Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #156 It's A Special Little Boy's Birthday

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

Turns out October is baby-making season because it's everyone's birthday this June/July! Marlie-Mae celebrates her 6th birthday, and her father is sent into a tailspin trying to find a hitting stick for the piñata.  It's also Matty J's birthday, and Ash has got him a present that will last a lifetime! We also get into your Par-Rants for this week, where you air out your parenting grievances. This week's rant hit a nerve and our pockets!   Brought to you by ALDI  Just low prices every day. ALDI. Good Different.  Link: https://www.aldi.com.au/ We also answer your questions:  Things you shouldn't say to a parent.  How many days can I repack a sandwich? BUY OUR SMELLY T SHIRTS HERE  https://www.twodotingdads.com/category/all-products Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Let me tell you a joke. This better be good. Okay. Matty and Ash walking down the street. Mm-hmm. Okay. Ash spots a dog. Yep.

The dog's on the side of the road. Mm-hmm. Blicking its nuts. Mm-hmm. And I go... I turn to Mat and I say, oh, wish I could do that. And you look at me and you go,

you should probably pat him first. Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I am Matty J. And I'm Ash. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And we don't give advice. We do, however, tell terrible jokes. Oh, that was dreadful.

That's one of my best, actually. I thought really you would like the switch up. Yeah, it's very good. Thank you. Hey, can I tell you something crazy? Of course, Ken. You know, I've got to go to Erskineville, right? This afternoon.

I did over here phone conversation. It's a trip that takes 27 minutes from where I am right now. Laura is halfway to Erskineville in Paddington. And I said, babe, I'm going to get a taxi to you and we'll drive together to Erskineville. She wants 45 minutes. From where she is or from here? From where she is. She wants a 45 minute allowance.

Is she pregnant? She is very pregnant. Okay, well then you should just get your mouth shut then. I know. 45 minutes? Just got to do what she says, mate. Jesus. Just going to have to suck it up and for the rest of your life just do what she says.

I need to have you on speed dial. I know you do. Every situation where I want to fight back, I need to call you first before putting my gloves on. Correct. This is metaphoric speaking. I'd hope so. For the record.

Yeah. Now. Go on. It's a special little boy's birthday. Hey! I've hope so. For the record. Yeah. Now. Go on. It's a special little boy's birthday. I've been wondering. You got me for my birthday. What did I get you? You got me a flesh light. This is what it looks like when he got it for me.

This is what it looks like now. I'm just kidding. I wouldn't do that to the poor listeners. But I was racking my brain thinking, what do I get this guy? What do I get a guy that has everything? I was like, maybe I'll get him a third kid. But Laura's already given you that. Not yet. It's still time. I'm nervous. Actually nervous about this one.

They're being nervous. I'm nervous. You know, I honestly, I'm just, I am over the moon that you've even remembered because I didn't think you would. I always remember. I remember everyone's birthday. Even Jess's in the last minute. Yes. Oh, also just a quick nod. Happy birthday, Jess.

Jess is back in the room. Yes, she's back. Great to have you. Another trip. Another trip in the books. When's the next one? I don't want to know. But happy birthday to Jess.

But yeah, I'm nervous. I'm nervous. You know I'm never going to judge you. I'm going to get your birthday present now because it's in the room with us. I'm nervous. So I'm gonna- You know I'm never gonna judge you. I'm gonna get your birthday present now, because it's in the room with us. Oh my god. Yes. Okay. So if you just bear with me one sec.

I don't do well with surprises. Yeah, Ash is just getting- Ugh! Fuck off! What?! Would you like to explain what you just- What?! It's a bit crusty.

Are you- What?! explain what you mean? What? It's a bit crusty. Are you? What? What do you mean? Okay, Ash has just ripped his shirt off. He's currently naked in my living room. Yes. So you just revealed to me that you... Is that real?

It is real. When did this idea happen? Have you spoken to April about this? No. She has no idea. No, she does. Yeah, she does. It was funny because I was like, oh, I'm going down to get tattooed tomorrow.

I was like, fuck, I've got to get Matt something for his birthday. I'm going to get tattooed. So it just worked out that way. And then I messaged my tattoo artist. I'm like, oh, because he was like, what do you want to get done? And I was like, oh, I just need you to fill in this spot here,

but there needs to be this. And told him. And then when I got there, he had that drawn up, ready to go. Wow. I'm speechless. Happy birthday. They, fuck. There's only a few people I've got tattoo, he had that drawn up. Ready to go. Wow. I'm speechless. Happy birthday. They... My... Fuck.

There's only a few people I've got tattooed on me, name-wise. Wow. My kids. It's going to be so awkward when we break up. That'll never happen. We get canceled and we're like, it's your fault. April's only got initials. And I've got the full...

It's big. Yeah. That's what she said. Anyway, happy birthday. Wow. There you go. And can I just for a second and like, please don't think for a second that I'm trying to poop who all my wife because love her dearly. Yeah. But yesterday, okay, I was talking about hey, maybe we should organize I don't know a

dinner. And I didn't want to kind of say like explicitly because it's my birthday. And Laura goes, oh, this week's a shocker. I don't think we'll have time for date night this week at all. Maybe like in school holidays, we'll do something. And I was like, oh, you don't have time for my birthday? And she was like, oh, my God. Like how much did you just sit there like this?

Yeah. Well, it's just like no reaction whatsoever. And then now I'm going to be like... Guess what? And also I've booked us a dinner too for your birthday. It's me and you. No, I made up. Wow.

This is... There is no greater honor, I think, in this world than having a permanent tattoo to resemble what is a beautiful friendship. Well said. It's going to be awkward when I've got to get it covered up. Anyway, I hope you have... Do you like it? Yeah. I wouldn't have got it if I didn't like it. That was very high pitch.

Yeah. I wouldn't have got it if I didn't like it. Wow. Do I have regret? No. This is wild. It is. Poor Nana's upstairs probably thinking what the has just happened. Now you're a permanent part of me. Yes. How does that feel?

Jesus. Is April jealous? Be honest. No, I don't think so. She thought it was cute. Well, she will be when she sees this video. Stay on your side. Thank you. Thank you.

There you go. So yes, I hope you had an amazing birthday because this would have been, this will be out by then. Yeah. And you will be another year older. You're another year wiser. 38 for those playing at home. Yeah.

I thought you skipped a year before and you said that. I thought I was turning 39 for a while. I'm not going to lie. I thought you were turning 37. Let me check the records. You bet. 88? 87.

87. Yeah. Well, there you go. I'm wrong. So yeah, you're right. Wow. check the records. You bet. 88? 87. 87. Yeah. Okay. Well, there you go. I'm wrong. So yeah, you're right. Wow.

There you go. It's been, there's been a lot of birthdays. It is a very heavy. June is like a big, heavy birthday. It's a cluster. It is. Well said. We've got you, Jess, Marley, Oscar.

Yeah. It's all, it's all happening. It's like four. Yeah. That's it. That's all I've got in my life. That's all I need. We had Marley's birthday on the weekend. I didn't see that. On Sunday.

Sunday we decided to have it at home, which was a decision that I was regretting. The flying yoga no go? It's so expensive. It was so expensive and we didn't know enough people. You can't pay for the class. You don't pay per head. Oh, you got to book a whole class. It was so expensive and we didn't know enough people. Like you can't pay for the class. You don't pay per head. Oh, you got to book a whole class. It was like nuts.

If you're going to, excuse me, if you're going to book the whole class out, how much were we talking? I think I don't want to shit on them as a business, but I think it was like 500 bucks. Jesus. I know I was like, I love my child, but.

Not that much. Yeah. So we had it at home and it was nice. Great numbers, great numbers, Ash. We kind of limited it to about, about 10. And I finally, at this age now, Marley turned six and it's an age where there's a bit of segregation between the boys and the girls.

Oh yes. So there's a couple of boys came. They were a little bit like, what the hell is this? This is a girls party. We had a fairy and we had ribbons and like she did like play the music, everyone with the ribbons. Were there any boys suspiciously into it? I was trying to coax the boys off the couch. Be like, come on, fellas, let's do it. And they were like, this sucks.

And I kind of said to Laura, like, maybe next year we just make it. You can make it all girls. It's fine. It's a tricky one. Unless it's flying yoga, because then the boys will be into it. I'll be real into it. Yeah. Yeah.

But the most stressful part, Ash, most stressful part, piñatas. Yeah. Are you a piñata family? No, I don't think we've ever voluntarily had one. It's very confusing for kids when you're trying to explain to them, you know, violence is bad. Aggression is also bad. And then all of a sudden there's a one little window.

It's like the purge. Get the shit out of this. Yeah. It's very weird. Like we like, it the shit out of this. Yeah. Yeah. It's very, it's weird. Like we're like, it's like, you're going to like hang someone. I'm like hoisting up this unicorn that's hanging from the net. Yeah. Yeah. And then I also realized that I was like, I don't have, I don't have a bat.

Nothing to like, I have no weapon. Yeah. They've got to hit it with something. Yeah. I don't imagine hitting this. Cause I called you when I was at the park. Oh yeah. You were looking for sticks. Scaring for sticks.

So I was just at the park by myself, like going through bushes. So I found the stick, brought it back, hoisted it up. By the neck, the unicorn was hanging right there actually. I love how we hoist up something they love and then get them to hit it with a stick. It's so weird. I'm like, everyone line up right now. And they're like, where is it? They've just been like dancing with the ribbons. And I'm like, now we will up right now. And they're like, what is it? They've just been like dancing with the ribbons.

And I'm like, now we will kill an animal. And they're like, what? Well, not only an animal, your favorite animal. Mum has been there stuffing it in the asshole with chocolate and lollies. Poor unicorn. The unicorn's like, oh, make it end. This is the most horrible day of its life. Please.

Put me out of my misery. And then they're so pathetic at hitting it too. I know! The unicorn's like, make it quick! And the kids are like... It's death by a thousand cuts or whatever it is. It's like, we'll get there in the end. It'll probably die of starvation. Or it dies of anything brutal.

The hardest thing is crowd control for a piñata. Especially with a stick and blindfolds. We didn't go blindfolds. I feel like that's... Smart off. Thank you. Health and safety didn't allow for it. So we had to, I was holding back the kids.

I was like, stay back. And then we allowed two hits per person. A double hit. And then they're like, give me another one. And then we had like, one of the boys was like, I'm gonna fucking knock the shit out of this fucking unicorn. And we're like, all right, Timmy, not too hard. Yeah, he's got tendencies.

That kid. Luckily Timmy is a worry. Got through one round, two hits each. Beautiful. It's also encouraging animal cruelty. It's absurd. Such mixed messaging. Unless you're doing it culturally and then we love it.

It's, oh yeah, look, we're not picking you out of people. It's a weird anticipation, you know, for a good five minutes. You're just cheering on the kids to slaughter the unicorn. Let me ask you this. How was, what are you like with lots of kids in your house and cleaning up? Are you, do you get anxious about the cleanup or do you just let it all happen and clean up later? Weirdly, I was pretty chill. Do you know who was anxious?

Nana. Marley. Oh really? Yeah. Oh, that's good. It was weird. We, we gave them a treat each if they clean their room, they cleaned the room. Room was spotless.

They actually did a really good job. If anyone needs a cleanup, Marley and Lola. Definitely recommend them. And the room was spotless. People came and you know, kids kind of after a little while, they kind of split up. Few of them went into Marley's room and outside Marley was like, hey, that's a bit of a problem. And I said, what's the problem? What's going on? She goes, kids are in my room making it so messy right now. She's like, it's going to be a nightmare to clean up. Shit's everywhere.

And I was like, oh, that's OK. Don't worry about it. And she was like, oh, I just cleaned it as well. I know. Yeah, yeah. She's like, can we get them out of there? It's such an inconvenience, really. Yeah. She's like, the thing that got under the costume is jupo on the floor.

She's like, can we just- They made an absolute mess. Animals. It's like, got under the costume, there's a jukebox on the floor. She's like, can we just... They made an absolute mess. Animals! It's like, uh... Where's the unicorn? So Marley was the one not into it. I was like, I was like, relax, it's cool. People having a good time.

Yeah, it's gonna be fine. We can clean up later when they've left. Yeah, and she was like, I just want to get the place clean again. Yeah. I'm like her, man. It's like me. I can't, I can't let it go. And if I'm like, if it's like we like me. I can't let it go. And if I'm like...

If it's like we've got... It's not a party. So we've got people having a bunch of kids in my house and they make an absolute mess, which they usually do. Not blaming anyone's kids in particular, if you're watching or listening. Timmy. Like Mike's kids, they're bloody like two wrecking balls. Jesus Christ.

Oh, Mike. I know. It's like... And then like I'm just so anxious that I need to clean up all the time. And it's like, I don't really need to. I could just do it later. The downside now is that we've got a mountain of cardboard behind the house. It's the worst. Like we've got, we need to get a bigger bin for the blue cardboard.

Like even on the street, every time is a blue bin day. Everyone is full to the brim. I'm going to say there's too much cardboard in the world. There's way too much. It's ridiculous. Like I can't beat it. It's beating me. I was watching Marley like unwrap the presents and one was like a Barbie toy.

And I was like, I got more cardboard. I know. I can't handle it. And it's like, oh, I suppose we could just burn it. It'd be bad for the environment then. But then the guilt I feel putting it in the red bin. I can't look at myself. I know. It'll be bad for the environment then. But then the guilt I feel putting it in the red bin, I can't live with myself. I know, I know, I know.

It's fucked up. My sister said it yesterday pretty bluntly. She was like, oh rubbish in our house is Ryan's full time job now. It's like because you're like, you have to be on it all the time. Because if you let it, it's like washing. If you miss a day washing, you've got like 65 loads a day after. It'll take over. It'll take over.

My house is majority cardboard. Yeah, next thing you're in a current affair and've got like 65 loads a day after. It'll take over. It'll take over. My house is majority cardboard. Next thing you're in a current affair and they're like, the hoarder house. I was like, oh, maybe I'll get the kids to build something out of the boxes. That just made it worse. Now I've got a big structure in the house. You can't move. I'm not allowed to move. I've made it worse.

I've brought the rubbish back indoors for them to build something. And now I can't even get rid of it. It's like part of the family. I'm over it. Anyway, sorry. Rubbish ran over. We did though, for the party, we announced it to the parents and said, hey, it's a drop and go. You are game.

If you want. We were like, that's cool. And like, it was interesting. Some people came, dropped the kid off and they're like, they're like, oh, I'll stay for a bit. And I said, do you want a drink? They go, yeah, I'd love a drink. And they ended up staying. It's only a two hour party.

You doing shots? Yeah, I was like, Edli came in. You guys want a drink? She had like a tray of tequila. But then like another dad would come in and he'd be like, oh, so this is a drop and go. And I was like, yeah, you guys, sweet. See ya. Got like a puff of smoke.

Straight out of there. Yeah. But successful. Successful. Successful. Was it Sunday party? Again, not to attack Laura here. I just want to just put that out there, make everyone aware. I'm not criticizing my wife.

What do you call it then? I'm just making an observation. Yes. I like it. I'm with you. So sometimes when Laura is making plans, she'll suggest something. I don't listen properly. I just agree to it. And then when it comes closer to the moment, I then go, hang on a second.

Oh, yeah. Why is it like this? Yeah, don't be that guy. Here's a question for you. Okay. Here's a question for you. Okay. I won't tell you the time of the party Yep

What is the perfect time for a kid's party 2 30 p.m? What yeah, it's too late no too late Why 230 because I feel like between 12 and 2, you can be like, all right kids, we're gonna have a bit of downtime because we're gonna be relaunching this afternoon for this party. And I also use that to be like, if you don't have a bit of downtime,

then we can't have the party. And they'll be like, oh shit, you know. And then 2.30, hour and a half, everyone's out by four, 4.30, see you later. And then I can clean up, get done. Why don't you have it first thing in the morning at 10 o'clock? Because I want to have a beer. I feel like it's more appropriate.

To have a beer at 2.30? 2.30. It's afternoon. Especially if it's a Saturday. You know? If Laura and I ever break up and if you and April ever break up, you should marry Laura. Don't you dare put your hands anywhere near my wife. I'm not so... I'm inviting you. You're inviting me.

I don't have, I love them both. That's fine. Laura said two to four. And I was like, that's pretty late. On a Sunday, it's pretty late. I'm getting, I'm coming to think that me and Laura are pretty compatible. I'm thinking the same thing. Laura, if you're ever single, no, no, no.

Don't be silly. Don't be silly. I'm sure. I think a 10 to 12 party is perfect because you kind of miss lunch. You don't have to feed them that much. And then like they're not going to hang around because four o'clock people want to stay for dinner. Not in my house they don't. It's freezing.

I think it's good to like two to four because it's also you can be like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to hop these little shits up on sugar and send them home. It'd be someone else's problem. But also like morning, I get it, get it out of the way. Like some people like a good morning party. But yeah, I'm all about the afternoon. Here's a question for you, actually.

This is going to rock your world. I'm ready to be rocked. My niece got invited to a party, birthday party. It's just three. So I'm assuming it's a four year old's party because it's the same age. It was 1pm. I guess what day? Saturday?

Monday. What? Sorry? Right? Did you just say it was a Monday? I said Monday. For a birthday party? Yeah.

She doesn't go to daycare, this kid. I'm not sure why. They might havecare this kid. I'm not sure why. They might have their reasons, but I'm not sure why. Do the parents work? I don't know the details, but I was just so rattled by that. I was like, no. Although, is that the smartest move that we've seen from a parent so far? I think it might be.

We'd be like, you instantly dwindle your numbers down. Yeah, that's good culling. But then it's sad for the child. But how old are they? Three, four? They don't remember anything. They don't have a conscience until they're like six. Is that the right word? Conscience?

Yeah, they don't. They just commit crimes and stuff and just sleeping perfectly. They're not like self-aware. Yeah, they are. Well, they don't know how many friends they have. If they go to a birthday party on a weekend and there's like 20 kids there and then they have a birthday party on a Monday and there's like four kids there.

That is an interesting time. I know. And like I said, I don't know the reasoning behind it, but I was shocked. I was in shock. I'm still in shock. We're not here to judge. But like... I don't know.

Surely. Maybe they're going away. Maybe it was the day of the birthday. Some people are very strict when wanting to celebrate on the day. Maybe. I don't know. Can we find out? Call April. It wasn't April. I just wanted to call April.

You could. I'm just joking. I caught Oscar trying to impress the local mums. I saw. You did see that. He's got a good one handed push up on him. Who's taught him that? Not you.

Not me. Because I can't do it. Yeah, we tried to get you to do one handed. You just. He would be like. Sucker potatoes. Yes, thank you for pointing that out. I appreciate it.

I'm working on it. But he one day I was like, you got to warm up for this. Whatever we were doing, like, is like a joke. And he just got started doing push ups. I was like, he's like the karate kid. Yeah, he is. He's like a monkey. This kid like he's like.

Like if he get if he grabs hold of you, he's not letting go. And then he's so strong for how small he is. Can kids do is that is that normal? Get him checked out. When you think he's a asperger's or something. No, no, no, no. Doctors are like, I think something's wrong with the kid. One had to push up.

Yeah. Dyslexic. Yeah. Well, he's definitely going to be dyslexic. But yeah, I was like, good on you, kid. And all the girls were very impressed. How did, can I just ask, and if anyone wants to see the video, it is on two doting dads and Jampiklitz as well.

How did that situation get to the point where he was then in front of the women doing the one handed push ups? I just think they were just all the kids were showing off and Oscar's like, you think that's impressive. Step aside. Step aside kids. Let a real man prove. Boom, boom, boom.

And the reaction from the mums? Impressed. Some of them are pregnant. Did he react well? Because I love my niece, Millie. She played netball on the weekend, got her first goal. People cheered because she got her very first goal ever in netball. Congratulations. She ran off the court.

She was like, ah! Embarrassed the court. She was like, embarrassed. Hated. Was Oscar, like, was he thriving in that environment? He got a bit shy once, like, he realized that everyone was like, look at him go. He was kind of like, and I'm like, that's a fair response, man. If I'm doing pushups and people are like, look at this guy,

I can't do him and run. But he was, yeah, it's like his little party trick, I guess. There's certain moments, you know, I think like if your child graduates university, high school, getting married, one hand to push up, one hand to push up. Yeah, it's up there. It's on the list. I would say it's top two. It's like you do have a level of arrogance. I was staunched in here this morning.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, Jesus, it's like your kids won a gold medal or something. He might do one day. You don't know. We could look back and go, hang on a minute. Remember that time he did a one-handed push-up? Make sure he doesn't peek too early. He will.

He's impatient. Matthew, it is time. It is time to let something off our listeners' chest. And that is Perrant. You don't want sleep regression. You don't want tantrums now. Just tell me what you're Perrant. You want more Primep print parking at the shops? You don't want advice from strangers?

Go and tell me, what is your parent? Thank you, Ash. I have a few here. I'm going to start with, now this is a longer one. This is maybe the longest parent that we've ever had. Wow. From beautiful Sarah. Sarah? Sarah rant? Sarah.

No, she did post this in the Facebook group. And look, I will, I will have to just preface this with an apology that you and I are both guilty of. Oh no. Yeah. Go on. Let me start with the rant. Go. Sarah says, I have one child, one beautiful 10 year old daughter.

And for the past 10 years, all people have asked me is if I'm having another. She will be spoiled if she's an only child. She will be lonely. She will grow up weird. Looking at you, Madinash. Again, apologies. There it is. I just smile and laugh and say, I'm one and done and happy, which I am. I know people mean well, but maybe there is an underlying issue as to why people only have one. Maybe we had a miscarriage. Maybe we wanted a second one and it just wasn't on the cards or medically possible. High risk. You know what, Sarah, you are absolutely 100 percent correct.

Yeah, I feel bad now because, yeah, look, we sort of rattle off sometimes. We joke. We joke. We joke. And we will be more conscious. Yeah, I feel like that was all directed at us. I mean, like pretty much. It does say our names specifically here in the rant. Yeah, that wasn't the determining factor.

Yeah, definitely. But I seem to think that maybe it has something to do with us. And you know what? I think it's great that we here as a community on Two Doting Dads, we're allowed to listen to our listeners. They can vent. We can change. We can apologize. We're growing.

We're learning. Change. This is all great. This is great. This is good stuff. This is good. Has Sarah stopped listening? Probably.

She's probably listening. But if she's here right now, Sarah, we apologize and we thank you for your parent. And we're happy that you just have one child. We're happy, more than happy. Okay. We have another one, Matthew, from Ebony. Okay. This is also a lengthy one.

Gee, they really want to get this stuff off their chest. My husband has been working away a lot and I was just so done with parenting and hearing the word mum, they're totally fair. Like I heard you the last 5,052 times. So both of you please shut the fuck up already. I fully understand and any parent gets that. Look guys, I really don't want to hear the word mum anymore

for a bit, okay. Fair call, fair call. Florence, my three year old looks me dead in the eyes, but Ebony, you are the mom. Gotcha. She got points. She got you on a technicality, that's for sure. I had no response and took everything in me not to laugh.

Because if you laugh, they're gonna do it again, right? Yeah, we know that. Sometimes I swear she's 13 in a three year old's body. Look, I feel ya. And I did send you, Matthew, that video of that woman who was taking count of how many times her kid would say mom between the hours of like... What did she get up to? It was like 227 times over the course of the day.

And that's beautiful. Your kids want you. But then it's nice to be needed. But then she times it by the days of the year. And it was like diabolical as a shut up! I love that. This one here, Ash, is anonymous and it's directed at water bottles at night time. Okay. A beautiful touch. Making sure the children are hydrated late at night. Why did this just remind me of that hack the person had of like the guinea pig water bottle?

Remember that? Yeah. Someone had literally got like, why don't you put a guinea pig cage and tied it to the side of the bed? Yeah. It's great. But the issue with water bottles at nighttime, they make my child piss the bed all the time.

Oh, yes. It's... Damn you, water bottles! time, they make my child piss the bed all the time. Oh, yes. It's. Damn you, water bottles. Yeah. And we keep having the argument where I think Oscar's doing it now so he can get up to we. April's a few times had to be like, stop drinking so much water. Right. Like when you're in bed, like he's like. Yeah. Is this has always been the case?

I don't remember growing up with a water bottle next to my bed. No, I didn't do it. It was a different generation. We care about the kids now. Yeah. It's very different. Okay, this one's from me. Yeah. Because I'm a bit over it.

It's, I like to get up and out of the house immediately. I'm like, I'm so impatient. I'm like, we're going somewhere, let's fucking do it. And I've already got to wait for April to get ready and that takes forever. Then I've got to get kids ready and that takes forever. And then I, we're like, go and wee. And they're both like, I don't need to, I don't care. I'll squeeze it out of you. Couldn't give a shit because then as soon as we leave the fucking house, all of a sudden it's, I need to we. It's a surprise we. It's not. No, no, that's what you say to your

kids. Sorry. Relax, dude. I got to get it off my chest. I'm over it. I say to your kids. Sorry. You're like, relax, dude. I gotta get it off my chest. I'm over it. So I say to the kids, you got a surprise wheel in there. It'll get you. It'll get you. Clever. And they're like, oh God. Cause I'm in the car already.

Waitin'. Cause I'm over it. I'm like, I'm not having this argument with you every time. April's staunch on it. Like. Whenever I'm like, go on to sit on the toilet. Most of the time they end up doing like a massive shit. I know. And I'm like, see? See the toilet, most of the time, I end up doing like a massive shit. And I'm like, see! See what was in there!

I know, yeah. Trick shot! Yeah, like why were you fighting that? Don't you feel better now? I know. And I may say the other day, I was like, just please do a wee for me. Do it for me.

Come on. Do it for me. Go on, do a wee. And she's like, okay. Went and did it. Anyway, she did it on the potty. Overflowed. That's how much wee she had. And I was like, why are you resisting this? Just get it done. You need a bigger potty.

There was a huge wee. And if you as a parent need to get anything off your chest, that's why we give you parents. And today's segment was brought to you by... Just Low Prices Every every day Aldi good different all right Matthew it is a it is that time of the week where we get questions from our listeners we love them we love the questions would you like to go first would I like to go first let's let's kick it off this is one that we've brought back again, because it's just such a delicious topic. Oh, people love it.

I think because it strikes a chord, pulls a trigger, if you will. I will, absolutely. This is Things You Shouldn't Say to a Parent. Volume three. Alright, I'll start, Matthew. Someone says to you, mainly in public, oh gosh, you got your hands full.

No shit! I know, Captain Obvious. Oh gosh. You got your hands full. No shit. I know Captain obvious. It's like, help me. Help me with your hands, not your mouth. Unless. Just like, it's like if you crash your car and someone's like, that's a pretty big, pretty big crash. You got your.

Yeah. I think you've crashed it. And you're like, no shit. Oh, thanks. I didn't realize. Captain obvious. I thought I was killing it. Yeah. I don't know if anyone said this to you've crashed it. And you're like, no shit. Oh, thanks. I didn't realize. I thought I was killing it. Yeah. I don't know if anyone said this to you.

Go on. Oh, gosh. Aren't your kids a bit young to be in daycare? Not to me personally. I think I've thought about it about other people. I thought about it. Sure. Don't say that.

I don't know. That's one you keep into because you don't know people's circumstances. They might have to work. We and again, I would never say this, but we went and checked out a daycare because we have a baby coming in September. Don't know if anyone knows that. And guess how old they take the kids from? Six weeks. Eight.

I was close. Very close. But still. And I would. Hey, sorry. Sorry. No, no, no, we're not going to be those people. Ah, move it down. Quick, move on. No, look. That's a great age.

Quickie, quickie, quickie. Quick, move to the next one. When you're pregnant, you announce the sex of your child and it's a girl and they respond, will you try for a boy next time? I'm still pregnant. I haven't finished trying for this life. What is wrong with people?

I have copped that a bit. Yeah, you would. Oh my God. The C-section, well, it's not really giving birth, is it? RIP to anyone who says this publicly. I'm not even laughing. I'm just in shock. Don't laugh.

Don't laugh. Who would have said that to someone? And if you said that to someone? If you thought about saying that to someone? Have a good look in the mirror, I would say. Okay, next one. Oh, this is another one. I don't believe in bottle feeding.

I don't care what you believe in. Shut your fucking mouth. They're diabolical. I would say they're unforgivable. I think I may have said that. I think we've spoken. No one's perfect. I think we've spoken about it before that you've said that.

Look at me like that in your high horse. I'm trying to remember, but I think you were just saying it in your situation. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. You don't say that to someone else. Last one. Oh, gosh.

I don't know what's wrong with your kid, but my kid sleeps through the whole night. They're fighting words. That is the most offensive thing you could say to a tired parent. That's a fight ready to happen. I'm punching you out. I am straight up punching you out. Now, if you've had something someone has said to you as a parent, please write in, let us know.

Because we're educating the people of the world. Yeah, there's big people out there going away saying, wait, I can't say that. Yeah. No, you can't say that. Hey, Ash, you asked a question on the Facebook group, which got an astounding response. And I couldn't tell if it was a serious one or not.

Was it genuine? Yeah. It was. It was. Okay. For anyone who didn't see the question on the Facebook group, first of all, join the Facebook group. 3000 members.

What's up? Question off the back of it really is, how many days can I repack a sandwich for your kids' lunch? Well, yeah, because how many days can I repack a sandwich for your kids lunch? Well, yeah, because how many days did you, was it Wednesday? Yeah, he took it the same sandwich three days. What were, can I just tell me- It was Vegemite. It was ham, wasn't it?

No, it was ham. It was chicken. It was Vegemite. It's the same sandwich every time. So I thought, yeah, he's getting it again, because I'm sick of making it. And then I put it out to see. I just wanted to not feel judged. And it came thick and fast. I think, I think, I mean, I think I recall a second day taking it to school.

And we're talking about like a Vegemite or a jam here. But then a third visit to school? Yeah. Come on, man. That's done a lot of K's that sandwich. It's clocking him up. I know. It's in a nice lunchbox.

It's not just in a plastic bag in his bag. School bag. Make him a freshie. Come on, man. Come on. I just got the shits about it. I just got the shits about it. I really got the shits about it. And then I said on that, I said, gee, I feel really judged. And someone just want to say that's the correct feeling.

Look, I can handle it, guys. I think. But I knew how to go at me about giving peanut butter on a sandwich. And you're like, hey, everyone, I've got this sandwich that's now mummified because it's three years old. Can I still give it to Oscar for breakfast the next day? Yes. The answer is yes.

It was like... There is no such thing as a dumb question. I think there were some good responses. Like, April took a hack off the back of it, which was like, don't let them eat anything when they get home until they've finished their lunchbox. Like when they get home. Very good. Which is, okay, that's fine.

But like, oh. Hey, we have a new segment. I'm not gonna stop. I'm not gonna stop what I'm doing. We're gonna move right along. We have a new segment. We have a new segment, Matt, called Parenting Wins. Parenting Wins brought to you by Vicks Vaporub,

now available in new lavender scent. And I think it's important to celebrate all wins. Parenting Wins brought to you by Vicks Vaporub, now available in new lavender scent. And I think it's important to celebrate all wins. Yeah, you can rant and then win. And I'm not talking about your kid doing one-handed push-ups, I'm talking about anything at all. It's the little wins that we need to celebrate to keep us going, put the win back into our sales. Oh well said. All right, I'm going to go first because we did have a heap of people ride in because people it's best we celebrate those wins. I agree. This one's Sarah says I have a 16 and a 13 year old they are alive. Does that count? Well done. They're doing a great job. You're doing a fantastic job. Rub it in wherever you can. This is from Ashley. Finally got my 19 month old to stop saying,

oh shit, when she drops something, now she just says, oh dear. Oh, win, rub it in. This one's from Hannah. I put the robot vacuum on when the kids go to bed, so it forces them to stay in their room and they fall asleep. Someone scan the vacuum. That is a win.

That is an absolute win. Oh, God. We're good parents. Cian and Josh. They're friends of mine. Their eight year old makes and delivers their coffee every morning. We trained her well. Wow.

That is child labor. So it's a win. This is from Carissa. I ate lunch the first time I heated it up today. And that's the type of stuff you need to celebrate. I know. It's like the coffee. You got to keep heating that up.

Call me crazy. I like it when it goes cold. Ash, this one is a voice message. It is sent from Frankie Hall Photography. Oh, my son has a whole toy box full of just absolute shit, but he totally loves it. But I think at some point he actually took a piss in it. He is full. I got so sick of it. It's disgusting. Like I put a job up on Airtasker for 100 bucks, chucked it. He has four. I got so sick of it. I was like, it's disgusting. Like, I put a job up on

Air Tasker for a hundred bucks, chucked it out on the curb. He cracked it, obviously. I told him he could have any toy that he wants if we get rid of his whole toy box. And he was like, okay, cool. So, win-win. That's all it took. One toy. But he pissed in it. What sort of freak wants to buy a pissy toy box? You wouldn't say, you wouldn't put that on the description though, would you? You'd be like, oh, free toy box for toys for kids. Well, these kids would be like, great. What's that smell?

But hey, look, it's a win. It's a win. A win is a win. And if you want to rub that in here on the podcast, we welcome that. Absolutely. I'm all for it. And that was Parenting Wins brought to you by Vicks Vaporub. For the ultimate parenting hack this winter, try Vicks Vaporub, now available in a new lavender scent.

It provides cough and cold relief Ash for a peaceful sleep because when they sleep, you sleep. Shop the Vicks Lavender range in store or online at Chemis Warehouse. Always read the label and follow the directions from use. Ash, I have some devastating news. Oh no. That's the end of this episode. Not another. But if you would like to reach out to us,

you can do that, you can speak to us in the form of a review, either on Apple Podcasts or on Spotify. Hey, whilst you're at it, give us a couple of stars. We're a 4.9 on Spotify right now. Love that. You can also reach us on any social media platform that exists. Instagram, TikTok.

Don't quote us on that. Yeah, sorry about that. And Facebook. I just went for it again. I went for it. Two doting dads across all those that I mentioned in the world. TikTok, Instagram. And anywhere else in the world. TikTok, Instagram. And anywhere else in the world.

That's us. Bye. See you. Goodbye. Okay. We'll go. I'll hang up. Okay. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present, The