Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash - #163 Blakey Johnston on Losing His Dad, Finding Peace In The Sea And Forgetting Lunchboxes

Episode Date: August 10, 2025

Blakey Johnston looks like a Viking, walks around barefoot, and once surfed for 40 hours straight to raise awareness for mental health. A former pro surfer, dad of two, and the guy who surfed for 40 hours straight to raise awareness for mental health, Blakey opens up about the loss of his dad to suicide and what came after. We get a glimpse into his world as a parent still figuring it out, juggling grief, school drop-offs, and the pressure to keep it together when life’s anything but. Buy Blakey's book: https://geni.us/Swellbeing   https://blakeyjohnston.com/   Lifeline: Offers crisis support for individuals in need. Helpline: 13 11 14 Website: lifeline.org.au BUY OUR SMELLY T SHIRTS HERE  https://www.twodotingdads.com/category/all-products Buy our book, which is now available in-store! https://www.penguin.com.au/books/two-doting-dads-9781761346552  If you need a shoulder to cry on:  Two Doting Dads Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/639833491568735/  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTwoDotingDads  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/twodotingdads/  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@twodotingdads   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Matt, we like to think that we're pretty committed, dads. Yeah, you're right, we are. Hang on a second. But we haven't broken any world records for endurance surfing, have we? Not yet, not that I know of, unless you have behind my back. Don't think I have. Nope. The man committed to the cause is Blakey Johnson, who was basically born in the sea. He looks like a Viking, and he walks around barefoot because the man is always ready to surf. I had a look at his socials, and what I love Mostash is how much he loves.

the outdoors, not just surfing, but hiking, running, and he includes his family and kids especially on all of these adventures. He must have some serious patience. Just a trigger warning for everyone a few years ago, Blakey lost his dad to suicide. He shares about that time and the healing that came after is incredibly honest. We chat about parenting through grief, what it means to be present with your kids and how we took care of himself as a dad when he was at his lowest. And just a note, we will put in some information into the show notes for anyone out there who is experiencing issues with their mental health. Now, Blakey is one of those men that I idolize Matthew being an endurance surfer.

Also, he shreds, which is great. But he is not perfect. He forgets to pack lunches sometimes. It's a bit chaotic with a couple of boys. And he may have lost his kids a few times at the shops, haven't we all? Haven't we all? All right, here it is. Our conversation with the salty dog Viking himself, Blakey Johnston.

Let's get into it. Welcome back to three doting dads. I'm Maddie Jay. I'm Ash. And I'm Blakey Johnston. And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad.

And the relatable. And Blakey, we have to say this for legal reasons. Ash and I don't give advice. Not allowed. But we would be honoured to hear your advice today. on any subject. Anything whatsoever. There's a loophole that guests are allowed to,

they can preach whatever it is. Usually it's very good. I'm actually, I'm a bit reluctant to speak to Blakey because there's certain people that are a lot better than the two of us. What?

You are what I could. You're like a super dad. Yes. That's where we put. Yes. We were chatting this morning. We're like, where we put Blake on the dad's guy, whack, right up the top here for just froth level.

and just you're always out and about with your kids and you do it we all look at them and think oh fuck I'd love to get out there and you've got and you've got like a presence you come in and you just it's God's like not to pass your ego

no it's not that man I'm just like everyone else just trying to figure it out you know he's humble as well that's exactly what Super Dad would say yeah let's go back we start these episodes with finding out about the man, the child version of the man,

do you remember the worst trouble you got in as a kid? I stayed out of trouble. I was in the ocean so much, you know. Like, of my parents, I remember just calling my brother the word I should, an eight-year-old shouldn't say. It's like the only time my dad ever slapped me. I definitely deserved it. Imagine having five boys and just bickering over a TV remote

and one of them just wears off his head, like, after work and his ass off all day. Like, I mean, I definitely deserved it. Where were you in the five? I was in the middle. Yeah. Like you? Man after my own heart.

Oh, Matt's one of five. There is a sister in there who was the rat bag of the group. But you've got four brothers and you're right in the middle. I can imagine how crazy the house would have been. It was pretty hectic, yeah. And look, Dad was a builder. And they did their own renovations as home throughout all my child. We moved around a lot of houses.

And it was always hectic. My oldest brother's eight years older. My youngest brother's six years younger. So it's like a 13 year age gap. So I was right in the middle of my big brothers picking on me, bashing me, looking after me. And then my little brother's been as tall as me when I was six or seven. And there was always something going on.

And you always lived in Cronulla. Tell us what Cronulla means to you. Cronulla is everything to me. It's where my grandparents moved to before my dad was born. And he grew up and was, you know, a respected surfer and part of the community when he was younger and it's where I've grown up. My wife grew up. She went to school in the city.

I didn't even meet her until I was like 20, 21. But her and her family have grown up in the area. And I just absolutely love it, you know? So before I talk about your wife, I do want to ask, growing up with a little boys in the house, I have vivid memories. There's one scenario where I was wrestling my brother. I decided to wrestle him with a bag over his head. And he ran through the wall.

And it was like, fuck, we've got to try and fix this before dad comes home. We were just constantly breaking things. Was it similar to you guys that, you know, there's a lot of testosterone with things often breaking? Yeah, there was, but dad would always be there to fix it when he got home for work. Wow. And he was mellow too. Like we never, mum would say, wait until your dad gets home and we'd be like, sweet.

He was the cruisiest, gentle, you know, he's a big 6-6-2 and solid. So not like me. Um, he was a real placid soul, you know, it was, it was, it was, he was, the calm to my madness. He was quite a good surfer too. Is he your biggest influence, do you think? I think him and my older brothers. I just wanted to hang out with them, you know, I was hanging out with the little brothers at home and going to primary school and they were all sponsored and surfing with dad when dad, um, got that spare time between his busy schedule. And it got me time with that because he works so much.

It was just an extra time. I just wanted to be around him and surfing was a way to do that. And then as soon as I put the board on my head and went out. the hill. I was like, freedom. Yeah, right. And you mentioned your wife before. Do you remember where you were when the two of you first met? Yeah, I do. I saw her once at a party about three weeks before I actually was introduced to her and she was dressed up. I don't know what she was dressed up. She looked really cute. I remember saying, my man, oh, she's, she's gorgeous. And then we had a boxing day bash. She had a little muck around surfing comp and she came down with a bunch of her friends and there she was again. I'm like, oh, she's cool. She's cute. And

from that day, obviously I didn't make much of an impression because all I remember learning was that she said, why that dude got a tattoo of a girl on his back? Can't he get one? And I was like, I was like, 18, got my second tattoo. I thought I was pretty cool. Who was the girl in the back? It's just a pinup girl that I thought was cool.

Is that right? I was like 18, yeah, it's just tattoo on my left shoulder. She'll love this. It's funny when you're like age, 17, 18, you get the worst tattoos. Oh my God. I wanted to say I love the tattoo, Blake. I was talking about me What happened after that

And then like a week later on New Year's Eve We had a friend's gathering for that And that happened to be a birthday And I did just like a 7 year old I never like the taste of beer I've never, that's probably why like I'm when I was a younger I got drunk early and went home And you know probably missed on some sick nights

But I'd never like the taste of beer So I'd scull it and you know I'd be sending myself home at 10 o'clock Well, the mates to go out in town or whatever But yeah So I had like a six-pack of vodka cruises, probably watermelon flavor. And I said to my mate, Guava.

Said to my mate, take gum, give that to Prez, that's her last name. Give that to Prez and tell her I said, hi, and he did it. And then she came over and it was her birthday and she wanted to come over and chat and said, you know, she saw me the other day. And that was where we first met and hung out for the next six months before we officially went out. Yeah, right. Like your cruisers. There you go.

The best aphrodisiac. They've been bringing people together for years. I mean, you've got an incredible journey in surfing. You've based your whole life around it. Were you competing when you met your wife? I was sort of at crossroads. Like I wasn't close to qualifying for the world tour. I was still getting paid a little bit.

And I was starting to work at the surf shop and had an idea set on a surf school because it ran alongside the search shop I was working in. And I thought I don't want to be stuck on a building site with dad and laboring and doing a trade. I want to be with people and out in nature. And I love people and I obviously love surfing. You know, I wasn't sure who, you know, where my direction was going to end up because I'd been paid to surf since I was 14 and left school early and did quite well, you know.

But I was at that time was a pretty, I guess I was a bit of an identity crisis at that point. You know, just go, I'm not a pro. surfer anymore. That's what I've always been. Where do I head now? But then, yeah, the school that came up. You purchased the whole lot? Yeah. And then the owner, Dog Marshall, was a pro surf as well, a bit of a mentor of mine. He moved to France with his wife. It was from there. And then a year later, he goes, I'm going to sell it. And so I bought the other half of him and that was 20 years ago. I imagine with the surf school, you would have dealt with a lot of younger kids. Did that help or hinder your appetite to have a family? No, I've always wanted

I always wanted a big family coming from my before. I had an epic childhood, like, as hard as it would have been for mum and dad. And as much, you know, we didn't have a lot of money at all. We never went on holidays. But we always had nice clothes and the toys we wanted. If we needed money for a surfboard, somehow it would come up and we'd all have our boards and stuff. We were well looked after.

Our parents put us first. And I've ever written debt for them for that, you know, I wouldn't change a thing about my childhood. Obviously, you learn a lot as you go older and, and this is not to plug it, but, you know, I've got a book coming out, and that process has really made me go back and evaluate, and the biggest lesson in self-discovery was actually analyzing my childhood and my relationships and everything and who I am, why I am. And, yeah, there's a lot to take away from it.

I imagine, though, when you value what you do, being outdoors, being so active, did the thought of it enter your mind of like, well, if I have a family, that can take away from being able to do all the things that I love? no, never, no, I wanted to give them the life that I had, you know. Yeah. I wanted to make sure that they, if I was bringing someone in the world, that they got to experience, you know, a special life. And because I've always been grateful for it, you know,

like I've always been super appreciative of the opportunities I've got, maybe because I've come from a big family and had to fight for a lot when I was a grown, but I was always kept in check because of my two older brothers. Yeah. You know, keep in my head from getting too big. And I see that when I got to surf with you and Bobby, your eldest. and you could see that you were just like mates and you were enjoying the moment together. I sat there with you for five hours and that whole five hour time you were just feeding off

each other. Yeah, but that's something that I've sort of learnt over the years, you know what I mean? Through my own, I don't want to use cliche terms, but I own journey of sort of self-discovery where like you become more empathetic with yourself and you learn that, you know, everyone's just trying to figure it out. And so all the kids, you know, we instruct them, we coach them, we teach them, we tell them to do everything, but we don't experience life with them. And it's different how it is now than it was 10, 15, 20, 30 years ago, you know.

So I think it's important about embracing what they're going through and being empathetic to their journey, to yours as well. And that seems to what helps me with my relationship with my kids. Yeah. So when you first had Bobby, did he just come along with you immediately on all the, you know, you have surf camps and surf sessions? Yeah, like I'm definitely far from a movie now, but I've got, I feel like I'm the luckiest, richest personal life.

I've got to be down the beach for a job, even though that can be really draining with the weather and running a small business, but doing surf retreats overseas. And the purpose of that is so my wife can tag onto a week at the end, you know, you know what I mean? And Bobby can come along. And it's just that lifestyle and experience that I think we remember.

And I think that's what it's all about, right? what we feel, our emotions and stuff are based on the experiences that we have. That's what we left over with once we do something cool or fun or exciting. It's not the shiny gift or the car or the house. It's like the feeling it gives us. And we look in the wrong places a lot of the time for where we get that. I remember trying to introduce Marley. He's my eldest daughter.

She's now six. But I think she must have been about four. And I was kind of like, she's ready now to like, you know, push on a little wave on the phone. And I was like, yeah, this is like, this is going to be special. actual core memory stuff. Nice. And I like pushed her and she kind of inch too close to the nose. And borders flipped up in the air.

She's got a mouth full of water up the nose. She's come up screaming. And I'm like, maybe I was a bit too keen. We've all done that. I did that with Oscar too where I, even when he was like, yeah, five or something. Last summer and I was like, all right, it's time. Yeah, you're going to love this. You're going to love it.

It's like, your father and the forefathers before you. all did this and it was like my old man's kind of like Blakey super froth he was like his Oscar was surfing yet like all the time and I I pushed him on tiny little thing same thing man I think it it's a right of passage really to get to to nosedive at that age 100% but I was thinking am I doing it wrong no exactly the right thing I think that's like what I'm being super aware of like Bobby's only really started loving and frothing surfing in the last eight months He's gone to high school and he's in that environment. All his mates are surfing and who he's been hanging out with.

He's really influenced that. And I'll put him on his first wave on a foamy when he was eight months old. He's been down the beach more days than he hasn't. So it's just like I've learned that it's my passion and my love. And he's got the opportunity. You know, I've exposed him to the ocean. He's comfortable down. And if he ever felt that, you know, that urge to pick up the board and put some time into it

and really enjoy and be a passion of his, then it's up to him. Yeah. And I learned that through being a coach, right? Through being coached as a junior, seeing relationships, how they plan out after 20, 30 years and being around surf events and surfing in the beach. So it's become really something that I was really conscious of. Just, you know, making sure that I was staying in my lane.

Like, I'm a parent, and I know even at an elite level, how important that role is, but it just gets blurred a lot, you know. And I think that's really critical to it. You want your kids to like what you want. For sure. Yeah. And they're going, who wants to play cricket? My girl's wife.

Sixtage up, straight away. He surfs so well. Like, for only really, like you said, like being that into it for the last eight months, he's shredding. And I think that's just the exposure of him being around the ocean, you know. No expectations when we go down the beach. If he wants to bodyboard, he can bodyboard or body surf with his mates, build castles. But I guess sooner or later they figure out it's pretty fun out there, man. I might grab a ball and come out with dad.

Yeah. When I think about my two girls, they are very different. Like, one is like Laura, one is like me. They even look one looks like. Yeah, they're like different. What's it like with your two boys? Are they cut from the same cloth or are they opposites? They are complete opposites.

Yeah. Bobby's like me, where's his heart on his sleeve, pretty emotional. So I did. I did. I did. I did. Yeah, but hey, in the pool, he did something so cool. He, um, I'm like, mate, I don't want to get angry at him. It's not my place to get angry. He's one of the experience.

I'm like, mate, you're carrying on. Like, this is not what surf is about. I had that conversation with about 10 times. And one day I was surfing one morning and he's missed a few ways and he's splashed the water and then he disappeared. And I'm like, okay, why's he gone? Hopefully he's not injured. His head but the wall or whatever.

And he paddled back out at 15 minutes and he goes, see, Dad. I went in and I took some breaths and I took some time and I came back out. Smart. And you're like, yes. Yes, mate. I like, that's so proud of him for doing that, you know, to be aware of how he's behaving and do that. So your other son, do you?

Duke, does he share the same passion for surfing? Juki, no. Juki, he surfs. He's always been exposed to it like Bobby, but he loves his art. He's right into his drawing and gets, we have to turn the lights off at night. So I go to bed, mate, and go jump into bed. He's still trying to draw in the dark. Like, he's innately drawn to it.

It's really, really cool. And we encourage that, you know, like whatever he wants to do. He surfed in the pool with us once in the month. And he had fun. He got pretty freaking cold, but he was happy sitting in the room, drawing his things but um he's very different he's he's he's his own boss like he's always been the little boss baby that's what we call him when he was young he's his own little person and if it's his way or no way and um and he and he's he's too he's slowly becoming aware of

of things that affect him with his behavior and stuff like he's he's very it's a bit more serious than bobby bobby's a little bit more emotional and heart on his sleeve and duke and um you know who tell you tell you how it is and um you know he he's taught me a lot juky like just because Bobby's a lot like me, I can kind of know how he's feeling, but he's a bit more like Lauren, a bit more in tune with his emotions and knows how he's behaving, but yeah, it's, it's an interesting combo. It's just, you think he raised it the same, but it's a different experience for them too, right? For sure.

I wrote a different point in our lives by the time our second author, he comes along, so they're going to get a different version of us as well. Yeah, for sure. Do you have to make a conscious effort? it because I imagine it'd be so easy to have quality time whilst you're surfing, doing the things that you love, do you have to kind of pay attention to do things that might not be the first on your list on your spare time and things to do, like drawing, having that one-on-one time with Duke?

Yeah, that's super important, hey, like to make sure that there's not a one-sided affair with the kids or just giving him, because I want to, you know what I mean? I actually want an interested in it as well. And I love that it's something different almost as well that I'm so surf beach, ocean, nature, outdoors, that it's something different, like, sort of, which is interesting to me. You know what I mean?

As art, what classes he can do and what he's interested in drawing and where does he get his creativity from? And I call this stuff that I don't think I'm very creative at all. And he's drawing like these cool heads with half the brain and drawing what's in their mind and the things they like to do. I'm like, where did you think of this stuff from, buddy? This is beautiful, you know?

Like, they're just embracing what they're good at, you know. So not long after talking about Bobby, not long after he was born, you received some pretty devastating news. Do you mind taking us back to the moment that you found out about your dad? Yeah, I was, um, Bobby was about 18 months old. And I was doing a surf retreat down the South Coast and we're on the way back in the car. And it was an epic weekend. I take a lot of intermediate surfers down there and do like a swell-beam.

thing we did breath work and surfing and so it's always a really good environment and i'm coming home on the sunday afternoon and the search reception was pretty bad and my sister-in-law rang who didn't really ring me that often and said hey blake i'm sorry i'm and just cut out and then got to the top of mount usley at wollongong and um she said i'm so sorry in tears me your dad's gone and i kind of just felt completely sick in that moment and i kind of what's happened dad's gone and he's passed away, still about an hour away from mum and dad's place. Custom, like clients from the service school in the car, Lauren in the car with me.

And I've just, you know, it was pretty much a blur, an instant, just sick feeling. I don't remember much of that next hour. I don't remember what happened to the clients. I was driving. And then I remember getting back to, um, yeah, mom and dad's place and just been a crime scene. I mean, you know, ambulance and police cars scattered in the street and mom hysterical being, you know, looked after by the paramedics and stuff on the front.

My brother's in tears and just going, I knew exactly what had happened, you know, dad's, that's obviously taking his own life and then rushed through, tried to rush through the doors, just, it's just a total survival mode, just trying to figure out what, to make some sense of all. And was held back by the police and my brother's already been. there for an hour or whatever. I'm not sure exactly what time it happened and then just punched the brick walls as hard as I

as I could and just yeah, it was, it was pretty hectic and it was, it was, it was still feels like a dream talking about it, you know, I can vividly remember it, almost feel it and just after settling down after a few moments, the police officer said, do you want to, does you want to see your dad? And I said, 100% I want to see it. And, yeah, just walked through the house with the lights flashing through.

It was quiet. Normally, they had 13 grandkids at that stage, you know what I mean? There's always someone there when we went to visit him. So it was eerily quiet and just, yeah, just the lights flashing through the windows as I walked around through the house and around to the back of the garage and saw him on the gurney. And, yeah, it was definitely a really, a really weird feeling because it was. it was, he was not just my dad, he was my mate,

he was mates to all my brothers, he was humble, he was, he was just the sickest, it was the best dad. And we hung out with him because we wanted to, not because he was at, you know, we'd all pop in and see him, we all had our own relationship with him. And, um, he just worked so much, you know what I mean? He was in a position and he just,

for me, it was like, this is the saddest thing I've ever seen at the time. He was at rest. Someone had worked his ass off so hard for so hard for, so many decades that never got quite hit. One fucking holiday his whole life when I turned 30. One holiday. That was wild for what he did, you know,

after raising five boys that are all awesome husbands and awesome, awesome dads, their children. He couldn't see the best of himself, obviously. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm trying to imagine what it must be like in those moments where it's such an emotional roller coaster because one second, you're punching the brick wall, you're so angry, but then a split second later, you're face to face with your father who's just passed away.

What emotions are you feeling when you get to have that final moment with him? Yeah, it's, there was a part of me that was, that felt like a sigh of relief, you know. He was at rest. Paul Barker had finally, you know, had some rest. He looked peaceful. And that was, that was something that it's a weird feeling, you know. That's someone you love that you would give anything for. that's done everything for you and him just couldn't see the best itself,

but just could feel like he was stuck and couldn't break through. And I think for him to have that rest and be at peace, just there was a part of it that was really peaceful, I guess. I don't know if that makes sense. Yeah. It was just like, you get the rest you deserve, you know, like you just, you know, yeah. Were there any signs? Were there any, was it a complete surprise to you?

Well, he suffered from pretty bad sleep. You know, he had for years as well. He's a 60-year-old man that didn't have a super secure financial situation as well. You know, he'd helped us out a lot and taking risk on houses throughout his life. He had a cool crack. He was the hardest worker man. I know, and I'm not just saying that because it was my dad. He, they gave it a good, and I think that being a dad now, being through what I've been

through and the judgment I've put on myself, imagine what he would have felt like, you know, and he wasn't over extrad like me. and have to talk. He was stoic. He was quiet, humble, you know, and I think this is because he was so tied to what he did. He was so tied to his job. He was a great builder and all my mates that he'd give work to,

loved him, all his work, people loved him. His family obviously adored him. And he just didn't have anything outside that as well. You know what I mean? He didn't have a group of mates. He didn't have that other way of the conversations could happen. Like, he was so admired by us that he, even if he could, I don't think he could have articulated it

the way that he needed to, you know, in that space that he's embarrassed about taking any depressive medication because obviously the sleep affects his mental health and then the stress of everyday life, you know, I think there's a combination, it's not just one thing, you know. But he was so useful, you know what I mean? And the whole point of it is that he didn't realize how valued he was, you know, how I valued.

And that's the massive thing, you know. He was 250 people at his funeral and the guy never went to the pub to have a beer. He would have a beer at home with the grandkids and do his thing. Felt, you know, on that holiday he went. Yeah, he felt guilty having a day nap. I'm like, man, have a fucking day nap. Man, you haven't had a holiday in your life.

You deserve everything you get, you know. For sure. It's wild how you can have someone who does so much for so many other people around him and his network and his family and that you're missing out on helping the most important person, which is yourself. 100% showing up for yourself first show up for everyone else before him like similar to my mom did you know she was selfless as well but dad was obviously um and my mom's like me she talks a bit more and she's a bit more wears a heart on a sleeve so it's um different to the dad he's like a

couple of my other brothers are a bit more quiet and you know more reserved in that sense and and I think that's that's something that I've learned too though vulnerability doesn't just have to be about talking like like I do and expressing your feelings you can be through action too like actually wanting to make change and whatever that may look like, you know, changing diet, starting to exercise, you know, changing jobs and doing something for yourself that's looking to fulfill you and you're putting yourself first because I think that's what, you know, drives me too, just thinking about dad, I'm like, you've got to be able to look after yourself first and have a good relationship

with yourself, you know, in order to show up for your wife, and then an out relationship from flourishing for your kids and everyone you care about, you know. Prior to this happening, had you always focused on mental health or was that the starting point, do you think, for you and your journey towards advocating for it? No, look, it's, this must sound strange, but like, I've always been a sensitive human, like always sensitive and empathetic towards others, like when I was young and it's, you don't know where that sits, man. I'm a, grow up in a family full of boys in the Shire, pursuing a career in elite surfing,

you know, on a Woolaway hole. and go on, you know, and you don't know where, what that is, whether it's, is it a curse? Yeah. What is it? Like, but, you know, I've learned through life that, through experience that, like, it's actually your strength, you know, to have that, to have that sensitivity in my own experience, I feel, I feel, I feel everything, I feel, and then, like, that word sensitive might not be the right way to do it, but, like, I feel people's pain and I feel my own pain deeply, you know,

the good and the bad. And I'm just very aware of it. And so I think that's where, like, I've always had their relationship with the kids. I empathize with them. I work with them at the SIRS school. And, yeah, I've always been a bit of a feeler, you know. Yeah.

And it is a strength for sure. You've been able to, you know, relate to how people are feeling in a moment is a gift. Like, so many people don't, don't, they avoid it, you know. And I think if you can lend some experience, lend an ear to someone it's it's so fucking powerful yeah and there's not one there's not one magic magic pill for it there's you know mental health and your life and your happiness and your experience is a combination of so many things your relationships your hobbies and all these

things that add up to to to you enjoying your existence you know so it's yeah it's i think that we think too much we get so caught up in our heads and our thoughts that we forget what our bodies and our experiences going outside. I think life's meant to be, should be gauged of how we feel, not what we think about it. Yeah. When you talk about the healing process

with your dad passing away, was there anything that helped you? I think you've got to go through it. You've got to feel the range of every emotion. I sure I did, you know, anger, guilt, frustration, you know, disappointment, everything that you kind of go to the depths of with it. You know, you're in that survival mode for a lot of it.

But going through those emotions, you've got an 18-month-old as well. Yeah. You're in the trenches. We had a, we opened a surf shop that closed down and, you know, life was still good. Like, from the outside, I was still surfing a bit. I wasn't as healthy as I am now, that's for sure. You know, I had a beautiful wife, you know, another kid that was coming on the way. And it's not until now that where I've made, you become more self-aware, made these simple changes in my day-to-day life that I go back in more.

health wasn't good. It wasn't like I was there going, I'm depressed, I'm anxious. Sure, I went to the doctors to say, I'm not feeling good. I couldn't feel better. I'm there's a history of mental illness in my family.

But it's near, it's not until like now, I'm like, well, hey, that wasn't good mental health. Ruminating on the surskill bank balance and checking it 10 times a day is not healthy habits. It's not normal, even for someone that's got, you know, that is feeling

anxiety. I can't imagine the financial stress. And I just, like, I've always had a bit of, like a chip on my shoulder about Lauren just being this beautiful thing and I wanted to give her a castle on the hill and we sold some units invested in the shop and so school gets quiet it can be stressful and it is just a combination of things that really lead to it as well and I just think that knowing what I did now how accessible these things these these things to look after ourselves are that everyone even if they feel like they've got a pretty good life they can take

it to another level you know it's the whole spectrum of mental health where it's not these big events that I do, all these big moments, it's the day-to-day stuff that, that creates, that shapes you. And I think that's, that's the message, you know what I mean? I always say, but I'm definitely no one special, but I believe we can all do special things. That's a lie. Not at all. Maybe I'm not articulating it right, but I'm just like, I mean, obviously you have to stay

humble. But when you say you're not special, it's like, that's a fucking lie. Like, you absolutely. I believe in other people more than they do in themselves, man. And that's what drives me to even, you know, I'm writing a book. That's pretty cool, man. I just never thought that would have happened without a thing. And I just, it's just hard to be in my position, not want to sound cliche or try and, you know, avoid that imposterous.

You know, but it's just like, we're so much more capable than what we're told the way that the world's structured that it limits us as well, you know. I think, like, what Matt's coming from is your self-awareness about who you are and who you think everyone can be around you is what makes you. It's a gift. It's a gift. You're probably sitting there going, these boys got to stop trying to stop. But it's crazy because, like, I've only really, I've only known you. I've known of you for a long, long time, but I've only known you since I've been able to get in the water with you.

And just that moment, you're so self-aware in yourself and so you pump everyone else up around you. It's fucking amazing. I mean, that moment when, you know, you had to experience such great loss, it spurred you again on and on this path that people watch you go whole shit like I always sort of did believe in myself a little bit I thought there was I was here for a reason to be able to help other people I didn't know what that look like at all and I didn't know that I'd have to go through the loss of my dad and friends and that to realize my purpose was to help people see the best of themselves

and just finding my own language and be able to speak to people where they're at you know and I and I say that I mean everything I say I think anyone can go out there and say that they're authentic and do all this sort of stuff. But I mean, I like to think I live it. You know what I mean? I said an example and I've learned to like all the bits about me, even the shit bits. And I think that's, you know, it comes to being empathetic towards yourself. And you just mentioned before that there's not, there isn't one thing that fixes mental health. And there isn't. There absolutely isn't. But is there something that you think personally that really, really helps you that could help

balance? I think it's so simple. I think it's changing your environment, you know, like I said before, like you're what you feel and your emotions that are based on the experience that you're having. If you're sitting there laying in bed, you're ruminating, you're thinking, and just simply getting out and connecting with nature and embodying the experience that we haven't, not just caught up in our head. And that's where, you know, the brain's just doing what it's designed to do, keep us alive, warn us. It's incredible, but it's also going to be so detrimental if we're in a bad pattern and things aren't going our way, you know? So, and then being with the people, you know what I mean? Like, we can't

underestimate that. It can seem so vague the way people talk about community and everything, but it's really those as meaningful connections, having them is vital, you know, where you don't recognise if someone's not feeling good, if you only see them once a month, you know what mean? You say you care about someone, those relationships that you can have the effort, you make the effort for, you know, I think that, I think we don't take on that personal responsibility enough, you know, for ourselves and for the people that we care about. Do you have any chaotic stories from being a dad? You've got this calm aura about you, but there's got to be something where you look

back and go, okay, well, no one warned me about this. Oh, it's just like the everyday little thing. Like, you know, like, how does your heart feel when your kid walks around the corner at Westfield and you can't find him for three minutes? Like, there's things like that. Like, as much as you're talking about, I'm pretty, I want, not so irresponsible, but I'm unorganized a bit. Okay.

That's good? So like just forgetting to pack your kids' bunch. We found a floor. He is human up, right? Like just, it's more of that stuff, you know, that day-to-day, like a little bit of being a little bit irresponsible at times and being so caught up and frothing around and let's go to the beach, it's to this, let's go to the play park, let's, and then you just end up forgetting the kids' clothes and nappies and just, I guess that was, you know, whatever,

else's experience as well, but probably more than I put myself through more torture just by being such a father and always wanting to be on the moon. Well, talking about torture, you've just been torturing yourself for the last month. When did you come up with the idea to break your recent record? Urban approached us with the idea about two and a half weeks before I actually paddled out on the 1st of July. Talk about preparation. And for those who don't know, Urban Surf is a wave pool here in Sydney, manmade.

But two and a half weeks, it's not a lot of prep time. Well, I think it's the lesson versus here is because I live healthy every single day, right? Like, I'm open. I can be walking and open to opportunities because I'm fit, I'm healthy and I'm optimistic because of good mental health, right? So to be able to see this, you challenge throwing at me and go, yes, I think I'm proud of that too, you know what I mean? Like if I was unfit and wasn't in a good state or I was dis, you know,

I wouldn't be able to take opportunity like that up. So, like, I think, yeah, it was having an epic wife, obviously. Yeah, I'm going to be in a pool for a month, you know what I mean? We were in prior commitments. We'll go on to the snow to watch Bobby in his first inner school snowboarding thing. Duke had soccer on the weekends and then I run a business. It's quiet. It is winter.

Yeah. We give our staff a lot of the work. So that was manageable. For anyone who's not familiar, the official world record, is it most hours surfed at a wave pool in a month? it's anything you want to say that I did that month. You know, it's really, for me, it was about setting a record. There wasn't an official Guinness before that one, but it was just, hey,

a guy's done 108 sessions. Do you want to do it? You're a world record holder. Let's call it a world record and set, see what you can do. And I thought it was never about beating the other guys' records. It was about what could I do. It's just curiosity. It's not ego-driven, I need to get this.

It's like, I wonder what I could put my body in my mind through. And actually just, you're curious of what? because I've done a few big adventures before. I know what the body is and the mind's capable of, and I like testing it, and I thought this would be another great way to do it. There was a few question marks with the cold water and just how many waves I could ride. In total, over the month? 253 sessions.

There he is. Absolutely smashed it. And it was 4,000. And you actually upped your wave count on the last day on purpose. Because you will, 47, 47 was the goal, was it? Yeah, 4,07 was the goal. And I needed to do a minimum of 163 waves and 10 hours a day to do that. Trying to understand the core of where this crazy appetite comes for these endurance events.

Like, is it, is it the memory of your dad? Is it trying to prove to your kids that anything's possible? Is it trying to prove to yourself? No, it's generally comes from a place of curiosity. Like I generally comes from a place of, you know, what can I do and what can other people do? And I guess I just noticed that I could have an impact, you know, I mean, just like my dad didn't recognize he did and was valued like he was. And I feel like we need more of that in the world, you know, there's enough negativity and cynicism. And I think there's more positivity in the world.

Life's going to happen to us, right? There's going to, shit's going to happen no matter how good your life is. For sure. And if we don't need to focus on that, if we can focus on being. being curious to what we can do and you can make things come up. You can make shit happen. You can really bring things to life. And I'm proof of that, man.

Totally, for sure. Your boys are so incredibly lucky to have such a great role model as a dad. When they grow up and they're no longer living at home, is there anything that you would want them to remember about the house they grew up in? Just that they had the freedom to chase whatever they wanted to. My identity is pretty much seen as a surfer. you know what I mean, like not to me, but to being around the beach, being on the surf, I don't want them to feel like they had to surf.

That's why there was never that pressure from it. They didn't have to enjoy the beach, but it is what it was. That was our lost style and being around as well. And it's a safe place, man. It's a safe place to be themselves and we encourage them to. Like, I just want to thank you so much for spending some time with us today. And the last month, being able to spend some time with you in the water. And yeah, it's given me a different perspective on something that I feel like,

like I'd take him for granted my whole life, which is the ability to be able to surf, the ability to be able to be out there. And there's so much that you get lost. And yeah, so thank you. No, I'm good. He is a god. There is a god. He's walking with it. Blakey Johnson, thank you so much, mate. I appreciate it. Thanks, boys. They froth in your eyes, Ash. I know. I was absolutely frothed in that whole time. Yeah, it was nice to see. A huge shout out to Blakey for a chat that had it all some very vulnerable moments, but also I want to give

a nod to the amazing charity work that he does throughout the year. Yeah, he did the world's biggest paddle out, raised a lot of money for mental health awareness which is something it's super important. Step by step we get closer to helping a lot of people, Matt, which is really great. He also has a book coming out called Swell Bean.

When is that? It's in October. So it's coming out soon. Keep it on it. We'll leave some links in the show notes. Also to any charities that he supports or, like Matt said, any useful information. If you are struggling with your mental health, please reach out. And if you've enjoyed this episode, we would love it if you would give us a little review, a couple of words, you know the drill, just 10. We'll reduce that week on week. In a month's time, we'll say five words. Just one word. One word, a couple of stars. That's

all it takes to keep Ashton myself, happy little young men. Very easy. Young, I doubt it. But also, you can join us on social. Speaking of Young, Instagram, TikTok, two doting dads, Also, the Facebook group is thriving, that I've been let back in. Thank you. Yeah, so we kicked you out because it was your birthday. Happy birthday, you're out. And if there's any other parents, mum or dads that you'd love us to interview, please reach out, send us through your suggestions,

and we'll see you guys next week. Bye. Two doting dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to the... elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.