Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #160 Hugo Toovey on What Matters After Facing Death Twice

Episode Date: July 27, 2025

Hugo Toovey is a bloke who’s been through more than most of us could ever imagine and somehow still keeps moving forward. An army man, two-time cancer survivor, and the founder of 25StayAlive (a movement urging young people to get checked before it’s too late), Hugo opens up about what life really looks like behind the scenes. We get a glimpse into his world as a dad to 16-month-old Teddy while juggling surgeries, hospital visits, and all the quiet battles most people never see. Hugo talks about what it’s like trying to start a family when nothing goes to plan, why early detection matters, and how fatherhood has shifted his perspective on, well… everything. https://www.25stayalive.com/  BUY OUR SMELLY T SHIRTS HERE  https://www.twodotingdads.com/category/all-products Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ash, today's guest is Hugo Toovey. Now he is a bloke who's been through so much, more than most, more than most of us could imagine, and somehow he still keeps pushing on. He's an army man, a two-time cancer survivor, and the founder of 25 Stay Alive, which is a movement getting young people to actually check themselves before it's too late.

It's hard to wrap your head around what life would be like for Hugo. He's a dad to a 16 month old, but he's also juggling surgeries, hospital visits, and all the emotional weight that comes with battling cancer for a second time. But in this chat, Hugo gives us a glimpse into that world. He tells us what it's really like trying to start a family when nothing goes to plan. The quiet battles you don't see and how becoming a dad to little Teddy has changed everything for him.

Now a little word of warning, this is a pretty emotional chat, as you can imagine. There are a few tears for myself and also from Hugo, so we'll get some tissues ready, but it's a beautiful chat. So I hope you enjoy. Let's get into it. Welcome back to Three Doting Dads. I'm Matty J. I'm Ash. And I'm Hugh.

And this is a podcast all about parenting. I almost forgot then. You nearly did. We've had a week off. I know. I was like, where do nearly did. We've had a week off. I know. I was like, where do we go from here? You're looking at me, you do it.

You do it. This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad. And the relatable. And Hugo, Ash and I rarely, if ever, give advice. We're not allowed. We're not allowed. Legal reasons, we can't.

But. Loophole. There is no pressure on yourself to give advice or you can not. Yeah. I like it. You choose. It's a good place to start. We're pretty chill.

We're pretty chill. No pressure. I like it. We're pretty chill. And we do like to start with our guests by asking them one really simple question. Do you remember the most trouble you got in as a kid? Yeah, I think I do.

And it's I've got a twin brother, Max. Okay. Identical? Non-identical. Damn it. And I reckon it was probably when we were fighting, like brothers do. How old? I think we would have probably been about around like 10-ish.

Yep. Like proper trouble. This was a proper fight that got out of hand. Okay. And we're pushing up against the walls and then pushed him up against the who was stronger He probably was which was a shame. So I cut you taller. I'm now and got him It's a lot to admit that no for sure I always hated it and then all of a sudden like you I'm talking to you 12 Like boom shot up. Well, I was now like a head taller than him. I would have been an athlete too if I didn't hit you on time. I played third for you and he played first for you.

So that was my excuse but this got out of hand this fight and pushed him up against the window and it cracked and smashed and like you know we've had a couple of those fights but I just remember that you you know, Dad coming home furious. They're probably the biggest ones, the twin brothers when you got into big punch-ons. I just remember those, multiple of those memories that just stand out from when you really got in trouble.

Young testosterone. Do you remember when the window cracked, who was kind of saying, was it fault? Cause it was like, you were antagonizing me and you know. Yeah, like I think I was very much on the, it was Max was Max's fault. Get on the deep end. I think I was. He sounds like a nightmare by the way. No he always took it too far. That's funny. We're still blaming him. If he listens to this he would just be saying that's bullshit. You guys took it too far. No I'm probably the one that actually just took things a little bit.

Who was the more authoritarian? Your mum or your dad? Mum. Dad was the one where it's like, you know, he didn't have to do anything. Just like the classic, you know, unbuckling the belt. Oh, shit. One of those ones. But he never did anything, but it was just your petrified... The threat. He just had to go to the toilet and you're like, oh my god, he's coming. You hear the buckle of the belt and I'm just sprinting to my room.

It was always just the classic mum would be like, wait till dad gets home and you're like, oh shit, I've really done something now. So that was kind of how it was, but we still were like, I don't know, we got smacked and got the bloody wasabi in the mouth or whatever. Wasabi in the mouth? That's new?

Yeah, we're talking. I know. If we swore, it was a hot mustard. It's just like, what's it called in Guantanamo Bay when they do the waterboarding? Oh, the waterboarding. I always. You should do.

Yeah, and so then Mum got, no, that was probably the worst. But if we like, were like, noticed, like if we were deliberately swearing and we'd been told, if you said, OK, that's it. I think it was actually the hot mustard that would come out. The hot mustard, yeah. Just a bit of hot mustard and it just burnt. The English mustard or whatever the funny things I swear maybe being the army fit for 15 years But I swear so much and I'm like clearly it didn't work. Yeah, I threaten my kids with sourdough toast now as a punishment That'll really tear up the inside of your mouth

We were trying to figure out whether the the fact that you joined the army was off the back of you being quite naughty or if you had a family of people who were in the army. Which one was it? It was lack of direction, I think. So the first one? The first one. It's funny, I had no family history of army, but it was...

Really? I didn't know what I wanted to do, basically. And I think my dad was worried I was going to do the old gap here that turns into 10 years of gap years and just not really doing anything. Guilty. So the idea of joining the officer pathway and you get paid to study and dad thought geez that would be pretty good you know shave his head and and that's literally day one shaved head and discipline it's's like what you see in the movies,

marching, all that sort of stuff. So I think it was good for me because I probably was a bit lack motivation, didn't have that real life plan like my twin brother Max had. So I think it was a great thing for me. And I'm glad I did join up to be honest. Well, did you like it at the start or were you thinking what the fuck you had done?

I kind of did. I liked the idea of just getting out of home, getting through on the deep end. I don't know, I just, I was at that stage in my life where I liked that, doing something different. But none of my other friends were doing, they were just doing the safe, you know, live with mum and dad, go to uni,

change degrees, all that sort of stuff. Whereas for me it was, move to Canberra to live, join the army. And was it an apprenticeship you took on? Or what did that mean? It was like, it's four years of officer training or what. And then in the first three, you get a bachelor of business or engineering or science, I chose business. So you get paid to study, which is pretty good.

It's great. You get pretty fit, you get make good mates, you do some cool stuff in the army. And I thought if I last two years, that'd be great. And here I am 15 years later. Granted as we'll talk about the fact they've looked after me, helped a bit to stay in longer. But at the start I thought this would be a bit of fun.

Join up for a couple of years and see how I go. And then. How old were you 18? 18, wow. Yeah. It's young, hey. Like I look at 18 year olds now as a 34 and a half year old man and I'm like, you're a child.

Yeah, little babies. But then when you're in primary school and stuff and you saw an 18 year old, fucking look at the size of this guy. Hey big guy, hey big man. The year 12 is when you were, yeah. Yeah, eight, nine, ten, like, men. Yeah, now I'm looking down, I'm like, what are you, six? When I dropped Marley off at school, I'm wondering if the kids look at me

like I'm a geriatric. Yeah. It's like I'm a geriatric. Yeah. It's like I'm like, here comes old Matty Jay. So you're in your 20s, probably the last thing you're thinking about is cancer. But what led to the moment where you were first diagnosed with testicular cancer? Yeah, it's interesting. You said family history of being in the army.

You've never had a family history of cancer either. So I think when you're younger and you people listening to this have probably had you know whether it's parents or family members or grandparents who have had cancer, you kind of have a bit of an understanding of what it is. You know, chemo makes your hair fall out, you know, you look unwell, all that sort of stuff. For me, I had none of that. So I didn't have any idea of what cancer was other than what you'd see on the movies. And for me, I thought, I assumed that you had to be really unwell because you had cancer. That makes sense, right?

And for me, I was final six months of four years of military training, and I was probably the fittest I'd been in my whole life, even fitter than I've ever been. Like that was kind of the pinnacle of, I was 21, peak fitness, healthy. Prime. You're in your prime.

I was going out on weekends. You've got all your mates you're with in Canberra. You're like, jeez, six months time we bloody graduated. How good is this? Like young lieutenants. And that was, I guess, always made it pretty hard. And then that's when I just noticed that little bloody frozen pea-sized lump on my right nut.

Knew it was there. It was like this hard lump that, you know, after the shower you have a feel around and you just notice it and you go, hang on, is that, that's not normal. Can I ask, is it like separate to your testicle or attached on? Part of the testicles.

So like if you, you know, feel both your testicles, you know, we can do a little, do a little bit. I'm familiar. Or if you're listening to this and you have a little feel around. That's one a little, do a little thing. I'm familiar. Or if you're listening to this and you have a little feel around. That's one of my favorite things to do, so I'm familiar. You shouldn't be noticing any hard lumps, basically. Yeah.

That's, you know, if you do notice that and you're listening to this, well, good sign to go after your dog. I knew it was there, but because it didn't hurt and because I was healthy and feeling good, I didn't think much of it. And I remember literally going on like Dr. Google, lump on right testicle. And I'd see the, yeah, I saw things like cancer, but I was also seeing

things like benign cysts. And I'm like, oh, that's what it is. It always comes up with cancer. Whatever you put into Google, doctor, or whatever. It's always cancer. I've got a sore ear. It's like, you laugh about the fact that like, oh, this headache is going to be a tumor. Oh God. So when you saw cancer, you've... Well, it's funny, instead fact that like, oh, this headache's gonna be a tumor, my God. And then you see, so when you saw cancer, you... Well, it's funny, instead of going like, geez, I better go off to the doctor, that made me kind of thought like, exactly like this, I wouldn't be that.

Yeah, yeah. Because I feel healthy. Especially at 21, you're like... And you're 21, I thought cancer's when you turn 50, like when you're older. But it wasn't, and this went on for months and months and months. And every time I go down the shower,

because that's when, you know, the fellas that I hang months and months and months. And every time I got out of the shower, because that's when the fellas that are hanging out so low and you have a real good feel, that's when they recommend it. And I was just, I noticed every time, and I just still put it off. And it wasn't until I spoke to my old man just one random morning. And I hadn't told anyone at that stage, and I just said, Dad, like, it was kind of awkward. Like, think about when you last spoke to your dad about your testicles. You probably haven't, right? Like, it It's not something you do even though you've both

got them. All blokes have them but you don't just think about saying like dad can you have a look at my testicle? Like it's a bit weird. He's on the phone. I was a bit awkward about it and he said first thing he said was how long has it been there? And I'm like I don't know like at least six months probably more. He said have you gone to the doctor? I said no and then he's just like why not? Like don't be, probably more. And he said, if you go onto the doctor, I said, no. And then he's just like, why not? Like, don't be a bloody idiot. Get off to your doctor.

And it was almost, that was the first time I'm like, hang on, why don't I go off to a doctor? And it was like, that's the push I needed, hearing your old man say, man, don't be a dickhead, go to a doctor. And you're like, okay, that makes sense. Wandered off to the doctor and basically, yeah, had an ultrasound later that afternoon.

Yeah, found out it was testicular cancer. How long between you going to the doctor and having that ultrasound and then them giving you a result? Later that day. Wow. Okay. To be honest, when they were doing the ultrasound, I can never tell you the person doing it because they're not the doctor.

Yeah, but they do so much of it. Even when she was doing it and I could see on this screen and she's going over the lump and it's this black big lump thing on the screen. I could see her face. You're a reader. And I knew that, you know, lying there, 21 year old bloke like, is that, so is that good?

Like, is it all right? And she's like, oh, the doctor will talk to you about it. I could just see. So even then I thought, oh shit, hang on. But then they got the results and things like cancer. They obviously moved pretty quickly. And then they- How do they deliver the news?

Is it just ripping off a band-aid and pretty direct? Yeah, pretty much. So I went to the, they got me a meeting with the specialist and then he basically just came out and said, mate, you've got some testicular cancer, but we don't know how aggressive it is, or if it spreads, then you have to have a CT scan, which I then had to follow up that day as well. Got the result for that the next day, and that was when I found out the cancer had spread,

which that was, I guess, the frustrating part of it, because you think the ignorance of a young 21-year-old bloke, me just putting that off, meant the cancer had time to spread. I knew that the next couple of years would be a lot more significant as far as surgeries and chemo and treatment. Whereas if I had just gone in straight away and thought, oh, this isn't right, this shouldn't be here. They would have removed the testicle,

contained it and said happy days. And I would have lived a... But I also wanna say, cause that is a valid point, but there's a lot of guys out there who wouldn't have gone to the doctor until it was way too late as well. Yeah, that's true. So, you...

Well, Lance Armstrong, who became famous for not so good reasons, before all that, he did have testicular cancer. His spread, because it spreads upwards, his spread to his brain. Wow. He and his book talks about, he would literally spread all through his lungs,

he was coughing blood, his ball got so big, he couldn't even sit on his bike seat and he just dosed up on painkillers and it literally spread to his brain. And it took that long as a professional athlete because he didn't want it to impact his riding before he finally got checked and they said, mate, this is so fast spread, you're not gonna make this.

And he ended up getting through it, but I think it's that classic. I think blokes in general, a lot, especially the older guys, but I find blokes in general, they don't, that's the fear of the unknown. They just don't wanna know. So it's kinda like, I'm gonna brush it under the carpet and just hope it just disappears,

cause I'm just a bit, I just don't want anything bad to happen. Yeah, that happened with my dad last year and he ended up having a triple bypass, remember? He just refused to admit that something was wrong. And it could have been so minor, like a loss of breath, like for you, a small lump on your testicle or a lump on your breast or something. Yeah, and that's, I think, one positive

from the experience and the work I do now, and as we'll talk about what happened next, but is now I'm just so passionate and pretty strong with my mates and people I talk to to go get checked, don't put things off. Like it's pretty simple messaging, but I get quite vocal about it now, whether it's my father-in-law recently

with one of those bowel screening kits that he wasn't taking, or if it's a mate who keeps telling me about these symptoms and I go, have you gone to the doctor? Oh, not yet. Like mate, go to the bloody doctor. It's made me just really passionate about that. And I think, you know, I've had some really

filled with stories since, which is, you know, saved lives, which that's the wow. Like, if it wasn't for going through this, I wouldn't have saved those amount of lives. So, having such a great impact on other people. Yeah, and that gives me to this day, and I've got another big up coming up, you know, it always gives me a bit of that boost.

Yeah, a bit of that boost motivation. So you're diagnosed with testicular cancer. What's the next step? Yeah, basically, he said, mate, we got to remove the testicle. You've then had the CT scan found out spread is like, then we got to talk about chemo and surgeries and stuff like that. You know, it's the next 12 months of your life's going to be just click, click pause, forget about your army career for now. You're going through, you're you're going through cancer treatment. But before all that, I was in Canberra,

21 year old bloke, a lot to take in, right? Didn't have my parents with me, just sitting in this quite a big office, and he just throwing this all at you, and you're like, what the hell is going on? Trying to digest it all. Just like digest it, he said, but before we go into that, he's like,

we gotta have this surgery to remove the testicle. Next few days, booked you in, but an important question, do you want a fake testicle? And I vividly remember. Sorry. I'll always remember this. And that's like, as a young 21 year old bloke, you've just had told cancer spread through your body

and he goes, mate, do you want a fake testicle? So here I wasn't thinking about the chemo, the, you know, am I gonna live any of this? It's the, hang on, do I get a fake testicle on that? Was like all that was going through my head. And then I kind of thought, I don't know, like, is that the go? Like, do people get it?

What's the norm here? Do I get a choice on what it looks like? And he said, look, you're young, 21, I was single at the time. So he said a lot of young guys find that it just makes them feel a bit more normal. You're in the change rooms. You're not this weird lone ranger that's hanging down. I'm big on symmetry. Yeah, exactly.

So I think it was up to me. I think I'd have to go one Ash. Thoughts? Why do I think it's wouldn't? Well, I think ask the same question pre kids and pre wife and you're younger Yeah, would you get one? Is an interesting one because I don't think I know you wouldn't and there's no because I think I could whip it out a lot I think if if I don't know yeah, you're a bit of a life

You want to show but you like you you want an eye patch if you like. Yeah, when I got a vasectomy I went to a gay bar and had my nuts out the whole night. Okay, so your way. It's an insight to what Ash is like. You have your uni ball hanging free and you think that'll be hilarious. And I think that'll be hilarious. That'll be fun, yeah. But, so, this is why you need to then hear this part of the story then because a fake one can be just as funny

And I said, I said, yep, let's do it. Let's go it go with the fake one And he said great and I thought that was it, you know, I thought they just do everything then he goes No worries. He goes to his his desk and brings out this like briefcase And he flips it open and he goes right now. Which one do you want? And they're about five different... Is there a smoke machine? It's like shopping for a catalogue of fake nuts and there's like five different moulds of fake testicles and I'm sitting here and he's opposite me to staring at me with a smile

and I'm going through, I've got like two, three, look this one had a real nice bouncy texture. This is a silicon base, this feels good, that's a popular choice. It's like imported from the States. And I'm like really? He's silicon base, this feels good, that's a popular choice at Sarah's. I'm like, sweet, imported from the States. I'm like, really? He's like, yeah, that's really good. You can tell he's like proud of his fake nuts. He's like, you've got fine taste, Jack. Fine taste. We'll take one of those, thanks.

So I locked in that one and I thought, okay, that's a bit weird. Do you have one that lights up? Yeah, do you have one with like edges on it? Yeah, yeah, Oscar's got this scooter at the moment, the wheels light up when it rolls. I want one of those ones. Which I wonder now if they do, that'd be interesting. They definitely would. And then he said, what size do you want?

Huge! And I said, the biggest one he's got. It was quite small to be honest. But no, I said, like you said, Matt, you like match it up, bit of symmetries. Yeah. Okay, that makes sense. We'll get the medium size. Happy days. You know, I didn't think much of that. And then I thought it was quite a weird process, right? And

then at the time I was a bit vulnerable and I just thought that's interesting. And I woke up and I've got this weird fake nut down there and he came along and he goes and just walks here. I've got my pants down, my dad's here and he just goes and gives it a big squeeze. And naturally I couldn't really feel or it didn't hurt, but every bloke just goes like this. Oh, I just, yeah, Matt, I can see that. I'm gonna say what, but it didn't hurt, he's like, oh shit, did that hurt? I'm like, no, but it should have.

What do you think? It's like, it should have hurt. He's like, good, okay, that's fine, you know. One second, Hugo. Yeah. It's all good. It all went well, but now it's funny, over the years, it's this part of me,

and I've now got this bit of an infamous drunken party tree. What is it? Go on and it's um It's called real or fake. I'm sure I'm sure you should put one and two together. I mean and now my mates explain the rules They love real or fake so you can't notice the difference from just visual so often, you know, it promotes good conversations Now I get mates building up a tally in how many times they guess the real one or the fake one. So what you do, you kind of turn around and you bring one out, real or fake, and they go, no, that's definitely the real one.

And the way now I determine if it's not, you get your iPhone light and you put your light up against it, this is like beacon of light. It's like this, I'll show you after this. It's quite impressive. That's the signal. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, so you turn the lights off

and it's just these big lights now. And it's just, what started out as something that I was quite embarrassed about, I'm now like proud of it. Yeah, it's great. And so many mates just love the fake nut. I thought you were gonna say that you get people to feel them.

No, it used to be a flick. So it used to be like, I'd go like this and I'd be like, yeah, you're not gonna flick your real one. And I'd flick the fake one. They go, oh bugger, I said it was the real one. So it was like, but people feel I'd go like this and I'd be like, yeah, you're not going to flick your real one. And I'd flick the fake one. They go, oh bugger, I said it was the real one. So it was like, people feel it. They're interested in it. It's like this silicon based, I don't know, weird little thing.

Like it's an interesting one because like I said at the start, I was so embarrassed to even tell my dad that I had this nut on my testicle. Whereas now, I just love talking about testicles. I talk about it. Now you're into voyeurism. I get it out. You know, I've had mates who like have said, mate, I've got this weird little vein thing down there and they've gone to doctors. I've had a friend of a friend who was diagnosed with testicular cancer, but he got it early. I've had multiple people around me that reach out online saying,

I've heard you're real or fake. Here's a picture of my testicles. I know, you've got to be careful that you're not just walking on the street. stuff, it's like, hey, here you go! Woo! But it's a weird feeling now that I'm just, I'm proud of this part of me, you know, and it's like what was initially a really awkward thing that resulted from very unfortunate circumstances has evolved into something I'm proud of. It's creating conversations, it's saving lives, and it's important that you have a bit of fun with it, and you have some humor with it,

because otherwise blokes don't talk about this stuff. So by opening up, by playing real or fake, by getting the lantern out, by having these chats, you get these guys now who feel comfortable talking about their body and changes, and is this normal, should this be hanging this way, my nuts this big, is that, you know, it's important stuff, and I think

Movember do a great job with it. The stigma just removing it. It removes it. And that's what I try and do with, you know, whether it's a presentation at a footy club or chatting to someone who I can tell's, you know, I've been uncomfortable, they wanna tell me something. If you add a bit of humor in,

and you guys obviously do it so well on this podcast, you can have the serious chats, but then you throw some humor in. It makes people just feel a bit more comfortable. So yeah. There's no better icebreaker than the lantern. Yeah, the lantern. No, I'm like, can't wait to see the lantern.

Get the lantern. Oh Jess, our producer's like, oh God, not the lantern. Not the lantern. I'm trying to understand the emotional whiplash that you've gone through because, you know, we could easily sit here and talk about your testicular cancer for the whole episode, but I'm going to ruin the story here. You get through it.

You're in remission. Yep. You hit with cancer a second time. Yeah. And it's such a short period when you're almost celebrating one second, the fact that you've beaten testicular cancer to then dealing with a second diagnosis. What is that like from an emotional perspective? Yeah, that was really tough.

The, you know, five years went by and I had the chemo, the surgeries, you know, I went on surveillance, the three months checkups turned into six months to 12 months and you're kind of ticking off little milestones and, you know, my life resumed and I got physically fit and I was healthy again. You know, click resume of my army career.

We got posted to Brisbane. And then I guess the icing on the cake and for those who have experienced cancer is the five year mark. So I remember getting the five year all clear scan, which is a significant milestone. You literally see, you see your oncologist who's been such a big part of your life for like five years.

You see him for the last time. And you kind of say like, thanks doc, like I'll probably never see you again. And it's quite a significant time. Do you remember the first emotion that popped up when you were told you were cancer free after five years? Yeah, I think it was just that real happy moment. It was like a sense of freedom that I hadn't experienced in my adult life.

And I remember I was with Amber, my wife in Brisbane and we cracked open at my favourite champagne. And I remember I was with Anne and my wife in Brisbane and we cracked open at my favourite champagne. And we just had this celebration of just like, we can now put that behind us. And that like the anxiety and the fear of the what if, what if it relapses, what if it comes back. Once you hit that mark,

it's almost like you're the chance of relapse, it won't happen, you're in complete remission. I just remember that, just that real happy feeling. Yeah, like you can get on with. Yeah, like you can kind of now don't live with the anxiety of the unknowns. And it was quite significant at that stage in our life. We were living in a different city,

you know, I got lined up for deployment overseas. And you were married at that point with Alma? No, we weren't married. We'd been together for a number of years, but she had kind of experienced a big part of that. And she? No, we weren't married. We'd been together for a number of years, but she had kind of experienced a big part of that. And she was just, I was really happy that I was, you know, no longer causing her, you know, I guess.

That burden of. Yeah, the burden of when she has to go through it too. And it was just a nice moment in my life. And I just felt, yeah, for the first time in my adult life, I felt that real sense of relief, the weight off your shoulders, happiness, freedom. But... And then when did that change?

Well, and that's, yeah, it was unfortunate. That was short-lived and a couple months went by and like I said, I got lined up for a deployment overseas, which I'd always wanted to do. You know, we were kind of living a great life at that stage and then all of a sudden my bow started playing up and I've always had a bit of a dodgy gut, you gut, like a bit of IBS as a kid growing up. That wasn't uncommon, but this was worse than my normal.

I always say my normal is different to yours, Ash, different to yours, Matty, and it's important to recognise what our normal is. This went on for a couple of weeks and it was the urgency, like, oh, should I go to the bathroom? That just kind of came on. That's not normal. It was the diarrhea, know, the diarrhea, the abdominal sort of pain.

I just thought, is it something I'm eating? This isn't right. This went on for a couple of weeks. Two months after I'd just been given the five year all clear full CT scan, no signs of cancer yet. Happy days. And then I remember saying to Amber, like, no, I'm gonna head off to the doctor,

which is something I didn't do as a 21 year old bloke and went off to the doctor. And with my history, my symptoms, he recommended I had a colonoscopy. Have either of you lads had a? No, we should definitely do that. Colonoscopies are like, they typically looked at when people are a bit older,

but like younger people now, if they've got some issues with their gut, a lot of people have colonoscopy because it's the best way to put a camera up your bum. You have a 15 minute power nap and you can have a look at what's going on inside. I had had a few as a kid so I knew what it was about. A bit of a bowel cleanse that just completely clears you out. I remember literally waking up feeling a bit out of it. You're having a little turkey sangha, tasting great, still a bit dosed up

from the anesthetic. Terry, my gastroenterologistologist came over and he had this kind of, bit of a sort of somber look. And he's like, mate, you showed me a printout of the report. And he's like, you've got a couple nasty polyps, which for your age is not necessarily common, but I burnt them off, sent them off for a biopsy, but let's see you in two weeks. We'll discuss next steps on why your bowels are playing up.

And then literally the next day, Ozzy, my army uniform, typing away at my desk. And I got a call from Terry's receptionist. And then literally the next day, I was in my army uniform, typing away at my desk, and I got a call from Terry's receptionist, and she said, she said, Terry needs to see you, the results are back. And I'm like, yeah, I'm due to see him in two weeks. And she's like, no, no, he needs to see you this afternoon. And you know when you're just in life,

where you get those moments where you have that sick feeling in your stomach, whether it's, I don't know, your kid's unwell, or you're waiting for something, or like, you just feel sick. I couldn't have a sip of water. I just knew something wasn't right when you've got a specialist wanting to see you. And I, you know, Amber, my wife's a nurse and she just finished a shift at the hospital, went to the appointment together and I was kind of cracking a few jokes, like pretending I was

fine but I was so scared because I just knew it wasn't going to be good news. And then he called us into his office and that's when he just said, he turned his computer screen around and said, Amber, Hugo, I'm sorry to say, you know, you've got bowel cancer. And it was completely different. A lot of people ask if it was part of testicular, if it relapsed, it was an entirely new cancer.

So my testicular cancer was well and truly in the past, two months after being on top of the world, experiencing that happiness and freedom, we just found ourselves back in the doctor's rooms being told that I had bowel cancer. And I remember sort of taking that in and I was, it was almost a bit of shock. And Amber had her knee on my, my hand on my knee

and she was very silent. And I just thought, here we go again. And he said to me that it's an aggressive type of bowel cancer. We got to that quick, I've already booked you in for surgery. But he said the only silver lining is that testicular cancer saved your life. And it's that moment I'll always remember

is that the fact that if it wasn't for testicular cancer, learning the importance of early detection, that little frozen pea-sized lump, the cancer spreading through my body. There is no way, fast forward five years, as a young 26-year-old bloke, there is no way I would have gone off to a doctor with my bowels playing up, but I was still living a pretty normal-ish life. And there is no way I would have had that colonoscopy, been in those rooms, being told I had bow cancer, but I got it early enough that it gave me a fighting chance. And that's something that I guess I'm grateful for.

Sitting here, bowel cancer now kills more young Australians aged 25 to 44 than any other cancer. It's now impacting young people. They're putting lots of links to diet, lifestyle, but a lot of people get diagnosed when they're stage four and when bowel cancer spreads beyond the bowel and you're stage four, five year survival rates are around that 10%.

So what stage were you at when you were? So I was early stage. It had just kind of started going beyond the bowel. But because I had this aggressive type, it can sometimes be hard to treat. And that was the issue that I've had. And to this day, I still have, I'm'm cancer free but as a result of all the major surgeries and I've had about 10 or so open abdominal surgeries and I don't have a large bowel, I don't have a colon or a rectum,

I'm missing part of my small bowel. I had a bag for about six months. I've now got an internal J pouch where they literally stretch down your small bowel, create an internal pouch stitched onto your anus area And for a while I had to learn how to get to the toilet again in continence wearing adult diapers. And then you kind of, you learn to adjust and adapt. And then I went from going 20 times a day to 10 times. I got under 10, was doing pretty well. But unfortunately, this sort of last six to 12 months, I've really been struggling. The pouch is not functioning. It's, it's's and they have to go back now to a bag.

And it's a tough one because I'm cancer free, but to get to that point, they've had to take pretty drastic measures. And it's like the collateral damage from something like cancer isn't often spoken about. So I often tell people like, you know, I'm cancer free. And they go, that's amazing, which it is. But then the quality of life I have,

and I was just in hospital literally two days ago and had a surgery last week, and the burden now that has on Amber and our son, and it's something that we constantly have been experiencing really since 2013 to now. So it's been 12 years, which is a long time, where I've had patches of good health, but for the most part, it's been significant challenges.

You get through it, but it's tiring. When you are battling cancer, maybe if you think about when you got your diagnosis early on, what's it like from an emotional perspective where it's almost like you just finished this marathon, you get to the finish line, you can celebrate, and then the moment you kind of have a champagne in hand, you get a tap on the shoulder,

and it's like you've got to run this marathon again. Like when you're battling it second time, is it pretty consistent in that your mentality is just like, we're gonna beat this, fuck cancer, I can do this, and how often does it then switch to being, this is too hard, I can do this and how often does it then switch to being this is too hard, I can't do this? Yeah, it's a really good point and I think those earlier years with tessitola cancer

I was very much that I'm bulletproof, I'm a young lad, I'll be completely fine. I think it's not until you get a bit older and understand a bit more about life, in particular since being a dad and you realise there's more important things than just you, that's really changed my outlook on my current health challenges. And it's been mentally been quite difficult where you're now not just burdening your wife, you've now got a son that you wanna be there for.

And then there's so many times that I can't be there for him because I'm unwell, I'm in hospital, or I'm FaceTiming him, or I'm really unwell, and I've had lots of mental health challenges, and you try and pick yourself up, but it's really hard sometimes to do that. I wanna just step back a little bit about your wife and your son.

Going through, I mean, a second stint of cancer after what you've already been through, where's your mind at with starting a family? It's a it's a good point. So when I went before I had chemo even back when I was 21 and They are single kids were so far from my you know, my thought process of having a family But my oncologist said I needed to get frozen sperm because they're sometimes chemo and these treatments can make you infertile. So I remember like literally back then before I even had a partner, I'm going in, getting the frozen sperm, putting that away and I've had that ever since with the, I guess the

thought of I might need it one day. And then I guess years later, I meet Amber. We've been together for now over 10 years. And when we had Teddy, our son, who's now 16 months old, and you know, we're at that stage in our life of wanting to have a family. And we thought, like a lot of naive dads-to-be think that it just happens like that.

And I think I thought, you know, a lot of my mates around me who were having kids, you hear, oh, mate, as soon as she was bloody ovulating, it just happened like bloody hell, mate. The first time we didn't use a condom, she fell pregnant. So I thought that's how it was going to happen. Unfortunately, as you guys know, it doesn't often happen like that. So for us, it took us a while, and sort of six months would go by, and you'd get your stammers, you know, the pregnancy test, and she's all and I'm constantly, you know, putting on the bin and say, am so that's just trying to not think about it easier said than done.

And then we were told by many specialists and doctors they said, look, there's a chance that you might not be able to conceive naturally, but you've got your frozen sperm. And almost a year went by and we're gonna go down that pathway to use the frozen sperm. And it was one random morning where we weren't even trying We were gonna go down that pathway to use the frozen sperm. And it was one random morning. We weren't even trying to conceive

on the whole ovulation day, let's go. We'd kind of put that behind us and we were heading back to Adelaide and Amber was heading back for her best friend's hens. And she thought, you know what? It's gonna be a big weekend. I'm just gonna, I'm like, okay, yeah, do another pregnancy test.

You get so used to it. I'm upstairs getting ready or whatever. And it's gonna be a big weekend. I'm just gonna, I'm like, okay, yep, do another pregnancy test. You get so used to it. I'm upstairs getting ready or whatever, and it's like five in the morning before I went to the airport. I came downstairs and there was just the pregnancy test in the kitchen. And I went to literally go put it in the bin, and it had the line there, and I was like,

hey, what's this line mean? Hang on, like, is that meant to be there? And then she kind of ran out, and she's like, I think I'm pregnant, and we're just like, holy shit, like, we just weren't expecting it. We were mentally prepared for the IVF pathway and going down that side of things. And here it was, well, like, is this right?

And we were both so excited, this big smile got to the airport. She got the digital one that says pregnant and like we couldn't contain ourselves. And fortunately, you know, things went well. And you know, the weeks and months progressed and then, you know, we went well and, you know, the weeks and months progressed and then, you know, we've now got a beautiful son, which is amazing.

And I was actually just saying pre-chat, pre-podcast that there's a chance with this big surgery I've got coming up to get the permanent stoma, I have to go quite deep to my prostate area and there's a decent chance that they can get a few of the prostate nerves and it will make me infertile, which essentially means you have dry orgasms, retrograde ejaculation, so nothing comes out essentially.

And you can't, there's nothing they can do, it's just a risk. And then so, my surgeon only recently said, so if you're thinking of wanting another one, he said, like, I recommend that you try because things could happen. And then we also know we've got the frozen sperm is back up. And unfortunately, I haven't actually said it,

said we haven't told anyone this, but I know you guys, you've been very open about it. Amber did fall pregnant recently, and it was just like, how good is this? This is meant to be the timeline. She was so happy. And she's been through a lot, but then she had a miscarriage last week,

which is not great. Which when you're going through all this with the surgery coming up, was yeah, quite, she was really emotional. And I really felt for her because he was like finding a bit of good news for her. And now I feel like I've got the pressure now going into the surgery that, you know,

she might not conceive before then. And I've seen how much it's impacted her and she's really going through so much. And then you throw that on there and, you know, we've tried to be upbeat with it. But once you go through those shitty days and beating yourself up about it, ultimately our son who's healthy and he's amazing,

he just gives us that boost and it's really helped Amber. And I really feel for those people that it's, I know you've both spoken about it, but I feel for those people who go through that where they don't have a kid as like a, you know, the fallback of just that like comfort, that safety blanket. We had that, but it just added this extra layer of like.

It's like a sledgehammer. It does, yeah. So that, yeah. We thought the timing was perfect and you're finally getting like some good news because we've just had so much bad news over the years and it's almost like we deserve that. Yeah. And then, yeah, unfortunately she had then had this

miscarriage and it was just like, again, you're just like. I'm so sorry, dude. Bloody hell, like really? It's not, it's not fair. Like what you guys have had to go through as a family, like it's unbelievable and it's more than like, what I think I'll ever have to deal with my lifetime. I'm just It's it pisses me off that you have to you have to go through all that Yeah, no, and and it I do don't get me. I do have days where you really do get

Down the dumps and you do get like I'm a pretty positive guy but you do get those times of even last week I'm back in hospital for a week and you know even now I've got this like drain in because I've had this infection and I've drained will be in fuck four weeks and I kind of had that anxiety again. I'm like shit. I'm back here next month for this major major surgery Can I ask then with Teddy? Obviously you want to try and like you said be upbeat and and be like, no, I'm going to beat this. This is not going to get me.

But then like at what time do you start planning about not being around for Teddy? Yeah, it's a tough one. Things definitely change when you're a parent. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I was actually thinking about this last night, giving him a bath. It's the first time I've actually really thought about this, and I haven't told this to Amber yet. But I was giving him a bath last night, and he was just really happy and smiling at me,

and he doesn't know what's going on. And then going into this major surgery, I think, shit, how, you know, things don't work out, or my health doesn't go to plan the next six months, plus how's Amber gonna raise him, and how I'm not gonna be there for him? And it was the first time I had these thoughts last night. And it's a really tough one,

but the thing is he doesn't know what's going on. And I think in a way that makes it easier because he doesn't know that dad's sick or dad's not feeling well. He just wants dad to give him a bath and read him a book. And I think that joy is a good distraction, but it's something that until very recently, I haven't really thought about.

And it's not till you have recently I haven't really thought about. And it's not until you have a kid, your whole, everything changes. Perspective. Perspective. There's more to life than you. And for me, it just, I guess, in a way, it gives me the ultimate motivation to get through it, to be there for him, to recover as best as I can. You know, even the decision of having this big surgery was a major decision, but I thought, you know what,

I'm bloody good at changing his nappies. I was gonna change another one. One thing that doesn't worry me is poo. So I thought, you know what, it's just a bit of a life adjustment. It's another major surgery. Yes, there are other unknowns. I've got such a small bowel now

that there's only so much bowel you can live with. So there's always those risks of if I keep having bowel obstructions or keep going back here and have to take more bow, there will come a time where it's like, geez, you can only live with so much bow. So they're things that I just have to constantly think about. And being the father has been the greatest thing I've ever experienced. And he does so much for me at such a young age.

And he's so small, but he gives me a boost that I can never get from anything else. There's something kids can give you that you can't get from anything else. Exactly. And it's crazy to think that at some point over the, whether it's the little while that he's been alive,

that you've had to have those thoughts of, this kid could potentially grow up without me. And I think about that with my son, and I'm like, I couldn't imagine Oscar having to go through this life without me. So it's incredible that you can put, you know, bring yourself here and sit with us and spread such a positive message about early detection and everything like that. So I just wanted to commend you for that.

No, look, I told you I was a crier. No, I knew it would get me too. And look, that's okay. You know, I used to apologize, like the natural thing when I used to cry during talks or when I'd often talk about Teddy or what Amber's done for me, that'd be the real triggers. I used to get quite emotional

and the default was sorry. But then I now kind of just embrace that. I never apologize for crying because obviously it means so much to me. And I think it's important that guys realize it's okay to have a cry and be vulnerable and give your dad a hug, give your mate a hug. And that's the sort of the role model I wanna be for Teddy.

And I think that's the other part of it is the fact that whether it's 12 months, five years, 10 years, 50 years, however long I've got left in this world, I want him to grow up knowing these things. And I really want to instil that in him, even though he's so young. These are the messages in the world

that I want him to grow up in. And so it kind of gives me that real drive to do more of that. And yeah, he's the greatest gift. And I think without him, I'd been a lot worse placed mentally. Even when I'm in hospital or going through a difficult time and you're FaceTiming him.

And I know that he's there with my wife Amber, but also, he's almost like her little guardian angel. And she's often said like pre-Teddy, those times I'd be stuck in hospital really unwell, she was often by herself. And it's really difficult because the carers or the loved ones that go through this, you know, they still go to hospital.

She looks after me, you know, she's there and trying to boost my spirits. But then when they leave, you know, they're still living their life. They can't just, they're not living in that little bubble like I am. And I often say it can be a lot harder for those carers and those support people because she's,

it's emotional for her and she would say, often she would leave hospital, see me in such a bad way and she would burst into tears. She then has to go home, has to clean the house and now cook dinner for our son and then she's then got work. And she has to do all of that whilst then caring for me and then not having the support from me when I'm not there.

So she probably doesn't get the recognition or the, like the holy shit you do so much like she deserves. And there are a few people that probably realise how much she actually does. A lot of her friends or even family probably don't really understand what it's like for her to have to be in the position she's in, looking after me, being there for me, recently having a miscarriage herself, going through some really difficult emotional times herself,

being an amazing mum to Teddy, and then trying to then live her life like it's a lot. But it's something that I'm so grateful for, and I just hope, you know, I say it to her, but I just hope she knows how much I'm proud of her. Yeah. For sure. What's it like when you do have those moments where you're in hospital and you're like,

I just want to be home, I want to be with Amber, I want to be with Teddy, and children are amazing, but at the same time, you can have a situation where one second it's pure bliss and you love it and there's no better feeling than the love you get from being with your child. But then at the same time, an hour later, it can be the total end of the spectrum because they're tired, they're grumpy, they're hungry. So then how do you deal with the emotion of the moments where you're trying to be a parent and

you're getting frustrated but then you have the guilt of thinking well I shouldn't be frustrated because I'm going to make the most of every single second that I spend with my son. Yeah it's such a good point. I have those moments and exactly what you've said where you're like It's such a good point. I have those moments and exactly what you've said where you're like, I shouldn't be letting this get to me, but I am. And I think any dad or parent has that, let alone going through significant health challenges.

But there are times where like, especially if I don't have the energy or I'm not feeling that well, and I go like, Teddy, just give me a bit of space, mate. And you just kind of, then you kind of get the bit like, sure, I shouldn't really be feeling that. And you kind of beat yourself up about it. The guilt from any frustration that you feel as a parent

eats you up. You do, you feel that sense of guilt, like I don't want to bloody play with you right now, mate. Like I'm just not feeling great. Can you just bloody piss off and go and annoy mum? He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand that. And like that of course happens.

Like it's, you know, I'd be lying if I said, you know, no, you know, every second I have with him is the best, blah, blah. Cause it's just not true. And I think it's important to talk about that, that even going through all this, you know, there are times where you kind of, you just need space from him.

He's just going through that age now of just being that terror and he's quite an active young lad. And sometimes I just need a bit of that space to say, mate, I can't deal with this right now. But that's okay too. I think it's early days with the guilt. I probably didn't talk openly enough about it. Whereas now I'll talk openly to Amber and say like, Amber, I can't deal with this right now. I'm just,

I'm not feeling well. Or if he comes into hospital, like he's done recently, it's funny from when he was younger, he would come in. He would lie in the bed with me, he was the best, he was a little chiller, the nurses would come in, isn't he just a perfect little thing? And like, you know, he would just like be crawling around and he could be in there all day. Now he's like got a five minute window basically.

Oh yeah, his attention span runs out really quick. And like the other week, last week, he goes into the toilet, the bathroom, he's clicked the emergency button, the buds are in the hospital, and the nurse runs in, like, is everything okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm doing pretty well. It's like, the emergency button, I look over,

and Teddy's just like smiling. And that's what it is. So it's that sort of stuff now, where it's just like, he comes in, and it's that first five minutes, 10 minutes, whatever it is, it's so good to see him. And it's like, it's the best thing ever. And like when he opens the hospital door and he sees dad in there,

he sees big smile and he runs in and he knows exactly who I am. And he walks down the hospital aisles and it's really cute. But then after that period, it gets a little bit like, Ams, you gotta take him home. Like, yes.

Yeah, they run out of steam. They run out of quick time. But even that's something we've identified for this big op coming up. Yeah. You know, Amber's mom's gonna be've identified for this big up coming up. Yeah. Amber's mum's gonna be staying with us for a bit and supporting Amber and supporting Teddy, which is amazing for me.

But it's the sort of thing, they'll come in, Teddy will have his five minutes running around, Tara, yep, give dad a little cuddle, and then Amber's mum will sort of take him home. And then it just means that Amber can then spend a couple hours with me, without know, without the worrying about Teddy and she can actually just be with me, which is so important for her. And then knowing that Amber's mum's then looking after him.

So we've kind of have to think about those things. And, you know, all our family live in, live in Adelaide. So we're just, it'll be like a tag team rotation of people just coming out and helping, helping Amber out. And it's, it's true. They're not really there for me. It's they're there for Amber and for Teddy, which then makes me feel better.

It's unbelievable hearing what other people have to go through and your story is so important for me as a bit of a wake up call to just how lucky I have it. Like this morning, for example, Laura was out the door really early and I was trying to get both kids ready for daycare and first day of school and it was tricky and I was getting frustrated and then at the same time I'm sitting here as I hear your story going, holy fuck, you know, it really does put into perspective

the minor inconveniences that I have to deal with it in the morning with my kids is nothing compared to what you're currently going through. It's a great point to reflect on if people are listening to this, is that you're allowed to have those times of, I'm not enjoying this, this is a lot. That's really healthy to have that. But it is also a great opportunity to have those times where you can reflect on it. And if you can see that in the moment and go, you know what, yes, this is a lot, but geez, I'm pretty lucky that both my kids are healthy

or my health is pretty good. And that perspective piece is really important. It's not to say you can't have those bad days, but sometimes just sitting there, and I still even have that. We just spoke about the what ifs. I wasn't here. I've connected with these amazing people

who have had the really tragic stories and guys I was kind of close with who have passed away from things like cancer and these single mums having to go through this. And that's what I often now think about. When I can be present to Teddy, and I can bath him and play with him, and whether it's your packing your kids lunches

for daycare or school, I now start to appreciate those moments so much more and if I hadn't gone to what I've gone through I'm sure I wouldn't be appreciating those little things as much as I do like the bath last night the reading the book those little special moments which a lot of dads a lot of parents probably take for granted. Oh big big time. You're hitting, yeah. I'm feeling that one. Sorry. Look, like I said, I'm not always, you know, super positive and like happy all the time, but they are moments, those little gifts of when I'm healthy enough that I can be with Teddy

and be in that present moment. And if I think about it, that's the real gift. Because like, often if you don't think about it, then you won't do it. But if it comes into my mind to go, Jesus is so nice that I'm here with him now, not in hospital. You know what? I'm gonna give, be here another 10 minutes.

I'm gonna read an extra little book and just enjoy that little special moment. And it's such a small moment. There can be such a boost to my mental health. And I think you don't have to go through the significant health challenges to still have that thought process.

You know, you can have those moments of when you feel yourself getting a little bit agitated or frustrated to just have that step back and go, you know what, this is just part of it and how bloody lucky I am to have this little terror there because I love him so much and if we start thinking that way more, I think it will make those moments a little bit easier and they're still gonna be there.

Yeah. It's funny, like, yeah, I have the same, obviously the same thing, like frustration for the little things and you go, at that moment, you're really just, you can't see the perspective in the moment because you're so caught up in the frustration. But I know for me, like with days that are really,

really bad, the thing that, you know, the kids that we bring on the frustration, sometimes if I'll lay down and do books with them at the end of the night, it actually, on a bad day, it actually completely changes the whole day for me. And I subconsciously do that because I'm like, I'm not feeling my 100% today, mentally I'm not all here, I'm feeling a bit down

in the dumps, but like we said, there's something that they can give you that nothing else can give you, even though they'll put you in that really bad mood anyway. It's such a weird relationship, right? Do you notice yourself, you know, not feeling like that every time, but do you notice that, like that shift

in how you're feeling, where you've kind of just, you know, sitting down with that book and you just have this calmness or this, that shift in how you're feeling where you've kind of just, sitting down with that book and you just have this calmness or this, it just almost everything else that's happened before that moment. It's all gone. So like, I'll know I've really had a bad day mentally when I'll lay down on one of their beds

and they're both next to me and I'll have the book out. And then all of a sudden then I'll feel that perspective and go, okay, well, I have feel that perspective and go okay well I have this and some people don't. Yes they've pissed me off all day but there's no one else who's gonna sit with me right now and I could I could tell them how exactly how I'm feeling they're just gonna give me a cuddle for it and that changes everything. When you pick up a book Oscar's like oh dad's had a shotgun. He's had a shit day. Come here here. It's a really short book.

He's like, oh fuck. I'm here for you, Dad. But like that is mindfulness, right? Like I think people sometimes overcomplicate things and they think, I don't do enough for my mental health or I don't bloody do anything for my mindfulness and don't bloody meditate or do hot yoga. But even those moments of reflection in yourself

and being in that present moment and just not thinking about the other things that's happened before then or thinking too far into what's gonna happen tomorrow, you're in that present moment. Like that is mindfulness. And that is a really great thing that often people don't even know they're doing it.

And they go, that's a really great tool to have. But I think people do that sort of stuff and they just think like, oh, it's just what I do. That's a really important thing to do more of. Then if you're in a situation where you find yourself starting to spiral, if you're thinking of, you know, well, we've just gone through a miscarriage,

you've got this upcoming treatment, which is really high risk. And, you know, I can't spend time with Teddy like I want to, if you are spiraling, how, you know, I can't spend time with Teddy like I want to. If you are spiraling, how do you pull yourself out of the dumps? Yeah. And this, it takes, it takes a bit of practice. Like it takes a, it takes time to get to a stage where

you can actually firstly acknowledge that it's happening. That's the, that's the key. If you could acknowledge it's happening, you've then got that choice in that moment to do something. It's when you, you can't really notice it happening and it just gets worse, worse and it spirals. So for me, I've got a lot better at noticing when I can feel the mood, I can feel the anger,

the why me, this sucks, the frustration. And I can really feel that coming. The two things I do now, I'm more open with Amber about it where I used to just kind of keep it to myself, we'd go for our morning walks, we'd get the coffee and like I'd just be in this just not a really pleasant mood. And I'd often use my anger and what I was feeling, I'd often take it out, you know, on her

in ways of where it was just me just being a bit, you know, I guess angry and short and just frustrated, you know, it was never anything, you know, physical or anything like that. It was more just the, the how I was, my mood. And now I'm a lot better at saying to Amber, I'm just feeling this, I don't know why, I'm just feeling this built up frustration with everything,

I'm just over it all, I don't wanna have this surgery, I'm just, and then it's just even just talking to her about it does so much. It's a simple thing like that. So now I'll just talk to her, communicate, and our big one for us is trying to start the day off with something that's a simple thing like that. So now I'll just talk to her, communicate. And our big one for us is trying to start the day off with something that's really simple that can just distract me a little bit.

And for us, it's going for that morning walk and just keeping the routine. Because even when you're going through, I've had a really bad night. I've got up 10 times throughout the night. I'm in a lot of pain. And Amber says, you sure you're up for a walk? And I said, yeah, absolutely.

We take our dogs, we take Teddy and his little triac or his little pram and we get little baby Chino and the barista knows your coffee order and she smiles at Teddy and you go to the park and you throw the ball around for the dogs. In that 15 minute little period, I've just kind of escaped for a bit. It's just made me feel a little bit better,

a bit more calm and I get home and I'm just that little bit better mood than I was before we went for that walk. And it's such a simple thing, but for us that really helps. So it really is. And it's annoying because it's the things you take for granted, you know? And it really, it's just like, what keeps you going?

Going for a walk and getting a coffee with my family. And what's so minor has such a big impact. But it's not until you go through, like I said, I've recently been in hospital, about to go on again. When you're there for quite a long time, the things that I love most in hospital is like the hot shower, for example. Like majority of people, like did you guys have a shower

this morning and sort of just stand there and just like enjoy every second of that shower and just thought this is the best shower in the world and you took an extra five minutes in there because you were liking it so much. And it's all you could think about was that shower. Probably not. Like sometimes we do have those mornings and it's a bit cold and you do think like that.

But for the most part, we just kind of, you have the shower, you're thinking about something in the shower that's annoying you, you get out, you have a shave, whatever and the kids are doing something and you just let those little moments just, we have lots of those little moments throughout the day, they just escape us, but it's not until you're in hospital and you're in a lot of discomfort.

The one thing I look forward to in that morning where I'm just sitting in the chair having that shower and this like, the warmth goes on me and I just escape for that little period. And I feel I'm pain free, I'm warm, and often Amber's like, go on, Hugs, you've been in there for a while. And like 20 minutes goes by, like 25 months. Smoke alarms are going off.

It's like, give me another 20 minutes. I just want more of that. But like, it's like, they're things that everyone does daily. They take for granted. But it's not often until you go through something or something's taken away from you, where you start to appreciate things more. So for me, it's like, how can I still have that,

you know, that same level of thinking, that mindset, when I'm not in hospital, and I can start doing that when I'm home, and just doing more of those little things, because you do enough of them, and they start to add up, and you realise like, holy shit, this morning, I had that beautiful shower, I did get the coffee with the brist,

I was able to go for that walk, and didn't have too much discomfort or pain. Like, already, they're things most people rush through or they don't really enjoy that. I'm rushing right through all that stuff. Yeah, you're rushing through. I don't remember any of it. So, next time, but tomorrow morning,

I will have. When you're having a shower, feeling your balls. I will be feeling them, don't you, O. Any lumps or bumps, maybe while you're in there, just having that real, that five minutes to yourself and going, how nice is this hot shower? And you see the steam go up and it's really nice and just enjoying that.

Try that tomorrow and just see that. Until there's a knock at the door. And it's Macy, it's Macy. And she's like, what are you doing? I know that so many people listening as well are off the back of this conversation, really gonna appreciate the really fine and simple things in life.

For sure. Which they would have overlooked. And one question that we end on Hugo is one that I'm gonna throw at you right now. When Teddy is all grown up and he's no longer living at home, what would be the one thing that you want him to remember about the house that he grew up in?

I love that question. I want him to always look back at the house that he grew up in being where we are now with just that love in the household and the happiness and the laughter and playing with his dogs or the memories that we're making now that seem pretty trivial. I want him to look back at those times as really enjoyable times for him. I want him to grow up in that even now if I'm not there for periods of time, to just wake up each day and have a smile on his face and lots of laughter and giggles. And we try

to give that to him, the dogs give that to him, but, you know, there's nothing better when you can just see him in such a happy mood. And I want him to always remember that, yes, there are times in this stage of his life that he probably can't remember But there might be times that he does remember the not so good parts of dad not being there or dad's in hospital And you know instead of looking that as a negative actually really focusing for him looking back on as a really memorable time for him So yeah, the happiness the laughter and that's what I want him to always look back on Hugo I want to say thank you for coming on and Being brave and everything you do for men's health, being an advocate, getting people to talk about it, getting people to think about their health is more than just meh, you know.

So I want to thank you for spending some time with us and making Matt cry. I really appreciate that. I love what you do. It's such an important podcast because you have that humour. You have a really great way of communicating the things that often we don't talk about as parents. And for me being a little part of this,

hopefully people listening can take something away from it. So I appreciate you guys giving me the opportunity, especially with a lot going on at the moment. Even's even this chat's given me a bit of a boost to think how good is that? You know, I was in hospital last week, I'm sitting here chatting to you two guys, you know, opening up, being vulnerable, having a bit of a laugh.

It means a lot to me too, so thanks lads. You go, I mean every word when I say you are an incredible human, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your time this morning. I love chatting with you. Your surgery coming up is when? So I'm not sure when this party will be released but 19th of August in four weeks today from

the recording is the big op. So I don't know when this will come out. I might be in hospital but yeah I've got four weeks now to just try and get myself in a pretty good place. You'll wake up and Matt and I'll be there with a mic. How you feeling? We're thinking of you and we'll definitely keep all the listeners updated post-surgery. Thanks again.

What a man Matthew, what a man and what a chat. And the great charity as well 25stayalive.com is the website. Their mission is to make health checks from 25 a normal part of life through prevention, early detection and action. If you want to get involved or donate we'll leave the link in our show notes of the episode. There's some great undies that you can buy on the website and a few hoodies as well. You might see us wearing the hoodies. They're not yet available but as soon as they are we'll let you guys know. If you've enjoyed this episode please leave us a review subscribe join us on social media we're at Matt. Two doting dads there is a Facebook

group there is an Instagram account and there's also TikTok. Well said. Hey there is there is the chance not right now next week, but maybe the week after. Wow. Jess is looking at me going, for God's sake boys, let's do it, let's get it together. Doing long form video on YouTube. Oh yeah, that's right. We're working on it. We are working.

So it's not available just yet, but it will be. We're working tirelessly, man. I will say. Just relentless. I know we are relentlessly working. Jess doing nothing. Yeah, Jess, can you please. Can you pick up the game? Thanks so much. Okay, bye.

Bye. To Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today..