then afterwards- Well, Marley talks about, there's one of the other kids. I'm like, they're a bit young like to be talking about girls. And then afterwards, Marley talks about there's one boy from daycare that she still talks about marrying. She's like, I'm having kids with them. Wow. Yeah, grinding. I think it's, I think it's it's only normal. Okay, cool. Because then when they the disco finished and I spoke chatting to Oscar at disco and he was like, I played some really good songs. And every time a song comes on, they play at the disco now. He's like, they played that disco.

Yeah. And I was like, oh, what did you do? And, you know, he was like, oh, you know, we danced and stuff like that. And then I was talking to one of the mums who was a volunteer. I'm like, what actually goes on in there? Yeah. Because it's in a big hall. Fill me in.

Fill me in. She's like, all they do is just a bunch of kids running around. Like they're in a playground. I'm like, what's disco about? She's like, the music. And that's it. It's just a bunch of six year old kids running around a hall to disco music. All glowing. I would pay good money to be in that mindset where all you have to worry about is like not pissing yourself.

Yeah. Like that would just be like, ah, where's the next close to come? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. Oh, just so naive to life's troubles. We picked Oscar up and I'm like, what's that on your head? He's got one of those tattoos on his head, like the wash on tattoos on his forehead. I was like, why, dude? Why? I'm just living, man. Just living, man.

Don't bring me down. Anyway, I'm looking forward to more discos. Are you though? No, because I just have flashbacks. Can we? I'll come, next disco, I'll volunteer with you. You just said, just grind, and now you want to volunteer at a kids disco. Hey, I'm all for the fun.

I'm not judging you or anything, but that sounds a bit... Okay, well, you go. Predatory. I'll stay outside the school fence. I refuse to volunteer for anything at the school. Just do it, man. I don't want to get... Do you know what it is?

Once you open the floodgates of volunteering, and those who do it, and the mums who love it... Credit to you. Credit to you, sucker. No, credit to you, but for me, not for me you know very fair very fair have you have you been asked to volunteer for anything at school they

did they did a like a cinema night they did a movie night and they did ask me to host it but I said no but I I will. I will. Hang on a minute. What are you going to do in the movie night? I think the kids made, it's like a, what do you call, how do you say? They made a movie, like a film festival. Film fair, there it is. They're very good. Film festival. How old are these kids? It's a whole school, like grade sixes as well.

Yeah right. Still. And I gave them my fees and they said we can't afford it. And I said, this is a public school, sir. Well, if there's no helicopter ride, you can forget it. I want a driver to pick me up. Take me to the airport. Sir, the school's down the road. I will volunteer.

But it's like, why don't you give them an inch? That'll take a mile. Oh yeah, April keeps like, kind of throwing me under the bus a little bit. I do just for one day want to volunteer in the cafeteria just to see what it's like, just to experience that thrill. Why? What do you what do you think? How do you think it's going to be like the bear?

I don't know. You go back there, you go like something different. Gordon Ramsay is back there. It's a new experience. What you can always just go down there and ask, hey, can I just... I will. I'm busy, bro. I'm busy. I don't think you're ever going to do it. I'll do it on Fridays. You obviously know this. You know that I'm having a baby.

What? Sorry, Laura's having a baby. She is, yeah. And it is such a big difference when you're expecting your third child compared to number one and number two. Hmm. How so? I think for your first, A, you're completely ignorant.

Oh yeah. You got no idea. To how hard. Like I've had a dog before. Yeah, exactly. Very different. Yeah. And you're like, this is going to be beautiful.

It's going to change my life. Which like it is, and it does. It's like, it is is but you're totally ignorant to just how hard it could be. You're fine yet fine you're pretty much fine that you just like once you have it you're learning on the job. Yeah and you're like me and my partner you know we'll we'll never argue we'll get along. Bullshit. Wrong! Yeah. You will hate each other. There's so much you are wrong about before having your first kid.

Put that on a t-shirt. And at the same time, everyone's reaction to you having your first child is pretty much the same. Like it's met with, oh my gosh, that's so incredible, amazing, congratulations, well done. How exciting. I think the further away the separation of person you tell the less heartfelt it is. I agree but. Family, immediate family. Oh my god, second tier. Oh congratulations. You could argue that it's still pretty consistent. Yeah oh yeah.

Everyone is. No one's always like oh there's always one mate is like, hate to be you. Good luck. And so that's what it's like for number one. Hey to you. Good luck. And so that's what it's like for number one. Number two is pretty similar. People are still like, this is a beautiful thing. You've got two children.

The family's complete now. Well done. Great, great, great. Pat on the back. And then there's the odd person who's like, two? Or. It does creep in. Yeah, you go on again, I know.

It does, yeah. All of a sudden people start to like, there's a little peppering of people being like good luck Mm-hmm, but also for us Number one Marley dream child. Mm-hmm. So easy was incredible So we had we experienced what it was like having like a 10 out of 10 baby the unicorn the unicorn child Lola was the complete other end of the spectrum. She was a donkey. Yeah. Sorry, Lola.

When you do listen to this when you're older, if donkey was an endearment. There is a video on my phone. It's taken at like 3 in the morning. And for the first eight months, it was really just like the anxiety of every night time, knowing that you're going to go in and at the absolute best case scenario you're going to get like two hours of solid sleep before she would just scream. Scream in your arms.

Yeah. For a good 45 minutes. Yeah. And I have a video where I'm filming myself just walking down the hallway with a screaming child like it's being murdered and there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing you can do. And I'm like that's to me that's what the newborn phase was like with Lola. Yeah, and that's the latest one. Yeah.

And so in my head, I've got a reference point for how incredible it can be, but also then how incredibly hard it can be, just like the complete other extreme. And there's nothing that you can do as a parent that controls where you end up on that scale. It's just complete random potluck. Oh yeah, and you just hope that you get one that eats and sleeps. Yeah. Eats and sleeps, that's all you want.

Like, if it shits itself, it pisses itself, don't care, do not care whatsoever. Eat, sleep. The absolute dream. They're like the two most important criteria for having a nice child. And so at the same time, we've got this level of apprehension where Laura and I are both kind of like, fuck, like, what are we going to get?

We don't know. Probably a baby. Hopefully. If it's not, concerning. But everyone's reaction to number three is like, whoa, shit, you're brave. And I even when like I talk to people about it and they're like, oh my god, Matt, he's having his third. They're like, oh, his third. It's like saying I'm going on a solo flight around the world.

And they're like, you don't know how to fly. What are you doing? Everyone's reaction is like holding my hand and being like, good luck. Yeah, it's kind of like you need to go from being a people manager to crowd control. Yes, yeah. Just like that's like, oh fuck, I've got, there's more of them than there is of you and Laura. Now, there will be.

The difference now is that we're going into September with so much apprehension. Yeah. I am like just bracing myself right now for what's to come. Yeah, I'm like, I couldn't do it. I'm sorry. We had Oscar and Oscar, he was the demon. He was the lower in the situation where he, to be fair,

after some, you know, doctor's appointments and stuff, there was other things going on. But yeah, you're like, oh, fuck it, now this thing doesn't eat, doesn't sleep. And I was like, for fuck's sake. And it was to the point where I was like, I don't want another one.

At one point. Well, that's the thing, I would, if I could wave a magic wand, I would almost skip the first 12 months. Because I think that's the hardest part of parenting. And I know obviously like, there's a lot to still come with Marley and Lola. But I'm like, newborn phase.

I know, some people love it though. They do. You're gonna get, some people are gonna come at you for that. Totally. And come at me. If you love that newborn phase. Good for you.

Great, for us, it is the absolute hardest. But then something happened where I think it was a it was a biggest switch of like obviously when Laura was first pregnant was so excited we were stoked and then the last couple of weeks has just been this stuck in this cycle of like bracing for what's to come and then something happened where it was like the biggest change in my mentality. And so Laura messaged me a couple of weeks ago and she's like, I'm bleeding. And I was like, is it bad?

And she's like, it's not good. Like it's enough to be like, this is a concern. Shit. And it was weird in that the whole time, I'm in this mindset of like, oh, like, you know, apprehension, I'm like tense. I'm excited, but it's not the overwhelming feeling

that I have a lot of the time. Yeah, because the apprehension sort of trumps it a bit. Because it's there, and then all of a sudden, it was such an immediate switch where I was like, oh shit, we're not in the clear at all. Something could go wrong. And then the thought of we might lose this baby was just this surge of a realization of how much

I do want this child. And obviously I wanna have a third kid, but. Well, that overtook the apprehension. Totally, totally. And it was such, But that overtook the apprehension. Totally, totally. And it was such, not that you want to go through that. I have to say that after 24 hours, the bleeding stopped. We went, Laura was checked out.

Everything was fine. Thank goodness. And you wouldn't wish that situation and that intense 24 hours upon anyone. But at the same time, it was really important for me to just have that reality check of like, don't forget, you will do anything with this kid. For sure.

And like the apprehension is just from past experience, right? Yeah. Where you're like, OK, well, look, we're going to get what we're going to get, but maybe I should concentrate on being more excited about it than worried about what we're going to get. To anyone who's reached out being like, well, you're brave.

That's not a dig at you. I think it's great. I love people having that chat. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's, yeah, it was an important moment for me during this pregnancy, which is also just like, we are flying. So fast. I know.

For me, Laura's like, no, it's fucking not. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, Laura. But yeah, we're like well past the halfway mark mark far out. Well, I'm glad everything's okay I mean you have me worried for a second there cuz I haven't seen Laura in a little while. Yeah, she's doing good She's doing good. She's doing good. So poppy at the moment. It's definitely poppy Definitely poppy. I think we're debating at the moment on the middle name. I Will not reveal because I don't know if I'm allowed to or not.

Ah, go ahead. Stop it. Rupert. Oh, that's actually that is beautiful. Poppy Rupert Johnson. We got a message Ash from Liv. You know, we joke about the song on Perrance. It's the best.

Is it the greatest or is it lies? Oh, yeah. Because for those greatest or is it Lies? Oh yeah. Yeah, cause let's have, for those of you who don't remember, let's have a little listen now. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. Tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies. That's a great theme song.

That's a bop. That's what that is. That is one of our best. That is, yeah. It just fits in so well. And Liv has requested that segment to come back because she loves the theme song so much. And I said, look, if you can get some Lies

in the Facebook group, we'll bring it back. And? We're bringing it back. Yeah, boy. She's back, baby. So she's back. Right, for one week only, for now. And so we decided to rehash it.

Now, now, would you like to go first,, Man or do you want me to go first? You go first, my guy. First one from Gemma. This is great. The warm spots in the water is where the fish have swung. Don't follow me around, Barley. There's heaps of fish in those pools. What are you doing?

This one's from Lauren. Hi Lauren. And, Lauren, what's up? She says, we wave goodbye to dad as he goes to work for the day. Really, he's walking down to the front study as he works from home half the time. But if the kids know that, they will hassle him. That's genius. That's a hack, if anything. What happens if you need to go to the bathroom and they're like, adult diapers baby. It's genius though because April works from home

like all the time and sometimes if there's a kid off sick or whatever or Thursdays I have Macy and we're just home. Yeah. She will not leave her alone like April will be on a on a meeting with like a screen full of people and maybe just and she's Moses in like she's late for the meeting with her equipment bowl of heads from the Lego that she's been decapitated yeah yeah it's got a notepad though take it notes the next one is from crystal anytime we have a cut or scrape we like to take a photo and send it to the doctor. The doctor evaluates the injury and writes back if it requires a band-aid or not. 100% it's a no, but if the doctor says so,

then tantrum avoided. That is genius. These are hacks as well though. These are, all you're lying is the ultimate parenting hack. It is, it is. Because. T-shirt.

Very good. Lola, man, she's like, we bought some superhero band-aids and she's just, it's like crack for her. She used to be addicted to dummies, now she's just like, give me one more band-aid. She's like, look at this scratch. Which is she finds Nicorette patches. This St. Louis feels like, look at that scratch. Wait till she finds Nicorette patches. This is the only thing we finish the lie, because there's more to it.

She says, she finishes with, really, it's just me sending the pic. So she actually sends the pic. So that's commitment to the lie. Sends the pic to one of my friends who writes back, no Band-Aid required, works every time. Who's the friend? Yeah.

On payroll. Imagine trying to explain that message to someone that you've just met that sees you get that message. And it's like a picture of a kid with a... I was like, what are you into? It's like never mind. Uh... Oh Crystal. Crystal's got two.

She's got two. Wow. Put her on the payroll. Absolutely. The backbone of this podcast. But also it's concerning how much she lies. Yeah. Not need a judge?

You aren't. Rich from you. Sorry. The Lollie Man delivers lollies to the shop daily. However, there is never enough for all the kids and sometimes when mum or dad goes to the shops, there's none left. Genius. This goes with ice creams and fizzy drinks.

The lolly man is super busy and sometimes he gets to the shops late or sometimes never at all. Genius. Crystal is a diabolical genius. Yes. She's like the villain in every movie. I love that. Actually, one last little short short one we can squeeze it in there. Sure. From from Jodes. Jodes.

Very quick but very good. Jody says all meat is chicken. Reminds me of that time I gave Oscar steak for the first time and he was like, gee this chicken's brown. He's already like critiquing my cooking. Very good. Ash, one of my favorite things to do each week is to give parents from this country, from all over the world, a chance to have a rant. Oh, I love that. About their life. People love to get it off their chest. So, without further ado, let's do...

You don't want sleep regression You don't want tantrums now Just tell me what's your parent Or put your mind at rest You want more grand parking at the shops Tell me, what's your parent? Open your eyes, man. You want more print parking at the shops? You don't want advice from strangers? Go and tell me, what is your parent? Matt, I'm going to go first because your sister has actually sent through a submission.

Well, how come you're speaking to my sister? Never give in, big guy. Hey Kate, I'll see you later. What has she got to say? See you later tonight, what's for dinner? This is what she has to say. Hi guys, just wanted to contribute to your PairRand segment. I have a complaint that there are not enough gyms with child-minding facilities.

Every health practitioner is on about moving your body, but what are parents meant to do when you've got to look after kids? Gyms need to have more child-minding facilities. Fair. I would say move. LAUGHTER That's pretty fair. I remember crèche is... Crèche, if you don't know,

it's referred to as a crash or craish, however you want to pronounce it. They are, they're dwindling, numbers are dwindling. Some would say it's a threat. It's a threat. It's an existential threat. It is. I don't know what the problem is.

I mean, I guess it's gotta be expensive, right? To run the gym plus have, there was one up the road and it was great. Sometimes I just do my shopping and I just leave the kids there and be like, well, I'm up to the gym How long can you leave them there for days? Oh? Definitely not to know

I agree, and I think what's really important is the fact that my sister she wants to get her gains Yeah, she does come on what come on. She does need to. Come on. What does April do? Um, April squats. No, she. What does she do with the kids? Sometimes, well, there's a crèche at her cult gym that she goes to. Must be nice. Yes, but it's also a bit cult vibes. I'm waiting for my kids to be converted into something.

They come home and they'll be like, hello father. How much protein are you eating? They're just protein monitors now. How much do you squat? Ask her what. Very good, thank you. Kate it is, which is Matt's sister. Shout out to Kate. Okay, this one is from Piper.

And, ooh, this is a good one. Okay. When strangers touch my babies in the pram, or worse, when they've just fallen asleep. Why are strangers touching your back? Why are you letting them touch your baby? Dude, I've had it's happened before where someone's like, that's such a cute baby.

And you're like, thank you so much. And then before you know it, they're like stroking your child. And you're like, get off my child. What do you say? Like, you don't want to be rude, but there's boundaries. I know. Yeah. It's a bit of an ick, isn't it? I mean, it's like, could you ick isn't it I mean it's

like could you imagine me just coming up to you on the street and being like you're a handsome man. I'd love that. Scratching the top of your head. You know what else you can scratch? The side of your head. You cock. Yeah I agree Piper. Not on. I'm not into it. I'm not into it. I'm not into it at all. Now I don't even need to read this one off my phone because I have a personal gripe. What do you got?

Kids sport. Let's talk about that really quickly. Go ahead. Okay I'm all for the health aspect. Are you just copying my sister? No. No, no, no. This is very vastly different. But the problem I have with it is the expense of it. And now let me tell you why I've got shits about it. Okay. So we did a trial for Jiu Jitsu with Oscar yesterday.

Wow. Because he's like a spider monkey. Yeah. We need to harness the spider monkey-ness. But that, no, Jiu Jitsu is a cheap sport. It's like... That's what you think. What sport. That's what you think. What happened?

That's what you think. There's no balls involved. We know how expensive balls are. I took him down for a trial. Loved it. Finally something that he really, really loved. I'm like, great. I'm happy he likes it because he can defend himself too.

And then I get home, and I was like, how'd he go? Great. And Oscar's showing April all of his moves. He's pumped. And April goes, how much is it? 200 bucks a month. It's not too bad. Bro, are you for real?

How many classes? Well, that's unlimited, but he's not gonna go every day. I've gotta take him every day. He now lives at Jiu Jitsu. Lifts his move it in. Seriously, 200, and that's because it's only 200 because you've gotta sign up for 12 months. He might not like it after six months.

So like... They're trapping you. I think... Not just on the floor, but financially. Very good. Very good for you. But I think we should overhaul the kids' sports, make it cheaper than that.

They're tiny. He doesn't, well, he's gonna have to get a job. That's my rant. Rant away. Anyway, so Oscar's gonna be doing jujitsu five days a week now. Get our money's worth. Very good. This one is from Caitlin.

Hello Caitlin. Caitlin, what's happening? She says, shops that don't open before 9am. I've lived 42 lives before 9am. Just let me go and get my groceries with my little no sleep gremlins at 7am since I'm already awake. Very good. Very good. Very good.

Sunday morning shop before 10am because everything opens at 10am on a Sunday is the best. Barely anyone around. It's great. It makes it so much easier. Parking, moving your trolley up and down. Ah, beautiful. Love it. The dream.

The dream. Final one from me today is, and I don't know if your kids do this, this is from Jess and it says- A producer? No, she doesn if your kids do this. This is from Jess and it says. A producer? No, she doesn't have kids. No. Why can't kids just be bored for once? That's the start of the rant.

Now, I'm gonna extend on that because Oscar is the worst at this. One second of not doing some sort of activity, I'm bored. It's almost like he's got ADD. How dare you. How dare you diagnose my child like that. But also, bro, come on. It's starting to become like a trigger word for me.

It's like I'm bored and before he even finishes the word bored, I'm like shut up. Yeah. Find something to do. Back in my day. Oh, that's another one. Let's not start on that one. Yeah, sorry.

Sorry. Be bored, kids of the world. Be bored. Ash, we have to give thanks to a very special partner this week who has sponsored Pear Rants. It is of course. Just low prices every day. We're talking about Aldi.

Good different. Delicious. Matthew, shall we finish this off with a couple of questions today? Couple of questions. Look, I've got one that I want to ask you. Just want to get your opinion here. You know, every couple does this.

Okay. We have a little argument, a little tiff, if you will. Yes. And I would love to get a third party opinion. Go on. Of who was in the wrong. Yep. If that's okay.

Mm-hmm. You may be a bit biased. Okay. Towards me, but it's important that you stay neutral. Spit it out. Okay, so we went to the Alla Dalla house. Is this between you and Laura? Yeah, correct.

You're wrong, full stop. Moving on. Go on, okay. What? Just listen. I'm not gonna cross a pregnant woman. Yeah on, okay. What? Just listen. I'm not gonna cross a pregnant woman. Yeah. Full stop.

You're right. Okay. Give it to me anyway. Okay, so we're going down to the other house on Friday, as you know. Must be nice. Thank you. It is my job to pack the car.

Yeah, cause she's not allowed to lift anything heavy. So I packed the car, put everything in there, and even Laura looked at the boot, because we had to bring a vacuum cleaner down with us as well, like lots of, you know. Wives love packing unnecessary things. I do. We brought half the kitchen sink.

Don't need that. But I got it all in the car. So we get to the car, and Laura goes, wow, you got everything in there. I go, yeah, look, you know, like Tetris. It was just full to the brim. And I even said, oh, do you reckon I could squeeze in my spear fishing gear? And she goes, yeah, yeah, yeah,

put it like in front of Marley, put it on the floor there. And I was like, great, great, great. So we drive down there, it's three and a half hours from Sydney, we get there. I unpack the car, because it's my job, and then Laura goes, hey, can you just get my bag out of the car? I said, your handbag?

And she goes, no, no, no, no, my suitcase. And I said, no, you're, it's here, it's the big suitcase, because we would always just put all of our clothes into one big suitcase. Yeah, it's only a road trip for a weekend. Yeah, it's only a couple nights. And she goes, no, I told you that I packed a separate bag. I was like, did you?

And she goes, yeah. And you remember I asked you to bring up the small bag a few nights ago and I put some stuff in there. And I said to you, can you put the bags in the car? And I was like, well, that's because we had a few bags. So I said, where did you leave the baggage? Because in the bedroom. Because you can't lift it to is not meant to be lifting it could. It's not meant to be. It's advised to small bag. It's like you could drink if you're pregnant, but it's advised not to.

Great point. Thank you. So Laura has now realized that she has nothing Just she's a she's a phone. She's a charger and a laptop and a bottle of water They should be hydrated also Doesn't help that she pissed herself in the car. Oh She coughed had a road cough. Oh, it's the self. So I would like to know okay, who's at fault here. Yeah is I've told you, I knew it. I knew it immediately because she did say pack the bags, but I'm not crossing a pregnant woman here, bro.

Don't change the setup. We always pack the one big family bag. But you're gonna have to adapt because you're gonna have another kid. So you can't just assume that things are gonna be regular moving forward. You should be like, hang on a sec. We usually pack this one bag,

but there's another child on board, my wife at the moment. So maybe. She's changing. Maybe she. Changing the routine. Maybe she's getting you used to that we're gonna need more than one bag. She's gonna have a separate bag from now on.

So now, every time, you're gonna have to look out for that extra bag. I double down. You have to double down. And I think... I double down and that I was... I'm not at fault here. Oh my God. I said you do...

Have I taught you nothing? Never double down. Especially when it's unclear who said what. If there's pure evidence... I don't remember her saying... But then she remembers saying it. That's because she's lying. Yeah, but then you could be lying.

But I'm not. Oh well, that holds up in court. I would say just assume she's right all the time. For now, for now. While she's pregnant. It's fair for you to say, Look, okay, I get it. I'm sorry. Yep.

But I missed it because it wasn't with the other stuff. That's fine. But you can say, my bad. It was my bad. It's hard to say that though. Swallow your ego. I can't. It's too big. Or lie. And say I packed it. Must have fallen out. Yeah. Lies. I work for kids. They work for partners. Yeah, you're in the wrong there big guy. Anyway.

What's your question? I have a question for you. A damn good one. Matthew, Matty J if you will, what are your thoughts between public and private school? So I know what you mean. For your kids. Not just as a whole. I think it, I don't want to generalise here, but I feel like any childhood goes to a public So I know what you mean. For your kids. Not just as a whole.

I think it, I don't want to generalize here, but I feel like any child who goes to a public school ends up a drug addict. Yep. Joking. I was waiting for you to be like, I'm just joking. Did you go to public school or private school? I went to private school. Okay.

I went to St. Peter's Lutheran College Lutheran, okay And how many brother and sisters do you have? I want to find well that must have been expensive Hey, well, not all of us went to a private school And the truth shall set you free The younger two went to public Joking and look where they ended up. Drug addicts.

Yeah. Wow. Your mum has some explaining to do. Well, my dad just gave up. Fair enough. Fair enough. Well, what are your thoughts with Lola and Marley? Marley is at a public school now.

What I liked, Ash, about going to the private school and obviously, you know, very expensive and not everyone has the luxury of being able to afford a private school. Very true. I liked that it was great for sport. Okay. A lot of sport.

I find a lot of them are like sport, very heavy like union. Love my rugby. Love my athletics. Why are they all religious schools too? love my rugby. Love my athletics. Why are they all religious schools to like something? Very good question. I don't know. Right off. I don't know. Who knows? They're tax exempt actually.

What are your thoughts? Well, I went to both. I went to both public when got kicked out of the public and then went to the private, got kicked out of the private, back to the public and then back to the private again. Oh you pulled yourself out. Yes, yes I did Matthew. I also moved. As a student what did you find better? I hated it all to be honest.

But I think I did learn that if you wanted to learn, you can excel in a public school. So this is my philosophy for my kids. Hit me. It'll be public school until you can see whether they like it or not. Okay, they like to learn, they don't. At the moment, Oscar's six.

He loves to learn because it's also fucking you right But eventually you're like, I'm bored with this mathematics So yeah, exactly right So I'm my assumption is Oscar's probably gonna be a bit like me and which he can just stick with the public school system Okay, but it's like if Macy goes in and she's quite a bright kid not saying awesome It's not bright. No, he's pretty fun. Um, if, if she really likes to learn and stuff like that, and then there'll be the

option, but I'm not going to force them to do it. No, I think it's expensive. If you know they're going to be a drop kick, you put them into public with the drop kicks, put them in a gen pop. Uh, but like, yeah, if, if Oscar's like, you know, if he's like really excelling in football or whatever it is he's doing and it's like, well, he can go to this school and progress and there's and there's actual but if he's like, can't catch the

ball and can't kick, and he's got two left feet, I'm not going to throw him in the Knox grandma. Play rugby union with the with the big boys. So yeah, I think like, I think they both have positives and negatives. Negatives for private. Last question, did you thrive? I'm assuming the private school was more strict.

Is that good or bad for you? It just made me naughtier. Oh really, you were naughty in the private school? Yeah, so I do recall in the last private school I went to was a Catholic school, and you have to do religion. And I remember the question that was given to me, because they always preach about, you know,

like relationships and sex, sex before marriage. And they were like, what's the best form of contraception? Which the answer was meant to be abstinence right and I said just pull it out. Yep. Expelled. Boom. Done. Parents in the office. Also I'm not Catholic and my mom had to and sorry mom to throw you one of the bars my mom faked that I was Catholic and they were like okay we just need the baptismist. Yeah, she was like, yeah, I'll fax it to you Never did so my misbehavior comes from mama

I mean, so I look like you said if Oscar if Oscar's excelling then yes, we'll look at it, but I won't force it Yeah, and same with the Macy's Hey, if you're excelling at listening to the podcast, is that what you did there? Very good. You went to private school. Why don't you review us, subscribe, write a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Just let us know what you think of the podcast as long as it's great. And if you like public school,

put down your meth pipe and jump onto the socials there. Sorry. Two Dating Dads on TikTok, Instagram and Facebook. And that's all we have time for. It is. Ash, we're gonna get out of here. See you guys next week. Goodbye. Sorry. Two Doting Dads on TikTok, Instagram and Facebook. And that's all we have time for. We're going to get out of here. See you guys next week. Goodbye.

Bye. Sorry. It fucking. Sorry. Sorry. I apologize. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.